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icanreadipromise · 4 days
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icanreadipromise · 6 days
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"Here are your tortured poets. All from Mahmoud Darwish to Dr. Refat Alareer to Khaled Juma, these are tortured poets. Tortured by longing for a home they can never return to, tortured by the world they were born to for BEING BORN. Palestine, home to the tortured poets department." [@/folkoftheshelf on X. April 20th, 2024.]
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icanreadipromise · 7 days
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when you start reading again and it's like oh. oh . the sun actually does still shine.
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icanreadipromise · 7 days
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i just want to get back to reading !! ive read 29 books this year and most of that was in January and February !!!
i yearn for the words
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icanreadipromise · 7 days
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im gonna chew through my phone why do i have so many assessment tasks
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icanreadipromise · 16 days
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icanreadipromise · 16 days
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the problem with reading and writing leading to a strong vocabulary is that you tend to know the vibe of words instead of their meanings.
if I used this word in a sentence, would it make sense? absolutely. if you asked me what it meant, could I tell you? absolutely not.
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icanreadipromise · 20 days
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i can't lie to you i loveee bad endings sometimes. what if nothing worked out. what if the characters gave into their worst instincts. what if they became worse. what if there's truly no hope left. what will they do out of desperation? who will they become as their worst selves?
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icanreadipromise · 23 days
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on the way back to uni, can't wait for it to register that I've done absolutely nothing beneficial for the last 2 weeks 😵‍💫
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icanreadipromise · 27 days
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i have to write a scriptttttt and i no no wannaaaaaaaa
(i also have an essay, 3 reviews and a fucking CV to write, but whatever)
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icanreadipromise · 28 days
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icanreadipromise · 29 days
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Keyboard go BRRRRRRRRRR
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icanreadipromise · 29 days
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3 Steps to Improve Your Characters and Make Them Three-Dimensional
So I don’t have a process for creating/developing characters (to me the process is intuitive to the point where I wouldn’t even know how to explain it), but I do have a process for revising characters that just… fall flat, for whatever reason. 
I like to get to know my characters by throwing them into a bunch of different situations and seeing how they react, but sometimes that’s not enough. In these cases I need to go back to the drawing board and figure out how to make them not feel like a cardboard caricature of the role I need them to fill. Here’s the process I use, and it involves three key questions to understand what makes your character tick.
1) What is this character’s fundamental belief- either about the world or themself?
2) Where does this belief come from?
3) How does this belief hinder them, and are they capable of growing past it?
Alright, here’s what the process looks like in action. 
Let’s say I have a character I need to flesh out for my story.
Character A is a middle aged coffee shop owner and the protagonist of her story. The central conflict of the story revolves around trying to save the family run coffee shop she inherited from her father when he passed away, which has recently fallen on hard times.
What is this character's fundamental belief?
Character A believes that the world is an inherently good and fair place. She believes that good is always rewarded and bad is always punished, even if the timing isn't always perfect. As such, she strives to live a virtuous life, putting as much good into the world as she possibly can. While she understands that even good people can face hard times, she believes that in the long term, if things don't work out, it'll be because she didn't put in the work needed to turn things around.
Where does this belief come from?
Character A grew up in a solidly middle class household with good parents that treated her well- rewarding her for good work, and fairly punishing her for misdeeds. Her parents gave her everything she needed, but also expected her to work hard for the things she wanted. She also had the experience of watching her father build a successful business through hard work and by building strong connections with the people in town. If we want to push this further, we could also say that this belief was reaffirmed by watching her brother ruin his own life, squandering all his money and goodwill with those around him on failed get-rich-quick-schemes and outright scams that landed him in jail.
How does this belief hinder them, and are they capable of growing past it?
Let's say that Character A recently hired a barista who seems perfect for the job. Strapped for help, she gets him started right away before getting the results of his background check. When the results come in, she finds out that he is on probation and was recently released from jail for a violent crime. Shocked, she fires him. Believing that people who end up in jail always deserve it, she can't see past her initial prejudices. As a result, her coffee shop suffers from the loss of her new star barista.
