#(hint: it’s Jens. somehow)

[farfromstrange]

just read ‘long distance’ and i was wondering if you could serve pain? jen walters was mentioned and reader exists, that means angst and maybe cheating (or even a hint of it?) please??? i love your fluff and smut pieces. also the angst (but i dont dwell too much since self harming is better left in the past for me) but i really like how you deliver pain. i hope this gets chosen and written, but no pressure ofc. thank you and may the spirit of creativity live within you.

Hi, nonnie! I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I wasn't sure if you wanted a part 2 or an entirely new fic, so I kind of used part of what I already mentioned in Long Distance and continued in this fic. I didn't do full-on cheating, but it's still angst, and well... there is no comfort. I hope you like it!

Burn | Matt Murdock x Reader

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Summary: Matt comes home after his work trip and tells you something that changes your life forever.

Warnings: Angst, mentions of Smut, cheating

Word Count: 2.7k

You’re not sure what happened. 

Matt spent a few weeks in Los Angeles to work on a case that would bring in some money. You didn’t mind; he does it sometimes. Since he, Foggy, and Karen opened the doors of their law firm again, work trips between the three have become more frequent. They’re making money now, and you would always support it.

You have also never been insecure about your relationship with him before. You and Matt have been together for years, even before the Blip, and you held onto each other when all of your friends disappeared. You thought you were happy. His job is going well; you are happy and don’t have to live paycheck by paycheck anymore. At least you thought so. 

While he was away, you talked over the phone regularly. He always seemed so relieved to hear your voice. You often talked for hours, and you texted him sweet nothings during the day. He told you he appreciated it. 

Every other night, you would retreat to your bedroom and he would guide you to orgasm after orgasm with the sound of his voice, and you would do the same. The toy he got you before he left for LA came in handy more than once since you could be connected over the distance now and still somehow control each other’s pleasure.

When he texted you he would be home earlier than expected, you were so excited, you took the day off, put on your best lingerie, and cooked dinner. You thought he would be happy to be with you again; he told you how much he missed you. He compared it very dramatically to a lack of air and that you were his oxygen, and you remember laughing at him. You have never loved a man as much as you love Matt Murdock, so it is only natural for you to get excited, right?

You talked about marriage before, maybe even kids. You planned a future together. Deep down, you’ve been waiting for him to pop the question. Foggy is an idiot and he let something slip one day, and ever since you have been vigilant. You thought that he might finally ask you after coming home from his trip. 

You thought. That seemed to be the common denominator. You always just believe and hope for the best; in the end, things don’t turn out how you want them to. 

You’re really not sure what happened, but something did happen because when Matt opens the door, he’s not even smiling at you. 

“Welcome back!” you greet him with the brightest smile you can offer. Maybe he’s just tired. 

But you know him and you know the difference between exhaustion and guilt; the man before you may be tired, but he is also struggling with the shame he inflicted upon himself, and it is not his duty as Daredevil this time. 

He drops his bag by the door. You lean in for a kiss. “How was your flight?” you ask.

You’re in denial. Something happened, but you don’t want to ruin it. You don’t want to ruin this. You keep telling yourself it’s going to be okay, but you just don’t know what happened to get you here–

He evades your lips, simply hugging you briefly before answering, “Good.”

Your body trembles. “Matt.”

“What?”

“What’s wrong?”

“What do you mean, what’s wrong?” he retorts. He moves to the kitchen and grabs himself a bottle of beer. “I’m just tired.”

You frown. “Is that why you can’t even look at me?” you ask.

“Don’t be ridiculous, sweetheart–” the usually so endearing nickname sounds so bitter now. “You know I can’t see,” he says. 

“You know what I mean.” You cross your arms. “Something isn’t right.”

His expression is serious, and it sends a wave of unease crashing over you. You try to push away the worry that gnaws at your insides, but it's hard to ignore the change in his demeanor.

He avoids your gaze, his eyes flickering around the room as if searching for something, or perhaps, avoiding something. Silence hangs heavy in the air, stretching the seconds into eternity.

That’s when you know that something happened, and it affects you because if it didn’t, he wouldn’t be so distant toward you. You taught him to always be open with you about his struggles, and he has managed to learn how to voice his needs, so it confuses you when he does neither and treats you more like a stranger than his girlfriend. 

There was only one time in your relationship he acted this way and that was the day Elektra stepped back into his life, and with it, yours. 

Your stomach churns. The hope you had built up crumbles, leaving a bitter taste in your mouth. “What happened?” you urge again. 

He leans against the kitchen counter, turning his head away from you. Tears are glistening in his eyes behind his red glasses. 

“Matthew, please,” you beg. “Talk to me. Tell me!”

The room feels heavy with tension. His shoulders slump, and for a moment, it seems like he's about to break, to let the words spill forth. But just as quickly, he straightens his posture and averts his gaze.

"I can't," he whispers. "I can't tell you."

You step forward, but he shies away as if being close to you is somehow toxic. It breaks your heart. He looks disgusted, and you wonder if it's because of you. Maybe you used the wrong body wash, but that would elicit a different reaction. You didn't do anything differently today, you're simply excited, that's all there is, but as you look at him, he seems to be the exact opposite. Stoic, empty, cold...

“We've always been honest with each other, Matt," you say, still walking up to him even as he recoils. "I cooked dinner for you, took a shower, got dressed... and now you won't even fucking try and look at me. You've been gone for weeks! Please, just... I deserve to know what's going on." You reach for him, but this time, he moves away wholly.

The distance between you becomes a void that you could easily slip in and drown. His body language is a storm, causing the waves to crash into the shore and choke up with their cruel claws. 

His grip tightens around the neck of the beer bottle, his knuckles turning white. You can see the faintest scars; you know he brought his suit with him, you just didn't think he would actually use it. "You deserve better," he says, more to himself than to you. There is the guilt you have been waiting for, but it still affects you because he is talking about you.

Your heart skips a beat. You have had this conversation many times in the past. "Better?" you ask. "Matt, what are you talking about? I don't want better, I want you." You laugh in disbelief, but he doesn't even smile. He's not trying to hide how much pain he is from the weight of his guilt, and it makes you scared for what's about to come.

His gaze flickers toward you, and his eyes reflect myriad emotions—sadness, regret, and something else you can't quite place. "You shouldn't want me," he loathes himself, “Not after... not after everything." 

"What?" You place a hand on his arm, forcing him to turn to you. "I love you," you say.

He shakes his head. He never shakes his head when you tell him you love him. It's like he's telling you the opposite, that you shouldn't love him or that he doesn't feel the same for you anymore; the feelings swirling in your chest are confusing, and you just don't understand. Your mind races, trying to connect the dots, desperate to make sense of his cryptic words. 

His grip on the bottle loosens, and he takes a shaky breath. "I- I fucked up."

Your heart sinks. The pain you had sensed, the distance between you, it all falls into place. The parallel between his behavior now and back when Elektra almost tore you apart. The pieces of the puzzle form a picture you never wanted to see find their way together.

"Did you... cheat on me?" you ask, the words catching in your throat. The mere thought feels like a knife twisting in your chest, but you don't cry, you simply stare at him, waiting for any kind of reaction. 

It's the thought you loathe the most, but you seem to hit the nail right on the head.

Matt's silence is confirmation enough. "Oh God," you breathe.

“It was just a kiss,” he whispers. 

“A– you kissed someone else?”

“Yeah.”

“Walters?”

He takes a shaky sip of his drink. 

“Oh, my God, Matthew!” The cork to your heart pops and you start bleeding out, it seems. “What?” you ask. “Please, tell me you’re just messing with me. Please!” You want to get on your knees and pray to God that he’s lying, but he’s so quiet and his face is so stern, you can’t help but believe him.

The one thing he promised you he would never do, he did. And that is something you once told him that if he ever did it, you wouldn’t be able to forgive him. 

The foundation of trust you had built with Matt feels shattered, and you struggle to comprehend how he could break his promise to you. Emotions swirl within you, colliding with one another, leaving you feeling lost and vulnerable.

He grabs your hand suddenly when you try to put some distance between you to sort your thoughts, his glasses now discarded, and he looks past you with so much pain in his eyes, you can feel your own tears near. He whispers your name. 

“No,” you say. “I can’t–”

“Please, listen to me. I can explain,” Matt says. “I can–”

“You can’t! You promised… I– wasn’t I good enough for you? What happened, Matthew? What did I do wrong?”

“Nothing! You did nothing wrong, sweetheart. Please, it was a stupid mistake.” 

“A mistake?”

He tugs at your arm again. When you don’t seem to budge, he sinks to his knees. Your throat tightens, your heart shattering on the floor next to him. He has torn it out with his bare hands, squeezed it too hard and now you’re nothing more than an empty shell, your very essence broken on the living room floor. 

“Please,” he begs. His hands rest on your hips and his unfocused eyes try to search for yours. 

The fact he only now thinks he has to fight for you instead of coming clear right away makes you angry, not just sad. You turned your back and that’s what prompted him to fight, even though he should have tried so much sooner. 

You loved him with all you had, and a foolish part of you still does, but hearing the words coming out of his mouth that he betrayed your trust in such a cruel way tears down the walls you have been seeing through rose-colored glasses and cut your love for him into pieces with a sharp dagger. 

Your best friend once told you that you should be careful, Matt would do anything to survive. Yet, you stayed around through the sleepless nights and the heartache. You worried about him every day and every night he went out as Daredevil to cleanse the streets, and you stitched him up without knowing what you were doing. You held him as he cried, offered him your endless support, and then some more, anything just to be loved by him, but he treated you so well. He gave you everything you needed, showed you a love no one has before and he was so dedicated, you felt at home with him. You trusted him with your life. You owe him your life, and yet, after everything you have been through together, one work trip to another State is all it takes for him to throw away years of history and kiss someone else? And Jennifer Walters, no less? 

You never thought you had to be worried about anyone catching Matt’s attention. You had been so confident before, but now? Now you just feel useless, imperfect, and like a damn fool. 

“Matt,” you whimper. 

He holds on even tighter. “Can we talk about this?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper. 

You look up, but the tears are flowing freely now. 

“I’m sorry. Please, I don’t want to lose you. I love you so fucking much, baby. Please! I can’t live without you. Don’t leave me. I can make it up to you, I promise, just… give me another chance.”

“Yeah?” It pains you to tear his hands from your body, but you have to. “If you didn’t want to lose me,” you say, “you should have thought about it before you decided to kiss someone else.”

He says your name, begging you once again to just stay. Talk this through. Stay. He is like a serpent in your ear, and you want nothing more than to give in, but when you reflect on your time together, you don’t know if you should even think about giving in. 

Matt has been obsessed with justice from the start. He chose it over you more than once, and it took you many nights and many fights for you to get him to stay even for a night or two to be with you, the person he claimed to love most of all. And now you are supposed to stay after he did what he did? It may be stupid to react this way if it was just a kiss, but he never once said it was accidental, and that means he has thought about cheating on you. He kissed someone else, someone who isn’t you, and he set your heart on fire the same way he has set your life together alight. 

Maybe he kissed her because she’s like him–maybe he kissed Jennifer Walters because she understands, and he has often accused you of not understanding. Maybe in her, he has found someone who won’t keep him from New York City just for one date night. Maybe in her, he has found someone who doesn’t break down crying when he comes home late because she thinks he died in a fight with a criminal. And maybe in her, he has found the woman he actually wants to marry. 

Marry. The word makes you choke up. 

As if he read your thoughts, he crawls toward you and stops you from walking away. He digs his fingers further into your hips, retrieving a small box from his pants, and God, do you want to punch him right now. 

You were right about the proposal, but he was planning to propose and still kissed someone else, and that is a betrayal on a whole new level. 

“The audacity,” you whisper to yourself. 

Tears are streaming down his face and he looks as if he thinks pulling out a ring after telling you he made out (no, kissed) with Jennifer Walters in Los Angeles is going to fix everything. 

“Please,” he begs, “I only want you. I wanted to ask you–”

“No,” you cut him off. “Don’t you fucking dare, Matthew!” You pull away. “This is… I’ve been waiting for you to do this for so long, but you… what the fuck? No! Especially not now!” Your body Wracks with a sob. “I need time, and I can’t do this right now. Kissing Walters is one thing, but telling me you bought a ring for me and still kissed someone else? It hurts,” you say.

It hurts too fucking much, you can’t breathe. He was your oxygen too, in a way, but he has cut off the supply and now you are dying a slow and agonizing death.

“I’m so sorry.” His arms drop to his sides in defeat, but he remains on his knees. “I never meant to hurt you,” Matt cries, “I promise! I just… I made a mistake.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“I–“

“I’m sorry for falling in love with you. That was my mistake.”

Ouch. Now you have taken his heart, pulled it out and shattered it with one twist of your wrist. But he deserves it.

Matt listens to the sound of your hasty movements as you pack some clothes. He listens to your tears, your sobs, and the shaking of your muscles as you shudder. He listens and stays right there on the floor, his head lowered as God’s judgment comes upon him. 

And within minutes, your heartbeat leaves his ears and you are gone. 

You left him, and he deserves every last ounce of pain it inflicts on him. 

He’s an Icarus who has flown too close to the sun, and you deserve better than him. 

It wasn’t Jennifer who brought him back to life, it was you and it will always be you, but he screwed that up, too, and he has to live with it now. Without you. 

The ring box slips from his hands and then, he allows himself to break down. 

Matt Murdock Angst Tag List: @acharliecoxedfan @gpenguin666 @lina-mar @itwasthereaminuteago @mattkinsella @norestfortheshelbywicked @yarrystyleeza @littlenerdyravenclaw @thychuvaluswife

#matt murdock #daredevil #matt murdock x reader #matt murdock imagines #matt murdock x f!reader #matt murdock x you #no y/n #matt murdock angst #human disaster matt murdock #request

[cowboyjen68]

Hi Jen! I hope you are doing well.

I need some advice. I am a young butch and I have just started university half a year ago. I made a friend (a bisexual guy) and we’re really open about ourselves and our struggles. There is a huge difference in experiences we’ve had so far. I’ve never been intimate with a girl in any way, I'm aware that my circumstances are different as a lesbian and because I come from a culture that is homophobic but I still feel very connected to.

