When you encounter a person who does not do something that you consider normative, you need to understand that they could be either stating a barrier or expressing a boundary. A barrier is "I would like to partake of the normative activity, but I can't due to other factors." A boundary is "I have made a decision not to participate in the normative activity."
Many people do not believe that boundaries actually exist! This is why it's so common to give a clear "No" on an issue and get inundated with people saying "But have you tried-" They can't conceptualize that anyone might actually want to avoid X thing, so they assume that you totally want to do X and you would love X so much if only they could figure out a way around whatever pesky obstacle is getting in your way. But humanity contains multitudes, and for any given experience you consider vital for happiness I promise there are people who are Just Not Interested.
If someone is stating a boundary, do NOT talk about how sad their life must be, and do NOT try to push them! Just accept that their life experience is very different from your own, and isn't that a beautiful thing?
Barriers are different. Barriers suck. With boundaries, the only problem is other people being dicks. With barriers, the problem is the barrier itself . . . and probably, additionally, people being dicks. There's really not a way to win in the people being dicks department when you don't do something that other people have decided is Necessary For Humaning.
If someone is talking about a barrier they face, still don't talk about how sad their life must be, although it's fine to commiserate with a friend if they're complaining. It's hard! Some barriers are pretty insurmountable; the person might not ever get to do X even though they want to. And a lot of people don't believe that this kind of barrier exists either; we're very much taught that you can do anything if you try hard enough, when that is simply not true. If someone tells you that they can't do something, listen to them and respect that.
The only reason for not doing X that people really acknowledge as real are the surmountable barriers. And these are real, but even in these cases you should always assume that the person knows themself best and not give advice unless they've specifically asked for it. But if they have asked, it's chill to try to brainstorm solutions with them.
As someone who has both things going on, it really sucks that people tend to assume that everything is a) a barrier issue and b) that they personally have the solution to it. Don't do this.
The only way you can tell if something is a boundary or a barrier is to listen to people and believe them.
Example:
If you offer someone a drink and they say, "No thanks . . . I haven't really found anything that I like yet," (barrier, potentially surmountable) it is probably cool to ask them if they're open to trying something new, and if they say yes ask about their tastes to try to find a drink they would enjoy! They might like it or they might not.
If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I can't, it interacts with my meds," (barrier, insurmountable) you can say, "Aw, that sucks!" and offer them something nonalcoholic.
If you offer someone a drink and they say, "I don't drink," (BOUNDARY) you should give them a mocktail and shut the fuck up.
3K notes
·
View notes
your sister's trying on new outfits. however, she keeps asking you for help. each time she calls you back into your room you groan in annoyance, getting up from your desk to sulk next door. and each time you lean against the doorframe and go "yea dude its looks fine" but youre realizing a trend. each outfit is more skimpy than the last, and she asks you to help her put on and remove her clothes more frequently. and you know you shouldn't..you really, really shouldn't. but each time you find your hands lingering just a little longer as well. taking her pants off slower than usual. fingers looping her bra straps. all of this until one outfit sets you off. something occurs in you, youre only thought is "I need her". the thought is loud and repeating, echoing, pounding in your head. your hands begin to shake as she bends over, exposing her ass straight towards you. she's oblivious, searching through her pile of ever growing clothes. you can take her right here, right now. quickly cover her mouth so she cant yell. get her on the ground, wrestle with her. afterall, why else would she be calling you into her room for trivial bullshit like this, wasting your time, pissing you off, flaunting herself in front of you. you can hear your heartbeat in your ears..she turns around, sees you lunge at her, and quickly yelps before you can subdue her. she's yours.
