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#“I'm glad my mum died. i miss her.”
akajustmerry · 1 year
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its truly moving how much grace in this episode was given to the reality of losing a parent who was abusive and how none of the Roys reactions is cut and dry. A huge part of their grief is not just for Logan, but that there is never going to be reconciliation. the possibility of their father apologising, being the dad they needed, has died with him. ken's"i can't forgive you, but i love you" encapsulates so much of that conflict, the cognitive dissonance of loving your parent and being their victim who is never going to get closure. roman tells Logan he's "a monster" so, of course, he'll be okay wherein his frame of reference for his father's strength is his own fear of it. shiv's childish insistence that she can't allow this, as if asserting herself hoping her father will admonish her for it as he always has. it's one thing to know your parent harmed you irrevocably and wish them suffering for that - but it's another thing, "a material event", to lose them and lose the chance, the hope once and for all, that the one person who hurt you more than anyone will make it okay. obviously, it's okay if you lose your abusive parent and feel nothing or feel glad, but i felt so relieved to see this episode give space to the tedious, complicated and painful reality that, even if you don't want to, you can feel grief your abusive parent and the loss of hope that leaves with them.
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Maybe the teen (about 15 ish) daughter of an unsub who spencer is questioning about her unsub dad and there's clearly more that her dad is doing to her that she won't tell him about and maybe she gets a little clingy to spencer?
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Spencer Reid x Teen Reader
Request: Maybe the teen (about 15 ish) daughter of an unsub who spencer is questioning about her unsub dad and there's clearly more that her dad is doing to her that she won't tell him about and maybe she gets a little clingy to spencer?
Third person pov...
Y/N walked into the police station, she had been called by thr sheriff to come in, they had some questions for her. They had been calling about her Dad all week.
Which of course made that his reason to beat her, accusing her of rating him out to the police, she promised him she never said anything of course he never listened.
Y/Ns father is the serial killer the police have been looking for, hes been kidnapping and murdering young girls who he finds annoying in some way for the past 6 months, a new one goes missing every week.
Y/N of course has witnessed every kill and kidnapping, the man was ruthless if he wasn't killing and making the girl watch, then he was abusing his daughter.
Still recovering from the beating she got jsut before she left the house the teen pulls at her clothes making sure her neck and wrists are covered.
Limping slightly she tells the receptionist who she is and they tell her the sheriff if waiting for her, giving the officer a smile she walks through the busy bullpen until she get to the sheriffs office.
Knocking on the door she walks in. "Hey there Y/N, glad you could come down" Says Sheriff Briest, he stands up and walks towards the teen, noticing how she steps back automatically.
The sheriff of course noticed, he had been called to the L/N residence alot over the years since Y/Ns Mum died, reports of crying and shouting coming from inside the house.
When questioned Mr L/N would tell them everything was okay and that Y/N was acting up, these lies continued all her life making the young girl seem like a troubled teenager who was rude and never listened to anyone.
Though the sheriff knew something was wrong he saw the signs and so did his officers but knowone was able to do anything about it as Y/N never told anyone not even when she was a kid.
Threat of death proved to be useful, Her Father would remind her what would happen should she tell anyone. "There's some people I want you to answer some questions for okay" Says the Sheriff.
Y/N freezes sightly as they walk into one of the briefing room that was usually unoccupied, but was now being used by a group of people. 'FBI' thought the girl instantly.
"Agent Hotchner, Y/N is here. Y/N these are the Behavioural Analysis Unit. They are here to help us find the killer" explained Sheriff Briest, Y/N doesn't look up at the people.
If she looked anyone in the eye she'd get beat again by her Father. She learnt that the hard way when she looked up at someone who was speaking to her Dad when she was 6. Since then she avoids eye contact.
"Hi" Says the teen looking at the shoes of the agents. "Hello Y/N, I'm Agent Hotchner these are Agents Jareau, Gideon, Morgan , Greenaway and Dr Reid" says polished black shoes.
"Nice to meet you" mutters Y/N, soon she is sitting in an interrogation room with Dr Reid. Nervously tapping her finger on the table she waits for the young Dr to walk in and ask her questions.
Minutes later the man walks in and sits down on the chair infront of her. After a few seconds of silence he speaks. "Hello Y/N, my names Spencer I work with the BAU, I'm going to ask you some questions okay?" He tells the girl.
Y/N nods her head. "Yes sir" she mutters wanting to go home and not be there. "Now can you tell me about your Father" Says the man, Y/N freezes her tapping increasing as she shakes slightly.
Trying desperately to stop shaking she answers the question. "I love my Dad, he doesn't do anything wrong he loves me" she says, her voice robotic as if it had been planted into her head as an automatic answer to that specific question.
Spencer takes notes of her behaviour, eyeing the two way glass he askes another question. "I'm sure he does, now, does your father leave for long periods of time, not telling you where he's going or why?"
Y/N hesitates before shaking her head. "He doesn't, Dad is always as home after work, dad loves me he doesn't do anything wrong" Spencer notes how the last part it connected to the answer from before.
"Okay, Y/N. Does your Dad hurt you?" Spencer knows asking that question would have a strong reaction but he didn’t expect the girl to slam her hand on the table and stand up and start pacing.
"No he doesn't hurt me! Dad loves me he doesn't hurt me" she yells almost crying, tears in her eyes but not falling yet, Spencer gasps at the raw emotion in the 15 year old eyes.
Desperation seeped into her voice, as she stared into the man's eyes, he noticed this was the first time he had seen her eyes. Suddenly the girl gasped and slammed her back into the wall.
Gripping her head she bring smacking her back against the wall. "Nonononono can't do that against the rules can't do that" she mumbles falling into hysterics, Spencer is soon joined by Derek and Elle.
The two had ran in when Y/N started repeating to herself. The three stand in shock not knowing what to do to help, Spencer is quick to notice the bruises on her neck and wrists. "Morgan" he whispers, the man nods his head he's seen the bruises on the girl.
Pulling out his phone, him and Elle leave Spencer alone with Y/N, the girl is still smacking her back on tjr wall as if she was punishing herself, the man slowly inches towards the grill.
"Y/N, Y/N its me Spencer remember" he whispers to the girl, holding out his hands non threateningly he speaks to the teenager desperate to calm her dow from her panic attack.
"Nonono broke the rules" muttered the girl. "Y/N you haven't broken any rules, your Father can't get you here okay, your safe your safe with me" he tells the girl, slowly Y/N pulls her hands awa from her hair and stopping smacking her back against the wall.
Smiling at the teen Spencer stays back. "I'm safe here" she whispers horsely, Spencer nods his head. "Yes that's right your safe here, I won't let anyone hurt you" he says.
Y/N slowly begins to inch closer to the man eagerly seeking comfort, soon the girl was throwing herself at him, Spencer hugs her tightly whispering that she was okay and he wouldn't hurt her.
An hour later the Team and swat had arrested Y/Ns Father for the abuse she suffered and 15 accounts of murder.
Over the next few days adter they had caught the killer, Y/N had grown close to Spencer, she wouldn't let him out of her sight scared her father would come and hurt her, Spencer stayed with the teen while she recovered in hospital from the abuse she suffered from her father.
The end!
Hope you liked this oneshot sorry for the wait, as usual sorry for any grammar and Spelling mistakes.
Request are open!
Word count: 1277
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Distance makes the heart grow fonder (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)
It's been a long month and a bit but things are finally settling down and I'm back! Posting might not be as frequent for a while though I'll try my best to get my motivation back.
I started this like a week after the world cup started, but it's finally finished. Hope you enjoy :)
Words: 4.1K
Two years ago, I made the hardest decision of my life. I left the person I was madly in love with, the person I thought I would marry. Leaving Alyssa was the hardest thing I had ever done, but at the time, I needed to be home.
After my mum had died, my family needed me and I needed them. Even though with Alyssa I was the happiest I'd ever been and she was the most supportive, loving partner. It wasn't enough. We knew we wouldn't survive distance that large so we ended it before the possibility of maintaining friendship was ruined. Even two years later, she was still constantly on my mind, no matter how much I tried to forget about our relationship, it never worked. We still kept in contact occasionally so I guess that didn't help. I could never fully let her go though. 
Missing Alyssa may have been the motivation behind packing up and moving to Auckland for the duration on the world cup. When I lived in Chicago, I trained and worked as a physio, but when I moved back, I never had the motivation to do the things needed to work as one in New Zealand. So instead I just went into security. Maybe it wasn't what I wanted to do, but it was easier at the time. 
I hadn't noticed anyone in the hallway with me, but a voice calling my name stopped me in my tracks. That voice is one I would always instantly recoganise no matter how much time had gone by. 
"Alyssa." We just stood staring at each other for a few seconds before I broke out of the trance. The women I was still madly in love with, was actually standing in front of me for the first time in years. "Do I get a hug Lys or are you just going to stand there?"
Alyssa's arms wrapped around me tightly as she spun me around, I giggled, burying my face in her neck. She refused to let me go when I tried to pull away. I didn't fight it though. After two years without her, being back in her arms was the best feeling in the world. "What are you doing here?"
"Working. I got a security gig for the duration of the world cup."
"Well I'm glad you're here. I've missed you."
"Me too Lys."
A clearing of the throat behind us, made me aware of the fact that we weren't alone. Once Alyssa had pulled away, I was bombarded by hugs from the girls that were on the team when I worked with them. "Alright, alright, I missed you too but please let me go now."
We spent a few minutes catching up, but I had to go before I got in trouble for being late. "I have to go."
"Me too. Come by my hotel later? It would be good to catch up properly." 
"I'll be there. Send me the address."
Later that evening, I was waiting anxiously outside Alyssa's door. Hanging out with Alyssa was a sure way to be hurt again. I had every intention of keeping things friendly, that didn't mean the feelings I had for her had gone away or I wasn't already wishing we could be together again. Two years later, she was still the person who had my heart. Getting to spend time with her made the pain worth it in the end. 
Alyssa opened the door, a small smile appearing as she hugged me quickly, "Thank you for coming Y/n/n."
"Like I would miss spending time with you."
We spent the next hour or so getting caught up on what's been happening in each others lives. Just getting to sit and talk with Alyssa again was amazing. After the initial awkwardness, it was surprisingly comfortable, almost like old times. We used to spend hours sitting or cooking together, while talking about random things. In almost 5 years together, we never ran out of things to talk about.
Alyssa was lying on her back, but when she turned on her side to face me, my heart felt like it skipped a beat. She was looking at me the same way she used to, with so much love and adoration. I quickly looked away before the urge to kiss her got to much. "I thought you were in Wellington with your family?"
"I am, but when I found out you would be in Auckland, I thought I would try my luck and temporarily relocate." I blushed, suddenly embarrassed at the confession. Moving to a different city for over a month in hopes of seeing your ex-girlfriend who you were still in love with, but couldn't have, was a bit ridiculous when you actually thought about it. 
Alyssa tried to hide her smile as she linked her pinky with mine. I didn't even think about pulling away. "You did that for me?"
"Maybe. I kinda missed you."
"I'm really glad you did Y/n/n. I missed you. Even if you weren't here I was hoping to see you anyway."
---
The first and second night went okay, I ended up back in my hotel despite wanting nothing more than to stay. We were trying to maintain some boundaries knowing that we would be apart again soon. On the third night though, that plan failed. Over the course of the movie, I ended up cuddled with Alyssa. Cuddling with Alyssa felt so natural, I barely noticed it was happening until she pulled me closer, kissing my forehead as I started falling asleep. Everything about it was a bad idea, but I gave into my desire and ended up staying. Before I knew it, I hadn't slept in my own bed for almost a week. 
Once again, I woke up in Alyssa's bed. Well, I hadn't actually slept much so I was more just lying there as she slept soundly, arms wrapped tightly around me with our legs intertwined. It had hit me last night that Alyssa would be leaving in a few weeks if not sooner, that we were moving past our attempted boundaries and into relationship territory again. It was going to hurt all over again if we let it continue. 
When Alyssa started stirring, I let myself enjoy her for a few seconds before reluctantly pulling away. Alyssa pouted, letting out a sound of protest while trying to pull me back in. "Lys, we can't keep doing this. It's just going to hurt in the end when you leave."
Alyssa took a few seconds to reply which was expected since she just woke up, but it didn't stop me getting nervous. I still wanted to see her, I just knew it was going to hurt. "I know. The rational side of me is saying to stop, but I would rather enjoy this time with you and deal with the pain. God I wish I never had to leave, even after all this time, I'm still into you."
I felt tears sting my eyes, trying to escape as I turned away to not let her see me cry. We had an almost perfect relationship, sure we fought occasionally, but we understood, trusted, loved and cared for each other unconditionally. We fit together perfectly. Alyssa showed me her soft side, something that she didn't do easily. We were constantly talking about our life together, hell I was a week away from proposing, but I had ruined that when I left. "I'm sorry I ruined us Lys."
Alyssa turned me around, the most sincere yet serious look on her face, "Don't ever apologise for that Y/n. You did what you had to for yourself and your family. It wouldn't have been fair for me to ask you to stay knowing why you had to go. It sucked beyond belief, but I understood then and still do. Please don't blame yourself because I never will."
My brain was telling me no, but my heart won as I lent forward, connecting my lips with Alyssa's. All the feelings, love, butterflies and tingles came back full force. Everything I had felt for her 2 years ago came back just as strong if not stronger. I guess it's true what they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder.
Alyssa cupped my cheek softly, pulling me so I was practically on top of her. Hands slipped under my shirt, my skin feeling like it was burning at the touch. Yet again, I reluctantly placed my hand on her chest, pushing her away.
"You have practice, I have work."
"I wasn't doing anything."
"Bull shit Naeher. I haven't forgotten your tricks."
---
Whatever boundaries we had set, had completely gone out the window after our kiss a few days ago. I hadn't slept in my bed again and there had been a fair few make out sessions. Tonight I had come back to her room after work to find her dressed up in slacks, a button up and a leather jacket. I was confused until Alyssa directed my attention to the clothes laid out on her bed. "Get dressed, I want to take you out tonight."
"Is that any way to talk to a lady Miss Naeher?" 
"My sweet, beautiful Y/n, if you could please change and accompany me on a totally platonic, non-romantic evening?"
I held back my laugh as nervousness started growing on Alyssa's face. It was subtle unless you knew Alyssa like I did. Alyssa could be sweet and caring, anyone who knew her could tell you that, but there was a soft, gentle, loving side to Alyssa that only the people she was in love with got to see. I just happened to be lucky enough to still be that person. "I would love to accompany you on a totally platonic, non-romantic evening."
Alyssa had taken me to a little beach to watch the sunset. It was one of my favourite things from when we were together.  Whenever we got the chance we would go watch the sunset. Whether it was the beach, park or just our backyard, it didn't matter. It was our time away from the world, our way to keep connection with each other even during our busiest times. 
I sat between Alyssa's legs, cuddled as far back into her as possible with a blanket wrapped around us. Maybe winter wasn't the best time to be watching the sunset on the beach, but between the warmth of Alyssa and the blanket, I wasn't feeling the cold yet. 
Alyssa kissed my cheek, breaking the silence with a whisper, "You know I forgot how much more beautiful your are in person than in photos, which is saying something because you look incredible in photos."
I giggled, pecking her lips before settling back to my original position, "I forgot how soft you actually are."
"You know it's only ever been for you."
