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unproduciblesmackdown · 3 years

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comet, moon, pluto, aquila, protostar

Thank You vm

Comet- What are you currently frustrated about?

lmaooo oh you know at any given time i’m weaving this rich tapestry of continual frustrations lol.....i’d say i’m in an Upswing Period of [simmering frustration levels closer to the surface] lately too lol like earlier in the week i pushed through a day or two there more casually but then it was like ah jeez here comes the malaise. more specifically today, even just before sitting down to answer this, i emerged from the bathroom to find there was a “dog has pooped inside despite having been outside within the last 10 min” shituation, which was wonderful.....annoyed from Waking by “smh at not being able to adjust my nocturnality, still frustrated about the near success of last friday being thwarted by the dead of night hammering debacle,” & regular Antagonizing Audio issues, aka being stressed by both the [loud, alarming] type sound & the [gross textural misophonia hell] type.....earlier i was like “where is the dish sponge” (still don’t know) & went to get a new, packaged one which had been in a drawer, but that one was gone too, good that there’s no pressing need to wash dishes rn i guess.....still struggling with the “well i guess i’m trying to put myself out there Socially” attempt to find relevant public discords, being generally overwhelmed as actually talking to randos in a group is A Lot & in theory it’s like well you meet someone Specific you’d enjoy talking to & branch off from there but unfortunately you can’t just skip to that step, also i do not genuinely Expect to get to that step either way, also i am not easily finding servers in the 1st place b/c it’s like, well i talk about Interests but what am i interested in? who knows. don’t do art “seriously” enough to rly wanna discuss it much, thought abt Language Learning but one i found wants you to have a verified account lmao like, no thanks. in theory i enjoy Socializing some but in practice it is sure a trial & i have not said anything to anyone anywhere yet, just a “well, not sure what else i could do here situation,” in theory take up an In Person hobby / group to make it all easier but that’s not happening. which, i was also Frustrated remembering oh right i spent a year as measured by my personal age in 1 location, both Pandemic & other [society] problems, & speaking of Interests & Hobbies not having them, i was also >:| over something having kicked in my Math Sensibilities (aka that i like math) & wondering like, would i have enjoyed getting more into math / some particular application, who knows, same but also even more so re: other things i get the sense i’m quite Into, like learning languages & ~performing arts~, which, i at least took math / math related classes into college level courses, which is not true for those other things (took a Language Class: never, took a theatre / drama class: for 1/4 of the schoolyear in 7th grade, & prior to that, just did a scene or two of a play in english class 4th grade, & the approx decade extracurricular of ballet, which is related but of course a different thing. anyhow, annoyed that i Simply Do Not Know & hardly see opportunities to find out on the horizon, although who knows.....which is related to being frustrated about [Society] some more like, thinking about “boy how different would it be if people were guaranteed the right to Essentials For Life like housing, food, medical care, both electricity & the internet Now A Days...” like, agonizing What If there, it is all so unnecessary that It Is Like This......just now someone made an unnecessary Post lmfao thank you xkit.......oh right, i was Frustrated, with an emphasis In Aro / Ace, about Media & Life, what else is new & then, you know, musings on The Theoretical Future & One’s Personal Past that would become even more of a like, audioscape: therapy session topic, these are frustrating things. and all of this answer has been stuff i remember getting Frustrated about in the past 24 hours. Also!!! that last night i was like, i want to play scrabble, so i looked up an online game but the Computer settings are a nightmare like, as far as i could tell the Difficulty settings were mostly attuned to Average Word Length but it was like, yeah you’re playing against this opponent given this effective total familiarity with the most obscure / archaic shit in the scrabble dictionary, not even simply the like, q words / two letter words ppl might happen to know specifically for the purposes of scrabble. there was also no “new game” button?? just had to refresh the page? smh. oh lmfao! also! you Know i was frustrated thinking about Billions, the series / interest that antagonizes you, jokes on you when you hone in on the Quant where it’s like, is he just meant to be the guy who sucks, plus he’s got depression....suppose they do at least handle him w/some sympathy / nonzero Care for this Char acter, but smh at sighing about [bracing yourself for anything promising (cough riawin) to spiral into disaster one way or another, whether it turns into a joke or plot device or just something introduced / built up / demolished for ambient drama/conflict].....what else is new. the periodic cycles of Billions Thoughts lol. was just frustrated at a video’s Editing Cadence basically lmfao. i also find it grating when the word “the jab” is used in tweets re: vaccination, which i just saw, presumably in the same sort of way where i automatically dislike the phrase To Be Fair or referring to food/eating with “fill / filling” or any variants lmfao, or earnest use of the description “hearty”......some words i hate the sound of no matter what, some i hate to hear used in a particular phrase / context......need to simply stop doing things in the middle of answering this b/c it will inevitably involve Frustrations lmfaooo. oh also i was annoyed to wake up to a clear sky. where’s that overcast atmosphere

Moon- Are you currently reading any books? If so, what book(s)?

i am not, but i’ve been considering it! just inconvenient b/c a) i gotta like, choose what book/s to read, & b) i have to read via laptop, which is kind of a pain, & c) like with everything, i always tend to basically read stuff all at once, but i’m also a slow reader lmao, so it’s like, okay, i’m probably basically devoting days on end to Reading Through whatever.....

Pluto- If you could meet anyone, alive or dead, who would you meet?

another classic Fascinating Answer of “i dunno” lol, i’ve never really had a go to answer for this or anything that’s particularly leapt out.....plus re: how i tend to feel nervous with on the spot socializing, the concept of like “if you could have dinner with someone” is too much lmfao like, a waste of time, i’d simply Be Nervous my way completely through it. the only way i could think of things is like, here i go giving someone an interview, i guess, and whomst tf would i feel Prepared to talk to lmfao. relevant to interests it’s like well of course you could ask w. roland things the in depth secret jared questions, or Any questions about quant n billions, but then it’s also like, well, there’s the questions I already have an answer for lol & either you have the same answer or i have a mini monologue, not like i don’t speak in mini monologues all the time if i have something to say at all, and my Questions go like that too lmfao, a disaster already trying to ask people about pertinent Information......never able to think of things re: people who have died, i suppose there’s fun answers re: like, getting lost / unknown Historical Info......when it comes to meeting people i don’t really consider it much in advance b/c i am nervous about everything & aware that any interacting is a Challenge lmfao. whenever these things actually happen, it’s hardly always a disaster, but i’m just improvising in the end. also, i could meet people i actually know but have never met, i.e. you, who i talk to but we are Virtual & Pandemic’d & etc & so on. but i suppose that’s kind of a given lol

Aquila- Do you prefer to read books or watch movies?

i think movies are less Involved for me, like, even if it takes me 3x their runtime (or longer) to watch any videos thanks to getting distracted & stuff, still quicker than i read a book, & unless i’m watching something for the first time and/or really wanting to properly pay attention, i can do other things while putting a movie on, whereas if i’m reading that’s the One Thing i can be doing. but overall i’m like “media, what media” whichever format lol like. haven’t consumed things, don’t often think of specific works i want/plan to consume, don’t often get around to it, etc. classique.....

Protostar- Give a random fact about yourself.

speaking of classic, me struggling to recall 101 info about myself or answer not that out there Questions, but when it’s like “alright hater what are you disgruntled about now” it’s like, Deep Inhale lmfao, but [are you okay? Is Anyone].jpeg on that one as well, we are out here......uh i’m sure i’ve said it before but i’m around 5′11″? maybe 6 ft tall but that might be overdoing it. sort of Average Tall but i am always literally looking down on people lmao.....and bumping my head into a low hanging light fixture around here.....

#nothingunrealistic1 #you know that's my On Brand query lol.....the three dozen ways of annoyed i probably am / have been on any given day

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rockets-capris · 4 years

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Some black youtubers I like you can support

So I’m not a very big blog. Obviously. But I figured what little influence I have I can use to direct people in this time to some underrated black creators I like since I spend all my time watching YouTube and feel free to add as always. Also this was originally supposed to be in order of sub count but that didn’t work out at all.

1. Jarvis Johnson.

Probably one of the most popular creators on this list with over 1 million subscribers but extremely funny and if you haven’t heard of him and you like comedic Cody Ko-esque commentary videos, go give him a sub. He’s reacted to many of the same channels Danny Gonzalez and Drew Gooden have such as Troom Troom and 5 Minute Crafts. He’s also a software engineer which is pretty badass.

2. Lana Summer.

Does mainly fashion and hair related videos but is very chill and easy to listen to. Sometimes I like to put on her videos while I’m doing things even though I 100% have straight hair and she does mostly curly hair tutorials. But she’s covered a large umbrella of beauty topics in her videos and if you’re the least bit feminine it’s highly possible she’s covered at least one topic that’ll be useful to you. She’s very pretty (lowkey crushing on her) and lovely and I enjoy her channel a lot.

3. The Curly Guy.

A highly underrated channel that does content similar to Lana’s but for guys! He’s a guy with long, curly hair and talks about how to take care of it. I am always here for nontoxic male positivity and getting more guys involved in taking care of their appearance. It’s very sweet to watch. He’s also reviewed bad hair products which we all like to watch bad reviews of things on YouTube, right, and once pierced his ears at home. So. Idk about you but that sounds great to me.

4. Jolie K.

We’ve got some black queer representation in here! She’s a queer woman who makes videos about queer women. She hasn’t uploaded in a minute but I think she’s still worth supporting. She’s done some cool story times about being gay as well as some beauty stuff.

5. Honest.

Honest is a drama channel run by a black guy who talks about drama between music artists and sometimes youtubers. He’s not only a black person in the drama side of YouTube but he’s a black man in the drama side of YouTube two demographics that feel excluded from that world. If you do like drama videos like Teaspill, it’s cool to support a POC in that world. I can’t say I agree with everything he says but that’s drama channels for you.

6. Ranting Minority.

This guy’s super new and super underrated! He makes spicy political content, is extremely eloquent and chill, which makes him good to listen to, and is a leftist. If you can’t stop watching left-tubers like I can’t, I would totally recommend this guy. He makes videos on racial and societal issues from a liberal and anti conservative perspective. He has less than a thousand subscribers, so I’d highly advise giving him a sub.

7. MacDoesIt

So this guy is also one of the more popular on here. Basically if you watch any LGBTQ+ content on YouTube at all he pops up. He’s like the Strange Æons of the mlm community in that respect. He’s super funny, does reaction videos, does some very comedic red carpet fashion reviews, just if you haven’t subbed to MacDoesIt, what are you doing?

8. Kat Blaque.

Kat Blaque has been under fire for certain opinions before, but all in all she’s a good leftist, political youtuber who is also a black trans woman. She does videos on LGBT+ issues, racial issues, lots of other things, and is a smart, beautiful lady. Basically you can’t be a political youtuber without being controversial so, decide for yourself if you wanna support her, I personally do. Also I am not a trans woman but I know trans women who have said she helped them figure out certain things, so that’s good.

9. Rickey Thompson

A black gay comedian who does story times and random funny videos. I also think he’s an ex viner. I’m only a comedic fan of this one but I do know he’s very handsome and I came from his LGBT+ story times. Just someone you might wanna check out. He’s kind of like Mac in some ways just like. Much chiller.

10. WiseJae

I love how this is a mix of semi popular youtubers and super obscure youtubers I like for very specific reasons. WiseJae is a very small youtuber with a little over a thousand subs last time I checked but she does videos about jobcorps and trade school and has recently started making videos about college. So basically. A cool guide for how to get your life started if you’re a young, low income adult or late teen. She’s also got a very pretty accent, soothing voice and . . . is just so fucking beautiful . . . so. So gorgeous. So like. If you’re like. 18. And you’ve been thinking about a place like jobcorps but don’t know how to start. I would say her channel would be the first place I’d go for information.

11. NotYourMommasHistory

I actually love historical fashion. And this black woman named Cheyney is a historical reenactor with a focus on African and African-American history, and often overlooked part of history and fashion history in general. She’s done stuff like historical head wraps and similar as well as talked about serious issues like sexual harassment. Most recently she did a video on white people misrepresenting Martin Luther King Jr. Basically if you like channels like Rachel Maksy, Bernadette Banner, or our meme mom Karolina Żebrowska, you’ll probably like her. Or maybe you’re just curious about African history. That’s cool too.

12. Rebranding Autism.

Black autistic rep! Jen is a black autistic woman who talks about autism, the struggles she’s faced and she was literally sent to the notoriously abusive Judge Rotenberg center and talked about the atrocities committed there. She’s amazing and has also made vlogs about her life, made advice videos on mental health that are relatable for many people not just people with autism specifically, tho certainly those too. She also makes music.

13. Tater Tatiana

Small youtuber who is in the anti Onision community. She reviewed Onision’s shitty books. She writes, does drama videos and does beauty videos as well. She read Onision fanfiction on her channel, Lilee Jean tried to take down her channel and she bounced back. I highly recommend the channel, I love Tatiana and I’ve loved watching her channel grow these last few years.

So, that’s my list, will definitely add more later, I hope this didn’t come off as pandering or me thinking black people are charity cases, which they aren’t, this is simply me, a white girl, trying to share some black creators I enjoy instead of just spouting my opinions on tumblr, since I come from a privileged place.

#this was supposed to be under a read more but alas #am on mobile #support black creators #black youtuber #blm #black lives matter #all lives dont matter until black lives do #long post #sorry for the long post #poc #support poc #feel free to add

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crystaljins · 5 years

Text

Take a chance. | 02

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 7.3K

Synopsis: You should have known the second your business partner asked you to plan his best friend’s wedding as a favour that it was going to be nothing but trouble. Especially when it turns out he’s in love with said best friend. And dying of a deadly disease because of it.

Hanahaki!au

Notes: The first three parts of this fic went through at least three different drafts. I changed the approach and character features so many times that this story isn’t even recognisable from the initial draft. But, once I added ma boi Kim Seokjin, this story finally hit a place that I felt I could happily write.

Warnings: Angst. Graphic depictions of vomiting. Mentions of illness and death.

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

“Thank you for meeting with me today.” The man says as he slides into his seat. He’s wearing dark sunglasses that obscure most of his face and a black bucket hat is pulled low over his brows. Perhaps he is trying to be inconspicuous, but the large trench coat and obvious attempt to conceal his identity just make him seem more suspicious. Not only that, the price tags hanging off his outfit clearly show that he’d only just bought them.

“What are you doing, Jin? Why’d you call me out here?” Seri hisses. She pauses to smile warmly at the waiter who hands her an ice latte topped with perhaps more whipped cream than is strictly necessary before turning back to her obnoxious co-worker. “Why are you dressed… like that?”

“So that I don’t attract attention to myself. Obviously.” Jin scolds. He leans forward to sniff suspiciously at his milkshake before reaching into a pocket in his trench coat and pulling out a large swirly straw. It’s infuriatingly childish. He glances side to side before placing it in his glass and taking a long sip.

“I’m going home.” Seri snaps, making to get up, but an arm shoots out and holds her in place.

“I’m sorry! I’ll be serious.” He promises, even as he takes another sip from the milkshake through the ridiculous straw. He does remove his sunglasses, though. “This is a matter that concerns not just you and me, but Jungkook and our… beloved… boss.” He begins to tear up at the final person on the list, and dabs awkwardly at the corner of his eyes. “We have to help her.”

“Help her what?” Seri questions, attention grabbed. Where her boss is involved, she is all ears. After all, you had given her a job when she’d been unemployed and desperate. And she’s determined to pay that back by being the best employee she could possibly be.

“Help her with her illness.” He confesses gravely. Seri’s eyes go wide as her mind scans through the long list of illnesses her beloved boss could possibly be suffering from. “She’s suffering from Hanahaki.”

The deathly silence that follows is testament to how much both workers care for their boss. The colour drains from Seri’s face while Jin looks down and another tear trails down his face.

“How… how can you be sure?” Seri breathes. Jin shakes his head gravely.

“Do you remember a couple of weeks ago when I lost that bet and had to take garbage out for a week?” Jin asks. Seri nods contemplatively as she remembers the event in question.

“You bet you could down 2 L of milk in one go but ended up spraying it out your nose all over Jungkook’s desk.” She recalls. He nods gravely.

“Well, I kind of tripped when I was getting close to the garbage and the whole garbage bag split open.” He explains. He pauses mid-explanation to take another unnecessarily long sip of his milkshake, one that has Seri twitching in dread and anticipation as she waits for him to finish his story. “And there were these red rose petals everywhere.”

Seri nods, but then frowns.

“But what does that have to do with (Y/N)? We sometimes get petals in or bouquets as samples for future decorations and two weeks ago she was doing that red themed wedding.” Seri points out. Jin nods solemnly.

“Well that’s why I didn’t think anything of it at the time. It wasn’t until yesterday, when (Y/N) brought up Hanahaki and was super shifty and blatantly lying about why it was on her mind that I got suspicious.” Jin admits. “So that night I went home and rang her brother, because he’s actually a doctor who specialises in treating Hanahaki. Just to ask some questions, but he was surprised and thought that maybe someone from our office was suffering from it, because (Y/N) had rung him too,asking about it right before me.”

“That is very suspicious.” Seri admits, and the evidence is starting to stack up. But there’s one vital piece of information she needs to believe Jin. “But who is she in love with, that doesn’t love her back? And how can we help her?”

Jin smiles widely and leans back in his chair.

“I was hoping you’d ask me that, dear, sweet, naïve Seri.” He tells her warmly, and all traces of his earlier tears have vanished from his face. “It’s none other than our resident space cadet, Jeon Jungkook.” He announces with all the dramatic flair of an actor presenting Best Picture at the Oscars. Seri grimaces.

“Jungkook?” She questions incredulously. Up until that point, Jin’s theory had sounded plausible but now it just sounds ridiculous. “You think she’s in love with Jungkook? The same guy I caught trying to sneak in a new printer without her noticing last week because he spilt banana milk on the old one?”

Jin nods, as if it is the most logical and reasonable conclusion to draw in the world.

“Well, not to be presumptuous, but yes. Can you think of anyone else? Also, haven’t you always been suspicious of the fact that they literally built a business from the ground up together and yet there’s nothing there?” Jin points out. Seri seems surprised.

“Why would starting a business together mean there has to be something romantic between them?” She responds. Jin looks mildly astonished before understanding sets in his expression.

“Ah, I forgot you’ve only been here a couple of months. Yes, Jungkook and (Y/N) started this business together. It was probably like… five years ago? They’d been running for about two years when that video of that wedding she organised went viral and then they hired me to handle the extra clientele that came in, so that sounds about right.” Jin says, launching into an explanation. “But their whole story is fresh out of a romcom- (Y/N) met him after her fiancée dumped her for dropping out of some sort of prestigious uni degree or something at some bar and he had some sad backstory as well that I can’t remember and encouraged her to follow her dreams. And then he ran into her again and helped her get her first client and then after two years of struggling to make ends meet that video went viral and here we are today, successful and happy. How can there be nothing after all of that?” He explains. Seri wrinkles her nose- despite her short amount of time working at this firm, she knows enough of the story to know Jin is butchering the story a lot.

What had actually happened, was that you taken a year off law school when your mother’s health had started to decline. Your brother had been forced to financially support the two of you by working ludicrous hours while you cared for her physical needs. Your fiancée, unable to cope with the emotional strain such an event had put on the relationship, coupled with the lack of time that came with caring for a sick relative, had left you. In the end, you had wound up working at a bar and unable to bring yourself to go back to law school after your mother passed away. The very same bar that Jungkook happened to frequent. After confiding in the sad, unemployed drunk boy you thought wasn’t listening over a period of time about your heartbreak and your desire to go into wedding planning instead of law school, it turned out he had been listening. Not only that, but he had a proposal for you- he, a business major, and you, a wedding planner, could start a business together. That way you wouldn’t have to go back to law school, and he would no longer be unemployed and nearly homeless. At least, that’s what she’d been able to glean from snippets of conversation she’s had with the both of you over the past couple of months.

