#- communicating his feelings when he’s upset about something | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rainbowsky · 2 days

Text

Sorry I've taken so long to address this, I've had a very busy day and didn't have time to finish this post (which I started yesterday).

I'm talking, of course, about the incredibly controversial situation surrounding DD right now. I've gotten some messages about it so I figured I'd give my thoughts in a bigger post so that I don't have to keep repeating myself.

(CW: racism, spoilers FPU)

I know that by now most people are aware of the situation, but I'm going to start from square one for those who are just catching up on the topic.

There is a scene in Formed Police Unit where Chinese UN peacekeeping troops need to rescue a group of citizens who are surrounded by terrorists. In order to accomplish this they disguise themselves as people from the community. This being Africa, the troops were disguised using blackface.

Yes, I am saying that DD and his castmates appear in the film in blackface.

I am not going to post a picture of that here. It's just something I can't post on my blog. I understand that many of you will want to see for yourself so I'll link a clip of the scene, which was posted on Weibo. Please be aware before clicking - this is full-on blackface. Always take care of yourselves, and if you think it might be upsetting to you don't click. You don't need to see it to be a 'good fan'.

Background

For those who may not know, this movie was filmed years ago, in 2021. During those years I have seen many anti attacks against DD, claiming that he is racist and has worn blackface. Here's the photo that was circulating back then.

At the time I thought the makeup that he was wearing was likely anti-reflective black paint or camouflage paint such as is used by snipers (which he played in the film). I assumed that he was wearing his own hoodie over part of a military costume, because he was wearing a cammo shirt and what might have been combat trousers.

I was certainly not expecting full-on blackface from this movie.

There's no getting around it - this is extremely difficult to look at.

Blackface is widely viewed as offensive and racist. It shouldn't be hard to understand why. Putting on another person's ethnicity like a costume is deeply insensitive, particularly when you consider that BIPOC (black, indigenous, and other people of color) are so frequently targeted, exploited and marginalized. For those in positions of privilege and power to put on the appearance of the people who they oppress and exploit... it's just shocking and awful.

Blackface is most frequently talked about in an American context, but it's actually a problem globally - including in China. More on all that here.

The film

I have not actually seen the film, so I don't know much about the context beyond what is being discussed in the fandom. As I said earlier, in the film a group of UN police officers need to infiltrate an area in the community and take on disguises in order to do so.

In promotional media this film is being presented as based on true stories from real missions*. It seems the situation in question really happened on a Chinese peacekeeping mission, and the UN troops disguised themselves as black citizens in order to infiltrate and extract the endangered captives.

*I'm going to give them the benefit of the doubt on this because it doesn't change how I feel it should have been handled.

This is important context that is being conveniently left out of much of the backlash about this situation. People are outright claiming that DD plays a black person in the movie - that he wore blackface to perform a role that a black actor could have played. This simply isn't true, and people making these claims are antis and liars. There's simply no excuse for not knowing the full context.

Having said that, I don't really think it matters how it ended up in the film. I do not think there is such a thing as a palatable or appropriate use of blackface. In this day and age it is nearly universally understood to be racist, and it's extremely controversial.

I can understand if they were trying to be accurate to the mission that they were portraying, but surely there are other ways they could have accomplished this scene (perhaps with the clothing but not the blackface). 'Historical accuracy' isn't as important as cultural sensitivity, not by any stretch of the imagination. In the interest of respecting audiences they could have adapted the scene to make the use of blackface unnecessary.

I really see no excuse for anything like this in 2024.

Audience reactions

Chinese sensibilities around these topics are very different from what we are used to in the West.

According to fan repos audiences initially didn't recognize any of the actors, and once it became apparent that they were in disguise, laughter erupted around the room. In fact, most fans are laughing a lot at the photos and video even on social media (although some Chinese netizens have been upset by it and have voiced complaints to various stakeholders).

It is also being widely discussed on Chinese social media as an exciting scene of heroism in the film.

I feel the need to point out that the laughter and mockery is a huge part of the harm, here. As if it's not bad enough that these actors are performing in blackface and presenting a perversion of black ethnicity, it also becomes an opportunity for audiences to mock and disrespect black people. It's become an opportunity for social media to be filled with racist jokes and mockery.

Roadshow statements

There have been some clips circulating of PR and roadshow moments with black cast members and some black audience members who have spoken up in support of the film and to thank the cast and crew for telling the story. Here's one example.

International fans have been dismissing those statements as ignorant or coerced, which I think is offensive and deeply fucked up. There's no planet on which I'm going to - with a totally straight face - say that a black person's response to the movie is not legitimate just because it doesn't comport with my own view.

This is a complex issue and there are inevitably going to be a lot of different perspectives. I hope people won't exacerbate the problem by supplanting black voices on this issue with their own, no matter what's being said. If there's any manipulation going on, let's assume it was in their choosing supportive black figures to speak for the film rather than claim that the black spokespeople are insincere.

China has a lot of issues with racism, there's no doubt about it. It's a huge part of why so many people try to whiten their skin, or why they mock each other when their skin gets tanned/darker. There is a lot of sinister, fucked up stuff going on in China around race - both in the country and in their dealings with other countries.

But we can't claim to speak for black people in China, particularly when they are speaking for themselves! I would hope this is extremely obvious!

Where's DD in all this?

It's understandable that bystanders will react to what they're seeing and might immediately deem it unacceptable - and DD along with it. Their reactions are valid, but as fans I hope that we can look at him with a bit more empathy. I hope that we can take a moment to try to see things from his perspective.

DD has been interested in and an avid fan of black culture since he was a small child. We've all seen how much he immerses himself in hip hop, street dance and the accompanying music and fashion. And yes, he's been accused of cultural appropriation in the past for wearing locs and durags.

However, I think fans need a bit of perspective here to get a sense of where DD might be coming from. Here's a guy who loves black culture, who has close friends who are black, who regularly works with black artists and who supports black artists, in a culture where racism against black people is prevalent and often extreme.

I think DD would probably be amazed to hear the accusations of racism against him. He likely has very few people in his orbit who are anywhere near as supportive of or as closely connected to black people as he is. He likely stands out in his circle as being particularly into black culture and connected with black artists, and probably regularly faces ignorant questions or digs from people around him about his close association with black artists and culture.

Not just because of racism alone, but also due to the racist parallels the government tends to draw between black culture, street dance, hip hop, etc. and criminality/moral degradation*. It's likely that ignorant people in his orbit have expressed concern or wariness toward him because of these associations.

*That is, until breakdancing became an Olympic sport, then they were suddenly onboard with some of it.

I'm not saying that he doesn't have a lot of learning to do (and if this situation becomes what I think it might become, he'll have a big opportunity to do so), I'm just saying that his ignorance isn't mean-spirited. He's coming at this from a totally different angle than any of us are, and he is immersed in a totally different cultural perspective than our own. In his world, his interest likely makes him a bit of an anomaly.

So those painting him as a horrible racist... it's just not how I see it.

The element of choice

I've heard many people say that DD 'didn't have any choice' about this role, that turning it down would not have been an option or that he would be under some kind of threat if he didn't take this role. I don't agree with that characterization of things. I don't think it's quite as 'gun to the head' as a lot of fans paint it.

I think it's more likely that he simply didn't realize that the role would involve blackface when he accepted it, or that he thought that blackface in this context - to infiltrate a terrorist cell and save civilians - would be fine. We don't need to depict China as forcibly compelling actors to take unwanted roles if we want to make sense of this. There are simpler, more logical explanations.

DD wouldn't have been the one deciding how to depict the scene - he didn't have that power in 2021 - but I also doubt he would have had a major problem with it given everything we know.

We must overcome our Western tendency to see things only from our own perspective. This has a totally different cultural context in China, and the voices we listen to about it should not be issuing exclusively from white faces that are not at ground zero of this situation.

Final thoughts

This film has had me worried from day one. I think most people have been expecting it to be full of offensive portrayals and propagandistic fuckery. There are so many ways in which a Chinese film about the UN is potentially a sticky, tricky mess. This blackface thing is likely just one problem on a towering pile of problems.

However, I'm not going to sugarcoat this - this has the potential to be a real shitshow for DD, and I am concerned. Especially if this film gets an international release.

We need to brace ourselves, because I don't think this is going to just disappear. DD has endorsements with international brands, and this could definitely cause backlash for those brands unless the issue is addressed and the scenes removed. There's no planet on which brands like Chanel and Lacoste can afford to have one of their spokespeople plastered everywhere in blackface.

If this film gets an international release and those scenes are left intact, it's possible he will lose some brands.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but let's face it - things like this have consequences, and that's why it's so important for producers and artists to be sensitive about what they're portraying.

While I think there's some endorsement risk here for DD, and the potential loss of some international fans, I want to be clear about one thing: I don't think this will threaten his career overall. In China this just isn't an issue in the way it is internationally.

I do hope the film team addresses this issue in some way, ideally by removing the scenes. They just finished doing a massive edit to remove ZZH from the film, surely they can handle something like this. But let's not hold our breath...

Everyone has the right to make up their minds about DD. As I've often said, being a turtle isn't for the faint of heart. That's not just because turtles are frequent targets for bullies, or because we have to constantly live with uncertainty and doubt.

Being an international turtle also isn't for the faint of heart because there are a lot of cultural and political minefields to navigate, and many ideological differences to adapt to. There's a huge learning curve and a lot of unknowns, and turtles who want to survive have to make peace with the fact that we and the boys are from different worlds in many ways. We may never know where they really stand on issues that are important to us.

However, in this case I feel confident that I know where DD's heart is on this issue. He simply doesn't hold hatred, disrespect or disdain for black people. Quite the contrary.

I think we'd all just feel a lot better if he had a good grasp on how to be a better ally.

And while we're waiting for that, I think we should put our money where our mouths are and learn more about these issues ourselves, both in China and locally at home. We want DD to be a better person; let's be better people too.

#bjyx #yizhan #ggdd controversies #please rebloggers don't tag with his name or the name of the film #i don't want this outside the turtle circle - the fan wars are horrific

204 notes · View notes

sapphicmsmarvel · 21 hours

Text

Modern!Azriel: "too much"

lol i’m projecting in this one. this is how my extended family has always made me feel so 🤷🏻‍♀️

tw: not eating due to anxiety.

-You kept Azriel hidden from your extended family for three years.

-You truly did not have much association with them. They were kind but not loving towards you.

-Your parents knew of him as well as the two cousins you were closest with that actually loved you.

-About a year in, you and Azriel had the talk about your extended family.

At first, Azriel was kind of hurt by it. He brought you around his family. His chosen and blood when he had to.

-Your first major argument was about you keeping him away from your family.

“Are you embarrassed by me?” His voice cracked.

“What? No! This isn’t about you, Azriel.” You sighed.

“Then what is it? Are you freaking out about commitment to something?”

“I just don’t want to bring you around them!” You cried.

“Why?”

“It doesn’t matter.” You crossed your arms.

“Yes it does! Clearly something is bothering you. I cannot rest until I know what it is, Y/N.” He sighed. “I feel like I’m back in high school and my girlfriend is embarrassed to be seen with me.”

That’s when your tears broke. You didn’t cry often. It took a while before you felt safe enough to do so in front of him.

“I just…” You wiped your eyes and sniffed. “I’m really scared to bring you around them because I don’t want one of the few good things in my life to be tainted by them.”

His silence spurred you on. “I don’t want you to be chased away.”

“Baby,” He sighed. He walked to where you were in the dining room and leaned against the table in front of you. His legs spread, he put his hands on that plush waist he loves so much, and pulled you towards him. “I don’t want to push you, I’m sorry my insecurity got the better of me. But, you do see where I'm coming from, yes?”

You sniffed and nodded, “I’d feel the same. I’m sorry I didn’t communicate properly.”

“You were scared.” He justified it for you.

“So were you a few minutes ago.” You nudged his shoulder. “If you’re going to validate me, I'm going to validate you.”

“Two people pleasers in a relationship huh?” He chuckled.

“That’s why we’re working on communication.” You brought your hands up to his broad shoulders. “Can we talk about this tonight? I just need to organize my thoughts a bit before….” You struggled to find the right words. “Ugh let me start over.” You sighed.

He couldn’t help his smile, his girl was trying so hard. “I want to be able to eloquently tell you what's going on. It’s not you, it’s not even me, well kind of since I’m not letting you around them. But, they are a big issue.”

“Okay, I’ll order our favorite takeout and we can talk about it when we’re eating. Is 20 minutes enough to help you get your thoughts together?”