Two days ago, he invited me and a few other friends over to hang out. He specifically mentioned his good friend who is also a lesbian as well as the opportunity for me to pursue her. I admitted that I didn’t quite feel comfortable with the idea of being in a romantic relationship with someone who didn’t have a similar cultural background as mine. I wonder if I am just limiting myself with this sometimes…

Friday comes and the girl and I get along well—she spends almost the whole evening talking with me, we have similar interests. She even shows me photos of her in tight and kinda revealing clothing and I probably misread that as flirting.

Anyway, she offered to drive me home and I accepted. At that point I had already given up on her picking up any hints that I just straight up asked: “Do you find that as a lesbian you interpret signals wrongly or not at all?”. Which was my way of basically screaming “Do you even realize that I have been flirting with you”. Lol. Her answer did not go in that direction at all. I didn’t get an outright rejection either. After that I even said “Jeez, going home at night sucks. I’d rather just sleep over at a friend’s if it’s already so late” to which she agreed… but still no rejection or offer! Lol I give up.

It all left me feeling weird… I talked to friends about it and they agreed that she probably just wasn’t into me like that. It made me rethink how I interpreted her actions and I can’t shake the feeling that my own actions came across as predatory even though there is enough proof that would dispute this. I feel like I was being impatient and unrealistic but I also think that this wouldn’t have been the way I approach someone I was romantically interested in. I would still very much be interested in lesbian friendships! But now I feel like I blew it.

I am sorry this is delayed longer than I would like it to be.

There is a ton of pressure in our younger years to date and even have sex to somehow fulfil our lives and it is just as prevelant, if not more so, in LGBT culture as in the straight world. We are given signals that we must be curious and interested in sex and that drives many of us to flirt with women, who, if there were more choices, we probably would not look at twice.

When we are given limited dating options, there are just fewer lesbians and bi women than straight women, we get a bit desperate or maybe just impatient. IT is a common thread shared among lesbians of all ages.

IT does sound like she was just not interested in you in any way beyond friendship. She was on purpose, but in a kind way, deflecting your hints so as not to hurt your feelings but also not give false hope. But, like you, she might be unsure how much say and how to interpret things.

It took me years to realize that hints, subtle flirting and trying to read into every word and movement is impossible. The best way is to say "Is it okay if I flirt with you?" Or "I think you are interesting, would you go on a real date with me next weekend?" Being clear about your expectations or what you are experiencing is truly the best course of action.

Being butch does not give us the automatic confidence or instinct to understand what a woman is thinking, even if the stereotype is that we are "in charge".

I would text her and be honest that you had a good time and might have come off a little strong or awkward because it was nice to spend time with another lesbian. Ask if she would like to hang out and clarify if you would like to take her on a date or if you think you should just do something as friends. That clear communication will relieve some her your stress and hers because you will know what is expected. IF you are vague she will be over thinking and analyising every move instead of just enjoying time spent with each other.

#dating #lesbian

[scarefox]

I know Up plays the love rival to Jeng and Pat (it’s in the trailer). And Jaab and Jen probably end together somehow at some point. So where does Bruce (listed as Chot) come into this game? 

Lowkey want Up and Bruces character to end together simply due to their forbidden chemistry from Lovely Writer if you ignore all the context of their mess back then. It would be funny if they pair them here.

(no, not asking for any kind of spoilers or hinted spoilers)

#step by step the series #lovely writer #up poompat #bruce sirikorn #lovely writer the series #side note: the writting differences of Jane vs Jen annoys me so much xD the struggle with names in other languages #can't decide with which version I go yet

[thekingofwinterblog]

So in regards to the She-Hulk series, the moment that really turned so, so many people against it's title character was the infamous moment where she tells Bruce to his face that her personal suffering is far, far worse than his(The man who saw his father beat his mother to death, used to be constantly hinted by the U.S military and shot at, lost control and against his will killed people as the hulk, and even tried to kill himself to deal with it all).

However, there is another moment from this series that illustrates the problem much better in my opinion, because unlike here, this next one isn't directed at anyone in particular. It's just her being who she is.

While in a bar, one of Jen's friends questions her about her possibly becoming a superhero.

Her response has two bits.

"You could be an avenger!"

"Do the Avengers offer healthcare? Maternety leave... A pension? Are they even paid?"

Like... This would have been a good moment. In this line, Jennifer lays out the problems being a superhero, and why she doesn't want to be one. It's the reason why Peter Parker's life generally have so many shitty parts, because superhero work doesn't pay the bill.

It is a very understandable reason.

But then, there is the other part.

"I did not go to law school and rack up six figures in student laws to become a vigilante. That's for billionaires and narcissists, and adult orphans, for some reason."

Jennifer is not capable of just laying out her viewpoint... She has to put someone else down while doing so.

Jennifer Walters has real, genuine reasons not to want to become a vigilante... But then she immediately follows it up with implying that the reason she doesn't want to isn't one of those reasons... It's because people who do it, are beneath her. That she is somehow better than them.

She makes it very, very clear with her tone, that she thinks she is better than them, because she went through law school.

You can basically replace "Superhero" with "Plumber" or "Construction worker" and you'd get the same result. Only that would just be snobbish of her. What she actually says is far worse.

Because she specifically singles out superheroes as being worthy of ridicule for... What... Saving lives? Resurrecting half the fucking universe after they died?

And she strings 3 completely different character traits to insult one major group as if any of them had anything in common.

1. Being a billionaire.

2. Being a narcissist.

3. Being an adult orphan.

You can certainly make a strong case for the first 2 being inherently bad, but the third one? Jenn chooses to imply that having lost ones parents is somehow a wrong on their part. That it is somehow a moral flaw worth being ridiculed for.

All of this would be bad enough if she was talking about just any class of people, but that she specifically targets a group of people who regularly risks life and limb and a lot of them died recently in order to undo the worst catastrophe in the history of the universe, including the guy she is very "subtly" using to denigrate an entire group of people, most who had none of the wealth she is using to attack Tony Stark.

To put it bluntly... She-Hulk is a stuck up, judgemental bitch, who has no ability emphetice with the suffering of other people, and objectively compare her own life and struggles to that of others.

She is essentially an anti peter parker. Whereas his personal suffering is what led him to embrace the idea that he had to be a good person and help people rather than use his gifts for selfish gains, Jennifer is using her own struggles as a reason to justify putting other people down, to be an asshole.

That because she has had struggles in her life, that justifies being a judgemental bitch, who thinks that she is better than other people.

And you know what the really shitty thing is?

That If this was an intentional character flaw, then this could have led to a great story. Of a woman who went through her own struggles in life, overcoming them, and through doing so reached a point thought she was better than everyone else, then having to come to the very hard realization she is not, and over the course of the story learn to empathize with those around her.

It's not what would want out of a she-hulk story, but it could make for a good character journey.

You know how i know that?

Because that is basically Tony Stark's entire story in Iron Man.

Tony started out as... A man who lost his parents at a young age, growing up to become a hyper competent asshole who is more skilled than the people around him, and this leading him to think that this makes him better than anyone else, and that this gives him the moral right to be an asshole and put others down. To think that he is somehow "better" than other people.

She-hulk greatest flaw is not that it's main character is an unlikable asshole. It's the fact that the writer's are not capable of understanding that they wrote her to be an unlikable asshole, that HAS to put others down to feel good about herself, and because of that, the story is not capable of turning this aspect of it's main character into one of it's strengths.

#she-hulk #jennifer walters #meta

[obito76]

Memories

───

“I never thought we could be like this.” He murmured quietly, sitting on rooftop at five o’ clock in the morning, overlooking the sea.

“What are you talking about?” She asked, genuinely confused, sipping her herbal tea.

He moved closer to her, and looked at her with tired eyes. “I love you Rae.”

“Y-You did not just say that.” Raven facepalmed, blushed and sighed in disbelief over how stupidly obnoxious her green boyfriend could be sometimes.

An alarm clock woke her up, she lazily moved her hand to turn it off but missed. She groaned as she had to get up to be able to see the damn thing. Once standing, she changed her clothes and made a light breakfast. It was little chilly outside, so she took a scarf before opening the door to her journey towards college. One of her last days at jump City University, and boy was she glad it was coming to an end.

“You had that dream again?” Jenny or Jen asked, the former Jinx who's also studing in the same University, sitting opposite on the grass in the courtyard.

“Not exactly the same, but yes. I kinda had flashback of his first time saying I love you, then I woke up.” Raven explained, a frown on her face regretting why she told her in first place.

“Maybe you should take the hint.” Jen looked at her with raised brows, somehow excited about this.

“We haven’t talked in over a year, Jenny. Not even a ‘hello’ or anything.” Raven reminded the pink haired girl.

“Yeah, but that can still change though, right?” Jen said with a smug smile. “I mean if you guys don’t talk now, then we’ll be finished with this study crap and then you might not see each other again.” She teased.

“It just wasn’t meant to be.” Raven argued, just as the bell rang; saving her from more of Jenny’s persistence regarding her personal matter. “Gotta go.” Raven grunted, grabbing her bag, standing up, and there he was.

He was probably quite far away from her, but she couldn’t look away. It’s the first time she’s seen him in a while. His clothing had gotten a little more mature, less bold coloured T-shirt ; more dark. He actually started to wear more Jackets, they look good on him. He surprisingly striped his hair green at the end of his natural blonde. Probably on his vegitarian beliefs insistence, she didn’t think she’d like it but it suited him well. At least better than she thought it would. Then they made eye contact. Blue met green.

He stopped in his tracks for a second, he almost waved at her, she saw how awkward he was. He gave her a small smile and a nod, then continued walking into the building. Raven stood still, as if paralyzed. Still processing what happened.

“See. You two are still in love with each other.” Jen said, smugly.

Gar arrived at his locker, putting his books in. “Nice hair, Green bean, trying to look like Beast boy ?” He heard a few students who passed him yell. He didn’t care. Over the last two years he’d gotten more than a few remarks regarding his looks thrown at him. He took the last two books in his bag and put them in the locker, Rather tossed of course. He closed the locker, revealing pink haired sorcerer, staring at him with a deadly look. Vic's rings gave them a natural look he still not sure where she got one and why she still kept her hair pink. He gulped,

“How are you Jinx ?” He all but grunted at her.

“How many time do I have to tell you that I'm Jenny here.” She replied slightly annoyed as they started walking down the corridor side by side.

“How are you?” She asked.

“Fine, why?” Gar asked back.

“You’re clearly upset about something, I just wanted to know if you’re alright.” Jen answered in a sweet, protective tone.

“If you’re here because you want me to talk to Rae...” He closed his eyes, wishing he wasn’t in this conversation. “It’s not going to change anything.”

“I wasn’t going to bring that up, I heard what that kid yelled...” Jen hooked her arm in his, slowing him down.

“You shouldn't get affected by this.” She scolded, rather loudly. It was amusing coming from her.

Gar looked at her like she was mad. “What are yo-”

“You know what I’m talking about. I have been there, people talk shit and they will continue forever doesn't mean we should get affected by that bullcrap” she still had a violent tone.

“Jen I'm no-” Gar was obviously annoyed at being interrupted again.

“Lets forget this.” they turned around the corner, earning some whispers as they walk hand in hand “I think you should talk to Rae-Rae, It’s been a year, and you both still look at each other like you want to talk. So stop being stupid and just talk to each other!” Jenny took a deep breath. “Before it’s too late.” She spoke more quietly.

“I made mistakes i admit, but trust me, so did she. And I’m tired of it. We were just dancing around, kidding ourselves thinking we were making things work when all we did was hurt each others feelings. Why would I go through that again?” Gar whispered loudly.

“Because when you love someone, you have to try.” Jenny said, looking at him with compassion. He didn’t deny the statement. “Think about it, okay?” She said, walking away.

“Why are you so concerned about me ?”

She turned around and smiled. “Because you were there when I needed someone.” she said, suddenly turning around she gave him middle finger “I'm just returning the favour”

Gar stood there, still. He rubbed the back of his head, frustrated and continued to his walk to class.

This year has been a lot for Gar. The stuff with Raven happened, then he found out Dick and Kori are moving out of tower. Vic got together with Bee and along with that came a lot of drama. They broke up but reconciled a few weeks later and have been somewhat happy since. Something about their relationship still bugs Gar though, he can’t figure out exactly what.

He got a new girlfriend for a brief period, that didn’t last longer than a few weeks. A fling you could call it. Just another poor attempt to get over Raven, which he thought he finally had. She dumped him for being too angst-y. That one hurt.

That’s when he decided to change. He threw away most of his clothes, other than the ones he really liked. He went shopping and got something, not angst-y. He colored his hair, and generally stopped caring too much about what other people thought. He welcomed the change and is finally happy with who he is, somewhat. That doesn’t mean he is changed completely. He’s still the same guy who likes to play video games, who likes to prank people, just slightly more comfortable in his own skin, which in turn allows him to be more expressive, generally.

Over last year everything, Rather than everyone changed. Titans disbanded year ago, Dick decided to move back to Gotham of course kori followed him, Vic went to Steel City to help out Titans East and also Opened his own car shop and of course after his breakup he decided to take proper education just to find out Raven is studying in same college.

The final days of JCU were approaching fast, he’d landed a part time job working at a Subway in downtown come fall. Perfect for a Student like him.

Classes were finally over for the day and Gar rushed out to leave. He couldn’t wait to get home. With the final lecture, even the pestering of Jenny about Raven, left him exhausted. He waved some of his friends and went towards courtyard when he saw her coming out of Literature building. Their eyes met again, the second time today. He stood frozen, he probably looked awkward since he was in a position where he was about to leave. She looked simply surprised, he wondered why, it’s not like they haven’t seen each other for ages. Something feels different this time, he thought. After a few moments...

“Hi.”

This is something i wanted to write for bbrae week for a really long time but due to my studies i couldn't, but now i can finally rest lol 😂

#bbrae #bbrae fanfiction #beast boy #garfield logan #raven roth #teen titans #smut #dick grayson #raven teen titans #koriand'r

[randomboo256]

She Hulk: Attorney at Law Review

I may generally stick to video games, but on occasion I do shuffle over into film/tv reviews. In this case, I've decided to take a good look at Marvel's most recent disaster endeavor: She Hulk: Attorney at Law. Over a long 9 weeks of steady episode releases, the newest Disney+ miniseries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe has finally concluded it's first season of episodes, and oh god what a long ride it was to get here.

