qrow-life

[qrow-life]

Shout out to the ten year old who just got diagnosed. Shout out to the housebound fourteen year old. Shout out to the eighteen year old who can’t go to the university they wanted. Shout out to the twenty two year old who can’t get a job. Shout out to the twenty six year old with a caretaker. Shout out to the thirty year old who can’t buy their own house.

Shout out to young disabled people. We exist.

[qrow-life]

Mobility Aids

Sadly I’m at the point where just walking around my house hurts (8/10 and sometimes an 9/10) and I’m kinda stuck on if I should get a wheelchair on my own or if I should just wait til I see one of my specialists bout it. It’s just so painful and I hate using Advil bc it makes me sleepy and I just knock out for a good couple of hours. So, I don’t know what to do. My body is just in constant pain.

Mind you I have forearm crutches just a little lost on what to do.

#actually chronically ill #chronic fatigue #chronic pain #online journal #chronically ill #heds #joint hypermobility #ehlers danlos syndrome #hypermobile ehlers danlos

[qrow-life]

Moods

I don't know if this is just a me thing or if it happens to others as well. But ever since the process of getting all my diagnosis I've been horribly moody. Annoyed with my mom and just annoyed in general. Especially when it comes to her asking about my referrals to see specialists. Like no I haven't heard anything. Yes, I've called them. Yes, I've had the referral resent. No, I haven't heard anything. It's just that back and forth and I'm tired of it. And then she'll get mad at me when I'm visibly and audibly upset from being asked. Now don't get me wrong I'm very grateful towards my mom ...it's just... stressful to be asked that all the damn time. Like I'm pretty much home 24/7 as my town is inaccessible and I can't work a job. But anywho, I'm getting to the point of if she asks me again, I'm going to actually blow up.

#online journal #actually chronically ill #inappropriate sinus tachycardia #joint hypermobility #heds #mast cell activation syndrome #chronic fatigue #chronic migraine #chronic pain #chronically ill #digital diary

[qrow-life]

the sun mourns in vain for the white-throated rail: a comic about disability and the unwanted able-bodied grief for past selves.

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION:

Page 1: The sun holds a white-throated rail, a bird with a red head, a gray body, and a white throat, in its hands. The sun speaks in a tone represented as sorrowful pity through a drippy speech bubble.

Sun: Looking at you makes me sad!

Rail: What?

Page 2:

Sun: Looking at you makes me sad!

The sun stands with a hand clutching its face.

Sun: How miserable it must be to be flightless! Don’t you yearn for the skies? Don’t you wake up grieving you’re still on land?

Page 3: The white-throated rail looks down in frustration in the hand of the sun.

Sun: (speaking off screen) I’d simply perish if I were you!

The rail speaks, looking down. Pink flowers bloom towards the bottom of the page, petals and pollen blowing in the wind.

Rail: Why do you put your words in my beak and your grief in my feathers? Am I not beautiful?

Page 4: The bone of a white-throated rail is positioned against a colorful galaxy dotted with flecks of stars.

Rail: Am I not adaptability in action? Am I not evolution in motion? Do you mourn the days you weren’t a star? Do you mourn when the sky was cold, how unbearably hot you must burn to keep embracing it every day?

Page 5: The sun looks at the viewer.

Sun: Why would I? That was then, this is now. I am content to be in this state.

Page 6: The rail looks up at the sun off-screen.

Rail: Well…So am I.

[qrow-life]

we need a fictional wheelchair user who does all the unrealistic bullshit cars and motorcycles do in fiction. i wanna see a wheelchair do the akira slide. i need a high speed chase with a nitro-fuelled wheelchair where the character out-maneuvers cop cars. does anyone understand me

[qrow-life]

Since July is Disability Pride Month

(as opposed to every other month when we're all demure about disability rights /gentle sarcasm)

I wanted to highlight one of my favorite artists: Liberal Jane.

[qrow-life]

Ya know, I see people with the same illness as me and I see how well they’ve adapted to life. But I can’t help to be envious. Because I just want to be there already. And I know getting diagnosed is a long process. And I’m only half a year into the process. And I’m just tired.