“Yeah.” You smiled, he wasn’t judging you. He was accepting you. Your neurodivergency and the way your mind worked. He kissed your forehead and went off to order the food. He knew your order by heart.

-So when you guys got your food, you began to tell the story. How you were never “one of them” despite growing up with them. You were always left out and kids were mean. Then you came out as queer, which didn’t help being left out. Everyone looked at you weird.

He knew better than anyone how it felt to be left out and hurt by your blood relatives. Granted, completely different situations however both are valid situations.

He assured you he wasn’t upset at you, he was upset for you. He then told you how he would wait patiently. A couple of times, you almost got enough courage to do it. But then chickened out and just stayed home with him. You never went to those gatherings without someone. To be frank, you preferred Azriel’s company.

-So when you finally took the plunge it was terrifying.

-It was your aunt's birthday, a week before thanksgiving. You told them about him, they were all shocked to say the least that you had a partner and had had one for three years.

-Then you got the normal guilt trip of “why didn’t you say something sooner?” or “why didn’t you bring him”

-Not “what’d i do to make you feel unsafe telling me this?” But that’s besides the point.

-So the next week, you brought him to thanksgiving.

-Your family was shocked to say the least.

-That the loudest, vulgar, weird person in their family got the quietest, kindest man.

-Azriel knew how you felt about this part of the family. You had always felt left out, like you weren’t good enough. You were ostracized as a child from them because you were different.

-You were the only cousin that wasn’t baptized. Which made you different enough. But you’d rather think for yourself and your parents raised you without religion so you could choose your own path.

-You cussed, you had tattoos, piercings. You wore clothes you were comfortable in which meant yeah, sometimes you wore a tank top that showed a bit of boobs. You wore all black as well. Also you were the plus size family member and you were queer. So that didn’t help the “fitting in” aspect.

-He wore a nice black henley and black jeans. As well as his boots. He wanted to make a nice impression even though you told him that he could show up naked and you wouldn’t care.

-He would. He wasn’t modest but he’d rather not have his future in-laws seeing his ‘monster cock’ as you called it.

-God, he genuinely loved your vulgarity.

-He knew how nervous you were, he knew you’d barely eat anything just because of sheer anxiety. His goal was to make sure you ate some appetizers or something.

-When you walked in, you could tell your family was just floored by him. He greeted everyone with the proper “Mr.” and “Mrs/Ms/Miss.” He shook everyone's hands, smiled at your baby cousins who knew nothing of the strange man but were comfortable enough to wave at him.

The entire time, he had a hand on your waist. Showing he’s on your side.

-You warned him that your family was going to eventually get him alone to talk to him about you to which he responded with “let them.”

They weren’t pissing him off too much. He didn’t like the way some of them were around you. Like you were someone to avoid. When he knew that you were the safest person in the room to any stranger, let alone him.

”I’m sure sometimes she can be overwhelming.” Your aunt said as if it was a fun little tidbit. But he knew it was a jab.

If smiles could kill, Azriel’s could’ve maimed her. “Actually she’s perfect.” He let his guard down enough to look at you across the room with your cousins, a lovestruck look on his face. “If she’d let me, I’d marry her tomorrow.”

Your family was clearly surprised. You had never brought anyone around and now you bring this guy for the first time and he’s ready to marry you?

-Throughout the day, he kept trying to get you to come out of your shell a bit.

-When he made you snort in laughter, he let out his first real smile all day. Let these assholes see how happy you make him.

-Then he noticed your elderly family member glaring at your tattoos. She was caught by Azriel and had the decency to have a look on her face like “can you blame me?” To which he smiled and rolled up his sleeves to show off his ink.

She had the decency to look embarrassed.

-Your family quickly began to see a real side of you. One that’s comfortable in her space enough to lean on someone. That someone was Azriel.

-Shortly after the meal, you two left. Claiming you had to go to Azriel’s mothers. They didn’t need to know that you had thanksgiving with her and the whole chosen family the day before.

-You were finally able to relax when the door shut to the car. You two began the drive back home to the city.

-You snuggled into him over the center console. Your arm wrapped around his bicep as he drove. You sighed, completely content and he kissed your temple while keeping his eyes on the road.

“Thank you.” You whispered.

“What for?”

“Just…loving me as I am.”

“You should not feel the need to thank me for that.” He said.

“Well I am. So deal with it.” You huffed, but you kissed his arm through his shirt. “You’re never embarrassed of me, you take me in stride and love me as if I’m…” You trailed off. “Irreplaceable.”

“You are.” He said so earnestly that you almost weeped. You squeezed him tighter. “You make me feel so happy, so….loved. I’ve never felt so loved. Those people are fools for not seeing how incredible you are.”

You felt your eyes getting misty. “You’re so getting head tonight.” You whispered.

He let out a loud, sharp laugh of surprise. Yeah, he was in it forever.

#acotar x reader #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel acotar #azriel x you #azriel spymaster #azriel x reader fluff

68 notes · View notes

phoebepheebsphibs · 23 hours

Text

Double-Mutated Mikey

Chapter 7: Habituation

Continued from the short story written by @boots-with-the-fur-club

Prev || Next

"Did... Did Mikey just sign at us?" Leo asks, eyes wide.

Mikey repeats the motion again.

'Talk. Talk. Talk.'

"I think he wants to talk," Raph mutters.

"I think he wants US to talk," Leo adds, looking down at his baby brother. "You don't like being left out of the conversation, huh?"

Mikey shakes his head. It's hard enough trying to communicate when you can't say anything, but cutting him out completely? That's simply not fair.

"Sorry, bud, we just... didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

Mikey signs again, bending his middle finger so that only his thumb and pinky are pointed, starting at the top of his head and dragging down just below his chin.

'Why?'

"Well, we were worried you might get... upset if we talked about it," Raph says, glancing between him and Leo. "I guess we shoulda remembered you know ASL..."

Mikey signs again, this time at Leo. He touches his hands to his chest, pivoting them towards each other twice.

'Animals?'

Leo gives him a confused expression. Mikey tries another one, his dominant hand forming a small fist with a finger pointing, mimicking a tail.

'Reptile'

"Oh... you read that?" Leo asks.

Mikey nods, a small chirp escaping from his throat.

"Well --" Leo looks up to Raph, who is waving his hand over his throat, trying to signal him to cut it out, don't say anything!

Mikey follows Leon's gaze back to Raph, who glances away and whistles nonchalantly, pretending to be distracted by something in the back of the room.

Leo snickers and rolls his eyes.

"You have some reptile blood in you now," Leo announces quickly.

Raph and Mikey's heads both snap back to him. Both of their eyes go wide, both of their jaws drop, yet their expressions totally different.

Mikey looks astonished and intrigued, a soft grin presses his lips as he contemplates what this means for him.

Raph looks utterly terrified.

"We think that might be why you got so agitated with the cold," Leo finishes.

Mikey shivers slightly, his hands trembling from the chills as he moves his arms back and forth, signing again.

'Cold. Not good. We don't like it.'

"We?" Leo asks.

Mikey blinks before signing again to clarify.

'Mikey doesn't like cold'

Leo does his best not to be put off by his brother referring to himself as a plural or in the third person, and chalks it up to just the fact that he hasn't used sign language in a long time, and is mixing up or forgetting certain words.

Raph picks Mikey up from the floor, cradling him close.

"How about we get you back to your room where it's and nice and warm, hmm?"

Mikey purrs happily, snuggling deeper into the towel and nuzzling Raph's plastron.

The trio walk back to Mikey's traincar, where Splinter is gathering more blankets and pillows.

"Ah, boys! I was just getting the bed set up."

Mikey wriggles out of Raph's hold and jumps to his father, squeaking and croaking out noises of happiness.

Splinter chuckles softly, petting his son on the head. Mikey's feline instincts start to take over, and he circles around him, nuzzling his head against his legs as his tail wraps his father's robe. Splinter's hand stays still, allowing Mikey's moving body to flow underneath it.

He holds the tip of his tail in his hands, gently rubbing his fingers over the slick and smooth scaly skin. He can feel the spikier ones that raise up when threatened, making Mikey resemble a stegosaurus -- though currently they are smoothed down.

Michelangelo hums at his father.

Splinter looks down at him, tears in his eyes as he examines the face of his youngest son. His baby, his sweet little boy that used to make him all kinds of drawings for fathers day and his birthday and Lou Jitsu appreciation day. The boy who learned to cook so that their ailing father didn't have to, when his depression caused aches and pains that wracked his aging body and kept him bedridden. The toddler that would beg his father to watch him dance, only for Mikey to just jump around and spin in circles to the rhythm of a new pop song while Splinter would clap and cheer with such adoration for his little boy...

Where is that child? Is he still in there somewhere?

Mikey looks up at him, concerned. His eyes sparkle, the yellow-tinted scleras and the glowing red irises and pupils covering up what used to be a white eye with dark green iris and black pupil. The colours are not the same, but the life and energy behind them are.

Splinter can't hold back the tears anymore, but he smiles profusely at his baby boy.

"There you are," he mumbles, crouching down to hug him tightly.

Mikey hugs him back, his tail twisting around them both.

After a few awkward minutes of silence, Splinter finally releases Mikey, who starts running around the room again playfully.

"Purple gave me a list of some tests he has planned for tomorrow," he recalls, wiping the last of the tears out from his fur and whiskers. "Small things, like an eye exam and saliva swab. He wants to try a blood test, if possible."

"Alright. Oh, by the way, tell him that Mikey has an aversion to cold now," Leo informs him. "And that he CAN understand us. We figured out how to use ASL with him."

Splinter's eyes widen with hope as he looks behind him at his baby boy. Mikey ignores them and their serious-sounding conversation, and instead jumps up into his hammock and plays around with the pillow before jumping back down, still looking around and getting reacquainted with his room.

"Very well. Are you boys sleeping with him tonight?" Splinter inquires.

Mikey attacks his pillow, grabbing it in his mouth and shaking it with a playful growl.

"We'll stay for a bit," Raph answers softly.

Splinter nods, grimacing at the cushion being ripped to shreds.

"I'll have to buy more pillows, I think..." he jokes half-heartedly.

Splinter walks over to Mikey and kisses his head. Mikey mews at him and purrs happily, the tip of his tail wagging.

"Goodnight, my sunshine," he whispers before heading out.

Mikey makes a small call out after him, like a tiny yowl or cheery whine. He's calling goodnight to him.

"Alright, Mikey, I think it's bedtime," Leo announces, stretching softly with an exaggerated yawn to convince him of the lateness.

"Aaaaawwhh!" Mikey howls. It almost sounds like an actual word...

Leo is shaken by how human the sound is. But then again, it almost sounds like a sad cat yowl if you think about it.

"No buts, big man," Raph interjects, taking over for Leo. "You fell asleep in the tub. You need your rest. Pops just brought you all these nice warm blankets and comforters, see?"

Raph holds up one of the freshly folded sheets under the hammock.

"So let's get you into bed and cozy, hmm? Yeah? Sounds good, right?"

Mikey's brow furrows, though the corner of his mouth turns up. It's as if his expression is trying to say "Really?"

Despite this, Mikey rolls his eyes and saunters over to the hammock, wiggling his hind quarters before leaping up again. He slithers under the blanket and gives out a single chirp of satisfaction.

"Good Mikey," Raph says, coming over to rub his brother's head. "We'll see ya in the morning, m'kay?"

Mikey moans at him, his eyes wide and sad. He wants them to stay.

"Alright, we'll stay," Raph sighs. He could never resist Mikey's puppy eyes before. Now it's as though he's even more of a puppy.

Mikey beams at him, chirping sweetly and cooing lovingly.

It takes all of five minutes of Raph rubbing circles on his head for Mikey to pass out.

"Is he asleep?" Leo whispers.

"No doubt about it," Raph chuckles. "Kid is in slumberland."

"Good," Leo sighs, taking Raphael's hand and leading him out of the traincar.

Once they are out, Leo starts whispering again.

"We need to talk. Mikey understood our conversation, so we can't do private conversations in ASL anymore."

"Okay? So, then what?"

Leo tapped his head.

"Ninja mind meld?" Raph questions, making doubly sure he understands.

"Just for the stuff we don't want Mikey hearing," Leo answers, "or reading."

"Like the deets about his mutation, for example?" Raphael grumbles. "We agreed we wouldn't tell him!"

Leo widens his eyes and taps his head again. Raphael hears his brother's voice in his mind.

We agreed that we wouldn't tell him about the ang-kray. But I don't think it's that bad that he knows he has reptilian traits, do you? And like Donnie said, he might even know that he has it already!

Raph grunts.

Fine. You're the leader now, you can decide what we do or don't do in this situation. I can't stop ya. But... I'm worried for him.