For those somehow unaware, the show is about Jennifer Walters, the cousin of Bruce Banner (who, needless to say, is the Hulk). When she was in need of a blood transfusion, Bruce was the only one compatible and.. oh wait that's the comic storyline. In the show, she was casually taking a car ride with Bruce when he crashed out of nowhere and, somehow, his blood got into the open cut on her arm. This just happens a few minutes into the show, and uh... were they strapped for time or something? I mean yeah, the comic origin didn't make the most sense, but it was better than this. Whatever I guess... So uh, anyway so after getting a splash of his blood in her system, she suddenly got milder version of his Hulk powers. However, she doesn't want to be a superhero. She wants to be a lawyer, and the rest of the show is chronicling those misadventures.

I wrote a decent thread about the first episode when it originally came out, and to summarize, I felt that the main girl herself, Jen, was a rather uninteresting lead. She didn't have a particularly strong personality other than "smug girl with hints of self esteem issues". But even then, they barely did anything with that but crack smug jokes while occasionally trying (and failing) to make you feel for her. She feels less like a character and more of a lazy writer self-insert, which isn't helped by the 4th wall jokes, which I'll get back to shortly. Other than that, I thought that the CGI looked awful (and it is) and that everything felt really stiff, especially the humor. This show is meant to be a comedy and spoiler alert I hardly laughly once. The only joke that I remember laughing at was the lowbrow "Captain America is a virgin" joke which was literally like the first joke of the first episode (from my memory. I ain't rewatching it to check.) Talk about going downhill fast. Overall, episode one was a pretty bad first impression, and unfortunately it doesn't go much up from here.

Now before we move on, about those 4th wall jokes. They weren't very good. Like, I get it. It's She Hulk. It's part of her thing. But like, these jokes were not executed well. They all felt forced and they mostly amounted to Jen just making some smug comment to the camera, although admittedly the joke where she said "do you even remember this guy?" and she makes the show do a "previously on" for a minor character was pretty good. I liked that one. The rest were lame. Also the massive 4th wall break in the finale is really funny in concept but in execution it was so painfully drawn out, and as per usual with Disney, felt too corporate self congratulatory. Anyhow I'm getting ahead of myself.

When it comes to our main girl, by far my biggest issue is that she just becomes a master of being a Hulk basically instantly. I know She Hulk works differently ok. While Bruce and He-Hulk are basically two different people in one body, Jen and She-Hulk are still the same person. I'm fine with that. The problem is that there's no difference at all. They could have easily made it so that Jen and She Hulk are one woman expressed in two different ways. Maybe Jen is more quiet and reserved while She-Hulk is more bombastic and open. They're still the same person, but they act differently.

One of the most controversial moments in the show happens in the first episode. When Bruce is trying to help Jen learn how to control her powers, she explains that she needs no help and that she's already an expert on controlling her anger because she's a woman and being a woman is bad or whatever. It's essentially an excuse for why the show can completely skip over the "learning how to control herself" aspect of the storyline. It's never mentioned again. The moment was controversial for two reasons. For one, a lot of "antisjws" were pissed that she mentioned feminist talking points. Whatever. Fuck those dumbfucks. For two, more importantly, it essentially brushes aside any potential character development solely on the basis that "I'm a woman, and therefore I am already good at this." which is an extremely lame cop-out under the guise of looking "progressive". Rather than actually being progressive by baking in progressive themes into the storytelling, we had our main character stare into the camera and yell "WE'RE PROGRESSIVE" in hopes for some quick twitter likes when someone clips her rant and reposts it with "Yass queen slay". I want to be totally clear, I'm entirely ok with, and in fact encourage, including progressive themes in your work. However, you have to actually put the effort in and properly include them. This right here was just flat out lazy writing.

What if they included these themes as a central emotional point in the series? The idea of what society expects from women and how they have to put up with it could work well as a backbone to a She-Hulk story. Maybe Jennifer is "what society expects", while She-Hulk represents "what society wants to lock away". She-Hulk is Jennifer's personality unaffected by both her own anxiety and society's inhibitions. Maybe Jennifer starts off ashamed of being She-Hulk before learning to embrace herself and fuck society or whatever. You get the jist. It's a concept that flows very naturally into the premise and it makes for a far more interesting lead character all while avoiding having to be a superhero show, as the show is adamant that it isn't. But alas, that is not the show we received.

So what did they do with the whole Hulk angle? If it's not tied into her character arc (spoiler alert: she doesn't have one), what is it for? Well, She-Hulk is super famous, and Jen Walters isn't. That is basically it. I'm sorry, but am I watching a Hulk show or fucking Hannah Montana? Like she's a nobody who has an alter ego who's a big celebrity which is just such an uncreative take on this concept. Look, I get it. It doesn't want to be a superhero show. Again, I'm fine with it. But, they really do nothing with the fact that she's a Hulk both thematically and plot wise. It just feels so underutilized and it really begs the question of "Why am I even watching this?". (The answer is that it's an MCU show and I want to keep up.)

Ok, so the fact she's a Hulk means nothing. So what the fuck do they actually do in this show? Not much. There's very little in the sense of a coherent plotline throughout the show. It reaches a point where She-Hulk has a very elongated 4th wall joke in the finale that basically just exists to lampshade the fact that the writers planned none of this out. It's basically just "Yeah, we know the show is shit. What are you gonna do about it?" Was this show written by the Rick and Morty people or some shit?

Oh it was. Well, that explains a hell of a lot.

Anyway, so there's no real storyline throughout the show, despite the show somewhat pretending otherwise. The only real ongoing element through most of it was Jennifer Walter's Ultimate Quest for Cock (JWUQfC for short) as I like to call. JWUQfC, despite the name, was a pretty uninteresting dating storyline that was mostly just her thirsting for a date, failing to find a good one, repeat, repeat, and then she fucks Daredevil. That's basically it. Her whole dating storyline was mostly just "Omg it's like so hard being famous because guys don't wanna date the real me, yknow?" Ah yes, how relatable. I too am upset that my own immense fame is getting in the way of getting some quality dick. This storyline really demonstrates that this is a show made by upper class white women for upper class white woman. That is the best way I can describe how the writing feels. All of the situations she gets herself in are so detached from the ordinary human experience that it completely fails at getting me invested with her. It doesn't help that the characters in general act more like caricatures. Most of the dialogue is so bad at convincing me that any of these are real people.

But hey, despite my complaints suggesting otherwise, it's not a drama. It's a comedy. A really unfunny one with bad characters, bad CGI, mishandled messages, and a overwhelming lack of reasons to exist. This show was a colossal fuck up. Look, I didn't hate it. It wasn't like offensively awful, but it was really frustrating and generally just excruciatingly boring. It's mostly frustrating in the sense that it had so much missed potential, as I think I've shown already. It doesn't help that this show was LONG by MCU standards. 9 whole episodes of forgettable blandness. At least Wandavision was a pretty interesting watch despite the mediocre writing. She-Hulk just feels like a complete and utter waste of time.

3/10

#she hulk #mcu #review

[12xurecs]

The second Winged Wheel album, ‘Big Hotel’ is out May 3. Preorder the LP today (links below)

Winged Wheel :

Whitney Johnson

Cory Plump

Matthew J Rolin

Steve Shelley

Lonnie “Palmtree” Slack

Fred Thomas

Recorded in Kingston NY by Chris Turco

Mixed by Fred Thomas

Mastered by Carl Saff

Art by William Schmiechen

Vinyl pressed at Smashed Plastic, Chicago IL

Fig 2 📷 : Chris Turco

(Preorder : https://wingedwheel.bandcamp.com/album/big-hotel

http://12xu.bigcartel.com/product/winged-wheel-big-hotel-lp-12xu-160-1)

‘Big Hotel’, the sophomore effort of Winged Wheel, is an evolutionary document. Core members Cory Plump (Spray Paint, Rider/Horse, Expensive Shit), Fred Thomas (Tyvek, Idle Ray), Whitney Johnson (Matchess, Damiana), and Matthew J Rolin (Powers/Rolin Duo, solo) expand their lineup to include Lonnie Slack (Water Damage) and Steve Shelley (Sonic Youth), and instead of the entirely remote method utilized to create their 2022 debut No Island, the far-flung party convened in person in Kingston, NY for a long weekend of live studio recording.

The results are undeniably compelling. The band’s signature cyclonic energy is simultaneously augmented and refined with the approach of real-time collaboration. After tracking three days’ worth of group improvisations, weirdly-born songs, and other spontaneous creations, the hours of material were edited with a similar intensity. Half-hour jams became three-minute ragers and fragments were looped into infinity, calling on the same spliced aesthetic as some of the most adventurous material by Can, Faust, or more recently the experimental production of the International Anthem camp. The stereo field has been torn apart and sewn together again, rerouted with strange and mesmerizing left turns. Vignettes of ambiguous construction, both tightly coiled and exploding, revolve around themselves, gathering intensity and mass, coalescing into something greater than the sum of its parts.

“Demonstrably False” swells into existence like a motorik tidepool, tossing fauna onto the shoreline where it sprouts legs with a steady gait lying readily in wait within them. The controlled frenzy of “Sleeptraining” marks a determined dash to a patch of reeds that are given form by the propulsive and minimal “Clean Blue Shelf,” where lush terror and the balm of shelter seem equally likely to dwell. “Grief in the Garden” describes itself like the eventual, fleeting triumph of eyeing the sun as it rises to declare the end of a starless night.

“Smudged Textile” seems another gesture from the sun, where it begins its work of burning swaths of cloud away to uncover the stark and perfect sky; it is around here that the sensation of flight becomes all but irresistible. The aerial coolness of “Aren’t They All” maintains a reassuring pace much more like a heartbeat than a flapping of wings, which flows naturally into “Soft Hands,” a piece that widens and ultimately splits the perception, somehow evoking an even, landbound march even as it continues to narrate that endless, gliding flight. “Short Acting” is blissfully ambiguous in its suggestion, managing to hint at the vault of heaven before descending unhurriedly but inevitably back to earth. “From Here on Out Nothing Changes” completes the vast arc, teeming as it is with the wild and singular energy of conscious life.

Where ‘No Island’ was born out of distance and murk, these songs breathe and erupt in close quarters. Though the band isn't necessarily concerned with finding new levels of clarity, there’s a newfound power in the steady drive of Shelley’s unmistakable rhythmic style, and the unexpected interplay that builds on this foundation. Big Hotel is the sound of what happens in the rare and intriguing moments when Winged Wheel are all in the same room.

-Jen Powers, March 2024

#winged wheel #12xu #spray paint #tyvek #sonic youth #rider/horse #water damage #idle ray #matchess #powers / rolin duo #gerycz/powers/rolin #expensive shit #when dinosaurs ruled the earth #ECOATM #crucifucks

[glenngaylord]

Forrest Grump - Film Review: A Man Called Otto ★★★★

Have you ever watched a film that you knew in your heart of hearts was not very good? That it was filled with endless tropes and a way-too-predictable storyline, and yet somehow you found yourself in love with the characters and would follow them anywhere? Consider my surprise after seeing A Man Called Otto, which had a trailer set to what I could only call “Movie Theater Repellant Mode”. It had everything I detest in previews: stupid cat reaction shots, people yelling at each other over things like bad parking jobs, and the not so subtle hint that you’re about to experience something cloying on a whole new level. Cut to me sitting there watching the end credits and finding myself ugly crying with that figure eight mouth Laura Dean tends to get when she’s really, really upset.

Based on Fredrik Backman’s novel, “A Man Called Ove”, which also resulted in the 2015 Oscar-nominated Swedish film of the same name, the Finding Neverland team of writer David Magee and director Marc Forster have given us one of those highly mainstream Hollywood studio films that they don’t seem to make anymore. I kept thinking of The Accidental Tourist while watching and realizing I haven’t seen a film like that since it warmed my cold, dead heart way back in 1988. Stories of grief-stricken people  surrounded by a quirky cast of characters designed to melt their hearts are more likely to end up on the Hallmark Channel than in a multiplex. Well, if you’re like me, and you cherish the experience of crying in the dark with your fellow movie lovers instead of alone at home as you sadly flick your lamp on and off, then get out of the house and go see this one.

Tom Hanks, the Jimmy Stewart of his generation, stars as Otto, the grouchiest curmudgeon this side of Clint Eastwood’s Walt “Get off my lawn!” Kowalski. When we first see him, he’s complaining to a cashier at a hardware store who won’t sell him the exact amount of rope he needs. As deftly played by SNL’s Please Don’t Destroy standout, John Higgins, he’s intimidated and exasperated by Otto, which will turn into a recurring motif throughout the film. Otto has deep wells of grief which he takes out on almost everyone he encounters, from neighbors walking their dogs to unsuspecting delivery drivers who dare to park on his gated stretch of street.  

Of course, someone will come along who will make this Grinch’s heart grow three sizes, or in this case, a whole cavalcade of characters will take up the cause. From a highly empathetic transgender student (Mack Bayda) of Otto’s late wife to an elderly couple (Juanita Jennings and Peter Lawson Jones) who have a storied past with our protagonist, Otto’s defense mechanism of bridge burning meets its ultimate match in the form of new neighbor Marisol (a hugely winning Mariana Treviño ), who along with her husband and two children, with a third on the way, guilelessly kill Otto with kindness. Marisol intuitively seems to know exactly what Otto needs to get him out of his depression, resulting in their prickly yet truly endearing relationship.

Where this is all heading can easily be gleaned by anyone who has ever heard a story of any kind, but the prickliness in Hank’s wonderfully modulated turn took me by surprise. His best performances, for me, have always had just a hint of simmering rage to them, and his Otto, keeps his walls up and his demeanor tightly coiled. This helps undercut the sentimentality at the core of this particular tale, and is largely why it worked so well for me. Further, scenes like Treviño's hilarious reaction to finding out about a serious medical condition, kept the pap at bay.