Still, even though his story is still warped the original point still stands: Jungkook is clearly someone who matters to you, a lot. Yes, it was the video that went viral that made your business successful but you wouldn’t have even started this business without Jungkook. Jin makes a compelling argument- the coincidental timing of your chosen conversation topic the day before, and Jin happening to find the rose petals… it is all very shifty. Even Seri has to admit that.

But Jin isn’t done, and his next piece of evidence is perhaps the nail in the coffin.

“And she asked me this morning to start preparing a job ad for a new assistant. She said Jeon Jungkook is officially taking leave as of today- that’s why he didn’t show up and why we were flat out all day.” Jin points out urgently. “And I left my wallet in my car this morning and just so happened to be ducking down to get it, when I saw Jungkook’s car pulling out of the building. Which means he came in to work today! And when I watched the CCTV footage to check-“

“Woah, woah, woah, Jin!” Seri cuts him off in protest. “We aren’t criminal detectives! You can’t just watch CCTV footage of your boss because you want to-“

“That’s not important. What’s important is they had some sort of fight this morning and clearly, it’s because (Y/N) is in love with Jungkook, is dying of Hanahaki and we need to make Jungkook fall for her or we could lose our jobs. And the nicest boss anyone has ever had.” He exclaims, almost out of breath from his rant. Seri blinks. She wants to disagree. She really does. She wants to write Jin off as crazy and perhaps report him to you.

But… what if he’s right? What if you’re dying because your airheaded assistant doesn’t reciprocate your feelings? If he’s right, then they have to help you! She bites her lip contemplatively.

“Why can’t she just get treatment? We could sit her down and encourage her to see a doctor- isn’t her brother a leading specialist in the disease?” Seri points out. Jin shoots her a look like she’s just made the stupidest suggestion in the world.

“Don’t you know what treatment involves? It makes you forget the person who gave you Hanahaki forever. If she forgot Jungkook how can they run this business together?” He cries out. Seri is pretty sure she read something somewhere, back when she was researching the disease for herself that said that the ‘forget your love’ aspect of Hanahaki is just an urbanised myth and only the most severe cases of Hanahaki that have gone untreated for years require such dramatic action, and even those have been able to be successfully treated with just therapy in certain patients, but Jin sounds so convinced and sure of his words that it makes her doubt herself.

“What... what would you have us do?” She asks, rather than contradict what he just said. She cringes as she says the words because she knows she may regret this strongly depending on what Jin asks.

He merely grins.

“I’m glad you asked, dear Seri, because I already have a mastermind plan in place…”

“Yes, I understand that you want all black for your decorations,” You say, desperately clinging on to your patience. “But black roses aren’t really a thing. If you just agreed to the black baccara roses-“

“They’re still red.” Your client on the other end of the phone sniffs. “I want black.”

“Then having them painted is your best option.” You retort. “I told you I’d do my best to give you the wedding of your dreams but I’m not a miracle worker- you can’t grow black roses!”

“Please? It’s really important to us.” He begs. You dig your fingers into the bridge of your nose and sigh.

“I’ll see if I can speak to some plant breeders and see if we can get something closer to black.” You say with a sigh. “That’s the best I can do.”

You don’t hear whatever he says because you are distracted by the presence of Jungkook leaning awkwardly against the door to your apartment. When he spots you, his whole face lights up and he straightens. You wince as he waves enthusiastically. He’s not in his usual crumpled suit- instead he’s wearing an oversized hoodie and a pair of trackpants and he hasn’t even attempted to tame his wild mop of hair. Oddly, he looks amazing in the casual, comfortable look he’s going for.

“You’re here!” He greets. You watch him cautiously like he is a furious bull that may charge at any moment.

“It’s my apartment. Where else would I go?” You point out. “Shouldn’t you be at home resting?”

He nods sheepishly.

“Well… I did take the day off.” He admits. “But I thought you might have had a long day without me, what with no one to replace the vital work that I do, so I brought some supplies.”

You stiffen. You have had a long day, and that is to be expected when you force your business partner to take an unplanned leave. To be honest, you aren’t even sure what half of Jungkook’s duties are. You’ve just always done your thing, talking to clients, make plans, connecting with people, and then at the end you’d have money in your bank account. Jungkook has always handled your marketing and connecting clients and managing appointments while keeping the office running smoothly. Without him, you’d had to answer phones, contact the accountant and fill out complex paperwork between and in the middle of appointments with. Seokjin and Seri had done their best to share the load but even they’d felt the strain by the end of the day.

“I’m not changing my mind, if that’s why you’re here.” You sniff, stepping passed him to unlock the door. He presses in close and follows you into your apartment even though he is not welcome. He looks around curiously as soon as he steps passed the threshold of your home.

“This is a really lovely place.” He compliments sincerely- it should be surprising that this is the first time he’s ever step foot in your apartment considering the fact that you’ve been running a business with him for five years now. Even Seri, who has only been working with you for a couple of months, has visited your home before. But before this whole wedding debacle, Jungkook had always refused. He sidles past you and sets a plastic bag up on the countertop in your kitchen. He glances back at you before rummaging inside. “I realised I have no idea what you like to eat, so I read that interview you did with that bridal magazine a few months ago.” He says, and then he pulls out a block of chocolate, some grapes and a bottle of wine. You squint suspiciously at them.

“Jungkook…” You say slowly, about to ask him to leave your home and take the food with them. Yes, they were all guilty pleasures of yours, but you weren’t about to give him false hope that you would rescind your decision. “I’m not going to plan the wedding.” Is what you say instead.

He ignores you, turning to a cupboard and pulling out two wine glasses. He sets them on the counter and immediately begins pouring out the wine. Then he leans against the countertop beside you and sighs heavily, as if the weight of the world is on his shoulders.

“Why?” He finally asks. He takes a long sip of his own glass, sliding yours toward you. Hesitantly, you accept and settle into a stool next to the counter. “It’s not going to stop the wedding. It’s not going to cure me. And I’ll still be involved in the wedding whether you plan it or not. What do you think you’re achieving by refusing?”

You stare down at the ruby liquid in the glass- your distorted reflection glares back. He’s right. You’re not achieving anything. You’re just sticking your head in the sand and pretending Jungkook’s situation isn’t happening until it magically fixes itself. But that’s all you really can do, right? You can’t force him to get treatment and you can’t make his best friend love him back. These are all doubts that plague you, but if you are anything, it is stubborn. Your blood runs hot with anger at the way he’s trying to pressure you into something you’ve already decided not to do.

“Why are you so desperate for me to plan this wedding anyway?” You question, hopping off the stool and edging closer until he is pressed against the kitchen counter. At this proximity you can count each of his individual lashes and feel the way his breath has become shallower and hesitant. It’s out of anger that you press closer. You’re trying to intimidate him into backing off and leaving you to deal with the consequences of your decision in peace. His eyes flash at the challenge though.

“Why are you so determined to refuse?” He retorts. “Up until the engagement party, you were all for planning this wedding! What, suddenly things get a teensy bit more complicated and you’re out?”

“Finding out my business partner is dying from a curable illness is not a “teensy bit more complicated”, Jungkook!” You cry, the volume of your voice escalating. Any louder and your neighbours will probably call the cops on you. “Why aren’t you taking this seriously?”

“I am taking this seriously!” Jungkook shouts. It’s the first time in all the years that you’ve known him that you’ve ever seen him lose his temper. His whole face goes bright red and the tendons in his neck strain with the force of his shout. “That’s all I’ve been doing! Every, single, damn day, all I can think about is how hard this is! You think I want to be sick? You think I want to be here, begging my boss to plan the wedding for the girl that I love? Why do you have to fight me at every single step- why can’t you just do me this one favour? All I’m asking you to do is to plan a wedding for a friend and turn a blind eye when you see I’m having a hard time- is that so hard to do?”

“Yes.” You breathe, and your eyes have watered and filled with tears at his words. “I don’t want to have to watch your heart break.” You finally admit. Because that’s the real reason. You can’t stop the fast approaching train-wreck that Jungkook has managed to lock himself into. But you sure as hell don’t have to watch it happen. “I don’t want to watch you slowly die.”

Your admission is met with silence and when you shoot a glance at Jungkook, he’s staring at you like you’ve grown a third eye. Abruptly he breaks eye contact and his shoulders hunch.

“Let me come back to work.” He says in a small voice. “I know you think you’re helping me, but you’re just leaving me at home alone with nothing to dwell on but the fact that I’m ill and…” His voice cracks. “That she…” He whirls around so that he’s no longer facing you and is unable to finish his sentence. He changes the subject. “Wow, I didn’t know my boss was so heartless,” He tries to joke, his tone falsely light, but his voice is still slightly shaky. “5 years together and you give me the axe just because I’m a little sick.” He shakes his head and makes a “tsk” sound. “Success has really changed you, (Y/N).”

You recognise now, that his attempt to joke around is his way of hiding, so you aren’t offended. Instead, getting slowly to your feet, you pack everything into the bag he brought with him and walk around the kitchen counter so that you’re facing him. He winces and looks towards the ceiling, perhaps to conceal the way his eyes are wet with tears and red-rimmed. Gently, you take his hand and place the handles of the plastic bag in it, wrapping his fingers around them.

“Jungkook.” You say softly. “I’m not doing this because I thought this would easy or because I don’t like you or because I think your job is replaceable or because I’m trying to punish you. I’m not doing it to make your life difficult. You’re sick, Jungkook, and sick people need rest.”

He stares at you with bewildered, pleading eyes. It is an exact repeat of earlier that morning when you had told him to take time off.

“There are other wedding planners.” You tell him gently. “She’ll live even if I don’t plan it for her.”

He stares down at the bag in his hand.

“But what if I… if she really wants you to do it?” He asks, even as he lets you guide him gently out the door. You don’t notice his slip.

“Well sometimes we don’t always get what we want Jungkook. But as your boss it’s my job to make sure you get what you need. And what you need is some time off.” You say. He seems to register he’s fighting a losing battle as the door swings shut- his hand flies out before you can fully close it.

“What would it take?” He pleads. “Hypothetically. If you could have anything in the world, what would it take for you to do this?”

You grimace.

“For you not to be sick.”

For all your bravado over forcing Jungkook to take leave, it really does make your life infinitely harder. Jungkook is a scatter-brain prone to double booking appointments and breaking expensive electronics, but his job really is irreplaceable- he hasn’t just been an assistant, or receptionist. His job was never as simple as answering phones and calling in the technician when he broke the printer yet again. He also managed the entire business side of things- from organising how much clients would pay for your services, to drafting contracts with them, to the entire marketing side of things, it had always been him to deal with that sort of thing. And it had been stupid and arrogant of you to think you could handle your regular duties on top of his. In your head, you had planned to look for a temporary replacement to work for maybe a year while Jungkook sorted himself out, but you barely have time for your own job, let alone searching for a replacement and training them up on top of managing Jungkook’s duties in the mean time. You’ve really screwed yourself over with such a hasty decision.

Your employees are quick to vocally and aggressively remind you of what a mistake it is to have put Jungkook on leave.

“My keyboard still doesn’t work.” Jin sniffs at you in the kitchenette, repeatedly dunking a bag of chamomile tea aggressively into a mug of boiling water. “I thought you said you were looking into fixing that! I can’t type anything and I’ve had two brides organising a wedding and a mother organising a first birthday party call me in tears because I didn’t answer their emails.”

“Well, you didn’t have to spill orange juice on it now, did you?” You almost snarl- you find your temper becoming shorter and shorter the more stressed and tired you are. It’s getting to the point that you’re hardly getting any sleep at night because you’re essentially doing two full time jobs at once. Jin’s eyebrows fly up, seeming to sense that you’re on the verge of snapping at him, and holds two hands up in a gesture of surrender.

“I’m sorry- It was an accident. But it’s really very urgent.” He tells you, and he sounds apologetic enough that you take a deep breath to release the tension built up in your shoulders and neck.

“I know. I’m sorry for getting short with you- I am trying to sort it out. I just have a lot on my plate at the moment.” You admit, and you feel on the verge of tears. Jin’s expression softens at your wobbly tone and he comes to stand next to you, resting against the kitchenette counter.

“Maybe we should give Jungkook a call.” He suggests gently. You tense, about to scold him for such a suggestion, but he holds up a firm hand. “I don’t know what happened or why you put him on leave, but you’re really struggling. If he does need the leave, then at least keep him around until you find a proper replacement- doing two jobs at once like this isn’t sustainable.” He points out. You wince because if it weren’t for your own stubbornness, you probably would have done as much. But you can’t- your pride won’t let you. You’ve decided that Jungkook needs leave and so he’s getting leave. Even if it kills you in the process.

Jin isn’t the only one- later in the week Seri knocks on your door. She strides in without waiting for an answer and leans in close so the two clients across from you don’t hear what she says.

“I just got a call from the bank- apparently there was an issue with billing that florist we contracted. I took down their number for you to ring them when you’re done with your client.” She informs you, flicking a gaze at the two clients before you.

Her interruption, though bearing bad news, is welcome- she’s interrupted two clients on the verge of screeching at you in rage. There was a mix-up with the venue bookings that you forgot to sort out between the flurry of phone calls you’ve been heckled with all day and they are not pleased. You’re barely holding back frustrated tears while Seri watches on, uncertain how to handle the situation. You take a deep breath, summoning all the professionalism you can access and smile at her.

“I will have that sorted after I deal with these two clie-“ You begin, but they cut you off.

“Don’t bother!” The one on the right, a woman in her late thirties’, snarls. She’s clinging to her fiancé’s arm like a hole might open up beneath her and demons appear to drag her to the depths of hell if she lets go. “We came here because we’ve heard so many good things about your service, but clearly it was all just good marketing- we won’t be coming back.”

She gets abruptly to her feet and storms off, dragging her balding fiancé with her. You take a shaky breath and squeeze your eyes shut, willing the tears not to come.

“Perhaps… I should call Jungkook? He’s really good with this kind of thing.” Seri suggests, and it’s so not the suggestion you need right now.

“Don’t.” You say. “My afternoon appointment just cancelled as you just saw- I’m free to speak with the bank right now.”

Your week carries on like that. You’re at your wits end by the time Friday comes around. You’ve promised yourself that you won’t do anything related to work for the entire afternoon. You’re going to ignore all the deadlines. Your business won’t crumble just because you took a Friday afternoon off, after all. At least that’s what you tell yourself as you take on your final task of the day- carrying a heavy box of fragile but expensive glasses that a client ordered in for clients to drink out of during their reception. You stagger as evenly as you can into the elevator and that’s when it happens- your heel snaps. It’s not a particularly high heel- just high enough that your ankle twists beneath you as it gives. You cry out, bracing yourself to crash to the floor and for the delicate goods you are carrying to shatter.

Only, it never comes. As you crumple to the ground, the weight of the box abruptly vanishes from your arms. Instead it is just you that hits the floor of the elevator with a pained grunt. Confused, you look up to find someone has grabbed the box from your arms before it could hit the floor with you and shatter all the contents inside.

“Are you ok?” Jungkook cries, gently setting down the box and crouching down before you. You’re so shocked that you are speechless. His large glasses are slightly lopsided on his face and he’s wearing a t shirt with a pair of ripped jeans. He’s not wearing the business attire that is required of all your employees- instead he’s dressed casually, like he didn’t plan on coming into the office today.

“W-what are you doing here?” You finally find your voice as he helps you to your feet. You wince as you attempt to press your weight into the foot with the broken heel and crumple back down- no doubt you sprained it on your way down. Jungkook’s eyes are wide with concern.

“Jin called me in for something urgent-“ He explains but he’s too distracted by your injury to provide the full story. “Did you hurt yourself?” He questions. You glance down at your leg- you move your ankle and wince when you find it too painful to rotate.

“Probably just a sprain.” You explain and he nods.

“I’ll help you, then,” He says quickly. “There’s a first aid kit in my office- or there was, if you haven’t cleaned it out yet.”

“Thank you.” You say quietly. “I haven’t touched your things. But you really shouldn’t be here-“

Your words are interrupted by the sudden flashing of the light in the elevator and a screeching noise.

The elevator is stuck.

“That’s your mastermind plan to help (Y/N)? Trapping them in an elevator together?” Seri sniffs, as she realises what Jin has done, watching Jungkook and her boss through the small security camera. They remain crouched down, close to the ground and she can’t see their expressions. “What if they get hurt?”

“Clearly you’ve never watched any kind of romcom ever, Seri.” Jin tuts. “This is a basic strategy- and this is just us getting started! Phase one! We just need to force them into the same space and hopefully the confined space will lead to them opening up! Besides, don’t act so surprised- there’s much more work we have to do than this before Jungkook-”

“Why did you agree to this?” She interrupts, directing her question to the elevator technician who has unscrewed the control panel and is fidgeting with the wires. He pauses, resting a hand on his chin as he contemplates the answer.

“For love.” He answers fondly. “But also, Seokjin here paid me $50 if I made sure they were trapped in an elevator together for the next twenty minutes.”

Seri whirls on Jin, the expression on her face utterly despairing.

“What… what else do you have planned?” She asks incredulously, pale and concerned for the wellbeing of not only her boss, but Jungkook as well. Jin considers her question for a moment, before shrugging.

“It’s a surprise.” He answers with a grin.

“How’s your ankle?” Jungkook asks awkwardly. For the past five minutes after ringing for help with the emergency button and being assured that the elevator technician was already working on it, the two of you had been sitting in a deathly silence. With Jungkook’s help, you had manoeuvred so that you now lean against the wall of the elevator, your sprained ankle stretched out in front of you. Your broken, useless heels are discarded in the corner. Your eyes are shut so that you don’t have to acknowledge his presence and can feign sleeping.

“The same as it was 5 minutes ago.” You answer, without opening your eyes. “Swollen. Painful. Will probably be better in a few days.”

You hear a tapping sound and know that Jungkook is probably bouncing his knee up and down. He has a lot of restless energy and a lot of pens have been dismantled at his desk from his fidgeting and a lot of office chairs have met their end because he’s constantly rocking back and forth. It’s a good indicator for when he’s about to strike up conversation- the noise stops, and he inhales like he’s formulating a question.

“How’s the office been?” He asks. “Without me? Is everyone coping alright?”

Not really. But you’re not about to tell him that.

“They’re fine. The others are urging me to find a replacement and I’m sure we’ll find one soon.” You say. Your sentences are clipped, and your tone isn’t unfriendly, but it isn’t exactly warm either. You’re trying to discourage conversation because if Jungkook inquires more into how your week played out, you may burst into tears. The last thing you want is for him to know what a hard time you are having without him.

He starts to whistle tunelessly, and the sound is annoying, but you don’t want to talk to him. At least he’s stopped asking you questions.

For about thirty seconds.

“What was in the box?” He asks. You open one eye to peer at him. He’s sitting cross-legged in front of you with his back slouched. He picks absently at his worn shoelaces on his crappy, frayed sneakers.

“Glasses. For a wedding I’m planning.” You say. He perks up at the mention of your business.

“Is this the couple who met at the Venetian Glass Blowing Factory?” He asks cheerfully. “I thought you didn’t have time to plan their wedding. How did you squeeze them in?”

You tense- you rang them up and offered your services since a lot of clients have cancelled on you this week following your subpar performance.

“I’ve had a few slots in my schedule clear up.” You admit through gritted teeth. Jungkook looks confused but then his eyes go round when he realises what you mean.

“Oh… that bad, huh?” He asks. He winces. “Not that I’m implying you’re bad! I just didn’t think people would cancel so quickly when-”

“When what, Jungkook?” You snap, patience lost. “When I’m essentially working two jobs? When I’ve been yelled at 32 times this week? When I’ve been getting approximately 4 hours sleep every night trying to organise all these events in between doing your job?”

“Well I didn’t ask to be on leave!” He retorts defensively. His eyebrows furrow together and his lips purse in a slight pout. “You’re the one who insisted I was unfit to work.”

“I know.” You snarl, and to your mortification, frustrated tears fill your eyes and blur your view of him. “I know I made you take leave! I know that everyone wants you back and this office is going insane without you!”

