#'very well (what the hell)' is a thing i have been quoting daily for years now

[widevibratobitch]

thinking about him <333 (Papageno from that nightmarish BBC Magic Flute cartoon)

#'very well (what the hell)' is a thing i have been quoting daily for years now #this whole film feels like a fever dream #the animation is horrifying #the inflating sarastro is my sleep paralysis demon #but i do genuinely love the three ladies there #the translation is so funny at times but the delivery is A++ #this papageno is just fuckin iconic #every time he opens his mouth i am just. hearteyes. #i am weirdly fascinated by this cartoon i gotta say. it terrifies me but at the same time. it is so #intriguing #mozart #die zauberflöte #the magic flute #wolfgang amadeus mozart #papageno #very well what the hell #brilliant #amazing showstopping spectacular

[ideas-on-paper]

Monster Hunter Tri Diary, Part 1: Intro, Arrival in Moga, First trip to Moga Woods

So, inspired by @dragonflight203's Mass Effect replay posts (hope you don't mind me adapting the idea!), I've decided to do a "gaming diary" for my first playthrough of Monster Hunter Tri.

Thanks to the dedicated endeavor of fans from the MH community, the servers of Tri are finally accessible again, so I'm very excited to check this one out. The 3rd Gen is my favorite overall, and I've been yearning to see Loc Lac with my own eyes for years now.

But first, I'll have to spend some time in singleplayer to farm some equipment and re-familiarize myself with the game. Wouldn't want to do the hub quests ill-prepared! So, for now, we're starting slow.

Disclaimer: Text is paraphrased from my localization and might slightly deviate from the English version.

Intro

This is the first time I've seen the intro of MH Tri in person - and it’s such an amazing one, too! I love the correlation between the sea and land environments depicted here: The Jaggi pack is hunting the Aptonoths at the coast (great way to introduce the new small bird wyverns!), while the Ludroths are picking up the scraps that fell into the water.

That Great Jaggi was about to have the feast of his life on that Aptonoth, only to be bowled out by that Rathalos. xD Dude wanted his lunch back so badly that he was even willing to make a stand against the Rathalos. Probably wouldn't have held out for long, though, with Jaggis being weak to fire. (If Tri had turf wars, that Great Jaggi would've been totally obliterated.)

And when the Lagiacrus shows up, the Jaggis are just like: "Okay, this one’s way out of our league. Let’s get the hell out of here." xD

One thing I love about the Lagiacrus is that he's designed like an antithesis to Rathalos: Rathalos wields fire, which is the Lagi's primary weakness. Meanwhile, Rathalos himself is weak against lightning, which makes him vulnerable to Lagiacrus’s attacks. Both are the kings of their respective element, but when encroaching on Rathalos' territory, the Lagiacrus is like a literal fish out of the water.

I wonder what would happen if there was a turf war between them, though. Would there be a 50:50 chance of either one winning? Would the Lagi try to pull Rahtalos into the water? Would he even get out of there by himself? (I imagine it would look like a bird of prey that crashed in the water, but much bigger. Poor Rathalos might need a hand. xD)

I love how Lagiacrus turns away in an "Eh, I didn't mean to hunt this anyway" manner; like having his snack snatched away from under his nose hurt his pride, but he tries to act unbothered by it. xD

Ah, guys... I always get a little teary-eyed when the MH Tri main theme comes up. The Rathalos flying over the vast plains, the music picking up, and then the view with the hunters standing at the cliff... It really doesn't get better than this. :,)

Arrival in Moga

Ah, it's been ages since I saw that cutscene... It's technically the same as in MH3U, but still it feels so good to be back. I love how you see the villagers just going about their daily lives, the children being excited about the trinkets the Chief's Son brought back from his trip and all that... It evokes such a homey feeling right from the start, and it makes the village community feel that much more like family.

The chief actually mentions the sea people having crests on their skin and looking a little different from normal humans. I remember this from the MH artbook, where it's stated they gave them a different skin tone/markings as well as webbed hands to distinguish them from normal humans. I thought this was just a scrapped concept (since you don't see much of a visual difference in-game), but I had no idea there was in-game dialogue about it. Cool!

"Diversity means prosperity!" That's actually a really wise quote right there. Both the sea people and wyverians are knowledgeable in their own right, but each have different skills. If they unite them, everyone profits. (I think we could learn something from this for our own society.)

I love the Guild Sweetheart from MH Tri/3U. She's legitimately my favorite of all the Guild receptionists in Monster Hunter (at least those I’m familiar with). And she's trying so hard - she's really upset the Guild apparently forgot about them in this backwater village. Hang in there, sweetie!

"The Guild has permission to hunt and do research in the Moga Woods, and in exchange, we help the village with its problems." A fair trade, but I wonder if the Guild might have ulterior motives. Like, what are they doing with the research results? And do they really only permit just as much hunting as the monster population will allow, or is that just a farce? (I always trusted the Guild was true to their word, but after watching a few Monster Hunter lore videos, I'm not so sure. Ah, I was so gullible back then... xD)

The gossipy lady really loves her silly word games. (And so do I. xD)

"The Chief must have really good relationships with the Guild if he got a hunter like you to come to such a small village in the middle of nowhere." Not an unreasonable thought, actually... How did he convince the Guild to send a hunter to Moga if they otherwise completely ignore it? Is he friends with some of the higher-ups?

"For safety reasons, we’ve collected all information about monsters in a so-called "monster list"." Uh-huh... "Safety reasons"... I'm telling you, the Guild is definitely keeping secrets.

Okay, so the item seller really likes hunters. This reminds me, I think there's one single NPC in the entire series who couldn't stand hunters. (I believe it was some guy in Minegarde, though I can't say for sure since I've never been in that city myself.) Is this dude the only one or are there any others who actually dislike hunters?

I love the Outfitter with her "very important" virtual tests. Like yeah, I'm sure that fantasizing about slaying monsters with no first-hand experience will bring you that much closer to finding the "ideal weapon". (I gotta say, I love this kind of humor that Monster Hunter has - it's so dumb, but in a hilarious kind of way. The game knows it's dumb and doesn't take it too seriously, so it almost feels a bit like satire.)

I'm also quite fond of the Fishmongeress. She is warm-hearted and helpful, but also very assertive and knows what she wants. My kind of woman!

I love the dynamic between the two kids; like one is constantly bragging about how smart he is (while actually being really dumb), while the other, shy one is the actual smart one (can confirm this from personal experience xD).

Our local "whizz kid" tells us that the villagers are threshing rice at the windmills in Moga Village. (The ones you can see in the background near the armory and if you walk across the leftmost pier.) That’s probably what the farm is for, though I haven’t seen any paddy fields there.

You know what I find absolutely hilarious? The way the game incorporates gameplay tips. The villagers say stuff like "Okay, so try imagining a "screen", alright?" and "Try imagining a thing called "Wiimote". No kidding, just try it!". They talk about a yellow cursor ("I know: a what?!") like it's the weirdest thing ever, and "saving the game" is treated like some outlandish slang word. Like, the developers were probably aware that to the people in-universe, these explanations would sound entirely nonsensical, and they put in the extra effort to make it funny - I love it.

Also, the UI design in Tri is absolutely gorgeous. I love the "tribal" style the old games had going on. MH World can't hold a candle to this!

I remember there was an old post on the MH Lore Tumblr blog (sadly, it's been defunct for a while now) that in the MH universe, the Felynes are treated like cheap laborers who are always given the shit jobs nobody else wants to do. Considering how they're constantly seen in positions like chamberlain, farm worker etc., I believe there might actually be something to this. It's kind of sad, but these kitties really don't seem to have the best standing in MH society... :(

I love the Felyne-specific language, though. (Like hairstyling being "grooming", "child's play" is "kitten's play" and so on.) It's so endearing.

So, the shy kid tells me there's a cave at the farm, but I shouldn't go inside because the Chief is gonna get really mad if I do. The Head Farmer tells me it contains some kind of ancient weapon. From what I remember from 3U, that "weapon" is a mask for the Shakalaka. (It's funny how every Monster Hunter used to have this "special", sword-in-the-stone kind of weapon.)

Moga Woods (day)

I gotta say, from a gameplay perspective, I think the tutorial for Tri is really well done. It doesn't immediately throw you into a timed quest so you don't feel pressured from the get-go, and it introduces you to all core mechanics bit by bit.

Village Chief: "Can you hear me?" Yes, I can hear you. I'm not sure how you can speak to me since you technically should be back at the village, but I hear you. (Do these villagers have mastered the art of telepathy somehow?)

"My ancestors had a saying: "Wherever you go, there you are."" Wow - I never could've figured this out on my own. Truly, the wisdom of ages.

It's easy to forget, but MH Tri is actually the first Monster Hunter where gathering points are displayed. I remember how distressed I was when playing MH1 and realizing there were no pop-ups to mark gathering spots. (And now that I’m used MH1 and Freedom Unite, I have to get out of my habit of pressing the gathering button at suspicious looking places. xD)

"That's an Aptonoth: a herbivore. Eats... herbs." You don't say, Chief. You don't say.

I remember when I first played Monster Hunter, I felt so bad for killing an Aptonoth. Now, I’ve kinda gotten used to it - still wouldn’t say I feel good about it, though. ^^’

"You're just like me when I was your age! Of course, my stamina bar was way longer." Yeah, sure - just don't forget to toot your own horn.

When finding the Chief's Son: "Sorry we couldn't talk yesterday, though natural disasters are a great conversational topic!" I've said it once, I will say it again: I love Monster Hunter’s humor.

"I'm Juni-- Er, I'm the Chief’s Son." Ohh, do I hear someone having daddy issues?

"Our tent and bocce set were in that destroyed camp." Oh, no - due to the earthquake, the villagers can't play bocce anymore. What a tragedy.

”I’m so hungry, I could eat an Aptonoth.” Well, friend, you’re in luck - I’ve just slaughtered one of these beasties.

