#—while causing herself a sever gay crisis

[direwolfrules]

Oh my fairy godmother I am so happy you are post about Ever After High!!! Do you have any fanfic or au ideas involving them? Like, what if one character had another destiny or what if they were in the Star Wars universe?! It’s just interesting to think about!

Hey! Glad to see we share another fandom interest!

So, I have this barebones post for what I would have done as a crossover between g1 Monster High and Ever After High.

As for general fanfic ideas I have a few. I shall now list them in varying levels of detail:

1. A Very Charming Groundhog Day Year:

Basically, the Charming siblings time loop back from a bit after Dragon Games but before Epic Winter to the day before the school year started (the day of the Family Ball in the books). While it would be kinda angsty, the best time loop fics are usually crack fics, and this would be no exception (if I ever wrote any of these things).

So Daring, Dexter, and Darling are all initially in states of panic and anxiety. Daring, he was in the middle of a quarter-life crisis and now has to deal with everyone and their fairy godmother thinking he's Apple's Prince Charming.

"Daring Charming, more like Distressed Charming, am I right?"-- Dexter, who should get to exhibit asshole little brother energy more often, as a treat.

Speaking of Dexter, he's panicking cause of all the awful stuff that's going to happen during the school year and also because now he has to go through the nerve-racking ordeal of asking out the girl he likes all over again.

Darling's in hell because everyone and their fairy godmother expect her to be this perfect little damsel, again, which is just- ugh. There are days she wishes she could carry her sword around with her, and they're most days. Also, she never got to talk to Apple about their True Love's CPR, which is just tragic.

The loops go on for a while, some constants in them include: Darling freeing herself and helping little Good-Enough Charming get one of their grandfather's trophies for the scavenger hunt, Dexter and Darling teaming up to kill the changeling and free cousin Charity (sometimes Daring helps but he's content to let his siblings have fun for once), Darling accidentally on purpose flirting with Apple and Apple experiencing several degrees of gay panic, Dexter fumbling asking out Raven for the first time (he's really such a dork, just a funky dude), and the Charming Siblings teaming up to make Milton Grimm's life a living hell.

In one loop they secretly film him playing with his toy unicorns and his action figure of himself and they hijack Blondie's mirrorcast to play it to the entire school.

After several loops a Monster High crossover happens, and so in every loop after that the Charming sibs, who have grown incredibly gremlin-like after experiencing the insanity of the school several dozen times, make sure to drop monster slang when it's just them and Cupid. Like:

Darling: "Wow, Cupid, that top looks clawsome."

Daring: "Totally, it's freaky fierce."

Cupid: "What?!"

Darling: "That top looks nice on you. Anyway, we gotta run."

Dexter: "Yeah, see you later ghoulfriend!"

I have some other half-baked ideas for this one but it'd probably be it's own post.

2. Murdoch Mysteries-ish AU:

This one makes no sense if you've never watched the hit Canadian Detective Show, Murdoch Mysteries. Or maybe it makes some sense, idk. Instead of a modern AU, we have a 1895 detective AU. It's barely an idea, I have no idea if I'd even keep this in the fantasy setting of (an 1895) Ever After or not.

Dexter is the Detective William Murdoch of this AU, the man with no game and beautiful blue eyes who women keep inexplicably falling in love with. He's observant and a little strange but he's also a brilliant detective. One of the major differences though is Dexter is the disowned son of old money parents.

Raven's the Dr. Julia Ogden, the outspoken, independent, and compassionate coroner helping solve cases and being amazing. Her rich, controlling mother doesn't much approve of her life choices but old Mrs. Queen can suck it. Raven and Detective Charming have a clearly mutual attraction but they're both hesitant to act on it cause what's a romance without a good slow-burn.

Hopper's the Constable George Crabtree of this AU. Listen, the everyday George matches Hopper's human side, and writer George matches Hopper's frog side. I will not elaborate, because I really cannot. Just feel the vibes, cause the words aren't coming.

I'm not 100% sure who'd be the Inspector Brackenreid. Part of me kinda wants to make it Professor Badwolf, and then I could make Milton Grimm the asshole commissioner. Coach Gingerbreadman is the Inspector of Station 5, the rivals of Station 4.

Daring is heir to the Charming family fortune. Golden boy, everyone loves him, wants more than anything to be able to talk to his little brother in public, but their parents would disown him as well if he stepped out of line.

Apple is one of Raven's housemates at Sisters boarding house, run by Bella and Brutta Sister. She was once courted by Daring, it was at the point where people were expecting an engagement announcement any day. That's when they suddenly broke it off, with no explanation (the explanation is Daring's in love with another girl and Apple's in love with his sister). Snow White and her husband barely agreed to let her move into the boarding house, I honestly have no clue how Apple managed to pull that off but good for her.

Idk, Darling's a vigilante. She's got the same deductive genius as Dexter, she just doesn't have the same ability to join the police force. Inspector Badwolf is tired of his cops being outdone by the mysterious White Knight (yeah, yeah, I made Darling into Victorian-era Batman). Couldn't the White Knight patrol Station 5's territory? (The answer is no, because Darling really wants to catch a glimpse of her twin and also because Sisters Boarding house is in Station 4's territory and sometimes she likes to secretly crash with her girlfriend).

3. The Destiny Cycle AU (AKA: Ever After High but the Rebel Movement is an actual Rebellion AU):

What it says on the tin. Raven discovers the book is fake before Legacy Day. Her and Dexter, who in this AU is believed to be Ashlynn's future Prince Charming because someone made a good post about the potential dynamics that could cause and I love it, set out to uncover what other secrets those in charge are hiding.

Basically, in this AU Ever After is a dystopia where the Royal Families tied the survival of their dynasties' rule to their stories. Like, magically tied them. The Fates themselves have been bound by the magic of the Destiny Cycle. Ever After's Destiny-bound citizens are forced to repeat the same stories as their ancestors, all because Happily Ever After doesn't include a revolt or the institution of democracy. All stories are repeated as a precaution against anyone figuring out what the ancestors of the Royal Families did.

Taking some inspiration from the SDCC Raven Queen doll's letter from her mother, the Evil Queen discovered the truth about the Destiny Cycle, said "not my kid you bastards", and proceeded to try to break the Cycle's bonds. Her taking over other stories and cursing Wonderland was an attempt to stretch the probability bonds of the Destiny Cycle's magic to the breaking point.

Stuff's gonna go down and basically these kids know time is running out until there's a war, cause the only way to avoid being offered up as a lamb to the slaughter is to overthrow the whole system.

God, I really gotta make this into it's own post as well now. But here's a basic rundown of some stuff I'd include:

Dexter and Raven being young and in love and just all the secret romance feels

Snow White knows about the Destiny Cycle, but Apple absolutely does not know.

Apple being born blonde is a sign that the Evil Queen's schemes loosened the grip of the Destiny Cycle, at least for a moment.

Ashlynn, Hunter, Dexter, and Raven as secret rebel leaders.

The backgrounders will have actual roles dammit! (Looking at you Lawrence Bonecrusher III, aka Orc Boy).

An exploration of artificial Destiny Cycle "True Love" vs. real True Love, featuring Apple, Daring, and Darling.

C.A. Cupid, sent by her godly family to infiltrate Ever After and cure it of the Destiny Cycle, because it's interfering in the domains of the gods.

A unique Monster High crossover idea that I will elaborate on in another post.

These children absolutely end up having to kill someone and it scars them forever.

As for different destinies AUs or Star Wars AUs, I haven't really given them much thought.

I think, in a Star Wars setting (possibly Old Republic?), Raven would be a Jedi padawan descended from a long line of Sith. Instead of Mirror Prison, her mom is dead and her Force Ghost is bound to a giant, mirrorlike piece of kyber crystal. Uh, not 100% sure who her master would be.

Darling would also be a Jedi padawan, and Maid Marian would be her Master. Maid Marian gets into custody battles over this kid with this old Jedi Watchman known only as The White Knight. She'd still have her time-slowing hair flip, in this AU it's just a unique way of activating the Force Slow ability.

#eah #ever after high #ever after high au #apple white #raven queen #daring charming #darling charming #dexter charming #dexterous charming #c.a. cupid #eah evil queen #eah snow white #ashlynn ella #hunter huntsman #eah maid marian #professor badwolf #hopper croakington ii #dappling #milton grimm #headmaster grimm #all these can be taken and used as fic prompts btw #I doubt I'll ever actually sit down and write any of them

[cotton-candycurls]

When you've decided to be out to people, it's kinda weird. Bc you can spend like a good 5 days being super chill and satisfied with how you act upon your sexuality, if I'm lucky I can spend a good 3 months with only minor drawbacks like "I haven't had crushes on anyone for a while, what if I'm confusing attraction with infatuation for that one person" but then I go on TikTok or watch a wlw movie and I go back to "oh no I definitely love girls/non-men".

After they've been away for a while, I can wrongly think "hey, maybe my comphet and intrusive thoughts are gone. I can lay back" but shortly after I get a week long crisis. Maybe something triggers me, maybe I don't feel 'gay enough' or my intrusive thoughts go into the 'you're not rll into women, you're making it all up to be part of a trend' spiral. My subconscious is like "you're queer no matter what tho, don't believe me? This is the happiest you've been in years" but my immediate thoughts spiral down the 'what if I'm not rll gay? Maybe I misunderstood my feelings when I saw all my friends coming out. Or maybe I'm traumatized from that thing in 9th grade and I'm faking it to avoid men' hole. It rll sucks, I even refuse to open my phone sometimes bc of what info I might find that proves those fears.

I've been on a crisis for day and a half bc according to mom, I have prejudices against men. You can guess where those thoughts have been spiraling to. The only way for me to feel better is for me to intelectualize things, bc guess what? How are most of the singers I listen to not gonna be women, when the best person to understand what a woman feels is a woman herself?? I like the work of male bands/singers/painters/etc, but there's not gonna be a lot bc I have particular tastes and many of their songs are of the male gaze on women or have had situations with harassment towards women. Out of self respect, I'd rather not listen to them. Same with painters like, Picasso, Van Gogh, Gaugin for example took part in harrasment and abuse to women for most of their lives. I can recognize they were talented, but nothing further than that, bc hypocrisy is making beauty with the tainted hands of a hollow heart.

Just as I mentioned misogynist performers, I'd like to highlight some of the male artists I respect (haven't had any harrasment charges this far) : Ricky Martin, Hayao Miyazaki, Jose Alicea, Carlos Rivera Villafañe, Vader (it's a metal band, the only scandal they've had was when one of them came out as a Satanist and the stigma around it caused a bad reaction), Ningen Isu, Walter Mercado, Bowen Yang, and Joe Hisaishi.

It's not prejudice, it's self-esteem. And this somehow changed from a rant about impostor's syndrome and lesbianism to one of bigot performers and how refusing to follow their work translates to self-respect (on top of the fact that I refuse to let them profit from me consuming their work). Also, on the bright side, writing about it helps a lot and by letting other people know this is how you're feeling, you let the ones in your shoes know that there's a healthy way out.

So if you're a fellow queer insomniac with borderline crippling severe general anxiety, I hope this was interesting at least. :)

#i don't even know what tags to put in this #queer #wlw #lesbian #comphet #impostor's syndrome #anxiety #feminism #low-key insomnia #if that makes sense

[msclaritea]

What's Behind Rise in Girls' Report of Sadness, Sexual Violence?

WEBMD HEALTH NEWS

What's Behind Rise in Girls' Report of Sadness, Sexual Violence?

Written by Lucy Hicks , Kelly Wairimu Davis, MS

depressed looking teen girl

Feb. 14, 2023 – The recent discovery of a dramatic spike in the number of teen girls saying they've been victims of sexual assault could have a now-familiar cause: the COVID-19 pandemic.

The CDC reported Monday that teenage girls are experiencing record high levels of sexual violence, and nearly 3 in 5 girls report feeling persistently sad or hopeless.

The numbers were even worse for students who identify as LGBTQ+, nearly 70% of whom report experiencing feelings of persistent sadness and hopeless, and nearly 1 in 4 (22%) LGBTQ+ teens had attempted suicide in 2021, according to the report.

Protective factors, such as being in school and participating in various activities, were largely nonexistent for many teens during the pandemic, which could explain the spike in sexual violence cases, says Carlos A. Cuevas, PhD, clinical psychologist and Center on Crime Race and Injustice co-director at Northeastern University in Boston.

That -- on top of other mental, emotional, and physical stressors amid the COVID-19 crisis -- created an unsafe and unhealthy environment for some girls.

“Once people started to kind of come out of the pandemic and we started to see the mental health impact of the pandemic, there were waiting lists everywhere. So being able to access those resources became more difficult because we just had a boom in demand for a need for mental health services,” says Cuevas.

Teen girls are also more likely to be victims of sexual assault than teen boys, which could explain the why they are overrepresented in the data, Cuevas says.

If your child experiences sexual assault, there are a few things parents should keep in mind. For one, it's important that your child knows that they are the victims in the situation, Cuevas says.

“I think sometimes you still get kind of a victim blaming sort of attitude, even unintentionally,” he says. “Really be clear about the message that it's not their fault and they are not responsible in any way."

Parents should also look out for resources their child might need to work through any trauma they may have experienced. For some, that could be medical attention due to a physical act of assault. For others, it could be mental health services or even legal remedies, such as pressing charges.

“You want to give those options but the person who was the victim really is the one who determines when and how those things happen,” Cuevas says. “So really to be able to be there and ask them what they need and try to facilitate that for them.”

One more thing: Your teen sharing their sexual assault experiences on social media could result in several outcomes.

“Some teens will talk about this [sexual assault] and post on TikTok, Snapchat, and Instagram, and that means that they may get people giving feedback that's supportive or giving feedback that's hurtful,” says Cuevas. “Remember that we're talking about kids; they're not sort of developmentally able to plan and think, 'Oh, I may not get all the support that I think I'm going to get when I post this.'”

Goldie Taylor, an Atlanta-based journalist, political analyst and human rights activist, has her own history with sexual assault as a young girl. She experienced it as a 11-year-old, a story she shares in her memoir, The Love You Save.

When Taylor saw the news of the CDC study, she hurried to read it herself. She, too, see signs of the pandemic’s work in the report.

“While notably mental health continues to be a post-pandemic story given the issues surrounding quarantine, I also believe it fueled a renewed interest in seeking care— and measuring impacts on children,” Taylor says. “What was most startling, even for me, were the statistics around sexual violence involving young girls. We know from other studies that the vast majority of pregnancies among girls as young as 11 involve late teen and adult males.”

Unfortunately, Taylor says little has changed since her own traumatic experience as a child. There was little support available then. And now, she says, “there are far too few providers in this country to deal effectively with what can only be called a pandemic of sexual violence.”

The study's findings are indeed a stark reminder of the needs of our children, says Debra Houry, MD, MPH, the CDC's acting principal deputy director, in a press release about the findings.

"High school should be a time for trailblazing, not trauma. These data show our kids need far more support to cope, hope, and thrive," she says.

The new analysis looked at data from 2011 to 2021 from the CDC's Youth Risk and Behavior Survey, a semiannual analysis of the health behaviors of students in grades 9-12. The 2021 survey is the first conducted since the COVID-19 pandemic began and included 17,232 respondents.

Although the researchers saw signs of improvement in risky sexual behaviors and substance abuse, as well as fewer experiences of bullying, the analysis found youth mental health worsened over the past 10 years. This trend was particularly troubling for teenage girls: 57% said they felt persistently sad or hopeless in 2021, a 60% increase from a decade ago. By comparison, 29% of teenage boys reported feeling persistently sad or hopeless, compared to 21% in 2011.

Nearly one-third of girls (30%) reported seriously considering suicide, up from 19% in 2011. In teenage boys, serious thoughts of suicide increased from 13% to 14% from 2011 to 2021. The percentage of teenage girls who had attempted suicide in 2021 was 13%, nearly twice that of teenage boys (7%).

More than half of students with a same-sex partner (58%) reported seriously considering suicide, and 45% of LGBTQ+ teens reported the same thoughts. One-third of students with a same-sex partner reported attempting suicide in the past year.

The report did not have trend data on LGBTQ+ students because of changes in survey methods. The 2021 survey did not have a question about gender identity, but this will be incorporated into future surveys, researchers say.

Hispanic and multiracial students were more likely to experience persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness compared with their peers, with 46% and 49%, respectively, reporting these feelings. From 2011 to 2021, the percentage of students reporting feelings of hopelessness increased in each racial and ethnic group. The percentage of Black, Hispanic, and white teens who seriously considered suicide also increased over the decade. (A different CDC report released last week found that the rate of suicide among Black people in the United States aged 10-24 jumped 36.6% between 2018 and 2021, the largest increase for any racial or ethnic group.)

The survey also found an alarming spike in sexual violence toward teenage girls. Nearly 1 in 5 females (18%) experienced sexual violence in the past year, a 20% increase from 2017. More than 1 in 10 teen girls (14%) said they had been forced to have sex, according to the researchers.

Rates of sexual violence was even higher in lesbian, bisexual, gay, or questioning teens. Nearly 2 in 5 teens with a partner of the same sex (39%) experienced sexual violence, and 37% reported being sexually assaulted. More than 1 in 5 LGBTQ+ teens (22%) had experienced sexual violence, and 20% said they had been forced to have sex, the report found.

High school should be a time for trailblazing, not trauma. These data show our kids need far more support to cope, hope, and thrive.

Among racial and ethnic groups, American Indian and Alaskan Native and multiracial students were more likely to experience sexual violence. The percentage of white students reporting sexual violence increased from 2017 to 2021, but that trend was not observed in other racial and ethnic groups.

Delaney Ruston, MD, an internal medicine specialist in Seattle and creator of Screenagers, a 2016 documentary about how technology affects youth, says excessive exposure to social media can compound feelings of depression in teens — particularly, but not only, girls.

"They can scroll and consume media for hours, and rather than do activities and have interactions that would help heal from depression symptoms, they stay stuck," Ruston says in an interview. "As a primary care physician working with teens, this is an extremely common problem I see in my clinic."

