sillygirlblogging

[sillygirlblogging]

may 28, 2023

back again... took the past two days off as i was working 10 hours both days.

i put in my two weeks and i feel hope again. i'll move in with my brother, i have a lot of trips ahead of me, i don't have an energy vampire sucking my happiness away, etc.

the funny thing about toxic relationships is that you deny, deny, deny while you are with them and tell yourself that things are so good until you are out of it for good and you start to feel better and you realize they were making you feel so depressed which only made you cling to them more. and sometimes, things were really good and even healthy in the beginning, which makes it even harder to recognize when your relationship is no longer what's best for you.

i keep getting caught in that pattern. i convince myself or allow myself to be convinced that everything is fine and well and that nothing they are doing is wrong. even when it objectively is. i want to be forgiving, i want to be "low-maintenance" but you know what? low maintenance is a scam created by men so that they didn't have to be better. you shouldn't accept your needs not being met in a relationship just for the other person's comfort.

i think i fall into this low-maintenance bullshit because as a child i was praised for being the one who didn't make a fuss. i have seven siblings. i'm in the middle of two sisters, both very demanding. i think my parents regret this now and they did begin to notice my needs even though i wasn't always very good at voicing them, which i think has helped me feel more open to speaking up but there is still some remaining damage. i love my family and my parents but its true.

anyways, good riddance to the soul sucking leeches. i will move on to bigger and better things and they will still be so wrapped up in themselves and their arrested development and i just don't have to worry about them anymore.

i'm realizing i really am a happy person, i just get caught in cycles of accepting toxic behavior and taking on other people's misery. on my own, i can just focus on being good to myself and improving myself without miserable bitches pulling me down with them. they don't want to improve, they don't think they need to. i want to love myself enough that i'm not afraid to leave situations when i see them turn bad.

anyways, looking forward to this summer and the fun trips i have planned, working on my degree, and doing my new job. also the house i'm living in right now is a construction zone and i will be so excited to live in a place where i will have a kitchen again.

the summer of tanning, work outs, working, vacations, and moving up in life.

i love myself, i love my life, and i have the peace of mind knowing i am working to be the best version of myself. maybe it isn't helpful for me to say negative things about people even if i feel they deserve it. i'm working on it.

well... that's all i guess. talk to you later, void

#journal #diary #digital diary #life blog #wellness #mental health #wellness journey #lifestyle #mental illness #toxic frienship

[sillygirlblogging]

may 25, 2023

not much to say. i drove all day today and it sucked but just the normal amount i think. school is kind of discouraging but i'm not going to give up. i finally might have a plan in place that i want to continue with.

also i am scared to return to work again but i really gotta just rip the bandaid off. and i'm hopefully going to quit if i can meet with my boss.

i don't want to talk much, i am honestly really struggling mentally and i think i might need a break from all the thinking about hard shit. i'm gonna go watch unstable now, which is kind of my new fav show to watch right now. just an episode, i have to wake up early and work 10 hours tomorrow.

so goodnight void, sleep tight. <3

#journal #diary #life blog #digital diary #wellness #wellness journey #mental health

[sillygirlblogging]

may 24, 2023

today started out feeling so horrible and i felt like i was dying. my insides were hurting unbearably. i have to leave my family and go home tomorrow because i've already extended my stay too long and i can't miss work anymore.

but i laid down on the ground for a few hours and then randomly something in me switched and i felt better. i decided that it's gonna be nice to have a long drive and just listen to music and podcasts and such. and i have to go back to work in order to quit. and now i need to quit early because i need to move in with my brother for my own safety.

also i looked into my options for my future and i think i have finally found some options i want to pursue. i applied to transfer to a college and i might be able to graduate in about a year. and i can take classes online and live anywhere. which is good because i really want to move. everything is just super expensive. which is really discouraging. but i have a little bit of hope now. anyways i am super tired and have to drive about 10 hours tomorrow so... yeah.

once again... goodnight, void.