Aaand he snatches the meat right up. Okay, dude - have fun grilling. I’ll just go back to the village all on my lonesome, I guess…

And thus, after finding the lost son and completing our first job for McDelivery, we return to the village...

To be continued

#monster hunter #monster hunter tri #monster hunter tri diary #gaming diary

[andivmg]

(big paragraph rant ahead thanks to madison beer’s memoir)

okay so i finished reading The Half of It today and i have a lot of thoughts. but i’m gonna post just the pages that spoke to me the most in regard to online stuff and rant

i remember 2021 as being literally one of the worst years of my life this far because of twitter (obviously a bunch of personal stuff too but yk). to this day i’m mildly afraid of the internet which is very silly but very real. because of the part of the internet i was “famous” in i was forced to see every single thing people wrote about me and at first it was super fun super cool but it very quickly shifted into people picking me apart for everything i did or said. then i started associating myself with my ex and his circle of people and it only got worse. their audience was welcoming at first but after a week i would see people call me annoying and a pick me on a daily basis. and this was before i got “called out” for some stuff i don’t wanna get into now because i feel like it has been discussed enough but iykyk. so when that happened people latched onto that and to this day i still get the one off rude message about it. and when people tried to stick up for me i was reduced to sex. which was so demeaning in so many different ways. like the only reason i would ever be worth defending was because of my “pussy”. like that was the only thing about me that mattered. and as a woman on TWITCH of all places i was already hearing that enough. it was even more infuriating knowing that my male counterparts had done so much worse than me and faced maybe half the backlash. and even then had their mistakes and behaviors excused to the point of them not having to own up to them at all. as a woman of color i was held to a much higher standard than a lot of my peers. i was expected to know everything and to never make a mistake. so yeah, i wish i had been kinder to myself at the time. because no matter how mean the internet was to me, i was meaner. at the time it literally felt like my life was over. i would go online and only read bad things about myself. it was such a small group of people though, but i was so chronically online that it felt like the whole world was against me. and it sounds dumb and self centered but it’s how it felt as a teenage girl whose whole life was centered around twitter, tiktok, and twitch. once a big group of us went to universal and i tried to stay out of as many pictures as possible. whenever a fan would approach us as a group i would always offer to take the picture for them because i didn’t want to be in any of them. my friends told me i was being dramatic but i was trying to avoid what ended up happening anyway. people quote tweeting the pictures and making comments about me. i expected every fan that came up to either not know who i was (ideally), or worse, to know and hate me.

madison also talked a lot about being paranoid about her personal life being leaked online and talked about and i felt that deeply as well. once on stream i accidentally showed my lock screen (a picture of me and my ex) for like half a second. then immediately after, i ended stream and deleted the vod along with most of the clips but people had already had seen it and a week later my ex called me up mad as hell because people were posting screenshots of it on twitter and he was not happy about it. people were speculating on our relationship and making fun etc. and i just felt so powerless. like nothing i could do or say would change their mind. now i realize it literally does not matter what people say.

anyway yeah clearly madison’s book brought back a lot of memories for me. it was honestly oddly comforting to read. i know so many people that have gone through similar things and it’s never handled well by anyone involved. i feel a lot more comfortable talking about it now and especially here because i know it won’t become a huge thing since i’m irrelevant now and this is old drama. it’s just nice to write to the void sometimes (you guys aren’t a void i promise but yk what i mean). but yeah i’m over most of the stuff that happened that year. my therapist is amazing and helped me through it all. and now i can talk about it without feeling any type of way. it is something that happened. and i am okay now.

in conclusion, i love madison beer

#rant #the half of it #madison beer

[zeglythofficial]

I know nothing about tarot so I’ll take yours’ words for it but If their chemistry dies, mama, I will cry. I swear. Their heat and intensity is so perfect for it to amount to nothing: not even another film? :(   Like shut the front door!

So, I’ll add my 3 benjamins to the tarot stuff from my own brief googling. Plz correct me if I’m going south.

Taurus and Aquarius are polar opposites but make good intimate friends

J is certainly just coasting along here. I think it helps that he’s also from a theater background and maybe even a similar home life background to R.

Tom, I think likes BB’s low maintenance. I get that vibe of her. 

Hol’ up! T and R almost kissed! What was the context? To be a fly on the wall. OMG! This must’ve been during the reshoots? Because there’s no other way for it to have happened. That might also explain R’s little coded tweets and posts OMG

T is an obvious tease who wants R, but knows he can’t cross it too much. I’ll amend something a little though. I think for R, T is a safe option to explore herself in that way. She feels he’s a safe bet to flirt with because T won’t take advantage and will be very patient and accommodating of  her. She appears to clam up when T responds too strong.

Agreed.

Oh boy, it does seem likely she cried over missing him too. Rs likes are a clear indication of that. She liked that loneliness quote from little women at one point too.

I think bodies will become legit entangled if they work together again.

I don’t think chemistry like theirs can die actually! It will always be there even if they don’t talk / see each other for a while. There will always be sparks, ya know?

1. T and R are definitely opposites but in a good way. T said they are yin and yang which is why their friendship works so well. I think they balance each other out a lot.

2. True! J seems to be coasting and has a similar lifestyle to R which is why she’s very comfortable with him :(

3. I get the same vibe. BB has her own thing and doesn’t distract him from his career so they have a familiarity to their routine that works for them now

4. I was thinking it was during reshoots too. I don’t think R and T hang out too much without J unless it was during filming. Wait - R’s coded tweets and posts? Please share! 👀

5. I agree with this! R enjoys his teasing but freezes when T does something very flirtatious that she’s not prepared for. A forbidden fruit almost.

7. I think R gets lonely a lot and it’s worse because of the hate train :( She probably cried because she misses being around T daily. He was around her for nearly 2 years so it’s tough not seeing him as often.

8. LOL @ bodies will become entangled. That’s a real possibility. My friend said “hell will break loose” if they do another project.

Thank you for sharing! :)

#my answers #zeglyth #written in the stars

[valentinerose529]

Tag Game: Oc Ship Songs

thanks to @dancinginsepia for the tag, and also for making the tag game!

rules: write about two to five songs from them that represent your a ship between your ocs (it can be platonic or romantic or a secret third thing). then add a quote from said wip (if possible!) underneath it.

and boy oh boy this is the right tag because you know who's been making playlists and imagining music edits instead of, yknow, actually writing something? this gal!! Anyways, relationship: Coraline and Ixora because I am Unwell over them. They're a bodyguard and a charge that eventually turned into like platonic soulmates sorta thing, in that they know each other so well but still insist to strangers it's only a job. This is gonna be fun to decide on anything because i have pages and pages of backstory but very little current dialogue and interaction written between these two--they've actually spent more time apart and affecting each other's lives than they have interacting on page! (the solution is to write more of them interacting. i'll get back to you on that)

1. Die For You by STARSET This has been an Ixora theme song for like. Years. The man's loyal as hell. And in a relationship like theirs, how do you determine the line between Ixora-specific loyalty or bodyguard-general dedication? He'd follow her into hell if she asked. (She did, once.)

"You promised to protect me," Cory gasped, and the words were a knife in his own heart. "I failed," he replied. Words clawed up his throat, but he couldn't get them out—how could he say what she meant to him? He would have given her everything before today; he made himself her protector because he believed in her. Because he trusted her.

2. If I Killed Someone For You by Alec Benjamin I haven't quite gotten under Cory's skin yet to get a writing handle on how she ticks,but I know she's very self-centered and righteous. I love exploring their dynamic--here's a power imbalance with two irascibly stubborn people on either end--and how much Ixora will simply cede to her rather than arguing. And how far would he go for her without her needing to ask?

“I thought I’ve been banned from your events,” Ixora said, in a tone I’d only ever heard when he was trying to start a fight. “You’ll behave yourself tonight, won’t you?” [asked Louise.] "I'm not coming anyways. I can’t leave Cory; I’m her protector, remember?” "Oh, but you're invited too, Miss [Coraline]." All eyes turned to Coraline. She and Ixora looked at each other. Her eyebrow twitched in question, he set his jaw in response, and Coraline replied smoothly, “If you insist, Miss Louise, then it’s in our best interest to attend.” Ixora’s wings quavered; I couldn’t tell if he had agreed with Coraline or not.

3. House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco This one ends up on a lot of my oc playlists cause everyone's got backstory and lore. But these two for sure really have a plethora of memories together! They know nearly everything about each other--the way they move and fight and their daily rhythms. But when strangers ask, they'll insist it's a strictly professional relationship.

“How do I look?” “Like you walked off the cover of a dime romance. Impractical and useless in a fight,” she added coolly, shutting down Ixora’s dreams. “You flatter me, sweetheart,” he informed her, and tossed an apple at her from behind his back. “Here, I know you skipped breakfast.” He read her thank you in the flick of her ears as she caught it. “Are you all packed?” “Since yesterday. You? That bag of yours doesn’t look big enough.” “I can borrow something of yours if I need.” “See, I knew you’d say that, just like last time, and the time before that, which is why I packed that red shirt you hate.” “God, with the shiny buttons? You’re a menace.” “It means you won’t steal it, yeah?” he shrugged, the movement carrying through his wings.

I ran out of quotes (i really need to write more of this story instead of letting it grow a full-on mold colony in my head) so i couldn't add all the songs i had in mind.

Gentle tagging if you want to participate, plus open tags! if you see it then join in! ♥ @isilee @inked-fables @lame2882 @sarah-sandwich-writes @sabinabardot @eldritchpiper @1legitconnor @nascentmorimur @sam-glade @sparrow-orion-writes @cat-esper

#val rambles #tag game #writeblr tag tame #writeblr #mpm #ocs #oc: ixora #oc: coraline

[marvellouspinecone]

8, 13 and/or 22 for the goncharov ask, please? Hope you are having a great day!

