#+ neutral pronouns don't exist in my language so it's not like they Could gender me correctly | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

gallantys · 5 months

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Hi! First, English isn't my native language, please let me know about any grammar mistake. Second, this is supposed to be a Gn!reader, but I'm used of writing male!reader stuff, so please don't consider any pronoun if not gender neutral ones. This is only a... test- let's see how it will go and maybe I will keep writing it.

Sky of Lies

huh... these mortals...how adorable

Aren't you angry about this?

As long they keep up with the heavenly principles, why would I?

People of Fontaine was overjoyed to have the creator choosing their nation to reside in, the creator was different than expected. They seems tired, yet he still somewhat kind

Creator was definelly a quiet person, not really giving attention to any of their acolytes, they assumed they were tired and still weak for waking up of their slumb. Obsessed over a "key" that no one ever heard about, schoolers and adventures all around the whole Teyvat, mostly Akademiya's tried to discover about this mysterious key. Nahida even tried to look about it at Irmsul, while she could see that it existed, she couldn't see clearly what it was about. She could only see flashes of the creator in a place that looks like Celestia, the blurry image of them look at her direction, as if they can see her even if it happen thousands years ago... then Irmsul reject her power.

When the creator knew about it, they got frustrated cursing Celestia through their breath and rudely saying to Nahida to leave.

When the traveler finally see the creator, they were at Neuvillette's office as Creator was again asking if they had any progress about the investigation. Aether can't brush off the unsetting feeling, Paimon was strangely quiet, Aether and the Creator look at each other, Creator's eyes widens slightly..

Creator: Traveler! Finally! Have you possible heard of the key?

Paimon: Paimon don't remember seeing about it in our adventures

Creator: Maybe before it?

Paimon: Hm.. but Traveler dont remember nothing before he found Paimon, oh oh! and his sister too! Paimon wonders how this key looks like, your grace?

Creator: I dont know for sure, when i fell in my slumber, Celestia took it away and changed it. Im not sure anymore

Aether's expression was serious, yet he kept quiet... Paimon was answering for him. Neuvillette frowns was not noticeable... strange... Traveler was only silent when he was being used as a vessel for fhe Creator... but why would Aether be silent while talking to the Creator themselves... Paimon was different too, but Neuvillette couldnt point exactly what or why.

Neuvillette: Your grace, people all around Teyvat are searching. I'm sure we soon will be able to give what you search for.

Paimon: Why do you need this... "key" creator?

They keep silent for some seconds then finally answer:

To restore what was long lost...

#genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #genshin imposter au #genshin impact #genshin sagau #sagau #sagau cult au #sagau creator #sagau aether #sagau paimon #sagau neuvillette #sagau furina #sagau fontaine #sagau nahida #sagau sumeru #genshin fanfic #self aware genshin au #genshin x reader

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ransomnote · 5 months

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sorry for the incoming yapping. so i was having these thoughts after thinking about the spanish class i'm in this semester and how we had to do a pronoun circle in spanish and i introduced myself using the gender neutral pronoun "elle". now that pronoun has existed in spanish for a long time the same way "they" has existed in english, even if the use of it as a singular pronoun or a gender neutral pronoun in the case of sp: elle is "recent" (hundreds to thousands of years old). i was talking to my friend about this and she mentioned the recently added gender neutral french pronoun "iel", an alternative to fr: elle and il. but that got me thinking, french nonbinary people have existed since before french was something a person could be, meaning the idea of a neutral gender identity developed out of a culture that speaks a language that bases itself in the idea of a gender binary. it would stand to reason that the idea of what it means to be nonbinary when you speak a very gendered language would be very different from what it means to be nonbinary when you speak a language, like english, that doesn't assign gender to nouns with out the addition of a pronoun (i.e calling a boat "she"). so i'm very curious, if you are nonbinary and speak a language like french that assigns a binary gender to most things/did not have a gender neutral pronoun until fairly recently, do you use that gender neutral pronoun?

if you feel so inclined, also put your age in the tags, as i'd like to see if there's a generational gap present as between people who do use a gender neutral pronoun vs those that don't!

IF YOU ARE NOT NONBINARY OR DO NOT SPEAK A GENDERED LANGUAGE AS YOUR FIRST/MOST USED LANGUAGE, PLEASE DO NOT VOTE!!! instead, please consider reblogging or sending to somebody who is/does!

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icyrambles · 1 month

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of all my transformers takes, i feel like the one that'll get me sent directly to fandom hell is my feral hatred of the term "femme"

like genuinely it's such a stupid term. not because i don't think the robots can't have gender. because i do think they have some concept of gender. but because it's just woman 2.0

like you've got this super interesting alien species. they've got their own culture, their own language, their own ideas of sexuality and right and wrong, and their own religion. and to see most of the fandom look at that and go "but what if i just made man and woman but for robots" pisses me off

it makes me mad because it's fucking boring as shit. you've got all this cool worldbuilding and lore and you decide that the best thing to do when discussing robot gender is just to give them human gender but slightly to the left

"but icy, how to you distinguish the women transformers from the male ones?"

just fucking use mech for all of them. i use mech/mecha as a catch all term. it's my replacement for person or man or guy. like when someone says "you guys" they could obviously be referring to a group of all men, but let's be real here, "you guys" as it is used in colloquial english, is a gender neutral term despite having a more gendered term within it.

and it's specifically the term femme that grinds my gears. i don't have any issues with people headcanoning characters using she/her pronouns. i think that's cool as hell because pronouns do not equate to gender and in a fandom where like, 90% of the characters use he/him it's nice to see some switchups for pronouns because it gets a little repetitive after a while. but the term femme just tells me that you subscribe to the idea that the alien robot species who do not have the same concepts and ideas of gender as humans do, somehow managed to craft together the exact same gender concepts as an organic species halfway across the galaxy.

and i'm sure someone might be like "well it's not a gender thing" but i only ever see the term femme used to describe a canon character who uses she/her pronouns (like arcee or elita-1) or to describe a fandom headcanon that revolves around a character using she/her pronouns (like starscream or ravage) it has everything to do with how the fandom seems to cling to the idea that cybertronians have to have the same concepts of gender for humans

i've been in this fandom for a little over a year and despite going through forums and tumblr posts and even looking at twitter for a tiny bit, i've yet to see an actual attempt at exploring the concepts of cybertronian gender.

so here's mine; taken from my worldbuilding ideas that i'm sorting out for my in the works fan continuity

cybertronian gender, like a lot of their societal norms, is tied to one's altmode.

as taken from the marriam-webster dictionary: gender is - a subclass within a grammatical class (such as noun, pronoun, adjective, or verb) of a language that is partly arbitrary but also partly based on distinguishable characteristics (such as shape, social rank, manner of existence, or sex) and that determines agreement with and selection of other words or grammatical forms

now applying that to a species that has the specific characteristic of being able to literally change shape with the assistance of an internal organ (ie the t-cog) leads me to the idea that instead of gender being based on the biological sex like it is for humans, gender is instead rooted in the altmode.

the terms of seeker and speedster are adjectives to describe the altmode of a cybertronian, but also can describe the gender. this isn't meant to be a direct 1-1 copy of human ideas of sex and gender but instead a theoretical worldbuilding exercise in how a species that does not reproduce in a sexual manner would develop similar concepts of personal expressions through their established canon biology.

within my worldbuilding. the common language packs of cybertron come with three sets of standard, altmode neutral pronouns. these roughly translated into english, are he, she, and they. notice how i said altmode neutral pronouns. that's because most altmodes have their own sets of established pronouns that crop up within the groups.

this particular idea ties in with how my versions of cybertronians communicate. basically cybertronians communicate both via verbal speech, such as talking using a vocaliser, but also via manipulating their EM fields, and attaching non-verbal alterations to their spoken words via radio waves and the EM field.

so the pronoun [He] when used in a sentence, might have extra attachments added onto it.