"It's one of the things I love most about you. I know it's kinda ridiculous, but honestly, I've never felt more special then when I was with you Lys. You made me feel like I was the most important person in your life. I could do anything with you by myside." 
"You are special Y/n. You are one of the most special and important people in my life. No matter what happens or where you are, that'll never change."
There was no response coming to mind that would properly portray what I was feeling, so I just cuddled further into her. The words swirling around my head. I knew this would destroy me, having her back then losing her again, but I was so in love with her, that it didn't matter because even if it was just for a few weeks, I got to be with her again. Alyssa kissed my temple, fingers lacing with mine. "Are you okay Y/n/n?"
"I am. Just enjoying the moment. Even though I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling, just know you mean the world to me."
"Ditto."
We sat cuddled on the beach long after the sun had set, talking about anything we could think of. The temperature had definitely dropped, my fingers and toes becoming colder the longer we sat there. Alyssa's nose sent shivers through me as she nuzzled it against my neck. I felt the vibrations of her chuckle despite her trying to hide it. "Are you cold darling?"
"Your nose is freezing, but I am getting quite cold now."
Alyssa laced her fingers with mine, wrapping her arms around me tighter, "Me too. I had dinner reservations for us, but I think we've missed them now. How does pizza sound?"
"Pizza sounds amazing. Can we go for a spa afterwards? I think the hotel one is still open."
There was no one else around so I settled myself in Alyssa's lap, head resting against her shoulder as I enjoyed the warmth after hours in the cold. Her fingers traced patterns along my back as I played with the string of her bikini. Everything tonight had taken me back to when I was happiest in life. It took me back to the countless nights spent cuddled with Alyssa, whether it was watching the sunset at the beach, watching tv or reading. They were some of my favourite moments in life. They were intimate and safe, the moments where I felt most at peace and loved. Of course I knew I missed Alyssa, but tonight made me realise just how much I missed those moments. It also reminded me that I only had it back for a limited time. 
Thoughts of moving back started swirling around my mind, but they were joined of thoughts of leaving my family and having to start over again. Honestly, it scared me. What if I decided to do it, then Alyssa didn't want me back? What if we got back together and we didn't work as a couple anymore? I know what we were doing and how we were acting. We're in this weird space of together, but not. 
Alyssa kissed my temple, arms tightening around me, "You've been more quiet than usual since we got back, everything okay?"
"Yeah. Don't worry, I'm just tired."
"I don't believe you, but I won't push it. Just know if you want to talk about it, I'm here."
I kissed Alyssa's shoulder before cuddling back against her, "I know. It's nothing serious though so please don't worry. Thank you Lys."
---
It was one of those days where there was too much going on in my head. Mostly about the situation with Alyssa, but also the thought of moving back. I had pretty much resigned myself to being hurt when Alyssa left. However, I also felt stuck. My plan was always to go back to the states at some point, I felt like I couldn't leave though. My family was here and after mum dying we had become so much closer. It felt wrong to just leave them again. 
"Hey Y/n. You okay?" Julie asked, steadying me as I almost walked into her. 
"Shit, sorry. I don't know."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"It's okay, I know you're busy."
Julie looked at me like I had just said the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. Then she wrapped her arm around me and guided me to sit down, "Never too busy to talk. What's going on?"
I groaned, hiding my face in my hands, "Have you ever done something you know will destroy you, that you know you should stop, but you can't. You can't because you are so in love with that person that the pain is worth it because you get the little bit of extra time with them."
"Alyssa?"
"Yeah. I've never loved anyone as much as I love her. Even after all this time, the feelings I have for her never went away. I miss her like crazy. Hell, I'm thinking about packing up my life again for her. I know I should stop this, not for me, but for her. To stop her from feeling more pain then she needs to. I just can't do it. I don't know what to do."
"Maybe that is the best thing to do, maybe it would save some heartbreak. Though, something tells me that even if you tried, Alyssa wouldn't let you without a fight. During tournaments, she usually does everything to stay focused and in game mode. Sleep overs would never have been an option, but you come along and you're sleeping in her bed every night. Alyssa is obviously happier and seems more free than we've seen her in a long time. She's more focused because of it. Alyssa loves you, you love her, but you need to decide if the pains worth it in the end, that's not a decision we can make for you."
"Yeah I know. Thank you for listening. Can you not tell Alyssa about this conversation?"
"Of course. If moving is something you want to do, what's stopping you?"
I sighed before letting out everything I was thinking about the situation. It felt good to finally be able to talk to someone that was impartial in the situation. That I could just be completely honest with and not have them be upset or get their hopes up. Julie just listened as I talked, offering comforting arm squeezes every now and then. "I know it's scary and you'll miss your family, but you need to do what is best for you. If that means moving back to Chicago then they'll understand. They supported you the first time didn't they?"
"I guess so. Thanks Julie, everything just feels like a mess at the moment, guess I have a lot to think about."
---
It had been days of non-stop thinking. Just when I thought I had decided on what to do, the what ifs started. What if Alyssa was it for me and I wouldn't ever find anyone else? What if my family hated me? What if something happened again and I had to move back? They were just some of the many thoughts that ran constantly through my mind, sending me back to square one every time. Alyssa could tell something was going on, but thankfully wasn't pushing me to talk about it. I didn't want to talk to her before I had things sorted and end up hurting her even more. 
Alyssa had left early this morning, leaving me completely stuck in thought until my phone ringing brought me back. I was planning on ignoring it, but it was my dad so I sucked it up. We went through the normal stuff, how are you? What are you doing etc until he finally called me out.
Are you okay? You sound off.
I sighed, deciding it was finally time to talk to someone in my family about it. You remember Alyssa?
Your ex?
Yeah, well she happens to be here for the world cup and I've been sleeping in her bed pretty much since the world cup started.
Oh right. So what's the problem?
I'm still madly in love with her dad
Okay, so get back with her. If your sleeping in her bed then she obviously feels the same. 
It's not that simple. We live in two different countries, thousands of kms apart.
You could always go back. 
I can't.
Why not? If you love her as much as you claim then make the move Y/n.
But you guys are here, I can't leave you again.
You've done it before. You always said you would make the move back once the time was right and if you ask me the time is right. We're okay. Do you really think your mother is happy that you're not where you want to be just because of her? She was always so proud of you for taking the chance and doing something you really wanted to do. We'll miss you, but please don't hold back for us. You deserve to be where you want to be, doing what you worked so hard for and be with the person you love. You loved being a physio, you worked so hard to get there, please don't let that go to waste.
I'm scared dad
I know, but you've never let that stop you before so why start now? Being scared isn't a bad thing, just don't let it stop you from doing things you want to do. At least think about it okay?
I will. I have to go. Love you.
Love you too Y/n
---
There was a time where I never imagined my life without Alyssa, but it had happened and it was the worst 2 years of my life. With the encouragement from both Julie and my dad, my decision was a little bit easier. Now that I had Alyssa back, I never wanted to let go of her again, even if that meant moving away from my family for a second time. The last thing to do before solidifying the decision was to see if Alyssa was even interested in me moving back. Honestly, that's what I was most nervous about.
We had just gotten back after a game and Alyssa was on the verge of sleep as we cuddled up in bed. Maybe it wasn't the best time to bring it up, but I couldn't wait. The nerves were building too much, almost too much to handle. 
"You played great today Lys."
"Thank you. I'm so ready for our day off tomorrow though."
I kissed Alyssa softly before sitting up, successfully getting her attention. "I know you probably just want to go to sleep, but can I talk to you about something?"
Alyssa sat up next to me, concern starting to show on her face, "Anything."
My fingers laced with hers, bracing myself for whatever her response may be. "I love you Alyssa, I've never stopped and I don't know if I ever will."
"I love you too Y/n, but-"
"I know, I know what you're going to say, but please just listen to me. Back then I didn't have a choice, I needed to be with my family so we could heal together. It's still hurts, but we're living life again. Now I need to live life for me. There's not a day that went by where you weren't on my mind. Where I didn't wish things could go back to the way they were and I could be back with you. I finally got you back Lys and I don't want to lose us again. I want to try again, I want to try us again."
Alyssa looked as if she was processing. I knew it was a lot, but every second that past I was getting closer to freaking out. After what felt like forever, Alyssa squeezed my hand, "What are you saying?"
"If you think maybe you might want to be with me again then I'm ready to move back to Chicago."
"Are you sure? I love you Y/n, but I don't want you to feel like you have to or do something you're not ready for."
"I'll miss my family, but they'll be okay without me. I have the ability to come back and visit more then I did before. I'm serious Lys. This isn't something I just decided on a whim. I've been thinking about this since before the world cup even started, but my dad told me to go. He made me realise I was holding back because I was scared."
Lips collided with mine, the kiss quickly turning salty and tears fell down Alyssa's cheeks, "I love you, I love you, I love you."
I giggled, "So is that a yes?"
"Yes. I would love to try again."
"I need a couple of months to sort stuff out. You know job, housing, visas."
"You can move in with me again, one less thing to worry about and maybe you could get your old job back. I think one of our PTs is leaving after the world cup."
"I was hoping you would say that. I would love to live with you. And I'll get in contact with my old boss, see what he says. Can I just say, no one would ever believe your reaction to this. The stoic Alyssa Naeher could never be so soft."
"Shut up," Alyssa muttered pushing me away slightly only to pull me back next to her again. She turned, letting our a quite sigh as I wrapped my arms around her. It wasn't an everyday occurrence, normally I was the little spoon, but sometimes Alyssa preferred to be held especially when she was tired. I was never going to say no to it though. "So considering I'm going to move back in with you, will you be my girlfriend Lys? Again."
"Hmm I suppose so."
"Good because this would be awkward otherwise. I have one more question before you go to sleep. Do you think you might be able to stick around after the world cup? Even if it's just for a few days, I would like you to meet my family in person."
Alyssa cuddled further against my side, eyes already starting to drift closed, "That could be possible. I would love to meet your family, I'll talk to coach."
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viennacherries · 16 days
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what is your favourite thing that you’ve ever written?
this maybe isn't the answer you were looking for/expecting, and it's a little bit personal/deep, so sorry for that.
my actual favourite thing i've ever written is the eulogy i wrote and spoke at my mum's funeral. she passed when i was 16 after a long battle with cancer, but her passing was still very sudden. we were told she had about 6 months just days before she died.
it was more of a 'celebration of life' rather than an actual funeral. my mum wasn't religious and we wanted it to reflect on her more rather than a god she didn't believe in. it was amazing. friends she hadn't seen in years travelled from across the country and even the world to come and say goodbye to her. there were so many people that we didn't have enough chairs, and the room was completely full because people had to stand at the back and sides.
i've put it below the cut, if anyone wants to read it. it's obviously very emotional, so be prepared. but it's also very hopeful, in a way that i think you have to be when you experience a profound loss.
i turn 21 in just over a week, and i think about her and this speech around my birthday. 16 year old cher was very scared, but hopeful that things would get better, and im glad she was right.
I think everyone is aware of the fact they'll have to say goodbye to their parents someday from quite a young age. I think the problem is I never imagined it would be this soon.
To an extent I had prepared myself when mum was first diagnosed with cancer. I had to accept that there was a chance I had to say goodbye. But then I didn’t have to.
I never got the chance to prepare this time. Maybe that's what feels so bittersweet. Would things have been different if I’d known sooner? If I'd known the last time would be the last time. Would I hug her tighter? Would I say all the things I needed to say?
Or would I have just never let go?
Would any of the words felt right? Would any of it have felt enough? Or would I have spent forever regretting the words I misspoke or the ones I missed? Maybe this way is better because it was unclouded by the fear of the future.
There are so many things I wish I'd told her. That I didn't blame her. That it wasn’t her fault. That I loved her more than she knew. That I hoped she found peace.
I really hope she has. I think in my heart I know she has.
I see her in everything. In the sunset and the sunrise when the sky is clear. In every Robin or Blue Tit that seems a little too calm around me, that lands a little too close or sings extra loudly. I see her in the kindness others give me, because I know she has inspired it because they loved her. It's like she’s talking to me. Like it's her telling me things will be okay. When I hug my family or friends I hold on extra tight as though it's her, and I never ever want to let go.
I think something I hadn't considered is how hard listening to music would be. Because suddenly all these words have a new meaning and you hear them in a way you never have before. Or a song comes on that I know she loved and I realise I'll never hear her sing it again or watch her dance to it while we're stopped at traffic lights.
For the last four years people have told me how strong I am. I don’t think it's true. I think she was strong. She pushed through every day. She put up with [brother's name] and I at our worst and our best. she brought people joy and she made people feel loved. She never stopped fighting. I don’t think I'm strong, I don't think any of us are. I think every day she kept going she gave everyone a little bit of her strength. I think she made us strong by being strong. I think her strength inspired ours. Everything I am is her. Some days I look in the mirror and I feel like I'm looking at her, if not for the way I look then for the person I am. Because I'm a reflection of her. Of everything she taught me. I have always lived every single day of my life trying to make her proud. I hope wherever she is she knows I'll never stop.
She always gave the best advice, even on the days where it wasn't what I wanted to hear or I got angry because I didn’t think I agreed, she always knew what to say. I only wish I could ask her one more thing.
What do I do now? What happens from here? How do I keep going without you?
I'd like to think that I know what she'd say. She'd tell me I'm strong. She'd tell me she's with me. She'd tell me she believes in me and she'd hold my hand.
All of my memories of mum right now are painful. Because I know they're just memories. But they make me hopeful because I can hold onto them forever. They make me hopeful because someday remembering her won't hurt, it'll feel warm and I'll feel love. Someday we'll all be okay.
Our memories of mum keep her alive. Even when she’s gone. I want you all to think of her and when you do, I want you to smile, just like she always made us all smile.
Remember her with love. Remember who she was. She loved you.
So to you mum. Because I know you're here and I know you're listening. I hope you see how loved you are. I hope you feel it. I hope you know I don't blame you. I hope you know it wasn't your fault. I hope you've found peace. I hope you know just how much I love you. How much we all do. I can't wait to see you again.
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livealittleoc-cb · 1 year
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An Important Celebration
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Astria for the longest of centuries had gone through a mass amount of war between countries and the times were turbulent.
The underworld, heavens and limbo were consumed by souls. Gods of all kind and alike fused and overworked during this time of pain. Watching their people drop like flies unable to do anything unless it were to interfere with fate.
But then peace was brought. On the 5th of April a peace treaty was brought up and all countries agreed for war to end and peace to begin.
After that it was decided that this great point in history should be celebrated. It starting off as a dinner slowly after years turning into one big ball, with great food from every where, royals, magics, gods and humans alike together celebrating.
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Di and Ace are the first to get to the event. Ace squealing happily as he held Di's arm. They stepped in being greated by waiters, other magics and gods. Ace's eyes squealed as he saw his mum's, quickly waving at them before turning to Di. "You do your thing. I do mine. Okay?" He asked as Di nodded kissing his forehead before they walked their seperate ways.
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"Nanay! Mama!" He squealed as he ran to the two and hugged them tight. Mama Sofia squealed as she hugged her son close to her squeezing him. "Oh mi hijo [my son]! You look so beautiful! Look at you." She said as she pushed hair away from his face looking him over with so much love.
"Mamaaaa! Please my makeup!" Ace whined as he pouted while Nanay Princess chuckled lightly.
"Ya~ Bebe~ I think Ace would like to keep his makeup intact till the end of the event. Sofia pouted but nodded.