Thank you for the ask! Any excuse to talk about blorbos

8) A quote from the movie I use on the daily

I have to admit I didn't know the film existed until yesterday when it started trending, idk how it managed to escape me, maybe bacause I'm not American? So I haven't had a chance to abuse any of the quotes. "Do you hear the clock ticking?" would've been an easy answer, but I think Mario's "God is looking away, anything can happen" has great meme potential, only in the way that the jokes based on tragic moments in media are the funniest (that dw post with Rose from Doomsday photoshopped into a picture of a vending machine? Still cracks me up as much as the actual scene makes me cry).

13) My favourite ship

Not to sound basic or anything, but it's Katya/Sofia, any day. Maybe I'm just gay, but no one does it like them. The codependency? The loneliness and isolation that they are in together? The childhood friends to strangers to enemies to maybe lovers thing they got going on? Impeccable. Honestly the fact that they found each other again, in Naples of all places, so far from the town they both grew up in, seems more like fate that anything that Katya and Goncharov have. I just wish we could see more of them than the seventies dudebro mafia thriller was willing to show us. We could've had it all if Scorsese and Mateo JWHJ0715 weren't cowards.

And here I absolutely have to address the religious themes. I don't even think that the creators understood the implication, it's not like 1970's Americans knew a lot about life in Soviet Russia, but we have to understand that both Katya and Sofia have most likely spent their formative years in a very anti-religious culture (hell, Goncharov himself makes a mistake of talking dismissively about faith in a deeply catholic country). And who Katya gives her dead father's Saint Nickolai locket to? Sofia. She is willing to part with the thing that protects her to keep Sofia safe. It might've been played in the film as not that big of a deal, but the implications! I'm going to combust!

22) My favourite Goncharov reference in unrelated media

This question is definitely the hardest because I am not much of a film connoisseur, I only watched Goncharov bc everyone was talking about it. I guess taking another JWHJ0715's work is cheating, since it's not entirely unrelated, but it's the best I got.

JWHJ0715's written the screenplay for a movie "Back At Last" that we studied at uni at some point as a part of a post-modernism course. The set up is different to Goncharov, but the themes are pretty similar, it's obvious that he has been drawing inspiration from his older work more than a decade later. So in this one in the big climactic scene in the end the main character says to her husband "Spring comes to Florence", with Florence being the hometown of both of them. I didn't realize it at the moment, but this most definitely was a "Goncharov" callback, but with an insight of the older Mateo, and the movie really reflects that change. I just think it's sweet that the implicit message here is that after winter there is always spring. "Goncharov" might have reflected Mateo's more pessimistic outlook on life, but in twelve years he is able to look back and say "it does get better, you can come back home again", which, knowing his life story, makes me cry a little bit. Idk, I may be looking too deeply into it, as I tend to do, but oh well, that's what makes engaging with media fun!

#goncharov #unreality #thank you for the ask again #i haven't had the chance to flex my bullshitting muscles in a while now #i absolutely did take it too far i hope it's still realistic #but it's so fun!

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

“I do hope you’ve all had a lovely summer, although clearly our fears that the world would go fully to shit in our absence have proved well founded, for which we can only sincerely apologize. Don’t blame those naughty terrorists, or those no-longer-quite-so-amusingly wacky presidents, or the freshly chundered vomit spewing out on a daily basis from the esophagus of recent history; blame HBO for giving John his show, and blame the unstoppable lure of showbusiness taking me to the Edinburgh Festival.”

– Andy Zaltzman, at the end of a three-month break in The Bugle podcast, the first time they’d been away for nearly that long since they started the show in late 2007, because John Oliver had just started Last Week Tonight and did not have time for other stuff

Firstly, this is making me sad, because they keep saying they’re sorry for the inconsistent schedule and they will be back to putting out episodes more regularly as soon as John gets on top of things with his new show and don’t worry, people listening to the podcast, they will be back soon. They’ve been saying things like that often enough so I assume they know it’s become unsustainable and they’re trying to compensate by insisting it isn’t, because after they come back from the summer break, the show has one last burst of consistent episodes for a few months before finally petering out (well, its original form petered out – I realize it’s taken on a new life since then, and I am genuinely not sure whether I’ll be able to listen to the episodes from that newer era, or whether doing so will just annoy me to much because it's not the old era, even though it features many good comedians and I’m sure it’s very good).

When I first downloaded all these episodes a couple of months ago, there seemed to be so many hours of it that I’d never run out. So now that I am running out – down to just 19 hours left of the 218 hours total – I feel vaguely cheated, having been lied to by the vague sense of indefiniteness that the size of this folder once promised me. But since I can’t get properly mad at a vague sense of indefiniteness, I am instead going to take Andy up on his suggestion, and in a move that makes no sense whatever, get irrationally angry at HBO for commissioning a show that I have hugely enjoyed for a whole bunch of years and look forward to every Sunday.

So that’s the first point. But secondly, I would like to point out that the above quote is taken from a filler episode of The Bugle during the summer break they took in 2014. 2014. In early September 2014, they thought the latest summer of news was really bad and meant the world had gone to hell and those supposedly wacky presidents had gotten so bad it wasn’t funny anymore. They thought 2014 was a sign that things had hit some newfound low point for the world. So, you know, I guess it’s a good thing it’s all been uphill since then.

(I realize it might be a bit Western-centric to suggest that 2014 was not as bad as what was to come, since Trump and Brexit happened in 2016. And that is true in many ways, but also, even when it comes to the stuff Andy was talking about it, he hadn’t seen anywhere near the worst of it yet. I assume the “naughty terrorists” to which he referred were ISIS, and the not-so-wacky-anymore president was  Bashar al-Assad. Summer 2014 was when ISIS rose to power, but before it had carried out most of its worst atrocities. It was before Aleppo was decimated. When there were a lot of displaced Syrian people, but not nearly in the proportions that would happen in the coming years. It wasn’t just Trump and Brexit. The world hadn’t gone to hell by summer 2014, it was just starting to climb down.)

[evvlevie]

Hey I just kinda discovered you and read one of your very recent posts.... You mentioned that we need to be very specific about it. But since we follow loassumption our subconscious gives us our desires and it just knows what we want. Like i mean that's what we're told. Though once i wanted black boots but I mistakenly affirmed black shoes so i got black shoes not boots. And i didn't specify any brand or anything that's why my shoes weren't branded either so why the hell some of them say that our subconscious knows us better than anyone?

Hey there! Thank you for your question, I am more than happy to answer it! I'm gonna be honest, I haven't really thought of it like that before, because I always primarily used the concept of law of attraction because I believe it to be easier, but I did some research for you and I hope I can answer this question for you in a way that makes sense:

So what we need to keep in mind, is that all of our life around us was a creation of our subconscious mind manifesting things without you even trying to do so. Everything around you is a reflection of your belief-system the subconscious saved over the years of your life (think of it like a super-computer that has been collecting data over the course of your life). Essentially your subconscious mind is controlling your conscious one, because the consciousness is just executing what the subconsciousness tells it to. This is the exact reason why you are able to built skills for example, it's because your subconscious mind is saving all the data without you actively needing to think of it, it's like a mechanism, right? So why do you still need to specify your desires if your subconscious mind already knows what you want since it's the "real" you? That's because we are trying to train our subconscious mind through our consciousness with affirmations. For example when you are consciously always repeating "I am the most powerful manifestor on earth" you will feed your subconscious with this info-piece so much, that it gets implemented into your belief-system and you will reflect that. It's like when people are trying to achieve a lucid dream, and they consciously start repeating reality checks while awake so that the subconscious mind starts implementing this action into your dreams, because the subconscious is very much trainable through the conscious. Theoretically the subconscious mind is well aware that we are trying to dream lucidly, and it's even the thing that makes us do those reality checks, but we are still training it because we know the more something appears in your life the more your subconscious mind will be filled up with it and the more you will reflect it. That's why you are also dreaming about the things that take up your mind the most. Or have you ever heard of these apps that like send you a daily positive quote so that you can train yourself on a better/healthier mindset or perspective on life? They work on the same idea, that you consciously feed your subconscious with what you want to embody.

That's also why you need to be so specific. Yes your subconscious mind probably already knows which specific shoes you desire, but you have filled up your mind with the words "black shoes" so much, that this is the part that got stuck in the subconscious. You can also scroll down further in my blog and read the post on why you can manifest even though you are doubtful. There I talk about the law of attraction, which basically reflects what you send out, and that is the same principle. The whole reason we use affirmations in the first place, is so that we can re-program the subconscious because we know, that there is where the actual manifestation happens.

