#*scale of the harm they cause

[fellhellion]

"if you think about it, miguel and kingpin did pretty much the same thing" guys. my dudes. one person is a man who murdered RIPeter for daring to tell him his plan wouldn't work and willingly accepted a black hole under new york as an acceptable tradeoff for dragging back into his life a family terrified of his violence. and the other is a guy who had no idea his actions were going to cause another dimension to collapse and feels so guilty about it that he's running himself into the ground heading an operation to contain the consequences of the FIRST guy's actions.

#please...PLEASE head in hands they are literally not the same beyond wanting a family in your life and this involving another dimension #frisk was CONSCIOUSLY CHOOSING TO CAUSE HARM. miguel is causing harm rn because he's terrified of causing the same mass scale harm he did o #accident #tunes talks spiderverse #tunes talks critical #<- ONE day i will have enough self control to not bitch BUT NOT TODAY

[wickershells]

the only thing i will say about the titan, specifically the reactions of poor and working class people, is that i don’t blame anyone for finding some degree of humour or poeticism in the implosion. for once (just once!!!) the rich cutting corners in safety just to make the largest profits actually blew up in their faces, instead of ours. it shouldn’t have happened and i’m always sorry to hear of death and loss in such preventable (and also horrifying) circumstances — especially that of a teenager — but this also applies primarily to cases of factory explosions and mine cave-ins and mall collapses etc. where the death tolls are considerably higher, the victims much less wealthy. there’s a sense of irony here. that’s all

#titanic submarine #mine #also sorry to contribute to the millions of annoying thinkpieces on here lmao #also also it is genuinely hard to empathise wholly with any of them because of the wealth disparity. the fact that i could never in my life #go down there (nor would i even want to) just makes it. ridiculous to even think that they willingly chose to #my opinions on them personally reflect the same opinions i have towards the rich amateur mountaineers who try to scale everest #touring a mass grave site consisting primarily of the bodies of third class passengers. lol. just why the fuck would you want to do that #let alone actually go ahead and do it just because you can. it is near incomprehensible #death of course is sad but their wealth alone signifies they were not exactly stellar themselves #i do not have to be kind to their memory to prove my moral superiority to them — my distinct lack of billionairedom proves it already #like i get not finding it hilarious you do not have to but to suggest working class people making jokes at an absurd situation #are stooping to the same level as billionares causing real material harm through wealth hoarding is. well. disingenuous #at best

[justhereforfandomandfriends]

I think I would be a lot less fucked up if I had read less as a child

#genuinely #I was a voracious reader and my one rebellion as a child was reading books that I wasn’t supposed to #and because my parents are kind and good people and their kindness sheltered me from some of the harm of 90s evangelical fundamentalism #but I read Debi Pearl at like 13 #and decided I would NEVER get married because submitting to men seemed like a BAD idea #but was too ashamed to tell my mom I’d read it #turns out she thought the book was pretty shitty #and ‘Michael Pearl doesn’t seem like a very nice man or a good husband’ #which is my mom’s kind way of spotting an absolute abusive peace of shit man #it’s interesting to learn about the harm the Pearls caused on a larger scale #bc they genuinely genuinely ducked my brain up #I wouldn’t be as radical as I am if their vision for the world hadn’t terrified and traumatized me #ex evangelical #ex fundie #cw religious trauma #cw religious themes #religious trauma

[widevibratobitch]

i need to dye my hair i need to cut my hair i need to bleach my eyebrows again i need to shave them off completely i need to DO something i need CHANGE or ill go insane

#sorry im panicking for no reason whatsoever and need to do THINGS to my mortal body but like. #something that will not cause any actual harm because we dont do that here sir na-ah not anymore #also swinging a bat at the part of my brain that keeps telling me i need to lose weight because i liked my face better X kg ago #and also i need to step on the scale and check how much i weigh now cause what if ive put on weight since spring (i most definitely did) #also my mom keeps nagging me about going to that super great endocrinologist again but last time i went i told him i had an ED and he went #'yes very sad. anyway' and weighed me and told me the number anyway. but hey! he also said #'i have fatter patients than you its ok dw your situation isnt that bad we can concentrate on losing that weight later' so its cool :)))))) #(its not. im never fucking going there again id rather rip my whole thyroid out of my throat with my bare hands) #also i really want that rhinoplasty but more than a failed surgery im afraid of betraying my ideals lol #its much easier to be anti make up or anti plastic surgery or preach about self love and acceptance when you're naturally pretty lol #anyway. fucked up mental state rn idk why it was fine an hour ago kms

