your-dad-the-fag

[your-dad-the-fag]

I think they should let Stephanie be Batman, even if it’s just for a few minutes so she can have a go at every Mantel that tends to be passed down

Also I think it would be hilarious for like one night a year batman is a blonde woman who’s robin changes every year (they all play rock-paper-scissors for the position)

#I think it would be funny tho #let Stephanie brown be the best batman ever #Steph has everyone as robin at some point (including Bruce) #And I think crime would go down loads if batman started making jokes from the shadows #batman #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #jason todd #barbara gordon #batfamily #Bruce Wayne #Damian Wayne #dick Grayson

[your-dad-the-fag]

Canon and everyone must simply deal with it, or face the shame of being lame

orphaned cannibal adoption AU- Charlie BURSTING in the hotel front doors, striking the iconic lion king pose, and proudly presenting the cannibal kid to the other hotel denizens

Charlie: "GUYS OH MY GOSH LOOK LOOK LOOK!" (waggles the kid happily) "A KID!!!!!!!!! Kid, say hi!"

Cannibal Kid: “Hi…”

Husk: "What the fuck is this? Child labor??"

Vaggie: "No."

Cannibal Kid: (dangling in Charlie’s grip) "I'm VERY high up right now."

Charlie: "Do you like it? The hotel? The high up-ness? The other people living here? We can change ANYTHING you like! You are my child now, and I'm melting like silly putty in your tiny, tiny hands!"

Angel Dust: "Thrillin', toots. Who carried."

Cannibal Kid: "Small hands are useful for getting things out of tight spaces."

Charlie: "I did!"

Vaggie: "Do I wanna know what kinds of things you usually get from what kinds of spaces?"

Angel Dust: "Huh. Would'a thought it'd be Vaginal Area over here."

Cannibal Kid: "Internal organs. From still warm bodies."

Vaggie: "Great."

Charlie: "I carried our new kid here ALLLLLLL the way from Cannibal Town! On my shoulders! Just like how my dad used to do with me!! Only I didn’t turn into a horse or a kangaroo or-"

Niffty: "Aww, that's a long way to walk!" (raises hand) "THEY CAN SNACK ON MY HAND IF THEY'RE HUNGRY!"

Vaggie: "Niffty, Rosie packed a lunch."

Niffty: "NOOOOOOOO...!!!"

Vaggie: "And it's adoption, Angel Dust you asshole. Also try keeping the swearing to a G rating okay."

Husk: "You fucking first."

Vaggie: "Fuck."

Cannibal Kid: "Don't worry. Auntie Rosie taught me to only put nice things in my mouth."

Charlie: "Ooooh like candy?!" (realizing cannibal) "Or, wait-"

Cannibal Kid: "Like eyeballs."

Husk: (SNORTS)

Angel Dust: "Ouchie~"

Vaggie: "What? What? Wanna share something with the room, dingbat!?"

Angel Dust: "I meannnnnn- 's not like you're exactly well equipped to feed your new kid, are ya Vagginator? That's kinda... EYE-ronic."

Husk: (snorts so hard his fur fluffs up)

Niffty: "I have an eye I HAVE AN EYE!!! It's BIG and ROUND and-"

Vaggie: "No."

Cannibal Kid: "Aw."

Niffty: "MOTHERFUCKING DAMNIT!!!!!"

Vaggie: "Oh for- Husk, just, break a bottle and let Niffty have the glass or something. This is too much sudden family bonding happening right now."

Husk: "Let me fucking empty one first." (starts chugging)

Vaggie: (SIGHS)

Charlie: "Right." (lowers kid to eye level) (her eye level, not vaggie’s) "Have you ever heard... of gummy worms?"

Cannibal Kid: "No. But I ate someone named Gary Wormwood once."

Charlie: "That's pretty close!"

Vaggie: "Sweetie, no it's not."

Charlie: "Vaggie, as the mothers, our kid's 'best so far' is always more than good enough for us, it's AMAZING."

Cannibal Kid: "He wasn't that great."

Angel Dust: "Leavin' totally mid Gary to rot somewhere back in creepy Cannibal Town, what's the name of your own sweet little murder baby?"

Vaggie: "..."

Charlie: "...."

Vaggie: "Uh.... Charlie, are you gonna...?"

Charlie: "I mean you're the one who clicked with them, I thought you'd be doing the big introductions!"

Vaggie: "I'd love too, sweetie, but I don't actually... y'know."

Charlie: "What?"

Vaggie: “…um.”

Angel Dust: "...you don't know their fuckin' name, do ya?"

Charlie: "WHAT!?"

Vaggie: "It, it never came up! I thought I'd find out when you said it!"

Charlie: "I THOUGHT I'D FIND OUT WHEN YOU SAID IT, TOO!!!"

Angel Dust: "Oh fuck me with a plastic dick- Neither of ya's gay morons know's the kid's name???"

Cannibal Kid: "It's Annie."

Charlie: "!! ANNIE IM SO SORRY MOM WILL NEVER NOT KNOW YOUR NAME EVER AGAIN-"

Annie: "Short for Annabelle."

