awriterbyinstinct

[awriterbyinstinct]

How’s it going

“How’s the job going?”

Oh you know, I went to school for two years and have thousands of dollars in debt so that 4 months in I could feel burnt out already, get yelled at by people I don’t know, not be paid the salary I was promised, and drive so far and late that I’ve almost run off the road several times in the last week. “Oh it’s going great” :)

[awriterbyinstinct]

My accountability

One thing I am constantly trying to improve is my accountability. To myself.  It is easy to come out of an argument/disagreement being annoyed or angry with the other person for all the things they said and did, and it’s easy to say, “Well I’m only giving back what they give me.”

It’s a lot harder to step back and review my own actions, my own words, ways that I may have fed the fire, or hurt the other person with a poor choice of words.  People only want to be the bigger person when it doesn’t involve them saying, “You know what, I was wrong to say this, or do that, or in this opinion.” To apologize for handling a situation wrong, regardless of how the other person did.

So. That’s been hard. And I’ve been very uncomfortable with the things I’ve found out about myself. I am selfish. I am stubborn. I am sensitive. I am bitter sometimes.

But I’m learning. And I will continue to learn and grow, and that is something I can be proud of.

#self growth #learning #self accountability #Give yourself grace

[awriterbyinstinct]

I was supposed to study

And then I made a text post about not being able to study because I procrastinate too much. This is going well.

[awriterbyinstinct]

My Focus vs. Inner Magpie

Focus: “Okay Magpie, we’re trying to study for an important test tomorrow that you’ve been avoiding all week. We have to buckle down now.”

Focus: *Opens laptop* “Let me just-”

Magpie: “-Wait, that looks cool, let me read that.”

*Seconds later* 

Focus: “Okay Magpie - back to what we were doing. We don’t have time for this.”

?Some other me?: “What were we doing again?”

Focus: “It was IMPORTANT!” 

Focus (Trying hard not to panic): “Well maybe if I scroll back up the page I’ll find the thing I was looking at before and I’ll remember?”

*I swear, at this point, someone is rolling their eyes at me from within*

Magpie: “What was that?”

Focus (Panicking): “We can’t be procrastinating!!!!!!We have things to do!!!!!”

Focus: “Keep scrolling, don’t look at anything!”

Magpie: “Oh! Y’know what? I just had this really great idea for your story.”

Focus: “That’s great Magpie - we’re kinda on something else right now.” takes Magpie by the shoulders “Can you remember what we were doing?”

Magpie: “Oh of course!”

Focus: “What?!”

Magpie: ”What?”

Focus: *falls to the floor of my inner psyche and dissolves into a puddle of frustration*

Me: Well it’s 10:40 PM now and Magpie takes the wheel from here on out. So I guess we’re failing this test.

[awriterbyinstinct]

DUde...

I want to live by myself when I move out of my parent's place but I'm really afraid of money problems? I'm afraid that the only place I can afford will be in the ghetto and it'll all be torn apart and I'll only be allowed to eat one granola bar a week. I'm really stressing out about this. I don't know anything about after school life. I don't know anything about paying bills or how to buy an apartment and it's really scaring me. is there anything you know that can help me?

HI darling,

I’ve actually got a super wonderful masterpost for you to check out:

Home

what the hell is a mortgage?