One approach that can help, Ruston says, is behavioral activation. "This is a strategy where you get them, usually with the support of other people, to do small activities that help to reset brain reward pathways so they start to experience doses of well-being and hope that eventually reverses the depression. Being stuck on screens prevents these healing actions from happening."

The report also emphasized the importance of school-based services to support students and combat these troubling trends in worsening mental health. "Schools are the gateway to needed services for many young people," the report says. "Schools can provide health, behavioral, and mental health services directly or establish referral systems to connect to community sources of care."

"Young people are experiencing a level of distress that calls on us to act with urgency and compassion," Kathleen Ethier, PhD, director of the CDC's Division of Adolescent and School Health, says in a statement. "With the right programs and services in place, schools have the unique ability to help our youth flourish."

If Sexual Liberation for women is supposed to be a good thing, why are we seeing a huge rise in Teen Depression and Assault?

#Janelle Monae

[freetobeafcknriot]

❪　ship aes．❫ genderswap▕ 　female!oikawa tooru && female!nishinoya yuu

You're one of a kind, Livin' in a world gone plastic; Baby, you're so classic.

— 3 / ??

#G I R L S #i love them! #oinoya #oikawa tooru #nishinoya yuu #haikyuu #oikawa x nishinoya #nishinoya x oikawa #ciel edits #—while causing herself a sever gay crisis #d a m n #( genderswap aes. )

[shijiujun]

Time for some BL/Danmei novel recs! 

You guys have probably (maybe) seen my novels list here - [X] - but it’s more for my own tracking than anything else, so here’s a brief list (I’ll probably do full ones of the ones I really love in another post, probably on Minmo).

The ones elaborated on below with the asterisks are the novels I’ve actually finished reading.

*since everyone more or less knows MXTX’s works - TGCF, MDZS and SVSSS, I’ll skip those!

1. SCI 迷案集 | SCI Mystery Series by 耳雅*

Summary: Bai Yutang and Zhan Zhao are childhood friends and rivals that end up working together under the newly established SCI unit as co-leads, with Bai Yutang providing the brawn as Captain and Zhan Zhao the brains as Vice Captain and the team’s resident genius psychologist. They solve cases together and slowly unravel a wider conspiracy that involves their parents’ generation and beyond. At the same time they also realize that they’re meant for each other!

Other CPs: Bai Jintang (Bai Yutang’s older brother) & the medical examiner, Gongsun Ce, Bai Chi (Bai Yutang’s younger cousin) & magician Zhao Zhen, and at least three other gay pairings, one of which is considered another main couple of sorts from Vol. 2 onwards

Status: Incomplete (Began in 2010, author is still going on strong with one chapter every one or two months, we’re halfway through Vol. 5 right now and it’s been 10 years ;-; Love that the author is going on strong!! Everyone on JJWXC are like “please author it’s okay if you go slow as long as you keep going we’re here for you” and jfc I understand the fear of this not completing, also when will Vol. 5 be completed and printed?!! I need to complete the collection)

Translations: Unfortunately, only the first volume has been translated well so far on novel updates. The one on Wattpad seems to have caught up, but I would not recommend that one.

Drama/Live-Action: Season 1 was filmed and released in 2018 under the same name with slightly changed names for the characters. Season 2 was supposed to start filming this month but... oh well. First season basically covered Vol. 1 novel from start to end.

*I love this one only because it was my very first danmei and so it’ll forever have a special place in my heart, and also because it’s still ongoing so ya know, I relive how much I love this every month

2. 成化十四年 | Cheng Hua’s Fourteenth Year (The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty) by 梦溪石*

Summary: Tang Fan, a prefectural judge, and Sui Zhou, a high ranking officer in the Embroidered Uniform Guards, meet while trying to solve a murder case. Both of them end up partnering very well together, Sui Zhou ends up inviting Tang Fan to live with him, and the rest is history. Through their days living together and solving cases + a larger conspiracy involving the royal palace, they fall in love. Adding to this mix is also Wang Zhi, a powerful, young eunuch who befriends the pair, and the three of them basically help the crown prince to overcome challenges and his enemies to become the next Emperor

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: Ongoing on several websites. I’m only translating relationship highlights, but here’s an introduction post I did for it, if you guys would like somewhere to start without getting too invested - [X]

Drama/Live-Action: The Sleuth of Ming Dynasty was released earlier this year, directed by Jackie Chan and starring Darren Chen and Paul Fu, but cases are a little different and there are new characters in the show that weren’t from the novel etc.

3. 杀破狼 | Shapolang by Priest*

Summary: Set in a steampunk universe where flying boats named ‘kites’ and flying armour exist. Young teenager Chang Geng lives with his mother and stepfather - the former abuses him and the latter neglects him, and the only person that he cares about (and cares about him) is Shen Shiliu, his (very young) godfather. He realizes his identity as a royal prince when the Man tribe invades his city and Shen Shiliu, whose real name is Gu Yun, turns out to be an army general whose duty was to protect Chang Geng in secret (among other things). 

Chang Geng has been critically poisoned by his mother (who’s not actually his birth mother, if I recall she’s an aunt) which leads to him getting terrible dreams frequently with the end result of him being driven into insanity, while Gu Yun is half blind, half deaf due to poisoning + injury when he was much younger, and he can only regain his hearing and sight fully when he takes a medicine that is slowly losing its effectiveness with every dosage he has.

The both of them navigate learning about each other again, falling in love a few years later when Chang Geng is all grown up and also unravel conspiracies and fight bad guys (both external threats and internal as in the current Emperor and other parties) XD

*Note: The age old debate is that Gu Yun ‘preyed’ on and also ‘groomed’ Chang Geng, but I disagree and stand by the fact that Gu Yun was 90% of the time not around while Chang Geng grew from a teenager to a young adult as he was fighting wars elsewhere, while Chang Geng refused to stay at the Gu manor and insisted on running around, travelling on his own and seeing the world for a few years before they met again. And it was Chang Geng who’d always loved Gu Yun and devoted himself to caring about him, making advances on him etc. when he became an adult

Other CPs: Shen Yi (Gu Yun’s second-in-command) & Chen Qingxu (a renowned physician who ends up healing both Chang Geng and Gu Yun of their ailments) 

Status: Complete!

Translations: Fully translated the last I heard, it’s up there in the list of holy grail BL/danmei novels, so I’m sure it’s done hahaha.

Drama/Live-Action: Filming in progress!

*This is up there in the hall of fame for danmei novels for more than just the amazing content and writing - It’s also famous for being one of the most complex novels ever. I don’t know how the translations team did it because DAMN it was complex and I read all my novels in Chinese without much issues but I was honestly STRUGGLING WITH this one and I went through some existential crisis while reading because I was like ‘did I ever learn Chinese, am I even Chinese’ XD

4. 默读 | Silent Reading by Priest*

Summary: Luo Wenzhou, a police captain, and his team including best friend and partner Tao Ran, face a few challenging cases that end up being small parts of a larger conspiracy, and end up having to consult with Fei Du, a flamboyant, charming and flirty, young and rich CEO, who Luo Wenzhou describes as someone who is an expert at ‘crimes’. Not deduction, not solving crimes, but someone who is familiar with how the murderer or culprits would commit crimes. Both Luo Wenzhou and Tao Ran know Fei Du well, because they first met when Fei Du was in high school, when he called the police because his mother had hanged herself in the house, and since then Tao Ran and Luo Wenzhou look out for him, spending holidays with him, giving him presents here and there. Luo Wenzhou and Fei Du overcome their misunderstandings of each other and fall in love while solving all the cases and the larger conspiracy behind it.

Other CPs: Tao Ran and someone he knew first from his school days or was a neighbour when he was younger, I can’t remember, but they meet again at a blind date and end up living in the same building on different floors XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: Complete!! There’s a huge post floating around on Tumblr with all the links (I can’t find it right now) and on Twitter you can also find the collated, epub versions etc.

Drama/Live-Action: Rights for a live-action was signed, no casting confirmation or set dates yet

5. 犯罪心理 | Criminal Psychology by 长洱*

Summary: Police captain Xing Conglian drags psychologist Lin Chen out of seclusion/hiding to solve a case that is indirectly tied to him. Lin Chen was involved in a case a few years ago that led to four deaths - these four victims were the sons/daughters of four of the five huge old-money (super rich) families in the country and these family members sought to make Lin Chen’s life very difficult for him afterwards by making him lose all the jobs he can find, by surveilling his every move and ensuring that he’s not happy etc. Because of that, he backed out of the police force as well and quietly lived as a school dorm administrator, which is where Xing Conglian finds him a few years later. Lin Chen fakes his death after the first case (not deliberately but kind of a by-the-way thing), but as fate would have it, he ends up meeting Xing Conglian on another case, and he decides that he’ll move in with him and also involve himself again, consequences be damned, and they fall in love!

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet.

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of.

6. 死亡万花筒 | Kaleidoscope of Death by 西子绪* (MY ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE)

Summary: Supernatural setting where people who are about to die get a second chance to live. These individuals are either in the midst of a dangerous situation (for e.g. a shootout or a deadly mugging incident) or are about to get into accidents (for e.g. an entire bus going off a bridge or a chandelier dropping from above and crushing the person underneath) or are ill (recently diagnosed with cancer or are terminally ill with a condition for e.g.) - The list is endless, and in the situation between life and death, 12 doors will appear before them. 

It is said that once these individuals finish all 12 doors, they will truly get a second chance at life and survive whatever cause of death they were imminently facing. 

Each door represents a creepy, supernatural mystery, and Lin Qiushi finds himself in a strange place after opening a door when he was trying to enter his apartment one day. He meets Ruan Baijie, a beautiful, tall woman who he happens to meet, and they realize that in this strange world, he and other individuals who came through the door have to complete a given task, find a key and an exit door, and make it out alive. The others in the team (some of which have already gone through several doors) explain to Lin Qiushi, who is a first-timer, what the doors are about. 

The catch is, if they die inside the door, in the real world, they’ll die immediately, by accident, throwing themselves off a building, or just throwing up blood until they die (just to name a few)

On the first night, however, three people are slaughtered and eaten by a long-haired ghost/creature. The good news is, Ruan Baijie isn’t all that she seems to be (for one, she’s not exactly a woman) and she takes a liking to Lin Qiushi immediately.

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet!

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of, but honestly, this novel would be fricking EPIC as a live-action, and really creepy, but this is my all-time favourite novel, I kid you not!!!!

*I’m definitely doing a longer and more detailed to-read for KOD on my translation account, gosh you guys have no idea how much I love this.

7. 当年万里觅封侯 | Those Years in Quest of Honor Mine by 漫漫何其多

Summary: Yu She and Gu Wan were close friends for a short period of time when they were younger, but unfortunately their identities and positions meant that they were opponents. Yu She’s family was for the Second Prince and Gu Wan was taken in by the Sixth Prince’s family, but in the end it was the Second Prince who ended up getting to the throne, while the Sixth Prince was accused of treason and died somewhere far away at war after being captured. Gu Wan’s only wish was to keep the Fifth Prince’s children - Xuan Rui and a pair of twins, Xuan Yu and Xuan Congxin safe, and so he moves them to another province and asks the Emperor (the Second Prince) to demote Xuan Rui’s status to prove that they are no threat to the Emperor, if only to stay alive for another day.

However, their days of hardship have only just begun, and Gu Wan decides to namedrop Yu She, whose family is so powerful now, and claims that Yu She loves him and that he was wooing Gu Wan back in the days they knew each other so that officials and others would treat the children under his care better. A few years pass and Yu She doesn’t expose Gu Wan. Gu Wan thinks they can go on like this forever, until the Emperor asks Xuan Rui and the twins to head back to the palace for a visit.

Gu Wan meets Yu She again, but the boy he knew, who was gentle, a stickler for rules and a proper, well-mannered person, has changed almost completely. Cue palace conspiracies again, brothers fighting for the throne, scheming consorts etc. XD 

Other CPs: None XD

Status: Complete!

Translations: I think it’s not complete yet but I’m not super sure on this

Drama/Live-Action: None that I know of!

*They came out with a new reprint edition three days ago and it’s gorgeous! And comes with amazing freebies, and I am a sucker and read it on the day of the printed novel release because I saw the art and loved it, wanted to see if the story was any good, and damn after chapter 2 I WAS GONE and then I checked out two copies from different stores for the two different sets of freebies 

--

A list of those I haven’t read but I see are highly raved about:

1. 二哈和他的白猫师尊 | The Husky & His White Cat Shizun by Meatbun

- I’ve already been spoiled and I know what goes on mostly, and there are a lot of warnings for a reason, but I’m still a fan, and let’s not get into the debate on the content, I know I have to read this but the angst level is apparently ridiculous, so I need like some mental preparation before I sit down for it.

2. 千秋 | A Thousand Autumns by 梦溪石

3. 烈火浇愁 | Lie Huo Jiao Chou by Priest

4. 将进酒 | Qiang Jing Jiu by 唐酒卿

- A really good group of translators picked this up initially on Twitter, but then assholes were complaining that they were being too slow and insisting that machine translation (MTL) did an equally good and faster job, so the OG dropped it, and then another nice team picked it up, but MTL team is still being an asshole XD I’ve heard really good things about this one, it’s apparently quite complex as well, I’d liken it to Shapolang level? But it might be even more complex (with a lot of politics and stuff), so much so that apparently the printed novel comes with a relationship/character chart so readers are at any point in time clear on the characters which is like amazing XD

#danmei #bl novels #novel recs #sci谜案集 #kaleidoscope of death #silent reading #shapolang #犯罪心理 #成化十四年 #the sleuth of ming dynasty #2ha #priest #梦溪石 #meatbun #西子绪 #耳雅 #长洱

[veshialles]

Hey Rae do you wanna... tell me a lil bit 'bout Miss Aveline Shepherd 😳😳

Haha not cause I think she's hot or anything that would be ridiculous

Yeah!! Okay, so, Aveline was my first Shepard when I got into the series back in like, 2016?? (this was about a year before I got into Dragon Age, so the name is a coincidence, shoutout to fantasynamegenerators.com though!)

She was a spacer growing up, lived most of her life on starships and space stations. I feel like she is slightly agoraphobic because of this maybe idk, or at least being planetside always feels slightly disorienting to her and takes some getting used to. Long-term friendships are kind of an alien concept to her due to her upbringing as well

Aveline is quite skilled when it comes to working with tech, a fascination she shared with her father. Initially she joined the Alliance as a combat mechanic, tinkering with shuttles and calibrating mechs. These skills eventually allowed Aveline to branch out and train as an Infiltrator at the Interplanetary Combatives Academy, where after years of dedicated service she graduated from the N7 Program.

A short while after this, Aveline and her unit were dispatched to investigate a loss of contact with the Akuze colonization project, where nearly every soldier lost their life when in a Thresher Maw ambush. Aveline's survival was in part due to luck, but her training played a factor in it as well, as her training in long-range combat placed her furthest away from the attack, leaving her with only a few scratches while the rest of the unit was devoured and torn to shreds. Every subsequent encounter with Thresher Maws tends to bring out a really vicious side in her that not many get to see (aside from the occasional unfortunate merc, corrupt politician, or reaper construct)

After being brought back to life by Cerberus, Aveline struggles with chronic pain and often self-medicates to alleviate it, but that one damn shoulder in particular always seems to ache no matter what (possibly from enduring years of abuse due to sniper rifle recoil prior to this, on top of the fact that it is now at least partly made of metal). As well, she undergoes a bit of an identity crisis, in terms of her morals, finding herself quicker to anger than before and having far less patience when dealing with difficult situations, but she still tries her best to be kind at heart and give people the benefit of the doubt.

After the destruction of the Alpha Relay, Aveline holds a lot of guilt, because she couldn't save the Batarian colony. You might be thinking "why? batarians hate everyone and are very bigoted?" to which she would answer "because they are still people and they didn't deserve to get obliterated." She knows that there wasn't any other way it could have played out, and that her actions delayed the Reaper invasion by several months, but seeing Cannibal husks for the first time in Vancouver and realizing they had Batarian faces shook her to her core, because it meant that they had all died for nothing.

Oh and like most of my OCs she is a flirty Bi Disaster™, and had a budding romance with Kaidan Alenko before his demise on Virmire, later ending up with Liara, and then Garrus, and then Liara again, and very possibly I might commit to making the same choices and have her romance Samantha Traynor again (mostly because Alix Wilton Reagan's voice is so... so.... very good and definitely doesn't send me into gay panic at all)

#answered asks #dancing-flamingo-pirates #mass effect #mass effect legendary edition #aveline shepard #the tone of this is very much all over the place but there you go! as many relevant details as I can think of currently! #and and also totally valid- she is kind of really hot. I want to make gifs again bc she's so pretty 🥺 #but also she is pretty in a ''I could kill you in 72 different ways if you pissed me off'' kind of way and I am into it. so yeah. valid! #also! another detail I really like about her/how she turned out is the thematic hair changes! idk I just love that #normally I pick a hairstyle for my OCs and nothing else ever suits them again #but like.. this time? I can totally get behind it #ruby's ocs

[starkey]

[Spoilers for The Haunting of Bly Manor!]

I know everyone is super loving Bly Manor cause ~80′s gays~!!! but some stuff about it sat really bad for me so I’m gonna try to verbalise it. Obviously if you loved it and aren't vibing with a critical analysis I'm not offended if you don't read lol. Also I’m not trying to say that there’s anything wrong with liking it! I just...didn’t, and I want to think about why, for a sec. (Sorry this got a bit long)

I think part of my problem is that I count Hill House as one of my favourite shows ever and I had ridiculously high hopes for Bly Manor, which probably couldn't ever have been fully realised. And there was actually a lot about it that I liked, especially at the begining. I thought the kids were great, and I loved the core group of Mrs Grose, Owen, Dani and Jamie. I liked the fact that the Henry Wingrave element was expanded upon, and I liked the complexity of Rebecca and Peter, and the room it gave them to be fully realised human beings. I quite enjoyed that they kept to the Hill House ghost mythology - that ghosts are lost in time but fixed in place, and that they jump from memory to memory, and haunt the people that they care about without knowing. But there were lots of things I wasn't so keen on...