EX: [He (positive/neutral) went to my house the other day.]

So in this case the speaker is referring to someone in a positive or neutral manner.

Here's another one using pronouns on a personal level when referring to one's self.

EX: [Hello. (courteous) My name is Starscream (Vosian - Seeker). I use He/Him (Neutral) pronouns.]

This is a typical cybertronian style of greeting. It includes a hello to the other party/s, the title of the individual along with their region of origin/residence and altmode, and finally their preferred set or sets of altmode neutral pronouns. In this case, Starscream would tag his "Hello" with a neutral emotion, being courteous but not excited because the mech he's talking to is someone he doesn't know but isn't enemies with. He then attaches his region of origin "Vos" and his altmode group "Seeker" and finally caps it off with his preferred set of pronouns "He/Him" which has a neutral emotion modifier tagged onto it because while it's his preferred set of pronouns in the neutral sense, it's not what he'd like to be using all the time.

he/him, she/her, and they/them are all equally neutral and for all cybertronians they exist in a state of purely personal preference. there's nothing about arcee using she/her pronouns that makes her more woman gendered anymore than starscream using he/him pronouns makes him male gendered. that's just human bias. they're robots, so they don't view themselves in the same way. those sets of pronouns, again, are merely translated into english for the reader's convenience.

Now I've thrown around the term "altmode neutral" quite a bit so here's an explanation for that.

Cybertronians with the same or similar altmodes will often develop languages and cultures surrounding those altmodes, similar to how many cultures and identities are developed through similarities with each other. This varies from region to region, with many languages and cultures not meshing together even if those mecha have the same altmode.

A jet like Pharma who was raised in Iacon around primarily ground based altmodes tends to use pronouns specific to grounder based language families while someone like Starscream or Thundercracker, who are from Vos, use altmode specific pronouns indicative of language families developed by mostly flight frames.

The common language data pack exists as an easy way for mecha to communicate with each other without potentially butchering another individual's native language. While one could theoretically download a whole language into their brain module, their actual speech would likely sound distorted or unnatural due to the fact that the brain module only retains the information that was on the download and is unable to account for things like accents, region dialects, and other such nuances in languages

Altmode specific pronouns are often tagged with extra modifiers and would function similarly to the concept of neo pronouns in english.

Megatron as an example has a tank altmode and his specific altmode pronouns are chk/chiks and using them in spoken dialogue would require one to either create a noice similar to a tank canon loading with their vocaliser, or in another tank's case, would simply have them use their own tank barrel to produce the noise.

flight frames often clank their wings together or whistle as their altmode specific pronouns. speedsters will revv their engines. smaller cars like bumblebee or cliffjumper will beep their horns, and ambulances like ratchet will whoop their sirens.

going back to my "pharma raised in iacon" example. he's a jet, but rather than clanking his wings together, he'll utilize his inbuilt siren (installed while he was in medical school) as his altmode specific pronouns. it, roughly translated to written form is wheep/whoop

this also extends to preferences for partners. i've seen people joke about how ratchet has a thing for speedsters because of his thing with drift and rodimus, but genuinely i do think that within the idea of altmodes being tied to gender, mecha would develop preferences for certain altmodes.

and when i say preference, i do mean just a preference. altmodes are fluid things within cybertronian society. megatron, as an example, is a gun, a tank, and a heavy bomber plane across varying continuities, yet at the end of the day, he's still megatron. his altmode is not what defines him as a character.

therefore i think changing altmodes is purely a thing that's tied to economic status. it's very expensive to have the whole exoframe completely reformatted so those who regularly change their altmodes either have shanix to spare, or have saved up enough money to have the procedures done.

this is even touched upon within idw's version of cybertron, what with the existence of relinquishment clinics, where mecha will go and donate their frames for money, and then those shells can be bought so another individual can have a new altmode.

when a mech decides to have their altmode changed they'll often shift up their altmode specific pronouns too. a smaller car changing altmodes into a bigger vehicle will instead honk their horn instead of beeping or maybe they'll revv their engines louder just to signify that they've changed altmodes.

going back to my sentence examples. here's one with ratchet and pharma introducing themselves to a patient

EX:

Ratchet: Hello (positive/friendly/welcoming) My name is Ratchet (Vaporex - Ambulance - Medic) I use He/Him (Positive) and siren whoops pronouns.

Pharma: Hello (kind). My name is Pharma (Iacon - Jet - Medic). I use He/Him and clanks wings/whoops sirens pronouns.

like i said, this isn't meant to be a direct 1-1 with human genders. cybertronian altmodes within my fan continuity defy more than just how another individual views them. they can signify occupation, social standing, and economic class. and some mecha even choose to disregard their altmodes entirely when it comes to their personal expression, sticking exclusively to the gender neutral pronouns.

anyways this post is half rant half worldbuilding so if ya made it to the end i'd be happy to hear your thoughts. and as always, if you liked this post please feel free to reblog :]

#icy's writing #transformers #maccadam's #yet another worldbuilding post #transformers worldbuilding #cybertronian worldbuilding

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ftmtftm · 5 months

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i personally have been thinking a lot abt the "share your pronouns" thing (not specifically bc of this anon just in general) and like. to me i think people pin a lot of blame on nonbinary people for something that isnt my fault. to be respected and seen i will ALWAYS have to out myself - neither being stealth nor the closet are an option for me. but you... when you use he or she pronouns you can still be stealth while making the environment youre in safe and comfortable for nonbinary people just by saying "im [name] i use he pronouns". it establishes not that youre trans, necessarily, but that you know that anyone around you could be nonbinary. that trans doesnt have a "look". i mean. since hes saying stuff like "fake trans" idk that he cares necessarily about that but...

ive talked abt this w my transmasc and transfem friends so like. i know the perspective anons probably coming from. it isnt my fault that transphobic people use gender neutrality in language to hurt trans people. it isnt my fault that cis people will ask for your pronouns when they think they've clocked you. it isnt my fault that i exist the way that i do. sharing my pronouns is a necessity; there is no assumption that is correct for me. and that *hurts*

anyways i admire ur compassion and patience a lot, i hope anon gets better soon

Conflicting needs will always exist in our community!! And also though - There is quite literally always the option to "answer like a cis person" if someone is deeply concerned about being stealth. It's not fun, but that option is absolutely available if someone needs to be stealth.

Especially because sharing pronouns isn't anything more than asking someone how they like to be addressed. Their whole purpose is to fill in a place of address in a sentence so you don't repeat someone's name over and over to the point of sounding like Elmo. It can be used to clock people or out people and people can absolutely be malicious with it, but it's not the fault of trans people that transphobic people do that.

Like, you are absolutely correct because once again: the burden of the harmful system does not fall upon the ones being harmed. The burden instead falls upon the people perpetuating the system. Transphobic people cause transphobia, not trans people attempting to just live their lives.