Jungkook’s jaw drops at your outburst but doesn’t interrupt as you continue your rant.

“I know your job is important and that it was going to be hard without you, but I was doing it for you! I wasn’t trying to fire you or spite you or punish you for being sick! I was only trying to help.” You’re full on sobbing now, but you’re so exhausted and emotional and the repressed emotions you’ve been pushing back for the past week are all bursting forth. “Is that so bad? Is it so terrible that I just wanted to look after my business partner? Why am I getting punished for doing the right thing?” You’re in full hysterics as Jungkook starts to panic, realising that he has no idea how to comfort you or calm you down.

“D-don’t cry!” He protests but it’s too late- it’s like a dam has been broken. All the stress, all the misery, all the overtime work has combined, and you feel like there’s an angry tornado of lava where your heart should be. “I know you were trying to help, and I’m really grateful for that- please don’t cry!”

He edges closer to you and doesn’t know what to do with his hands, so he settles for resting them awkwardly on your shoulders. You stare up at him with teary eyes. You’re not a pretty crier by any definition- your eyes have gone puffy and your nose is running and were it any other situation he would have laughed at you. But he has at least enough sensitivity to know laughing at you now would be kicking you when you’re down. Instead he offers you an awkward smile, one that is little more than his cheeks raising and him baring his teeth in an almost-snarl.

You’re so confused at his peculiar expression that you actually stop sobbing. You squint at him for a moment, before a tear-y laugh breaks through your lips.

“What are you doing?” You ask, taking the lapse in your hysterics as an opportunity to wipe away the tears running down your cheeks. His expression softens.

“I’m smiling at you.” He explains. You snort incredulously.

“You look like you’re in pain.” You say. He chuckles awkwardly.

“Hey! I’m trying to make you feel better!” He protests jokingly, relieved that you’re at least no longer crying. You frown.

“By showing me what face you make when you’re constipated?” You suggest and he actually laughs.

“I mean, since that’s what stopped you crying, I’ll take it.” He volunteers. He takes his hands off your shoulders and slumps next to you, being mindful of your injured leg. “Hey.”

You turn to look at him.

“Hi.” You answer. His expression is warm and gentle as he volunteers his next words.

“I never thanked you.” He admits. “For caring so much. Enough to keep it a secret.” He confesses. “And for putting me on leave. I know… I know you were trying to help, and it feels good to know that you’ve got my back like that. So, thank you. So much.”

At his words, an odd, warm sensation blooms in your chest. This whole week all you’ve felt is stressed and guilty, questioning your decision and worrying about Jungkook’s health. But Jungkook’s gratitude is liberating- you feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. He turns so that he’s staring straight into your eyes.

“And I know that you were only trying to help, and I’m really thankful for that but…” He trails away awkwardly and glances downwards. “But it wasn’t your call to make.” He admits. “I know you mean well, but it’s my decision on whether to get treatment, or whether to keep working, or whether or not to be involved with this wedding. You shouldn’t have taken that choice from me.”

The truth of his words hits you like a bag of bricks and leaves you momentarily speechless. Because he has a point- even acting with his best interests in mind, he’s your co-worker. Not your friend or your family or your lover. He’s your equal business partner, capable of making adult decisions for himself. And by forcing him to go on leave, you took that choice away from him.

“As for the wedding… I won’t force you to do it or keep pestering you about it. I should have stopped when you first said no and respected that. That was wrong of me.” He says. “To be honest, I kept visiting you because I thought I could convince you. I didn’t even care how you were doing or whether you were coping- I just made all these excuses to see you so that I could convince you. And I realise now that’s a really awful way to be. You’re not just my boss or a machine that churns out people’s dream weddings. You’re a person who cares a lot about everyone she meets and I’m sorry for not recognising that.” He tells you. His cheeks are tinted slightly pink at his heartfelt confession, and your own cheeks burn too for some reason.

“The truth is… the truth is that Minah doesn’t want you to plan her wedding this much. Yeah, she liked that video of that wedding you did, but if I’d told her you said no, she would have just found someone else. It was me that was being insistent because I wanted someone on my side. You saw how I almost exposed myself at her engagement party… I felt like bringing another wedding planner into the mix is just one more person I have to hide from.” He slumps against the elevator wall and you take notice of the dark circles under his eyes, of his pale skin and his gaunt face… He’s lost even more weight since you made him take leave- earlier he was skinny but still looked healthy. Now he looks ashy and uncomfortable. At this rate he will wither away into nothing but skin and bones. Your heart aches for him again. “But when you found me… when you helped me and you didn’t tell anyone… I felt like I wasn’t alone for the first time in nearly a year. For the first time since Minah started dating Taehyung, probably. And I liked that feeling- I liked the idea of someone like you having my back. Someone who was strong and so determined that she literally built a business from the ground up, and you always call me your partner but really it was all you. And this whole thing with Minah has been so�� hard. I thought… ‘maybe I could do it if she had my back.’” He squeezes his eyes shut and you notice the way a tear trickles down his cheek. His glasses nearly hide it but you’re watching him so carefully that you pick up on it.

“I’ll do it.” You don’t even realise you’ve said the words until he’s staring at you with wide, shocked eyes.

“What?” He asks. “Say that again?”

You blink, startled by your own compliance, but then you steel your gaze and make your decision.

“My brother’s a doctor who specialises in Hanahaki.” You say. “He said that if the doctors have already recommended hypnotherapy then conservative treatment probably can’t do much but it may slow the progression.” You explain. Jungkook is still staring at your with confused, round eyes. “If you promise to meet with him at least once a week for some conservative treatment and then you book in for proper treatment once the wedding is over… I’ll do it. I’ll plan her wedding.”

Jungkook’s whole face lights up and he grabs one of your hands, clasping it between your hands. His hands dwarf your own and you feel like he may break your bones with how tightly he is holding you.

“Really? You’d do that?” He asks, and the breathless excitement and relief in his voice almost makes it worth the stress that will no doubt come with agreeing.

“For you.” You clarify. “And only if you get treatment. If Namjoon tells me you’ve missed even one session, then I’m cancelling on her.” You warn. You look away awkwardly. “And I guess… if it means that much to you… you can come back to work. But you have to promise me that if you’re not feeling well you let me know, ok?”

“Deal!” Jungkook cries joyously, throwing his arms around you neck and pulling you in for a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you so much (Y/N)! This really means so much to me. Thank you.”

And it is in that moment, with Jungkook squeezing you tightly to him like you’ll get up and sprint away if he lets go, that the elevator door starts up again like it was just waiting for the two of you to come to an agreement.

And if it’s suspicious that Jin and Seri are both anxiously waiting by the elevator doors on the fifth floor when they eventually slide open and release you, then neither you nor Jungkook notice it.

You’re both too distracted by the work you have ahead of you.

#Jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jeon jungkook x reader #btsboulangerie #writing

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boopypastaissalty · 4 years

Text

We Are Not Broken

The Session

Dr. Flemmings cleared his throat. “Now that all of you are here, let’s begin. The first thing I want you all to do is tell everyone what happened to you. It’s okay that you are here and you all have had similar experiences. This is a LGBTQ+ safe zone, so don’t be afraid. Who wants to start?”

Everyone looked at each other, none wanting to go first. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Logan took a deep breath, “I was kidnapped and tortured because of my gender and sexuality, along with Roman and Remus,” the twins both flinched at the statement, remembering all too well what had happened and what they had all been through together, “I have scars all over my body from the various weapons and beatings. It was hell, we were all malnourished and suffering, and I remember having to watch our kidnappers beat the everloving, pardon my language, f*ck out of Roman and Remus, I don’t remember the times I was beaten all too well, but it was all because some people thought not being cishet was a crime, found the twins and then found me.”

Dr. Flemmings nodded, “Use whatever language you need to, Logan”

“Does Spanish count?” Roman piped up, both twins were multilingual, both parents being native spanish speakers, their father from Spain and their mother from Mexico, in high school Roman took French and Remus took German and begrudgingly, at their parents request, taught each other and had become proficient in both languages. Sometimes the twins talked to each other in a strange mix of English, Spanish, French, and German, something they called Enspanchan.

“Preferably a language we all can understand, Roman”

Roman slumped a little, “Ay, lo siento” he said under his breath.

“Logan, do you have anything else to say?” Dr. Flemmings asked.

Logan shook his head and fidgeted with his hands, he had never been good at processing strong emotions, he usually distracted himself by researching and educating himself on random topics, incorporating them into his Sign Language lectures at the school he worked at.

“Uh well, I guess it’s my turn,” Patton said, interrupting Logan’s train of thought, “I was taking a walk, and some guy noticed the strap to my binder and commented on it. I didn’t think much of it, I ignored him and kept walking, but then he grabbed me and started calling me… horrible things and he dragged me into the nearby woods and…” Patton took in a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, “He took off all my clothes and destroyed my binder. He told me I’d be beautiful if I didn’t try so hard to be a man. He called me an ‘exotic beauty’ and kept asking me what kind of asian I am. And then he started touching me and…” Patton started full fledged crying, not wanting to say it. He got quieter and almost whispered, “He r*ped me… And now I’m pregnant.”

Everyone was silent for a few long seconds, Virgil finally broke the silence “That’s… horrible. What are you going to do with the baby? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Patton took another deep breath and said “I’m probably going to put them up for adoption. Someone out there probably really wants a baby and can’t have one themselves. I’m not saying everyone should do that, though, I mean everyone’s different.”

Dr. Flemmings took note of how much Patton was crying, “You feel broken, don’t you?”

“I feel broken, violated, I wish time would just stop for at least a little while. I wish I could turn back the clock to last month and tell myself to not go on a walk that day, but I know I can’t. I feel like I’m not trans enough, like maybe I’m not actually a man.”

Virgil looked at Patton, “Bullsh*t. You’re trans enough. You are just as manly as you need to be. You’re f*cking valid.” He clapped for emphasis. This was unusual behavior for him, as he didn’t like to have attention drawn to himself, but he hated it when other trans people didn’t feel valid, mainly because he knew how it felt.

“Well, kiddo, I don’t know about all that, just look at me”

“You. Are. A. Man. And. That’s. What. Matters.”

“Fine, you win”

During this exchange, Janus had been writing out their story and held up their hand in a sort of “Stop dooting your horns, you middle school band class” gesture. Everyone looked at them, they just seemed to have that presence, the type that made people shut up and pay attention without really trying. Janus passed around the notepad, which said: After a concert, a lady came up to me, nothing new there, and was haggling me about being nonbinary and how I’m just a “broken man” and then all of a sudden, I don’t really remember this well, I felt something swipe across my throat and there was a strange warm liquid coming from my neck and then it started to hurt. The next thing I knew, there was yelling and I was on the ground with my friend Ethan, he’s the drummer, Hel, pressing down on my neck. Lola, our bassit, Truth, was calling 911. I think I passed out, and when I woke up in the hospital, I was very confused. I was on so many painkillers that I was basically high out of my mind and the most important thing to me at that moment, for some reason, was chocolate chip cookies. I specifically remember being distraught that no one would bring me cookies because I couldn’t communicate that I wanted some. Anyways, that’s not important. This person probably ended my career, the one thing I actually wanted to do with my life, and I don’t know what to do about it. I might never be able to talk, let alone perform, ever again. Also some dumb*ss took a video of it and put it on YouTube and so the whole world knew before I had even arrived at the hospital.

Once everyone had read what was on the notepad, they all stared at Janus. They looked down at their legs. After a moment, Patton got up and walked over to Janus and touched their shoulder. “What else do you like to do?” he asked.

Janus shrugged.

Virgil suddenly blurted out, remembering the chaos after that concert a few weeks ago, “Wait someone put that on YouTube? How has that not been taken down?”

Janus shrugged, not knowing why either, and pulled out their phone. They found the video and played it, looking away. Patton and Virgil looked away from the video, while Logan and the twins watched, all three feeling bad that they couldn’t seem to pull away from the chaos happening on screen, like some sort of morbid scene in a TV show.

When the video finished, Logan, Roman, and Remus were in stunned silence while Janus fumbled to keep the next video from playing, the “What’s in your pants?” meme, which was when one time Janus and the rest of Duality were on a talk show, all in costume, and the host asked Janus the dreaded question, “What’s in your pants?” and Janus had immediately responded by pulling things out of their pockets and listing them, the items getting more obscure as they went “Phone, wallet, keys, worm-on-a-string, tiny rainbow plastic babies, a dead mouse, Quetzalcoatl? [Quetzalcoatl is Janus’s pet hognose snake], and a barbie head.” the clip had spread like wildfire and had become a large part of what Janus’s stage persona, Deceit, had been known for. Everyone in the band had their own costume, usually involving half of the face being different from the other, Janus’s Deceit costume had a Jack the Ripper vibe and they had makeup to look like scales on the left side of their face. Ethan’s Hel was an all black suit and the left half of his body was made to look like dead, rotting flesh. Lola’s Truth had a black and white lace dress and her makeup was meant to make her look inhuman and had several extra eyes on the right side of her face. The final member, Tori’s Valhalla looked like a norse warrior, the right side of their face looked scarred and they wore an eyepatch over their right eye, like Odin.

“That kind of reminds me of what happened to me,” Virgil said with a shudder once the video was over. “I was hanging out with my friend, May, after your,” Virgil pointed at Janus, “concert and ended up crashing at her place. I tend to sleep pretty heavily, so I was surprised when I woke up on the autopsy table for the mortuary science program at the college I used to go to. I had barely woken up before I felt something that felt like a punch in my abdomen. I saw May, she had a knife and looked angry, she stabbed me four more times, repeatedly calling me a dirty tr*nny. I don’t think she realized I was awake. Thing is, she was the one who supported me the most during my transition and always had my back when I had first come out. That’s what hurt the most. She had apparently secretly hated me all these years and just now was releasing all that. I didn’t dare move until she had left and I started to crawl towards the desk phone at the professor's desk. I was almost there when I passed out. I woke up again to the professor shaking me, he’d always liked me and was concerned about me. He told me he had called 911 and shortly after I was hauled into an ambulance and carted away to the hospital, swimming in and out of consciousness. I think May was planning on killing me and having me be found dead on the autopsy table as a morbid surprise for the mortuary science teacher and his first period class of that day.” He was trying to control his breathing and he felt his heart rate speeding up. Virgil hoped that no one would notice and call him out on it.

Janus started writing and then showed Virgil: Was May at the concert too?

“Yeah why?” Breath, dammit, breath. Virgil chided himself

Janus scrunched their eyebrows and started writing again: What does she look like?

“Do you think-” Virgil cut himself off, took in a deep breath, and found a picture of May on his phone. She had a black bob with straight bangs and wore dark makeup.

Janus looked at the picture, That’s her, they wrote. One thing I didn’t mention before was that she had gotten away.

Suddenly Remus started talking “I’d stim and they’d hurt me.” Roman looked at his brother, remembering how Remus would make weird sounds, start shaking his leg, or drumming his fingers on whatever surface he could get to, and after a while their kidnappers had realized that Remus’s fidgeting and sounds were him stimming, one of his ways to try and calm himself down, started beating him more when he did. “And it started happening more and more because I was more stressed and then I had to force myself to not and I had so much pent up, that everything was a million times louder, even the smallest touches were too much, and my head felt so light and it was like I was feeling everything and nothing all at once, like I was both on fire and numb and I don’t know how to describe it.” Even now, Remus was trying to keep himself from stimming, he had his hands firmly grasped together and his legs were crossed unnaturally tight and he was visibly getting upset.

This was the first time Roman had even heard Remus talk about it. He hadn’t realized how much Remus had suffered and how different it was from how Logan and Roman had suffered. No wonder he was so despondent. He was overloaded in every way. Roman noticed how tight Remus was wound up and pulled something out of his pocket, a long, green silicone fidget toy that had small bumps on it for texture. “Hey,” Roman addressed his brother and handed him the fidget toy, “breath.” Remus took it and fidgeted, reminding himself that it was safe to stim now. “You never said how bad it was for you.” Roman said quietly.

Remus nodded, “I didn’t know how to say it.” He had nothing else to say.

Roman looked around after a long moment of silence. “I felt powerless. I’m almost always able to help, but I couldn't do anything. It was so awful only being able to watch, almost worse than getting beat regularly.” Roman fell silent again, not knowing what else to say.

“You feel like you have to be the hero, don’t you? You feel obligated to do it?” Dr. Flemmings asked. Roman thought for a moment and then nodded. “Since we’re coming to a close, I want to tell you all that you all did a good job today. Here’s what I want you all to do: Patton, read Galileo by Pual Tran, I think you’d benefit from it. Janus, I want you to write, I don’t care what you write, whether it be a song, a poem, a backtrack, whatever, as long as you express yourself with it. Virgil, I want you to use methods to regulate your breathing like the 4, 7, 8 technique and I want you to try carrying around a stress ball, same goes for you, Remus. Logan, I want you to express yourself more and come up with a way for you to get your feelings out in a safe manner. Roman, I want you to think about why you feel obligated to be the hero. And lastly I think you all can benefit from each other, as you have all had similar experiences. Thank you all for attending.”

Everyone started saying their goodbyes and started leaving. Janus met up with an older guy in the lobby who nudged them and said “Happy birthday, kid.” The older guy looked a little sad, like he was remembering something tragic. Everyone heard him wish Janus a happy birthday and started wishing them a happy birthday as well.

Patton looked at the guy and said “Is this your dad, Janus?”

Janus shook their head no and at the same time the guy said “I’m their brother. John, by the way.”

“You guys are siblings? Wow! I never would have guessed!”

Janus looked slightly embarrassed, everyone always confused John for their dad, which wasn’t too far off as John and his wife had raised them. “Yeah the twenty-one year age gap doesn’t help,” John said, lowering his gaze somewhat, just wanting Patton to change the subject.

Janus broke off from John for a moment, wrote something down and handed it to Patton. It said: He’s a little sensitive about family history. Mom died while having me and we don’t know who my dad is, so he had to raise me. That’s why he looks a little sad today.

Patton’s mouth formed a silent “O” as he slipped the paper into his pocket and waved goodbye “Have a nice day!”

John looked at his sibling, “What did that say?”

I said you were having a bad day.

“Oh, okay” he believed the white lie.

Logan was on the phone “I know dad, you’ve told me the story every year for as long as I can remember. I’m about to get in the car, so I’ll call you back”

John looked at Logan and whispered to Janus “What are their pronouns?”

He/him Janus wrote

“He looks and sounds a lot like the doctor who delivered you.”

Janus shrugged and started walking towards their car, a black Jeep, and got in, deciding to go to the cafe that John worked at, knowing that John had to go to work, and besides, they were hungry.

Masterpost

#sanders sides au #we are not broken #the tea is being spilled #hehe

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iblue-kitzune · 5 years

Text

Of Rising Calamities Beyond the Cosmos: Chapter 10

A/N: And now we have arrived at the final chapter guys! This one is a bit special because it serves as both a regular epilogue (NOTE: There’s a bit of time-skip in here just to let y’all know) and a Halloween chapter, so it’s a half-and-half kind of deal if you want to look at it that way.

So, with that out of the way now, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter! Happy Halloween everyone!

Droplets of water fell from the air and onto the rocky floor below, which was littered with puddles in every direction Jane looked. And the young woman took care to avoid stepping in one as she walked deeper and deeper into the darkness, a single blue flame lit in the palm of her hand to light her path up ahead.

“[Tell me again why are we exploring this dingy and damp dungeon?]”

“[Jane said she wanted to investigate this place a little bit more thoroughly this time.]”

“[Then why did she send a clone in place of herself and have the three of us accompany it?]”

“[Maybe she thought the monsters and wild animals wouldn’t dare approach her at the sight of us being by her side? I don’t know! I’m not exactly a mind reader or know the woman’s thoughts like you two think I do just because I spend more time with—]”

“Raiden! Gale! Inferno!” the three great spirits went quiet at the sharp voice of the clone and looked up. “I can hear you three you know...despite your whispering,” the trio sweat-dropped and turned their heads away from the moody half-spirit.

