palerosepoetry

[palerosepoetry]

I am the daughter of a daughter with a mother with no soul

My grandmother hates my mother in the way a loser hates a winner. There does not exist a competition except for the one she tells people.

In my mother, my grandmother sees everything she is not What she could have been what her sins keep her away from being.

But my mother, in her mother sees a bucket with no soul see a person who should love her but instead, choose to ignore her

They live in the same house even though their eyes never meet each other It is a dog and cat relationship In where my grandmother is a cat that leaves scars on my mother's heart and my mother is a dog that receives the pain with pride and love She is a shield for her child She protects me from my horrible family line.

-Jazmin D'Roa

#not mine #reblog #poetry

[palerosepoetry]

To Father

We sit, it is warm and calm, and you fold your hands, as if praying—useless.

With new eyes I can see it was a fist, doubled.

For what comes out of your mouth is not grace or an appeal, but a harsh grating, grinding.

I can hear the echo still, reverberating in my skull.

Alone we sit, eyes untouching, and the air is serene, and yet those noises, like razors shredding.

Stuck in me, these fragments of hate, without understanding or care.

Whittling me down, sharpening me— although I was serrated— til I cut anything that came near.

I thought I was worthless, subhuman, undeserving of what could've been.

I can't remember how it ended, but I remember the tears later, wet with salt, sometimes red.

Those words are still in my head, with all the things you've said.

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#unhappy father's day lol #i hate my dad #estrangement #estranged family #original poem #poetry #poetry on tumblr #poem #poets on tumblr #i hate my father #i hate my parents #my writing #pale rose poetry #i'm late i know #originally written in 2011 #version 2 rewritten in 2023 #writerscafe

[palerosepoetry]

[How do I tell you]

How do I tell you That I'm barely surviving And life is an endless slog

How do I tell you When you say that you're worthless All the toil feels meaningless

All this for you So you can say You feel worthless Compared to me Who crawled every day Through all this fucking mess So you could play Without this stress It's all for you

How do I tell you That I love you regardless If we might end up homeless

How do I tell you You're worth it and more You're worth struggling for

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#relationship poetry #poem #spilled ink #original poem #poetry #poetry on tumblr #poets on tumblr #poetry blog #my writing #pale rose poetry #have a new poem #been awhile since i wrote anything so figured why not publish it

[palerosepoetry]

A Warning

Oh my love, you need a sky saturated with color Shining over you as the sun rises. And love, you need a warmth burning like a fire, Lighting up your face with a glow. And my dear, you need a devotion like a believer Seeking God, in both heart and mind.

My love, you need all this.

But I—I have nothing but the black Smothering the dull moon at night. Nothing except cold ashes In a pit of dirt ringed with stones. Nothing but a lack of belief And empty heart and mind.

So I say to you, look away. I need not these things you need, and I have nothing to offer you. Leave now before I miss the color of your face, The warmth of your body, The reverence of your glance.

If you stay there will only be rain, A gray mist under gray clouds– For this is my world, a blackened and burnt white world. Live here for awhile and soon, you’ll be A desaturated soul, dry like ash, and withered— Crumbled from lack of sun and fire, my soulmate.     Now I can give you all you need, my love.

Oh my love, you need not me.

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#reblog

[palerosepoetry]

robotgirl

squeaky hinges rusted so she can scarcely walk— but walk she does axles grind like someone screaming out to fill the empty void that is her mouth

light on her chest busted and caked with dust— but she long ago powered off made of all metal with skin cold and hard every inch of her body is lonely and scarred

she'd been made with eyes closed shut but then she knew from her opened eyes tears slowly fell to corrode the stoic mask, the empty shell

the arid field of life can't go on forever but it stretches on raging sand comes to rip at her form she has to lay low to weather the storm

she'll walk until she can't anymore the poor, lost robotgirl

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#poem #depression poetry #personal poem #personal poetry #sad poem #sad poetry #original poem #poetry #my writing #pale rose poetry

[palerosepoetry]

A knife would be relief so sweet

A knife would be relief so sweet, Compared to this pain so acute. A razor does more as love Than you could ever dream of.

The blood would be relief from Heat, Made down below in the Fruit. My finger does more as love Than one could ever dream of.

A pill could be a special treat, But now it seems my word is mute. Objects do more as love Than I would ever dream of.

Love would stop my further retreat, It has power one can’t refute. But one can never attain love With horrors never dreamt of.