"I'm sorry, it's just been so long.~" She grinned. "Are we meeting anyone new tonight?~" Ace blushed and swatted at her with a whine.
"Shushhhh." He sighs lightly. "I wish the little ones were here."
Sofia nodded as they started to have their conversation. While Ace was with his mums Di walked up to Zeus. He cleared his throat while the big bearded man turned. His face soften instantly as he saw Di. "Theo." He said softly as Di just nodded at him.
"Old man." He said as he straighted his suit jacket.
"How have you been? It's been so long." Zeus said as he went to go hug him. Di put a hand up stopping him.
"We're not there yet." He muttered as Zeus nodded his head understandingly starting up small talk between the two.
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Jay and Set walked in arms linked as she sighed lightly rubbing her face. "I'm so glad we got here in one piece." She muttered while Set laughed.
"Come on it wasn't that bad.~"
"I almost fell into mud cause you decided to go chase a car-"
"In my defense it was asking for it." He said with a serious face while Jay looked unamused. "Come on~ We look good, family is here, free food~ Calm down everything is fine, you're overstressing yourself." Ari sighed but nodded her head as she looked at the three men.
"You three overgrown babies..." She looks at Anubis over before looking at Set and Loki. "You two overgrown babies have your canine and fang caps in?"
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Loki gasps dramatically. "One I am not an overgrown baby." He fixed the bow in his hair, fixing their long hair. "Second, yes~" She showed off her fangs as he smiled proudly.
"I do too!" Set said as he showed his, Anubis nodding but keeping his mask on. He was the responsible one, he didn't need to prove anything.
"Okay...good. You all know where I'm going to be. You all just...don't make a scene-" She said as the three nodded and she walked over to her Dad and Brothers. "Hello~ Did you miss me?~" She asked with a laugh as she saw her two older brothers head's pop up.
"BABY SIS!" Santiago squealed as he shoved his plate of food into Ha-Yoon's arms. He squeezed her in a hug lifting her up from the ground. "Hello~ We miss you." Yoon grumbled as he placed the plate down and smiled at her. He pushed his older brother away and went to hug her.
"Ahh~ All is right with the world now that you're back with us." He mused before the three of them laughed. Their dad, Kim Dak-Ho, smiled at the three of them. Ari let go of her brothers before turning to her dad. He held his arms open for her and she laughed rushing into them.
"My beautiful princess is back home." Ari snorted as she squeezed him.
"More like with my three old bodyguards." She mused while he gasped dramatically.
"I'm not old~ I can still move it as if I was 19 again~" Her brothers cringed at him while Jay laughed her ass off at him, she missed this. They fell into natural conversation all stress leaving her as she enjoyed her time with her family.
Set and Anubis wave at Ari's family from afar as they walk to their own parents. Instantly Nephthys clinged to her two sons. "My boys! Oh, how handsome you two look." She fawned over the two as Set whined lightly and Anubis just snorted lightly.
Osiris laughed lightly as he held Nephthys arm. "My world, I think they're tired of getting fonded over. They aren't children anymore." She frowned lightly as she looked at the two.
"I know you're right but they grew up too fast." Her eyes watered as Set quickly went to hug her and Anubis rubbed her back lightly.
"We're still your babies mama." Set said softly as Anubis nodded silently whispering into her ear.
"Especially Set." That caused their mum to let out a watery laugh as Set narrowed his eyes at his older brother.
On the other side of the room Loki waltz over to Laufey, lightly tapping her shoulder. She turned around confused before letting out a loud gasp. "Oh my little baby of chaos!" She squealed as she hugged them close to her. "Oh how are you love? Everything okay? Works going alright?" Loki chuckled as she nodded her head at their mom.
"Yes ma, everything's alright.~" He looked around for a minute his mum frowning a bit knowing what he was looking for.
"H-He's busy...you know how your father is. He got-" Loki raised a hand, stopping her from making another excuse for his father. He gave her a strained smile.
"It's alright." He kissed her forehead stepping back. "I'm going to go bother Thor now. I'll be back before they start serving food." Their mum nodded sadly as she watched him stepped away.
As Loki walked over to Thor, Cupid and Eros walked in. "I can't believe you made me wear this stupid pink outfit-" He muttered softly as he looked himself over.
"Hey. Be glad I let you come shirtless-" Cupid muttered as he tucked his wings back before smiling big.
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They both walked over to Aphrodite, Cupid lightly hip bumping her. "Hey sis~ How are you?~"
"A lot better before you came." She muttered as she drank from a champange flute. Cupid pouted as Eros laughed. "I'm not happy to see you either." Eros instantly deadpanned as she said that.
"Rude."
"Is this about the stain I left on your white designer dress..." Cupid asked with a raised eyebrow. Aphrodite scoffed and stomped her foot lightly.
"No! It's for leaving me with a pile of work! But that's also contributed to it!" The three of them started to bicker as Ares and Apollo made their entrance.
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Apollo shined the whole room as he walked in holding onto Ares's arm. Literally he shined. "Um my light...you should tone it down a little." Ares said with a chuckle while Apollo pouted.
"Sorry..." He looked at Ares over with a slight whine. "Did you have to go with the velvet suit?"
"Hey! It's a time to celebrate, this is my favorite suit. Dad gave it to me~" Apollo nodded with a small smile as he smoothed out Ares's jacket.
"Alright, I'm heading to Artemis. You're going to talk to her?" Ares nodded his head as Apollo gave him a reassuring smile. "It'll go alright." He gave him a kiss to the hand before they went their own ways. Ares walked up to Hera cautiously as he cleared his throat.
"Hey mum." He said as the woman turned around. She instantly brightened up at seeing her son. She cupped her hands over his cheeks and smiled before speaking her own accent shining through.
"Oh my baby..." She said softly before looking over his outfit. She gave him a watery smile. "You're wearing it." He nodded as she sniffled and ran her hands over the suit. "Your dad would be so proud of you." She kissed his cheek as he sniffled lightly hugging her close to him.
"I wish he was here."
"I do too." She said softly as she rubbed his back lightly. Apollo looked at the two with a sad smile before walking to his sister.
"Hey my favorite twin~"
"I'm your only twin." She said with a riased brow while he whined.
"Listen, your my favorite either way!" He said with a pout while she rolled her eyes but smiled bringing him in for a hug. "Yeah. Yeah. You bonehead."
"You're so mean!" Artemes laughed as she kept teasing Apollo him whining.
Jooheon, Leo and Emilia all walk in together. Leo is holding Emilia's arm while Jooheon fixes his suit jacket. "Thanks for the ride Joo, owe you one." Jooheon smiled and nodded as Leo bounced lightly.
"You guys know where to meet me when we have to leave, right?" The two nodded as they all went their separate ways.
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Jooheon walked to his parents with a smile, as the two smiled big and proud at him. "There's our big overworked and successful son.~" His mum teased as she hugged him tight. Joo yelped as he hugged his mum back with a small laugh.
"Mum's still got her strength I see." He joked while his dad laughed. He went to hug hum as his dad kissed his forhead.
"It's why I love her so much. A strong, independent and powerful woman.~" Haw just rolled her eyes as her husband, Kwan wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her in for a kiss.
"Yah~ We're in public you two~" He teased as the three of them laughed lightly.
Leo happily skipped over to his cousin as he ruffled her hair. "Ciao, mi bella, Bella~" He snorted as she gasped fixing her hair.
"How dare you! You're the worst cousin ever!" Gab, who had a mouth full of food snorted. Leo looked at him before shaking his head. He looked around before looking at Bella.
"Where's Nana?" He asked while she looked around herself.
"Oh shit- She better not be near the drinks!" She said as she rushed to look for her, Gab laughing and choking on his food while Leo rubbed his face with a deep sigh. This was going to be a long night.
Emilia's cousin ran up to her squealing and holding her tight as her uncle smiled at the two. "Hello to you too~" She said as she hugged her back before going to hug her uncle tightly.
"It's nice to see my girl all dressed up. We've missed you." She smiled softly at them.
"I've missed you both too. So much." She said softly as they fell into soft conversation.
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The last to arrive at the part were Hades, Hel and Hecate. They all came together, being important guests as they were the rulers of the Underworld. People bowed at them as they walked in, Hel giggling and greeting everyone while Hecate kept her veil on, shyly waving at people. Hades had a straight facce as he just nodded at everyone who passed by.
"Alright, I'll be talking to the King and Council. You two alright by yourselves." Hel nodded her head happily as Hecate just shyly nodded. "Okay, you know where to call me if you need me." He held onto Maria's leash, the hellhound happily trotting along as she looked at the new enviornment.
As Hades walked off Hecate and Hel went to Pluto. "Hey Pluto! How you doing~" Hel said as Hecate stood next to her waving at the man with a small smile.
"Awe! If it isn't my two favorite girls!" He cooed as he hugged them and they fell into casual conversation.
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This was a night to remember!
Good food, drinks and family and friends together.
Enjoy your visit.~
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possible new residents: @monsterhigh-cb [🐟🤍💍 && ⚡💙 && 👻💜 && 🐺💕] @faywithlove @theinvitation-bot @badbf-cb @welcome-to-maniac [🐇🖤 && 🌻❤️] ​  @clubwnderland  @supernaturalcb  @domxbot​  @fantasyaespa​ [💚🐈 && 💎☀️] @thepatchedpaw​ @dawnswonderland-entertainment @k-pop-shelter  @chooseyourboycb [🔪❤️‍🩹]  @beastfights-starting  @divineblood-cb​  @urtwice @welcometosector1​​ @9ateez-multiau-bot  @mxthxbot​ @lunaaofthemoon​ @littleboywooyoungie @musiclovermino  [🎶💛]  @k-venturetime [🍓❣️] @multi-joong [🌧️🧡] @reve-rv @k-half-blood @multi-esme @the-hellhounds @kingtaythecute​ [🥧💗] @cheerxcaptainxhongjoong​@kardpackcb​ ​ @3rachabot​ @kingdom-of-dicentra​ @starhunters-reign​ @elemental-dream​ @namiras-rose-tattoos​ @glamrockpop-cb​ @storybook-nct​ @dreampodcast​ @beaconhillsxbot​ @fantasycafexbot​ @thenine-cb @screamcb​ @hoteldelluna-rp [DM + / -]
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celeryw · 10 months
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Natsume Week 2023 Day Two: Keepsakes / New Meetings
“This is my grandfather’s,” she rethreads two green covers and ties them together, she holds it up to her friend, “it’s a book but it doesn’t have any pages in it. My parents said that it’s really important in our family.”
She handles it carefully and her friend takes it from her gently.
He traces the lettering of ‘yuujinchou’ reverently, “Do you know what it used to say?”
“No, we think all the pages fell out over the years. The name of my great-great-grandmother is on it, here,” she flips it open and points to ‘Natsume Reiko’ inked onto the back of the cover, “so it’s, like, old. Almost a hundred years or more. My grandfather carried it around with him, mum always talks about it — since she was really close with his friends and they liked to talk about him. She really likes talking about him. I think she misses him a lot.”
“See, look,” she reaches into the box between them, “this is his cat. Isn’t he super fat? He lasted until mum was well into her thirties and I was really little. Mum loved that cat, his name was Nyanko-Sensei but apparently everyone called him different names. She was devastated when he died, because it was around the same time my grandfather went too. I wish I could remember them.”
She takes a deep breath and passes the photos over to her friend. He thumbs through them. Laughing at the photos of a young man, his cat and his friends falling into a river. Smiling at the cat peering into a cradle, paw on a baby's cheek.
"This is so cute. I'm glad you have these."
She smiles in response and gathers it all up again, placing them back into the box, "Thanks."
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regulus-books · 7 months
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warnings: brief mentions of miscarriage, stillborn, depression and anxiety. if you don't feel comfortable please, please don't read it. I love you<3 and if you're struggling, or have struggled with this topic, feel free to dm me<3
wc: 1.7k+
Since I was young, I've always wanted a child. As I slowly grew, my want for children increased, I became more scared, sure, but nothing is better than your own little baby who will always love you, even if no one else does?
That aside, James and I have been trying for a long while, a year at least, unfortunately, miscarriages run in my family. I have been pregnant 2 times in the past year, one being a miscarriage that plummeted me and James in a deep set of depression, when we decided to try again, my baby boy came out a stillborn. I cried for so long after, couldn't forgive myself. James was so excited for our child, and I just depressed him. Did I not want him enough? I realized I shouldn't be thinking that way, I didn't do anything wrong. Three square meals a day, went to every single appointment, slept the correct amount of hours, I did everything right. James helped me out of the depression and my doctor advised me not to try again, much to my despair.
A week ago, James and I adopted a baby. She was born at 6 pounds and 7 ounces, no name, and her mother died in child birth. We named her Renee Lily Potter. Lily stuck by my side nearly the entire way through my first and second pregnancy, she saw the happy and sad.
Right now, I'm laying in me and James' bed, Renee rests on my chest, and I stroke a hand down her little back. I hum a tune I heard on the muggle radio, a funky beat that reminded me of my husband, as we wait for James to get back from work.
"Renee, darling, I love you so much." I speak to the child as if she can understand what I say. "I am so glad that you're here. I don't know what papa and I would do if you weren't." I pick up her chunky baby body and pull her up closer to my neck. I stand up and strap on a baby carrier to my front, then I walk out into our flats kitchen to cook something. I bounce around the kitchen, James is usually the one cooking, he says I cook like a white mom, and to that I tell him, that's exactly what I am. He always laughs and kisses my forehead after that, winces at the taste of the meal I prepared, but eats it anyways. I hear the fireplace turn on and quickly turn off.
"I wonder who that could be." I say, but there's no doubt in my mind that James is hiding behind our sofa in the living room, trying to scare me. I walk out into the sitting room, and sure enough James pops out from behind our couch and accidentally scares himself.
"Hi, darling." I walk up to him and kiss him.
"Did I scare you?"
"No, Jamie, love." I stroke my fingers around Renee's soft head, her hair longer and thicker than any other baby I've ever seen.
"Hi, baby. Oh, and," he leans down and lets Renee grab one of his fingers, "hi baby." He lifts her out of the baby carrier, laying her tiny body in his arms. She makes a noise and grabs James' nose. "Hi, my little love! You missed papa while he was at work, hm?" He grazes under her chin, and she continues to babble on.
"Well, papa now needs to fix the mess mama made, hm?" James smiles and walks into the kitchen.
"Rice, curry, and naan?" He looks around.
"Mhm, mum brought it, darling."
"Oh my gosh! Mum came and I wasn't home?" I sit on one of our kitchen table stools.
"Yeah, but that was the point Jamie, she wanted to see how I was settling with Renee." I watch from the table as James takes down two plates from a cabinet and plates up our food.
"Well?"
"Well, what, darling?"
"How are you settling with Renee?" He places her down in her heavily padded play pen, and puts my food down in front of me, I take a big bite and think.
"Settling fine. You?"
"Big change for me." James says, ripping his naan and scooping chicken into it.
"Of course it is, darling, we have a baby now." I look down at her, she's curled into herself and snoring quietly.
"I know. I just always want to be home, but I'm constantly working, I'm afraid I'll be distant with her or I won't know her as well as you because you're a stay at home and I work until 7, and that's her bedtime."
"I understand, my love." I nod at him for him to continue. "They offered you three weeks off."
"I know, I just want something to keep me busy."
"You know what's perfect for that?"
"What?"
