#working on the same stuff at the same rate

[daistea]

Do you think Mithrun (even if much later on down the line, and also by extension Marcille too i guess?) ever return to a point where he'd be able to develop new desires at an easier rate like he might have in the past, or would he be permanently affected by having lost his previous desires in the first place?

Honestly, I think this is who he is now. I mean, if you think about it, he spent only 140-ish years as his old self and now has several hundred years left. This is now the majority of his future, and while I do think he’ll live well and continue to adapt and experience all the things he deserves, he’s still irrevocably changed.

(I’m making an effort to think about people who have been changed by trauma/accidents/disabilities and I wanna note that those changes arent necessarily bad. Despite everything, it’s still you 🎉 But at the same time I don’t want to ignore/be all sunshine and rainbows/toxic positivity about the difficulties and challenges they face. Sooooo basically, it’s a nuanced kinda thing)

On the developing desires subject, the details are fuzzy tbh. I wish we got more post canon stuff about him. I like to think that he’d make the choice with his desires. He’d choose which ones to cultivate, but even then it’s a struggle. He makes the conscious choice to live everyday. I, personally, don’t think he’d ever return to what one might consider ‘a normal person/life’

That’s not exactly what you’re asking tho, I know. But the subject is so twisty turny and complex that I honestly think his ability to develop new desires would change day by day.

Um if you want my Other opinion, the opinion that’s not affected by rose tinted shipping glasses; he doesn’t spontaneously develop new desires. A lot of them are gone, and he would make the decision to spend the rest of his life with someone simply because he’s comfortable with them, or likes their company, or they make a good team. He’s not unfeeling ofc, but that desire simply isn’t there anymore and he learns to adapt his lifestyle around that fact. There’s nothing bad about that, it just is. I think that’s a lovely thought! But this is just another way to interpret his character ofc and what you choose to believe is up to you.

puts my romance goggles back on

Yeah if you wanna headcanon that he develops new desires and that it gets easier as it goes on, then you go right ahead! That’s also a lovely thought 💕

I personally headcanon that it doesn’t get easier, but he makes the choice to keep going and to live all while developing the odd desire here and there(after a lot of work, which would make it all the more satisfying for him in the end anyway)

There’s good days and bad days! And there’s ants on him.

We’re all just playing dolls tbh, and while we wanna respect all that Mithrun’s canon character represents and stands for… If you wanna imagine him developing new desires at a faster/easier rate, then go for it lol

#I know this answer is probably way longer and way more vague than what you were looking for but #mithrun is complicated #love him so much I have so much love for him #mithrun #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #asks #mithrun x reader #sorta #dungeon meshi headcanons

[ajokeformur-ray]

Hi there, hello😊💜 I have a rather self-indulgent J question. If that's okay. But do you think he'd be protective of his s/o if he found out that they live and work in a super sketchy neighborhood? Stuff like not a single quiet night. Theft and other safety and health issues are always on the agenda, next to being worked to the bone. I'm just wondering because yeah🙃 Sending you all of my love and hugs, you're incredible🫂💖💕

Hey hi hello Sue🥺💖

Self-indulgent J questions are more than welcome, it's been a while since I got sent one!👀

I think J would be very protective of his s/o, even if they lived in a wealthy area with a low crime rate. He takes care of his possessions, his plans, so he takes extra care with you (perhaps it makes up for the lack of care he pays to his men and to himself).

With sirens blaring on almost every street, with the distant sound of smashing glass and running feet, the odd scream and frantic yell, it's not unusual for a stray car to go blazing down your road, waking you up from your threshold consciousness as distantly you wonder where your clown is. You're exhausted, worked to the bone at your job, overworked and underpaid (as are we all), and then you go home to worry about having your home broken into (by someone other than J; he likes to keep you on edge with that sometimes), to be kept awake by all of the aforementioned noises... but J protects you, even and especially when you think he's far away or disinterested or anything else you tell yourself to cause yourself displaced pain late at night. You internalise your frustration with your life, and J is often the focus of such destructive thoughts.

