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jaeminscoffee · 3 years

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Little do you know | L. Ty

Pairings» Lee Taeyong x reader.

Genre» Fluff.

Word count» 1.53k

Warning(s)» tw/mental health.

Synopsis» Because little do you know, he was there to stay. Stay and love you. Love you till the sun dies.

Listen to: Little do you know; Alex and Sierra

Your mind could be described as a ticking time bomb.

Your constantly flowing thoughts as the timer. And your insecurities; the safety that's threatening to pull itself off and just put you into this world of dread you've been staying cautious from for as long as you can remember.

You've been a strong independent person prior to all misfortune in your life. You were capable of keeping yourself together, of keeping yourself anchored, or keeping yourself sane. Key word, were.

Having regretted not listening to everyone around you saying "it just takes one dreadful event to spoil the rest of the entirety of your life" you let the bad take over the good.

Obviously, you were warned and it's easier to just accept that you were in the wrong from the starting, but that's the catch, you weren't.

He was genuine, seemed genuinely into you and did of course care about you, a little too much maybe but that was, as you'd thought till now, for your sake.

Sangyeon was the reason you'd worn few of your brightest smiles. He was the reason you'd been happy for a certain period in your life. He was the reason you'd been safe, barricaded by all those bad things happening outside this small love bubble he had created around you. It was just him and you against the world, again, that's what you thought.

In reality it was him against all those who cared about you to drag you away from potentially ruining your life. And truth be told, this was something Sangyeon could have done nothing about. OLD, and schizophrenia.

Not knowing about these until 2 years into your 'relationship' you were heartbroken but nevertheless, ready to stay by his side and help him out. But it was when he started viewing you as a prized possession rather than his lover when you started contemplating your decision which of course led to extra precautions, extra arguments, extra physical restrictions and extra everything.

Jojo had warned you, Eric had warned you too, so did Juyeon and so did basically the entire senior year students, probably even the entire campus. Heck best friend!Taeyong had even gone as far as getting into a physical fight with your ex. The matters only got worse from then.

Your ability to smile slowly deteriorated. Your ability to make out whether you're feeling too much or too little deteriorated. Your ability to feel loved even after being spoiled both materialistically and emotionally deteriorated. You were weakened. Mentally, and physically.

Helpless.

Breaking free from such toxic relationships was a whiff of fresh air in a long time. But that regular breathing came with a cost. The cost of living on constant fear of never being able to go back to normal again. To never be able to know what true love is again. To never be you again.

Taking a glance beside you with another silent sob breaking free from your throat. You felt nothing. Or maybe you did, you just didn't know. That overwhelming feeling of being a burden to the poor guy beside you due to your doings made you feel extremely horrible.

Taeyong had always been one to warn you from the day he saw your ex steal a glance at you from way across the cafeteria. He was one to always walk on glass shards to have you walk on a smooth road. He was one to always be there for you sp that you'd have a shoulder to lean. He calls himself, your human diary.

Of course being oblivious to your friends' genuine love and concern for you, you took it as Taeyong's conscience that asked him to move in with you when he got to know the state you were in. Rounding back to the point that you feared you could feel nothing, you couldn't feel his love for you.

It took years of constant breakdowns and arguments with everyone around you to normal down a bit. When you could smile a little more usual. When you actually got to know all that Taeyong gave up to stay by your side for your healthy recovery. And that's where the feeling of being a burden comes in.

Taeyong always reminded you of how much you mean to him. How much he's ready to wait. How much he likes you for how you are and how much more he's ready to express for you to believe him. And you appreciated that but at the same time, you didn't want him wasting your time on someone like you.

You scoot further down the headboard, shifting closer to Taeyong's unconscious form as you wrap your arms around him, your shoulder shaking ever so slightly to not disturb the peaceful boy as you constantly let out chains of apology, pulling yourself even closer to him as you rest your head in the crook of his neck.

You get flashbacks of your seemingly innocent relationship, how you'd be just in the same position with your ex, how he'd have his arms wrapped around you, keeping your body flush against his, how he'd always sleep only after making sure that you'd fallen asleep. Only encouraging your tears to flow down faster.

Too focused in staying silent and indulged in memories you fail to notice Taeyong's shift in position, turning to face you as his breathing picks a steady pace at the sudden intrusion to his slumber, immediately shooting awake when he notices your trembling figure, wrapping his arms around you the same manner as yours around his.

"Y/n?"

"I'm sorry.." you shake harder with each loud sob that left your throat, squeezing him a little tighter, feeling guiltier now that you woke him up dead in the night.

"Hey, it's okay.. It's okay, love. Let it out, hm?" he hushes your apologies, moving to shift both of you into a sitting position as his back rests against the headboard, while he lets you straddle his lap.

"I'm so sorry you have to go through this all because of me.."

"I'm not going through anything because of you, Y/n. I'm going through everything with you. Don't be sorry for that" He hums in a comforting manner, rocking your figure back and forth in an effort to calm your reckless cries.

"I don't know why, Tae, i.. -i just, keep getting reminded of all the-times i spent with him and, the dread, the fear, it.. -it all comes crashing in at the same time and i keep pulling you into the pit too, I'm so sorry.."

"Your emotion's something you don't have a grip over, doll. It's like that for everyone. You really don't have to apologize for anything. I volunteered for this, I stayed because I wanted to stay. And I'm more than happy that I'm the one you're facing your worst at. That you're not alone. But I'll need you to stop feeling bad for it Y/n. So that i know you trust me a hundred percent.. "

"i need you to stop feeling like you have to apologize for something you can do almost nothing about. And I need you to know, I'll be there. Whenever, where ever." you sob silently as you let him do the talking from here on, not trusting your voice.

"I also need you to just let go. Let yourself feel bad, let yourself cry, let yourself lean onto someone without feeling guilty because, y/n if you'd just let me, i could be your safe space in this harsh world. And I promise I'll stay, and no judgements will be passed. You're human. There's no way you can handle all by just yourself, you'll only end up losing yourself if you do that. So, don't apologize hm?"

"But, yong. You're wasting your time, your love. Yourself for.. Me.. -me. I don't. I don't deserve it. I d-don't deserve you.." you choke out as soon as he comes to an end to his talking.

"That's how you think, darling. If anything, you deserve much more than me. And about wasting my time loving you?" he shifts again to rest his chin on top of your head.

"I'm ready to wait, for as long as you want me to wait without reducing an ounce of my feelings for you. Don't worry about that. " Taeyong places a peck to the crown of your head, rubbing your back as you calm down a little, the soreness from all the crying kicking in.

"But I'll need a little more time, Taeyong.. I don't know when, but i promise I'll get back and.. I don't know if that'll be enough to return all that you've done for me.. But i.. I'm trying." you lift your face up and away from his shoulder to look at him.

A faint, fond smile grows on the lad's face, as he let's go of one of his hands to brush the stray tresses away from your face and then proceeds to dry your cheeks, kissing the last tear away.

"And I'll wait. And I'll love you till the sun dies. So just let go. Trust the process."

"Lay your head on me, and let yourself breathe"

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miss-noo-na · 4 years

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And Then There Were Three (Part 5)

Title: And Then There Were Three

Rating: Mature.

Warnings: Smut; rough sex, dirty talk (vulgar language this chapter), choking

Summary: After catching you with Jooheon, Changkyun becomes distant. You’re determined to find out if he’s as jealous as you think he is.

Note: See masterlist for parts 1-4!

Just as you were able to read the shifts in Jooheon’s moods, you could do the same with Changkyun, but he was less subtle about it.

There was a heat that radiated off of him when you came near, and not the kind you were used to. His tone was deep and curt when you spoke at work, though it wasn’t unusual to appear casual in your professional environment. But this was different. This read like anger.

You hadn’t had the chance to be alone with him since he walked in on you and Jooheon at the dorm. Their schedule was getting hectic again and they barely had the time to breathe, much less do anything else.

“Do you think he’s avoiding me?” You asked Jooheon in a hushed tone as you stood at the back of the room, looking busy with accessories.

Jooheon shrugged, feigning ignorance, but when he glanced at his friend you could see his gears turning.

“If he was upset about it, I feel like he would tell us. He’s not exactly shy about his feelings.” Jooehon offered with a small, reassuring laugh.

“Has he said anything to you?”

“Not really.”

You sighed, knowing you would have to bring it up to him eventually.

For now, you focused on your job, or at least tried to. Every day, you asked yourself if this was a mistake, if all the fun was worth the turmoil you might find yourself in if someone got too jealous. You didn’t understand why now, when he had never once expressed even a hint of it before. He made it apparent since day one that it was exclusively physical, and he didn’t even bat an eye at sharing you with his best friend and co-worker. If anyone should be okay with it, it would be him.

There was more to it than that, though. You couldn’t help but think back to what it felt like being alone with Jooheon, his care and precision, his tenderness and his words. He didn’t treat you like a thing to be discarded and it was becoming apparent that you were more than a physical fancy to him.

He could hardly help himself sometimes. The way that Changkyun felt compelled to seduce and play with you, Jooheon often had to stop himself from being too affectionate. It was getting to the point that the others teased him about it, and that didn’t help your situation with Changkyun one bit.

The worst part was that you liked it. You blushed and felt the slightest hint of butterflies from time to time that you put a great deal of energy into squashing. Catching feelings was the last thing you needed, and you were convinced it was only because it had been so long since you felt something other than lust. Plus, there was this profound sense of guilt you had for it, like you were cheating on Changkyun somehow.

Just as you were formulating a plan for how to approach him, you received a message out of the blue. He would be alone tonight and he wanted you to come over. The abrupt and welcoming message threw you off-guard, but you happily accepted the invitation.

When he invited you in, his cold demeanor hadn’t changed much, and you wondered what his intentions were. You were anxious, watching him put something on the TV and meander around the kitchen before coming to sit next to you. He was surprisingly relaxed, but you could feel the invisible wall he put up, even if he didn’t realize it.

“Are we going to talk?” You asked after a few minutes of silence.

“About what?” He asked almost too quickly in response. His gaze was hard-set into you as he turned and you felt challenged. That’s when the fear started to dissipate and boil up into anger. You had nothing to be sorry for.

“You know, I don’t appreciate all this attitude you’ve been throwing at me lately.” You said sternly, and you could tell he didn’t anticipate push-back this early into the conversation.

“I’ve barely spoken to you.” He laughed, and there was something smug about it that only pushed you further. You remembered being in relationships in the past and just knowing that a fight was brewing, and this was exactly like that.

“You’ve been passive-aggressive for over a week now, will you just tell me what's wrong?” You sighed, already exasperated. You thought being in a physical relationship only meant that you could escape these kinds of conversations. Apparently not.

He turned away and you could see his jaw tighten, like he was holding back.

“Is it about me and Jooheon?” You asked, knowing that was the only thing it could be.

He looked back again just as quickly, eyes narrowed. “Maybe it is, but what does it matter?”

Finally, something you could work with.

“You couldn’t just tell me you were jealous?”

He laughed, “Who said that?”

“Oh my God,” You rolled your eyes and reacted with your entire body. “This is exhausting, why are men such babies about everything? Just communicate like an adult, Jesus. Why are we even fighting? We’re not married, this is pointless.” You rambled, not even looking at him because you were lost in your own frustration. When you stopped, he was half-smiling at you.

“I like when you get all flustered.”

You blinked and closed your mouth, then scowled as the words sunk in. “What?”

“You’re right, there’s nothing to fight about. I got a little upset about it, so what?”

“Oh, so you’re admitting it now?”

He edged himself across the couch so he was closer to you. “Fine, you want the truth?”

“Preferably,” You nodded.

“It wasn’t anything as petty as jealousy, I don’t get jealous.”

You narrowed your eyes, unsure what to make of his response, but curious to let him continue.

“I felt something different, and I didn’t really know how to process it quite yet, so I took some time to myself to think about it.”

He reached up and ran a finger from underneath your chin across your jaw line, his eyelids hanging low. You felt your heart rate speed up and cursed yourself for it.

“And what was that?” You asked quietly.

“I felt, hmm,” He mused for a moment before grinning. “Possessive.”

You swallowed the sound that threatened to part from your lips. Instead meeting it was an inquisitive “Oh?”

“I don’t own you.” He clarified, then let his eyes drift down, “But I do, don’t I?”

It was all part of the game. Realistically, out in the waking world, you were two capable adults with independent minds and the freedom to feel and do as you pleased. But once the door closed and you were under him, you knew you would let him do almost anything. It was the dynamic you both agreed upon from the first night, letting go of your inhibitions and self-imposed restraints and letting him have the control. It was the thing you longed for, the thing that kept you coming back to him.

“I’m a rational person, so I knew I couldn’t just be upset with you over something so normal and something you have every right to do.” He explained, then his voice deepend as he leaned in closer, “But I also couldn’t help picturing all the ways I was going to make you mine again.”

That word, mine, echoed in your head. Someone else had also uttered it to you in a moment of passion recently, and it sent a shiver down your spine. You had two people who seemed to want you desperately, and while you knew logically this was dangerous, it also excited you.

“You put me through all this just to tell me something I already knew?” You asked, and he smiled.

“Would an apology help?”

You thought about it for a moment before answering. “I think that’s fair.”

He took you swiftly by the wrist and stood up, tugging you along. You fumbled for a moment before you stood and let him lead you to his bedroom.

You barely had time to process what was happening, one minute arguing on the couch and now here he was sitting you down on the edge of the bed, leaning down and kissing you before he knelt on the floor in front of you.

“What are you doing?” You asked, his hands trailing up your bare calves, up to your knees where the bottom of your skirt stopped and rested over your thighs. He then gripped your legs and pulled them up off the ground, causing you to lose balance and fall back onto the bed with a squeak. He pushed your legs open and the skirt fell back, too, exposing what was underneath.

“I’m apologizing.”

The initial shock wore off and you felt your cheeks warm as he laid a hand over your clothed center and pressed, teasing you for a moment before slipping his fingers underneath and feeling between your folds.

“Hm, you’re already wet but I know you can do better than that.”

He gripped the fabric and pulled it hard, forcing your legs up and together to rid you of the garment. When you let them fall back on either side of him, he wasted no more time, pushing your thighs apart and ducking his head down to taste you.

A sharp moan left you without warning and your hands fell to his hair. It had been a long time since he’d done this, and you almost forgot what his tongue felt like bearing down on your clit, rolling over the flesh and sucking you into his mouth. Changkyun abandoned this stimulation to travel downward, and you gasped unexpectedly when his tongue forced its way inside you, hands pressing back on your thighs to get deeper. Your fingers gripped his locks tight as you arched back and almost couldn’t take it.

He pulled back for a moment, mouth glistening as he observed you, a low satisfied hum emanating from his chest.

“Look at what I do to you, you’re a mess.”

You blushed and closed your eyes tightly, feeling both aroused and embarrassed, and could only moan in response.

“Turn around.”

His voice was gruff as he stood up, and you let your feet fall gently to the floor as you sat up and stared up at him in awe for a moment. He was undoing his belt, looking down at you as he licked your juices off his lips.

“You heard me.”

You quivered as you went to turn over, and as your knees hit the bed he was already yanking the skirt and the rest of your clothing off you. Suddenly you were naked, kneeling on your hands and knees and arching your hips up as you peered back over your shoulder.

He had discarded his own clothing and took his hard cock into one hand, stepping forward and deliberately brushing it against your entrance. You mewled and pressed back, trying to let him enter you, but he resisted.

“Do you want it bad?” He asked with a smirk.

You thought about making a sarcastic remark, knowing he was enjoying playing this game with you, but instead you countered him the only way you knew would actually make a blow to him.

You reached back and pulled yourself open, biting your lower lip and giving him a wanton yet demure stare. “Yes, please.”

His eyes darkened and the smile fell away from his face, he let out a rough, low sound as he grabbed your hips and aligned his cock with you.

“I know I’m not the only person who can turn you on,” He started before leaning forward, sinking his cock deep into you just as he grabbed a handful of your hair and pulled your head back so his lips came as close as they could to your ear, “But I’m the only person who can give it to you like this.”

With that, his hips snapped into a pounding rhythm, fucking you like only he could, hard but with intent, making you grip the sheets in your hands and your legs to tremble. This was the moment when you were his, when he made it clear you belonged to him, at least for right now, and you embraced it. You craved it.

The harder he fucked you the weaker you became, arms starting to wobble in an attempt to hold yourself up. His thrusts were unrelenting, like he had been storing up all his energy just for this moment.

The hand that still held your hair dropped down to your shoulder and he stopped briefly to pull you up. You wavered, dazed and shaky as you fell back against his chest and his arms circled under yours. One came up to lock your throat in his hand, and the other forced itself between your thighs, slick with your arousal. You groaned and arched against him, not sure which one you liked better.

Then he started to move again, thrusting up into you steadily, burying his cock to the hilt before letting gravity pull him back out just to do it again. His fingertips found your clit and he rubbed circles around the wet, swollen flesh as his other hand tightened around your neck.

“All of this is mine,” Changkyun growled against your ear. “Your body, your pleasure, your cunt. I own this.”

He was always rough, always commanding and always made you feel like you were his, but this was different. Unlike his typical playful candor, he sounded serious. The passion and possessiveness was overwhelming, somehow equal parts terrifying and exhilarating and you didn’t even consider stopping. Instead, his consuming words rasped heavily into your ear were pushing you toward a toe-curling, full body orgasm you couldn’t stop even if you wanted to.

You felt so exposed like this, nothing to hold on to, so you reached back and dug your nails into his thighs as your pleasure mounted.

“I can’t,” You near-sobbed, trying to tell him you couldn’t hold on anymore.”I’m-it’s too much.”

He knew, he could read your body like the back of his hand; your shallow breaths and clenching muscles, slurred words, all tell-tale signs that your end was near.

“Don’t hold back,” He said through his teeth, “Give me what's mine. Come for me.”

You sucked in a lungful of air as your eyes slammed shut, body pulling taut, then released it all in a long moan, bowing into him, squirming in his arms as you pulsed around his cock and sank your nails deeper in his skin. As you rode the last wave, he released you, letting you fall forward onto the bed and grabbing onto your hips to pull you flush against his pelvic bone, spluttering moans against the back of your neck as he came deep inside you.

You couldn’t hold yourself up anymore, collapsing face first on the bed and wrapping your arms under your head, breathing hard and dripping sweat. Changkyun managed to hold himself over you, but rested his forehead between your shoulder blades and panted against your moist skin.

He finally pulled himself from you and fell heavy on the bed next to you, and you peered up from over your arm.

“Sorry,” He mumbled, eyes glassy as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to control his pounding heart.

“For what?”

“I kind of got out of hand there,” He rolled his head toward you and forced an awkward laugh.

“It’s okay,” You rolled over on your side facing him, cheeks tinged with pink. “I liked it.”