Some time goes on, and Character A encounters the barista again, and learns more about the circumstances that landed him in jail (maybe he was falsely convicted, maybe he was battling psychosis, maybe the violent act was done to prevent a loved one- anything that makes her question her initial assumptions). He then confesses that he is struggling to provide for himself and his family because no one will hire him because of his criminal record. Character A comes to realize that her belief isn't completely true, and that the world isn't entirely fair. Though it takes a lot of inner work to do so, including coming to terms with her privilege, she eventually accepts this, and revises her beliefs. She decides that even though the world isn't fair, people have the responsibility to make it fair.
She decides to re-hire the barista she fired. After doing everything she can to make things right with him, she proposes an idea she wants his help with. Together, they transform her family business into a joint coffee shop and community rehabilitation center. In addition to selling coffee, they also launch a program to provide resources to recently incarcerated individuals looking to reenter society. They'll host weekly events on job interview coaching, alcoholics anonymous, motivational speeches, group therapy, opportunities to connect with open-minded employers, and more. Their promotion of this new program enables them to secure funding from local patrons and public grants, and customers are willing to pay for more expensive coffee with the knowledge that that money will be put to good use.
Additionally, if we want to go with the brother in jail backstory, we could have this ending be an opportunity for her to reconnect with him and maybe even repair their relationship as she gets to see him in a new light.
Main Takeaways
And there you have it!
You can use this process on any character- protagonist, antagonist, side character, etc. By grounding your character's motivations and development in their beliefs, you can easily introduce depth and internal conflict while keeping everything connected to the themes and plot driving your story.
Depending on your character's role or your story's plot, the belief can be wide reaching and complex (such as a philosophy or ideology), or specific and personal (such as having to do with their self-esteem). Either way, it should always be tied to their personal experiences or observations. This doesn't necessarily mean a tragic backstory. It could be, but I encourage you not to make this your default way of creating character depth. A mundane but grounded and sincere motivation will always be more compelling than cheap, dark shock factor.
Generally, protagonists with happy endings and villains with successful redemption arcs are capable of moving past their beliefs, while tragic heroes and antagonists aren't, and this failure is usually the source of their downfall. Keep in mind that even if characters do move past their old beliefs, it will always be a difficult thing to do. It will require them to confront their own mistakes, biases, and emotional wounds, and require both internal and external work in order to fix whatever their old beliefs have damaged.
Hopefully this guide will help you approach your characters from a different perspective. Feel free to share any insights.
Happy writing y'all!
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icanreadipromise · 29 days
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One of the hardest things for me to learn and practice in my writing is that people do not say that much.
My character dialogue frequently feels contrived. They open up to partners too quickly, maintain perfect communication with friends, and hold back exactly the right info from enemies. Yet, irl, I've observed and contributed to much miscommunication, lost opportunities, and unconscious distrust of friendly motivations. Natural speech is not tailored, and appropriately expressing abstract thoughts takes skill.
We've heard film media fans deride "therapy talk" wherein characters uncharacteristically divulge their inner struggles to others and receive perfect, textbook advice in response. This feels inauthentic because most humans don't talk like that! We skirt around our problems, we feel uncomfortable when others vent, we want to avoid conflict and rejection, and our well-meant words often do more harm than good.
People also tend to talk a lot, but say little. As writers, we generally don't want our stories stuffed with useless conversations, banter, and small-talk that don't advance the plot—we want that story grown up and moved out! But please, include those things. Have scenes where friends hide thoughts from friends by joking around or discussing hobbies instead, where a rival saves the MC's thoughtless speech for later, where a happy couple argues over a minor miscommunication. These aspects can add depth to a story that feels manufactured, or life to characters that sound scripted.
If this is you, take your time; natural dialogue takes a while to finesse. Currently, I write the meaning behind the dialogue first then smudge it up in redrafts. As with all the lessons I've learned/shared, each piece of writing advice should come with a "Daily Value" label affixed, lol. Balance is needed and adjustments should be made until you have the story you want.