But he does protect you. He knows most of the plans that go on in your area; all of his men are trained to spy on the lower-class criminals, while J spies on the upper-class criminals (they're the most boring ones, extremely predictable, which only makes it too easy for J to blow up one of their cars just for fun). Between he and his men, there is always a car stationed a block or so away from your workplace. A different car every shift, and every morning you wake up with a number plate drawn on the condensation of your mirror or scrawled in lipstick across the shower tiles or on your fridge. Always erasable, and never the same number plate twice.

Twice is a choice, predictable, an almost established pattern - dangerous. Only too easy for harm to come to you. Unthinkable.

The car will take you home before it's sent to be destroyed, the man will be killed later on. You never travel home in the same car, and you never have the same driver. J does not trust his men. They are dispensable. He always sees to their death himself; he's the only one he trusts, because someone else could say they killed the man who drove you home, but actions and words are different. J only trusts the former. The latter is mere decoration; it's nice, but it isn't necessary.

You walk yourself to work, or you take the bus or catch a taxi, but you are always delivered home. Anyone who gives you grief at work is mysteriously a winner of the lottery a week later and then they're inspired to travel the world or whatever it is people who suddenly come into an obscene amount of money do (J doesn't care, he just wants them to go. away), or they're gotten rid of in a messier, but much more fun way. Your rent is always somehow paid - J doesn't want you worrying about that. You can get your own groceries and whatnot, but the rent is always paid for you. When a night of crime is on the horizon for where you live, J 'advises' you stay home and men are posted around your entire neighbourhood to make sure that harm doesn't come close.

A good dose of fear is healthy in moderation, but it's everywhere for you because of where you live, and J tries to minimise it if you want him to. You wouldn't even need to ask for him to do it, he knows what you want and need. Reading you is easy for the man who spends the majority of his time with you, and he has a detailed knowledge of your many intricacies. You're always so tired from being kept awake by the noises outside your home, and J does what he can to make sure that word gets around about your neighbourhood being a, uh, ba-ad place to cause chaos in. It ain't much fun since there's not much to do there.

In truth, J is protecting you. Quieter nights, nicer co-workers; he does what he can. He never takes credit for it, he never tells you what he's done for you. But you know. You know how quiet J's love is, and yet you can hear him yelling it at you. It's loud and clear so there's no misunderstandings between the two of you and your place in his life is concrete, just as his place in your life is.

He is the chaos, and you are the every day. Mundane, but not boring. J is the fireworks in the sky, green and purple so you know it's him thinking of you and letting you know in one of his favourite ways. Red if he's telling you to stay home tonight, blue if he's telling you it's safe. Secret, careful ways, but you've learned them well across the time you've both been together.

You are the safe and warm home that J can get cleaned up in, rest in, you provide him with a reason to do what he does - not that he needs one, of course, J does what he does because he can and it's fun and he's good at it. You are the stillness of the night, the solace, the peace and the one thing J is extremely protective of.

Nothing and no one harms you. Nothing and no one can even get close, they die before they so much as think about it because J knows. He always knows.

#ledger!joker #ledger!joker x reader #the dark knight imagine #tdk x reader #tdk #ledger!joker imagine #ledger joker #ledger joker x reader

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Ruby: Whatcha doin’?

Jaune: Just writing some stuff on my scroll.

Ruby: Oh?

Jaune: It’s a machine learning program. I give it my mood scales, the questions psychiatrists always ask you when rating frequency of symptoms, and it tell me which drugs to take.

Ruby: Does it work?

Jaune: No. It keeps telling me to take benzos. But maybe it’s right? Maybe I should be taking more benzos.

Ruby: What do they do for you?

Jaune: Short term or long term?

Ruby: Short term.

Jaune: They flood your brain with dopamine and they’re super addictive. You have to keep escalating on them to get the same result.

Ruby: That’s not so bad… And long term?