The humor eased from his features as he looked at you for a long moment. “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“I sort of lied earlier,”

“Oh?” You gave him a curious look, though you could guess what he was going to say.

“I may have actually been a little jealous. I was just trying to save face before.”

“I mean, the way you just fucked me made that abundantly clear.”

For the first time in all the times you had been with Changkyun, he blushed.

“I didn’t want to be petty about it, I don’t know what came over me.” He looked away. “It was fine when it was the three of us, it felt more like Jooheon was just an addition to something you and I already had. But when I saw just the two of you….” He trailed off with a sigh.

You couldn’t help but smile a little bit, it was nice to see him vulnerable for once.

“How did it happen?” He asked suddenly, looking back at you with a sense of urgency, to your surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean did you call him? Did he call you? I’m curious.” He said, trying to seem vaguely interested but you already knew it was more than that. You decided to humor him.

“I came over to talk to him. He had been acting distant, as you recall, and I wanted to know why.” You answered with a half shrug.

“Why was he distant?”

“Same reason you were. Feeling a little jealous and being too proud to just talk to me about it.” You smiled and he had a laugh at himself.

“This is going to sound weird, and probably selfish, but..” He faded out, waiting to continue.

“But?” You encouraged.

“What does he have that I don’t? I mean, what does he do, that makes you want to be with him?”

You hadn’t expected that question, but it did seem natural now that he asked it. His ego was hurt, he was used to being the one who satisfied you, the one you came running to for your urges.

“It’s...different with him. Not necessarily better, just different.” You tried to explain.

“Care to elaborate?” He asked, becoming visibly antsy to find out.

“I don’t know, he’s ...tender.” You struggled to find the words. “It’s not rough but it's passionate. And it’s not boring, but it's kind of soft and makes me feel precious.”

Changkyun’s face looked troubled as you spoke. “That makes sense.”

“Like I said, it’s not better. I like what you and I have, but sometimes I just want-”

“You want to feel loved.”

You blinked at him in surprise. The word love was troublesome to you. You had thought you were in love, once. It was foolish and naive and ended terribly, so you decided you would avoid those feelings if at all possible. But maybe he was right? Maybe you missed that feeling. But that didn’t mean you were in love, or that Jooheon-

“Jooheon is in love with you.” He spoke bluntly, cutting off your thoughts. Now your eyes widened even more and you spluttered out a laugh. “What? No…”

“He hasn’t told me or anything, but I can tell.”

You couldn’t believe that at all. Maybe he had a crush on you, but love?

“The problem is,” Changkyun reached out and pushed a stray piece of hair away from your eyes.

“I think I might be, too.”

#monsta x #monsta x smut #lim changkyun #monsta x i.m #kpop fanfiction #kpop #monsta x scenarios #changkyun scenarios

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starsmuserainbow · 3 years

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1OO IMPORTANT CHARACTER QUESTIONS

taken from beth kinderman and nikki walker’s the 100 most important things to know about your character. a good list to help develop a character’s background, personality, and general aspects.

(Template link here)

PART 1: THE BASICS

What is your full name?

"Koriand'r, but on Earth it is Starfire!"

Where and when were you born?

"On Tamaran, in the castle. We were still in the war with the Gordanians."

Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.)

"Myand'r, the Grand Ruler of Tamaran, and Luand'r, his wife! They were very wonderful! They have cared for us as well as they could, I believe, and I do not doubt that they have loved us very much!"

Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like?

"... Blackfire is my older sister. I have always looked up to her, but she is very much not interested in a positive bond between us. She is a criminal, I believe many parts of the galaxy are searching for her, and she has multiple times before attempted to capture me or bring me into the hands of those who would not be very nice to me.

I much prefer to talk about my baby brother, Ryand'r, or Wildfire as he is calling himself on Earth! We have long thought that he has died when he was still very small, but he has survived and lived many years in complete isolation! He has grown to be very wonderful and nice and friendly, and I am loving him a lot! I am most thankful that he has by now returned to my life!"

Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people.

"I am living with my best friends, the Teen Titans! Our home is commonly called the 'T-Tower', and it is a very accurate description as it is a building with many floors and in the shape of a T!

Raven is as close to me as I am imagining a sister to be that does not constantly wish to harm me! She is skilled in magic, and she has to meditate for calming her emotions because her powers can be dangerous when she is feeling too strongly! This is also leading to her appearing very calm or 'unemotional' in many situations, I am knowing that she is loving us as much as we her!

I am most admiring Beast Boy's talent for joking! It often is about things that I do not initially understand, but I am still certain that his jokes are always very funny and most entertaining!

Cyborg is very skilled with technology. He has equipped our home with its security, he created our communicators, and he is also very much enjoying to play the games of the video together with Beast Boy!

Our leader is Robin! He is very trained, he knows many types of the martial arts, and I am very much enjoying to fight alongside him! Some times he can be too focused on his work, but we are all trying what we can to make him realize it and stop, and I believe it has bettered over the time that we are together."

What is your occupation?

"I am a hero, one of the Teen Titans! We are using what we are capable of to protect the people of the city - and the planet - from dangers and any form of harm!"

Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks.

"I am commonly wearing my tamaranean uniform, which is mostly purple and combined with silver metallic armor! I believe I am taller than the average human, I am thin and do not have any tattoos, scars or similar! As with all of us tamaraneans, my skin is more orange, or golden, than a human one, and my eyes are having their green color both in the sclera and the pupil! Oh, and I am having long red hair, which I preferto wear untied!"

To which social class do you belong?

"A... a social class? I have never visited the earthen schools!" [[Well, on Tamaran probably upper/highest class since she's of the royal family, and on Earth, average I assume? So probably middle, or something?]]

Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses?

"I am allergic to metallic chromium."

Are you right- or left-handed?

"My right hand is the one that I am using predominantly!"

What does your voice sound like?

"I believe I am having a very friendly and light voice! But I cannot describe voices well."

What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently?

"There have before been people mimicking me by reciting 'glorious' or 'wonderful', so perhaps those!"

What do you have in your pockets?

"My communicator! A bit of cat food, oh! And this is a drawing that I have been given by a child earlier!"

Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics?

"People have before mocked me by using very many times of the 'the' in each sentence, so perhaps that is a thing? Although I have never understood this mockery. I am also very much enjoying to hug people - but that cannot be a bad thing, no?"

PART 2: GROWING UP

How would you describe your childhood in general?

"It was a very wonderful childhood! I have grown up with parents that loved me very much, I had two siblings, and I have been able to learn much! There also was our caretaker, Galfore, I am still very close to him and thankful for his advice. ... I would have wished for chances to explore and learn about other worlds already during my childhood, but I can understand how it was too big a risk!"

What is your earliest memory?

"I remember playing a game with my father! I am very happy that this is a memory I recall, especially since at a later time of our lives, he did not have as much time for us anymore."

How much schooling have you had?

"I have completed all the tamaranean schooling! It is not working in the same way as the earthen system, so I cannot compare it."

Did you enjoy school?

"Of course! It was most fascinating to learn about every thing!"

Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities?

"Most of it has been trained on Tamaran! But with my friends I am also continuing to strengthen my abilities!"

While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them.

"My father! He was wonderful to us, and also a great ruler even in the times of war! I have always admired him. ... I have also very much looked up to my sister. She has always been so strong, so independent and so experienced..."

While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family?

"I have gotten along very well with my mother and father! And Ry was most adorable and we were very close as well! ... I have always assumed that I was also getting along well with my sister, but by now I have realized that such never has been the case."

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

"... I have always wanted to be like my sister. ... And I have wished to be able to explore other worlds!"

As a child, what were your favorite activities?

"I have often strolled through the royal garden! ... as long as it has still existed. It was also very entertaining to be taught by Galfore, in cooking and about the history and the customs and how to fight!"

As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display?

"I do not believe that my personality has changed much since my childhood!"

As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like?

"As children of the royal family, we were very... shielded. There were not many other children that we have met, so I do not believe that there was a chance to truly measure popularity. Those that I did meet liked me though, I believe."

When and with whom was your first kiss?

"Kissing does not carry such a meaning for my people. It is default that as children, we are having lip-contact with multiple teachers, to train the assimilation of languages and to learn the most important languages."

Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity?

If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today.

"My abilities are normal for the tamaraneans, so while I am an alien to this world, I do not think that there is a story that I can tell."

PART 3: PAST INFLUENCES

What do you consider the most important event of your life so far?

"Having met my friends, and having found a home with them!"

Who has had the most influence on you?

"That is either Galfore or my friends of now!"

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

"It has felt like a big success when I had beaten my sister for the second time. And that even while she had used the Jewel of Charta, which was making her much stronger and less vulnerable."

What is your greatest regret?

"I am still feeling very sorry for the destruction that I have initially caused on Earth."

What is the most evil thing you have ever done?

"That destruction, I believe."

Do you have a criminal record of any kind?

"I do not know! But as I have caused damage on this world, I assume it would only be right if it is noted somewhere, no?"

When was the time you were the most frightened?

"After we have watched a movie, Raven's powers had once brought the monsters and the spookiness from the movie to life! It has been a very frightening situation."

What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you?

"I have many times misunderstood the earthen phrases. At times, the people around me are laughing very openly about it. That is making me feel very embarassed."

If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why?

"I would hope to be able to better the connection to my sister!"

What is your best memory?

"I will never forget how Robin has assured me that Blackfire would never have been able to replace me."

What is your worst memory?

"My brief staying in captivity was most horrifying."

PART 4: BELIEFS & OPINIONS

Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic?

"I believe I am more optimistic!"

What is your greatest fear?

"Being alone, and captive, without hopes of escaping."

What are your religious views?

"It would take much time to explain the beliefs of X'Hal to you! It is the tamaranean religion, and I am adhereing to that."

What are your political views?

"I... I do not know what you are asking here. My political views? On what?"

What are your views on sex?

Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable?

"Yes. I do not enjoy to take a life, but if there is truly no other option for saving those that are in danger, I will not hesitate as much as I believe my friends would. But under any circumstances, and wherever possible, it should be avoided to kill someone."

In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do?

"Harming innocent children is most evil!"

Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love?

"Though I would not call it these, I believe in similar concepts, yes."

What do you believe makes a successful life?

"To be happy, to enjoy what you are doing, perhaps also to make those happy you care for."

How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)?

"It is difficult for a tamaranean to be dishonest about the feelings. It can very quickly become similar to a sickness. There are tamaraneans that still do not show what they are thinking or feeling, but I am feeling much better if I am simply being open!"

Do you have any biases or prejudices?

"Even when I am not happy about some thing, I would always do what I can to not let such connections endanger a new meeting."

Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it?

"I would always refuse to harm my friends! Because it cannot be right to do such!"

Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)?

"It is not a thought that I enjoy. But I believe me and my friends all would not hesitate to give our lives for those of the others."

PART 5: RELATIONSHIPS W/OTHERS

In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how?

"I am doing my best to treat every one politely! And I do not think that my behaviour is changing if I am knowing some one better."

Who is the most important person in your life, and why?

"All of my friends are!"

Who is the person you respect the most, and why?

"Raven! It must be very difficult to keep such a control of her emotions at all times!"

Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people.

"There are so many friends that I could name! My best friend is Robin! I have described him before, have I not? He is the leader of our team, and he is often willing to explain to me what I do not understand. He is very important to me!"

Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person.

"I do not have such!"

Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened.

"I... Yes, there was... there was a connection that I have felt immediately as we have first met. We... We are still working on it, I believe."

What do you look for in a potential lover?

"I wish for some one who is friendly, who is there for me and who can rely on me in return. Some one that I am feeling at home and comfortable with!"

How close are you to your family?

"It... it is difficult with Blackfire, I would not call us 'close' at all. But I am very close to my baby brother, now that he has returned to us!"

Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not?

"I have not! But I am most enjoying the idea. It is a delighting thought to picture myself having children of my own that I can care for!"

Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help?

"My friends, my team! The Titans!"

Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why?

"I would never doubt that my friends would always protect me, as I them!"

If you died or went missing, who would miss you?

"I believe my friends and my brother would miss you! And many of my friends would attempt to find me, or find out what has happened. And Galfore certainly, as well!"

Who is the person you despise the most, and why?

"I am aware that she is merely a human, and that I need not feel as strongly towards her... but I do not like Kitten, the daughter of Killer Moth, at all."

Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict?

"I do not like arguing! But if necessary, I would not avoid it."

Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations?

"I do not think so. But I am often talking much, so perhaps I am, and merely do not realize it?"

Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not?

"Certainly! There is an earthen saying, that it is merrier the more people are there, no? I find it very entertaining to have many friends around me!"

Do you care what others think of you?

"I am trying to lessen how much I am caring, but yes. It is most unpleasant when I am insulted."

PART 6: LIKES & DISLIKES

What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes?

"Exploring Earth! Oh, and I am enjoying to go shopping, or to cook or care for our Silkie!"

What is your most treasured possession?

"I... There is the 'crown' that I have worn when I came to Earth. My mother has gifted it to me shortly before we have lost her."

What is your favorite color?

"I am very fond of purple, as many of my people are. Perhaps it is simply some thing I have been raised into, as it is the most common color for clothing on Tamaran."

What is your favorite food?

"Glorg!"

What, if anything, do you like to read?

"Raven is recommending books to me some times! I am not very fast with reading them, as I have often some thing else that I am then thinking of doing, but they are most entertaining to read!"

What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)?

"I do not understand. Entertainment is good if it is keeping one entertained, and as the likes of such vary, it is difficult to have any entertainment that is not good!"

Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit?

"I am not doing any of these things."

How do you spend a typical Saturday night?

"If we are not on a mission, it is often that me and my friends are making the nights of movies!"

What makes you laugh?

"There are many things that are making me laugh!"

What, if anything, shocks or offends you?

"It is not very nice when people are unfriendly to others based on how they look or which gender they are having. I am hearing bad words because of my looks and for being alien, as well. So perhaps these."

What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself?

"I would watch TV! There is always some thing interesting shown, no?"

How do you deal with stress?

"It is best to unleash any troubles I am having. Such includes stress. And my friends would certainly aid me in overcoming the stress."

Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan?

"I am not very good at sticking with plans."

What are your pet peeves?

"I do not understand what those are that you ask for."

PART 7: SELF IMAGES & OTHER

Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted?

"It is often that our days are not going by routine. When trouble is coming, we are going to it as quickly as we can. It might not be pleasant, but it is necessary, so I am rarely feeling bad about it. On a routine, hmm... I am waking, I stretch and prepare myself for the breakfast. We are commonly eating together, and doing some activity for spending the day. On many days, there is also our training."

What is your greatest strength as a person?

"Perhaps that I am willing to trust others? Although my friends have also told me that it is a big weakness. Perhaps caring for the well-being of others?"

What is your greatest weakness?

"Perhaps my trusting too easily? I do not truly know."

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

"I would not change a thing! I am happy as I am."

Are you generally introverted or extroverted?

"Extroverted!"

Are you generally organized or messy?

"I prefer to have things look organized, but if I am too distracted, I can quickly be very messy, as well."

Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at.

"I am good at cooking! ... tamaranean dishes. My friends have before complained that I am often not following the recipes, and am creating different earthen dishes than what they expect. I am a capable fighter, and I am good at making friends!

I cannot draw well, um... I am not aware of many parts of the earthen sayings, and I am not good at recognizing when I should not be trusting or believeing someone."

Do you like yourself?

"Yes, I think I do."

What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…)

"I am a hero because it would feel wrong to not use my abilities, that are more than the average on this world, to aid others. It would feel egoistic, and I enjoy to help others."

What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime?

"I do not have goals. All I am wishing for is to continue to be happy."

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

"I hope that I am still with my friends!"

If you could choose, how would you want to die?

"Either after a long living, or if it must happen earlier... I would prefer to die in saving someone else."

If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left.

"I would visit and hug as many of my friends as I can! I would wish to tell them again how much I value them and how their friendship has delighted me. And I certainly must spend a lot of time with Ry! If there is no more time, I must do what I can to make him understand that he is worth much more than he is thinking! ... And I also wish to say goodbye to Galfore, and perhaps leave messages for those that I am not able to reach. ... Perhaps a message for Blackfire, as well."

What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death?

"Perhaps for the good that we are doing as heroes?"

What three words best describe your personality?

"Friendly, cheerful, and very happy to explore and learn!"

What three words would others probably use to describe you?

"I am hoping some thing similar! Although there have also been words that were not as friendly, I believe that more people would not use those mean words."

If you could, what advice would you, the player, give to your character? (You might even want to speak as if he or she were sitting right here in front of you, and use proper tone so he or she might heed your advice…)

I don't think there really is anything I'd need to give her as advice. I mean, if I really have to say something, probably something like that she should stay how she is and not change only because of some bad experiences. Something like that.

#✫ There was a young alien girl who lived in a T ✫ | About Starfire #those were quite cool! and take forever to answer xD #I tried to stay as ship-neutral as possible; but in some answers I just couldn't avoid mentioning robin #since as you all probably know I default to robstar when nothing else is implied

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aaetherius · 3 years

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I wrote this all in the tags and then I realized how long it was and that tungle would probably cut me off so have an unintentional headcanon/ramble thing that was just supposed to be the little update in the tags on this post before I got carried away and I just do not know how to shut up, but, in my defense your honor I love him:

But it sometimes comes up because for some reason Lucifer gets manhandled quite a bit in threads (which is totally fine - for the most part you’re free to touch him/pester him/toss him over your shoulder if you’re capable of doing so and he generally won’t do anything about it, so long as this is one of his default/post wmtsb verses). But post wmtsb/his revival verses, Lucifer can be very openly affectionate towards the crew.

He’s a naturally very caring and warm person, but he never allowed himself to be physically or outwardly affectionate towards people when he was the Supreme Primarch (because people put him on a pedestal and thus shied away when he tried to reach out to them and by the time he created Sandalphon there was already this disconnect between himself and others so he was actually afraid to touch him. I imagine he did here and there when it was needed - he likely took care of Sandalphon’s wings/whatnot for a while, but even when doing so I also imagine he was very hesitant and his touch was very brief/hesitant/fleeting so despite the fact that he very much wanted to reach out to Sandalphon he felt as if he wasn’t allowed to, and thus kept his distance. Again, he was truly afraid to touch Sandalphon and uncertain of how he should interact with him, which likely made him come off as very distant despite not wishing to, but he also very much had this feeling of overwhelming loneliness about him. I can imagine there were countless times when he saw Sandalphon with his hair messy or maybe leaves tangled in it or his wings, and he would go to reach out to fix it and then stop himself because he felt like couldn’t/wasn’t allowed to touch him or that, if he did, Sandalphon would shy away from him as the others had, he was utterly terrified of losing him, which, obviously and ironically, resulted in his worst fear aka losing him to the rebellion where Sandalphon wasn’t aware of the terribly deep extent to which Lucifer loved/loves him because Lucifer himself wasn’t entirely aware of it either).

