ivebeenmade

[ivebeenmade]

Haven't done this in a while

Things are still festering, but also we are resolving more quickly.

Still in too much pain 24/7. My GP thinks I may be feeling the rare side effects of Lyrica so we are very slowly going down until we hopefully find a Cinderella med scenario. 🤞

I know I'll still need something.

Just ugh. Today at least work is going quickly.

#journal #Friday April 26th 2024 #getting tramadol here and there not prescribed though #lyrica #chronic pain #chronic illness

[ivebeenmade]

Dark X-Men #04 (2023)

#x-men #gambit #rogue

[ivebeenmade]

A family doesn't need to be a husband a wife and two kids, sometimes it's a lesbian terrorist couple, a flying brick from Mississippi, a Catholic German and a Cajun thief. And I think that's beautiful

#x men #x men comics #rogue #destiny #mystique #nightcrawler #gambit #x men meme #irene adler #raven darkholme #kurt wagner #remy lebeau #darkholme family shenanigans #x men 97

[ivebeenmade]

Haven't done this journal thing in a couple days. I think I'm really that overloaded.

Things were nice for a couple days. This morning feels like a slow motion car crash. I'm so tired. I'm so out of touch with myself.

I need to get away. Just for a bit. But where the hell can I go but fucking work? Where people just demand demand demand, and creep on me. And I feel so exposed and raw all the time.

Physically I had a couple ok days. Right now, I can feel it in the distance but I'm so numb in every way.

#journal #Monday April 22 2024

[ivebeenmade]

Outside Fitz and Simmons' lab area, as a joke...mostly

#leo fitz #jemma simmons #the bus kids #my post not my graph #aos #my crazy marvel headcanon #my crazy avengers headcanon

[ivebeenmade]

+

X-Men '97 1x02 “Mutant Liberation Begins”

#magneto #x-men '97 #marvel animation's x-men '97 #x men 97 #x men #x-men #xmenedit #xmenuniverse #uncannysource #marvel #marveledit #dailymarvelgifs #marvellegends #heroesdaily #comicedit #animationsdaily #cinematv #dailyflicks #max eisenhardt

[ivebeenmade]

oh shit, it's 3/21/23, 32123, palindrome day

#420 #4/20

[ivebeenmade]

#xmen 97 #xmen '97 #x men '97 #x men 97 #xmen #x men #xmenedit #xmen edit #x men edit #nightcrawler #kurt wagner #marvel #marveledit #marvel edit #disneyedit #disney edit #disneyplus #disney plus #disney+ #disney +

[ivebeenmade]

The assholes are loosing their mind

#damn right! she was always this way #storm #ororo monroe

[ivebeenmade]

sorry for the reddit meme but me actually

#420 #4/20

[ivebeenmade]

Gambit

By ArashiKumo1

#Gambit #Remy LeBeau #X-Men #X Men

[ivebeenmade]

My gf and I just turned to eachother and had the following conversation.

Her: Is it just me or is he kinda attractive? Like, hot? In the face I mean.

Me: Yeah I was thinking it but didn't wanna cop to it, cause it's weird and I thought I'd be the only one.

#fallout #walton goggins #my gf #lol it's great cause I'm always trying to explain my unique-umm-fondnesses

[ivebeenmade]

I feel like I was just kissed by a bus.

#fibro #fibromyalgia #chronic pain #chronically ill #chronic illness #chronic fatigue #disability #disabled #spoonie #why is this so freaking accurate

[ivebeenmade]

I think today might be the day.

This is too hard.

#Tuesday April 16th 2024 #journal #I'm sorry

[ivebeenmade]

Been up since about 8:30. She woke up feeling ill. I tried to get us both back to bed since I don't work until 1. Despite falling asleep into.her redbull about 10 times (and she fucking needs sleep) she got angry the moment I laid down with her.

Things we've fought about as follows.

1.) I was going to make breakfast. We have sausages and some mini seasoned potatoes. Sounds pretty good to me. She snaps back that we can't have breakfast because I "broke" the last bottle of maple syrup. *We* used it actually. And all the breakfast stuff comes from a shopping trip just her and her mother were on yesterday. But I should have gone out and replaced the maple syrup we didn't need I guess.

2.) I cleaned our entire kitchen yesterday. It took me 4 hours. I was just getting finished when she got back home from her treatment. She never said "thank you" or "that looks good". Nope. Her exact words? "I see the kitchen got cleaned, that's nice" and at least there was an uptick in her tone though I wish there hadn't been because apparently she was, in her words, "livid" when she saw the kitchen. Why? I hadn't done one final mop of the floor, cleared the cheap wire stand we use to store cans (we're replacing it/moving it/who knows). And finally, the most insulting, she's pissed off because I had yet to clean off the counters. Which was my next step before she walked in the door. I'm always very frustrated, and treated like I'm some nuisance or home invader, if I clean while she's home. She either complains about the noise, or complains that I'm "ignoring" her.

I understand deeply that she is suffering from a very difficult physical illness. My aunt died from it when I was a kid, my other aunt is in an assisted living home and probably won't make it long. So I fucking well understand her suffering. And I try everything to accommodate. And she just shits on me.

Oh, right, the bonus: my employer has developed a personal prejudice against me. Not getting into it, but I am no where near adjacent to guilty of what he's claiming. Despite that, they've been giving me no more than 16 hours for a couple weeks now. So my girlfriend(!) the person who was my best friend since we were, I dunno, 6, says "forget it, I'll finish cleaning myself...let's see if I can afford the supplies with your shitty check".

Why would someone who loves me say something so horrible? I would gladly go to work for 40, 50, 60, hours if it meant not being around long enough for her to come up with more ways to hurt me.

The really, stupidly fucked up thing though? I've found myself feeling guilty about the dog having to live in a house where people just yell, or stay totally silent for hours just so they can stomach each other. My dog knows when I'm sad, he comes to me and hugs me and sits as close as possible, and he'll just give me the biggest beautiful eyes while I'm crying, and kiss my face. He's such a good boy.

I'm so broken. I don't know if I can fix this. I don't think she wants me to. I miss us so much, I can feel this open would on my soul, just bleeding slowly, just losing everything I thought I was.

#journal #Tuesday April 16th 2024 #love stinks

[ivebeenmade]

#folklore #fae #faeries #native american folklore #witchblr

[ivebeenmade]

Harlivy comm for a friend <3

#harlivy #harley quinn #pamela isley #poison ivy #wlw