[colourfulwatson]

me about celebrities documenting their life on social media: This is wrong, it’s a very challenging lifestyle that could easily be harmful to their mental health :/

me about my favorite celebrity: Hopefully we get a new update soon! :)

#there is obviously a very big grey scale here in between a harmful social media presence and a positive one #but I just had this thought so here it is #in my case he doesn’t even have social media to begin with lol #and! we rarely even get new updates (which I’m happy about cause he deserves privacy) but no one said I can’t complain a bit ahahah #martin freeman #specially since it’s been too long

[touchmycoat]

Coworker: so how are you going to compile all the tests?

Me: what do you mean?

Coworker: I mean like, do you have all the tests?

Me: sure, I know what tests we’ve done.

Coworker: and you’re going to put them on a list?

Me: yeah.

Coworker: nice, that’s what I thought.

Me: ??????

#personal #the context is #we’re supposed to be on the same level in the same team #working on the same stuff at the same rate #but she definitely does not #she cannot spearhead any creative problem-solving #which is 80% of the work we do #and even the gruntwork sometimes doesn’t get done in a timely manner #*I* did all these tests #I ran them and the manager asked for a centralized list #I was like sure in the chat #and cue this conversation four hours later #all my emotional labor is spent on my reactions to her fjbdjsndn #on one hand I’m so fucking mad on mad on mad cause she always does this #chime in at the very end of me handling everything with a ‘nice’ #butting in for a little bit of the credit that she does not deserve #on the other hand I’m like be patient #she means no harm #and on a big ethical scale I am not interested in demanding labor from her #BUT IM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED AND HATE EXPLAINING MYSELF ON SUCH A RUDIMENTARY LEVEL #literaly what else would compile mean #She’s only asking bc she has no idea what’s going on at ALL #and every time she asks she just reminds me how far behind she is #ugh anyways #work is exhausting enough as it is without her #actually it might be 50% her

[captain-lovelace]

This may just be my brainrot at work but that part of Trigun where Vash says that the pain he's caused in the past haunts him and the only way he can find to relieve his own pain and suffering is to try to help other people with theirs... Eiffelesque, in a way. To me.

#eiffel and vash are like. I rotate them in my brain together #they're very different characters in a lot of ways #e.g. eiffel is a lot more of a silly-at-heart kind of guy than vash is #and vash's life is just. on a really different scale to eiffel's in general #because eiffel is just some guy and vash is very much not #but #they're both people who caused a lot of pain #and who really fucking hate themselves #and the only way they can seem to find to deal with the pain is by trying to offer somebody else the chance for redemption #the chance to stop hurting others #there's another bit where someone talking to vash is like #'we've caused so much harm... hurt so many people...' and vash responds by telling them 'well STOP! stop hurting people! stop doing that! #it's not too late to stop!' #and that's also. eiffelesque to me #it sounds like a thing he would say to someone else while not believing for himself. #just. very different characters who nonetheless remind me of each other.

[berah-ronah]

honestly at this point im committed to stanning the blood of eden no matter what shit goes down in Nona and Alecto, and 90% of it is bc of the people ive seen who are hand-wringing and talking about how “WELL ACTUALLY, dont you know that BOTH SIDES ARE BAD in this conflict”

#like yes the boe has done some shit #and clearly has some not great ideological beliefs #but by basically ANY metric of comparison theyre better than the empire both in their degree of shittiness and the scale of the harm they ca #*scale of the harm they cause #and the reason why theyre framed as bad is intentional!! every narrator/pov character grew up in the Empire #they saw the empire at its best and the BOE at its worst!!! #of COURSE they would see the BOE on a range between ''evil'' and ''misguided rebels/terrorists'' #like yes the BOE doesnt want to treat judiths pain bc shes a necromancer #which i cannot stress enough is bad #but do ppl really think the houses are taking prisoners to begin with? let alone treating them? #yes its bad that at least one group among the boe burns necromancers alive #but those SAME NECROMANCERS drain the life from their comrades in a specifically excruciating way #or turn their corpses into hand grenades #basically every glimpse weve seen of the BOE indicates that theres more ideological and moral variety than the nine houses #and the violence they inflict is specifically a response to the violent colonization and destruction of their homes #even the ''good'' ppl from the nine houses talk about ''peacefully integrating them'' bc it makes economic sense!!!!! #it just drives me crazy that so many ppl frame the empire/boe conflict as one with No Good Guys #where all you can do is just throw up your hands and condemn them both #ANYWAY ill calm down and stop rambling about fictional fantasy politics #the locked tomb