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#old poetry #self harm poem #self harm poetry #self harm #poetry #poem #my writing #original poem #poetry on tumblr #poets on tumblr #teenage angst #pale rose poetry #wrote this when I was a teenager don't judge

[palerosepoetry]

To Mother

Words may not break bones But they broke my heart. My miserability amplified By your miser tongue. The hope of a small child dashed Against a wall daily, repeatedly. Each plea and love-word spent Until I was in debt, and homeless.

Pain so bad I wish I could die, And you pile on painful words. Every time you speak it just adds To the hurt I feel everyday. Someone without a mother’s love is—  You still breathe, and until you no longer do  I will be trapped inside this hate.  Until you are buried deep  Within my heart, I will always be your little girl— Subhuman, undeserving of what could’ve been.

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#unhappy mother's day lol #i hate my mom #estrangement #estranged family #original poem #poetry #poetry on tumblr #poem #poets on tumblr #i hate my mother #i hate my parents #my writing #pale rose poetry

[palerosepoetry]

the invisible feeling

if feelings were physical, resulting in disease or wounds, I’d have fallen down in the street and someone passing by would have helped me up, and they could run tests and fix me up with pills and stitches and get well cards. but it’s not like that in this world, because feelings are only chemicals, spurting about in your brain and body, not something you can touch and glue together.

sometimes I think it’s not fair, that I deserve help like someone who’d been stabbed, or had any other organ fail, other times it’s good because I can still put one foot in front of the other and get somewhere, but the problem is I’m aimed in the wrong direction and I get lost, so even though I’m moving it’s not like I’m going anywhere, because I can’t press a button or turn a knob to change myself to the right channel.

am I even in love or is it just desperation to cling to someone who cares just enough, so I’d have a reason not to disappear into the woods to let ravens and worms find me, or maybe I love him to have an excuse to feel as if there’s a need for me to be here, letting him do whatever he pleases even when I cry or rage because of him, but usually I think it’s good that I’m in love because it forces me to carry him on my back, and the weight is a good reminder that I’m still here and that I need to keep moving.

if I had a wish I’d let people see what I feel, hear what I hear in my head when I’m alone and down, so maybe they would understand and help me—reach in and stitch me closed or apply a salve or turn the knob, because I can’t reach in to do a system restore by myself. oh, and I wish that there was a reset button for my brain, because maybe then I could go down the path to where my life means something.

but maybe if people could see me for what I am they wouldn’t help me, they’d abandon me like a leper— but maybe if my lover could see my emotions as festering sores and vomiting blood he’d run in the other direction— so yes, it’s a good thing no one can see what’s in my brain, as physical as my feelings. at least this way I can exist in the same world.

it’s probably for the best that I don’t get wishes.

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#reblog #original poem #mental illness #mental illness stigma #poem #poetry

[palerosepoetry]

gwendolyn brooks / milsae / richard siken / mario miranda / ross gay / jacob van loop

#poetry #poems #art #not mine #reblog

[palerosepoetry]

gave my heart and soul to the wrong person

but there is no right person, how can this be a mistake?

gave my trust and years to the wrong person

but there is no other person for me, how can I be alone again?

everyone says to leave, so quick to leave

as if they haven't felt what I feel

we're stitched together, me and him, the blood dried up and scabs faded to scars

I know I have to rip him out of my very pores, out of my atoms

but how can I stay when the needle is still threading through my insides?

more like a poison than bond, one I drank of my own will

so I would have someone to hold me when I was frozen

everyone says to leave,

yet they don't say you'll get burned if you start

in the beginning I would wake up thinking only of him, but now I wake up thinking how am I going to tell him?

tearing the threads out, I'm pulled apart at the smallest level to be left alone and bleeding

but how will I endure this everlasting pain when my love still breathes somewhere apart from me forever?

parts of him I carry with me, absorbed into me, aches with this untold knowledge

but I will never have to say goodbye as he will always be with me, and he never has to know these feelings

#relationships #poetry about love #poetry about heartbreak #sad poem #sad poetry #love poem #love poetry #poem about love #break up poetry #break up poem #spilled ink #original poem #poetry #poem #poetry on tumblr #poets on tumblr #poetry blog #my writing #pale rose poetry #codependency

[palerosepoetry]

A good thing

It’s a good thing you are feeling again; I guess it never was a thing of walls in need of piercing, emptiness neither blocks, reflects, nor absorbs the light trying to get in, so it’s a good thing you’re feeling again, though it’s going to take some time for you to re-find your bearings ‘cause life is about more than love and affection and these open nerves still have to grow some skin, but it’s a good thing you’re feeling again, you’ve found the strength to be vulnerable again; to be touched again, and even though this time love didn’t win, it is safe to say it healed a lot of damage;    it’s a good thing you’re feeling again,        indeed a good thing, my friend. _ 4-9-2018, M.A. Tempels ©

#reblog #not mine #poetry #poem

[palerosepoetry]

MAY BE TRIGGERING

#reblog #not mine

[palerosepoetry]

Mind over body

Hell is below us And Heaven is above Mind over body.