We get pieces of Otto’s tragic past sprinkled throughout with Hank’s own son Truman sweetly, if a little flatly, playing his character as a young man. It’s in these flashbacks where we meet Sonya (a lovely Rachel Keller), whose story, filled with trauma as it is, contributes to Otto’s suicidal ideation. The original film version delved more deeply into Otto’s childhood and his relationship with his father, which the current film largely jettisons. Also gone is the voiceover and two key characters have been combined into one, which contributes to a stronger emotional connection. Magee also connects the dots to several loose plot threads which originally did not have much weight. That first film, while sweet and touching, rushed through its final act, leaving me pleased but not moved to the convulsive fits I burst into with the new one. In the prior film's favor, however, is a truly dynamic performance by Felip Berg as the young Otto. Truman Hanks doesn’t exhibit as much range and his lack of experience shows at times. Luckily, unlike Berg, he’s used sparely, perhaps to cover up these flaws.

The remainder of the cast, while uniformly solid, includes such standouts as Cameron Britton as an overly friendly, constantly exercising neighbor, Manuel Garcia-Rulfo as Marisol’s slightly dim husband, and Mike Birbiglia as a truly evil real estate developer. But make no mistake, Hanks, and especially Treviño, own this film. Her portrayal, while laced with a surplus of comedic beats, builds in power as she gives her character such a winning specificity. Their chemistry sparks what could easily have been a predictable slog.

Much like last year’s Coda, I feel A Man Called Otto has the ability to give mainstream filmmaking a good name. This year has seen some fascinating experimentation with the storytelling form, whether from the elliptical style as seen in Tár and Aftersun, the unconventional structure of Triangle of Sadness, or the thousand shots per minute onslaught of Everything Everywhere All At Once. Yet here we have an old school Hollywood film which can win our hearts, and that seems all too rare these days.

[smartycvnt]

Nice and Easy (Jennifer Check x Reader)

prompt: 36. “There’s nothing wrong with being easy honey, it’s how I like you.” 

warnings: smut

She could sense that something was up, that something had happened in two hours she’d been at flag practice. Jennifer couldn’t, however, tell what had happened. You weren’t giving away any hints, not ones that she was picking up on. Whatever had happened would have to wait until you were ready to talk about it. She just hoped that it was sooner rather than later. 

Jennifer Check did not plan on falling for you. It was sort of like a joke. Needy had treated it like that whenever Jennifer had confided in her about you. Jennifer Check was hot, popular, and while she had a bit of a reputation for sleeping around, she didn’t do it with people like you, nevertheless girls. You were somewhere between a burnout and someone who just hadn’t been given a chance to peak yet. Jennifer Check wasn’t even supposed to know your name, and somehow, you had left an imprint on her heart. 

If she was to describe falling for you, she’d say it was easy. There were so many little things to love about you, from your smile to the way that you’d say “ghetti” instead of spaghetti. There were bigger things too, your personality and the fact that you were truly ride or die. You were genuinely nice, but not a doormat, and Jennifer admired that quality in you. It definitely didn’t hurt that she found you “extra salty” whatever that meant. 

“Can I ask you something Jen?” Your hands gripped the steering wheel, even though you were parked in her driveway. You weren’t going anywhere. Jennifer’s mother wasn’t home, nor was whatever guy she was seeing. The two of you had her house to yourselves and every intention of taking advantage of the privacy. 

“Yeah,” Jennifer sighed. She was afraid, afraid that you didn’t want her anymore or that Needy had said something. You weren’t stupid, but there was only so much you could hear about Jennifer before you started to get wary. 

“Am I easy?” you asked her. “Because when I was waiting for you, some dickhead with a trumpet said that I was making myself too easy for you. I told him to shove it, but then I started thinking about it. He’s kind of right I guess, and I don’t really care, but then I do.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with being easy honey, it’s how I like you.” Jennifer pressed a kiss to your cheek. You ducked your head down as heat crept up towards your cheeks from your neck. “That guy can fuck off. He’s just jealous that he can’t have either of us.” 

“You know, I think I just might love you Jennifer Check,” you said and she brushed it off casually. On the inside, her heart was racing. If you would have slowed down to focus on her, you’d have noticed, but Jennifer wasn’t going to let that happen. She surged forward and kissed you. It felt like a diversion, which it was, but in your mind, it was for all the wrong reasons. 

“Let’s go inside. I want to show you something,” Jennifer told you. The two of you got out of your car and you followed her inside of her house. Your back was pushed against the door and Jennifer’s mouth was on yours, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. 

The two of you moved in tandem throughout her house. Neither of you missed a step or fell behind for a moment. Every kiss was matched with the same amount of passion. Everything the two of you couldn’t come up with words came out as the two of you fell back into Jennifer’s bed. 

At first, you had sworn that you’d been on top of her, making your way down between your legs. Then, you very surprisingly found yourself pinned beneath her body. Jennifer pushed your legs apart and from the second she touched you, your body felt like it was on fire. The searing heat built up, along with the pressure, until it all came pouring out of you like a volcano. 

“Nice and easy,” Jennifer said as she laid her head on your hips. You glanced down at her as she gave you a self-satisfied little smirk. She climbed up along your body before straddling your head. “There’s nothing wrong with being a little easy. It just means that you know exactly what you want.” 

==============

@wandas-wife 

#Jennifer Check #jennifer check x reader #jennifer check imagine #jennifer check imagines #Jennifer's Body #jennifer's body imagine #jennifer's body imagines #jennifer's body x reader

[minijenn]

Hello, Ms. Jen!

So I got another question for you.

Is there a mole within the lights?

So, as I’m reading there’s some really subtle hints that the organization or specifically Master X. Is getting inside information from the lights and their plans.

So is there a spy within the lights? And do they know or are they oblivious to this information?

I somehow think that Namine is a bit of a target? Sure she has escaped and I think it would be really easy to snatch her back just like Sora? But organization 13 chooses not to like in Sora’s case?

Hmm…

What are you up to Ms. Jen… what are you up to.

I’m eagerly waiting for the next chapter!

Chao!

Mmm yes, actually! But it's probably not who you're expecting it to be. See, the "mole" in the lights is someone who is technically working for the Org against their will, someone who wants nothing to do with them, but he's forced into servitude for them against their will. He's also completely unaware that he even is a mole, largely unprivy to the fact that Xehanort can basically see through his eyes and read his thoughts until it's too late. I think it might be kinda obvious at this point, but our unknowing spy is none other than... well, Sora himself. And really, it's been that way since the beginning, which is kind of why Xehanort always seems to be one step ahead of the game. Sora has been set up to lose since day one, and thrugh that, so have the lights, unfortunately.

As for Namine, yeah she's been a bit of a target. She still has her memory manipulating powers and that's a potentially powerful asset for the Org. especially when it comes to Sora. While they want him to remain himself through all this, she makes a good contigency plan in case things go wrong, which is why they held her captive for a few months in the Land of Departure. But I think you'll find that Namine is kind of... well she's instrumental in turning the tides for the better in a few chapters from now... :3

[ayellowcurtain]

If things were different

Sander has a huge crush on Robbe since forever but he seems to look anywhere else but at Sander. Until he does. But maybe he lost his chance, maybe it’s too late…

-

Zaterdag - 21:43

Sander moves inside the bathtub, pushing everyone a little further away if possible. His ass and feet are numb and he’s not sure if it's because of the weed or because he’s been sitting here, with his feet hanging out for far too long. Everyone is too high to care about his movement, so he sits a little closer to Robbe. He’s been oddly quiet tonight and nobody seems to care, having too much fun talking about all the fresh girls they met tonight. For once it’s not the same group of people, and Sander would maybe get the excitement if he wasn’t paying too much attention to Robbe.

The bottle went to him way too long ago, but he doesn’t seem ready to let go of it just yet. So Sander watches closely to make sure Robbe is not going way too far. He’s not very interested in the conversation about girls anyway.

It seems like everyone decided for him and her that Sander is a perfect match for Britt, Jens’ dramatic ex. He couldn’t disagree more but he’s been single for too long, and Robbe is too clueless. So he won’t put everyone and their stupid idea down completely just yet. If he can explain to Britt clearly enough that he’s in no way wanting anything serious, any strings attached to her, he doesn’t seem the problem in having a little bit of fun.

Sander gently holds the bottom of the bottle, hinting that he wants it back, and Robbe just lets go.

Moyo is right, Robbe does have a type. Sander smiles, looking at Robbe right there, leaning against him, too high to care about how close they are. Sander has to hold himself not to brush his fingers through Robbe’s soft hair, kiss his forehead, so close to his shoulder.

As Robbe is about to tell them about a possible girl he’s interested in, the bathroom door opens suddenly and the room goes quiet for once. He wanted to listen to that so badly. Sander is confused about his feelings but he wanted to know for some reason. Robbe doesn’t have a clue about how he feels, and it can be frustrating but Sander tries not to overthink it. He can’t force his best friend to like him back.

Sander snorts a little too loudly when the girl doesn’t get bothered by their presence and just pees right in front of them. It’s obviously too dark and it’s not like she’s showing them anything, but feels too invasive. It’s weirdly mesmerizing to see the whole picture, if he’s being honest.

“My type?” Robbe suddenly starts, and Sander looks at him, smiling. “Dark hair, maybe with a fringe. Tattoos on her arms, and like a sexy, beautiful, red dress that make her small boobs look great.”

Sander elbows him in his ribs but Robbe doesn’t care, too deep into his flirty character, and Sander can’t help but feel a little bit jealous. He watches as the girl, just as flirty, walks up and steals their joint.

“Stand up.”

It’s way too tight, but somehow he manages to do it in one smooth try, and Sander hates all of them all of a sudden, looking at Robbe hovering around the girl, kissing her after. He uses the space Robbe left to get up too. Sander hits the faucet with the side of his hand to make a noise, and washes his hands.

“Hey!” Robbe’s scratched voice breaks the silence and they look at each other through the mirror, “Where are you going?”

“I don’t know.”

Sander makes sure to walk between the two love birds to get out of the bathroom. It’s too early but he's in a very grumpy mood right now and no amount of beer or weed will fix him so he decides to leave already, go find somewhere else more interesting to do for the rest of the night. He checks with some of his art friends, and they’re somewhere not too far from the party, according to the GPS, so Sander tells them he’ll be there in a second.

Dinsdag - 14:57

Jens walks away to go talk to Jana and Sander stays back with Robbe even though they haven’t really talked much the past few days. Sander can’t seem to pull himself out of his bad mood funk but he wants to check on Robbe anyway, having to deal with his dad again, trying to convince Robbe to move in with him, and Sander can’t believe how this guy really doesn’t know his son. If Robbe decides one thing, you cannot change his mind, it doesn't matter how hard you try.

Sander listens to the conversation from the side, and it ends abruptly. Robbe turns on his heels, sighing.

“So…?” Sander lifts his eyebrows, curious to know what’s going on exactly with Robbe’s home situation.

“Nothing. I’ll figure it out, find somewhere else to stay.”

Sander sighs, putting his hands inside his pockets. “My offer is still up.”

“I know, but really, it’s okay. I don’t want to bother.” Robbe smiles at him, opening his bag to put his phone deep inside, as far away from him as possible in case his dad tries to call again.

“You’re not bothering, Robbe.”

He sighs loudly, rolling his eyes. “I know. I know! But still. I’ll find somewhere. And I promise, if nothing comes up, I’ll give you a call.”

“You sure?”

Robbe nods his head, lifting his eyebrows, clearly trying to change the mood already.

“You disappeared at that party.”

“Oh, you noticed?” Sander snorts, looking at Robbe. He laughs, and Sander stares at his lips, his cute teeth.

“Found someone better to do?”

“What?! Jesus fucking Christ, don’t be weird.”

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding. But yeah, you clearly left because I looked for you.” Robbe nods his head, like yeah, I did look for you.

“I doubt it.”

“Hey!”

Sander pushes himself away from the wall, adjusting his bag on his shoulder, walking around Robbe to go meet the boys. “You were too busy eating that girl from what I’ve heard.”

He turns around to look at Robbe while he walks back. He laughs shyly, shaking his head as he starts following Sander to go meet their friends.

Donderdag - 17:13

Sander walks around the place, trying to keep himself neutral, no laughs or comments or noises with his nose. But of course Zoe would live somewhere like this. Fancy, big, way too clean. Sander will make sure to tease Senne about it.

“And this is their smallest room.” He comments when Robbe walks around what’ll be his bedroom without saying a single word, jumping when he hears Sander talk.

“Yeah…” He tries to find what to say, “It’s good, right?”

“It’s the size of my whole place, so I would say yeah, it’s pretty good.”

Sander walks around, trying to picture where Robbe will put all his things.

“It’s cool that your dad is okay with this. I wish I had this big of a canvas to put all my mess in.”

Robbe finally exhales, and laughs, looking at him.

“It’s good that you and the boys will help me carry my stuff up here.”

Sander rolls his eyes, already hating every second of it, very certain it’ll be a nightmare to make Robbe’s move if that elevator continues to not work.

#wtfock #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #sobbe #robbe x sander

[allegra-writes]

"Bad together"

Prologue: Benjamin Reilly

Peter Parker x Reader

General audiences

Warnings: none.

"And if I'm dead to you

Why are you at the wake?

Cursing my name, wishing I stayed"

My tears ricochet - Taylor Swift

"... It's a disaster! Look at her! It's like someone took a look at Black Cat, selected everything that made her sexy and then took it out!"

Black Cat. The name froze the young photographer on his tracks right outside his boss' office. He hadn't heard that name in a long time, the last sighting had been well over a year ago. He would know.  After all, it had been him, the very last person to have seen Felicia Hardy, alive or dead.

"What are you talking about? That looks hot af, not to mention badass!" Jade's persuasive voice reached his ears, making him smirk: It was no secret the chief editor had a soft spot for the young intern. And, on her part, the petite brunette was a firecracker. Poor old Jameson didn't stand a chance. "Come on, dad. Single handedly taking down three of the Kingpin's goons? That's impressive. It deserves to be one of the slides!" 

"Not if we don't get a higher quality picture. That blurry video is good enough for a thumbnail, but not for a slide" Slides were a big deal, they were the Dailybugle.net's equivalent of a front page, and if J. Jonah Jameson took something seriously, it was his web site. He prided himself in the quality of the "receipts" of his "tea", as if that validated the trashiness of the bullshit articles he posted, more fiction from hyper imaginative wannabe writers than serious work from real reporters. 

"Well, then let's get the pictures. Where is that star photographer of yours?" 

The photographer rolled his eyes, typical Jade. As if the queen of cool didn't know his name. As if she hadn't graced his bed a handful of times already. 