I also understand the desire to pass and not be clocked and to be treated like a "normal" man. But the unfortunate truth is that... isn't reality and probably won't be in our lifetimes. So then your options become "lash out because I'm angry about this" or "work towards solutions so no one else has to feel this way after me".

The fact of the matter is the normalization of nonbinary identities in general and the normalization of asking for pronouns in group settings is a real solution that can help the most people in the long run. It puts cis people, binary trans people, and nonbinary trans people all on the same playing field. The practice still needs to actually be fully integrated into our social practices, but we're still in the awkward beginning stages of it. It's good to be realistic about that, because sometimes you have to think about both people outside of yourself and the future.

It is ultimately a good thing and I'm sorry you are harmed by the backlash to it anon.

#asks #anon #long post /

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anyablackwood · 8 months

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Tip for writers trying to make their story more immersive:

If your characters are supposed to be speaking in another (real life) language, but you're writing it in (for example) English (ex: the story takes place in medieval France but you're an English-speaking author writing it for an English-speaking audience), looking into the language's structure can be extremely helpful!

Obviously things like looking into connotations behind terms or trying to find colloquial equivalents to common expressions is more important, but if you really want to go the extra mile, figuring out if your dialogue makes sense in both languages can be a good idea!

For example, Japanese doesn't have gendered pronouns. It ironically has a boat load of pronouns, but none of them are gendered and for the most part, native speakers don't use any in a conversation once the subject has been established. Most of them are different variations of "I/me/my" (which is technically the same word) or "you/your/yours", and they also ironically go entirely unused in a conversation. Plural or gender-neutral pronouns, such as "they" also don't exist in the way it does in English; and they're also omitted 99% of the time in conversation.

So if your characters are having a conversation in Japanese, and they bring up someone's pronouns

Example:

"You have a girlfriend? That's good! What's her name?" "His name is Michael." "His...? Oh."

That is structurally impossible! There is no "she" or "his"! The conversation's structure, directly translated, would sound something like

"Made girlfriend? Good! Name is?" "Name is Michael."

There's not even a way for them to respond with "His?" because the word itself literally doesn't exist. In that case, you could make sure he says "My boyfriend's name is Michael." The name itself would obviously tip them off on its own, but if you want it to run smoothly in both English and Japanese, adding "boyfriend" and having them focus on that term would work.

Again, this isn't strictly necessary, and you're not a bad writer if you choose not to! It's just something that I noticed a lot when reading stories like this. As a bilingual person, it can kind of break my immersion a bit when the characters have what is essentially an impossible conversation, but it doesn't necessarily ruin the story and the world won't end just because I'm occasionally pulled out due to logistics. My chemist sister doesn't read a lot of sci-fi because she gets too absorbed in the probabilities of the science involved, but that doesn't invalidate sci-fi as a genre or any authors whose stories don't fully hold up under that level of scrutiny! It's just something I giggle at when I come across.

I've seen people arguing on online forums trying to prove a character's gender in an anime using subtitles or dub clips, and it never fails to make me laugh when they aggressively circle/clip and loop the "he" in the sentence. Sure, official translators have likely communicated with the original studio and confirmed these translations as accurate, but even so, that's for an English-speaking audience's ease of interpretation. They've done it before with Pokemon's infamous "jelly donuts". It's highly possible the studio just agreed because they've never heard of gender-neutral pronouns or just didn't really care.

#language #japanese #writeblr #writing tips #writerscommunity #just a little idea #again it's not strictly necessary! Just for if you're REALLY tryna sell the immersion to bilingual readers #so basically just for me lol #no pressure to those anime fanfic writers lmao #but on that note if you're gonna write a high school ff for example make sure the timeline adds up? I'll make a separate post about that

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bomberqueen17 · 1 year

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I agree with your post on tone indicators but be careful with labeling coming up with new terms/language functions as making up a conlang, you seem to know non-native english speakers so you'll know the struggles they have in getting very necessary language such as neutral gender added to their language, and even in english itself there's a lot of push against adding words to describe things like genders, and saying "nah those new things are not real [language]" is often weaponized against people who need new language (i am not saying this applies to tone indicators specifically just to be absolutely 100% clear)

There's nothing wrong with conlangs. I love them, and admire people who create them; they're perfectly valid as an art form and can be a fun and beautiful way to communicate. There's nothing wrong with inside jokes or memes; I employ them among my groups of friends, and love the glimpses of humanity I get from hearing about other people's. Sometimes the confluence of references can be the sweetest, funniest, most concise way of communicating something, and sometimes what you're communicating is just you're my people and I love you, and that is beautiful and valid. There's nothing wrong with neopronouns or any such adapted language; they're perfectly valid, I use them, whenever asked, and in fact I once assigned some to a character in a work of fiction I wrote solely to give myself practice using them, so it wouldn't be so strange to me, since the idea was new to me but I had begun to encounter people who used them. And they convey things that could not already be conveyed using existing language, and so their creation is beautiful and necessary-- as is their explanation.

The thing all these things have in common is that nobody is assuming you know them. If someone has created a conlang, they'd be excited to give me a glossary, and would not use the language with me if I had not been given an opportunity to know what the words meant.

If I am making a bunch of references to inside jokes, I will make sure that everyone in the conversation has had a chance to hear the background context, so that they are not excluded-- if it is not possible, I will apologize to the excluded person, and try to keep my references to a minimum in conversations they're part of.

If someone has neopronouns, I will happily use them, but I need to be told what they are and how to use them grammatically. Once this is done, I will do my best, just as I do with anything I'm learning, but I don't think it would be reasonable for me to know to use pronouns if I haven't been told what they are. This is why people say "she/her", "they/them", "xe/xer" and so on, by the way, instead of just saying "she"-- it's to give you what you need to use it!

So tone indicators-- fine, use them, but if you're using them in a conversation with me, understand that they are opaque to me so I will not understand them so you using them is serving absolutely no purpose, and so you will have to also, if indicating your tone is important to the meaning of the conversation, do so using language I can understand, and additionally know that if you have repurposed widely-used existing acronyms or abbreviations, you're going to have to clear up what you mean, and in fact for the ones whose older and far more common usages are actively offensive, you should avoid using them unless you're trying to cause offense.

Because this is the main point I'm getting to: It's really fucking rude to address someone using language they do not know and are excluded from.

So every single time you use a tone indicator with someone whose familiarity with the system you haven't bothered to verify, you are appending another, secret, tone indicator on the end, which just says HOSTILE, invisibly appended after every other thing you have typed, because you are using abbreviations that in broader culture mean other things, and expecting your reader, without having asked if they know them, to discard everything else they know, and put themselves out to decipher your unfamiliar jargon.

It's entitled and hostile and counterproductive. So I'm not saying don't use them, I'm saying ask first, and if the person's not familiar, then make your meaning clear in standard language. It's pretty simple. If you love this specific system a lot and talk to this person a lot, maybe drop a link to a key and ask if they'd be willing to learn them. But understand that is a big ask, because there are so many other ways to convey the same exact information that are not reliant upon a brand-new obscure code.