Until the last episode my issues were mainly that it felt a bit...lazy? I can't stress it enough but the british accents were really really bad. Old!Jamie’s accent was deeply unbelievable and jarring, as was Henry Wingrave's, and although Peter’s accent was passable (I assume because the actor is English and not American like the others) it still didn’t match his mothers, or his ‘background’ - i.e. it sounded like a private school Edinburgh accent, not a Glasgow kid dragged up through poverty in the scheme - and yes there is a significant difference in those accents. I appreciate there’s a degree of privilege at play here - I’m used to the BBC producing high quality television where these details aren’t messed about with, and the production of Bly Manor was thoroughly American, but to put it in perspective, it would be like... if a character had a deep south dirt-poor Louisiana upbringing and spoke like somebody from a private school in Virginia. Other details also felt off - Rebecca’s costumes all seemed weirdly 2020-adjacent, none of the fashion or ancillary details seemed to match the UK in the 80s (which has a distinct feel), and the house that Peter returned to on his ‘memory bumps’ looked much more like an LA condo than a Scottish council house. Really, they should have just set it in America, because it felt more American than British, and they clearly didn't have any British people involved in the production.

I really didn't enjoy the narrative framing device of 'someone telling a story to a group of people at a party'. It makes sense in the Turn of the Screw, because the narrator is reading from a document written at the time of the events, so the narration becomes a first person one where the degree of detail is logically accounted for. In this take, the story alternated from being one which made sense - us just watching the characters move around normally - to one in which 'Jamie' (who’d apparently had a complete personality transplant that had turned her from a feisty northern lesbian into a coy, mysterious victorian englishwoman with a severe accent problem) adopted a falsely old-fashioned manner and told the wedding guests a ten hour long story about a haunted house.  And somehow neither Flora nor Miles recognised any part of this story in the least, in spite of what must have been overwhelming similarities? It was very jarring.  

I also kept waiting for a twist on a level with Hill House, but never got one. The big twist about Mrs Grose was, I thought, obvious from almost the first episode. I mean the woman didn’t eat or drink anything and spent most of her time confused about where she was, I thought it was fairly clear that she was a ghost. And yeah, I suppose because I’ve read the book I was never in any doubt that Peter was already dead. The ghosts in the background were much less spooky than in Hill House. They stood around in broad daylight while the characters talked and joked and it kind of felt like the ghosts had wandered in by accident and felt too awkward to leave. I really liked how spooky Hill House was - even apart from the jump scares I thought the psychological elements and the open discussion of death and grief was really affecting. I didn’t feel that at all in Bly Manor, and by the time we found out the details of Mrs Grose’s death, I’d already come to terms with it.  But all of this would have been fine, if it hadn’t been for the last episode.

I really really didn’t enjoy the bury your gays ending. And I’m not even usually against this in principle! I think in a dark/horror context, where there’s implied to be an ever-present threat of character death, it’s unreasonable to expect that no characters will die or experience tragedy - and in cases where there’s abundant LGBT rep some of those characters will by necessity not be cis/straight. So I don’t have a problem with gay characters meeting tragic or dark ends, as a general rule, particularly when it serves a narrative purpose and isn’t gratuitous. My problem here was in the manner and necessity of that death.

There were ways in which Dani could have died in this story that I would have felt were narratively meaningful and cathartic, but the manner in which she did die failed to hit those beats for me. This is a story in which two women in the 80's fall in love and are doomed by the world around them (we're already in Meryl Streep 'groundbreaking' territory here, in terms of metaphor). They know death is coming for them, that it will likely destroy them both, that they won't have an opportunity to grow old together, that eventually one day it will catch them and everything will be over - they're on borrowed time, and they spend a lot of that time looking over their shoulders waiting for shit to break bad. In the end, they're destroyed by a force in Dani's body/mind that she can't fight, that she can't win against, and the spectre of which haunts her through the years. Like... the obvious parallel here is mental health, and suicide - they even go out of their way to feature that classic heartsink moment with the overflowing bath. And to me, any story that has a message of 'no matter how strong you are, no matter how much love you have and give, or how beautiful the life you've built is, eventually the dark forces in your mind will Get You and it'll probably be before you make it to middle age' is... really shitty. The other echo that struck me was the HIV/AIDS crisis - obviously wlw were relatively spared from this, in comparison to mlm, but it still carries a cultural legacy of pain and trauma, and I really didn't need this show to grind down on that for me.

And the thing is... in the original story, the governess doesn't even die! Miles does, so maybe there's an argument here that Dani sacrificed herself in exchange for Miles's life in this retelling, but I'm still struck by this element of, like... they added this in! They chose to do this! Only one character dies in the course of this show (with Mrs Grose dying before the show starts) and it's the gay woman?? Why?? What did it show?? Why was it necessary?

Not to mention, the 'epilogue' scene paints Jamie as being very lonely and isolated. I'm not sure why the children didn't recognise ANY elements of this story from their past - even assuming they forgot the ghostly elements of their childhood, they should be able to see the similarities in the characters, but the scene also seems to imply that Jamie really isn't very close to Miles and Flora, and that she doesn't even really get to have a relationship with them as adults, in spite of losing everything to protect them, and not having any family of her own.

Almost everybody else gets a happy ending, but Jamie ends the night of the epilogue standing alone at a table, with the love of her life dead in a cursed lake, doomed to spend eternity watching over a crumbling house, and idk to me? that kind of sucked.

#the haunting of bly manor #bly manor #the haunting of hill house #hill house #bury your gays #spoilers #long post

[kuriquinn]

Inquiring Minds Want To Know [one-shot]

Blanket Fic Disclaimer

Original Prompt by: Anonymous

" you know how men rate girls on the scale of their hotness? And that girls do the same? But the difference is that men are scaled not on their hotness, but on the size of their penis" I read this line somewhere and was hoping if you can make a fic related to it? Cause that would be awesome 😂😂”

Author’s Note: As promised during Evil Author Day, my goal is to actually finish some of my WIPs this year. So, here’s one that a lot of people have been asking about. 

Warning: Total crack. Like seriously. It’s going into the Poor Judgement ‘verse along with the other ridiculous stuff I come up with.

Beta Reader: *None but me and my editing software :)

Read it on Ao3 if you’re a registered user!

⁂ ⁂ ⁂

“And, it’s official!” Sakura declares, pouring the last bit of sake into her cup before raising it in front of her. “The Fourth Annual Sexy Wives of Konoha Summit is now in session. Kanpai!”

The rest of the women in the back booth of the izakaya raise their own porcelain cups and chorus, “Kanpai!” before tipping back the alcohol.

“Can I just say, I think our summit is a lot more fun than the Kage summit?” Tenten suggests.

“Definitely,” Temari agrees. “More alcohol, which I’m in favor of.”

“And we probably have more interesting stuff to talk about,” Karui decides.

“Does anyone actually know what they’re talking about?” Ino wants to know.

“Something about tariffs,” Hinata replies. “Or…sheep, I think. Maybe both.”

“Or aliens,” Sakura submits.

“Or aliens.”

“You know what they should be talking about?” Ino wants to know. “Better footwear for shinobi. I mean, seriously, the athletic sandals we used to wear as genin? Do you know how much blood and muck I used to get between my toes? It’s a nationwide crisis, is what it is.”

“Yeah!” Manako agrees. “Screw aliens.”

“Or preferably don’t,” Sakura muses. “Since that’s how you get god-tier ninja prone to insanity and several lifetimes of angst on repeat.” Everyone glances at her curiously and her clears her throat. “Never mind.”

The other women murmur their agreements, clink their cups, and drink deep again.

Ino glances at her watch. “So how long do you think we have?”

“Until Sai instigates a fight between Naruto and Sasuke, and one or both of them go flying out of the Hokager Tower,” Sakura replies sagely.

Temari shakes her head. “You know, there are days when I think I married the biggest pain in the ass, and then I remember who you married.”

“Are those the days you take a break from bullying Shikamaru to stuff him with food?”? Ino teases.

“I wouldn’t have to stuff him with food if the idiot would just eat during the day.”

“Naruto’s the same,” Hinata sighs. “They’re so busy all the time. And it’s starting to affect the children. Boruto’s been acting out more and more since Naruto became the Hokage. And Himawari’s entered to ‘no’ stage.”

“I know how to fix that one,” Karui says. “If she keeps saying no, ask her if she wants something sweet. When she ‘nopes’ herself out of a treat a few times, that will stop.

“Augh! Are you kidding?!” Ino interrupts suddenly. “Are we seriously talking about our husbands and kids?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Sakura asks.

“Besides the fact we always talk about our husbands and kids? Come on, ladies, get it together! Just because we have babies now doesn’t make us any less badass. Let’s live it up!”

“Four more terrifying words were never uttered,” Temari says.

“Gai in a thong,” Manako offers without missing a beat.

Tenten and Karui spit out the drinks they were sipping, while Ino and Sakura groan. Even Hinata gives a bit of a shudder.

“I stand corrected,” the blond woman says, tipping her own drink in acknowledgement.

“I’m both intensely curious and terrified of the thoughts in your head,” Sakura informs the Inuzuka woman. “And I’ve been a medic in warzones.”

“We all have our little talents,” Manako says. “So—what’s the plan for tonight? Drinking games?”

“Obviously,” Ino says. “But how can we make it more fun?”

“We could go to the Hokage Rock and draw all over Naruto’s face. Not like doesn’t have it coming.”

“How can we make it more fun without getting arrested,” Sakura amends, rolling her eyes.

“Who’s going to arrest you? You’re a hero of Konoha.”

“We could do karaoke,” Tenten suggests. “There’s a new place that opened a few blocks away.”

“No one wants to hear me sing,” Temari says, while Hinata desperately shakes her head; she still tends to avoid any kind of public attention.

“All that stuff sounds complicated,” Karui says. “And it involves more walking around than I feel like tonight.”

“Assuming you can even walk at the end of the night.”

“That too.”

“What about Truth or Dare?” Manako offers, all would-be-innocence. “That’s always a crowd pleaser.”

That earns a few groans.

“That’s so predictable,” Ino complains. “We seriously can’t come up with anything else?”

“Well, we could do ‘Never Have I Ever’, but somebody’s husband officially blacklisted that game two years ago.”

Everyone looks at Hinata, who shrugs. “I still don’t know why he did that. Something about village morals.”

“If it involved anyone affiliated with Team 7, I don’t want to know,” Tenten says decisively.

“Now that that’s settled,” Manako nods and leers at Ino. “Truth or dare?”

“Oh my god, are we actually doing this?” she groans, and throws back her sake. “Okay. Fine. Truth.”

“Lame,” Sakura accuses.

“I’ll remind you when it’s your turn.”

Manako, after thinking about it a few moments, grins. “Alright. I’ve got one: if Sai wanted to roleplay during sex, who or what would you want him to role play as?”

Ino’s jaw drops. “Are you kidding me?”

“Wow, she went right for the dirty stuff on the first go,” Tenten guffaws.

“And you’re surprised by this?” Temari quips.

“Anytime now, Ino-pig.”

“I’m going to get you back for this.”

“You’re stalling,” Manako singsongs. “Do I need to come up with a penalty dare?” She grins, sharp canines giving her a wolfish look.

“No!” Ino snaps, rightly wary of any dare the older woman might conceive of. She purses her lips for a moment, cheeks still burning bright, and then holds her head up as if deciding she won’t be embarrassed by this. “I’m the daimyo’s virginal daughter and Sai’s the court artist commissioned to paint my portrait, only as soon as we’re alone he seduces me. Only we have to be completely quiet or we’ll get caught.”

The other women giggle a little at that.

“That seems very well thought out,” Manako says. “Also, kind of tame for what I expected from you.”

“What exactly did you expect, some kind of dominatrix fantasy?” Ino grumbles. “Sai’s very literal. It’s hard to get him to pretend things outside of what he knows.”

“That sounds an awful lot like it’s something you’ve actually done.”

“Forehead, truth or dare,” Ino orders, the abruptness more telling than an actual verbal answer.

Manako sniggers as Sakura rolls her eyes, folds her arms as if expecting a challenge, and replies, “Dare.”

“Coward.”

“Bite me.”

They stick their tongues out at each other.

“Fine. Wimp out. I dare you to…” Ino casts about for a moment, and then smirks. “I dare you to do a body shot off Hinata’s chest.”

“What?!” the Hokage’s wife squeaks as the other women roar with laughter.

“Now who’s going right for the dirty stuff?” Manako jeers. “Although I can’t say I disapprove.”

“That’s not…why would you…?” Hinata looks like there might be steam coming out of her ears.

“Relax, Hinata,” Sakura grumbles. “I’m not going to do something you’re uncomfortable with, and she knows it.” She juts her chin out at her best friend. “What’s the penalty truth?”

“Does Sasuke ever motorboat you?” Ino asks immediately. “Or try to, considering your lack of breasts.”

“Shots fired,” Tenten murmurs to Temari, who nods with a smirk.

“I hate you,” Sakura mutters, mortified. “And no. He doesn’t. Mostly because I don’t actually think he knows what that means.”

“I really, really believe that,” Manako says honestly.

“You have an awful lot to say tonight, Manako—how about you? Truth or dare.”

“Truth,” she replies, sipping from her cup. “I have no shame.”

Sakura raises an eyebrow at that, and then smiles in a good approximation of the older woman’s own merciless smirk. “What is the sappiest, most lovey-dovey, non-sexual thing you and Kakashi have ever done?”

Manako splutters, sake going everywhere as she coughs and tries to breathe.

 “Penalty,” she gasps out, glaring at Sakura.

“So much for no shame,” Temari says.

“I dare you to…” Sakura thinks about it and then grins, “I dare you to let Tenten cut and style your hair with just a kunai.”

There’s a chorus of impressed ohs.

Manako glares. “I just got it back to the length I like since the boys were born.”

“Well, you could always just answer the question from before…”

Manako huffs and climbs unapologetically across the table to sit in front of Tenten. “Well, go on.”

“Bold of you to assume I have a kunai,” the other woman says.

“You own a weapons shop and you’re a shinobi. Of course you have a kunai.”

“I was planning on a night of drinking with the girls, not battle.” When everyone gives her unimpressed looks, she pouts and digs a blade out from the hidden pocket of her pants. “I was going to leave it home…”

“Sure you were,” Karui says, earning Manako’s attention.

“You know, you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet this whole time,” she says, frowning as Tenten begins to consider her back-length tresses.

“Why interrupt good entertainment?”

“Interrupt this—truth or dare.”

“Dare.”

“Take off your underwear and hang it from the light fixture for the rest of the night.”

“Who says I’m wearing underwear?”

“Then your bra. We know you’re wearing one of those, we see the padding.”

“I don’t have padding. All this gloriousness is me,” Karui retorts, cupping her breasts. “And you’re just daring me that because you want to see my tits.”

“Guilty,” Manako agrees.

“Sex and underwear. You’re kind of an unimaginative lot, aren’t you?” Temari wants to know as Karui begins shifting and shimmying her bra out from beneath her sleeveless dress.

“Sex and underwear and impromptu kunai make-overs,” Sakura corrects.

“If I come out of this looking like a porcupine, I’m sending the twins to visit you every day for a month,” Manako vows.

“Oi! Why me? Tenten’s the one cutting your hair!”

“You’re the one who came up with the idea.”

“My turn,” Karui interrupts as she drapes her brassier from the lamp above their table. Across the room, the few patrons still remaining murmur at the scandal. “Temari, truth or dare.”

“Dare,” Temari says.

The former Kumonin takes a few seconds to think about it, and then reaches for her purse to remove a tiny vial.

“This is Killer Wasabi,” she says with a smirk. “The hottest sauce available on the continent.”

“And you just happen to carry it around?” Ino asks.

“It’s not my fault the food in Konoha is so bland.”

“And yet I’ve never seen you refuse any of it.”

“That would be rude,” Karui says, affecting primness before her expression becomes mischievous again. She returns her attention to Temari. “This recipe was created by the first Raikage, and then passed down from teacher to student across the generations. It’s so hot it can make a grown man pass out if consumed in large quantities.” She places the vial on the table. “So that’s what I dare you to do. Take a swig of this straight.”

Temari blinks.

“That’s it?” she deadpans.

“Bii-sensei challenged the Fourth Raikage to take a gulp of it straight from the bottle and the man cried.”

“Shit. He didn’t even cry when he got his arm cut off, I heard,” Manako murmurs.

Temari considers the tiny vial, shrugs, and then upends it into her mouth.

Everyone stares.

“You’re not…you’re not human, are you?” Tenten murmurs.

“Are we sure it’s your brother that was possessed by a demon and not you?” Manako wants to know.

“Not possible,” Karui declares. “That’s just…not possible!”

“I went to the dentist today and can’t feel my tongue,” Temari confesses, earning groans and shouts from the others.

“Cheater!”

“Treachery!”

“You suck.”

“You didn’t ask,” Temari says with a shrug and turns to Tenten. “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“How old were you when you lost your virginity?”

“Temari!”

“I’m just continuing the trend of inappropriate questions,” the former Sunanin shrugs.

“Fess up, Tenten!” Ino cheers, spilling a bit of sake as she chugs it.

“Personally, I wouldn’t trust any dare Temari comes up with,” Karui says.

“Fine,” Tenten hedges. “I was seventeen.”

“Really?” Ino purrs. “Who was it?”

“I’m not telling,” Tenten says primly.

“Was it Neji?”

“Don’t be insensitive!” Sakura hisses, smacking her.

“Ow! Watch it with the hamfists!”

Tenten is quick to change the subject. “Hinata—truth or dare?”

“Truth,” Hinata murmurs warily, as if not sure which is likely to be the worse choice.

“What was the most embarrassing thing you’ve shouted during sex?”

Hinata squeaks, pressing her flushed face into her hands.

“You’re going to give her a nosebleed,” Karui says.

“She could have chosen dare.”

“Do you actually expect her to answer that?”

Hinata mumbles something into her palms.