I hope I was able to help you! Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way

Evie <3

[equalperson]

this whole january has been an emotional rollercoaster of realizing that i'm going to be 18 soon.

on one hand, there's a strong sense of anticipation. i can move out. living in an emotionally neglectful household has been hell, getting worse and worse. i can get a simple job and move out.

but then there's anticipatory anxiety. so much will change. i've never been taught anything, part of how i've been neglected. i can't cook or clean. i've never even left home alone. but how can i rely on my mom to teach me that when she hasn't in almost 18 years?

what about when i move out? it'll be a whole new place that i've never been before, even though i want to stay within the same city. i don't know most of my city.

i have two cats. what about them? i want to take them with me, but how can i get them to adjust? they've never left home before, and one of them is already very anxious and easily traumatized.

will i get homesick? should i stay at a hotel to test out being alone?

one of my psychosis triggers is being alone for too long, especially at night. moving out and not having a roommate (who i wouldn't trust, anyway) means being alone most of the time, especially at night.

being neglected is horrible, but will unmitigated paranoia be any better?

i've heard that 17 is one of the worst ages of your life. it's been true for me. the same person said 12 was also among the worst. that was also true. they said 19 was bad, too.

if being 18 goes well, what does that mean when i'm 19? i don't even get a few years to recover? am i going to be suicidal, depressed, and extremely delusional again?

will 19 be inevitably bad? would it be better if i avoided moving out until 20, or will it be bad because i moved out?

i'm not usually superstitious, but the fact that they were right twice triggers my OCD so bad. i obsess and obsess and obsess and wonder what compulsion could possibly fix a whole year of misery.

aging isn't hell because it makes you wrinklier or less quote/unquote "attractive," but because there's so much change and you can't prepare for it in full. you never know what's happening.

i wouldn't literally wish to never grow up, since i know growing up and aging is a blessing, but sometimes i do think that it would be better if i could just latch onto a certain age without any transition necessary.

forever be as happy as when i was five, as dependent-but-increasingly-knowledgeable as when i was 15, as independent and free as i'll be when i'm 25. i don't want to transition into adulthood, i just want to be one without any trouble.

i wish i wasn't neglected. obviously because neglect is bad, but also because it would make things so much easier. i wouldn't feel the need to rush into getting a job and earning money and moving; it wouldn't feel like a choice between daily narc collapses and being forced into an unfamiliar, confusing, stressful, isolating lifestyle.

it's like i have to choose between being confused and isolated because i'm alone emotionally vs. because i'm alone physically.

my mom means well, but she's too stubborn for just talking to her to help. she's supportive when she agrees with my perspectives, but dismissive when she doesn't. she thinks i'm spoiled, she obviously wouldn't agree that she's neglected me.

"good intentions" don't do much, it seems.

#personal #vent #long post

[god-whispers]

may 23

as good as it gets

"hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied." prov 27:20

many people look around at their lives and say, "is this as good as it gets?"  certainly that is a question asked by non-christians, but i have recently heard the same sentiment voiced by a christian as well.

the other day i was watching dr michael brown on youtube and he had a caller who voiced essentially the same sentiment.  he said he had been saved over forty years ago and he was just worn out.  he said he didn't have a testimony and why in the world would he ever witness to someone else.  he kept quoting scriptures like: "he who has suffered in the flesh has ceased from sin" - "i am crucified with Christ" - "i will cause you to walk in my statues" etc.  he said all he could do was to barely manage sin and he was just worn out.

dr brown was very sympathetic and even offer to send him some free materials if he couldn't afford them.  believe me, i understand this man's dilemma as i too struggle with sin.  anyone living in this flesh and not struggling doesn't have an appreciation of the holiness of God.

the thing is, this person was living in condemnation and not appreciation of the finished work of Christ.  it's like he was trying to be good enough to earn heaven and no one ever could.  "there is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." rom 8:1  the perfect way is hard to flesh.  it is not hard to love.  we all need to fall in love with Jesus anew everyday.

bless this man, but he kept quoting the scripture about God causing him to walk correctly.  he expected to be free from all temptation just as he was believing to be free from the punishment of sin.  that is just not what the scriptures teach.  God has given us all free will and He will no more "cause" us to walk in righteousness than He will "cause" (or essentially make) us believe in Him.  but, "Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes." rom 10:4

we are the righteousness of God in Christ.  we stand that way before Him in the heavenlies.  meanwhile we are being transformed into His image here on earth.  "but we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord." 2 cor 3:18  we will never attain the full measure of transformation until we are fully redeemed.  right now we only hold to that promise.

does that mean we are free to continue to live in sin?  the apostle paul dealt with this extensively in the romans epistle.  we "reckon" ourselves dead to sin, but we continue to die daily.  we are never "comfortable" with our mistakes, knowing they displease our Lord.  "resist the devil and he will flee from you." james 4:7  "wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations." 1:pet 1:6

we will never be free of temptation in this life.  our fleshly lusts entice us.  temptation is what we must overcome.  that's what makes us overcomers.  but what spirit are we walking in?  do we feel guilt over something or is our conscience clear?  we all stumble in many ways; some even unaware.  just be sure to keep short accounts with God.  our Lord's blood is there to make up the difference.

and now some bad news.  if you don't believe in Christ and His redeeming blood, this "is" as good as it gets.  "if in this life only we have hope in Christ, we are of all men the most pitiable." 1 cor 15:19  make sure today where your eternity stands.  He's only a cry away - Lord, be merciful to me, a sinner!

[gdpr99]

One-Sided Friendship, AmeriKKKan Style

Dilemma: How do I reach a self-described "progressive" who speaks, votes, & bullies the "uppity" like MLK's #whitemoderate?

How do I ask them why USians who quote #MLK and do service for his birthday become ENRAGED when a #POC, as #DrKing did from a Birmingham jail in1963, talks about the obstructive reality that well-meaning whites (or so they say) have been to us for more than 400 years?

SICK of bowing and scraping to protect the feelings of those who simply don't think or truly care about the real-life reality of daily suffering endured by the working-poor service class, particularly if those unlucky Have-Nots are Black or brown. Do they care about their inferior friend? If so, only conditionally.  Be smooth and whitelike, like Obama, so you fit in, but know you'll never be accepted or equal. Yes, existence is hell, the daily microaggressions will push you to an early grave. But don't show them that. They won't like it and it's not like they pay attention to or care about our actual well-being, we just need to smile and serve them enthusiastically -- so long as THEY get what they need and I say how great THEY are from my post beneath them. Good intentions are nice, and thanks for them, but if you're telling me to vote for and praise the very entity hurting my family and my community the same way it has done historically... the very entity promising no one's standard of living will change (as if that is a good thing), I question your intentions and your friendship and decency. Is there any other option?

Update: Replied to their outrage with a ridiculously measured, polite, respectful, reasonable, almost deferential -- omg, that was difficult -- response and rebuttal. They responded with "eff off." This is a friend?

Look, fellow POC: If you make a member of the #UnwarrantedDefault nervous, if you don't play your role as they expect and demand, with RARE exception, they will not listen to you, they will not care(or the question will be too overwhelming for them to bear). In return, again, in most cases, they will insult you or dump you. One way or another, ultimately, they will hurt you. That's how this country WORKS. Happens in one-sided friendships where the societally inferior person doesn't always grok the power dynamic. Happens in MARRIAGES; talk to me about mine. Woe to those who don't submit. Those you thought were friends will remind you of the pecking order SUPER quickly, even as they are SHOCKED, SHOCKED that you would DARE think such a pecking order exists. They mean well, or think/say they do. But they do harm they will cause pain to keep far away from them. Likely for their own sanity. So protect yourself. Never silence yourself or play Stepin Fetchit. But know that if you do share your honest concerns, a real friend, even if they disagree, won't attack,  they will try to understand. They will listen. And they will have your back even if they don't agree. EXCEEDINGLY RARE.

Most "friends" will disappoint you in the end cos doing otherwise is too big a lift for them to manage. My parents warned me 50 years ago. Turns out they were SO right.

#MLK #navigatingwhitesupremacyforthenonwhite #conformordie #dontmakethemnervous #mindyourplace #illtellyouwhatsbestforyou #nolongeragoodone   #plantationnation #CentristsAreTheRealDanger #ListenToPhilOchs #PhilOchs  #AreFriendsFriends #CharlieBrownIsOverLucy #GreenPartyOnly #BlackLivesMatter #dilemma #needadvice

[alldrinkingaside]

"After CHEMICAL BETRAYAL, TRUST in RECOVERY Bred HOPE & CHANGE"​

Alcohol and other drugs had proven their potency and reliability as a tool to negotiate many social and personal difficulties for a dozen or so years before the negative consequences began to outweigh the positive ones. I was sold on alcohol. It was fun, useful and effective for a long, long time. Every drug has side effects, unintended and unexplored consequences. Besides, maybe it wasn't alcohol, but other things that were responsible for the hot water I increasingly found myself in. So what if I occasionally went overboard?

Alcohol was slowly reaching a tipping point from being a supplement, like a daily vitamin, to being a side dish, then the main course and finally, the only course, my life in totality. Dependence. Failed dependence. Excuses morphed into denial. Walls constructed, doors locked, windows shut, bridges eroded by the torrents of alcohol, foundation lost. And me, drowning, overpowered by a sea of alcohol.

Then came the day, decades later, when I would have to stop or die.

Stop or die. Stop or die. Eventually, when hope dried up, the only thing I wanted was another drink, all human trust evaporated. Nothing left. Hope, trust, everything... gone.

My sense of humanity in early sobriety was fairly a vacuum, dubious at best. My perception of having been betrayed by my servant, alcohol, swallowed my trust in all else.

Something would have to change were I to remain sober, to live. And that would be me. I would have to change. But how? The changes were slow and many and took much time. Some kind of trust in the human race formed slowly.

Addiction is truly a sickness and the subtle irony of another form of sickness helping me get well is not lost on me....

"The doctor diagnosed my condition as a sinus infection and gave me a prescription for antibiotics. Knowing I would be well in ten days made me feel subjectively better instantly. Nothing changed but my faith in the knowledge that things would change for the better very soon. If I could learn to apply this kind of trust to everything in my life, then I will feel better now and feeling better now will guide me into feeling better in my future. Of course, this is a hard concept to hold onto and an easy one to let slip out of my hands, but I just have to keep repeating it until it becomes my heartbeat, my heartbeat, my heart."

Slowly, patiently, my trust in humanity resumed. Yes, trust must be earned, but I had to open my eyes to much of what was already there, barricaded behind walls of denial and defense that years of addiction to alcohol had persuaded me to erect.

I got better and life got better, and strength and hope and trust began to fill my life after decades of parting with the chemicals of betrayal which had swallowed almost all.

Broken, slowly, with help, I began putting a new life together, stronger, better, wiser than might have ever become possible. Thank you, addiction, for this beautiful, new life!

Thank you, Hell, for the Recovery I have found.

Thank you, Friends, for we stand on common ground.

