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johannesviii · 4 years

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Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2017

Not a very good year for hit songs. Still better than the next one, though.

And a very satisfying #1 that launched an entire infodump about a specific band. I’m not even sorry.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

2017 might not sound super distant, but it’s already distant enough to analyse what started to happen to me that year with some clarity. This is when I started to lose some of my energy and motivation. A lot, in fact. Everything suddenly felt exhausting and this whole “what’s even the point of anything” mentality started to fall on my shoulders. And you know what, at first, while making these recaps, I had no idea what started it all. Was it that super rare infection I caught in early 2018 and almost made me lose a part of a finger? Was it both my grandfathers dying in mid 2018? Was it the general state of the world? But no, I did some digging and noticed this general exhaustion actually started right during summer 2017 and I was like what the f█ck happened in summer 2017? That summer was fine?

And then it clicked. I know exactly what kickstarted my spiral into about 18 months of depression, and it’s got nothing to do with health or family. It’s something that shouldn’t have affected my life in any way, and that I kinda tried to ignore at the time, and some of you might even find me overdramatic or cringy for letting it affect my life. But yeah, as I’ve realised while making these lists, Linkin Park was actually a super important part of my life, so it makes perfect sense: what started it all was Chester Bennington killing himself. Clearly, someone who had contributed so much to convince me that life was worth living and who suddenly decided it wasn’t worth it, that had a huge impact on me, whether I wanted it or not.

Aaaand now I’m crying again. Great.

Anyway. Uh. Important albums that year! Yeah so uh. Depeche Mode made Spirit and it wasn’t good, and so I kinda lost faith they would ever make a great album again, but I did realise one of my teenage dreams and saw them in concert in the Stade de France in July 2017 (it was huge. Going home after that felt like waking up from some sort of hypnotic trance. They even played Walking In My Shoes, one of my absolute favorite songs from them, along with a video featuring a trans person going to work and I started to bawl my eyes out in the middle of the f█cking crowd). Nine Inch Nails also made Add Violence and continued to be super good, and Indochine made 13, and while it wasn’t nearly as good as Black City Parade, it was also better than La République des Météors, so I was pretty happy about that. EDIT: Forgot about Under Your Spell by The Birthday Massacre, which blew my goddamn mind, but still not as much as the next album I'm gonna talk about.

But the defining album of the year, to me, was Mike Oldfield making a sequel to my favorite album from him, with Return to Ommadawn. Of course it’s not as good as Ommadawn. But still. If Ommadawn felt like discovering a new strange country full of weird folklore and forests and mysterious buildings, Return to Ommadawn feels like going back there half a century later and seeing things in ruins and wounded people, but still trying to seek beauty and joy in a partly destroyed landscape. It makes perfect sense considering the circumstances that surround the making of this thing, and it was the only way to make a good sequel to such a legendary album.

Unelligible songs that piss me off... uh, actually there’s only Cut to the Feeling by Carly Rae Jepsen. Why wasn’t it a huge hit. Come to think of it, why hasn’t any Carly Rae song been a huge hit since Good Times. This feels unfair.

Time for some honorable mentions, then.

Feels and also Slide (Calvin Harris and a lot of other people) - Got nothing to say about either of these songs, but they’re both pretty good.

Katchi (Ofenbach) - Nice little earworm.

No Roots (Alice Merton) - Super surprised this was a hit. Good.

OK (Robin Schulz ft James Blunt) - That’s a James Blunt song in the year of our lord 2017 and it sounds actually good??

What About Us (Pink) - Really caught my attention and made me wonder if I should listen to Pink again after a long streak of mediocre Pink songs.

Congratulations (Post Malone) - I find the song mostly boring but the guest verse ending with “uh, Malone... I gotta play on my phone...” is the stuff of legends and that got a chuckle out of me every time I heard it.

Glorious (Macklemore) - I’m glad this was a hit here but at the same time it’s not my favorite song from him. The music video is adorable, though.

Fly (Odyssey) - Nothing to say about that one.

XO Tour Life (Lil Uzi Vert) - The fact that I was regularly humming this is either a sign of quality or yet another sign I was depressed as shit.

Devil in Me (Purple Disco Machine) - What a great artist name.

Symphony (Clean Bandit) - Nothing to say here either, just good sound all around.

Attention (Charlie Puth) - 2017: The Year Charlie Puth Made A Great Song.

All Stars (Martin Solveig & Alma) - The last cut. It was on the list at some point. I really like it a lot, though.

And now, the list. The stuff I genuinely love starts at #6 and things that are still on my mp3 player to this day start at #4.