Raph scratches his arm, a habit born out of stress.

He's... he's just a kid. And you know how hard it hit ME when I knew I had the krang in me... Mikey... I don't want him to hurt like that.

He's probably already hurting, Raph, Leo responds, taking his older brother's hands in order to get him to stop scratching. He needs us to be honest and upfront where we can be. Yes, I agree that telling him about the krang is probably not the best idea right now. But eventually he will need to know. We can't keep that from him. I don't WANT to keep things from him. If I can help Mikey understand himself, then I will.

Raph sighs.

"You're right," he says out loud. "I just worry a lot... about him, especially."

"I know," Leo sighs, pulling his brother into a hug. "But it wasn't your fault that this happened."

Raph squeezes Leo closer.

"...But it is."

Prev || Next

22 notes · View notes

topaziraphale · 7 months

Text

"Stop saying Crowley won't help Aziraphale in S3 he'd go back to him in a HEARTBEAT and nothing would stop him" I get it no one likes the idea of Crowley being bitter after what happened for a long period of time but like can we at least acknowledge that he's currently going through probably the most emotional pain in his life since falling? Can we agree that he's opened his heart entirely - something you couldn't pay him to do unless the world is literally ending and he's desperate - to Aziraphale, and got shot down? Can we understand that he did it AGAIN only to lose Aziraphale again? Not that what Aziraphale did isn't without Crowley's own shortcomings (hiding the truth of Heaven's cruelty from him) but like,,,,

The appeal here isn't Scorned Crowley Doesn't Love Aziraphale Anymore, or Never Wants To Help Him Again, the appeal here is Crowley learning enough self respect to not just walk back right to Aziraphale like nothing happened after Aziraphale has had a pattern of consistently refusing him. Going years ping-ponging between "We're not friends I don't even know him" to "That's what friends are for right?" and "We're friends, why would you even say anything?" and "Friends? We're not friends. We are an angel and a demon!"

Like I get it, Crowley is a heartbreakingly forgiving person. Of course he's gonna forgive Aziraphale, I'll be surprised if he didn't forgive him by the time he walked out the bookshop door, but gdi he could at least grant himself the luxury of being at least a little irritated for longer than however long it takes to make a globe and some books float and angrily cry out to God in his flat. But due to the change of pace and dynamic that is establishing part of the conflict for Season 3, I just really like the idea of him for ONCE prioritizing himself and being like "Okay, fine. We'll get back at it when you're ready, then," instead of just taking Aziraphale back like his words and actions meant nothing to him, when clearly they have an effect on him.

What is Aziraphale going to learn if Crowley just accepts what he did so quickly, like he always has the entire time they've been friends? Idk maybe I'm just projecting too much darkness on their dynamic but I mean, if the pattern of Aziraphale pushing Crowley away/disrespecting him one day and then being fine with his friendship the next + Crowley never stopping to be like "Hey, that's not cool, at least give me a little credit" or smth was fine all along and will continue to be fine in the future, then why, after 6,000 years of being friends and loving this demon, can Aziraphale still not accept that Crowley is just fine the way he is, and instead got excited to promote him to an angel in a heartbeat once the opportunity presented itself? You can't blame all of it on Heaven when Aziraphale has demonstrated his free will/defiance to Heaven so many times. Or, I don't know, I guess maybe we can? Maybe I'm just craving too much angst to the point where I'm letting it cloud my analysis of canon. Idk.

#derpy speaks #good omens #good omens 2 #no i dont think crowley is gonna ever hate aziraphale for what happened but he's allowed to be angry #he's allowed to be done with it all. he's allowed to be exhausted. just look at his face when he drives away.#meh. idk. but i dont know how i'll feel if crowley just INSTANTLY accepts aziraphale back in a situation involving #idk - ''hey help me stop the new apocalypse''#at least. without like. SOME pushback? it can even be something small like ''are you SURE you want ME to help you? do you really need me?''#doesnt have to be a straight refusal but i'd like SOME kind of action to show that crowley is putting his foot down for once #he deserves that self respect #do NOT reply saying that im insinuating that aziraphale is actively malicious or doing it on purpose.#everything he has done up until now is his own complicated response to all the trauma and guilt he's been through #but despite that crowley is STILL allowed to be upset... it's messy. i can write a whole paper about how this whole thing #is just unfortunate on both ends. again. we didnt get queerbaited we got communication baited 😭#but help me out here. am i just too fandom-brained to have these expectations from the story?#is there something obvious im missing that is making me sound like a complete asshole here? do i need to get my head out of the gutter?#someone please explain it to me if so because whatever it is‚ i can't find it #not queued

222 notes · View notes

darkfire359 · 1 year

Text

What’s the difference between Izzy (who yells at people) and Stede (who abandons his family without a word), Ed (who makes someone murder his own dog and then basically forgets about it), Jim (who tries to lock someone in a storage trunk and drown them at sea), and Buttons (who tries to eat a guy’s finger, giving him an amputation-worthy infection in the process, for no reason)?

…Sometimes Izzy acknowledges and apologizes for his bad behavior.

#izzy hands #hot takes #this is basically a shitpost #it’s very uncharitable to everyone else and they don’t deserve it #Stede at least sometimes apologizes too #like when he offered Mary flowers for flipping out at the art show #though that was mostly just a fuckery tbf #anyway I am grumpy and in Izzy apologist mode #other things Izzy does better than main protagonists include:#- communicating his feelings when he’s upset about something #- asking for feedback and suggestions when people tell him he’s doing something wrong #- acknowledging that it’s fair for people to be upset with his actions and to treat him accordingly #- caring when good men who work for him are needlessly put in life-threatening peril #(looking at Stede’s reaction to Swede’s scurvy and Ed’s ‘they’re pirates; it’s their job’)

81 notes · View notes

fishnchip3011 · 1 month

Text

everytime i actually open up sdv to play i get flashbanged with sebastian's white ass sprites because i always forget not everyone sees him as wasian💔 my current hc for him is half chinese (liable to change... but ik for sure he's half asian) but he is Not bilingual he can't rly speak or write the other language he can only understand it when listening but even then he's not very fluent LOL this is just turning into a sebastian hc post might as well go full out. to me sebastian Does have relationship experience but has been thru shitty ones in the past which is part of the reason why he's so pessimistic & brooding </3 and he'd hook up with ppl in zuzu city for a night for a while but it just made him feel shittier so he's stopped since ☝️ also people make him out to be way cooler than he actually is like yea sure he's kinda cool but he's also a Massive Loser especially when he tells you how he hates "seasonal fads" like pumpkin spice and that one line about the potluck soup where he's like "Why ruin the potluck? Hmm... I guess some people feel liberated when the rigid structures of society break down a little. Maybe I'm weird.” WHO ASKED😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 his ass also can NOT cook he can make spaghetti but it's mid. he probably has low ass stamina and yeah he's tall and lanky (rn i see him as around 5'9-5'10) but you could snap him in half over your knee. when he's in an actually healthy relationship he gets really flustered over certain romantic gestures cuz he's not used to feeling valued or being considered someone's #1. he picks up on little things and does acts of service but i also think he can be really callous and insensitive at times because while he can be pretty perceptive he is also Very Emotionally Stunted. he unlearns lots of unhealthy behaviors & mindsets with the help of his partner & family & friends ^__^

#i almost popped a vein trying not to mention rowan in all of this so this post is more. consumable i guess #but rowan to me is soooooo perfect for him to me because rowan's whole thing is empathy and warmth #where it's a strength but also a weakness for him because he's also a chronic people pleaser and a doormat #out of the need he feels to make people feel valued which is a good thing but not when its to the point of self negligence #rowan gives rly good advice but overburdens himself cuz he feels responsible for ppl&doesnt give himself the same treatment he gives others #when he's with sebastian he helps him feel valued and sebastian learns to trust people more and not to immediately assume the worst of ppl #and seb is sooooooo perfect for rowan bc seb is vocal about what he dislikes and when hes not happy w something/one #and is good at setting boundaries whereas rowan is Not. he helps rowan learn how to say no to ppl and be more assertive #& think abt his own feelings more! they both help e/o vocalize their feelings #for rowan its vocalizing his opinions more and valuing himself more & for seb its vocalizing more for the sake of better communication #w other ppl so he can establish better trust & relations w ppl. and stop being so closed off/unapproachable LOL #their differences match up well but it also leads to arguments/tension cuz seb doesnt communicate and resorts to avoidance #and rowan is too pliant sometimes to the point where it hurts not just himself but the ppl around him including seb #also fun fact rowan is the type to cry when he gets really angry/upset & when seb resorts to avoidance instead of reassurance #(which is what rowan wants) rowan sometimes ends up catastrophizing & also bottles up his emotions similarly to seb #they always reconcile in the end tho even if it takes a while </3 they r both learning ok!!!!!!!!#not perfect to the point where they dont argue bc thats Impossible but they suit each other well. they r good for each other qwq #eon babbles #stardew valley #farmer rowan #<- i talk about him in tags. hehehe

19 notes · View notes

rotisseries · 2 years

Text

i love that every time I see the general audience hating on mike, it's always because of will? like they'll be like ''oh mike's a shitty friend, he's awful to will, he only pays attention to his girlfriend'' there will be the occasional "he's not a great boyfriend" but it's like, an add-on, like an afterthought? which is so funny, because even at his WORST mike treats will way better than el actually. like I'm a mike apologist obviously but if I was going to be listing reasons to be a mike hater, I would START WITH "his girlfriend got humiliated by an ENTIRE roller rink, and he only gave a shit about his friend not paying attention to him, AND THEN freaked out on his girlfriend for retaliating towards her bully"

#EDIT: THIS SHOULD GO WITHOUT SAYING BUT TERFS WILL BE FUCKING BLOCKED #STAY OFF MY FUCKING BLOG #stranger things #mike wheeler #byler #but like mike haters WILL NOT SHUT UP about the episode 2 fight between mike and will #as though mike doesn't actually apologize later and they make up. something that DOESN'T HAPPEN with el #even the actual content of his fights with will are different than his fights with el #like the fight with el he just denies what she accuses him off and LITERALLY gaslights her #he isn't communicating ANYTHING he's feeling #whereas the fight with will he IS communicating #he's doing it BADLY #but he is basically trying to communicate that he didn't hear from will and that upsets him #in the fight with will he is ACTUALLY COMMUNICATING what is wrong on his end #anyway everyone's all like ''mike is a bad friend''#when he is arguably a WAY worse boyfriend I'm sorry

59 notes · View notes

hpdgirlfriend · 2 years

Text

it's so crazy that he makes up things to worry about as an excuse to not put any effort into the relationship when literally everything i say to him goes against the premise of his fake problems

#me every single moment: please communicate with me i don't care how you go about it or when as long as its direct #him: its never the right time :(((( (?????????????)#also hes whining about me hurting him do u not think i feel hurt. do you not think being ignored and neglected and used hurts.#not hurting him psychically btw i just hurt his precious feelings #like i wasnt so fucking hurt by his actions i had to STOP MYSELF FROM TALKING ABT ANYTHING SLIGHTLY IMPORTANT TO ME for at least a month #because i couldnt take the pain of being ignored and rejected and dismissed over and over and over and over and over #and i straight up ignored discord as much as possible for a week or so to try and stop hurting #like i wasnt hurt when he continuously and relentlessly made fun of me for having an attachment to orbit #and then forced me to admit who he was even though i was CLEARLY trying to keep it ambiguous by repeatedly stating who he thought i was #talking about at every opportunity #while still making fun of me.#i was clearly frustrated and upset when i admitted who he was too and they didnt care.#like it didnt hurt when he got the entire friendgroup ready to abandon me over not getting that he was being serious because he was #ACTIVELY TRYING TO BE VAGUE AND CONFUSING #i had a panic attack all because he didn't want to ask me something directly #and i still think about that event constantly it's like a fucking disease #everyone was so ready to leave me for one mistake.#diary #thistle tag #lol #this got so off track

2 notes · View notes

sttoru · 3 months

Text

.⌇ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. it’s late at night and you try to cuddle with sukuna. keyword; try.

wc. 1.2k

tags. true form!sukuna x female reader. fluff, angst (+comfort). heian era. size difference (readers referred to as small). sukuna’s a bit mean, but he also has a soft spot for you. miscommunication ? it gets solved. reader gets called ‘woman, doll’.

“what are you trying to do?” sukuna sighs. you’re up to something again, he figures. his red eyes follow your body as it crawls up to him on the bed.

you’re both tired after a long day of fulfilling some duties here and there around the estate. all you need is a big beefy man wrapping his arms around you to keep you warm and safe.

the perfect man for that is sukuna. those four arms of his wrapped around your small body feel like heaven.

