#& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t

[ellaphnt]

Saw ur Toshiro post, and I absolutely agree that Toshiro's outburst will be a stepping stone for both um an Laios to grow and that the buildup was because Shuro didn't want to ruin situation he was still trying to figure out. But the funniest thing is, afaik, Laios and Falin are *also Foreigners* for quite far away. Their country is simply Scandinavian/northern Europe themed. I don't think we see any long-lived races in their flash backs (baring the dead man buying a ring of elves?). And both Falin and Laois definitly are the equivalent of nobility/Local chiefs kids. But instead of being send out with all their assistants and guards, Laios ran away and suffered in the army and then on his own in a caravan , and Falin was send to a Magial School full of other races and people. They both had time to 'adjust' to the wider world (and still carry a bit of home-grown uh...prejudice (mountain people)). So when they met Shuro both of them were well used to meeting people not from their Country. Toshiro not being either from the tiny Island or the nearby lands simply didn't mesh with how they had adapted to behave. Plus, obviously, Laios textual Autism. But I feel like Laios could totally have figured it out if he had met people from Shuros island before who would have told him, he does after all know how to behave around Dwarves and such, who also have quite diffrent culturual norms. Sorry for the ramble xD Good Toshiro post!

Hi hi! I’m really glad you’re adding onto my silly brain thoughts hehe - I’m super happy to hear yours, especially since they make me think more! Warning this is going to be long, talking about dungeon meshi is just a lot of fun.

When I said foreigner, I should have clarified that that I meant he’s a stranger to the CULTURE. A good chunk of the people in the island are not native to it! But culturally, they have the social background to fit in. They didn’t all come from the same place, yes, but they grew up in European-esque cultures and interacted to some extent with other races. Even Kabru and Rin are not foreign to this type of culture because they grew up with Western/European socialization.

Gonna elaborate bc I think it’s fascinating: From what we know about the Eastern islands, the worldview is very very different. In the Adventurer’s Bible where Kabru talks to Hien, they talk about how the East defines “humans” as “tallmen”, and oni/ogres were the only “other”. In the post-canon snippet where Toshiro talks to Falin, he even refers to Eastern thinking as “backward” due to the lack of long-lived races. Because of his delayed exposure to other races, and because the worldview is far more different than the one the Toudens experienced, that’s where I make the statement that he had more to adjust to.

I’ll also note, the fact that the Toudens are subjectively more adjusted to seeing and accommodating other races makes Laios’ statement that Toshiro “had an odd appearance” an even more bizarre thing to say. And although we can assume Toshiro also has his biases, we don’t see them highlighted like other characters have had (to my knowledge). So it makes it seem like he was more thoughtful/careful towards other races from the get-go, despite his lack of knowledge. His main issues were always with other tallmen, just like Laios.

It’s good to point out that the Toudens are outcasts in their own right. Both of them went through a really hard time, and it changed them. Laios’ cycle of failures and giving up and being bullied are especially important to characterizing his relationship with his sister and his disinterest in humanity and lack of close friends. Falin at least had Marcille. Both Laios and Toshiro have reasons they’re inexperienced in friendship, but one of them stated it in the story and the other didn’t. There’s more misconception about Toshiro’s character than Laios’. So my post was to talk about that one a bit.

ALSO OOO I COMPLETELY FORGOT but I WAS going to mention how both the Toudens and Toshiro came from families of influence! Thank you for bringing it up! Laios and Toshiro diverge from that upbringing, while making Toshiro and Falin a little more similar. This goes into another whole thing where Laios and Toshiro parallel (and foils?) each other but that’s too long of a discussion. Just as long is how this divergence distinguishes the Touden siblings (too many people have said their only difference is gender..)

Lastly, yes, Laios does need more exposure to Eastern people and Eastern culture to get a grasp on it. He really wants to learn! It’s just that Shuro isn’t his encyclopedia and until he gets that chance, he will make ignorant takes. I can think of two more that will occur in the main narrative alone. (but like Toshiro said, Laios has no malicious intent, that’s what makes it all the more complicated)

While there’s good conversation to be had about the fight from a ND vs NT POV, I’ve seen SO much discussion about Toshiro possibly being read as autistic too, and neurodivergent individuals who can relate to his experience. Often it comes as an intersection between both being autistic and being a poc. I think it brings even more nuance to the narrative. Plus I’m just glad there’s people who can relate to him. He’s meant to be relatable! His problem with Laios is just as much a character flaw as it is human.