"The baby, and me." James' face quickly brightens. "How about this, darling, I'll call Moody and tell him I insist you stay home with me and Renee, he's scared of me anyhow."
"Sounds perfect." We eat in silence for a moment. "Reggie?" James looks up at me as I start to wash mine and his plate off.
"Yes?"
"Do you ever wonder if she won't like us?"
"No, James. She'll love us. Unconditional love will be forced. And besides," I attempt to lighten his mood, "no one could ever not like you, James Potter." I semi joke, James' lips twitch up into a smile.
"Except Barty Jr, right?" He dries his hands off, kisses my jaw and rests his body weight on his arms, hovering over me.
"Barty secretly adores you, James. Especially now that your a dad, says it does something for him." James barks out a laugh as I take a sip of my water.
"Well, I hope it does something for someone else too."
"You know it does." I grab his chin and pull him down for a kiss.
"Hm, good, because you being a mama does something for me too." Being a mama, I smile at the thought. He smiles before walking over and laying next to our baby, probably almost breaking her play pen.
"Don't break that, James Potter, or else."
"Very scary, darling."
"Or else no more c-" he cuts me off.
"Shush! Not around Renny." Renny, a nickname James and Sirius have convinced me is adorable, Remus laughs every time he hears it, saying one day she's going to kill Pads for it. He wraps an arm around our small baby, picking her up and getting out of the pen.
"Renny is sleeping." I kiss her chubby cheek, and walk up the stairs to her nursery quietly, James following behind closely. He lays her down in the dark green painted room, her crib sheets a bright yellow color, courtesy of James himself.
"Goodnight, my little love." James strokes her brown skin, tucking one of her curls out of her face. "My pretty girl." He smiles and steps away from the cribs edge to let me lean in and bid my child a goodnight.
"Goodnight, sweetpea." I kiss my fingers and press them lightly to her head. James links our fingers together, pulling me into our bedroom, the next room over. He let's go and takes off his shirt, he lays in our bed and watches me as I remove all of my silver jewelry, and the two gold rings that James married me with stay on my ring finger.
"You're a stunner, mami." James says, laying on his stomach.
"Mami, hm?"
"Yes." I smirk and unclip the carrier that was strapped to my chest.
"That's a new one." I walk over to our bed, laying beside him, he pulls me closer and kisses me deeply.
"You're such a beautiful mum, so so very handsome." He pushes a hand to the nape of my neck, pulling me in for a lighter kiss.
"You know what me and Mum were doing today?" I ask, coiling one of his curls around my finger, staring into his warm, brown eyes.
"What is that, ma?"
"We were talking about you."
"Good things I hope." He smiles.
"I couldn't say anything bad about you if I tried to. No, we were talking about a song I heard, made me dance and made me think about you."
"What song?"
"I think it was called Daddy Cool or something, but the part that made me think of you the most, it said, ‘shes crazy for her daddy, oh she believes in him’
made me think of you." He smiles tightly, he peppers kisses all over my face.
"Well, then, I'll remember for later."
"James?"
"Regulus?"
"Did you always want to be a dad?"
"Yes. Always. I would always hog babies if someone had one, one time I was playing with a baby, she had a fallen out eyelash and I tried to wipe it away, but ended up accidentally poking her in the eye, I cried after." He snickers. "What about you?"
"I've always wanted my own baby, yes. Living in that house with those people, I didn't know what love was but I wanted it. I wanted to have something to always love me. I thought, after Sirius left, there was nobody else in the world who loved me. Now I know what love feels like."
"What does it feel like to you, darling?"
"Warm, everywhere. You, Renny, Sirius, Remus, Dora, Dorcas, Barty, Ev, the list goes on. Love is everywhere, you just can't see it first glance. When we were going through a rough patch last year, at first glance you couldn't see a single loving thing, but if you looked closer you could see how you still pulled on my curls in my sleep, liking to see them pop back up. You didn't know I knew but when I figured it out, I would stay up until you thought it was safe to do it. I craved your touch back then, and all I had to do was ask for it." James kisses me again.
"I love you, Reggie."
"I love you, mon amour."
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fayetheraven · 4 months
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Welp I'm putting a whole ass paragraph-
tw//Mentioning violence, self-injury and sewerside
Kovu's perspective:
"Growing up, it's not easy simple for me. I was expecting a loving family that I get to be a part of, but. That only lasted to 4. my house caught on fire for an unknown reason. Even years later it still hasn't been solved like what the fvck?"
"And sadly my mum died from the house fire, all the foundations had collapsed on her crushing my mum to death. And I just figured it out that I died in the fire too, but my dad grabbed my remains and grabbed also some spare parts to repair me. So therefore I was labelled “ghost drone” since my powers are similar to a ghost, anyways. Ever since I was repaired and waking up in the morning I was expecting a “Hey kiddo” or “Are you okay?” but oh shit I was completely wrong. The firs thing I heard from my dad as soon as I wake up I was blamed for my mum's death and in a fit of rage he switched he hand to a claw and nearly scrapped half of my face off. I cried and held my bleeding face and said sorry, but my dad gives zero fucks."
"This has go on for years until I escaped at 16, my entire life consist of emotional and physical abuse, grabbing a screw driver and scarred my arms and also my visor and attempted to jump like 5 times but everytime I ended up regenerating my whole body if it'd heavily damaged. So I guess I'm immortal? but I hate living this shitty life.
As I grew older around 14 I started to realised I acted more masculine and feminine, and the more I realised it, the more I started to consider myself as a male. There are somethings that I guess made me feel good so I started to SECRETLY transition without my father's consent. Taking those voice box fluids (like testosterone), and cut my hair. This happen for the next 2 years and things I guess are going good?"
"I think I dad caught wind of what I was doing and what did he do? he kicked me out in teenager fashion. But he of course he severely beaten me up like what he did to me for almost a decade.
I started to give up on living again and take that same bridge from where I jump off, I know I won't die from jumping but at least he caused me more pain. But then.. This, green drone? I learned his name is Argon. And he is kind of similar to me, well slightly. He seemed like an angsty drone like me as well but also understanding. Which I never felt before, at first I was completely aggressive with him and even damaged his visor turning his left eye red, but he didn't put up a fight. No not even a single hit or blocking my fists.
I stopped what I was doing and collapsed on the sidewalk, he still has this worried but also seriously look on his face saying “I don't know you at all. But you could really use some help..” That time I had trust issues and I absolutely refused to accept his help. And this has been going for 10 minutes? I can't really remember, but I finally accepted his help from Argon because at this point I'd starve from overheating. One thing I also learned that Argon's place is a dorm so this place is next to his high school, well since I stopped going to school at junior high because my dad quote ”bEcAusE I sAiD sO" So I decided to enroll. And it was pretty awkward because everyone else is like 13-15 and I'm like 16 turning 17, but I managed to get along and this place might be my new home. As for my dad? I checked the flat and its completely abandoned. I called the police and they said that they have a missing person's report and have to do something with that flat. And it was my dad who's missing, to be honest. I could care less about him, whatever happens I'm glad he's gone."
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asafeplaceforus112 · 5 months
Text
Invincible season 2 episode 2
"oh it's for school"
He shapes like mr potato head
SHE QUIT?!?!?!
I like how the granite is the problem not the slave labour of most historical structures
He better not miss it I swear to god
What are the subscriptions??? They're not matching for some reason
"omg he falcon punched him"
Good for them
Freedom for them I'm so glad
Those aren't that terrible of middle names
XDDDDD the hat joke was funny
Oh that's fun for the title card to be breaking
Her first xDDD
I'm the gay best friend so can't talk shit
Oh that's so cool
"just imagine being able to make cocktails at will and choosing to make beer like goddamn"
XDDDD "Red is Sus" lol he's just a Martian hiding
Wht the fuck is he doinf
What the fuck is happening
Me too bae the autism be like that sometimes
Awwwwwweeee cool lady
Awwweeee this is going to go terribly wrong I can just feel it
"oh her dad died, how sad :]"
You need a rest dude
Awwweee dude
Damn even he's (robot) getting fucked up
"balls" -> you have more than one ball?
Oh nooooooooo
What the fuck is happening
OH SHIT
WAS NOT EXPECTING THST
Damn how sad
I got confused and forgot that he was the Martian, and it was actually him and was like "this is not my stretchy dude ))):"
Damn
If it wasn't for the voices and deaths and stuff it'd be interesting to see a city that's darkness
Oh noooo not the punk rocker ))):
Nightwing has lost it poor ddue
Oh he's robin
It's the spot!!!! I love across the spiderverse
Awwweee his voice ))): he sounded so sad
Oooooowwwwwwwwwww
Has he always had finger gloves???
Oh shit
That was mean
Did Donald die??? I can't remember
-gasp- ohhh nooo
Oh fuck you
Uuugggghhhhhhhhhhhh, he's really that upset about not being the man of the house
XDdd they thought she sound paw patrol
THEYRE ON THE EIFFAL TOWER
XXDDDD
They're in las vegas
"where's her food"
Get her home first please
DONT JUST LEAVE HER THERE
GOOD THANK GOD
Watch out Vilgax is coming
What the fuck??? He has to marry a fish????
That's fucked up
Themmm!!!!! Lizard!!! League!!!!
Ooooohhhh it's the Martian man hunter
XDDDDDDDDD the shape smith xDDD
He's so queer /pos
Why do the fish have tits
Why does she have tits
Good for her, I'm happy for her
"they're not misogynists" ugh trial by combat seems dumb tho
Oh noooo dummy
XD is she selling the house
Ugghhhhh
Fuck him
Fuck him so hard
Get rid of him
Don't unleash a creature onto the sea that's such a mean thung
Oh yeah sysmic would fuck up those dudes thats smart
Damn OH NOOOOOOOOO
The hair physics for under water is cool af
This was totally done so he would realise he's not his father
HE KILLED IT ONE OUNCH???
Oh no he didn't
Ooohhhhhhhhh brooooooooooooooooo
Thats so snart
XDDDDDDD the sound effect xxDdd
Whys he vomitting???
Whys they clone Donald????
Dumb ass motheruckers
Oh he looks normal again
:OOOOO THATS SO FUCKING SAD
Oh fuck you big head
The ducks??? Why???
Awwweee girl
You need therapy
Seeing your mum like that hurts, it hurts so bad, it hurts knowing you can't do anything
It fucking hurts man
Bitch fuck off
He sounds so autistic
Oh no that Martian stuff
Oh no
Oh noiiooooo
Oohhhhh nooooooooooooooo
Where's lizard queen and her son????
"no matter what social media says"
Oh shit
Who the fuck is that????
Is that lizard prince?????
The fuck si thsi
Oh noooooooooooooo
Why is he naked?????
Oh he's not najed
Ooooooh genderverse
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satansapostle6 · 5 months
Text
folie à deux
Sometimes poison is sweet.
Selina Romanov and Draco Malfoy met when they were only eleven years old. The two of them have always shared an intense bond, always having gravitated towards one another. But the question still remains, as the years pass by, is their connection one of passion, or delusion?
Warnings: Contains Mature Themes/Language, Themes Such As Sexual Content, Violence, Abuse, Sexual Assault, Eating Disorders
Six.
The third letter that Jasper Carroll had written to Selina was lying on the desk in Draco's room, half read as she chased him around outside. They were running around together in the snow, taking turns chasing one another wildly, with no plans or specific intentions. They were playing freely like children again, laughing hysterically as Narcissa Malfoy watched them wistfully from inside. It had been a fairly pleasant visit at Malfoy Manor for Selina the past few days. She had spent all of her time being childish with Draco and enjoying the holidays, remembering to write to all of her friends occasionally. She'd exchanged a few letters with Jasper and Amana, updating each other on their lives over the vacation. 
Dear Selina,
Glad to hear things are better. It must get awkward, staying with the Malfoys for an extended period of time. I get antsy spending a small amount of time with the one Malfoy I know.  I think you'll be happy to know, my dad's only been as much of an arsehole as he normally is. He's just been getting drunk and singing Christmas carols by the fire after work. Mum says he's always gotten weird around the holidays since his mum died. I reckon she's right. Sometimes, in the dead of night, he sneaks downstairs to talk to her picture. Other nights, he sneaks downstairs to eat sausage. Dads are weird. I'm guessing you understand what I mean, although in a bit of a different way. My brother Jamie didn't come home for Christmas, so my mum and my brother Jordan have been a bit touchy the past week or so. It almost feels like they've forgotten I'm here. I kind of can't wait to go back to school. It's nice to be home for the holidays and not have to do much, but I miss being around friends. Let me know how things are going. Don't take too long— I might assume Malfoy's finally managed to wear you down. 
Your Friend, 
Jasper
Selina had laughed to herself when she received Jasper's letter, also appreciating his friendly thoughtfulness. She felt sorry for him feeling strange in his own home, knowing exactly what that felt like. She watched Draco as then ran around in the snow together, trying to see if she could detect any hint of that same sadness in him. For now, at least, he seemed placated. Nothing made him angry, or upset him too much since his fight with his father. Things seemed to have gotten better in the past few days, with Lucius Malfoy's behavior toward his son seeming more paternal and considerate, at least for Lucius Malfoy. But, the convenient thing about spending their time outside was that Selina and Draco didn't have to worry about anything to do with his parents, or anything like that. Selina and Draco spent hours just running around his family's property, playing like they were children again. Selina realized she felt more carefree than she ever had before, chasing Draco around on the snowy grass as they cackled with laughter. 
  "I'm coming to get you, Malfoy!" Selina announced as she ran up behind him.  
They were taking turns running after one another, both of them trying to catch the other one. Draco kept turning back to look for Selina, chuckling as he raced ahead, hoping to outmaneuver her. 
  "Come on! You're fucking dead and you know it!" she screamed. 
  "Please! I think I can handle Slytherin's slowest Chaser!" he fired back. 
She ran past one of the trees on the estate, only steps behind him. She could hear his laughter as he panted laboriously, gasping for air as he ran from her. Selina laughed as Draco suddenly tripped over a branch growing off of a root in the ground, falling flat on his back. 
  "Oh!" Draco grunted loudly, heaving a sigh as he reached for his back, trying to soothe the pain.
Selina couldn't move out of the way in time, slipping over his foot as hers got caught in his. She landed hard right on top of him, gasping as she tried to pull herself up off the ground. Selina and Draco laughed at each other's clumsiness as they both gave up on trying to stand, collapsing on each other in a fit of hysterical laughter. Selina was initially afraid she'd hurt Draco somehow by falling on him, but it was evident by his amused laughter that he'd hardly even noticed.
  "Are you okay?!" he questioned nervously.
She had landed right above him, their faces less than a foot apart from one another as she steadied herself on her elbows. It was initially awkward how close they were. Selina was embarrassed, staring at him to try and gauge his reaction as he just stared back, no discernible emotion on his face. His expression was totally blank, as if he'd forgotten what he was doing altogether. 
  "Yeah... Yeah, I'm alright," she promised him, both of them afraid to move. "Are you okay?"
  "I'm fine," he stated awkwardly, still lying beneath her as he lightly held onto her waist, mortified, but still trying to make sure she didn't injure herself. 
