a-quietsoul

[a-quietsoul]

make me forget, make me forget i exist, let me run my mouth once i forgot what it is that kept me quiet for so long, i want to pour words as stars in galaxy. and if i stop and take a glance at you, kindly make a noise, kindly ask me to continue.

cracked myself open and offer it for the taking - for you

#writerscreed #poeticstories #poetryportal #illustrans #re-bumbleblossoms #writer #writings #writers on tumblr #poets #poem #prose poetry #poets on tumblr #quotes #words #excerpt #excerpts #excerpt from a book I'll never write #spilled truth #spilled journal #spilled prose #late night talking #late night

[a-quietsoul]

young girl with red eyes and nose,  broken gaze and weight of the world resting on her hunched shoulder.  the mirror reflected back to me: sadness, loneliness, and above all fear coming from the other side of the door. fear that comes from the very core of my thoughts, imagining i will become a mother. to think one day my demons might reign on my children by night, like the demons that are children before me, raised by my parents, and stripped me away piece by piece as we grew up side by side. i stared at my reflection, “you will never have to go through that.” i said not to myself, but to the future boy or girl who i will carry on my arms and love more than anything else in this world. hoping they’ll never have to inherit their parents’ demons except the ones  they’ll have to fight on their own. hoping i’ll learn how to create love, love that came within me and around me so they’ll never have to wonder what it is. to let them see what’s in front of a mirror the way i wish i could see it now; love that can be seen, love that can be touched, love that can be cherished for generations to come.

i hope my broken pieces won’t have to touch you, love.  (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

When I was sad, I’d run to the hills and sat by my tree. The bark was rough, and the grass was itchy, but the delicate breeze soothe my breathing. Flower petals would collect my tears without it knowing. I’d climb to the branches and laughed at everything I see. Sometimes I’d fall and the leaves would laugh at me. The tree is everything I ever need. Although it hurts me, the roots gave me a steady place to sleep. My tree grew taller as I grew older. Never have I run to the hills again to seek its comfort. The last time I heard, they’re planning to cut it down. I went home and the tree, the grass, the flowers, all gone. It’s been three years and I run up to the hills again. Out of breath, out of tears, chest as empty as what my eyes see. My tree never cared about me. But still, without its roots and leaves to shelter me, how am I to be at peace and sleep?

My Tree. (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

I can’t love you as if it’s limitless, as if my heart is a vicious wave that chases you and crashes into you with everything it has without second thought, again and again. My heart is a beating, living one, that bleeds at the smallest cut that could end its life. So it’s better to keep my love in a cage, than to let my heart crashes its way into pieces.

My heart is not a wave and you’re not a steady rock. (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

2017

It’s funny how so much can happen within so little time. It’s as funny as it is terrifying.

Three years ago, I didn’t even know your name.Your name belonged to other faces, just letters ready to be blown by wind.

Few months later, we met. You’re still a stranger, your face unfamiliar among hundreds of others, and you never crossed my mind.

Two years ago, you struck a conversation with me. We’ve talked before, but never like we did that night.

I guess that’s the night where, as they all said it, everything changed for(almost)ever. And it happened before I even realize what was happening.

It scared me to death how you mean so much to me in so little time.

Its been three years since I know you. And now we’re an hour away entering the fourth.

I guess I always started it the same way. With hope, and wishes I deep down know wont come true. And they’re always, always about you,

But I can tell the difference this time. And its best to retreat before I suffered lost even more.

Thirty minutes away…

Conversations chatter around me, but I just shut my eyes in the corner. I want to stock away every piece of you in a box, store them in the deepest part of me, and lock it up tight; never to be out, to be discovered and acknowledged by anyone. Setting the clock as if the three years hadn’t passed, as if your name is still irrelevant, as if your face is still unknown, as if you never crossed my mind.

Fifteen minutes now…

It won’t be easy. Close to impossible. You’re my everything even when I didn’t know it. Every time you came back, I was never ready to let you go. But you gave me no choice. It’s either letting you go, or never get back on my feet and move on. And I have. As best as I could, as best as anyone could in losing someone who meant so much to them. I open my eyes and realize how close it is to the end.

Ten seconds…

People are shouting in glee now. Counting away the last moments of this year. It had been another year for us, some months contained our last moments together, some months contained us not contacting each other, just small talks from you, and ended by you. These last few months hadn’t been kind to me. But I stare all of the other months where I get to see your face, you get to make me laugh, and moments when we’re young with every innocence of youths before we’re swept away to adulthood. Where I’m swept away to a reality to realize we’re just not meant to be. And I was left to drown in my own sadness, because it clearly doesn’t matter to you as it does for me. I just hope that…

One second.

In time, no matter in how many years, I get to face a new one without you on my mind.

[a-quietsoul]

it’s not easy to be a creator. it’s not easy to pour your heart out for something you believe in just to be ignored because the world doesn’t care about you and your art. it’s not easy to chase your dreams - only to be woken up to a reality of your life without stability because of what you do. it’s not easy to constantly doubt yourself and your creativity to the point you just want to throw everything away. it’s not easy yet we do it anyway.  being a creator means you’re making your own wings, and you don’t give up just because it’s not easy learning how to fly.

i hope one day you’d soar high where everyone on earth could see you. (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

always had my arm stretched halfway: ready to catch you, but never quite ready to reach out.

or the desperate attempt to save others and never yourself

#writerscreed #poeticstories #poetryportal #illustrans #re-bumbleblossoms #writers #writer #poets #poet #poem #poetry #prose poetry #prosepoetry #excerpt #excerpts #writing excerpt #excerpts from a book i'll never write #spilled poem #spilled thoughts #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr

[a-quietsoul]

it fucking sucks because no one deserves to feel like they’re alone.

but somehow we all ended up feeling that way, one way or another. (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

First Sight

Love at first sights are ridiculous, and most likely aren’t real. Everybody knows this. There’s infatuation, lust, these things make sense and are natural. But you can’t really love someone based on your first sight; love is far too complex and deep to be felt by simple eye contact that lasted less than ten seconds, if that.