Hope this post was a thoughtful response to yours, I tried to tackle everything you mentioned! Thank you sm for the ask :D

Edit: for the sake of context, here’s the og post that’s being referred to!

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #askella #shuro #toshiro nakamoto #laios touden #touden siblings #character study

[some-thrilling-heroics]

the purpose of this post is for me to figure some stuff out so i'm open to feedback and discussion

disclaimer: i love Halsin, he's my precious bear man

but damn i am pissed

i started to really dig into the epilogue, specifically that last morning after the brain goodbye scene in the room at the inn where he says he has nine wagons of kids and he will aid the people in Thaniel's realm

sadly i can't find any footage of what he says when Tav goes "oh a community built with your own hands, i'd love to see that" (or something to that extent) bc i think that is the one option that nullifies the goodbye and i think? he just asks if Tav is sure and then happy end bells

but even so

the interaction practically starts with "why does this sound like you're saying goodbye?" - oh that's because he is. at least for now. but Tav can visit, he's very eager for them to visit - and then narrator is like a tenday later Tav went to the commune and then the party invite stuff, not important

and I'm like....

it just hit me how - yes, Halsin has abandonment issues and he wants to help those orphans and all the homeless refugees and all the great stuff but like…… HOW DARE YOU DECIDE FOR ME THAT I DON'T WANNA GO WITH YOU????

watching that on a loop three times seriously hit me hard and i don't like it (as in me, personally, not in the sense that it's bad writing or it makes no sense for him to do that, maybe it does - if somebody can help me wrap my head around that, I would be super grateful bc atm I'm stuck in my own emotional reaction to Halsin making decisions for me)

in my head Tav's response to that should be: fuck you, i don't want to visit - fuck that! i wanna go with you and move in with you bc I love you but i guess you don't really want that huh? oh you do? then I guess we are at an impasse, huh?

bottom line is - what do I want to do with it in my fic?

i could ignore it bc i kinda wanna, i don't want them fighting like that

on the other hand it would be great to have this devolve into a conflict, bc i already sprinkled a few tiny bits of them saying not the best things but then the other kinda steps past it or around it and they are fine, but it would add some realism for them to have a serious disagreement about their (joint) future and about communicating and making decisions and could be something to be revisited as a work in progress for them to grow into as their relationship keeps going

i don't mind exploring difficult shit in my fics, i already decided to commit and give Tav my trauma and it was very cathartic just drafting that bit, and this turning into a conflict could play into that I suppose, could work really well

I guess my problem is the dissonance between Halsin doing that unintentionally bc of his own issues and him generally being very considerate and respectful of others, especially Tav imo, he was perfectly happy to follow their decisions as a leader but now I guess they are no longer the leader and this is his thing, his commune, his new purpose in life and ofc he could never be selfishly happy when he could be doing good things for strangers but like.... i can't grasp that step how from that he goes into "therefore I shall not offer this as a choice for them but instead make that a foregone conclusion that this is goodbye, at least for now" - is it bc asking means risk of rejection and he'd rather reject himself to spare them both the interaction?

sorry this got rambly XD but anyway - thoughts?

#halsin #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #epilogue halsin #last time i rambled in a post like that #i got great results so #here's me hoping ;) #pls help

[funnywormz]

I think this shitshow with Toshiro stems from the trend of people INSISTING that interpersonal conflict must be a moral failing. Like I think there's something to be said about how people afford so much less patience to people who are autistic in the "wrong" ways, but also Laios and Toshiro just clash on a fundamental level that has nothing to do with that. Hell, you could read Toshiro as autistic as well. People related to Laios' side of the argument but instead of getting any nuance out of it they started projecting their experiences with ableist people onto Toshiro.

AGREE AGREE AGREE. i think that Fandom Brain gets people very used to thinking of conflicts in terms of "who is the bad guy and who is the good guy", so when they encounter a more nuanced conflict they don't really know what to do. i don't think toshiro is a bad person at all, in his conflict with laios he's just exhausted and starving and has been pushed to the limit and from his perspective, laios doesn't even seem that emotionally affected by the situation. i don't think what he said was right and it was pretty cruel, but i don't think he's a villain or deserves to be permanently hated as a character just bc he fucked up this time lol