Jaune: They turn your brain to Swiss cheese on the molecular level. And did I mention they’re super addictive?

Ruby: Don’t take them!

Jaune: Way too late Rubes.

#rwby #rwby incorrect quotes #jaune arc #ruby rose #lancaster #tw drugs

[touchmycoat]

Coworker: so how are you going to compile all the tests?

Me: what do you mean?

Coworker: I mean like, do you have all the tests?

Me: sure, I know what tests we’ve done.

Coworker: and you’re going to put them on a list?

Me: yeah.

Coworker: nice, that’s what I thought.

Me: ??????

#personal #the context is #we’re supposed to be on the same level in the same team #working on the same stuff at the same rate #but she definitely does not #she cannot spearhead any creative problem-solving #which is 80% of the work we do #and even the gruntwork sometimes doesn’t get done in a timely manner #*I* did all these tests #I ran them and the manager asked for a centralized list #I was like sure in the chat #and cue this conversation four hours later #all my emotional labor is spent on my reactions to her fjbdjsndn #on one hand I’m so fucking mad on mad on mad cause she always does this #chime in at the very end of me handling everything with a ‘nice’ #butting in for a little bit of the credit that she does not deserve #on the other hand I’m like be patient #she means no harm #and on a big ethical scale I am not interested in demanding labor from her #BUT IM SO FUCKING FRUSTRATED AND HATE EXPLAINING MYSELF ON SUCH A RUDIMENTARY LEVEL #literaly what else would compile mean #She’s only asking bc she has no idea what’s going on at ALL #and every time she asks she just reminds me how far behind she is #ugh anyways #work is exhausting enough as it is without her #actually it might be 50% her

[not-gray-politics]

Trans women. I'm grabbing you by the shoulders and yelling. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE SKINNY TO BE FEMININE AND PRETTY AND CUTE. PLEASE STOP MAKING DIETS PART OF YOUR TRANSITION GOALS. WEIGHT LOSS IS A SCAM. I LOVE YOU. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES. YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

#I see so many transfems say they want to have “flat stomachs” or do diet and exercise regimes to try and get an “hourglass figure” #and it really worries me. girls you do not have to destroy yourselves to fit into unachievable beauty standards #the vast majority of cis women don't even fit those standards #and the same goes for you transmascs! I see you! I see you trying to get smaller chests and hurting yourselves with weight loss routines #and excessive workouts. it's not worth it. weight loss has OVER a 90% long-term failure rate and there's a reason for that #I assure you whatever diet you think you've found that “works for you” won't be working so well 5 years from now #and you're going to blame yourself for “slacking off”. but it's not you. it was never you. it was designed to fail. #these standards are made to hurt people and then sell them a false solution at the price of your health #I encourage you to transition if you'd like and live your best life I really do. but please please please do so SAFELY. #if weight loss is part of your transition goals please reevaluate WHY you believe thinness is necessary for achieving femininity #(or masculinity or androgyny but this stuff particularly affects women in the way it's marketed) #do research on fatphobia and the roots of weight loss culture. Learn where these ideas come from and why they're so prevalent. #It's extremely important #take care. stay safe. love you very much #trans #fat liberation #transgender #lgbt #trans rights #fat positivity #diet culture #fatphobia #transfem #trans positivity #transgirl #trans women #trans woman

[grimvestige]

Hoo boy I never like increasing commission prices but also I definitely gotta bump them a bit if I'm gonna start trying to make enough to split an apartment with my partner

#not art #daisy rambles #im not increasing them quite yet #i wanna roll that out as the same time as patreon adjustments #but hopefully the new rate means i only need to work 30hrs a week between 20hrs part time and 10hrs comms #and thats not accounting for Patreon n stuff #so hopefully i can get close to it in the future #coz tbh i really wanna just have my own damn place where i dont have to be annoyed people cant keep shared spaces clean #or live with people who i need to be closeted from just because i know they wouldnt 'get it'