‘Finally...’ Jane let out an inaudible sigh when her great spirit companions switched to a different topic. Thank god for that. She didn’t have to listen to either of them complain anymore—even though most of it came from Raiden.

But she wasn’t focused on that. Right now, she just wanted to pass this section of dungeon and get to the next level.

And sure, it’s been a while since she’s last been down here, but it’s not like Jane had forgotten the layout of the cavern.

The floor above her, she knew by heart now. This one, however, not so much.

‘All the more reason to check it out.’

When the young woman found this cave two months ago and started to explore it, she made sure that she memorized all of the pathways and secret crevices in this area—well this floor at least, before she left. But now that there weren’t any pressing issues at hand here or any type of commotion happening outside of the cave, she was free to investigate this place without worry for the time being.

There was just so much energy she could feel in here, and so many shiny objects she could see around her, twinkling within the cracks embedded into the walls, and ceiling. All of them had an iridescent glow to them, and all of them were glowing a different color—from golden white, seafoam green, and baby blue to periwinkle, alexandrite, and coral pink. Any one of these could a rare item or ingredient for something; however, Jane wasn’t so sure about that.

‘Maybe I should take a look first.’

The young half-spirit stopped to pull out an empty transparent container with a handle on the top, and set it on the ground. She kneeled, and with her free hand, Jane tapped on it. A small section of the container glowed white and opened up with a chilling swoosh. Then she carefully stuck her fireball inside before pulling her hand back out, watching the hole close up and disappear.

Satisfied with her work, she moved away from her makeshift lantern and stood halfway up, making sure to crouch on the balls of her feet. And once she did, the clone of Jane bounded high into the air with just a single leap and latched onto one of the stalagmites hanging from the ceiling.

‘Wow!’ her eyes turned into stars at the sight of many items and gems staring at her right in the face. ‘There’s so stuff...huh?’ she trailed off with a silent gasp. But that didn’t last long as the look of excitement entered her golden brown-amber eyes, and replaced her awe.

‘Oh my god! Is that what I think it is?!’

She was in heaven right now, and rightfully so because she could see a bunch of stuff on the ceiling and higher end of the walls ranging from bottle based items:

Holy Bottle, Dark Bottle, Life Bottle, Panacea Bottle, and Syrup Bottle

To tool based items:

Banrea, All-Divide, Hourglass, Spectacles, Dried Peels, and Goat Horn

And medicine based items:

Lemon Gel, Melange Gel, Miracle Gel, Pine Gel, and Elixir

It was hard to believe that she was seeing all of this in one place since they would normally be spread out throughout the cave, or just be hidden in some obscure spot no one would bother to check, especially if it’s not sticking out in the open. But Jane wasn’t like others, and she wasn’t the type to pass up on stuff like this just sitting out here.

She was like a collector of sorts, and sometimes she likes to stock up on these items for future use. And whatever’s left that she doesn’t use, she mixes them together—much to the surprise of her friends who thought she was crazy for doing something potentially dangerous like that.

To her and everyone else’s shock, the mixed components come out looking totally different. They become a completely new item, medicine, or tool. One with brand new properties that changes after each use. It was something her and her friends had never seen before, and Jane loved it—so did Tony, Bruce, Peter, Shuri, and Strange (to some extent), who were like scientists in their own way as they, too, tended to experiments with things from time to time, magic or not.

Plus, it’s not like she can help it. She was a scientist—and a brilliant one who won the Nobel Prize many years ago at that!

And as such, Jane felt obligated to mix components with others and see what comes out of it. If the experiment turned out to be a successful one, then the next logical step would be the test the bad boy out and see what it does. If she likes the results of her fruits of her labor, she will keep the finished product and think about making duplicates in the future—which, nine times out of ten, she does.

However, if the whole thing turned out to be a failure in the end, then Jane saw no reason to continue working with the components. She would just dispose of them in the biohazard bin she keeps in her lab.

‘It’s a good thing I found these things. I was just beginning to get low on all of this stuff,’ the clone said as she proceeded to pick them all out of the cracks of the walls and ceilings with her telekinesis.

Two minutes later after gathering all sixteen items and arranging them in a giant ball, the young half spirit took out a black-light blue accented bag that had a star shaped zipper on it, and unzipped the thing. The pile fell neatly inside, and Jane zipped the bag up before making it vanish back into her pocket dimension.

“[Are you done with collecting items, Jane?]” she heard Gale ask, and looked down at him and the other two great spirits, who were all patiently waiting on her.

“Yeah!” she answered and let go of the stalagmite. “For now I am,” the young woman quickly added once she landed safely on the rocky ground.

Raiden pinched the bridge of his nose while Inferno and Gale sighed to themselves.

The clone gave them an apologetic smile before she picked up her lantern, turned on her heel, and took off with a light dash, then heard the three flying after her seconds later.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Thousands upon thousands of miles away from Snow Lunar Island, and somewhere in London, two animals sat on the front lawn of a huge two-story, thirty-eight hundred square-foot home that had a large walkway area leading over to the garage on the other side, and leading down to the sidewalk where a mailbox stood in place.

The first animal was a large midnight blue and pale yellow dog with extra fur that was colored black on its back and fluffy tail, which was tipped magenta at the end, black hind paws, black tipped pointy ears, and magenta eyes while the second animal was a large royal purple and white bird with teal colored markings on the sides of its cheeks, the inner lining of its wings and the tips of its feathered tails, which were also tipped white, yellow talons, and teal eyes.

The two were currently playing a game of fetch with Darcy, who decided to come out here and play with Jane’s pets. No offense to her friend or anything, but she got tired of waiting in the lab on Jane to finish streaming the mini expedition her clone, Inferno, Gale, and Raiden were on.

As exciting as it was to see what the inside of that mysterious cave was like on one of the three twenty-four inch screen desktop computers of Jane’s, she got really bored thirty minutes into the video when nothing of interest was happening. And so, she told Jane that she’ll be outside with Luna and Raymond, who is called Ray for short, sometimes—but only by his owner and her closest friends.

And that happened an hour ago.

“Luna!” she shouted, grabbing the dog’s attention, “Fetch!” and tossed a red ball with a white strip filled with black diamonds on it up in the air.

Luna barked and ran after it; however, Raymond, who she thought of like a little brother to her, swooped down and quickly yet carefully caught the ball with his talons. She stared in disbelief at the bird, who gave her a bird-like cry of laughter, and flew over to the human woman.

Darcy sweat-dropped and caught the ball Raymond dropped in her right hand. “Sorry Luna! I guess Ray beat ya to it!” she said to dog and almost rolled her eyes at the display of Ray puffing his chest out in pride. “Wanna try again?”

Luna narrowed her magenta eyes and nodded in determination.

“Woof!”

Before she could get ready, however, her ears perked up at the sound of an engine from a vehicle pulling up in front of the house. When she turned around and saw a dark haired man and light haired woman get out of a red SUV, her eyes lit up at the sight of them and three other people climbing out from the backseat.

“Woof, woof!” she ran over to them with Raymond flying overhead not too far from her.

Darcy looked up to see the two getting petted by Kagome, Sota, Morgan, Pepper, and Tony. Then all of a sudden, she remembered what today was and what was supposed to take place at the Devil May Cry shop tonight.

‘Oh shit! I totally forgot about that!’ she panicked a bit on the inside, and before she could say anything, the Stark family walked up to her with Luna and Raymond in tow.

“Hello Darcy. How are you doing this evening?” Pepper, who was dressed up in a modest-looking devil costume, greeted her with a small smile.

“Splendid,” she answered part truthfully before looking down to see Morgan, who was in a cute little fairy costume. The little girl ran up to her and hugged her. “Oh you look adorable, Morgan!” she cooed.

“Thank you Auntie Darce!” the little six year old said with a big smile on her face.

The young woman grinned down and patted the young girl on her head with her left hand. Though she laughed when Morgan pulled back and gave her a pout before deciding to turn away in the other direction, as if she was saying “don’t look”, to fix her hair.

“So are you, Jane, and Lady ready for the Halloween party yet?” Tony, who was dressed up in a handsome pirate costume, asked, raising a brow at her casual state of her appearance.

Darcy sweat-dropped. “Eh, not exactly,” she said with a slow shrug until she brightened up and waved her hand in reassurance. “But you guys can wait inside the living room while Jane, Lady, and I go get ready.”

The Stark family looked at each other then back at the young woman.

“That’s fine with us,” Pepper replied.

Darcy nodded and led the family along with Jane’s pets up the walkway to the house.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Jane stared at her desktop monitor, watching her clone and the three great spirits arrive inside of a brightly lit room filled with shiny gems that were embedded in the stalagmites hanging from the cavern ceiling. There was also some kind of runes, black in color, etched onto the walls, giant potholes that were either filled up with water or had a large glowing gem stuck inside of it on the ground, and a bunch of floating platforms gathered around a circle of sharp pillars that contained an unidentified rune inside.

“I sense a large amount of mana and some other kind of energy in this room,” she heard her clone speak.

“[Yes, I sense it too. And it seems to be coming from both the rune behind those pillars and further down the path I see up ahead.]”

‘In that case...’ Jane narrowed her eyes before pressing a button on the side of the wireless headphones she had on her head. “Alright, listen up you four!” she spoke into the built-in mic of her headphones. “Inferno, I want you and my clone to stay there and check out the rune. Run an analysis on it with the Magi Analyzer Spectro-Rod. And in the meantime, Raiden and Gale can go further into the cave and check the other sections out with the other six MASRs. Got it?”

“Yeah! / [Yes!]”

The young half spirit watched her clone pull out twelve intricate-looking silver and violet colored rods with shiny red gems on top of them, and distribute the items amongst her companions evenly.

With their equipment in hand, the group fanned out and got to work.

‘This will take a while.’

Jane pushed away from her computer desk and leaned back in her rolling chair. Seeing as the young woman had no further instructions to give to the group, she was in the mood for a little break. Maybe she can sneak in a small nap while she was at it too?

“Hey Jane!”

Well so much for that idea.

‘Aw screw it! I’ll just have another me take over.”

With a few simple gestures of her hand, Jane summoned another clone, making it appear by her side in a flash of red flames. Then she took off her headphones and turned to face the second clone. “Since there’s a high chance that Darcy is calling me to either come do something for her or drag me out of the house with her somewhere, stay here and watch the video and the other desktop monitor. Give more instructions to the group if you have to, okay?” she told her and handed them over to her.

Her second clone nodded and took the headphones, putting them on right away.

“Jane!”

A small sigh left the young astrophysicist’s mouth as she rolled around in her chair and faced her ex-intern and best friend, who was standing in the doorway of her lab and panting out of exhaustion.

“I thought you said you were going to be outside with Luna and Ray for a while? And why in the world do you look so out of breath?” she frowned at her.

“I was at first but then Tony and his family stopped by, so I told them they can wait in the living room while I come get you,” Darcy answered. “Oh and the reason why I’m so tired is because I ran up the stairs to put your pets in your room then ran back downstairs and came over here.”

Jane sat up. “Huh? Why didn’t they call—oh...” she leaped from her chair, her eyes wide in shock. “Oh god! They came to pick us up for the party at Dante’s place tonight, right?” the young woman grabbed her clone, who was looking so puzzled by what was going on, and sat her down in the chair. “Darcy! Why didn’t you remind me?” she moved away and rushed past her best friend.

Thankfully, Darcy moved out of the way in time to avoid getting ran over by her former boss who already bolted out the door and into the hallway.

“Hell if I know! Look, how the heck was I supposed to remind you if I forget about the whole thing myself?” she whined at the older woman and ran after her, but not before shutting the lab door closed.

“That’s surprising to hear coming from someone like you who loves parties,” Jane said over shoulder at Darcy, who caught up with her.

Darcy rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Let’s just hurry up and get dressed in our rooms then see if Lady’s up yet—”

“There’s no need for that,” came the muffled voice of Lady.

The two women looked up to see their other roommate standing at the end of the hallway, already decked out in an elegant kitsune costume she was wearing for the night. And to complete the look, she had a mask on her face that came with it too.

“You two are the only ones that are not ready. We have three hours until the party starts at seven. I suggest you hurry up on upstairs to your rooms and get dressed so that all eight of us can leave the house and get there on time,” she continued and turned around. “I’ll be waiting in the living room with Tony and his family in the meantime.”

Then she was gone.

“Let’s go before she comes back here and yells at us.”

“Yeah, good idea.”

The two quickly made it out of the hall, passing through the lobby area, and headed up the long stairs.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Two hours have gone by since Lady had last seen her two roommates on the first floor hallway, and she was starting to get a little anxious now. They were starting to run out of time. Sure the drive from here to the shop wasn’t far—just a thirty minute drive...if you don’t count running into any traffic along the way, but she rather be safe than sorry, and show up at the party on time. It was a routine of sorts she got into since she started working as a devil hunter all those years back and had to meet up with her clients at the destination on time, something that they —and even Vergil, who teamed up with her a few times in the past on missions, and he always made a point to meet up with her halfway so that they can head over to their client’s destination together— appreciated her greatly about.

‘Unbelievable...what are those two taking so long for?’ Lady thought to herself in irritation as she sat on the couch in between Kagome and Sota, who were watching and laughing in joy at their little sister standing in the middle of the living room, posing for the pictures that Pepper and Tony were taking on their phones.

Just when the devil huntress was thinking about getting up from the couch to check up on Jane and Darcy, she felt both of their presences walked into the room.

“Okay guys, we’re ready!”

Everyone stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the two, a collective gasp leaving their mouths at the sight of them.

First up was Jane. The young woman wore a long dark robe with pale yellow accents and a star symbol on the hood over a midnight bluish-black skin tight sleeveless tunic that had a glowing white star (with a black diamond inside of it) marking on top of an upside glowing white crescent moon sitting on her chest, which had a few stars scattered about. She also wore a full lavender and glowing white accented waist cape-like cloth —that had a slit in the front, back, and both sides— with an intricate pale yellow metallic belt on top, some black tights that were tucked into her tall brown heeled boots, and a long light purple vest with a pale yellow accented high collar that also had a transparent vest in the form of a cloth attached to it on top, and it stopped just a few inches above her ankles.

Then finally, to top the whole look off, Jane wore some large curled dark horns on top of her long stylized white wig, pale yellow contacts over her eyes, and fake elven midnight blue ears over her real ones. She also painted her eyebrows white, painted both her face and whole body midnight blue, and painted some white stars on her bare arms, hands, cheeks, and the bridge of her nose.

“So, what do you think?”

Up next was Darcy. She wore modest-looking one-piece black tube top and purple tights outfit that had small violet bat symbols on her legs, brown arm warmers with white fluff over her bare arms, and some black high-heeled boots on her feet.

Then to top the whole look off, Darcy wore some black-purple bat wings on the sides of her long stylized green wig and her waist, and green contacts over her eyes.

“Beautiful / Pretty costumes!” Pepper and Morgan cooed in unison.

Sota, who was dressed up in a jester costume, and Kagome, who was dressed up in a witch costume, looked at the two with impressed eyes.

“So cool! You nailed that one star-touched dude from The Dragon Prince down pretty well, Auntie!” Sota said with a grin.

Kagome rolled her eyes at her brother, “His name was Aaravos I believe, Sota...” and turned to her other aunt with a smile. “Anyway, your Morrigan looks wonderful, Auntie Darcy.”

The two said nothing as they beamed under their praises and compliments.

“Well...” Lady began as she and the Starks stood from the couch. “I think it’s about time we head out now.”

They all nodded and headed out of the living room, making their way over to the front door. Jane opened it, letting everyone else out first before stepping outside herself and locked the door behind her. Then she ran to catch up with the others who were waiting for her by Tony’s rental SUV.

It only took a few minutes for everyone to pile in the vehicle and buckle themselves in before taking off down the road.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The made it to Devil May Cry, which had been heavily remodeled since anyone’s (except for Lady) last been there, with two minutes left to spare. And the group met up with Nero along with Jude, Elize, Teepo, and Alvin, who were all wearing costumes, inside.

Then after walking further into the shop, they came across the Sparda twins, Trish, Patty, Nico, Nero’s wife: Kyrie, Jude’s childhood friend: Leia, Kagome’s friends: Shippo, Miroku, and Sango, Clint and his family, Bruce, Bucky, and Peter hanging out in the huge living room.

And since everyone was here now—at least the ones who were invited and able to attend, music started blasting through the speakers that were set up by the wall, signifying that the party has begun. It was also at this time the kids and teenagers went upstairs on the second floor to have their own party in one of the back rooms while the adults stayed downstairs and had their own.

Throughout the whole night, Jane and all the other adults played many games:

First, they bobbed for apples. And Dante was the only one out of everyone else that was able to snag the most apples from the bucket with Nero coming in second place, Clint in third, Tony and Jane tying in fourth, and everyone else following up after.

Second, they had a drinking contest. And surprisingly enough, Jane and Lady —who weren’t really casual drinkers compared to some of their friends— along with Bucky drank those who participated (Nico, Nero, Alvin, Clint, Tony, Miroku, Sango, Leia, and Trish) under the table.

Third, they all participated in a dance off competition that was held in one of the rooms next over after drinking some water and eating some snacks, which were laced with magic, that sobered them up. Too bad the whole dance thing ended up being awkward for some since they weren’t dancers; however, Dante, Darcy, and Sota slayed the competition with their smooth moves. So in the end, they ended up out dancing them and the ones who already knew how to dance.

And finally, they held a quick costume competition to see who had the best one of them all. It was no surprise that Jane ended being first place winner with Lady coming in second place and Darcy coming in third place.

The party started winding down near ten o’ clock, and by the time eleven o’ clock rolled around, everyone started cleaning up their mess. Due to their combined efforts, the whole group finished putting everything back where they belonged twenty minutes. Then everyone said their goodbyes to each other, and the Sparda twins along with Trish escorted their friends out the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

“Hey Jane...”

The young woman stopped in her tracks, letting Darcy and Lady walk past her towards their home, and turned around to see Tony rolling the passenger window down.

“Yes?” she asked, walking up to the vehicle. Then she blinked in shock when the man picked up a metallic case and held it out to her out the window. “What’s this?” the young half-spirit took the case and looked at it curiously. “What’s in here—” Jane trailed off with wide eyes when she felt the familiar presence of a certain infinity stone inside.

“Think of it as a “trick-or-treat” from me. I want you to look after the thing from now on—at least for a little while until we find a better place to stash the stone...” at Jane's confused look, Tony went ahead and told the woman point blank, “Reindeer Games’ been looking for it. Well, only after he left that morning before you and the others did and came back two weeks later.”

“I see...” Jane mumbled, taking a look around the area to make sure there weren’t any lurkers nearby. When she sensed none, she vanished the case away and asked, “Has he been causing you guys any trouble or bothering you?” in a serious voice.

Pepper frowned from her spot in the driver’s seat. “Other than the few unannounced visits he’s made here and there at our home, no. He’s been strangely compliant with us after Tony and I discovered him playing with Morgan out in our front yard, disguised as a black cat with green eyes no less, one day. Then, we sat him down before he could make his escape and had a nice, long chat with him after that,” she explained.

“That is strange,” Jane looked down with a muse.

“We haven’t heard anything “disastrous” on the news this past month-and-a half, so we assume the guy isn’t causing any trouble,” Tony added. “Then again, as long as Rock of Ages isn’t trying to cause chaos anywhere, take over a city, or kill anyone, Pep and I don’t care what he does in his free time. He can stay here on Earth without any complaints from us. And we won’t take any action against him either as long as he doesn't do any of those three things I listed there.”

Jane nodded. “Do the other Avengers know? And did they agree with this decision?”