10 - Chained to the Rhythm (Katy Perry)

US: #73 / FR: #10

I just love the concept of a Katy Perry song about how Katy Perry songs are happy nonsense distracting you from actual issues. What can I say, I’m a sucker for meta stuff.

9 - Water Under The Bridge (Adele)

US: #88 / FR: Not on the list

An Adele song projecting actual positive energy!? That automatically goes on the list.

8 - Praying (Kesha)

US: #67 / FR: Not on the list

You know I mostly dislike slow emotional songs regardless of how good they actually are. I will, however, make an exception for this one even though I very rarely listen to it considering how emotionally taxing it is. That’s definitely a fantastic song, though.

7 - Viens On S’aime (Slimane)

US: Not on the list / FR: #53

“Listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their words and their decorum, listen, we love each other, f█ck it, f█ck their ideas and what they’re saying”. Well said, dude, well said.

6 - There’s Nothing Holding Me Back (Shawn Mendes)

US: #23 / FR: #91

That’s a very good song for running and that is becoming increasingly rarer, so I’ll take what I can get.

5 - Paris (The Chainsmokers)

US: #42 / FR: Not on the list (that’s irony for you)

Unlike Closer this is an unrelatable song about rich young people that can afford to live in Paris just “to get away from [their] parents” but honestly that’s the only negative thing I have to say against it. It sounds fantastic.

4 - Castle On The Hill (Ed Sheeran)

US: #40 / FR: #50

We’ve now entered the realm of songs that are still on my mp3 player to this day. This is the only Ed Sheeran song I’ve ever liked, and I love it. It sounds like a lost U2 song. Maybe from a strange dimension where U2 became more fragile and emotional instead of more pretentious.

I have no idea why this guy keeps making such boring stuff when he’s got that kind of song in him. I have no clue.

3 - Something Just Like This (Coldplay & The Chainsmokers)

US: #5 / FR: #19

Hey so Coldplay is still on my lists, apparently. It’s a bit too slow, some lyrics about superheros don’t make much sense, and the drop isn’t super good, but my god, that guitar near the end makes everything worth it. Just amazing colors and textures all around.

It’s not even my favorite song on that EP! I think Miracles (Someone Special) is even better, but eh, this one is a close second.

2 - 24k Magic (Bruno Mars)

US: #16 / FR: Not on the list (#13 in 2016 but I put it on the 2017 list instead)

Am I the only one to like this more than Uptown Funk? It’s so much fun to sing along to it. And unlike Uptown Funk, it’s making me feel nostalgic for an era I actually (vaguely) knew, the super colorful and ridiculous early 90s. My s.o loves it too and when it comes up on the radio or on our playlists you can bet we’re both going PUT YOUR. PINKY. RINGS UP. TO THE. MOOOOOOOON like two idiots.

This is the song I could have put on the previous list but elected to put on this list instead since it was elligible for both years, by the way! Since 2017 was less good than 2016, I thought it would be more interesting to save such a great song for later.

It would have topped the list too, if it wasn’t for something I didn’t expect to be elligible before reading the French year-end list.

Strap yourselves in, because I had no real opportunity to talk about this band at length in the posts made for the years when it was the most relevant in my life, so this is going to be quite long.

1 - La Vie Est Belle (Indochine)

US: Not on the list / FR: #44

As you already know if you remember some of my previous lists, Indochine is a band I started to love right in the middle of the absolute worst years of my life. These guys had been around since the 80s as a super successful new wave band, then became very unpopular and went underground for about twelve years in the entire 90s, then one of them died, then every member except the singer basically rotated, and then they suddenly re-emerged in 2002-2003 with Paradize, a monster of an album, full of energy, sinister themes and weird provocative songs, and an entire generation of angsty teenagers (me included as you can guess) embraced it wholeheartedly.

And all of a sudden Indochine was the favorite French mainstream band of local young punk/goths! So many kids with the Indochine logo in highschool. Nowadays the band is mocked and well-loved in equal doses by just about everyone, but I suspect it’s just because we’ve all grown up.

Placebo, Linkin Park and Indochine were the bands that ruled my entire world in 2003/2004. My mother hated all three of them, because of course she did, but especially Indochine, because according to her it was partly their fault if I was gender non-conforming. See, she used to say, they had put all kinds of bad ideas in my head and now I was all messed up.

...Holy shit, that’s a lot of blame to put on a ridiculous new wave band who’s first hit song from 1983 is just a long nonsensical list of shitty old Bob Morane pulp novels.