“it’s called cuddling,” you retort. the sarcastic tone you used triggers a deep sigh from the sorcerer. sukuna holds back the urge to say something sarcastic as well.

he doesn’t utter a single word once you snuggle up to his chest. you’ve taught him how to cuddle during the first time you asked him to hold you. sukuna was awkward with showing any type of affection back then.

. . he still very much is.

“hug, please,” you remind him. the cold-hearted man scoffs, though listens to your polite request. all four of his arms imprison you against his chest, your small body nearly disappearing behind his limbs.

that’s what you like most about those cuddles you share together; how you fit so perfectly in his strong arms. it’s much more comforting than you thought it would be.

a pair of hands rests on your waist, the other pair on your hips. sukuna glances down at you and immediately notices that smile on your lips. even after all this time, he still cannot fathom why you’re so carefree around a monster like him.

and that inability to understand you and your love for him is accompanied by an urge to push you away.

“you got your hug, now get up,” sukuna interrupts the silence. his voice is cold and devoid of emotion—he uses that voice when he talks to other people. not with you, “i have better things to attend to.”

thus, it hurts. when he talks to you like that. like you’re not the person he secretly cherishes most. though, you remind yourself of sukuna’s own words. the ones you heard him say a while ago.

‘love is meaningless’, he said. you remember. and yet you kept hoping that he’d change his mind about that statement. you hoped and eventually saw exactly that: your presence and your affectionate gestures mellowed his heart of steel.

but all that effort seems to go down the drain every time sukuna pushes you away.

you know it’s because he’s unfamiliar with the feelings of love. he may not say it nor show it, but you know that sukuna’s afraid of hurting you. so, he creates a gap between you two every now and then.

you know and yet you’re patient.

“oh, ‘kay,” you nod in understanding. you pull away from his embrace and get up from the bed. your bottom lip trembles.

sukuna is not gullible. he’s anything but oblivious. especially if it’s about how you feel and act. he notices every single change in your mood; whether you mask it or not.

you walk to the sliding doors—ready to open them and step out into the hallway. your eyes are a bit watery, but you quickly blink the tears away and take a deep breath in. you reach for the door.

“come back here, woman.”

sukuna’s booming voice makes you stop. you glance at his form over your shoulder. he’s leaning against the headboard of the bed, arms crossed and eyebrows furrowed.

is he. . . upset?

“why? you said you had better things to attend to.” you answer with a shrug. you try your best to not make it seem like his earlier words had effected you. you turn your head towards the word with a huff, “go on, then.”

sukuna narrows his eyes. he sucks at communicating what he actually desires—what he actually wants. right now that want is for you to stay. even though that completely contradicts his previous words.

the sorcerer doesn’t know what to do. when you’re with him, he pushes you away out of guilt. when you’re away, he wants you back with him.

love is complicated.

“you. . .” sukuna grunts in frustration. all those feelings for you inside of his heart are playing with his rational thoughts. he doesn’t like seeing you upset. he wants the usual you back, “tsk. fine then.”

silence, followed by the creaking of the bed frame. seems like sukuna’s getting up to do whatever ‘business’ he needed to attend. at least, that’s what you thought.

you slide the door open and set a foot outside of the chambers. before the other could follow, you’re suddenly lifted up in the air by a strong pair of hands. your vision turns upside down as your body is effortlessly hoisted onto a shoulder.

“woah!” you gasp and feel the blood go to your head. your eyes are fixed on the back of your lover. you kick your legs in protest, but only get a smack to your ass in response. you whine at that, “put me down!”

“watch it, doll,” sukuna hisses at your fierce demand, a warning to fix your tone. he puts you back down on the soft mattress. he’s surprisingly gentle when he settles you in place—not throwing you on the bed or anything similar, “should’ve listened when i told you the first time.”

your eyes meet sukuna’s and you notice how much they’ve softened. that alone makes the lump in your throat disappear. your love for him isn’t one sided—you’ve always kept that in the back of your mind—yet your thoughts made you overlook the little things he does for you.

his actions speak louder than his words. that’s the kind of man he is.

sukuna’s trying to open up more, though that process is slow. you’re fine with that.

especially when there’s that faint pout on his lips as he stares at you. his eyebrows are still furrowed, his crimson eyes sharp yet warm.

“oh, you want me back in bed this bad?” you tease once you get the opportunity. the man in front of you clicks his tongue and grabs your cheeks with one hand, turning your head up to face him.

sukuna’s eyes are focused on yours. the eye contact is intimidating, but you’re hypnotised. you physically can’t look away. he leans in and bites your lip with his sharp canines, “shut up.”

that raspy whisper alone confirms your assumption. you giggle at his attempt of refuting your point. you’re used to all those intimidating words and actions he pulls to get you to stop your teasing.

those empty threats—it’s becoming rather cute with how hard he tries to deny everything. he fails nearly every time, however.

“come,” sukuna lays back against the pillows after placing a quick and sloppy kiss against your lips. he pulls your body against his and presses your head against his chest, right where his heart is beating, “continue with your.. ‘cuddling’ thing.”

he put your ear right above his heart, because he remembers listening to his heartbeat calms you down. you told him that a while back. sukuna doesn’t understand why you like it, but his fingers massage your scalp either way.

that’s also something that brings you comfort.

you’re surprised by how much he knows about you, but appreciate it anyway. he remembers both the big and small things about you. ‘that’s how he probably shows his love,’ you conclude silently.

#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader #sukuna x reader #jjk fluff #sukuna x you #jjk x you #jjk x y/n #sukuna x y/n #sukuna fluff

10K notes · View notes

ms-demeanor · 8 days

Note

You posted about adhd and I was hoping to follow up to clarify something. I’ve explained to my partner a million times about how the borderline-hoarding mess of his space is very mentally draining to me, and he understands but we’ve both essentially accepted he won’t clean his mess because he can’t because of his adhd. You’re saying he’s actually being a shit head?

This isn't necessarily an issue of him being a shithead, but it also isn't a sustainable situation. It's not good for you and there's a level of clutter that's probably not good for him either.

Large bastard is a lot more clutter-y than I am. The solution we've come to is trying to keep our messes at least isolated from one another; he can have his messes and I can have mine, but he can have those messes in his spaces, not all over the place. Sometimes those messes migrate, and that's when it's important for him to make the effort to rein them in rather than trying and failing to make a daily effort to keep our entire shared space tidy.

I think when you say "we've both essentially accepted he won't clean his mess" what I'm hearing is resignation; you're not happy about this but you don't know what to do so you've thrown up your hands and he feels helpless and unsure of what to do to improve the situation. This is the kind of "it's fine" that isn't really fine.

I think it would be worthwhile for you to each separately think about the mess and talk about it together. Are there areas that YOU *need* to have not-messy? Both for utility and your mental health? Are there areas where you can tolerate more mess than otherwise? Are there areas that are going to be harder for him to keep the mess out of than others? Are there things he doesn't *know* about cleaning up the mess?

I'm obviously a big "communication communication communication" person so I'm going to recommend a lot of talking about stuff, which is probably going to mean a lot of thinking about and interrogating stuff. I'm going to say "talk to him about why the mess bothers you" which means you also have to really articulate to yourself why the mess bothers you (for instance I'm not actually *bothered* by a messy kitchen, but I know it's going to reflect badly on us - and me specifically b/c of presumed gender roles - if someone pops by and the kitchen is a disaster, AND a messy kitchen is going to be harder to use). Genuinely, sometimes knowing *why* something is a problem might make it easier for someone with ADHD to do something. And it's not that he doesn't care that it upsets you, it's just that "Oh if I don't wash my breakfast dishes Anon won't have clear counterspace to make lunch" might be stickier in his brain (and less hard to look at emotionally) than "this thing I forget to do upsets my partner so I should do it."

For the record, I think that people with ADHD should read up on Demand Avoidance and see if it might explain some of the issues that they have in their day-to-day life; I've seen some really unfortunate situations with friends where trying to do things that their partner needed became the subject of demand avoidance. *I* have experienced negative outcomes of demand avoidance. The solution to that, however, isn't to stop making attempts to do the thing OR to simply try harder to do as they're asked/told (which reinforces the demand), it's to work on setting up a situation where the partners' needs are not interpreted as a demand. This is fuck-off difficult and requires a lot of patience and care and many attempts to succeed and will be different for each person and relationship.

(Also for the record demand avoidance isn't *super* strongly linked to ADHD and it's not a definitive symptom; like Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, it is something that occurs in some number of people with ADHD and can be a useful lens through which to examine various behaviors; you don't need to have DA or RSD to have ADHD, and having DA or RSD also doesn't invalidate your diagnosis; they're symptoms. For me, DA often feels like "if I don't look at it, it can't get me" - If I ignore all the messages I've got they aren't real and don't have real consequences so I'll just ignore my texts. If I don't look at the vendor email about the order, the problem with the order isn't real and it won't get added to my task list. If I don't look at the requests in my inbox I can't let people down when I don't do them. It's a self-protective coping mechanism but it's *maladaptive* and I can't just ignore the vendor email or all my texts. I need to work on a way of doing the stuff that I'm avoiding in a way that makes it less stressful and doesn't hurt the people relying on me. That takes a lot of effort, personal insight, trial and error, and )

But before I dive into specifics I want to be really really clear about one thing: sometimes people are simply incompatible. Sometimes one person has such a low tolerance for "mess" and the other person has such a high threshold for "mess" that it can't be reconciled. It sucks that this can end up being a thing that people break up over, but it is MUCH better to acknowledge incompatibility as early as possible instead of spending years and years building resentment.

There used to be a great forum called MiL's Anonymous that I spent a lot of time on. It had a lot of people in a lot of difficult situations struggling to get by and hold their relationships together. The question that was used as a litmus test to approach each situation was simple: If you knew today that everything about living with this person would be the same in five years, would you stay?

Because you can't control your partner. You can't control the future. You can only control yourself and your proximity to situations that are harmful to you. If you knew, 100%, that things wouldn't get better in five years, would you be okay with staying in this relationship? If the answer is "no," then that's that. Don't worry about questions of whether or not your boyfriend is a shithead, start the process of ending the relationship because there's a good chance the situation is going to be exactly the same in five years.

If the answer is "yes," and you'd stay in the relationship regardless of whether or not things changed, then it's time to take actions to improve your life within the context of the relationship.

(No judgement on that yes or no, btw. If you would hate living like this for another five years, and you would feel like you'd wasted your time and hadn't done the things you wanted to with your life, get out. Bail. Go. It will be better for you and better for your partner if you split instead of spending half a decade building resentments and and problems that you'll have to spend another half a decade healing from.)

Also, a note: you describe your boyfriend's mess as borderline hoarding - is the issue *mess* or is the issue *clutter*? I have friends who are very tidy, but whose homes are very cluttered. They like things, they have many things, they keep many things around, but their houses are always clean and well-dusted and orderly, just with a tremendous amount of *stuff.* I am addressing all of this as though the issue is mess, not clutter. If your boyfriend's situation is clutter (the space is busy and packed with things but it is functional and clean) and your issue isn't with *mess* (things out of place, things not having a place, things that need to be cleaned up gathering in stacks, falling behind on regular chores like laundry and dishes and taking out the trash) then you definitely need to assess whether or not you are compatible.

For instance here's a room that is messy but not cluttered compared to a room that is cluttered but not messy:

That first room is a *mess* but it would be very easy to clean up in under an hour. The second room is fairly tidy, but would take significant effort to pare down and declutter. BOTH of these can be difficult to live with but the second one is not dangerous or threatening to anyone's health. (The second one is QUITE cluttered and if every room in a house looks like this it can be overwhelming to live with; this is actually harder to deal with in a relationship than the first one in a lot of ways. I don't have a lot of advice for what to do if your partner is a high degree of tidy-but-cluttered because I don't actually think it's a problem or wrong to have thousands of books or bins full of lego or a million kitchen appliances as long as you have the space and can keep it safe and well-maintained; this is a really significant compatibility issue)

Okay, all that out of the way, here's the hard work.

Talk about this shit

Talk to your partner and define "mess." Make sure you are on the same page about what you mean when you're talking about what a messy room looks like versus what a tidy room looks like. Gather reference pictures. DRAW reference pictures.

Explain not just that the mess upsets you, but *why* and *how* it upsets you. In this context don't think of it as your boyfriend's mess, think of it as an unpleasant roommate. Discuss this using "I-statements". "When I have to pick up laundry all over the apartment, I feel like a parent more than a partner." "When there are piles of miniatures all over the table, I feel like I don't have anywhere to do things I'm interested in." "When there are dishes in the sink, I feel frustrated because I have to clean before I can feed myself."