Something she dislike about herself is that she’s always been shy. Ever since she’s a little girl, she prefers to daydream while gaze up into the sky - or down the ground when she’s forced to talk to others and look into their eyes. Oh dear. The ground is ten thousand percent more appealing than eye contact and awkward conversation. She’d rather be alone, for sure.

She grew up from that, a painfully slow process. She learned how to keep her chin up, while maintaining to be her awkward self in her growing years. She learned how to talk softly, cheerily, with politeness, when to bite. She tried to gather as much courage as she can to look at people’s eyes now - isn’t that how you connect with people? But it broke her, bit by bit, learning that they never bother to hold her gaze or look at her twice pass the introduction. There’s always someone else more interesting than her, someone who doesn’t look away every ten seconds because she’s still learning not to stutter.

So she also learned how and when to tear her gaze, to shift her attention just fast enough before anyone could ignore her first. She became somewhat of a master of that. Her family called her careless and has short attention span, she called it being careful. She won’t catch herself breaking anymore.

What does this have to do with love at first sight?

Unavoidable social gatherings are one of the things adults know, and young adults started to learn. She would’ve deny it if her mother didn’t teach her manners. Again, she still thinks love at first sight are ridiculous and impossible, because she would’ve fall in love with him the first time she saw him.

But she didn’t.

Instead, they shook hands with a smile on each of their faces, letting their names slip from their mouths. He looked her in the eyes, and she counted slowly until five that he finally turned away. A record holder. She still wasn’t the type of person who strikes the first conversation, and neither was he. But they laugh together with their friends, and somehow she found courage from there. She would seek his eyes. When she talked, his gaze followed her. When he talked, he never skipped her face. She knew, because every time their gaze met, her heart made a little jump. Every time he smiled her way, she pushed herself to smile back. Used to being ignored, finding comfort in hiding, she felt like being pulled into the surface and exposed to sunlight for once.

Love couldn’t be born from first sight. But it does come from the eyes. Eyes that don’t waver when it looks at you, that gives you attention, that speaks emotions more than your lips ever could. Eyes that are friendly and went deeper than the surface. It might not even be love. But it’s something warm and welcomed her for the first time since the first sight. She could begin from there.

[a-quietsoul]

I’m not interested in temporary love, because love, no matter how temporary, will take pieces of you that time and effort will not give back. I have no interest in wasting my life in love I will not bet my life on. On love that I’m not sure of, love that made me doubt, love that I question every step of the way - no matter how much it brings me happiness. I will not risk my life for love. Either I have love that will last for eternity, or I won’t have love at all.

aumirah (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

Raise your glass for all the battles you’ve gone to and all the battles you’ve won. The ones you lose, the ones that cost you more than what you’ve bargained for. Raise your glass to unpredictable future you’ll soon meet. Here’s to a healthy mindset, healed relationships, dream come trues, and days where you’re excited to be awake. To thrilling adventures, and love found in most unexpected places. Here’s to the person you’ve become, and the person you have yet to be.

a toast to everything that has happened and yet to pass.  (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

Contrary to my own belief: I will be happy, with or without you.

aumirah (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

I carry pieces of you with me Like star dust in my pocket. Their existence will always be Flickering lights inside the palm Of my hand, shattering at the Slightest, softest, a breath of touch. Their beauty is strikingly ephemeral, Leaving the most bittersweet burst. Still I carry them and smile When I watch them fade.

Because they remind me of you (via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

Sometimes I get discouraged but then I remember that the people I look up to or whose life I wanted once feel doubts and insecurities just like me and they still manage to get on and live a life worth wanting. I can make it, too.

#monday motivation!! #or sunday #depends on where you live

[a-quietsoul]

i love you in stillness, in words not exchanged, in the echoing silence bridging our distance. you would hate these writings. you never found love in pretty words and fleeting touches. i love you the best way i can. you love me the best way you can. it's still wasnt enough.

god, let this be enough. // aumirah

#writerscreed #poeticstories #illustrans #re-bumbleblossoms #poetryportal #quotes #words #prose #prose poetry #poem #poetry #writings #writing #writers on tumblr #poets on tumblr #excerpts #excerpts from a book i'll never write #spilled truth #spilled poem #writing excerpt #excerpt

[a-quietsoul]

People can only take you to your happiness for so far. In the end, your destination, your happiness, requires you to do the rest of your trip on your own. Someone may carry you, but they won’t do it forever, because everyone has their own journey to walk on. Only you can take yourself to where you’re supposed to be; only you can make yourself as happy as you want to be.

(via a-quietsoul)

[a-quietsoul]

I can’t promise to be your friend, but I can promise to pick up your calls at 2 A.M when you need my voice until you sleep because it helps you (at least until you find someone new). When your sister calls me and asks me how I’m doing and your mother tells me she misses me, I promise to sincerely say I miss them too, because I do. On the day you marry the girl who steals your heart and make you laugh the hardest since I left, I will be there and sit like everyone else as the two of you share a kiss. And I promise to hug you, and it will linger, because we stand on the day we always talked with such hope, those mindless daydreams of the future, but never think it’ll turn out like this. We will share a look when we part ways, or perhaps one of us will look while the other turns the other way, that otherwise can’t be said, or translated into words. I can’t promise to be your anything, because only we know what we mean to each other, yet in the infinite space of my heart you’ll always be a constant star, even if you’re no longer the center of my world.

we love but we’re not lovers (via a-quietsoul)