9. Where do you think would be the weirdest place to have sex?
Hmmmm....a water park.
10. Would you have sex there?
Probably 😂 I’ve had sex in several weird places but I feel like there’s not a whole lot of hidey spots at water parks (at least at any of the ones I’ve been to....I think...) so I think it would be fucking crazy to pull it off haha
24. Have you ever took a piss standing up or squatting in the woods?
I have but it never fucking ends well for me 😅
87. What’s the shortest and longest time it’s ever taken for you to have an orgasm?
Shortest, less than a minute. Longest I honestly don’t know, I was edged for several hours before, but I don’t know that that counts? For how long it took like, just during sex and only in scenarios where I did orgasm, maybe 30 mins? I guess I’ll have to pay more attention 😂
If your argument against pro-shipping or other forms of sensitive media is "It'll make people think it's okay to do irl". Then the solution is to educate people on why things are harmful. Not censor it.
We know slap stick humor would be harmful in real life, no one looks at a cartoon character getting smashed with a piano and thinks that would be a fun prank to pull on their friend. We're educated that doing that would seriously harm or kill people. Not everyone is educated on how difficult some animals are to keep as pets though, which is why a lot of people will buy exotic pets whenever a popular animal movie comes out, and release them when they realize they fucked up.
If you're worried about sexually taboo media corrupting people, then perhaps you should be fighting for better sex education, sex positivity and open discussion, better treatment for sex workers (including the porn industry), normalizing being open about std treatments and prevention, and allowing public kink spaces where people can explore and learn about safety in environments where others can intervene more easily if they suspect abuse.
Some people use ‘sex positive’ and ‘sex favorable’ interchangeably.
This is me stating that when you see me using sex positive I don’t mean sex favorable. And I won’t use sex positive to mean sex favorable.
The difference is quite important to me.
Being sex positive is a political stance. As Angela Chen says “[t]he question of who deserves pleasure [...] and the very definition of sex are political.”
I don’t know why the ace community took the term and made something else out of it (feel free to educate me). Of course there are ace people who want to have sex and are also sex positive. But there are also sex averse or repulsed aces that are sex positive.
Maybe they are feminists who object to things like ‘slut-shaming’. Or they fight for queer rights and want to advocate that queer people should have all the queer sex they want without being fetishized or pathologized.
Being sex positive is important to me. Until the only thing that is supported by society is heterosexual, monogamous sex, sex positivity is something that needs be fought for. And all of that is unrelated to my personal attitude or comfort level regarding sex.
That is the spectrum most ace people are talking about. The one regarding how comfortable they are with having sex, talking about sex, seeing sex etc. There is another spectrum, the one that is between sex positive and sex negative. If you want to see that spectrum displayed you just have to go on Lil Nas X twitter these days. You will see that the scale goes from the ubiquitous twerking to whining about the corruption of children.
I know the ace community has their own battles to fight. Compulsory sexuality is so omnipresent that fighting for the normalization of not wanting to have sex seems probably like a big enough cross to bear.
It’s everyone’s prerogative to not care about people’s struggles with sex if they have felt the crushing weight and pressure of a sexualized society all their lives.
Everyone has to pick their own battles.
I understand that sometimes it feels like the overwhelming majority of people escape these pressures because they fulfill the demands of compulsive sexuality by wanting to have sex and having sex. And although you already know this I think it bears mentioning again: Most likely your sex life is only supported by politics, law and culture if you are a white, cis, hetero, able-bodied man. (I am sure there are more factors. Forgive me for overlooking them.)
“Generally, heterosexual married sex is celebrated far more than unmarried sex, more so than gay sex or kinky sex. The world has not encouraged sex for those who are poor or for people of color.” (Angela Chen)
And just to be clear sex negative means not ‘only’ homophobia, ‘slut-shaming’ and playing ‘good girls’ against ‘bad girls’. Sex negativity can also mean victim-blaming and violence towards sex workers and trans women.
To be sex positive is to support people to explore their sexuality and gender without judgment and shame.
And I know many advocates of sex positivity don’t have the option ‘no sex’ in mind. But as ace community we can make sure to argue that liberation and equality means to have the choice to have all the consensual sex one wants or none of the sex. I think the ace community can have a lot to offer in a discourse about sex.