Discuss, frankly and openly, whether he knows how to clean. I'm not trying to make excuses for him here but a lot of people with ADHD have a lot of stress and avoidance around cleaning because they spent a lot of time getting yelled at for not knowing how to clean properly.

Discuss your needs, be firm about what you require but willing to compromise. You *need* some spaces to be clean, and some spaces may be harder for him to keep clean than others. It may be MUCH harder for him to keep a bedroom tidy than it is to keep a kitchen tidy; if you need a clean and empty bedroom with everything put away and he simply cannot do that, that is a compatibility issue. But perhaps you need *your* side of the bedroom to be very orderly and can tolerate a moderate level of mess and clutter on his side. Maybe you're really really bothered by a messy kitchen, but it doesn't bug you if the dining table is covered with projects and papers. Figure out something more workable than "his mess goes everywhere and i live with it because he's incapable of cleaning" because he probably is not incapable of cleaning and you deserve to have places in your home that are comfortable for you.

Reduce friction for cleaning

Sometimes the problem isn't cleaning, the problem is the many many steps before cleaning, or not knowing where something should go when you are done cleaning. One of the absolute best things I've done for myself for cleaning my space is getting a broom holder and mounting the broom to the wall. Sweeping is now essentially thoughtless. I don't have to find the broom or pull it out from a pile of fans or go scrounging around for a dustpan it's right there on the wall, frictionless. So here are some ways to reduce the barriers to cleaning:

Make sure you and your partner both know how to use your cleaning supplies and know where those supplies are. When I switched dishwasher soap I had to re-show Large Bastard where I was storing it and how it was used, because to him what happened was the dishwasher tabs just vanished one day and he didn't know what I was putting in the machine or the process I used. He sometimes puts tools away in places that I can't see (he's more than a foot taller than me) so sometimes I can't get started on a maintenance project until he shows me where he put the battery pack for the drill.

Consider making a how-to chart to or having him make a how-to chart to keep someplace accessible so he can reference it while cleaning. Goblin.Tools Magic ToDo is great for this. Basically a lot of the time people with ADHD have trouble knowing what to do from step to step even if they've done something before, so having a step by step guide can make it easier (I have notebooks full of step-by-step guides for everything from paying for my tuition to removing licenses for my customers to weeding my yard)

Remove obstacles; don't keep cleaning chemicals in the garage in a box that's behind a stack of parts, keep them in the room you'll be cleaning. Don't keep the cleaning supplies that you use to clean the bathroom in the kitchen. Sometimes this means buying two bottles of bleach solution and two scrubbers and two sets of cleaning gloves but having fewer steps (fetch the windex, fetch the paper towels, fetch the gloves) is often the key to getting things done (open under-sink cabinet and grab windex, gloves, and paper towels that are there instead of in the kitchen).

This sort of overlaps with the next category, which is:

Create Dump Zones

One thing that I've found that seems very different between people with ADHD cleaning and neurotypical people cleaning is that neurotypical people are good at getting to a point where the cleaning is "done." They have checked off their tasks and they have finished and it is over. There are *SOME* chores that are like this (taking out the trash is a binary state, the trash has been taken out or it has not) and some chores are perpetual (horrid cursed dishes) but I think with people with ADHD, some chores that are binary for neurotypicals are actually perpetual chores. For instance "clean off the counter" is not a one and done for me. "Clean off the counter" may involve a three day reorganization project. "Clean off the counter" does not mean "wipe down the tile and put dishes away" it means assessing whether or not I need to make vegetable stock and bleaching three tea containers and reconsidering whether or not the sharps container should live somewhere else and going through the mail and figuring out what needs to be responded to and taking out the recycling and on and on and on.

We have had company at the house for the last two weeks, so I asked large bastard to clean off the dining room table, which is largely a project zone for him. Cleaning off the dining room table meant putting away his meds (and since he's a transplant patient that involves a 30 gallon rubbermade tote), throwing away some trash, and totally reorganizing his workshop. It also incidentally involved picking up a table from facebook marketplace and moving my plants, which has now involved moving my former plant rack outside (moving buckets, finding and organizing planters and gardening tools) and taking the former table to the thrift store (not done yet) and cleaning the rug that was under the former table. So "either the table is clean, or it isn't" isn't really true for us.

HOWEVER "hang on we can't eat until the table is clear so let's drive to Pico Rivera to get that console table right now" isn't a workable plan, so you create dumpzones as areas of holding between the start and the finish of the chore.

A dump zone can be a laundry basket. It can be a craft bin. It can be a back room or under your bed. It is a place to put things that you are going to deal with later because if you deal with them now it is going to derail the thing you are actually trying to do, which is set the table for dinner.

Dump zones are vital to cleaning with ADHD and I recommend them for day-to-day cleaning as well. The day-to-day dump zones might be more for you than for your boyfriend. For instance, Large Bastard works with bullets and he sheds bullets all over the house. I used to get stressed when I found bullets when I was cleaning because are these work bullets? Are these recreational bullets? Are they in testing? Do they need to be pulled? Do they go in the workshop or the office or the garage or does he need these today so they have to stay on the counter? And the answer now is "that's not my problem naughty bullets go in the jar." Which is perfectly sensible because he gets to say "mystery yarn goes in the bin" and "art supplies go in the bucket."

I feel helpless when cleaning a lot of the time. I'm frustrated and lost and I don't know where stuff goes and everything I pick up spins off into three projects in my head and every step feels like a wall to scale. Dump zones help me with that when there's pressure or a reason for cleaning beyond day to day home maintenance. People are coming over? The bedroom is a dump zone, I'll deal with that later. I'm just cleaning up because I need to? Okay I can find a permanent home for this new dish soap.

AS A VERY IMPORTANT COROLLARY TO THIS:

Active projects do not go in dump zones while you or your partner are cleaning. This may mean designating a project sanctuary area like a corner of the table or one particular chair in your main room where a project can be placed so as not to be disturbed. (if my current crochet project ends up in the yarn bin, that may mean that I don't pick the project up for another three months, it lives on the windowsill behind the couch because that's where it'll get worked on)

Do not put things away for your partner, put them in the dump zone for your partner. Your partner has to be the one to put their own stuff away in a way that works for them. I tend to find that this naturally puts a limit on the time stuff sits in the dump zone, because eventually you'll go "hey where's my thing?" and will put stuff away. If that doesn't happen, it's still generally better to have stuff in a dump zone than all over the home.

Do not decide you know what things go together from your partner's stuff and try to "put like things together." The neurotypical urge to put like things together is the mindkiller(j/k). You do not know which things are "similar" in your partner's organization schema and attempting to organize things on your own is going to end up with all of the things "organized" being functionally lost forever from your partner's perspective. Large Bastard's mom would do this and it was infuriating, she'd say "oh I put all the electronics stuff in one box" and she would mean soldering irons, transistors, ham radios, HDMI cables, and cellphone chargers. We are *still* going through boxes of stuff that she "tidied up" when he was hospitalized in 2020 and 2021.

To prevent the need for quite so many dump zones over time, you can work on setting up landing zones and "homes" for projects and tools.

Landing Zones

Landing zones are places where things go when you come inside from doing various things. Sometimes your landing zone only needs to be a tray for your wallet and keys, sometimes your landing zone needs to be a place to take off muddy boots and put a trowel and gloves down before you shower.

To make an effective landing zone, consider what behaviors you're trying to minimize and whether the people using it are ACTUALLY going to use it. For instance I was tired of the corner of my hearth getting cluttered with random junk so I hung up some hooks and put a shelf and a basket there and it became a really effective landing zone for my bag and keys and the mail, but it was VERY ineffective for Large Bastard because it's by a door that isn't the primary door he uses to enter the house. As a result I always know where my keys and bag are but he has trouble finding his keys and wallet. He tends to enter the house through our bedroom and has an overloaded valet next to the door and that's usually where his wallet ends up. Mounting a shelf to the wall above the valet and putting a basket and a hook on it will be a better place for his stuff to land. It's not that he's not using the first zone because he doesn't know that it's there, or because he doesn't care about lost time when I'm searching for my car keys after he borrows them, he's not using it because it's not by the door he uses. That's all.

I have a landing space for when I come in for gardening that's different than the one when I come in from grocery shopping. I have a landing space for when I walk into the dining room instead of the kitchen when I get home.

Landing spaces prevent stuff from piling up all over the place because they are a limited functional space that should be used frequently. Mail ONLY goes in the landing zone. If you have mystery mail or if you're not sure it's safe to toss, you put it in the landing zone. You can't let the mail get piled up too high or you won't have a space for your keys. You can't let the change in your wallet tray get too deep or your wallet is going to slide off, etc., but you also don't just put change on the coffee table or your nightstand because the landing zone is right there.

Homes for items are just what they sound like. They're the place the item goes. It lives there. My meds live on my nightstand. You would not believe how poorly I did with taking my meds on my vacation because they weren't on my nightstand. A while back large bastard lost one of his sets of sorted meds and we tore the house up looking for them because he couldn't find them in his nightstand, which is where they live. *I* found them in his nightstand because I emptied out the entire top drawer (he had only looked on the top layer) and found them underneath a radio and a hammock. Even though they were *hidden* they were in their home, so they were findable. I recently needed ink for an art class. Art supplies live in a dresser by my desk. Ink lives in the art bin or the top left drawer. The ink was not in either of these places (it was on a cabinet in the dining room behind a teacup) so it took me weeks to find it.

Sometimes the reason that ADHD spaces are so messy is because objects have been assigned homes in places that are visible and if they get moved they get lost. This is a genuinely difficult problem that requires a lot of effort to solve and can involve a lot of trial and error for creating a tidy living space. For some people, open shelving and visible storage might be a good solution. For some people, assigning a VERY clear home and inculcating that location by habit is the only way to clean up a space. For some people one very cluttered corner to at least isolate the chaos does the trick (for me and large bastard open shelving doesn't work because anything in one place for too long becomes invisible; that means that I rely on assigning things homes and large bastard relies on having contained chaos and a general idea of where to search but what that DOES NOT mean is that he is clean or tidy. His spaces look like an explosion. But he can mostly find his stuff and do what he needs to do and as long as that's limited to specific places in shared spaces I can live with it; the dining room table can be a disaster, the kitchen cannot).

People organize things differently. It often takes a while for neurotypical adults to settle into an organizational style that works for them and ADHD adults may need to settle into a new system every few months for it to continue working. The cleanup and declutter is most likely going to be a permanent project that is always going to demand some level of attention from everyone in a shared space, but "my ADHD means I can't do it" is not really going to fly. Maybe his ADHD means that he can't keep his space tidy, but it doesn't mean you can't move stuff from shared spaces into dump zones or that he can't do stuff around the house.

If he's insisting that his ADHD means that he can't clean it is possible that he's not being a shithead, he just feels helpless and doesn't know where to start and has adopted the belief that he's a useless piece of shit who can't even keep a tidy space like a grownup because he's internalized a lot of shitty attitudes (hello, my internal monologue about keeping a clean house). But it's also possible that he's just being a shithead.

It's something that's worthwhile to investigate with him. If he's unwilling to make an attempt, then he's being a shithead.

It is also not your responsibility to rehabilitate another person. If he wants to clean and it's something he feels bad about and needs some help and support with the way that someone might need help or support for learning to use a mobility aid, that is fine but you don't have to be the one who gives him that support if it's detrimental to your health, and you don't have to be the one to teach him that stuff if it's not something you're capable of. And if he is NOT interested in working on making your shared living space more accessible for you, that is not your suitcase to unpack and you just have to ask yourself the question from the start: would I stay with this person if I knew the situation was never going to change?

IDK, I'm sure a lot of this reads like "anon you must take on the emotional labor of training your partner to be an adult" but it's really meant to be more of a way of assessing yourself and your relationship. If you created landing zones do you think he'd use them? Would he get angry if you assigned a laundry basket as a dump zone for his stuff while you tidy the living room? Is living with him long-term going to be comfortable for you if nothing changes? Do you have enough of a shared definition of "mess" that you're at least in the ballpark for what counts as a clean house?

anyway good luck, and a reminder to folks that I'm compiling a bunch of adhd resources and other information on my personal website, ms-demeanor.com. It's coming along slowly but it will eventually include stuff like ADHD cleaning tips and how to tackle a hoard, so maybe keep your eye on that space.

