#‘i date women and own a hammer’ one of my best quotes

[pencilscratchins]

Youre like a successful lesbian right cause I need advice on how to be a successful lesbian

why do you think im successful at being a lesbian? did word get out that i own a hammer?

#yourlocalcommunist #throwback if you remember that ask you’re entitled to financial compensation #any way my biggest advice to you is #become an expert on a very specific topic and bring it up on all your first dates #it will not get you a lot of second dates #but it will get you the RIGHT second dates! #also speak in tongues at some point ladies love that #become a spirit vessel! #also collect more kohls cash shits like gold #ask #not art #‘i date women and own a hammer’ one of my best quotes

[excitedlysuffering]

Can you do that headcanon collection thing for Kiba please? Thank you very much

I’m so sorry for the wait I’m really struggling with inspiration rn like I have all the words but I just can’t write?? Anyways I hope you like nonnie❤️✨

Kiba Headcanons Collection

What He Looks For In An S/O~

Someone who appreciates animals. Of course, dogs are his favorites, but he doesn’t hate animals at all, not even cats.

Someone wild who knows how to have a good time, just like Kiba. He won’t enjoy dating a square, just being honest.

He wants a woman who’s not afraid to stand on her own two; the Inuzuka clan is primarily a matriarchy, meaning he’s used to strong-willed women.

He’s going to need an emotionally open person, he pretty much wears his heart out on his sleeve, so Kiba needs someone who can articulate their feelings.

He’s a possessive person, it’s in his nature, so a patient s/o would suit him best.

The saying ‘she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll kick you in the face’ is literally everything he’d ever want.

I can see him with someone smaller than him just because he has a thing for size differences.

He loves confidence and would swoon if his s/o took charge sometimes, in daily life, and in the bedroom.

Kiba is big on physical affection, so someone with the same love for touch is preferable.

Kiba leaves constant hickeys and you can’t convince me otherwise, so they’d best be used to it.

Akamaru has to like you. Period.

Relationship With Kiba Stuff~

This boy loves HARD, like with his whole heart, and he’s not afraid to show it either.

He’ll love taking you out on adventurous outdoorsy dates, usually, Akamaru will come with but every once in a while it might be the two of you.

He likes games and challenges. I could definitely see him turning a treasure hunt into a date.

He actually loves going on missions with you (there’s nothing sexier than watching his girl kick ass) and will let you do your thing without unnecessary worrying.

He’s not huge on giving gifts all the time, but he does enjoy treating you to nice places and dates.

He has the nose of a dog. So he can smell your… week before you even know it’s there.

“Hey, (Y/N)... I, uh, thought you could use this!” *shoves snacks, a heating pad, ice cream, and a teddy bear in your arms*

He’s not the greatest at picking up on moods, but once he figures it out he’ll be all over it.

You’re probably good friends with Hana and Tsume, which Kiba appreciates, even though he hates sharing you.

He definitely takes you to see the dogs and the puppies, especially when one is just born.

He’s unashamedly sensitive like just love him, please.

How To Annoy/Lose Him~

First of all, if Akamaru and you don’t get along. Akamaru was there from birth so, you know, if he doesn’t like you, sorry hun.

It’s one thing to be appropriately possessive, like not letting girls walk all over you to your man, but he does have female friends and he does not want to be caged.

If you’re not family-oriented. The Inuzuka clan is very much a pack family and everyone is very close.

Don’t ignore him or neglect him, he will be hurt.

Kiba enjoys playful banter, but he also knows where the line is and he expects you to as well

Being a genuinely rude person. Okay, yes, Kiba has anger management issues, but he’s not a mean person.

Not having compassion/empathy for others. It’ll disturb him, I promise.

Arrogance and vanity. Kiba knows he’s the shit alright, but he’s not a total jerk about it, and he expects the same from you.

Soft Kiba Things~

He’s actually pretty good at remembering things like important dates (thanks to his trusty calendar) so you’ll be hard-pressed to find him forgetting things like birthdays or anniversaries.

He has a dog plush toy that he will give to you when he’s off on missions. But when you’re off on missions, he’ll use your pillow since it smells like you.

He’s a huge cuddler and the position doesn’t matter as long as he’s close to you. (makes an adorable little spoon btw)

He definitely has a secret photo album/box full of candids, drawings from Sai, and little things that reminded him of you (i.e. a pretty flower, a quote, or a trinket) but he’d rather die than let it be found, it would ruin his bad-boy persona.

I feel like Kiba would like to feed you every once in a while. Like not in a weird, fetish way (iykyk) but a romantic thing that was rare?

He would love to train with you, like wow that’s my s/o and they’re so strong?

Kiba genuinely melts inside when he sees you and Akamaru interact. Like that’s his life long companion and the love of his life being friends? Woah.

He’s touch starved but for no reason at all except for the fact that he loves physical affection so please give him all the cuddles.

Random Kiba Facts~

His love languages are physical touch/quality time.

He’s not scared of thunderstorms in a traditional way, but just like dogs, the sounds and lightning are overstimulating and he’ll usually spend it with ear canceling headphones and in the basement.

Since everyone has a unique natural smell (he really liked yours) he’ll most likely complain if you wear heavily scented perfumes/body wash.

He knows he’s not naturally responsible so he creates detailed lists and schedules for himself.

Kiba has a perfectly working bed, but he always ended up on the floor so that’s where he sleeps now.

Contrary to popular belief, he likes to go as vampires for Halloween (he says he’s a werewolf 364 days of the year let him have one day) because of his fangs and ‘drop-dead beauty’ (his words).

He radiates heat like a furnace but somehow still finds a way to be cold at night?

Kiba has a good singing voice. It’s deep and melodious and no one can tell me differently.

He’s alright at regular cooking but amazing at gathering spices because he can smell the combinations and stuff so he’ll help you season things, but that’s about it.

He’s a huge overthinker please help him

Little Things~

Favorite:

Place to kiss: The space where your neck meets your shoulder, something about it just really riles him up.

Way to hug: He loves lifting you up so your legs wrap around his waist. He loves holding you and being able to kiss your neck.

Thing to do with you: He loves hiking or going on long walks, especially at sunset or sunrise.

Cuddle position: He actually loves to lay on your chest and listen to your heartbeat with your arms wrapped around him.

Type of date: Basically anything that includes physical activity or adventure.

This or That:

More of a spring person, a lot of new puppies are born then and the weather is finally nice again.

Morning kind of guy, he loves to go go go and his activities usually require daylight.

He likes to cook, even if he’s not that good at it. He’ll enjoy helping you in the kitchen.

Rarely reads for any reason. Don’t read to him either, he’ll be super bored.

Conflict Happenings~

The two of you will probably have more stupid ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ type arguments, more than real fights tbh.

That is not to say that Kiba won’t participate in a fight. Cause he will.

The both of you are probably screaming so loudly no one knows what anyone is saying it’s just loud.

You getting mad will turn him on tbh (and vice versa too tbh)

Depending on how bad the fight is, he might just start making out with you or yell at you more for distracting him with your hotness.

You’ll be hard-pressed to make him back down during a fight if he’s truly heated, so pick your battles wisely hun.

He really can be sensitive, especially since he will value your opinion so much, so be careful with your words.

In general, he’s not really focused on hurting your feelings, more on winning the argument.

Will probably storm off for a while to calm down, but he is always back before the day is over.

The two of you are used to having fights like that, so a big cuddle session is in order when it’s all said and done.

Modern Kiba~

He’s definitely the sexy bad boy you couldn’t bring home to mother and he both owns and rocks his persona.

He secretly (not so secretly) likes dogs more than his peers, even if he is usually very social.

He’s the one who always manages to bring alcohol to the parties.

I could see him on a football or soccer team, and being really good too.

He’s charismatic, funny, good looking, street smart, and has all the It Man™ qualities and I know he’s the captain/president of some club or team.

He’s not naturally super smart but his mother ingrained good habits into him so he’s generally pretty good at studying, probably still has a tutor though.

He’s a very subtle F-boy, has a few girls he does regularly that don’t know about each other and that’s that.

He probably has a part-time job at a shelter, since he’s not big on working.

Always at parties and is always the center of attention. Everyone loves him.

The red fangs were a result of him being absolutely hammered yet everyone seemed to find them incredibly hot.

He’s a loyal friend, but he also won’t hesitate to cut you off if you wrong him (he liked his dog better anyway)

He’s so messy it’s up to his roommate to keep him in shape, and thankfully it’s Shino, who somehow manages to keep it a decently tidy living space.

Has the worst hangovers ever but still never learns??

He’s the wild friend that spices up everyone’s life and knows that you need his craziness.

Bite me, Kiba, plz

#naruto scenarios #kiba x reader #headcanon collection #requested

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Seven

Submitted by @lecrit​

Five Favourite Stories 

The Haunting of Lightwood Hall by @bonibaru​

Why I love this fic:

The plot is simply spectacular and the writing beautiful. I love murder mysteries and this one had me on the edge of my seat. I read it on the plane and didn’t see the trip go because of how engrossed I was in this story. Jace was a great side character and his relationship with Aline (plus their moment of closure) was one of the gems of this fic. Then of course, Magnus and Alec were amazing (their characterization is on point) and their relationship evolved beautifully. All in all, it instantly became one of my favorite malec fics ever the moment I finished it.

Favorite scene:

I could pick many more because of how I adore this fic, but the first scene of the first chapter is probably my favorite. I was hooked from the get-go, intrigued by Magnus’ late night wandering as much as Alec was and I felt curious alongside Magnus about Alec’s stiff yet oddly amiable demeanor. I just loved that scene, and I immediately knew I was in for a treat.

Favorite quote(s):

But Magnus found himself seriously considering an attempt to court the handsome – and hopefully not murderous - Lord Lightwood.

It was strange that such a small point of contact could carry with it such keen awareness of another person.

“Men and women love to tell themselves elaborate stories about why they can’t take on love. They will go on for hours and hours bemoaning their circumstances, their fate, even chalking it up to phases of the moon. But the truth is very simple. Either you are willing to hurl yourself, body and soul, into love - or you aren’t. If you don’t take this chance with Lord Alexander, you will be throwing away what could have been the greatest love of your life.”

*

The Way It Should Be by j__writes

Why I love this fic:

It’s so genuine and heart-wrenching and utterly beautiful I’d fail to fully put in words who deeply I love it. The depth with which the emotions are portrayed, Alec’s struggle to come to term with his true feelings, Magnus’ heartbreaking denial over his own situation. It’s raw and visceral, but so beautiful and deeply human. Overall, it’s just realistic and relatable, and that’s the kind of thrilling experience I love to have as a reader. This fic is a gift to all of us, as is its author.

Favorite scene:

In chapter 4, the scene where Alec takes care of Magnus when he arrives with a swollen lip and Magnus opens up about Camille’s abuse. It destroyed my heart in the best possible way.

Favorite quote(s):

A shuffle of paper, the creaking sound of aged leather, the click of Magnus’ heeled boots, the hammering of his heart against his ribs, the gentle turn of the golden knob, the air rushing out of his lungs, the sound of rusting hinges squeaking, and then…Magnus.

“Magnus looks at you the same way.”

He hated himself enough for allowing his feelings to get this far. He never wanted this. If it had been up to him, he would have made his heart stay in love with Raj. Raj had been good to him and they’d built a good life together. It made no sense for his heart to betray him like this. To fall out of love with a perfectly good man and fall in love with someone else who was wholly unavailable to him.

*

Salem by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic:

It’s safe to say at this point that la_muerta is one of my favorite writers in the fandom. I had a hard time picking one fic, but Salem just holds a special place in my heart. I am deeply admirative of writers who manage to make world-building so effortless and this one just hit the spot for me. This is a thrilling read from start to finish and the combo of fantasy, horror and romance was so perfect I couldn’t put it down until I was done reading. Also one of the best dramatic climax I’ve ever read, fanfic or otherwise.

Favorite scene:

The scene in the tunnels where Magnus chases the spirits away and helps them find peace. I love that it’s from Alec’s POV, because we can feel his shock and awe at the display of Magnus’ power, especially because it seems so effortless for Magnus. I don’t know why it’s this one in particular, but I just deeply love this scene.

Favorite quote(s):

"So this is all we can do? Babysit the Mayor's son?" Ragnor asked Magnus in an undertone.

"I don't think we're babysitting him, Ragnor. I think he's babysitting us," Magnus said wryly.

Alec came downstairs to find his family ready for war.

And the Book fed on the love and the memories, and bided its time.

*

Three to make a pair by @like-a-bucky​

https://archiveofourown.org/works/14360721/

Why I love this fic:

I love classic fanfiction tropes as much as the next person, but I love them even more with a twist, and this is one of the best Fake Dating AUs with a twist fics I’ve ever read. I love strong friendship dynamics and the one between Magnus and Jace was as unexpected as it was delightful. I also love that Alec being a soldier isn’t idealized (which is a problem I often have with works of fiction where a character is in the military in some way); his torments and trauma are raw and realistic and it adds infinite depth to the kindness of his character. Magnus is just as greatly written, and he broke and healed my heart several times throughout the fic.

Favorite scene:

It has to be the scene where Jace and Magnus tell Alec they’re not actually dating.

Favorite quote(s):

"But I... I don't share, Magnus."

"Jace," Alec cut him off, a bit more gently this time, "Please, get out. We'll talk about this later. You made your point, you're not dating and right now, that's all that matters. Because if he allows me to, I'm going to kiss Magnus senseless and I'd prefer that you weren't here to see it."

Thinking of you, on the bottle of milk. I love you, creased and hidden inside a random pair of socks. Don't eat all the ice-cream, inside the freezer, and Magnus had chuckled while reading it - he'd almost choked on his laughter the following month though, when he'd found out the I told you not to stuck to the last tub of ice-cream.

*

Blankets, jam & other metaphors for love by Oumy

Why I love this fic:

I never left my home and yet I was right there in Tuscany the whole time. That’s an amazing thing to achieve through writing. This fic is just a slightly angsty but exquisitely warm blanket wrapping around your shoulders and guiding you to a journey of slow build, character growth and one of my personal weaknesses, found family. Magnus’ struggle and grief are just beautifully portrayed, and I don’t have enough words to praise how much I adored the Lightwood-Garroway family in this. They have my heart and I don’t want it back.

Favorite scene:

It is hands down the stargazing scene in chapter 4.  The tension woven through something as simple as holding hands was breathtaking. It was just… chills. Literal chills.

Favorite quote(s):

For the first time, he didn’t feel like part of the chaos of it, but rather a spectator on the outside looking in, drifting on the edges as his feelings churned, ebbed and flowed and hit him again and again with the certainty that he’d been wrong. It wasn’t that Alec didn’t have anything inside; it was that he had too much.

He listened to the sounds of the bustling morning, the world moving forward, unbothered by the crippling sadness he felt, and he braced himself and counted to ten.

All he knew is that there were words to be said, and that Alec was wholly unequipped to say them.

#shadowhunters #shadowhunters fanfiction #fanfiction #fanfiction blog

[iphoenixrising]

Welp, it’s @commanderrice‘s birthday, and since babe sent a thing that almost killed me (this thing), we’re just going to have something short ;)

And it’s been–

A good fucking night.

Tim’s 21st birthday had been celebrated with a gala at Wayne Enterprises with posturing and posing, wining and dining the elite in Gotham when he really should have been playing beer pong somewhere with vomit on his shirt.

Still, afterwards, he gets to relax at the Manor, flop down on his favorite couch in the first floor entertainment room, tie pulled apart, and just be.

Dami had already come in to ruffle his hair and demand he get sleep, Drake. You aren’t getting any younger, and we are on tomorrow night.