#tone indicators #i don't get why this is discourse #but i hate this capture the flag of neurodivergence #competing access needs are a thing #but try being #idk #polite?#it's worth a shot

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nothorses · 9 months

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Hi, I'm not sure if this is necessarily something you have advice on, but do you have some advice on talking to parents about being trans? I've already told them that I'm a trans man, but it doesn't seem to have stuck. They don't seem to really understand that I'm a guy, my dad in particular. And it's not even that he or my mom doubt the existence of trans people, or even my transness specifically, so much as they doubt my masculinity? I think that they figure since I'm not a rough and tumble sports meathead type of guy that I'm not fully a guy at all. My dad in particular doesn't really understand why I'd choose to be a guy when gender is a construct that doesn't mean much of anything, which I'm pretty certain has to do with his own baggage that I won't get into. How do I navigate telling my parents that yes, I'm sure I'm a guy, and that using they/them pronouns and referring to me in gender neutral terms is incorrect?

I would really recommend asking questions first, for that sort of thing; since they're actually doing something you can comment on (misgendering you) but seem overall willing to understand and support you, you might just try asking them, like, "I've noticed you use they/them pronouns and a lot of gender neutral language for me, even though I'm a guy. Why is that?"

The purpose is just to get them to self-reflect without making them feel defensive, and to understand where they're coming from and what's feasible/relevant before you start making requests. Maybe they have a well-intentioned reason for it, maybe they don't really understand what you've been trying to convey, or they think gender neutral language is a good "stepping stone" while they "adjust", or maybe there's another reason. Asking first allows them to explain themselves while feeling like you're really interested in their reasoning, and opens up that conversation in a productive way as a result.

Whatever their answer, you can then explain and correct without it being an argument or lecture. You can validate and acknowledge whatever positive intent they had, and then offer something more helpful to you: "thank you for explaining, and for trying to support me. I would actually really prefer it if you could use he/him pronouns for me, because they/them feels like you're still saying I'm not actually a guy, even if that's not what you mean."

Or, if it is that they think it's okay to use that language to "adjust", if nothing else you can ask if they can try to mix in masculine language more often. You can explain that it helps you remember that they're really, honestly trying, in the moments that they do forget.

You can also try asking them more about how they see you and why they feel that need to adjust, and you can ask them how they think it might make you feel, but just be aware that it might also hurt you to hear those answers. Make sure you're asking questions with an honest desire to hear their answers; if you come into it just trying to make them feel guilty, it can often feel more like an attack, and the conversation can easily go in the direction of an argument rather than a genuine dialogue.

That's just one approach, though- I'm sure you'll work it out in a way that suits you. Best of luck!

#advice

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writethrough · 2 years

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I've been waiting for this for so long ! Someone finally accepting Malcolm Bright fic requests ! I love this character so much for so many reasons. So, maybe you could do a Malcolm Bright x Reader or a Malcolm Bright x Original Female Character fic where reader / OC is either his girlfriend or best friend (whatever you decide ☺️) and she stays in at his loft for a few days to take care of him because he is homesick, and she comforts him when he has night terrors. He feels so loved and cherished and valued that he eventually tells her more about his intimate fears (he already told her about his disorders, Martin Whitly, the girl in the Box, Watkins, but he feared she will run away if she found out about his most obscure thoughts and fears because of so many past rejections) and then she reassures him and tells him that she loves him. - 😩 Eventually Malcolm opens up to her more and allows himself to show his vulnerability to her by crying on her shoulder while they hug. You get it. Just pure sweetness and care 🤍

Thanks ;) And please take care 🤍

So Be It

(Malcolm Bright x Gender-Neutral Reader)

Warnings: Language (one little f-word), sick Malcolm, softboi Malcolm, pining

Word Count: 1849

A/N: Soft Malcolm makes my heart briefly melt from its icy chamber. Sweetness and fluff are my guilty pleasures if you couldn't tell from my other fics! I don't think I used pronouns in this so I'm marking it as gender-neutral—hope that's okay! I'd like as many people to enjoy it as possible. Thank you for the request! And for being patient as I work through my ask box. I hope you enjoy!

“Malcolm, I say this with love, but you are the bane of my existence,” you said after opening every cabinet in his kitchen. Stale crackers and tea bags. That was it.

You had barged into his apartment after he hadn’t responded to any of your texts this morning. You knew his schedule by heart, and no matter what, he texted you back before he left for work. When an hour had passed without you hearing from him, you used your spare key and waltzed right in to find him bundled up on the couch, nose red and tissues littering the coffee table.

He groaned. “I’ve been busy with cases.”

“So busy you couldn’t have groceries delivered?” You crossed your arms even though he couldn’t see you over the back of the couch.

“I forgot,” he whined. One thing you knew about Malcolm Bright: he got whiny when sick. You imagined if you weren't so in love with him, you'd find it annoying.

You huffed, picking up his phone from the coffee table and placing a grocery order.

“There. It’ll be here in an hour,” you said, gently lifting his head so it could rest in your lap.

“Doesn’t that cost more?” His eyes were closed, and a blanket was pulled up to his chin.

“I’m sorry, which one of us actually owns their apartment?”

He peaked up at you through one eye. “Touché.”

You carded your fingers through his hair, and he let out a sigh of contentment.

“You don’t have to stay here, you know.” His voice was raspy from his sore throat.

“I kind of do. If not to help you get better than to keep you here. I’m afraid if I take my eyes off you for too long, you’ll sneak off to work.” You smiled warmly. Sometimes you thought Malcolm loved his job a tad too much. But it was endearing nonetheless.

“I don’t think I could move if I wanted to. My head’s killing me,” he said, squinting up at you.

“Get some rest. I’ll be here if you need me,” you said.

—

An hour later, there was a knock at the door, and you silently cursed as Malcolm stirred.

“(Y/N)?”

“It’s okay. Just go back to sleep.”

You carefully shifted him off your lap and grabbed the bags from the deliverer. It wasn’t much, just the basics, honey, and soup ingredients. He hadn’t eaten anything since you arrived, so you put a slice of bread in the toaster as you finished putting away the stuff you didn't need for the soup.

“(Y/N)?” Malcolm stood on the opposite side of the island, eyes rimmed red. He looked like a kicked puppy.

Striding toward him, you placed a hand on his forehead.

“Go lay back down. You’re burning up and need your rest,” you said.

He only groaned and leaned his head onto your shoulder. God, you hated seeing him like this.

You rubbed up and down his blanket-covered arms. “C’mon, honey, why don’t you go lay in your bed, and I’ll bring you some toast.”

He mumbled an “okay” in your neck and shuffled toward his room.

A few minutes later, you brought him his food and more tea.

“Thank you,” he said, his big, wet eyes gazing at you.

You brushed a stray hair out of his face. His cheeks were slightly flushed, but his shoulders shook ever so often.

“Do you want me to get you a hoodie?” you asked, watching as he took a small bite.

“No. I’m too hot,” he mumbled.

“Okay, finish that, and I’m gonna get your next dose.”

You returned, and he’d laid the half-eaten toast on his nightstand and sipped at the tea.

“Here.”

You switched the mug for the medicine and placed the cup down to hand him the glass of water. After swallowing, he didn’t say a word as he shuffled underneath the blankets.

“Get some sleep. I’ll work on some soup for later,” you said, using your hands to push off the bed.

But one of his stopped you from beneath the sheets.

“Please stay,” he whispered.

Taking in his current state, you couldn’t help the throbbing in your chest and the overwhelming urge to hold him. You wanted to take all of his pain away and keep him from ever feeling like this again.