But here’s the problem. Even if Indochine kept having hit song after hit song, those were never the best songs on their albums. Here I am, 31, making these top ten lists since last December, and becoming more and more frustrated to see none of my favorite modern Indochine songs are elligible. My favorite Paradize singles were Mao Boy, Popstitute and especially Marilyn (god, this song rocked my entire year alongside Placebo’s The Bitter End. 2003 was such a fantastic year for dark energetic hit songs)? Too bad, the biggest hits were J’ai demandé à la lune and Le Grand Secret. Alice & June had four fantastic singles? Too bad, none of them is elligible! Same thing for the entirety of Black City Parade. Oh, but that song I hate from La Republique des Météors is elligible, I guess!

So we’re in summer 2017, and my life is completely different now, and Indochine releases La Vie Est Belle (I’m linking the album version and not the music video because it has some violent themes in it). I’m in my car doing some errands and the local radio goes “hey new song from Indochine” and I’m like “oh shit, gotta hear this” and then two minutes later “oh wow, that is super good. Won’t be a hit though”.

And yet, it was a hit! It became huge, even! And at that point I was already loving that song even though I thought it was just a super good but tragic love song about a significant other dying too young.

And then, about a month later, the wordplay of the first line finally hit me with the force of a semitruck. It’s not a love song. It’s a song about the singer’s dead twin. Who died in 1999.

It’s such a devastating, beautiful song, and yet it’s full of energy. I. adore. it. It’s exactly the kind of song you need to continue to fight and to live and to help other people in this day and age. “Life is beautiful and cruel, it looks like us sometimes” indeed. And it’s one of the best on the album, too!

So yes, 15 years after I first fell in love with this band and after they helped me during super dark times, finally, I can put one of their songs at the top of one of these lists, hands down, no debate whatsoever.

That probably sounds ridiculous but it’s genuinely making me feel extremely emotional.

Next up: I thought music sucked that year because I was depressed but I relistened to it and no it wasn’t just me

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw #suicide mention tw #I can't believe I'm almost done with these lists #that was a wild ride guys

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castawxayaway · 7 years

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World Gone Mad

so, hi. it’s actually been almost a month I think since I last wrote anything and published it. behind the scenes, I’ve started new pieces and not really had it to continue them which is so unlike me. but, bastille released a new song, and a video to go with it and likewise with glory I asked if anyone would like something written based on world gone mad. so, here it is. I’ll let you know now that I don’t fully understand what the movie ‘Bright’ is about, so I just kinda went based on the video and on my own ideas.

(I hope you like it and enjoy, I’m not sure when I’ll post next as I am a ball of stress thanks, uni) (and currently, want a three hour conversation about dan smith being a boyfriend)

it’s a week late since the video went up but i’ve been a busy bee and I can finally finish it and publish yay

collection of writing

Running aimlessly I scream his name, the chaos only growing as everyone heads in different directions. No one knows where is safe anymore, where we can hide until it’s over, if it’ll ever be over. I force down the lump that grows in my throat, the suffocating weight that crushes my chest as I move forward refusing to give up or give in until I’ve found him.

I over analyse everyone. Those who run in fear, and those who are the ones responsible. I just wish I knew which he was, as I question his previous intentions. Coughing heavily I pause to try and catch my breath as dust coats my clothes, once pristine and treasured, now destroyed in the riots that have been occurring these past few days. It no longer matters how many they arrest, I don’t think it’ll be good enough anymore.

A cloud of smoke forms behind me, my hearing now gone and replaced with a high pitch whirring sound. My feet pick up the pace and charge straight ahead towards the square. I continue to swallow the painful lump, the choke that I try to conceal from those smart enough to wear masks whilst I allow myself to remain fully exposed. Dust clings to every fibre in my mouth, making it even drier and harder to speak.

Slowing down I reach the square, my chest rises and falls frantically along with the beating of my heart. I take each step carefully as I rest on the remains of a statue, whatever one this once resembled now nothing more than stone, back to its original appearance. As I sit there I check my arms, my legs and torso for any signs of blood, whether it be my own or someone else's.

Across my right leg, the black fabric has been slashed, the cut from the glass only worsening as I remain resilient in my search for him. The bruise on my eye and the scars that have formed on my chest throb lightly, now nothing more than a dull ache. I glance around at the square, how only a few months ago this was a civilised place, this was his home. I hoped one day it would be our home as we used to walk across this space, watch the children squeal and laugh in the fountain. But now the fountain is a pile of rubble, the laughter a faint memory as screams remain apparent instead. Forcing myself up I wince, I decide to head East where I know it’s quieter for the meantime. Maybe he’s gone that way, he could be hiding, and if he is then I’ll be ready.