Bring my cane, Baby Bat.

Tt. Bring it yourself. We shall play rooftop tag to warm up your old bones.

It was nice that his room upstairs was made up with some of his random tech scattered around on the desktop and bookshelves. The Minecraft sheets under the big comforter have been washed and probably smell like heaven.

He takes a minute to deliberate the gloriousness of clean sheets and pajamas the right kind of worn upstairs in the bottom right-hand drawer versus staying right in this couch, sunk in perfectly.

His wake-up call is B, Jay, and Dick finding him, carrying a bottle of something expensive and dark. 

For the next few hours, the three of them are in the kitchen with Alfred, sitting around the island on barstools until their asses go numb and standing to get circulation back gets harder and harder the more the bottle goes dry.

It’s really just a replay of some of his best (and worst) moments since he got the cape.

“And that,” Jay tries to wheeze out, “that daft asshole got hit by his own fucking trap. Timmer is just standing–standing there like. ‘Thought this was s’ppose ta be a fight er some shit? Like, this is how the Riddler rolls?”

Bruce legit snort laughs, and that just makes shit more hilarious.

At some point they’re all in old sweats and t-shirts, swapped around enough times that B’s Green Arrow symbol is completely cool while Tim’s got the one with the quote from Little Women. Jason apparently doesn’t notice how the Gotham Knights one is pulling at his shoulders while Dick has one for Lucky Charms with the autograph from Dr. Fate.

There’s absolutely no place else he’d rather be.

But Bruce and Alfred finally call it quits when there’s only the smallest bit left in the bottom, and Dick has to make sure the toilet in the downstairs bathroom is still wobbling because that? Could be a problem in the morning.

So it’s left to him and Jay, arms over each other’s shoulders to hold one another on the barstools as much as it is because Jay’s really a sap at heart.

And maybe Tim is too because he has to drain the bottom of his tumbler before telling (his) the second Robin how happy he is for them. They’re good for each other, and dammit, they both deserve the utter best.

Which turns in to a ramble on Dick’s absolutely amazing characteristics–

(It’s only a teensy bit bittersweet because he totally knows how amazing they both are)ˆ

“S’riously, Timmers, date a guy who says things like “Drive save” “text me when you’re home safe” “Choke me harder” “I can’t wait to see you” “I’m proud of you.” You know, that sort of sappy shit.”

He’s obviously hammered, but still, there’s something hitting him right in the brain pan. “Mmm, something in there doesn’t quite fit in with ‘sappy.’ What was that third one again?”

“I can’t wait to see you.” “Back-up.” “Drive safe?” “Nope, that’s not it.”

Jay is apparently a little drunk by the toothy smile and flailing hands that are probably some kind of, I tried gesture.

Dick manages to wander back in, and looks enough together that Tim is actually wondering if he imagined a half-full bottle that started out the night. “What are we talking about?” With a lean-down and drunk kiss on the face, something so fucking adorable.

Tim makes kissy noises at them, leaning an elbow on the island so he can hold himself up. “Oh nothing, I just found out that you’re a closeted freak between the sheets, Dick.”

It’s not humanly possible for someone not to get whiplash when they spin around that fast:

“JASON. I left you alone for ten minutes–”

But a move like that takes space and momentum. They’re vigilantes. They know all about it.

Which makes it even worse when he gets caught on Dick’s flailing hand, Jason loses his balance because of the fast move, and Dick completely overcompensated, and all three of them are on the ground.

He happens to land in the middle, ass in Jason’s fucking lap, and Dick sprawled all over him.

The second hand gives three ticks.

And the three of them are laughing so hard, Tim is really starting to get worried he might either piss himself or pull a fucking muscle because Jason fucking snorts this time and off they go again.

Dick might actually hyperventilate and Jay gives up on everything. The three of them flopping around Wayne Manor’s kitchen floor at ass o’clock. 

Hands down, this is living right here.

When they finally calm it the hell down and it looks very much like time for bed, Tim really doesn’t focus on how Dick is literally pinning him against the front of Jay’s body or how warm they both are. Nope, he’s going to live for this moment, drag his weary ass to bed, and probably make a promise to never drink again (which will probably be broken in Titan’s Tower at some undetermined future date).

When he’s about to start shoving himself free, Jay’s arm around his chest gets a little tight.

“I mean, whadda ya expect, Dickie? If Timmy’s interested, he’s gonna wanna know what he’s getting in bed, y’ feel me?”

Dick’s eyes are twinkling blue, his grin utterly unrepentant, “you’re honestly going to bring this up while we’re all sleep deprived and sloshed? I thought we’d wait to ask him out when all of us are sober.”

“Ain’t no time like the present,” Jay counters, craning his neck to look down. “Baby Bird might actually take us seriously if we ask ‘im now.”

“Ask him out?” 

He’s dreaming. He’s already passed out somewhere drooling on his pillow. This? This is like BEST BIRTHDAY FUCKING EVER kind of dream.

“Mmhm,” Dick leans up to sloppily nose against his face, “but not tonight. We’re going upstairs to pass the hell out. We’ll be miserable together with the hangover. Tomorrow, we’re going to ask you out, and you are going to say yes.”

“Can–can I just say yes right now?”

“Not ‘till ya hear this asshole sawing logs, Timmy.” Leave it to Jason to haul all of them on their feet and untangle him from Dick’s octopus hold.  “C’mon, gotta make you motherfuckers get up the stairs without breaking yer fool necks.”

It takes some fumbling and falling around, but for Tim Drake’s 21st Birthday, he gets the middle of the bed and two vigilantes wrapped around him.

But if he’s a very good vigilante, he might get the same thing again next year.

#happy birthday babe! #drabble #dcu #dc comics #dick grayson #Jason Todd #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #damian wayne #based on that text post #my fic #my drabble #hints of #dickjaytim

[msjr0119]

Love, Fate, Destiny

Part 4 - Cordonia Bound

Riley Brooks is a waitress in a ‘Dive bar” in New York. One Saturday night, her past comes back to haunt her as some unfamiliar punters enter her bar on a bachelor party- one of them being someone who she was once close to.

*CHARACTERS BELONG TO PIXELBERRY*

** Some quotes are from The Royal Romance**

Tags- @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @drakesensworld @butindeed @bbrandy2002 @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @pedudley @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415

******

After her night out with her friends, Riley returned to her apartment and began quickly packing a suitcase- throwing essential things in. Not really knowing what to pack due to her drunk mind- her suitcase was bulging. Beth decided to help her pack and the two women sat on the suitcase hoping the bulge would disappear. Struggling to close it shut, they eventually did it, nearly breaking the zip- both out of breath.

The morning after, Beth had offered to drive a nerve wrecked Riley to the airport. Slightly regretting agreeing to this, panic began to take over. Her hands became clammy, her heart began to hammer. Could she actually do this? No backing out now.

******

Riley arrived in Cordonia after a long flight, just before the flight had landed she took in the beautiful views that Cordonia had to offer. She had often wondered why Drake would want to uproot from this paradise.

Collecting her bag from the carousel, she headed over to the pick up area- feeling nervous about meeting a man she had only met the once. It was like a blind date. Taking a deep breath, she scoured the waiting area. Anxious about what was going to happen, she heard her name being screeched.

“RILEYYYY!”

Riley turned slowly to the direction that the voice was coming from. She noticed Maxwell, holding a sign ‘Hot New York Waitress’. For fucks sake- she thought. Was this going to be her nickname from now on. Besides she wasn’t a waitress anymore- she had informed her manager through text that she wasn’t returning to work, he was pissed with her giving him no notice but she didn’t care. Now was the time to be selfish. If she ever returned to New York there would be plenty of other waitressing jobs available.

“Hey, Maxwell. Is that my nickname- ‘Hot New York waitress’? You know most people call me Riley or Ri for short.”

“Well it’s my nickname for you- for the moment. Unless we can think of another one...How about blossom? Blossom on a tree is beautiful like you, your precious and by the end of this social season you are going to bloom into the most perfect ‘fake’ noble lady around. By the way most people call me Max for short. Come on, let me take your case and let’s get out of here!”

Riley gazed at Max, was he attempting to flirt? Or was he just genuinely a nice down to earth guy. Blossom was better than Hot New York waitress, so she agreed. She insisted on pulling her own suitcase, but lost the battle as the young gentleman wouldn’t allow her to ‘pull a muscle’. They entered the SUV borrowed from the palace. On arrival to Ramsford, Riley couldn’t believe the sight- it was stunning. The land was huge, the greenery and flowers that surrounded it provided a soft fragrance that drifted around the manor.

“Welcome to my home Little blossom, it’s not as grand as most places, but it’s home.”

“Are you kidding me? It’s amazing! I bet your bathroom is as big as my whole apartment!”

Maxwell laughed at her, she was like a kid in a candy shop. The manor had deteriorated in the last few years due to the Beaumont’s financial situation. Maxwell took Riley for a tour around the manor- her mouth was agape the whole time.

“You think this is nice- just wait until you see the Palace.”

“Is it like living in a fairytale?” Riley sounded cliche but the sights she was already seeing was a real eye opener about how other people live.

“Of course! I can’t wait to take you there later. Liam went to the boutique before and picked you up a choice of dresses for your grand entrance into court.”

“My what?” Reality finally hit Riley. She wasn’t a waitress from New York anymore.

“Oh yeah, I forgot to mention. As soon as you enter, you’ll tell the herald your name and title so you can be announced. What’s your surname?”

“Brooks.”

“Ah that’s why Drake called you Brooks. That did confuse me a bit. Well as you’re part of my house- you are technically now known as a Lady. How would you like to be pronounced? Lady Riley Brooks of House Beaumont or Lady Riley of New York. The choice is up to you.”

“Erm, is just Lady Riley fine?”

“Of course. Come on, let’s try these dresses on. I bet Drake won’t be able to take his eyes off of you. We will have some lunch, just chill- then head to the palace.”

Maxwell and Riley spent some time getting to know one another. Maxwell couldn’t believe that Drake would keep her a secret- she was like a hidden gem. He knew that he liked her instantaneously and that they were going to be the best of friends or BFF’s as he told her.

*****

Maxwell handed Riley the two dress bags- one contained a white angel style dress and the other a red Devil style dress, both accompanied with a glittery matching mask. Maxwell explained that the white dress would prove that she and Drake are ‘a match made in heaven’ - and that the red dress would make her look that hot she would be almost be on fire. Riley decided to choose the red dress, it cling onto her curves effortlessly with it being form-fitting, showing off her perfect body.

“Oh Riley, you look beautiful.”

“Thank you. But isn’t this a bit too much?”

Maxwell smiled at Riley’s naivety, she was going to get a big shock when she saw all the outfits that were due to come with every event.

“Nah, you look perfect. I’ll let Liam know that we are ready to head over to the palace. Throughout the social season we will all be staying there. It’ll be like one big sleepover.”

*****

As the doors opened to the grand looking ballroom, Maxwell and Riley were announced by the herald. Linking arms, Maxwell noticed that Riley was shaking. This whole situation was new to her- of course she was going to be a nervous wreck.

“Ri, are you okay? I need to find my brother, Bertrand to talk to him for a sec. I’ll introduce you to Lady Hana Lee, she is lovely. I think you’ll both get on like a house on fire. I don’t want you to mingle on your own.”

Riley nodded, as Maxwell introduced her to Hana, she believed that this woman was like an angel- she reminded her of her friend Beth. Hana gave the impression that she was caring, friendly and very talented. Riley could tell that Hana didn’t like to ‘show off’ about all her secret talents but she really needed to. This woman was amazing. An inspiration. She wasn’t stereotyped as the normal kind of noble. Hana began to whisper to Riley explaining who everyone was- she was grateful for this as Maxwell must have forgotten to do this when he rushed off.

“So what do you think of the masquerade ball so far?”

“It’s wonderful.”

“I can tell you are going to enjoy yourself. To be honest, I’m glad Maxwell introduced us. It’s very refreshing to be around someone who’s excited.”

“Fancy Gala’s are just second nature to you?”

“When you’ve gone to as many as I have, they can lose their charm. Unless, of course you find the right companions, please excuse me Lady Riley there’s someone I need to greet. Catch up with you later?”

Riley felt anxious being left on her own, just then someone tapped her on her shoulder making her jump- nearly knocking the sparkling champagne out of her hand.

“Oh my god, Liam. You scared me!”

“Sorry Lady Riley. You look absolutely breathtaking. I’m glad you arrived safely. I’d like to introduce you to someone. This is Duchess Olivia Nevrakis.”

Olivia glared up and down Riley’s body. She felt intimidated by the commoner who had unexpectedly turned up to court.

“Nice to meet you, Duchess Olivia.”

Liam nudged Olivia as she didn’t respond, his baby blues pleading with her jade green eyes to be polite back.

“You too, Lady Riley.” She replied forcing a fake smile. When Liam called Riley ‘breathtaking’ jealousy hit the Duchess. Liam had promised that he would make her his Queen, Olivia believed she would definitely win the competition and that Liam would keep to his word. Lady Hana seemed too sensitive to be Queen, Lady Kiara was an intelligent woman who was multilingual but she seemed more career minded- and then there was Lady Penelope who talked about her poodles non-stop, with this Olivia believed Penny also wouldn’t cope with being Queen. But after meeting Riley she was having second thoughts. She had the perfect body, beautiful natural brown curls, a smile that lit up the room. Would Liam stray? Paranoia occurred in the Duchess’s mind.

Liam kissed Riley on her hand, before whispering to her that Drake was over at the bar. Riley focused the gaze towards the man she loved and ambled over in his direction. Drake noticed a woman entering his space, he provided a nod and gave a stiff bow. He really wasn’t interested in these courtly manners- but felt the need to force it for Liam’s sake.

“Good evening, my lady.”

Riley bit her lip, trying to prevent herself from laughing. This was the first time she had witnessed Drake having such polite manners.

“I didn’t know you had manners.” Riley said smirking- he wasn’t the Drake Walker she knew.

“Ri-Riley? Is that you?” Disbelieved, he must have had to much whiskey he thought to himself.

“Yeah. Didn’t you recognise the lady you apparently love?” Riley placed a comforting hand on her lover, before he abruptly brushed her away. Her bottom lip began to tremble- why is he being like that?

“What the fuck are you doing here? You can’t be here!”

“What do you think I’m doing here? Liam asked me to come, to be with you Drake. But I have to be part of his social season. Maxwell is sponsoring me.”

“Go home now!”

“Why are you being like this? I thought you would be pleased!”

“Pleased to see you - yes! Pleased you are part of a social season -no! You don’t understand how vicious this court is! Go home, Brooks!”

“It’s so vicious but you’re still here, if it was that bad you wouldn’t stay. I did this for you. I’m still jetlagged and I abandoned New York for you. You know what, fuck you Drake!”

“Riley! I came back to pack and was coming back to New York tomorrow- to be with you. Riley!”

Riley didn’t hear him as she stormed off wiping away her tears- she was regretting this move already. Drake noticed Hana try to comfort her, Maxwell joined the two ladies and attempted to help too. Frowning towards Drake, Max shook his head. Not even 24hours of being here and Drake had already made her cry. Drake’s heart was telling him to run over to her, but his head told him otherwise.

“Liam, a word outside. NOW!”

#theroyalromance #choices trr #riley brooks #drakewalker #maxwell beaumont #kingliam #bertrand beaumont #hanalee #olivia nevrakis #drake x riley #liam x riley #hana x riley #maxwell x riley

[djinmer4]

Snippets 3/? (Amalgam!verse)

“You can’t wear that!”  Kurt Ryder looked down at his suit.  “Vera, what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?  I wore this same outfit to the Interview with Cardinal Law and it was fine then.  And I was exposing the continued cover-up of sex scandals in the Catholic Church, so it can’t be because people find this outfit offensive.”