She hadn't noticed it before, but out in the cold, Draco's pale skin had a slight pink flush to it. Although he wore multiple layers and a hat to keep him warm, his face was still exposed, leaving his cheeks and nose slightly flushed pink. This ultimately was worsened by the embarrassment he was currently feeling. Selina was horribly aware that this was the closest she and Draco had ever been to one another. Their noses might as well have been touching at this point. She could see him up close, in a way that she hardly ever looked at anyone. She felt like could see everything, from the little strands of hair that framed his face, to the beautiful pattern of different hues in his blue eyes, to the softness of his lips. Selina of course knew exactly what Draco looked like, and could recognize when something was different, but she'd never actually looked at each individual piece of his face. It occurred to her that the exact combination of different features that were the make-up of his face were so much more complex than she'd ever stopped to think about. The longer she studied him, the more she realized that Draco Malfoy really was more than the sum of his parts, both physically and otherwise. 
  "I'm just gonna..."
  "...Right," Draco nodded slowly, watching her as she rolled off of him to the side, grunting as she managed to get up. 
He followed suit, brushing all of the snow off of him as he stood. Both of them seemed shell shocked, as if they couldn't figure out how to proceed from there. Uncomfortable with the silence, Draco rubbed his stomach as he complained, exaggerating about the pain of falling. 
  "Ow, you crushed my lungs!" he whined.
  "Sorry," Selina muttered insincerely in response, "You're the one who tripped me," she argued.
  "Let's just go inside," he murmured, still embarrassed. 
  "Why, because you lost?" Selina said in a cocky manner. 
  "Shut up," he hissed, waiting for her to walk ahead of him.
He knelt down, balling up a decent amount of snow with his gloved hands. After crafting a decent snowball, he pulled his arm back, getting a good aim at her before throwing it. The second she felt the snow hit her back, Selina froze in her tracks, a wide-eyed smile of disbelief spreading across her face. She turned around to see a grinning Draco standing in the middle of the snowy clearing. The smile on his face was silky and childish in nature, a smile that she knew meant everything was fine, at least in that moment. 
  "Fine, that's how you wanna play?" Selina decided. "Then, that's how we'll play." 
She bent down to quickly make as many snowballs as she could with the utmost determination, silently enchanting them with her wand. The snowballs floated in the air, quickly becoming projectile as they followed Draco until they were able to be hurled into him. 
  "Hey! No magic! That's cheating!" he exclaimed.
  "Says who?" she called, creating and enchanting more snowballs than Draco ever could have dodged. 
She laughed loudly and heartily as she watched him stumbling about in the snow, failing to dodge all of the snowballs that were specifically enchanted to follow him. 
  "I hate you!" he screamed at her. 
  "Love you too!" she teased as she watched, more than satisfied with herself. 
The way they'd spent the better part of that entire day playing around out in the snow like little children was healing and freeing for them both. After a few solid minutes of Draco begging her to, Selina slowly morphed into her raven form, towering above him as a big black bird as he watched her, trying to be quick enough to grab her out of the air. Needless to say, he wasn't. He'd laughed giddily, running around the grounds of the manor as he chased after Selina in her Animagus form. 
  "No fair!" he whined, looking up above as she flew at least three feet above his head, taunting him. 
She squawked mockingly as she flew in frantic circles around him, wrapping around his head in laps over and over again hoping to make him dizzy. They went back inside together, getting out of the cold before it started to get dark. They dusted all of the snow off of themselves before entering Draco's family manor, laughing the whole time. It was time for dinner, and yet Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy were nowhere to be found. Draco and Selina exchanged confused looks as they searched the living rooms, dining room, and kitchen, unable to find either of them. Draco had even resorted to asking the cook if he'd seen his mother, but even he had no idea where Mrs. Malfoy was. Draco and Selina headed up the stairs, trying to find his parents before dinner, which was about to be served. Not finding them in Lucius's study, they decided to look for them in their bedroom, the both of them stopping right in front of the door as they heard hushed voices yelling at one another. 
  "Do you honestly believe that?!"
Selina could hear Lucius yelling over Narcissa, who was certainly more quiet. She looked over at Draco, who seemed once again frozen as he listened to his parents arguing.
  "Draco," Selina began compassionately, "Maybe we should—"
  "Shhhh!"
She frowned, knowing he had already made up his mind. 
  "Yes, I do!" they heard Narcissa respond. "Draco is a very intelligent boy, and he—!"
  "You coddle him," Lucius remarked with a crass scoff. 
Selina's mouth sat slightly agape as she looked over at Draco, who seemed upset when he realized their marital spat was about him, and definitely not in a positive context.
  "You've denied me just about every request I have when it comes to raising my son, and now he's turned out soft!" Draco's father exclaimed. 
  "He's my son as well," Narcissa's volume increased, "And I will not have him raised—"
  "How?" Lucius asked impatiently. "The way we were raised?"
  "Essentially, yes!" she answered.
  "Why do you insist we live like hypocrites, allowing our son to be coddled and sheltered?" Lucius demanded. 
  "Because, I would rather we be hypocrites than expose our son to the same life that we used to live!" Narcissa Malfoy said firmly. "You can't honestly want your son to live with this...this... dark cloud looming over his head!"
Lucius was silent for a moment, as if knowing he was unable to answer her rhetorical question. 
  "Don't tell me you'd want your son to end up in Azkaban one day!" she went on. "We can't possibly let our son become the kind of wizard who bears that same mark!"
Selina looked at Draco, knowing exactly what their conversation was about. 
  "You mean we can't possibly let our son take after his father!" Lucius boomed. 
  "No! We can't!" Narcissa reminded him. "Thirteen years ago, you barely avoided Azkaban by telling the Ministry that you were acting under the influence of the Imperious Curse, now I highly doubt that that routine is going to work twice, when it just barely worked the first time!"
  "You can't honestly be stupid enough to believe he's actually coming back!" 
  "You can't be stupid enough to believe that he won't find a way, eventually!" she pointed out. "You and I both know, the Dark Lord's return is imminent, and when that day comes, our son needs to be as far away from it as he can get! Lucius, you know that the Dark Lord will return, and if he does, all of us are in danger!"
Selina was highly uncomfortable as she overheard their conversation, knowing that Lord Voldemort's potential return was certainly a serious possibility that could not be ignored. Draco seemed genuinely afraid as he picked up on the many alarming concerns that his mother had. 
  "Do not change the subject, Narcissa!" Lucius snapped furiously. "When our son was born, I wanted him to attend Durmstrang, and you said no, so I allowed it. When I suggested we teach him the spells he really needs to know to defend himself, you said no again. When I suggested we give him a talk about what it is I do for this family, you said no, again! You have never respected my authority in this family, nor have you ever respected the many sacrifices I have  for this family!" 
  "Don't be ridiculous, I am more than appreciative of the sacrifices you've made, but we both have made sacrifices for our son!" Narcissa yelled back at him. "You became a Death Eater, and you supported the Dark Lord's cause. You fought for what our families have believed in for thousands of years, but then, we lost the war, and you had to fight for your son to keep yourself out of Azkaban. It is because I respect what you and I have both done for our son that I will not let a worse fate befall him!"
  "You're just afraid of losing your precious little boy!" Lucius snarled with genuine animosity. "You'd rather he be shielded his whole life than fight in the cause we both believe in."
  "Of course I would rather he be safe!" Narcissa screamed at him. "He is our son before our heir, and I would rather protect him than see him     imprisoned, or God help us, killed!"
  "I see," Lucius replied coldly. "So, no one can even think about laying a finger on our son, but I can risk my life every...single...day, and that's perfectly alright with you, is that it!" 
Narcissa gasped loudly, appalled at her husband's gall. Draco listened intently to their arguing, refusing to let it go as Selina could only stand there and listen with him. 
  "You can't stand even the mere idea our son being in danger for one second, and yet the idea of me dying isn't even a concern?!" Lucius seethed. 
  "Stop asking me ridiculous questions, you're blowing everything entirely out of proportion!"
  "Don't you speak to me as if I'm your subordinate, I am the man of this house! I am, and have always been, the one who provides for this family!" he roared. 
  Narcissa seemed to have no amount of tolerance left for him. "You have also always been the one who constantly jeopardizes the reputation of this family!" 
  "You love your precious son more than you could ever love me, is that it?!" he completely ignored his wife.
  "Yes, of course that's it, you pompous arse!" Narcissa shrieked. "You may be my husband, and I may love you more than you will ever know, but my son is, and will always be, my first priority! That's what having a child is, Lucius, you put them first and you do whatever needs to be done to give them the life they deserve!"
Selina could see Draco crying softly as he listened to his mother. It broke her heart to see him covering his mouth as he cried so that his parents wouldn't hear him through the door. She knew just how much Draco was hurting because of his parents, and she wanted to help even if there wasn't much she could do, but what Lucius Malfoy said next she knew would destroy Draco in a way that couldn't be undone, and he had no idea at all. 
  "I'm sorry, but if that means I have to love my son more than my husband, than so be it," Narcissa said, her voice breaking sadly. "I'm sorry, Lucius, but I will never fail to be a mother to my son! I love you, I do, but ever since I became a mother, you have never been my first thought."
  "Well, then," Lucius said quietly, sounding hurt by what she'd said, "Perhaps we never should have had a son."
Complete silence followed Lucius's final say on the matter, as if they had just both given up on the subject entirely. Selina had no idea what had followed the conclusion of that argument, but she knew that even if Lucius and Narcissa could move past it, Draco couldn't. He cried softly, his hand still covering his mouth. Selina gently laid a hand on his shoulder, trying to help ease the pain. Did felt as if she were watching from afar as his sobs became quieter and further apart, until they quickly faded into nothing. He wiped his face with his sleeve, the emotion slowly disappearing from his face altogether. He turned away from his parents' door, a hopeless, empty look in his eyes as he walked down the hall. 
  "Draco..." Selina said softly. 
He only shook his head, forcibly shutting his eyes for a moment as he tried to hold in the pain he was feeling.
  "I don't care anymore," he said, his tone alluding to the idea that this statement might've had a more broad meaning to it. 
  "Draco, I know what he said to her was awful," Selina began, "But I don't think he meant it—"
  "Doesn't matter..." he shook his head, his tone deceivingly light and airy. "Doesn't matter. I don't care anymore. He can say whatever he likes, he's dead to me."
  "I know how you feel," she offered, trying to be more empathetic than overbearingly sympathetic.
  "He's my father, and I'm the family's heir, but other than that, he doesn't exist to me," Draco announced, a sense of freedom in his tone. "He doesn't want a son? Fine. He doesn't need one."
With that being said, he walked up the stairs to his own bedroom, as Selina watched him, unable to help whatsoever. She tried to speak to him about what had happened, but he refused to talk about it, insisting on acting as if nothing had happened, so she decided to humor him. They ate dinner with his parents, pretending easily as if they hadn't heard anything that had been said before, and somehow, Draco seemed more at ease that night at the table than he did when he'd argued with his father. Selina noticed that once Draco had all but renounced his father, he seemed to remove himself from the situation entirely. Draco really became his father's son in nothing more than a genetic capacity. Nothing Lucius could've said or did bothered him anymore, as if he'd just flipped a switch inside of him. The way he so quickly changed his stance on his relationship with his father almost scared Selina, but only because she knew what it felt like to be capable of such a thing. 
*****
Christmas Eve arrived shortly, it seemed. Letters had been exchanged between Selina and Draco and all of their other friends. Selina had written the most to Jasper and Amana, and Selina had caught Draco a few times at his desk writing short letters to Pansy. Seeing the way Draco so childishly hid his consideration for Pansy Parkinson made Selina miss Jasper. She missed spending time with him at school, walking around with him, joking with him, and seeing him watching intently from the stands during some of her Quidditch practices. Somehow, Selina had felt that she performed even better with him watching. His support was everything to her, whether it was for a Quidditch match, or in helping Draco. In turn, she felt she was at her best when she was offering her support to him, listening to his complaints about his family, or encouraging him on his path to someday becoming a professional Healer, or simply being there to walk with him or sit and talk to him. He meant a lot to her, and was slowly becoming a part of her everyday routine as she'd remembered to write him back every night since the holidays had begun. The problem wasn't necessarily that she didn't have any feelings for Jasper, but more so that she'd never thought about them before, much less expressed them, to anyone. 
No matter what she felt when she initially looked at Jasper Carroll, Selina had always remembered to see him as just her friend, the one who just smiled when he spoke to her, and cheered her on when she played Quidditch. When Selina looked at Jasper, she saw a lot of pleasant things, things that she's never seen in anyone else before. But Selina knew that, from the only practice in human contact she'd had since she was born, she wasn't meant to get too close to anyone. Selina knew that, at the end of the day, it was easiest for her to just be a friend, the kind of person you spoke to and then left and the end of the day. Selina knew that the only real relationship she'd ever had was with her grandmother, who had only taught her the worst ways to interact with people. As bad as Selina knew her grandmother was, she also knew that even her grandmother had told her that she could never make anyone happy. And Selina had accepted that, if even Dominique Morais determined that someone was unlovable, they probably were, considering that she was the queen of being unlovable. If anyone knew anything about how to repulse others, it was her. 
Five Years Ago
It was Christmas morning, and Selina had woken up, hoping for a Christmas morning breakfast. She had gotten herself ready as she went down to the estate's main living room. She hoped to find her grandmother making breakfast, or having already prepared something. Selina eventually found her grandmother sitting on the sofa in front of the fire, sipping on a martini. She was staring at the fire thoughtless, enjoying one of her rare drinks for the special occasion.
  "Gran?" Selina said quietly, walking up behind her. 
  "What is it?" her grandmother asked, barely looking at her. 
  "Is there anything to eat?" she asked anxiously.
  Selina's grandmother nodded. "There's some oatmeal, left in the kitchen," she said indifferently. 
Selina sighed, giving up on the idea of a nice meal as she left to eat her breakfast, alone. 
  "It's Christmas, so there's twenty-five galleons for you on the table!"
  "Okay! Thank you!" she called. 
Selina ate her breakfast of cold oatmeal alone in the kitchen, not bothering to sit at the table. She thought again for a moment about how much she missed her mother, and for the thousandth time that things would have ended up so differently if Adeline had still been alive. Selina didn't cry about her mother much anymore. After a while, it just became something that she knew was a part of her life, or rather something that wasn't anymore. Selina was used to eating her meals at home alone, wishing she could have had someone to share them with who actually wanted her around. After she'd eaten her breakfast, Selina put away the gold coins her grandmother had given her, returning downstairs to at least spend time with another person. She sat down about a foot from her grandmother on the sofa, keeping her eyes fixed on her own lap as she slowly kicked her feet back and forth, trying to find something to say to fill the silence. 
  "Merry Christmas, Selina," the old woman smiled at her granddaughter.
  Selina smiled gingerly, waiting for the pleasantness of her demeanor to twist and contort into something ugly. "Merry Christmas, Gran," she murmured. 
Selina looked over at her grandmother, waiting to see if she had anything else to say. 
  "You know, the only gift I could ask for is to have your mother back again," Dominique thought aloud with a smile on her face. 
  The little girl studied her. "Me too," she said softly.
  "She'd be alive, you know," she whispered, suddenly seething with rage. "She'd still be alive, if it wasn't for you."
Five Years Later 
Selina Romanov sat silently at the table, almost catatonic. 
  "Sel? Sel," Draco Malfoy whispered, capturing her attention with a start.
  "...What?" she stammered, as if just waking up.
  "Are you okay?" Draco questioned, looking to her for a response.
Selina looked around to see everyone at the table looking at her. She cleared her throat as she tried to remember what had been said at the table as she focused herself.  
  "Sorry, what?" she asked.