[wizard-mp4]

Shoutout to the tobacco corporations for winning at gaslighting

#me #everyone must smoke cigarettes #its good for mens health #its good for womens health #its healthy for children! #its especially good for taking the edge off during a stressful pregnancy #you'll be so fucking cool if you smoked guys! #for like a century they knew it was harmful and they just stuck to their guns and kept blasting us with bullshit #they even dodged perjury by claiming they had no idea #best gaslighters by far #i cant think of many examples that come close #like sure lead gasoline was unthinkabley bad and has impacts on humans still today #but that didnt last for anywhere near as long #side note though a lot of smaller planes still use lead fuel for some reason probably historical accuracy or some excuse #the same guy that invented leaded gasoline also invented freon gas or CFCs #you know the shit they would put in aerosols and royally fucked up the ozone layer for all of humanity for generations #unthinkable the amount of damage to humanity on a global scale this man caused #and all because he wanted to make money #same with the tobacco industry just causing death and decay at every chance they get #it makes me so so sad to think about #sad time

[oatbugs]

applying for ML things that require u to sign an NDA is soooo funny bc like . ur gonna monetise this widescale as soon as u know enough ppl want it anyway . "NDA" as if u have any integrity . whatever

#thinking abt those two employees who got instantly fired for writing papers on how harmful LLMs can be #models like GPT3 are cool and all etc etc but do u understand the amt of destruction they can cause. like environmentally #carbon emissions are off the charts . think abt gpt3 and how the entirety of eng wikipedia makes up only 0.6% of it #training 1 large scale lang model will create about 300 tonnes of emissions . like . i need everyone to understand the basic principle of #dont fire ur employees who care abt the earth while also doing NOTHING to make ur energy cleaner. while also not demonising #something as abstract and potentially barrier breaking + beneficial + fascinating as AI . the solution is staring u right in the fucking #face . but noooo sign another NDA. fire ur employees . someone will write another script or article abt how AI is evil. whatever. #personal #p.s. ik the ndas arent abt just that but ! its still frustrating. gpt3 is open now but in early stage beta when they were #selective w it they had massive amts of documents abt how not to ruin the world or w/e. a lot of models do #im being so dramatic lmao. im also correct !

[they-call-me-hippie]

Oh, I forgot; I am, in fact, already okay

#I saw someone DBT-posting or something or taking advice from their friend #And they elaborated by saying: #'You are already safe in the present. No physical harm is coming to you and things are pleasant at the present moment' #'And the only things that can cause you emotional pain are things from the past or stories that you tell yourself' #I think I've been entrenching myself in feeling the Palestinian's pain that I forgot no matter how much I sympathize - my life is separate #from theirs #Feeling bad won't help them but fighting for their cause will - and the feelings involved don't matter #I'm allowed to feel good and cozy and warm and jovial and lighthearted #It's just so much more natural to let your heart turn to stone at being made aware of so much suffering at such a large scale #But I need and must remember to decouple myself from the specific fight and plight of this cause. We are in fact okay in the West #It doesn’t mean we're allowed to become complicit or stop caring #But in our material reality we have it good and are living comfortably #And at the very personal level that means me realizing I am in fact okay. I am feeling calm. My house is cozy #And being grateful for that isn't wrong #I can only hope the Palestinians will one day soon have it as good as me #Attempts at thoughts

[racefortheironthrone]

Hi- er, this is my first-ever writer's strike, how does one not cross a picket line in this context? I know how not to do it with things like Amazon and IRL strikes, but how does it apply to media/streaming?

Hi, this is a great question, because it allows me to write about the difference between honoring a picket line and a boycott. (This is reminding me of the labor history podcast project that's lain fallow in my drafts folder for some time now...) In its simplest formulation, the difference between a picket line and a boycott is that a picket line targets an employer at the point of production (which involves us as workers), whereas a boycott targets an employer at the point of consumption (which involves us as consumers).