I’ve mentioned this before, but he’s extremely touch-starved. So, he wanted to care for people. He wanted to express his feelings towards them openly, but couldn’t (or felt that he couldn’t. The exception likely being Lucilius, of whom I imagine he was a bit more openly affectionate towards because, though Lucilius very much put him on a pedestal, his relationship with him was still different from the Primarchs who more so viewed him as this perfect, very out of reach being that they had to respect and could not be close to because he was their leader so they always tip-toed around him or were so quick to bow their heads when he came near or they would excuse themselves out of fear/respect for him when he tried to have a conversation with them. But even with Lucilius he was still hesitant because Lucilius, obviously, isn’t a very touch-feely person, but he likely tolerated it when it came from Lucifer because it’s Lucifer. So, he would show physical affection towards Lucilius, but it would still be a bit muted/not as much as he wanted to show him because he’s well aware that while Lucilius allowed him into his personal space, he wasn’t likely to return the gesture to him, and might not have been too fond of Lucifer’s doting - if he was, Lucifer is awful at reading people and wasn’t aware he enjoyed it/was comfortable with it so he slowly become more hesitant with showing affection towards Lucilius over time and, eventually, he stopped doing so because he didn’t want to upset him. By the time the rebellion had started he had really withdrawn into himself and had become very hushed/seemingly far away from everything and everyone).

So, upon being revived, and being a part of the crew, he’s still distant/hesitant for a bit, but as he begins to see more and more of the crew and how they interact with one another and how openly affectionate they allow themselves to be towards one another, he slowly begins to come out of his shell and allows himself to be affectionate towards others. This very much includes and is largely about purely platonic relationships (because let friends hug and kiss - though obviously this applies to romantic relationships as well where he is insufferably affectionate and terribly attached). So, he does tend to dote on others, especially once he’s comfortable around someone. And there are certain crew members he favors by default/is more comfortable around. For example, he utterly adores Lyria and will very much spoil her if allowed to do so (he’ll make her coffee-free lattes even though he knows Sandalphon would be appalled by the idea or brush/braid her hair, or help her with anything she asks for). He is incredibly grateful towards her for reaching out to, forgiving, and accepting Sandalphon, and for understanding him. So, he wants to repay her for all she’s done for Sandalphon in whatever way he can, so he’s naturally very friendly towards her (and he’s mildly protective of her, if someone upsets her in his presence or snaps at her/is cruel towards her, he will willingly defend and comfort her. He’s actually very paternal towards Lyria). This was mentioned in an old headcanon post, but Lucifer is very biased towards the people Sandalphon favors. Post wmtsb, he’s much more aware of Sandalphon’s feelings/emotions and is much better at picking up on them. He’s very in-tune to Sandalphon, and is very trusting of his judgement/him in general, therefore he tends to favor the same people Sandalphon does. This is all very unintentional on his part, he’s not actually aware of how heavily he allows himself to be influenced by Sandalphon, but because he has so little experience being around others, especially mortals, and actually being able to live his life independently (and thus doesn’t know how to), he’s fairly reliant on how Sandalphon reacts to people/things in order to form his own thoughts/opinions about them (again, in part because of just how deeply he values and trusts Sandalphon).

But, anyway, even in purely platonic relationships (which this post is very much almost entirely about), once he’s comfortable around someone he will be openly affectionate towards them. He’s very okay/comfortable with giving someone a hug, or a kiss on the cheek, or just holding someone when they’re upset/want to be comforted. He’s very willing to brush his fingers through someone’s hair, wash or brush their hair, or care for someone in general regardless of what care they need, he typically won’t shy away from it (even if there’s no real reason or need for it - and he’s more than willing to do so when someone is sick or injured). He’s very willing to let people lay their head in his lap as he sings to them, or lean their head on his shoulder, or just cuddle with him/share a blanket with him or whatnot (in other words, you are very welcome to let your muse manhandle him a bit/reach out and touch him - platonically (otherwise, obviously, your muse is open to do so romantically if we’re actively shipping) - without permission or anything because odds are, so long as this is post wmtsb, he’ll likely be okay and open to it. Let friends be openly affectionate and caring and loving towards one another my goodness it’s such good content). That being said, when someone else initiates affection towards him (kisses/hugs him, pulls him against their chest, runs their fingers through his hair - whatnot), he does become a bit hesitant, and is very clearly surprised most of the time. He’s incredibly used to being in the caregiver role (or being the one to initiate affection), so when someone else flips that around on him he’s often uncertain of what to do or how to react. He might even tense up because he’s so unused to it, but he will relax if he trusts the person after a bit, and then will very much melt into their touch. He does enjoy having affection returned or shown to him, but because he’s so unused to it he tends to be a bit shy/more withdrawn about it (but, as mentioned, if he’s comfortable with the person who does so, he will relax into their hold/touch and turn to putty in their hands because he is so so very touch-starved and having someone dote on him is really enough to make him visibly deflate and relax). In other words let people dote on Lucifer, he deserves to be loved and deserves to have friends who are openly willing to give him physical affection.

The only thing he dislikes or is very selective about (and this was also mentioned in another headcanon post, and very much post wmtsb related), is people touching his neck or wings or his side where the blade went through his core because it’s uncomfortable to him. He may not have scars there because he’s in a new body, but he still gets phantom pains from having his head and wings cut off and his core stabbed. He can very much still feel those sensations, and they tend to flare up when those areas are touched (he’ll visibly shudder/shiver if they are and will likely pull away, or he’ll stop someone outright before they can touch those areas). There are exceptions to this/people who are allowed to openly touch those areas and he’s largely comfortable with it (obviously Sandalphon is one of them, but Lyria is as well, mainly his wings in her case, as is Cagliostro given that she made his body so he honestly just tolerates anything she feels like she needs to do in order to keep him up and running - he might still shiver even in their cases, when the area on his side or neck is touched, simply because he’s so guarded about those areas that he’s even less used to them being touched so the feeling of warmth against them is very foreign to him, even more so than the rest of his body). However, another exception is all of the children in the crew (again, relating to his wings)! He actually has a soft spot for children, and adores them so he tends to spoil the ones that live on the ship when he gets the chance. He’ll very much watch over them/play with them. He makes for both a terrible and wonderful babysitter because he’ll let them get away with anything and everything, but he’ll also make sure they’re taken care of/safe/enjoying themselves. If left with them, he’s more than willing to take them on little flights around the ship, but he’ll often be found just with kids crawling all over him, poking or pestering him. He’s more than willing to let them put him in silly outfits or hang things from his wings (and more than willing to also let them sleep on/in his wings as well - they’re warm and soft so it’s a win-win), or play nonsensical games with them that he doesn’t know the rules for/anything about. And he’ll always have the brightest, but softest of smiles on his face when he’s interacting with them because goodness does he adore children (he also adores animals, as well - he can very much be found pestering Dante’s cats and will just let them use him as a scratching post without any complaints). Children (and animals) can more or less get away with anything when it comes to him.

Basically, what I’m saying is, let friends (or partners) love each other shamelessly and without hesitation. Let Lucifer openly dote on/show physical affection towards people, and let them do the same for him in return. Let him comfort and hold and touch others platonically/affectionately, and let others do so in return for him. Aka, feel free/don’t hesitate to let your muse be affectionate towards him and let them seek affection from him because he will happily give it in most cases. Also, let him babysit children and animals! Lucifer is kind and soft (so very soft) and very loving when he’s allowed to be, and he very much wants to be, but he sometimes just needs a little push/needs to know he’s allowed to be physically affectionate towards someone!

Can you believe I wrote all of this in the tags before rewriting all of it in the post itself.

#| ☩ Out of Time (OOC) ☩ |#{ I need to update Luci's verses a bit mostly his two revival verses I realize }#{ Since I have like no info on them and I realize it's confusing ghrufhkd }#{ so I will most likely do that today }#{ You're not getting much for his modern verse though I have plans :p }#{ rubs my hands together I have his modern verse backstory/whatnot worked out but no one knows what it is }#{ so I sit here and wait for the angst to creep in/when I have an excuse to reveal things cackles }#{ I got Luci's drafts down to a reasonable number so maybe...I will allow myself to meme hmmmmm }#{ I have so much Luci muse I always have Luci muse but hugdfhguk }#{ but I will maybe do some multi stuff before I reblog a meme }#| ☩ A thousand thoughts yet not a word to express them all ☩ (headcanon) |#{ a lot of this is about platonic relationships (obviously where Sandy is mentioned it's romantic) but other than the times I mention #Sandy in this post it's almost entirely meant to be about platonic relationships even though it can apply to romantic ones }#{ please please let friends love each other }#{ not all relationships have to be romantic to involve hugs and kisses and cuddles and physically caring for one another #I love writing deep platonic friendships where they can just hold each other when they're side or greet one another with a kiss on the cheek #because they're so important I adore them }#{ I'm so so selective with romantic shipping with Luci however I am also open to platonic things }#{ so keep in mind that Luci being openly affectionate towards someone is often not him being romantically interested in someone #{ in fact it very often isn't it's just him being a naturally caring and affectionate person who wants to care for and love others deeply }#{ and in that context when I use the word love in that sentence I obviously mean platonic and even paternal forms of love }#{ he cares about people so much and he just never really had the chance to be so open about his love before #so he wants to be now that he can even though he's a little hesitant about it from time to time because he was so withdrawn before #and he sometimes feels like he's not allowed to be close to others/like he's not really permitted to be a true member of the crew #because he's only there because Sandalphon wanted to save him }#{ but obviously Sandy isn't the only one who wanted him around/wants him to be there with them! }#{ He just thinks he is but the more time he spends the crew the more he comes out of his shell and really allows himself to just be }#{ And it's very sweet and it makes me soft okay }#{ Where I wrote side in the tags it was meant to be when they're sad oops }#{ Also when I say when I mention Sandy in this and that that part is romantic I am specifically referring to Noir's Sandy! }

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omgitscharlie · 4 years

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𝖆 𝖋𝖆𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖗'𝖘 𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖘𝖙 𝖋𝖊𝖆𝖗

AO3 + FFN

ɪɴᴜʏᴀꜱʜᴀ x ᴋᴀɢᴏᴍᴇ | ᴍᴏʀᴏʜᴀ | ᴘᴏꜱᴛ-ᴄᴀɴᴏɴ | ꜰʟᴜꜰꜰ

summary: Inuyasha experiences his first taste of a father's worst fear at the sound of a scream. One-shot.

"Hold on there, kiddo."

Reaching a clawed hand out, he managed to snag the collar of the raven-haired scamp that seemed to whip out of the hut in a flurry. A shocked shriek came from the small girl, being forced to halt as she looked up at her father with her mother's deep, mahogany gaze. Though she was only five, she was already a handful when it came to her running off and getting into some sort of trouble. It appeared she had made a plan to sneak out, but was apprehended before she could get too far.

"Just where do you think you're goin'?" It was a rhetorical question, knowing that he probably wouldn't get a straight answer. The grip didn't leave her collar, his gaze narrowed and showing an expectant look that it seemed only a parent could hold.

"Mama said I could go out and play," the small girl stated with such confidence; yet, her father's look of skepticism didn't waver. Peering over his shoulder to inside the house, he could see Kagome walking towards the entrance towards them. The weather was nice, albeit a bit too hot by the hanyou's standards, which left him with the sight of his wife with her hair pulled into a ponytail and her short-sleeved kosode.

Catching her gaze, there was a look of unspoken confirmation only to be emphasized with a nod from the miko. There was a look of frustration on the young girl's face as Inuyasha looked back down towards her, as if she were offended by her sudden restraint. It was like looking into a mirror, though with different colouring; though Moroha held Kagome's eyes, ears and nails, the overall look of his daughter proved that his genes were definitely the dominant one.

And that just the physical similarities, her attitude was a whole other aspect of Inuyasha that she'd inherited - hot-headed and slightly temperamental, but also extremely strong-willed when she wanted to be. Though, her stubbornness was inherited by both parents, that much was for certain. Perhaps to say she was a handful was an understatement.

"Alright then," it still held a tone of skepticism even as he still held her grip on her collar, "Stay where I can smell you, got it?" Although he was technically warning her, it was obvious to both Moroha and Kagome that it was out of concern for her safety. Yes, Inuyasha protected the forest they resided in, but that didn't mean there wasn't the possibility for danger.

Accompanying her nod of acknowledgement, she sealed with the simple words, "I will, papa."

Finally, the hanyou released her from his grip and without hesitation, she ran off, only to be called after by her mother, "Be careful!" Rising from his crouched position, he stood beside his wife, both of them watching as their daughter sped off and almost out of sight towards the forest. Not being able to see her had Inuyasha's ear twitching, keeping an ear out for her but having it interrupted by a sigh that came from the woman who stood beside him, "It still makes me worry..." she mused, only to feel the weight of her husband's arm draping over her shoulders to pull her close and press a kiss to her temple.

"She'll be fine - I don't sense anything nearby," he reassured, having faith that Moroha was capable of taking care of herself, even at such a young age. Though she wasn't full or even half-demon, she was still plenty strong and resilient for a girl her age. Kagome leaned into his touch, giving a small nod in acceptance even though her husband could sense that uneasiness within her.

If Inuyasha was completely honest, he had very little reservations when it came to Moroha exploring her independence. So long as he could sense her in some way, he was comfortable with her exploring on her own - it was normal for children in that time period to simply wander and create their own adventures. Of course, for Kagome, that was practically unheard of from her time period, children her age always being under constant supervision; there were even laws surrounding such things.

When that uneasiness didn't dissipate, Inuyasha looked down towards his wife, seeing her eyes fixated on where they'd last seen Moroha take off to, "You wanna sit out here for a bit?" he asked, knowing that it would make her feel better knowing that they wouldn't be distracted in their home and have another obstacle when it came to running to her, should they need to. Craning her neck up to match her husband's gaze, Kagome nodded in response.

"I'll make us some tea, while you wait out here?" she offered, knowing that Inuyasha would be able to keep better tabs on their daughter than she could. Now it was Inuyasha's turn to nod before leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips, short and sweet.

Yet, before the pair began to get settled, a high-pitched scream came from the forest, causing birds to flee from the trees out of being spooked. The two of them froze out of intense fear, Inuyasha's eyes wide as a wave of panic set in unlike any he'd ever experienced. He could tell that Kagome was feeling the same way, hearing her heart pounding in her chest, "That's-"

There was no mistake of whose scream it was and, before Kagome could blink, Inuyasha was already on his way towards the sound, calling out to his daughter with an edge of panic that Kagome had never heard from him; not even in the heat of battle and the chance of losing herself.

The screams had turned into hiccupped, shrieking sobs from what Inuyasha could tell, and the sound of her footsteps were rapid and headed in his direction, "Moroha!" he called, gaze scanning the surrounding area as he jumped deeper into the wooded area that surrounded their home, "Moroha, where are you!?"

When he reached a clearing, he was able to hear her headed in his direction; and when she finally broke through the brush, she was holding her left hand in her right, having obviously been injured. Rushing towards her, he crouched down in front of her as she slammed into his arms. Fat tears rolled down her face as she continued to hold her hand out of pain, "Moroha, what happened?" he asked, having wrapped his arms around her with the largest sigh of relief he'd ever felt, "Are you okay? Did someone hurt you?" the panic in his voice couldn't be hidden. The small girl kept crying, taking in shaky breaths as she pushed herself into her father's arms.

"My hand hurts!" she shrieked, causing Inuyasha's ears to pin down against his head from the volume of it, even wincing at the sound. He hated that sound, hearing her cry, it made a piece of his heart shatter every time he heard it.

"Let me see it," he commanded, pulling away from her enough so she could hold her hand out for him to inspect. The difference between the two was noticable, Inuyasha's clawed and battle worn hands holding her small, basically human ones. There were no callouses that had formed on her palms yet, but he was sure that'd change when she got older; Moroha had only ever spoken about wanting to learn how to fight since she saw her father take down a nearby weasel demon that had somehow made it's way close to their home.

Though there were no callouses, he saw a large, pulsing welt at the heel of her palm, the stinger of a bee still embedded in it.

A deep breath left him, "Did you get stung?" he asked as calmly as he could, meeting Moroha's large, tear-filled gaze as she nodded, hiccupping as she tried to steady her breathing.

"Keep your hand still," he stated, Moroha doing as he asked as he focused his attention on her palm, pinched the stinger with his claws and plucked it out, causing the young girl to wince and let out a whimper. Releasing another deep sigh, he found his daughter's gaze again, "You scared the sh-" he stopped himself from cursing, brows furrowing and eyes closing as a personal scold to himself before softening his expression once again and continued, "You scared me."

"I'm sorry, papa. I didn't mean to," she stated innocently, still letting little sobs escape as Inuyasha picked her up and held her against his hip. Moroha dug her head into his shoulder, sniffling and whimpering as the welt continued to pulse with a stinging feeling.

"I know you didn't, kiddo," he reassured, lifting his free hand up to cradle the back of her head, "Come on, I'm sure your mom'll have something to help." He didn't want to promise anything when it came to when it would feel better; for himself a sting like that would only last for a minute to two before dissipating. But, there was still a lot of uncertainty when it came to Moroha's blood, as it seemed a shihanyou had never existed before her.

When they exited the wooded area, it was obvious that Kagome had prepared to spring into action herself, running towards them with her bow and quiver in hand. A threat of tears welled up in her eyes as she saw her husband emerging from the brush with their daughter in hand, "Moroha!" she called out, "Moroha! Is she alright!?" the franticness in her voice continued as she met up with the two of them in the middle.

"She's okay. Got stung by a bee," Inuyasha stated before releasing some of his hold on her so Kagome could get a look at her. With her own sigh of relief, Kagome was finally able to find a sense of calm within her heart, even lifting her hand to it as if to slow the beat of it that way.

"It stung my hand, mama," Moroha's high-itched, innocent voice whined as she held out her hand for her mother to see. Taking the tiny hand within her own, Kagome could see that it was a rather large sting, but it wasn't anything too serious; she had a feeling Moroha was more terrified of the shock, rather than the pain of it.

All of this over a bee sting; well, at least it was only that.

Once the welt was looked at, Kagome lifted her other hand to cup her daughter's cheek, "Let's get you inside, I have something to help with the swelling." Passing Moroha to Kagome, Inuyasha's last touch was a pet to his daughter's head before he followed the girls into their home - his girls.

With such an eventful day, it wasn't a surprise that Moroha had fallen asleep much earlier than usual. Cradled in her father's arms as the small family had sat around the fire pit, her even breathing was a reminder that she was okay. Resting her head on his shoulder, Kagome brushed some hair from her daughter's face, "She was so tired," she mused, gently caressing the girl's cheek.