  "Nothing, dear, it's of little consequence," Narcissa waved off the question, "Have you heard from your grandmother or your uncle Igor at all today?"
  "Oh... Yes," Selina said honestly, recalling the sack of gold and letter her owl had delivered that morning. 
  "I expect you probably miss your grandmother," Lucius conjectured, eating his turkey. "And your parents."
His wife automatically flashed him a horrified look, embarrassed at her husband's lack of consideration. Draco also looked embarrassed, mouthing an exasperated apology as he shook his head at his father. 
  "...Yeah," Selina responded, emphasizing the obviousness of her answer, "I do."
Selina and Draco were both shortly dismissed from dinner, sitting alone upstairs as they prepared themselves for eggnog around the fireplace until midnight with Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy. Selina sat on her bed reading a letter she'd gotten from her Uncle Igor, her father's older brother, who was weirdly the only person she was biologically related to who she actually liked. Igor had been traveling the world for the past few years, rarely being on the same continent as his niece. Igor Romanov was an eccentric man who used his fortune to travel to strange and distant lands to do God knows what, who also had at least about ten different girlfriends per continent, excluding Antarctica, at least as far as Selina knew. She loved receiving her weekly letters from her Uncle Igor, where he would tell fantastical stories about his travels, and would often send her a little memento from wherever he currently was. This time, he had sent her a magical firecracker from Thailand, which she had prudently decided would be best to save. He had also wished her a happy Christmas, and had sent her a beautiful golden dragon, supposedly enchanted to bring luck and protection, as her formal Christmas gift. Selina had also just received a letter delivered by Jasper's owl, which had sat on Draco's windowsill until she opened it. She pet Jasper's owl, Arwen, watching it fly away as she eagerly opened up the letter. Jasper certainly meant more to Selina than she knew, which became clear once she read the letter that he'd sent her late that night on Christmas Eve.
Dear Selina,
I hope you're having a good Christmas Eve up at the Malfoys'. My family's doing well, and they all 'send their regards'. Except for Jamie, he's an arsehole. He just says to tell you 'hey', and congratulations on the win against Ravenclaw. I thought I'd send you a little gift, something I think you'd appreciate.
She paused her reading of the letter to look inside the small envelope, reaching in to find what he'd been referring to. It seemed Jasper had sent her a little blue flower that was almost purple. She looked back down at the letter he'd written for the explanation. 
...I finally mastered Orchideous. Sort of. I somehow grew a few of these, and I thought you'd like one. Merry Christmas. You deserve nice things, you know. You deserve beautiful things. I hope you don't mind me saying, but, if I'm being honest, I think you deserve the world. You're smart, you're funny, you're kind, you're beautiful, and you've come to have a sort of sacred place in my heart, you know. You mean a lot to me, and honestly, the idea of you spending time at the Malfoys' makes me feel a bit bad for you. I just know Malfoy's kind of an arse to you, and I just feel you deserve for someone to be nothing but nice to you. I really like you, Selina. And I love having you as my friend, but I also feel something even deeper for you. I just had to tell you, because I'd like the chance to tell you in person how beautiful and endearing I find you. Good night, and Merry Christmas again. 
Jasper Carroll
Selina was stunned, sitting still on her bed as she  could only keep reading what he'd written on the piece of parchment she'd been sent. She could hardly speak. At first she thought about telling Draco, but for some reason, she felt unable to process things with his relentless teasing going on in the background. Selina panicked internally, fixated on how she would have to kindly reject Jasper in a letter. It wasn't until then that she realized that she had just jumped to a conclusion assuming that she would have to reject him at all.  The more she thought about it, the more she saw that, this time, she didn't want to reject the boy confessing his feelings to her at all, like she had all the others. Jasper wasn't anything like Goyle, or Montague. Selina liked Jasper, and thought he was handsome, without also finding him irritating or loathsome at all. She knew she liked him, and that perhaps she had silently fancied him ever since she had met him when she was twelve, and he was thirteen. When he had first asked her her name, she had almost grinned like an idiot looking into his soft green eyes. They were inquisitive and kind, and they still made her smile to this day. 
One Year Ago
Draco Malfoy followed Selina Romanov as she flew down towards the pitch after their game against Gryffindor. Regrettably, Draco and Selina had lost their first ever Quidditch match played on the Slytherin team, not aware that it would turn out to be the only game they would get to play that school year. 
  "Move, Romanov! I want to take a nap!" Draco complained as he flew behind his friend.
  "Why? Does little baby Malfoy need to cry himself to sleep because he lost to Harry Potter?" she mocked him as he soared back down beside her, laughing as he tried to shove her. 
The two of them dropped their broomsticks on the ground as they laughed, shoving each other jokingly. They had probably shoved one another five times before they had noticed a flashing camera interrupting them. A Hufflepuff boy was snapping photos of the two of them on the Quidditch pitch. Standing beside him was a taller Slytherin boy, watching them as they had their pictures taken. Draco smiled for the camera, a bragging grin on his face as he picked up his broom again, posing with it just like any professional Quidditch player in the picture beside an editorial. Selina rolled her eyes as the boy took the photos of Draco, capturing him in his element as he emphasized his importance with all sorts of different victorious smiles, no longer upset by their loss against the Gryffindor team. 
  "Go on, Romanov," the Hufflepuff boy encouraged her excitedly, "Get in the pictures!"
  "Come on!" Draco yelled to her. 
Selina stepped beside Draco, smiling proudly for the camera as he happily wrapped his arm around her, the two of them looking like genuine teammates. 
  "Perfect!" Ian Murray, the Hufflepuff boy, screamed over the noisy crowd. "Thank you!" he said as he lowered his camera. 
The two of them nodded and smiled, as Draco joined the other boys on the team, who were still angry about the game. 
  "These are gonna come out great!" the tall boy with longer black hair called. 
  "Thanks!"
Selina smiled and waved at him, leaving the pitch to change out of her uniform in order to avoid dealing with the other angry Slytherins, especially Flint. She kept waving to him, smiling tentatively as she went back and forth on whether or not she would actually say anything else to him. She had wanted to talk to him so badly, to ask him his name and let him ask her whatever he wanted, but nothing had come out. She'd scolded herself for caring so much, pushing the moment out of her mind until she'd encountered him again, with her friends in the school library.
One Year Later 
Even now, Selina still thought about when she'd first met Jasper. She hardly remembered it until he'd reminded her before. She was surprised she'd forgotten it, given the impression that Jasper Carroll had made on her when they first met. From the moment she saw Jasper, she was intrigued by him. Whether or not she could allow herself the momentary lapse in humility to admit that he had also been intrigued by the girl he'd saw flying proudly across the Quidditch pitch, he had also been enamored with her when they first met. She never would have guessed it from his usual, relaxed demeanor, but the second he had met Selina Romanov, Jasper Carroll was stunned by her, certain he'd never met anyone as brilliantly magnetic as she was. Her very presence had an effect on him, something he could hardly put into words. Looking at her was like staring at the sun, your eyes blinded by indescribable colors that were too interesting to understand. Selina certainly liked the way Jasper looked at her, the way he seemed intensely focused on her no matter what she had to say. She was the one he constantly forgot how to breathe around, and unlike the other boys like Goyle, mindlessly enamored with her pretty face and green skirt that brought out her eyes, this didn't make her think less of him at all. The way in which he was obsessed with her wasn't at all stupid, or vain. It was genuine, and went deeper than she understood.
  "You ready to spend two hours with my parents?" Draco asked her. 
  She struggled to answer him, her eyes widening like a deer in headlights. "Yeah."
  "I keep thinking how excited I am for Christmas," Draco shared, "But then, I stop and I think, 'What do I even have to really look forward to'?"
Selina frowned, sharing his pain. 
  "What, is a new broomstick supposed to make me forget that my father doesn't want to be my father?" he asked himself. "Is my grandfather's ring supposed to make up for my father not wanting to look at me?" 
  "I got a sack of gold, and some of my mother's old things just to placate me until the holidays are over," Selina expressed emptily. "But I suppose that's more useful to me than a hug, or an apology."
Draco looked at her sadly, understanding her current train of thought all too well. 
  "I'm finding I don't want any of that either," he admitted. "I'm done with hugs. I'm done with 'I love you's', I'm done with second and third and fourth chances... If there's anything that makes things better, it's money. Money's never done me wrong," he said.
  "You're not wrong there," Selina offered humorously. 
  "My father doesn't think I'll do it, but I will, you know. I'll get a job, not even have to rely on our fortune," Draco told her with an intense seriousness to his tone. "I'll make enough money in my life to support generations, and generations, and generations of Malfoy's! I'll be richer than my father," he vowed.
  "'You know, you'd be a lot more successful if you stopped competing with your father," she proposed.
  Draco raised an eyebrow at her. "How so?"
  "If all you ever strive to be is just better than your father, than that's all you'll ever get to be," she reasoned. "But you strive to bet better than yourself, and there's no telling what you could do."
Draco thought about her advice, considering how she might be right. 
  "We're in Slytherin after all. We don't succeed just because of other people," Selina scoffed. "We succeed because it's who we are."
They looked at each other, sharing in the pain that moved them.
  "Doing things for other people is pathetic, even if it's out of spite. I want to be more than a mewling, whining child. I want to be a god."
  "Maybe we can be," Draco suggested, "Some day."
  "Why wait?" she questioned. "Between the both of us, we know a good amount of spells. All we have to do is keep going."
  "I don't know as many spells as you, though," he admitted.
  "You could," she pointed out. "All you'd have to do is learn. And you learn fast. There's nothing stopping you and I from becoming the most powerful witch and wizard to ever exist."
  "That would be something, wouldn't it?" Draco thought, as if the idea were so distant to him that it couldn't have been real.
*****
Selina sat with the Malfoy family before the fireplace, as Narcissa peacefully divided gift boxes from underneath the Christmas tree. The Malfoy family tradition was that everyone got to open one box each at midnight on Christmas eve. She opened a gift from her son as her husband opened the gift she'd gotten for him, the two of them still set on acting as if nothing had happened between them even though both of the children were well aware that wasn't true. Draco decided he'd open a gift he'd gotten from his mother, just as she placed a small, gift-wrapped box in front of Selina. 
  "Here you go, sweetheart," she said. "This one's from me. There's one from Lucius, and one from Draco, too."
  "Really?" Selina thought aloud, surprised. "That's so kind of you. Thank you."
  "It's no trouble at all," she promised. "We just wanted you to be able to celebrate like a part of our family."
Selina smiled, graciously accepting the gift she'd been gotten for Christmas.
  "Alright. Let's all open," Narcissa said with a smile.
Draco impatiently opened one of the gifts he'd gotten from his mother, an enchanted fountain pen that seemed to be able to write things even its user didn't know, the kind that, naturally, was banned at Hogwarts, enforced through various anti-cheating jinxes. Although Narcissa hadn't considered this, it would still be possible to complete an assignment using this pen and merely copy the answers onto another piece of parchment before handing it in. Narcissa Malfoy had opened a fancy scarf made of blue cashmere that Draco had gotten for her from Diagon Alley, proudly hugging her son. Lucius opened a beautiful set of gold cuff links his wife had gotten him, planting a soft kiss on her cheek. Selina unwrapped the box from Narcissa, expecting a simple gift purely meant as a friendly gesture for the holidays. But instead, she found a beautiful glass bottle that looked like it was just a giant diamond. It was a spray bottle, filled with a magical perfume in the form of a clear, sparkling liquid. The bottle read 'Le Charme d'Amour' in fancy cursive letters. Curious, Selina took the glass top off the bottle, smelling it. In awe of its strange properties, she all but gasped. 
  "That smells amazing," she remarked, looking up at everyone else in disbelief. 
  "I'm glad you like it," Narcissa said in her low, elegant voice. "It's a new perfume I discovered, from a witch in Milan. It's got a very low percentage of Amortentia."
  "The love potion?" 
  "Yes, just enough to emit the same scents," Narcissa nodded. "What do you smell?"
   "I don't know... Cherries? Roses? Vanilla?" Selina guessed. "It's hard to describe."
  "Everyone smells something different when they smell it, but it smells good to everyone," Narcissa explained, "Supposedly in the same way."
Selina held the bottle out towards Draco, who
smelled it eagerly.
  "I smell the cherries," he stated, trying to make out the other aromas as he shook off the effects of the spell. 
  "It's incredible," Selina murmured, impressed as she put the cap on the bottle. 
  "Supposedly, the Amortentia has a very slight effect on people when you wear it," Narcissa considered, "But it's not thought to be noticeable at all. It's less than one percent Amortentia. But every time I where it, it seems I turn more heads, and more doors are held open for me," she said as Lucius shot her a look of disapproval.
  "I see," Selina thought. 
  "It's a very lucky sort of spell," Narcissa offered. "I figured it would make a nice gift."
  "Certainly. Thank you, it smells amazing," Selina admitted.
  "That's the thing; it smells great to everyone," the woman remarked. "Very convenient, really. It'll get you lots of compliments, for sure."
Selina smiled, happy to receive such a special gift. In some ways, Narcissa Malfoy was more of a mother to her than anyone she'd ever met, apart from Amana Tesfaye's mother. No woman had ever been so genuinely kind toward her in her life since her mother had died. Narcissa may have been strange, and oddly formal at times, but still she had demonstrated more of an interest in Selina than anyone else ever had, including her own grandmother. Selina definitely knew a lot of questionable people, definitely including all of the Malfoys, but she knew that she couldn't be picky. It didn't matter if the Malfoys were shallow, or rude, or just uncomfortable to spend time with sometimes. Ultimately it didn't matter that they were practically both Death Eaters, or that they openly hated Muggles, because Selina knew that her own family, specifically on her father's side, wasn't any better. She also knew that, unlike most of her own family, the Malfoys actually cared for her, and supported her, despite all of their messy drama and other flaws. They weren't the best of people at times, but they were a family, a family which actually welcomed Selina. Selina wasn't exactly an expert at showing affection given the environment that she'd grown up in, but with the Malfoys, nothing was expected of her, but everything was welcome. 
Lucius and Narcissa drank their eggnog fairly quietly as they enjoyed watching the fire, listening to the old records playing on the gramophone. Draco also enjoyed the music that his parents played around the holidays, usually pleasant love songs that they would also dance to together when they were in better moods. Needless to say, this year, Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy had remained seated on their couch, still holding one another's hand from a distance. It was sad to see, Selina thought as she observed them, but it was also beautiful in a very melancholic how the two of them tried to remain physically close in one, single way despite the problems that they had. Draco was similar to his parents in that he'd learned to keep the people he cared about close, no matter how angry he might've been with them. Selina had noticed this, in the way he always sat near her, or Crabbe and Goyle, no matter how much any of them had offended him on any given day. She had always thought that Draco had absorbed a lot of his parents' behaviors, even if he was mostly recognized for exhibiting the bad ones. 
Selina sat in silence next to Draco, listening to the beautiful music that played that night as they drank their eggnog.
  "I'm kind of glad they canceled the Christmas party this year," Draco told her privately. "I never realized how nice it is to spend Christmas with a small group of people."
  "Almost my whole life, Christmas has just been me and my grandmother," Selina spoke softly. "I've had a lot of things to say about that, but one word I'd never use to describe it is 'nice'," she remarked with a deep emptiness in her voice. 
  "I meant... it's nice to spend Christening with a small group of people you love," he corrected himself, feeling strange as he realized 'love' might've been the wrong word to use in this context. "Oh. I almost forgot."