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+ If you appreciate this advice, consider visiting my ko-fi and Buy Me A Coffee! Thank you for reading 🤗
+ Check me out on AO3, Pinterest, and Unsplash
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icanreadipromise · 1 month
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I was today years old when I learned that when you type “otp: true” in AO3 search results it filters out fics with additional ships, leaving only the fics where your otp is the main ship
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icanreadipromise · 1 month
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well this was awakening for me
Common experiences of lesbians who don’t know they’re lesbians yet
 Out of curiosity, I recently googled “Am I lesbian quiz”. Half the “Are You a Lesbian” quizzes just asked outright, “Are you attracted to women?” as though that isn’t the very answer a questioning lesbian is trying to figure out. The other half marked me as heterosexual for things like owning more nail varnish than dogs. I hope this list will give you more nuanced ideas to think about as you explore your identity.
These experiences are all really common among - but not universal or exclusive to - people who later realize they’re lesbians and find a comfortable home in the lesbian label and community.
It’s mostly stuff that I and other lesbians I know have wished we knew when we were first coming to grips with our lesbian identities, because the fact is it takes a long time to discover how common a lot of these experiences are among lesbians, and not knowing what to look for when trying to figure out if you’re a lesbian can be hard.
‘Attraction’ to men
Deciding which guys to be attracted to – not to date, but to be attracted to – based on how well they match a mental list of attractive qualities
Only developing 'attraction’ to a guy after a female friend expresses attraction to him
Getting jealous of a specific female friend’s relationships with guys and assuming you must be attracted to the guys she’s with (even if you never really noticed them before she was interested in them)
Picking a guy at random to be 'attracted’ to
Choosing to be 'attracted’ to a guy at all, not just choosing to act on it but being able to deliberately flip your attraction on like a switch—that’s not how real attraction usually works and it might be a sign it’s not actual attraction
Having such high standards that literally no real life human guy meets them—and feeling no spark of attraction to any guy who doesn’t meet them
Only/mostly being into guys who are gnc in some way (losing interest when a long-haired or androgynous guy cuts off his hair or grows a beard is common). NOTE: this alone doesn’t mean you’re not attracted to men! Lots of people are only attracted to gnc men, for real. But are you only interested in men you can kinda see as a woman?
Only/mostly being attracted to unattainable, disinterested, or fictional guys or guys you never or rarely interact with
Being deeply uncomfortable and losing all interest in these unattainable guys if they ever indicate they might reciprocate
Reading your anxiety/discomfort/nervousness/combativeness around men as attraction to them
Reading a desire to be seen as attractive to men (therefore proving your value in a culture that treats female beauty as our primary value) as attraction to them
Having a lot of your ‘guy’ crushes later turn out to be trans women
Relationships with men
Feeling anxious and put on the spot any time you interact with any guy who could conceivably be interested in you, even if he doesn’t make a move
Dreading what feels like an inevitable domestic future with a man
Or looking forward to an idealized version of it that resembles literally no m/f relationship you’ve ever seen in your life, never being able to picture any man you’ve actually met in that image
(Note: a desire to have an equitable and feminist relationship doesn’t count. Not being able to imagine having a real life relationship with a man does.)
Being repulsed by the dynamics of all real life m/f relationships you’ve seen and/or regularly feeling like “maybe it works for them but I never want my relationship to be like that”
Thinking you’re commitmentphobic because no relationship, no matter how great the guy, feels quite right and you drag your feet when it comes time to escalate it
Going along with escalation because it seems like the 'appropriate time’ or bc the guy wants it so bad, even if you personally aren’t quite ready to say I love you or have labels or move in together etc.