first apartment essentials checklist

how to care for cacti and succulents

the care and keeping of plants

Getting an apartment

Money

earn rewards by taking polls

how to coupon

what to do when you can’t pay your bills

see if you’re paying too much for your cell phone bill

how to save money

How to Balance a Check Book

How to do Your Own Taxes

Health

how to take care of yourself when you’re sick

things to bring to a doctor’s appointment

how to get free therapy

what to expect from your first gynecologist appointment

how to make a doctor’s appointment

how to pick a health insurance plan

how to avoid a hangover

a list of stress relievers

how to remove a splinter

Emergency

what to do if you get pulled over by a cop

a list of hotlines in a crisis

things to keep in your car in case of an emergency

how to do the heimlich maneuver

Job

time management

create a resume

find the right career

how to pick a major

how to avoid a hangover

how to interview for a job

how to stop procrastinating

How to write cover letters

Travel

ULTIMATE PACKING LIST

Traveling for Cheap

Travel Accessories

The Best Way to Pack a Suitcase

How To Read A Map

How to Apply For A Passport

How to Make A Travel Budget

Better You

read the news

leave your childhood traumas behind

how to quit smoking

how to knit

how to stop biting your nails

how to stop procrastinating

how to stop skipping breakfast

how to stop micromanaging

how to stop avoiding asking for help

how to stop swearing constantly

how to stop being a pushover

learn another language

how to improve your self-esteem

how to sew

learn how to embroider

how to love yourself

100 tips for life

Apartments/Houses/Moving

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 1: Are You Sure? (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 2: Finding the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 3: Questions to Ask about the Damn Apartment (The Responsible One)

Moving Out and Getting an Apartment, Part 4: Packing and Moving All of Your Shit (The Responsible One)

How to Protect Your Home Against Break-Ins (The Responsible One)

Education

How to Find a Fucking College (The Sudden Adult)

How to Find Some Fucking Money for College (The Sudden Adult)

What to Do When You Can’t Afford Your #1 Post-Secondary School (The Sudden Adult)

Stop Shitting on Community College Kids (Why Community College is Fucking Awesome) (The Responsible One)

How to Ask for a Recommendation Letter (The Responsible One)

How to Choose a College Major (The Sudden Adult)

Finances

How to Write a Goddamn Check (The Responsible One)

How to Convince Credit Companies You’re Not a Worthless Bag of Shit (The Responsible One)

Debit vs Credit (The Responsible One)

What to Do if Your Wallet is Stolen/Lost (The Sudden Adult)

Budgeting 101 (The Responsible One)

Important Tax Links to Know (The Responsible One)

How to Choose a Bank Without Screwing Yourself (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting

How to Write a Resume Like a Boss (The Responsible One)

How to Write a Cover Letter Someone Will Actually Read (The Responsible One)

How to Handle a Phone Interview without Fucking Up (The Responsible One)

10 Sites to Start Your Job Search (The Responsible One)

Life Skills

Staying in Touch with Friends/Family (The Sudden Adult)

Bar Etiquette (The Sudden Adult)

What to Do After a Car Accident (The Sudden Adult)

Grow Up and Buy Your Own Groceries (The Responsible One)

How to Survive Plane Trips (The Sudden Adult)

How to Make a List of Goals (The Responsible One)

How to Stop Whining and Make a Damn Appointment (The Responsible One)

Miscellaneous

What to Expect from the Hell that is Jury Duty (The Responsible One)

Relationships

Marriage: What the Fuck Does It Mean and How the Hell Do I Know When I’m Ready? (Guest post - The Northwest Adult)

How Fucked Are You for Moving In with Your Significant Other: An Interview with an Actual Real-Life Couple Living Together™ (mintypineapple  and catastrofries)

Travel & Vehicles

How to Winterize Your Piece of Shit Vehicle (The Responsible One)

How to Make Public Transportation Your Bitch (The Responsible One)

Other Blog Features

Apps for Asshats

Harsh Truths & Bitter Reminders

Asks I’ll Probably Need to Refer People to Later

Apartments (or Life Skills) - How Not to Live in Filth (The Sudden Adult)

Finances - Tax Basics (The Responsible One)

Important Documents - How to Get a Copy of Your Birth Certificate (The Responsible One)

Important Documents - How to Get a Replacement ID (The Responsible One)

Health - How to Deal with a Chemical Burn (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting - List of Jobs Based on Social Interaction Levels (The Sudden Adult)

Job Hunting - How to Avoid Falling into a Pit of Despair While Job Hunting (The Responsible One)

Job Hunting - Questions to Ask in an Interview (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - First-Time Flying Tips (The Sudden Adult)

Life Skills - How to Ask a Good Question (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - Reasons to Take a Foreign Language (The Responsible One)

Life Skills - Opening a Bar Tab (The Sudden Adult)

Relationships - Long Distance Relationships: How to Stay in Contact (The Responsible One)