Tony gave her a sly smile. “They do now. I told them during our little “get together” kind of meeting we held at the Tower last week, but that was only after the guy appeared and played a little harmless prank on us before disappearing. The gang weren’t too happy about it in the beginning, which I can understand. But in the end, they reluctantly agreed with my wife and I’s decision,” he explained. “I have no idea what Reindeer Games wants with the Tesseract—which the team also knows about too by the way. But anyhow, that’s not the point! From what Nero, Lady, and Kagome told me, he seems to gets along with you pretty well...” there was something in his tone of voice that made Jane want to glare at him.

But before she could do so, Tony continued on—and in a normal voice this time. “So, if you happen to run into him in the future, can you try to get an idea of what his motives for the stone are?”

Jane looked up. “I was already thinking about doing that actually,” she replied, repressing a sigh back.

“Oh good!” he sighed in relief. Then he cheered up and gave her a grin. “Well, have a good night Jane!”

“You too! And thanks for dropping me and the girls off, Pepper!” she waved at them both with a smile on her face. “Have a safe trip back to the hotel!”

The two waved back before the window rolled up and the SUV took off.

Three minutes passed by with nothing but serene silence. And once she no longer saw her friend’s rental vehicle in the distance, Jane turned around and started walking towards her home, the one she shared with Lady and Darcy.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The clone slowly looked up at the sound of door opening up behind her, and she turned around to see Jane, who was still in her Aaravos costume, standing in the doorway of the lab.

“Did you capture anything good?” she asked, watching over to her.

Without saying anything, the second clone nodded and stood up from the chair, removing the headphones from her head as she did so with a sleepy look on her face.

Jane took the headphones from her then walked right past the clone and stopped in front of the desk. She raised a brow and leaned down to take a closer look at her screen monitor. Even though there was no video showing now, she could see that it had been downloaded and saved right to her desktop along with a new file that she never seen before right next to it. “Hmm...” her eyes narrowed at the title typed on it. “Data Findings from The Cave on Snow Lunar Island,” she quietly read out loud.

‘This will be interesting to look through...’

The young woman placed her headphones down before straightening herself back up. And she stood there with her arms crossed over her chest, slowly going over what she read in her head. ‘But I’ll do that another day. Too damn tired at the moment to do really anything productive,’ she said to herself while covering up a yawn. ‘Now then...’ she uncrossed her arms and turned her attention back on the silent clone. “Since I felt my first clone dismiss herself about an hour ago, I’m gonna assume that Inferno and the other two went home already. Am I right?” at her nod, Jane continued. “Alright then, nice work. I don’t need you anymore for the night,” she said to the clone before sending her off as well.

Once she vanished, Jane shut her computer down and turned it off. “Time to go shower now then head to bed,” she mumbled, sleepily, and walked away.

However, in the midst of her wanting to hurry up and leave the room, there were a few strands of black fur and faint claw marks left behind on the floor, sitting oh-so innocently next to the computer desk that she completely missed earlier.

CLICK!

The door shut closed.

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sshbpodcast · 4 years

Text

An Elegant Weapon

by Chris

[Spoilers for “The Rise of Skywalker” follow, along with all the movies before it]

All images (c) Disney. All existence (c) Disney, eventually.

The lightsaber is an iconic item from a franchise that has been positively burying pop culture under iconic images, sounds, and music for over forty years now. Except that, when you really think about it, we almost never get a good look at them. Oh, sure, we’ve seen plenty of lightsaber fights with wildly varying styles across trilogies, but at the end of the day we mostly think of the glowing energy blades; think of a lightsaber and you’re likely to just picture a fairly featureless metal tube. Mostly because that’s almost exactly what the original saber - and the one we get the most close-ups of thanks to Episodes IV, VII, and VIII - was a somewhat-modified camera flash bulb mount.

With some tweaking, that simple bit of equipment would become Anakin Skywalker’s lightsaber, which would be passed on by Obi-Wan Kenobi (along with some DIRTY LIES) to his son Luke, before SOMEHOW finding its way into the hands of Maz Kanata. She would, in turn, try to hand the weapon over to Rey but settle for Finn as a temporary custodian before the former finally accepted her role in the Joseph Campbell cycle.

On the left above we have Anakin’s weapon from Episode II. Working backwards from what was seen onscreen in 1977, the filmmaker’s created something quite similar, but a little more bespoke and also integrating bits later seen in Vader’s saber. As that one is destroyed in the same movie, he has what will become THE lightsaber in Episode III, seen on the right.

Speaking of Vader, in what can only be described as a “happy coincidence” since Lucas didn’t know DV would actually BE Anakin until writing Episode V, his hilt is in a VERY similar vein to Anakin’s. Now you may think, well, that’s because they were just basing it on the one they already had. And while that is true, they could have chosen to go very different, anyway. As we see with the below...

These are Obi-Wan Kenobi’s lightsabers. Episodes I, II, and III/IV, respectively. So we can see, even with the flash mount as a template, the 1977 team came up with something wildly different for Obi-Wan’s own weapon. Again working out of order, the prequel designers decided to have Obi’s original saber(s) be a much wider departure from his final one, tho small similarities remain, like the studded base and a ribbed aspect. This is at least partly explained away by his basing his original ones on that of his Master, Qui-Gon Jinn.

And while you can certainly see that they are in the same family, Qui-Gonn’s is still quite a bit simpler, even more utilitarian-looking than Anakin’s eventual model.

Perhaps even simpler, however, is Darth Maul’s, the first double-bladed saber seen in a “Star Wars” film. With all the pizzazz surrounding that fact, the design of the hilt itself seems to have almost been an afterthought. Tho it does contain the Prequels’ love of big, obvious, red activation buttons.

In quite stark contrast, then, is the lightsaber belonging to Darth Siddious/Emperor Palpatine, Maul’s master. Say what you will about the guy (absolute prick, frankly), but he put some real care into making an absolutely unique, beautiful, and - dare I say it - actually-elegant lightsaber hilt.

Not that the prequels didn’t let SOME Jedi go a little fancier with their weapon of choice. Mace Windu didn’t just have a unique blade color (per actor Samuel L. Jackson’s request), but a damn pretty hilt. While most other Prequel Jedi were rocking gray-and-black, Windu threw a little gold into his, making it stand out among the other Jedi weapons seen thus far.

Then Yoda has to go and mess things up by being all dull and gray again, giving us what almost appears to be the baby form of Anakin’s saber. Let’s be honest, watching him fight with the thing is a lowlight of the franchise.

But hey, let’s not forget Christopher Lee’s Count Dooku! He’s a former Jedi-turned-Sith, plus apparently a nobleman of some kind! What his lacks in color it makes up for in a unique, bent hilt, HUGE activation trigger, and...whatever that thing is jabbing out next to the emitter. Seems like it should just get melted by the blade...

Hey, why are you showing Obi-Wan’s lightsaber again? I’m not! In the best way I can think of to segue back from the prequels, this is the lightsaber Luke built himself sometime between “Empire” and “Jedi”. Despite the Emperor’s comments that Luke’s saber was “much like his father’s”, it’s pretty clear it’s actually more like his first mentor’s.

“Ok, what the HELL is that?” you’re asking. THAT is the VERY-briefly seen-in-a-flashback lightsaber of Ben Solo, Luke’s most disastrous student/failure and future Kylo Ren. Very simple color scheme, it has a much more carefully sculpted design. But what’s of real note is...

Rather than made a whole new weapon when he fell to the Dark Side, Ren appears to have modified his Jedi hilt into his crackling, vented saber. A nice little touch.

Speaking of modifications! There are no good pictures online yet, but it certainly does appear that the saber Rey builds herself at the end of Episode IX uses the middle of her old bo staff for the hilt. A logical choice for a character we first met as a scavenger, No word yet if it has a second blade...

Remember, Maul could activate his one at a time, so her only switching on one there doesn’t rule it out.

Last, but not least, the saber with even FEWER decent photos of online than Rey’s. Seen briefly in “Rise of Skywalker”, Leia’s lightsaber shares a Kenobi-esque silhouette with Luke’s, but also has a lot of elegance and work put into its overall design. Give it a peek when you can once the movie hits home video.

And that’s your lot! I’ve really nothing hugely clever to say. It just occurred to me that so much work went into so many of these things, and they spend the majority of their screentime covered by hands or hanging from a belt, obscured by a robe or somesuch. I figured, hey...let’s give them their moment to shine WITHOUT their blades.

If you’ve come across this via random means, why not check out the Facebook Page for “A Star to Steer Her By”, the podcast this is part of? We’re actually a “Star Trek” podcast, but occasionally branch out into other topics. Last week we covered “The Rise of Skywalker”, and will be returning to “Deep Space Nine” this Thursday. Give us a listen, why not?

#star wars #lightsaber #star wars prequels #star wars sequel trilogy #luke skywalker #obi wan kenobi #kylo ren #rey #yoda #mace windu #palpatine #anakin skywalker #leia #qui gon jinn #count dooku #darth maul #sith #jedi

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irarelypostanything · 5 years

Text

Slice of Life[6]

[Andy]

“There have been some increasingly controversial topics in the news,” began Andy, in the milionth meeting they were holding that week, “and I know that not everyone here is in agreement with regard to personal beliefs. Though there is some merit to discussing these topics, I would encourage you to do so outside of work.

“So please,” he continued, “for the love of the old gods and the new, stop arguing about the last episode of Game of Thrones.”

“It was kind of bullshit though, right?” asked Jake, to murmurs of approval.

“I haven’t watched it yet,” complained Kevin.

“Spoiler,” said Jake, “it sucked.”

“Jake, please.”

“There was a shocking twist about Tyrion being the Night King.”

“Kevin, Jake may or may not be messing with you.”

“I did think the part where Eddard rose from the dead was a little out of left field, though.”

“Amy, please proceed with your presentation.”

Amy was standing in front of their conference room’s projector. Her long, dark brown hair was tied into a bun, and her usual Davis badminton jacket was replaced by a white button-up.

“Thanks Andy,” she said, relieved that the meeting was back under control, “as I was saying, this project is worth roughly 25.6 million dollars, collectively. As is the usual case, the largest defense contractors are going to take the majority of business.

“But this is where things get interesting. I’m going to have to be intentionally vague about the next portion of this, since we’re in a nonclassified setting, but we have certain...capabilities...that even some of the largest corporations don’t. Thanks to some wise decisions we made early last year with regard to our research allocations, we are actually the first team we know of that can use...”

Her voice trailed. “Well, that’s also classified. But the figures aren’t. Look at this.” The slide changed. “We are poised to become the government’s preferred vendor for the entire sensor, and all we have to do is give them a taste. They expect delivery within three weeks. For this to work, all teams have to collaborate perfectly.”

“It’s really important that we execute this now,” agreed Andy, “that means it’s really, vitally important that we not let our meetings diverge into arguments about petty bullshit.

“Kevin, we’d like a status report from you. What’s the important software issue you said you wanted everyone to know about?”

“I know we were told not to compile on the hardware,” began Kevin, “but unfortunately, with our system, it’s unavoidable. The time stamps are messed up, so doing basic things like compilation is surprisingly difficult.”

“Why not code it in Python?” suggested Jake. “that way you won’t need to compile it.”

“Wow,” said Dan, with mock amazement, “switch programming languages. Brilliant. This is the kind of empty-headed bullshit that only a hardware engineer would come up with.”

“Right,” Jake retorted, “because messed up time stamps is a hardware issue. Do you guys also give your system administrators mops, then give your janitors root access?”

“Switching to python actually isn’t a bad idea,” said Ryan, “but there’s a much more obvious solution to this problem. You can-”

“Hang on,” interrupted Dan, “care to repeat that comment about root access?”

“You guys don’t understand separation of duty,” said Jake.

“You guys don’t understand fuck about fuck,” said Dan.

The next half hour went about as productively as that conversation.

[Nora]

Saturday. It was a surprisingly clear morning, for San Francisco, and the sun was just starting to rise. Because it was San Francisco, though, the morning was ice cold.

Nora made her way up the steep trail of Mt. Davidson. Kevin said he knew every trail and angle at this place, and she believed him. The park was tiny. She reached the peak with ease. She glanced in the direction of the sun, then turned away to look at downtown in the distance. She could see the bay, and Castro, and a bunch of major downtown buildings until her view reached Sutro Mountain.

She pulled out her cell phone. “This is boring,” she told Kevin through the speaker.

“Did you know it’s the tallest hill in all of San Francisco?”

“Highest of the seven hills?”

“Sure.”

“What, because of the giant cross?”

“I admit that the giant cross is cheating, but the point still stands.”

“Not sure what the big deal is, to be honest. I’ve had a more fun time at Bernal Heights, and that place has some pretty good coffee.”

“Giant blue building.”

“What?”

“Find the spot where Balboa is, look a bit to the left, and you’ll see that giant blue building. It’s a water tower. We used to sneak up there, forever ago, when we were young.”

“Okay...”

“I used to love this city. It’s not the same now. Whenever I came back it was never the same, always a little different. So I started to come home every month, then every other month. The last time we spoke, it was my first time back in almost a year.”

“Well, what’s changed?”

“It’s just different.”

Nora looked at the tower, then at Kevin’s high school, then at the water again. From a distance, it was all tiny. Like none of it mattered.

“You used to love this city,” asked Nora, “and now you don’t because it’s changed?”

“Exactly. You took the words right out of my mouth.”

“So you believe that the city you once loved is gone. I believe that the city you loved never existed.”

“That’s morbid.”

“Seriously, how much of it had you really seen?”

Nora looked again at the view. “Oh wait, technically you’ve seen quite a bit of it.”

“Technically.”

[Kevin]

Sunday. Kevin was at a church. Again.

After another sermon, a middle-aged person named Leo (whom he had met a couple of weeks ago) sought him out.

“Hey Kevin,” he said, “do you know a lot about social media?”

The question hit him with surprise. Kevin had once been obsessed with social media.

“I know a little bit,” said Kevin, “why do you ask?”

“I’d like to give our church more of an online presence, but it’s all new to me. What do you know about Facebook groups?”

“Well,” said Kevin, “not too much. I know that you can pay to have the algorithm favor you, so you get more traffic. I also know that you can integrate it with Google Analytics, and I believe the algorithm will favor you if you can rack likes or comments in a five-minute window.

“The whole thing is very calculated. The emojis you use, whether you use GIFs, whether you use tags...all of these are taken into consideration when considering your post placement.”

“That’s all fine and good,” said Leo, “but you don’t sound super enthusiastic right now about Facebook.”

“Have you heard of Life Church?”

“No.”

“It’s a nice resource, it’s an online church, but it’s just a little bit too good. It’s hard to describe. It’s ridiculously high quality video, full Facebook integration, professional band. You can view the likes and comments in real time.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“It’s weird. All of this is weird to me for some reason. Doing that kind of thing for a church? I prefer sites like Medium. I can harvest so much sweet, sweet data.”

“Are you okay? You just turned red.”

“You know, I get crazy about this a lot. I used to be a normal guy. A couple likes here, a couple likes there. I started to find forums where I could get 100 likes a post, consistently, and I started to get a presence. Click, like, share. Click, like, share. It’s no way to live, man. Every second a feeling of wanting judgment, every act of communication a desperate plea to please the algorithm.

“But this one time, this one night I’ll never forget, I put up an article that went #trending. It got 36,000 Facebook shares. Pretty okay, sure, but then I found the real analytics. 3 million hits. 3 million people read it, all around the world.”

For a little while, Leo just stood there. Finally, he spoke again.

“Kevin, I just want to share some videos.”

“Oh, okay. Have you considered YouTube?”

“What’s that?”

Kevin walked back to his apartment after lunch. Part of him wished he could be as enthusiastic about church as he was about technology, but there was still something he couldn’t get over. It was a belief that was fundamental to him for as long as he remembered. It was a belief that went against everything he had read in every book of the bible.

Kevin didn’t think it mattered what people believed. All that mattered to him was what people did.

Some Christians donated to the poor, built schools, saved lives. Some atheists donated to the poor, built schools, saved lives. Both Christians and non-Christian people had done great things, and horrible things, but so had Muslims. And Hindu people. And scientologists, and probably a million other religions. But no one thought it was okay to believe that your beliefs didn’t matter.

Kevin wasn’t sure if he believed in everything or nothing. He figured it was impossible to believe in nothing, because that would mean that he still believed in something.

[Dan]

Monday. 8PM. Dan was one of the only people in.

It was a long meeting, followed by a crucial lunch meeting, followed by coding, followed by another meeting. These past few days had been tough on everyone, but Dan sometimes wished he could just hole up, not talk to anyone, and code.

He finally had a few hours to himself. This was when he felt most productive.

2, he thought. 2, 4, 8, 16…

Dan’s weapon of choice had always been C++. He knew bitwidths, 56-megabyte proprietary structs, obscure abbreviations that only meant anything to him, Andy, and the Department of Defense. He knew 18 different ways to bind to a socket. He knew 19 different ways to accidentally bind to the socket incorrectly, which is why he was careful who he hired.

He looked at his code. 100 lines. 18 minutes. It compiled, implemented a client/server, verified that both sides were properly using the data. Not bad. He added error handling, comments, varied conditions. He updated his code like a skilled writer polishing his prose, and like a skilled writer he knew how important every individual unit was. He knew how significant the difference was between --i and i--. He knew the implications of using [] on a vector instead of .at()

Having accomplished his main goal, he decided to spend a few minutes making fun of other people on Github issues.

He saw one branch of code where someone failed, failed again, then tried changing all the include statements from using “” to using <>. Dan laughed.

He saw one branch of code where someone tried to log everything as fatal. This was surprisingly common, especially for people too dumb to figure out how to set log level. Dan laughed.

Then Dan saw a branch made by one of his best friends.

Ex-friends. No one ever figured it out. Things were mysterious, but for reasons he never understood this friend’s family chose not to mention their company (or Dan) once. But how did it happen? This was also mysterious. Dan compiled a list of all the things he had learned after college, and it was long, but one item stood out:

When an obituary omits cause of death, that usually means it’s suicide.

What appalled Dan wasn’t the act itself, but the sheer indifference that their company displayed. They just didn’t care. His cubicle was replaced by an intern’s, then another intern’s. That’s more or less how he felt the company regarded this death. It was a name tag change, a commented out line in payroll. It frustrated Dan to no end, the sheer meaningless and triviality of the ordeal.

Silently, when he was sure no one was there to hear, Dan wept.

He cried to a timer. When five minutes passed, he got back on track with coding.