*****

Passages in quotes from All Drinking Aside: http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO

Check out my NEW Non-Fiction, BECOMING UNBROKEN: Reflections on Addiction and Recovery 

(Find it on Amazon, Book it here): https://lnkd.in/dkF767RT 

Immerse yourself in my Descent into Addiction and eventual Recovery in my Autobiographical Fiction, ALL DRINKING ASIDE: The Destruction, Deconstruction & Reconstruction of an Alcoholic Animal 

(Find it on Amazon. Book it here): http://amzn.to/1bX6JyO

#alcoholism #addiction #recovery #books

[idothecomputersnow]

Thoughts on being a parent for a year

According to wikipedia, the Many Worlds Interpretation of quantum mechanics dates to approximately the mid 20th century. This theory --  again, quoting from wikipedia here --- ‘implies that all possible outcomes of quantum measurements are physically realized in some “world” or universe.’ That is: if something can happen, it will happen, somewhere. 

(Or did happen. I don’t know how quantum mechanics is supposed to actually work; I just wikipedia’d “parallel universes”.)

Wikipedia itself was invented in 2001. I was 11 years old in 2001, having an absolutely terrible time. Bullied and friendless, I wasn’t too young to wonder if the ambient misery of my daily life was the new standard by which I’d exist in the world, trudging or being driven by my parents  from one sunless location to another, where my personal experience would range from neutral (best case scenario) to nihilistic dread. 

But then 6th grade rolled around, and life got better. And then 7th, which was even better. 8th was --- and you’re not going to believe this  --- even better than that! What the hell? If you had told me, in 2001, that three short years later I would have great friends (both on AIM and IRL), a girlfriend who let me put my arm around her shoulders at the movie theater, and my own Compaq Presario 5000…well, it’s not that I wouldn’t have believed you, it's just that I wouldn’t have been able to conceptualize how that would actually feel. 

The Many Worlds Interpretation of Quantum Mechanics might’ve been formally proposed for the first time in a midcentury Ph.D thesis at Princeton, but I have to believe that it has informally existed as long as conscious thought. I certainly spent countless hours imagining what my life would be like in a different time, a different country, a different neighborhood back in 2001; I imagined different universes obsessively because they were an infinitely rich source of escapism. The existence of parallel universes occupied my thoughts less in 8th grade, but came roaring back to the fore in 11th, when it felt like everyone in the dang world was coupled up except me. Where was my girlfriend, I wondered. Did she live in a different town? Perhaps she used to live in this one, and we’d be holding hands at the diner this very instant if not for an inopportune promotion her father got, sending the whole family to Japan several years earlier. Never one to shrink from morbidity, I sometimes wondered if she was dead, and if I’d be alone forever because my soulmate had been at the wrong intersection at the wrong time. 

The compulsion to imagine life in a different universe wanes when life is good in this one. That’s been the case my whole life, and it remains as such. However, there are times in this past year that…well, it’s not that I’ve imagined my life in a different universe, but I’ve been keenly aware of the specific details that make this life itself, particularly. The only time I can recall anything similar is when I first fell in love with my wife, a soft spoken strawberry-blonde beauty with an unexpected love for slapstick humor and a firm distaste for exercise. “It could’ve been anyone,” I used to tell her, “But it’s you.” This earned me a raised eyebrow at first, until I explained what I meant: that in the infinite possibilities of my first love, it isn’t a chain-smoking cinephile or trapeze artist or divorced mother of two; it’s you. 

Which is another way of saying: it’s me. Because that’s the thing: we are, in large part, who is around us. I firmly believe this. Being Nicola’s partner has been one of the most fundamental indicators of my identity and determiner of how I experience the world since we met 8 years ago. And now, we have a son. Henry. He’s a year old, which means my new self is too. When I’ve tried to describe how it feels to be a parent in a concise way, I often fall back on saying that it’s an intensifier. Everything is more intense: the fear, the joy, the anger, the love. (I didn’t come up with this, by the way; it’s something a friend and mentor told me when I was 18 upon the birth of his son. Now I get it, Timothy). And you can’t remain unchanged in the face of that intensity, which is also marked by how unbelievably relentless it is. I’m a parent when I wake up with Henry at 5 o'clock in the morning for the 100th day in a row and a parent when I pass out from exhaustion that night. At work, at the gym, the coffee shop, getting a drink with a friend, I’m always Henry’s dad; it’s as inseparable from me as my own name. Moreso, honestly. Nothing in my life would change if my name were suddenly David, but it’s Henry’s unique and wonderful self, and the year of blazingly alive experiences I’ve had with him --- good and bad and everything between --- that has made me the person I currently am. If I start listing these experiences I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop, so I won’t, but rest assured: the numinous moments in which you feel like you’re touching something deep and rare have come frequently this year. It has been the best year of my life. 

There’s a world where I haven’t spent the past year as Henry’s father. Infinite worlds, actually. I said earlier that we don’t imagine other worlds when we’re happy, and broadly speaking, that’s true. But when we’re more than happy --- those numinous moments I mentioned above --- we become aware of the specialness of this world, how it is truly precious and unique. Dark times will come, sure as anything. Change is the only constant. But my god, how fortunate I’ve already been, to have become the father of the little being sleeping peacefully (a miracle itself) in the room beside me. That’s what I’ve been trying to get at, here, and that’s what I feel as we approach the marker of his first trip around the sun: grateful bewilderment that of all the possible Dads I could be, I am this one. Henry’s. 

#love

[youre-amazing-say-it]

Hey girlie when’s the new fic coming, no rush btw xx

IT'S HERE! Sorry for the delay life has been crazy. But im on spring break and very excited to work on some pieces.

Let me know what you guys think. If you want a part 2 or something. Next piece is the drunk peter one.

Just Do It

WARNINGS: Depression, suicide attempt, mention of drugs, swearing, underage drinking (dont do it kids), angst OMG, fluffy end.

Summary: Based on the Pete Davidson quote " Ive always been suicidal but ive never had the balls"

Pairing: avengers (Steve, Tony, Nat, Clint, Bruce, Sam, Bucky, Scott Peter) x reader

I hated that I was loved. Life would be so much easier.

It would give me a reason that explains the feeling and thoughts I've had for the past year. But I knew I lived a very fortunate life. I had the best of both worlds, one as a high schooler, the other one as a superhero named Blue Gaze. I thought for a while that if I stopped with my secret identity, life might be better. But it also could become worse, and that was the last thing I wanted. So I just continue to hide under my pain and fears, hiding in the clouded thoughts that fill my head. Reminding me daily that I'm a shitty person, people only care about because of my powers, and nobody would blink an eye at me if I was gone.

And I know when you're feeling like this, you're supposed to talk to someone. but at this point, I don't know what will happen if I talk to someone and I become “better”. it scares the shit out of me. I have kind of become content with my sadness and I don't know what else to do. So I try my best to find different things to distract myself from the feelings.

I'm a junior in high school, going to a local public school. I'm what you call a good kid. I get good grades, don’t stay out late, and was a model student But it all changed around six months ago when I meet my partner Chris. they are the best worst influence I could ask for. They knew and understood my thoughts and knew that I needed a form of escapism. Soon, we were dating and it was a great distraction. They introduced me to marijuana, alcohol, and it was incredible. They made me happy at the moment and not in the long run.

Now here I am, riding up the elevator, at 1 am, to the compound. I had my backpack on, getting a stash of stuff from our friends. I'm staying here this weekend as my parents are out of town. My parents have been concerned about my behavior and well-being for a while now, and even told Tony about their concerns. He tried to talk to me about it, but it only made it worst.

The elevator opened up and I walked into the kitchen. I was out with Chris and their friends and I'm not as drunk as usual, but enough to feel numb. I went to go grab some leftover food in the fridge but before I could even grab the food the door shut and Steve Rodgers had his hand on the fridge. “HEY!” he said, staring at me. If I was sober I would have been scared, but instead, I was given a confidence boost.

“The hell do you want? I'm busy and hungry so get out of my way.” I said as I shoved past his shoulder, going to grab an apple from the fruit bowl but a hand dragged it away. Tony looked at me, with fear and anger in his eyes.

“We have been calling and texting you all night. No answers, no nothing. Hell, you managed to even bypass my security and turn off your location. Mind tell us where the FUCK you have been?” Tony said, gesturing to the mighty heroes behind him. I didn’t even register walking in how many people were in the room. Sam and Bucky were behind the couch, Nat and Scott were sitting on it. Adjacent to them was Wanda and Vision, on the opposite couch, with Bruce standing behind them. But what surprised me the most was Peter standing next to Bruce, eyes red and puffy.

“You don’t need to know everything I do. You aren't my parents, you guys don't own me. I'm allowed to have a fucking life.” I said, annoyed, looking at them.

“We are your parents for this weekend,” said Steve, turning my attention back to him. “You're staying here, therefore you are our responsibility. So let me ask this again. where have you been?” I could tell where this conversation was going, and I didn’t want to deal with it.

“I was out with friends. I'm going to bed.” I said, looking at the team as I walked away.

“Like hell, you're not!” I heard Sam yell behind me. I slowly turn around. “we're going to discuss this. You don't get to walk in here at 1:00 AM smelling like weed and crappy beer, expecting to get out of it.” Sam tells me as he walked closer to me. Before he got too close, Scott appeared next to him.

“What Sam is trying to say is that we're just concerned about you,” Scott said, looking at me like I was a lost dog. “You've been hanging with the wrong crowd, pushing people away. We just want to know what going on. We care about you Y/n.” he walks closer to me, trying to hug me but I step to the side to avoid the interaction.

“Oh cut the crap guys. You don't care about me, you only care about Blue Gaze. You only work with Blue Gaze. Our relationship starts and ends with my mask. You guys couldn’t give two shits about my life." I was annoyed at this point. I had plans for the rest of the night but now they want to talk about my feelings? Fuck no.

"What makes you think that? We care about you. I care about you Y/n” Peter states. I couldn't look at him. He was my best friend, the one I feel closest with out of the bunch. But I haven't spoken to him in a while. Now that they see me as someone who needs help, they are being nice to me now. I hated it. It made me feel angry.

