hpdgirlfriend

[hpdgirlfriend]

its so awesome that everything good that happens to me has to be followed by immense suffering of some kind every single time

[hpdgirlfriend]

so jealous i need to bash my head in (sorkry

[hpdgirlfriend]

inneed to start working outttt

[hpdgirlfriend]

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

[hpdgirlfriend]

everyone hates me? forever?

[hpdgirlfriend]

i feel like i’m cursed forever but other than that i’m doing alright

[hpdgirlfriend]

girl why are you making up assumptions about me to be jealous of what the fuck 😭😭😭

#''hope youre sleeping well lowkey envious of u rn'' OK? CAN I HELP YOU?

[hpdgirlfriend]

nvm my mom is home LOL

#were soooooo goodd

[hpdgirlfriend]

lets try to curb the impulse to take a bunch of pills because i feel bad and no one is around! ☆

#lili dont look

[hpdgirlfriend]

ohhh i shouldnt have drugs accessible to me actually .

#lili dont look

[hpdgirlfriend]

everyone ffucking hates me and no one wants me around

#sorry

[hpdgirlfriend]

[hpdgirlfriend]

thank you for your constructive criticism. unfortunately, i have been sent into a rage which i will not mentally recover from for three years

[hpdgirlfriend]

days without feeling left out: 0

[hpdgirlfriend]

u guys are soo obsessed with me (0 notes)

[hpdgirlfriend]

everyone hates me

[hpdgirlfriend]

girl who is not crashing and is actually very normal

#i used to start desperately doing shit for attention when i crashed but now i just sit here lol