#short story #fiction

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the-kyle-chronicles · 6 years

Note

All the luxury asks

(dude, you suck, but also rock cause now i can spend time answering questions instead of being bored)

bubble bath: do you have any routines before bedtime? like skin care, etc. what are they?I wash my face, then use this other thing on it, and then moisturize it. After that I fill up Gandalfs (my cat) water bowl and food bowl, fill up Bo’s (my snake) water dish and mist down his tank, and then I set my alarm for the morning (if I work) and finally I take my sleeping pills before going to bed.

champagne: what topic could you talk about for hours?Probably LGBTQA+ issues and mental illnesses along with horror films, if you get me started I’ll wanna keep talking about it until I’ve exhausted all the knowledge I have on the topic(s).

crushed velvet: have you ever used your charm to get something you want?I mean back when I still id’d as female I def used my “charm” *cough* boobs *cough* to get stuff for free from friends.

diamonds: how do you feel about excessively spending money?It really depends on what the money’s being spent on and who’s spending it really.

faux fur: describe your wardrobe.Typical trans guy wardrobe (i feel like every trans guy has the same wardrobe at one point or another in their transition) ft. cat-theme items

glitter: describe someone special to you.Honestly my mom is super special to me. She has hazel eyes and shoulder-length hair that she dyes some shade of auburn every now and again. She’s honestly very pretty and although her jokes suck, she does make me laugh with how bad they are. She’s always been super supportive in regards to my transition and has always been invested in being there for me (both physically and emotionally) throughout my entire transitioning progress thus far. I gave her a really hard time when I was in grades 8-10 and looking back now I can see that she was really just trying her best to raise my sisters and I fresh after her and my dad’s divorce. I really do love my mom and she is quite special to me.

gold: describe what you would call the most perfect meal.I honestly have no idea. Basically if you include chocolate and pasta in it I’ll prob be happy.

jazz: name a song that resonates with you and your emotions. explain the reason why.Real by Of Mice & Men. I don’t know exactly what it is about the song but certain lines in the chorus just really make me reflect on how my abusive pos ex made me feel and how no matter what happened I’m still here and I’m still being my most authentic self regardless of what he did.

lace: what is something in your life completely different from last year?Uhh I have a lot more facial and chest hair than I did last year.

lingerie: do you consider yourself a promiscuous person?Not really, I mean I’ve only had sex with 7 people (that’s including oral) and I’m engaged to the person I’ve been dating for the last 5 years soo

lipstick: do you enjoy talking to strangers?In person, fuck no. Online, sure.

pearls: what’s something about your personality that surprises others?I’m typically a very quiet person (I guess my outer appearance is that of someone who expresses themselves out-loud, but I tend to keep to myself really)

penthouse: what would you consider your dream home? describe it.Atleast 2 floors and 2 bedrooms. One would be an actual bedroom and one would be a room where Brad could play video games and I could film my YouTube videos. Having a balcony would be nice so I could relax on it and take some pictures from it (cause I’d def want a view). A decent sized living room and kitchen (not that that’s super important since I’m usually in our room). A fenced-in backyard would be nice too so that Gandalf could chase grasshoppers without me worrying about him running off. Oh also a pool would be nice so that I could swim shirtless and not die of heat in the summer.

perfume: if you could make your own signature fragrance, what would it smell like?Probably cool mint or the smell of the tea I like most (orange pekoe, but it’d have to smell like how it does after I make it).

robe: how do you prepare for an evening alone with a loved one/date?I usually shave my “downstairs” the day/night before and then I try to clean up the room a little so we don’t have as much of a mess to look at, and then I just double-check if they want any specific snacks/drinks in arms reach before we start doing whatever we’re doing (which is usually watching comedians on netflix together and possibly doing some sex-stuff afterwards).

roses: If it had to be winter, autumn, spring or summer for the rest of your life, which would you choose?Autumn. I love me that spooky aesthetic plus sweaters hide my chest and sweats are v comfy.

satin: what is your most favorite article of clothing?For comfort reasons: my one pair of grey sweatpants. For usefulness: my binder.

sheet mask: what’s your favorite lazy activity?I love to just endlessly binge-watch YouTube videos (right now I’ve been binge-watching simplynailogical’s videos).

silk: do you have more inner or outer beauty?I feel like my inner beauty is much greater than my outer beauty (but I also hate my appearance most of the time).

silver: do you have any obscure hobbies? what are they?I like collecting pins? Idk if that counts as a hobby though...

sparkling water: what are your top three songs for the summer?Untouched by The VeronicasMy My My! by Troye SivanMi Gente by J Balvin & Willy William

wine: what kind of drunk are you (happy/affectionate, angry, sad, fun/wild)? if you don’t drink, what kind do you think you WOULD be?Back when I was a bad kid and would drink I was very much the affectionate and wild one (also def a little bit of an attention whore if I was with the person I was dating/crushing on). I haven’t gotten drunk since I was like 16(?) though so I have no idea how that’s changed.

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jelloapocalypse · 6 years

Note

Could a StiB Homestar Runner ever be a possibility?

I mean I could do that but I think it’d be a really weird video since HR is so surrealist.

So people keep asking what So This is Basically videos are on the table for the future. There’s a certain criteria list that I follow when I pick video candidates.

I need to like the series at least a little. If I don’t the video turns mean-spirited very quickly and then it’s not as fun. People always go “why do you hate Pokemon/Zelda/Steven Universe/Gravity Falls???” in the comments. I don’t, that’s why I’m able to watch and parody them effectively. You want a show I didn’t like? Adventure Time. Crunchyroll asked me to take that one on and I was like “haha okay” and I think it’s pretty obvious how little I enjoy it.

The ideal candidate for a StiB is a series that I enjoy that has significant flaws that keep it from being great. Steven Universe, Star, Ladybug, and RWBY would be great examples of this. Those shows have a lot of really enjoyable elements but if I was a creative consultant I’d have a LOT of shit that I would want to rework. This kind of series gives me a lot to talk about and makes it easy to write.

Live action doesn’t work well for a StiB. The visuals for these videos are supposed to be childlike recreations of the actual series, so the more character and background references I can find online, the better. This is especially easy for cartoons and games since I can just look up the assets in screenshots and on google images. Even 3D shows are hard though. Drawing a background for something like Danny Phantom is actually 100 times easier than drawing one for Overwatch or Miraculous. If I have to spend time converting live action sets and actors into a cartoon format, that’s a lot of time I’m wasting that could be better spent just drawing.

The series needs to have enough content to make a 2-4 minute nitpick parody possible. Sometimes people suggest things like a single movie or a game like 5 Nights at Freddy’s and that stuff just does NOT have enough meat in it for a parody series tackling story structure and character growth.

On the other hand I’d prefer the series not be too long. Some people suggest stuff like Doctor Who. I try to watch/play at least the majority of a topic before commenting on it (otherwise I don’t think it’s really fair to voice criticisms) and I simply don’t have the time to burn through 1000 episodes of a show I’ve never seen before.

The series needs to be relevant. While I do like making StiB videos, they are also my livelihood. I need to make sure they’ll be able to do well. People need to know what the thing I’m parodying is. So 80% of the time when people suggest an obscure anime I have to throw that suggestion on the chopping block immediately (anime stuff never does well on my channel anyways). This is also my reasoning for not doing things that had huge booms of popularity in the past like Homestuck, Undertale, or My Little Pony. I feel like those things had their time and they had their ten thousand parody videos and I don’t need to dig up their graves, even if other people still are. As much as I love Homestar Runner and I still follow all their stuff, I’d be hard-pressed to call it relevant nowadays.

Most Importantly: I just need to want to make a StiB on that topic. There are just some franchises that are easier to write for than others. For example this month I’m making a My Hero Academia video. I watched all the anime, I read all the manga, and honestly it’s just a good show! It was REALLY hard to write a parody for! Took me about twice as long as normal to get the good lines rolling.While drawing the storyboards for StiB MHA I was rewatching The Legend of Korra because it’s one of the possible frontrunners alongside JoJo for the December/January video. That show is a TRAINWRECK. It has a ton of good ideas but executes almost none of them well, which makes it rife for StiB writing. I jotted down about 50 gag ideas in a notepad doc before I even hit the end of Season 3. Some other series I really want to tackle are Fire Emblem, Ace Attorney, and Resident Evil. They’re SO stupid, I love them.

So yeah, tl;dr it’s hard to express exactly what makes a solid StiB candidate but I know it when I hear it and if I like it then I’ll throw it on my patreon poll.

If you guys are interested in picking the next StiB video that I cover, you can always CAST YOUR VOTE HERE on my Patreon!

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promiseimnotacop · 6 years

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Are you a vegan? What should be done about meat eating? Personally, I’m all for having more veg, but i also want to have meat - considering this, perhaps people should go back to having personal farms, though that’s a bit feudalist... 🖤

fair warning this is gonna be a long ass slightly off topic rant lol.

personally, i eat pescetarian - not massively because of ethics or anything mostly just because it was how I was raised and I have no desire to try non-seafood meats. I could imagine myself in the future possibly eating vegan (or maybe ovo-vegetarian because I really do not understand any inherent objection to eggs - they can be a scavenged food) HOWEVER I do have some major hang ups about mainstream veganism that makes me just kinda ...not want to associate with those people.

I’m all for trying to be more ethical with the products you consume in all walks of life and although I personally would never value animal life as equivalent to human life (as many vegan organizations like PETA do) I do think respecting animal welfare is important.

My major issues really with mainstream veganism is that it often seems to be a kind of ethical “get out of jail free card” and oversimplifies the ethics of food to an “if no animals suffer = ethical” mentality. Many times I’ve seen vegans and vegan organizations willfully ignorant of the fact some of the food on their plate HUMANS have died for. (Best example of this is quinoa - which has risen in popularity a lot recently and is probably on most if not all vegan menus somewhere but due to the rising popularity and price the people that farm the stuff can no longer afford it).(source:x) In a similar vein, those that reduce veganism to the be-all and end-all of responsible consumption and assume a “holier than thou” attitude are kinda annoying. My other major issue is that there have been many cases of animal rights groups (whether vegan or not to be fair) have often, under the guise of animal rights, ended up promoting racist/xenophobic rhetoric and violently objecting to ceremonial practices that involve (BUT IN NO WAY HARM) animals. (source: x tw: for police brutality). Aside for that shittiness there are some other cases of bad shit (particularly from PETA, fuck those guys honestly) (Source: x) and I think the kinda food purity and self imposed dietary restraint many vegans promote is something to be very cautious of, particularly in the way this kind of super restricted diet can be used to obscure or legitimize eating disorders. (sources: x, x, x) . I also have more personal objections to the movement based on my own experiences of being press-ganged into watching an incredibly graphic VR video of pigs being slaughtered by a vegan group (I might get into that in a separate post if you really want to know).

ALL THAT SAID, yeah generally encouraging people to eat more veg is a good shout, allotments are a great way that people can grow some more of their own produce and the only things feudalistic about that is if one person controls the means of production lol. I saw this really good solarpunk thing the other day that summised pretty well my feelings about how food should be produced and such. Though i am not a farmer or an economist and i know shit about fuck

#eating disorder ment/#ed ment/#police brutality ment/#Anonymous

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elboyo-blog · 6 years

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About Youtube Rewind

Right so… youtube rewind 2017 is out. Everyone’s favourite end of year tradition, showcasing all the trends people were talking about, and all the topics and creators on the site that cultivated the community around to make youtube stand ou…

I should stop. This is all bullshit as I am aware you all know, yourtube rewind is, was and always will be throwaway ‘look at us we’re unique!’ shite, but this years was especially aggravating. It really boiled down a reality that has been creeping up on us for a while. Youtube rewind 2017 just shows that youtube doesn’t want to be youtube. Of course that could be seen that last year, for example the whole Dwayne Johnson at the start but I believe that can be justified with the fact that Dwayne has a channel just for himself, what isn’t justifiable from last year at least is the fucking talk show hosts like trevor noah and Seth ‘cumstain’ myers. This only gets worse and worse with this years entry however. But I’m getting ahead of myself, lets just break it down (tl;dr at the bottom)

overview (This will be the most chronological so watching along helps)

Right so off the fucking bat the vid starts with a Stephen Colbert(Not a youtuber) talking to Lele Pons (A viner and Instagram star who flocked to youtube where that ship sank) and some girl beside (I think she’s popular but I don’t know her), we then see some random girl run into the room and start the cue to ‘Despacito’ which I can see why it is there at least, as it sprung to the highest viewed it can have justification. It then cuts to some people dancing and switching shots locations and people (one of which is that one DJ marshmallow or whatever who, again, isn’t a youtuber). It stops at KSI (Who I’ll get too) using a fidget spinner (which ill also get too) with some some vloggers/IG stars beside him (probably). Oh, hey Rhett and Link. We then get showcased to a slime playground of sorts. I have no fucking clue if this was a trend at all. The only thing I can link this too is all the ‘homemade slime’ tutorials I always hear about. The only thing I really got was ‘Wow! Muselk is thicc’ but other than that the whole thing I think was pointless. Then, for some reason, they put rinestones on their faces? Again, was this a trend? Like, was there a whole underground rinestone craze that slipped under people’s noses? Like most things though, I doubt if it was a trend it even started on youtube. Anyway, they do the dua lipa thing, go to Africa, uuuuuuuugehiehehiihesfiefbfrbeube, do dance crazes during said ‘uuuuuuuugehiehehiihesfiefbfrbeube’ that didn’t originate on youtube and HEY! The eclipse was a thing right? EventhoughthatprimarilyhappenedintheUSthereforealienatinganyrelatabilitythatyoutubewasgoingfor buuuuuut I digress. They do do one thing right which is the whole meme graveyard idea (fitting, I know) parodying the video for the worst tayloer swift yet (nothing beats love story fight me) oooooooh but then the DAB! They hit that DAB! Into yet another ‘uuuuuuuugehiehehiihesfiefbfrbeube’. Oh cool poopy’s there. Don’t know who that other person is but maybe it’s a new character in the poppy lore or maybe its just a person I don’t know or maybe recognise. The whole hurricane Harvey thing they pull next is insulting to the point ill reserve a whole section to it. Skipping that we go to a roof party with the DJ and the fidget spinner, a perfect almagimation of all that isn’t youtube based trends, seriously the dj could maybe be related as he uses youtube as an outlet for his music but fidget spinners were a physical thing! It was a brand! Literally this year’s version of silly bandz! Yes Susan, include this! Very youtube, much wow! Fuck off. Anyway, we see the party is home to the biggest twats of youtube, team 10 and the pauly boys (Note: that’s a nice band name). with them on the roof are stars that again, didn’t start on youtube. Most of them are viners and/or IG stars with like one or two from fine bros React (I shit you not if you look in the back there’s the old guy from elder’s react). We cut to more slime bois (hey Tomska). When they cut back, (yes holy shit it is the guy form elders react! Jfc) and they do their sick moves like the floss, a move YouTube claims to have homebrewed as well (come on guys, Katy Perry tried to claim it first). Hey, look its every 14y/o girls wet dream. More slime boyos. I think KEEM screams the floor is lava but… that trend was an IG trend wasn’t it or like the last vine trend, but it got Ol’ Yellered, like, just because Fine Bros do a youtubers react to it doesn’t make it a YouTube thing! Jeez louis. Big Shaq’s there, that’s neat. Some filler dancing and cuts when they cut back to the graveyard reinforcing that is it a graveyard for dead memes which I have problem with, because that would insinuate that ‘All Star’ died this year. No, it didn’t, and as long as Steve Harwell is still on God’s green earth no it won’t, yes its popularity has dulled but it was actually a meme that just faded away, cropping up every once in a while, its survival is different to similar trends like ‘We Are Number One’ which can make people I know physically wince when heard. All star didn’t die, it’ll be back if it even left in the first place. More vloggers and traditionally attractive people flash by as a whole recap happen of the torment thrusted upon me. The last live action sketch is Lele and her friend greet the non-youtuber rounding out the production. The credits are actually the best part of this however as we see different pseudo-animators (think more odd1s out, less Psychicpebbles), such as Extra Credits, Tabbes, Jaidenanimation, Odd1sout, Rebecca Parham, ItsAlexClark and Simon’s cat. Though their subject matter is just as pander-y shite as the whole vid you can see the effort in their animation and it’s nice to see that youtube finally removed the dildo it has been shoving up most youtube animator’s asses for the last 3-5 years (but by ‘removed’ I really mean they just slapped a sign on it that says ‘here at YouTube, we love our animators!’ and pretend they solved the problem.

Dead fucking memes/(hate to use the phrase but) irrelevancy

The Dab, fidget spinners, shooting stars with more probably but it was hard to see during my stroke, point is, YouTube is out of touch and has zero self-awareness when it comes to memes and trends

I know the word sounds pretentious as hell but seriously, here’s a my honest-to-god reaction of who I saw on screen

· Not a youtuber

· Don’t know

· Despactio guy 1

· Don’t know *3

· Despacito guy 2: electric boogaloo

· Don’t know *2

· Dj boi

· Vannos

· Don’t Know *4 Ft. Lincoln

· Don’t know *3

· Quick flashes of the great unknown

· KSI and his favourite toy (not counting NetNobody’s dick)

· Don’t know *6 (Empire was better)

· Another 3 I don’t know but there is that one guy who screams a lot, think his names guacamole or something

· @rhettandlink and another guy, classic trio

· Don’t know*2

· Don’t know*slime

· Don’t know* rhinestone

· Hey, its @a-kind-ale-war

· Africa – Toto

· Slo mo guys among the dead meme cosmos

· Otherwise, you guessed it, no clue

· Don’t know * field

· Don’t know any of the eclipse crew

· @caseyneistat

· God’ wrath in the form of comets coming to smite us as failed creations

· YouTube Is Shutting Down My Channel and I'm Not Sure What To Do

· His beautiful bastards (nameless in my lack of knowledge)

· 6 zombies that died in obscurity, nameless and unknown, ‘tis a shame

· Why I left Smosh

· The cosmos of people I don’t know

· KSI’s brother

· Poppy

· A DC lawsuit

· Mooooooooorrrrrreeeeee spaaaaaaccceeeee

· A youtube circle jerk of self-righteousness (more on that later)

· People holding hands

· The shitty vine family

· Team 10 bitch who the hell are flipping you

· The other one

· Shitty IG ‘Comedy’ Squad

· Black guys and backpack kid (Note: another good band name, though it needs tweaking)

· @thetomska getting face fucked

· Victims of the great slime massacre (slime control now!)

· Old guy from react

· Don’t know*roof party

· Every teenage girls wet dream/gay ship

· Daniel Keem saying floor is lava

· Lava victims

· A very cold rapper

· Don’t know but has a sword

· More zombie boys

· A cluster of people 2012

· Forehead in the back again (sorry jack)

· @markiplier

· Why I gave the pope Undertale

· A finale of people I don’t know being absorbed by the cosmos

· Neato mosquito animators

As you can see a good majority of the stars I doubt much people know, probably only chosen for the brand friendliness which begs the question…

Exclusions/double standards

A lot of people were excluded from this year’s rewind, which isn’t a surprise in the slightest. This issue was brought up last year as well, but with this year it showcases some hypocrisy with possible reasons to exclude folks. Firstly, KSI, he had the whole beef with NetNobody (the greatest Minecraft youtuber there is) but Netnobody was excluded, it couldn’t be numbers or presence as before retiring, Adam had about 11 million subs, maybe he declined, like most sane people would, or maybe because he neither pulls the views or the family friendly influence that he used to. Its safe to assume Ricegum and IDubbbz got rejected by choice, again sanity, or because of their beef, which is again hypocritical of the site as KSI was allowed on fine and Keem along with the Paul brothers aren’t the angels of Youtube either. Again, it seems YouTube is really trying to push this family friendly goofball persona which is perfect for the weird kids and the cool kids which is true but is only really surface level in the rewind and the reality isn’t really shown otherwise. Also fuck that Nazi racist Pewdiepie amirite ladies?

Hurricane Harvey debacle

I believe this is honestly the most insulting aspect of the rewind. Though it had good intentions it just highlights YouTube’s utter ignorance. Not to pull a PJW but this is dictionary definition virtue signalling. Youtube makes themselves out to be all together, yes youtube, you are the most influential platforms of our generation, cat videos and make-up vlogs can save the world! In all seriousness though this is one of the most botched poorly executed thing I’ve ever seen, and I’m counting HWNDU. For one thing the tone and flow is horrible, the segment is frankenstiened into the middle of the video and puts a halt on the relatively well paced video, and is followed by a radical hip and swaggity dance party yeah! As if the whole was a task by the team and when they were down with it they thought; “right, that’s over with. Back to the fun and cool stuff yeah!” if they kept the pace by putting the thing just before the credits as to highlight the message at the end and while everyone’s lifted by the message they’re treated to the credits and the talents of the wonderful animators. However, that would only make the segment flow correctly as, in my opinion, it comes off as quite nepotistic to big creators. A method they could’ve done is before they filmed or edited anything they could’ve announced to fans and viewers to send in webcam clips and videos of them holding hands in unity or saying unity, showing a UNITY between fans and creators. That said this brings me to my conclusion;

Conclusion

Youtube doesn’t want to be youtube, it wants to be a family and advertiser friendly site for all to come, it wants to be seen as a beacon for ALL internet trends and ideas and it wants to be seen as a user and creator friendly platform. But youtube isn’t this, and youtube hates that. This year has seen the worst year in the sites history for user treatment and contact showing double standards with actual users and companies such as talk show hosts, with things like the adpocolypse rumoured trending tab rigging and trending tab blacklists. Along with this is the, as I said, nepostistic outlook on creators, with youtube success being less and less consistency based and more and more luck based on one video blowing up and staying that way, and trending (along with youtube in general), should facilitate a rise in creators and ideas instead of promoting channels who already have 5-6 million subs and censoring a lot of voice directly or indirectly. With no other options for video site (realistically, nobody uses vimeo or dailymotion and fucking rip vidme) youtube’s current state is more dire than ever and their push for a false identity within an identity crisis for the site is very obvious. This alongside their cowardice and compliance with controversy like in the nazi Pewds situation is showing to be really damaging.