"You don't care about me! All you see is a damsel in distress and you want to save me. But I’m fine.” I said as I heard my voice crack. I could tell they could hear it too. Nat starts talking to me in her motherly voice.

“We just want to help you Y/n. Tell us how we can help” she said. I felt this anger and frustration starting to build up inside me and I felt I was about to break.

“You wanna help me? Fine! Go get a gun and shoot me 'cause I can't bring myself to do it.” I yell as I burst. I looked at my co-workers and they were silent. They couldn’t believe I said that. I couldn’t believe I said that. In fact, I was pissed I said.

"What did you just say?" Bucky asked. I looked at him and I felt fury within me. I didn’t want to say it in the first place but now I have to say it again.

“I'm sorry, Does the Super soldier with super hearing need me to repeat myself? I said I want someone to kill me. It's not that hard, especially for you.” I said. As soon as I said that last part, I knew it was a low blow. But I was in too deep, plus I had a lot to express.

“Y/N! Why the hell would you say that?” Steve said, storming over towards me.

“Why not? It's the truth, and you guys want me to be truthful, don't you? You want me to tell you how I feel. Well, I want to die and Bucky has killed people without any guilt. So I know he can do it so I want him to do it.” I see tears form in the soldier's eyes as he storms out. Sam comes towards me, fire in his eye.

"I don't give two shits about what you're feeling right now, that was incredibly uncalled for.” He shouts before leaving to find Bucky.

“Fine! If he won't do it, how about you Nat?” I said as I make my way to her. “Red room assassin? Go get a gun and kill me. It would solve everyone’s problems, so Just do it!” I scream in her face as I feel us get farther apart from each other. Steve and Scott are pulling me back, as I see Clint get Nat and lead her out of the room. Everyone just continued to stare at me, waiting to see what I would say next. I didn’t even notice the tears coming down my face until Scott pulled me out of my head.

"Hey Kiddo," he said, wiping the tears off my face with his thumb. I looked at him with tearfilled eyes. "Do you want to talk?" i shrugged my shoulders. My heart was telling me to open up because they care, but my head was telling me to run away and avoid talking about it.

“Come here,” he said, walking us over to the couch. I sat down and looked at the floor. Steve sat next to me with Scott on the other side, Peter and Tony on the other couch with Bruce behind them. “What going on Y/n?” Steve said. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't look at anyone. I wanted to hold back but I also knew it would be helpful to talk about it. “Take your time,” he said, putting his arm around me. He brought me into a side hug. I could tell he wanted to do it for comfort, but it was mainly a way to hold me in place so I don’t lash out again. I let out a shaky breath before speaking.

“I want to die but I can't. I have tried multiple times. I've been so close to pulling the trigger, swallowing the pills, or jumping off the ledge. But I think about you guys or my family finding me and I can't bring myself to do it” I say, continuing to look at the floor. I haven’t told anyone this and I know it wouldn’t be the last. "But just because I can't do it, doesn’t make the thoughts and feelings go away.” It was quiet, everyone was waiting for me to say something but I don’t know what else to say. Peter was one of the first ones to speak.

“Why would you want to die? You are a hero, everyone adores you.” Peter said. I looked at him and he hasn’t stopped crying, but they were more silent tears.

“Blue Gaze is a hero, that’s who people love! Nobody cares about a random high schooler.”

“We care about you Y/n, so much,” Scott said, holding hand, caressing it with his thumb.

“No, you don’t!” I start to stand up but Steve's tight hold of me keeps me on the couch. I take a few breathes, to keep myself grounded, so I don’t say something I'll regret.

"Kiddo, we care about you a whole lot. I care about you. But you are scaring me with the way you have been acting. I don't want you to go down the road I was on." Tony said. I knew it meant a lot for him to say that, he doesn't talk about his past a lot. I didn’t even realize Bruce coming over to sit in front.

“Y/n, I need you to be honest with me. I know it will be hard but you have to if you want us to help.” Bruce lifts my chin so I'm forced to look at him. My eyes were full of tears and regret. “Do you think you can do that?” he said, looking at me.

I look around and see my coworkers, or family, waiting for my response. Could I do it? Could I be honest? I want to, but I don’t know what will happen next. Will they send me away? Will I no longer be an avenger? I’ve been holding onto this part of my life for too long, and it's been eating away at me day by day. Maybe it’s time to finally let go. I took a breathe before responding

“Yeah, I'm ready to get help. I'm ready to be honest”

A/N: Ahhh! what do you guys think? please let me know!

Tags: @winter-soldier-vibes @angeldreifics @luvhann @xennityxen

#mcu #marvel #avengers x teen!reader #avengers x reader #avenegers #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #tony stark x teen!reader #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #scott lang x teen!reader #hawkeye x teen!reader #bucky barnes x teen!reader #sam wilson x teen!reader #bruce banner #peter parker #peter parker x teen!reader

[soyouthinkucanwrite]

July 2nd - Daniel Ricciardo

Based on New Year's Day by Taylor Swift and this request by @spikejonzed

Fluffly, mentions of sex, banter, nothing graphic.

BTW, I don't know how I've never paid attention to this song, it's so so beautiful and honest. I've thought about this concept before though: the "Sunday afternoon effect", when all the excitement of the weekend wears off and you're just hanging out with your friends, laughing about silly stuff, or cleaning up the house after the party. The thing is, the friends that stay till then are the ones you wanna hold on to, and the same goes for lovers. I feel kind of bad... well not BAD but you know, must be hard... when you're famous and rich, to recognize the good ones from the beginning before you give yourself too much away and it's too late.

To be honest with you guys, I think Daniel must feel a bit lonely sometimes. We all do, but to think that people are only interested in you for your fame and money must be tough... something you worked so hard, that you keep dedicating your life to, to think that that thing is the reason for your heartbreak, to your loneliness... It's a two-edged sword, isn't it? Anyway, I wrote this little something with Daniel in mind, hope you guys like it. Hope he finds someone to be like this someday. Hell, hope I find someone to be like this someday. I think everyone deserves that.

Daniel woke up in his bed, no shoes, but jeans and party shirt still on. The light coming through the windows, shining directly on his face, threatening to make his headache even worse. He let out a groan and turned to the side. There's someone on his bed with him. Shit. He just remembered. Last night was the first time he was introducing (y/n) to his friends. His birthday "small get together" (or at least that's what it was supposed to be) was the perfect opportunity for testing the waters and giving the "next step" without making too much fuss about it, after all, they've only been going out for a couple months and with his tight schedule it meant a lot of facetime calls and weekends, but almost no weekdays and routine stuff.

Yet, he was absolutely smitten with her, she was fun and easygoing, passionate about her own work and friends, but still caring and interested in him. They had amazing chemistry, mind-blowing even. But Daniel had lived enough to know that hanging out with someone on the weekends and knowing their best side was one thing, living through daily and mundane stuff was a completely different thing. Where this could go was still a mystery to him and he didn't want to raise too many expectations before he was sure. Still, she looked so beautiful sleeping, a true vision. He tried to remember if something had happened last night, but judging by his clothes still on, and hers as well, he guessed not. As if on cue, she smiled, with her eyes still closed.

"Stop being creepy" she said smiling. "I can feel you watching me sleep"

"You're not even asleep anymore" he smiled and she opened her eyes. He was taken back by her eyes staring directly into his.

"Still creepy though" she laughed, getting closer to him. He held her and they stayed like that for a while.

"Are you ok?" he asked her.

"What do you mean?

"Aren't you hungover, or sick?" he asked again and she laughed.

"Not at all. I have this really weird superpower, you know, I don't get hungover. Ever, actually" she laughed.

"I don't believe you. I have the headache"

"No, it's true. We did drink a lot yesterday, though" she commented.

"Yeah, well, welcome to having Australian friends. No such thing as light drinking with those guys" he laughed but grimaced at the pain in his brain.

"I'll get you something"

"Huh?"

"For the pain" she explained getting up from the bed.

After a while she returned with a pill and a glass of water, passing them to him.

"Thank you, baby" he took the glass, finishing it. "Come back to bed now"

"Your house... like, I'm not even sure if I should tell you to take a look or just pack your essentials and abandon it" she smiled.

"Uhh" he groaned. "I'll call someone later"

"Like a constructor with a wrecking ball?" she laughed.

"It can't be that bad"

"It's bad" she started. "But we can manage it" He looked at her intrigued. "After a shower" she pulled his hand. "Join me?"

"If I ever say no to that question, just put me in an asylum" he said. "I need a kiss though, as motivation" he smirked.

"Noo... I have morning breath"

"What? Me too" he said pulling her down and kissing her anyway. "Uh, no. You're right. Yours is worst" he said laughing while getting up and walking into the bathroom.

"Asshole!" she laughed following him.

They stripped and got into the shower, taking turns in letting the water run through their bodies.

"Come here" Daniel said, putting some body wash in his hands and spreading them over (y/n) body.

"Hum... this feels nice" she said.

"You're so beautiful" he said kissing her shoulder.

"You're so wasted" she laughed lightly.

"Hey! I'm sober. I'm just too tired. Give me a couple hours to recover, and I'll claim my birthday privileges"

"Birthday privileges? It's not even your birthday anymore" she laughed.

"Okay, but first, it's the weekend of, and second, I didn't get any time alone with you yesterday"

"Fair. And what will be your requests, may I ask?" she asked teasingly.

"Humm... you're so creative" he said kissing her. "I'm sure we'll think of something"

They finished the shower after a while, enjoying each other's company and the comfortable silence.

"Did anyone crashed here?" (y/n) asked when they were stepping out of the shower.

"I have no idea" Daniel answered. "I just remembered going to take a nap and waking up this morning. Shit, we didn't... did we?" (y/n) laughed out loud at that.