I watch as some pass me by, each of us has mutual respect and boundaries. We are all on the same side, for now, that is. Our weapons remain hidden, the shard of glass that cut me is in my pocket, wrapped in cloth and still stained with my own blood. He was the one who told me to do this, to flee as he warned me something could happen to him. I wish he specified what, as now the curiosity has plagued my mind as I search for him.

A whole month of this life, of trying to survive as they tear the city apart. An entire month of getting by, seeing some get taken away or beaten on the streets. Of seeing others rebel and blow up the buildings I once admired, constantly thinking back to the times I explored them with him by my side. It’s been a month of worry looming in the back of my mind, hoping he’s alright.

With hesitation I walk down to an alleyway to check my phone, the cracked screen mainly useless, but I keep it just in case he calls, that and to check the time since the bell tower is no more. 3:49pm. Looking up the sun remains high, hidden away from the clouds in fear like many who peer out of broken buildings as sirens wail around the city.

Turning the corner my eyes glance at the broken cars, the ones that have been smashed into or crunched into themselves. The scene doesn’t affect me anymore, it’s as if I’ve become immune to the outbreak, yet I can’t help but look a bit longer at the police car.

It was upside down, wheels still spinning as smoke pours out of it, a wheel discarded nearby not far from my view. Slowly I move closer, trying to get a better look at the bloody hand hangs lifelessly out of the shattered window. The lights flicker slower and slower, my shoes crunch under the broken glass, but I stand back as I see a hand grasp out onto the concrete from the back of the vehicle.

Reaching into my pocket I grasp onto the glass shard, holding it tightly as I wait to see the traitor come out of the crushed car. Slowly I watch as more arm appears, whoever it is can’t see me from this angle, I’m concealed to them and their priority will be escaping, to not get caught again. I take a few steps closer, being careful to not make too much noise as the siren wails in pain, the sound becoming more haunting each second. More body appears but his face is concealed, I squint my eyes as his arm is wrapped around his front. All I can see is his black jacket and jeans that have been slashed.

Something about them intrigues me, never before have I been this close to one of them, a traitor. Around his wrist the cuffs hang, one secured to his wrist and the other free, just waiting to be taken care of. I watch as his arm reaches up, sweeping back a mess of dark brown hair and I pause, my calm heartbeat suddenly intensifying. I release my tight hold on my makeshift weapon and move with a bit more speed.

I’m so close to him, but it couldn’t be, could it? Biting my lip back I fear to call him, exposing him or notifying others that hide in the surroundings. If they see someone with handcuffs on, it won’t take long to put the pieces together. Instead, I lower my head, I nudge past him and I’m unable to ignore the feeling.

Turning back I pause, my heart dropping as it hangs onto the few strings of hope that remain. I go to say something, but no words form. His face is beaten, cut and stained with his own dried blood. Down is forehead he can’t conceal the pain that throbs from the slash, the deep cut across his nose and the blood that poured from underneath it. “What’re you covering?” The words come out harsh as I motion to his stomach. With no hesitation, he lowers his arm, his once white top marked with his weeks of hiding, of being hunted and ripped, but not bleeding.

I let out a short sigh of relief as I avoid his gaze. He mutters my name quietly as I look around us, picking at every angle they could be watching us from, watching him from. “Please,” A small plea as I feel cool metal brush my wrist, I defensively pull back and continue to walk, noticing him slip his cuffed wrist into his pocket.

We both walk, further along, another fire sounds behind us. Smoke and dust cloud together, too many people run towards us, too many for us to get out of this stampede safely. He grabs my hand and pulls me to the side, down a small alleyway. Breathing heavily our bodies touch, the small space slimmer than it appeared. I watch them as they run, as they cough. Some help others, carrying them in teams as they cry in pain or are hanging lifelessly in their arms.

His breath remains heavy against my neck as I remain too afraid to face him this closely. The feelings I’ve longed for since this started have been shattered now I’ve found him, this is not what I anticipated happening. “Let me explain.” He speaks quietly, his face titled downwards as I watch the crowds thin until it’s nothing more than those who are too slow, the ones who won’t last until tomorrow at the latest.