Tl;dr: get a fucking backbone youtube and stop pretending to be something that you’re not.

#youtube #youtuberewind #idubbbz #rant

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hayleyw5 · 4 years

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Being an Effective Team Member

“One skill that has been identified as critical in meeting the challenge of the changing workplace is the ability to work as part of a team” (Vernon 1999).

youtube

Fox Footy: Being an effective team member at Fox meant showing up, listening and getting the most out of the time spent with the professionals in the industry. As time went on, relationships were built with an array of staff from all departments which definitely helped build confidence.

Tasks given were still quite limited but by this stage I had been introduced to the IPD Centre. This is where ALL the data and footage is stored.

Essentially the process is, the producers come up with the topic/angle for this weeks show, create a run list for the segments of the show, talk to the editors about what packages need to be created who then relay to the lucky ones in IPD who source all the vision they need for the packages and just in general for the show.

We are given a list of vision that can range from, player highlights, team highlights, pressure situations, crowd reactions, colour to add to the feel of the segment or obscure vision from any point in time throughout AFL history. At times the vision to source can be easy or it can be oddly specific and hard to find.

I was also tasked alongside Chloe to source vision for who WE expected to be selected for the All-Australian team, it was a great chance to prove our knowledge and also showed that the producers and editors valued our knowledge and insight of the game, perhaps it was a little test.

Table Tennis Victoria: By now I had well and truly cemented my position within TTV, my skills and knowledge surrounding social media and marketing were held in high regard by Ritchie and Claire. Completing two internships meant I had to be very efficient in my work and utilise my time effectively.

I was able to create a kind of template that TTV were able to use for social media posts in which consistent hashtags were used alongside appropriating tagging of affiliated organisations. In addition to utilising the tools provided by the social media posts allowing business pages to schedule posts throughout the week.

A major move for the business was implementing the Pulse Pub League, Ritchie got in contact with Pulse - an online application based program allowing social table tennis competitions run through pubs. The creator was an American chap who confessed his love for ‘beer and ping pong’ it had been a hit in the US and was another revenue stream for TTV and also a way to gain more interest and participants in our sport.

My role was to liaise with the pubs coming on board, utilising my experience in hospitality Ritchie relied on me to be the first point of contact when delivering the pub its free table, bats and balls as it was important to have a good working relation with these guys and having the insider knowledge faired well with them.

Reference List Qualities of an Effective Team Member 2014, online video, post on 23 November, created by krizteennn, viewed 1 September 2019, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mf9FRXPHMUg

Vernon, S 1999, Learning to Be an Effective Team Member, Advances in Developing Human Resources, Vol. 1, No. 3, pp.33

#Internships

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alittlebitofpersonality · 6 years

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aLBoP a Scam? Drama, Scandal, Ooh Ahh!

Once upon a time, last winter, we moved A Little Bit of Personality to WordPress from Blogger. It was a long, tedious process with a lot of formatting (which on some posts I’m still not pleased with). The site was down for almost a month. All the urls changed, even though I went through and made redirects for as many as I could. And all our Google+ comments got removed (which honestly was part of the point of moving platforms. It was being an annoying system).

All this led to the complex set of algorithms which is Google Search to be very confused as to what was important on aLBoP. When you Googled aLBoP or A Little Bit of Personality, suddenly it was trying to give search results of random image links and obscure posts, instead of things people really wanted to find, such as Type Specializations, the Super Simple Series or Type Heroes.

It also didn’t help that we were working on other aspects of aLBoP and life in general, so posting has been a slow game all year. As I understand it, Google prioritizes frequent posting, as well as Google+ shares (nepotism lol), neither of which were in our favor anymore.

But this also meant that non-aLBoP links, especially from popular sites, suddenly came up much earlier in search results. One in particular, with the most click-bait-y subject line ever, notably rose to the first page of search results right away: a forum thread with the subject line “A Little Bit of Personality Blog: Is it a scam or did I overreact?”

Well if the promise of a scam won’t get people to listen to you, I don’t know what will. Talk about the most buzzwordy word possible lol.

Ha, which just now when I Googled to be sure I was quoting the name of the thread correctly, I saw something relieving which I didn’t know, but I’ll talk about that in a minute here.

So I have never clicked on this link, I’m pretty sure. As soon as we were live again on WordPress, I was trying to make sure that Google had our sitemap, working on our SEO, etc., so I believe I saw that link there as early as January 2017. And seeing it there immediately upset me, not gonna lie. But I wanted to listen to the immortal words of Taylor Swift and shake it off. Plus I had way too many other things to worry about, not the least of which was continuing to be sure my links went where they said. And I also knew that reading people lying about me would just upset me and keep me from getting things done. So I went on with life and working on content like INTJ – The Dragon, which came out in February.

But apparently a lot of my aLBoP friends, (people who we’ve met through their long-time reading and loving of the site, but have become so very much more than just readers, as so many of you have ) had seen this link too, and several of them were even more upset than I was about it. They checked it out on their own and then came and told me about who had posted on the “scam” thread and what they had said.

As soon as Justin and I heard what the original poster of the thread had said, we were immediately like “Oh, him.”

Now before I go briefly into what this guy’s “grievances” were, let me tell you what I was relieved to see this afternoon while writing. When I Googled “a little bit of personality” and saw this link there, not actually clicking on it (it’s gross enough to smell a pile of poop, I don’t want to put my hand in it), it says under the link:

“Oct 2, 2015 – 10 posts – 4 authors” [emphasis added]

*Whew* when my friends were describing what was on there to me, I thought it was like pages and pages of all these people saying how much I suck! To know that it’s just four people, two of which I know who they are and knew that they were like that before they even had anything to complain about, is incredibly relieving.

Okay, so four people. I don’t know who two of them are because I haven’t actually read the thread, although it’s likely I would know them too.

Most of the people who get really angry about aLBoP are ones who liked us at first, often even people who vied heavily for our attention initially, until we say something that offends them, or more often their worldview, and then they hate us with the burning passion of suns and must tell anyone who will listen. Although I don’t think there is a single one of those people who we didn’t get a red flag in our minds at their first email, “watch out, this is one of those kinds of people” no matter how positive they were toward us at first. Observing people is our job, after all.

Person 1

So with this particular guy, the one who started the “scam” thread, *sigh* I knew from his first email “ah, one of those.”

He bought a typing + personal chat package from the store, sometime around then in 2015. We don’t actually carry personal chat time anymore, because it was taking way too much time and we were getting behind. We actually *still* have some out that we sold but haven’t done. We will either go ahead and do those ones at some point, or refund their money. But I know there were several really cool people who ordered them near the end, so I would really like to fulfill those at some point here, rather than refunding them.

Anyway, we don’t carry them anymore because they had gotten really stressful and after we had a forum, which we’ll talk more about later, we thought people can get their questions answered there anyway, answer each other’s questions, etc.

We’ve never been especially timely with Typings, but we do always get to them. I don’t remember how timely we were fulfilling this guy’s order. We do them in big batches, usually, where we sit down and type a bunch of people at once, oldest order first. So if we took a while to get back to him it wasn’t at all because he was a less pleasant customer, because the time we take has nothing to do with that. So if you have to wait a while for your Typing, it’s not because we don’t like you, lol <3 (If we’re ever taking too long, you *can* send us a polite email and ask if we can go ahead and get on it. But we always do get to it and we always feel really bad making people wait.)

Oddly, I vaguely remember doing this guy’s really fast anyway, so I don’t think that was part of the problem. We may have been like “this guy is a live wire, we shouldn’t let his sit too long.” We do occasionally do that.

Anyway, if I understand correctly, his main reasoning in calling us a “scam” is that the following happened:

1) He ordered a typing + a video chat.

2) We felt immediately “eh” about him, but fulfilled his typing order in a normal and polite fashion.

I think it was his condescending attitude toward people in general in his first email that seemed like #badsign to me.

3) He was displeased with the type we gave him. We have a post about this.

No matter how consistent and repeatable the results are, no matter how many people are over the moon about our typing of them, no matter how many people are repeat typing-customers because they see how it all lines up over and over again in real life; there are so many people who are set on the type or set of types they want to be a part of, and therefore who dislike the type we give them. But the way we Facial Type is a science, with consistent data-sets that have proven universally consistent thousands of times, holding up over time and experience. We can’t go changing the answer because somebody gets his panties in a wad.

There are also plenty of people who are personally threatened by the idea of Facial Typing at all, or just very uncomfortable about it. You are welcome to feel however you want on the topic. But I don’t understand why people order from us if they feel that way.

It’s like someone coming across town to tell you he thinks your house is ugly. I feel like “… Okay, thanks? Then don’t look at it and get off my lawn.” The internet is a big place and no one is making you stay here. Honestly there’s probably a more fitting analogy with someone who hates seafood yelling at Red Lobster or someone buying an orange and getting mad that it’s not an apple, but eh, I like the lawn one.

4) We don’t give refunds on Typings we have fulfilled. We never have, and say so very clearly on the Type Me page, which has all the instructions. That page didn’t exist in its current version at the time, but we have always listed that on pages describing the Typing process.

The effort and our typing results are what is being paid for, and people who get snotty about their results take far *more* effort than people who are happy with them. That’s not to say you are required to be happy, but that even if you are not, our time and our results have still been given to you, so we can’t just refund that. If you don’t trust our scientific process and our definitions, then that is completely your prerogative. But if that’s the case, then please don’t order a typing and waste our time, as well as yours.

5) He also applied to the, at the time, brand new Phase 2, via a separate self-invite system.

Okay, the thing to know about all our websites is that they are 100% free, always are, always have been, always will be. We currently have—*counts*—4 websites. They all have free admission and no subscription fees or anything of that nature. The only things we charge money for as part of aLBoP are specific services and merchandise. That used to include video chats, which as I said we don’t offer anymore, and now includes Personalized Typings and, hopefully in the future, merchandise such as t-shirts (you can buy t-shirts here, but I really want to make more designs and figure out a better system for producing them), patches or whatever other physical or digital items you guys might want to buy. We do not have any premium content, if the definition of “premium” is content you pay for.

All other funds from aLBoP come to us via Patreon where people can support our content, which helps us produce more of it, or via Love for aLBoP, one-time donations in the aLBoP shop. (Everyone has been remarkably patient as I haven’t been great at giving out everyone’s Patreon rewards, such as the monthly desktop wallpaper for $5+ people, etc. But I really am excited to do that and plan to do it sooooon. Not one person has said anything about it yet, I just feel really bad because your support means so much to me. <3)

HOWEVER, we do have content that is restricted to people we have given access. Like I said, we have 4 websites, of which this is the first; Phase 1 as we call it. Yes, this is a blatant reference to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s Phase 2 in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Why, yes, we are giant nerds. Here, have a picture of stick figure Phil Coulson with his gun from Avengers, if you haven’t seen it on the Phase 2 Intro site.

But while we do gate these websites–the Phase 2 Intro behind a self-invite you can use right now if you want (it’ll open up in a new tab so you don’t have to lose your spot here <3), and Phase 2 gated behind applying and us getting to know you—ALL of them are free. Let me repeat that: none of our websites cost any money. (The fourth site only has a few people on it so far and it’s still under construction anyway, but it’ll have a similar kind of gating.) These websites are provided free of charge, including our time spent on the Phase 2 forum, where we give lots of personal help and advice. We don’t even have ADS on any of the websites!!!! (Although we are considering adding them to our videos, because we find that less invasive.)

6) Where was I? Oh yeah, he had applied for Phase 2, but then we were busy and hadn’t gotten to adding people to the new Phase 2, back before the process was automated.

7) He sent an annoying displeased email. I could pull up said email now to remember the details (I never delete aLBoP emails from anyone, which is why my Gmail storage is exploding), but I really really don’t want to.

But I recall that he was firstly, really whiny about his typing. I don’t remember if he actually said he couldn’t be an F, like we had typed him, or if that was just the impression we got from his email, which is a very common tale, especially with people who hold onto the internet’s definition of Feeler. Men typed as Fs and women typed as Ts have been trends in our grumpiest clientele, because people believe that Feeler means soft like mush and Thinker means Vulcan, and people equate those to feminine and masculine traits, respectively, which is frankly pretty dumb. Although I can only blame people so much for wanting certain types, when the internet deems some types so wildly more worthwhile than others. However, how people react when they’re disappointed says a lot about them.

The second thing that really got our eyes rolling about his email was his attitude that because he had given us money, he owned our time. Money seemed like his main card to play, which makes all the more sense why he made money the focus of his thread title, calling us a scam. Anyway, it was a very “but you have to do what I say, I paid you,” attitude.

But if you’re not sure on my character judgment of him, go ahead and look at the thread. I haven’t read it, but if he doesn’t come off whiny and like someone who feels like money makes him entitled, then I will eat my hat. Well, I won’t, but it’s the only idiom I could think of. But if you don’t agree then you won’t agree, and that’ll be the end of it, but at least I will have left the opinion up to you.

8) So we saw from his email, which wasn’t a surprise from his original email, that we didn’t want to waste time and energy having a personal chat with him. We also didn’t want him on the brand new forum, which as a private, free forum was our prerogative.

9) So I sent him an email telling him that we would refund the chat money because we didn’t want to talk to him more and that he was the first person banned from the forum, which was true.

I think we only actually banned… 2.5 people ever. I say 2.5 because we officially banned 2 people from ever entering the original site, and were close to banning another, but he quit before we could fire him, so to speak.

Was I especially nice in this email reply? No. I wasn’t trying to be. I wanted to really let him know why we didn’t want to deal with him anymore, and frankly he was a buttmunch. Again, you can go look at the thread if you want to verify his buttmunch-itude.

10) WE REFUNDED HIS VIDEO CHAT.

Again, like I said in point 5… No… 4, we don’t give out refunds for typings. We had fulfilled that part of the deal, so we kept our $15 dollars (I know, huge quantities of money being exchanged ), but refunded him the $10 for the video chat we didn’t give him. He was our first refund; we had to figure out how to do it on the website.

11) I think he probably replied again, angrily, but I was super done with it.

12) Shortly after (we launched Phase 2 on September 15 and he wasn’t in the first several batches of applications, so he probably rage posted pretty quickly), he started that thread.

Apparently his reading comprehension was limited enough that he thought paying for a video chat was paying for Phase 2…I guess… Even though you would have to read the Phase 2 announcement page from the time to even apply… idk. I’ll give him the limited benefit of the doubt that he was more stupid than flat-out lying… Stupid isn’t a nice word, it implies mental limitations and implies that if other people missed information, I think they’re stupid too, which I don’t. “Making the decision to be willfully idiotic” is a much more fitting term. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt that he was being willfully idiotic, rather than flat-out lying.

13) I thankfully haven’t heard from him since and hope he finds happiness despite his buttmunchiness. Totally a word.

Anyway, you can have any opinion you want about my choices in responding to him, but since he had no purchase that wasn’t either fulfilled or refunded, he has zero claim to a scam. Although, you know, I’m really rolling in his fifteen bucks. *Evil laugh*

Person 2

The other person who I know wrote on the “scam” thread, got upset in the very earliest days of the forum. It was a lot of drama in a short period of time that happened… two years ago today! [At time of writing, which was the middle of September.] Holy crap, I didn’t know that when I started writing. Happy anniversary to drama .

There was a lot of drama in those early days of the forum as we were attempting to establish an atmosphere different than so many forums and so much of the internet. This other person wasn’t the only one involved at the time, but since other people didn’t feel the need to run my name through the mud, I don’t feel the need to address their personal issues with aLBoP.

This woman was INFP and I’m referring to her by her type since I have no intention to be petty enough to share her name. That doesn’t mean I think all INFPs are that way *obviously,* it’s just easier than saying “woman” on repeat, because that’s weird.

But, as I’m sure she talked about on the thread in question, she thought we were harsh and mean on our forum in a way that she deemed “never called for.” She was referring to one particular forum post of mine. Here’s what happened, from my perspective:

If you are unfamiliar with cognitive typing, you will need to know that ESTPs like to poke for reactions. It’s how they interact with the world, which is a good thing. And because motives and character judgment is their primary Type of Information, it really really matters to them what people are really like. They hate fakeness, perhaps most of all the EPs, and attempt to cut through the crap of pretension (wow I had no idea that was spelled with an s instead of a t, interesting), or fake nicety, by catching people off guard and seeing how they react. Reactions are an EP’s bread and butter, after all.

So since very early aLBoP, there was this ESTP. Great way to start a story lol. And he had been all over the internet and in real life, and had seen people being crappy on repeat, so he was used to that as the norm rather than the exception. We can all relate with that.

So when he found aLBoP he immediately began his routine “poking for legitimacy” like a 19th century miner biting a gold coin lol. But because of the crappy he had experienced, he was used to having to poke oftenly and fairly hard to see what was really inside someone.

But when he first began poking at aLBoP, I didn’t know this backstory. I just saw that the same guy was commenting on *every* new post, and giving me pokie lip on each one lol. He would comment things on each post, trying to get a reaction, commenting about how I said this or that, or on what he’d read elsewhere that disagreed. And at first I was just like “>:( leave me aloooone! If you don’t like the posts, why are you here??”

But that was the thing, he kept staying around. I didn’t get it. I felt like his comments meant he didn’t like the posts, so why didn’t he just move on? And the comments were getting more positive over time, usually just with something pokie at the end or something. And he ordered a typing from us and I was like “What??? Well, I guess he does trust us some… Huh…” That was before Facial Typing, but when I realized his type it just made all the sense. (I have obviously since seen his face and it was spot on what we predicted, for the record. Take that people who try and pretend this isn’t a science . When it can accurately predict what people will look like before we see their faces.) And he had really been open about himself in his typing emails (of which there were several, telling us about himself, which is so adorably ESTP lol <3), and I was already liking him a lot more already. And then he posted pokie comments on the Spartan, being skeptical and I’d feel grumpy about him again, but as much as I wasn’t a fan of the way he was poking, feeling like “how many times are you going to have to poke me before you’ll believe I’m legit? :P”, I did still really like him and care about him, and was starting to appreciate his bold, frank, poking sense of humor.

But this back and forth dance of poking and a surprising growing loyalty we saw from him about aLBoP, was at an interesting place right before we launched Phase 2. I remember he had left a really sweet comment on SS:P2 (which isn’t there anymore because we moved, remember?) and I was feeling really supported and happy about him. And yet because of this history, and the fact that I was aware the poking was still strong with him, lol, Justin and I were nervous about him as we came up to launching Phase 2. I remember three individuals that we were worried about with it and this ESTP was one of them. But like I said, we liked him too, so Justin and I had high hopes about the whole situation as we launched.

Now, if you haven’t read what is now the Phase 2 Intro, and don’t know about what kind of content we have over there, it’s not only more in depth than what we have here on Phase 1, it’s about understanding yourself in a very core way, even deeper inside than cognition even, which is why we didn’t want it to be drive-by internet bait. It’s not secret, but we think it’s pretty special, and we wanted to foster an environment of reading-comprehension and self-examination, for this information that is intended to help individuals grow, for people who want to do that. Like I said, it’s pretty special to us, and we’ve had immensely special experiences seeing it work in the lives of others as well as ourselves <3.

But because of the crap he’d experienced, and because most of the time Motives aren’t treated as a valid Type of Information, even after all the times he’d poked us, this ESTP felt very wary as he came onto Phase 2 and began reading the new information. It was all new stuff and lifted the ceiling on his own potential, making him worried he was going to be judged unfairly for things he didn’t know yet (I hope that’s a fair assessment of his feelings at the time). And so he sort of acted out about it. From what he said later, he skimmed the Intro, feeling grumpy about it from the very beginning of the information, and went to the fresh new forum even more wary than he had started.