Hotel Crew: “……”

Vaggie: "....like, Annabelle the… cannibal?"

Annie: "Tragically."

Charlie: "Oh but that's. A. Lovely name."

Annie: "My dead parents thought they were both really funny." (flat stare) "They weren't."

Angel Dust: “Sucks to be you, kid. Sorry ‘bout your old man and lady.”

Annie: “It’s okay. They didn’t own a hotel.”

Charlie: “Ahhaha! This is a horrible thing to say, but- I feel like your FIRST life changing experience with us will be learning the true meaning of family!”

Annie: “Since you’re the princess of hell, what does that make me?”

Vaggie: “A normal kid who’s mom is princess of hell.”

Annie: “Dang.”

Angel Dust: “Oh I’m gonna LOVE bein’ your uncle! You’ve got piz-zazz don’t ya~?”

Annie: “No.” (pulls Razzle out from under their coat) “His name’s Razzle.”

Angel Dust: “That ain’t exactly what I meant-”

Annie: “I know. I was just being funnier than you.”

Husk: “Ha! Now this is MY kinda kid!”

Angel Dust: “Yeah sure whatever, I’m still gonna be a waaay cooler uncle than you, so… uhhh… Vaggie-boner, why’s your girlfriend making that noise?”

Vaggie: “The ‘eeeeee’ing?”

Angel Dust: “Yeah.”

Vaggie: “It’s one of her happy sounds.”

Angel Dust: “What the fuck is she so happy about. Didn’t she get over the whole burst of motherly endorphins thing while signin’ adoption papers over in Eats-your-face-burg?”

Vaggie: “I mean, you did kinda just make it sound like you think of her as family.”

Angel Dust: “Of course you gays are family! What the fuck???”

Husk: “….you fucking idiot. Now you’ve made them both cry.”

Niffty: “I wish that was meeee…”

Annie: “I think they’re tears of joy." (dabs tear on finger and tries it) "Tastes like it, anyway. Too sweet.” (pulls face) "Blegh."

Niffty: “Emotional pain from the AGONIZING realization of everything that’d been CUT AWAY FROM YOU LIKE A KNIFE TO YOUR HEART at the same moment someone VIOLENTLY SHOVES a brand new PAINFULLY BEATING HEART into the EMPTY CAVITY that used to hold your BRUTALLY CRUSHED DREAMS… can be fun too…”

Angel Dust: “….”

Husk: “….”

Annie: “Aunt Niffty, you’re so cool.”

Niffty: “Really!? I’m also gonna let you play with KNIVES!!!”

Angel Dust: “-no, no you won’t. No. Both of ya’s listen carefully- the word of the day is ‘N’… ‘O’.”

Annie: “Knife starts with a ‘K’.”

Husk: “He wasn’t spelling knife.”

Annie: “He could've been if he’d started it with a ‘K’.”

Charlie: “YOU ALL ALREADY S-SOUND JUST LIKE A FAMILY WAAAAAGH!!!”

Annie: "So is this the true meaning of family?"

Vaggie: "It's....close enough."

Annie: “Okay. I like it here, tall mom. It’s soggy, because you’re crying on me, but it’s nice.”

Charlie: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- YOU CALLED ME M-MOM-”

Vaggie: “There-there, sweetie. Maybe try to not break our kid’s eardrums on the first day?”

Husk: “You’re still crying out of your one fucking eye-”

Vaggie: “Shut up.”

#canon you assholes #habzin hotel #charlie morningstar #vaggie #chaggie #angel dust hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #niffty hazbin hotel #orphaned cannibal adoption shenanigans #silly #au

[your-dad-the-fag]

Canon all of this is canon

if percy was famous on any social it would be tik tok

the first video he posts is him being like “how tf does this shit work wtf” bc he doesn’t realize his accounts not private

at first ppl think he’s like a fuck boy or an e boy but then they realize he’s just a dumbass

tho he’s a dumbass he’s still very smart and when shit starts going around he steps in

some ppl follow him for the looks or for his cute ass relationship but most follow for how he acts

his videos are just like dumbass videos of him and his friends being stupid

sometimes annabeth will take his phone and video him doing dumb shit like it’s a video of him climbing a fence and she’s in the background like “watch him tear his pants-oop- what i say huh what i say”

and he’ll video her like “she won’t let me leave” and she’s like “bitch do your work” and he’s like “i hate it here” and other dumbass domestic shit

he videos other random shit like there’s tik toks of just vídeos of annabeth and estelle being cute and once with him just laughing his ass off with thalia and grover talking about “dam”

he really does whatever his followers ask and answers their questions whenever he can too (he’s really good with his community)

sometimes it super cryptic sometimes it’s just cute and sometimes it fucking hilarious it all depends

he never really uses any sounds unless it’s like wii music in the background or he like really likes the song or it’s a really good trend or smth

he’s def done a makeover on his acc (like let the girls or whoever do his makeup) and he’s def put on a skirt before on his tik tok too bc his followers asked and he was like “bitch ok”

the only time he actually does audios is when a fan asks/a bunch of ppl overload him asking him to use it

he does do pov sometimes but those are on the cryptic side of his page

he’s on deep/alt tik tok

sometimes he does dances but if he does it usually with piper or rachel

he does lives like once a blue moon and when he does do them he doesn’t tell anyone (i mean a bunch of ppl still show up) but he never announces it he just starts one

his videos are either two second long with him saying smth like “how did i not know dogs had nipples” or a 60 seconds long with a bunch of clips of his family

ppl also really like his accent and their always like “ooo new york boy💖😘” and he’s always like “omg how did you know???”