"That's a good question. Dolores, get me Reilly!"

"I'm here, Jonah" Ben finally stepped inside the office, throwing an envelope on Jameson's desk before throwing himself on a chair across it. He could feel Jade's eyes on him, almost like a physical caress, trailing from the long, slick back curls on the top of his head, to the muscles of his arms, threatening to rip open the seams at the sleeves of his white t-shirt, to his jean clad thighs. Still, he didn't turn to look at her, refusing to give her the satisfaction. 

"What do you have for me today, boy?"

Ben gesticulated vaguely with his head in the direction of Jade, and Jameson caught the hint. 

"Jade, out!" 

"But, dad, my story!" The petulant reply left her mouth before she could stop it, undoubtedly the product of years of habit. But she had the grace to look embarrassed and leave the office without another word, trying to save whatever professionalism she had left. 

Once she was gone, Jameson opened the envelope, flipping through the various pictures of a masked figure swinging around New York in a black and red suit. 

"Hmmm… these are good" the older man praised, staring at the images of a frustrated robbery at 5th avenue

Ben snifled nocomitically,

"There was a fire at 16th avenue happening at the same time" He offered, "we could use that. Spider-Man forgets his roots and leaves his old neighborhood to fend for itself, running off to save some pretty socialite…"

"Oh, that is excellent! See, this is why I like you, kid. You have initiative. Unlike these snowflakes out there. Oh, but Spider-Man is a hero. Hero, my ass"

"Well, when you watch your so called hero sit back and do nothing as your life gets destroyed" Ben shrugged, "the rose colored glasses tend to fall off…"

Jameson made a face at that,

"Yeah, about that… I'm sorry. For the role the Daily Bugle played on that…"

Ben shook his head, 

"You thought you were getting the truth out there. It's not your fault to have been played, along with half the world. Plus," he added, sounding genuinely enthusiastic, "you gave me this job. And now we can really tell the truth"

"Even when our idea of the truth is somehow different" The older man scoffed, flipping around a picture of Spider-Man sat on what appeared to be a hammock of his own webs, eating a hamburger and reading something that looked suspiciously like a comic book, "Still hung up on that high schooler theory of yours?"

"Well, if it talks like a brat and acts like a brat…" Ben took out another envelope, this time containing a few burger king wrappers and, effectively, a spider-man comic book. 

"Where did you even get these?"

"Harlem" was Ben's curt reply, and Jameson knew that was as exact a location as he was going to get. 

"So you still believe this is a copycat? Some kid playing dress up"

Ben simply shrugged again. 

"Well, there seems to be an epidemic of those lately" Jameson admitted, indicating Ben to come closer, passing a tablet to him, "Jade just handled me this, take a look"

Ben took a deep breath, steeling himself, already knowing what he was going to see in it. Yet, a part of him couldn't help but hope to be wrong. To hope the silver haired figure facing three much bigger, stronger looking ones as he pressed play, wasn't the same one he had spent weeks memorizing last summer. Wasn't the body he had found solace in, when everything fell apart, once again, for the hundredth time in his life. 

To hope it wasn't you. 

But when in his twenty-two or so years of existence, had things ever gone his way? 

Ben felt the screen crack under his fingertips.

"I've heard of her" he lied through his teeth, "didn't even think she was real, to be honest. Extremely elusive, and cunning." That much was true, "I don't understand how something as mundane as a security camera managed to catch her…" 

Unless you wanted to be caught, that was. 

"Well, I don't care if she's the fucking Loch Ness monster, I want an HD picture of her on my desk tomorrow to go with Jade's article. I already have a headline: New Catastrophe Jen wreaks havoc on Hell's Kitchen" Jameson's eyes lit up with glee as he weaved his hands up in the air, like writing on an invisible marquee. 

Ben snorted

"Don't you mean Calamity Jane?"

Jameson's face fell, the color rising to his cheeks, characteristic vein popping on his forehead. 

"I meant what I meant, boy! Now, what are you still doing here? You have 24 hours to get me that picture"

"I'm going to need 72," came Ben's unphased reply, "and I want twice what you pay me for the spidey pics"

Jameson's vein looked about ready to explode,

"48 hours. And deal."

Ben jumped from his seat and bolted out of the office before his boss could change his mind, not realizing until it was too late that he was on a collision course with a sweet looking short haired blonde girl. 

"Watch where you're going! Jeez!"

"Me? You're the one who crashed against me!" 

Ben rolled his eyes, but crouched next to the girl anyway, helping her gather the papers that had been sent flying on impact back together.

"Peter? Oh my god, is that you?"

Of course. What an idiot, he should had recognized that annoying, shrilly voice the second he heard it. It had caught him off guard, something he knew he couldn't afford. But how could he had ever imagine he could run into Betty fucking Brant, Yale cum laude, in the freaking dailybugle.net headquarters of all places?

"Sorry, sweetheart. You must confuse me with someone else…" He mumbled, lowering his head even more in a vain attempt to hide his face.

"Of course not!" She insisted, "You're Peter, Peter Parker, we went to Midtown together!"

"Miss, I have no idea what you're talking about…"

"Don't be silly, Peter!" She chuckled, completely deft to his tone or the way his whole demeanor had changed the second she had called him by the old name. "How have you been? Oh, just wait until I tell Ned, he's going to be so-"

CRACK.

At last, the tablet that had been in peril ever since Jameson had put it in Ben's hands, the one that contained his assignment, met its demise, both broken halves falling to the ground, along with all the papers he had picked up for Betty. It was several moments before he could get the shaking of his hands under control, before the tar black rage inside him subsided enough for him to be able to move without shifting. But it had.

"Peter Parker is dead." He deadpanned, dark brown eyes finally meeting Betty's stunned blue ones, "Tell Ned that, he'll probably be glad to hear it"

With that, he stood up and walked away, leaving a confused and agitated Betty behind. 

To be continued...

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #tom holland #peter parker imagine #tom holland x reader #tom holland imagine #peter parker x reader smut #tom holland x reader smut #dark!peter parker #dark peter parker #venom #venom!peter parker #marvel #black cat #felicia hardy #bad together #arvin russell

[cassianandfenrysaremyboyos]

hello! so I guess I could tell now why ppl on twitter where big mad at Jen, it had to do with Joining. They were like Jen just ruined the characters (mainly Cas and Poppy) how can Cas share Poppy if he's portrait as over protected of her and blah blah, and how can Poppy be catching feelings for Kieran, so yeah, what were your thoughts on the Joining? for me, I was indifferent about it, but I'm glad they're literally joined for life.

Oh so that's what people were mad about? I avoided all spoilers and drama about the book. But unfortunately I did get spoiled that people were mad but I turned off anons and avoided everything after that so I had no idea what people were mad about. But when I heard people were mad my mind went straight to beloved character death or a huge betrayal or something horrible. It gave me so much anxiety I put off reading the book for days to pysch myself up for what might happen! And then I finished the book and was like I loved this book!

I'm not sure how people could be mad to the extreme when the joining has been hinted at since akofaf, even more strongly hinted at in tcogb and right from the start of twotq it was no longer hinted at, it was blatantly obvious it was going to happen. And I'm glad Cas and Kieran have that protection. And as a poppycas stan I'm really glad Poppy and Cas now have a shared lifespan. It would of broken my heart to know that Poppy would have to go on without her heartmate long after Casteel was gone. Would I have preferred Poppy and Kieran not become sexual and not have crossed that line? Personally yes, I found it kinda awkward and because I really love the how special and intimate their platonic relationship is. But as a one off time for the purpose of the joining (which we're told repeatedly can become sexual) it wasn't surprising and I don't mind it.

I guess I can kinda see why people could be upset. I love poppycas, they are my ultimate otp and I love how deep and intense their love is! And I can understand why some might think involving another person might somehow cheapen what they have? But for me I see what Poppy and Cas have as transcending all else. The bond that Poppy and Kieran have, and Cas and Kieran have, and the three of them have together is so special in their own ways but seperate to the romantic love and heartmates relationship that Poppy and Cas have. I think all of these bonds and different types of love can co exist

#asks #twotq spoilers

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Tracing Time

is this considered sexual content? the mild kind maybe? this is the content warning just in case haha

Tuesday, 21:21

Song: Christian French - head first

Sander follows Robbe into the hallway without a thought, heart thumping as Robbe smiles secretly over his shoulder. He’d tugged Sander away in a quiet, sneaky manner, and neither of them talk now as they creep along. Robbe stops at a door, however, and turns around to face Sander first, drawing him down into a hard kiss. Sander hums in pleasure, opening up to the younger boy and letting his hands find their spot on his hips. He steps closer, backing Robbe up against the door. It makes Robbe laugh, and then he fumbles blindly until he finds the door handle, letting it swing open behind him.

He pulls Sander in after him, their lips never once detaching. Then Robbe’s closing the door and backing Sander up and their previous position is suddenly reversed. Sander shivers as his back hits the wood and Robbe boxes him in, laying an arm by Sander’s head and keeping the other hand on the back of his neck, slipping a leg between Sander’s.

Sander’s hum comes out as more of a moan, this time, but it would be more embarrassing if Robbe didn’t simply respond in kind, licking his way past Sander’s lips. Sander lets his hands slip down, just a little to start with, pinkies brushing over the top of Robbe’s back pockets. Robbe nips at his lip in retaliation, but he’s grinning as he steps back and pulls Sander with him once more.

The shock of the sudden distance surprises Sander into looking around and finally recognising their surroundings. His eyes go wide, but by then Robbe’s already pushing him onto the bed and following him down.

“Wait,” he protests, even though that’s the last thing he wants to do with Robbe now straddling him. But he recognises the glasses on the nightstand and the skateboard in the corner and alarms are blasting in his brain. Robbe stops instantly, stilling his hands and his weight as he stares down at Sander. “Jens‘s room? Are you kidding?”

Robbe raises his brows, tilting his head in a manner that is much too adorably innocent for the current situation. “Do you want to go back out? Sorry, I didn’t mean to assume…”

Sander stares at him incredulously for a moment, then squishes his cheeks. “Dummy,” he murmurs, then tries again. “Jens’s room. His bed. Where he...does things.”

Robbe widens his eyes exaggeratedly. “You mean sleep?” he whispers, mock aghast.

Sander shoves him.

“No, wait,” Robbe protests, laughing and clinging to Sander’s shoulders to stop himself from toppling. “Relax. You’re not gonna catch any Jens germs.”

“How do you know?” Sander demands. Then he narrows his eyes. “Or maybe that’s what you want.”

Robbe’s nose wrinkles, and he lets out a tiny incredulous laugh. “What?”

“Ah, ah, come on, don’t tell me Jens’s bed hasn’t come up in your fantasies before.”

“Oh, gross, Sander, it’s been years,” he whines. “Are you never gonna let that go?” When Sander merely stares up at him, maybe a little petulantly, Robbe pokes his cheek and lowers his voice as he kisses Sander’s nose. “I’m in here with you,” he points out. “That’s the only constant in my fantasies. Honestly, I feel like the surroundings are even more reason for you to feel smug about it.”

Well.

He’s not wrong.

Sander still narrows his eyes a little more. “Okay, fine, that’s not even the point. What about our germs?”

That startles a laugh out of Robbe, even as a flush creeps up his neck and he pinches Sander’s shoulder. “Sexy,” he teases. Then he takes a moment to actually consider before leaning down close to Sander, letting their lips ghost together teasingly in a very familiar move. “Guess we’ll just make sure we don’t leave any.”

His voice is still low, but his eyes are light as he raises a coy brow, and Sander can’t protest any more. He tugs Robbe down and instantly goes about getting a groan out of him. It doesn’t take long, and then Robbe is giving him a heated look and taking over. His lips move across Sander’s jaw and throat, his angel necklace falling against Sander’s chest as his hands slip under Sander’s shirt, and then everything’s a flurry of clothes and kisses.

Sander has managed to divulge Robbe of his shirt, as well, by the time Robbe’s hand finds its way into his hair and tugs. It’s punctuated with a sharp suck over his pulse, and he bites down hard on his lip to muffle the sound that’s punched out of him. His hair has grown out enough by now for Robbe to easily thread his fingers in, to clench them around a fistful at any given moment—usually when Sander is least prepared for it.

It’s clear, by now, that Robbe knows exactly what he’s doing.

But despite Robbe’s ability to take him apart with everything the boy knows he likes and well-practiced skill, Sander can’t help releasing a breathless laugh as Robbe settles eagerly at his nipples. The sound also falls apart quickly when Robbe actually sets his mouth to work, however, going so far as to look smugly up at Sander through his lashes.

“Tease,” he mutters. Robbe’s hum reverberates through his whole chest as his hands now tangle themselves in Robbe’s curls. He can’t help letting one curl around Robbe’s ear, brushing his thumb over the lobe before gently tugging Robbe’s earring. Robbe’s startled breath morphs into a sigh that gusts over Sander’s skin, and Sander squirms in his impatience. It isn’t, however, in any way unpleasant, and he’s the farthest thing from annoyed. It’s so enjoyably infuriating that he does feel like crying in relief when Robbe finally tugs his jeans down around his thighs, though.

Sander sinks back into the pillow with a sigh, thighs clenching on either side of Robbe as the boy’s fingertips graze his hip bones to curl around the waistband of his underwear. He breathes slowly, one hand grasping at the sheets now with the other still lightly cupping Robbe’s head. He lowers it to mouth at Sander, and Sander makes a noise that is definitely not needy or anything like a whimper.

Then sound floods into the room and shatters the atmosphere like a broken glass, with a wide-eyed, swearing Jens as the culprit.

Robbe squeaks and attempts to cover Sander with his own body. “Jens,” he yelps. “Get out!”

But Jens is already backing away with his hand over his eyes, curses growing more colourful as he slams the door and calls, “Sorry,” in the same hopelessly embarrassed tone. “No, wait, Robbe, what the fuck?”

Robbe groans where his face is now buried in Sander’s thigh, and Sander squirms at the unrelenting sensations. He doesn’t embarrass easily, but, well.

This is really quite a lot.

“Jens, fuck off!” he shouts.

“No, you assholes, that is my room. You’re not having fucking sex on my bed. You’re not fucking on my bed! Get out, seriously, Robbe…”

Sander is going to kill him. It doesn’t matter if they bonded, or if Robbe would be upset, or whatever. He is a fucking disaster and he is going to die, at Sander’s hands. “It’s my birthday,” he calls back, which should really be an unnecessary reminder, but hopefully work to guilt Jens in his favour.

