#‘but i have anxiety and can’t talk to people’ and?

[lunarsturniolo]

The triplets do a collab with a girl and everyone on the internet is shipping her and Matt because she was lowkey flirting with him and he was being super friendly ?

Trying to get back into writing, sorry if this is shit. Please send in more short lil requests that I can do in >1000 words!! They're fun.

--

“Hey,” Matt breathed out a sigh of relief, “I’ve been calling you.” 

Y/N let out a laugh, “Yeah, I have caller ID.” 

He echos a laugh, a bit more uncomfortable than Y/N’s. “Sorry about that.” 

“No worries. I was just running some errands. What’s up?”

“I just wanted to apologize-“ 

“Apologize about what?” 

Matt lets out another sigh, “Um, the video just went out, like, an hour ago, and the comments are kind of insane.” 

Y/N feels her voice get caught in her throat, “Insane, how?” She asks. 

Matt immediately catches her anxiety, “They’re not really bad,” he says. “Well, they’re kind of bad, but not bad in the way that you think! It’s just that everyone’s kind of-“ 

“Matt,” she cuts him off. 

“Sorry,” he laughs a little, “Everyone’s just kind of shipping us, and it’s getting a little out of hand.” 

Y/N left a pregnant pause, “Oh.” 

“Yeah, I’m really sorry. They just- they can’t let any of us talk to anyone without making it a thing.” 

“You don’t need to apologize,” Y/N tells him, “You’re not responsible for those people.” 

Matt lets the statement sit, “Okay.” There’s a rustling on his end of the phone, “Well, I’m sorry again. I’ll call you later, I have to go,” and suddenly the line goes dead. 

Y/N’s eyebrows furrowed at the abrupt ending. “That was weird,” she said, looking up at her roommate, who had a hand on her hip and a toothbrush hanging from her mouth. 

“What the hell was that?” She asks, her toothbrush bobbing as she speaks. 

Y/N shrugged, “No clue. Matt just called me to apologize for people shipping us.” 

Bonnie cringed, “That bad?” 

Y/N shrugged, “I guess so. I mean, I was flirting, but I thought he was into it.” She looked back down at her phone with a deep breath, “Another one bites the dust,” she mumbled. 

Y/N had been on a rotation of men in her life. Coming in and out as fast as a revolving door would let them. She mainly just wanted a quick fuck, or an occasional dinner to try out the waters, but she never liked a man long enough to let them stick. Just long enough to let them gain interest and for her to lose it. 

Bonnie walks over to the bathroom, spitting into the sink, “Boo! He was cute, too!” She complains. 

Y/N shrugs, “Can’t go back now. He clearly doesn’t like me,” she lets out a small laugh. 

“Why do you say that?” Bonnie asks. 

“I mean, why would he call me to apologize if I didn’t bother him?” 

Bonnie rolls her eyes, reentering Y/N’s line of sight, “Because he’s worried it would bother you?”

“I guess, but wouldn’t he have said something, or-”

“Y/N, do you even like this guy?”

Y/N gives Bonnie a playful glare, “You know I’m not incapable of feelings, right?” 

Bonnie shoots back a sorry look, “I know. I apologize.” 

With a swift change of the subject, the two girls are talking about Y/N’s next video. Amidst their discussion, Y/N’s phone lights up with a text:

Matt Sturniolo: Sorry I got off the phone so quick. Nick wouldn’t stop calling me. I was gonna ask if you wanted to grab dinner tomorrow night?

Y/N: No worries. And pick me up at 7.

Matt Sturniolo: It’s a date.

#chris sturniolo #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo imagine #nicolas sturniolo #matt sturniolo imagine #chris sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #matthew sturniolo #chris x reader #nick sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo blurb #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets imagines #lunarblurb

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for asking a mutual to make a character an OC?

My mutual (age unknown) and I (18) really enjoy this character. To avoid naming the fandom, let’s call him Cookie. Cookie is both of our favorite characters that we’ve both been obsessed with in the fandom but he’s not that popular so we only really have each other to go crazy with. However over time how Mutual began to make Cookie was very different to literally everything he is in canon.