If only the Heavens would put out The flames that rage below —the lake of fire, the bottomless pit.

If only the Holy One would go down As one of the dead to Sheol —the grave, the barren womb.

Should the Heavenly Spirit overtake you Accompanying shall also be the Adversary —the Tempter, the Prince of Darkness.

What if the roads paved with gold Beneath were infested with worms, And the river with the water of life Was flowing through a channel of mud, And the gates made of pearl Were held together with leather hide, And the City full of crystal-clear light Hid the night within deeper shadows?

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#poem #original poem #poetry #poetry on tumblr #pale rose poetry #I don't know what to tag this with #I just don't feel like it

[palerosepoetry]

I cupped the depth of your screams in the palms of my hands

I cupped the depth of your screams in the palms of my hands brewed it in my chest in the embers from all our fires burnt out, reignited to an inferno spreading  to my legs and hands thus armed I sought out the source of your fear etching at the pavement with my heels a warrior charging at your foe in the grip of a power pounding like a warbeat and he cowered i held the line as threads of whispers from past battles hung on my shoulders in white and black, bones and lace, funeral wear made of pain and sobs and agonizing nights lying in a neverending, lonely wake that my loved ones have suffered, and i was never there to fight the fury of billions of women anyone can summon yet it was only me that chose to answer the call that night that night he thought he could outrun the echoes of your screams the anguish in your eyes as you came to meet again the man who came into the women's bathroom who touched you without your consent, or familiarity, who thought he could walk away with a shrug of fake innocence i'll never forget all the women trapped like you were

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#poem #original poem #poetry #poetry on tumblr #pale rose poetry #tw: sexual assault #tw: sexual abuse #female fighter #I don't know what to tag this with #tw: rape

[palerosepoetry]

I hold you in my dreams— In this surreal landscape it seems That all the world is grand... In reality, Love's a grain of sand Because you cannot be my man— That's why this pain began.

I dream you rest in my heart—     You wrest out my heart     And rip it apart. Ah—but I'd kiss your feet as I lie bleeding Just to have you as I've been needing.

What bliss is this that I'd die as I smiled If by your lips my mouth'd been beguiled?

I dream about owning your heart— We'd never be apart. But then you utter "no"— My heartbeat seems to slow— Dreams dashed on the wall, On my knees I fall; If you'd just look down you'd see me crawl.

I dream that I have strength to reply, Even as I feel I'll die: "You don't have a choice." I'll choke off your voice It will be you on your knees Begging me please                                      Kiss me It's all I want, some simple touch A lie of devotion—     Oh, this cruel, cruel emotion!

I touch you in my dreams— Even through the screams, Your body I'll subdue— Even if I can't have You.

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#rejection #relationships #sad poem #sad poetry #dark poem #dark poetry #love poem #love poetry #poem #spilled ink #original poem #writing #poetry #poetry on tumblr #poets on tumblr #poetry blog #my writing #pale rose poetry #i thought I was clever when I was younger

[palerosepoetry]

No one to talk to No one to call No one to comfort me No one to see me fall

My heart hurts so badly I wish I could die Everyday it's the same I can no longer lie

Depression's a disease Even if the law isn't sure And loneliness is the cause Which has but one cure

You can cut your wrists open You can cover up the pain You can smile 'til it's true But you'll still be insane

So when no one reaches out When no one calls your name Know that you're all alone They're all feeling the same

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#depression poetry #sad poem #sad poetry #lonely poem #lonely poetry #dark poem #dark poetry #poem #spilled ink #original poem #writing #poetry #poetry on tumblr #poets on tumblr #poetry blog #my writing #pale rose poetry

[palerosepoetry]

drowning in Sorrow

drowning in Sorrow up to my chin; It burrows deeper into the skin, not allowing anymore Breath in.

as my eyes hardly dare to stare ahead, i tread forward with feet of lead, and inside me beats a heart of dread. Time moves toward an inevitable Fate; it hurts to say goodbye and it hurts to wait, and lovers embrace always a little too late. shrouded in darkness created from these pains, in cold loneliness only the present remains, and both past and future hold my heart in chains.

© original author @palerosepoetry (Reblogs welcome.)

#sad poem #sad poetry #depression poetry #dark poem #dark poetry #poem #spilled ink #original poem #writing #poetry #poetry on tumblr #poets on tumblr #poetry blog #my writing #pale rose poetry