It does not work. “It’s my fucking bed! I have to sleep there later!”

“Well,” Robbe pipes up, surprising them both enough that neither snaps back. He’s looking up at Sander with a hint of his cheeky grin, even though he’s flushed right down to his collarbones. “Feel free to come in here and put a stop to it.”

Sander’s eyes widen, and then he beams and tugs Robbe up to him so he can kiss his cheek, and they wait.

“You can’t be serious,” Jens says finally.

“Try me,” Robbe sings back.

Jens even throws in some French swears, this time. Sander barely notices, because Robbe has gone back to kissing him and the slick slide of their lips is the only sound filling his ears. He sighs as Robbe strokes over his cheek and deepens the kiss, the cool metal of his pendant settling at the base of Sander’s throat. He can’t help but grin when he realises the silence is only making Jens more antsy, voice nervous as he bangs on the door.

“If you want this as your birthday gift, fine then, asshole, but I’m taking mine and Lucas’s back.”

“Cool,” Sander agrees, purposefully adding a tight, throaty tone to his voice that has Robbe smacking his shoulder and Jens smacking the door. “Bye now.”

“Clean up your own damn mess or I swear,” Jens warns, with another smack to the door. “I hate both of you, oh my god.”

This time they stay still and silent for a moment, and when they finally hear Jens’s grumbling retreat, Robbe rushes over to lock the door. He looks simultaneously terribly embarrassed and shamelessly debauched, cheeks red and hair a mess, chest bare and jeans tight. It’s a sight to behold.

Sander doesn’t want to know what he looks like, spread out on the bed with only his damn jeans up to his knees.

Robbe licks his lips while looking at him, though, even as he slowly pads his way back over and tilts his head. “How much did that ruin the mood?”

Sander raises a brow. Robbe already has enough visual evidence of the truth, which is somehow ‘not at all’. Robbe flushes further in understanding, clearing his throat as he kneels on the edge of the mattress. “You?” Sander asks him.

Robbe kisses him again in response, deep and dirty, and Sander’s pulse kicks back into hyperspeed.

For about ten seconds, after which Robbe is pulling away once more and saying, “Wait.”

Sander groans, but tears his hands away from his boyfriend obediently. His voice comes out sounding a little impatient, though. “What?”

“I want to give you your present.”

“Right now?” Sander demands, blinking. “Isn’t that what’s already happening?”

Robbe has the audacity to laugh at him, though it is more of a shy giggle. “No, just…” he trails off, blushing again as he sits away from Sander. “Do you wanna…?” He gestures at Sander’s waist, and Sander buries his face in his hands.

“You’re killing me, Robbe,” he mumbles through his fingers, before obediently pulling up his pants with a quiet huff.

“Okay, okay,” Robbe laughs. “Just, here.”

He holds something out above Sander’s face, and Sander lets his hands drop. He finds himself looking at a key.

Robbe’s key.

To his house.

“What?” Sander says, lost.

Robbe looks nervous. It’s incredibly endearing, how he tilts his head and bites his lip but makes himself hold Sander’s gaze. “I obviously got you stuff too, but, that’s at home. So. I’ve just been meaning to give you this, as well, and now seemed like a good time?” He pauses. “Well, maybe not right now. Sorry.”

“Robbe. What?”

“So you can come and go whenever you need to,” Robbe says, quiet and hesitant. “If I’m not there and you want to wait for me, or if you ever need me during the night, I figured this is better than waiting for me to come let you in, just in case it’s…raining, or something.”

Sander stares at him.

Robbe’s expression drops slightly and he bites his lip. “It doesn’t mean you have to use it, obviously, just that...you can. If you want to. Mama is completely fine with it, too.”

Sander is speechless. He doesn’t think words actually exist to describe it. The...the amount of trust Robbe puts in him through this small item is ridiculous. How he had described the offer is completely insane. He’s happy to let Sander allow himself into his house in the middle of the night, simply if the desire takes him. He’s happy to give Sander, who has been labeled everything from annoying to downright crazy, the freedom of his home. His own sanctuary. He’s opening all of it to Sander with the only doubt being that Sander wouldn’t want it.

As if it isn’t the best thing anyone has ever given him.

He can’t speak, so he reaches, pulling Robbe in to offer his gratitude and reassurance and disbelief in a kiss. It’s still a hard press of lips, still hungry, but it’s slower and softer than any of the others they’ve shared tonight. It means something else, something beyond the basic desires they’d been indulging in minutes ago. It means something more.

“Robbe,” he breathes, heart fluttering at his boyfriend’s responding happy hum. “Thank you.”

Robbe strokes his cheeks so softly, and smiles so lovingly down at him, and Sander feels cracked open and laid bare beyond his near nudity. “I may have an ulterior motive,” Robbe admits. “I didn’t bring another key, so if this is to be yours, I guess I can’t get home without you.”

Sander huffs a laugh, lips spreading in a too-wide smile as he stretches up to kiss Robbe again. “Clever,” he praises.

Robbe hums again, equally pleased, and holds the key out to Sander. Sander takes it, closing his fingers around it carefully, watching the light flicker over and dip into the ridges as they press into his skin and imprint on him. He rubs his thumb over the rough metal, just admiring it for a moment, before looking at Robbe again.

He is the easiest thing to admire. He’s still flushed all down his neck, though it’s happy nerves more than embarrassment now. It’s enticing enough that Sander has to lean in and kiss the bare skin, has to feel Robbe’s heartbeat reverberating through him. He draws Robbe closer, back into his lap, into the circle of his arms, and pulls him close enough that they are entirely pressed together, chest to chest with heads tucked over each other’s shoulders. Robbe’s angel pendant presses into the skin near Sander’s own heart, which feels incredibly fitting.

“I love you,” Sander murmurs, because it’s the only thing he feels in this minute—the only thing he feels every minute, regardless of everything else.

Robbe presses a sweet kiss to his cheek. “I love you too. Happy birthday, Sander.” He allows Sander to hug him tighter for a moment before adding, “You should be able to find one of your other gifts now, too.”

“Find?” Sander pulls back just enough to look at Robbe quizzically. His eyes widen a fraction and he pats the pockets of Robbe’s jeans, feeling a smirk play at his lips. “Did you come prepared?”

“No,” Robbe yelps, batting him away. “You’ll have to search for it online.”

“What? What do you mean online? Do you know how vast ‘online’ is, Robbe?”

Robbe rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. “YouTube, then. You have to look on YouTube.”

Sander tilts his head, baffled. “Did you rejoin a Broerrrs video?”

Robbe shrugs, all wide-eyed innocence, as if he’s not the one who put it wherever it is.

“Okay,” Sander announces. “We’re not doing anything here.”

He admits to feeling a little smug when Robbe’s face falls. “I thought you wanted to?”

“Oh, trust me,” Sander reassures, “I definitely do. But neither of us actually came prepared, and I’m realising this isn’t all I want to do to you tonight. No, we’re going to go back to yours and I’m going to find this mysterious online gift and then, then this will be made worth it.”

Now Robbe’s wide-eyed gaze holds a very different vibe, and his flush has darkened alongside his eyes, and he nods just a little too quickly. “Okay,” he agrees.

Sander grins, and does, however, spend a little more time kissing him, still clutching the key in an incredulous grip.

And, well, the thought of making out on the bed of Robbe’s old crush with Robbe is oddly satisfying. He might feel a little smug. And if it makes said crush squirm a little because he thinks they carried through on their threat with a little more commitment, well, that’s even better.

~^~

previous/next

#wtfock #sobbe #rosander #robbe x sander #sander season #tracing time #here is the ✨foreshadowing✨ lmao #bet you didn’t think you’d be getting walked in ON by jens huh robbe

[pollylynn]

Title: Vibrissa WC: 1000 Episode: Undead Again (4 x 22)

She is not the one who called him. When she finds who is the one who called him, when she finds out who lifted her fucking phone and called him, everyone is going to have a second murder on their hands. In fact, everyone might have several murders on their hands, because the most expedient thing to do is to do away with the likely suspects and let the ME’s office—minus one Doctor Lanie “Top Suspect” Parish—sort them out.

She is done calling him. She has been done calling him for days now. Since she put her career on the line to bail him out of the mess he’d gotten into with Slaughter and he’d slunk off with a mumbled Thank you and belated Sorry, writing texts to the next two, three, four embarrassing times she’d let muscle memory kick in and dial his number the minute she caught a body. Yes, she has been entirely done calling him. 

Except some soon-to-never-be-heard-from-again fool has a problem with that. Some idiot with a death wish thought it would be funny or dramatic or whatever called him, and now here he is, dropping hints that he’s leaving like they’re rose petals and he’s a hyper-enthusiastic flower girl. Here he is, there he goes, and God it hurts.  

She wants to know why. It’s a global question. It’s a universal question. She wants to know, first and foremost, who it was and why they did it. This is her first why with a who along for the ride,  because plotting their painful death—or more likely, their painful deaths—offers a welcome distraction. Getting away with it without benefit of Lanie’s services is an additional challenge, and she says bring it on, because everything beyond that—everything other why in the universe—just fucking hurts. 

But she still wants to know why he’s going now. She wants to know why he hasn’t gone already. She wants to know why he would do this to her, why after everything, he would do this.  

She thinks that might be the most painful thing. After far more consideration than she should be giving it, she thinks it’s the most painful why in the whole bunch, because she’s a fool for even asking the question. She’s some kind of masochist for asking it after weeks and Jacinda and Slaughter and the thousand miserable slights she’s endured since whatever it is that happened actually happened. If anything actually did happen. If the the answer to that why isn’t just With him? Bound to happen.

But she can’t stop asking the question, even now. How can she when in between the jabs and the constant not-quite-announcements of his impending departure, he is still himself, she is still herself? How can she not remain entirely baffled when they are still themselves—including whichever would-be martyr in their dysfunctional little family—with one another?

He is the irritating conductor on the zombie train, and Ryan busily stokes the engine. Esposito is the mustache-twirling villain who has piled cartoon TNT high just ahead on the tracks, and she is . . . well, she doesn’t know what she is, because the only role left is the golden-haired damsel tied to the tracks, awaiting rescue, and this metaphor is stupid and he is stupid and that is all situation normal. 

So how can she not still ask why, when he is throwing shade at the zombie walkers for their strange hobby, with absolutely no hint of self-awareness? When he’s talking monsters and asking her about monsters, and it’s like nothing at all has happened. It’s like . . .

. . . sudden amnesia. 

She doesn’t believe in premonitions. She doesn’t believe in fate or signs from the universe any more than she believes in zombies. And as a non-believer, she is hard-pressed to explain Kyle Jennings, a man whose story is a metaphor so on the nose that Aesop himself would have blushed to tell it in this particular context. 

But Kyle Jennings’ story is a sudden fact of life. It is a rhetorical device dropped in the middle of the rough and rocky road they have been on—together, in spite of themselves—all this time. Kyle Jennings’ story is his biggest why, her biggest why set right out in the open, or as close to right out in the open as things ever get for them. 

It doesn’t hurt any less, suddenly knowing why he would do this to her. The fact of the matter is that he has it in him to do this to her. He has done this to her. It’s a wound that hurts now, that will go on hurting. But it hurts . . . differently. It’s still stupid. He is still stupid, and yet here’s a new thing that hurts—her heart on his behalf. It hurts because she hurt him.  But it somehow helps at the same time. 

It spurs her on. The new hurt makes her determined, and as Kyle Jennings turns to leave the bullpen, she takes a breath. She leaps into moment, into the conversation, into the hot mess the two of them have made. She gives him as much of an answer to his biggest why as she can and that . . . does hurt less. Letting go of the burden, the secret, the wrong-headed sense of shame that she’s carried about being in therapy,  about trying to do the work on her own. It hurts less for her and for him. 

She doesn’t wonder who called him anymore. She doesn’t need to know why so that she can bring the story full circle before she murders them. She is probably not going to murder anyone in the near future, because it could have been the universe that called. It probably wasn’t. It was probably someone with a permanent scowl, a sweater vest, easy access to sharp objects. But it could have been the universe. 

A/N: Why is the least morphousness-bearing of all journalistic questions. 

images via homeofthenutty

#Csatle #Caskett #Castle: Season 4 #Castle: Undead Again #Kate Beckett #Richard Castle #Javier Esposito #Lanie Parish #Kevin Ryan #Fic #Fanfic #Fanfiction #Fan Fic #Fan Fiction #Writing #Tell Me More

[pepethehobbit]

It’s Not Living (If It’s Not With You)

3 times people wrongly assume Jens and Lucas are in a relationship and one time they’re right. (ao3)

1.

“You have the present right?”, Lucas asks, probably for the third time in the 15 minute walk it took them from Jens's house to Robbe and Sander's new flat. Jens feels like he should be annoyed with the lack of trust Lucas seems to have in him, but he can't help the fond laugh that escapes his lips.

“Yes, Luc. I have the present. Would you chill? Why are you so nervous?” Jens places what he hopes is a comforting hand on Luc's shoulder and gives it a soft squeeze. It seems to work because the tension is visibly draining from Lucas' shoulders under Jens' touch. It makes Jens weirdly proud.

“It's the first time that I'm meeting all of your friends.” He must notice Jens' confused gaze and continues to explain before Jens can interrupt. “No, I mean like all of your friends. Of course I know the brothers and Sander, but I haven't met Jana yet, or Milan, or Luca or Zoe and Senne and I know that they are like super important to you as well.” Lucas feels like maybe he should say more but he stops there. Jens seems to read him perfectly anyway.

“And so what? You're afraid they won't like you?”

“No, I mean, yes kinda? To be honest? We've spent a lot of time together lately and I don't want them to think I'm holding you back from spending time with them.”  

Jens tries to hold back an amused laugh but he is hugely unsuccessful in doing so and before Lucas can get the chance of being offended he tries his best to reassure him: “Leave it to you, Luc, that you actually think about stuff like that. Honestly, they will understand and they are going to love you and you them. You have nothing to worry about. Trust me.”