Adult Cheat Sheet:

what to do if your pet gets lost

removing stains from your carpet

how to know if you’re eligible for food stamps

throwing a dinner party

i’m pregnant, now what?

first aid tools to keep in your house

how to keep a clean kitchen

learning how to become independent from your parents

job interview tips

opening your first bank account

what to do if you lose your wallet

tips for cheap furniture

easy ways to cut your spending

selecting the right tires for your car

taking out your first loan

picking out the right credit card

how to get out of parking tickets

how to fix a leaky faucet

get all of your news in one place

getting rid of mice & rats in your house

when to go to the e.r.

buying your first home

how to buy your first stocks

guide to brewing coffee

first apartment essentials checklist

coping with a job you hate

30 books to read before you’re 30

what’s the deal with retirement?

difference between insurances

Once you’ve looked over all those cool links, I have some general advice for you on how you can have some sort of support system going for you:

Reasons to move out of home

You may decide to leave home for many different reasons, including:

wishing to live independently

location difficulties – for example, the need to move closer to university

conflict with your parents

being asked to leave by your parents.

Issues to consider when moving out of home

It’s common to be a little unsure when you make a decision like leaving home. You may choose to move, but find that you face problems you didn’t anticipate, such as:

Unreadiness – you may find you are not quite ready to handle all the responsibilities.

Money worries – bills including rent, utilities like gas and electricity and the cost of groceries may catch you by surprise, especially if you are used to your parents providing for everything. Debt may become an issue.

Flatmate problems – issues such as paying bills on time, sharing housework equally, friends who never pay board, but stay anyway, and lifestyle incompatibilities (such as a non-drug-user flatting with a drug user) may result in hostilities and arguments.

Your parents may be worried

Think about how your parents may be feeling and talk with them if they are worried about you. Most parents want their children to be happy and independent, but they might be concerned about a lot of different things. For example:

They may worry that you are not ready.

They may be sad because they will miss you.

They may think you shouldn’t leave home until you are married or have bought a house.

They may be concerned about the people you have chosen to live with.

Reassure your parents that you will keep in touch and visit regularly. Try to leave on a positive note. Hopefully, they are happy about your plans and support your decision.

Tips for a successful move

Tips include:

Don’t make a rash decision – consider the situation carefully. Are you ready to live independently? Do you make enough money to support yourself? Are you moving out for the right reasons?

Draw up a realistic budget – don’t forget to include ‘hidden’ expenses such as the property’s security deposit or bond (usually four weeks’ rent), connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.

Communicate – avoid misunderstandings, hostilities and arguments by talking openly and respectfully about your concerns with flatmates and parents. Make sure you’re open to their point of view too – getting along is a two-way street.

Keep in touch – talk to your parents about regular home visits: for example, having Sunday night dinner together every week.

Work out acceptable behaviour – if your parents don’t like your flatmate(s), find out why. It is usually the behaviour rather than the person that causes offence (for example, swearing or smoking). Out of respect for your parents, ask your flatmate(s) to be on their best behaviour when your parents visit and do the same for them.

Ask for help – if things are becoming difficult, don’t be too proud to ask your parents for help. They have a lot of life experience.

If your family home does not provide support

Not everyone who leaves home can return home or ask their parents for help in times of trouble. If you have been thrown out of home or left home to escape abuse or conflict, you may be too young or unprepared to cope.

If you are a fostered child, you will have to leave the state-care system when you turn 18, but you may not be ready to make the sudden transition to independence.

If you need support, help is available from a range of community and government organisations. Assistance includes emergency accommodation and food vouchers. If you can’t call your parents or foster parents, call one of the associations below for information, advice and assistance.

Where to get help

Your doctor

Kids Helpline Tel. [phone]

Lifeline Tel. 13 11 44

Home Ground Services Tel. [phone]

Relationships Australia Tel. [phone]

Centrelink Crisis or Special Help Tel. 13 28 50

Tenants Union of Victoria Tel. [phone]

Things to remember

Try to solve any problems before you leave home. Don’t leave because of a fight or other family difficulty if you can possibly avoid it.

Draw up a realistic budget that includes ‘hidden’ expenses, such as bond, connection fees for utilities, and home and contents insurance.