The blonde shook her head.   “It’s not that, it’s the color.  The boss is having us try the Chroma Key background today and the stuff they’re using is colored green.”

And Kurt’s suit and button-up shirt were both green and fairly close shades.  “Today?  I thought they weren’t coming until next week.”

“Yeah, well, apparently the indie movie stuff they were supposed to do this week backed out.  So they called and offered a discount if we moved our engagement to this week, so here they are.  The new weather girl was lucky she was planning to go out tonight, she had to do her segment in a cocktail dress because she came in wearing green too.”

“I didn’t bring any other clothes tonight and I don’t have time to go back home.”

“I’ll ask around then.  Maybe someone can lend you a shirt.”  Vera gave him a brief up and down look.  “You’re sitting on the couch, so your pants should be fine.  Not sure if anyone’ll have a jacket in your size though.”

Vera and Remi came through but just barely.  “Absolutely do not move.  I don’t think the seams of my shirt will take the pressure.”

“You’re a lot more muscular than I thought,” Vera was staring.  “Do you get your shirts tailored or something?”

“Tailored or I just buy a bigger size.  The jackets usually cover up any problems.”  Kurt attempted to raise his arms but stopped as soon as he felt a thread pop.  “It’s a good thing tonight’s supposed to just be a softball interview.”

“If you rip the seams,” warned Remington, who was down to his undershirt.  “I’m making you pay for the repairs.”

“I rip the seams, I’ll buy you a new one,” Kurt promised.

The interview went fine for the first half-hour.  But just as they were reaching the home stretch, the new Secretary of Education just happened to state one fact that was false.  Ryder pounced on that opening and hammered at the weaknesses of her defensive arguments.  Finally having gotten her cornered, he abruptly stood up, slammed his hands down on the table and shouted his show’s catchphrase, “YOU’RE WRONG!”

The seams pretty much disintegrated and the sleeves fell off the shirt.  There was a moment of shocked silence, then the director yelled for them to switch to the technical difficulties screen.

It was pretty much the end of the show so, Kurt and company were shooed off the stage (not without a nasty glare in Kurt’s direction, while he gave the Secretary a smug smirk in return).  The talk show host walked over to Vera and Remington.  The blonde wasn’t even trying to cover her laughter, the brunet did a somewhat better job but the edges of his lips kept twitching upwards.  Kurt looked at the two of them then hung his head and sighed.  “The two of you are never going to let me forget this, are you?”

“That was live TV.  With the Internet, no one’s ever going to forget it!”  Sweet just laughed harder.

The doorbell rang and Kurt pulled away from Kitty with a groan.  “Something wrong?” she asked.

“Just my next door neighbor.  She always seems to know when I’ve had a bad day and she brings over pie.  But every time, she catches me in the shower.”

“Hmm.  Do you want to just ignore her?”

“Nah, she’s really nice.  Just has a terrible sense of timing.”  The two of them got out and Kurt grabbed a towel then ran to the door while Kitty searched the bedroom for her robe.

The older woman really was just as nice as Kurt had said, and Kitty loved the cherry pie she brought over.  It was also the first time Kurt had introduced her as his girlfriend to anyone and the woman was really supportive and wanted to know all about Kitty.  They could only give her the edited version of her past but even then she was compassionate and didn’t push the blonde’s boundaries.

When she left, it was with a promise that Kitty would knock on her door the next time she visited.  Although, apparently there was one thing Kurt hadn’t noticed.  “She totally came over to ogle you, you know that?”

He looked down at her.  “How on earth-”

“She kept staring at your chest the whole time she was here.”

“Huh, I wonder how she knew I was in the shower though?”

“Probably the plumbing.  I can hear Piotr singing whenever I’m in my bathroom at the same time.”

“Well, I guess I can’t blame her.  I am very handsome and muscular after all.”

“Show-off,” teased Kitty.  “She was probably wondering what a stud like you was doing with a plain Jane like me.”

That made the smile drop off of his face.  “You’re not, you know.”

“Not what?”

“Plain.  You’ve got golden highlights in your hair, huge blue eyes and very soft, rounded features.”

“And a flat chest.”

“I’m not going to lie and say you could have been a model.  For one thing, you’re way too short for that.  But you’ve got this strange misconception that you look average or barely above that.”

“I guess . . .”  She ducked her head down to stare at the table.

“You don’t seem to believe me.”

“I’m not blind, Kurt.  I’ve met Kokoro and some of the other women you’ve dated over the years.  I look nothing like those women, with their movie-star good looks and hourglass figures.”

“Hmm, that’s true.  But you know something else all those women have in common?  Not a single one of them would have stayed if they knew about Nightcreeper.”  He paused for a second.  “Except for Kokoro, who left because of Ryder and Kantique.  But my point is, I was choosing most of my partners because of their looks.  Maybe I finally grew up enough to realize those weren’t everything.”

“So what’s your point?  That I should be happy that your settling for someone like me?”

“No.  My point is that I’m not going to run away and abandon you just because another pretty face joins the JLX or shoves her cleavage in my face on TV.  I love you, Kitty.  I’m not saying that it’s forever because we can’t predict these things.  But you don’t have to compare yourself to the people I chased before because that’s not the reason I’m with you now.”

Kitty finally looked up again.  “I’m going to try to believe you.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“I don’t like the new guy’s outfit.  He’s fighting crime in a football jersey!”

Every member of the JLX turned to stare at Nightcreeper.  Finally, Dark Claw took it upon himself to break the silence.  “You are absolutely the last person to be criticizing anyone else’s outfit!”

“I am never contacting Nightcreeper again,” said Mr. X, wincing and rubbing his forehead.

“What’s wrong?” asked Apollo.

“Trying to enter his mind when he’s in that form is like . . . “ the alien had to think for a second to come up with a metaphor the Earthling would understand.  “Riding a rollercoaster while intoxicated and fireworks go off right next to you.”

“That sounds terrible,” the energy projector grimaced.

“If I’d stayed any longer, I probably would have thrown up and I’m not sure I actually have that reflex.”  The green man reached for some cookies to ease the headache.  “It’s fine when I have to contact him in his civilian form but this may prove an issue.”

There was a long pause in the conversation.  “The Nightcreeper has a civilian form?”  Apollo grimaced as if he couldn’t imagine it.

“Yes, although I can’t tell you who he is.  That’s need-to-know-only information after all.”

“Yeah, I understand.”  The younger man sat back and thought for a while.  “Maybe we could pair him up with someone?  That way you could just contact that person and he or she could relay the information to Nightcreeper.”

The alien nodded.  “An excellent idea, but who?  The only people willing to work with him are the New Gothamites, and we usually call on him because Dark Claw and Sparrow aren’t available in the first place.”

“Isn’t he with the Newblood team?  Shouldn’t they already be partnered up?”

“He is but they don’t like working with him either.”  The two put more thought into the issue.

“What about Colombina?”  The younger man finally came up with a suggestion.  “You’ve been in her mind before and it was fine, right?”

“I wouldn’t say she’s fine but her mind is tolerable, yes.”

“Not a lot of people are willing to pair up with her either.  But there’s no way we’re letting her go out on her own.  And she lives in New Gotham too.”

“That does seem to be a good choice.  I’ll bring it up with Dark Claw the next time I see him.”

Linda sighed and unlocked the door to her apartment.  What was that quote?  “The best-laid plans of mice and men, often go awry.”  Yes, that was it.  And life had just done that to her.  It’s not like she had meant to get hit by that bus.  She was lucky it had just cracked some ribs.  Her doctor said she wasn’t going to be able to be back at work this week but fortunately she had some vacation time accrued.

She stopped and stared.  There on the kitchen island was a vase of freshly cut star lilies, her favorites.  She looked around more carefully.  Her plants were watered.  Her goldfish was fed.  There was a cat she’d never seen before lounging in her bed.  She even checked her fridge and the milk and eggs that had been about to expire had been thrown out and replaced!

Severely creeped out, she turned back to the vase of flowers.  Underneath the vase was a note.  Inside there was the strangest letter she’d ever received.

Hello Linda!

I used to hear you every Friday while patrolling the city but you weren’t here this weekend.  So I took the liberty of watering your plants, throwing out your trash and feeding your goldfish and cat.  I’ll check again on Tuesday to see if you’ve come back.  Hope you recover well from your accident.

Nightcreeper

Nightcreeper?  What on earth?  The guy was real?

A chill ran down her spine.  She’d been yelling at the walls every Friday as a form of stress relief.  As a joke, she’d been addressing her rants to Nightcreeper.  The guy was supposed to be able to hear everything in the city, right?  Except he wasn’t supposed to exist, he was just one of those neo cryptids that came from urban legends, like Bloody Mary.

But someone had broken into her apartment.  Someone who knew about her plants and her goldfish and her accident and her favorite flowers.  Someone who passed by close enough every Friday to hear her rants.

Linda stared at the flowers.  Should she throw them out?  Would it even be safe to do that?  Or would Nightcreeper get offended?  Should she call the police?  She decided to err on the side of caution.  “Thank you, Nightcreeper,” she called out.  She wasn’t sure if he counted as a stalker or if he had been trying to be helpful.  Linda would also call the police as soon as she’d taken a shower.

A loud meow interrupted her train of thought.  Okay, she’d call the police after she figured out what to do about the cat.  Where did that thing even come from anyway?

#amalgam!verse #kurt ryder #nightcreeper #no timeline at all #nightcreeper lives up to the creep part

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

the ultimate citation list for Schneider of ODAAT, volume 1

A reference collection of quotes and details, organized chronologically, for the first 26 episodes of One Day At A Time. Used to create this character guide.

“Can you believe it's only been 10 months since you moved in? I remember 'cause I got my five year sober chip and your mom baked me that cake. I enjoyed watching you guys eat it." 1x01

"You're 40 and you look stupid." “I'll have you know, I was invited to several Pride parades." 1x01

Uses a “very expensive” Damascus steel hammer. 1x01

"I've been doing some outreach down at the rec center, talking to at-risk youth. You guys wanna start takin' bets? Actually, scratch that. I'm addicted to gambling.” 1x01

"Love isn't even real. It's just something your nanny says sometimes to your dad." 1x02

"Hey, I may have money in the bank and two living parents, and four living stepmothers but there is a hole in here. We never had family meals. I ate alone in front of the TV. Oh, don't get me wrong. It was a massive TV. Sometimes my nanny would join me, but only if I agreed to watch telenovelas. This one time, Rosa got jealous of the housekeeper 'cause she was makin' a move on her man, so she threatened to throw live scorpions on her while she slept. Rosa was my nanny. Ex-nanny. Now, stepmother." 1x03

[Lydia and Pen fighting] “It's startin' to feel kinda like home in here.” 1x03

Schneider cooks fancy hipster food. "Nutted quinoa, wilted broccolini with radish micro-greens, and venison carpaccio on a bed of nettles. Grab a cedar plank and dig in." 1x04

"Always interesting to be the sober one at a dinner party." 1x05

"I immigrated here illegally. I'm a Canadian. But yeah, born in the 'Couve, overstayed my student visa, forced to live in the shadows of Pepperdine University. Anyway, it's fine now. My lawyers made it all okay." 1x05

Uses sheet masks, knows about chauffeurs, butlers, estates. 1x06

“The kids barely touched my black olive tapenade.” “Thanks for helping out, but maybe next time pick a food a kid would wanna eat or has heard of.” “Yeah, and maybe next time, don't hand out masks with my face on them.” 1x07  

"The members of my college band have finally put aside our differences and we're reuniting to play at the fair this afternoon. My band, Full Sail, plays yacht rock. These guys were like family. I used to show up at their dorm rooms unannounced and just hang out for hours and hours and hours." 1x07

"We were setting up for the show and our keytarist threw a decorative anchor at me. This is why Full Sail broke up in the first place. Too many passionate personalities." 1x07

Has a magnifying glass in his costume trunk. 1x07

"I know nothing about my grandparents and I never will. And they live in Pasadena!" (but he goes to 'the depot' in Pasadena) 1x09

"I have never seen such un-professionalism. This is why I don't work!" 1x09

"I need to find a new place to get my eyebrows threaded." 1x10

Has a safe. 1x10

"Well, Father believed it's best to have this kinda discussion in a car because you don't have to make eye contact. Plus, you're traveling in the same direction, which fosters intimacy. So we're in the Bentley with our chauffeur, Paco. Father said it's time to have the talk. We came to the next stoplight. He hopped out, Paco told me everything." 1x10

"I didn't get the period talk till I was 12. Paco just called it 'Shark Week.'" 1x10

"When I was a kid, there was an adult section in the back of the video store. Behind the beads. I'd always chicken out and just rent a Jane Fonda workout tape. Still worked. Still works." 1x10

"You'd be surprised how many of my hookups started with 'Ugh!' ...When I was 15, I told Father I wanted to be a professional tap dancer. He laughed. It was that lack of support that contributed to my drinking and drug problem. Oh, do you find that amusing? Because 15-year-old Schneider's drinking peach schnapps out of an unused tap shoe right now." 1x11

"You have a girl over here and you were offering to have sex with me?" - "Yes, Penelope. That's the kind of friend I am." 1x11

"My dad never came to my games. All he ever did was put me through rehab six times and buy me this building." 2x01

"Maroon 5 is the best." 2x01

"Okay, I decided to take a break from dating. See, I realized that women were just another one of my addictions, like alcohol, drugs, gambling, cigarettes, snow globes. The point is, I've broken the cycle of addiction with spinning. Five hours a day, every single day. I have to do it! Plus, it's the perfect substitute for dating, 'cause it burns a lot of energy and also numbs my junk!" 2x02

“Snow globes? Is this one of our family?” 2x02

"I come over, tell him to do stuff to me, he does it, I go home. You should get one." "I think what Nikki was kinda dancing around is that you don't always have to have a relationship with a capital "R." Sometimes all you need is what the great poets of the Renaissance called a junk buddy." "Exactly. You don't even have to like them." 2x03

"See, the great thing about having a green card is you get to live here without having to do all the stuff Americans have to, like vote or serve jury duty or become obese."