also yeah you could definitely read him as autistic, and i think that highlights an issue in the autistic community in general bc like....... a lot of autistic people have conflicting needs which can lead to conflict between them/make them unable to stand being around each other. and it's not because either of them are neurotypical or bad people, they're just incompatible. like autistic people who loudly stim vocally and autistic people who meltdown when they have to be around loud noises, for example. it doesn't mean either of them is bad or not autistic, just that they have conflicting needs

i 100% agree with the last part too. i disliked toshiro at first myself bc i had been (and still do ngl) projecting onto laios hard and the conflict they had reminded me of times when people have been mean or angry at me irl for social blunders i've made unintentionally, or when someone i thought liked me/was my friend turned out to actually hate me. it's a common experience for autistic people and that scene resonates with that! but i think it also helps to take a step back from projecting our own traumatic experiences onto the scene and just look at it objectively. laios isn't perfect either and he's the one who actually starts the physical fight by slapping toshiro (i feel like i don't see many people mention this lol). i feel super bad for him in that scene but he's not a perfect victim and has done things wrong himself too

as an autistic person i've also been in situations where i can relate to toshiro too lol, like where someone is overly physically and emotionally familiar with me when we don't know each other well and i've wanted them to back off but haven't been sure how to say it without hurting their feelings. this kind of conflict is far from just being a "neurotypical vs neurodivergent" thing as a lot of people portray it in the fandom

idk i just wish people would think a little more deeply about the scene and put their own emotions and experiences aside to instead consider the conflict with the added context of the individual characters and their respective cultures + the situation they're in. people don't have to like toshiro but i wish they wouldn't paint him as a villain or make up awful shit about him just to justify their feelings when he isn't even that bad of a dude in canon yknow 😑. also we literally see him at rock bottom struggling and freaking out and i think that's important to remember. in a different context i doubt he would have ever said those things to laios

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #ask #tysm for the ask btw!

[pitchblackveins]

HOW TTPD COULD HAVE BEEN A PERFECT ALBUM

(my song breakdown no one asked for)

GREAT SONG NO NOTES

fortnight, so long london, bdilh,* who's afraid, loml, icdiwabh, smallest man, clara bow, the black dog, how did it end?, so high school, i look in peoples windows, cassandra, peter, the bolter, the manuscript

SONGS THAT ARE SO SO SO CLOSE

- ttpd:* write a second draft of the verses hon like cmon. or at least replace charlie puth with someone who is a) good b) not the 111th most listened to artist in the world

- mbobhft, down bad, and guilty as sin?* are all great but i feel like they could be doing more melodically

- florida!!! its so good but the lines about its a hell of a drug can i use you up are not doing it for me they take me out of the murderer in hiding narrative vibe

- i can fix him* is so good the second verse is just clunky

- the albatross SO CLOSE to perfect cut the fake news line babe

- i hate it here incredible song but i just feel like the lyrics are first draft and could have had another couple passes

- thanK you aIMee literally just cut it out with the caps. if it didnt say kim in the title this song would be great but its unlistenable instead. the bridge would slap SO HARD if you had actually changed her name and any real defining clues. why did you do this

- the prophecy: nearly flawless why is the word greige in there get that out

subsection: songs that i dont really have any bones to pick with but feel a little off

- the alchemy its good i like it but the added in football lyrics to disguise that this was originally a mh song really are a bit heavy handed just write a new song? idk its discordant to me

- CoSoSoM : i actually love this song but the feeling that shes maybe outing someone does take me out but i think thats a me thing bc she does really do a lot of work to hide the muse

- robin: nothing is wrong with this song i think it does a lot for people with kids? but just does not hit at all for me like i dont dislike it im just so neutral

POSSIBLY UNFIXABLE SONGS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN CUT

fresh out the slammer:* the use of this phrase is so egregious that i almost want to condemn the song in its entirety but honestly the song has some really good bits so just uh rework the whole premise??

imgonnagetyouback: sorry this song isnt bad but the olivia rodrigo issue is too irredeemable its gotta get cut or entirely reworked with a new premise you cannot unreasonably sue a child to get credits on her songs and then do this. and its way worse than get him back so youre not doing yourself any favors. just cut it

** disclaimer that these songs suffer from being about matty healy but theres nothing to be done about that

#ttpd #i just wanted to write this out for myself tbh #trying to think through my album feelings #the main point here is that i agree with some critics #she could have used a couple more rounds of revisions #that would have fixed most of these #and then it would be an album with 29 perfect songs #taylor swift

[puppyeared]

i feel like. theres designing a character with certain themes and motifs in mind, and then theres making a gijinka for the water bottle on my nightstand