[pepprs]

mutuals i got myself into a situation so sticky i don’t even know how to describe it (edit: *describes it* lol). please send thoughts of successful escape my way lol

#purrs #delete later #i SONT understand anything about retirement or insurance whatever and basically imightve signed a contract for smth i didn’t understand #fully and im so scared lol. and i feel so bad bc im stupid and i don’t understand anything and no matter how much peopel #xolain it to me i don’t understand it. i feel like a stupid silly naive little girl rn LOLLLLL i feel so sick #it’s probably fine and not that bad and i didn’t do the wrong step but im freaking out. not just bc of the money situation but also bc they #have to do a. medical exam on me to see how much i would have to pay or whatever 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 wtf #im making it sound like a big bad scary freak thing isigned up for when really it’s not i don’t thin&. it’s just dividend lige insirance but #i don’t understand what any of it means and apparently other stuff is better. idk anything about retirement i only got into this stupid #situation because i had a mandatory retirement selection for work and ididnt understand anything so i scheduled a meeting with a retirement #counselor person to help me figure out which option would be the best for me and he was really nice and helped me a lot but then he started #saying he could help me w additional retirement stuff if i wanted to see what the options were and i was like sure and then he told me abt t #this thing and had me fill out / sign the application in that same meeting to ‘get the process started bc it takes. a long time’ even if i d #decided to pull out later it would be a good thing to get the ball rolling asap if i did end up wanting to do it. but i didn’t understand an #anythi ng and i went along with it anyway and now i might’ve fucked myself over so bad. except i probably didn’t but i feel so bad. bc he wa #was so nice and genuine but maybe he was just trying to sell me a product bc he gets a commission from the insurance company which i he told #me wheni asked him if im getting his help for free. i feel so stupid and guilty omg #and also i signed up for my first credit card but the interest rates are really high which i didn’t realize. and i can’t log into the bank a #account for some reason liek it says my acc doesn’t work. and hr fucked up my pay so i haven’t gotten a time sheet for like 2 pay periods an #and im getting retroactively paid in august but it’s just one more fucking thing and i haven’t gotten the chance to pick new benefits yet #and idk if i can / will bc of my stupid pay situation like i literaly don’t exist in the system rn apparently. i fucking hate all of this i #hate adulting i hate it i hate it i want to explode and hide forever and cry a lot. and my bank account isn’t even my own rn and i don’t und #understand anything about mony or insurance or benefits or credit cards or anything. im so overwhelmed FUCK

[kdsburneraccount]

So the NFLPA released report cards for each team's working conditions that graded them based on polls from players, which I found pretty interesting but also a little depressing. You can read it here: NFL Player Team Report Cards | NFLPA

More thoughts under the cut since I was initially going to put my thoughts in the tags but I thought reading it was quite eye-opening.

The Bengals being graded an F- for nutrition... I'm not that surprised considering what former players have said about the cafeteria, but it's still pretty embarrassing. And those comments were from the 2000s. Not providing dinner, vitamins, or supplements to players is a little questionable, especially if players are going to be spending long days at practice. And the fact that they’ve had breastfeeding mothers sit on the floor of public restrooms to take care of their kids is… concerning. (This is a Mike Brown moment. Unfortunately. The “no indoor practice facility” jokes looking more and more true by the moment. Like I get he’s pretty poor for an NFL owner but your team made the Super Bowl two seasons ago invest in the facilities more have an actual food service on hand cmon man why are you proving Carson Palmer right)

I wasn't surprised looking at the Falcons' grading of their strength coach (by and large, strength coaches were graded exceedingly positively by the players, except for the Falcons and the Ravens. In the case of the Ravens it appeared that they had a strength and conditioning coach who was pretty disliked by the players, and that coach did get fired, so at least the team's aware of it), mostly bc the Falcons aren't very good at tackling 😭 hopefully they make a change in that regard because man. At least they think Arthur Blank is ok.