For starters, Cookie is an outgoing and arrogant character (which is why i like him a lot. those kinds of characters are my jam) but Mutual began to portray him as having secret insecurities and anxiety, which, alright. I can see that and it’s not like it hasn’t been done before. But later they portray him unable to even talk to close friends and has crippling self esteem issues that becomes a defining part of their fanon of him. Their version of him is very shy and passive which is very different from how he is in canon and contradicts many stories he does have a role in. I didn’t want to be that guy who polices them over this (and they have a past about this from a gatcha game fandom who apparently are very vicious over what’s “out of character”) so I usually try to be open minded and it didn’t affect how I enjoy him at least at first. After a while when I wanted to talk about Cookie they would go “well MY version is like this” and begin to talk about him how they made him. I’ve told them repeatedly that our versions are different and I want to talk about my version too but they always seem to forget in a few days and always talk about their fanon when I bring him up.

Now they headcanon Cookie (who is a brunette) as a blonde who just dyes his hair and now they always draw him with his “natural” hair color. I don’t know why but this just made me give up. I really want to ask if they would consider just making him an OC because nothing about their Cookie is the same as the real one and I’m beginning to get tired of only talking about their version instead of the one I loved in the game. I would be fine with this character if they were an OC because then at least he’s not a completely different person pretending to be one of my favorite characters.

However I’d feel like an asshole if I were to say that and I don’t want to lose contact with the few people who actually like Cookie and not hate him. But I really can’t take pretending their version of him is even remotely the same anymore and that I can’t even talk about him without them butting in about how their version would be.

#aita #am i the asshole

[soberqueerinthewild]

I’ve written about this a lot before but it bears reiterating now.

I’ve seen some takes that essentially say Taylor was callous because she broke up with Joe because he “couldn’t get over his depression” and how cruel that is when she said she loves him.

And I think that a lot of the people who think that are identifying with Joe, and empathizing with him and suffering from a version of somewhat understandable main character syndrome. I see this a lot in advice on how to be there for someone struggling with their mental health. It says things like “keep reaching out even if they ignore you. They appreciate it.” “Keep inviting them to do things even if they say no” “Continue letting them know you are there for them to talk to even if they repeatedly shut you out.” And I’m not saying this is bad advice, but it makes it sound like there is one person who struggles with their mental health surrounded by supporting characters who are 100% healthy and able to give an endless supply of emotional energy and that they never have mental health struggles that are impacted by this. (My mental health for instance tanks when I reach out over and over and get rejected because I feel like no one likes me)

From what I can tell from her music (which by the way is the only indication we have that Joe struggles with his mental health, so if we are accepting that premise we need to accept everything else she says about it) Taylor followed a lot of this advice for a long time.

Years of labor locks and ceilings

Pulled him in tighter each time he was drifting away

Always rising from the ashes

There was nowhere for me to stay but I stayed anyways

And she tried and tried until it was having a hugely detrimental impact on her mental health which she relates

She discusses how she had to revert into a dream world because of the impact of it:

I dreamed about it in the dark the night I felt like I might die

She talks about how holding on to the relationship made her feel:

I know my pain was such an imposition

My white-knuckle dying grip holding tight to your quiet resentment

My spine split from carrying us up the hill

Wet through my clothes weary bones caught the chill

She had a huge amount of anxiety about the relationship so much that her friends noticed how it was impacting her

My friends say it isn’t right to be scared every day of a love affair

My friends tried but I wouldn’t hear it/watched me daily disappearing

She got to the point where she wasn’t sure he even wanted her

Every breath feels like rarest air/When you’re not sure if he wants to be there

Is it really your anxiety that keeps you from giving me everything or do you just not want to

I wouldn’t marry me either

Her mental health was deteriorating, so if Joe deserved a partner that would support him when his mental health was struggling, doesn’t Taylor? There’s no evidence that he was able to give that to her and she felt very misunderstood by him

My face was gray but you wouldn’t admit that we were sick

How can you say you love someone you can’t tell is dying

You never read into my melancholia

Nobody noticed my new aesthetic

You say you don’t understand and I say I know you don’t

He don’t understand me

A pathological people pleaser/who only wanted you to see her

Why is his mental health considered more important than hers? One person doesn’t get to call dibs on being the one with mental health problems while the other person is assigned to be the supporting character forever.

It’s also clear she had hopes and dreams for a future that involved marriage and kids that he couldn’t or wouldn’t give her. So should she should give those up so as not to leave her partner who is depressed and be labeled a bad person?