"Wow! Really, Dan?"

"We did not. I would've remembered"

"Good save. Such a gentleman" she laughed.

"I drank way too much. Sorry. Don't be mad"

"It's fine. I'm messing with you, I don't remember anything either. To be honest, I don't even remember joining you on your 'nap'" she said making air quotes.

"We're the worst hosts" he said getting out of the bathroom and going into the closet to get some clothes.

(y/n)'s heart swelled at the thought of hosting a party with Daniel. There was something so intimate about that statement, so homey.

"You want a shirt?" Daniel asked from the other room, waking her up from her daydream.

"Yeah, sure" she took the shirt, some underwear, and some sweats. Then brushed her wet hair and looked in the mirror. Not a trace of makeup left. She sighed thinking about how falling into a routine with Daniel meant letting the barriers down.

"Alright, snap out of it" she said to herself, getting out of the bathroom and walking outside, to the living room where Daniel was standing rubbing his neck and looking around.

"This is bad" he said when he saw her joining him. There were empty beer bottles and cups all around the living room and balcony, pizza boxes (with half-eaten slices left behind) in the coffee table, party decorations hanging from the ceiling, and the kitchen was even worse, with liquid spilled on the ground and bottles everywhere. There was glitter all over the floor and the couch - someone had brought some of those party poppers, which looked so much fun yesterday, but no so much now. But the best part was the polaroids, left all over the house with the craziest poses.

"Pack your stuff, we're deserting this goddam hellhole" he said and she knew he was joking, he said that about everywhere, but she still shook her head and rolled her eyes, picking a polaroid photo from the ground.

"Everyone had so much fun" she showed it to him. "I loved meeting your friends"

He took the photo from her hand, it was one where (y/n) was sitting on the couch with two of his buddies from Australia, making funny faces while holding cups. He remembered the moment because he was the one who took the photo.

"How's the headache?" she asked him.

"Almost gone"

"Good. So you don't have an excuse. Move your ass, where are the trash bags?" she laughed going into the kitchen.

"Hey! That was very sneak of you" he laughed but followed her anyway.

They spent the next hour collecting bottles, vacuuming glitter, and just cleaning the whole house. Daniel complained the whole time, but in truth, he was very glad to have her there. Sure, he could just ignore the whole mess and hire someone on Monday to clean everything (he probably would still do that anyway, for the heavy cleaning like bathrooms), but it was really nice of her to just stick around, seeming unbothered by the housework. When she finished tying the last trash bag and putting it on the entry hallway she flopped on the couch besides Daniel, who had called it a day some good 10 minutes ago.

"Done?" he asked her.

"I feel like punching you for asking me that" she answered playing annoyed. He lifted his hand in defense.

"What? I did my part!"

"Men" she shook her head. "I'm surprised you haven't complained about being hungry yet"

"Well, I'm starving! Was just waiting to suggest going out, or ordering in"

"Ordering in, please. I don't want to get off this couch any time soon"

Daniel got his phone out to order some food. It was almost noon, so he thought about something like pasta, some carbs would be nice right now. Then he felt (y/n)'s head drop on his shoulder, her hand caressing his arm. It was such a sweet gesture, so understated, he just stopped what he was doing and looked at her.

"What?" she looked at him.

"I'm really glad you're here. Thank you"

"It's nothing" she smiled.

"I don't mean the cleaning. Well, that too. But just, thank you for being you and wanting to hang out with me, you know, after the party"

"I'll always wanna hang out with you, partying or cleaning bottles" she said and leaned in to kiss him. "Happy birthday old man" this made him smile through the kiss.

"Thank you, young lady" he said still smiling. "Let's feed you now, yeah?"

"Please! Let's get some carbs on this house!" she smile.

"Hey, guys!" (y/n) and Daniel looked up to see Luke, one of Daniel's buddies walking out of the guest bedroom.

"Dude! I didn't know you were here" Daniel laughed.

"Yeah, just woke up. Definitely wasn't hiding in the bedroom waiting for the cleaning end to get out" he grinned making (y/n) and Daniel laugh.

"You know what? Just for that, you're going downstairs to pick up the food when it gets here, and taking out the trash!" (y/n) teased him, tossing a pillow from the couch at him.

Daniel just observed while his friend and his girlfriend joked and laughed. He thought about how right now he was enjoying a feeling of contempt that wasn't really natural or much appreciated by professional athletes, but this time felt right to indulge in it. He felt safe like someone's got him, finally. He took (y/n) hand on his and squeezed it three times, he knew this was already a good thing, something to last. She looked at him, she knew exactly what he meant.

#Daniel Ricciardo #Daniel Ricciardo fic #daniel ricciardo fluff #daniel ricciardo x reader #daniel ricciardo fanfic #daniel ricciardo imagine #f1 fic #f1 fanfic #daniel ricciardo oneshot

[waitimcomingtoo]

In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter two rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peters greatest love and Spider-Man’s greatest enemy

Masterlist and Series Masterlist

Moving and finding an apartment can be an incredibly long and stressful process. Unless you’re you, and life likes to throw a lot of curve balls at you for the utter hell of it.

Your dad dropped dead three weeks after you told Andy you were moving to New York. Coincidentally, right in the middle of you trying to find a place to live. He drank himself to death. Figures. You doubted you’d ever had a conversation with him that he was sober enough to remember. His untimely demise was unfortunate for him, because he died or whatever, but very fortunate for you. As his only child, you got his apartment in Queens and all his smelly hoodies.

You said your goodbyes to Andy and Dani after a night out in the streets of San Francisco. You had originally moved there after high school to start your show, The L/n Report. San Francisco was known for its crimes against the homeless population and you wanted to start with a story on that. You ended up interviewing Andy at the police station while investigating a missing person, and dated him for two years. Now, you were spending your last few hours in San Francisco with the very boy you once loved and the very girl he now did.

“Are you all packed?” Dani asked you, snapping you out of your thoughts.

“Pretty much. I gotta put my toothbrush and hairbrush in my suitcase in the morning. Other than that, I’m good to go.” You answered her. She smiled fondly at you as she linked her arm through yours.

“Hey, I’m really gonna miss you. More than that guy over there.” You whispered, nodding towards Andy, who had his head buried in his phone. Dani laughed and nodded in agreement as you continued to walk.

“I’m going to miss you too. You’re my best friend here.” She sighed sadly.

“I’m glad we’re friends. Most women in our position would hate each other.” You thought out loud.

“Uh uh. You’re thinking of women in films. It’s 2021, baby. Women support women. You and I are two talented, smart, beautiful women who would never be caught fighting over some boy. Especially not one who can’t take his eyes off his phone for two seconds.” Dani said loudly and smacked Andy’s arm. You laughed at the domestic moment but couldn’t help feeling a pain in your heart knowing he used to be that way with you.

“What, sorry?” Andy looked up. You and Dani looked at him before looking at each other and laughing.

“What’s funny?” He asked, growing annoyed.

“We’re laughing at you babe. Put your phone away. It’s Y/N’s last night here.” Dani scolded playfully. Andy sighed and reluctantly put his phone in his pocket.

“Right, sorry. And it’s not her last night here. She’s coming back. You are coming back, right?” He asked you. You nodded, though you weren’t entirely sure.

“Of course I’ll be back.” You shrugged. “I just want to experience something new for a while. I’ve done a million pieces on homelessness and poverty. I want to see what fresh stories New York has to offer.”

“You’re quoting the Daily Bugle, aren’t you?” Dani teased you.

“That is verbatim what they said to me.” You admitted with a laugh. “But hey, it worked. As of tomorrow, I’m the Daily Bugle’s newest investigative reporter.”

“Who are you reporting on anyway?” Andy showed a rare interest in your work.

“Some guy named Cletus Kasady.” You answered. “He’s some hot shot serial killer down in Queens. No one knows how he’s hiding his victims bodies. Apparently none have ever been close to being found.”

“And they want you to write the story on him?” Andy raised an eyebrow, always with the condescending tone.

“Well they heard about the whole Carlton Drake situation and decided I hadn’t been through enough trauma in my career.” You replied, earning a laugh from Dani but not Andy. You and Andy had already broken up by the time Carlton Drake contracted a symbiote and tried to kill you and Venom. You stopped him before he could hurt anyone and wrote a career defining article on his lethal human experiments. You managed to leave out all information regarding symbiotes from the article, so your secret was still safe. You were a fairly well known reporter since the incident and your next job was waiting for you in New York.

In the morning, You and Venom got on a plane and made your way to New York. Being on a plane with Venom turned out to be the equivalent to traveling with a toddler. You tried to sleep, but every two seconds you had to stop Venom from getting into trouble. She kept trying to open the window, even after you explained to her that everyone on the plane would die horrible death if the window were to open.

“Stop that.” You whispered when you noticed a black tendril creeping towards the window. The lady in the seat next to you shot me a look of confusion. You gave her a fake smile and turned back to the window, doing your best to conceal the small black tendril that was coming out of your body and fidgeting with the airplane window.

“We want it open.” Venom replied telepathically.

“Do you also want us to blow out of the plane and into space?” You said through my teeth.

“We didn’t anticipate that but it’d be appreciated.” Venom answered, making you groan. The rest of the plane ride followed in similar fashion.

Seven hours later, you arrived at the apartment building. You had never been to your dads apartment, you didn’t even know he had one. You wondered what happened to your childhood home as you looked around the place. The apartment wasn’t too small but not too big either. The rent was practically nothing compared to how expensive San Francisco was, and The Daily Bugle offered to cover your expenses until the story was done. You figured after some redecorating and moving in, it would make a fine new home.

The first seven days in the apartment went by smoothly. You unpacked, with little to no help from Venom, and set up the furniture. On the eight day, you sat on the couch, aimlessly flipping through channels in the TV when you had a thought.

“Oh shit.” You said out loud.