#me when im the only person on the bus wearing a mask: i should make a furry plaguesona #its hard to explain bc. most of the time i try NOT to give my characters a 'strong' theme like making their whole design around #one thing like apples or even broad stuff like baking or cottagecore.. idk if its partly for flexibility or because i cant imagine them #making it their whole personality. not bc i find it cringe or overblown but more like ive learned to associate design with character depth #i had a cutesy uwu persona for most of highschool because i thought it would make me more. likeable? easy to remember? since #memorable character designs are easy to recognize. and one way of doing that is simplifying it with a theme or symbol so you form an #association. but since im a real person its exhausting keeping up that appearance all the time and denying myself things when they dont #fit my 'aesthetic' or 'theme.' i think ive grown past that bc i just collect stuff because i think it looks cool and dont let myself dwell #on how it might 'fit' with my image. but i cant help feeling bad doing it to my own characters bc it feels like im making them too one #dimensional. despite knowing that theyre not real and design alone doesnt reflect depth i cant help feeling like its wrong #despite that i love seeing motifs because it feels like it reflects the characters soul and paradoxically gives them depth. it makes them #interesting to look at too and honestly its pretty fun combining things that fall under a similar category when designing #i struggle find a balance between those two things #actually this reminds me of noelles christmas theme.. i dont remember her saying anything abt liking christmas despite a lot of #her design and character tying back to it. it makes me wonder if she would have feelings about that or doesnt think abt it too hard #or if its like a matching family shirts situation and shes just going along with it?? #maybe i should just do whatever i want with my character designs since theyre not real and im thinking abt it too hard #although. this probably has something to do with deep seated identity issues huh #yapping #oc talk #oc

[writer-room]

Honestly Rayla is equally 100% ride or die for Callum too.

That's so true I almost mentioned it in that post. They're so ridiculously feral for each other it's hilarious to watch. Callum's the legitimate "we ride AND die together" whereas Rayla is the "I will ride and die FOR you" sort of deal yknow?

Could be literally any situation, no matter how dangerous, and she's already decided she will die here. Does it ensure Callum lives? Then batter-up buckeroo we're going in swords blazing! Everyone cheer and clap for her human or she'll blow this whole place up. Kinda person who says "even if you hate me I'd still lose everything if it meant you were okay". She thinks they're in a tragic love story where she's always at risk of losing him but that's okay as long as it keeps him safe and happy like y'know Viren parallels, she'd risk losing her very self for him over and over. Except Callum would wait until the end of the world itself, and even beyond, and she wouldn't even have to ask.

The difference between them, really, is that Rayla will die for Callum on any given day. Callum will kill for Rayla on any given day. Something something matching sets

#tdp #the dragon prince #asks #rayllum #tdp callum #tdp rayla #talk #someone in the tags of that post said 'raylas self loathing works hard but callums devotion works even harder' and they own that post now #its theirs. they summed it up beautifully. they own it #'yes hes cringe but hes MY cringefail loserboy!!!!! get your OWN' #everyone else would say the 'hes a 10 but--' except for rayla. shes just 'hes a 10. hes just a 10 striaght-up' #he is not. he is so not a 10 i love him but hes not a 10 shes just so ill for him #so insane that the girl who has issues abt not being or being wanted by anyone or not good enough for ppl to stay/want her #proceeds to find maybe the 1 guy in the entire world who will choose her no matter WHAT #and even when SHE was the one who left & he was pissed he was still 100% sticking by her. hes staying #oops she showed him affection. now hes stuck forever! shame. welp guess thats how it goes! #and its partially bc of that she'd die for him. she needs him to b okay even if shes not there. mix of that loathing like #'he could still b happy without me so i need to ensure he lives so he can STAY happy at my own detriment. he means more than me' #girl if you died he would literally crumple into dust. fold in like cardboard in the rain. lay face-down in the sand & just die there #same w callum hes like 'i can hurt myself over & over for her if shes alive. if the danger is dead then she can live longer. i will live bu #tear myself apart so long she is safe' #bestie. if you reach the point of no return she will sacrifice herself to get the old you back WHAT THEN

[beatcroc]

on fake pep and pizzahead

an essaypost because as far as i'm concerned pizzahead is dead and gone postgame. i know he isn't really and as far as the credits show he Does just kinda show up to lurk around peppino's sometimes, but i do not like or care about him enough to explore that encounter in art or a comic </3

if i did though this would be the vibe

now not to be misleading, i don't think pizzahead was ever outright mean or abusive to fp or anything, but he has a pretty strong track record of being neglectful and Not Really Giving A Shit, so... i don't exactly think their relationship was great either.