It isn’t his fault that he’s depressed but Taylor clearly has mental health struggles too and one is not more important to the other. They were unable to be good partners to each other due to this, so ending it was the right thing. Were there better ways to do it, yes! But she was clearly struggling so incredibly much that I for one, will give her grace and understanding

#taylor swift #mental health #tw sucidal ideation

[fxckn-sxck-fr]

You're literally so fucking disgusting (said with absolute joy).

Anyways, which of your silly little comic book yandere men are into petplay? And are they puppy-owner-coded or kitty-owner-coded?

𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐂 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐕𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒: 𝐏𝐔𝐏𝐏𝐘-𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐄𝐑 𝐎𝐑 𝐊𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐘-𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐄𝐑…

!!! GN reader, petplay, can be translated as romantic or platonic, but the innuendos are 100% intended, collars, leashes, mentions of punishments, slight manipulation, drugging, I channeled my inner pet for this.

*Pulls out my 3 hour long slideshow* I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED, ANON.

First off, all of them are into pet play if I have a say in it. You will never catch me obsessing over a character I either can’t see collaring me or wearing a collar for me. So, really, this question boils down to if they’re a dog or cat person, LMAOOOOO.

Second, they all could go either way, honestly. These are just my personal thoughts on what they might gravitate towards. If you’re a certified puppy, don’t you worry, cuz the kitty enjoyers will love you the same, and visa versa.

Now let’s get started.

Bruce Wayne: I ALREADY CAN’T FUCKING CHOOSE, FUCK. My first instinct was to gravitate towards kitty-owner, but then I thought about his need to have some sort of physical tie to you (cuz he totally keeps you chained or handcuffed to him, DON’T FUCKING QUESTION ME), so he might be a puppy-owner for the sake of keeping you on a leash. Either way, you’re totally his little lap pet while he works in his office. Petting you gives him the strength he needs to finish all his paperwork. Also, everything you own is bedazzled to hell and back, from collars to toys. He likes to spoil his beloved little pet, okay?!

Clark Kent: I’m gonna go with puppy-owner. He might carry you around like a cat, but that’s only because carries dogs around like cats, too (that’s what happens when you have super-strength; everything is just so carry-able). Absolutely talks to you in that babying voice every dog-owner uses. “Who’s a good pup? Who’s a good pup?? You are!! That’s right, you are!! Aww, look at you!!” It might be annoying, but you better get used to it if you don’t wanna be locked in your uncomfortable cage while he’s gone. He knows you hate it, which is why he hates it, but it’s the only way to get you to behave!! Be his good pup, won’t you?

Dick Grayson: Very much leaning towards puppy owner. He’s all for training you into his loyal pup who follows him everywhere. Also lowkey talks down on you cuz you’re just a cute, dumb puppy!! You don’t need to be thinking big human thoughts!! Let your loving master take care of everything, okay? Ah, ah, ah! Silly, pup! You’re not supposed to speak! Now get back on your hands and knees… puppies don’t walk like people do, remember? Or does he have to get a little mean to remind you? You don’t want that, do you? Yeah, didn’t think so. Now sit… good job!! Why don’t we give you a treat, hm~?

Hal Jordan: Another one that can go either way. Honestly, though? The more I think about it, the more I’m digging kitty-owner Hal. There are so many ways this could go that it makes my head hurt. Is he a condescending owner? “Poor little kitty… got something to say? Hm? What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” Or a soft owner? “Such a pretty little kitty… did you miss me while I was away? Yeah? I’m so sorry, sweetie.” What about one of those cat-dads that started out as we-are-not-getting-a-cat and ended up getting totally attached? “What do YOU want? Huh? Whatcha up to, pusscat? AYE!! Get off of the couch!! Come on, you know better.” The possibilities are endless.

Jaime Reyes: You know, it’s kinda weird. I see him as a certified puppy by default, yet as an owner? He’s kitty-adjacent. You’re just the cutest kitty-cat ever, he can’t help but keep you as one!! Definitely gets one of those bell collars (with a cute bow on it!!) for you. It helps ease his anxiety whenever he hears it jingle. Better be a cuddly kitty, cuz he canNOT keep his hands off of you. Poor guy’s always on the verge of a panic attack at the thought of you running away. It’s a common occurrence for him to pull you into his lap, eyes shining with unshod tears as he quietly asks, “you’ll never leave me, right?” If you don’t want to sit there awkwardly while he hyperventilates, I suggest you be kind and nuzzle into him.