2K notes · View notes

catgirlwizard · 1 year

Text

#personal #i just need to rant somewhere about how much i love my partner!!!!!#he's so sweet and supportive and its so nice being with another autistic trans person with ptsd cause theres so much less about myself that #i have to explain. even though we're different people and have different reactions and feelings and opinions theres still that commonality #like even if i love the texture of velvet and he hates it. i know what its like to feel a texture and feel like my hand is tingling and my #anxiety spike at little sensory things like that. thats just an example but its really nice having someone who is their own person but #still understands the feelings i have and i can understand his. and he's SO incredibly patient. and he's a much more literal and straight #forward person than i'm used to which is such a nice change of pace. growing up autistic there were so many situations where people said or #did one thing but meant another and i struggled to understand them and it led to getting hurt and learning to be hyperaware and overanalyze #every interaction to find out how people were upset with me to the point the littlest thing would be a travesty. but with him its so simple #he means the things he says and doesn't obfuscate or lie to me about stuff he tries to be as open and honest with me as he can and if he #doesn't explain something it's because he doesn't know how to express it not because he's hiding it. i wish i could be more like him #and im trying really hard to learn that and unlearn the tendencies i picked up in toxic situations that make communication hard for me.#he makes me really excited for the future. and he makes me feel safe and supported in a way ive never felt in any relationships before.#its nice knowing i can just be myself around him. all versions of myself and he won't be upset with me for any of them. even if maybe he #should be upset when i get bitchy. but when i start getting annoyed over little things he doesnt pick up on it which gives me time to #analyze why im upset and correct my behavior and do better and calm down instead of getting more overwhelmed and not having any way to #express it except the passive aggressive tendencies i learned throughout my childhood. and when i apologize for that he says he didnt #pick up on things and that i can't help how i feel because its a gut reaction not something i choose. and hes right but also even if i cant #choose how i feel. i can still work on how i react to feelings. and i want to keep getting better at reacting in a more constructive way.#he really honestly values me communicating with him and telling him how i feel. which is SO SO SO incredible and im so lucky to have a #partner who genuinely cares about how im feeling and wants to work with me on it and know how to help because for so long i havent been in #situations where i can express feelings so i just bottle it all up and try to deal with it on my own because people before have used me #talking about feelings as a way to twist things around and blame me for their own problems. or invalidated how i felt. or not cared.#but when i talk to him i know everything he says is genuine so even through all my trauma and paranoia i know i can trust him hes proven #himself to he honest and genuine and legitimate enough times i can trust he's not faking it thats just really the type of person he is and #its so amazing and im incredibly lucky to have someone so patient and kind and supportive in my life <3 #and for the first time in a relationship i don't feel terrified of the future! i'm not constantly thinking about when he'll leave me or #when i'll leave him. or how things could go wrong between us and trying to prepare for that so i don't get hurt. i just think about all the #ways i want to build a real future together with him. and when we talk about future stuff like wanting a house even if we might never

1 note · View note

charmercharm3r · 9 months

Text

Dream You

Masterlist

wc: 4k

Synopsis: He cheated on you— in your dreams, then took kiss it better too literally.

warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, softdom!chan, light bondage, oral (m receiving), dacryphilia, pretty intensely fluffy they just rly love each other

☆ﾟ

4,000 followers! enjoy this lil idea as a thank you. i appreciate you!

You. Needed. Affection.

Just affection, and loads of it from one person in specific. Mostly because you were pretending to be mad at him and it made you miss him even more. Chan rarely makes you mad, he’s always good about communicating and listening, so the fact that you were mad at him and he didn’t even know why threw him off a little.

So there you were, sat on the couch wrapped in one of his hoodies eating straight out of the ice cream tub because you were too upset to do anything but count the seconds until he got home. You weren’t answering his texts, you picked up his call because you accidentally pressed the wrong button out of muscle memory and Chan could tell through the phone that today was just not a good day.

When he came home and found you sitting in the same spot that you were in when he called you– he knew this because you described it exactly as it looked, Chan almost collapsed at how cute you were. You had this ruffle in your brow and his hoodie looked like it was threatening to drown you in the black material. Gnawing on the spoon, your chest rumbled a little as Chan smiled his dimply smile and reached for the tub of ice cream to take away. “You doing okay, baby?” He chuckled trying to pop the spoon out of your mouth, wriggling it back and forth and swaying your head until you decided to let go.

“No, I’m mad at you,” there wasn’t much bite to the statement.

Chan pecked your forehead and ventured off to put the ice cream away, “oh yeah? Wanna tell me why so I can fix it?” He returned to stand behind you and lean over the back of the couch, wrapping his arms around your neck and nuzzling his cheek into the top of your head.

Upset but still wanting the physical touch, you pulled his arms tighter, “dream you cheated on me.”

He popped his head around the side of yours to come face to face with a look of genuine shock. “Did he?!” Chan hopped over the back of the couch to sit next to you.

“Yeah. I caught you in our bed and everything. Then you broke up with me and posted the bitch on your instagram the next day.” You huffed and pushed him away with no force, turning to lean on the armrest and lay your legs over his lap. Chan rested his head on your knees, looking at you with his big puppy dog eyes that never failed to make you melt.

“I thought I taught him better than that,” he gently scolded. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. Is that why you didn’t kiss me back when I left this morning?

You nodded. “And why you weren’t answering my texts?” Another nod. “And why you can’t look at me because you know how ridiculous that sounds?”

You were half way through nodding for a third time when you caught his words, “hey! It’s not ridiculous! It could be a premonition, I could be psychic and get into fortune telling with how accurate I am.”

Chan closed his eyes and let his hands wander up and down your calves, lightly dragging his lips across the bare skin of your knees as he spoke, “mhm, mhm. Or it means that it’s never gonna come true. I like to think that, instead.”

It was getting harder to be mad when the feeling of his breath fanning over your skin made goosebumps rise, he loved watching the way your body reacted to him. It was never hard for him to work you up, physically and emotionally. Chan thrived on the effect he has over you, but it’s a two way street and you live for the way he’d do anything to please you. Even if it means apologizing for something he didn’t really do. In this reality, at least.

You wanted to be mad so bad that you debated on throwing him off you entirely, however his lips were just too plush looking and you craved to feel them on your own. Chan took his time to work them higher up your legs, eventually laying them and sticking his head under the hem of his hoodie you wore. He tugged you to lay flat so he could have more area to trace his pretty lips cross, the thoughts of being upset almost totally dissipating under his touch. Your leg instantly wrapped around his torso, to which he grinded lightly into the cushion. His hair tickled your bare chest as he peppers kisses across your belly, hands roaming your back to keep you near. He didn’t move as sexually as one might’ve thought from an outside perspective, it wasn’t to get into your nonexistent pants, you just got him so horny.

So horny to the point where he would’ve kept grinding against the couch if you didn’t feel like relieving him, he would’ve taken it like a champ if you denied him. You never do, though, as if you had the impulse control to ever tell him no.

Chan kept his movements slow, intentional, with the purpose of getting you to relax and see how much he loves you and how much an asshole dream-him was for cheating on dream-you. Big hands moved down to cup your ass under the fabric of your underwear, teething lightly above your belly button then soothing over the bite with his fat tongue. The wet muscle laved over the sore spots with the tip of his tongue, then flattening it, the tip, then flat again, alternating like he would if it were your pussy and were trying to get you to cum.

You wanted that, you always wanted his tongue on you. But now, you needed this more. The closeness and being able to keep him where only you can love and appreciate.

It felt so stupid to even be thinking that way, stupid that you had pulled such childish acts instead of just telling him in the first place. If you had just asked to be coddled, he would’ve given it to you without a second thought.

Chan needed this as much as you did, little to your knowledge. He could feel how off you were in the morning but really just didn’t have the time to fix it at that moment. It stung his heart hearing what dream-him did to dream-you, he couldn’t possibly imagine putting you through that, let alone move on so quickly if you ever were to actually break up.

No, he couldn’t even bear the thought of leaving you, it hurt too much.

His heart hurt for you, he could see the pain all over your face when he got home and it wasn’t even real life. Chan would rather die than ever let you go through something like that in this reality. In your dreams, well, there isn’t much he can do other than what he’s doing now.

Leaving chaste kisses anywhere along your torso he could, massaging your ass with his nimble fingers while heavily breathing in the scent of your skin. The quiet moans you were trying to suppress made him smile, able to feel your muscles tightening and loosening beneath his fingertips. He felt so warm against you, you wanted to thread your fingers through his hair and tried to from over the hoodie. Chan mumbled incoherently in protest and tugged the hem over his head again when you tried to tug it up.

“Wanna be close to you,” he murmured, going back to rubbing his cheek to your belly. You could only giggle and let him.

This was just Chan. Just purely and entirely him. Doing nothing and everything at the same time and making you melt into the palm of his hand, you’d forgotten why you were mad until he spoke again.

“Can’t believe I’d do that,” the barrier of material made it hard to hear him.

“Hm?” You hummed.

He slithered a little higher up your chest and you pulled the neckline to peak down into the dark shadows of the hoodie. You could see just one of his pretty brown eyes peering up at you sweetly, “who in their right mind would do that to you?”

Chan rested his cheek on your chest and stayed there, arms enclosing around your torso. “Dream-you did. And it really sucked.”

He whined this time, higher in pitch and wiggling to get comfortable. Your head back against the couch, you closed your eyes and let yourself calm down before you got worked up again. Chan could hear your heartbeat speed up, placing another soft kiss to the skin above it. You shivered and draped your arms over the back of his shoulders to succumb entirely to the feeling. Just as you finally relaxed, warmth engulfed your left nipple, wet and hot and being suckled into his mouth like a pacifier. “I’m trying really hard to be mad,” you admit while smiling to yourself, out of his field of vision.

“Please, don’t be,” he pleaded, “I’ll never hurt you. I’ll destroy anyone who tries.” It sounded silly coming from his mouth considering it was full of your tit, you couldn’t help a gentle laugh.

A few more moments of him playing with your breast, then switching to the other with no regard for the wet sounds that emitted from his suckling, you couldn’t take not seeing him anymore. You sat up as much as he’d let you and tucked your arms into the body of the hoodie, pulling your head through the neckline just enough so that the two of you were pressed chest to chest under the material.

It was dark and hot, you weren’t sure how he was able to stand being underneath it for so long. You couldn’t totally see him, but you knew he was looking at you– or at least, attempting to. You felt for his cheeks and held him just millimeters away, feeling his calm breathing over your chin. In almost total darkness, unable to see but could feel each other entirely, he whispered, “you’re safe with me. You’ll always be safe with me.”

You pulled him into you, savoring the fragile way he always tended to kiss you when you were particularly emotional, scared as if he’d break you. Handle with care, your heart said, and he did just that and more. Delicate. Do not touch, written outside the glass case he envisioned you in whenever something went even remotely in the opposite direction you wanted. It wasn’t that you needed the protection, by no means were you unable to handle yourself, but you invoked something in him that he couldn’t control. Fortunately for him, you let him smother you and baby you and wrap you in bubble wrap so tight you couldn’t breathe because it felt good to be seen. It felt good to be loved, and loved by him.

It was getting more and more difficult not to rut your hips against him, any part of him because he made you that insatiable. Chan could feel you trying to restrain and laughed against your lips.

“What if I want you to break me?” He glitched for a second, then went back to kissing you with a little more intensity.

“Then, I’ll just have to put you together again.” You ripped the hoodie away, leaving you naked in his hold aside from the underwear you were soaking through. “And break you, put you together again, and again, and again until you’re begging for me to stop.”

You felt the wave of butterflies flutter right between your legs and caved.

“Fuck– take me to the bedroom.”

Chan stood just to throw you over his shoulder effortlessly, entirely too excited for either of your own good. It wasn’t until now that you noticed he was still in those uncomfortably tight jeans he left in this morning, your mouth watered at the timely prospect of getting him out of them. You just couldn’t stop yourself from sending a light smack to his ass as he walked through the bedroom door, and he reciprocated with an even harder one to the bare skin of your own.

He laid you down gently just to cover your body with his own once again, not letting you strip him without your tongues laving against one another's. His shirt came off first, tossing it towards the headboard, your underwear, then his pants. Chan stopped you from reaching for his underwear so he could tease you, barely tugging the elastic down his hips and letting his erection catch in the fabric until he finally let it slap against his lower belly erotically.

Chan let them fall to the floor before kneeling tall onto the bed, “turn around,” he instructed. You followed and faced the headboard, seeing him reach around for his discarded shirt. Just barely could you feel his hot breath against your neck, “are you sure this is what you want tonight, baby?”

You hummed with desperation, “break me. Lovingly, please.”