“What was that?” Ino asks. “Didn’t quite catch that.”

“‘Cauliflower’,” the Hokage’s wife mutters, only a hair louder but still audible.

Her friends all stare at her for a beat, trying to parse what they just heard, and then—

“EEEHHHH?!?”

“Seriously?!” Ino shrieks.

“What the hell, really?” Manako laughs. “What even…?”

“I was pregnant,” Hinata mumbles. “And craving.”

“Apparently,” Temari drawls.

“How did hubby take that?” Manako asks.

“He…he, um, went to buy some.”

“Actually?” Sakura want to know. “Or do you mean he sent a clone?”

“Um. No, he actually…he got all flustered, and confused,” Hinata admits. “And ran off to the market. He came home with about two dozen of them.”

“Cauliflowerus-interruptus,” Manako shakes her head. “I hope it was good cauliflower.”

“It’s cauliflower,” Tenten drawls. “There’s no way that’s better than sex.”

“Hey, food can be better than sex,” Karui protests. “And not only when you’re pregnant.”

“Well now I know what we should ask you next time you choose truth…”

“Except it’s not your turn to ask.”

All eyes go to Hinata.

“Hinata, ask me something so that I can go next,” Manako orders.

“If you go next, I won’t be the one answering,” Karui promises.

“Um…” Hinata bites her lips, and then nods and asks Manako, “Who was your first love?” she asks.

“Izumi Uchiha,” Manako replies without any hesitation or embarrassment.

“What, really?” Ino asks, eyes wide.

“Did I stutter?”

“That’s…that makes sense actually,” Sakura says. “You told me once that you’d loved an Uchiha, but I thought…I mean, you kind of implied…”

“That it was a guy?”

“Pretty much.”

“Contrary to popular belief, not all Uchiha are men,” Manako replies.

“You wouldn’t know it the way the history books are written,” Sakura mutters.

“Temari! Have I got a dare for you—”

“Truth,” the other woman says instantly. “As if I would be stupid enough to choose one of your dares.”

“I’m wounded. But alright, fine. Let me asks you the most important truth I can think of.”

Temari raises an eyebrow, but her face remains as stolid as ever. “Fine.”

But Manako doesn’t speak. Instead, she holds the tips of her index fingers together and then slowly starts to pull them apart. 

For a moment no one knows what she is doing, but as the distance grows between the fingers—three inches, four inches—comprehension dawns on everyone.  

“Oh my god!” Sakura sputters, before pressing her hand against her mouth to muffle her laughter. 

Temari doesn’t answer or change her expression as Manako continues to move her fingers apart—five inches, six inches—and Hinata squeaks, cheeks filled with so much blood she appears about to faint. Seven inches, eight— 

“Okay, now I’m actually getting worried for you,” the older woman says. 

“You have no idea,” Temari replies, leaning back with her arms crossed and a satisfied smirk on her face.  

“I can’t hear this!” Ino wails. “He’s like…ugh, he’s like my brother and you just…that image! I will never get that image out of my head.” 

“Shit,” Karui says. “How are you still walking upright, woman?” 

Even Tenten looks impressed.  

“Okay, we have to get this out of the way right now, so no one else decides to draw it out over a bunch of Truths,” Ino says. “Over and done with. On a scale of one to ten—” 

“On a scale of one to Shikamaru,” Manako sniggers.  

Ino shoots her a dirty look. “On a scale of one to ten—” 

Sakura interrupts. “The average length is about five inches. It’s beyond the norm to have a penis larger than—”  

Hinata yelps in protest, and Karui gives her an unimpressed look. “You’ve had two children and copious amounts of sex, and the word ‘penis’ bothers you?” 

“It’s…it’s not a very nice word,” the Hokage’s wife mutters, embarrassed.  

“It’s not a very nice-looking body part, but it gets the job done.” 

“Especially if you’re Temari, apparently,” Tenten chuckles.  

“She’s got a point, though. Sometimes I wish I was only into women, so I didn’t have to look at a penis,” Manako says. “It’s one thing to know it’s there—and hey, I benefit greatly from having a partner that has one—but given the choice…” She seesaws her right hand up and down. “Honestly, I could do without.” 

“You’d still be with Kakashi even if he didn’t have a dick?” Karui asks, surprised.  

“Of course! You don’t know what that mouth is capable of—” 

“Does he even have a mouth?” Sakura wonders. 

“—and even if that wasn’t the case? Dildos exist for a reason. Whether you have a dick or not,” Manako decides. The raises an eyebrow at Karui. “Are you saying if Chōji was in an accident tomorrow and lost his balls, you’d stop being with him?” 

“What? No! And besides, what accident would that be? He barely even goes out on missions anymore.” 

“Actually, there are several ways a man can lose—” Sakura begins. 

“I wasn’t actually asking,” Karui rolls her eyes. 

“I think we’re all getting wildly off-topic here,” Ino interjects. “Now! On a scale of one to—” 

“—Shikamaru,” Manako and Tenten say at the same time, grinning irreverently. 

“—where do our guys fall?” 

“I think that’s an inaccurate rating system,” Sakura protests. “Size can’t be the only factor.” 

“Yeah, what about girth?” Manako wants to know. “It’s all well and good if a guy’s eight inches long, but if his dick’s as thin as a pencil, it’s pretty much useless.”  

“And what about stamina? It’s not like it moves on its own,” Karui adds. 

“Oh! And proper aim! Or, you know, additional use of fingers. Nothing worse than sex with someone who thinks penetration is the only way to get a woman off,” Tenten adds,  

“Gods, this is turning into some kind of quadratic equation,” Ino complains.  

“It’s not that hard,” Sakura protests. There are several laughs at that, and she rolls her eyes. “Pun not intended. But anyway, let’s say we have four categories—length, girth, stamina and miscellaneous—” 

“What about…” Hinata begins, her voice barely above a whisper, and then she adds, “What about the feelings you have for your partner? That…I’m sure that makes a difference.” 

The other women consider, and the nod in agreement. 

“Alright, so we have five criteria, so if we put those out of ten, average them out and then assign them a value on the spectrum of one to—”  

—Shikamaru,” Karui, Manako and Tenten chorus. 

“Stop that!” Ino snaps.  

“—then it would be more accurate,” Sakura finishes.  

“If you’re still able to do math, you’re not drunk enough,” Temari informs Sakura.  

“You have no idea what I’m capable of when I’m drunk,” Sakura retorts. “And besides—I don’t get drunk.” 

“Oh, so that wasn’t you Sasuke was carting home from dinner last weekend, slung over his shoulder and staring at his ass?” Ino challenges. “Hm, must have been some other pink haired lush with a mutant forehead.”  

They glare at each other.

“9/10,” Sakura says at last. “There’s some stuff Sasuke’s a bit shy about or doesn’t bother with, but everything else makes up for it.”

“9/10 for Sai, too,” Ino agrees.

“You’re just saying that to compete with me.”

“Says you! My husband happens to be an excellent lover.”

“Except when he accidentally says something insulting and ruins the mood, I’m guessing,” Sakura says. “He does it in normal conversation, so I’m pretty sure he’s done it during sex too.”

“Stop thinking about my husband having sex!”

“Can’t think about her husband, can’t think about her not-brother…who can we think about having sex?” Manako wants to know and Tenten sniggers.

“Choji’s an 8,” Karui says, interrupting the argument. “But that’s just because he keeps wanting to bring food into bed. And then one or both of us gets distracted.”

“Ugh!” Ino cries. “Stop telling me things I can’t unhear!”

“Shikamaru’s an 8 too,” Temari says, earning surprised glances. “And only because he falls asleep a lot.”

“Oh, Naruto does that too,” Hinata agrees. “They’re both so busy at work.”

“So Naruto’s also an 8?”

“No. He’s a 10.”

“No way Naruto’s a 10,” Sakura insists.

“Yeah, he’s got to have something wrong with him,” Ino agrees. “ I mean…he’s Naruto.”

“10,” Hinata maintains firmly, and whether it’s out of loyalty or reality, everyone senses it’s better not to ask.

“Well, Kakashi’s an easy 10,” Manako says. “But that’s just because he has more experience than any of your men.”

“Whatever, you old crone.”

“Now that we’ve established all of that,” Temari interrupts, “I believe it was my turn to ask…” She trails off, considering her next victim, and then smirks at Hinata. “Truth or Dare?”

“T-truth.”

“Was your wedding night the first time Naruto saw you naked?” Temari wants to know.

The other women burst into laughter.

“Why are you doing this to me?” Hinata groans.

“You could always choose dare.”

“Which would be…?”

Temari considers, and then nods to herself. “Pick someone in this room and lick their cheek.”

“I volunteer,” Manako says immediately.

“You would,” Sakura mutters.

“You’re full of hair,” Ino points out. “She’d probably get a hairball.”

“That’s cats,” Manako sniffs, shaking her head.

“Stop moving if you don’t want me cutting off an ear,” Tenten warns her.

“It wasn’t.”

The words are so quiet, they almost go unnoticed.

Almost.

“It wasn’t?” Temari repeats, staring intently at Hinata.

“You mean you gave it up before you got married?” Ino blurts out. “Wow, Hinata, I never knew you had it in you—”

“No! That wasn’t—we didn’t—Temari asked about the first time he saw me naked, not when we slept together,” Hinata complains, normally pale skin darkened by a blush and her pale eyes flashing with a hint of temper. “And that night wasn’t the first time. We were out on a mission once when we were chunin and I was meditating by the river and I didn’t have clothes on.”

“And he barged right in?” Sakura supplies. “Pervert.”

“He didn’t know I was there,” Hinata protests.

“Sure he didn’t…”

Hinata folds her arms and frowns. “Ino, truth or dare.”

“Oi! I make one comment and now you’re going to pick on me?”

Hinata raises an eyebrow.

“Truth,” Ino says, not quite trusting the usually innocent Hinata; it’s always the quiet ones that are the most dangerous, after all.

The Hokage’s wife ponders, and then a truly uncanny smile appears on her face, one that would look more at home on Naruto than her. “I heard somewhere that you perfected the Yamanaka technique of switching souls within bodies. So have you ever—I mean, on purpose—switched with Sai…you know…during?”

Ino’s jaw drops.

As does everyone else’s.

Sakura is the first to speak. “Well, I never would have saw that one coming.”

She almost sounds impressed.

“You have a dirty, dirty mind,” Manako says. “Good for you.”

“I think you broke Ino,” Temari points out, and everyone glances at the other blond woman who looks as if her brain has short-circuited.

“I think that’s a yes,” Sakura says, eyes gleaming with mischief. “She only over looks like that when she’s been caught out.”

“No way,” Karui says in awe. “So you’ve actually—?”

Ino snaps out of. “You’re all being ridiculous.”

“That’s not a no.”

“Stop it!”

“That’s a yes!”

“No it’s not!”

“So you actually know what it’s like to have sex as a guy?” Manako wants to know. “This I have to hear.”

“No, I don’t—stop putting words in my mouth! Truth! I choose a penalty truth!”

“Well-played,” Temari informs Hinata, who smiles sheepishly, before asking Ino, “If you could sleep with any of the Kage, past or present, who would you choose?”

“Nice one,” Sakura approves.

Ino thinks about it, and then says, “Kurutsuchi.”

Everyone gasps at that.

“Seriously?” Manako asks.

“Did I stutter?” Ino shoots back, echoing her words back.

“I thought you were completely straight,” Tenten says, surprised.

“I am. But given the fact that everyone else is or was either ugly, old, creepy or evil, I stand by my choice. Especially since Hinata said sleep and didn’t necessarily say have sex with.”

“Boo,” Sakura accuses. “You’re not supposed to logic your way out of an embarrassing truth. In fact, you’re not supposed to be sober enough to logic your way out of an embarrassing truth.”

“I’m just that good,” Ino sniffs.

“In your own mind, maybe…”

“Shut up. No, wait. Don’t shut up. Truth or dare?”

“Didn’t you already ask her?” Karui wants to know.

“Shh! It’s bound to be a good one,” Manako interrupts her. By now, her hair has been chopped off into an uneven, bristly pixie cut, and Tenten is grumbling as she pushes long locks of hair off of herself.

“I hope the manager of this place doesn’t mind cleaning this up,” she mutters to herself. “Maybe I can give him a discount at my store or something…”

“Okay, okay, I’ve got one, I’ve got one,” Ino interrupts, waving her hands to make everyone else shut up. “Okay—Sakura. Imagine you get Sasuke to agree to have a threesome with you and another guy—"

“Tch! Sure, in a parallel universe,” Sakura snorts, and then pauses, blinking. “On second thought, having met the Sasuke from a parallel universe, I think he might actually be into that sort of thing.” 

“Wow,” Temari says with a blink. “I don’t know whether that’s hot or disturbing.” 

“Hot,” Tenten decides. 

“Disturbing,” Karui says at the same time. 

“Both?” Hinata suggests tentatively. 

“Both,” Manako says with a definitive note in her voice.  

“All of you shut up, I haven’t finished my question!” Ino snaps, and the other women glance back at her. She renews her grin at Sakura. “So—say you get Sasuke to agree to a threesome with another guy, but it has to be a guy from your genin squad—” 

“Ino!” 

“—who would it be?” 

“That’s not fair!” Sakura protests. “Three of them are married—”

“Kakashi and I aren’t married, we’re living in sin,” Manako interjects.

“—to people sitting in this room!” 

“Well, fine, if you’re going to whine about it—for the purposes of this truth we can include members of your chūnin squad, too.” 

“That’s no different!” 

“If you don’t tell the truth, you have to do the dare,” Ino sing-songs. 

Cheeks burning and expression mutinous, Sakura spends a few seconds considering the lesser of two evils, and then sighs. “Fine. Kakashi.” 

There’s a burst of uproarious laughter and squealing. 

“No way!” Ino protests. “He’s so old!” 

“He’s not old, he’s experienced,” Manako corrects with would-be-haughtiness. “And a girl could do worse.” 

“It has nothing to do with that!” Sakura cries and goes, if possible, even more red. “It’s the choice that makes the most sense! If it were Naruto, he and Sasuke would forget all about me and start some ridiculous competition—probably measuring their dicks or something—” 

Everyone laughs, and even red-faced and perpetually embarrassed Hinata cocks her head to one side as if to say, ‘fair point’. 

“—and that would end in a fist-fight. Then there’s Sai, who would have a comment for everything, and Sasuke would take it as criticism, and that would end in a fistfight,” she goes on, ticking options off her fingers while Temari snorts and takes another sip of sake.  

“—and Yamato-taichou would be so unbelievable uncomfortable he would pass out—” 

“Also, didn’t Sasuke stab him once?” Temari wants to know. 

“—yeah, exactly! I doubt he’d want to get it on with the guy who stabbed him.” 

“I don’t know if that would make a difference. Sasuke’s stabbed Naruto half a dozen times, and Naruto would probably still be down to fu—” 

“Manako, if you finish that sentence, I will slip cocoa into your food and watch you asphyxiate to death in front of me,” Sakura vows, glancing over Hinata with the urge to press her hands over the other woman’s ears.  

“Doesn’t setting off a severe enough allergic reaction that is causes anaphylactic shock violate the Medic-Nin’s Oath?” Manako challenges, and then makes a face. “Huh. Say that ten times fast.” 

“There are loopholes,” Sakura replies primly. 

“Sure there are…” 

“Why are we focusing on Sakura becoming a murderer, and not on the fact that she wants to bone her former jōnin instructor?” Karui wants to know. 

“I never said I wanted to bone him! It was Truth or Dare question!” 

“Hmph. I personally would have gone with the Dare…” 

“I don’t know,” Ino muses slowly. “I guess it could be interesting. I mean, he does read those books all the time.” She shoots Manako a questioning look. “Or does that not carry over?” 

The older woman grins wolfishly. “Oh, it does. It really, really does.” 

“La-la-la, I can’t hear you,” Sakura sings. Forget putting her hands over Hinata’s ears, she’s clapped them so hard to her head that she feels a bit of suction between palm and ear.  

A sudden explosion rips through the air, sending a shockwave through the entire restaurant; it’s strong enough to knock Karui’s brassier from the lamp fixture. Outside, violent purple and fiery orange light up the night, behind the ruins of the Hokage tower.

“I guess that’s our cue,” Sakura sighs, getting up.

“Husband wrangling time,” Ino agrees.

“Who’s getting the bill?” Karui wants to know.

Everyone exchanges glances, and quickly stick their forefingers on their nose, except for Manako, who’s investigating her shorn hair. Noticing them all, she groans.

“Oh, that’s nice. Pick on the girl without super ninja reflexes.”

終わり

________________________________________________________________

So, there you go. It’s complete and utter crack, and totally just written for the sake of dialogue more than anything else. And all the sex info you never knew you wanted to know :P

Hope you guys had a bit of a laugh!

(Also, it occurs to me that Manako is the Naruto’verse equivalent of Captain Jack Harkness…)

I want to know what you think of my story! Leave kudos, a comment or if writing comments isn’t something you’re comfortable with, as many of these (or other emojis) as you want and let me know how you feel!

❤️️ = I love this story! 😳 = this was hot! 💐 = thank you for sharing this 🍵 = tea spilled 🍬 = so sweet and fluffy! 🚔 = you’re under arrest! the writing’s too good! 😲 = I NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER 😢 = you got me right in the feels 🤯mind blown 🤬god damn cliffhanger 😫 whyyyyyyy?!?!?

 栗

#naruto fanfiction #kunoichi #sakura uchiha #ino yamanaka #hinata uzumaki #karui akimichi #temari nara #manako inuzuka #humor #sex humor #sex positive #there is no such thing as privacy #sexy wives of konoha #crack #like seriously #total crack #poor judgement 'verse

[freemanverse-casualcomp-au]

Just A Normal Day at Your Neighborhood Arcade

AKA when your local neighborhood arcade is unknowingly also a place where two infamous legends meet up to play against each other.

Also why they’re HOT?!

His name is Gerald, and today is his first day working at a local neighbourhood arcade on New Mexico. He’s working as a part-timer worker with pretty decent pay, which is rare these days. His day duty is also quite simple; overwatch the place and make sure the visitors don’t cause much trouble while playing.