Remy LeBeau: 100% kitty-owner. Expects you to greet him at the door when he comes home. “Y’miss me, minou? Yeah… Gambit missed you, too. C’mere.” Whether you like to admit it or not, he gives the best scratchies. He’ll have you lay against his chest for hours, softly petting your head as he listens to your rhythmic breathing. Absolutely sits you on the counter while he cooks so he can feed you small morsels as a little treat!! Every chef has to have an adorable sous-chef, no? Oh my god, he is just so soft that it makes my heart melt. You’re his precious little kitty and he’ll never let you forget it!! Just don’t be up to any trouble, okay? He may be gentle, but he also knows how to punish naughty kitties.

Scott Summers: Puppy-owner puppy-owner puppy-owner pupPY-OWNER— you bet your ass he’s training you to be the perfect little puppy. When he’s through with you, you’re gonna be the most obedient pup around. Don’t get me wrong, he’s actually a very soft and sweet master!! Gives you tummy rubs, praises, and even treats (when you’re good). However, when it comes to obedience, he’s absolutely the no-nonsense type. Do not test him; the literal leash he has on you is short for a reason. Disciplinary Scott is a very scary Scott, so I’d suggest you start acting right if you don’t want to get the cruelest punishment ever. “That’s right. Be a good little pup for me. You know what happens to bad puppies. Behave.”

Tim Drake: Have you met him? Kitty-owner for sure. He wants a lazy kitty that’ll sleep in his lap whenever he works (read: he wants to drug you so you’re constantly lethargic and can’t run away from him). Be prepared to be a weighted blanket, cuz he loves when you lay on top of him. Whenever you wake up, he’ll always be the first thing you see. “Good morning, Kitty! Sleep well? C’mon, it’s breakfast time!” Does NOT let you do anything for yourself (not like you’ve got the energy to, anyway). He loves to take care of his cute little kitty!! Also, has about 3,000 photos of you on his phone so he can look at them when he’s away. He just misses you, okay? You’re all he thinks about on patrol!!

Wally West: The puppy-owner thoughts won. He wants a happy little pup to pounce on him anytime he comes home!! Oh… you don’t wanna do that? Well, it’s okay!! He’s very good at training disobedient mutts. A quick word of warning, you do not want to trigger his stern mode. He’ll dish out the most cruel and devious punishments, all with the “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed” attitude. Soft and sweet owner Wally is where it’s at. Loves to make you do tricks and give you treats afterwards!! He can get a little condescending and tease you, but it’s all done out of love! Unless you’ve been bad. Then it’s completely intended to be malicious. But you would never be a bad pup for him, right? He loves so much and spoils you rotten, why would you ever be bad? Come one, now!! Walkies time!! If you don’t tug on the leash, he’ll give you a big reward!!

#❥ CALL INCOMING: DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES? #❥ TW: YANDERE #❥ YANDERE CHARACTER #❥ PLATONIC YANDERE #❥ ROMANTIC YANDERE #❥ YANDERE BRUCE WAYNE #❥ YANDERE CLARK KENT #❥ YANDERE DICK GRAYSON #❥ YANDERE HAL JORDAN #❥ YANDERE JAIME REYES #❥ YANDERE REMY LEBEAU #❥ YANDERE SCOTT SUMMERS #❥ YANDERE TIM DRAKE #❥ YANDERE WALLY WEST #❥ YANDERE VARIOUS X READER #❥ GN READER

[captaineyayah]

Happy Bad Batch eve, y’all ! Who else is absolutely terrified, excited, and ready to accept that they’re going to spend most of tomorrow in some sort of haze! I still don’t think I’ve truly processed that this is the final episode, but to help me cope I thought I’d share some of my anxiety riddled (probably delusional) theories about what the finale will bring.

First of all, I don’t think that this show will end like Rogue One did. I have seen people theorize that only Omega and the other kids will be the ones to successfully make it off of Tantiss, but this series has had such a focus on family that I can’t imagine that they would leave Omega on her own without any of her brothers. I also want to say that I don’t think that it will only be Omega and one other member of the Bad Batch who survives. I don’t think that they would kill off 4/6 of the main characters. Star Wars has always been about hope, even in the moments that seem hopeless, and I think that killing off over half of the characters would make this ending way more bitter than the bittersweet people keep talking about.