"Okay, but at least you vote in Canadian elections." "Mmm. No. Even in Canada, nothing ever changes. Clean air, sensible gun control, free health care. The system's rigged." 2x04

Can picture himself “doing it” with Elizabeth Warren, was Stephen Hawking for Halloween. 2x04

"You have to pay taxes with a green card? I just texted my accountant, and he said 'cause I'm in the highest income bracket, I don't have to pay taxes." 2x04

Keeps on hand: panic room, gas mask, water purification pills, MREs, enough cash to get to Cape Verde by boat. Followed Max on Instagram. Would be honored to be Penelope's maid of honor. 2x05

"I'm very patriotic. Look in that basket. There's a bald eagle thong." 2x06

All Elena's video game equipment belongs to him. 2x06

"Penelope, tell my third stepmother I loved her! Not the second one, though. She was kind of a jerk." 2x06

"Hummer limo's downstairs. My third stepmother used to take me to the racetrack to spy on Father. For the longest time, I thought she was saying, 'Your father is with Rebecca, that horse!' It's like I'm back at the racetrack with my stepmom. What's next? Throw a mint julep in his face?” 2x07

"I love Cuba! I've been there four times. Property manager, job's just temporary. My father owns the building. I'm really a musician. Play a lot of rap-rock-ska. I'm like a male Gwen Stefani. When you're hiring a nanny, make sure she's not too hot. That's how I met my fifth mom. I had four nannies and look at the results." 2x08

Did not speak a word of Spanish when he first met them, is interested in single moms. 2x08

"If you joined an adult kickball team after saying you were too busy to join mine, you are on a long road to forgiveness." 2x09

"Your idea of stress is when your chest-waxer goes out of town." "Roberto is the only one who doesn't make it sting!" 2x09

"I shouldn't have to need these either, but I do. To see. So it's Fourth of July, 2011. I'd been sober for a while, so I thought I'd celebrate with a beer. Woke up three days later in an alley. Then the bowling ball hit me. I was in the gutter for a long time. It's really slippery without the shoes. That was the day I truly accepted that I can't have alcohol or drugs, ever. Not a beer, not a glass of wine, not even six hits of acid at a Grateful Dead show, no matter how well it makes me dance. I kinda get where you're coming from. There's something I want that I can't have for the rest of my life." 2x09

He and Pen are best friends. Also considers Max his bestie. Wants to Netflix and chill with them both, together. 2x09

"My abuelita used to put Vicodin in her coffee. And her lemonade and her sandwiches. Maybe she had a problem. As my father said to me on my ninth birthday, 'You don't need me anymore.' I use my garage for pickling and sea horse breeding." 2x10

Loves puns. "This is Elena Alvarez, my handyman mentee. Or handy-manatee." "The toilet is a cruel mistress. She is flush with complications." 2x10

"Herb and Sherb McGurb. Her real name is Sheryl, but she gets a kick out of Sherb." 2x10

"Bonsai's for dorks. This is penjing. The gentle Chinese art of tray scenery. Now that you're working for me, I finally have some leisure time." "Oh, look, there's little people. Wait, is that my family?" "Could be any Cuban family." 2x10

"I may only look two or three years older than you, but I have the wisdom of that ancient bonsai!" 2x10

"Always take the lemonade. That's Handyman 101! So you watched Jeopardy with them and then what? Well, now we know what your problem is! You fixed their toilet, but you didn't fix their souls. Elena, growing up, I had everything. But I was always alone. I don't want my tenants to feel that way, so I do more than just fix stuff. Apartment 306, macrame with Mrs. Watson. 201, lose at chess to Mr. Roth. 402, listen to all their Cuban nonsense. That's the job. That's what takes four hours. That's the difference between being a handyman and a super." 2x10

Has heard 'you're fired' a lot. 2x10

"After a grueling 30 minutes of thought, Nikki, will you be my starter wife? You're on the rebound. That's the best time to get married. You don't have time to think. So you were never thinking about me? My emotions? My feelings? You used me, Nikki, Finn's mom! And not in the way I like! And that's not all, Sister Barbara. We knew each other. Biblically. And while we were doing it, she took the Lord's name in vain. A lot!" 2x11

"Last night, I was testing the pH of the water in my seahorse ranch and, as I looked at those vomiting little guys, I realized I suck at tests. All tests. Drug, sobriety, vision, IQ, smog. You name it, I fail it!" 2x12

"Have you ever been arrested?” “Does public nudity at a hockey game count?” “There is, uh, no mention of a public nudity charge in your file.” “Oh, you just go to YouTube and type in 'Zam-boner.'" 2x12

"Yeah, they didn't specifically ask if I got drunk and tried to ride a moose, so after that I was golden." 2x12

"How important is having kids to you?" "Never really thought about it." 2x12

"I'll have you know I babysat my babysitter's kids while she was babysitting my dad, so, yeah, I got a little experience under my belt. Oh, it's my cousin Gordy. He still thinks I'm full-on Canadian. All right, good news is Gordo bought it. Bad news is I'm judging a poutine festival in Saskatoon next week." 2x12

"You're the single greatest mother I know." "Thank you. That means a lot coming from a guy with five moms." 2x12

"Fuzzy Afghan she likes, picture of the Pope, picture of a different Pope, picture of your dad, picture of the family, picture of me with the family, picture of me by a waterfall. I'm just gonna keep talking 'cause I'm not good in crisis situations." 2x13

"It's so crazy how we're both immigrants. I mean, I would never compare my story to yours, but the parallels are spooky. You were 18, I was 18. You left your family behind. I left four step-families, a maid, a butler, a chauffeur, and a horse groomer who really got me. But Father was expanding his business to the US and so I had to go. I remember, at the airport, I was crying. But Father put his arm around me and he said, 'Son, only losers cry.' So that was a long flight. You don't know how dirty a dirty look can get until you're crying for a whole plane ride and you're not a baby. I really didn't wanna be in America. So I drank. And I recreated the snowy plains of Canada with cocaine. I'm told I attended classes at Pepperdine University, but I will have to take that on faith. So, I'm in a detox center in El Segundo. This was my fourth rehab. My re-re-re-rehab. I thought I'd been doing a kickass job keeping my drug stuff a secret from all the tenants and then you showed up in my room at that clinic. You brought me sopa de pollo and said it's Cuban penicillin. You told me, 'You eat this, you get some sleep, and tomorrow, you try again.' And then you tucked me in and kissed me good night on my forehead. Forehead kisses are wildly underrated. Just something really comforting about 'em. Then again, it might just be you. Dad never did that. Or my horse groomer. After I got out of rehab, I started hanging around your apartment a lot more, 'cause it helped. Back then, it must have felt like you had this annoying, intrusive guy over. Not like now. 'Cause now you're my family. Don't worry. I haven't legally changed my last name to Alvarez. My lawyer said it was a whole thing, so... Anyway, Pen said no crying, so I'm not gonna. Actually, for once, I agree with Father. Only losers cry. And we're not losing anybody today. Let's hit that oath ceremony soon, okay?" 2x13

#schneider #reference #odaat #one day at a time

[letterboxd]

Coming of Age.

There’s nothing like a good coming of age film, as the Letterboxd community has recently demonstrated. From Rebel Without a Cause to Stand By Me to Boyhood, there’s something about the transition from youth to adulthood that gets us right in the feels. (Get it perfect and you’ll hit the Academy in the feels, too: hello, Moonlight.)

The last year has seen a great run of coming of age films: Moonlight of course, along with Hunt for the Wilderpeople, American Honey, The Edge of Seventeen and Mustang.

And now a new wave is now rolling in, notably: Greta Gerwig’s Lady Bird, Luca Guadagnino’s Call Me By Your Name, Kevin Phillips’ thriller Super Dark Times, and, to a certain extent, Todd Haynes’ Wonderstruck and Sean Baker’s The Florida Project.

Letterboxd caught up with Gerwig, Guadagnino and Haynes at the recent 55th New York Film Festival; what follows is a combination of press conference and Letterboxd-specific questions about comings-of-age and memorable movies.

Greta Gerwig—Lady Bird

Gerwig’s first film as the sole writer-director, Lady Bird stars Saoirse Ronan as the title character, a spirited Sacramento high schooler who feels destined for greater things on the East Coast (“Lady Bird” is the fanciful name she gives herself; her parents know her as Christine but humor her nevertheless).

Although Lady Bird features many of the tropes familiar to American high school movies—prom, losing one’s virginity, best friend fights, wrong-side-of-the-tracks class comparisons—they’re handled in a fresh way, a deft balance between comedy and drama. Inspired by, but not directly drawn from, her own upbringing, Gerwig says, “It was a love letter to Sacramento, and I felt like what better way to make a love letter than through somebody who wanted to get out and then realised that they loved it.

“In a way it’s secretly the mother’s movie as much as it is Lady Bird’s movie. Somebody’s coming of age is somebody else’s letting go. And I was just as interested in the letting go as I was of the young people’s stories.”

Like many of its coming-of-age predecessors, such as Pretty in Pink and Blue is the Warmest Colour, Lady Bird has a strong class narrative running through it; a purposeful inclusion by Gerwig, who greatly admires English filmmaker Mike Leigh.

“Class is a very difficult thing in America,” she says. “We’re uncomfortable with class and how that works but I think it’s something that’s an invisible force that shapes a lot of people’s lives.

“Life is not fair, and resources are not divided fairly, either in talents or in economics. […] One thing that I wanted to explore is: Lady Bird’s always looking up at other people, and people she thinks have more, and have it all together, and meanwhile those people are looking up at other people. And she doesn’t see how much she has, because in a culture of ‘more more more’ and ‘I always need to get to the next level’, there’s no way that you can appreciate what you have.

“It’s that disease of always looking up and never being where you are.”

On the challenge of directing, Gerwig says her acting experiences stood her in good stead: “One of the reasons is that most directors only ever are on their own sets! They don’t actually know how anyone else does it. And I’ve been on a lot of sets, and I’ve seen a lot of different ways of working and a lot of different ways of relating to actors and crew, and I’ve sort of seen what works and what doesn’t work, and I took all these ideas that I’d been gathering over the years.

“And they could be as little as things like having your crew wear name-tags every day. Which sounds small, but… if you switch out camera operator and [the actors] don’t know who the new person is, and you know, because you’ve talked to them, but they don’t know. I stole that from Mike Mills on 20th Century Women. So I felt like that was helpful.

“My greatest joy is working with actors and watching them bring life to these things that I’ve put on the page that are essentially dead until they bring their spirit and their artistry to it. So I adore them, and I think they know that, and I have a lot of empathy for what I’m asking of them. Because I’ve been there. And it’s hard. I try to bring sensitivity to it.”

FYI: Lady Bird broke American box office records on its opening weekend.

Luca Guadagnino—Call Me By Your Name

Guadagnino (whose first language is Italian, hence the idiosyncrasies in the quotes to follow) says he was attracted to the adaptation of André Aciman’s novel Call Me By Your Name because, “I always found myself restless as an audience member towards films that tells the coming of age that are […] basically relying on the cliché, on what is the assumption that the narrative has to deliver in order to get there.”

Asked which cliché he wanted to avoid in particular, Guadagnino says, “I think for instance that there is the idea that there is a contrast against the lovers, is something that is so artificial. You know? That there has to be somebody who is gonna contrast them, and then the lover will triumph. And in the gay canon it will triumph or maybe it will be bittersweet, it will not triumph.”

Call Me By Your Name brings the teenaged Elio (Timothée Chalamet) and graduate student Oliver (Armie Hammer) into each other’s orbit via a long, hot summer at Elio’s family’s Italian villa. Clocking in at over two hours, it has a languid, unstructured feel, a narrative pattern directly inspired by Maurice Pialat’s À Nos Amours.

“That was very, very, very dear to me. What is great about Pialat’s cinema is the capacity that he has always had to really the avoid the traps of a narrative and to be very at the center of his characters, and to really be letting live the flesh and blood and bone and sperm and every other kind of biological fruits of these characters, in a way that is really connected to his audience members because we are like the people in the screen.

“I wanted to prove that I could tell the story from the perspective of someone like Pialat instead of from the perspective of a three-act script.”

See the trio of films about love that Luca Guadagnino chose for Letterboxd.

At the time of writing, Call Me By Your Name is sitting at the top of Letterboxd’s ‘Unofficial’ Top 50 for 2017, based on weighted ratings for the year to date.

Todd Haynes—Wonderstruck

Haynes directed the big screen version of Brian Selznick’s novel Wonderstruck, which Selznick himself adapted. It’s an epic story split between two children in two different time frames, both confronting deafness and looking for family. Julianne Moore stars in two roles, one a silent-movie star.

As well as a tribute “to the endurance of New York, to the history of New York”, Haynes says Wonderstruck is also about “the imagination of young people, the language of cinema… and the theme of deafness”. Haynes said in planning this film, he thought a lot about the films he saw as a child, “the films that kind of entered my mind and bloodstream and changed the way I saw things. They were films that were always maybe a little beyond my reach.”

We asked Haynes, Selznick and Moore to share their memories of the films that changed the way they saw things as children. Haynes chose Mary Poppins, Romeo & Juliet and The Miracle Worker as his key childhood movie memories. Visit the Letterboxd list to learn why.

Selznick, who also wrote the novel Hugo, which Martin Scorsese adapted, says he “mostly loved monster movies” when he was a kid. “I was really into The Phantom of the Opera, the Lon Chaney silent movie. I grew up in New Jersey, so there was the ‘creature double-feature’ in the afternoon when I got back from school. Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, and King Kong.

“I’m distantly related to David O. Selznick who produced King Kong and Gone With the Wind and Rebecca, so there was also an added thrill of seeing my last name at the beginning of all of these movies that I really loved! Even though they were from the California movie-making side of the Selznicks, and I am from the New Jersey dry-cleaning side of the Selznicks. Successful dry-cleaner though, I have to say.

“And then, every year, looking forward to seeing The Wizard of Oz on TV when it was ever the holidays. And that moment, which I think is one of the great moments in cinema history, when Dorothy opens the door from her black and white world in Kansas into Oz.”

Meanwhile, Julianne Moore’s childhood movie memories are of the eclectic films programmed in a tiny Alaskan cinema, which ultimately transformed her approach to acting.

“When I was in fifth grade, my family moved to Juno, Alaska, and there was a movie theater in town that my sister and I went to every Saturday, no matter what. But because the population was so small in Juno they changed the movie every single week, so sometimes we’d go and see The Aristocats, and then one week it would be like One Day in the Life [from the novel by] Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. And then Minnie and Moskowitz, which is a Cassavetes film! And they let us in! Every Saturday! I didn’t know what I was watching half the time. I really didn’t, not until years later.

“It wasn’t until I would see movies in a revival house in Boston when I was in college that I kind of drew a connection to these movies I saw when I was in fifth grade … and it was just this sort of different, very, very human point of view. So if you’re Ivan Denisovich and you’re in prison and you reach down and you pull up a fish eye in your soup—I remember that very distinctly!—you know, that creates a different kind of experience to you right away, and you’ve done that visually with a fish eye in a spoon.

“It was something that kind of honed my interest in behavior, in performance, so I became interested in less in a theatrical kind of performance and more of a cinematic one because of this guy who owned a theater in Juno, Alaska.”

For more coming of age films, try these Letterboxd lists:

Teenage Wasteland: a Comprehensive List of Coming of Age Films A Film of Myself: My Favourite Female Coming of Age Films French Feminine Coming of Age Cinema

#coming of age #childhood #teenager #high school movies #todd haynes #julianne moore #greta gerwig #luca guadagnino #wonderstruck #call me by your name #lady bird

[authoressskr]

Engaged in Frivolity

Written for: @mamaredd123 Mama’s 100 Quotes of Supernatural Challenge

Pairing: Gabriel x Reader

Characters: Reader (Hey, that’s you!), Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Castiel, Gabriel, Balthazar, Mary Winchester (mentioned), Memphis (OFC), Holly (OFC), Mera (OFC)

Quote: “You look like you got attacked by some PCP crazed strippers.” (Bolded below in text)

Warnings: Language, Drinking, Idk…maybe subpar writing and no beta.

Summary: When you get some down time, Gabriel and Balthazar know just how to fill it.

Tagging: @mamaredd123 @lyndsay88  @sdavid09  @thewhiterabbit42

*No posting on other platforms without my permission*

“Come on! Dancing, drinking, mischief - what more could a human want for the autumn equinox?  All on a Friday, which will surely lead well into Saturday and/or Sunday.  It’s very hard to keep track of time when one is -”

“Hammered?” You supply, putting the book on mass hauntings back on the shelf as you shoot Balthazar a look.

“Engaged in frivolity.”

“Oooh. Frivolity.” Dean mocks as he pushes away from the library table. “I don’t think you should be taking her to a giant party where everyone will mistake her for an entrée.” Sam’s eyebrows shoot up at his brother’s words, but then he gives a little half shrug and nod combo that strengthens your resolve not to go.

On the other hand…

“Oh pluu-ease!  Like me and Balthy would let anything happen to our favorite human.” Gabriel held up his forefinger. “Also, Balthazar invited you goons simply to be nice. We don’t want to see you dancing or carousing around with beautiful nymphs, goddesses, demi-gods, spirits - let alone embarrassing me.”