Seems simple enough, he thought, eyeing the nearly empty arcade. Today will be one peaceful day, huh…

“Hi there, Johnson!” One of his co-workers, Jason, waving at him while passing by his station, one of his hands carrying a red toolbox. He waved back at him, eyes lazily scanning the area around the mechanic as he stopped and put down the box beside some large arcade machines for Tekken 7.”Good luck on your first day here, I’d reckon you might need it.”

“What are you up to, Jay?” Gerald half-shouted, earning a glance from the mechanic.

Jason loudly hummed, eyes shifting back at the machine he’s working at. “Re-checking these fighting game machines so their performances on tip-top shape when both of them using them.” He answered the part-timer’s question, a small chuckle escaped from his lips. “Those two won’t stop nagging me if the controllers have a slight delay on them.”

Gerald raised one of his eyebrows. “Those two? Who?”

“Ah, well-”

“-and y’know how Chell is when she’s very determined, so she kept her distance to Gladys less than a meter, basically gluein’ herself to our cold albino queen!”

“Darn, that reminds me of when Alyx trying to get Hawk to smile, but most of her attempts failed and-”

The part-timer’s head turned to the source of the new voices that came from the front entrance. A massive-looking brunette-haired man with a black hooded suit and coat pants with an orange-coloured tie was talking to his slightly shorter companion, a lighter and slightly longer length brunette-haired man with a red plaid flannel shirt with the sleeve rolled to the elbow and paired with a pair of blue denim jeans and a black newsboy cap.

They definitely not looked like somebody that play in an arcade, one is too formal-looking and other looks like one of those farmboy helpers.

“Oh, welcome back, both of you!” Jason chirped, eyes still focusing on the machines. “How’s the last week’s match? Who won?”

The plaid flannel man pointed at the hooded suit man. “Gords beat ‘em up, and I got the second place.”

The mechanic heartily laughed. “Of course he is, as expected from North America’s Tekken legend.”

Gerald’s ears perked up. “These guys are famous?”

“Oh, I’m not really.” The hooded suit man shrugged, then nudged the plaid flannel man. “But this man over here was one of the youngest and most renowned archaeologists at the age of fifteen years old, now working as an archaeology major sub-teacher at Michigan State University and also a pro gamer.”

The plaid flannel man stuttered for a second before he got a grip. “A-anyway, we’re trainin’ together again for Tekken World Tour later,” he paused for a bit, his expression now a bit apologetic, “we’re sorry for last month, our friends got a bit...wild…”

Jason laughed out loud. “Don’t worry, your bosses paid more than the damage cost and now we got additions of a Japanese retro puzzle arcade and a racing car arcade.” He briefly shifted his eyes again, now at the two men while smiling softly. “I don’t mind both your friends’ vicious battle last month. In fact, it’s been a while since this arcade got that much rowdy and the visitors were enjoying their rivalry.”

The hooded suit man huffed out in relief. “Oh thank you, they’re feral children, alright.”

“Uhhhh, I’m sorry to disturb your conversation, but who are you both?” Gerald raised his voice, getting the two men’s attention. Both men went silent, before practically sprinting towards him, eyes sparkling with delight.

“We haven’t introduced ourselves yet, so of course you don’t know!” The hooded suit man started to flaunt a bit. “The name’s Gordon Freeman, but call me Antoine, honey bee~” He winked his green eyes at the part-timer, making his face heat up.

OH GOD, HIS GAY SOUL IS SCREAMING TO HUG HIM-

“And don’t take your eyes off me there, good-lookin’” The plaid flannel man tilted his chin with his finger to meet his bluish-green eyes, he could see the man’s smirk widened a bit as he tipped his cap down a bit, “the name’s Johnny Grady, nice to meet you too, pardner.”

Gerald immediately backed down from his station, stuttering badly as he covered his reddened face with both palms.

Goddamn, he’d already met two hot dudes on his first day already? What kind of fever dream he’s in now?

“Both of you, can both of you don’t flirt with the new staff, please?” Both men paused and looked behind them, Jason scoffed as if he’s disappointed. “Because of you both, the last one resigned because he questioned his sexuality so much after you both flirting with him so much. The last time I saw him after that, he’s waving a bisexual flag at the local pride fair.”

The part-timer slowly raised his hand. “I’m gay, though.”

Both men quickly turned their head at him, eyes widening for a while before grinning to each other. He could hear the mechanic’s loud sigh from his position. “...fine, but don’t overwhelm him.”

All of the sudden, he got hit by both men’s flirt attempts, each one managed to steal his heart bit by bit. His inner self slowly dying from all the hits it took and finally passed out as his outer self curled himself into a ball on the floor, his whole face was as red as a beet. Although he didn’t see them, he could see the piercing gaze, thirst for more flirting attempts, but his co-worker’s loud whistle stopped the gaze.

“Once again, please don’t overwhelm the poor boy!” Jason’s tone took more of a disappointed parent as he scolded both men. “Now look at what you did, he’s overheating! Leave him alone for a moment and go play here. I’ve placed an adapter for your console, Grady.”

“Goddamn, Jason. Thanks for your service!” And with that, the men walked away from his station. He was lying on the floor for several minutes, accompanied by both men’s excited gasps and shouts as Tekken 7’s arcade noises playing in the background.

It took him most of his willpower to get up and observe the men playing. At first, he wasn’t interested in any of things they’re playing, but as time passes, he focused on the notebooks they’ve brought with them as they scribbling down combos or put down characters’ key weaknesses and how to cover them. Over time, they watched some videos of the previous tournament and listing out strats for their foes. Though they’re also listed things about each other, there wasn’t any kind of bitterness feelings between them. In fact, he could categorize them as friendly rivals.

It’s been a while since he witnessed this kind of rivalry.

“You’re okay now?” Jason’s sudden voice startled him a lot, almost make him scream, but his common sense managed to get ahold of his composure. The part-timer nodded in response. “Good looks like they’re going to take their leave.” The mechanic pats his back. “Great job at handling their flirts for the first time, most employees’ responses were either faint or having an existential crisis.”

Ah, is that so…

he couldn’t blame them, their flirts were indeed that powerful.

“They’re both pro players from different org.” He pointed at the hooded suit man- or Antoine, he recalled. “That man is known as The Player in Hooded Suit, GorgeousMan from Black Mesa. He’s one of some North American players legend who got acknowledged by overseas players.” He then shifted his finger to the plaid flannel man- or Johnny. “As for him, he’s also known as The Wild Card Player, Rick from Aperture Games. Like Freeman, Grady’s got history to always score on minimal Top 8 or above that.” He lowered his hand, a smile still plastered on his face. “I’m proud to have them playing in this arcade.”

“Sounds like they’re a great person…” Jason slightly nodded, agreeing.

Few minutes later, both men were done packing their things and starting to head out, but not before Antoine once again winked and Johnny finger-gunned, both towards him. His heart fluttered, not as much as before, but it’s enough to warm his heart. He waved at them and they waved back at him with smiles plastered on their face.

Ah shit, he couldn’t leave from this job now, he’s fallen for two dudes he’d just met...

#daily story of freemans #GorgeousMan #Rick

[arethereanyoriginalusernames]

Spooky babbles about RENT (the Broadway Musical (about assholes ))

We all have our guilty pleasures, or at least enjoy things that we acknowledge are bad. I’m sure that you and I can both name examples of these things specific to us.

It’s also likely that, like me, when someone makes a compelling video essay about something that you’ve never seen, that you agree with that person. Only to become exposed to more of it, and then you realize that “hey some of this is pretty good”, but then you become super conflicted bc you know that it’s bad, but you still enjoy aspects about it.....

I’m just making this about me, aren’t I? Welph, let’s do this proper and make another essay, bc I totally have time, and I totally won’t regret this later when I have a million things to do:)

.... oh quarantine, what have you done to me~?

... so, Lindsey Ellis. I consume her content regularly, and I would absolutely say that she’s probably one of the best YouTubers nowadays. You might remember her from her nostalgia chick days, but since distancing herself from that character, she makes video essays on several topics, a lot of them pertaining to popular shows and stories. If you write stories or enjoy creating characters and whatnot, I would make her channel a must to check out.

She also has a podcast on Spotify called “Musicalsplaining”, which I would also recommend you check out. It’s a podcast she does with her friend Kaveh, who dislikes musicals. They both watch a musical, and have a discussion over it, and it can get pretty funny due to their discussions being unscripted banter between two buds stuck in quarantine.

Lindsey has done both a video on a musical called RENT, and she and Kaveh covered it in their podcast. If you want a more funny coverage of it, I’d say listen to the podcast, as both Lindsey and Kaveh basically bond over their mutual rage, which is honestly beautiful. For a more in depth look at how RENT misrepresents the AIDs crisis, the lgbt+ community, and is just a bad story in general, check out her video essay on RENT on YouTube.

As you can probably guess, I’ve listened to both the video and the podcast. At least 8 times each (seriously, they’re really good). Now, I had never watched Rent before, nor had I listened to the soundtrack. The most I did was read the synopsis on Wikipedia. And I still haven’t watched the musical... but I currently have over half the soundtrack downloaded on Spotify.

So.... yeah. And after listening to the soundtrack, I have some thoughts. I don’t disagree with Lindsey’s take on Rent, honestly I still 100% agree with everything that she said, but now... something’s different. I see potential in Rent, and I see some gold hidden in what is basically a steaming pile of narcissism masked as “being artistic”. And that actually makes Rent that much more frustrating for me.

I’ll assume that despite my recommendations, you might not feel like listening to Lindsey’s coverage of Rent. While I still recommend you do so, since she explains the issues better than I ever could, I’ll do my best to give you as brief of an explanation as I can.

Rent is a rock musical loosely based on the opera La Boheme. It follows a group of “struggling artists” attempting to survive in New York during the AIDs/ HIV crisis. It’s one of the first popular Broadway musicals that featured LGBT+ characters, and it was rather successful when it was a new thing. Then years past, people forgot about it, then a terrible movie adaptation was made. Said movie caused a lot of people to realize that maybe Rent wasn’t actually that good.

The heroes of our story are as follows.

We have Roger, one of the more decent people here (which isn’t saying much), who’s a former drug user who’s trying to stay clean from drugs. He lost his last girlfriend to suicide, and he’s currently dying from AIDs. He’s trying to write one great song before he dies so he can leave some kind of legacy.

Mark is a wannabe filmmaker who exploits people’s misfortune for his own passion project (without their consent). He likes to film and romanticize the plight of the homeless while doing fuck all to help. He’s struggling financially, so he considers it fair to not pay for anything bc he’s an artist and being poor is admirable or something. Also, not only is he a privileged white kid with rich parents who could help him, but he refuses to contact them, he also quits a decent job bc he can’t express himself artistically. I wish I was kidding.

Mimi is a stripper with a drug addiction and AIDs. She’s also the love interest for Roger. While logically, it’d be a bad idea for Roger, someone who is trying to be clean of drugs, to not get involved with Mimi, the story wouldn’t have you believe that. She tries to get him to do drugs with her and “live”, and the story tries to do a thing by having her fake die by aids, only to be revived and cured by Roger singing. I wish I was kidding.

Maureen is a narcissist who gaslights her partners, has a weird job as a performance artist, and is bisexual so of course she has to be super slutty and flirtatious, and dance around the idea of cheating on her gf, Joanne, who’s this super smart, serious gal who leads protests for social justice.

Collins and Angel are the local maybe adora-gays, maybe adorable trans x cis person couple. (It depends on the adaptation and audience interpretation whether Angel is a drag queen or trans). Angel takes in an ailing Collins to live with her, and she also gets super rich by killing a dog. Collins is an anarchist currently fighting the aids epidemic. They’re a cute couple, but then Angel dies of aids bc we need a sad, and then Collins starts robbing atms in memory of his dead lover. I wish I was kidding.

Yes, I skipped over some stuff, but kids, this is a Tumblr post, and we’re already dealing with an essay here. And Wikipedia is right there. Basically, all you need to know is that Rent is a musical about assholes justifying their behaviour by being like “oh, but we’re artists!!!”. Oh yeah, and there’s also a guy called Benny who’s a former friend, and the only decent person here despite being portrayed as a bad dude, but I honestly don’t think I can remember anything beyond that for the life of me.

So, clearly Rent isn’t perfect. But, it’s hard to deny its impact. After all, it featured a main cast where half of the characters are POC and LGBT+ . Mind you, it was written by a straight man who “knew some gay people”. But, at the time, it was at least better than nothing.

And one aspect of Rent that people still appreciate to this day are the songs. And honestly? The majority of it is pretty great. A lot of people might recognize Take Me as I Am and Seasons of Love, two iconic songs brought to this world by Rent. And the rest of the soundtrack is great.... well, it’s better if you can make yourself forget the context of the songs, and look over some poorly aged lyrics. Light My Candle and I’ll Cover You are pretty cute songs, Goodbye Love has some great vocals, Another Day fucking slaps, and la Vie Boheme is a fun listen despite some weird lyrics.

While listening to the soundtrack, I realized something. A lot of these songs are great.... out of context. Another Day is great, until you remember that Roger is being portrayed as unwilling to live life bc he’s trying to stay clean of drugs. Yes, he likes Mimi, but there’s a pretty legitimate reason why he shouldn’t. And yet he’s in the wrong for... being concerned about his health? La Vie Boheme is soured when you remember that the cast is doing this entire performance after the restaurant owner begs them “no, not tonight, please!” Like, the guy’s doing his job and trying to run a business, but fuck him, let’s piss off people who don’t agree with us! And Take Me Or Leave Me is basically Maureen accusing Joanne of being too controlling and not accepting, when Joanne is taking issue with how Maureen is flirting with others constantly and is dancing around the line of being unfaithful. And Maureen’s logic is, I shit you not, “oh, but I just can’t resist temptation, and I’m attractive, and as long as I’m in your bed and not someone else’s, it’s ok!”

This... made me think. Maybe all Rent needs is a rewrite. An update. Something like Rent can probably work, but the misunderstanding of how poverty, aids, and societal unfairness works ultimately drags it down. Most of all, I think that Rent is an example of how a Broadway show can have great music, but that’s only part of it. If you fail in story and characters, the music won’t save you.

Let me know what you guys think about this.

I apologize for wasting your time,

- Spooky

[loudlytransparenttrash]

In June, an Oberlin bakery won their lawsuit against Oberlin College and a top university administrator, after three black students claimed that they had been racially profiled. The accusation led students, professors, and even some in the Oberlin administration launching a massive boycott of the bakery, including protests and pickets outside the store. The school even canceled its contracts with the bakery, which has been owned and operated by the same family for over a century and has been a popular spot for Oberlin College students within walking distance of campus. After investigations though and a year-long lawsuit, the allegations proved to be a lie, the students admitted they had in fact been kicked out after being caught stealing from the store.

Advocacy groups like the Southern Poverty Law Center make headlines by claiming that hate crimes have surged since Trump’s election but the real surge is in hate crime hoaxes, especially among university students. Almost all of that surge is due to the simple fact that in 2017 the number of hate crime reports increased by 17 percent. Taking into account that 1 in 3 of reported hate crimes turn out to be hoaxes and almost none have lead to convictions, the surge narrative is pretty dishonest. And destructive. The perception that red hat-wearing, hate-filled mobs are roaming the streets attacking minorities, gay and transgender people in the name of Donald Trump keeps us on edge. It also creates a gullibility that allows us to believe things we should know aren’t true. Like Juicy Smollett’s ridiculous tale of being attacked by two MAGA-hat-wearing Klansmen in Chicago. Before the actor’s tale unraveled, it was wildly parroted by a media too eager to believe anything that confirms its conviction that America under Trump’s presidency is rife with racism and bigotry. These hoaxes began immediately after Trump won.   

The day after the 2016 election, a student at Bowling Green State University said that she was attacked by white Trump supporters, who threw rocks at her. Police concluded that she had fabricated the story. That same day, a University of Minnesota student, claimed in a viral social-media post that she was detained by police after fighting a racist man who had attacked her. Campus and local police said that they had had no contact with her. And again that day, a Muslim student at the University of Louisiana at Lafayette made up a story about being attacked and robbed by Trump supporters, who supposedly ripped off her hijab. For weeks after Trump’s election, America was fed a series of outrageous stories of campus race hatred that fell apart upon examination.

This trend of student hate crime hoaxes has continued. In May 2017, St. Olaf College in Minnesota was roiled in mass “anti-racism” protests that caused classes to be cancelled. a black student activist, was found to be responsible for a racist threat she left on her own car. In September of that year, five black students at the U.S. Air Force Academy Preparatory School found racial slurs written on their doors. An investigation later found that one of the students targeted was responsible for the vandalism. In November 2018, students at Goucher College in Maryland demanded social-justice training and safe spaces after “I’m gonna kill all n—s” was discovered written in a dorm bathroom. A black student was responsible for the hoax. That same month, thousands of students at Drake University protested after racist notes turned up on campus. An Indian-American student pled guilty for targeting herself and others. Here’s some more from just the last few months:

A sixth-grade girl from Springfield, Virginia, wept on television as she recalled how she was pinned down during recess by three white male students. “They put me on the ground,” she said. “One of them put my hands behind my back. One put his hands over my mouth. One cut my hair. They were saying that my hair was ugly, that it was nappy.” Many outlets jumped on the tale and turned it into a national crisis. New York Times, MSNBC, CNN and Washington Post all ran daunting articles, proving “the rise in hate crimes in the Trump era.” Democrat Rashida Tlaib published a personalized message on Twitter to the girl, saying her blackness threatened these white boys to their core, that’s why they did it. The accused boys were never sought for comment. On the contrary, the NAACP demanded “immediate disciplinary action” against the minor suspects. All over Twitter people found a way to blame Trump. A few days later the girl confessed she had cut her own hair off and made the story up. Her grandparents later wrote an apology on her behalf.