He tried not to rely on people. The fact that he was asking you to stay and not pushing you out told you how terrible he felt. You’d do anything he’d ask.

“Of course.”

You slipped under the covers facing him as his eyes closed. It didn’t matter if he’d fall asleep right away you’d stay right here just so he wouldn’t wake up alone. Just so he’d have some comfort.

You and Malcolm had met when you were children. It was after his father's arrest. He had isolated himself from the other kids at the park, and you couldn't have that. So, you marched right up to him and told him you would be his best friend, and that's been true ever since.

An hour or so had passed as you admired his relaxed features. It wasn't until you were both well into your twenties that you developed feelings for him. He had swung by to drop off a book he told you about and ended up staying for three hours—you had only seen him two days prior. Once he left, your mom came into the kitchen with this little smile on her face. You nearly spit out your drink when she asked when Malcolm would ask you on a date.

You laid in bed that night when it hit you. You liked Malcolm.

A whimper broke you from your thoughts.

Malcolm shifted, still asleep, and this time, a whispered "no" slipped through his lips.

You'd seen how bad his nightmares could get. You knew it was important you didn't startle him, but you weren't about to lay there and let him relive whatever horror he conjured.

Slowly, you wiggled closer to him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Laying on your back, you brought his head onto your chest and smoothed his hair.

"Shh, it's okay. It's not real," you whispered.

As your fingers threaded through his hair, his whimpers slowly quieted, and he inhaled softly. It was a few moments before he spoke.

“Thank you,” he whispered, eyes still shut. He didn't need to pretend with you. And he was grateful for it.

“For what?” You had told him he didn't need to thank you for this. The first night you witnessed his night-terrors, he wouldn't stop apologizing. He couldn't even look you in the eye. But you reassured him, even told him about the nightmare that haunted you. It was then you both promised one another that if you needed the other person, you'd call and be there—it didn't matter when.

“For taking care of me. For staying with me so I wouldn’t be alone. For…For making me feel like…like I’m worth being cared for.” He blinked, hoping you couldn’t hear in his voice that he was fighting tears.

You swallowed and moved until you were facing him.

“You are worth everything.” You made it a point to keep your eyes locked. “You never have to thank me for prioritizing you. You’re my…You’re my best friend. I’d do anything for you.”

You were walking a dangerous line. He had been a profiler for fuck’s sake. It was a miracle he hadn’t figured out you loved him already.

“It’s just…I know-I know you’re always here for me and will always be,” he sniffled, “I just can’t wrap my mind around why you’d want to stay. I keep,” he shakily inhaled, “I keep waiting for the day you leave and never come back.”

Your eyes were wide the entire time he spoke.

How could he think about all those things? No. You knew exactly why.

And it didn’t matter how long it took to prove to him otherwise—you’d do it—happily.

You cupped his cheek so he couldn't hide.

“I know you’ve been through so much, more than anyone should have to go through, but those things don’t scare me. They never have. You’re stuck with me, Malcolm. Even when you want me to leave you alone—especially when you want me to leave you alone. I’m gonna be here, no matter what. I promise.”

Tears were streaming down his face now, and he didn’t care. Not when you soothed his every insecurity. Not when you looked at him like he was important to you. Not when all he wanted to do was reach out and hold you and tell you how he’d fallen in love with you for those very reasons.

His arm wound around your back and slid you toward him. His head buried itself in your neck as he shook with a fresh wave of tears. You held him, running a steady hand up and down his back.

“I’m right here.” You placed soft kisses on whatever skin you could reach. “I promise. I’m right here.”

He quieted slowly, his body relaxing into yours as he was left sniffling, but he never let go of you. He wanted nothing more than to stay like this for the rest of his life. He wanted to feel your warmth. He wanted your hand on his back to become his new heartbeat. He wanted to never be without you.

He ever so carefully pulled away just enough to meet your searching gaze. And before he could say a word, you did.

“I love you.” It was the only thing that could settle his fears for sure. Even if it backfired, it’d be worth it to reassure him. He would believe you and know he was worth everything to you, and if you embarrassed yourself, so be it.

“I love you, too,” he whispered, the barest of smiles gracing his face.

You let out a breathy laugh, tears collecting at the corners of your eyes. He loved you, too. He loved you, too.

Your best friend. The person you told everything to and the only one who seemed to understand you loved you.

“I’d kiss you, but I don’t want to get you sick,” he said, squeezing your fingers.

“I think that ship has sailed. We’re nearly on top of each other.” It didn’t matter if you got sick. You were too happy to care.

He smiled, the first one you saw all day.

“I want our first kiss to be special. And I can’t breathe too well right now. Pretty sure that would ruin it.”

“How about this then.” You leaned forward and kissed his forehead, staying there a few seconds to try and push all the love you had into his skin.

You settled back, and his eyes were still closed, his lips slightly parted. You weren’t sure if his flushed cheeks had darkened or not.

“I hope I get better soon.” He said upon opening his eyes.

You giggled, pulling him back onto your chest. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you. Always.”

#prodigal son #prodigal son imagine #prodigal son fanfiction #prodigal son fanfic #prodigal son fluff #Malcolm bright x reader #Malcolm bright x gender neutral reader #Malcolm bright fluff #Malcolm bright x you #Malcolm bright x y/n #Malcolm bright imagine #Malcolm bright oneshot

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sophieinwonderland · 2 years

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I stray onto system TikTok every once in a while, and there's this one series of videos that piqued my interest. It's essentially a short set of jokes about what life would be for a singlet in a world where most people are systems – what fakeclaiming would be for them, how language would change ("singular personality disorder" is one example), how a person would even come to realize they're a singlet, etc! I thought it might be something you would be interested in thinking about. What do you think life would be like, if most of the world was plural and being a singlet was seen as rare?

Ooh! This is such an interesting concept!

I could definitely see some sort of Singular Personality Disorder existing, with most singlets who are observed by psychiatrists being those that need to seek treatment, it might be seen as inherently unhealthy. I think when singlets experience sadness or anger, plurals would become confused about why the singlets' other headmates aren't helping them.

The idea that these biological humans existed without other internal agents to support them would seem alien.

It's likely that doctors would recommend something akin to IFS therapy or tulpamancy to "fix" these singlets and make them normal. Some might not even believe it's possible, and think that they have headmates and just aren't listening to them

Let's go even further though, because the implications for such a world would go so far beyond just how singlets are treated.

Gender May Not Exist

I don't think gender as a concept makes sense anymore in a world where most people have headmates of varying genders. There may still be sexism based on the body, but it wouldn't make sense for stereotypes about how people of different genders should act or dress in this world to exist.

I think all pronouns would be gender neutral, but our needs for pronouns would change. We would need a singular "I" for a headmate to refer to themselves, a system-specific "we" to refer to the collection of headmates, but also a broader "we" to refer to your system and others. Perhaps the system we could be "ve," just because the "v" looks like a lesser W.

"I" = Myself an individual headmate.

"Ve" = Us as a system of headmates.

"We" = Our system along with other systems.

Similar things would need corrected for other pronouns to denote whether they referred to a single headmate, a whole system, or a group of systems.

One idea is to just apply the current gendered pronouns to a completely different concept in this alternate universe, with every individual headmate being referred to by he/him pronouns while the system as a whole is referred to by she/her pronouns. (Just using it that way because "she" is "he" + an extra letter, so it makes sense to be applied to the greater group.)