“Us embarrass you?” You snicker at Dean’s words before the thought of super-drunk Dean attempting to shuffle out a dance is suddenly filling your head.  You had only seen him do dramatic hand gestures while driving Baby so you weren’t too clear on his actual abilities, but seeing how adamant he was about not dancing - dude was practically the preacher from Footloose - the image just got funnier until you had to clamp a hand over your mouth to stop the unruly giggles. Gabriel just quirks an eyebrow at you before looking at Balthazar with a smirk. They’d promised long ago not to snoop on your thoughts.

You quickly project the image to the angels, watching carefully as Cas’s forehead wrinkled at the awkward dance number you’d conjured up. Dean glares at you and you turn quickly back towards the bookcase, shelving another book on necromancy.

“All I’m saying is it seems like I know how this is gonna pan out.  Kinda like Indiana?”  Dean brings up the last time they were surrounded by pagan gods, gesturing wide with both his hands and his own raised eyebrows.

“One, Lucifer isn’t hunting you two down. Two, none of the gods - except Kali - survived that night. So no one knows I’m me.  And Kali isn’t a party person.”

“Unless it’s in an underground cave over a fiery pit with some glowing stones.”  You offer, moving to stand beside Dean who raises his hand for a high five.

“A plus Indy reference.”

“Thank you, Dean.” Gabriel rolls his eyes at the exchange between you two as Balthazar rises from the wingback chair by the liquor cart to stand beside the archangel.

“As I was saying… three, equinoxes and other pagan celebratory dates are usually no-kill instances. The gods eat beforehand and then we party for a few days then, ya know, everything goes back to normal.”

“And we’d be there to watch over her.”  Balthazar assures the room, flashing you a big smile.

“Think of it as an autumn weekend in Las Vegas. Except no gambling. Just music, booze, all you can eat desserts, dancing and an occasional wild animal running through the festivities.” Dean’s mouth downturns and he nods, like this has happened to him before and you stare at him bewildered and curious.

“What the hell do you do in Vegas?” Dean chuckles and is about to answer when Sam shakes his shaggy head and assures you that you do not want to know. You turn to Gabriel, who is giving you his version of puppy eyes, goldenrod orbs wide and beckoning. Shit.

“Not the eyes, Gabe.” You sigh out, a small smile worming itself onto your face.

“YES!” He shouts triumphantly. “Don’t worry, sweetness. This is going to be fantastic!”

“No. No. Noooo. No. NO.” Dean turns, taking your shoulders in his grip, meeting your gaze. “Come on, you don’t gotta do this. Don’t succumb to peer pressure.”  When you just keep smiling at him he drops his hands, huffing out an irritated breath. “Fine. But we aren’t going to have fun.  Me and Sam and Cas are going to watch out for Y/N.”

“Okay.” Gabriel replies brightly.

“Dress to move.” Balthazar orders before gently pushing you towards the archway, his eyes dancing with excitement already.

Ten minutes later, you’re dressed in your best skinny jeans, a loose fitting silky black tank and your trusty old vans, maroon hoodie in hand.

“Is this okay?”

“Isn’t that what you were just wearing?” Cas asks as Dean looks you up and down.

“No.”  You look at Gabriel. “Does it look like what I just had on?” Gabe shrugs.

“Looks like you just changed your top, cupcake.”

“Well how am I supposed to know how to dress for an equinox celebration?”  Balthazar chuckles at your tone.

“We’ll just let the nymphs, naiads and such dress her once we get there.”

“I still want clothes, Balthazar.”

“And you shall have them, darling.”

“Alrighty!”  Gabriel rubs his hands together once Sam returns, his whole face alight. “Does everyone have their exit buddies?!” Balthazar appears beside you, wrapping an arm tightly around your waist. “No fair! She was my exit buddy.”

“Guess you are stuck with Samantha.”

“Boys.” You warn.  “Are we going or not?”

When the tug by your belly button and a sharp sense of momentary motion sickness passed, you were on the edge of a huge clearing with towering evergreen trees acting as sentinel guards for the celebration.

“Loki!” A handful of women and men shouted merrily, rushing forward.

“Hiya! Now, sugar cube, this is Memphis. She’ll help dress you more appropriately.” He motions a beautiful woman forward with the most gorgeous black tight black curls, so black it was blue in the starlight.

“Bitchin’ name. Is that because you are the naiad of the river Memphis?”

“Ooh, our dear Trickster has found a smart one. Come on.” Her bright white smile was so welcoming and when she held her hand out, you took it with little hesitation. “See you in a few!”

Memphis led you across the clearing, her mahogany skin - you swear to whatever gods are in the clearing - is giving off this soft glow that you can’t help but be draw to. You fully understood the lure of naiads, nymphs and others now. You would gladly camp out by her river to hope to catch a glimpse again. She stopped abruptly in front of a white and blue fabric tent, pulling a white panel back.

“Go ahead.” She encourages you with a nod, letting you ease into the tent. “Loki didn’t mention your name.” She utters as she heads to the far side of the brightly lit tent, shooting you a reassuring smile.

“It’s Y/N.” You answer, looking at the scraps - emphasis on scraps - of fabric she was picking up and examining on a long table. A loud bout of giggles erupted from behind an opaque blue panel before a tiny woman stepped into the main room, her bright peridot eyes taking you in as if you were the most interesting thing she’d encountered in the last century or so.

“Y/N, this is Holly. She’s a Gaelic pixie. Y/N is Loki’s wife.”

“Oh, no - uh, Loki and I - uh, we aren’t married.” Memphis looks from the tiny yellow band of fabric to you.

“She just assumed cause you smell like him and you are wearing his favors.”  The petite brunette points to the bracelet and then to the necklace you wore. “So, the dark haired one in the coat? He single?” Her accent is soft and alluring as she wiggles her eyebrows suggestively.

“Yes. And awkward.”

“Just how I like ‘em! Ooh, darlin’ I like you. So, Memp, what are we doin’ to her?”

“Dressing her more for the festivities.”

“I love me a sexy makeover! I’ll help.” Memphis rolls her sand colored eyes good-naturedly before holding up a soft pink halter top that looked like something from a pirate film. “Look at her face!  Dontcha wear pink out there, with the other humans?” You shake your head no before shuffling from one foot to the other nervously.

“And I’d like it to cover my stomach.” Both women stop to stare at you, perplexed.

“All women’s shapes and sizes, colors and creeds are beautiful.”  Memphis’s words feel like a soft spoken battle cry.

“I know. I know! And I totally am all for that. But, uh…”

“She’s self-conscious, not lookin’ fer a lecture.”

“No, no! It’s fine! Just wanted to give you a basis, ya know?”

“We will cover where you have asked but other areas must now compensate for that.” Memphis’s smooth voice is full of promise and you realize it’s like bargaining with Gabe. Damnit. A look at Holly tells you how much trouble you’re in when she holds up a dark green tank top with a pair of black stretchy shorts with golden thread. So screwed. So very, very screwed.

—

Dean is watching the tent like a hawk, nodding at Sam’s ramblings but not paying attention. Which they both know.

“We’re so boned. Uber-boned.” Gabriel mutters to Balthazar as a gaggle of women approach. Dean’s head snaps to the group, Sam stopping mid-sentence to watch.

They part, revealing Memphis and Holly, who step forward with giant, knowing smiles plastered on their gorgeous faces. The paused a second, relishing the wait before stepping to the side to reveal Y/N.

All five men’s jaws dropped.

The dark green tank scooped low to reveal a healthy amount of décolletage, while the black short shorts revealed her smooth, long legs. Her hair is decorated with purple myrtle flowers and baby’s breath woven throughout and she is smiling nervously at the ground. When her eyes did flicker up, darting from Dean to Sam to Cas, finally pausing on Balthazar before meeting Gabriel’s gaze.

“So, uh, what do we do now?” Y/N asks brightly, before Memphis leans forward to whisper something then glides away towards a small group of dancers.

“Drink!” Holly shout triumphantly, dragging her towards a few giant wine barrels while the men all still stared.

“You can keep repeating ‘She’s a little sister to me’ all you want, Sam. Isn’t going to change much.” Balthazar teases, taking a healthy sip from his whiskey.

“Don’t read my mind.” Sam hisses, his cheeks a faint pink.

“You’re projecting.” Cas replies easily, moving from their group to join Y/N, Balthazar right behind him.

“What’re we drinking ladies?” Balthazar questions, a bright mischievous smile spread out on his face.

—

Four hours, two cups of mead and half a dozen jello shots later, you are feeling awesome.  Whoever organized this knew their music, weaving lilting tunes that fireflies bobbed in time with to Journey to EDM then back to those intoxicating songs of old.

Memphis, Holly, and an apsaras (A Cambodian dance nymph) named Mera all guided you around the open space, dancing as you all saw fit, following whichever beat called to you. You knew the boys were still around, they stopped you ever so often to make sure you nibbled at something or drank some water - okay that was mostly Sam and Cas - but you didn’t want to stop dancing. So, you would worm your way out of wherever they happened to be sat - table, mound of cushions, giant plush couch - and rejoin the dancing group, relishing in the feeling of letting go.

The world of hunting was draining. Find monster, stop it from killing more people, kill monster, repeat. Very little down time, long days and nights of research, travel, crap motel rooms, and crap food.

But tonight, oh tonight, you could be free. At least for a little while. To dance and drink and eat, watching the tree tops sway along gently when a softer song echoed out and then blur as a faster song came on, letting the nymphs and deities twirl you around.

No matter where you went though, you could always feel them.

Those honey colored eyes that chased you around also provided you with the safety you only felt in his presence.

You shook your head to clear any of those thought away. Gabriel was Gabriel.  And you were human; small, temporary, boring. But now wasn’t the time to think about that! Now was the time to shake, roll, shimmy, sway, twirl and leap away all the burdens you had been carrying around since you were 19 years old.

Holly cupped your face in her hands, almost sensing your overthinking, rubbing her nose against your own before releasing you with a loud drunken giggle and flitting off towards a tall blonde man who was wearing a blue sparkly speedo.

It was nearly an hour later before your legs were screaming for a break that you stumbled over to where Gabriel was lounging in the middle of an array of dark red plush cushions, Cas sat beside him at a little table lining up shots to outdo Balthazar.

“She returns!” Balthazar calls out merrily before you ease yourself down onto a pillow between the three angels. Your grin is wide before you look over your shoulder to Gabriel.

“What do you have?” Gabriel moves the cup from your reach.

“No, no, no, no, no, little cumquat. This isn’t for you. You’re proving to be a lightweight.” Gabriel tuts at you before taking a sip and moving it once again from your reach.

“You said I could have a good time. That should mean you share. And I’m not a lightweight, I am pacing myself!” Balthazar snickers behind you as he finishes his line of shots.

“Y/N does not have the alcohol tolerance that Dean does. Do not give her -”  But you had launched yourself at Gabriel, straddling his chest in order to reach the cup he held aloft.

“Sugar.” Gabriel growled, the feeling reverberating through your thighs and core as the sweet liquid passed over your lips. The world shifted inhumanly fast, you blinked and suddenly you were sitting where Gabriel had just been with him kneeling beside you, his fingertips digging slightly into your left thigh. His touch lightened, just resting there against your skin. His free hand snapped fingers before your eyes, yanking you from the nice floaty place you were descending into.

“Huh?”

“I said, that was made to waste gods. Your pretty little mortal self isn’t made for it, cupcake.”

“Humm. But I feel reaaaally nice now.”  You move to rise, but your limbs aren’t quite cooperating now. Balthazar snorts into his drink, trying to hide his laughter as Cas leans over to place two fingers against your forehead to heal you. The foggy, floating feeling disappears and you’re both relieved and upset. Dean is suddenly in your bubble, his handsome face so close to your own.

“Are you alright? Is she alright?” His hand is on the back of your neck, tilting it back so he can look in your eyes.

“She’s fine. She was warned not to drink from my cup, but she did it anyways.  Toasted her in a handful of milliseconds.”  Gabriel knocks Dean’s hands away, helping you up before swatting your ass playfully. “Get back out there!” You stick your tongue out but turn and run into Memphis’s arms, letting her draw you back into the ever-growing dance group.

—

By the early morning hours, the rising sun filtering through the dense trees surrounding the clearing, Gabriel’s favorite human was so beyond drunk it wasn’t funny. Well that wasn’t exactly true, he thought it was hilarious. Dean and Sam were sitting slumped slightly at the table Cas and Balthazar had occupied earlier when Y/N came bouncing up, looking good enough to eat. Her eyes were glassy and her smile was easy, with something just behind it he couldn’t place immediately. She tossed her sexy, scantily clad body down face-first onto the pile of cushions, before propping herself up on her elbows, looking up at the Winchesters.

“Tired?” She sighed the question, before rolling onto her back and letting her eyes flutter closed, one hand flung up by her head, fingertips brushing against his knee.

“Yes, I need my four hours.” Dean muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. Sam nodded his agreement, before smiling down at your relaxed form.

“Mmmhmm. I’m sure that Cas or Balthazar would drop you back at the bunker.”

“We aren’t leaving you.”

“Loki and Balthazar, maybe Cas if Holly has her way, will be here to watch after me.”

“Breakfast!” Mera calls, appearing beside you to drag you up from the cushy resting place and over to a massive dark wood table laden with every sort of breakfast food anyone could imagine. Gabriel looked from where Mera dragged you to Dean and Sam, Cas appearing beside him.

“Your mother has found a pair of poltergeists a few towns over. She asked if you would help.” Dean reluctantly nods, rising in tandem with his brother. “Ga-Loki and Balthazar are more than capable of watching over Y/N.” Dean pulls a face before pointing at Gabe.

“If anything happens to her -”

“She’s my favorite human. I’m not going to let anything happen to her, you asshat.” He sassed, rolling his eyes as Cas clapped a hand onto each brother’s shoulder and disappeared.

“Thank whoever that they’re gone. They were really killing the mood.”

“That seems to be a Winchester superpower.” He watches as you sit cross-legged on the pillow, popping a grape into your mouth as one of the Sumerian demi-goddesses add a few small braids to your hair, entwining more purple myrtle flowers into the strands.

“I’m more than a little surprised you didn’t smite Sam or Dean with all those projected thoughts.”

If they would have made a move, I would have. Balthazar nods at his brother’s words.

You should just tell her.

Tell her what?

Really, Gabriel? That you want to screw her over any available surface. Give her more expensive gifts. Whisper sweet nothings in her ear. Preferably while thrusting into her as hard as her little human body can handle. Gabriel didn’t answer, but shot his little brother a scathing look before Y/N joined them.

“Nap?” She asked with a sleepy smile, her eyes clearer but tired.

“Come to my parlor.” Balthazar quoted, gesturing at the small dark green tent a few dozen feet away. Y/N padded after Balthazar, Gabriel’s hand a whispered touch at her back. She stretched tall and let out a heavy sigh, seeing the plush mattress on the floor with silky gray sheets, missing the deep breath that Gabriel sucked in.

“Go ahead, sweet pea.” Gabriel watched as she dragged herself to the left side of the bed, pulling the covers back before slipping under. A little contented moan left her lips before she closed her eyes and smiled wide at the two of them.

“You know,” She yawned and shuffled down more in the bed, “They all think I’m your girlfriend. Or wife. Some things get lost in translation. One of the sprites told me these,” She waves her left arm, the gold bracelet he’d given her nearly seven months ago sliding up and down her wrist as she yawns again. “Are like a declaration. Is that -” Another yawn. “Is that why you said I should wear them often? So you could keep track and no one would hurt me?” She hasn’t opened her eyes this entire time, sleep tugging harder at her subconscious.