"Well, she had a big day - all of us did," he stated, though the tone of his voice seemed somewhat far away. It was something that Kagome could realize from a mile away, moving her gaze from her daughter to her husband's face.

"Inuyasha-"

"I was so scared, Kagome. More scared than I've ever been in my life," only with her could he be so open, pouring out his heart's true feelings, "I thought something serious had happened to her, that we could have lost her." His grip on his daughter tightened, bringing her closer as if to add an extra barrier of protection to compensate for earlier.

"Me too," she replied, releasing a heavy sigh, "But that's what happens when you become a parent," she added, shifting her attention back to their sleeping child. Kagome was protective of the small girl, but already she could tell that Inuyasha was on a different level. Miroku was right, they had a daughter and he was wrapped around her tiny finger, more than ready to go out of his way to make her happy, "I guess we just have to realize that we can't protect her from everything..."

"Keh," he scoffed, "Maybe not, but I can sure as hell try," he murmured, finally letting his gaze find his wife's before resting his forehead against her own. The touch of her calming hand on his cheek had him leaning into it - she was his grounding.

Kagome let out a soft giggle at a thought that crossed her mind, "Out of all things, the great Inuyasha was bested by a bee," she teased, offering a reassuring smile as her husband gave her another scoff.

"I'd have ripped it to shreds if I found it," he was only half joking.

"Of course you would..."

#inukag #inuyasha fanfic #inuyasha fanfiction #fluff #moroha #post canon

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theincompetentgenius · 4 years

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Reaction to Independent S/O (Ray, Loki)

anon: How would the ikerev men react to an independent s/o that prefers not to ask for help? Who would take it the worst and who will take it the best?

So I’m just going to do headcanons for who I think would be the best and the worst, but feel free to send in more suitors for this idea for a part 2!

The Best: Ray Blackwell

I think this one is pretty much canon, but I’ll explain my reasoning anyway. Ray is the most powerful man in the Black territory, so he has a lot of responsibilities on his shoulders. As much as he’d like to, the king can’t be joined to his S/O’s hip. Not only is that annoying, but it’s also dangerous as Ray often goes out on life-threatening missions with his men.

Additionally, Ray is not intrusive. He understands that his S/O may not feel comfortable sharing certain information with him, which is totally alright in his book. He gives them as much time as needed for them to open up. Although the king can be quite curious, he never wants to breach his lover’s privacy.

Also, Ray finds that his S/O’s independence is super badass. They can make quick decisions without anyone’s help and creatively pull themselves out of situations. Although his S/O can be reckless, Ray can’t suppress the grin on his face every time his S/O amazes him with their capabilities.

His favorite moment is when his S/O fights enemies with him. I mean, can you imagine Ray and his S/O being a crime-fighting duo? They’d stand back-to-back, taking out criminals in half the time that it would normally take Ray to fend off his enemies. He’d use his sword while his S/O would use whatever is closest to them (whether it’s a wooden pipe, a pot, or a rock). Every time they’re ambushed, Ray is always amazed at how his S/O both defends themselves and attacks the enemy in such a creative fashion.

However, he’ll check up on them from time-to-time to make sure that they’re alright. If Ray doesn’t see any negative changes in his S/O’s behavior, he’ll assume that they’ve got it under control and let trust that they can fix it. If his S/O shows any unusual behavior, Ray will not hesitate to step into the situation. After all, he wants to be able to protect his S/O from any mental and physical harm.

The Worst: Loki Genetta

Let me get this straight: when I say that Loki is the worst with an independent S/O, that does not mean he would never get with an independent person. Rather, it would take more effort for Loki to understand and respect the boundaries that this S/O has drawn for themselves.

Loki likes to cling onto his S/O like superglue (if it was possible, he would spend every single second with his S/O). However, he might not realize that his S/O may not always feel the same way. Sometimes they need space and require stronger boundaries to work with their problems. The issue is that Loki would probably be offended by it, mistaking their independence for abandonment. safe/secure

Abandonment is Loki’s biggest fear. Given his history, the Cheshire Cat hates being alone and lonely. However, independent people tend to do things by themselves without keeping others in the loop, which would cause him to worry. In fact, Loki might feel like his S/O is purposefully distancing themselves from him (which only adds salt to the wounds in his heart).

However, he isn’t as clingy towards Harr (and they have a close friendship), so I think it’s possible to get some breathing room around this feline. It would rely on lots of careful communication to prevent either side from being hurt.

Once he’s come to understand his S/O’s need for independence, Loki will be giving extra love in compensation for anything the couple lost. Expect double the hugs, cuddles, and kisses when the two are together.

Honestly, there are going to be a few times when he intrudes or follows his S/O around. These situations are usually extreme cases where Loki has a bad feeling (and he’s probably right). It’s not that he doesn’t trust his S/O’s abilities, he doesn’t want to lose them because he failed to protect them.

#ikerev #ikemen revolution #ray blackwell #loki genetta #ikerev ray #ikerev loki #ikemen kakumei #ikerev headcanons #ikemen revolution headcanon #ikemen revolution ray #ikemen revolution loki

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myinnerroomie · 3 years

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Today I want to write for pleasure instead of business. I want my mind to be productive, but I am sick of work. I am sick of all the grad school papers and the stress of getting everything in on time, the stress of applying for this test, and studying for that test. The stress of pretending I care about the Air Force. And for what? I feel as if I am not doing something to better myself, then I am failing. In all aspects of life. And for what? What am I trying to accomplish? What do I want out of life? The answer is everything. More than I’m getting. So I fill the void with military and homework and physical activities. All of which are healthy right? What’s the problem? I can do more. I am so capable. I see that. I know that I’m not meant for this. However, I signed up for it, right? I’ll finish what I signed up for and move on and appreciate what I learned. In the meantime, I feel it necessary to point out that I may be jobless in 2 months, maybe not. The stress of never knowing what is going to happen is real. And I’m sick of it. However, it pays the bills (quite nicely), I’m staying in a condo by the beach (where I’m sitting on the balcony typing), and it’s frankly beautiful weather and I’ll go for a run later. It’s really my fault that I haven’t found a job yet. I should never have relied on reserve like this anyway. I have no fear that I’ll figure something out when the time comes. Actually, life is way better than it really has ever been.

I’m so free (aside from the military which ironically is the thing that saved me). Oooh. Let’s get into my early adulthood. That should be fun. So, embarrassingly enough, until this past year, I have always had a boyfriend. We can get into my childhood later, but it probably stemmed from somewhere back then. I have never thought much of myself. Figured I’d go to community college like everybody else, then I went to a university like everybody else. Majored in a stupid (fun) degree. No real regrets about that though. My self-worth was based on if people liked me, if I felt I looked good. I do regret a lot of the actions of that sad, desperate girl. Nobody understood, and I was good at faking it. I did things that I have never admitted to anybody. I literally could have been diagnosed with the same disorders as the other kids in the behavioral hospital where I worked. Only mine weren’t for attention and I was deeply ashamed, so nobody knew. I educated myself on the consequences of what would happen if I continued on that path, and slowly but surely, I got better. And sadly, I can’t even celebrate that with anyone. Shame, guilt, fear, worthlessness, pain – what I used to always feel. Pride and confusion with all this freedom I have is what I feel now.

I used to think emotions were embarrassing. I knew I hurt all the time, but I was never taught how to deal with it, so I would isolate myself and feel stupid. Actually, that’s what I was taught. Everybody has issues, and I’m not special. Get over it. Why did it hurt so much? Why can’t I get over it? Why am I so miserable? Why am I even alive? Everybody dies anyway. Oh, I know how I can deal with this: weed. Ahh, there so much better. Now all I’m thinking about is how I can’t remember what I’m thinking about. Yeah, I should probably go to class now. Wonder if they’ll know I’m stoned. (turns out that they did). But I was really enjoying class then. Very intrigued with Maslow’s hierarchy of need. Hmm self-actualization. Will I ever know my purpose and get to the point in life where I can fulfill that need??? Nah bro I’m starving… You think everybody is staring at me eating these chips? -- Anyway, this is only the middle of the story. I’m not even going to go back to my first boyfriend. Let’s skip to the second one that cheated on me after 2 years. Looking back now, he’s gross and bigoted. He was mean to me. He lied to me. He cheated. Everything was an ordeal. I just constantly lowered myself and made myself small for him. He, of course, never reciprocated. I wasn’t worth it. Because I never showed any self-worth. One good decision I made was to further my education and move to Hattiesburg for school which he actually made fun of me for doing. Anyway, I remember one time he had just come from the boat or whatever he was doing for work and invited his friend to our apartment. I went to sit on his lap and he pushed me off and laughed. I just went to my room and cried while he spent the night with his friend. That’s not me. I hate I did that. I hate that’s their memory of me. Oh well. I know they still talk shit about me back home. That’s fine and that’s their problem.

Another reoccurring theme with boyfriends is my lack of any other friends and/or support. This takes me to my second boyfriend. I had been single for less than a year, and I met him. It was so much nicer at first. I felt like he cared about me. He was so sweet. Finally, everything was reciprocated to me, and I was happy. I was happy to make him happy. Again, with my screwed up priorities, man. But I had grown up a little. I just had this baseless fear that I would be alone forever. But, I’m not necessarily the victim. I did have this notion that I should be taken care of. I never expected to pay. I expected some sort of money and to pay to go out and about. That didn’t happen with this guy. This honestly helped me become independent. However, over time, he became more and more controlling. He threw me down and hit me in a NOLA hotel and the police were called. He tore up my purse and a jacket. I remember feeling so much stress because he said he was going to leave me there, and I didn’t know how to get home. Nor did I want to tell anybody why I was in that predicament anyway. I thought it was all my fault and apologized and he stayed. How lucky am I? To stay with a guy that hits me and breaks my belongings (He also broke my tent. If I ever went anywhere, he would be calling and obsessed. I couldn’t enjoy anything because I knew there would always be repercussions for having fun. I literally broke out in hives at my friend’s house in Jackson one time because I told him no I wouldn’t come back to his place that night and it gave me so much grief. He said he was going to break up with me if I did not drive back. But I sure enough stayed my ass up there though. It was still embarrassing. He threw a boot at me once because I was mad and didn’t want to sleep in the same room as him. When I told him that hurt and showed him the bruise, he blamed me for acting that way. A few times, I tried to leave to go home, and he would grab me and not let me go. I would be like if you don’t get your hands off me, I have every right to defend myself. So I would straight up try to fist fight him to let go of me. He would laugh. Sounds healthy right? Oh yeah, one time I did not do what he wanted and he threatened to get rid of my cat and locked all the doors to the house so I could not get to MY fucking cat. So I waited until he got home and he just acted like he didn’t care at all about the strife he caused. I think I may have even stayed that night at his house. I hated him but I didn’t know what else to do.

In the middle of all of this, I joined the military. So yeah he came to visit me in Texas for graduation then said this was his vacation and that he was going to do what he wanted. I’m like dude no. I’ve been locked up for weeks. It’s my vacation. Another argument, more crying. You’re a bitch if you stand up for yourself. Okay months go on, we break up in tech school. But I know he has my cat. I also know he has a place to live. Again, my fault. I’m using him cause I don’t really know what else to do. So I live at his house. Then move to out of town. He threatens to leave me again and tells me I’m shitty for moving away. I move back to his place. Back and forth, but he just stays and does whatever the fuck he wants with no consideration for me. Eventually, I just started to dislike him. I can take care of myself. I got another place with a room mate. His presence annoyed me. I thought he was ugly. I think that was mutual, and I was like dude: Let’s end it. It’s miserable. He agreed. Easiest break-up ever. Now did I do dumb things, and normal post-breakup things? Absolutely. Did I still text him a couple times afterwards? Yeahhh. Also, I made out with a 20 year old army kid at a bar. And I also slept with a married man. That was a whole thing. But most of last year, I have just grown.

I have nobody grabbing my arm now. If I want to pack up and go hiking somewhere across the country, I’ll buy a plane ticket and go. If I want to hang out with friends, its fun again. I do not rely on anybody for my self-worth. 2020 was extremely rough for me. I lost my house and all my belongings. My car flooded in a hurricane (and of course I only had liability insurance). It has all worked out anyway. I didn’t even need any of that stuff. Honestly, I never had the worst life. That wasn’t the goal of this. You know, to complain. It’s just that everything has gotten better. Losing everything helps put your life into perspective. I’m so much more appreciative now. I look at what I have accomplished and where I came from. I used to think that everybody was more important than me, and that I needed them to like me and see me as worthy to be around. Well, that has changed completely. I don’t have to like you and you don’t have to like me. That doesn’t make me less of a valuable person. Everybody is not better than me and I have just as much a chance of being successful as everybody else. I’m not a “bitch”. Maybe some folks find me “annoying”, but you’re crazy if you think I will ever make myself small to fit inside anybody’s box that doesn’t like me. I don’t “deserve it” to be living a miserable life. Life is hard. Life is beautiful. It’s all about learning, and that’s what I have done. I win. I’m free. I can do anything. While I do regret some of my past, all this has given me the drive to me who I am today and who I will be tomorrow. Still gotta figure that one out.

#first blog #idk what to tag this as #life #more to come

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textalotter · 4 years

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What are your thoughts on Scorpio Mars and Virgo Venus?

Hyper-critical of potential partners, the native enters a partnership that revolves around servitude and practicality, superbly sexual and pursues intimacy via sex with partners, has the potential to switch multiple sexual partners often, but the Virgo Venus calms this down.

What does a Scorpio Mars imply when a guy is trying to show interest and how does that come into play?

They’re the subtle hinters, they’ll make a lot of kind of romantic/sexual suggestions but if you ask they’ll deny. They won’t say anything they’re not ready to say and has a very intense energy to them.

What would Virgo Venus sextile Scorpio Mars entail?

A person that knows what they want from their partner, feels safe in their skin and with what they want, closed off and loyal to the people they love, could move others to come back to their own values and to be healthily selective, when truly emotional investigated gives their all and goes out of their way for their partner.

Can you tell me the compability between Aries Mars (f) and Scorpio Mars (m)?

So this is most likely chaos. I say this with love and in all seriousness... be very careful. Both of these signs are guided by mars meaning they are at home here or very set in their ways. These two lovers fall for each other very differently and need to have good communication to make this work! Aries is quick to jump into this whole relationship while Scorpio will move slower, yet the roles will reverse as this relationship becomes more intense. Scorpio will never fully open themselves up under mars but if other placements align they may. Scorpio also loves intensely when they do finally commit and this can be frightening for Aries when it comes to committing. Aries is quick to run from a relationship if Scorpio’s feelings become too intense. Aries must evaluate carefully if this relationship is something that they see for the long haul before making a choice. Because this is so intense and both signs are fighters in such different ways, they can deeply scar each other through acts of revenge and scorn. Aries can have a temper that is sudden and explosive while Scorpio will seek to emotionally hurt their partner. Likewise Scorpio will take time to warm up to Aries. They may move much slower than Aries is used to. But if Aries is patient and decides to be invested, they may find that the Scorpio man may provide nurturing and love they desire deeply while still being independent. Although Scorpio can be manipulative of Aries feelings here while letting them be independent in some ways. They tend to want to be in control of their relationships and how they are viewed and Aries is susceptible to ideas Scorpio can warp and transpires. If Aries lets this happen they may feel trapped by their partner. Scorpio may also tire of Aries impulsiveness and passive attitude. When Scorpio begins to feel trapped or hurt they will lash out negatively.

Sexually this pairing is perfect for each other! As both reside in mars they are equally “freaky” for each other and find similar aspirations sexually. This may be the initial connection between the pair because both respond well to good sex and find a connection in it. This is also a form of communication between the two. Sex speaks for how they truly feel for each other and says more than words here.

This connection is powerful but can fall apart quick. You must be careful with each other’s feelings and really think individually before making rash decisions that could hurt each other or yourselves. Be very conscious of each other and never selfish or the relationship will spiral. Compatibility is 2/10 - Under mars the initial spark is very strong but outside of sex, they will clash over what they want vs what they need within a relationship.

What’s your opinion on Virgo Venus + Scorpio Mars in a relationship?

Virgo Venus men are constantly seeking perfection in a mate so at times it may be hard for them to choose/they can be picky. They prefer the quintessential ‘good girl’ type or at least someone who displays modesty, an organized/professional demeanor. Scorpio mars means extreme intensity. So on top of all the kissing, he may even enjoy a bit of BDSM/being tied up/choking etc. Scorpios like that stuff. Men with Scorpio mars’ will be the type to also hold your hand while doing these kinds of things to you. Very very very strong libido [ruled by Mars]. Their energy is also extremely attractive– very easy for them to seduce others even without trying so be careful with romantic rivals. There will be romantic rivals.

Positive and negative qualities of Mars in Scorpio?

✎ POSITIVES:

amazingly competitive

exploding with passion

very patient, slow to anger

very strong-willed, strong-minded

they’re one of the best signs in bed

hardworking and bc they know how to use their power well, they have a lot of potential to do very well in their careers (ceo status truly)

✎ NEGATIVES:

p e t t y

stubborn

jealous, overbearing, possessive

holds grudges way too long.. way too long

remembers other’s weaknesses just to use them against them in arguments and disputes

passive aggressive asf

I don't quite understand how Mars in Scorpio acts when they are pissed by something, how do they act in situations? I always read that in comparison whtn Aries they don't put theyr anger out on someone immediately, but they still are capable of intense anger and emotions?

Of course Aries and Scorpio are quite different, even though Scorpio was co-ruled by Mars, Scorpio is the different side of the coin. Aries is a more naive energy in a sense of more reckless and impulsive, just out there, while Scoprios are more contained, strategic, never reckless. Scorpios are assertive, dominant in very clever, cunning ways if you may say, they are obviously scary and intense when mad, very intense energy, just their vibe, their energy makes you feel a certain way, while with Aries hell breaks loose. Their energies and the way they go about things with a Mars placement is very different, also depending on the house Mars is in as well, that plays a big part. Scorpio Mars are also very tough and extreme and quite blunt.

Mars: Scorpio

- Emotions are highly concentrated

- Vengeful if upset; worst enemy you can make

- High energy placement

- Secretive

- Horny 24/7

- Self-disciplined and self sufficient

- Nothing can stop them once goals are set

- Highly obsessive

- Apt to be jealous and possessive

- Powerful emotions make for a powerful will

- Don’t fear much of anything unless it involves losing what belongs to them

This is my opinion but I think Scorpio Mars anger is some of the scariest out there. It depends on your definition of scary or intimidating really but having been in close proximity to Scorpio Mars people...it's certainly something to witness.

They can be the sweetest most considerate person but when they get angry (properly angry not irritated) they can rage. I've had a Scorpio Mars confide in me during those times and go over these elaborate, terrifying ideas for getting revenge on someone that actually shocked me, because I would never expect it from them. I had to laugh (we both did), because it was a little ridiculous and also because I knew they would never actually do those things.