Secondly, for whoever does die (hopefully no one – except Hemlock), I cannot see any of these characters going out in any other way aside from self-sacrifice or as a catalyst for something. At this point, there is no way they would just randomly kill off one of these characters without it meaning something.

Moving onto the individual characters:

Wrecker is who I am honestly the least worried about. Do I think there is a 100% guarantee that he’ll live – no – but I do think that if they were going to pick one or two Bad Batch members to sacrifice themselves, I don’t think Wrecker would be their first choice.

Next up is Hunter and, honestly, I think I might be in the minority thinking that he might make it out of everything alive. I definitely wouldn’t put money on it, but his and Omega’s relationship has been a focal point of the show since day one, so I think that there is a chance that that’ll be how it ends. Now, can I also definitely see Hunter doing the sacrificial play or pulling an Uno reverse card on one of his siblings who tries to sacrifice themselves, putting himself in their place instead – yes…

This one might be a little more delusional than some of the others, and I have way more thoughts on him that I didn't include cause he's my favorite and this is long enough already, but there are basically two ways I can logically see Echo’s fate ending. Either he is the one to sacrifice himself (Filoni, I am in your fucking walls if you do anything to my boy!) or he is one of the ones to make it out, maybe not unscathed but alive. Midway through the season, I had started thinking that Echo wasn’t in enough of the episodes to make his death impactful, but with how competent he has shown to be in the past couple of episodes I’m starting to get worried. I do not know what they are setting up with his scomp getting stuck and I do not like it. There are also the parallels that everyone keeps pointing out between him and Fives in the stolen, blank armor and that does significantly scare me, but maybe this time he is successful in saving his brothers where Fives failed. Emotionally speaking, please, my boy has been through enough, let him live a happy little life after all the turmoil he’s been through! Please, I am begging you!

Finally, Crosshair is the one that if you had asked me when season 2 started coming out who I thought wouldn’t make it to the end of the series, I would have said him. Something about the line Rampart says about seeing how much Crosshair has actually changed from being just loyal to himself to being loyal to more than that makes me think that he’s going to sacrifice himself for his family, for the other kids, for the other clones. I can totally see Hunter trying to pull the sacrifice play, then Crosshair shoving him out of the way at the last second and doing it himself. I’ve seen people talk about how it would be a waste of his redemption arc that they’ve been building over the past two seasons, but this is also such a common trope that I can’t help but think it is a possibility.

Or maybe everybody survives and goes to live happily ever after on Pabu, and we're all stressed for absolutely nothing! (*muffled sobbing in the distance*)

#this one goes out to my friend who listened to me rant about this for thirty minutes #despite not knowing anything about these characters #writing this gave me a stress headache #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #tbb omega #tbb season 3 #tbb spoilers #the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #clone force 99 #bad batch #star wars

[0vergrowngraveyard]

the idea of rping with an ai is actually so baffling to me

you mean you’d rather rp with a bot that you can’t randomly break character with and giggle and scream about characters/situations/literally anything with??? that just feels so boring and lifeless

you’re not communicating with someone who shares your interests, you’re communicating with something that was programmed to talk like the character. theres no connection there so like what’s the point???

i’m bad at explaining things but hopefully you get the point. basically it’s dumb as hell

#graveyardtxt #‘but i have anxiety and can’t talk to people’ and? #i’ve always had crippling social anxiety and you’d still never catch me dead with a character ai #also this is coming from someone who doesn’t have any friends i’ve made from when i used to rp so like #it’s just so weird #and stupid #it’s also contributing to theft from real people #what’s the point #fuck ai everything #anti ai #character ai

[werebutch]

Omg my sister thinks she has every disorder and symptom under the sun dawg it’s crazyyyy but only ones that aren’t ‘evil’ in her eyes. she’s like yeah I think I have did I have different personalities with different people. I think I have delusions remember when I thought I was a panther for a couple months as a CHILD? No it wasn’t make believe. You are gaslighting me. I enjoy childish things I think I involuntarily age regress AND I have DID. <- actually I do think she regresses but not involuntarily. Anyways. Omg I think I have this I think I have that . WHATEVER BOY! Obvious disclaimer I could be completely fucking wrong but I’m not. Okay