“Yeah, sweetness, it’s to keep you as safe as possible.”

“Mmmm. So pretty.” Neither angel knows what she’s saying is so pretty, but it’s the last words she gets out before sleep consumes her.

—

By the time Sam, Dean, Mary and Cas finish with the poltergiests - Jesus, that took forever - and return to the Bunker, Dean is sleepy, bruised and on-edge. Y/N had texted nearly seven hours before, saying she’d woken up and she hoped the hunt was going well and a “No need to worry, Mom. I’m having fun at camp.” All three hunters showered and ate, Mary heading off to bed while Sam sat with his laptop in front of him while Dean nursed his second beer and waited like the overprotective dad of a teenager. Cas joined them a few hours later, informing the brothers that they should be prepared to wait. Gabriel and Balthazar were in no hurry now that Y/N was enjoying herself.

Sunday passed with a few texts from Y/N, none of which mentioned what time she’d be coming home, which just frustrated Dean further, sending the elder Winchester brother to the gun range a couple times that day.

Monday, three am.

That’s when Balthazar and Gabriel appeared, each with an arm around Y/N.

”You look like you got attacked by some PCP crazed strippers.” Dean snorted, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips minutely. Y/N pulled her arm from around Balthazar’s shoulder, a big, bright, drunken smile plastered on her face.

“Dean! Dean! Sam! Cassiiiiie! Happy Autumn!” She leaned more into Gabriel as she wobbles slightly. “I celebrated the equinox! Hard. Like, real hard. We switched from the pretty flowers to leaves!” She gestured to her hair, the red and orange leaves mixed into the yellow-green ivy tangled in her hair. “You missed - Gabriel, he got me some apple mead - it was delirious.”

“Delicious.” Sam corrected, chuckling at the carefree air around her.

“That’s what I said, Sam. And then they body painted me in red and gold, but Holly said I needed more colors. So then we were,” She starts giggling uncontrollably. “We were - uhh, we were throwing the paint powder stuff at each other like it was Holi!”

“Like what was holy?” Dean asks, looking at the grinning angels for help.

“Not holy!” She waved her free hand at Balthazar first then Gabriel. “Holi, with an I. The Hindu spring festival of colors and love?” She looked at Gabriel, her little eye roll at Dean forgotten, pulling her arm away from him, reaching for something just behind his shoulder. “They’re so pretty. Always want to tell you. Almost match my bracelet and gold body dust - uh powder. Paint. Stuff.” Gabriel had time to tilt his head before her fingers slipped into his feathers, before she mumbled “So pretty” once more before slumping forward into his arms, her hand sliding down the rest of his plumage.

“Holy shit.” Balthazar breaths out, looking at the passed out girl wrapped tightly in Gabriel’s arms. “Your fake wife is your mate.” Gabriel just grins, adjusting Y/N so he held her bridal style, before heading for her bedroom at a leisurely pace, whistling lightly.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” Dean hollers after the archangel before exchanging a look with Sam.

“That’s a pretty short list, Dean.”

“Shut up.”

—

Gabriel settled you into bed, snapping to clean you up and change you into pajamas before tucking the blankets in.

“Don’t go.” Y/N whispered, freeing her arm from the covers to grasp his forearm.

“Oh ho. You aren’t getting rid of me now, sweet cheeks.” He shrugged off his jacket, toed off his shoes and slipped into bed. She slid closer, moving her head to rest on his chest while his arm wrapped around her tightly. Gabriel sighed contentedly before dropping a kiss to the top of her head.

“Good. I am, after all, your fake wife and mate.”

“We’ll talk about it when your sober.” Gabriel chuckles.

“Gabe?”

“Yeah?”

“When’s the next equinox?”

The four men in the Bunker could hear Gabriel’s laughter echoing down the hallway.

#mamaredd123 #mama's 100 quotes challenge #Gabriel x reader #Gabriel x you #archangel x reader #the archangel gabriel #reader insert #Supernatural #spn #spn fanfiction #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #balthazar #mary winchester #authoressskr writes

[mbtizone]

Dennis Reynolds (It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia): ENTJ

Dominant Extroverted Thinking [Te]: Dennis enjoys being in charge and likes being in positions of power and authority. He’s a planner, and spends a lot of his time coming up with and implementing the gang’s various schemes. He is very blunt and other people’s emotions are of no concern to him. Dennis is a huge control freak and has no problem organizing other people to accomplish his goals (Te-Ni). He’s known to snap when other people are being illogical, such as when the gang attempts to make plans that he knows will never actually work. Dennis is the one who works hardest to keep the gang on task and gets extremely frustrated when they lose focus, particularly when they’re discussing ludicrous ideas that can never actually come to fruition.

Auxiliary Introverted Intuition [Ni]: Dennis loves speaking in metaphor, particularly if insulting or threatening another person. When he has a goal, he knows what he needs to do to achieve it. He knows exactly how he wants his plans to unfold, and expects every step to go exactly the way he envisioned it. When something causes his plans to go awry, he becomes frustrated, angry, and usually throws a fit. Since Dennis is a sociopath and a narcissist, he uses his intuition to manipulate people or to achieve his own selfish ends, particularly in his carefully crafted plans to get girls to sleep with him. Everything Dennis does is strategic, deliberate, and has been very thoroughly plotted. Everything he does is a step in an overall plan (Te-Ni). The D.E.N.N.I.S. system is one of the most blatant examples of Dennis utilizing his Te and Ni. He also thinks ahead enough to believe that a woman won’t refuse sex with him on a boat in the middle of the water “because of the implication.”

Tertiary Extroverted Sensing [Se]: Material possessions are important to Dennis. In many instances, he uses them as a way to present himself as a superior to others. Though he likes to have things well planned out before taking action, he does a good job of adapting to unexpected events in the moment. Dennis takes a lot of pride in the way he looks. He is a tremendously sexual being and enjoys doing things to make himself appear more attractive. He often feels threatened when other people attack his physical appearance. Dennis wants the best of everything and refuses to settle for less.

Inferior Introverted Feeling [Fi]: Not only does Dennis dislike feelings, he claims he doesn’t even have them. He does not like to deal with anyone’s emotions and mentally checks out when they come into play. Morality is not a very big concern for Dennis. He is rarely shown to value any of his personal relationships, and prioritizes plots to advance his own agenda above all else. Often, Dennis will refuse to accept his own flaws or shortcomings. When Dennis is motivated to help another person, it is purely because of how their mental state will impact him, not out of actual concern for the person and their wellbeing. Dennis decides to create an online dating profile for Charlie when the gang finds out the waitress is getting married because he doesn’t want to have to deal with how Charlie will react. When the gang “breaks Dee”, he helps because her depression is “bringing him down.” In rare instances, he does seem to genuinely care about his friends, though these moments are few and far between.

Note:: Obviously, the characters on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia are completely unhealthy. Dennis, in particular, is a sociopath, a narcissist, and seems to have serious rage issues. This, ladies and gentleman, is an ENTJ gone very, very wrong. Though, Dennis is one of my favorite characters on television, so I’m not sure what that says about me.

Enneagram: 3w4 8w7 5w6 Sx/Sp

Quotes:

Dennis Reynolds: Mm. I have contained my rage for as long as possible, but I shall unleash my fury upon you like the crashing of a thousand waves! Begone, vile man! Begone from me! A starter car? This car is a finisher car! A transporter of gods! The golden god! I am untethered, and my rage knows no bounds!

Dennis: Okay, Dee, this is truly pathetic, and you are really bringing us down, so we’re gonna help you out. We realize we may be in some ways responsible for the state you’re in.

Dennis: You know what I just realized? I don’t care about anything she’s saying. Not a bit. What I do care about is the fact that… Charlie might go postal if he finds out about this and kill all of us.

Dennis: Think about it. She’s out in the middle of nowhere with some dude she barely knows. She looks around her, what does she see? Nothing but open ocean. “Oh, there’s nowhere for me to run, what am I gonna do, say no?” Mac: Okay…that seems really dark though. Dennis: No, no, it’s not dark. You’re misunderstanding me, bro. Mac: I think I am. Dennis: Yeah, you are. ‘Cause if the girl said no, then the answer obviously is no. The thing is that she’s not gonna say no, she’d never say no…because of the implication. Mac: Now, you said that word “implication” a couple of times. What implication? Dennis: The implication that things might go wrong for her if she refuses to sleep with me. Now, not that things are gonna go wrong for her, but she’s thinking that they will.

Dennis: If you do not get my sister her stories and a new room as soon as possible, then I will come down on this hospital like the hammer of Thor. The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gust of a thousand winds.

Dennis Reynolds: You’re gonna wanna nurture that dependence that she’s feeling on you now, guys. Have her car towed, or you could slash her tires. Either way, make her depend on you for rides. Or you can use my personal go-to, which is to create a fictional angry neighbor who’s threatening her and tell her you’ll take care of ’em. Hit up a payphone so that she can’t trace the calls back to you, give her a call and say something along the lines of, “I’m watching you, you bitch. You’re gonna die tonight!” Dee Reynolds: Oh for Christ’s sake, you’re a complete sociopath! Dennis Reynolds: Don’t interrupt.

Dennis Reynolds: And then naturally, we bang. And this is the best bang of all because it’s very emotional for her. You see, she thinks she’s broken through my tough exterior and coerced affection from a man who was afraid to love. And then I slink out into the night, never to talk to her again.

Dennis Reynolds: Aw, merge, merge! You had your… Come on, you got, you have to seize the goddamn gap! People are so goddamn inefficient! Oh, goddammit! I don’t care if you’re old, seize the gap! You old fat bitch! You fat bitch!

Dee Reynolds: What’s going on with Mac and Charlie? Dennis Reynolds: It’s… I can’t get them to stay focused. They keep escalating the conversation into evil curses and opening leather shops in Arizona. Dee Reynolds: A leather shop, in Arizona? Dennis Reynolds: Yeah. Dee Reynolds: They’d be out of business in a weeks time. Dennis Reynolds: That’s exactly what I said.

Dennis Reynolds:Dee, you escalating shit is exactly what I’m talking about. We immediately escalate everything to a ten. It’s ridiculous. Somebody comes in with a preposterous plan or idea. Then all of a sudden everyone’s on the gas, and nobody’s on the breaks. Nobody’s thinking, we’re just talking over each other with one idiotic idea after another. Until finally, we find ourselves in a situation where we’ve broken into somebody’s house, and the homeowner is home.

Dennis Reynolds:Dee, you gangling uncoordinated bitch. I am not getting hogtied over your lack of grace.

Dennis Reynolds:[inner monologue] I’m gonna make Mac look so bad. My form is perfect, I’m like Jerry Rice. Feel that stride, so fluid and fast. I’ve got the stride of a gazelle. A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person. My body is achieving a perfect symmetry right now. It’s that long, lean muscle I’ve worked so hard to achieve. Hm, I should’ve popped my shirt off. Goddammit, really should’ve popped that shirt off. I wonder if any women are watching from the sidelines… [gets hit with football and is knocked unconscious]

Dennis Reynolds:She doesn’t need you here. You need to thrust her into a hostile environment so that she needs you to protect her. Frank Reynolds: I should dump her under the bridge!

Dennis Reynolds: All right, listen, this is Family Fight. This is a nationally televised program. This is a very big deal for us, okay? We’re talking… What are you doing? Are you stealing an ashtray right now? Mac: Yeah. Dennis Reynolds: Why? We have ashtrays, and you don’t even smoke.

Dennis Reynolds: I want to talk about faith. It’s not about whether something is true, or-or-or based in fact or reality or the laws of physics or nature or even basic common sense. It’s about whether or not we’re dumb enough to believe in it that matters. Oh, folks, who the hell am I to say that there is no God? Who am I? Or to say that anybody’s belief in the church doesn’t make their life better? Maybe it does. Or that this man, Dr. Jinx – who am I to say that he can’t cure diseases with his sorcery? I don’t know. I say maybe he can. And I believe that maybe he can. [chuckles] Ladies and gentlemen, if we believe… if we just believe… then we can do anything! [audience cheers] Dennis Reynolds: Oh, yeah, ladies and gentlemen. I feel it now! Do you feel it? Do you feel the spirit? Do you feel the invisible things around you that don’t really exist? Oh, it doesn’t matter!

Dennis Reynolds:But I will say this – the church’s scam? It’s a pretty good one. It’s effective. Look at all the money these people are giving to the church. So I say we use that model to raise money for your mom at Paddy’s. Guys. Let’s throw a beef and beer.

Dennis Reynolds: Mac, these gentlemen are courting me for my business savvy. How’s it gonna reflect on me if I promote my bodyguard to VP after a two-minute conversation at a ball game? Mac: It’s not gonna reflect on you at all because you’re not Brian LeFeve. Dennis Reynolds: …I’m not what? Mac: Dude, clearly you were floundering. Dennis Reynolds: Mac, I was gathering information so that I can more fully become this man. Look, look, this is about much more than just business. This is about the thrill of wearing another man’s skin. Feeling his innermost wants and desires and being in control of his every single move. That’s how you get off. Now don’t you guys want to get off with me?

Dennis Reynolds:[getting Mac to switch seats] You’re gonna switch places with Becky, right, because while I don’t particularly find you conventionally attractive, I do find you oddly sexy. Becky: Huh, excuse me? Dennis Reynolds: That was a compliment.

Dennis Reynolds:Dennis Reynolds: Hey, whoa, whoa, I’m sorry. Since when did you become the brains? Mac: Uh… I’m sorry. I’ve always been the brains. Dennis Reynolds: What? What are you talking about? I thought I was the brains. What the hell am I? Mac: You’re the looks. Dennis Reynolds: Well, yeah, of course I’m the looks, but I always thought of myself as the brains and the looks.

Dennis Reynolds:All right, buddy, now explain to me how exactly we are going to calculate the totals. Charlie Kelly: Oh, it’s easy, dude. You pour gas into the car using one of these funnels, right? And I count how much gas is going into the car. Dennis Reynolds: All right, let me- let me just stop you right there. How exactly are you planning on counting a liquid? Charlie Kelly: Uhh, I know how to count, dude. I’m not… Dennis Reynolds: Okay, you do it. You do it, Mac, because I can’t speak to him. I don’t understand him.

Dennis Reynolds:[interrupting her] You know what Dee, I don’t want to hear about your dream, okay? I hate listening to people’s dreams. It’s like flipping through a stack of photographs. If I’m not in any of them, and nobody’s having sex, I just… don’t care.

Dennis Reynolds:As I tried to explain before, you cannot get honey from a hornet’s nest. Charlie Kelly: I just don’t think there’s any science to support that, buddy. Dennis Reynolds: There’s some very basic science out there supporting that.

Dennis Reynolds: And although I seem relaxed, I’m actually incredibly tense at all times.

Dennis Reynolds:I’m a five star man! I’m a five star man! I’m a five star man!

Dennis Reynolds:My nose was chiseled by the gods themselves, Frank. My body was sculpted to the proportions of Michelangelo’s David. You, on the other hand – well, you’re a pit of despair. Frank, you disgust me. You disgust everyone. And you will never, ever be on that billboard.

Dennis Reynolds:This is crazy. I’m having feelings again. Like some kind of 14 year-old kid. You remember feelings, right? Mac: Yeah… I have feelings every single day of my life. Dennis: Do you? Mac: Are you saying you don’t have feelings?