Or jumping ahead and trying to rush to the ‘comfortably settled’ part of relationships with guys, trying to make a relationship a done deal without investing time into emotional closeness and deep understanding of each other
Feeling like you have to have relationships with guys and/or let them get serious in order to prove something, maybe something nebulous you can’t identify
Only wanting online relationships with guys; preferring not to look at the guys you’re interacting with online; choosing not to meet up with a guy even if you seem very into him and he reciprocates and meeting up is totally realistic
Getting a boyfriend mostly so other people know you have a boyfriend and not really being interested in him romantically/sexually
Wishing your boyfriend was more like your female friends
Wishing your boyfriend was less interested in romance and/or sex with you and that you could just hang out as pals
Thinking you’re really in love with a guy but being able to get over him in such record time that you pretend to be more affected than you are so your friends don’t think you’re heartless
After a breakup, always missing the status of Having a Boyfriend more than you miss the specific guy you were with
Worrying that you’re broken inside and unable to really love anyone
Sex with men
Having sex not out of desire for the physical pleasure or emotional closeness but because you like feeling wanted
OR: preferring to 'be a tease’ to feel wanted/appreciated/valued but feeling like following through is a chore
Only being comfortable with sex with men if there’s an extreme power imbalance
Only having sex with men that’s about fulfilling their fantasies or pleasing them
Spending the whole time making sure you look or sound hot and not really thinking about what feels good
Using sex with men as a form of self-harm
Feeling numb or dissociating or crying during/after sex with men (even if you don’t understand that reaction and think you’re fine and that you’re crying etc for no reason)
Being bored with sex with men/not understanding what the big deal is that makes other women want it
Doing it anyway out of obligation or a desire to be a good sport/do something nice for him
Never/rarely having sexual fantasies about specific men, preferring to leave them as undetailed as possible or not thinking about men at all while fantasizing
Having to make a concerted effort to fantasize about the guy you’re “attracted” to
Early interest in women
Not recognizing past/current crushes on women until you’ve come to grips with your attraction to women
Being unusually competitive, shy, or eager to impress specific women when you’re not that way with anyone else
Wanting to kiss your female best friend on the mouth for literally any reason (”to practice for boys” included)
Getting butterflies or feeling like you can’t get close enough when cuddling with a close female friend
Looking at a close female friend and feeling something in your chest clench up and being overwhelmed with love for her—love you may read as platonic
Having had strong and abiding feelings of admiration for a specific female teacher, actor, etc., growing up that were deep and reverent
Having had an unusually close relationship with a female friend growing up that was different and special in a way you couldn’t articulate
Thinking relationships would be simpler “if only I were attracted to women/my best friend who would be perfect for me if she/I weren’t a girl”
When a female friend is treated badly by a man, having your protective thoughts turn in the direction of “if I was him/a man I’d never do that to her/my girlfriend”
Being utterly fascinated by any lesbians you know/see in media and thinking they’re all ultra cool people
Having your favourite character in every show be that one gay-coded or butch-looking woman (like Shego from Kim Possible or Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica)
Feeling weirdly guilty and uncomfortable in locker rooms etc., when your female friends are less clothed than they normally would be around men, and being more careful not to look than they are
Spending a lot of time looking at women and appreciating/being curious about their bodies
Being really curious about women who defy gender roles in some way, finding defying gender roles in dress, behaviour, styling etc really appealing and cool
The 'straight’ version of you
Thinking that all straight girls feel at least some attraction to women
Thinking that your interest in seeing attractive women/scantily clad women/boobs is an artificial reaction caused by the objectification of women in media
Thinking you’re just a super intense feminist for genuinely thinking women are amazing and having an overwhelming preference for their company
Being really into how women look “aesthetically”/“just as artistic interest”/“fashion goals”
Thinking it’s objective and uncontested that almost all women are way more attractive than most men
Being a really intense LGBT+ “ally” and getting weirdly emotional about homophobia but assuming you’re just a Really Good Ally and v empathetic
Having like half your friend group from school turn out to be LGBT+
Getting emotional or having a strong reaction you don’t understand to f/f love stories etc.