“What?” Venom, who was curly nestled around your neck like a neck pillow, asked.

“I forgot mail exists.” You frowned. “We better go check the mailbox before it overflows.”

You and Venom grudgingly walked to the mailboxes and back again. No one was around, so she manifested herself and rested on your shoulder as I looked through the mail.

“Oops. I grabbed someone else’s mail too.” You clicked your tongue when you read a strangers name off the envelope. “I gotta find them.”

“Let’s go.” Venom said and pulled you towards the front door.

“Sorry, babe. This is a me thing, not a we thing. You know I love you but I don’t want to scare our neighbors. Not yet anyway.” You reasoned. Venom grumbled and went back inside your body.

You checked the address of the envelope and discovered that it belonged to the apartment directly across from you.

You knocked on the door and patiently waited for someone to open it as you mindlessly cracked your knuckles. Just as you were about to walk away, the door opened.

“Hi, are you May Parker?” You asked right away. You looked up from the envelope and your face instantly flushed. The person staring back at you definitely wasn’t May Parker. It was a boy around your age, maybe a little younger. He had soft brown eyes and wavy brown hair. It was gelled back loosely and you could see the outline of soft curls. To your surprise, he was just as flushed as you were. You stared at each other for a moment, no one wanting to be the first to blink.

“Yea. I’m May Parker.” The boy said finally. He shut his eyes in embarrassment and shook his head.

“I mean, no I’m not. But that’s my Aunt. May is my Aunt but I’m not May. That’s my Aunt May. I’m her nephew…obviously. Aunt May is my Aunt May. I…what?” He stumbled over his words and somehow turned even redder. His blush reached all the way down his neck, to his blue jumper that read “Midtown Tech” in yellow letters. You recognized the name of one of the most prestigious high schools in New York, already impressed with your new neighbor.

“Well hello, not May Parker. I’m also not May Parker. But I seemed to forget that when I grabbed your mail this morning. Sorry about that.” You said sheepishly as you handed his mail to him. The boy rubbed the back of his neck as he looked at it and attempted to redeem himself.

“It’s not problem. She and I always forget to check the mail so you actually helped us, um, whoever you are.” He smiled weakly. His voice was cute. He had that Queens accent that the people of San Francisco lacked, for obvious reasons.

“Oh, right.” You laughed in embarrassment. “I’m Y/N L/N. I just moved here from San Francisco. I live across the hall.”

You pointed to the door behind you as if he didn’t know what “across the hall” meant. You didn’t know what was wrong with you. You were never this awkward.

His eyes lit up a bit once you told him where you lived.

“Really? I thought that smelly guy lived there.” The boy said and you stifled a laugh.

“That smelly guy was my father. He died a little while ago so I live there now.” You told him, malign the boys eyes widen. They were so brown. Like little pools of honey. Or little pools of the Hudson River. You had seen a million pairs of brown eyes before, but none like his. They were quite distracting to be honest.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry! I had. I had no idea-“ he began to frantically apologize but you cut him off.

“Don’t worry about it. We never got along. And you’re right, that man stank.” You chuckled. It was the first thing you said that felt like your old self. You hadn’t really talked to anyone since moving to New York, with the exception of Venom and the occasional phone call from Andy or Dani. You liked talking to this boy, though you still had no idea who he was.

“Oh thank God. I thought I screwed this up before it even went anywhere.” He immediately turned red when he heard his own words. You saw the regret in his eyes and decided to throw him a bone.

“Well it certainly can’t go anywhere until you tell me your name.” You flirted. Again, he relaxed. You felt a surge of confidence knowing he wanted this to go well.

“Parker. I’m Parker Peter. I mean, Peter Parker.” He fumbled over his words again, making you smile fondly.

“We like him. He’s cute.” Venom said telepathically. You looked down at my shoes and blushed, knowing you liked him too.

“And he looks delicious.” She added, ruining the moment.

“It’s nice to meet you Peter Parker.” You gave him your best smile. “I’m glad there’s someone my age around here. Everyone I’ve met so far is either an old bitty or a creepy uncle type.” You regretted it as soon as it left your mouth. You didn’t know what his sense of humor was like and he might not find you the slightest but funny. Andy always told you you were bad at telling jokes, and you feared he might be right.

Lucky for you, Peter burst out laughing.

“Ah. I’ve seen you’ve met Henry.” Peter pointed a finger down the hall. “Yeah, I’d stay away from him. He asked me if he could have pictures of my feet once. He said he’d “pay me handsomely” for it too.”

“Damn. So he beat me to asking you.” You pretended to be upset, which made Peter laugh again. The sound of his laugh made your heart pick up speed. You weren’t used to feeling like this. Boys rarely impressed you, Andy was just lucky you liked a man in uniform.

“Yeah. You better stay away from him.” Peter advised.

“It might be hard.” You clicked your tongue. “Our mailboxes are pretty close. I’ll make a mental note to never check my mail while wearing flip flops, though.”

Peter smiled at your joke. He had the kind of smile that you would make the person laugh just to see it again. It was brilliant.

“Well my mailbox should be directly above yours. So don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” He grinned, and you grinned back.

“My hero.” You gushed as you put your hands over your heart. The tips of his ears went pink, like he was shocked that you said that.

“I’m no hero.” He sounded almost panicked, like you touched a nerve or something.

“We’re hungry. We need to eat.” Venom interrupted abruptly, causing you to jump. Since Peter couldn’t hear her, he looked at you strangely, not knowing the cause of your sudden jolt.

“Sorry, I uh, I thought I saw a spider.” You lied.

“If there was a spider, we’d eat it. We need food. Now.” Venom demanded.

Peter looked up at his doorframe for the imaginary spider.

“Yeah, New York is full of them.” Peter said skeptically. “Not that full, though. And some spiders are nice. One might even call them friendly.”

“Right.” You laughed at his strange wording, unaware that you were both keeping a secret.

“Would…” Peter began but trailed off, seemingly mulling something over in his head. “Would you like to eat dinner with my Aunt and I? I remember when we first moved in, it took us a while to get into the swing of things and make dinner every night. If you like, you could join us. And, you know, we could get to know each other.” He offered. It all came out in one breath. You could tell he was nervous and that only drew you in more.

“I’d love to Peter.” You said, and he smiled in relief.

“Great.” He gave an awkward thumbs up. “We usually eat around six so maybe come around then? She’ll be so happy to meet you. She loves cooking and she always tries to get me to learn but I once burnt cereal and I still don’t know how.” Peter began to ramble. He cut himself off and shook his head again. “Sorry. I’m rambling.”

Then, you did something stupid. You put your hand on his arm like the dumb bitch you were. You barely knew this guy. Who the hell were you to touch him? He must’ve been thinking the same thing, since he instantly froze under your touch and stared at your hand on his arm.

“Don’t apologize. I can’t cook either. Unless you count making tater tots as cooking. Then I’m Gordon Ramsey.” You assured him, feeling him relax under your touch.

“You’re just gonna mention tater tots without warning us first? Our mouth is watering. Can we eat Peter?” Venom asked, making your eyes widen.

If it was socially acceptable to scream at your symbiote in public, you would’ve yelled “NO, WE CANNOT EAT PETER” from the top of your lungs. But since you didn’t want to scare Peter and the rest of the neighbors away, you merely smiled and made another mental note to smack the shit out of Venom later.

“I love that man. “Where is the lamb sauce?” Peter mimicked in a bad British accent. He had no right being as charming as he was.

“No no no.” You shook your head. “His best line is “I’ll get you more pumpkin and I’ll ram it right up your ass. Would you like it whole or diced?”. He’s said some pretty wild things but that one makes me cry.”

Peters laugh rang through the halls. To be the cause of that laugh was a feeling like no other. You stood there for a while, just looking at each other. His eyes grazed down your body, but not in a crude way. You berated yourself for not dressing better when going to meet the neighbors, clad in nothing but a grey hoodie and some leggings. Peter looked cute, but you had a feeling he always did. His jumper was pretty baggy and you could see a collared shirt poking out the top. He was dressed almost professionally and you found it incredibly endearing.

You wanted to know more about him. You wanted to know his secrets and his hobbies and what makes him itch. You wanted to see if he dresses this way on weekends too or what his summer clothes looked like. Your gawking was interrupted by Peters phone ringing. He broke out of his trance and answered it quickly.

“Hi, Mr. S. No I’m not busy. I mean, I’m super busy but I can totally make time for you. Yea, Happy talked to me. Okay. Okay. Where? Okay. See you in a bit.” Peter hung up and looked at you apologetically.

“That was my job. I have to run but I’ll be back in time for our dinner. I live at…you know where I live. I’ll see you then. Don’t be late.” Peter called as he ran down the hallway, towards the elevator.

“I won’t. See you later.” You called back.

You went back to your apartment and like a kid, broke out into a happy dance.

“Venom!! Did you see how cute he was?” You gushed. “And how funny he is? I have to get ready for tonight.”

Venom manifested and swirled around my arm.

“Someone has a crush.” Venom smirked. Well, as much of a smirk as she could muster with that huge mouth of hers.

“I don’t have a crush. I just think he’s cute okay?” You replied coyly. “Cute. And funny and sweet and charming and amazing. But that’s it.”

“We can feel your heart beat.” Venom reminded you. “It was going ten miles an hour. What would Andy say?”

You had been rummaging through your closet and stopped in your tracks. With Peters new inhabitance in your mind, you had forgotten all about Andy. You moved to New York to avoid his wedding and his moving on, and you might’ve succeeded.

“I don’t care what he’d say.” You decided. “He’s not my boyfriend.”

“But we want him to be.” Venom insisted. “We want him back, remember?”

“I don’t know what I want.” You answered honestly. “I just want to get ready for tonight.”

“Why are you getting ready now? You have 5 hours until you have to be there and it’s right across the hall.” Venom teased.

“Only 5 hours?” You sighed. “We better get moving.”

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