He read the forum rules, which we had written purposely open-ended, talking about attitudes that weren’t acceptable on the aLBoP forum, and referenced content from the Intro in showing how those attitudes would be identified. Having been treated unfairly other places for doing the “wrong” action (his last step and mine), and I think feeling grumpy about the new information being referenced again, like he was expected to know everything right away or, like I said, be judged unfairly, our ESTP’s first forum post was a criticism of the forum rules, saying they were too open ended and wouldn’t work. I remember in one of his posts in this conversation, he said that other forums’ rules were better and said it would be better to be like every other forum, which was the opposite of what we were aiming for.

Justin replied very nicely to him, explaining that he wasn’t expected to know everything yet, and to just relax and settle in, trying to encourage him to get comfortable and let us worry about whether or not we could reasonably make it better than other forums.

(I swear, I don’t know why people consistently treat Justin like he’s going to be the intense, harsh one. 9 times out of 10 *I* play bad cop, not him. Which people don’t expect from me because I’m adorable and smiley, lol, and the unsuspected nature of it works in my favor.)

But our ESTP (running out of ways to say that) was still feeling upset from the Intro, and didn’t want to be soothed about the topic, still arguing about it being unfair. I think some others might have talked too at that point? Don’t remember. But it was a particular “won’t let this go” thing iirc.

And we were working so hard on the atmosphere of this baby forum. Justin and I were getting about 2 hrs of sleep a night, trying to help the forum feel like a safe place where people could actually talk about things, and this was the last thing it needed. And I was so done with this ESTP’s mood and attitude at that moment. He was being so stubborn (which I lovingly joke ST stands for sometimes, lol <3) and obstinate, and I decided “no more!”

I sat down and wrote a reply post that was intended to smack him upside the head, hard, and say “Stop it! I think you can be better than this! Are you going to prove me wrong?!” It was an intense post, not gonna lie. I actually remember very little about it besides my calculated fury and the fact that I quoted XKCD. And I said he wasn’t allowed to say “I didn’t do any specific actions wrong, you can’t call me on my bad attitude and intentions.” Oh and I may have said he was acting like a “dick” at some point … Yeah, apologies, that is a phrase I use, not actually on Phase 1 before this point. It’s just so concise and jerk is just not strong enough sometimes!! Is it bad that it’s a little bit funny looking back at how intense I got, since it’s been very resolved on that front since? Like I’m kind of embarrassed that I am that intense of a person. You know, as if someone took a picture of my battle face and I’m looking back at it now like “That’s what I look like angry, huh?”

Which isn’t to say that I rage posted. I don’t rage post. Case in point, how the thread that sparked this whole post is now over two years old, and I began writing this post over a month ago. I am meticulous and thorough and attempt to predict the reactions my words and choices will evoke, as is my one-true-mental-love as an ENTP.

I stayed up all night writing that post, trying to imagine how he would reply to different parts and trying not to let him wiggle out of it, and yet wanting to give him the opportunity to do better if he wanted to.

I am a very passionate person, I’ll give you that for sure. People and things mean more to me than I can ever say, often against my will. But that means while I get really truly incensed about plenty of topics, I will never write an angry message to someone if I have no hope of getting through to them. Like this post for example; there’s a reason it isn’t addressed to the people over on that thread. I have hopes of actually communicating with very many of *you,* however I won’t try and communicate with them. I don’t have any hope that that would do squat.

Ask Justin’s brother, also ETP, sometime about the intense face-slap email I sent him, he’s definitely never forgotten it. But I would never have sent it if I didn’t respect him and his ability to apply things and desire to grow. (He replied epically to it, btw.) If I ever get truly angry with you, and let you know it, know that I respect you enough to believe it’ll make a difference to address the issue with you.

ETPs need to be poked as much as poke (saying that is going to get me into trouble with people lovingly poking me, heh), and I wanted to poke this ESTP hard enough to get a reaction of change, and I poked as hard as I felt he personally needed, based on knowing him personally and knowing his cognition.

But the INFP woman in question immediately replied informing us that you never ever ever (need a bunch more evers) speak to someone that way! She said we were mean and rash and harsh and she would have no part in it! And for the record, she was definitely not the only one concerned.

The post I wrote *was* in fact harsh, but it was not a knee-jerk reaction. It was a calculated move decided upon, based on love for the person I was talking to, and the hope that snapping him out of the way he was acting would induce him to be *more*, which I hoped he could be.

And if you consider “lovingly harsh” to be an oxymoron—if you believe that there could never be a situation where harshness would be the appropriate reaction in order to get through to someone you care about—then this may not be the place for you, especially the later Phases of aLBoP. aLBoP is a place for adults to come of age, and attitudes that say “you always deal with people this way or that way” are, frankly, childish and therefore wouldn’t fit in with the atmosphere of aLBoP’s later Phases.

We deal with people on a case by case basis, not by one-size-fits-all rules, and this was actually what I thought would be most effective. And to be honest, it worked. He immediately stopped in his tracks and said “I’m sorry, what can I do differently?” Honestly, his reaction was much more epic and adult than I expected it to be, but I did anticipate that the best way to handle an ESTP acting that way, was to shock him to get his attention, and stop him in his tracks.

But this INFP woman didn’t care whether or not it worked. She was all too pleased to be indignant. She told the forum (if I remember correctly) that she was leaving, and also emailed to chastise us again, and to tell us she was leaving. We emailed her a short but polite “sorry you feel that way” email, but tbh were pretty pleased to see her go. (Now when I say “polite,” I actually mean polite. I don’t consider my harsh post in question to be polite, for example, but it wasn’t intended to be polite.)

She was actually one that we *did* have a video chat with before we even launched Phase 2 (you guys see why I didn’t want to carry them in the store anymore?), after we had typed her. And while we made it very pleasant and answered all the questions she had, to her stated satisfaction, Justin and I both could tell there was something about aLBoP that made her very uncomfortable. He and I discussed afterward, “that was good… right?” “yeah, but we had to make it good.” I could go into the ins and outs of what made her uncomfortable, things having to do with her Type Angst, blah blah blah, but that just seems petty at this point. Interestingly, I talked about her in What if I’m not the Type I Thought I Was and referred to her as a “cool INFP.”

I was being nice.

I will say, disappointingly, that there has definitely been an FP trend among the people who have been the least cool about aLBoP. I mean, I know soooo many cool FPs, and I suspect we get more of them, quantity-wise, since their Type Specs are all about the meaning that they can get out of Individuals and Situations <3 and I think and hope that aLBoP is right down that alley. But when an unhealthy FP feels like we’re a threat to their own personal meaning, watch out! We’ve especially had a lot of ESFP and ENFP guys (more often guys than girls, interestingly) who have approached us as “nice guys” with obvious warning signs, that when they ended up showing their true colors were anything but nice. I won’t go into tales of the one who wouldn’t stop emailing me in all-caps not-so-nice words, or the one who spammed comments about how ENTPs didn’t have feelings. I don’t make character judgments flippantly, especially negative ones. And unfortunately, my spotting of warning signs has proved depressingly accurate, as individuals have demonstrated with later actions.

But in a twist of couldn’t-get-more-ironic, the reason I decided to write this post was because Justin was chatting with the very ESTP she had said I was abominably too hard on. He’s been one of our biggest supporters ever since, both in having our backs with emotional support and sharing aLBoP, and he’s been ridiculously generous on Patreon (I hope it’s okay to share that, I never know what is couth when it comes to talking about money and donations ).

Lol, when he found out about people discussing him on that thread he was like “Hey, they’re talking about me! That’s pretty cool.” ROFL, could he *be* any more ESTP?! Idec, I love you, you are seriously amazing and I can learn a lot from how you let stuff roll off of you!! <3

But he had a friend whom he’d been telling about aLBoP, and the friend saw the “scam” link and got wary, so I felt like it was finally time to address this. I have better things to do than tell people on the internet that they’re wrong, but when it’s deterring other people who are looking for aLBoP, then that’s something I need to try and fix.

*Whew* sorry this has been so long!

But I don’t want you guys to worry that this has delayed posting at all. The only major posts this year have been The Dragon, like I said, and the Four Types of Love, both of which I am ridiculously proud of, although I have been worried sick about not posting more, especially since you guys have earned it with Patreon all year; don’t think I’ve forgotten it!!

But the reasons we have been gone so much are somewhat other aspects of aLBoP, working on later “Phase” stuff, especially training people who want to help us help all of you guys more, but also working on our own personal situation as well.

In June I was offered a part-time job by an INTJ friend of mine that I really respect, at his business, and I felt like it was the perfect time. (For the record, he doesn’t know I’ve typed him shhh ) And while I’m really enjoying it and I think it’s benefitting aLBoP, I felt fairly overwhelmed and anxious the first few weeks, so that took a lot of my attention at first. But really, there’s been plenty of other aspects going on with us working things out to establish ourselves for the long haul.

Which, for the record, the part-time job is in financial planning, so I had to have a background check for it, which I passed, so I guess the FBI doesn’t believe I’m a danger to people’s money if that helps with the whole “scam” thing lol… Unless that’s a ruse and they’re watching me *right now.* O_O Considering that I’m writing this from the bathtub, that would be super pervy.

However, apparently I have very little fingerprints left, I guess from my skin condition, so I am considering a life of crime. If anyone has any suggestions, please leave them in the comments below.

Anyway, I have two short Super Simple posts almost done, working on a new format for shorter posts and faster posting, so I hope to get those out to you guys ASAP. I will make up for all the months I’ve missed, I swear!! Thank you guys for your patience as always. And for your trust of us as a source. I can’t tell you how much it means to me those times when people are impugning our character (which thankfully seems to be happening less and less these days), to know you beloved readers are out there; knowing that you know us, love us and have our backs. I couldn’t ask for a better audience or better friends. <3

My hope in clearing this up is to just soothe people’s worries and hopefully overcome misleading search results so that new people can find aLBoP every day, and hopefully feel like who they are and the way they think naturally is worthwhile and wanted.

Much love, <3 Calise

The post aLBoP a Scam? Drama, Scandal, Ooh Ahh! appeared first on A Little Bit of Personality.

from aLBoP a Scam? Drama, Scandal, Ooh Ahh!

#Miscellaneous #News #Patreon #Comment Response #Facial Typing #Personalized Typing #Phase 2 #Q&A #Ty

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junker-town · 5 years

Text

Who won Hall of Fame Game week in the NFL?

Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

Michael Thomas got a massive contract. Vic Fangio got a kidney stone. Tough call, tough call.

Winning in the NFL doesn’t just happen on the field. Victories large and small come in many different forms, ranging from nine-figure contract extensions to a few kind words said by an important figure.

While we’ve got a whole table to determine division-by-division standings and playoff odds, we often lose track of the more subtle victors each week. Rather than just running down a list of the Dolphins’ weekly opponents this fall, I decided to take a deeper look at the winners who transcend the box scores and spill glorious into the greater world as a whole.

Which is good, because this week’s, uh, limited slate of games didn’t tell the world much about the 2019 season other than which team, the Broncos or the Falcons, had the weaker fourth-string lineup. So who “won” the first, single-game week of this summer’s preseason?

First let’s start with who didn’t.

Not considered: the actual football at the Hall of Fame Game

Due to an internet outage, I missed the first two minutes of gameplay in Canton. Somehow this equated to TWO ENTIRE POSSESSIONS.

Through their first three drives, the Falcons had twice as many penalties (two) as net yards (one). Ten of the game’s first 12 drives ended in punts. Three of those punts were muffed. It took rookie quarterback Drew Lock four passes to get within three yards of his intended target downfield. Denver challenged a pass interference call seemingly just to be the answer to an obscure trivia question for years to come.

But hey, if you liked six-yard passes on third-and-9, THIS was the game for you.

the 2019 Hall of Fame Game's longest plays: 3. DEN RB Khalfani Muhammad, 31 yard run 2. ATL DE John Cominsky, 33 yard muffed punt recovery 1. DEN CB Linden Stephens, 43 yard pass interference penalty

— Christian D'Andrea (@TrainIsland) August 2, 2019

Kurt Benkert was the shining star of this wind-up car demolition derby, and he still threw for 5.4 yards per pass and left the game in the fourth quarter with a foot injury. He and Matt Schaub are currently dueling for the chance to start Atlanta’s meaningless Week 17 game after half the roster has been shunted to the injured list by conquest, pestilence, war, and death. Falcons fans will shake their heads and mournfully tell the world they “knew it would end this way.”

While we’re on the topic of premonitions Falcons fans can feel in their bones, Atlanta lost thanks to a tipped-ball touchdown on fourth down with under two minutes to play. This was the only vaguely exciting moment in football’s 2019 preseason debut.

Now, on to the winners ...

5. Resplendent old guys at the Hall of Fame Game

Tony Gonzalez is gonna look like this until he’s 80:

Tell me he wouldn’t still put up 60 catches if the Patriots or Cowboys called tomorrow.

Ed Reed would probably do all right too. He looks like he’s spent the past five seasons gearing up to fly a fighter jet against an alien invasion that will ultimately be foiled because their spaceships run on binary code.

@TwentyER pic.twitter.com/9Bd1jZ0Jqw

— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) August 2, 2019

Former WCW superstar Kevin Greene (and part-time pass rusher, I guess) also made the most of his camera time.

The guy’s 57 years old and still rocking an absolute Hercules mane. Bonus points for wearing a watch apparently made from the tie-down straps of a military cargo plane.

4. Nathan Peterman, whom everyone* likes

Everyone loves an underdog. As far as NFL quarterbacks go, there’s no bigger underdog than Peterman, the man who once threw five interceptions in a 14-pass stretch to kick off his first NFL start. Getting chased out of Buffalo for ineffectiveness is typically the kind of offense that precludes a player’s journey to a budding and ultimately fruitless spring football league.

Not the Peter Man.

No, the quarterback whose bedraggled play in western New York made us all fall in love and spawned the least-hype hype video ever made is getting a second chance in Oakland. And, like the guy he beat out for a roster spot last year, Jon Gruden has a preseason crush on him for some reason.

“I like these guys. This Nate Peterman is growing on me,” Gruden told reporters at training camp. “He’s athletic. I know he’s had some nightmare performances in the NFL, but when you watch the film you can see why. It’s not all his fault, but he’s got some talent, he’s got some athleticism, he’s got some experience. Here’s an opening day starter for the Buffalo Bills last year. I take that very serious. And he’s smart. He’s done a good job, he’s been consistent and I think he’s starting to get his confidence back and we all need that.”

Naturally, this news was well received by Raiders fans. From SB Nation’s Silver and Black Pride:

No, coach, no. This is the sort of thing that Mark Davis should roll up a newspaper and smack Jon Gruden on the nose for saying. I get that Peterman played for literally the Bills and that he looks the part, like how a successful quarterback should look, in shorts. But Peterman also has a record of 1-3 as a starter and a QB/INT ratio of 3/12. He was aggressively ‘meh’ in college at Pitt, where he was essentially a more boring version of Tyler Palko, and when he got to the pro ranks based entirely on his genetics and through no achievements of his own, he proved how overmatched he was and how his decision-making ability rivals that of the kid who climbed in the gorilla pen with Harambe. Nate Peterman is the sort of musclebound stiff Vince McMahon would try and fail to make a big star in the 1980s.

But the joke’s on you, Peterman haters. Gruden’s not the only guy who likes this scrappy young upstart.

Find yourself a teammate who supports you like @derekcarrqb supports Nathan Peterman. #HardKnocksNow pic.twitter.com/WaElOAE0fA

— NFL Films (@NFLFilms) July 31, 2019

Peterman’s just out here trying to do his best, man. Listen to Derek Carr and give him his shoe deal. Preferably something from Member’s Mark.

*citation needed

3. Derek Carr, who is not threatened in the least

He gets to be friends with Peterman! He’s gonna be neighbors with Gruden!

It’s true. As David Carr said, Derek Carr has bought a home in Las Vegas. When it’s complete and he finally moves in, his neighbor will be ... Jon Gruden. #Raiders

— Vic Tafur (@VicTafur) August 1, 2019

I hope he likes cookouts where the only food option is Hooters takeout.

2. Jordan Lasley, who proved himself worthy of the Raiders (while a Raven)

If you get released for punching teammates and celebrating too hard, you get to be on Hard Knocks. Sorry, that’s how the league works now.

Here, you can kind of see the ball Jordan Lasley threw into the nearby pond shortly after his fight with the DBs. pic.twitter.com/AQyrDw8509

— Jonas Shaffer (@jonas_shaffer) July 29, 2019

The Raiders claimed Lasley — a 2018 fifth-round pick with zero career NFL receptions — days after Baltimore released him for fighting cornerback Cyrus Jones and turning his fists on safety Bennett Jackson for having the audacity to prevent him from breaking his hands on Jones’ helmet.

First fight of Ravens camp: WR Jordan Lasley takes exception to CB Cyrus Jones going high in press coverage and the two exchange blows. S Bennett Jackson tries to break it up and Lasley swings at him. Jackson then tackles Lasley to ground.

— Jamison Hensley (@jamisonhensley) July 29, 2019

Now Gruden has two quarterbacks who are best friends and an entire roster that wants nothing more than to fight anything and everything in its path.

Oakland’s final day of camp should just be a 30-man over the top rope battle royale. Last five men standing get roster spots. Winner takes on Vontaze Burfict at Halloween Havoc.

1. Michael Thomas, who now has an opinion on the capital gains tax

Is Thomas the best wide receiver in the league? It’s debatable, but you can make a strong argument for it. The fourth-year wideout has excelled in New Orleans, catching 229 passes the past two years for 2,650 yards. More impressively, he did so despite drawing constant double-teams from opposing secondaries who saw fellow wideouts like Tommylee Lewis, Willie Snead, Tre’Quan Smith, and a hobbled 33-year-old Ted Ginn and giggled to themselves, “heh, no.”

Is Thomas the highest-paid wide receiver in the league? He is now. Rather than run even the slightest risk of losing Drew Brees’ favorite target to either a preseason holdout or 2020 free agency, the Saints made him the first pass catcher to garner a $100 million contract, inking him for five years with $61 million in guarantees. He’ll now be counted on to present a field-stretching menace who not only gives Brees the latitude to make video game throws downfield, but also creates a little extra space for Alvin Kamara to create havoc.

Most importantly for New Orleans, Thomas was the balm that soothed Brees’ late-season blisters. The veteran quarterback appeared worn out while falling off an early MVP run; after recording a 126.9 passer rating in his first 10 games, that number dropped to 91.5 in his final five. Thomas’ numbers fell off in that home stretch too, but he still averaged eight catches and 65 yards per game. If the combination of extra defensive pressure and a reduced Brees aren’t enough to drop him to sub-Pro Bowl levels, what will?

Thomas got a record-setting contract and more ammunition in his battle to be crowned the league’s best receiver. And he didn’t have to play in the Hall of Fame Game. He wins this week.

Special mention: NOT Vic Fangio’s urethra

Fangio’s first game (kinda) as an NFL head coach after breaking into the pro coaching ranks 35 years ago almost didn’t happen.

Broncos’ HC Vic Fangio, scheduled to make his HC debut tonight vs Atlanta in Hall-Of-Fane game, spent a good part of the day in a Cleveland hospital with a kidney stone, per source. Fangio has not passed it yet, but he is doing better and he will try to coach tonight.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) August 1, 2019

That every Broncos sideline shot Thursday night wasn’t just a window into the depths of human suffering was the Hall of Fame Game’s biggest upset. Every second he stood upright was a victory over the mutiny taking place inside his own body. With pirate ships circling his kidneys, Fangio stood atop his deck, surveyed the landscape, and asked his first mate to bring him his red pants.

Not that the pain wasn’t evident at times, despite a stoic front.

Fangio, for the record, wore this expression for four straight hours. Did he do all this just to become the first NFL coach to challenge a pass interference call? Probably!

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