Polygamy would probably be commonplace

With different headmates having different desires, and being seen as their own people, it would would probably be normalized for bodies to have multiple partners and spouses at once. Monogamy wouldn't make sense in such a world.

Especially when headmates will often have in-system relationships.

What is a family structure?

Okay, so polygamy is normalized, parents switch to different headmates which may have varying levels of attachment to the child born from another headmate. But there are also often more parents for the child to become attached to. In some real cultures, it's normal for the entire extended families to take on parental roles. Perhaps that's what this society would look like.

And this would also have a ripple on affect the architecture of the world. We would see fewer small houses, and more larger homes made to accommodate massive families of 20-or-more people.

So many possibilities...

Honestly, there are so many ways to expand from here. I feel like we've barely scratched the surface. Each of these changes to the world and its history brings with it so many new variables. How even do birthnames work i this culture?

A world like this would be so far removed from our current reality that it's almost impossible to conceptualize how different it would be.

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whiskey-bumblebee · 1 year

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tips to make your fanfic more accessible (1/?)

When it comes to writing reader insert characters, or even original characters that are meant to be broadly relevant to your audience, it's important to write in a way that doesn't exclude people with marginalized identities from reading and connecting with your work. Everyone deserves to feel loved and represented! Since fanfic is an escape for so many of us, it's so crucial that the language we use is accessible and embraces the variety of people who might be reading your fic.

Disclaimer! I am a white, cis, plus size woman, and I would hate to misrepresent something, or leave things out, so I would LOVE to hear from some Black, BIPOC, trans, and/or minority readers about things that make you uncomfy/take you out of the story. I can add them to this post w/ credit, or you can comment below :)

Physical appearance:

-A big one here is hair. Not everyone has a hair texture or style that someone can lovingly comb their fingers through. Some readers (for extremely valid reasons, including the fact that in some contexts it can be rooted in racism) might not like the idea of a fictional character putting their hands in the reader's hair!

-The fix: think about what you're trying to convey with the action of hair-touching. Is it affection? Closeness? Foreplay? Could the character stroke the reader's hair instead of running their fingers through it? Could they trace the reader's ears?

-Another big one! Body ody ody! There's so much to say here, but I'll start with shape and size. Not everyone will be able to fit into their favourite fictional character's clothes. And for some plus size folks, it is just not realistic for a character to pick them up and throw them around. I love my body, and I don't know a single fictional character who would be able to lift me! This isn't embarrassing or asking for compliments, it's just my bodily reality.

-The fix: what terms do you use to describe the reader's body? Are they exclusive or implicitly biased? Is your reader lithe, with long legs and "a handful" of breast tissue? Is someone throwing your reader around like a sack of potatoes, or pinning them up against a wall, with no additional support?

Ability:

-This is a self call-out as well, but I've noticed that there aren't a lot of multi-chapter fanfics which include characters with disabilities. This is tricky, as I think a lot of writers might not necessarily have lived experience with needing mobility aids, or things like blindness and deafness, etc. I don't necessarily think that able-bodied writers should be attempting this, but it's something to think about.

-The fix: Could your character achieve their movements with a prosthetic limb? How might they experience things differently if they're overstimulated? Uplift fic writers with disabilities and diverse lived experiences! Reblog their work!

Sex and gender:

-This one is also a bit complex because writers might not know exactly where to start when it comes to writing someone with a different gender identity, or mode of presentation. Especially when you're writing explicit sex scenes, I think it's okay to write things with a specific anatomy in mind, as long as you're clear about who you're writing for from the outset (e.g. character x fem!reader in the chapter notes or A/N).

-Not everyone who likes being called "good girl" has breasts and a vagina. Some men don't have penises. Trans and intersex people exist and are incredibly LOVED and CHERISHED on this blog. <3

-The fix: If you're writing a fic where anatomy is less important, go for gender neutral terms of endearment, and gender neutral pronouns. Maybe switch things up and try writing a reader character with a different gender identity to your own!

_________________________________________________

TL;DR- 1) Uplift fanfic by underrepresented communities (this can vary by fandom, but queer/LGBTQ+, BIPOC, disabled, and neurodivergent authors are a great place to start!)

2) Do an accessibility proofread- does your reader have any characteristics that aren't broadly applicable to readers? Are these characteristics essential to the plot?

3) If you're part of a minority community, embrace the things that make you unique! Let writers know if they're excluding you. Or as a writer, write yourself down. Produce some of the representation that you can't find elsewhere (if you feel up to it).

4) Write from a place of love. We love what we write about, whether it's characters, story worlds, or one bed tropes. Extend that love to all of your readers :) <3

#fic tips #okay to reblog!#<3 #not a call out! just something I've been wanting to share #fanfic #fanfiction #criminal minds #star wars

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just-an-enby-lemon · 1 year

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Every time I get into youtube this days there is like five videos about terfs and four that are exclusivaly about JK and always from new people debating it again and again and I don't know why the algorithmic thinks that because I watched some of thoses videos some time ago I'll want to keep doing it forever and like I'm just soo tired.

I don't know how to explain it because I feel shitty all the time about a bunch of things and transphobia is on top and I'm tired. And when I enter youtube I don't want to be bombarded with the memory that there is a vocal group that hates my existence and has a lot of political support. I just want something to play while I try to finish all my monthly solitary challenges and destress so I can think.

And that's nothing against the videos. I understand we need to talk about it and it's good that the bigots aren't the ones completly controlling the narrative but I don't know I guess I just want some queer joy. I just want to be happy for half a second. And I used to not care. But I'm the only trans person (and nb person) on my friend group and somehow even though all of them are some degree of queer I became the one that has to talk about it all the time. To explain my existence, to explain their existence to others (they ask me to do it), to try to explain to good intencioned bigots why they are still bigots and I just... I just want to exist for half a second man.

I'm not perfect. I literally just misgendered a characther for stupid reasons like five minutes ago and I still have to be the one that has to explain shit because idk I'm open about it? I'm not. I gave up talking to my parents about it after my mom said the reason for my gender confusion was because she wanted a boy when she was pregnant but I'm just a confused girl and said she was sorry for having post partum depression and making me queer or something and I don't even dare to try to talk about it with my family. I love my family. My grandma gave me happy birthday and said I'm her favorite grandaughter and I want to keep living in their lie thatthey love me unconditionally and we can only keep that if they never know. Maybe is because I'm vocal about being autistic? Because it sucks. I had a panick atack reading an old academic article about autism in class because it was soo dehumanizing and no one else saw it that way. The future ABA people treat me like a kid and are shocked that I'm just a fully functional 21 yo. And I have to debate them! To respect their choice of activally pursuing a path that harms kids and if I question it I'm just silly and my personal experiences don't matter because I was diagnosed later and never had ABA and the mothers of the kids they intern with love ABA and I don't even know what this post is.

I'm just having a burnout from existing I guess. From existing and being a good public speaker while having perfomance anxiety. And no one ever used they/them or any neutral language to reffer to me and I always say I use neutral pronouns as well and list it on my bio. And I was listed as woman for someone who accepts me and when I mentioned they thought someonelse did it and I just let them gaslight this person because I knew it wssn't on purpose and had no energy and the other girl would have done it anyway.