But seeing just how quickly they went for the long con and how they knew exactly where to hit people where they were vulnerable was extremely telling.

Scorpio Mars men I've actually seen have raging fits of anger that are destructive, but they were also very fiery, so that's probably why.

Anger aside, they're determined people. Even when Mars in the chart is retrograde sometimes they put so much passion into what matters to them, and are usually hypersexual. If not that then they do still seek out and crave intimacy with others. Casual sex is okay when they're in a certain mindset but really they're better suited with partners they can trust. They reveal a lot of their inner desires/feelings when it comes to sex that they otherwise tend to keep private and really they would like to be able to share these parts of themselves with the right person.

I do love Scorpio Mars energy but I understand that it's not for everyone in reality. They can be very obsessive/possessive of their partners, but not in any genuinely dangerous way (most of the time). The more demanding types who are obsessed with feeling empowered are usually the ones to watch out for.

When they have other things in their chart to balance themselves out I think is when this placement works best, but even then they'll have some lessons to learn when it comes to sex and applying their energy in useful ways rather than dissipating it.

The Venus Signs when they like someone

Gemini Venus: They’ll talk a lot about the things they like and want to know what their crush like and do. They can ask a lot of questions and be very open to answering any question that their crush may have for them

Virgo Venus: They’re very careful people, the kind you’re probably not sure if they like you even when they say it..until they show that they’ve listened to what you’ve had to say and what you like

🐏 ARIES MARS

Mars is at its strongest in Aries, its natural sign. This placement represents high energy, initiative, courage and impulsiveness. Most of the energies seem to come out as the physical and emotional type, but in Aries, Mars is very active and assertive in demonstrating enthusiasm for all four types of energy. This is a very powerful position for Mars.

You have an unrestricted drive to get projects done, to start new projects, and to act decisively. Your enthusiasm is contagious. An individualist with quite an ego, you always want to do things your way. Based on the influence of this planet taken by itself, you are not good at compromise or teamwork. There is a major part of you that always wants to charge out ahead of the pack and be the leader. Despite your apparent leadership abilities, you may function best when you are working alone and independently because of your demand to have your own way. If you are in a group, you will aspire to be the leader. Headstrong and independent, you won't tolerate opposition or interference and your temper can get you into trouble at times. Mars in Aries makes you very competitive in a variety of ways. This is perhaps the most courageous and enterprising Mars position.

You have a very strong sex drive which is spontaneous and easily aroused. Self-control can be a problems in this regard. As on the physical side, you are often unrestrained and very demanding emotionally.

The negative side of Mars in Aries is a lack of patience and discipline. Self-control and humility can be hard lessons, and often they are never mastered.

Like a warrior ready for battle. Aries Mars is a placement with an abundance of energy. Sometimes when these people can’t use the energy productively, it can channel into anger, frustration, and impatience. Aries Mars needs something physical to release their energy. Aries Mars is fierce and knows what they want and how to get it. They’re always looking for the next thrill/adventure. A great person to travel with.

🦂 SCORPIO MARS

In Scorpio, Mars displays powerful emotions and desires. Mental, physical, and practical energies are are, likewise, also very high. Indeed, the level of energy with this placement is high in all respects.

You are strong, self-reliant, extremely efficient, and highly self-disciplined. An intensity of purpose surrounds all that you undertake. This position illustrates the "do or die" principle very well. You may have an innate ability to transform other people in some significant way. You think of yourself as a "take control" person and a force to be reckoned with. You probably are.

Intensely passionate and sensual, you put much of your energy into sex. You are apt to be especially attractive to the opposite sex, whether or not you physically attractive. You may be fascinated with sexuality in all its expressions, certainly your interest is always keen. You're jealous and possessive of your sexual partners. Being trustworthy yourself, you expect the same from others. You're a loyal friend, or a bitter enemy, you never forget a betrayal.

Slow to anger, you rarely loose control, but when your ire is raised, you get even, and you can do so with frightening detachment. Proud, dignified, strong-willed, and stubborn, you have the sort of presence that is always felt by others even when you say nothing.

I love this placement :’) everyone thinks scorpio mars is big and scary, which can be true if you cross them, but they are so loyal if you just listen to them and be compassionate. They are actually pretty gentle like a cancer mars, but they have a front because they can’t take anymore hurt. If developed, this mars placement is incredibly psyhic an intuitive. Great partners in bed.

The differences between Mars in Aries and Mars In Scorpio

Scorpio is more observant and aware and will exploit your weaknesses. They're more controlled. Aries, literally doesn't give an eff and will attack you and try to dominate you if you make them mad. Scorpio does slow burns but can exploit aries's impulsiveness and manipulate them into messing up. Scorpio might feel attacked by Aries's directness. Aries might feel small when scorpio shows them their mistakes.

The signs and crushes 💕

Gemini: charms crush into falling for them , Gemini’s are great at talking and are total masters at the mind so it’s like they study their crush, will stare at them like a work of art , asks them aLOT of questions, makes them laugh

Virgo: observation galore, notices little things about the crush, to how they like to wear their hair to their favorite color, very sweet , loves to help and listen to them if they are feeling upset , buys them little thoughtful gifts if they really feeling them. Gets close with them

Can you do a post on how each Mars sign would try and seduce someone they like?

Aries Mars - oh they’re either direct in a sense of directly asking you out, or just wanting to get close to you so they initiate hang outs, they really light up when speaking to that s/o, just their body language and energy is totally noticeable when they like someone, you can sniff it a mile away, they will either defend that person or have debates and arguments on purpose, so they will mentally stimulate their person and awaken that passion when communicating, also other provocations as well lol, we are provoking little shits i must admit but we do it directly lol, also lots of touching and teasing, competitive

Scorpio Mars - ahhhhhhh intensity, there is some kind of magnetism there that attracts you, some kind of a puzzle and mystery that pulls you in about them, once they like you they will want to get to know you fully, they will want to achieve intimacy in your soul to soul connection, they are tough and there is a sense of danger attracting you but once they start liking you they will become obsessed with you and you will notice that they become obsessive and possessive and a bit jealous, because they feel emotions so intensely and deeply they feel these negative emotions like that as well and it shows.

Mars in Scorpio - Sex

In sexual matters they may not be totally open, but when they do let go sexually they can be physically and emotionally insatiable and do nothing by halves. The sexual act often involves totally merging with a partner and possessing the uncanny ability of understanding a lover’s deepest and darkest desires. As a sign of extremes, he or she can either live totally without sex or are very passionate in the bedroom. Mars in Scorpio is sexually magnetic, and when they feel passionately about someone or something they become obsessed. They want to explore the depths of a partner, but power struggles may be an issue in close relationships, and if betrayed they may become violent and their emotions explode to the surface with great ferocity.

Sexual, Powerful, Scary

People born with Mars in Scorpio are never afraid to go to dark and scary places. They thrive there, its where they derive their energy. It is best not to mess with people, they operate with great power in the realm of your deepest fears and oldest nightmares. If you anger them, they will strike where it really really really hurts. They have quite a lot of soul power and often spend their lives training it and trying to control it so that it can be used for good and not evil. This type usually has a lot of energy tied up in sexual matters. They will need to find some athletic or creative practice in which to funnel their strong core energy so that they don’t become total sex addicts. Their sex drive is extremely high and their raw sexual energy is usually off the charts. They are often extremely sexy and attractive people. Whatever they look like, they usually don’t have to try hard at all to find a sex partner. They tend to draw partners to them without much effort.

Men born win Mars in Scorpio will be the strong silent type, the dark horse. They are mysterious and intimidating. They are very private, confident, and sexy. They are very secretive. There is always something bubbling under the surface that you will NEVER know about. They may seem very shy and quiet. They are usually loners. They don’t do well in packs. They are very in touch with their dark side and use it to get what they want. They possess a lot of power and as a result they don’t attract a lot of competition. They are very intimidating and people are usually too scared to go near them. Less sharp people may see their quietness as weakness and may poke the tiger. They often attract less intuitive bully types who only see them for who they are on the surface. They sense some power but they don’t believe it so they test them and test them until they finally experience their extreme sting. They always regret it.

Mars in Scorpio is the most aggressive Scorpio position possible. If you think it hurts when a Sun in Scorpio comes back for their revenge, you will not at all be prepared for what a Mars in Scorpio man has to bring. They are out for blood and blood only. They can play really dirty too. Nothing is off bounds or off limits. It can get very ugly with these people. They are not the types to pick fights or enter competitions. But when they are in a fight or competition. They cannot stand to lose and they don’t really care how they win, as long as they do.

Mars in Scorpio men are not typically very athletic though they should be. They do great in any type of physical routine that involves focus and deep concentration. They can excel in martial arts, water sports, extreme sports, yoga, gymnastics. Their biggest competition is themselves and they do best when they can constantly push themselves beyond their own limits. They can be daredevils too so they should exercise caution in any sport and don’t push themselves too far. Mars in Scorpio is at their best when they can find a routine physical practice they can really excel in. They are so powerful and emotionally balanced when that happens.

Mars in Scorpio can be very into activities that are weird, psychedelic, occult, magical etc. They often exert a lot of energy experimenting in areas of the unknown and shooting themselves, in some form, into oblivion. They often experiment with drugs. They have to exercise extreme caution with these substances because they can easily get lost in that world. Scorpio is the sign of the underworld and its very easy for them to tell themselves they belong only there. They can also be a bit masochistic They can easily push themselves too far in a dark direction out of a dysfunctional need to punish themselves for something.

Scorpio is also the sign of transformation though. So more than anyone Mars in Scorpio man will have the ability to control or quit any addictions as long as he really wants to. Most importantly he can use his experiences in the other side to add to his own power and put the energy towards something positive. When this happens they are usually highly creative people. Their creations are so beautiful, they seem magical and they are always fun to experience.

Mars in Scorpio man is very loyal in relationships. He can be obsessively loyal even possessive. He is usually the type to stay committed to one person at a time. They have very focused energy and they can’t often successfully convince more than one person of true devotion. They are very sensitive, much more sensitive than they seem and they often get hurt by their lovers. When this happens it will take them a while but they will cut that person off forever. But they will probably fester and fester about it for a very long while. They may stalk that person and be secretly obsessed for a long while. This negative energy, though, often fuels them in some way, creatively or athletically. They always take their sexual turmoil and use it to boost their own power in some way. Sexual frustration often yields huge creative or financial success in their lives.

Sexually, their skills are usually off the charts. At their best, they are the masters. Instinctively they just know what they are doing. If they have nothing to block this powerful energy then they connect very well with their partner and understand her needs. They are sensitive, careful, and passionate. They love sex. They live for sex. And the opportunity to do it with someone they really love is basically the highest part of heaven and the deepest part of hell for them rolled up into one. It is a very powerful experience.

Mars in Scorpio equates sex with power. They are faithful to their partner. They can be very complex, and they need their partner to want to share the depth and intensity of the experience. They don't kiss and tell; they believe sex to be an intimate and personal issue. They give great emotional depth to their partners. They may focus on breaking sexual taboos, if their partner is up to it. Mars in Scorpio is a bit possessive of their partners. While they probably won't admit it, they don't like to share their partners with anyone, not even for social engagements or family obligations.

Mars signs and sex ♂

Aries: Quick to get aroused, little foreplay. Rough and aggressive sex. Hair pulling. Selfish in bed. Probably really like doggystyle, and having sex against a desk or a table. They don’t last long but they’re always up for a second round. Unexpected sex, be ready to do it anywhere.

Scorpio: Either really dominant or submissive, they like power plays. Lots of stamina, powerful rhythm. Probably likes things like ropes and handcuffs, they like to break taboos. Pain turns them on, probably likes biting and scratching. Hickeys to show possession.

What do you think about a Mars in Scorpio guy?

The classic Mars in Scorpio male, is dashing, and in charge, with a pinch of old-school charm. They are independent, strong willed, and gifted at getting things done. Nothing excites a mars in Scorpio like a challenge,. They carry themselves with a sultry alluring mysterious air, practically begging to be explored. When Mars is in Scorpio, the sexuality is unnaturally prominent, they will be a veritable sex magnet. It’s said the sexual magnetism is so irresistible, physical appearances are totally disregarded in the presence of this planet. Luckily, the cool tempering of Scorpio makes them go about loving differently. Rather than having sex, this planet in Scorpio is for making love. The intimate experiences will be intense passionate, yet strangely dark. One must be truly special to be with a mars in Scorpio male.

A Mars in Scorpio is sexy without trying, without knowing, without even being physically attractive. They just ooze sexual energy, naturally, all the time; it's something they don't have to think about, like breathing.Mars in Scorpio is a darkly sexual lover. Sex is something that is intense and deep for them, even if they will never admit it. Mars in Scorpio might be into the idea of power and will like to be in control of their partner. Mars in Scorpio will have a high sex drive and a need for intimacy. Taboos and strange sex appeal to this Mars. Mars in Scorpio can have sexual fantasies that might make some feel appalled. Mars in Scorpio is not for everyone, though. Not everyone can handle their intense passion in the bedroom. Sex is one of their favorite passtimes. Mars in Scorpio will make sure that their lover is pleased because they want to be the best at sex.

Mars in Scorpio

Your mars sign is about how you act in a situation. It’s your sex life and what you find attractive in men (if you are attracted to men)

A person with their Mars in Scorpio will take action with endless willpower and passion. Either they will get the task done, exaclty on time with a bow on it, or they simply won't commit to it at all. In a situation they seem calm, cool and collected, but push them to far and you will witness the intense emotion that lies underneath. A Scorpio in Mars likes to be ambitous and set challenging goals for themselves. They have lots of energy and as said before, although the are slow to show emotion, once they do you would do best to stay out of their way.

A person with this placement who is attracted to men will be likely to go for men with a mysterious aura. They like distinct facial features, and proportionate body compositions.

A person with Mars in Scorpio is always attractive no matter what exactly their physical appearence is. They have a certain magnetism about them that attracts potential lovers. In the bedroom, these people are up for almost anything. They think of sex as powerful, passionate, and erotic. Many like to get into the more taboo side of the bedroom. But at the same time, they are not sluts. They stick with one partner at a time for the most part, and what happens in the bedroom- or anywhere else- stays in the bedroom. And despite their often eagerness to get in touch with some of the kinkier stuff, they always respect their partners wants and needs first.

You will often be a jealous lover though you can hide it very well. Your sex life must have a deep emotional bond or it will feel rather meaningless. You can be attracted to intense lovers. You can be very stubborn about your beliefs and your ideas and thoughts will be hard to change. You will have the strength and will power to go after what you want. A very passionate person.

You rarely get mad. You're often annoyed, irritated, but you rarely get mad. When you're mad you fight people. You are prepared for any type of violence, and you sure as hell know how to fight even if you've never done it before. You're easily annoyed by family/dumb people. Dumb people piss you off as much as the next guy, it's just that when you're annoyed you go into a different realm. You're quite, which is probably why some people fear you, because they probably think you're plotting revenge which in actuality you're just annoyed. The only time you get actually angry, is when people talk shit. You believe that if you don't like someone, or if you have something to say, that you shouldn't scurt around the issue, that you should fuckin say somethin. I mean, you get pissed when people talk about you, but if people repeatedly talk mad shit about your friends??? haha I hope they have life insurance lmfao. You are a deeply and secretly passionate person. When you love things you LOVE things. When it comes to sex you are indifferent. It's not something you talk about a lot, it's not something you really care for but when your time comes to get it on you are A+ in bed. You are very sexual, kinky and all around there to please your partner and you have fun doing so. You're usually the dominant one but you're welcome to all kinds of things. People with Mars in Scorpio make extremely formidable enemies. It takes a great deal of hurt to anger them, and they are the slowest to anger. They very rarely get to their real anger, they may have many irritations and annoyances that other people may cause to them, but even then they will keep an even keel and not show any reaction and will keep it under the surface, like all of their bubbling emotions. For them to get truly angry it may take months, even years of emotional hurt, their anger can be represented as boiling water, the energy of Mars being the anger that gives the warmth, and the energy of Scorpio which represents the emotional water, it boils and boils, getting warmer and warmer until it becomes too much and that’s when they embrace their Scorpio nature and go after whatever the hurt is coming from, most likely a person. They are highly vengeful people and nothing will stop them from bringing karma to those who deserve it, they will fester for awhile, thinking about how to strike and when it happens, it’s truly a horrific yet incredible experience. Someone with Mars in Scorpio will make the source of their hurt make each day a living hell while being inconspicuous and even friendly to that person, you will truly never know if a Scorpio Mars is after you, because they hide things so well and they use that as their weapon. They will never stop until they get what they want and what they want when angered, is blood.

Venus Signs in love

Venus in Gemini:

how they attract others: venus in gemini people love to flirt. they use their quick wit as a tool to attract someone. they love teasing and making the person they’re pursuing interested in finding out more about them. they act playful and show interest and knowledge in many different subjects. a venus in gemini’s goal is to have the other person think of him or her as “cute” and “fun”.

what they want in a relationship: a gemini venus wants frequent change and spontaneity. they want someone who can hold great conversations on a variety of topics. they want someone who will show tons of interest in them. humor is very important to a gemini venus. every gemini venus’ goal is to always have something to smile about in the relationship. they want to be entertained by their partner and also feel like they’re “free”.

how they act in a relationship: venus in gemini people don’t care much about deep issues in the relationship. they don’t want to discuss them. they are always fun and full of life. gemini venus has lots of friends so won’t spend all of his/her time with their partner. they talk a lot and love sharing interests. they want to learn as much as possible and share what they learned with their partner. gemini venus closely analyzes the entire relationship. they keep the relationship stimulating for them. they make the relationship feel both comfortable and fun. venus in gemini wants to skip problems and emphasize the good aspects of the relationship.

how the relationship can end: gemini venus doesn’t want a partner that is always stuck on the same thing. a partner that hates change is a partner that won’t work for them. a gemini venus hates not receiving attention and feeling too “tied down”. if the relationship doesn’t have intelligent conversations, the relationship will not work. they don’t want a “boring” relationship. if their partner is always trying to address issues, the two aren’t compatible.