He pulled the two gift boxes from his pocket they'd gotten at Knockturn Alley, from the enchanted rings.
  "Might as well give you your birthday present since yours is in January," he shrugged nonchalantly. 
Selina chuckled, opening the little black leather box, revealing the silver ring with the dark gemstones. She handed the ring to Draco, who held hers and his own in his hand, reading the incantation from the slip of paper provided by Bellicent Cobbe. 
  "Simulaeternum," he murmured, pointing his wand.
A faint white light enveloped the two rings he held together in his hand. He held up both pieces of jewelry to his eye level, handing Selina her ring  once he'd examined them.
  "Let's test them out," he said finally.
She nodded, slipping the ring onto her index finger. Remembering what the witch had said about using the rings to communicate, she gave hers a couple of slight taps, waiting for results. After a delay of about a second, Draco's eyes widened with surprise as he felt a gentle squeezing on his finger, as if someone had been holding onto it. 
  "Bloody hell, it does work," he realized. "Coolest thing I've ever bought, and that's saying something. Because I've bought a lot of things. Because I'm rich," he stated obviously. 
  "Not a bad find at all," Selina agreed. 
She sat with him in contentment. They watched the fire dancing in the fireplace, listening to the ambient sound of smooth jazz love songs filling the living room sipping on eggnog. Although she wanted to feel more peaceful in that moment, she knew she couldn't completely relax until she knew what her response to Jasper was going to be. Selina what chose she was going to make, nor did she know what her options were. She liked Jasper, and she knew she could be very happy with him, but she didn't know what she actually wanted. She didn't understand how a person could truly care for someone, but not want to be with them, but she also knew that this was the sort of thing that just couldn't be simplified. As much as Selina felt she fancied him, she also wasn't sure that actually being with someone was a promise she could keep. 
  "Hey," Draco's voice suddenly interrupted her inner monologue. "What's wrong?"
She readjusted to where she was slowly, her eyes taking longer to focus on what was in front of her. 
  "What?" she piped up.
  "What's got your knickers in a twist?" he asked.
  "Nothing," she said as she shook off the thoughts. 
  He frowned. "'Nothing' as in 'dead mum stuff'?" he asked cautiously.
  "No," Selina promised, "Definitely not."
He didn't seem to understand the nature of her tone.
  "Then I don't understand," he admitted, "Otherwise, you're set."
  "I don't know. Just trying to figure out how I actually feel," she thought aloud.
  "Sometimes, I have trouble with that too, you know," Draco confided in her. "Like with Pansy."
  His example intrigued her. "How so?" she wondered.
  "Well, I know she fancies me," he began thoughtfully.
  "Who doesn't at this point?" she asked impatiently.
  "Yeah, well... I know she does," he ignored the question. "And I know I fancy her too. I know that when you fancy someone, and they feel the same, that's all you need to know," he presented logically. 
She nodded slowly, realizing the parallels between their situations and feelings toward them.
  "So, I'm thinking, if I fancy her too, then just go and be with her," he concluded quickly. "But, I have this... weird feeling that might not be what I want after all."
Selina said nothing, taking in what he said as she began to find herself deeper into the conversation. She held onto his every word, trying to piece together every reaction and motivation in his brain. 
  "I feel like, even though I fancy her and she fancies me, there's still something else missing," he analyzed, "But I just don't know what if could be."
  She absorbed everything he said, trying to figure out just how intertwined their feelings might be. "Sometimes, I feel like the only reason I'm not set on how I feel is because I know I'm wrong somehow."
  "Yeah. Like maybe I want something different, but I don't quite know what," Draco contemplated. 
Neither of them had anything helpful to add after that. They continued the next few moments in silence, finishing their egg nog before eventually retiring to Draco's room for the night. Selina was laying down on her bed trying to fall asleep, as Draco got into his own bed. She turned away from him facing the door as she laid there with her eyes wide open, trying to think. She couldn't allow herself to sleep, and was maddened by all the different possibilities that presented themselves as she lie awake.
  "Merry Christmas, Sel," Draco mumbled as he fell asleep.
  "Merry Christmas, Draco," she replied, knowing she wouldn't be getting much sleep.
*****
Christmas morning filled Selina with a feeling of relief at how rejuvenating it was. She and Draco had woken up late at the same time, having spent in past noon. They had cleaned up, feeling refreshed, before coming downstairs to the smell of fresh cookies. They had eaten a plentiful Christma morning breakfast prepared by the family chef, an old Squib from Italy, before indulging in the gingerbread cookies and milk. Selina realized she had plenty of other things on her mind as she sat at the table that morning alone with Draco as Lucius and Narcissa sat in the living room, having already eaten their share. It was definitely an interesting thought that, as she watched him impatiently dunking his cookies in milk, looking at them in approval once he tasted that they were soft enough, but not too soft. It hadn't occurred to her before that, perhaps the reason behind her reluctance to admit feelings for Jasper was because she had even stronger ones for Draco. Yes, it was a strange and almost embarrassing development in her situation, but Selina couldn't deny that she'd heard it speculated so many different times that she thought it might be true. It was a funny idea, Selina fancying Draco Malfoy, but she knew that no matter how aware she was that Draco was still in fact Draco, it was still possible that she'd felt something for him as the years went by. 
After all, they'd always gotten along well, when they were really determined. Selina cared for him very deeply, especially at their age, and she was almost beginning to feel that it was just one of those situations where you had to at least entertain the idea. She knew that even if she shouldn't say it out loud, she did love him on some level. Naturally, she'd always assumed she just loved him like a brother, feeling a devoted level of friendship between them. But she also felt that there were parts of her that didn't know how to feel around Draco. Selina understood that, regardless, and would've fought for Draco or died for him. She knew that she liked seeing him happy, and hated to see him hate himself. She could tell every word of what he was thinking just by the look on his face, but didn't know if that was enough. She had no experience with crushes, or access reputable sources for advice. A part of Selina certainly wanted to see him, eventually exploring what was waiting for them beyond the confines of platonic friendship, although an admittedly overwhelming amount of her conscious also wanted to remain unattached to everyone, not limited in her options. But it wasn't so much because she wanted everyone than it was that she worried she secretly wanted no one. Although Selina had always been the kind of person who could've easily told you what they wanted, she also wasn't exactly the kind of person who typically laid all their cards on the table.
Selina Romanov was very opinionated about many things, and almost always had her own take on things whether or not she actually shared it. She rarely ever made grand gestures, or spoke up very passionately, or publicly took firm stances on any particular issue. She'd always had a quirky fear of being too publicly opinionated, because Selina always maintained her almost impossible sense of neutrality and empathetic acceptance in order to convince people that she was their other half through shallow agreement and thoughtless pandering. Selina often infiltrated entire social circles just by agreeing with the people she met and playing the mediator in disputes so that she always ended up in favor of both sides. Because of her popularity amongst Slytherins and others alike, and her friendship with other intimidating Slytherins, Selina's kindness, when it made an appearance, was always perceived as untrustworthy or disingenuous. Even she was forgetting who she was underneath all of it, forgetting what her own opinions really were, or what her genuine personality was like. Selina always feared she was no one underneath all of the pretending, that every day, once she was finally alone, there was nothing left under all the charming smiles and quick nods. Selina always had an agenda, a motivation for every little thing she did, but the bigger picture would almost always lead back to her status, or her future career as an adult witch, which always took priority over her own various whims and emotions, including the sort of feelings she had for Jasper. 
Selina cared deeply for him, which everyone knew. He was practically her other half, and was, in her opinion, the smartest, funniest person she'd ever met. She constantly looked forward to spending time with him, and she loved the special way he would pay attention to her, and only her. There was only one small issue that she could think of to make her believe that she truly wanted Draco instead, which was that Jasper Carroll, as kind and handsome as he was, just wasn't Draco Malfoy. Why that was a bad thing, Selina still had no idea. Draco Malfoy was immature, mean, and impossible to get along with. Being around him always felt like babysitting. Selina knew that if she were to somehow end up with him, she'd never be able to get a moment's peace ever again. Why she felt the need to willingly subject herself to that, she had no idea. But everything was almost serene at Malfoy Manor that Christmas morning, between Draco silently downing his mug of hot chocolate, and his parents opening the gifts he'd gotten each of them for the holidays. 
  "Oh, the chocolates, I can't believe you remembered!" Narcissa exclaimed. "Thank you so much, my darling, I love you," she said softly as she hugged her son.
Draco hugged his mother back, only becoming awkward as he realized Selina had been looking. Not surprising anyone, Lucius Malfoy was very composed, to say the least, as he opened his gift from his son, which was a signed former broomstick handle of a legendary Quidditch player, that Draco had spent months tracking down as a surprise. Of course, this was before he had truly been illuminated on the subject of his relationship with his father. Lucius hardly seemed thoroughly impressed by the gift from his son. This led to an angry look to Selina once he was no longer paying attention to Draco, which never seemed to take long. 
  "Oh, Draco?" Narcissa said in an airy tone. "Did you want your gift to Selina?" 
  "Oh, yes," Lucius Malfoy chimed in, "Let's all let Selina open her gifts."
  "Wow, you didn't have to do all this," she said almost guiltily as they placed a few boxes out in front of her. 
  "No one 'has to' do anything, we just wanted to," Draco spat. "Open them."
  "Draco, be polite," Lucius scoffed at his manners, "Malfoy men are gentlemen."
  "Yeah," Selina agreed with a grin, liking the concept, "They are."
  "Ha-ha, you're hilarious," he said flatly.
Selina opened the gifts addressed to her on beautiful calligraphy labels from Lucius and Narcissa, revealing a luxurious cashmere scarf, a designer quill, and a stylish black coat. Having friends like the Malfoys once again proved to be a very lucrative opportunity. 
  "Open my present," Draco told her softly. 
  She looked down at the box wrapped in delicate black and gold paper, suspicious of it. "It's not gonna release some sort of dung bomb, is it?"
  "Just open the damn box," Draco sighed exasperatedly. 
  "Don't be a neanderthal," Lucius snapped, much to Draco's dismay. 
Selina opened Draco's present, surprised at how innocent of a gift it was as she opened the box it was contained in. It seemed to be another box, carved from beautiful dark wood, etched with beautiful flowers and designs that his various ancient runes. She opened the wooden box, revealing a tiny porcelain ballerina on the inside. Selina was confused, to say the least, as she examined the tiny little danced with long dark hair and painted blue eyes, which bore an eerie to herself. 
  "A music box?" she held it up, not understanding. 
Narcissa and Lucius both leaned in, getting a closer look at the magical item Draco had found in an antique store.
  "Oh. I see," Lucius Malfoy murmured as he examined it.
  "I've heard about these, but never actually seen one," she said in awe, glancing at her son. "Draco... This very Dark magic."
Even Narcissa seemed startled by this unknown object. Selina was worried, given that she was aware that Narcissa Malfoy wasn't exactly a stranger to the Dark Arts. 
  "It's a wonderful gift for Selina," Lucius approved.
  "What? You can't just give that to someone—"
Selina looked back and forth between all of them, trying to figure out what Narcissa was so concerned about.
  His wife looked at him in surprise. "Lucius..."
  "What is it?" Selina asked Draco, not aware at all of what it was.
The Malfoy's all hesitated, as Lucius looked down and gave his son a small nod of permission, egging him on even as Narcissa's eyes half begged him not to.
  "Here," he said softly, taking out the small ingredient bags. "You take one of these, and you put it in the box," he showed her.
  "The human vocal chords..." she whispered, realizing the potency of this form of magic. "And then what?" she asked, watching as he closed the wooden box. 
  "Did you get anything of your mother's? Something small, that you're willing to part with?" he thought. 
She nodded, rushing upstairs as everyone waited expectantly. She handed Draco the small box of belongings her grandmother had sent her. Draco looked through the box, searching until he settled on Adeline's old hairbrush, which still had many of her own hairs stuck to it. Selina watched in confusion as Draco pulled a single, long brown hair from the brush. Selina watched his cold, pale hands, carefully setting the single strand of hair down inside the box before closing it. 
  "Now you just turn this knob, here," he said softly.
She held onto the box with him, watching him slowly turn the delicate key on the side of the box, as a small sound was emitted from the music box. A quiet tune played, sounding beautiful but disturbing at the same time. Everyone listened to the tune intently, patiently waiting. Soon enough, a small, frail voice accompanied the music. The voice was quiet and labored, as if speaking despite a sore throat, but Selina could've recognized it anywhere. 
  "Selina," the voice whispered, as Narcissa's eyes widened. "Selina, I miss you... Selina, I love you."
The voice had died out, but the tune still remained, playing as Selina desperately held onto the music box, tears falling suddenly as she frantically held it up, listening again for the voice as the music eventually died out.
  Narcissa turned to her husband, her voice meek and shaky. "Is that...?"
  "Mum," Selina murmured, looking over at Draco. "Is that... Is that really her?" she asked, fearful that she was being deceived. 
No one in the room said a word at the uncomfortable topic.
  "Was that my mother?" Selina Romanov asked in horror. 
  "I, erm... I don't know how it works, exactly," Draco admitted. "But, that's her, that's her voice. Y-You don't hate it, do you?"
  "No," she gasped, leaping into his arms as she gave him a grateful hug, "Thank you."
Sure, most would have found the device creepy, or at least been offended by the gift one way or another, but Selina didn't mind. She was shocked at the gift Draco had gotten her, but still, nothing could have outweighed her relief at getting a chance to hear her mother's voice again, at least one more time. He returned her hug, relieved that she appreciated the gift and wasn't upset or angry with him. He held her close to him, sighing as she embraced him. 
  "That's all you have to do to use it. There's a good amount of those old vocal chords," he told her. "See?"
  "It's horrifying," Selina told him. "I love it."
Draco Malfoy let out a sigh of relief as he let go of her, opportunistically memorizing the expression of relief and gratitude on her face. Selina never would've expected he'd care enough to try and give her a piece of her mother she never thought she could've had again, even as misguided as the attempt seemed to be to everyone else, mainly Narcissa, but Selina didn't care. She didn't care how unorthodox or strange of a gift Draco had decided to give her. She knew it was the best gift she'd ever gotten before. Hearing her mother's voice had startled her, not in fear, but only in that she never thought she would have another chance to hear her mother speak to her again. She had done everything she could to try and keep reminders of her mother on her mind whenever she could, but nothing compared to hearing Adeline's voice speak to her again, after seven years. Selina remembered just how much she'd loved hearing her mothers voice, the way she had always sang at home, and laughed at everything. Ilya had always made fun of her for it, but Selina loved it. Now, her mother's laughter was one of the few things she still had to cling onto. Until now, of course. 
  "I just thought I'd get you something I knew you'd like," Draco broke the silence. "I couldn't get you your mother back, but..."
Selina nodded, shutting a few tears behind her eyelids as she tried to steady herself as Lucius and Narcissa left the room for their afternoon drinks. 
  "I knew you wouldn't have wanted anything silly, like a golden quill or a signed Quaffle," Draco offered. "So, I found this."
  "I appreciate it. A lot," she nodded earnestly.
  "You don't have to say anything," he provided. "I know. Well... I don't know, but I know," he reassured her. 
  "Thank you, Draco," she murmured, meaning so much more than she said.
  "You're welcome," he nodded simply. 