#sorry now I’m thinking about MY sister. LOL #also she said the DID thing while our friend with did was talking about her experience. like. 😕 #sorry. I know. I’m not a professional. but it’s not like she’s ever been diagnosed with these things.. she has such a superficial #understanding of mental illnesses that aren’t depression and anxiety #it just kind of annoys me. like I can’t talk about me or my friends experiences without her saying OMG I HAVE THAT!!!!!!! 😸😸😸😸 #and I don’t even have any of the above. it’s just annoying. I hate people obsessed with Instagram psych and buzzwords

[theghoulboysblog]

thinking about releasing my drafts cause i have like 192 of them and i think they are kinda funny but most of them aren’t shane and ryan related and are kinda just my inner thoughts AGH 😭

#TW: RANT AND ANXIETY TALK #but i like yapping but i don’t want people to get annoyed AGH #don’t want people thinking the ghoulboysblog has stopped ghoulboys-ing #i know there is no way to talk too much on my own blog #but my brain is still like #“what if people followed you for strictly shane and ryan content and you are annoying them” #like i KNOW no one really cares i don’t think #but my weird brain likes to convince me that i am annoying people AGHH #i have an anxiety disorder and people pleasing tendencies if ya can’t tell 🥲 #sorry for this rant i am just SO STRESSED ALL THE TIME OVER EVERYTHING!!! #and honestly it’s exhausting sometimes #even with meds

[godblooded]

see, the problem with me is i’m extremely anxious but also somehow very social. or in need of being social most of the time.

#ooc. o kaptain. #[the biggest problem is sometimes my frontal lobe goes feral and I desperately require interaction. and then sometimes I can’t have anywhere #near me. and other times I need specific people only near me. but like. I love people? I love talking? I run out of the energy hard when I #hit the wall but I just. I love people you feel??? I think that’s the complication with my anxiety. I need something more hybridized but #that’s why I’m going for a higher certification. I just want yall to know I love you and I’m on permanent slowatus but bet your ass I’m here #and playing bg and plotting in it on my selina blog probably.]

[raetreaderarts]

drizzile is my favorite pokemon (actually it’s tied with celesteela but y’know) I’ve been meaning to make a pokemon sona for a while and I finally got around to doing it 💪

#pokemon oc #pokemon sona #drizzile #have y’all seen the drizzile episode of pokemon journeys????? #guys I can’t remember if I’ve talked about this before but PLEASE GO WATCH IT #especially introverts or people who have some sorta anxiety disorder (which I do) #it just #oh my god it hits so hard #the first time I watched it I cried #my art

[gregmarriage]

really think i need to make more irl friends, but it feels so impossible. like most of the ppl my age seem to only hang out in bars, and it’s like sorry, i’m uncool and can’t drink, bc i’m on medication. and making friends via dating apps or something similar is abysmal. so, i’m kinda stuck imaooooo

#i’m aware not everyone hangs out in bars but might have reasons why they can’t hang out #elsewhere like in coffee shops or restaurants or parks or something #bc i certainly do #maybe there’s people who feel the exact way i do and can’t or don't want to leave the house bc of extenuating circumstances #like it’s difficult for me to leave the house #do i want to? yes but that doesn’t negate the difficulty #trying to make friends in general feels like pulling teeth #after a lifetime of autism and social anxiety i’m literally not fully convinced i even know how to communicate i just fell ass backwards #into stuff a lot of the time #trying to put myself out there in any way is literally so incredibly cringe to me #even if i do want to but again doesn’t negate the difficulty #but also again don’t know how to talk to people so even if by some miracle i make friends i might not get to keep them #idk it’s all just so frustrating #i envy the people who can make friends no problem and can talk to people and talking to said people doesn’t wear them out even if you really #like them bc social interaction is exhausting with anyone #but like it’s obviously worse when it’s new #bc small talk actually makes me want to stick forks in my eyes #i wish it were easy but it isn’t #idk i want my independence back and i want my freedom and i want irl friends again #and i want the world to stop feeling so closed off bc i know it isn’t #it’s just hard to see it that way from being bed bound most of the time #and that isn’t gonna change anytime soon #but i wanna open up the world again and i wanna go outside #and making irl friends is part of but i have absolutely no idea where to start #and the cycle continues #christ i almost wish i were back in college with the ‘girl gang’ #i mean i felt like a huge outsider to them but at least i kinda had people to hang out with #idk desperately need to open my life up again bc literally no one can live like this and i’ve already been manic once this year #and i’d like to not be in that bad of a place again if i can help it #but idk what to do currently so 🤷🏻‍♀️