Haven't watched mid-season Hard Knocks so didn't really have an idea of how the Cardinals' facilities were, but... wow. Overall second to last behind the Commanders (who are, y'know, dysfunctional), which kinda surprised me but at the same time the Cardinals are kind of low-key dysfunctional now I think about that. Making players pay for dinner out of their payroll... don't like that! Oh yeah and their training facilities are apparently a health and safety risk (fun).

It is interesting to note that the rankings of the facilities didn't necessarily correlate with team success: the top-ranked teams in this survey were the Vikings, Dolphins, Raiders, Texans, and Cowboys while the bottom-5 teams were the Commanders, Cardinals, Chargers, Chiefs, and Jaguars (Bengals dodging this phew). This is probably because a lot of stuff that's surveyed here can impact team performance, but only if it's egregiously bad (ie Cardinals or Commanders). Was surprised by how the Chiefs graded out on their training staff considering they just won a Super Bowl but I would wager that's to do with Andy Reid and his whole system; works but isn't the nicest about it.

I thought that the way some categories were weighted were a little questionable, ie travel and treatment of families being abt the same level. Personally having younger players room with each other is whatever, not having a proper space for families is a bigger issue. But maybe that's me being unsympathetic (and there is the whole difference between a star player and practice squad guy to consider because their treatment would be different).

Overall, pretty good survey, I do hope it's able to enact some awareness bc the NLFPA isn't that strong, but they do seem to be doing their best as a union (working in the interest of players).

#the rare mildly serious post i make #im ngl when i saw the locker room grades i thought they meant like vibes and not the actual locker room they spend time in #and panicked abt that #will insert the caveat that it's kinda hard to extrapolate anything quantitative #bc there are categories that i feel shouldn't weigh that much but they are in the calculation of rankings #the dolphins had the concussion protocol situation yet were rated really high overall so hm #the saints doing generally well in the survey and then having an f- in the food department. you are in louisiana. ??? #the grading did seem kinda arbitrary bc there was only the explanation of 'no dinner' whereas w the bengals #there was a litany of complaints abt the food service there #and yet they got the same grade #kinda spitballing here so feel free to add on and stuff #sports #nfl #nflpa #unions #working conditions

[veshialles]

lowkey worried my birthday is gonna be a disaster now... lmao.

#2 of the people i invited straight up aren't going now bc of circumstances #2 others said they'll try to make it 'after work' but never specified what time that would actually be #1 friend promised to bring snacks and stuff but then turned out to have work that same evening so she's probably not gonna be there at all #1 other friend said they're just straight up gonna leave early; probably before other people even start to show up #my friend I've known since we were 13 said she's excited to go but also hasn't hung out with me in years so idk if she'll show or not #and given how awkward last night was hanging out with 2 of my other friends who are hooking up now I kinda.. don't wanna deal with that #so like at this rate it's probably just gonna be my goth girl bestie and that one gay boy from work #watching me eat and drink too much while jamming to classic rock and then cry on the floor while my gf tries to console me #anyway im overthinking it will probably be fine. im just. a mess. i need to be drunk again already #ruby rambles

[cool-as-steel]

my father brought us all nice lunch but unfortunately I got to The Part in a book that I forgot had really rather sickening necromancy in it and now I am feeling much less joyed by my chicken katsu

#ramblings #the captain's library #still reading elemental masters - now I remember what else got me quite so scared reading unnatural issue the first time #this IS definitely one of the better books in the series for sheer Ominous Dread Of Incoming History though #there is the looming shadow of the first world war all through the first two thirds but there's other stuff to be worried about so it Creep #and then suddenly there's this delightful ratcheting Oh Shit Oh Fuck Oh Shit Oh Fuck Something Is About To Happen #and then it HAPPENS. and also simultaneously you get the most uncomfy bit of necromancy in All of the books in the series #it's a combination of the purposelessness and the carelessness and the - well I can only call it inhumanity #the people involved could have done the same work just as well had they been allowed to remain living humans but the necromancer simply #does not Care about the fact that they're People. and he kills them and leaves them to rot upright (still working!) just because he can #and he's not even living there for them to be working For him! #well yeah back on track I still think peter almsley would never marry a woman but otherwise the book is pretty good as these go #I really must get around to doing some kind of rating of my own opinions on all of the elemental masters books I've read so far #reserved for the cat was not so interesting that I bothered with a review and steadfast retreads the same ideas much better #and the progression of What The Author Thinks About Women's Role In Things from serpent's shadow to jolene is Quite interesting

[mazitdynasty]

Meet the Artist 2022 version.