So in the case of the WGA strike, this means that at any company that is being struck by the WGA - I've seen Netflix, Amazon, Apple, Disney, Warner Brothers Discovery, NBC, Paramount, and Sony mentioned, but there may be more (check the WGA website and social media for a comprehensive list) - you do not cross a picket line, whether physical or virtual. This means you do not take a meeting with them, even if its a pre-existing project, you do not take phone calls or texts or emails or Slacks from their executives, you do not pitch them on a spec script you've written, and most of all you do not answer any job application.

Because if this strike is like any strike since the dawn of time, you will see the employers put out ads for short-term contracts that will be very lucrative, generally above union scale - because what they're paying for in addition to your labor is you breaking the picket line and damaging the strike - to anyone willing to scab against their fellow workers. GIven that one of the main issues of the WGA are the proliferation of short-term "mini rooms" whereby employers are hiring teams of writers to work overtime for a very short period, to the point where they can only really do the basics (a series outline, some "broken stories," and some scripts) and then have the showrunner redo everything on their lonesome, while not paying writers long-term pay and benefits, I would imagine we're going to see a lot of scab contracts being offered for these mini rooms.

But for most of us, unless we're actively working as writers in Hollywood, most of that isn't going to be particularly relevant to our day-to-day working lives. If you're not a professional or aspiring Hollywood writer, the important thing to remember honoring the picket line doesn't mean the same thing as a boycott. WGA West hasn't called on anyone to stop going to the movies or watching tv/streaming or to cancel their streaming subscriptions or anything like that. If and when that happens, WGA will go to some lengths to publicize that ask - and you should absolutely honor it if you can - so there will be little in the way of ambiguity as to what's going on.

That being said, one of the things that has happened in the past in other strikes is that well-intentioned people get it into their heads to essentially declare wildcat (i.e, unofficial and unsanctioned) boycotts. This kind of stuff comes from a good place, someone wanting to do more to support the cause and wanting to avoid morally contaminating themselves by associating with a struck company, but it can have negative effects on the workers and their unions. Wildcat boycotts can harm workers by reducing back-end pay and benefits they get from shows if that stuff is tied to the show's performance, and wildcat boycotts can hurt unions by damaging negotiations with employers that may or may not be going on.

The important thing to remember with all of this is that the strike is about them, not us. Part of being a good ally is remembering to let the workers' voices be heard first and prioritizing being a good listener and following their lead, rather than prioritizing our feelings.

#labor #unions #wga strike #labor history #labor 101 #boycotts

[kamil-a]

please watch g witch

#textie #nervous to see if a large scale medical company will still end up causing harm btw. i do not trust it #or if theyll be forced to do weaponry too etc #Youtube

[kitkatcadillac]

i think also people who dont understand how "stacking some rocks sometimes" can be harmful have heard of the countless cases where "its just a little thing" has destroyed countless landmarks and parks

elafonisi's pink sand beaches only retain 10% of the pink hues they used to retain just a few decades ago,

(source)

and if you didnt know it could happen, a larger scale upheaval of a beach in jamaica actually did result in the disappearance of an entire beach.

(source)

pig beach in the bahamas attracts people for being, well, the bahamas, and native pigs in the area can be found swimming to get around sometimes. people go nuts for the photo opportunity and forget these are wild animals- and youd expect it being the pigs killing people, but actually, people being too friendly caused a ban on feeding the pigs because seven of the poor things died after people figured "how bad could it hurt them if i give them just one?"

(source)

and these are just cases of something specific happening or being taken or given. thats not including people ruining and closing down entire tourist attractions, beaches, and parks by completely overcrowding it, disregarding rules, or trashing and littering the places.

like if someone preserving the park tells you not to do something you think is "harmless," i swear they arent just doing it because they want to ruin your fun. maintaining these places is delicate work- its a privilege to see and visit these areas, not a right. please take care of the world around you whether youre very close or very far from home, okay?