Maybe I am blowing things out of proportion and there is some unwritten understanding in the ace community that sex positive means something else in the ace community specifically. But even then, I think I have made it clear why I don’t support that notion. I want this to be a term everyone in the ace community can claim without misunderstanding.
[ These thoughts are not only inspired by the book ‘ACE’ by Angela Chen that I quoted but also by the podcast ‘Sounds Fake But Ok’. Especially their episode 150 which I will link below. I will also link two websites that I consulted.
So hear me out. One of my favourite songs of all time is "Let No Man Steal Your Thyme". I was first introduced to it when my Grandad hummed it to me as a child, then I heard the Anne Briggs version, but honestly I think this gorgeous tune sounds beautiful whoever sings it. I love the imagery and the melody so much and it's such a shame it has always been understood as a "better keep those legs shut girls! Don't explore sexual desires on your part cos men'll come along and steal all your pretty virginal qualities and then NOBODY WILL WANT YOU". As a demisexual girl myself I think it would be really interesting to see a more sex positive and aspec aware version of the song, where a lot of the imagery is the same but it's about the importance of connection and being aware that to let anybody in your "garden" (I.e to be intimate with anyone whether that be emotionally or physically) you should be aware it could have lasting effects on both of you. Instead of "every place that your thyme was waste" it could be a line about how you've exchanged herbs or flowers. And now even though there is sadness that you might not care for each other anymore, your gardens are both beautifully "spread all over with rue".....so anyway this is why I havent slept for three nights. Please can somebody more talented than me make this happen.
I don’t know if I’m right or if people are ready to consider this but I find it interesting
So I put this in the tags of one of my other posts (which got a lot of attention, like wow, thank you) but I thought I might as well make an actual post about it too.
I think sex positivity and repulsion could be applied to non-aspec people, specifically people who are not attracted to all genders (i.e. I’m not really talking about people who are bi, omni, pan)
For example, take a straight woman, one who is genuinely only sexually attracted to men.
I think it would be possible for her to be repulsed by sex with other women, have a neutral attitude towards it or enjoy it, and still be straight.
Just like an asexual can be repulsed by sex (with anyone), be neutral towards it or enjoy it.
I am not allosexual so I cannot prove this, but I do think it is possible.
(Also this can be applied to gay men having sex with women, straight men have sex with men, trixic people having sex with men etc etc etc)
I am not saying they couldn’t be closeted or whatever but they wouldn’t have to be. I think some of us are getting to be pretty good at realising that action and attraction aren’t the same with ace people, I just think it would be good to apply the same logic to allos.
If you include MAPs next to proshippers, kink, and BD-SM, I’m going to give you the side eye. One of these groups is into no censorship or kinky consensual sex between adults and one is attracted to children. That is a big difference. You have no right to judge what someone reads, writes, or does if it’s consensual and legal. Also, this really makes it seems as though MAPs are less terrible then they are. They want that. Don’t pander to them.
hot take the ace community really needs to work on that weird feeling of ace elitism i see so much. the idea that the “allos” are dirty and filthy and “corrupting everything” is something i see way too often and it’s genuinely gross. i literally had someone state how they thought it was “suspicious” that allos refer to the people they want to “adult fun time with” as “baby”, basically insinuating that allos are somehow pedophiles or borderline pedophiles for having sex in general. it’s genuinely very cringy to see and also gives a bad name to asexual ppl who are sex positive or sex neutral, as it tries to portray all of us as sex repulsed clean innocent babies who “don’t know what a sex is!!!” i’m a grown ass adult i’m not calling sex “adult fun time” 🙃
Sexuality is really something that can be so fascinating and intimate. It’s sad how stigmatized it is, mostly I think as a result of our culture’s very poor education on consent and communication.
I’m so lucky to have a community of people who are as sexually open as I am. We can just openly talk about our sex lives, our fantasies and our preferences with one another as though it were any other topic. I really think that’s a much more healthy way to think about sex. It doesn’t have to be this big scary secret that is either TRANSCENDANT or LIFE RUINING. It can just be a thing people do and talk about like anything else.
And it’s so interesting! How people’s sexuality develops, why they end up into the things theyre into...knowing multiple people who all share a kink but for wildly different reasons!!! Like wow!!! Cool!!!
James Bond style womanizing protagonists are over. Only ethically slutty dudes who respect the women they fuck from now on. You can and should have casual sex with multiple women without being a douche about it.