Each year I seem to finish it later and later

#My Face #Art Stuff #Digital #this is. basically the same as all my others because my personality is basically never going to change at this rate #only difference is I changed my mind on what my gender is lmao #(that was a joke. just in case anyone in the audience was thinking abt taking it seriously.) #anyways. every day I don't leave my little coffee cup at work is a winning day for me

[muirneach]

anyways im gonna give out candy this halloween and so ive got to dress up and i havent seriously dressed up since i was a kid but oh god its so hard to choose. what should i beeee

#should be no shocker but im thinking maybe a stanton character. he kinda always wears the same stuff but i really like what he wears #at any rate i will be doing a movie character because literally all i do is watch movies #id be mortimer or something but that too much work lol. im not getting a bigass cape

[lettuce-gremlin]

Hate being the utility dyke of the household

#'open this jar of pickles please' #'help move this mattress please' #'open this package for me please' #man get a pair of scissors good god #I'm trying to pack our dishes here because I'm basically done with my personal stuff #and you're not gonna get them at this rate #FOR YOUR BED!!! #YOU HAD TO CALL ME TO ASK WHAT KIND OF BIT YOU NEEDED TO TAKE APART YOUR BED #YOU SAID YOU THOUGHT THEY WERE CIRCLES HOW WOULD THAT EVEN WORK #WE TOOK THE SAME TECHNICAL THEATRE COURSES

[fractallogic]

You know, I haven’t fully wrapped my head around how I’m going to incorporate it, but I had a great idea for this grant proposal that’s making me very excited

Because I think. finally. I will be able to justify testing arabic-speaking children. I will get to find out what kinds of errors THEY make learning my arabiclike made-up language.

And plus I’m realizing that I like portland more than eugene, and oops, the two Islamic schools and the one Arabic-medium school are all in the portland area oh no I will have to spend so much time in portland if I get this grant oh well

…plus I just really want to be able to stay in one place for three more years, and let scone live in Oregon like he’s really wanted to for YEARS.

I love arabic and I love my pastry and I love how kids do language. I am very excited about this part of the project and I just. The likelihood of it happening is vanishingly low. But it’s more likely to get this grant than getting a TT job. So.

#a ~10% hit rate for grants sucks yes; but compared to the ~0.5% hit rate I’ve had for prof jobs… #also new PI maybe you can support me for a year like you suggested you might be able to in a lab manager-cum-postdoc kind of role #that would be great. I would do that too. #I will happily continue leaning on my network to keep me in academia #as full of toxic bullshit as it is. sigh. #it hurts to feel like I’m so full of promise and so good at what I do and for some reason everything is just arbitrary #maybe I get to do this study; maybe I get to HAVE A JOB #like even working with this PI; everyone before has been all ‘mmm idk that doesn’t sound like a good use of resources’ #and so I was like oh okay this is never gonna happen that’s fine #but I’m talking to her one day (because when you get the chance to chat with the dept head you should!) #and she’s like ‘but wait why would it be not a good use of resources? I think this is potentially an interesting idea #so write me up a proposal and we’ll see if we can flesh it out some more!’ #so even the answer of ‘sure!’ to ‘maybe I can do this study… maybe’ I’d foreign and strange #same thing for this hockey concussion etc stuff #like I say ‘this is my INCREDIBLE pie in the sky idea; maybe someday #…but seems unlikely’ #and my current PI goes no yeah wait here are some things I’ve thought about in that direction #…and I happen to live next to retired NHL players… but it would be very weird of me to ask them so can’t do that right now; but future!! #and so I’m just walking around UO going ‘wait I really can just. do things? people are interested in my ideas?’ #(please remember that at a formative time in my research upbringing my advisor called me boring and also that he might not pass me #and like. you get rejected from research jobs and TT jobs and grants and everything #so it’s no WONDER I’m like ‘ah yes my ideas are stupid and boring and why would anyone else be interested in them!’ like any academic is) #anyway it’s amazing how little we as academics ask for #and still get told lol no that’s very extravagant of you #because it’s supposed to be a ~vocation~ and a ~calling~ so we should live like monks #but you know what monks are actually respected members of society and have food and shelter and care provided to them #so yeah if you want me to be a monk of linguistics then you need to fucking treat me like one