i mentioned on the post about the peppinos postgame that fake pep's nervousness mostly stems from him being very Unsure about everything- being a test tube baby and only ever knowing the tower --specifically mostly just bruno's where there was never anyone around+the labs which, while not a warzone in the traditional sense for him, still had him largely in survival mode and didn't give him any room for learning and self-actualization and whatnot--means he just Does Not Know much about how anything in the regular world works, and really he's missing a lot about how to contextualize his own experiences as well. being a fucked up unnatural Thing certainly doesn't help either, as there's no one else around that's like him in that way to learn or take cues from [the war clones weren't really sapient enough to glean much from, so closest he's got is real pep, which... only goes so far]; not to mention most people's reaction to anything he does is fear, there's a language barrier, i could really keep going here but the point is he just doesn't really know how to handle himself around people, which makes him Very Anxious.

this is ESPECIALLY strong anyone he perceives to have some kind of authority over him. peppino and pizzahead both are chief among these, and where i said a lot of the reason he gets on well with peppino because there is zero emotional guesswork with pep, the express opposite is true with pizzahead. you never know WHAT that guy is thinking. sure he's all smiles and silliness, but that doesn't translate to approval when fp has no doubt seen pizzahead committing The Atrocities while acting giddy as ever.

now for what it's worth, i do think pizzahead like, Liked fake pep; and at the very least was proud of him as like, his prized creation or whatever. not sure how much i'd say he respected fp as his own person outside of that but honestly even if he did it doesn't matter much given how... aloof he is with all his minions/employees anyway. nonetheless, his cheeriness towards fp wasn't disingenuous. as i see it, his giving fp his own little shop/attraction to run more or less how he pleased and making him the last and strongest guard to prevent people from getting to floor 5 was meant to attest to fake pep's potential and the prestigious place he would hold in his pizza empire.

unfortunately fp didn't know enough about ph or his motives, or even what he himself was supposed to be doing to understand it like that at all. i feel like pizzahead stayed pretty busy trying to get the tower ready for business; hardly any of his underlings really got much of a chance to talk to him, much less ones with whom he didn't have to work out things like "job interviews" or "financial compensation" and that sort of thing. fake peppino certainly knew who pizzahead IS, but i don't think they ever actually talked or interacted enough for fp to even so much as know his name. fake pep's perception of the events was more or less that they just shoved him in a dingy old shop for reasons unknown and told him not to let anyone upstairs, also for reasons unknown, and also to ESPECIALLY not let the real peppino up there. [with as pointed a target as peppino had on him by floor 4, i feel like it's not a stretch to say fake pep was given some kind of specific warning about him lmao]

besides lack of clarity about his purpose though, i think the most pressing question fake peppino would have for pizzahead, had he the nerve to ask it [which he doesn't], would be "why did you make me like this?" he's seen the other peppino clones, he's seen peppinoreal, he knows he's the odd one out. he knows he's supposed to Be Peppino, or be like peppino, or replace him, or something like that; but as far as he can tell he's just, by design, very bad at it. why would pizzahead make him bad at it? he's clearly capable of making more on-model clones, so what gives? did he just not care? was it some kind of sick joke? hell if fp is ever gonna know.

and to reiterate, pizzahead very much considers fake pep his prized creation; a new and improved Better Peppino, taller, friendlier, always has a charming smile, etc. These were intentional choices and meant to be a positive thing, but without knowing that context, fp is only ever going to see these features as flaws.

it's part of an overall 'inferiority' thing. see, as i see it, most of fp's existence has been defined by failure. failure to guard floor 5, failure to stop peppino [twice!!!], failure to Be peppino, failure to, i don't fuckin know, not become best buds with peppino??? surely that was not in the lesson plan. but anyway, basically everything fp had been given any real instruction to do, he has failed at.

obviously not a great feeling, like, in general, but a hell of a lot worse when confronting the guy who GAVE him that instruction in the first place. and even more so when, again, he can never read pizzahead's mood and well and goddamn aware of the atrocities this motherfucker has committed. [which to be fair ph would not actually do anything awful to fake pep; he'd just be like, mildly disappointed at worst. but as with everything else, fp does not know that]

fake pep as i play him is not particularly given to reflection, but i'm sure by now he's at least realized that the tower was not a great situation and/or that there was some fucked up shit going on in there....at this point I don't think he knows what he feels towards it or pizzahead.