I’m so tired. I have an appointment coming up with my neurologist, and I have some worries about my cognitive abilities. Because I keep forgetting things. Things I shouldn’t be forgetting.

But in other news, I got a pair of forearm crutches. And it’s so much easier to get around when I have the energy to do things.

-Qrow

[qrow-life]

So today I’ve been in a lot of pain, it’s getting real cold where I live which is a trigger for my pain. And for most of my day I layed in bed, reading and resting. Drinking water and eating some snacks (mainly granola)

So I’m going to make myself a comfort food. Roasted Tomato soup & a Grilled Cheese. This is also me trying to do things on my own again. Because I’m experiencing an energy surge. Idk how long it’ll last so I’m trying to get some projects done that take a lot of my energy. Like cleaning my room & bathroom. Doing the dishes. Stuff like that.

I’m also going to try and fix my sleep schedule or at least try. I’m only getting 5 hours of sleep a night, which is not great so I’m going to try and sleep for 8 hours tonight. By going to bed by 11pm I typically don’t go to bed like 2-3am so ye imma try.

#actually chronically ill #online journal #chronic fatigue #inappropriate sinus tachycardia #heds #joint hypermobility #chronic pain

[qrow-life]

TW: Sexual Abuse, Psychological/Emotional Abuse

I was just a kid

How could you hurt me like that

Why did you

You were supposed to be my protector

You were supposed to be someone I could trust

I was just a kid

How was I supposed to know what consent was

How could I have know family wasn’t supposed to touch you like that

Why did you hurt me like that

We were just kids

How were we supposed to know that what you did was wrong

How could you hurt us

Why did you

Did you do it cuz you wanted control

We were just kids

So why

I just want an answer

I was just a kid

No older than seven

So tell me

If you even remember

Why

How could you touch me like that

How could you make me feel as if it was my fault

I was just a kid

And now

Now I’ve grown

Now I know that you were power hungry

Now I know you never cared about me

That you never loved me

That you wished to take control over someone

I had wondered why for so many years

I had blamed myself

I thought I couldn’t say no to anyone

Now

I’ve grown

Now

I’m free

Now

I’m no longer just a kid

I’m an adult who’s grown

Who’s finally free from your clutches

Who has people that actually care, that actually love me

People who will protect me

I was just a kid

#poetic #poetry #self healing #healing from trauma #healingjourney #journaling #online journal

[qrow-life]

Im bleaching my hair by myself, being independent is hard when I can barely do basic shopping on my own bc of my illnesses soooo I’m trying to do it in tiny ways like learning how to do my hair on my own. I did miss a spot but that’s okay. I have remind myself making mistakes are okay. Because how else am I going to learn?

Take a deep breath and relax, making mistakes is how you learn and grow as a person. It’s okay to mess up. You are not a failure if you mess up. You are just human.

#personal growth #self healing #online journal #actually chronically ill

[qrow-life]

About Me

On here you can call me Qrow, I’m 20, please refer to me with masculine terms only. I’m chronically ill and in the middle of getting all my diagnoses and getting my care team.

DO NOT try and give me advice unless you yourself are a doctor or you are also chronically ill.

DNI if your anti-lgbt, islamphopic, anti-semitic, racist, misogynistic, sexist or ya know a horrible human being.

Like seriously I hate people who hate on other bc of things they can’t control or things they believe in. Like honestly tf is the religious hate about? We all believe in something different, I mean we’re mortal so grow up and stop.. sorry mini rant.

This is a journal blog. Just to vent and share my life.

So ye, have fun reading this I guess?

[qrow-life]

I’m doing this because my dad recommended doing a blog or something since I can’t work. Sooo imma sort of use this as an online journal to record my daily life with chronic illnesses and the process of getting diagnosed and all of that fun shit. As well as a journal about healing from my trauma.

So ye, I might make a YouTube channel but I dunno probs not.

#journal #healing #healingjourney #chronically ill #chronic illness #hypermobilty syndrome #inappropriate sinus tachycardia #chronic migraine #chronic myalgia #mast cell activation syndrome #healing from trauma #online journal #actually chronically ill #lgbt safe space #gay #trans male