Having had people think you were gay when you had no suspicion you were gay
Exploring attraction to women
Feeling like you could live with a woman in a romantic way, even if you can’t imagine doing anything sexual with a woman
Feeling like you could enjoy sexual interaction with a woman, even if you can’t imagine having romantic feelings for a woman
Thinking you couldn’t be a lesbian because you’re not attractive enough, cool enough, or otherwise in the same league as most of the women you know
Interacting with het sex/romance in media by imagining yourself in the man’s position or just never/rarely imagining yourself in the woman’s position
Really focusing on the women in het porn
Being really into the idea of kissing/being sexual with a woman 'to turn guys on’
Being really annoyed when guys actually do express interest in watching or joining in when you do that
Only feeling/expressing attraction to or sexual interest in women when you’re inebriated or otherwise impaired
Gender Feelings
Having a lot of conflicting gender feelings that are only possible to resolve once you understand you are/can be a lesbian
Thinking that being gnc and feeling a disconnect from traditional womanhood mean that you can’t be a woman even if that’s what feels closest to right - many lesbians are gnc and many lesbians feel disconnected from traditional womanhood since it’s so bound up in heteropatriarchy
Knowing you’re attracted to women and not being able to parse that (esp + any gender nonconformity) as gay, taking a long time to figure out if you’re a straight man or a lesbian
Being dysphoric about the parts of you that straight men think mean your body is owed to them, having to figure out what that dysphoria means for/to you
Wishing straight people and/or men didn’t parse you as a woman, but being totally comfortable with the idea of other women (or only other sapphics) seeing you as one of them
Knowing you’re attracted to women, but feeling weirdly guilty or uncomfortable/put on the spot trying to interact with them as a straight man, and only later realizing you’re actually a trans lesbian
Knowing you’re gay, but feeling discomfort, obligation, fear, disinterest, self-objectification, etc. when you try to interact with men romantically/sexually, and only later realizing you’re a trans lesbian and not a gay man
Being nonbinary and taking a long time to sort through being able to respect/understand your nonbinary identity and your lesbianness at the same time
Considering lesbianism
Wanting to be a lesbian but feeling like if you don’t already know you are one you can’t be
Feeling alienated from all the male-gazey unrealistic depictions of lesbians as only being young thin rich white cis abled conventionally attractive gender conforming straight actresses in tv/movies/porn and thinking that alienation means you can’t be gay
Discovering that your type is gnc women or women who share your underrepresented demographic and that’s why you’re not really attracted to celebrities
Not feeling attracted to straight women but suddenly having lots of crushes when you know for sure certain women are sapphic
Feeling guilty about wanting to be a lesbian, feeling like you’re just attention-seeking or trying to be trendy
Suppressing your lesbian dreams because you think exploring that desire would mean you’re a bad/homophobic person using lesbianness selfishly
Wishing you were a lesbian to escape the discomfort of dating men
Fantasizing about how much fun it would be to be a lesbian and just be with women/a specific woman, but thinking that can’t be for you
Worrying that some of your past attraction to men was actually real so you can’t be a lesbian
Worrying that bc you can’t be 100% sure you’re not attracted to men and can’t be 100% sure you won’t change your mind, you can’t be a lesbian
Worrying that you only want to be a lesbian because of trauma and that means your lesbianness would be Fake
Worrying that trauma-induced complications in how you experience sex (e.g., a habit of self-harming via sex w men or a fear of/lack of interest in any sex at all) mean you’re not a Real Lesbian
Every item on this list is common among Real Lesbians. It’s all Normal Lesbian Stuff. If you’re worried that you can’t be a lesbian even though it’s the life you really want for yourself, I hope this gives you permission to explore that. You are allowed to be a lesbian. 
And if you’re not sure yet—if you took the time to read this entire thing because you’re curious about your identity, if you identified with a bunch of items on this list—you may or may not be a lesbian, but friend, you almost certainly aren’t cishet. Welcome.
(I’d love to hear other things lesbians wish you’d known were A Thing when you were first exploring your identity!)
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icanreadipromise · 2 months
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having short-term memory is like. this book profoundly affected me. that show bared my soul. i don’t remember a single thing about it. but it did
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