566 notes
·
View notes
I’m thinking about how administrative leave requests would work in starfleet and it’s gotta be a huge pain in the ass right. vulcans would probably need a special expedited leave request process for pon-farr, because they become violent/die if they don’t excuse themselves to have sex asap, but this is probably a narrow accommodation only granted to vulcans, so if they were dating a non-vulcan who had to go through normal, slower leave request procedures that would cause logistical issues cuz emergency pon farr admin leave only works if both parties can do it at the same time, so if you’re a non-vulcan dating a vulcan you would have to probably apply to get that accommodation extended to you, and because I’m assuming starfleet operates on the same punitive logics as contemporary bureaucracies do, they’d be paranoid about non-vulcans “cheating the system” by falsely claiming they were dating a vulcan to get their leave request expedited, so they’d probably require proof of marriage or long-term cohabitation with a vulcan in order for a non-vulcan to get approved for that kind of thing, meaning casual or otherwise non-normative vulcan/non-vulcan couples in starfleet would be administratively marginalised and (re)produce a culture deriding interspecies dating, especially because humans seem to be kinda default racist towards vulcans in star trek in general, so they would probably view a human dating a vulcan as getting “special privileges” for administrative leave even though it’s just a basic accommodation. this is a classic example of how administrative apparatuses operating on a liberal conception of equity can reproduce systems of racial discrimination
118 notes
·
View notes
Tangentially related to the last Beast sskk post, just something that has been going through my mind A LOT in the last period:
There's this tendency I see of characterizing post-Beast sskk as being on very bad terms with each other, keeping on hating each other even after Dazai's death, and I personally can't relate with that interpretation. To me the canon Beast sskk development is, more or less, a warming up to each other speedrun. All the issues they used to have, about being on opposites sides, about having contrasting ethics, were already sorted up in canon, violently and unmercifully, but most importantly thoroughly and definitely. I find it very easy to believe they'd get along post canon, because everything they had to sort out between them, they already did fully.
When I say that Beast sskk is more or less a warming up to each other speedrun, it's also in the perspective of Beast sskk being a general speedrun to what sskk are in the canon timeline: because I do believe sskk's is a progression towards warming up to each other¹, and in a lot of ways it's already visible in canon, through Atsushi helping Akutagawa in the cannibalism arc despite allegedly hating to work with him, through Akutagawa dying so that Atsushi could escape, through Atsushi wearing Rashomon and Akutagawa letting him wear it and everything that entails. The thing is, when it comes to them, Beast sskk have already seen each other bare; they HAVE seen each other at their lowest point already. If there ever was a peak of hate between them, they've already reached it, and that means the tension is only going to plummet from there. There's nothing left for hate anymore, only for understanding and compassion and love.
“More or less” of a speedrun, that is, because honestly? Beast sskk never needed to warm up to each other, because they didn't start from hating, wholly and sincerely, each other like their canon counterparts did. Beast sskk started from a place of common ground, of genuine sympathy and liking for each other. When they started fighting, I think they were both pained from having to fight each other, who shortly beforehand they had found so easy to relate to and most importantly who they felt understood from. If they hated each other at some point - which, everything accounted, is still realistic, especially given the threat they both posed to their little sisters and more generally to their weaknesses and insecurities -, all accounted it was still brief (literally. didn't last more than half a day), and likely easy to leave behind. In the end I just think for Beast sskk it's going to be easy - spontaneous, even -, to go back to the warm acceptance and understanding they shared on their first meeting; because, differently from their canon counterparts, they know that in normal circumstances they get along, and that's something they can't lie about to themselves and pretend it's not true. They can't lie to themselves about hating each other like canon sskk do; so really, Beast sskk is left no other choice than to get along.
As a final note, I think it would also be easier for Beast sskk to get along because Beast Atsushi doesn't feel to be on an higher moral pedestal like his canon counterpart does, so a lot of moral conflict between Atsushi and Akutagawa simply doesn't happen in Beast.
¹ In a way that, for comparison, skk aren't, who remained more or less frozen on the stance of “hating you (that is also loving you)”. Regarding that, I agree with the interpretation of canon some people offered that the manga is the story of sskk's progression, while skk's relationship is already fully developed.
59 notes
·
View notes
This month I have watched two different female-led, Frankenstein-inspired movies and surprisingly enough, the more feminist one was not the critically acclaimed one.
53 notes
·
View notes
Fandom: Tekken
Relationship: Kazama Jun/Mishima Kazuya
Rating: Explicit (this one has sexy times so not for kiddos)
THIS IS POST TEKKEN 8. BIG TEKKEN 8 SPOILERS. DON'T READ IT WITHOUT FINISHING THE GAME UNLESS YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT SPOILERS.
Additional Tags: Reunion, Reunion sex, Vaginal Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Awkward Conversations About Not-So-Accidentally Trying to Murder Your Son and Actually Murdering Your Dad and Kind of Accidentally Abandoning Your Unknown Baby-Mama, Forgiveness, Getting Back Together, Dealing with the mental fallout of Tekken 2 to Tekken 8, which for both of them is...a lot, but they're getting there
"I am not the man you want me to be," Kazuya admits. "But that does not mean the man I am does not love you."
"...Still?" Jun asks, the word the only thing that can quite get out of her throat.
39 notes
·
View notes