#college #college life #life #life blog #blogging #lifestyle #mental health #mental illness #wellness #diary #journal #digital diary #wellness journey

[sillygirlblogging]

may 23, 2023

my life feels pretty hopeless right now. i have no direction, no money, no friends, and no idea what to do with my life.

i feel like it's already too late for me and that i have no options. i'm never going to be more than i am now. i'm never going to live a life i can be happy in.

goodnight, void.

[sillygirlblogging]

Once you realize that the patriarchy objectifies anyone not (currently) partnered to a cis-straight man, you learn to live happily knowing you're free of any infantilization. That's true liberation.

[sillygirlblogging]

The first step to changing your life is realizing your worth.

[sillygirlblogging]

May 22, 2023

in my anxiety era.

no literally all i feel is anxiety. therefore my guts are in ruins and i feel sick inside and out. i want to be excited and optimistic about the future but i'm being dragged down because reality is hitting me. i'm completely uncertain about my future, i don't even know what i'm going to do this week, much less my life.

i feel completely hopeless. what if there's no options for my future that will make me happy. part of my brain keeps telling me that i fail at everything and that i should give up now. i'm not good at school, but much worse than that is how hard it actually is for me to transfer universities for some reason. and it's just way too expensive for me to continue to go to the university i last went to. not to mention i just have to leave that state immediately (if you knew which state, you would understand).

i also feel like i have no idea my options or how to find out anything about them. why is so much information so hard for me to find? am i truly just an idiot? how does everyone else just... do life? and i am the only one left behind, confused as hell as to what i'm supposed to do. did everyone else's parents help them or something? throughout my life i have truly just had to count on myself to figure it out. applying to jobs, applying to schools, looking for places to live, paying taxes, etc.

sometimes i feel like everyone else in the world has a little antenna and is receiving instructions on how to live and i am just alone and confused. alienated. and you may say "just google it." maybe we don't have the same google... or maybe i just have no clue how to use google. but every time i try to find actual useful information for my life on google, it's always a millions results and i don't feel like any of them have viable answers for me. which leads me to my next point.

once i noticed it, the more i see it. people taking the most basic and bare bones advice and repackaging it as something new and the oversimplification of problems. ummm, you did not reinvent the wheel sis, i know that i need to drink water for healthier skin but it's not gonna solve all my problems.

or just straight up misinformation. you have to go through 1,000 people telling you what's good for you to get to 1 person telling you the truth. but the problem is that i have no idea who is telling me the truth. everyone has their own motives and most people are only trying to help themselves.

that being said, let me share something i do know, maybe someone like me will read this. not likely but anyways.

my beloved skin routine. now, i will say i do have nice skin but it's not exactly a family thing, some of my siblings had a lot of acne and some had very little. i have been taking care of my skin since before i even hit puberty so i feel that i can attribute some of my current situation to that. i get a lot of compliments on my skin. also i would like to note that i have no medical knowledge of this subject it is all anecdotal. but anyways, let's get into it.

remove makeup, if wearing any. there are multiple approaches to this. if your skin is more oily i would recommend micellular water and if it's more dry then coconut oil. of course, anyone can try out either, depending on your skin's sensitivity one or the other might be better. but i would say be weary of using coconut oil if you are already very oily. these are my favorite makeup removers because they're effective, gentle, and somewhat cheap.

wash face. there are so many cleansers out there, it can be so overwhelming. my go to is the cetaphil daily facial cleanser. i prefer this over all of the other cetaphil cleansers, but if you need there is a gentler one. be thorough, really lather up your face and then add some water, continue to lather, add more water, lather, until the face wash is all off your skin.

dry... obvi! make sure you are cleaning your towels often enough, i would say to only use the same one for a week before cleaning it.

tone. this is actually a super important step. it feels so unnecessary but truly makes a big difference to me. put just enough on a cotton ball/pad or reusable cloth substitute to the point where it's wet but not dripping. then wipe around your face. dont get too close to your eyes, they will be more sensitive. using toner will help your other post-wash products work better. my favorite toner is the pixi clarity tonic.