Dennis Reynolds (It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia): ENTJ was originally published on MBTI Zone

#3w4 #Dennis Reynolds #Sx/Sp #ENTJ #its always sunny in philadelphia #Type 3 #enneagram 3 #mbti #mbti types #mbti personality types #fictionalcharactermbti #fictionmbti #enneagram #enneatypes #enneagram type

[darkcozyforest]

Quotes from my Stagecraft Professor Spring 2017

Okay I am going to preface these quotes by saying that this is a man probably in his late 30′s early 40′s originally from Pennsylvania and now in Missouri. He, along with his wife, has done work in the theatre for his entire professional career. He is the king of dad jokes because he is one. And he has been through hell and back with medical issues that he has gone through or his family has gone through. That said, let us begin:

“White People are like olive oil mayo. We’re not really sure why we’re here. We’re not really good for you. We don’t really taste good.”

“’She’ is a an option. Let’s start breaking those gender barriers. He or she is allowed.”

“Theatre is someone doing something and someone to watch it”

“Hamilton tickets are up to what like 3/4 the GEP of Ghana?”

“You didn’t go to see Spider-man Turn Off the Dark because it was good. You went to see it to see who would get injured that night.”

Yea I mean I guess you could say that Jeffrey Seller has a pretty good track record. Hamilton, In The Heights, Rent, Avenue  Q...”

“Boston took second in the Poker game and said we’re not taking 2nd we’ll take two ones and that is why they are Local 11.Talk about petty”

“To those people who say you must be an actor I say not anymore because I grew accustomed to things like food and shelter.”

“Break down those gender barriers!!”

*When talking about where the Rock and Roll hall of fame was* “IT’S THE NORTH COAST! There’s like a shit ton of water up there!”

“I have never seen someone want to be swallowed by their own asshole so much in their life. He said nothing good ever came out of South Korea and I said ‘oh you mean like my wife?’”

“The Backstage Handbook is the greatest non-religious book known to man.”

“Nails are easy. Put it in, bang it with a rock or a hammer or your friend.”

“I am blue color all the way. Like fuck the man. If you are in administration you are like a turd on my shoe.”

“The president of our university is like our flu shot.”

“If you know anything about opera well... Save that for Monday.”

“Next time someone tells you that women don’t belong in the shop two things. A: BULL FUCKING SHIT! Some of the best carpenters I’ve seen in my life are women. B: Women think things out better than men. Dating back to cavemen when men would just focus on the same thing til it died and women would look at the whole thing.”

“This is the circulur....lar. saw La-la la-la.... Wicked? No nobody?”

“No show tunes playing during shop. You all get distracted and then try to one up each other and then you get hurt acting like idiots.”

“Pi are not squared. Pi are round.” *talking about circle formulas*

“Authority throne? I think that’s what our president uses to tweet out every morning” Other student: “Did you just compare me to--” Professor: “Yupp! Moving on.”

Me: “Then why do we call it a podium?” P: “Because we’re all fucking ignorant. It is a lectern and if any of your professors say it is a podium you walk up to them a slap them across the face and say ‘No that is a fucking lectern”

“Oh...Single clown tear of not caring.”

“And here we have the dead body in the river for a week grey traveler. Look at it. Have you seen CSI Miami? It’s the same color as those dead bodies.”

“You need to know what the Bible, Torah and Qur’an say. And you need to be able to quote Star Wars, Harry Potter and know who fuckin Indiana Jones is.”

“You always wanna be ‘something fucking something’ never “fucking something something. Like if you hear someone say Fucking Billy Bob, you know Billy Bob is an idiot. But if you hear someone say Billy fucking Bob, you know Billy Bob is a badass”

“What the fuck you said it was dry? Yea dry not cured dumbass.”

“For any of you in off campus housing with borderline slumlords for landlords.”

“If I wanted vandyke brown, which is the sexiest brown ever-- Vandyke brown is like being hugged by your favorite coffee and favorite chocolate as it holds you and just whispers it’s gonna be okay. One day I will be able to go steady with vandyke brown but until then it is just a fleeting tryst.”

“Audra McDonald is like vandyke brown in human form. My wife and I were watching the Tony’s one night and for all of you who are in this class because you are actually doing something with theatre you know who Audra McDonald is and you know that she is a gift this world does not deserve. Anyway we were watching the Tony’s and Audra comes out to start singing and I turned to my wife and said ‘I would leave you for Audra McDonald’ and my wife turned back to me and said ‘Good ‘cause I would leave YOU for Audra McDonald.”

“What do I care? I’m tenured. I can do anything short of killing you assholes.”

“My God you read the back of a hotpocket but you can’t read the back of a can of paint? You just wasted $200″

“Very good! Blue’s Clues seems to have paid off”

“We removed Spongebob from his home in pineapple acres, split him in half and now paint with him.”

“Google screaming death sounds of natural sponges”

“The shop hires do immediate death. I am patient. I wait years and years to the perfect time and then get my revenge.”

“Let’s split the tools into tools that can kill you and tools that can’t”

“And here we manipulated spongebob to make a paint cover for a roller. Someone somewhere said hey spongebob bend over and then there ya go”

“Soooo..... ELECTRICITY!”

“You’ve all shuffled your feet across the carpet then touched a friend...or your son because the fucker did it to me first.”

“9/8 time is the holiest of time signatures. It’s a Trinity within a Trinity. Thank you Johnny Bach.”

*Talking about bights in rope* “Think about it, you wouldn’t want a bite in you. Or...well... maybe... you would..... BUT you wouldn’t want your mother knowing you had a bite in you. Well played Mr. Benson (his name)”

“I don’t call you student #12. You a have a name. So do they.”

“Oh my God spell ferrule, it’s in your book.” Me: “What if we spell it with a and u (we had been giving him shit about spelling). Professor: “I will fail you for the course”

“You can make paint brush handles out of anything. Wood, plastic, metal, bones of failed students as I sit at my work bench late at night fashioning them for the next semester.”

*student dabs after giving right answer* *Mr. B gives them look of disappointment* “Hardly dab worthy.”

“The heat is distributed unevenly. Kind of like wealth in a capitalistic society *laughs sarcastically then gives deadpan* Tell me I’m wrong” 

“On today’s episode of how to get away with murder in the theatre.”

“Here we have an athletic director to talk about money and how it should be spent. We’re either going to get funding for the next season of shows or learn how to dispose a body.”

“If you’re gonna murder someone, use a revolver so your casings don’t go flying.”

“Mental illness is a real thing. And it is completely okay to reach out. If you are struggling, let someone know. Because we care. I care. They care. You matter to someone even if you don’t think so.”

“There are two types of performers. Moths and cockroaches. Moths run to the light, cockroaches scurry away. Be the moth.”

“Negligence is you failed to check. Criminal negligence is you were aware and you ignored it. And now for all of you theatre teachers in the class you can be charged with criminal negligence if you get the wrong rigging equipment because I just made you all aware and it says so in your syllabus and will hold up in a court of law ha ha ha.”

“I know that look. That look either means that the cat is in the microwave, the bathroom is flooded, or there’s a mud covered swamp monster. And we don’t have a cat.”

“There are no unimportant parts in the theatre. You don’t have to act either. And now you all have like 8 columns of just some of the jobs in the theatre. How many require acting? One.”

I told you at the beginning of the semester to pick a statement. I can or I can’t. So go ahead and pick one again. Sometimes ‘I can’t’ is chosen for you. The senior who is in a wheelchair will never be able to dunk a basketball in the NBA. But she tries her damndest to do everything else in front of her. ‘I can’ takes effort. I have tried all semester to get you to believe that you can do anything within your power. You have to at least try something first. Can you get ‘I can’t’ out of your vocabulary? You already have so many people telling you that you can’t do something. So don’t tell yourself. Because you sure as hell won’t hear it from me. So you shouldn’t hear it from yourself either.”

[mechagalaxy]

John T. Mainer: Chocolate is essential

Chocolate is essential

I am Supply Officer Rampjet of the Fists of Doom mercenary company, you may ask yourself, how do I come to this place, selling a prize Spitfire mecha to buy six tons of chocolate and one pair of augmetic knees. I would say it’s a funny story, because 99% of the Fists of Doom is laughing about it right now, but that was my Spitfire, and the knees I need to be certified for combat again. It is a cautionary tale for all Academy graduates, listen to your NCO’s; kneecaps and clues turn out to be really expensive.

We were in the middle of the Gorax plague, it had been going on for a while, and looked to be going on a whole lot longer. My hours were bad, being supply officer when the supply chain was breaking down was not good. Contracts were getting tight, as we agreed on terms for our defensive contracts pre plague, and the profit point was healthy enough. Turns out having almost all travel locked down, international trade lower than the last time the Hegemony tried to eat Cogwork.

I had argued for some stringent cost cutting measures. I went over the repair and maintenance schedules and looked at any replacements that were not failure driven and flagged them as non-essential. I needed to cut replacement parts costs, and I needed to cut expenses every way I could to make sure we retained a profit margin or officers like myself would find out what life was like on base pay, with no fat bonus cheques.

That is like drinking local whiskey, and eating in the commissary, not the officer club. I may as well be enlisted for niodes sake!

Sgt Rosa Gonzales and Sgt Pepper Nakamura, our chief technician and quartermaster burst into my office in scary lockstep. One thick Latina with thicker accent, and one tiny ice cold Shogunate refugee in matching glares.

Gonzales started shouting first.

“What pendejo thought after making us work overtime for straight pay ‘for the duration of the emergency’ then decided suddenly I have to get all the repairs done, but can’t decide when to replace parts? These are war machines, not minivans.” Rosa was obviously upset.

Pepper Nakamura tossed a data slate across my desk, narrowly missing my coffee cup. It was a drama queen move when the same data could have been projected on the office hologram like she was doing right now, and only included to make me jump. Her voice was not as loud as Rosa’s but her contempt was cold like deep space with a busted cockpit heater.

“I see that you have cut back on feminine hygiene supplies by fifty percent to offset cost overruns by the officer club liquor budget”

Holy crap, how did she spot that? I mean I didn’t link them, and I imposed them in different transactions, but you can’t slip a lot past an experienced quartermaster like Pepper.

Sure it looked bad, but at the end of the day, I was an officer and a gentleman, and they were a wrench jockey and store keeper. Rank hath its privileges.

I put on my best reasonable tone and laid down the law to my subordinates.

“Listen ladies, times are hard, and hard choices have to be made. Everyone is sacrificing here. Sure you have to work within the budgets I allow you, and anything I deem non essential you will have to live without. If the officers need to relax now more than ever, well Rank Hath Its Privileges.”

Pepper turned to Rosa and said, almost casually.

“Did you know that right after ruling tech crews were no longer allowed to use the Stim Packs when working overtime, our good Supply Officer Rampjet disallowed the chocolate budget as….non essential?”

Rosa actually drew her multitool from her belt, the arc welder sparking to armour cutting life and for a second I thought she was going to swing at me, but Sgt Pepper Nakamura had anticipated it, locked one hand on her wrist, and used a delicate finger to move the multi tool control to off. Shaking her head, she bowed far too deeply, almost but not quite openly mocking her superior with its insincere depth as she stated quietly.

“I am sure that Supply Officer Rampjet would never put his own interests above the company, or its hard working men and women. I am sure that in the fullness of time, the good officer will come to a deeper understanding of what is essential.”

Looking back, I should have been worried, but I wrapped myself around the better part of a bottle of Glen Wombat 12 year old, and some Vol Wurm stuffed mushrooms and let the mellow wash the unpleasant encounter away.

The Emerald Dragons came calling that Wednesday. We held the contract for Bubba Duck transport, and they had a minor trade war going with Swift Turtle Logistics over control of the Aga Khan gateport complex. Both wanted to be first carrier in the queue, and only one was going to get it.

I fight in the third rank, Supply Officer is basically a staff position, but in the Fists of Doom everyone fights if they want to get paid. My Fext “Necessary Roughness” was showing a lot of amber lights, nothing was outright failing, but not tuned the way I expected. I opened a channel to the tech bay to bitch, but instead of my own technician, I got Rosa.

“Listen pendejo, you have a lot of little failures because some pendejo decided I was not allowed to pull parts I thought were going to fail and replace them, I had to wait until they actually failed, and then get a commissioned officer to sign off on it. I couldn’t replace your lasing crystals any more often than I can change my FRACKING PAD!”

Ah crap. Rosa was on the rag, and a little upset. I decided that there was no sense reasoning with her, and besides I had a battle to fight.

“Don’t go getting bent out of shape about a little blood on the undies Rosa, we all have to make sacrifices!” I shot back as I killed the connection. I was still chuckling at my cleverness when the second rank started to take fire.

Crap. The Emerald Dragons had cut our front rank to ribbons and were hitting the second rank pretty hard. I pulled my shields off standby and powered them up.

They were out of tune, not balanced properly as they fine synchronization required was not quite there. Eddies of disruption created weak spots of interference. Normally maintenance deals with that but they were still functioning within, albeit at the extreme low end, of tolerance.

My lasers preheated. Two of them went red as they overheated, and I cut them out of the firing sequence. Damn. Now they failed. Those should have been replaced as a precaution, but they hadn’t failed in the mecha bay, just fluctuated a bit, so under current rules they couldn’t be stripped out.

The Humbaba beside me rocked, its trample shields flaring bright as it shrugged off the better part of a thousand points of overshot from some kind of heavy kinetic cannon; whatever it was had enough to go through and Apatotron lengthways and still rock the Humbaba. Luckily his trample shields guided most of it to either side harmlessly.

Something hit the Kami in front of me, and a massive shock hit my Fext. My trample shields were only partly effective, and while bits of broken and flaming Kami were directed aside, a cold lance of Leviathan hammered my Fext, and the flash freezing shattered my cockpit glass, shredding my pilot suit and flooding my cockpit with the copper/iron scent of my own blood.

I was distracted by the pain enough that when the attacking Boreas stepped forward my own shots flared along its shielded flank, while it punched a Chiller Equation at me. My lasing crystals were over heated, and the cold shock caused them to shatter. The released unfocused energy tore through my systems and ignited by capacitors, who then exploded. I was awake and screaming as the fire took my legs. The fire fighting equipment was stale dated, and should have been replaced, but during the crisis if it hadn’t actually failed yet, I had ordered it not to be replaced.

Pepper Nakamura was waiting by my trauma bed when I came to.

“It doesn’t look good. We don’t have enough replacement parts for all the mecha that are down. We took almost twice the casualties we should have because so many systems failed in combat due to marginal parts not having been replaced, and ordinance from missile and cannon mecha being reused even when the potential for damage destabilizing them normally required their removal. Rosa has six technicians injured from fatigue, no stim packs or even chocolate and twice the usual damage to correct, they are bleeding from doing without”

Pepper’s voice was correct and cold. I was not in the mood to be criticized.

“I HAVE NO LEGS YOU UNFEELING BITCH!” I screamed at her.

She laughed, and quoted me in a voice at least as cold as the Chiller Equation that did me in.

“Don’t get bent out of shape about a little blood on the trousers Supply Officer Rampjet, we all have to make sacrifices”

She tossed a data slate onto my lap, above my stumps.

“For the price of your Spitfire, we can get the supply parts we need for the mecha, and you will still see a good sized profit, those bonus cheques are so important after all. I negotiated an offer that included full sensory feedback augmetic legs, the finest work out of the Dragons own facility on Delos VII”

I took my time and focused on the slate. Here it was, the supply order I had rejected, plus an additional supply order to cover the losses we took because our ill maintained machines took such a pounding, and an additional supply order to cover the butchers bill of the pilots maimed and wounded as a result.

I opened a two new line items, left the amount blank, then authorized the sale of my Spitfire.

“You left two things off the list, I need you to fill them in.” I said as I passed her back the slate.

Pepper Nakamura looked at them and raised one shapely eyebrow.

