roaringliketheocean

[roaringliketheocean]

someone asked me how you move on. do they know i still dream about you. waited to see if you’d say anything on my birthday, was kind of hoping for an opening. my mother says you sound different when you talk about her. i hold you like a coal on the back of my tongue. 

how do we move on? i take pictures of flowers, of ferns, of things i think you would like. i brush my teeth and braid my hair and sing badly and nothing echoes good inside of me. i write poems about birds and burns and bleach and they all reek with the absence of you because not-writing about you is still writing about you. in my favorite daydream i come home to you and just kiss you and hold a candle to the dry tinder and propane, call conflict seeing sparks. 

how do we move on? i guess. like this. i eat too many watermelon sourpatch candies because they’re my favorite. it makes my tongue bleed. i can’t taste anything for hours afterwards. i keep chewing long past the hurting. this is how next time i don’t say yes. this is how i light you out of me like a sunburn. this is how i chase out all this sharp white want. i say - okay. just this once. and then we need to walk away. 

okay just this once. okay just this once. okay. just today. and then we move on.

[roaringliketheocean]

i wish my thoughts

could sit on your skin

like wide blue eyes

spilling up with oceans

i wish my lips

would fall off

and race around my feet like toads

i wish

i could pull the panic out of my bones

like an appendix

'oh this is hurting you'

a little cut

a little blood

a little stitch

good as new

my brain is a dick

it likes to think and think and think

until all i am

is a set of broken eyes

that weep nightmares and monsters

words on my lips

words on your lips

too many words

that mean too many things

and should not have been said at all

they pull me down

and break my bones

tie stones to my wings

and sink me in my sins

i am screaming

choking full on insecurity

i feel like sagging bones

and a rotted skull

i am bloated

with all these dark things

that clamber and pull at my face

nails in my forehead

claws in my scalp

fingers in my mouth

talons in my cheeks

i am suffocating on my dreams

they pull me into a sandstorm

and tug me into spirals

of you and him and her and me and them

and all the lies whispered between us all

are you who you say you are?

do you mean what you do?

do i understand you?

are we speaking the same song

or am i hearing on a different place?

am i who i say i am?

i know myself least

let me look through your eyes and judge

my unspoken thoughts

that somehow

sneak out under my nails

and between the cracking in my teeth

do my eyes shout at you?

windows to the soul

doorways to my headspace

empty

full of void

and murder

overthink no.1

-o.f.

#poetry #heartbreak #overthink #overthinking #anxiety #panic #anxious #nerves #pressure #words #miscommunication #misconceptions

[roaringliketheocean]

i. bones and knives and blood i am an open wound open grave open casket come to my funeral don't you dare write my obituary you piece of shit

ii. pulling skin from fingers crunching on knuckles cannibal how does suffering and murder taste when it's not your own

iii. your hands were supposed to catch me you bastard instead they pushed me you broke so many promises

iv. trust me you begged and i ignored my heart for your lips and then i choked because honesty isn't something you trade in

v. can you look yourself in the eyes i know you hate mirrors how many sets of bones dance in your room at night i bet you can't sleep for all the clacking and breaking i hope you can't sleep

vi. i dreamed about you for weeks and darkness chased me until i was a shadow you stole my heart my head my voice my trust my time my friends my voice

vii. listen close you arrogant lying bitch you thought you destroyed me and i won't lie you definitely came close but i'm tougher than i look and few friends who won't talk to me and a couple rumors aren't going to kill me

viii. kiss my ass i was too good for you i can't believe i ever loved you

#poetry #heartbreak #things i want to shout in your face #housefire #liar #rumors #hurt #betrayal

[roaringliketheocean]

you claim i am a liar

and i don't have the time for it

feb '19

- o.f.

[roaringliketheocean]

via weheartit

[roaringliketheocean]

[roaringliketheocean]

Head full of mirrors, 

your unfocused reflections 

are most distracting. 

🍁 Red Leaf Haiku by © John Clark Helzer

[roaringliketheocean]

eunoia|yonderly

why do you smile, love?

what are you thinking

that helps you to brighten up?

you’re lost in your mind, love

(and i’m lost out of mine)

and i wish it was me

you were dreaming of

[roaringliketheocean]

does time stop when a rose

gets swallowed by the ocean?

are our hands the same

distance from our dreams

every time a heart takes a

different name? you are

every wrong thing I ever

wanted to do, every breath

that has listened to the

forest more than tanning

apologies & though I just

want the place where I

sleep & my home to be

the same place, we don’t

get to choose the person

our mind can’t

forget

[roaringliketheocean]

#poetry #heartbreak #i'm sorry #things i will never say out loud #original #orange #missing people #mine #i tried #sorry #its never enough #blueyes

[roaringliketheocean]

it has been

more than a year

and i am

finally realizing

that it was not

just my fault

not all of the blame

belongs to me

you hurt me too

you left scars

and thoughts

that i had no part

in causing

this forgiveness

of myself

is healing

and for the first time

in a long tjme

i feel whole

because

i am not

the only reason

for my suffering

and yours

//self-forgiveness//12-29-18//o.f.

#poetry #heartbreak #things i will never say out loud #i'm sorry #forgiveness #forgiveyourself #ghost #her #things i will never tell her #december #winter #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #spilled words #words #my words #i tried

[roaringliketheocean]

Instead of saying goodnight, she said, “I love you.”

Instead of saying goodnight, he said, “Goodbye.”

[roaringliketheocean]

via weheartit

[roaringliketheocean]

i am often commended

for my quick

and copious smiles

and for my easy laugh

i wonder

what would happen

if i pulled back

my teeth

and let my lips fall

into a reflection

of how

i really am

//sunshine//

- 12/13/18 - O. F.

[roaringliketheocean]

he is going to be an accident but those hurt the most

i’m warning you

but do i listen

[roaringliketheocean]

bubbles in my chest

a settling sun on your eyebrows

i am lost

in clouds dripping

with sarcasm

and serendipity

how will you find me

when i am

the shadows

of footsteps

on winter skies

my tongue

is light and murder

don't touch me

don't look

i will hurt you

oh god

i am danger

approach with caution

don't get attached

i'll leave you

like summer

with my concrete finger

meant for breaking

i will dance

on the knobs of your spine

a river like tears

pouring from my hands

oh my blue eyes

are shouting

can you hear my warning?

//blue eyes: i am going to break you// 

- O.F.

run for your life

#poetry #sadness #disaster #blueyes #words #things i will never say #poets on tumblr #i'm sorry #spilled thoughts #shatter #what's the opposite of serendipity? #i think we've found it #run for your life #i will destroy you #i swear i ruin everything #just let me go #approach with caution #don't get close

[roaringliketheocean]

“lets not make this a cliche, this isn’t about a boy and a girl  who aren’t going to make it and this isn’t  another damn love poem, you fall through air and I am writing in the waves

sinking implies that an action is actively occurring  but this ship is at the bottom of the sea and there are sharks swimming through the cabins where  the steadfast captain used to sleep 

ships are women for a reason, She was never meant to house so many bodies, so unwelcome  Her sails were meant for a light sea breeze but the storms She suffered were much stronger  and in the end it sunk Her to the seabed 

a bed She did not make but knew too well, sand slotting between Her planks- this won’t be a retrieval or revival, story- do you know how much it costs  to salvage a sunken ship? 

more than She was worth at the start.”

- wreckage || O.L.