Talha Javaid, a 23-year-old immigrant from Pakistan who lives in Ontario posted screenshots on Twitter purported to be a text from a bigoted white parent who didn’t want him coaching ice hockey to their son. Javaid’s tweet went viral. Within a week it racked up more than 11,000 retweets and more than 56,000 likes. An outpouring of support came from the public, hockey stars and journalists, who praised Javaid and condemned racism and Islamophobia. He received job offers to coach in both Canada and the U.S. “And they try to convince us racism doesn’t exist anymore or in hockey,“ San Jose Sharks hockey player Evander Kane tweeted. Turns out that Javaid doesn’t even coach ice hockey to kids. When the rink where Javaid claimed to coach was contacted, the facility said they have never heard of Javaid nor the ice skating classes he allegedly was holding. “We’ve never heard of him. He’s never taught here.” This is not the first time Javaid has claimed to be the victim of Islamophobia. In September 2017, he said he found a note on his car that read: “Muslim! Go Home! Make Canada Great Again. MAGA. MCGA.” 

Former NFL player, Edawn Coughman, called 911 to report a hate crime inspired burglary at his pizza restaurant in Lawrenceville, Georgia. When officers arrived, they saw several racist words, swastikas and the word "MAGA" sprayed on the walls and booth cushions in black spray paint. “Several booth cushions were sliced open. They also found broken mirrors, cut wires, and a damaged video surveillance system. The smell of spray paint was very fresh.” A witness reported the suspect was driving a black car without a license plate. Officers pulled over a vehicle that matched the description - it was Coughman driving. They noticed "several televisions in the bed of the truck and inside the cab," some of which were "still attached to the brackets with damaged drywall.” After he was arrested, police found a yellow crow bar and cans of black spray paint in his vehicle. "It appears as though Edawn conjured a premeditated plan to damage his own property, attempt to make it appear as a hate crime, file a claim with his insurance company, and sell off the undamaged appliances and electronics," police said.

Democrat politician Erica Thomas cried her eyes out during a Facebook live video, stating she "feared for her life" after a white man "verbally assaulted" her. “This white man comes up to me and says, 'you need to go back where you came from!'" she said. “I was helpless.” She also told police officers the man walked up to her with clenched fists. The hashtag #IStandWithErica quickly began trending on Twitter. Beto O’Rourke blamed Trump for “fomenting hate every day,” Bill de Blasio tweeted “this is on Trump and every single person who refuses to condemn his vile racism,” while every mainstream media outlet ran stories linking this “attack” to Trump and his supporters. When police investigated, witnesses told them it was in fact Thomas telling the man to go back after he argued with her about the express lane. The employee told police that after the man accosted Thomas for ignoring the express lane rules, he began to leave but “Ms. Thomas kept ‘running her mouth’ as she approached him.” Video footage shows the man never had his fists clenched, was not irate and for someone who was so scared and helpless, Thomas followed after the man as he walked away. In a later interview, Thomas admitted that she doesn’t know if the man, who is a life-long Democrat, actually told her to go back to where she came from or not. 

The number of hate crime hoaxes by far exceeds the number of convictions. Almost every high-profile hate crime incident never happened. The real problem is that highly publicized fake hate crimes usually receive little public coverage after it is revealed that the original accusation was a hoax, meaning all the hatred, division and fear whipped up by the media and Trump’s opponents against the president and his supporters remain intact when they should be relieved. With the preoccupation with identity, privilege, and oppression, our media and higher education increasingly promote a paranoid climate of perpetual crisis for their own gain. The saddest part is Americans are bound to become ever more cynical and skeptical of hate crimes even when they actually happen. 

[onceuponanaromantic]

SWAN LAKE BUT QUEER

Featuring: powerful badass gay sorceress, very Bi swan queen, bby swans who ship them to hell and back, and an entitled prince who gets smacked in the face at the climax by a horde of swans

(a ramble of an idea that started as messages from me to @a-blue-hoodie. not very coherent)

- the events of the ballet still start the same Prince is still an asshole Odette is looking for a way to break the curse put on her by von rothbart

- But here we also see Odile in the background

- Odile is of course.... a powerful sorceress and daughter of evil sorcerer dude

- But of course being daughter of evil sorcerer dude means that... the sorcerer only sees u as a tool to use to seduce whoever Odette manages to get to fall in love

- And to do household chores and like lesser basically

- Odile’s basically surrounded by ladies all the time and her dad doesn’t even entertain the possibility of like her not being straight so.

- I mean the only thing women are useful for is seduction and caregiving obviously

- And for being unfaithful to men apparently so that’s why they’ve been turned into swans

- Odile is very gay for the swan queen Odette

- She’s also very ignored by her dad and has become a pretty powerful sorceress but she’s a girl right so obv she can’t be like smart or anything acc to her dad

- So Odette is tryna get a dude to fall in love with her like the average girl cursed by an evil wizard do.

- Well average straight girl except Odette is kind of Bi for goth swan sorceress Odile

- But she’s a girl so obv that can’t be used to break the spell (/s)

- Actually she also hasn’t figured out that her feelings for Odile are not. Very straight feelings but hey. Girls gotta have her sexuality crisis

- So odette still meets the Prince who falls in love with her and she’s like okay cool! I can break the spell I have a Dude here this is True Love

- And odile who has never really expected odette to love her back is like ‘........I’m sad but good for u I guess’ with a healthy (not) dose of pining and bittersweet

- So the other swans are like... on one hand this might break the curse on the other hand, odile! And on the third and heretofore unnoticed hand, the Prince is kind of an entitled asshole to odette

- But odette needs to get to the palace right for the prince’s wife-picking ceremony so obviously the person she asks for help is like. Odile.

- Odile, who is a Good Friend, helps her and so as swans they all make their way to the palace even tho like obviously odile’s heart is like

- Dying inside

- Disaster gay odile is really sad just saying

- Anyway on the journey like odette realised that odile is a Very Good Friend who she thinks about kissing sometimes and has not-very-straight thoughts about

- But of course that’s Normal right everyone thinks their friends are very clever and very interesting and fun and also very strong and kind and maybe kissing her would be nice and

- Ok I’m imagining one of the younger swans odette confides to is like ‘... sounds like u have a crush on odile to me’

- And like just before they get to the palace like st one point lime odile falls asleep in odette’s lap and odette is like ‘.....WAIT SHIT IM BI’

- IM VERY BI FOR ODILE

- WHAT DO

- And then by then the journey ends right and they reach the palace only for odile’s dad to be an Asshole as he do

- So odile tells him ‘no I’m not doing that to odette’ and he gets all pissed and uses magic to force her

- odette comes in and sees the prince staring at odile and believing that odile is odette and she’s like. Oh.

- But it turns out that she’s more jealous of the Prince which causes a bi crisis along with yknow the other thing with the fact that obviously the Prince isn’t faithful

- the curse strikes and the Prince is all like ‘oshit’ and odile rips herself away as soon as she can break the enchantment that she’s been picking at the entire time

- And odette is like flying away and so they arrive at the lake and odile flies after her in black swan form

- And the other swans fly aft them of course like ey. EH WAIT MUMS COME BACK

- Becos obviously the other swans figured out that odile loves odette back and lime oh come on seriously. THERES A SOLUTION U DISASTER QUEERS

- and then they come in in time to see odile cradling odette and admitting that she’s in love with odette as she dies and that she’s been in love with odette for like years.

- while trying to break the spell using that loophole that technically it didn’t have to be a guy who loved odette

- And guess what

- The other swans help and

- Odile succeeds just as the Prince comes running and all aggressive galloping and loud declarations of love

- And Gallantry*

- So like the Prince comes in just in time to see odette in odile’s arms

- And obviously he’s like EVIL SORCERESS MUST KILL

- And the swans get in between them as he draws his sword and charges at her

- And he can’t get at odile becos the swans keep smacking his head and arms and legs

- So that there’s a lot of chaos

- See when a horde of swans descend on u it’s not fun

- And then to make things worse the sorcerer comes like ‘I TRACKED U HERE LET ME REJOICE IN UR SORROW’

- And odile is just like so tired at this point that she goes like ‘fuck off dad’

- And then like banished him becos

- She’s too tired to remember that she’s not allowed and can’t do that

- Becos actually the only thing really preventing her was she thought she couldn’t and her dad made her so hurt

- So she like thought she cldnt cos she cldnt when she was younger like

- Yknow that thing with like the elephants like if u tie them up Becos they’re young they don’t realise they can like actually do shit to break the ropes later

- But anyway so she banishes her dad and the Prince is being set upon by like a horde of angry swans who’s like ‘DONT FUCK UP OUR SHIP GETTING TO THIS STAGE TOOK EFFORT’

- Becos seriously odette and odile are like the mums of the swans the mums are FINALLY getting together come ON ASSHOLE UR NOT STOPPING THIS SHIT

- but anyway so it’s at this point that odette wakes up and she’s confused of course Becos she’s like

- Wait I thought I got cheated on last minute with my crush?

- And then she sees odile crying and she’s like

- Wait. What?

- And odile is like looking at her like she can’t believe it and is like ‘wait it worked? It worked!’

- And odette is just ‘wait. I just remember u saying u loved me or sth??’ And odile’s. ‘Yes I love u?? I love u for like years already??’ And odette’s like

- ‘WAIT HANG ON WHATS THIS CHANGE WHAT DO U MEAN MY CRUSH LIKES ME BACK’

- But obviously she’s just apparently been revived from the dead and she’s not just gonna question after like getting over shock so she just kisses odile

- Who’s so surprised that she falls over in a flailing black skirt and all

- And at this point the swans all leave off the Prince by being transformed back to human and are all cheering and catcalling

- and the Prince is like what the fuck and odile is like ‘MY CRUSH LIKES ME BACK IM TOO HAPPY TO DEAL WITH YOU NOW GET OUT’ and the Prince is just

- Pushed out of the area by her magic

- Helped of course by several swan maidens who think that he shld be really gotten rid off

- Also the Prince is really entitled like ‘I’m ur one true love! How dare u! She must have enchanted u!’ And the swans are like ‘yeah fuck off shoo’

- So the Prince is shoved back to his castle by force

- And the swans get their swan queen mum who’s happy to feed them and like mum and deal with estate issues and all and like powerful goth sorceress mum who’s powerful as shit and smart and also a hell of a nerd

- And who occasionally gets requested by like various groups of people who are honestly happier to deal with her than her dad

#i will probably clean this up at some point tmr #to be deleted once i clear this up #swan lake #queer #rewrites of fairytales #syl's writing #syl doesn't know if they will actually write this stay tunes #syl is very queer #'is this too queer' syl asks #'straight people never ask is this too straight' syl thinks #syl is fine #writeblr #fantasy #also let me include an anti-monarchical flavour there #yeah ill deal with this tmr #this is like just a dump of all my messages on this idea to blue #poor blue #Blue has to deal with this all the time #we share a brain

[atruththatyoudeny]

Monthy Reads | APRIL 2019

Happy 28th! Wow, April has been fantastic! Thank you so much to all the amazing authors and artists for sharing their work. @onedirectionbigbang​ started posting so make sure to head on over to their blog and check out all the fics and art!

Counterbalance || YesIsAWorld || enemies to lovers - motorcycle racing - ballet - implied/referenced homophobia - 44k Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class.

Face Your Fears || SadaVeniren || a/b/o - mpreg - kid fic - implied/dubious consent - famous/ not famous - miscommunication - slow burn - angst - 92k Harry is a single father, pretending to be a beta after his alpha mated him and left him. He’s getting by just fine raising the twins when Louis walks into his bakery. Too bad him and Louis will never be a thing.

Latching Onto You || reminiscingintherain || famous/ not famous - 34k The one where Louis wants to book Harry Styles to perform at his best friends' wedding.

That's What I'm Here For || taggiecb || boss/employee relationship - age difference - farms - fluff - angst - friends to lovers - grief/mourning - depression - 46k Louis Tomlinson is a dairy farmer on a tiny farm in eastern Canada. His wife of nearly thirty years has left him and his children are all grown up and out of the house. Louis needs help running his business but has no idea where to even start looking. Luckily for him his children know just the man for the job.

(Something's Been) Hiding In My Heart || lululawrence || Sweet Home Alabama AU - exes to lovers - emotional hurt/comfort - mentions of miscarriage - implied mpreg - angst - 25k A Sweet Home Alabama AU where Louis comes home to finally get his divorce from Harry finalized so he can move on with his life. Alderford holds its own set of challenges when he returns, but by facing his past maybe he can find the healing he so desperately needs.

An Unbalanced Force || FullOnLarrie || divorce - miscommunication - 110k Harry has the rest of his life planned. Marriage. Career. Kids. Happily ever after. But sometimes plans don’t work out. That’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Fondre ton absence || scrunchyharry || amnesia - World War I - historical - 41k Harry had never really given much thought to the future. He preferred to let life steer him forward and to follow in the footsteps of Louis, his best friend from as far as his memory went, his lover, his everything. Louis knew better than he did what was good for him. It changed drastically when Louis was ripped away from him, drafted and sent to the front to fight in a war that Harry had always been sure would never reach him. Too young and too sickly to follow, Harry was left on his own for the first time in his life. When he thought things could not possibly get worse, Louis went missing at the Somme and was declared dead. While everyone buried and mourned him, Harry never moved on. If Louis were dead, he was sure that he would know it. Their lives were too entwined, he would know if half of his heart had died. Determined to find Louis, Harry did everything he could in his quest to be reunited with him, except prepare for the state Louis might be in. He did not prepare for the harsh truth he would have to face: was love possible without memories?

The Post-War BP || jaerie || a/b/o - mildly dubious consent - dystopia - post-war - mpreg - 17k The eight year war has left the country's birthrate severely stunted with a lack of virile alphas left to bring it back up. To ensure the survival of the country, the government opens The Breeding Program where young omegas can apply to carry an alpha's child in exchange for benefits. Louis' family is struggling and the BP is one of the only ways to secure a roof over their heads. Harry was drafted at the age of eighteen and spent six years of his life defending a country he doesn't recognize when he returns home. The government made the bed but it's Harry that has to lie in it.

Graphic design is my passion || FullOnLarrie || college/university - mutual masturbation - 6k Graphic design student Louis Tomlinson has exams to study for and final art projects to complete, if it would stop raining long enough for him to walk across campus. Luckily Harry Styles has an umbrella, and he’s perfectly willing to share. Louis doesn’t plan to get his heart broken and he doesn’t plan to make almost a hundred silicone dildos. One of these things definitely happens.

Fiction Romance || rougeandtonic || collge/university - blind date - misunderstandings - 17k Harry has a type. He likes older, sophisticated, mature men. Well-educated men. Men with life experience and passion for arts and social causes. Men who are established in their careers, who've sorted their lives out. Niall knows this. And so Harry can't understand why he's sat here opposite Louis Tomlinson. A punk Louis/uni Harry blind date AU.

Flawless || Throwthemflowers || strangers to lovers - injuries - angst - hurt/comfort - 25k After a debilitating surgery, former concert pianist Harry Styles isn't able to come to terms with his new reality. Sundered from his high standards of performance, Harry can't seem to feel anything anymore, except perhaps interest in his favorite coffee shop's barista, a man who seems wholly unsuited for the job and whose blue eyes hold in them the same pain that Harry struggles with every day. When fate renders them more than mere acquaintances, Harry is forced to deal with the insecurities of his condition and his stubborn pride. Louis wants to love him, but Harry can't accept that, because he can't accept himself. And besides, he's never loved. He doesn't know how. He just wants to be able to play his piano like before, because it was safe, because at its keys he could control the roiling of his heart and funnel it into music. With love, things are much too risky. Why would he ever take such a chance?

Snow Big Deal || FullOnLarrie || smut - 8k Louis is a professional snowboarder set to appear in ESPN The Body Issue and Harry is an assistant photographer working for the magazine. They have more in common than they think.

The Way Her Body Moves || dimpled_halo || Girl Direction - friends to lovers - 2k “Need help?” Harry jumps, her eyes widening as she drops the manual. She puts her hand to her chest, breathing deep. Her eyes meet Louis', her gorgeous co-worker who’s stationed in the office right next to hers. Harry has the biggest crush on her. She and Louis started working at the company the same day, right after New Year’s, and it’s been torture being around such a pretty person. Harry has caught herself multiple times staring at her, the way she talks with those soft glossy lips of hers, and her eyes. God, those dreamy blue eyes are embedded in Harry’s brain. She dreams about those damn eyes every night, she swears. Louis clears her throat, shaking Harry out of her thoughts. As much as she’s tried to get this chair together on her own, she needs the help. Harry was barely able to lift the backside of the chair by herself.

O! Yes! || homosociallyyours || a/b/o - omega/omega - sex toy store - 2k Louis is a somewhat sexually awkward omega into other omegas. When an omega-centric sex shop opens near his favorite coffee shop, he definitely doesn't plan to check it out. One friendly ambush later, he's standing inside and talking with a too pretty omega about things that definitely make him blush. He's not the only one blushing, though. Harry, the cute and enthusiastic toy store employee is too.

Small Voice In The Choir || Star55 || Girl Direction - homophobic language - 8k Louis is just a little lesbian who wants to audition for the school choir. She doesn't expect to gain a new friend from it.

All we can do is keep breathing || thealmightyavocado || Greys Anatomy inspired - medical AU - slow burn - angst - character death - grief/mourning - emotional hurt/comfort - 310k A fated story of two broken and battered boys who barely survived the unimaginable and how the love of one little brave girl defies all the odds and somehow puts them back together.

Drifting || noellehenry || enemies to lovers - implied/referenced homophobia - misunderstandings - 18k Canal Boat AU Harry becomes the owner of a shabby narrowboat, quite unexpectedly. He decides to keep it and make his longtime dream come true; he’ll start his own business, afloat. He embarks on a new adventure in a small village along the Grand Union Canal with his boat ‘Gay Tunes’ where his neighbours are the musician on the 'Black Velvet’, a fitness centre owner on the 'Slow’ and an extremely annoying bookshop owner on the 'Floating Pages’; seriously, what is Louis Tomlinson’s problem?!