As they limp, clutching to their seeped tops frustration rises in my body. “What? You going to tell me how you let all this happen?” Anger replaces my loving tone towards him as he avoids my gaze now, rather than the other way round. “Do you know how long I’ve been searching for you? I have not stopped looking for you, I knew in my heart that you wouldn’t betray everyone you loved.” Looking him up and down he lifts his head. His icy blue eyes standing out in pain, I lock mine with his. “Looks like I was wrong.” I mutter and tear my eyes from his.

“I can explain.” He retorts, holding onto my shoulder to stop me from looking out too far. Raising an eyebrow at him he sighs into my lips, the distance between us not helping. “When I lost you, after that explosion, I was taken by them. They forced me into it, saying they’ll find those I care about and kill them one by one. I, I had no choice.” He shakes his beaten face, his hair falls covering the surface damage temporarily. “If, if anything had happened to you,” I focus back on his eyes, they soften slightly, the emotion rises to the surface. The version of him I knew returning.

My hand reaches up to his cheek, the one free of any recent damage, but he squirms for a split second. “But I’m here. So you didn’t betray us?” I ask, trying to hold back the lump that paused itself, but now is back on play.

He shook his head. “Never.” His eyes searched mine, ignoring the blurriness that formed across them. I felt his hand on top of mine as it rested on his cheek, “I love you too much to ever do such a thing.” I sniff quietly.

“After all this time I was so worried, I thought you might’ve been dead.” I whimper, but sniff forcefully and straighten up, I can’t afford to do this now. “But now what?” I swallow the lump and take my hand from his cheek, using it to wipe the dust and tears that solidify on my face.

He lowers his head again, something he does when he knows I’ll take it hard, whatever he has to say will hurt. I shake my head repeatedly, not wanting him to say what I think he’ll suggest. “I’ll have to turn myself in.” The words that break my heart.

We’ve all heard the rumours about what happens to the traitors. What happens once they have you. I continue to shake my head, “You can’t.” Holding his hands tightly I let the tears fall, every emotion floods my system after being on lockdown for a month. “I’ll never get you back.”

His dirty fingertips wipe my eyes as fresh tears fall, replacing the last. “If it’ll keep you any bit safer it’s worth a try.” He chokes a laugh and glides his hand along my neck revealing the one thing I held dear throughout all of this. I watch the absent smile return, the ring attached to the chain still fairly clean but missing from my finger. “We had it all planned.” I laugh at his comment, how useless it all is now.

“A future,” I smile to him, “what a thought that is, right?” He reciprocates the smile, through the pain that lines his face I can see a glint of hope. “Together through it all as you said to me, right?”

He opens his mouth to speak, but it hangs as he zones into the sound of the click from his side. Lifting his arm up mine follows, his eyes go wide and fear melts the hope in the deep blue. “What did you just do.” Sincerity and worry line his tone as I let the tears fall.

“Together through it all, Dan. Whatever happens, I’ll be with you.” He remains speechless as the sirens sound. His hand intertwines with mine, and he backs away, further down the alleyway until it becomes wider, more open.

The further we go the more deserted the space seems. He reaches up and snags the necklace, discarding the chain and holds the ring in his fingertips. “If we’re going to do this,” He slips the ring onto my finger, “then we do it properly.” Looking at the ring I remember the night he gave it to me, the happiness we shared in that moment, a sense of euphoria. We planned it all, I had my dress that he’ll never see me in. Instead, we stand hand in hand covered in dust and stale blood, marked with the pity of what we never got.

“I love you.” I whisper as the sirens come closer, our time running out.

Moving closer the space between us is gone, his lips hover over mine. “I love you too, whatever happens I love you.” His lips kiss mine with so much force, intertwined with tears and the metallic drops from his nose, but neither of us care. If this is goodbye, then we might as well make it worthwhile.

Unaware of his hand slipping into my pocket I feel something loosens. “Dan?” I pull away and the siren comes to a holt.

Pulling back from me I notice the cuff is gone from my wrist, we’re no longer attached. My eyes widen with fear, he kisses me one last time, muttering into my lips, “I love you. You’ll see me soon, I promise.” Before I have the opportunity to scream after him he faces the police, the crowd that surrounds behind the barricades. They all shout, but I can’t hear a single thing.

I watch as he lifts his arms up behind his head, following their commands as guns focus on his head. He turns to look at me, a single nod as I continue to sob. They move closer towards him, I watch all those around sneer, spit and swear at him as they hold the gun to his forehead.

My eyes close tightly as I hear the bang and the cheers. I move away, tears blind me as I run, stumble to a rock and lie there admiring the ring through the blur. “I’ll see you soon Dan,” Reaching into my pocket I feel the shard. “I promise.”

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