Lucas sighs but Jens can tell that he was at least a little bit successful in calming his nerves. It surprises him sometimes how easy it is for him to read him. Technically, they've known each other since elementary school. They were best friends, even before Robbe entered their little group but then Lucas moved back to the Netherlands when they were eleven and they lost contact. Once, out of curiosity, Jens looked for a Lucas van der Heijden on Instagram when he was sixteen, just to see if he would find him and maybe see what he was up to these days. When he actually found him a weird but not entirely uncomfortable feeling began to stir in his stomach as he hovered over the follow button. In the end he chickened out of pressing the button that would give them the chance to reconnect. The same  feeling came back when he started uni three weeks ago and he felt someone tap on his shoulder when he was standing in front of the cafeteria with Robbe and the rest of the brothers.

Jens turned around, curious, and couldn't hold back his mouth from dropping in a really unflattering way, overcome with shock and surprise. “Lucas?”, Jens had asked, not really trusting his eyes. Lucas let out a small but pleased laugh and nodded his head excitedly in confirmation.

“What are you doing here?” Lucas continued to smile at him, but it turned into a teasing one when he looked around, surrounded by students and university buildings and answered: “Studying?”

Jens had rolled his eyes at that, he wanted to come back with something equally smart but then he remembered the others were still with him when he saw the confused faces of Moyo, Aaron and even Robbe, who didn't seem to recognize him right away. He introduced them to Lucas and from there on they basically spend every single moment together, either with the brothers or alone. They seemed to fall right back into that easy dynamic they had when they were still children but there was something else as well. At least for Jens, that easy dynamic came with an added need for closeness. Somehow, he really can't imagine a day where he wouldn't want to spend time with Lucas. It might have to do with the fact that when Lucas smiles at him with the bluest eyes he has ever seen Jens feels like something that has been missing from his life has been returned to him. Jens isn't ready to question this feeling yet, just like he is ignoring the way his stomach feels all fluttery and excited when Lucas attention seems to be solely on him.

Naturally, Robbe and Sander invited him to their housewarming party and Jens and Lucas have decided to go together. They even found a little present for them when they were out on a little tour of Antwerp, with Jens showing Lucas the city and all his favorite places. “Jens, I have lived here before, you know? I really don't need the tour,” Lucas has said when Jens suggested it. “Bullshit, Luc. That was ages ago. I need to show you all the good spots that we didn't know of back then.” Jens also took him to that little secluded corner by the Scheldt that he sometimes goes to when he wants to be alone. He hadn't even consciously thought about it in the moment, it just felt so utterly natural for him to show Lucas his hiding spot. Jens only really noticed that he did that when he was home again and replayed the events of the day in his head. He wondered only briefly about what that could mean and then he brushed that thought aside and just decided to text Lucas instead, asking when they should meet up at the skate park the next day.

Two weeks later, of which they had almost spend every day together, they're now on the steps of Sander's and Robbe's new flat, about to ring the door bell. Jens still has his hand on Lucas' shoulder, squeezes once again and asks: “Ready?”

Lucas nods and rings the doorbell that reads Driesen/IJzermans. They get buzzed in and on their short climb up to the first floor they could already hear the muffled sound of music and smell the smallest hint of smoke and alcohol. Jens and Lucas follow the sound and are greeted with an excited Milan, who opens the door at the end of the hall for them.

“Ahhh, Robbe! Sander!” Milan cries with a look inside the apartment, searching for the owners. He then turned around again, now face to face with Lucas and Jens who have arrived at the doorstep, standing next to each other with their shoulders and arms touching all the way. If Jens were to reach out with his fingers, they would brush against Lucas'. “Another couple to make me feel sufficiently single tonight, how nice. Robbe told me all about you two. Come in, come in, the lovebirds are probably in the living room somewhere.”

It's not exactly the word “couple” that makes him freeze on the spot and it's also not the thought about what Milan means when he says Robbe has told him about them. It's more the way he can feel Lucas tense immediately next to him and then not at all as he takes a step sideways to create some distance between them. Hurt flashes through him for a second, hurt at the thought that Lucas is ashamed at the thought of them together. But then he thinks about the fact that Lucas hasn't been out that long, a fact he told him when Jens took him to his hiding spot. Maybe, Jens thinks, it's an unconscious reaction Lucas makes whenever people assume the one thing about him he tried to hide and suppress for so long. Maybe he just isn't ready to be openly affectionate yet even if they are just friends.

Lucas and Jens haven't moved from their spot in the doorway and Milan eyes them curiously. “Are you coming or what?”

“We are not a couple. Lucas is just a friend,” Jens clarifies finally. He hopes he is sufficient enough in hiding his disappointment.

“Yeah, what exactly did Robbe tell you?” Lucas asks with a laugh, but it sounds forced.

Milan seems still really confused and skeptical. “He told me about how Jens doesn't have time for him right now, because he met you and now spends all his time with you. He said, and I quote 'They can't get enough of each other.' Are you sure you're not together?”

Jens has to will the blush away that threatened to spread at Milan's words. Although it definitely wasn't in the way Milan implies, they did spend almost every minute of every day together. He woke up with thoughts of Luc, texted him to ask if he has time, they hung out all day and at night in bed he would think about the day and how happy he is that Lucas is back in his life. But now, when he looks over at Lucas, he seems to be uncomfortable with what Robbe had said and Milan interpreted the wrong way.

Probably firmer than he really needs to, but hoping it makes Lucas more comfortable about the situation if he dispels all possibilities of them being together, he says: “Yes. We are pretty sure we are not together. Lucas and I were best friends when we were young. We just had a lot to catch up on these last few weeks.”

With that, Milan lets them off the hook and they finally step into the flat. He still doesn't seem to believe them, Jens knows Milan well enough to see that he is not convinced there is nothing between Luc and him. Jens doesn't try to think about it too much. He also tries to direct his thoughts away from the feeling of disappointment that Lucas is so uncomfortable at the thought of them together. The nagging feeling at the back of his throat tells him he knows why he feels that way but he also doesn't want to investigate it further, because his disappointment will only turn into hurt. He tries his best to stay oblivious to the storm inside his head that Milan's words and Lucas's reaction have caused. He isn't ready to admit it and the party is the best way to distract him.

They find Robbe and Sander, give them their present and Jens introduces Lucas to all his other friends. Jana eyes him curiously when he talks about Luc, but he stores that away with the rest of his thoughts concerning his childhood friend. The party is fun, they dance all night and drink even more and Jens nearly forgets all about the things he should probably start thinking about.

2.

It's been a few weeks since the housewarming party and they have yet to talk about the whole “Milan thought we were together” fiasco, and remembering how uncomfortable Lucas seemed at the idea, Jens is scared to bring it up. So they ignore it. It's not like it's a big deal anyway. Milan thought they were together and they cleared that misunderstanding, setting everything straight. There is no reason for Jens to still think about it as much as he does, failing at ignoring it entirely. He tries his best though, tries to ignore the warm fuzzy feeling when he thinks of Lucas as his boyfriend, how proud he would feel if he could actually get to introduce him as such, how nervous and excited he still gets every time they hang out together, how he can't stop staring at his lips when Lucas doesn't notice, how he daydreams about covering those lips with his own, how he just wants to reach out and touch, how he drowns in the bluest eyes in his dreams nearly every night.

“So what do you think? We could combine it with a trip to Utrecht to see my friends?” Lucas asks, snapping Jens out of his sad attempt at ignoring thoughts about the boy right next to him.

“What?” Jens answers confused but Lucas only huffs a laugh. “Honestly, Jens. Where is your head at recently? Have you been listening to anything I have said in the last five minutes?”

Jens tries to think about what they have been talking about, sitting at the familiar spot at the Scheldt that has already kind of become their spot since Jens has shown him his hideout. He comes up with a blank, confused about himself that he got so lost in his head trying and failing not to think about Lucas that he can't even recall what the real one just said to him. He feels how Lucas scoots a bit closer to him on the blanket they share and from the corner of his eye he sees him raising his hand. Jens is still surprised however when that hand is placed gently on his temple, a smooth thumb easing away the crease between his eyebrows. Lucas' touch is soft and careful and Jens tries to ignore the feeling of wanting Lucas to touch him like this all the time, until he's not careful anymore but sure and secure in his movement, because Lucas has done this a million times before. But with so many things concerning him, Jens is widely unsuccessful.

“Hey, are you okay, Jens?” Lucas' voice is soft and low, flowing over with real concern and it's causing a small flutter in Jens' stomach.

“Sorry, I spaced out. I think I'm just tired,” Jens lies and he can see that Lucas doesn't really believe him. But before he can say anything Jens turns to him with a loud exhale and asks: “What were you talking about?” Lucas eyes him skeptically for a moment but something in his voice must have given Lucas reason to not push further.

“I was saying that Kes and Jayden have two spare tickets to see The 1975 in Amsterdam and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me? We could make a weekend trip out of it. Go to Utrecht on Friday, you could meet my friends and on Saturday we all take the train to Amsterdam and leave for Antwerp again on Sunday. What do you think?”

Lucas sounds so obviously excited about it and Jens is honored that he wants him to meet his friends and go to a concert of his favorite band with him. It's not really Jens' favorite band, but Lucas has shown him some songs that he really loves and listens to all the time now. So he replied with the only possible answer: “I would love to.”

The answering smile he gets from Lucas is tugging at his heartstrings and as he smiles back just as excited he really hopes that this boy is not going to break his heart.

When Jens gets home after it had started to rain, after they scrambled for their skateboards and the rest of their belongings and after they skated through the summer rain to their respective homes, out of breath from laughing, Jens changes into comfy and dry clothes and throws himself on his bed, exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the day.

So ignoring isn't really working out for him, Jens notices. But is there an alternative? He can't just go up to Lucas and tell him that he wants to be more than friends. Especially thinking about the tenseness of Lucas' shoulders when Milan referred to them as a couple. For now, he probably can't do much more than to accept that he has feelings for Lucas and hope that they will fade with time, because it doesn't look like Luc is going to return these feelings anytime soon. It's gonna be hard, but that's better than not having Lucas in his life at all.

It's only been a little over a month ago since they met again and Jens already can't imagine a life without him by his side, is confused for a second when he thinks back to outings with the brothers and realizes that Luc wasn't with them. Lucas just fitted himself so perfectly into Jens' life, made himself comfortable and decided to stay. Jens can only hope that Lucas keeps that decision when his feelings will eventually go and ruin everything.

+++

The queue to the venue where they're about to see The 1975 is pretty long. Next to him Lucas bemoans the fact that they will probably get really shit places to see them on stage. He wants to reach out, pull him in a hug or just comfort him somehow, but with Kes and Jayden there he feels weirdly watched. They, Kes especially, have already given Jens some knowing looks during their visit and Jens isn't sure how to interpret them, because sometimes they are accompanied by what Jens guesses are supposed to be meaningful looks towards Lucas. Who mostly ignores them or he just really doesn't seem to notice.

“Oh come on, stop whining. Whose fault was it that we missed the first train because someone couldn't decide on an outfit to wear?” Kes says with a gentle punch to Lucas's shoulder.

“It's my first time seeing them live, I wanna look good.” Lucas replies in a sulk.

“You do.” Jens says before he could even think about it, it just slipped out. The urge to compliment and reassure Lucas is like a reflex he can't control. From of the corner of his eye he can see Kes smile knowingly again but he is more focused on the way Luc's eyes snap up to his, as if searching for something, but then he shakes his head slightly and simply says: “Thanks.”

“Guys, come on! We're about to see our favorite band! Stop complaining. It's gonna be awesome, even if we won't actually see what's going on,” Jayden exclaims excitedly, pulls all three of them into a group hug and ruffles every mop of hair he can possibly reach. Lucas pushes him away with a fond smile, tries to set his hair right again and Jens finds himself thinking that his curls look just as good when they're a little bit messy. He wants to run his hand through them himself, just to see if Luc is still as pretty with even messier hair. Jens wonders if his hair is even more disheveled in the mornings, if he ever gets a chance of seeing it, of being the reason for it.

“Look, the queue is moving up,” Kes notices and they all move up a few meters until they have to stop again. This goes on for another half an hour, in which they talk and speculate which song they are going to open with and in which Jens tries really hard to get his thoughts about Lucas under control, because if he doesn't he is sure he will slip up again and say something that he can't take back.

They are finally at the entrance, Kes and Jayden are in front of them, already showing their ticket to one of the ticket inspectors. Lucas has just grabbed his hand to pull him along and when he shows his ticket to the inspector he hasn't let go of Jens yet. Both of them are kind of surprised when the inspector says to Lucas: “And your boyfriend's ticket?”

Lucas drops his hand immediately, as if burned and even flinches a good foot away from Jens. “He is not my boyfriend,” and his voice sounds like he is in panic and Jens tries really hard not to feel the hurt washing over him.

“Well, I still need your ticket,” the inspector says calmly and turns his gaze towards Jens. While handing the ticket over he chances a look at Lucas and it looks like he would rather do anything else than to meet Jens' gaze.

They walk inside in an awkward tension after the security guy cleared them. Jens hates it, things have never been that weird between them. He hates having to second guess his every move, he just wants to get back to the beginning, where everything felt natural with Lucas and he wasn't aware of his feelings. Because being oblivious hurt way less than this. Being aware means he can see the tension in Lucas shoulders and that weird sort of forced smile he now gives Kes and Jayden who  wait for them near the entrance. Being aware means that he he sees how glad Lucas seems to be that they are here to distract from the situation so Luc can avoid talking about it. Jayden immediately ropes him into a conversation about a pretty girl he saw. Jens knows that Lucas couldn't care less about his friend's weird attempt at flirting, at least under normal circumstances. Because right now he seems very eager to support Jayden instead of giving him one of his usual sarcastic and teasing comments.

If Jens was feeling less for him he probably would've been able to just brush it off with a joke and a bro like punch to his shoulder as soon as it happened. But he couldn't react fast enough because the first thing he felt was the sting of rejection when he heard Lucas's panicked voice. He tries his best now to be part of the conversation happening around him, to not focus on Lucas as much anymore, but instead to copy some of Kes' relaxed aura and stealing some of Jayden's excitement about the concert.