Pillow Talk || FallingLikeThis || sexuality crisis - mutual pining - fake/pretend relationship - 26k When Harry starts having confusing feelings for a male classmate, his sister's best friend, Louis, helps him figure himself out. Cue lots of kissing, sex, and falling in love.

Naked Attraction || reader_chic_2 || Naked Attraction AU - meet-cute - famous/ not famous - 12k Naked Attraction: a gameshow where the contestant views 6 naked possible partners and narrows them down based off of pure attraction. Harry was not a fan of the shallow gameshow, so he decided to mix it up a little. Louis Tomlinson was the only gay and unfortunate staff member chosen to step in for one of the six possible partners when someone dropped out. He hated working there, and he definitely didn't want to agree, but it was too good of an offer to be turned down. Nothing would come out of it, surely, and they even agreed to keep his identity a secret. That all changed when famous singer Harry Styles walked out. Louis had no idea who he was, and Harry liked that about him.

Everywhere And Nowhere || 2tiedships2 || a/b/o - strangers to lovers - secret admirer - 16k Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food." "What has he given you?" Liam asked. Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though." "Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school." "What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?" "I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you." Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

Play It Back and Press Rewind || crimsontheory || childhood sweethearts - angst - mentions of death - 22k Harry and Louis were high school sweethearts until Louis broke it off when he moved away for uni. Ten years later they both return to their small hometown for a funeral.

Love Will Tear Us Apart || lovelarry10 || childhood friends - punks - friends with benefits - alcohol abuse/ alcoholism - drug addiction - drug abuse - recovery - angst - major character injury - 103k A story of two halves. Louis and Harry had it all - a career, friendship, and some of the best sex either of them had ever had. But Harry ruins it all with one life-changing mistake ... and Louis is left to pay the price.

Take Me Down Slow (Don't Let Me Go) || jacaranda_bloom || a/b/o - friends to lovers - omega/omega - 26k The one where Louis wants to find the right kind of partner to love, Niall hates snowboarding, Liam wants to settle down, Harry is really good with his hands, and mother nature could be the thing that changes everything.

Medicine || SophiaSoames || enemies to lovers - 23k I've had a few, got drunk on you and now I'm wasted. Louis Tomlinson doesn't do feelings. He doesn't do relationships. And when he has an itch to scratch there are always clubs and hook ups. Quick dirty encounters in dark places that feed the need that brews in the pit in his stomach. He works every hour of the day as the Front Office manager or the Clouds Westminster hotel in central London. He's a good boss, and he knows his shit. Then that asshat Styles swans in like he owns the bloody place and Louis's carefully managed world starts to fall apart. Harry Styles needs. He's impulsive and stupid and childish and probably the last person in the world who should be allowed to run the Food and Beverage department at the Clouds Westminster, however many brilliant ideas he has and seems to manage to miraculously pull off. He needs. And he needs Louis Tomlinson. It's a match made in hell. A recipe for disaster. There will be a bloodbath one day. They all know. Everyone knows.

Streetwise hercules || jacaranda_bloom || collge/university - fake/pretend relationship - 7k Uni AU, where Louis pretends to be Harry's boyfriend to scare away his one night stands.

#28th appreciation #1d fanworks appreciation day #fic rec #big bang 19 #my reads

[letstalksymphogear]

Symphogear, EP.7 (Cont.)

“i have not now, nor ever, liked this creepy ass church elevator.”

“kanade please get out of my head, just because im hungry doesnt mean you have to tell me every time i am”

Hibiki finishes getting a full body X-ray. She’s fine.

“that anime protagonist immunity is really kicking in well!”

“by the way, your wife is here! and she’s looking mighty miffed., as opposed to me, mighty milfed.”

“you dont strike me as a mother figure but ill play along for now”

“i just hope miku’s okay...”

“oh, she’ll be fine! see, i’ve seen these kinds of plots before. big secret revealed, another lover is shown, the victim watches as they’re thoroughly cheated on, and they get to lik-”

“please stop breathing”

Genjuro’s wasting away again in Margaritaville. Looking for some daughter to adopt. SOME PEOPLE SAY THAT THERE’S A, WOOOOMAAAAAN TO BLAAAAAAAAAAME, BUT HE KNOWS

XYLOPHONE RIFF

THAT’S IT’S ALL HIS FAULT

XYLOPHONE RIFF

“i hate it when he gets like this. jimmy buffets not a good look for him.”

“for once you and i agree. seeing the commander sulk like this like a middle aged perma-tourist is genuinely miserable”

“hey homies! im back and i brought some bitches! oh, jesus, why does this place smell like mistakes in miami?”

“its me. im sorry. every time i feel like i failed as a dad, my anti-dad energies manifest. imagine every midlife crisis rolled up into a single ball, smacked into the face for eternity. thats the depth of my pain for failing this girl.”

In a moment of positivity, the friendship between Tsubasa and Hibiki is cemented.

> Tsubasa has joined the party.

“FRIENDSHIP!”

“fweindship.”

“uuuuhhhhh... dadship? yeah thats close enough.”

“WE’RE ALL GOOD FRIENDS!”

“ya tiddies are ringing again, better go get it”

Ryoko also points out that Hibiki’s relic is fusing with herself at an alarming rate. This is important to keep in mind.

Meanwhile, at night.

Miku is posing in the motherly “you done fucked up, where have you been young lady” position. A cold scolding is coming.

“.........................hey miku......”

“you can come in. are you worried im gonna bite? you suplexed a car. that shouldn’t be an issue anymore.”

“miku, i.... i wanted to tell you.... but.... the plot wouldn’t let me, miku....”

“should’ve told the plot to fuck off anyway. now you’re gonna live with that. you’re sleeping... on the bottom bunk.”

“b.... b..... b...... b.... b...... bottom bunk...?”

They slept separately that night. God, this is so stupid. All of this is so goddamned stupid. “I’m so mad at you even though you saved my life.” This is just so. AUGH. THIS IS DUMB. KANEKO WRITE BETTER ANGST THAT MAKES SENSE THAT ISN’T THIS.

Meanwhile, far away from this garbage...

Chris, having been evicted from Fine’s McMansion, wanders the streets of mumblemumble aimlessly. Don’t be fooled by her new fancy dress. Basically, she’s a combat-competent hobo.

“no food. no home. no victories. this sucks. whyd you do it, fine? we coulda been great together. but no. ya fired me. now i look like im prancing the red light district with a highly advanced superweapon around my neck.”

“no... hibiki’s to blame. ever since that genderbent little mac showed up to fight me, it’s been all downhill. fine thought me a laughstock because i couldnt take out her oversized boxing gloves, and now she beat me while i had nehushtan. god... i wish i never met that damn hamster faced chubby cheeked nerd.”

“wait, whats that crying”

Chris spies two kids talking to each other, one of them crying. Chris immediately makes an assumption, believing the big bro is bullying his sis.

“hey! stop nicking her lunch money, twerp”

Chris currently is a firm believer of corporeal punishment.

But the sister deflects the blow. Chris can’t even defeat children right now. Truly, this is a record low for her. You know you blew it when even kids are schooling you on basic morality. She then tells the little girl to stop crying, ironically mirroring her brother.

The infamous double T-Pose maneuver. Chris, you might as well get a shovel and start digging your own grave.

“i keep doing bad things badly, and now im doing good things badly... when fine said i was bad... did she just mean im not talented?”

Chris, finally, does a good thing and helps these kids find their parents.

“yeah. hibiki saved a kid when she got her gear. guess what? bam! im saving two! that’s fifty percent more kid per kid saved. take that, weirdo.”

The kids call her out on Chris singing unconsciously, and Chris gets flustered over it. Dawwwwww.

Chris manages to get them to safety to their Dad...

...while brutally lying about it, making Chris look like a predator. There’s a very crushing irony at play here, given who Chris used to serve.

“ugggggggggggggggghhhhhh hes not even gonna payyyyy meeeeeee why the fuck did i dooooo thiiiiiiissssss”

“hey, you know. you kids have a really nice relationship with one another. care to give me tips on how to be an empathetic human being capable of making friends?”

“maybe we’re born with it”

“maybe its maybeline”

“maybeline...”

Meanwhile...

A cold wind blows through Lydian Apartment 69-L. (I don’t actually know if that’s their room number, I just made it up.)

“jesus take the wheel, because i’m jumping out the passenger seat to save this current wreck of a relationship”

“miku please i saved your life, doesnt that count for anything”

“you already killed me the moment you lied. also im taking the bottom bunk so i dont have to see your face coming down the ladder.”

“miku you cant hide in this depression den forever. i know i hurt you and im sorry for it, but please understand i literally couldnt do it. you saw there were punches and violence and stuff... i didnt want you tied to that...”

“what was that? i cant hear your apologies over my incredibly loud snoring. SNOOOOOOORE. SNOOOOOOOORE. SNOOO- fuck, i just swallowed my spit, fuck”

“i hope this cocoon of displeasure you’ve made for yourself lets you erupt into a butterfly of acceptance so i can fly with you again.”

“......thats not fair. you cant say those beautiful metaphors and get away with it. let me be mad... sniff... let me be mad...”

Sadness wafts in the den of lies Hibiki has been forced into.

No music plays. There is only heartbreak, and woe.

In the midst of this pain...

Ryoko loredumps about how the Symphogears work and are immune to the noise on her blog, ‘hornyonmainforscience.org’, her hybrid science journal slash kink zone. It’s mostly a recap with some pretty good soft techno beats in it.

“i made a custom brew of red bull, five hour energy drink, coffee, and cream. i call it gamer girl piss.”

“damn. that’s some good piss.”

She muses about how Hibiki has managed to break the limitations of her Symphogear, making her a totally unique specimen. Wait, where have we heard this before...?

Hey... Ryoko... let’s just... cool it a bit with the Hibiki pictures... come on...

Ryoko touches upon the Custodians and the Curse of Babel. We ain’t touching that shit until later, because that’s another shitfuck box of crazy just ready to jump us in a dark alleyway to rob us of our wits.

Back to Lydian:

“miku whats the answer to the first three multiple choice questions”

“B. A. D.”

“oh, thanks. huh, BAD.”

“yeah. you are.”

“mmm. taste likes dissapointment. just like my life.”

“hey table for two haha get it cause there’s two chairs and miku for the love of god, please, forgive me”

“ive surgically removed my eyes and drew eyelashes over them with sharpie so i dont have to see your bird bangs.”

“thats very rude to both me and my hair. also, wig.”

Even Hibiki’s meal is judging her. Mainly for not eating it. Fucking look at this. God, that looks amazing. Fuck, why did I write this while I was hungry.

“miku you cant do this forever. i might die and youll end up crying on my tombstone going ‘oh god, why, oh god’, and really, i cant live with myself if that happens. mainly because id already be dead by then”

The Anime Janai crew show up to break some icebergs with a goddamn sledgehammer. As the self-aware Gods of this realm, they got very tired of this poor display of angst, and have decided to directly intervene.

Nevermind. They came for her kneecaps, and they most certainly got them.

PLEASE. I’M BEGGING YOU. END THIS GARBAGE PLOT THREAD.

“look. imma lay down the facts. yall are gay. yall are in love. yall are angry for the wrong reasons. its nobody’s fault here but the writer. so please kiss and make up. pretty please.”

“kaneko... you fool... we all know what the original sin is. its your hack writing making this stupidity in the first place. let the pencil go, asshole!”

They bring up the fact that Hibiki isn’t doing her work and wonder if she has a job on the side, which isn’t allowed by the school. Miku gets annoyed and bails, with Hibiki running after her. Unfortunately, Miku runs faster...

“oh god miku not the rooftop whatever you’re thinking just dont do it! please!”

“no. i came here to angst, since this is the Maximum Angst Zone.”

“i..... okay! okay, that’s fair! rooftops are the perfect place to look sad while getting proper air ventilation, thats fine”

It really would have been better played if it was played off that she felt hurt not because of the lie, but because she felt like she could have helped her better having known the truth, and it being a self-loathing sort of scenario for not being there better for her and not fully understanding the risk at play.

But no, instead, we get this.

Absolutely obliterated. A heart ripped, shredded, and sent to the Shadow Realm.

The episode ends on that note, but has a post credit scene.

Naked. On an old timey telephone. On a computer. Wearing stockings and long gloves.

The main antagonist of the series, everybody.

She’s talking the best English possible to some random-ass American when suddenly bursting through the scene is none other than:

“I WANT WORKERS COMPENSATION YOU BITCH, BEFORE I UNIONIZE YOUR NAKED ASS”

“AND I WANT A GOOD REFERNECE FOR MY FUTURE EMPLOYER, AND ALSO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE SINCE I’M FUCKING HOMELESS”

“i paint my eyelashes with mascara made from the tar of freshly carbonated corpses manufactured through noise, what on gods green earth compels you to think id give a rats ass about you?”

“so you never cared, huh! you’re just a nasty naked hedonist trying to- trying to- what the fuck are you even trying to do?!”

“i want to live the dream every spicy little fossil like me yearns for.”

“I WANNA FUCK GOD!”

“how- what? what? how do you even- what? are you- do you want to be the pope? is that it? does the pope get to fuck god? are you- is this a larping thing? you’ve really been into larping lately! i don’t like this!”

“youve never read the old testament, have you. ass out, pussy bare, hips up and barefoot. that’s how god’s always liked it.”

“now get lost, punk. you tipped off my hand to genjuro and now you being here is going to ruin everything. if you still feel any semblance of devotion, eat one of your own bullets and call it a day.”

“it’s 2012 bitch, if the mayans dont get you, I WILL”

“what god gives, He takes away, and so do i. i built you from the ground up. your relic, which was good for jack shit on you. the nehushtan, which you failed to do anything with except zap a couple hundred people. stop wars? you’re a walking war, waged by me, for me. and your cartridge has just run out of bullets.”

“uh oh! hand’s acting up again! better bail before i send you back to smacktown where all the bitter little shittalkers like you strut around spending their lives being useless as hell.”

“ah fuck, im not dealing with no manos: the hands of fate bullshit again”

“and guess what else i got on motherfucker”

“i see the union efforts have officially been busted. understandable, have a nice day ma’am”

“LEAVE.”

“I’M GOING, I’M GOING”

#symphogear #symphogear season 1 #anime #recap #comedy

[klsywccds]

hello all! val back with another, jfc valerie revamp to Kelsey. a lot of her story is still the same && all of her connections are still in place! this is just a little more fleshed out to give her some more depth because i was having a hard time relating to her, rip. WARNING: this shit is long. val got carried away... again. what else is new? so here is kelsey’s new and improved bio !! sliding this in the ‘call’ tag as well bc my sunshine bb desperately needs more plots. did i mention that i love y’all? without further ado, read on!

[ alycia debnam-carey, twenty-five, cisfemale, she/her ] ━ hey, I just saw [ kelsey woods ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ 18 years ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ high school art teacher ]. I hear they’re known to be [ bubbly & creative ] and [ timid & sensitive ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ service dogs, deaf culture, over-alls covered in paint, succulent plants, sunflowers, pride flags, cup of tea ]

Kelsey Noelle Woods (nee Williams) was born on February 24th, 1994 in Gold Coast, Australia. She has never had much information about either one of her biological parents aside from the fact that her mother was a teenager. Kelsey was abandoned on the steps of a fire department a mere few days after her birth. It was a gut wrenching decision for her mother. As much as she adored the little girl, she knew that she wasn’t equipped to provide for all of the child’s needs. Kelsey never really harbored any animosity towards her mother for this but it did cause her to grow up with a deep-rooted insecurity and fear of not being enough.

After her surrender, Kelsey grew up in the foster care system in Australia. Kelsey hated every minute of it. Although some foster parents genuinely did have their hearts in the right place, most of the homes were overcrowded and the parents stretched too thin while also being weary of getting overly attached to the foster children. At worst, the homes were abusive. Kelsey always felt on edge and had an anxiety disorder from a young age. She had a hard time making friends with the other kids due to her never staying in one place for long. The little girl would go to bed and dream of finding a family of her own.

At the age of 7, Kelsey’s dreams came true and she was adopted by the Woods family. The move from Australia to Crownsville was rough for Kelsey. Even after the adoption was finalized, Kelsey was terrified that the smallest mistake would make her dads realize that they had made a huge mistake and send Kelsey back into the foster system. It wasn’t until she bonded with her adopted brother, Connor, that Kelsey started to realize that her new family wasn’t going anywhere. They actually wanted her around --- the first time in Kelsey’s life that someone had wanted her. 

She was diagnosed hard of hearing shortly after she moved in with the Woods’. After a couple of surgeries as a child, her hearing was partially restored in her right ear. However, out of her left ear she can’t hear anything. Eventually, Kelsey will lose her hearing all together. She can speak aloud but prefers to use ASL and can hold her own with reading lips. Kelsey never really felt like this held her back in life. It was all that she had ever known. Her dads insisted that, since her other senses became stronger, Kelsey was the superhero of the family. This started a life-long obsession with superheroes. Figuring that it would help their daughter, Kelsey got her first service dog when she was eight. Her first service dog was named Jarvis (after Iron Man which is her favorite movie). The dog was trained not only to alert Kelsey to sounds but also to help with her anxiety. 

School was a mixed bag for Kelsey. She was a naturally bright and gifted student, always at the top of her class academically and never daring to misbehave. She never wanted to draw unnecessary attention to herself. However, Kelsey was severely bullied by the other kids. She was bullied for everything from being adopted, to her thick Australian accent, to her disability, and finally for being gay after she came out in high school. She spent most of her time with the teachers. Her teachers always adored Kelsey and, ever since, Kelsey knew that one day she wanted to be a teacher so that she could help kids too.

Kelsey also fell in love with art at a young age. Although Kelsey is modest about her talent, anyone can see that she is a remarkable painter. She paints everything from completely abstract, to scenery, to almost scarily accurate portraits of people. When she got to college, Kelsey decided to combine her two interests and study to become an art teacher. She originally intended on staying in Georgia for college. However, after a lot of thought, Kelsey decided to take a leap of faith and go out of state for college. She accepted a full ride art scholarship at the University of Colorado. Since then, Kelsey never looked back. 