Remember that you can get help from a range of community and government organizations. 

(source)

Keep me updated? xx

[awriterbyinstinct]

When that exhaustion™ hits you and you just have to give up on the rest of the day.

Check me getting cozy and watching YouTube until it’s dark and I suddenly can’t sleep anymore.

[awriterbyinstinct]

When Derek Chauvin was found guilty on all three charges surrounding his murder of George Floyd, the conversation found on Tumblr (and elsewhere online) reflected two major points:

This is not justice being served. There is no justice in the face of murder, and if there were, it certainly would not be found within the American carceral system. The verdict stemming from this trial will not stop the violence and oppression Black people face at the hands of an over-policed country.

“Black people don’t need reminders that Chauvin’s guilty verdict doesn’t mean the fight is over. It’s okay to celebrate small victories.”

These truths are not at odds with each other. They can, and will, co-exist.

Take a moment today to celebrate George Floyd and his beautiful family. Keep his little daughter in your mind and hearts. If you want to feel a bit of relief that at least one person was found guilty for their hateful, heinous crime—please do so. And then remember that it was just one person. Remember that if you are an ally and an accomplice, you must not stop learning. You must not stop fighting for real justice.

Accountability for police killings is rare:

Since 2005, 140 law enforcement officers have been arrested for on-duty manslaughter and murder. Only 8—5%—have been convicted.

And that doesn’t account for the 98% of police killings where there were no arrests for murder or manslaughter.

Black people are three times more likely to be killed by police

And then yesterday, roughly one hour after Nancy Pelosi thanked George Floyd for “sacrificing” his “life for justice,” police in Columbus, Ohio shot and killed 16-year-old Ma'Khia Bryant.

That is not what justice looks like.

Rest in power, George Floyd.

Rest in power, Ma’Khia Bryant.

[awriterbyinstinct]

All or nothing

My focus and energy these days is so sporadic. Every day I wake up is a new surprise. Either I get all kinds of school work done and clean my room and eat well and get outside, or I stare at my work without being able to do anything about it, eat only comfort food, toss my things on the floor, and hide in the darkness of my room.

What even?

#Allornothing #motivation #error #focus #nofocus #whatevenisstudying #studentsdying #don'tcare #caretoomuch #brainfog #help

[awriterbyinstinct]

Stood up and my leg said no. So we’re not doing that today.

[awriterbyinstinct]

Does anyone ever get words stuck in their head? Like getting a song stuck. I have to say the word to get it out of my head for a little bit. It’s not as annoying as having a song stuck in my head, but it is weird. Sometimes it’s random, sometimes it’s because I’ve been studying and trying to memorize things.  Anyway, today’s word is Paranoplocephala Mamillana

[awriterbyinstinct]

We’re all human

Sometimes, your parents were loving and did their best and tried so hard to do what they were taught and told was good for their kids. But maybe they weren’t informed themselves about mental health and certain damaging things that we know about now.

It’s okay to recognize the things that hurt you or caused issues later in life, in fact, unless you acknowledge them, it’s hard to know where to break the cycle. And yes, even If you love your parents and they love you, and they tried their best with what they knew, there can still be damaging cycles to break!

The world is ever-evolving and maybe someday down the road when your kids are grown, you’re going to find out that not everything you did was perfect. 

And I grant you, sometimes the ignorance was willful. Sometimes the damage was intentional. That is another topic and and a very important conversation. 

However, I think sometimes there are those who have experienced damaging things in their lives growing up but feel ashamed to admit it, because they know their parents really did care and didn’t intend any harm.

The reality is that it happened. Just like we make mistakes and will make mistakes, so do our parents. If things need to be made known, and you know you are safe and welcome to make those things made known to your parents, do it. Find the closure if it’s necessary.

Most of all, don’t feel ashamed for recognizing it! 

Learn, grow, adapt. 

Break the cycle. 

Disclaimer that I should always make: I am obviously not a doctor, I have no training in mental health. I merely observe and try to write these observations out. If there’s anything to add, criticism to make, I’d love to hear it out!