serum. i loveee trying out different serums because more often than not they work well and make my skin feel super good and hydrated. while there are many serums that are supposedly directed at different skin issues, i honestly think that the main benefit is added moisture to your skin that you just can't get from a cream moisturizer. i put one drop on each cheek and maybe a tiny one on my nose and then massage it all in, making sure to get also get my neck. the serum i use right now is the pixi glow tonic serum. i also love the pixi hydrating milky mist.

moisturize. i feel like putting a cream moisturizer over your face after serum just locks in all the hydration. i recommend one with sunscreen, but be weary because i find that sometimes they are more oily than the moisturizers without. one that i have found to be perfect for me is the elf holy hydration moisturizer with sunscreen. i have used this one for two years now and i just keep buying it. it's not too light or too heavy. don't use too much moisturizer. i put a pea sized amount on each cheek, my nose, and my chin and then massage it all in. and again, dont forget your neck!

it's extremely important to be consistent. wash your face in the morning and at night. if something doesn't work for you, then try something else. and the more expensive options don't always mean better. recognize the patterns of what works for you and what doesn't. what kind of ingredients are in the products that you're sensitive to? perfecting your own skin routine can involve trying a lot of new things but when you find something that works, i would advice you to continue using that product until it no longer works for you. if it's not broke, dont fix it! also continually introducing new things to your skin can be counterintuitive. and do NOT pop your pimples!! the pimple gods will know what you did and will only bring you more pimples. although it is so hard sometimes because let's be honest sometimes it feels super embarrassing and pimples can look a little gross, but you just have to ignore it. put a pimple patch on it and forget about it.

that's pretty much it for today. it was my sister's birthday, i think she liked my present but it's hard to tell with her. i'm ready for bed. it's been a long day. goodnight, void.

#wellness journey #my writing #journal #diary #digital diary #life blog #journal blog #skin #skincare #wellness #skin health #health #beauty #school #university #lifestyle

[sillygirlblogging]

Besieged By Violet Fantasies

Watercolor On Black Cotton Paper

2023, 22"x 30"

Viola odorata, Sweet Violets

[sillygirlblogging]

May 21, 2023

I don't have as much to say today, thankfully.

I'll start out with my favorite part. I got to watch the Dungeons and Dragons movie with my mom and sister. When I tell you I love this movie I mean that I LOVEEEE this movie. It's like everything I love about Lord of the Rings but with Chris Pine (who my mom tried to convince me is gay?? We shortly found out he is not) and a little bit more humor. I love movies in general. Every time I watch a good movie it literally changes my life. I mean good to me, obviously it's subjective and occasionally I have horrible taste.

Anyways, we also celebrated my dad's birthday today which meant yummy cake and a special dinner. It was great. Much more positive than yesterday!!

I decided that because my plans to move with my old best friend have probably fallen through, I'm beginning to seriously consider moving to France. Which is what I've wanted for probably 4 years now. I've talked to my mom, who is my voice of reason, and she is on board. I think she knows how much I've wanted to live there. I'm starting to work on a plan on how I'm gonna get there. I have a good amount of money in savings as I've saved a good portion of my income since my first job at 17. My problem is that my French is super limited. But I'm going to start working extra hard to learn, especially this summer since I'm not going to be working as much. I'm going to live with my brother and help him out since he's a single dad.

Well, it's not much. My life isn't necessarily interesting right now. But if I make it to France, maybe it will spice up my life... and this little blog. See you next time, empty abyss that I am speaking to.

#dnd #movies #dungeons and dragons #dragon deez nuts #wellness #journal #life blog

[sillygirlblogging]

Your passion is waiting for your courage to catch up.

Isabelle Lafleche

[sillygirlblogging]

[sillygirlblogging]

WANGREEN x CHENCLEAN*°:⋆ₓₒ

[sillygirlblogging]

once you realize the power of your tongue, you won’t say just anything.

once you realize the power of your thoughts, you won't entertain just anything.

once you realize the power of your presence, you won't be just anywhere.