#skelly speaks #be good my child etc etc #conservation

[ldknightshade]

morality: a character creation guide

creating and understanding your oc’s personal moral code! no, i cannot tell you whether they’re gonna come out good or bad or grey; that part is up to you.

anyway, let’s rock.

i. politics

politics are a good way to indicate things your character values, especially when it comes to large-scale concepts such as government, community, and humanity as a whole.

say what you will about either image; i’d argue for the unintiated, the right image is a good introduction to some lesser discussed ideologies… some of which your oc may or may not fall under.

either way, taking a good look at your character’s values on the economic + social side of things is a good place to start, as politics are something that, well… we all have ‘em, you can’t avoid ‘em.

clearly, this will have to be adjusted for settings that utilize other schools of thought (such as fantasy + historical fiction and the divine right of kings), but again, economic/social scale plotting will be a good start for most.

ii. religion + philosophy

is your oc religious? do they believe in a form of higher power? do they follow some sort of philosophy?

are they devout? yes, this applies to non-religious theist and atheist characters as well; in the former’s case… is their belief in a higher power something that guides many of their actions or is their belief in a higher power something that only informs a few of their actions? for the atheists; do they militant anti-theists who believe atheism is the only way and that religion is harmful? or do they not care about religion, so long as it’s thrust upon them?

for the religious: what is your oc’s relationship with the higher power in question? are they very progressive by their religion’s standards or more orthodox? how well informed of their own religion are they?

does your oc follow a particular school of philosophical thought? how does that interact with their religious identification?

iii. values

by taking their political stance and their religious + philosophical stance, you have a fairly good grasp on the things your character values.

is there anything they value - due to backstory, or what they do, or what they love - that isn’t explained by political stance and religious and/or philosophical identification? some big players here will likely be your oc’s culture and past.

of everything you’ve determined they value, what do they value the most?

iv. “the line”

everyone draws it somewhere. we all have a line we won’t cross, no matter the lengths we go for what we believe is a noble cause. where does your character draw it? how far will they go for something they truly believe is a noble cause? as discussed in part iii of my tips for morally grey characters,

would they lie? cheat? steal? manipulate? maim? what about commit acts of vandalism? arson? would they kill?

but even when we have a line, sometimes we make exceptions for a variety of reasons. additionally, there are limits to some of the lengths we’d go to.

find your character’s line, their limits and their exceptions.

v. objectivism/relativism

objectivism, as defined by the merriam-webster dictionary, is “an ethical theory that moral good is objectively real or that moral precepts are objectively valid.”

relativism, as defined by the merriam-webster dictionary, is “a view that ethical truths depend on the individuals and groups holding them.”

what take on morality, as a concept, does your character have? is morality objective? is morality subjective?

we could really delve deep into this one, but this post is long enough that i don’t think we need to get into philosophical rambling… so this is a good starting point.

either way, exploring morality as a concept and how your character views it will allow for better application of their personal moral code.

vi. application

so, now you know what they believe and have a deep understanding of your character’s moral code, all that’s left is to apply it and understand how it informs their actions while taking their personality into account.

and interesting thing to note is that we are all hypocrites; you don’t have to do this, but it might be fun to play around with the concept of their moral code and add a little bit of hypocrisy to their actions as a treat.

either way, how do your character’s various beliefs interact? how does it make them interact with the world? with others? with their friends, family, and community? with their government? with their employment? with their studies? with the earth and environment itself?

in conclusion:

there’s a lot of things that inform one’s moral compass and i will never be able to touch on them all; however, this should hopefully serve as at least a basic guide.

#ldknightshade.txt #writing #writing tips #creative writing #writing ideas #writing inspiration #writing advice #writing help #how to write #writing tumblr #writeblr

[fdragon-art]

Insatiable

CW: Self-harm Idealisation

I was diagnosed with hearing loss at 2. Both ears, sensorineural, moderate, most likely genetic.

It was always a part of me, and not something I questioned. I saw specialists to keep tabs on it, and had teachers assigned to me for one-on-one times. I was part of a kindergarten class designed for deaf kids, to smooth integration into mainstream learning.

I got my first pair of hearing aids within the year I was diagnosed.

***

I don't remember much of my earliest years, but I enjoyed wearing them at least since I was 5... ...or, more accurately, there were times I enjoyed playing with them.

There was hide-and-seek, where someone wore the FM transmitter, so I'd be able to hear them a while away. There was using the transmitter by myself, making funny noises and messing with what I could of the volume.

There was asking my brother if he wanted to try them on.

He thought they were interesting enough.

***

I didn't like the teachers wearing the FM transmitter.