Venus in Virgo:

how they attract others: a virgo venus doesn’t flirt. instead, they will show that they are clean, organized, attentive, reliable and logical. the person the venus in virgo is interested in will notice those qualities. usually they are attracted to a friend. no virgo venus attempts to pursue a stranger, they don’t know the stranger very well. virgo venus will make sure to be helpful. they are shy and slow to enter a relationship because they want to be sure of the other person’s feelings.

what they want in a relationship: venus in virgo wants to be appreciated. they want one-on-one dates and preferably in a quite setting. they want to feel needed but not get taken advantage of. they want to fix any relationships issues that are present. they want to feel confident with the relationship, it’s important that they know their partner is loyal. because they are shy, they don’t want to be shown off too much. they would much rather have a quiet and dedicated relationship.

how they act in a relationship: virgo venus is extremely attentive. they love doing small things to make their partner happy. these things that they do are’t grand gestures of love, though. nothing flashy or showy, but very helpful. they are great listeners and will learn everything there is to know about their partner. sometimes they need space. every person with venus in virgo is pretty critical, but it’s just because they’re trying to help. their relationships are comfortable.

how the relationship can end: virgo venus is very helpful in such small ways that they might go unnoticed. their partner needs to be able to recognize this help and show appreciation for it. the relationship will end if virgo venus’ partner is not dedicated or doesn’t pay very much attention to the virgo venus. the partner can’t be too bold or active. virgo venus likes to feel safe, pushing them to do things that they don’t want to do can seriously damage the relationship.

🕊🥀 What turns you on? 🥀🕊

Mars in Aries: Women can be drawn to dominate and passionate men and like the idea of being conquered and tamed(seeing as how these women tend to be a force of nature) and usually they like the idea of “forced submission"The hair is a hotspot and hair pulling can be a common occurrence sexually here. Rough sex is a commonality and most people link mars in Scorpio to animalistic sex and I would say that’s more Aries mars natives. •kinks: domination and rough housing, these natives are sexually aroused by the nitty gritty of sexual liaisons. They're both energetic and easily childlike with their libido! They crave constant and immediate gratification and satisfaction and for that reason are known to climax quickly or overwhelm themselves with pleasure before the act has even started. They want sex to feel animalistic and raw-raw lust turns them on and so does the prospect of losing oneself to the "feeling" their muts in the sheets be it male or female and women and men here lean towards being tops. There not in to prolonged forplay and can get easily bored with overly wordy interlude to sex despite their easy attraction to the air signs. Persona mars in Aries(mars and Venus persona chart) •these are the impulsive and daring when in love, every move and every step is sought with passion and chaos. They may Natally have a calm mars sign like Virgo or even cancer yet when in love they're a different beast..one of high volistic energy. They tend to be a bit more sexually driven in the relationship and at times may seem to only have their minds in a bedroom setting 24/7 when in reality sex is how they show their love-it's a doorway in the most primitive sense of expressing their deep love for their partner. Sex here is very as they say "Latin" it takes on a powerful and romantic tone but one littered in intoxicating dominance..they can seem to want to devour their partners and can be turned on by the mere sight of their partner vulnerable and naked before them. Draconic mars in Aries: •a soul assertiveness-there is a hidden and underlining tension and friction to these individuals no matter their natal or even persona mars they have a almost unconscious desire for bare and raw to the flesh like physical interaction. These people are insatiable and often have a almost otherworldly vestibule of sexual grace-their past life was one lived with force and pravada one the was hard fought but one that was sought through ones own identification with her/his physical identity of the self. This personality often may never rear its head unless one truly grows to unify with this energy-but sex here always has an elements of emotional whirlwinds and vagrant friction..sex here is the most animalistic of them all and one that is as close to death as possible, these natives often crave fire sign energy in that of the natal charts of others and tend to showcase this side of themselves most when involved with Arian lovers(sun/moon/mercury/Venus/mars/rising/and generational planets included)

Aries mars are often the most primal and raw of the mars signs simply it being the first born. Aries mars identify sex with the physical body and feel the most comfortable in the realm of sex as they are in unison with mars-which adds to the almost domineering and tyrant nature they exhibit sexually. They tend to lean towards more aggressive and even fast strokes and or sways when in the moment. That being said Aries does things fast and can be the type to ejaculate a bit too soon, this can even be said for the women here. That being said sexually they’re not selfish and usually want their partner to be just as overwhelmed by the sensation as they are.

Debunk: Aries mars are usually very tender sexually and aren’t “go go go” the whole time! In fact they are fairly open to new things even if they express disinterest at first. Foreplay isn’t something they’re really into but it’s not impossible to get them to give it a try! A biggie debunk here is that not all Aries mars are gonna be super aggressive and wild!! Aha but they’ll all have a lot of energy!.

Decans:

Decan one(0-10 degrees): will be the more excitable and verbal of the bunch! Very high libido and an intense sexual hunger! Will most likely love tension and have a very natural and easy going nature about the way they express their sexuality! Might cum fast but will give you the ride of your life.

Mars in Scorpio: Men from what I’ve noticed are very much so turned on my the “moment” they LIVE for that one “moment” and the lead up to it. They can be very easily aroused by touch and perceived stimulation and or anticipation of a moment turning into something more. So if you intrigue them enough and give them the idea that something otherworldly(and or sexual) could occur via glances and movements and a small shake and jive here and there you’ve got them. Sex here is about control and how many ways you and them can lose said control.

✨✨ Aries Mars culture ✨✨

Aries is at home with Mars so that Arian energy is doubled and extremely passionate in bed.

amazing STAMINA, can probably go on for hours especially in their youth.

It’s a very rough, raw type of love/sex

Very adventurous in bed, would like to try new things

The hunter looking for it’s prey...and once they get you, OH BOYY

Extremely passionate about their love. If they love you, they will scream it from the rooftops. Sexual compatibility is important to them though!

✨✨ Scorpio Mars culture ✨✨

Pluto is the higher version of Mars, so when these two get together… woah

Sex is intense, but since Scorpio is a sign of black and white there are periods of total absence (which may come off as a surprise) and ones of full of intensity (not much of a surprise) (but doesn’t absence make things more kinkier?)

These people are highly magnetic and ooze a certain type of secret sexuality

Has high stamina and a strong will to get a lot (or very difficult) things done

Usually has a higher pain tolerance (mentally and physically), the type of people who has a “horror” story that involves them overcome something

Passive aggressive af (gifted at manipulation and revenge)

Not the one to kiss and tell, very secretive and takes things seriously

Into the taboo or unconsciously attracts it, relationships and events can border toxic or dangerous

Prime candidate to be a stalker or to be stalked

Very primal in bed, usually sees sex as a part of nature– a way of procreation before untimely death (like a prey mantis, kinky right)

Wants to be dominate or be dominated in sex, or at least into more risky, intimate sex

Sex Gods, usually needs to deeply understand their partner before sex so they usually know how to deeply satisfy them

Not into casual sex or sleep around, but if they are it doesn’t mean much “it’s just sex,” bc sex with a bond is different and more meaningful to them

Paranoid at others actions, they type of people who see through your lies and bullshit

Usually has to fight for their riches and resources, so jealously and protectiveness of lovers can be high and loyalty is a priority

Money, riches and other resources are hawt bc they mean power (which is even hawter)

Likes to be with someone who is strong and can play power games with them, or someone who can make them be a power couple

passion unmatched by any other placement

sex will be crazy crazyyyy

aggressive af

probably a psychopath in relationships, nbd tho

having intense emotions

Don't tell them they can't do something because they will make it their life’s mission to prove they can

attracts so many people but ends up pushing most of them away

Mars signs and erogenous zones/kinks

Mars in Aries:

Those people love rough sex and may like to include a little bit of pain in the sexual act.

They like to dominate and dislike submission.

Their sensitive spot is the whole head (if I can say that). They may enjoy hair pulling, ear bitting.

Hair Pulling is the best way to make an Aries Mars wanting to scream your name or call you different names.

As we were talking about names. They may love to be called “daddy/mommy” because it gives them the power they dream about.

They are the types to scratch their partner’s back and be actually very proud of their act.

Mars in Scorpio:

We got to the so known ‘king of sex’.

They are sensitive everywhere when having sex.

They love to dominate as much as Aries.

They sometimes love to get jealous, it might actually turn them on.

They love bondage and whips.

They can love everything from above, especially daddy and mommy kink.

They love foreplay as much as penetration.

Those people love blowjobs, maybe too much.

Having rough sex is not something to be afraid of, they say this themselves. Being a little animalic isn’t doing anything wrong, right?

Men might prefer a dominatrix or a person to dominate the game. They need to fight somehow.

6 notes · View notes

gg-astrology · 5 years

Note

could u do a brief looking of nam taehyun too? I wish all winner, but I know you're tired. thank u!

Hey there! 💛💛 haha I probably won’t have time to do everyone in Winner, but I think Nam Taehyun is the one who’s solo now right? 💛 I can definitely do a brief look at him for you! 💛

[Below Cut: Nam Taehyun Brief Outlook]

Note: This is very brief and also just my own lil overview of everything, everyone can have differing interpretations, so please read with ur own discretions 💛

First of all we have a Taurus Baby!

Taurus Sun/Moon – Gemini Mercury/Venus (Mercury at 0′31) – Mars in Aries and Scorpio Jupiter rx

With Taurus Sun/Moon this is someone who is incredibly dependable, often resilient and has a good head on their shoulder.

Taurus Sun/Moon are often people who wouldn’t think twice about protecting those that they love, they have a hard time even giving up/separating themselves away from routine/habits that can sometimes be bad for them.

Mostly because both the ego/self-esteem, and the emotionality of the person (Sun/Moon) is incredibly stubborn and relies strongly on routine.

They look out for other people, nurture and care for them (Taurus as a Venus sign) — these people are inherently very giving, and may humbly decline any success/attribute that comes their way (depending on what it is).

They are – also, very fixed on finding comfort and security within their life. That’s part of the motivation with Taurus/Taurus— as ‘peace-loving’ as they can be they are always motivated to work-hard and get success– their measurement is in their stability, an apartment, a lifestyle outside of work, small hobbies/details in their life that fulfills them internally.

These people often need balance to live, and often compensating too extremely into something (like work, or lifestyle) causes them to feel dread/stagnant in themselves.

They need a life outside of things, y know? That’s part of the Taurus ‘happy with the little things’ motive/ideas. They want to have a life just outside, able to manifest/take control over their own security and comfort.

These people don’t do well with others pushing them to change their ways OR mind, they’re often too resilient and tenacious in their own ways to change.

Unless they made up their mind for themselves (which they’re often pretty cautious and slow in doing so– because they hate upsetting a routine more than anything) – no one could make them budge.

Considering his Aries Mars as well— retaliation to his self-protection, or attacks on others in his field of visions would drive him into action to ‘stop it’ immediately (physically or just, emotionally invested in other’s well being. Protective and sensual Taurus)

Food takes priority for Tauresean. But so does artistic expression, often these people have magnetic voices or musical abilities (Taurus rules the throat traditionally) having that in his ego and emotional gratification— both of these things hold an importance to him on a personal level.

Having the ability to express it out is always part of who he is– regardless of entertainment industry or nah.

The thing about Taurus is that they are inherently hard-working and tenacious, often expects hardship and to face it with stead-fast-nature that they have. This is because they desire results, or the ‘good burn’ of working that comes from being treated fairly/justly.

When the ego/self is in Taurus (Sun) that means that the material result/wealth (money/statues) is also important to an extent. Their self-identity comes with that, and often builds up based on their self-sufficiency, their independence away from others and what they can ‘make’ for themselves.

Their own ‘comfort’ is their driving force, being able to live the way they want to, comfortably balanced between working autonomously and having a life besides of working/grinding for themselves. Thus– you can kinda see why his mental health is much more important than money. It comes with comfort that Taurus thrives/seek. And it takes a lot to break a Taurus’s routine, honestly.

A note on aspect: he has his Sun-Neptune aspecting which – again– talks about his ego being tied to his musicality and expression. Honestly you can find a lot of artists with this placements, especially in personal planets and a tight conjunction.

With Taehyun it’s trine– so in a way, he’s always had this intuition for his career/musical opportunity for him at the front of his mind. Considering his Neptune in Capricorn, he dreams about making it big (which he did) but within that– he also desire to have balance/personal popularity that Taurus sun brings in as well. Wants to be respected for his musicality, and often times admired for his hard-working spirit/charm.

One of the biggest factor is his Moon opposition Jupiter– since we talked about Taurus I feel like that’s a good base to talk about this too right?

When his emotionality is in opposition to Jupiter’s social popularity, often time he’s emotionally at odds with the darker side of fame, of obsession.

Scorpio Jupiter brings a deeper search, especially sacrifices made and having an unorthodox view/belief/ideas as opposed to the norm. It can make the person’s emotionality uncomfortable having to be ‘tugged/forced’ on the leash of Scorpio Jupiter to ‘be’ a certain way, ‘act’ a certain way, ‘charm’ a certain way.

Scorpio Jupiter in opposition to the Moon can bring someone who slowly but eventually– emotionally distance themselves from obligations/things they have to do. The social/public obsession drains the Taurus emotionality, often times demanding more and more paranoia over the Taurus Moon until they can’t help but just be– numb to it all

It’s kinda like going ‘hey this is me :)’ and then someone going ‘ok but they said ‘hey’ so that obviously means SOMETHING’ and you explain yourself over and over until you’re just left….exhausted… because you just said what you said you know?

Moon-Jupiter as an aspect can also speak about over-indulgence in comfort as well, things and obsession over something else that they could ‘escape’ from the public/tension with. Especially combined with Sun-Pluto that can often live in fear of change, of feeling uneasy and that their life goes through so many tumultuous change (also in Scorpio).

The Taurus native with these aspects to Jupiter and Pluto may often find themselves more and more ‘complacent’ in their luxury, their comfort and become more ‘lazy’ over time.

Not to say that he’s lazy, just that when ones get drained over and over again you lose motivation to ‘pursue/push’ and do something about it.

Taehyun with his Moon sextile to Saturn– is quite capable of keeping his feelings on hold/in control until he can’t anymore. And that’s when he breaks.

Alot of his passion/drive has to do with his Gemini placements– Mercury and Venus. A lot of varieties and interest, often a healthy stimuli and uplifting spirit. These people are animated talker, jokester, can be a lil unconventional with how controversial they are- yet at the same time, they endear people to them because of their inherent honesty and forth-right nature.

Mercury-Uranus (trine) Supports his Sun-Neptune from earlier– with this marks a great singer/song-writer, since Gemini is domicile in Mercury (and Taurus is exalted in Moon) – Taehyun has a lot of romanticism and creative splurges, able to think and create visionary ideas and crafts.

Often a person who ties dreaminess of the imagination to the commonality of the world in a way that lets people ‘escape’ their life for a moment. It fuels him personally, and often can lead to someone being well-spoken, well-read but also inherently a lil scattered at the same time (a fool)

Mercury-Pluto makes him a little impatient, this is the only ‘change’ he can satisfy. It’s when his thinking and vision change, to a point sometimes that he doesn’t wait for anyone else to ‘catch up to him’.

Gemini can be a little like that, a little selfish and self-serving especially when they’re intrigued/interested in a new venture/venue. It can lead them to pursuing it rather aggressively, or rather – obsessively to some extent.

Same goes with Venus-sextile-Mars— often someone who has to ‘do the work himself’ in order to see it happening. Considering Aries Mars and Gemini Venus — he’s often temperamental when it comes to ‘getting things done’

Even though he’s patient and respectful, there’s a part of him that is stiff and doesn’t know how to ‘let up’ and get things down harmoniously.

Venus-square- Saturn often points to someone who can have a hard time ‘opening up’ sometimes.

Think about Gemini and consider that they are all sharp edges, fraught and cutting. They can sometimes cuts too deep into others and thus, ‘breaks down’ any stability that they’ve built because of it as well. Impulsivity is their worst enemy, yet at the same time he’s addicted to the motion/progression he makes when he ‘takes action’ for himself.

With Taurus talking about patience, comfort and grudges, while Aries Mars talks about emotional release, impulsivity and self-assertion. You get a combination of someone who’s quite contradictory.

Sometimes when others are looking in— his Gemini Venus/Scorpio Jupiter rx makes him seem unreliable or untrustworthy. His honesty can sometimes be seen as a ‘front’ because all the contradictorian nature discredit his hard work.

Despite how hard he tries to prove himself over and over again, he doesn’t see how change and learning/listening to others could benefit him (a disadvantage of Taurus-Scorpio opposition) he makes the same mistake over and over (behaviorally/routinely)– because he can’t understand/identify the underlying message others want him to take/make an effort to change.

Other placements: Virgo Chiron, Gemini Ceres, Libra Juno rx

Alrighty! 💛 Sorry for replying so late but here ya go! 💛💛 I hope you like it! 💛

#taehyun #nam taehyun #south club #winner #winner astrology #kpop astrology #anon #asks #winner scenario #winner imagines #winner reactions #taehyun imagines #taehyun reactions #taehyun scenarios

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alnabirdler1982-blog · 5 years

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Use a visually clear and consistent style. Circles, squares, lines red, blue, green but whatever it is, stick to it!Help learners become more independent by getting them to make a written record of word stress, as well as showing them how to identify word stress in a dictionary. That way, when the apocalypse comes and mobile communication finally fails, they will still be able to cope.Major and minor stressMore capable learners will be familiar with and have a better understanding of word stress, so consider teaching them about minor and major stress in more complicated words.Make it memorable and funUse physical techniques to make learning and practising word stress memorable and fun. I just took an Enneagram test and all it did was read me for filth for several paragraphs. Am I just the worst kind? I don feel like anything about it was nice to me and per my enneagram type I so desperate for validation that I try to find it anywhere. I honestly don know how Jenna could read her results and feel like she stumbled onto something cool and interesting, it is all VERY honest and VERY mean, and as a pisces I am not built to handle this kind of thing. Wow that's amazing how far he's come. I 완주출장마사지 found a scared to death Moluccan for sale at a tiny little flea market and he just latched onto me. I really couldn't afford him but I scraped up the money and brought home that little dinosaur. I'd say YTA. Kids that age who are already in meltdown mode can be upset even more when they're in a high stimulation environment, like the center of a crowd, standing on a busy train. It probably would have helped the mom to calm her kid down if she were able take a seat and pull the child up onto her lap.. The way to counter this feeling is to accept that the universe is without meaning, then choose to define the meaning of your own life for yourself. The page is blank, you get to write the rules to your own morality, your own reality. Balance your love and hate, your selfishness and selflessness, avoid fear and hope, be yourself, be free. One thing I've learned on the military side is that your people need to know that you've got their back. Saying "shut up and follow me because I'm in charge" is an easy way to lose confidence and jeopardize the mission. We also encourage questions; a knowledgeable squadron is going to have 완주출장마사지 a much easier time helping to come up with solutions than one that's been kept in the dark.. Girrrrrrrrl, your hair might curl when it short. The longer it is, the more its weight prevents it from doing its own thing. IF your hair curls, you MAY want to consider finding a Deva Stylist. Edit: thank you for the golds and the silver, guys! No promises because I only have so many spoons, but I'm willing to help where I can with these kinds of scripts. I also highly recommend reading Captain Awkward's site, for help with scrips and with normalizing assertiveness and boundaries. Thank you again!. "I had it touched up a bit by the Munchkin farmer who first made me," answered the Scarecrow, pleasantly. "My complexion had become a bit grey and faded, you know, and the paint had peeled off one end of my mouth, so I couldn't talk quite straight. Now I feel like myself again, and I may say without immodesty that my body is stuffed with the loveliest oat straw in all Oz." He pushed against his chest.