I think I wish I had just an opportunity to be rude. That I didn't need validation and to be liked for everyone. That I wasn't so afraid of being a problem. That I could just say that it's good that you don't see my boobs as a part of my gender and I know it isn't your intencion but it gives me dysphoria sometimes andbit really really annoys me how everytime someone goes "you really want top surgery?" yeah. I'm sorry you feel dysphoric for having small boobs or whatever but I literally have to do a drag persona in my head everytime I use a dress or make up because I can't see myself as the person in the mirror and I'm just tired because everyone has valid reasons except me. I only have valid reasons when I'm actually wrong. And I just want to be a prick to everyone even if they don't deserve it at all because I don't deserve it also and I don't know how to solve it and I just wanted some queer joy. The euphoria of being the "somehow this is the most feminine and the most masculine look you had" by a close friend. The silly smile when my aunt reffered to me on the masculine for accident. Hanging out with my queer friends and feeling I have a place. The quiet moments of just existing and feeling good with it. The happiness of when someone actually gets it. The niceness of just being myself to myself at least.

#mental health struggles #trans #burn out #i just need some fucking depction of queer joy rn #enby #autism #fear #personal #might delete this later

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hell0mega · 1 year

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apparently my mom didnt know my pronouns were they/them despite me constantly talking about being nonbinary and having it on all my socials and literally talking about my pronouns/preferred gendered language for what feels like all the time.

we were talking about how an old friend's child (4 years younger than me, 23) is also nonbinary and how they used to get "SO mad" at her for using their deadname or incorrect pronouns. the implication was that they were pretty "mean" and adamant about it, even to older family members, all who were trying their best to be respectful and not messing up on purpose. they've always been a pretty feisty redhead so i believe it lol

but, strangely enough, my mom, the most loving person in the world, the most caring and least bigoted person i know, could not seem to get "they" to come out of her mouth. so after a while, every time she said the incorrect pronoun, I'd say "they." very neutral and unobtrusively. the first few times my mom would go "yes, right, they" and then the next sentence she'd go back to the other one. and I'd say it again. it was actually quite perplexing, not just in a general sense but because my mom defaults to "they" for people we don't know, even if they only have the tiniest hint of maybe being queer, yet she can't do it for even two sentences in a row for our friend that we held as a baby right after they were born.

eventually i had to say it so much that she eventually stopped and said "well when are they doing to just make another pronoun, huh?! 'they' is plural, it's not for a singular person!" very exasperatedly. she's a very grammar-focused "wordy" and comes from a long line of teachers and authors.

though, this through me for a loop, mostly for the above reasons but also because we've had this conversation. calmly i said "they has been used as a singular pronoun for hundreds of years. you'd say, 'who left their book?' people do it every day constantly. it's grammatically correct."

"well you should say 'who's book is this?' instead, then"

"maybe, but that doesn't mean it's incorrect to use they as a singular pronoun when the person's gender is unknown"

"so they're gender is 'unknown'?!"

this left me to stare at her for a second. "no?"

"then what is it?!"

"... they're nonbinary"

she stared at me for a second because she remembered that, yes, that has very much been established, but also, that's what i call myself.

"also, neopronouns do exist but people aren't ready for them yet still. but, they/them is just a pronoun that people already use that doesn't have a gendered meaning. it's neutral. in French, "vous" is used both to address multiple people but also a singular person in a formal way, so there are pronouns that can mean singular or multiple."

this continued to give her pause, something to consider. i was still confused by this conversation so i finally spoke up about the question at the front of my mind.

"i mean... my pronouns are they/them. I'm nonbinary too."

the look she gave me was something i could only describe as... light devastation. "you never corrected me...?"

i kinda shrugged and went "i mean, i feel like i talk about it a lot, I've explained how happy it makes me, it's on all my socials..." she continues to stare. "so, when you show this frustration and confusion, i mean, i know it's hard, you know, as a parent. especially in context, i mean, when [sister] introduces me or when we're on our podcast, she uses Ro and they/them, but i hear when you guys are on the phone together, you both still use [my initial] and [assigned pronouns] because that's what you're used to with each other. [BF] is getting better at using the right stuff around friends but around you he still uses [assigned pronouns] still too. i mean, when i first changed my name and stuff, i told everyone like 'no pressure!!' cuz i know it's hard... but it is what i prefer..."

the conversation kind of trailed from there. we started talking about my other trans friends she'd known before they transitioned. i need to ask her about it later, because the look she gave me truly was just... shock. neutral shock, maybe with some "oh shit i fucked up" sprinkled on top. i give people close to me a lot of grace, but for as much as i talk about trans issues and being trans, im amazed my mom was..... surprised?! about it? like did i never ACTUALLY say it to her?? lol???

her talking about how horrible my friend was to their mom after transitioning, how they "still get mad" (after 4 years.......) when anyone slips up, and how WrOnG and RiDiCuLoUs it was to ever refer to a singular person using they..when she... always does it?? even HER MOM says "he, she, they" when referring to anyone she doesn't know, and she talked about how cool and cute that was. but suddenly it's not correct?

hopefully this.... coming out... again... in the midst of her complaining about it kinda opened her eyes and she will get better at it. i mean, it kinda literally opened her eyes, the way she looked at me like that lol

#long post #this was a lot longer than anticipated but i couldn't find a way to make it succinct lol #i dont think im gonna tag this as anything #feel free to reply if you're a follower or mutual

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niuniente · 2 years

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hi i’m a huge fan of your comics! i just wanted to ask what are your pronouns??

WELL THIS IS ACTUALLY A REALLY FUNNY TOPIC IN MY CASE AND NEEDS A LONGER EXPLANATION.

My native language is Finnish. Finnish is a gender neutral language. There's no way to tell the gender of ANYONE unless someone specifically underlines it by some other gendered word like boy, girl, man, woman, uncle, aunt etc.

Now, we have a one gender pronoun; hän. Hän covers all genders. The ones existing, the ones gone, the ones becoming. Except that hän isn't even originally Finnish pronoun. The original Finnish pronoun is Se. Se means it.

Finnish native faith and worldview is polytheistic and shamanistic. Everyone and everything is equal to each other. Animals and plants are our sister and brothers, so Finnish people didn't differ themselves from the nature. For example, when a young man left his childhood home to find himself a place to built his own house onto, he needed to ask a permission from a spruce before building the house. If the spruce approved him, he was free to settle next to the tree and use it as his guide and advisor. If not, he needed to find another tree.

Now, I think it was Christianity that arrived to Finland from West through Sweden. The Swedish priests were horrified to find out that barbaric Finns didn't elevate themselves above animals like Christian God had intended. The priest decided that the language needs to be changes; hän for men, hen for women.

Finns were "Well excuse me NO, NO WAY. We will reluctantly accept hän but for all genders, and we will not use it except in formal situations thank you very much."

Modern spoken Finnish still uses se (it) for everyone. I am it, you are it, my mom's it, your mom's it, the president is it, God is it. A normal Finnish conversation goes like: I spoke with Mari. It said its boyfriend was being an ass again. I told it it should leave it, as the guy is clearly an idiot, and how it means nothing but bad news, but Mari said it had feelings for it and how it would be a difficult thing for Mari to do, even if its being treated so badly by its boyfriend.

So, I personally have NO emotional connections to any gendered pronouns. NONE. If I could choose, I would be called it in English and in any gendered language, but it doesn't work as it doesn't have the same connotation in other languages.