As soon as Lucas notices that Jens isn't going to approach the subject he seems more relaxed as well, seems to be able to meet Jens' gaze again and not duck his head like he is still embarrassed but seems genuinely happy that he is here with him. And when Luc's favorite band finally gets on stage after a mediocre supporting act he tugs at Jens' hand excitedly, lets out a happy mixture between a laugh and a squeal when they start with Chocolate and Jens thinks that if he wasn't aware of his feelings for him before, this moment would have done it. He is singing along loudly and off key and dancing and smiling so happy and carefree and Jens falls even more in love with him. When they play It's Not Living (If It's Not With You) Lucas turns to look at him and seems momentarily surprised when he finds Jens' eyes already on him. But then he just smiles in a way Jens has not seen directed at him before, turns his head back to the stage and continues singing along with that same smile on his face. Something like hope blossoms in Jens' chest and he wants to reach out and take Luc's hand in his. He doesn't. In the end he is just happy that even though the evening started with awkward tension between them, it still turned out to be one of the best nights he has ever had.

3.

It's been nearly a week since the concert which is also the last time they have seen each other. That glimmer of hope that Jens developed that evening died down pretty quickly when Lucas turned down every offer of hanging out with him this last week. He said it's stuff he has to do for Uni and then there was apparently some drama with Kes and it all sounds like made up excuses to avoid Jens.

Despite his slight annoyance and hurt that Lucas can't just talk to him about what ever is bothering him he tries asking him one last time because he really could use his help tonight. It's Lotte's birthday tomorrow and he promised her a cake. Not one you could easily buy from a store, but one he makes from scratch, with his own hand. In hindsight, he really should've resisted Lotte's puppy dog eyes because Jens knows only one thing about baking which is that it's not just a simple thing of following the recipe to get something resembling a cake. What he does know though, with 100% certainty is that Lucas loves to bake.

To Lucas Hey Luc I know you're probably busy but tomorrow is Lotte's birthday and I promised her a cake. Could you come over? I'm freaking out about this and I don't know shit about baking.  

To Jens' surprise he actually gets a reply only a few seconds later.

From Lucas Sure. You already have a cake in mind? We could make a funfetti. Lotte will love it and it's pretty easy. We could meet up at the supermarket at your corner for the ingredients?

To Lucas You are a lifesaver! See you in twenty?

From Lucas I'll be there.

+++

It was kind of nerve wrecking for Jens to spot Lucas skate up to him after a week of not seeing him, which has been the longest time without real contact since Lucas tapped him on the shoulder nearly two months ago. He feels like they had a moment at the concert but then Lucas has ignored him all week and now he doesn't know what to feel. It's a bit awkward at first because neither of them said anything except a quick “Hey” in greeting. Jens just kept looking at him, couldn't not when he hasn't seen him all week and Lucas has kind of just kept looking back. It made Jens' inside feel like jelly and he had to break away from his gaze before he could blurt out something that he couldn't take back.

It was easier once they were inside, both glad about a task to distract them from the tension, as mundane as it may be. Once they start actually shopping for the things they need, they fall back into their comfortable dynamic pretty quick, the tension giving way to easy familiarity. Lucas is teasing him about his inability to bake and Jens acts fake offended until Luc gives him an overly dramatic “You can be glad to have me”. Jens is barely able to hold back the answering, and way more serious sounding “I am”, doesn't want to risk slipping into awkward tension territory again. Lucas leads him through every aisle in the supermarket, making sure they don't forget anything and Jens thinks about a future where this is a regular occurrence: Lucas turning grocery shopping or other simple every day life things into something special by simply being there with him. He tries to stop these thoughts as soon as they enter his brain though, they will only hurt him more, because he knows it's not the same for Lucas anyway.

When they are at the cash register and have put everything on the conveyor belt Lucas suddenly goes wide eyes, turns to him, grabs his hand, squeezes once and says: “Shit, we forgot something for our cake. I'll go grab it real quick. Be back in a second.” With an apologetic smile to the cashier, he lets go of his hand and jogs back into the direction they came from. Kind of surprised from the suddenness of the action he stares after Lucas and then at his hand that still tingles in the places Lucas' fingers have brushed him. Shaking himself out of it he starts to pack away the things the cashier has already scanned and waits for Lucas' return.

The cashier notices him first though. “Oh, you're boyfriend's back,” she says, making Jens' head snap back up in surprise to find Lucas only a few meters away, halting in is fast steps, eyes going wide in shock before turning into something closed off Jens can't decipher. He definitely heard what the middle aged lady has said and when he is at Jens' side again he hears him repeat the words that have caused him the same hurt just a week ago: “He is not my boyfriend.” It's accompanied with an uncomfortable and forced fake laugh and Jens tries his best not to feel the disappointment because he has already expected this reaction, couldn't have expected something different because he really isn't his boyfriend. But the obvious discomfort in Lucas whole body language still hurts.

“Oh,” says the cashier with a confused expression. “I'm sorry, my bad. Looked liked you were.”

Jens should probably say something as well because this is getting awkward as hell and Lucas looks more and more uncomfortable. He decides not to comment on it though and just asks the cashier for the total after Lucas has already added the missing ingredient to the belt.

After paying and walking out of the store Lucas turns to him and says: “Well, that was awkward as fuck, right?” It's the first time he acknowledges one of those incidents and it's with another one of those forced fake laughs.

“Yeah, fucking weird,” Jens tries to mimic the laugh but it sounds off and sad even to himself. Luc punches his arm gently, an attempt at restoring the easiness between them and says with a fake chipper to his voice: “Come on, lets go home and bake that cake.”

Jens turns around and points to his bike that he came with and then looks pointedly at Luc's skateboard. “For old times sake?” Jens asks and hopes it works to further relieve the tension. This time Lucas' spreading grin is honest and he nods excitedly in agreement. So he gets on his bike and Luc on his skateboard, while holding on to Jens' shoulder and they ride off. It's something they've done all the time as kids, depending on who brought their bike. They would just ride around in the neighborhood or to the skate park, trying to go as fast as possible while one of them pulls the other along on the skateboard.

Once Jens reaches more speed he feels how Lucas clings more tightly onto his arm. He turns his head, following the sound of Luc's laughter and lets the happiness of this moment flow through him. When Lucas turns his head to look at Jens the laughter fades out but it's replaced with that damn smile again, the one from the concert and it makes Jens' heart skip a beat. But Jens doesn't have enough time to think about what this means if he wants to avoid an accident.

They arrive at Jens' home about five minutes later and head directly into the kitchen. Luckily, Lotte is at her friends house and his mum is still at work, so they have the house to themselves. The second they enter the kitchen Lucas is in full on The Great British Bake Off mode, tells Jens what to do, which appliances to get and to preheat the oven to 180°C. Jens can't help himself but to find it endearing. He continues to smile at Lucas in a way which is possibly way too soft until Luc turns around, raises his eyebrows expectantly and asks: “What is it?”

Jens' smile turns into mixture between bashful and amused. “Nothing,” he replies and before he can hold it back he adds: “You're cute when you're bossy.” With the way Lucas' cheek turn a pretty shade of pink and the way he can't fight the small smile that is tugging at his annoyed expression Jens can't even bring himself to regret it.

Although that changes when the next thing he sees is flour being thrown directly into his hair. “Oh no you didn't.”

The laugh Lucas lets out is happy and free but his tone is challenging when he replies with “Oh, I absolutely did.” He also raises his eyebrows as if to ask Jens what are you gonna do about it. Not backing down from a challenge and still holding eye contact with Lucas, he blindly reaches for the flour, gets a small handful and dumps it unceremoniously on Luc's hair as well.

Before Lucas can reach for the flour again Jens tries his best at stopping him from making even more of a mess of him. He grabs his wrists but Lucas is faster and Jens ends up with white powder all over his shirt and pants. From then on he doesn't really know what happens, they both reach for each other, grab at their arms and wrists and waists to try and get flour all over each other. The air is filled with their laughter and breathless exclamations of stop and the next thing Jens knows is that in an attempt to stop Lucas from throwing flour all down his back he acts before he thinks and steps right in front of Luc, basically trapping him against the counter.  

He is still a little breathless when he meets Lucas' gaze but for an entirely different reason now. They are closer than he anticipated, their noses nearly brushing and Jens can see the little specks of flour that have caught on Luc's eyelashes. He feels how his eyes drop down to Luc's lips, just for a millisecond and he should step back, knows that he should but he can't will his feet to move even just an inch. Lucas doesn't seem to be in rush to get out of  the situation either and it makes Jens feel brave. He raises his hand and lets his thumb swipe gently over Luc's eyebrow down to his nose, then his cheekbone and lastly his chin under the pretense to get rid of some flour on his face. He can hear Lucas' breath hitch and it makes his pulse beat even faster than it already does.

But then Lucas is pushing him away, not exactly firm but not exactly soft either. He clears his throat, shakes out his hair and says: “We should start baking. Good thing we bought two packs of flour, right?” He turns his back towards Jens but he can still hear the shakiness in his voice. Jens knows Lucas well enough to know that it probably would be a bad idea to push now but he can't just ignore it. He needs to know what is holding him back.  

“Luc? Why do you seem so uncomfortable when people assume we're together?” He sees Lucas' body freeze at the question and he hates that he can't see his expression as his back is still turned towards him.

After a couple of second Lucas seems to try it with denial. “I don't know what you mean.” Jens wants to get annoyed but showing it would probably make Lucas close up even more. But that doesn't mean that Jens is ready to give up. He goes to stand next to Lucas but he resists the urge to reach out and touch.

“Well, the first time with Milan I literally felt you tense up and for the first hour of the party you were really weird and tensed up every time I reached out for you. The second and the third time your voice was literally filled with panic at the idea of people thinking we're together. I don't mean to sound so judging but what is so bad about the thought of being with me that you can't just laugh it off? Is it because I'm a boy? I mean -”

Lucas suddenly turns around and his expression reads a mixture of anger and annoyance. “Oh come on, Jens. I'm gay. Of course it's not because you're a boy.”

Jens can't help himself to keep the annoyance from his own response: “Well, what is it then? If it's not that, then it's me, right?” He can see the anger draining away from Lucas' face and being replaced with a conflicted kind of expression. “Yes,” he finally answers quietly and Jens feels himself take a step back as if he had been physically punched in the gut. That's what it feels like at least. It's his turn to turn his back on Lucas, not ready for him to see how much this actually hurts him. But then he feels a hesitant hand on his arm and a soft voice saying: “But not in the way you think right now.”

It fills him with enough hope to turn around again and he finds Lucas stepping even closer than before. He takes a deep breath and looks intently and earnestly in Jens' eyes. “It's not you that made me uncomfortable or the thought about being your boyfriend. Believe me, that is as far away from the truth as possible. It was more the thought that other people, strangers even, could so clearly see what I was trying to hide since the moment I met you again. I was trying so hard not to fall for you but you make it so goddamn easy, Jens! And I hated the thought that I was so obvious about it. It made me uncomfortable that you would figure out how I feel about you, especially because I thought there would be no way that you could ever feel the same.”

Jens heart is beating out of his chest and he falls even more towards Lucas during his confession, as if pulled in by a magnet. He raises his hand and places it on Luc's neck, beginning to play with the curls that he can reach. “But I do,” is all that he is able to reply.

“I'm beginning to understand that.” Lucas says with a smile and Jens' eyes flutter shut as soon as he feels Luc's nose brush against his own. He tilts his head and holds his breath when he feels the first brush of their lips. Lucas makes this small little contented noise and Jens positively melts against his chest, parting his lips to invite him in. Where Lucas' fingers softly dance up Jens' arm and into his hair a trail of goosebumps is left behind, despite the relative warmth in the kitchen, heated up by the summer sun shining through the window. He feels Luc's other arm wrap around his waist to pull him even closer and Jens can't help the smile that's breaking out on his face, too giddy with the fact that he is actually kissing Lucas.

He decides that feeling Lucas' responding smile against his lips is nearly as overwhelming as actually kissing him. Lucas pulls back a little bit and Jens knows that his smile can be described as dopey but that's no reason for Lucas to break out laughing. “Why are you laughing?” Jens asks amused and with a happy smile that he can't seem to shake.

Lucas stops laughing enough to answer but when he meets Jens' eyes he starts again. The sound makes Jens' heart skip a beat and he thinks that he would give anything to see Luc as happy as he is right now. He is also weirdly proud of being the reason for it.

Instead of explaining what it is that is so funny to him right now, Lucas simply reaches up towards Jens' hair and gives it a good ruffle. A big puff of white powder rains down around Jens and suddenly he is reminded of the situation which got them into this in the first place. He looks down at himself, down at Lucas, looks at the entire mess they made of the kitchen, meets Luc's gaze and they double over laughing at the same time.

Once they calmed down enough Jens reaches for Lucas again and it already feels so right and familiar how he fits against him. He presses his lips against Luc's in what was planned as only a little peck but Lucas immediately tightens his hold on him and begins to softly moves his lips. Jens pours everything he hasn't yet said into the kiss and with the way Lucas keeps kissing him he thinks that he understands what Jens wants to say.

+1

“Ahem,” makes a voice behind them and Lucas starts to pull away from Jens' lips to see who was trying to get their attention. It's Robbe's birthday and they're currently on the balcony leading of the kitchen when they turn around and see Milan standing opposite of them with an amused expression.

“Please tell me that you sorted some shit out, because that's definitely not how friends act.”

Lucas and Jens turn towards each other and can't help the smile that is spreading across both of their faces. They turn back to Milan, whose expression has gone soft and knowing, and Lucas responds with: “Yeah, we got our shit together. I'm pretty sure that he is my boyfriend now.”

“Great, now there really is another couple to make me feel more single,” Milan says, but his face betrays his disappointed tone. He positively beams at them and when he turns around to leave again he makes a waving motion and says: “As you were.”

Jens turns to Lucas with a teasing smile and wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. Lucas rolls his eyes as if annoyed but he still leans in and against Jens' lips he whispers: “You're lucky I love you.”

It hasn't been that long but Jens can't imagine a time in their future where the words won't make his heart beat faster, can't imagine ever getting used to the feeling of experiencing Lucas' love. Jens leans in and before he closes he distance between their lips for good he whispers back: “I love you, too.”

#vds #van der stoffels #jens stoffels #lucas van der heijden #my writing #I found out way too late that the song is about the singers drug addiction but then it was too late to change ot #*it #sooo please ignore that hahah #it was meant to be romantic I guess? #well anyway #I hope you enjoy