“Chocolate and feminine hygiene products sir? I thought those were non-essential?”

I forced my eyes to focus on her and put what command authority I could into my voice.

“Stim packs for the crews working overtime, scheduled overhaul of our combat and support systems, are both essential. Anything required to keep the men and women of the Fists of Doom in top shape during combat and post combat operations are essential. Yes Quarter Maser Sgt Nakamura; chocolate is essential.”

For the first time ever, she stepped back and gave me a parade ground salute. I waved vaguely in return. New knees, and new perspective. You get them as a set at no extra price. That kind of deal is only offered here in Mecha Galaxy.

John T Mainer 28840

[shopcheaponline-blog]

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[samanthasroberts]

7 Unexpected Places To Meet Single Guys That You Absolutely Need To Try This Weekend

I once read an article that said you should meet men in a hospital cafeteria because cute doctors will most likely be eating there.

Listen: I do think you should be hanging out in hospitals in an attempt to meet cute doctors. That is very insane and desperate.

But there have to be better places to meet a guy than, say, a bar or a club. Club guy is not boyfriend material. And drunk let me buy you a shot guy at the bar is not the guy I want to introduce to my mom and dad.

So for some new ideas, IaskedAlessandra Conti, a Los Angeles-based matchmaker and dating expert,aboutsome unexpected places to meet single guys this weekend.

1. While Waiting In Line

YouTube

Trying to figure out how to pass the time while the line at the coffee shop is taking forrrevvverrrr? Well, hit on someone!

I always say that lines are a single girl’s best friend! Whether it is a line at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Whole Foods, Sweetgreen, or even the line to get your tickets at a live show, these are incredible opportunities to meet new guys, Conti says.

Plus, it’s pretty easy to start a conversation becausethey’re usually trapped and can’t go anywhere. Added bonus!

Conti explains that the only thing you really do while waiting in line is looking at your phone, so she suggests, Step one is: Put your phone down! While you are in the line, ask the cute guy in front of you if he knows what is actually in a soy caramel flanfrappuccino essentially break the ice.

2.At A Dog Park

Matt Aunger/Unsplash

!

Dog parks are great places to meet cute single guys and if you’re anything like the women that I matchmake, the guys who you are seeing must love dogs! Conti says. Even if you don’t have a shih tzu of your own, put on your Lululemon workout attire and take a jog around the local dog park. (A quick Google search will show you where to go!)

Oh no, I have to workout hit on guys? Hey, at least you’re practicing your multitasking.

She explains, Once you are jogging, make sure to interact with the dogs at the park, and ask their cute owners what kind of breed they are. By starting a casual conversation about dogs, the guy will feel comfortable to then continue the conversation with the cute girl he just met who already has bonded with his best friend.

You know the saying: A way to a man’s heart is through his dog.

3. Volunteering With Habitat For Humanity

Want to meet a good guy? Well, meet one who volunteers.

Kill two birds with one stone and help out the community while meeting philanthropic men! Conti suggests.

You’ll be doing something good for yourself and your love life at the same time.

She adds, There are a bunch of different volunteer opportunities happening in and around your city every week just pick a cause that you feel strongly about and volunteer! It is just an added bonus that there may be a few cute guys there who can help you with a hammer!

4. At Your Friend’s Apartment Pool

Margot Pandone/Unsplash

Flirting poolside is a great way to beat the heat. And according to Conti, you should use the hot weather to your advantage:

We are in the first weeks of summer, and a great summer place to meet boys is at your friends’ pools!

The beauty of apartment complexes in most cities is that there are a ton of single people inhabiting them, and everyone congregates at the pool over the weekend.

Bummer if you’re trying to binge-watch your favorite show inside your apartment, but great for if you’re looking to sunbathe and meet the love of your life.

Conti says you should try to be as social as possible with your neighbors: Ask if they want anything to eat or if they can help you blow up your T-Swift-inspired swan float.

5. At Some Sort Of Sporting Event

Buena Vista Pictures

Time to play ball.

I personally know very little about sports, but as a matchmaker, I do know that sports quite literally bring all the boys to the yard, Conti says. Whether you go all in and join a community sports league (Google sports leagues near me’) or you simply go to a sports bar when a big game is happening, sports equals a whole lot of guys.

This doesn’t mean show up in a pink jersey (please don’t do that unless you really love sports and your pink jersey), but you can hang and enjoy the fun.

Conti continues, The biggest thing to remember is to be social when you are either playing or watching the sport.

But remember to be aware of what’s going on: Don’t mess with a guy who is alone and engrossed in every play of the game; chat up the group who are clearly there for the camaraderie.

6. At A Museum

HEX.

Personally, I love to go to the museum alone, and it’s a great place to meet like-minded guys who would rather spend the day surrounded by art and culture instead of, say, beer and buffalo wings.

While you’re there, ask a guy you see what his favorite painting is or what wing of the museum he might recommend.

Then, it could be almost like an automatic first date.

7. In The Library

Lumina

Have you heard that millennials are singlehandedly bringing back libraries? Well, that’s a pretty good indicator that, if you go to one, you’re likely to stumble across a bunch of smart, creative 20-somethings. And some of them are bound to be single.

But Conti says that really, you can meet guys anywhere. You just have to be outgoing and talkative.

I once met a guy by asking him, Is this a book?’ (Yes, this is a direct quote). We laughed, and I got his card to match with one of my clients, Conti says. The worst thing that can happen is that they don’t say anything, and then, you were no worse off than you were before.

So happy flirting this weekend. But whatever you do, don’t go hang out at the hospital.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/7-unexpected-places-to-meet-single-guys-that-you-absolutely-need-to-try-this-weekend/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/02/13/7-unexpected-places-to-meet-single-guys-that-you-absolutely-need-to-try-this-weekend/

[jimdsmith34]

7 Unexpected Places To Meet Single Guys That You Absolutely Need To Try This Weekend

I once read an article that said you should meet men in a hospital cafeteria because cute doctors will most likely be eating there.

Listen: I do think you should be hanging out in hospitals in an attempt to meet cute doctors. That is very insane and desperate.

But there have to be better places to meet a guy than, say, a bar or a club. Club guy is not boyfriend material. And drunk let me buy you a shot guy at the bar is not the guy I want to introduce to my mom and dad.

So for some new ideas, IaskedAlessandra Conti, a Los Angeles-based matchmaker and dating expert,aboutsome unexpected places to meet single guys this weekend.

1. While Waiting In Line

YouTube

Trying to figure out how to pass the time while the line at the coffee shop is taking forrrevvverrrr? Well, hit on someone!

I always say that lines are a single girl’s best friend! Whether it is a line at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Whole Foods, Sweetgreen, or even the line to get your tickets at a live show, these are incredible opportunities to meet new guys, Conti says.

Plus, it’s pretty easy to start a conversation becausethey’re usually trapped and can’t go anywhere. Added bonus!

Conti explains that the only thing you really do while waiting in line is looking at your phone, so she suggests, Step one is: Put your phone down! While you are in the line, ask the cute guy in front of you if he knows what is actually in a soy caramel flanfrappuccino essentially break the ice.

2.At A Dog Park

Matt Aunger/Unsplash

!

Dog parks are great places to meet cute single guys and if you’re anything like the women that I matchmake, the guys who you are seeing must love dogs! Conti says. Even if you don’t have a shih tzu of your own, put on your Lululemon workout attire and take a jog around the local dog park. (A quick Google search will show you where to go!)

Oh no, I have to workout hit on guys? Hey, at least you’re practicing your multitasking.

She explains, Once you are jogging, make sure to interact with the dogs at the park, and ask their cute owners what kind of breed they are. By starting a casual conversation about dogs, the guy will feel comfortable to then continue the conversation with the cute girl he just met who already has bonded with his best friend.

You know the saying: A way to a man’s heart is through his dog.

3. Volunteering With Habitat For Humanity

Want to meet a good guy? Well, meet one who volunteers.

Kill two birds with one stone and help out the community while meeting philanthropic men! Conti suggests.

You’ll be doing something good for yourself and your love life at the same time.

She adds, There are a bunch of different volunteer opportunities happening in and around your city every week just pick a cause that you feel strongly about and volunteer! It is just an added bonus that there may be a few cute guys there who can help you with a hammer!

4. At Your Friend’s Apartment Pool

Margot Pandone/Unsplash

Flirting poolside is a great way to beat the heat. And according to Conti, you should use the hot weather to your advantage:

We are in the first weeks of summer, and a great summer place to meet boys is at your friends’ pools!

The beauty of apartment complexes in most cities is that there are a ton of single people inhabiting them, and everyone congregates at the pool over the weekend.

Bummer if you’re trying to binge-watch your favorite show inside your apartment, but great for if you’re looking to sunbathe and meet the love of your life.

Conti says you should try to be as social as possible with your neighbors: Ask if they want anything to eat or if they can help you blow up your T-Swift-inspired swan float.

5. At Some Sort Of Sporting Event

Buena Vista Pictures

Time to play ball.

I personally know very little about sports, but as a matchmaker, I do know that sports quite literally bring all the boys to the yard, Conti says. Whether you go all in and join a community sports league (Google sports leagues near me’) or you simply go to a sports bar when a big game is happening, sports equals a whole lot of guys.

This doesn’t mean show up in a pink jersey (please don’t do that unless you really love sports and your pink jersey), but you can hang and enjoy the fun.

Conti continues, The biggest thing to remember is to be social when you are either playing or watching the sport.

But remember to be aware of what’s going on: Don’t mess with a guy who is alone and engrossed in every play of the game; chat up the group who are clearly there for the camaraderie.

6. At A Museum

HEX.

Personally, I love to go to the museum alone, and it’s a great place to meet like-minded guys who would rather spend the day surrounded by art and culture instead of, say, beer and buffalo wings.

While you’re there, ask a guy you see what his favorite painting is or what wing of the museum he might recommend.

Then, it could be almost like an automatic first date.

7. In The Library

Lumina

Have you heard that millennials are singlehandedly bringing back libraries? Well, that’s a pretty good indicator that, if you go to one, you’re likely to stumble across a bunch of smart, creative 20-somethings. And some of them are bound to be single.

But Conti says that really, you can meet guys anywhere. You just have to be outgoing and talkative.

I once met a guy by asking him, Is this a book?’ (Yes, this is a direct quote). We laughed, and I got his card to match with one of my clients, Conti says. The worst thing that can happen is that they don’t say anything, and then, you were no worse off than you were before.

So happy flirting this weekend. But whatever you do, don’t go hang out at the hospital.

source http://allofbeer.com/7-unexpected-places-to-meet-single-guys-that-you-absolutely-need-to-try-this-weekend/ from All of Beer http://allofbeer.blogspot.com/2018/02/7-unexpected-places-to-meet-single-guys.html

[allofbeercom]

7 Unexpected Places To Meet Single Guys That You Absolutely Need To Try This Weekend

I once read an article that said you should meet men in a hospital cafeteria because cute doctors will most likely be eating there.

Listen: I do think you should be hanging out in hospitals in an attempt to meet cute doctors. That is very insane and desperate.

But there have to be better places to meet a guy than, say, a bar or a club. Club guy is not boyfriend material. And drunk let me buy you a shot guy at the bar is not the guy I want to introduce to my mom and dad.

So for some new ideas, IaskedAlessandra Conti, a Los Angeles-based matchmaker and dating expert,aboutsome unexpected places to meet single guys this weekend.

1. While Waiting In Line

YouTube

Trying to figure out how to pass the time while the line at the coffee shop is taking forrrevvverrrr? Well, hit on someone!

I always say that lines are a single girl’s best friend! Whether it is a line at Starbucks, Coffee Bean, Whole Foods, Sweetgreen, or even the line to get your tickets at a live show, these are incredible opportunities to meet new guys, Conti says.

Plus, it’s pretty easy to start a conversation becausethey’re usually trapped and can’t go anywhere. Added bonus!

Conti explains that the only thing you really do while waiting in line is looking at your phone, so she suggests, Step one is: Put your phone down! While you are in the line, ask the cute guy in front of you if he knows what is actually in a soy caramel flanfrappuccino essentially break the ice.

2.At A Dog Park

Matt Aunger/Unsplash

!

Dog parks are great places to meet cute single guys and if you’re anything like the women that I matchmake, the guys who you are seeing must love dogs! Conti says. Even if you don’t have a shih tzu of your own, put on your Lululemon workout attire and take a jog around the local dog park. (A quick Google search will show you where to go!)

Oh no, I have to workout hit on guys? Hey, at least you’re practicing your multitasking.

She explains, Once you are jogging, make sure to interact with the dogs at the park, and ask their cute owners what kind of breed they are. By starting a casual conversation about dogs, the guy will feel comfortable to then continue the conversation with the cute girl he just met who already has bonded with his best friend.

You know the saying: A way to a man’s heart is through his dog.

3. Volunteering With Habitat For Humanity

Want to meet a good guy? Well, meet one who volunteers.

Kill two birds with one stone and help out the community while meeting philanthropic men! Conti suggests.

You’ll be doing something good for yourself and your love life at the same time.

She adds, There are a bunch of different volunteer opportunities happening in and around your city every week just pick a cause that you feel strongly about and volunteer! It is just an added bonus that there may be a few cute guys there who can help you with a hammer!

4. At Your Friend’s Apartment Pool

Margot Pandone/Unsplash

Flirting poolside is a great way to beat the heat. And according to Conti, you should use the hot weather to your advantage:

We are in the first weeks of summer, and a great summer place to meet boys is at your friends’ pools!

The beauty of apartment complexes in most cities is that there are a ton of single people inhabiting them, and everyone congregates at the pool over the weekend.

Bummer if you’re trying to binge-watch your favorite show inside your apartment, but great for if you’re looking to sunbathe and meet the love of your life.

Conti says you should try to be as social as possible with your neighbors: Ask if they want anything to eat or if they can help you blow up your T-Swift-inspired swan float.

5. At Some Sort Of Sporting Event

Buena Vista Pictures

Time to play ball.

I personally know very little about sports, but as a matchmaker, I do know that sports quite literally bring all the boys to the yard, Conti says. Whether you go all in and join a community sports league (Google sports leagues near me’) or you simply go to a sports bar when a big game is happening, sports equals a whole lot of guys.

This doesn’t mean show up in a pink jersey (please don’t do that unless you really love sports and your pink jersey), but you can hang and enjoy the fun.

Conti continues, The biggest thing to remember is to be social when you are either playing or watching the sport.

But remember to be aware of what’s going on: Don’t mess with a guy who is alone and engrossed in every play of the game; chat up the group who are clearly there for the camaraderie.

6. At A Museum

HEX.

Personally, I love to go to the museum alone, and it’s a great place to meet like-minded guys who would rather spend the day surrounded by art and culture instead of, say, beer and buffalo wings.

While you’re there, ask a guy you see what his favorite painting is or what wing of the museum he might recommend.

Then, it could be almost like an automatic first date.

7. In The Library

Lumina

Have you heard that millennials are singlehandedly bringing back libraries? Well, that’s a pretty good indicator that, if you go to one, you’re likely to stumble across a bunch of smart, creative 20-somethings. And some of them are bound to be single.

But Conti says that really, you can meet guys anywhere. You just have to be outgoing and talkative.

I once met a guy by asking him, Is this a book?’ (Yes, this is a direct quote). We laughed, and I got his card to match with one of my clients, Conti says. The worst thing that can happen is that they don’t say anything, and then, you were no worse off than you were before.

So happy flirting this weekend. But whatever you do, don’t go hang out at the hospital.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/7-unexpected-places-to-meet-single-guys-that-you-absolutely-need-to-try-this-weekend/