[lesbiansanemi]

Things to make me lie down and contemplate everything. 400 ppl liking my writing enough that they want a notification when there’s something new

#one person in the comments of last sunrise also said I was their favorite renkaza writer #I. I. LIKE MAN I DUNNO #I am literally always under the assumption that people like. tolerate my creator endeavors #like maybe they’re not bad but they’re not GOOD and they’re kind of mildly annoying to everyone around me #(we can thank my family for mercilessly mocking every interest I ever had as a kid for that one) #I have had ONE person irl who has always responded v positively and passionately when I talk about my projects #(hiiiiii Lee ily for this) #and it’s like. oh. oh wow. this kinda stuff is always like whiplash to me because of it #it shocks me when ppl comment or oh my god when they ask me QUESTIONS about fics #like they WANT me to talk more about them #I’m too anxiety ridden to really even talk about them on MY dumb tumblr account cuz I worry about being annoying #because me being excited about working on something = annoying in my brain #(and like it’s never anyone else I see literally ANY other person posting about their art or ideas or processes and I’m like OMG AWESOME) #(it’s literally just me that this applies to 😭😭😭) #so yeah. ppl ask about fics. people say they’re excited about them. ppl even say they THOUGHT about them #and it baffles and confuses me and blows my mind #anyways. the point is. Ty ily I can’t believe you all like anything I made #but I’m trying to get better about getting over this mindset #and seeing physical proof in numbers that it really is ridiculous definitely helps #kaz rambles

[milo-is-rambling]

I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?

#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like. #what? am I missing something here? #my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day #but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both #gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a #bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of #being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even #with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like #go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m #afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make #this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s #so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room #and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until #my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and #that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad #anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know. #honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down

[myrabbitistryingtokillme]

Where on the chronically online to touched grass reached happiness scale is like. Going outside to bike/walk dog/ hike but almost exclusively while listening to fanfiction via headphones??

Like yea I bike I get outside but Only when I have someone reading fanfiction in my ears.

#honestly #people who do #podfics #are literal gods and they get me through so much #text to speech is kind of evil but like it’s okay I guess #it’s okay until I’m literally on the road and it decides to stop talking and glitch out all of a sudden #and I have to ride like 10 whole minutes without my sweet sweet fanfiction #fanfiction #i may have an addiction to fics but in my defense #i can’t watch movies or tv or the podcasts I want to listen to without extreme anxiety #so like it’s legit the only way I can consume my hyperfixations lol

[ezraphobicsoup]

snapchat is evil and bad why did they make it like that

#ezra’s real life rambles #i don’t see how typing notifications or screenshot notifications can cause much other than anxiety #and then chats get deleted after so long right #so what if something happened like what if someone threatens you on snapchat or something. you can’t screenshot it cause they’ll see. #unless you can show someone immediately you won’t have proof it happened cause the message deleted itself. it’s so bad i hate it #(i mean this is specifically because i got a notification saying weird guy screenshotted the chat and now i know he’s talking about me and #ggrrrgvhhgrrrr bad app. bad app i only have it still to talk to school people when needed #ok i’ll be normal i just needed to be angry about this openly

[merevide]

i should stop making cringe posts tbh. but i can’t.

#like here at merevide hq we’re going through a little bit of a revamp and cringe text posts are on the chopping block i fear #but i always have smth to say not matter how unfunny how much it’s gonna flop or how much i’m gonna regret saying it #i can’t keep my big dumb mouth shut actually this has plagued me since forever #no it hasn’t there was/is a time where i’ll go completely silent but most of the time i like to talk i just don’t think other like #me talking 💀 like besides reblog it’s either music links or smth ridiculous #but it’s also like man i should reflect i should sit down. #bc it feels like every word i say is embarrassing NO MATTER WHAT like if i’ve ever said anything to you i’m genuinely sorry #sometimes i think i should stop talking forever but then i realize that’s just my anxiety taking over 😒 but she may have a point #i wanna talk to people sooo bad like i wanna reply i wanna ask questions. but i’m gonna say smth dumb eventually !!! im overthinking it but #idk we’ll see :P thank u all (no one) for coming to my ted talk ily #my text