#break the cycle #mental health #parents #damage done #parental love #mistakes #mistakes are human #growth is human #adapt #learn #grow #change #closure #be open #open communication #ignorance #own up to your mistakes #responsibility #we're all just stumbling through life here #no excuses

[awriterbyinstinct]

Hurting others is not valid

You are so totally allowed to have feelings, and they are valid - you can’t just change your feelings.

You are allowed to not want to interact with people, to need the silence. You are allowed to need the company.

You are allowed to be angry, sad, confused, anxious - what have you.

But you can not use your feelings as validation to hurt people. When you have come to a point where you don’t care about how others feel when you lash out because of your own internal problems, that is the indicator that things have been left alone too long. 

You cannot use others as your doormat simply because you have mental health issues. You cannot blame the condition when you refuse offered and available help. 

Your mental health is important, and valid, and deserves attention. This does not give you permission to make it your scapegoat and go about life as you please. We all share this world, we all have our own trauma to deal with, let’s help each other by helping ourselves.

#mental health #anxiety #depression #anger #youarevalid #yourfeelingsarevalid #lashingoutisnotokay #bekind #beaware #helpyourself #hurting #lashingout #feelings #emotion #sad #anxious #depressed #confused #iamnotyourdoormat

[awriterbyinstinct]

The words are off

Do certain words just look . . . off to you? Like, you’re certain they were never spelled that way, or they just look foreign and you can hardly tell what it means.

I can’t even fully explain what I mean, but the feeling is similar to sometimes, when you look in the mirror and you know the person in there is you, but right now, they just look . . . weird. Not me.

I am not making sense anymore.

#words #english #English language #I don't understand #Things are weird in here #weird #that's not me #That's not my language #have I ever said that word before? #Do I know how to spell?

[awriterbyinstinct]

You can’t sleep

Look, I’ve been trying to write a post for a long while now, but I just deleted it because I can’t put it properly into words. I’m gonna butcher it now, because I still want to say it.

So I saw this post a while back about how even if you can’t sleep, just allowing yourself to be okay with that and just letting your body rest anyway is okay too. 

I really liked that. It’s good advice, and it’s true. Just doing nothing still allows for some recharge.

Problem is, when you have anxiety/depression (and/or other mental health concerns), the inability to sleep also (In my experience) comes with noise in your head. Noise that, left unchecked, can cause deeper unrest. It’s distressing, and doing nothing amplifies the noise in my head.

So, I just want to say a couple things:

1. Give yourself permission to do the minimum and just rest if you can.

2. Don’t feel bad if you can’t do that either.

Sometimes, drowning the noise out with stupid videos keeps me sane. Does it help me tomorrow? Well, kinda, yeah. Because, even if I don’t sleep well or at all, I made it through the night.

That’s a win. Treat it like one.

Do what you can. Push yourself, but give yourself grace. If you need help, get it. You only get one brain, one body, treat them like you’re taking care of them for someone else. (Spoiler, that someone is future you.)

#Can't sleep #mental health #doing the minimum #one body #one brain #make it through the night #Keeping sanity #Rest is good too #recharge #Give yourself grace #Do it for future you #Drowning out the noise #noise in my head

[awriterbyinstinct]

Me: *Starts doing something productive.*

Me, one minute in: “Man I’m exhausted. Time for a break.”

#nonfunctional #sotired #can'tdoanything #needabreak #needcoffee #coffeemakesmeanxious #can'twin

[awriterbyinstinct]

What the heck is this crap?

Some one PLEASE explain to me why, when I come home and hang my jacket up, I realize the thing in my jacket pocket needs to go down to my room, which is where I’m going, BUT I can’t take it with me right now, because that’s not why I’m going there. And I’m distressed about it, as if it’s a big problem, like it really needs to go there, but I really can’t take it, even if it’s just lip balm or something.

I'm pretty sure I lose most of my stuff this way because I then forget all about it until next time I put my hand in my pocket, and the cycle repeats itself.

#brain broke #wth #not a big deal #but it is #i lose everything #viscious cycle #should i be worried

[awriterbyinstinct]

Hey, could we reset the world? Could that work please?