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extasiswings · 6 years

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I just read your meta on Garcia in "Benedict Arnold," and I must ask your thoughts on Garcia's father and their relationship.

In reference to this post.

I have a line in the Flynn POV counterpart to Revelations (that I will finish eventually) that goes something like “Garcia Flynn loves his mother and hates his father, and as a child that’s the beginning and end of everything.” And that’s…really the place I start from when thinking about Asher Flynn and his relationship with his son. Everyone is entitled to their own headcanons and I know there are plenty of folks who may disagree with me, but I’ve always assumed Asher Flynn was a terrible father and a worse husband. That he was at best neglectful and at worst physically and emotionally abusive. That Garcia grew up with his mother protecting him, seeing her unhappy and trapped in a bad marriage, and he loves her so much that he was willing to risk his own existence by saving his brother’s life in 1x08 (since that easily could have meant Maria never met or formed a relationship with Asher Flynn) because he wanted so badly for her to be happy.

But when it comes to parent-child relationships, it’s not actually the end of the story to say “this wasn’t a good/positive relationship, Flynn hated his father.” Because relationships are complicated, especially within families. As much as I think about the Garcia Flynn who hated his father and the Asher Flynn who was abusive, I also think about Asher teaching his son to shoot, to build things, fix things, and a young Garcia who can’t help wanting his father’s approval, wondering if the reason things are bad is because he’s not doing enough, he’s not good enough, if maybe things would get better if he were a better son. A Garcia who is as uncomfortable with making his father proud as he is with not doing so. Society teaches children to love and respect their parents, but does a terrible job of providing any sort of guidance for how they’re supposed to act or think or feel when it’s the parents who are failing them.

I think Asher Flynn was likely some sort of soldier or spy or both and I think Garcia joined the military at 15 because of nationalism and a belief in a need for independence and a desire to want to be part of something bigger than himself. But at the same time, I also think of a young, idealistic, and angry kid who has sworn to himself that he’ll never be like his father, wanting to take on the same background to prove it. He’s not that man, will never be that man, and see, he’s even a soldier, but he’s not going to let that change him. He’ll do it all and still be a good man, a good husband, a good father. And I think he spends a lot of time when he’s first with Lorena and then later after they’re married being absolutely terrified that he’s going to fuck it all up (and I’ve included in several different fics my hcs on his fears about being a father in particular). And ultimately, I think he succeeds at doing everything he wants to. Being a good man, husband, father. Not turning into Asher Flynn. He succeeds at that. Until he loses everything. And once that happens, there’s nothing stopping him from giving into all the anger and bitterness and violence that he’s always been capable of.

But still, even as he gives in, he resigns himself to not going back. Because at the very least, he’s not willing to bring that into his home. To risk turning that space into what his was growing up.

Obviously, this is all total conjecture because we know extremely little about Flynn’s pre-series life. But, it’s what I was thinking about last night when I was watching the final scene exchange in 1x10 (”He wants everything his father wants…He’s going to do terrible things.”/”Why? Because his father wants him to? You don’t know that.”) and why it hit me hard in my feelings. Is Flynn just talking about John, or is he also talking about himself? Are we destined to repeat the same behaviors that we grew up seeing or listening to or otherwise learning? Can we escape them? How many choices do we really have?

“You said you couldn’t be a father after what you’ve done, but you can.”

As I said in the other post, no he can’t. As far as he’s concerned, he can’t. In general, yes, but especially if he’s trying not to repeat the mistakes of the past. So…yeah, I have feelings about Flynn and his father, what a surprise.

#ask #garcia flynn #headcanons #meta

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landoftheliving · 6 years

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LOOM LORE: The Shadowfell

More lore bits for my D&D universe! This is stuff for the Shadowfell, which also includes lore on a pantheon of gods known as the Archlords and lore for fetchlings, shadar-kai, and more!

Ask anyone on Loom what their greatest fear is- there is a good chance it exists somewhere within the Shadowfell. This dark realm is one of the most dangerous and invasive demiplanes in the multiverse.

In the time of the Archlords, new ideas and concepts were created from nothing. Among these was the idea of a fully-mapped cosmology and multiverse, something posited by Rykus and eventually accepted and made real by the Three Creators. Alenta saw opportunity in one of the many planes which now existed: the Astral Plane. With his godly powers, he carved out a small piece of it for himself to do with as he saw fit;this was what is now the Shadowfell.

Alenta was, in particular, intrigued by the Astral Plane’s connection to dreams and the limitless capabilities they possessed. He was, after all, a tactician- he had to take control of the opportunity this plane possessed before one of the other Archlords did and prevent them from using it against the others.

Sadly, the Exarch quickly realized his folly. The Astral Plane was barren, totally devoid of anything that could be called life. Not even he could populate his new realm, his powers as an Archlord having seemingly no effect. Dejected, Alenta left his piece of the Astral Plane and spent several centuries in isolation within his fortress, located on the purple moon, Vessel.

It was then that the nightmares, and life in the Shadowfell, began.

What Alenta failed to realize was simple: the Astral Plane was conceptual space, and completely immaterial as a result. The multiverse was new- the new planes would not start growing until the people of the Material Plane had thoughts and concepts to seed them. And the Astral Plane was powered by dreams, concepts created when the mind is left totally uninhibited.

The section annexed by Alenta, though, was fueled by their dark counterparts. The most debasing, negative thoughts any being can have: nightmares.

Whenever a strong-willed being has a nightmare, a purely negative thought, it is manifested within the Shadowfell. Whether it appears as a sentient being or non-sentient object depends on the concept. For example, phobias can manifest as almost anything, but more specific thoughts, like dragons fearing the possibility of an apex predator, leads to the creation of Plaguebringers. Additionally, certain thoughts which recur enough can be classified as species independent of their host minds.

The two most prevalent species in the Shadowfell are Shadar-Kai and Fetchlings. Shadar-Kai were borne out of the leftover attempts at life by Alenta, making them the de facto dominant race in much of the realm. Fetchlings, meanwhile, are created on a regular basis when mortal beings have nightmares regarding their own inner fears. Fetchlings are dark counterparts to these mortals, exemplifying their worst traits or traits that they simply do not have. Legend has it that when a mortal meets their fetchling counterpart, all hell breaks lose, but that has never been elaborated on or verified.

The inhabitants of the Shadowfell, by virtue of their creation, were aware that they were but pale imitations of pre-existing things, and developed personal philosophies based solely on rebellion against existence or crushing existential dread as a result. Only two things kept them going: their desire to prove themselves better than their points of origin and sheer dedication to their creator. Alenta was long gone by that point, but the leftover traces of his presence struck a chord with the denizens of the Shadowfell. To them, he was the only deity who truly saw them as individuals, who truly loved them; he was their god.

As they developed and set themselves apart from the material plane, the shadar-kai and the fetchlings, the two dominant races, desired to commune with Alenta. The shadar-kai’s best mages, the Viscounts, gathered to perform a ritual dedicated to making contact with the Exarch. They could only send a single thoughtform-based word out and hope that Alenta was listening; the word they close was “here.”

It took many years, but Alenta eventually heard the prayer. Arriving in the land which he had once carved out, he was amazed that civilization had successfully emerged in the hellscape of the Shadowfell. Not only that, but those civilizations regarded him as a deity of great renown. Alenta was overcome with pride and seeked out the Shadowfell’s governing body, a quintet known as the Ut Abyssum.

What he found when greeted with the group was terrifying: the Ut Abyssum was comprised of his nightmares.

The Ut Abyssum is comprised of five individuals: Titim, Dimoni, Fata, Pakow, and Sarsap’y. They are based on Alenta’s nightmares regarding the Fallen, Ose, Orias, Rimhr, and Rykus, respectively.

Titim was created shortly after the Fallen was expunged from history, when Alenta began to fear that the same would happen to him. Titim, then, is so theatrical as to be impossible to forget. The gaunt red and white cyclops chose to become a flamboyant manipulator with a penchant for conniving and causing chaos through sheer word of mouth. It is rumored that she has projected herself through the dreams of would-be despots across history, inciting a multitude of turbulent political events with a mere whisper. In reality, she does all of this out of a desire for approval, a desire for the people of the world to know and remember her name.

Dimoni represented the anxiety that was present throughout Alenta’s life: the anxiety caused by his frequent warring with Ose. If the less-than-subtle machinations of Titim ever fail to subjugate a group under the Ut Abyssum, Dimoni took charge and engaged in full-fledged bloodshed. He does not crave power, only the wanton chaos of the battlefield. His ideal world is a perfect, endless war-- whenever he finds what may be a worthy army to fight, he will deliberately prolong the fighting against them until everything is to his satisfaction. In spite of his trigger-happy attitude, Dimoni values each and every one of his many soldiers… Although he would never tell them such.

Fata is perhaps the sole voice of reason among the five. Alenta was, like the other Archlords, consistently on good terms with Orias. However, Orias’ extremely good nature and frequent acts of kindness prompted more than just admiration in Alenta, they also prompted self-doubt. Was Alenta doing enough, being the best leader he could be? If not, what more could he do? It was in asking these questions that Fata was born.. A perfectionist, Fata will only rest when the Shadowfell is a peaceful, utopian land completely free of strife, even if accomplishing such a task eventually meant offing the other Ut Abyssum. In fighting for a perfect future that will never happen, anything Fata does is ultimately justified in their mind, and this included starting the first coven of witches.

Pakow is all of Alenta’s greatest regrets from his greatest friendship, that of the Archdragon Rimhr. The Exarch always knew Rimhr was stronger than him in every way; if their friendship was eventually destroyed and the two resorted to physical violence, Alenta would undoubtedly die. Pakow was Alenta speculating how he could live. What if he gained the ability to turn himself into a full-blooded dragon? If he did so, he could surely gain the upper hand in battle. A technical dragon itself, Pakow governs the many beasts of the Shadowfell, including the dreaded plaguebringers. It is unconcerned with the political goings-on of the other four members of the cabal. When called upon to attack, however, it will gladly answer,

Sarsap’y is the most dangerous of the Ut Abyssum if only because of their sheer capacity for unadulterated evil. Rykus was always the Archlord Alenta was most afraid of, due entirely to his enigmatic, reclusive nature. What would he do to gain the power he so wanted? Alenta went to confront him about this very issue. Rykus responded with a statement of the horrific depths of his ambition: he had modified himself magically and whoever killed him would become him. He then promptly wiped Alenta’s mind of the incident, but vague remnants of it remained in his nightmares. If Alenta were to kill Rykus, Sarsap’Y, the Violator of Nature in Grey, would be his next step in evolution. They are cruelty, ambition, and evil given form. The Ut Abyssum keep them imprisoned, but allow them input into their meetings.

Alenta’s shock at what he saw quickly turned to anger. He condemned the Ut Abyssum for the depths to which their depravity extended, partially out of the fear that he himself was capable of what they were. In his rage, the Exarch declared war on the Ut Abyssum and set to work organizing a force capable of fighting against them. As creatures of darkness, the majority of the Shadowfell’s denizens declined the call to action. One group, though, rose to the occasion: the Shadar-Kai, the race which was left over from Alenta’s attempts to create life.

Reunited with their one true creator at last, war began, the shadar-kai quickly taking to the task of freeing the disparate people of the Shadowfell from evil. The war lasted for an unknown period of time-- such a concept as time works differently than in the material plane, so the fighting could have taken generations. Whenever one side’s forces cut down, the now-empty rosters would be filled with the creations of new nightmares.

Eventually, the Ut Abyssum, fearing loss, pulled their final gambit: freeing Sarsap’y from their prison. The abomination made short work of Alenta’s forces, and the remaining Shadar-Kai and other assorted species under his banner fled the realm. Out of the Shadowfell, the once-nightmares arrived at the purple moon, Vessel. Alenta’s fortress home would no longer stand alone.

Aside from the theocracy of the Shadar-Kai, there is little organized government to speak of within the Shadowfell proper. The civilized beings there live anywhere from small villages to bustling cities, with the Ut Abyssum almost always being found in the latter. While the Ut Abyssum technically each have a number of settled areas within their jurisdiction, such a distinction is purely technical. The Shadowfell is a perfect anarchy.

The few attempts at truly governing areas often destroy themselves and are snuffed out by the Ut Abyssum if not. The quintet lives by a classic credo created by an unknown fetchling scholar: “in the Nightmare, you cannot rule without.”

#loom #homebrew #dungeons and dragons #d&d lore #d&d

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margaritaris · 7 years

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(100 things) I have learned in my seventeen years of life.

1. Some of the people you think are going to be around forever, will not. Nothing in life is ever certain nor guaranteed. Cherish them and love them wholly and fully every single day that you can.

2. You are capable of just about anything. You can push your mind to unthinkable limits. You just have to keep pushing, even when you feel like you can’t. You are stronger and smarter than you think or could ever believe. You truly are.

3. If you view someone else’s behavior towards you as a reflection of themselves and not you, then you will truly learn to cease all.

4. Think thoroughly and check your surroundings before you say anything about someone else. Is it positive and will it benefit someone else to say it? If it’s not positive, it’s better to keep it to yourself in many instances

5. Schoolwork and college are not everything

6. Eat that damn taco

7. Your feelings are not irrational, you have the right to feel whatever it is you feel at any moment in time, do not let anyone tell you otherwise, as they do not take precedence or insignificance over or under anyone else.

8. You have to be hurt at times. It’s how you learn and experience and heal and grow.

9. Life is short but long. Life might be a happy medium of the two. Enough time for you to enjoy moments and remember them forever, but short enough to inspire you to live and experience it to the fullest.

10. There’s nothing wrong with being independent

11. There’s also nothing wrong with admitting that you need help, too.

12. Don’t ever be ashamed of the music you like.

13. Listen to your music as loud as fucking possible!!!

14. You don’t have to bend your morals for some else’s ideals.

15. Your pain does not have to be justified or simplified. You cannot compare your pain to someone else’s’ and say that you don’t deserve to be sad because someone else has it worse. That’s like simply saying that because someone has it better, you can’t be happy.

16. You can’t always control situations, but can always control as to how you react to them.

17. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health.

18. Just because someone is doing something differently doesn’t mean it is wrong. There is no wrong path to growing in life

19. Keep a journal or diary and write in it often. There will be seasons for remembering to write in it and seasons where you will forget. But you won’t regret coming back to it and seeing where you once left off, and seeing how far you have come in such time.

20. Jealously will get you nowhere. Learn to be happy for other people’s strengths, no matter how much you wish you had that certain strength or ability. Everyone is different. Be happy for their talents and happy for yours! Difference in people is pure diversity and that is what makes this world so colorful and abstract

21. Talk about the things you love more often than the things you don’t. It does no good to talk about things you dislike all the time and brings no peace to either person in the conversation

22. Say your prayers and pray often. Pray everyday. Pray before you make a decision, pray when you’re struggling, pray always. It changes things.

23. With growing up comes, of course, a stronger sense of maturity. Forgiveness, patience, and selflessness are three traits that are heavily learned, at least I had to learn and practice with through seventeen years of my life. I struggled with some more than others.. Some came naturally and others, took time and still take time to this day. Forgiveness is one of them that I had to work on because I can be pretty sensitive and stubborn at times. Don’t worry so much over quarrels or little arguments you may have with your sibling, dad, aunt, or even teacher or friend. They’re not worth sulking for hours on end over something so little unless it lies deeper and hurt a great deal towards a much larger issue. Otherwise, just rise and be the bigger person. Forgive those who trespass against you, as holding a grudge is one of the many poisons of life. Forgive and move on.

24. Your body does so much for you that you don’t even know about. You can either choose to be with or against yourself, and you are going to be in this same body your whole life, so try and treasure it as you can! It loves you.

25. Being stubborn all the time can lead to regret.

26. Don’t wish you were another age older than you are. You’re only young once, is it over yet? Because as much as you wish to be older, it still won’t happen until due time and you can spend this current time enjoying the age you are exactly and the things it has to offer instead, because soon enough you will be at that other age. So just enjoy what life offers you right now. Be present.

27. This is your life. Nobody else can be you, nor can you be them. Therefore, I’ve realized that you cannot dictate how somebody else chooses to live. You cannot tell them who to love, what to do, or what to believe in. This world is becoming such a diverse complex and people are voicing their opinions so often because times are changing and everyone clashes. What I personally believe is that everyone is entitled to love, and do whatever makes them happy, and by letting people do that, and live their life because you are living yours, is the right thing. You can’t force someone to believe in something. All you can do is encourage, not force. You must respect all people, even if you don’t understand.

28. When someone says, “Love yourself” it isn’t as easy as that to just “love yourself.” I’ve learned it takes, and will take, many years and tears and triumphs and mountains to climb and experiences to shape and to cause you to fully learn to love yourself. But you can. You can love yourself in the moment, just as you are, as little as you maybe be able too. It’s all in your mindset. Sometimes it’s quicker for others, and others much longer. Everyone takes things at different paces and there is nothing wrong with that!

29. Cut your hair the way you want to. It will always grow back at some point

30. No text or call is worth the risk while driving. Never.

31. When curious for inquiry for yourself, the worst someone can say is no. But you never know until you ask.

32. Take the leap!!!! You never know what could lie on the other side of fear or doubt!

33. Kids, and teenagers, should be heard and not just seen. I’ve been shut out, and not allowed to speak or voice my opinions or put in my input because of my age. I believe that age has no boundaries for knowledge or experience. You become wise with experience, not age. And experience comes to you at all different times and cornerstones in life. A twelve year old could have more experience with grief than someone in their forties. You never know. So listen to the little ones, for they deserve it just as much

34. Dress up for as long as you can on Halloween. It’s a hell of a lot of fun and pride or a certain reputation won’t give you memories to remember or cherish when you’re old and gray.

35. Whether you like it or not, life goes on. After a terrible experience… life will still go on. The people surrounding you will continue on, and you will soon get back into the flow of things. Mending doesn’t always run parallel with things moving forward.

36. Drama is worth nothing. You either create it, or let it escape into your life if you’re constantly surrounded by it. Sometimes it just comes out of nowhere, but there is always a way to avoid it somehow, even if you can’t escape the people around you speaking it you can simply turn a blind eye and ignore it all with other thoughts. Either way, you can cut it out completely. But you have to make the conscious effort and choice. Not to say it won’t appear again, because it will, this is life, but you will always have the choice to ignore it and stray far from it.

37. There’s always a bend in the road.

38. Read very often. I’ve just now as of recently have gotten back into the joy of reading books, (I have read fan fictions so much before) and I’ve re-fallen in love with it.