Leaving a small peck to your cheek for reassurance, Chan grabbed your arms harshly and brought them behind your back. He used his forgotten shirt as a makeshift restraint, keeping you bound and tied up with no way of being able to touch him, you wondered what it was he had in store that required it.

Once he finished he sat opposite of you, falling on his back and watching the process of your mouth watering over seeing him in the perfect cock-sucking position. The redness of his tip, you would’ve thought it was painful if you didn’t know better. No, that’s a lie– it was painful. Painful watching you be so pretty and worked up and he was fighting the urge with everything in him not to untie you and lay you in the sheets like the pillow princess you so rarely got to be.

But it wasn’t what you wanted. What you wanted was to not think, be serviced and be of service, used to please. Tonight needed to end with you feeling weightless and not an ounce of sadness or anger left lingering to be found.

“Break you lovingly?” Chan called, tucking an arm under his head while the other stroked himself slowly. He swiped the bead of precum, beckoning you over with a single finger and forcing his thumb past your lips to taste. You hummed at the salty bitterness, the weight of him on your tongue and could feel yourself salivating. “Which do you want first, doll? Break you, or love you?”

Judging from the way you were practically drooling down his wrist, he took your lack of response as the former.

Stealing his thumb away, a thread of spit following, Chan laid back down and put both hands behind his head. “Go ahead. Be a good doll and suck.”

You folded so fast that it made him chuckle with pride knowing you were wanting him as much as he wanted you. Licking and twirling your tongue around the tip like hard candy, taking in as much of him as possible. Your own spit dripped down your chin and filled your mouth like a perfect hole.

Chan started to stutter up into you the further down you went. The more of him you took in, the harder it got not to thrust up. By the time you’d gotten to the point of lightly gagging, he was biting his lip to keep from losing all control. But then you looked up at him, eyes big and watery, tears already rolling down your cheek and you couldn’t even wipe it away. Nope, all self control completely obliterated by that single look. That fucking look, Chan physically felt his chest cave like crumbling sand between his fingers.

“I’ll fucking break you, baby. Don't worry your pretty little head, I’ll make you forget.” You couldn’t reply with his thick cock in your mouth, but could see you approve with the little nods you managed to give. “Be a good cocksleeve, yeah? Make me feel good.”

You took him as deep as you could, stilled as soon as your nose hit his pelvis and thought that was good enough since he groaned, loud and deep from within his chest. But you looked up at him again, this time just as the tears fell from your lash line. Chan tangled both hands in your hair and hooked his legs over your shoulders, cock still buried down your throat. He locked his ankles around the back of your head and pushed himself that much deeper to get you to gag harder. The sound that he emitted resembled that of a bear, hearty, unrestrained, feeling.

Oh, how he felt you. Felt the constricting of your throat around him, felt your tongue fighting to make room for you to breathe and failing, felt your tears wet the skin of his pelvis. Nothing but your safe word could have stopped him from pulling you off his cock for a split second to inhale a deep breath, then shoving you back down to abuse your throat like it was just a toy. For now, you were just a toy– his toy.

Lewd and adulterous squelching of your mouth slicking up and down his cock filled the room, overridden just by Chan’s moans of pleasure and your light humming to vibrate up his shaft. He was kind for a few moments– as kind as he could have been in this position, and eventually gave up seeing as you could still fight back. His lazy pushes and pulls of guiding your head up and down turned into him rutting up into your mouth in quick jabs, utilizing the headlock he had you in as leverage to move at what could have been neck breaking speed. His hands held you firmly in place as Chan did all the work now, focused on nothing but his own pleasure as your tears and spit mixed to puddle around his throbbing cock.

You were a gagging, crying mess and you loved every second. So much so that you spread your knees and tried to rub your puffy clit into the bunched up sheets. A few more upthrusts of his tip hitting the back of your throat, Chan let you go entirely. Without the stability of him holding you up, your weak body tilted to the side as you gasped for air, hips slightly twitching from the immense need built up.

He took a second to regain his composure while you caught your breath. Chest still heaving up and down, Chan forgot that your hands were still tied, wondering why you weren’t jumping his bones the second he let you free. Sitting up, he tilted his head at you with a sympathetic smile, “sweet doll, I haven’t even done anything to you yet. Anything left in here?” He mockingly tapped the side of your temple, to which it went unacknowledged. You just wanted him on you again, whining and trying to wriggle closer to him. “Hm, guess not. Did my job, didn’t I? Didn’t take very much effort, baby. You love me that much? Or you’re just a cockhungry doll.”

Through the soreness in your jaw, you managed to whisper, “l–love you.”

Chan chuckled, “I know you do. Love my sweet doll, too.” He leaned over to kiss your forehead, ignoring the way you puckered your lips for more. Chan manhandled you to the center of the bed, keeping you on your side with arms still restricted from touching.

There was nothing you could do but let him do what he wanted with you, but this was the lovingly part. This, although bound on your end, was where he showed you everything he couldn’t tell you. This was the putting you back together part, the safe with me part, the dream-me can go fuck himself because you deserve the best dicking down ever part.

And could you tell that’s what all of this was? Absolutely. Could you do anything about it? Not a chance. You couldn’t touch him, couldn’t form coherent sentences, couldn’t do anything but babble love you, love you, and more love you’s.

Chan pushed your hair from your sweaty forehead, memorizing your features for just a second before he lost himself again. Then straightening out your bottom leg for him to straddle while resting the top in the crook of his arm and aligning his cock at your entrance, just teasing your clit with the tip and spreading the perpetually leaking beads of cum. He would dip into your hole, hear you whimper, then pull away and do it all over again to keep you in a constant state of frustrated that he wouldn’t just fuck you already.

It was because fucking you wasn’t what he wanted, he hated calling it that. If it were anyone but you, calling sloppy sex for what it is wouldn’t have bothered him. But you weren’t just anyone, he wouldn’t dare call you anything less than what you deserved and that applied in the bedroom as well. That was, of course, aside from when you truly asked for it.

Even the sloppiest of sex with you wouldn’t be classified as just fucking. He felt every inch of you in every single one of his nerve endings, in his veins, pumping the blood through his heart straight down to the tip of his cock. Chan felt a little dumb just looking at you, like he’d lost his mind at the mere scent of your arousal, he felt like a lovesick puppy and if you’d ever decide to leave him, he’d die of a broken heart.

God, he loves you. He said it as he finally pushed into your pulsing, wet hole. He said it as he came to the hilt, he said it as he slipped the bondage off your wrists, as he grabbed your hand to hold and as he began to lazily thrust in and out, searching for the spot that would make you cry so hard you’ll pass out as soon as you cum.

And you did cry, not just from how good you felt physically but because even if he wasn’t mindlessly telling you how much he loved you, you could see it in the way he looked at you. He wasn’t looking anywhere but your face, straight into your eyes in a stare so intense it should’ve been uncomfortable. It was anything but, you shed a tear every time you blinked to see him still looking at you like he was sure you were the last thing he’d ever see.

God, you love him. You said it as your hand held his for dear life, as he pummeled the soft spot within you that made you see stars through the tears, you said it as you were curling your toes and arching your back at an unholy angle. You said it as coherently as possible as the butterflies in your belly swept you into a whirlwind of pleasure, as you milked him for everything he had, as you came back down to earth somehow laying on his chest and not at all in the same position as when the orgasm hit.

Gentle beating of his heart in his chest stirred you from the light daze you had fallen into, you don’t even remember doing it. “Hey there,” his chest rumbled. Chan kissed the top of your head, your forehead, then moved to lay your head in the pillows so he could kiss your lips.

As he tucked your hair behind your ear, you finally got to brush your fingers through his curls, so soft and pretty. His eyes closed as your nails raked across his scalp, letting his forehead fall against yours. The rumbling of his chest made you smile, “you purr like a cat,” you said through the sore scratch in your throat.

“Cats ward off evil. Real me is shooing away the nightmares for good. Let me purr.” Chan let you tug his head against his chest with a content him falling from your lips, where his purring turned into soft snores as the exhaustion finally hit him.

☆ﾟ

tags: @sensitiveandhungry @babebatter @changbinluvr @epiphanynaffit @fawnpeaks @linovely @dumplinbokkieracha @finnydraws @naturules @djeniryuu @hamburgers101 @skzhomiehopper @yesv01 @hyunjinsamdl @dazzlingligth @lvrhyuka @alexis-reads-fics @linaliskz @0002linoskitten @chillichillicrabcrab23 @zerefdragn33l @straycrescent @binnies-donuts @soldierstangirl-blog @bakedlilgoonie @levanterlily @shelbyyy44 @yeetmehome @in2heartz @astroodledream @the-sweetest-rose @goblinracha @lilbugs-things @viviennenstan @staurdvst @alex--awesome--22 @imzenning @jeyelleohe @iadorethemskz @skyvastbunny @mamabymychem @katsukis1wife @woozarts @noellllslut

3K notes · View notes

winkwonkwankwenk · 4 months

Text

Nanami Head-Cannons!! (SFW & NSFW)

SFW

Works like a dog to provide for you, definitely works overtime and stacks vacation days like change in a jar. Some weeks you only ever feel him peck your cheek in the morning and the next time you see him with be the weekend- if you're lucky.

He misses you constantly, so much that he'll often accidently type your email along with his usual ones and you end up knowing all the company's trade secrets. Oops.

He sends you gifts every day he's away, from flowers to cakes to flights to your favorite places- he gifts you so often you've got a closet just for all the teddy-bears and a greenhouse to preserve your bouquets.

The two of you stay in a massive house so it's very lonely when he's gone. He makes sure to call you at least twice a day, morning and night.

He knows what time you wake up and time you go to sleep because he's memorized your sleeping pattern. He knows when to send chocolates and shopping money because he has your period app on his phone too and pays close attention to the notifications.

He came home to you crying in bed one night and called out of work for a month to make up for loss time. Ever since then, even during busy seasons, he makes sure to at least spend a week with you.

During his days off, he treats you to expensive dates cute strolls through gardens. He wants to impress and please you daily, and worries if you don't seem to be enjoying yourself. "Do you want a different dish?" and "Honey, we can go somewhere else if you'd prefer to" are phrases you've often heard when he's getting into his head.

He has a photo of you in his wallet and several in his office. Your wedding photos decorate his desk, along with vacation photos and cute pictures he snuck of you when you weren't looking. You're his Lock screen, home screen, and background on all of his computers.

He's never raised his voice at you and he never will. Even when the two of you fight, he can't help but dote on you and promise you the world. Whatever has you upset, he'll fix, even if it costs him an arm and a leg. "I like when you express yourself, Honey." He'll apologize for anything he's done to upset you and when you struggle to communicate he patiently waits and praises you for every word you manage to say. "Tell me what's on your mind and I'll do everything I can to make things better"

He's a funny man, his humor a mix of sarcasm and corny jokes. He'll tell you knock-knock jokes when you're sad and awful dad jokes when the two of you have calmed down from an argument but you can't help but laugh when he pulls you into a warm hug. How are you supposed to stay mad at such a charmer?

He'll feel guilty when he comes home to see you cooked dinner days ago and he never got to eat it. To make up for it, he'll cook you breakfast and leave it out for you before he heads off to work- even if he's exhausted. It's the least he can do.

NSFW (Kinky stuff ahead per usual hehe)

He has...scandalous pictures of you locked in a drawer of his desk. They come in handy during late shifts when he needs to let off steam and doesn't want to wake you. He'll bite down on his tie and groan as he jerks off under his oval desk.

He gets so turned on when you pull his tie. One night, he came home tense to see you having a late night spa session in the bath. You asked him to join and he insisted on showering to get off the grime of the office but then you pulled his tie with those dainty little hands and pulled him into the water. You thought he would be mad, but then he stripped out of his clothes before you could blink and fucked you senseless. Something about the pressure around his neck really gets his blood flowing.

Nanami caught you listening to him working out once and made sure to invite you to join him. He pinned you under him as he did push-ups, making sure you heard every grunt and groan. "You like that?" He whispered into your ear as you squeezed your thighs together under him. "I'll make sure to be extra vocal from now on."

Phone sex- the two of you have it at least once a week. Sometimes the pictures in his desk aren't enough and he has to wake you. His breaths are heavy, voice husky as he shows you his boner. "Look what you do to me, Y/N..." He'll whisper as your groggy eyes struggle to focus, "Help me fix it, okay Honey?"

He found your toys in the closet one day when he came home and was pissed. Not because you were using them but because he wasn't there to watch. He asked if you'd be okay with him having a camera in the bedroom to watch you and was so excited when you said yes. From then on, you've made sure to give him his own special liveshow- always sending him a text before you masturbate.