the tower is still very much the first place he called home; bruno's was in some sense "made for him", and it wasn't exactly his choice to leave. he's also never been given an explicit reason to hate or distrust pizzahead, but on the flipside, his living around peppino has just been like so much better in every way, and again- this is the guy he had been told was a danger and given explicit instruction to stop. there's also something to be said for how hes gotta be aware of how much peppinoreal fucking hates the tower... i don't really have a coherent way to wrap this up, but like, you get it. It's Complicated™ and he's really not going to confront it unless he has to.

for the most part though, i... really don't think he's going to have to confront it. his life is a lot better now and there's little reason for most of it to come up; none of his past failures really matter here, and in some sense they're even celebrated; peppinoreal is far more glad that fp doesn't actually look or act much like him, so even if it still stings a bit somewhere in the back of his mind, maybe it's not so bad he's his own person.

anyway. to further clarify the image at the top, it's not peppino deliberately defending fp; it's peppino being "kill on sight" at pizzahead, and fp readily deferring to peppino's action because he is absolutely not figuring out his feelings on [gestures broadly to everything else in the post] in the moment, and pep is obviously a hell of a lot more ready to handle this situation than he is.

And a quick last tldr to clarify what I meant by everything else in the post,

#pizza tower #fake peppino #pizzahead #i will get to SOME of this in fp's comic with gerome but it's largely skirting around the meat of it here #as that's more about his time in the tower overall than specifically his dealings with pizzahead #pizzaposting #also if anyone is surprised how negative this is given what my comics are like.... lol #i like to make the funny silly happy soft content but always remember. there is Always a melancholy behind it. #ESPECIALLY if i can project really hard LOL. we are coping #it's always so funny to me when ppl say they like my characterization or that im good at it bc it's like #idk man im just out here talking about my issues #also this is not the essaypost i mentioned making the other day but this one has been in drafts for 3 months lmao

[moeblob]

Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.

Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.

#my characters #waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit #deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee #and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name #deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c #man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while #he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair #ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so #its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons #but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me #and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not #fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew #and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable #while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts #and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed #so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en #so you know maybe its that idk #and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now #and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it #and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad #that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal #and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it #the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer #anyway story time in the tags again #im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note #its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him #he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times #and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea #and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you

[essenceofarda]

.

#still think abt the time an (adult) male relative told me (when i was 10) that I 'needed to lose weight or no man would ever find me sexy' #which IDK feels like a shitty thing to say to anyone but especially a girl who had yet to even reach puberty lmao #and who wasn't even That overweight at the time Nor had body image issues until that moment going forward lol #ironically... I ended up having some ED issues and gained a bunch of weight from then on #mainly bc i had some CSA trauma in my early childhood way before that conversation so I internalized the idea #that if I was fat no man would give me unwanted attention #however... this thought process (on top of other things) led me to believe for almost my entire life that no man would find me attractive #or like me or love me at ALL unless I either lose a bunch of weight and maybe not even then #which is kinda why I'm overall uninterested in men even if the attraction is technically there? #I lost interest in even male Friendships tbh bc i internalized this idea that no man would be interested in me even platonically 🤔 #anyway. just something I'm working through in therapy but every once in a while I wonder why it's so hard for me to lose weight #and then I remember... ah yes.. '✨trauma✨' lol #funky's personal tag #delete later probs #anyway. I can't really talk about this stuff easily outside of therapy irl so I just be yelling into the void sorry guys :(

[adhdheather]

i love watching fruits basket w my friends who havent seen it before, but also i never know how to react when ppl are fully convinced yuki and tohru are gonna get together (this has happened at least 4 different times)

#accidentally spoiled that they will not get together to my friend tonight bc i only could talk abt tohru and yuki as a friendship #and the defense i used for why i did that was 'look at how gay yuki is' bc she doesnt know abt kyo and tohru's romance!!!! #and im trying so hard not to spoil fruits basket for my friend #tho i did nearly scream when shigure was like 'im the jealous type' @ the beginning of the show. everything w him and akito makes me Scream #and theres sm shit the characters say when they reference their issues where its like. u guys are Rlly downplaying how bad the situation is. #fruits basket #p

[niishi]

when it comes to mental illness, you can never please anyone. you're either mentally ill and do your best to not be a victim and to cope and grow, and then ppl act like you're not mentally ill and dismiss your genuine issues, or you make a big deal of it and harm ppl and yourself with it and then you're too much to handle. like what's gonna make ppl happy? what will make them validate your position in life? literally nothing.