She sat alone next to him in her thoughts, silently breaking down every difference and similarity between him and Jasper. She knew why she was friends with them both, and she knew that she didn't understand the feelings she had for either of them. Jasper was precious to her, and Draco was always by her side. The way it was to everyone else, she had to be destined for one of them. She just had to be, it seemed. 
  "Jasper tells me he fancies me," Selina revealed hesitantly, not considering much before she spoke.
Draco froze, not looking her in the eye as he tried to actually understand what she'd said. 
  "Well about time," he mustered, his utilization of delayed sarcasm rather impressive. 
  "He said he wants to be with me," she murmured, unsure of what to think. "I don't know what to make of it," she confessed.
  "Well," Draco thought, trying to come up with something useful, "Do you fancy him?"
There was a strangely long pause after he'd asked that question.
  "...Is there any reason I shouldn't?" Selina asked vaguely.
  "What?" Draco questioned her.
  "Is there any reason I shouldn't be with him?" Selina wondered, seeming completely lost. "He told me he fancies me, and I feel like I should figure out if there's any reason I shouldn't fancy him. I almost worry there's something there, something I can't quite describe... But I have no idea what it could be."
She watched him, trying to determine what his train of thought was. Draco's thoughts were hard to follow, as he didn't seem to have much to say.
  "It all comes down to whether you fancy him," he stated. "Do you fancy him or not?"
  "I don't know," Selina admitted. "I just... I almost wonder if there's someone else that I really fancy," she admitted, trying to gauge his initial response.
  "Like who?" he asked.
  "I don't know," she said. "Anyone."
  "I don't think anyone looks at you the way Carroll looks at you," Draco responded stiffly. "I don't think you have anything that strong with anyone else."
She didn't know it then, but what Draco had told her was a genuine fear of his. 
  "...Okay," she murmured as he eventually looked away, not noticing the tear that rolled down her cheek, falling onto the floor just as unnoticed as any of her other feelings were on a face that hardly moved when happy or sad. "Maybe I was wrong."
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ok buckle up because I'm going to go on a Stargate Atlantis gush so long I'm not going to bother turning it pink
this series is EXACTLY WHAT IVE BEEN NEEDING ok ok listen yes it has scary monsters and fight scenes and blowing stuff up BUT it also has substantial fluff
we get to see the characters making a home in small ways from a favourite food in the cafeteria to rc car races in an unused hallway
THEY CALL THEMSELVES A FAMILY THATS MY LIFELINE A FOUND FAMILY CALLING THEMSELVES A FAMILY
the words "we can't tear this family apart" in life threatening situations give me life and they are said a bunch of times
the creators hate killing characters off as much as we hate losing them so a lot of mc deaths get "well, actually"d in a way that made sense (such as getting really upset that my fave Carson died only to have his clone be rescued half a season later and be reintegrated into the mc circulation)
and the series finale was AMAZING. spoiler alert skip this paragraph if you don't wanna read details about the finale. it gave a reasonably hefty threat for a finale, but everyone survived (other fave Ronan got well-actually'd and I'm thankful because he's the teddy bear protector and I would've cried) and found a home. atlantis is on earth, the family is together, and it ends with the well-loved all mc's are on a balcony overlooking a beautiful view and saying that theyre each other's home and there are always going to be other adventures. - end finale spoilers -
even the bad guys are personified. you mightve seen my post about Todd, and Todd is The Original Funnyman. this guy has the best sense of humour in the whole show. then there's Michael, and you feel for him. the replicators... uhh... yeah most of the replicators are unremarkable personality-wise, but hey they're robots.
now for mc's. this is a no-rodney mckay-hate blog, so if you say anything hateful about him I'll stab u. yes he's arrogant and a know-it-all and he thinks he's better than everyone and has the social skills of a stale cracker BUT he has GROWTH and is slowly RECOGNIZING AND TRYING TO TREAT PEOPLE BETTER and he's My Boi so fite me 9/10
Sheppard is hilarious and is responsible for the awful placeholder names for individual wraith. he has serious Burnt Out Gifted Kid Vibes and is definitely smarter than he lets on. atlantis crew is definitely the first Family he's had and feels safe with. I love him 11/10
Teyla is awesome and would absolutely kill for her adopted earth family. also turns out to be Best Mum 10/10
Ronan. my beloved puppy Ronan. played by the absolute unit that is Jason mamoa. he is a man of few words and many guns. atlantis crew saved him and he's the last of his people and now the base is His Home. Sheppard calls him "chewie" affectionately and Ronan smiles every time. 20/10 I would absolutely feel safe with him around
Dr Carson beckett. a Scotsman who will even try to heal his enemies. besties with Rodney McKay and keeps him in check. he's so lovable and sweet 11/10 his clone goes away for the Pegasus galaxy version of doctors without borders 9/10 I'm just glad he's back
Radek zelenka. his most common subtitle is [mutters in Czech] he's so soft and squishy I love him. he shares a braincell with Rodney and they finish each other's sentences it's like they're very competitive twins 10/10
Elizabeth weir. not quite the Mum but definitely the Older Sister In Charge. I miss you so much. rip 11/10
there are a lot more that I love but I'm just gonna leave it here. you should absolutely go watch it.
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Marley shiny Eevee, looks at Celeste with tears: "Hey Celeste could you please, tell Klaus that I'm really sorry. I know how he feels. My Mom before she died was a Leafeon and my Dad is a midnight Lycanrock. When he married my new Mum who was also a Lycanrock, they teamed up on me with my Rockruff brothers, and I couldn't take anymore so I left... And I always thought if things were different may be they would accept me... But what I'm really trying to say was, I didn't mean to hurt Klaus... I wanted to tell him that I look up to him, and that no matter what happens he'll always be someone special to me and everyone else out there who knows him... Thanks for hearing me out Celeste, you and Klaus are lucky to have one another."
[This post is a reply to something that happened here.]
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Cel gave them a reassuring smile, "I know you didn't mean to hurt him, Thank you for taking the effort to say sorry. You're a good pokemon for doing that." "But, I'm glad someone understands him and looks up to him, he really needs that... Klaus hasn't had someone like that since his little sister was around. He misses her a lot, that and having someone younger to care for." She gave a small laugh beginning to walk off again, "Now he's stuck with us, and he's the younger one!"
-> Cel seems more relaxed and happy now
Feel free to still ask questions however they will take a while to be answered, I'll have to close asks soon enough, then they'll reopen after the major story bits I'm working on are posted.💖
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kiexen · 8 months
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re: these gays, did you prefer the book over the movie/vice versa or if you didn't have a real preference, what were some differences you noticed or appreciated or disliked
the movie was good but the book was BETTER.
i'm gonna say this is a whole lot of spoilers for red white and royal blue for anyone else who sees this, because i know you won't watch or read it. so it doesn't matter. anyway. and also i guess i'm putting this under a readmore. feels like a lot of words about nothing.
justice for june i cannot believe they cut her out ENTIRELY. [june is alex's older sister. she just straight up does not exist in the movie which is a travesty i love her so much] there is So much missed characterization. and a whole large plot point that is missed because of other cut characters and a lot of it i know can be chalked up to for timing and pacing but :/ there was also a few really minor changes that didn't really make sense to me to have needed to be changed? idk. they changed henry's royal side of his last name, and that just did not make sense to me as to why. in the book, the reigning monarch is a queen; in the movie, a king. why? [makes i don't know sound] also on the topic of siblings, i'm almost completely certain the book told me henry was the youngest and his sister was older. in the movie, his sister is the youngest and her characterization just. does not feel the same. everything about her was cut out. all of it.
there were a few other minor changes that i liked, and some that i liked, but i am glad we have both versions? if that makes sense? there's this scene like, ¾ths of the way through where henry takes alex to the v&a and talks about how his dad [movie, it was both parents in the book but yk. his mum doesn't exist in the movie, either. also a travesty.] took him to that museum a lot before he died and now henry sneaks in a lot. he was going on about how he used to fantasise about bringing the man he loves there and slow dancing amongst the statues. in the book, henry then puts music on and invites alex to dance. in the movie, henry doesn't even get to finish his sentence about it being a "daft prepubescent fantasy" before alex pulls his phone out behind him and puts music on while he's still talking, before dancing with him. and idk i just. really like the idea of alex being the one to initiate it more than it having been hen. [also, in the book, henry played "your song" of elton john's. in the movie, alex plays "can't help falling in love" and both just make me so. mmmmm.] a little later when alex is preparing to leave back to america, hen gives alex his signet ring [which, info dump within an info dump time, if you don't know, signet rings are the like. flat ones that usually have a family crest on it. it's an identifier.] in the book, alex slides it onto the chain he always wears, which also holds the key to his family home, he started wearing it when they moved into the white house. which yk. the symbolism of having both his homes together. very tasty. in the movie, however, after hen gives him his ring, alex gives henry the key necklace and is later seen wearing the ring on his hand instead. which, i believe, is a little bit of a call back to a movie only line way earlier [the book directly contradicts this quote, actually.] where alex is explaining the key and henry says he's never actually owned a key before. so now he does. i love both of these versions of this interaction so very much
there were a couple of scenes or lines that were movie only that i did enjoy, but most of my favourites were either in the book, or both. most of my issues with the movie stem from what is normal content loss in adaptations
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lokisprettygirl · 2 years
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I slept till noon😂. I'm the next sleeping not-so-beauty. Question tho, what the hell just happened? Bruce and her mom is alive🤯. Also I notice now, I don't think you've ever mentioned her name yet. I think. Is that on purpose? Is that some other big reveal or something? Thank god they got over what happened. I don't think ny heart could take more of that. But seriously crying loki has my heart. I don't think I can be mad at him for anything if he looks at me all teary eyed. Obviously she couldn't resist forgiving him. And it was soooooo sweet too. Also with Katlyn, She's crazy. It's good that she got hurt but seriously that was not nearly enough. She actually tried to accuse him of rape. Dumbass. And she then tries to humiliate him. Please break her good for nothing legs. Steve is useful sometimes I guess. Atleast he got her out of there. His father tho. That's a whole different story. What is he doing, all alive like that? Somebody kill him already. This monster hurt her already and now he tries to hurt loki. Na uh. Why did bruce and her mum not take her with them when they ran. They left her to be abused by these rich assholes. I can't think of any possible explanation for leaving your child in such an abusive home, all alone and with such a traumatic image in head. That her parents both died horrible deaths. Anyway, back to loki. They're so domestic with each other it's so cute they're gonna live all happily ever after. When they get out of here. She can learn at her own speed, he can never harm any good person. Loki is practically a puppy. Only growls at bad people. I can see him being a cat but he's more of a pup to me. Very very affectionate. Mysterious little pup but still a pup. Everytime they talk. I'm like awwwwwwwwwwww. About the sexy times. What an unholy way to start sunday morning 😏? You write very vividly. I had goosebumps and I blushed. My boyfriend is not gonna be happy that a fictional character is giving me more tingles then he can 😌. You should be a screenwriter. I need to watch these series as movies on a big screen. I know the movies won't be as good as the books. They never are but I still want it happen.
I think I kept this pretty at a pretty readable length. Are you proud of me 😁? I am a little hungover so please ignore any mistakes I made. Love you and missed you a bunch❤❤.
🧁
First of all I love you too and I have missed you my sweetness 😘💚
I think I haven't mentioned her name because It's reader based and I wanted to keep it as inclusive as I could, giving her an English name would have taken it away, Rocky on the other hand is such a generic name and it's like his nickname, you can pretend his actual name whatever you want, is he English? Indian? Who knows? Everyone knows a rocky no matter what race or country they belong to 🤣
Loki with teary puppy eyes can always be forgiven unless he does something truly heinous. Your description of him as a pup is so cute 🥹🥹
As y/n said Steve just cares about himself and maybe a little about his family but when it comes to something coming between his public image he's going to be pissed, good thing y/n is staying away from him as much as possible
You're too kind to me my dear, I imagine it like a scene in my head and try to describe it as well I could, so glad you're able to picture it how I do.
Oh my.. feeling a little sorry for your boyfriend NGL but if he knows loki then he'd Know there's no competition with him, he'd always win 🤣
I'm always so proud of you even when you're hungover 😂 drink lemon tea and rest, it will be better soon 😘💚
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one-abuse-survivor · 2 years
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it's not mother's day where i live yet (may 29), but the american mother's day was not long ago and it's made me think about my mother. this isn't in the usual spirit of asks that you get, and you don't have to reply if you feel it's too strange or different. i just wanted to get this out there, i suppose.
my mum wasn't an amazing parent. she had her ups and downs, and ultimately i think she's a perfectly average parent. i was a very difficult child and she dealt with me very well, even if she couldn't always control her anger. that's besides the point- it doesn't matter now, anyway. i was the evil one in the end, after all. that's also besides the point. apologies. let me get to the point.
my mum died 5 years ago, when i was 12. cancer got the best of her. i'm 17 now. i miss her. i miss her so incredibly much. i don't really think of her often, but when i do, i miss her and long for her and i wish she was still here. maybe that's trauma. i dunno. i don't think her death was traumatic for me, but i do seem to miss her more than most people would. thing is though, i don't think that's so strange with my circumstances?
a little more context. i'm mixed, more specifically scandinavian and east asian. my mother was my asian parent. i currently live in a scandinavian country, and have lived in western europe my entire life. i have very little of my asian country's culture with me. i can't speak the language, i know nothing about festivities or traditions, and when it comes to theatre, music, art? nothing. i have a little for food. i have vague memories of her cooking, and i usually visit my relatives there once a year (we eat a lot at restaurants then, and it's hard to avoid a country's cuisine while you're there). i haven't been there since the pandemic started, though.
the point is, my mother was my only connection to my asian heritage and culture, and now she's gone. i feel like a part of me is missing. most wasian people wish they were more white, which i can understand completely. it feels wrong that i want to be more asian. i don't even look asian. i have a very weird skin tone that's in between white and EA and my face stores cheek fat easily, but that's it. i feel completely whitewashed.
maybe, if she were still alive, i wouldn't be so whitewashed? she could tell me about the non-fetishized version of her country. she could continue to cook those foods i remember so fondly. she could teach me the language. she could teach me how to celebrate traditional festivals. of course that's not all i miss about her. i miss her hugs. i miss her warmth. i miss her voice. but i think my biggest loss was half of my culture. half of my heritage died with my mother, and i'm never going to get it back. i can't seperate them. my mourning for one spills into the other.
i don't know what i wanted to accomplish with this ask. thank you for reading. i appreciate it. i hope you have a good day, with many positive vibes.
Hey there, nonnie.
I'm really sorry for your loss and for everything it entailed for you. Loss of a culture or of a parent is not something I have experienced, so all I can really say is I hear you, and I'm really glad my blog could provide a space for you to verbalise some of your grief and emotions about it. You're very welcome ❤️
I hope you know difficult children don't deserve anger. I think it's possible to understand that our parents are human as well and can make mistakes, and still give ourselves the space to admit their anger hurt us when we were growing up. I can't pretend to understand what it's like to consider this idea when your parent died before your teens, but I just wanted to put it out there, because I think you deserve better than to think of your child self as evil.
Sending a big, big virtual hug ❤️
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doomandgloomred · 2 months
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5 years ago today my dad died.
He was my first, and sometimes only, supporter. He understood me, he loved me but he also liked me. He wanted to spend time together, he's the only family member who did. I miss him everyday. My family is completely fractured, im going to my mums today as she is amending her will to give my older sister less or no inheritance as they have massively fallen out.
I wish he was still here but I'm glad he's not suffering anymore.
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