I'm not sure if it was because it didn't feel like it helped, or if it was solely because people would see it, which would make me stand out that much more, but handing the transmitter just felt...uncomfortable.

I never used it during high school.

But my hearing aids were a different story.

***

I found myself asking a few friends to wear them over those years. Each of them had things to say about it, as one might.

I saved photos of them where I could.

Isn't it weird, having photos of your friends wearing your hearing aids, as if it were designed for their ears to wear? Or was it simply the aesthetic, seeing a close friend wearing the things that make up a part of you?

I only ever figured out half of that story.

***

Years pass, high school passed, Uni slipped away from me. I no longer had contact with any of my friends. I never was the most social person.

My hearing aids were still worn on the regular, though some days had me wear it less.

Was I growing uncomfortable with them? Or did I just never realise not wearing them was comfortable too? I never go out without them, however.

I still enjoyed the look of hearing aids, the way they sat in people's ears as they did.

***

I searched up things. Things I didn't think to look for before.

I searched up "hard of hearing" and "actually deaf".

Was I looking for more people who had hearing loss like me? Did I want to make friends who could relate to this one aspect?

...or was I just after the appearance of hearing aids again?

In high school, I made friends with hearing loss (though not high school friends; I was the only one at my time) Who I had the chance to see once a year, and keep connected with over the internet.

But they didn't last. Why was that the case? Was I not actually interested in deaf friends? Did I not care beyond a certain shallow interest?

So why was I looking these things up in this way only now...?

***

...for the first time, I truly thought about my hearing.

Not my hearing aids. My actual level of hearing.

I wondered about how I'm perceived as far as my voice goes. I thought about if people treat me differently because of my hearing aids (even if I'd learn later that most people don't even notice them)

I wondered how I compared to others with less hearing than average.

Feelings were produced.

I went months without searching it up again.

***

But it would not be the last time I tried.

For some reason, only now was I interested in it all...

...except, I wasn't really...was I?

I never cared strongly about others with hearing loss. I never connected with the fully deaf. Sign language wasn't even something that interested me much.

It was all about the hearing aids again, wasn't it?

Admittedly, it was part of something where it was just a part of it, but that was all my mind desired to think about when it came to this.

***

...I found myself shrinking inside, an inescapable feeling growing...

I found a group chat of others with hearing loss, hopeful it would allow me to connect with them.

People who, aside from this fact of theirs, had other similarities. After all, we all used Tumblr. That says something on its own. There were even one or two whose hearing was similar to mine.

...all it did was make me feel outside of it all.

...why did I want to become inside of it...?

...aren't I a part of it...don't my experiences count...?

...I already discovered I didn't really care about it in that way anyway.

...didn't I?

***

I still think about it often times, my relationship with deafness and my hearing aids. And my desires that sit outside of the usual connection.

I still think about my feelings of inadequacy, as if having more hearing than another deaf person somehow makes me less of one. (I've never figured this one out)

I still worry about falling into the pits, and taking it out on myself, as if that will make me fit any more.

I don't know if these feelings will ever quite fade...

...but I've still got my hearing aids...right?

#miscellaneous #writing #cw: self harm idealisation #hard of hearing #actually hard of hearing #actually deaf #hearing aids #venty #personal #ask to tag #This is...way more personal than I'd ever intend to post and I'm still not sure the healthiness of it #(Hence why I'm keeping it on the art blog 'cause less people interact with this one) #But I'm just...sick of this feeling and I don't know how better to express it #Like.. I get disabilities/illnesses/conditions/etc. come on gradient scales and there's always going to be #those who have more severe/present/prominent presentations of these things and those with less so #And it all makes up the entirety of those experiences.. which can't be taken away or lessened regardless of intensity of the conditons #And yet.. I find myself frustrated with it all. As if having less intimate care of it all suddenly makes any interest in it invalid #As if having conflicting/highly unusual interests in it suddenly renders any genuine attempt to interact with it wrong #Like.. I'm working on it slowly. I'm aware of my hearing level more than I was a few years back and the way it's mine #I've made progress on both separating and connecting my hearing aids to my hearing level and its relationship to me and that #One other part isn't so easy to really figure out because of the nature of people's individualness and what's considered a trait that #is valid to have or one that should be managed/worked on #Kudos to whoever's read this far. Seriously.. you get thumbs up from me for being curious enough to read through