Kelsey moved back home to Crownsville after finishing her undergraduate degree. She missed being around her family so she got her teaching certificate in Atlanta. With her latest service dog, Gamora, by her side, Kelsey is in her first year of teaching art at the high school. It’s funny to her to be back walking the same halls not long after she graduated and even funnier to be working alongside her former teachers. As well as teaching art, Kelsey also runs the high school’s Gay-Straight Alliance. She is eager to prove herself and make her classroom a safe space for her students. She suspects her students are more interested in Gamora than anything else --- but hey, whatever works, right?

Kelsey is the ultimate sweetheart and would never dare to speak ill of anyone. Even though she’s had her fair share of heartbreak, Kelsey chooses to look on the bright side. She believes there’s beauty in the world and a good person inside of everyone.

WANTED CONNECTIONS

a page will be coming soon with more detailed descriptions! but off the top of my head: biological mother, biological siblings, foster siblings, college friends, teacher friends, artist friends, ex-girlfriend that she dated before leaving for college, neighbors, former bully in high school turned close friend. and as always, anything that your beautiful mind can think of!

TAKEN CONNECTIONS

adopted brother --- @conncrwoods --- kelsey’s #1 in life. she will forever consider him her best friend and he’s always the first one kelsey calls in a time of crisis. she’d do anything for him.

childhood friends --- @lvcybirch, @elirades, @will-blooms​ --- people that kelsey grew up with in crownsville and have stayed close over the years.

first love --- @tierneytaylcr --- tierney and kelsey met in college. they were each other’s roommate. right from the start, they hit it off and fell pretty quickly for each other. they dated for four years but broke up after graduation because kelsey wanted to return home while tierney wanted to travel the world and pursue her music career.

roommate --- @ellymunro --- honestly, kelsey believes they were destined to be each other’s roommate. elly is one of the only people who is just as nerdy as kelsey is. she can’t imagine living with anyone else.

current girlfriend --- @silver-sixx --- in true kelsey fashion, kelsey was crushing hard on silver ever since they met on the booze cruise. completely flustered, kelsey accidentally introduced herself as batman. kelsey was sure that she completely ruined her chances until a month later, when silver kissed her in a coffee shop. they’ve been together ever since.

close friend / lowkey bad influence --- @amara-lange --- whereas kelsey has always played it safe and never wanted any trouble, amara always presses kelsey to get out of her comfort zone. kelsey is always nervous but ends up loving it. almost all of her ‘wild’ stories happened with amara.

#crownsvilleintro #crownsvillecall #ableism tw #mental illness tw #abuse tw

[aliceviceroy]

Rachael Denhollander’s college-aged abuser began grooming her when she was 7. Each week, as Denhollander left Sunday school at Westwood Baptist Church in Kalamazoo, Mich., he was there to walk her to her parents’ Bible-study classroom on the other side of the building. He brought Denhollander gifts and asked her parents for her clothing size so he could buy her dresses. He was always a little too eager with a hug. The Denhollanders led one of the church’s ministries out of their home, which meant the man would visit their house regularly, often encouraging Rachael to sit on his lap, they recalled.

The man’s behavior caught the attention of a fellow congregant, who informed Sandy Burdick, a licensed counselor who led the church’s sexual-abuse support group. Burdick says she warned Denhollander’s parents that the man was showing classic signs of grooming behavior. They were worried, but they also feared misreading the situation and falsely accusing an innocent student, according to Camille Moxon, Denhollander’s mom. So they turned to their closest friends, their Bible-study group, for support.

The overwhelming response was: You’re overreacting. One family even told them that their kids could no longer play together, because they didn’t want to be accused next, Moxon says. Hearing this, Denhollander’s parents decided that, unless the college student committed an aggressive, sexual act, there was nothing they could do.

No one knew that, months earlier, he already had.

One night, while sitting in the family’s living room, surrounded by people, the college student masturbated while Denhollander sat on his lap, she recalls. It wasn’t until two years later that she was able to articulate to her parents what had happened. By that point, the student had left the church. Moxon was furious that her church community hadn’t listened. But she never told anyone what had happened to Rachael. “We had already tried once and weren’t believed,” Moxon says. “What was the point?”

Today, Denhollander can see how her church, which has since shut down, failed to protect her. But as a child, all she knew from her parents was that her abuse had made their church mad and that she wasn’t able to play with some of her friends. She blamed herself — and resolved that, if anyone else ever abused her, she wouldn’t mention it.

And so when Larry Nassar used his prestige as a doctor for the USA Gymnastics program to sexually assault Denhollander, she held to her vow. She wouldn’t put her family through something like that again. Her church had made it clear: No one believes victims.

Across the United States, evangelical churches are failing to protect victims of sexual abuse among their members. As the #MeToo movement has swept into communities of faith, several high-profile leaders have fallen: Paige Patterson, the president of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, was forced into early retirement this month after reports that he’d told a rape victim to forgive her assailant rather than call the police. Illinois megachurch pastor Bill Hybels similarly retired early after several women said he’d dispensed lewd comments, unwanted kisses and invitations to hotel rooms.

So many Christian churches in the United States do so much good — nourishing the soul, comforting the sick, providing services, counseling congregants, teaching Jesus’s example, and even working to fight sexual abuse and harassment. But like in any community of faith, there is also sin — often silenced, ignored and denied — and it is much more common than many want to believe. It has often led to failures by evangelicals to report sexual abuse, respond appropriately to victims and change the institutional cultures that enabled the abuse in the first place.

Without a centralized theological body, evangelical policies and cultures vary radically, and while some church leaders have worked to prevent abuse and harassment, many have not. The causes are manifold: authoritarian leadership, twisted theology, institutional protection, obliviousness about the problem and, perhaps most shocking, a diminishment of the trauma sexual abuse creates — especially surprising in a church culture that believes strongly in the sanctity of sex. “Sexual abuse is the most underreported thing — both in and outside the church — that exists,” says Boz Tchividjian, a grandson of Billy Graham and a former Florida assistant state attorney.

As a prosecutor, Tchividjian saw dozens of sexual abuse victims harmed by a church’s response to them. (In one case, a pastor did not report a sexual offender in his church because the man had repented. The offender was arrested only after he had abused five more children.) In 2004, Tchividjian founded the nonprofit organization Godly Response to Abuse in the Christian Environment (GRACE), which trains Christian institutions in how to prevent sexual abuse and performs independent investigations when churches face an abuse crisis. Tchividjian says sexual abuse in evangelicalism rivals the Catholic Church scandal of the early 2000s.

Diagnosing the scope of the problem isn’t easy, because there’s no hard data. The most commonly referenced study shows how difficult it is to find accurate statistics. In that 2007 report, the three largest insurers of churches and Christian nonprofits said they received about 260 claims of sexual abuse against a minor each year. Those figures, though, exclude groups covered by other insurers, victims older than 18, people whose cases weren’t disclosed to insurance companies and the many who, like Denhollander, never came forward. In other words, the research doesn’t include what is certainly the vast majority of sexual abuse. The sex advice columnist and LGBT rights advocate Dan Savage, tired of what he called the hypocrisy of conservatives who believe that gays molest children, compiled his own list that documents more than 100 instances of youth pastors around the country who, between 2008 and 2016, were accused of, arrested for or convicted of sexually abusing minors in a religious setting.

The problem in collecting data stems, in part, from the loose or nonexistent hierarchy in evangelicalism. Catholic Church abusers benefited from an institutional cover-up, but that same bureaucracy enabled reporters to document a systemic scandal. In contrast, most evangelical groups prize the autonomy of local congregations, with major institutions like the Southern Baptist Convention having no authority to enforce a standard operating procedure among member churches. This means researchers attempting to study this issue have to comb through publicly available documents.

That’s what Wade Mullen, the director of the M.Div. program at Capital Seminary & Graduate School, did as a part of his PhD dissertation. He collected reports of evangelical pastors or ministers charged with a crime in order to understand how evangelical organizations respond to crisis. Over 2016 and 2017, Mullen found 192 instances of a leader from an influential church or evangelical institution being publicly charged with sexual crimes involving a minor, including rape, molestation, battery and child pornography. (This data did not include sexual crimes against an adult or crimes committed by someone other than a leader.)

His findings help explain a 2014 GRACE report on Bob Jones University, one of the most visible evangelical colleges in the country. The study showed that 56 percent of the 381 respondents who reported having knowledge of the school’s handling of abuse (a group that included current and former students, as well as employees) believed that BJU conveyed a “blaming and disparaging” attitude toward victims. Of the 166 people who said they had been victims of sexual abuse before or during their time at BJU, half said school officials had actively discouraged them from going to the police. According to one anonymous respondent, after he finally told the police about years of sexual abuse by his grandfather, a BJU official admonished him that “[you] tore your family apart, and that’s your fault,” and “you love yourself more than you love God.” BJU officials declined to comment for this article.

After he finally told the police about years of sexual abuse by his grandfather, a BJU official admonished him that ‘[you] tore your family apart, and that’s your fault,’ and ‘you love yourself more than you love God.’

That same year, 18 volunteers, staff members and interns at the Institute in Basic Life Principles (including many underage girls) accused its founder, Bill Gothard, of sexual harassment, molestation and assault. Gothard had enormous sway over a small but tight-knit collection of evangelical home-schooling families around the country. One of those families was the Duggars, stars of a TLC reality television show. Josh Duggar, the eldest of 19 kids and former executive director of the conservative Family Research Council’s political action group FRC Action, lost his job after reports that he molested four of his siblings and a babysitter as a teenager. For years Duggar’s abuse stayed hidden as his parents and an Arkansas state trooper — now in prison himself on charges of child pornography — declined to disclose the crimes. (The suit against Gothard was dropped. Duggar’s actions are now outside the statute of limitations. Neither responded to requests for comment.)

Sovereign Grace Churches (SGC), an influential chain of congregations, many located on the East Coast, allegedly failed to report sexual abuse claims during the ’80s and ’90s to the authorities and caused secondary trauma to victims through pastoral counseling, according to an extensive investigation by Washingtonian magazine. In one instance, an SGC pastor allegedly told a wife whose husband sexually abused their daughter to remain with him. When she asked how she could possibly stay married to a man attracted to children, she was told that her husband “was not attracted to his 11-year-old daughter but rather to the ‘woman’ she ‘was becoming.’ ” Two years into the husband’s prison sentence, SGC pastor Gary Ricucci wrote in support of his parole using church letterhead, and the church welcomed him back to the community after his release.

The wife no longer attends. Asked to comment on these episodes, SGC Executive Director Mark Prater emailed a statement: “We encourage all of our churches to immediately report any allegations or suspicions of abuse to criminal and civil authorities, regardless of state law or the passage of time.” He cited a program implemented in 2014, the “MinistrySafe child safety system,” that teaches member churches how to deal with reports of abuse. Ricucci — who, like other local pastors, does not answer to SGC officials — did not respond to requests for comment.

The evangelical defense of God-fearing offenders extends to the political realm. Franklin Graham, CEO of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, said President Trump’s “grab them by the p—y” comments and other crude language didn’t matter because “all of us are sinners.” During Roy Moore’s recent Senate campaign, a poll conducted by JMC Analytics of likely Alabama voters found that 39 percent of evangelicals were more likely to vote for Moore after multiple accusations that he’d initiated sexual contact with teenagers when he was in his 30s. “It comes down to a question [of] who is more credible in the eyes of the voters — the candidate or the accuser,” Jerry Falwell Jr., president of the evangelical Liberty University, said at the time. “… And I believe [Moore] is telling the truth.”

Jerry Falwell, left, president of Liberty University, said he believed Senate candidate Roy Moore instead of the women who accused him last fall of sexual misconduct. Moore, right, lost a special election for Senate in Alabama late last year after several women said he had made sexual advances toward them when they were teenagers and he was in his 30s. (Falwell: Alex Wong/Getty Images; Moore: Jabin Botsford/The Washington Post)

It was the same message 7-year-old Denhollander heard: Stay silent, because the church won’t believe you.

Why are so many evangelicals (who also devote resources to fighting sex trafficking or funding shelters for battered women) so dismissive of the women in their own pews? Roger Canaff, a former New York state prosecutor who specialized in child sexual abuse, tells me that many worshipers he encountered felt persecuted by the secular culture around them — and disinclined to reach out to their persecutors for help in solving problems. This is the same dynamic that drove a cover-up culture among ultra-Orthodox communities in New York, where rabbis insisted on dealing with child abusers internally, according to several analysts.

But among evangelicals, there is an added eschatological component: According to a 2010 survey by the Pew Research Center, 41 percent of Americans believe that the end times will occur before 2050. In some evangelical teachings, a severe moral decay among unbelievers precedes the rapture of the faithful. Because of this, many evangelicals see the outside world as both a place in need of God’s love and a corrupt, fallen place at odds with the church. (“New Secularism is an attempt to undermine and destroy Christianity,” warned a headline in Christian Today a few years ago.)

This attitude could explain the 2017 case of an assistant pastor at Agape Bible Church in Thornton, Colo., who was convicted and sentenced to 13 years in prison for repeatedly sexually assaulting an adolescent girl. The police investigation revealed that church leaders and the girl’s father agreed not to contact the police because the “biblical counseling” received within the church was sufficient to handle the case. According to an officer who interviewed the father, “His interest was in protecting the church and its reputation more than protecting his daughter.”

Partly, church leaders tend to circle the wagons out of arrogance. “I’ve worked with churches across the theological spectrum, from fundamentalist to progressive,” Tchividjian says. “They say: ‘I’m the man God’s placed in charge. I have the Bible. I know how to handle this.’ ”

But another, less visible problem is the overall attitude toward sex. Sexual sin is talked about constantly, and extramarital sex is considered a heinous moral lapse. (A student at Patterson’s seminary who told him she’d been date-raped was disciplined for being in the man’s room) It stands to reason that churches don’t want to air an epidemic of wickedness among their flocks.

When congregants believe that their church is the greatest good, they lack the framework to accept that something as awful as sexual abuse could occur within its walls; it is, in the words of Diane Langberg, a psychologist with 35 years of experience working with clergy members and trauma survivors, a “disruption.” In moments of crisis, Christians are forced to reconcile a cognitive dissonance: How can the church — often called “the hope of the world” in evangelical circles — also be an incubator for such evil? “Christians must decide whether to give into the impulse to minimize the disruption of the abuse, or let themselves see a serious problem in their community and deal with it,” Langberg says. “It’s when they find out if they truly believe what they say they believe.”

As an adult, Rachael Denhollander once again found herself at the center of one of these disruptions. The church she attended, Immanuel Baptist in Louisville, was actively supporting former SGC president C.J. Mahaney’s return to ministry. Mahaney had been asked to step down from his role in 2011 because of “various expressions of pride, unentreatability, deceit, sinful judgment and hypocrisy.” In 2012, a class-action lawsuit held that eight SGC pastors, including Mahaney, had covered up sexual abuse in the church. Mahaney and the SGC claimed vindication when a judge dismissed the lawsuit for eclipsing the statute of limitations. In 2016, Immanuel Baptist Church repeatedly invited Mahaney to preach at its weekend services.

Denhollander says she told her church’s leaders this was inappropriate, as Mahaney had never acknowledged a failure to properly handle allegations of sexual abuse under his leadership. But the church ignored her, and when Denhollander went public with accusations against Larry Nassar in the Indianapolis Star, a pastor accused her of projecting her story onto Mahaney’s. When she persisted, he told her she should consider finding a new church. (Maheney did not respond to requests for comment.)

“It is isolating and heartbreaking to sit in a church service where sexual abuse is being minimized,” Denhollander says. “The damage done [by abuse] is so deep and so devastating, and a survivor so desperately needs refuge and security. The question an abuse survivor is asking is ‘Am I safe?’ and ‘Do I matter?’ And when those in authority mishandle this conversation, it sends a message of no to both questions.”

At an untold number of Christian churches and institutions, the silence on sexual abuse is deafening. Statistically, evangelical pastors rarely mention the issue from the pulpit. According to research from the evangelical publishing company LifeWay, 64 percent of pastors said they talk about sexual violence once a year, or even less than that. Pastors drastically underestimate the number of victims in their congregations; a majority of them guessed in the survey that 10 percent or less might be victims. But in 2016, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 1 in 4 women (women make up approximately 55 percent of evangelicals) and 1 in 9 men have been sexually abused. There is no evidence suggesting those numbers are lower inside the church.

Those who do publicly preach on sexual abuse are often stunned by the response. Kathy Christopher, a pastor to women at Christian Assembly Church in Los Angeles, first spoke on the topic while sharing the story of her own abuse. Immediately, fellow survivors opened up about their experiences, Christopher says. “Sadly, my story was not an unusual story. It was heartbreaking to see how many people needed to talk about this trauma in their past.”

When a judge sentenced Nassar for molesting hundreds of young girls, Denhollander was there; she spoke at length in the courtroom, reminding Nassar that the Christian concept of forgiveness comes from “repentance, which requires facing and acknowledging the truth about what you have done in all of its utter depravity and horror, without mitigation, without excuse, without acting as if good deeds can erase” it.

It was a word of warning for a community that, writ large, has been complicit in minimizing or enabling rape, molestation and emotional abuse within its walls. Denhollander also said that one of the prices she paid for calling out Nassar was losing her church, referring to her experience at Immanuel Baptist.

When the pastors there saw Denhollander’s statement, they began to understand the damage they had done. In a statement released by email this week, the board said the church had sinned in its treatment of the Denhollanders and had sought their forgiveness. (Denhollander says she accepts the apology.) Officials also said that SGC pastors will no longer be speaking at their church while accusations against them remain unanswered. “In the last few months God has increased our sensitivity to the concerns of the abused,” the statement reads. “He has called us to look at our own shortcomings as pastors. He has allowed us to seek and receive forgiveness from those we have failed.”

Immanuel Baptist Church faced a choice, the same one before many American churches today: Face the sin in their midst and make the church a place that follows the biblical command to care for the powerless and victimized — or avoid the disruption and churn out another generation of silenced victims who learn, like Denhollander did, that the church isn’t safe.

#churchtoo #rape culture #christianity