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yourregularmuffins · 3 years

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Eyes for her

Pairing: Modern!Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: gaslighting, slight mentions of cheating, angst NOT EDITED

Summary: Natasha’s deepest fears get the best of her.

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“I really don’t want to do this with you right now,” you sigh kicking off your wet boots and soaked coat. Shaking the rain droplets off your umbrella just outside your door before resting it on the floor.

“Why the hell not, huh? You don’t think we should talk about how fuckin messed up that was?” Natasha’s voice is urging you to fight back, begging for you to raise your voice the same level she raises hers.

“How was I supposed to control how she fuckin acts when she’s obviously drunk? In what world would I have control over her actions?”

You almost flinch at the sounds of her loud scoff. You watch as her arms raise and drop in disbelief. She rolls her eyes when you make no move to correct yourself.

Admit that you had let another woman rub herself against you and whisper drunken things in your ear with Natasha watching, even as a sick joke.

Admit that you laugh at her jokes and sometimes find yourself smiling whenever she was around.

Of course it had only been in a friendly way. You only and always have had eyes for Natalia Alianovna Romanova.

It’s quiet, for only a minute, it’s silent but the rain outside is loud. Sounds of heavy rain outside and careful cars driving through the wet streets.

Her hair is wet, straight hair has now turned into small, curly waves. Her nose is pink from the icy cold, you knew if you were to touch her hands her fingertips would feel like ice. She always ran cold, it’s what you love about her. Her coat is hanging off a dining chair. Her light grey turtleneck compliments her pale skin. She’s beautiful even when she’s angry.

“I can’t believe you.” She blinks away the tears before you had the chance to notice them. She’s letting her anger take over.

“What, Natalia? What can’t you believe?” You hiss, scolding her like a child that had left the gas on in the kitchen.

You don’t even notice the way you use her real name.

The girl in front of you does. She picks up on how mad you are, clueless, and blind.

“You literally can’t even see it!”

You scoff at her words, wishing she could just spit it out. “Just say it. I obviously don’t have a fuckin clue what we are talking about here!”

“She’s in love you with you!” She screams, there is a vein that appears on the side of her neck when she exclaims it. Once again her eyes are tearing up and she can barely see.

“Now you’re the one being unbelievable.”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes! You’re crazy for thinking that!”

“No I’m not! I’m not unbelievable and I’m not crazy,” she paused, she knew if she has another word without stopping her voice would crack. “You’re so fuckin blind, Y/N!”

Your stomach sinks when she uses your first name instead of baby. There’s no room for you to react that way. You had called her by her first name as well. Before you give it much thought you open your mouth to protest but Natasha is quick to speak again.

“Don’t come up with some bullshit saying she’s just your friend. You may be her friend and think of her as nothing but a friend, but remember. I was that friend.” Natasha points to herself, memories of the first few weeks the two of you had gotten to know each other came back to you.

“I was the friend that fell in love with you! I was the one that flirted with you and got drunk so you could take care of me. I did everything so I could have your attention. I was the friend in love with you!”

“Hey stranger, missed you last week.” Natasha’s face lit up when she saw you walk toward the small bar entrance. “What’s wrong?”

“Ahh I know. My girl had some thing with her parents.” You explain with a playful scared look while you slide into the booth she’s sitting at. Reaching over to give her a small hug, Natasha held on for a just a second too long but of course you brushed it off.

“Parents? You guys are that serious?” Her nerves get the best of her as Natasha bites the tip of her straw, drink half full.

Your eyes unlock with hers as you flag down a waitress. Without wasting any time you order yourself a vodka tonic.

“That bad?” Natasha jokes.

You laugh loudly at her joke before sighing deeply. “Um I- I don’t really know if it’s gonna work out between me and her.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Natasha is sincere with her apology, but there’s a small fraction of her that is hopeful.

“Are you?”

Natasha’s eyes widen in shock. Natasha stumbles to come up with words when you continue to look at her with raised eyebrows.

“Y-yes I’m sorry. She’s your girlfriend and if that’s not working out then I’m sorry. I want you happy because I’m your friend.”

Natasha hates every word that fell from her mouth. No she wasn’t entirely sorry to hear things were working out because she wanted you all for herself.

“It’s a bit funny cause she thinks you like me. Always going off about ‘Natasha likes you and fucking hates me cause I’m with you’.”

“I don’t hate her.” It’s true. Natasha doesn’t hate her, sure she’s jealous, but hate is such a strong word.

“But you like me?”

“Yes. Wait! No- I mean- fuck. I’m sorry.” Natasha shuts herself up by chugging the rest of her drink.

“But that’s not the problem... the problem is I like you back.”

“Remember?” Her voice cracks and it breaks your heart.

Your eyes meet hers and now is the time you take to look at your wife.

Anger has faded and merged into hurt. She took your silence as your confession, that you had fell out of love with her. That you were going to have the same conversation you had with your ex with her.

“Baby,” you call softly, reaching over to hug her, reaching to comfort her. Hold her in your arms and tell that you only love her and you’re sorry.

“No, don’t touch me.” She grits out with tears sliding down her cheek, flinching away from your touch as if you had burned her.

“Baby, let me explain.” You choke out, trying your best to ignore the pain in your heart when Natasha refused to let her guard down.

Poor choice of words.

“I’m leaving.”

“Don’t leave. It’s wet out. They said that the rain is coming back.” You beg softly. You don’t know why you’re not crying. You should be, but your eyes are dry.

“From the bottom of my heart, Y/N, fuck you.”

“Nat. Stop. Stop that. You don’t mean that. Just go to the room I’ll take the couch. Just don’t drive. It’s not safe.”

“No, seriously. I don’t know why I thought I was special. You’re never going to change. You will always go onto the next girl who falls for you. I am so stupid thinking you can truly love me, let alone one person.”

That’s not true, you love only one person. You only have eyes for your wife, Natalia Alianovna Romanova. Only problem is you don’t have a good way of proving it.

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