One day, he had left his lunch at home, so you brought it to him only to accidently interrupt a meeting. Before you could apologize he had you in his lap in his big office chair, secretly fingering you. You buried your face into his thick neck to stay quiet and squeezed his shoulders for relief. The moment the meeting was over he bent you over his desk and rammed into you.

His voice is so soft and sweet during sex, especially when he coos and praises you while talking you through your orgasms. "Y/N, look at me, Honey." and "Such a good girl...keep clenching like that, okay?" along with "What a pretty woman you are...I'm so lucky to have you."

His favorite positions are Mating-press and Nelson because he gets so deep inside of you he can feel your womb eagerly opening for his release.

He's got a monster. It's not eight inches, not nine, not even ten- 12 girthy inches casually hangs between his legs. He always makes sure to prep you well before even pulling it out.

Your pleasure over his- always. Even if he can barely keep his eyes open he'll put his back into it to make you orgasm.

Vacations are always romantic trips to one of his beach houses. He'll feed you chocolate-covered strawberries and expensive wines, then lay you down on the beach and eat you out until your toes curl in the sand.

He's going to put a baby in you. Period. The two of you have already discussed expanding the family and the moment you were on board he made sure to empty his balls every time the two of you had sex. He made sure not a drop of his cum spilled out, sometimes plugging it in with one of those toys you would play with in the livestreams.

You're his priority, in and out of bed. He treats aftercare like his biggest responsibility. He'll run a warm bath, carry you to it, wash you, dry you, comb and brush your hair- the list goes on and on. He'll order your favorite food and feed it to you, then soothe you until you fall asleep in his arms. He likes your body, but he loves you.

Like my writing? Check out my Ao3!!

Join my discord!!

Fill my requests up!!😋

#Wink writes 💗#jujutsu kaisen nanami #jujutsu nanami #nanami smut #nanami kento #kento nanami #nanami #jjk nanami #nanami x reader #nanami headcanons #nanami hcs #nanami fluff #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk headcanons #nanami x you

2K notes · View notes

riki-dazed · 2 months

Text

Jay feels it's time to give you and your boyfriend, Riki, the talk.. with the (not so helpful) help of his other fellow hyungs

suggestive, crack, some swearing ♡ wc: 822 · requested

You and Riki exchange confused looks, he's trying to communicate with you through his eyebrows but you sit there shrugging at him in reply.. You're both just as clueless as one another.

"What's going on..?" You finally decide to speak up cautiously, "Did something happen?"

Jay and Heeseung glance at one another, crickets.

Jake's gaze is set on the ceiling and Sunghoon's next to him, looking over at Jay on the other end.

The four boys are sat lined up on a bunk bed opposite to the one you and Riki are currently sat on.

Jay had pulled you and your boyfriend into one of the dorm rooms without warning, privately, although you were sat there wondering what was private about having Heeseung, Jake and Sunghoon there too.

"Nothing bad," Jay finally speaks, "I- We just needed to talk to you about something,"

Riki sighs, "Then talk..?"

It's now Heeseung's turn to speak up, "Last night we heard some.."

He gulps obnoxiously loudly,

"..Some noises, coming from your room and we just wanted to make sure the two of you are being safe,"

You can't help but try to stiffle a chuckle, knowing exactly what they were reffering to. You look over at your boyfriend, he's hiding his face behind his hands.

"I told you to turn the volume down," Riki groans, he's irritated and embarrassed. You can't help but to continue chuckling away.

"She was showing me stupid tiktoks,"

Jake laughs at the situation, knowing he was the one who originally sent you those tiktoks. He apologises swiftly when Jay gives him a look.

"Ok, well- still, you're at that age now where we should talk ab-" Jay tries to continue but is cut off by a distressed Riki,

"Why are they here," He motions towards a smiling Jake and a dead silent Sunghoon, "You may as well have invited the other two since you summoned a council meeting to talk about my sex life,"

You almost snort.

"Babe, this isn't funny,"

"Their intentions are good.." Your voice trails off quietly,

"Why are we here?" Jake suddenly pipes up, his question being mainly directed towards Sunghoon,

"I don't know," The boy next to him shrugs, "I just wanted to listen in,"

"Can we please focus for a second," Jay's borderline irritated voice is heard, "So as I was saying-"

"Wait but Riki told me they already had sex..?"

Your eyes widen at Jake's comment, Sunghoon gasps quietly. You feel your cheeks starting to warm. Riki's gaze is now set on you, he's wondering if you're going to get upset at him for sharing everything with Jake. You didn't care.

Jay's eyes close with a sigh, "Can you two get out,"

"But I didn't say anything," Sunghoon's tone is defensive, yet it only takes one look from Jay for the two boys to quickly hurry out of the dorm room.

"Is it true..? Look, we just want to help," Heeseung speaks softly, you wonder if your cheeks look as bright red as they currently feel.

"It's normal to want to explore at your age," Jay adds, the boy beside him nods in agreement.

You play with your fingers that lay in your lap, Riki coughs beside you. He's running his hands through his hair, the poor boy does not want to be there right now. What seemed like a funny situation a few moments ago has turned into somewhat of a bit more serious conversation now.

"You can always come to us with questions, you know that, right?"

"Thank you, hyung, but are we done here..?" Riki groans,

After a few more minutes of Jay and Heeseung explaining the importance of using protection, Riki successfully manages to push the older boys through the door and out of the dorm room, leaving you a giggling mess on the bed.

"Thank fuck that's over," Your boyfriend sighs as he closes the door, leaning against it when it shuts.

His eyes settle back on you, you motion for him to join you back on the bed. You pull your bottom lip between your teeth as the tall boy follows your order, you're still smiling.

"You know, Jay had a good point. It's normal for us to want to explore..."

"Mhm," Riki tackles you softly backwards onto the mattress, "What are you implying?"

Your fingers run through the soft strands of his hair as he attacks your neck with soft bites, and kisses. You can't help but giggle at the tickling sensation.

"Hmh.. Should we continue exploring?" Your voice is barely above a whisper. Riki's hand finds its way under your shirt, smoothing the warm skin above your hips.

"Ni-kiiiiiiiii, are you still in there!?" Jake's excited voice is heard before he leaves a series of loud knocks on the wooden door, "Unlock the door~"

You errupt into quiet laughter as Riki's head falls into the crook of your neck with a muttered 'what the fuck...'

#enhypen hard thoughts #riki smut #enhypen imagines #enhypen smut #enha x reader #niki smut #niki imagines #enhypen hard hours #enha #riki-dazed #enhypen crack #enhypen fluff

1K notes · View notes

thefantasyden · 2 months

Text

Stray Kids reaction to you fighting sub space

BDSM themes, descriptions are based off my personal experience but yours may be different! Sub space is not the same for everyone.

NSFW content as always ♡

Chris:

Chris takes a minute to notice the change in your behaviour. He'll reach over to pet your head or something and feel you tense up under his touch, your leg bouncing as you try to keep yourself grounded. He had asked you to come to his studio to keep him company, and you didn't want to be clingy while he was working. The second it clicks to him that you weren't letting yourself slip he'd be pulling you into his lap, his hands wrapping around you in a tight bear hug before he's planting silly, exaggerated kisses all over your face. He knows you need reassurance, and he is the king of pushing all the right buttons, lovingly coaxing you into that sweet, cloudy relief.

"Babyyyyyy you know how much I love taking care of you. You'll be good for me and let me do it, right? It makes me feel needed."

Lee Know:

He isn't having it one bit. He knows that there's always a reason when you start slipping, and it's almost always because you're overwhelmed. He's so used to you letting yourself fall when he's around that he's more shocked when you don't. He'd see you fidgeting and acting restless, and it doesn't matter what you're doing or where you are, he's calling you over and telling you to kneel for him. He knows you will, because you want to please him. His hand would only be petting your head for a second before he's wrapping his hand gently around your throat. It's not enough to choke you, but the pressure is just perfect enough to push you deeper into his willing arms.

"Don't ever do that again. I don't like it. You're mine, you know I'll always give you what you need."

Changbin:

He's honestly clueless until he makes you say it outright. All he knows is that you're quieter than usual and you aren't giving him your full attention, so he'll stare you down and ask you whats wrong until you admit that you need to let go for a bit but you're scared of annoying him. He'd be a bit upset that you think you're even capable of annoying him, and he'd be holding your head with his hands on your cheeks, a pout playing on his lips as he scolds you. He's quick to kiss you and will pull you into his lap so that you're straddling him and can't move away.

"I can't believe you'd ever think about my Bunny like that. That's just mean. My Bunny is perfect, and I think I need to remind you of that, hmmm?"

Hyunjin:

He notices that you're tense and jittery, but he doesn't address it immediately. He wants you to communicate it to him properly (because he knows it'll push you further in) and he will encourage your need to submit by resting his hand near your neck or standing near you when you're sitting, although any position that has him towering over you will work. He is very proud of you when you finally tell him what you need and what your thoughts are, kissing your hands before his lips meet yours. Hes pressing his body against yours before you know it, lips readily exploring the skin of your neck and trailing anywhere that sparks their interest. He's gonna shower you with praise and compliments and help wipe those annoying thoughts straight out of your pretty brain.

"That's my angel. So good to me, aren't you? My sweet, needy baby. I love it when you're like this."

Han:

He's pouting. He's whining, and he's scolding you like you've personally hurt him (which he believes you have). You and Jisung are always VERY open about your needs, and when you struggle with anxious thoughts like this, he really takes it to heart since he empathises with it so deeply. He'll lay his entire body on top of yours and whisper how much he loves you and how you're the best thing that's ever happened to him and he wants you to know you're safe with him always. You're his partner in crime, his chaos coordinator, and if you don't feel good, he doesn't feel good. Once he's done with his lecture, he's dragging you up and toward the bathroom so he can get you into a warm bath. He likes washing your hair and body for you because it makes you feel even more submissive and also gives him an excuse to grope you all over.

"My poor baby. Can't believe I left you to be all needy by yourself. Gonna make it up to you, ok?"

Felix:

Your sub space was something new to your relationship, so Felix would understand why you'd be anxious. He's very keen on your needs and is quick to notice any change in your behaviour, so he doesn't miss the dazed look on your face or the frustrated noises that you don't realise you're making. He'll reach up to pet your head in the same manner you'd do for him and whisper that it's okay if you're feeling needy. He'd tell you that he'll take care of you, that he wanted to take care of you. He'll gently massage your scalp in the most delightful, soothing way, and it's impossible for you not to let go when he's so caring and sure of himself. He coos at you a lot when you do finally give in, and he can never stop the cheesy smile on his face when he sees how dreamy you look.

"I think you're so cute like this. My happy little star. I wanna see more of it, ok?"

Seungmin:

Minnie is definitely upset because you should KNOW he doesn't mind. He's always lovingly bullying you, but you KNOW he doesn't mean it. He knows you know. The tell for him would be when he rolls his eyes at you with some half hearted quip about you being a pest and you dont't respond with the same energy, your nails picking at the skin of your fingers. He'd glare at you for a moment before making his way over, crouching down in front of you and staring up at you with a glare. He tells you that it's really mean of you not to want to submit to him. He doesn't mean it, of course, but he knows that a little push is what you really need. Might make a comment to you about how you must not think very highly of him, and he is reeling when he sees your eyes get all watery as you scramble to tell him that you just need him so very badly. He reassures you once you're there, but he's also quick to pinch your thigh in warning.

"If you do that again I'm not gonna be very nice, ok? Only I get to have you like this and I think I deserve to see it as often as possible."

I.N:

He's not very well versed in body language, so he would end up accidentally upsetting you by ignoring you in favour of whatever game he was playing, only responding when he hears a frustrated cry leave you. He's confused at first but he gets the gist of your babbling when he hears 'stressed' and 'can't think' and hes willing to pause what he was doing, motioning for you to come sit on his lap. He frowns at you and tells you that he needs you to let him know what's going on. For him, knowing you were wanting to submit would be a huge turn-on, and he isn't in control of how hard he gets with you sitting on his lap teary-eyed. He's going to use the moment to try out any accessible fantasy that you'd mentioned to him, wanting you to enjoy the experience so that he could have you that way the next time you felt needy.

"You wanna be my toy? Aw baby, you should have asked. You know I'm always ready to make you cry if you need it.."

#stray kids smut #skz smut #felix smut #jeongin smut #i.n smut #seungmin smut #jisung smut #hyunjin smut #han smut #changbin smut #lee know smut #minho smut #chan smut #bang chan smut #chris bang smut #thefantasyden

909 notes · View notes