39. How many friends you have do not define you.

40. Having one single person who understands you to the core and simply just loves you for you and knowing they would do anything on this earth for you and being able to call them your best friend, is one of the best blessings life could ever offer.

41. Wear whatever the heck you want!!

42. The world is going to judge you anyway, so do whatever the heck you want too.

43. Don’t be embarrassed to dance in public

44. Even the most kind and down to earth people you could know and meet, still will have darkly flaws. Nobody is perfect. People lose their tempers and everyone says things they don’t mean. It’s life, and you have to accept that humans are humans and are bound to do things that could seem terrible at times and they make mistakes. But it doesn’t make them a terrible person. Seeing a flash of a different side to a person you care for and knowing that is not who they are, does not mean they are any different than the person you know and love.

45. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being shy. If this is who you are, take strength in it. Silence does and can speak louder than words at many times.

46. Just because people have bad habits, it does not make them a bad person.

47. Take numerous photos and videos of anything and everything but remember not to, too. Admire things without a lens.

48. Not everything about life needs to be shared online.

49. You can learn things, and know them, but it takes one step at a time and patience to incorporate and remember them in your life. As I know all these things I am writing, I still make mistakes and trespass over the “do not’s” so often. But that’s a human for you.

50. Don’t worry about what your feed or social media looks like so much. Don’t worry about the perfect selfie or aesthetic if you don’t want too. It’s energy being wasted on the most unnecessary thing.

51. Don’t let adults try and deprive you of this generation and age. They may try and say that the music they hear now is garbage, and that people are too self conceded nowadays, but that’s not true. We take pictures of ourselves because self love is important and something that has been shifted underneath the rug for all the generations prior. Your parents had their unique generation and trends, and your grandparents sure thought the same thing your parents might think right now, so you are allowed to have your own time to blossom. Enjoy this time and don’t care about taking a selfie in public or listening to music aloud. Delve into the uniqueness of this time period! You’ll have many stories to tell eventually

52. You should never outgrow imagination. It’s a gift, and if you are able to imagine things you are very lucky. Sometimes, imagination could be your only comfort during hard trials

53. You’re NEVER selfish for doing something for yourself that you need. Self care is often taken and perceived as the object of selfishness. Don’t believe that for one second of your life

54. Visit elders. Visit your grandparents and great aunts and uncles often. They were young like you once too, but try not to worry much about thinking that you’re going to be that ripe old age soon because you’re not at the moment, and you must enjoy how you are now. It is not boring if you’d open up your heart. But you will be an elder at some point and elders enjoy the company as many are always lonely. Just ask them of their old days and watch them smile. It always brings peace to my heart and I’m sure it will to yours as well. Even they can expand your mind too if you just let them.

55. You’re going to have as good of a time as you make your mind up to be.

56. Do the most random acts of kindness you can anytime you remember, and also always remember to remind the people you care most about how much they mean to you.

57. Don’t rush driving if you’re not ready and only want to do it because everyone else is. You’ll have so many years to drive later on. Your teenage years aren’t even but a fraction of your life.

58. You don’t have to do everything at once.

59. Also, there’s no point in trying to have perfect grammar and spelling all the time

60. Tomorrow will always be a new day, with no mistakes in it yet.

61. People do not think about you as much as you think, in the sense of they do not judge you every single second of everyday. People are busy with their own lives to think of this so much, so don’t worry. They could be looking at you but trust me, they’re thinking of themselves a lot of the time in that mind of theirs

62.No person is worth changing yourself for. They need to be able to accept you in the midst of your storm. Let them walk beside you as you learn to love yourself, but don’t give them the benediction or power to morph you into what they want you to be. Let them walk beside you and help guide you but not drive you.

63. Not one single person and their opinion of you defines you. Ever.

64. Social media is but pure and best vanity. It is mostly, only the good pieces and things in people’s lives. You want to share only positive things, of course. But even in the photos or paragraphs people can share, it could still all be a mask to hide the pain. Don’t believe everything you see on social media, please

65. You don’t have to be sixteen and on a hardcore diet with an even more straining exercise routine. But also, if you truly want to do it for yourself and yourself only, then there is nothing wrong with eating as healthy as you want or exercising. It’s your life, do whatever will make you happy! Just know you’re still young and you’re beautiful just as you are in any state.

66. Do things that are genuinely good for your soul.

67. Be honest, but know when you can spare someone’s feeling

68. Learn to be okay with your own silence and your own company. It won’t then feel so lonely when you are alone at times.

69. Everything happens for a reason, no doubt about that one. I can’t seem to contradict it as every good and bad thing that has happened to me has placed me to where I am now.

70. Fighting fire with fire will never amount to anything or make anything better. You will end up saying something you regret, and you will feel inevitably worse in the end.

71. Know that you won’t ever know everything you need to know in life

72. Do not cut yourself short because you haven’t dated anyone or kissed someone by the time you’re seventeen. Remember, your teenage years are but a fraction of your life. You have many chances ahead of you and just because you don’t have someone now, doesn’t mean you won’t in the future. But in the meantime, enjoy yourself. Take your teenage years to explore and learn about yourself and strengthen your relationship with God, before you can with anyone else.

73. Not every soul will agree or like you. Don’t take it personally

74. Celebrating your birthday is not a selfish thing. It’s a blessing to have lived another year, remember that!

75. Pay for someone’s coffee or drink behind you if you can sometimes.

76. Give a smile, if it’s the only thing you can give, to the homeless. There are many stories about them that make people believe they are untruthful, but I have learned to not believe that to be completely true. They have nothing but the biggest hearts sometimes. If you can, give them a few dollars or maybe a small gift near Christmas. I try so hard to do this even if I’m not able. Giving is one of the most valuable things I have learned in seventeen years. You gain nothing but the comfort of knowing you helped someone, and that is beautiful.

77. Pay people genuine compliments. I’ve learned there’s no sense in giving a compliment that isn’t sincere. Always be honest but truly do give compliments as often as you can! It could be the brightest part of that someone’s day, even if it is hard to muster up the courage to tell them.

78. Don’t try to grow up faster than you are. You will regret it many times in the future.

79. Take other peoples opinions and views with grains of salt. Just because a certain person believes this something doesn’t mean you have to, too.

80. You can’t be her/him. You can’t look exactly like them. You can’t ever have their nose, or humor, or smile. But you don’t need it. And there’s no point in downing yourself because you aren’t like them when it’s nothing you can control. There is nothing wrong with having idols or inspirations, but you must not try to be them. Be you in all your ways. Have faith in yourself. You’re imperfectly beautiful and there are no standards that you have to own up to.

81. You’re allowed to be proud of yourself.

82. Nothing will and ever could be perfect. And not everything will always turn out as you envision it to be, so don’t be disappointed! It’s life and life has to be lived.

83. Tell your best friend everything. From the littlest, and most minor inconvenience to the best or the biggest embarrassment. They’re the one person in this world who isn’t going to judge you and will love you the same after all is said and done anyway

84. But it’s also perfectly okay to keep some things to yourself from people too. You’re inclined to that.

85. You owe not one single soul anything. You’re not responsible for them or their actions.

86. No means no. If someone says no, its means no. Leave it at that. And if you say no, stand firmly by that.

87. Determination is a great thing. If you’re determined, nobody can take that away from you. Never. You will carry this through the rest of your life and will benefit you so greatly. If you want something and love it, dive in determinedly and give it your all.

88. Don’t let grief suck you in whole. If you lose someone, let yourself grieve, but not completely forever. You have to move on… and it can feel wrong many times, as you think, “How can I feel happy for a sliver of a moment when they’re not here anymore?” “How can I laugh when they’re not here to laugh with me?” It will feel like that for awhile. But they want you to be happy as soon as you can be, and you have to move on. You have too. And there is nothing wrong with that, it is natural and you need to do so.

89. There will always be someone who cares and loves you fully.

90. Don’t ever be ashamed of anything that you love. No matter if someone tells you that it’s wrong or different or strange to them, it is not. Never.

91. Not everything has to be taken so seriously!

92. Don’t push away the people who love you because you don’t feel worthy. You are worth more than enough. A thousand times enough.

93. Hiding your insult with the excuse that it is an opinion is not okay.

94. You need to do whatever it may be for yourself, and only yourself. Using all of your energy to focus on changing for other people will do you no good.You must have the geunine intention that you want to do it for you and only you

95. Dogs and cats truly do give the best cuddles sometimes.

96. EAT THAT WHOLE OR HALF PIZZA AND THEN A CUPCAKE AND SOME ICE CREAM AFTERWARDS ALL BY YOURSELF HELL YEAH

97. Always smile at strangers.

98. Living in the past or looking ahead into the future always will drain you. Practice and do things that take your time and cause you to focus on the present.

99. If you can, take time to spend moments with your family. Do not spend all your time on your phone or electronics. Just don’t do it all the time, trust me. Instead of choosing to watch Netflix for the rest of the evening, spend it with your family. You’re so busy growing older that you don’t realize they are too.

100. Always have hope. Never lose hope. Even when the hardest thing to do is hold onto hope. Keep hope sheltered in your heart no matter where you go or what may happen to you, as life is indeed uncertain.

These are just some things that came to my mind when I pondered on what I have learned these many past years. Obviously this is not all of them and just what I have personally learned. I haven’t been excited about turning a year older lately, because the truth is I don’t want too, but looking back I can see all the knowledge I’ve gained and how blessed I am to be turning another year older. God’s given me more than I deserve.. and I am extremely grateful and happy for it. Here’s to the year of seventeen, wow!! Yaaaaaaaay!

#seventeen #quotes #personal #inspiration

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aftermyshahada-blog · 7 years

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The Jitters

A few days ago, I wrote a post explaining why I think dating is halal for Muslims (click here). Yesterday, I talked about my own experience, particularly with online dating recently (click here). And although in my second article I talked about everything that is going well, this post today is going to talk about my concerns with my current situation's potential.

Maybe you guys have some thoughts, advice, or words of support.

A FEW CONCERNS

My first concern is regarding the distance between J and I, which was partially addressed In the article I wrote yesterday (click here). I will be moving to California in about 22 days, but once I do, J and I will be located 400 miles away from each other (6-7 hours).

We have plan for our first date and he does not appear to be too concerned about the distance, but it doesn't thrill me that this is going to be a long-distance thing right off the bat, especially because I will rely on public transportation, whereas he will have his own vehicle.

It's not that I am not willing to try this and it's not that I couldn't handle the distance. But it does present some challenges. It's important for relationships to have balance. And even though he has no problem coming to see me, I know that he can't always be the one to commute. We aren't even dating yet and I know that it would be unfair for me to expect him to do all the work. How would I go see him? I'm not sure. It's going to take a bit for me to get on my feet and I'm afraid it might end up being super expensive for me to travel to see him often.

And then I began thinking: what if things do work out? What if things get serious? Then what? The future is what concerns me. If I fall in love with this guy and we are talking about major long-term commitment, then what? One or both of us is gonna have to compromise if we want to be closer to one another. Would I have to move? Give up my job? Would he? The last thing I want is to fall in love and then not have it work out because of this situation.

Another concern I have is balancing the rest of my life. When I relocate to California, I am going to be in a new place, on my own, being independent, and working hard to succeed at my job. I also want to foster a happy environment for self-growth. And Ramadan is fast-approaching and it will be the holy month of Ramadan when I move to California at the beginning of June. On top of all that, I have J: an amazing guy that I like. I am worried that I won't be able to balance all aspects of my life with everything on my plate.

My last concern is that everything has been going well between J and I, and I am a very truthful/straightforward person...but I accidentally told a lie a few weeks ago without meaning to.

J is Egyptian-American and we often bond over my knowledge and experience of his home country, culture, food, and other middle eastern traditions and aspect of daily living. Part of this is because I have many Middle Eastern friends, especially friends from Egypt and have had much contact and experience with the culture over the past 6 or 7 years.

However...he became excited and surprised when I could name Egyptian pop artists like Amr Diab, among many other things. He jokingly asked, "Are you sure that you never had an Arab boyfriend before?" This is where I lied.

I didn't mean to lie, though. It just popped out.

And I hate myself for it.

About 4-5 years ago, I did date an Atheist Saudi man for almost a year; he was an exchange student a few years older than myself. I left as soon as I realized that he was verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abusive and manipulative. (And yes, I know the stereotypes that exist about Middle Eastern men, but I know that there are far more non-abusive men than abusive ones.)

I don't like to think about that part of my life and I rarely talk about it. So when J jokingly asked if I had ever had an Arab boyfriend (due to me being to knowledgeable about things), I accidentally messaged him back and said no. I told him that I have learn many things over the years from my Muslim and Middle Eastern friends. And that part is very true. But the other part is a lie.

I am so angry with myself.

I wonder if J will be upset later if he finds out that I told a little lie. I think he will be understanding. But at the same time, lies don't help build a foundation of trust. And the guilt of my tiny lie has been eating away at me.

Those cover basically all my concerns. Many of you read my articles and probably think that I am so confident. I am confident in many ways, yes. But I also have insecurities. And regarding this new dating stuff with J, my insecurities cause me much anxiety.

FEELINGS OF INSECURITY

For example, J is not aware that I am Deaf. And this is a big part of my identity. In previous articles, I have talked about and explained my deafness; it is not something that I am ashamed about. Click here, here, here, and here to read related articles.

Deafness and hearing loss has a lot of stigma and there are many assumptions and misconceptions floating around about the Deaf community. Many times, I might avoid telling someone I am Deaf until I have time and an opportunity to properly explain my situation. I speak clearly, I don't have a deaf accent, I can lipread, and I use hearing aids, as well as sign language. But, there is so much that people must understand about my world. It is much easier to explain things in person and while interacting with them, rather than discussing it through text messages and allowing their mind to jump to wild conclusions.

I hope that J won't be turned off by my deafness; I hope that he will accept me for who I am and not be upset that I kept such a crucial piece of information about myself from him. I hope that he will understand why I want to explain in person when we finally meet. I hope that he does not see me as disabled. I hope that he does not pity me.

The second thing that I am very insecure about is my weight. In this article (here) I talk about the issues I have with my weight. I gained a lot of weight over the past 2 years and I am working to fix that. The weight I am at now is the heaviest I have ever been and I am self-conscious about the way I look.

My worst fear is that first impression when he sees me. When we finally meet in person, I wonder what he will think. He knows I value health and fitness. He knows that I am in the process of losing weight. But he doesn't know what I look like right now. I don't want him to find me unattractive because I am a little pudgy right now.

On top of my main concerns and my insecurities, I also have been thinking a lot about my flaws.

I AM NOT PERFECT: I HAVE FLAWS

First of all, I have a history of being impulsive. As I explained in this article here, I am a true romantic at heart. Actions speak louder than words and I love romantic gestures, no matter how small. But I also love words and expressions of love. I like being texted "Good morning, Modhesha". I love cute emoji smooches. Thoughtful things like this just make me swoon. Simple things like this make me so happy.

I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching their highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a person, rather than with the person themselves, and I have hung on to relationships for a long time (sometimes for too long) waiting for the person to ascend to their own greatness. Many times in romance, I have been a victim of my own optimism. And this time, I am trying to go slow and attempt to shield myself from having my heart broken, yet again.

Another one of my flaws, especially at the beginning of relationships, is that I overthink everything. The uncertainty of everything is exciting, but also anxiety-inducing. Am I texting too much? Did I sound dumb when I said that? Why hasn't he texted back? Should I wait for him to contact me instead? The new-ness of it all is exhilarating, but I want it to go well, so I start to second guess myself and overthink things.

My third major flaw is that I am needy and crave attention! I don't mean this in a revolting, psychotic way. I am just someone who loves to be texted at least once a day. I love sweet forehead kisses and I love hugs and cuddles. I need validation. Sometimes I don't want to be alone. I need attention and I want to feel special.

In the past, I usually have to make all the effort. I am a thoughtful person by nature; I like making surprise breakfasts, making art projects for my significant other, writing cute cards or sweet notes and leaving them to be found in the bathroom or kitchen. I try to do little things every day to show my love and appreciation. And I guess all I want in return is the other person to make that same effort. Is that too much to ask? I'm not sure.

So, basically, I am afraid that my neediness will scare J or end up pushing him away. It doesn't take much to make me happy, but I like to talk every day and I want to feel needed, appreciated, I want my jokes to be laughed at, and I want to be wanted.

I have concerns, insecurities, flaws, and now I want to talk about my fears.

MY FEARS

My first fear has to do with my parents. They are protective and already worried about the fact that I am moving from Wisconsin to California. And they are not very supportive about me having reverted (converted) to Islam. So, I can't imagine if they knew I signed up for an online Muslim dating website and I like someone I met online. They would lose their minds if they knew I had plans to meet him in person in June. And if things get serious, I think they will be upset that I found someone to date, especially if that person is Muslim. I imagine they would tell me that they are helping me to get on my feet and make a life for myself, not chase after boys.

I love my parents and I know they want they best for me. I wouldn't be where I am today without their love and guidance. However, they can be a bit closed-minded and overly controlling. I don't want a potentially good thing with J to be spoiled, so I have decided not to tell my parents about J until I know whether this thing is serious or not.

REJECTION

I think there is an overarching theme here. Can you see what it is?

With what I said about my concerns, my insecurities, my flaws, and everything else, I am starting to think that maybe my #1 biggest fear is the fear of rejection.

I want to be accepted and appreciated. The prospect of being cut off, demeaned, or isolated makes me anxious. I sometimes fear that I am unloveable or I worry that I will never find true love. I have been in a few relationships were my needs were not met or where I wasn't valued. I have dated people who did not love me for me. That is why stuff like this is hard for me. All I want is to find The One. And I have had many failed attempts.

If I open my heart to someone who ends up rejecting me, I know that it doesn't have to be the end of the world. I know that it is ok to feel sorrow, loss, fear, loneliness, anger, or whatever other feelings that come up during the grieving process. And I am working on believing that whatever experiences that arise as a result of connecting with people, I can initiate, deepen, and enjoy relationships in a more relaxed and fulfilling way.

I think that if I can become less afraid of what I am experiencing inside, and less afraid of myself, I can become less intimidated and more empowered to love and be loved.

ALL IN ALL

I know this post seems really negative, but there are many wonderful things about this situation between me and J. I talked about a lot of the positives here, in this article. But, well, I am a hopeless romantic and I tend to feel deeply and love fearlessly and I want so strongly for this to work. I know that I can come across as a bit neurotic sometimes.

That's ok. It's one of my more endearing qualities, right? Haha

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Any thoughts? Questions? Advice? Suggestions?

(If you haven’t read this article here and this article here, then please do so before responding with advice. I want you to have all the information before making suggestions. Thank you so much! I love you all!)

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