That being said, she works for me in English and in gendered languages. But it doesn't mean anything to me in a way that I MUST BE called she or else I'm upset. I don't associate any gender for myself in/with language based pronouns because such thing doesn't exist in my language. In Finnish, I'm it that is a female :D

#ask niu

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serenasolaris · 2 years

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Well, might as well inaugurate this blog with something pretentious and philosophical.

Oh, by the way, if I ever misgender Aspen in this post, please do correct me. Although I've been speaking English fluently for years, my framework of reference is a language with no gender neutral pronouns, so I'm used to dumping people into categories. Do inform me and I will correct it ASAP.

MetaWare High School (Demo), and my paradox with mortality.

So let me start this by saying this is sort of a compilation of my thoughts on a game I recently played. If you haven't played MetaWare, I implore you to do so right now. It's definitely not the zenith of fictional media, and there's a load of things about it that I would have done differently, but it's a great game and one that you only really get to experience once. It's one of the most emotional experiences I've had in a while, as much as I hate describing things as "experiences" (or, for that matter and for those who don't know me that well, as "content"), and if you're the kind of person who it hits for, then it probably really really hits.

That being said, the basic premise of the game is that it's an incomplete visual novel in which every single character is aware not only of their own incompleteness, but also of their own fictional reality. They're aware that their existances sort of revolve around the player, and some of them even believe (or rather, are aware) that the arrival of said player will ultimately lead to their demise. The game on a superficial level feels like smiling on the face of an unbelievably bleak prospect, with most of the characters appearing to attempt maintaining a grip on reality, a reality that they cannot comprehend and which may very soon be gone, forever. And that theme in particular is what really stood out to me as my main contextualisation of the game, through the lens of my own life: living in an incomprehensible reality that seems cruel and strange and sometimes manipulative and repetitive, that at the whims of someone else could be cut short at any point in time, and how I've come to reason through it.

MetaWare High School is a game about a lot of things. It's about metafiction, which is frankly is the least appealing of its ideas to me, but which even then still shines among the heaps of worse uses of metafiction all across stories everywhere. It's about existentialism, about how we come to cope with reality, about free will, about how absolutely adorable it would be to feed your homosexual edgelord doomer girlfriend gummy bears. To me, however, to the great SerenaOculis and her history and context and general life, it's a game about the ultimate injustice.

To me, MetaWare is a game about death.

There's one particular thought experiment I'd like those who have played the game to make. If you were to replace "We are aware that we are fictional characters" with "We are roughly aware of the circumstances that will surround our death", would the story of the game really change that much? To me, the answer seems sort of obvious: No. These characters and their ficticiousness just mirror our perishability and absolutely diminute scale in a world that is real. According to the artbook, I've been told, every character is modelled around an "ideology" or concept of some sort. I am not going to discuss the accuracy of these portrayals: it is sort of obvious Nari is much more of a fatalist than a nihilist, and Aspen being associated with anarchy is honestly kind of confusing to me... But examining their points of view from what I can assume the author thought these concepts were like, it does feel like they strongly influence the way each character behaves upon realising the sheer crushing weight of their situation. Isadora freaks out, Aspen attempts to do everything they can, Hope resorts, as always, to looking for pleasure, Chris finds a certain level of redemption and hope in the finality of her position, and Nari does... Nothing. Nari does not care about her life or surroundings anymore. She does not care about her friends, or her world, and if she does she is utterly unable to spare enough energy to show it in any meaningful way, except for moments before her death.

I may be biased against her, mostly due to personal conflicts in ideology. But I believe Nari, and the way she copes with her reality, have failed. However, due to my interactions and experience with people like her and thoughts like hers, I believe she has every right to feel the way she does. Even if the way she's depicted may come across as unnecessarily edgy or trying too hard at times, even then, she still has a right to. Being relegated to a seemingly pointless existence of endings and loops and final death, one I have personally found myself stuck in too, does things to a person. It breaks them. The ultimate unfairness and meaninglessness of absolutely everything is a crushing prospect, and I can't deny that every single one of the best people I've ever met has been completely and utterly ravaged under its weight. Mortality does shit to people. Shit that, and you the reader may disagree with me on this, is completely unfair, gratuitous, and cruel. And while Nari's reaction doesn't help her find some shade to cover herself from this burning, red sunlight, it is absolutely justified.

Every other character encounters solace somewhere else. Chris, on some level, accepts her ultimate purpose as the ability to enrich the player, in some way. Aspen simply accepts things as they come, and finds solace in their own inner peace. Isadora... Well, Isadora doesn't find peace at all. It's kind of sad, actually. She freaks out a lot about everything and gets really jumpy with the prospect of the end. Which is, again, understandable. And Hope, on some level, reaches tranquility, but is still quite scared about the possible outcome or implications of her end. The end scene happens, the characters say their last few lines, and they're gone.

I am still kind of dealing with this ending. I understand that it's a fictional story, and it definitely doesn't hit me as hard as the death of a flesh being, but I still believe I caught a pretty bad case of [S] GAME OVER disease from it. These are characters deliberately designed to be people who deserved better, and my arrival to their world, their inception, also meant their departure from mine. The endless spawn of entropy eating every last part of their world, to dissapear and never be thought of again. On to the next thing. And that's the thing with MetaWare.

Because, this is going to happen to me too.

And if it does while I'm young, I need to accept it.

MetaWare got me introspective about my current measures towards death: it made me study myself to figure out how I really think. And I believe I have found a paradox, or rather, a circle, within my reasoning. An ouroboros of mortality, if you will, except we're not calling it that because Mothlass bullies me enough for constantly referencing whatever mythological concept I found about this week in Wikipedia already.

To me, death is not terror-inducing, in the same way that countless atrocities of history aren't that... Scary. Because it's not scary. It's tragic, and unfair. It's a tragedy so mundane that every reasoning being on this planet spends large portions of their time trying to bullshit themselves into thinking it's fine. Possibly, even beyond this planet. I'd have no way of knowing, though.

However, at the same time, it's not like I'm going to be the one to find the perfect solution to mortality complete with no drawbacks and free ice cream and everything. Much less entropy. It feels like you kind of have to cheat the laws of thermodynamics to fix that one. So, what can I do?

Well, I've come to this solution.

If I was a fictional character, if my words were on a script and my life determined by someone I'll never truly know getting me to act ways I don't truly have a say in?

I'd still do my best, as I always have. Tomorrow will be better only if we make it be, after all, and I can't make anything better if I'm too busy getting pissed about things that I absolutely have a right to be completely wrathful about but which I'm also not going to fix by causing harm to myself. I'd be the best person I can be, going out with the main character or not, having my game uninstalled or not, dying or not, because hope and progress and the betterment of things are what truly brings me joy and tranquility. I'll make things that, even if not indestructible, will still be meaningful to someone for at least a few days after I die, and as long as my memory outlives me, I would have won.

To Chris, Aspen, Izzy, Hope and Nari, to my fictional friends with scripted lines and an unfairly short lapse of time to live, thank you. Thank you for getting me to think about myself. You are not alone in your struggles, and I find myself having to reason through the same things as you. And, most importantly, a whole day has passed ever since I heard your last words. You guys won.

And just like the five of you,

I shall win too.

-SerenaOculis, Eye on the Sky.

P.D.: Shoutouts to the person who got me to play this game. You know who you are. You should also know that you're a really nice person too. :)

#idfk what to tag this #video essay esque thing ill never make?#metaware high school

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