[sillygirlblogging]

[sillygirlblogging]

8 Pillars of Self Care

Physical: Physical self care refers to the things you to do help you take care of your body and boost your energy levels.

Mental: Mental self care helps stimulate the mind and improve brain functionality.

Emotional: Emotional self care can help you cope with your feelings better and improve self acceptance.

Environmental: Allows you to find the right environment so you can truly thrive.

Financial: Allows you to cultivate a healthy relationship with money so you can reduce stress.

Social: Helps you feel loved and less alone as well as improving your communication skills.

Recreational: Encourages you to tap into your inner child and make time to have fun.

Spiritual: Helps you find a deeper purpose and more meaning in your life.

[sillygirlblogging]

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Master The Art of Self-Validation & Stop Caring What Others Think

Remember that you have the longest relationship with yourself in this life. Friends, family, lovers, partners, spouses, mentors, etc. will come and go. Ultimately, though, you have to live with the consequences of your actions for the longest – whether they be positive or negative.

Everyone is self-centered to a certain degree. No one cares about your happiness as much or is watching you as closely as you are. They all have themselves and their lives to worry about. People are paying attention to their own self-interests (or want you to accomplish things to boost their own credibility or self-esteem). Being your greatest personal cheerleader is the only way to fully give yourself the praise and spotlight you deserve for your accomplishments.

Self-confidence is magnetic. It is the secret to showing up as your best self in all areas of life. Being secure in yourself makes you a better friend, family member, lover, partner, spouse, professional, conversationalist, etc. Validating yourself will make you feel good, but also radiates into every relationship or interaction in your life.

Discover what you love about yourself. Reflect on the personality traits, skillsets, and behaviors you know to be admirable about yourself. Are you constantly making others laugh? Do you get endless praise for your cooking, drawing, singing, or problem-solving skills? Would people come to you first to manage a crisis like a champion? Are you a master disciplinarian when it comes to going to the gym or reading? Do people regularly compliment your outfits or nails? Think of all of the aspects of your being that make you unique and help you to feel content with your existing, authentic self.

Take control of your life to cultivate your ideal self. While you should consistently praise your naturally admirable qualities, remember that you always can change aspects of your life that will help you feel like your best self. Know that you're in control of your decisions and have the mental freedom to think & act in any way you desire to reach any goals or implement lifestyle changes to feel like the person you feel destined to be.

Block out the noise and negative self-talk. We're (almost always!) our worst critics. Consider every new experience or interaction as a learning opportunity. Mistakes and failures are life lessons that facilitate self-reflection and opportunities for growth. Remember not to beat yourself up for past mistakes: You did the best you could with the information you had at the time. If you weren't embarrassed by your past self, you never gave yourself the chance to evolve and grow. Every success, failure, and new life stage offers its own lessons and teachable moments. Remember that we're all our own unique life paths. Comparing your life to someone else's is like comparing apples and oranges. Both entities may be fruitful but have vastly different flavor profiles, growing seasons, and rates at which they ripen. As Dita Von Tesse shrewdly said: "You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there will always be someone who hates peaches."

[sillygirlblogging]

French Youtubers I Adore!

I decided to do this post in English because I’m slacking off I have thoughts about these Youtubers that I don’t have the vocab to describe them with in French yet :”)

Easy French: I used to watch this in French class in high school and I was so happy to see this in my recommended videos this week! This is a great channel to help improve your reading and listening skills. These videos also give great insight to the culture in France.

BellePinte: I FINALLY FOUND A FRENCH SIMS GAMING CHANNEL!!! I am SO happy about this one. Belle is hilarious and entertaining, and I love watching her videos. 

gaelle garcia diaz: I adore her sense of humor and her makeup reviews! I found her through her rem beauty review video and I’ve been hooked on her content ever since!

silent jill: If you’re into anything paranormal, Jill is your girl. She makes a lot of horror history videos and I find these great for learning new, quirky vocabulary. 

Esile: Esile makes many different kinds of videos, but I especially adore her animal crossing ones! I also really enjoy a good haul video every once in a while, and she has a few of those up on her channel.

I hope you enjoy!