#ive been medicated since i was 14 #and have heen suicidal since i was 14 #i put in so much effort to combat my mental illness so i can just live a happy life #where i dont want to die 24/7 #and where i can relax and appreciate my life etc #and bc i put so much effort in to coping and healing and growing #ppl just dismiss that im genuinely mentally ill #what do u want from me? #do u want me to have breakdowns and abuse people? #do you want me to make life hard for others and myself? #when will i ever get recognized for fighting so fucking hard for myself? #ppl only care when youre negatively effecting them and then #they use it as an excuse to dismiss your reality and hard work #idk man #im not saying i have mental illness and disability to be cute and quirky #im saying that bc ive been in and out of the doctors since i was 14 and have been diagnosed by #several different doctors all with the same diagnosis' #i have incurable mental disorders from taking medication that #kept me from killing myself but gave me massive dissociation #its not a joke and its not for attention #i don't even rlly talk about it unless i have to remind ppl that im not normal like they are #and stop writing off ppl who are good representations of strength and growth within their mental illnesses #we exist and we should be given more recognition so other ppl in our situations can see an example of someone #coexisting with their issues in a more healthy manner

[perenlop]

gonna say something that's probably gonna piss some people off.

"media literacy is dead" discourse has gotten to the point where i think some of yall are only a few steps removed from "we can't let our kids watch spongebob, it might turn them gay" parents

#trying very hard not to overshare bc this kinda left me w a lot of issues growing up #but like. my family wasnt QUITE the ''spongebob makes you gay'' brand mostly bc my mom didnt care that much on her own #but the adults in my family growing up were genuinely that post thats like ''looney tunes is sick. its twisted... its so violent and evil.' #and its getting harder and harder to not see the parallels between some of the shit theyd say #and the people who were apparently like ''tma is disgusting... the creator is a sick freak for writing horror in a horror podcast...'' #to the point they harassed the creator despite them putting up cws for each episode and the podcast being a horror podcast #like congrats youre only a few steps removed from my conservative aunt who banned some CN shows for being too evil #like its the same attitude as ''this makes me uncomfortable. it must be morally evil.'' no matter what that may be #echoed voice

[selfundiagnosed]

Omg having people who randomly hated my guts because i was a little off and extremely socially inept who actively targeted me to take their anger out on me before 2020 now identifying as autistic post pandemjc. I hate it here.. i know you probably resented me because i wasnt masking ever in my entire life bc i have mostly autistic family i never thought i was doing weird social things. and you felt like maybe i should have been suffering like you were and thus is made you like see red when i was around but duuuude. the way i had multiple ppl in my life throughout all ages try to make me their punching bag to themselves feel above me .. most of them being so obsessed with making it my problem by sending me anonymous hate or being fake nice to me and then lashing out at me giving me emotional whiplash are now saying theyre autistic like i think youre just mean dude?

#i mean like obviously i cant say whethwr or not they are but its just weird as fuck ppl who thought i was autistic and made their issues my #issue are acting like they never hated people in their life with autistic traits #a lot of them wrongfully assuming i was autistic bc of my autism traits and lack of masking and making my life hell bc of it #suddenly think its cool asf to have #i think some people are just social chameleons #autism is just another way to be quirky these days im so distanced from being autistic #i have it most likely for multiple reasons but i dont identify with it and never have #doesnt change that these people clocked me as such. raised by an autistic mom its hard to miss i guess #its like everyone saw me and thought i was autistic and either thought i made it cool or made it lame and i never ever implied i was autisti

[acoldsovereign]

{{ i realized I only posted about it once on the old blog, made a single post here explaining why I moved blogs/remade this account and then privated it because I didn't want to have that negativity hanging over said new blog but uh-

Hi, hello mutuals-- It's me, Tina, lol. I remade my blog and moved from @coldsovereign-a (which is archived now) to here-- @acoldsovereign. I did it because the old blog stopped feeling good to log into.

And, I didn't want to give up so easily. I love Maiz too much and I didn't want this singular, creepy ass, racist, jerk-hole asshat from ruining her/my RP experience. There were other irl/personal issues going on around the same time too and it fucked with my muse majorly. 😭

I apologize if I suddenly seemed like I "disappeared" (and then reappeared) without explanation! I wanted to move on from what happened to me quickly and in the process of that, I uh, forgot about common courtesy for a while. My bad. (Tbh, I just wanted a new home for my girl so I could fully enjoy her again. Glad to say I'm back in the swing of writing her, so the move did help!)