[chiropterx]

Man-Bat gets-! ... A book about the mating habits of vampire bats, complete with "graphic" pictures.

Well.

A Man-Bat has needs.

Leave an object in my ask and my muse will react to it being given to them.

He stares at the open book, chiropteran features twisting into an expression featuring both bemusement and recognition as yes, those are some rather... graphic images of vampire bats. Man-Bat's honestly more focused on the notion that they're fellow bats like him rather than what they'd been pictured doing but his attention isn't held for long, thumb claws better suited for climbing vertically on walls than the delicate process of turning over to the next page. The book goes flying, sheets of paper flying out and scattering all over the room with some choice pages ending face up, and more dubious facts that had been recorded along with photos proving said facts.

#fiddlingonthetympanic #memes ;; leave an object #The sound I made was not human when I saw this in my inbox #Saw it again today and was howling with laughter #Because honestly? Bats are some some kinky little fuckers #Stuff like having the highest recorded rates of homosexuality and more? Fun stuff #Doesn't work for Man-Bat though #He needs other Man-Bat's to be interested in #Regular bats and humans aren't the same #Fucking hell

[mntcoronet]

*pause moment* hey why the fuck did I just realise that during high school, I felt like a fair number of my peers (from outside my friends group) treated me somewhat more "softly" or like a child than they would've done with other people. and why was that

#maggles ramblings #like idk if they were actually doing that or if that's just what i Felt was happening #but. when they'd have to talk to me for things; like short 'do this in pairs' stuff; i def felt like they treated me differently #like I'd point out something in the thing we were looking at and they'd go 'oh wow good observation!!' as if we weren't the same age #maybe they just acted differently cos they didn't wanna be doing it. which like sure. but man u could at least try to discuss the topic #or did i seem like too much of a shy little creature that only just learned human speech that they forgot i was competent enough to get A's #but hhh man idk. i never know how people perceive me that's the real issue here #i can sorta make estimations based on how they talk to me; i can tell well enough if someone just doesn't wanna keep talking to me #but that doesn't mean i can figure out WHY. but i do know that sometimes it feels like.. they pick up on something about me #like i can roughly tell whether the person talking to me still considers me Just A Normal Guy or if they've realised like 'hey... #this person doesn't quite Get It with regards to social/conversation stuff'. bc of the way they talk. but i still never know why!! #like sure every time i go have conversations with new people i feel like I'm just pretending to be A Normal Person yknow #and when other people who seem very socially competent Keep talking to me i just think oh wow you haven't figured it out yet that's wild #figured what out? idk that I'm just pretending i guess. about what? uh good question just pretending in general #pretending like i know what to say; that it feels completely Natural to talk like that; like I'm not mentally rating each of my actions #but then sometimes there's people i just feel like i don't have to do that around nearly as much. i swear i gravitate towards those ppl #but yeah it's just. it def feels like they know I'm Not Getting something when i talk to a lot of people. like they Know i missed a memo #and i don't even know what the memo is about; or whether I've gotten any of the previous memos or just absorbed the knowledge #by observing things. ya #ok im done with that train of thought i need to go and work on that au i accidentally stayed up till 2am last night thinking of ideas for