Anyway, more RP stuff coming soon. Yay!

#OOC: Out of Limits #{{ a conversation with a mutual just reminded me that I did NOT do a good job of actually saying what was wrong/didn't explain i remade- #{{ so yee. my bad. lmao. I'll be better about that. i feel a little better about the whole situation and other stuff now tho. #{{ but long story short i was way too accommodating to an asshole who didn't deserve it. #{{ and he like used my personal issues and turned it against me. all bc i wanted to be nice and patient and kind. #{{ i already forgave myself for not seeing red flags so this isn't about that. but the reason why i dealt with that is bc #{{ i have a complex around wanting so hard to not be a monster bc you know. sociopathy fucking sucks. i want to FEEL. and cry. and be kind. #{{ the latter parts are EXCEEDINGLY difficult for me and with my social conditioning as a woman it's hell. i want to genuinely be kind but. #{{ not to everyone. and women are given hell if we dare to be selfish and say “no”. having a hard life growing up helps none. #{{ but anyway-- like i said before i talked to some mutuals about it and i was told i did nothing wrong. so I'm okay. #{{ but I'll be stricter with who i want to interact with because of this event. until i can soften myself up again. and feel safe.

[vermillioncrown]

at the risk of sounding butthurt for talking about not being butthurt: going through quals really prepared me for trawling through fandom meta and research while keeping my zen

#redglyphs #opinionated verm #i have not seen another fandom as salty and divisive as the dc one #all the interesting meta and summaries come with this implicit ''you illiterate idiot'' vibe (exhausting) #or the ''we do what we want and fuck canon'' mindset is taken to the extreme end (simplistic and lacking nuance) #personally the visual style of a lot of western comics grates at me so it's hard to get into #but i do like the wack and fucked up dynamics of canon + trying to imagine a world/chronology around that #i like calibrating what i write around canon -> thus those meta&summary posters are very valuable and interesting to keep up with #i just gotta do 🙈 whenever they start to lambaste ''''fans'''' for not reading the comics/despised fanon reinterpretations of characters #''mmhmm yep. okay okay. i'm stupid. but let's get to why my blorbo is so fucked up bc of [whatever issue/run]'' #like whatever they say they cannot roast me as hard as this one prof from my quals panel did #that prof is basically the successor of the academic lineage that established his discipline #and man utterly destroyed me during the exam #''you have no idea what you're talking about; you didn't even read taylor's hypothesis from 1941'' and i just let my soul evaporate lmao #anyways. i feel like fandom (all fandom and esp ones w sprawling canons) would benefit from two things: #1) willingness to learn (you gotta try to absorb some of the canon to transform it; ''know the rules to break them'') #2) willingness to accept limits (ppl are allowed to pick and choose; ''you gotta tolerate other ppl on the playground'') #and like. fucking chill out. we're all literally writing about some fictional dudes doing fictional things #rarely is a thing you dislike actually harmful rather than just distasteful (to you personally or broadly w/e)

[mifhortunach]

.

#i’m a little drunk so forgive me please but #idk if it’s like.. bc i’ve been kinda down/moody anyway recently or if it’s bc i was gone for a week or bc i’ve finally picked up on it or #what - but i feel like legit kinda isolated now in work.. not in like some awful everyone deffo hates me way but in that bs olivia laing way #like it’s taken me way too long to notice that i’m not doing a good enough job making fuckn work-friends or whatever the fuck #& it’s so hard to say if that’s like. a me issue or if that’s bc fuckin almost all the people i work w are guys so i’m not a real person t #*to them!! probs fuckin both lbr - but it’s rly not helping shit yk #bc as soon as u go in knowing that ppl are talking 2 u for politeness then ur quieter so u look worse so there’s less talking etc etc etc #great fuckin stuff - ANYWAY remembered what i actually wanted to say #which was that i went to get some drinks w a friend earlier this week and god i wish i could like. this week just do ANYTHING #get properly pissed! see people & shit properly again; i miss having a proper social life and i’ve litch never had one #this is best left to be forgotten #so let’s not tag it lol - but anyway; anyone know how to make proper friends as an adult as a compulsive nonsharer & someone w/o interests!