he’s verified after a year but he never goes to any meet ups as a safety thing for the mortals

this is the cryptic shit he posts sometimes like it’s dumb shit like this or estelle

#annabeth percy jackson #heros of olympus #hoo #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo #percabeth #percy jackson #annabeth pjo #pjo/hoo #pjo fandom

[your-dad-the-fag]

MORE CANON RULEZ!!

Rules for the Hazbin Hotel, authored by Vaggie:

1. No drugs.

2. No fights.

3. No pranks.

4. No problematic language.

5. No murder (OR TERRITORIAL GENOCIDE WHAT THE FUCK ANGEL)

6. No smuggling in of drugs. Not by sticking them up your ass. Or by hiding them in a pizza box. Or by slingshotting them to the roof. Or getting someone else to. Not at all.

7. No sexual rendezvous with outsiders in the hotel. No SHOWING sexual rendezvous with strangers to people of the hotel either.

8. Make sure the pig/future pets stay in the patron’s room. (This includes eggs!!)

9. No singing Limit singing to once twice per day

10. Stop flirting with the bartender Angel

11. Don’t call Husk “Husker” unless he allows it.

12. No harassing the staff at all. This includes asking who tops.

13. Don’t suggest anything sexual/romantic to Alastor unless you want your head cut off.

14. NO CUTTING OFF PEOPLE’S HEADS

15. NO EATING PEOPLE

16. NO MAKING CHARLIE CRY.

17. Don’t ask me to put my spear “inside you” Angel, what the fuck?

18. Don’t turn the interior of the hotel into a swamp?! Keep it contained in your room if you must!

19. No stabbing staff or residents. No matter how much they look like bugs! (OR IF THEYRE NAME IS ANGEL)

20. Don’t try and stab bugs if they’re within 10 feet of another demon.

21. Don’t call anyone a “bitch” OR TALK ABOUT HOW MY NAME SOUNDS LIKE “VAGINA”

22. Limit Niffty’s access to sharp objects.

23. NO DEALS ALASTOR

24. No drinking. Limit drinking at bar.

25. No mentioning the Stock Market Crash of 1929. For everyone’s benefit.

26. Don’t blow a hole in the wall.

27. Try to keep roast battles OUTSIDE the hotel. (Or stop picking fights?? Please Alastor I swear to God…)

28. No spying on the hotel for outside sources or putting technology that can be used against us.

29. No evil laughing in the middle of the night, what the fuck Alastor?

30. No building weapons/war machines.

31. No eggs! (Fine the eggs can stay.)

32. Someone please keep an eye on Niffty. (And the eggs.)

33. Stop touching people ANGEL.

34. Don’t make other people storm off HUSK.

35. Respect boundaries.

36a. If Angel looks like he’s about to pass out/cry don’t comment. Let him do his thing.

36b. Don’t try to talk to Angel if he’s on the phone with Valentino. Honestly don’t even mention his phone calls with Valentino.

37. Please don’t call Lucifer “Daddy”

38. Don’t turn into a 20 foot tall demon-eating creature unless absolutely necessary.

39. Don’t cause angry loan sharks to show up at the front door.

40. NO EXPLOSIONS!

41. Rule #2, “No fights” can be broken if the person you’re fighting is Valentino. Or Adam.

42. Don’t lie to your girlfriend or hide the fact you were secretly an angel.

43. DONT TALK ABOUT PEOPLE’S TITS (or lack of)

44. KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING A BEDROOM ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE’S HAVING MAKEUP SEX

45. Don’t give people makeovers while they’re sleeping, ANGEL!

46. Don’t pretend to eat someone’s pet, ALASTOR

47. Don’t die.

48. I never want to hear the words “cum-plete” again.

49. STOP HAVING FIGHTS ACROSS THE BUILDING LUCIFER AND ALASTOR!!

50. If Charlie is passed out on the couch LET HER SLEEP

51. No making bombs in the hotel Cherri!

52. Stop breaking rules and then saying it’s “FOR SIR PENTIOUS!”

53. Angel don’t try to shoot someone if they break spaghetti.

54. Don’t break spaghetti. Or “ruin” Italian food. Whatever the fuck that means. This apparently includes pineapple on pizza.

55. Don’t mention Valentino unless Angel brings him up first.

56. Don’t comment on Angel and Husk’s flirting.

57. Only call Angel “Anthony” if things are serious (or if you’re Husk)

58. Don’t use any of the nicknames Husk and Angel use for each other. This includes but is not limited to: “Whiskers”, “Legs”, “Kitty”, “Webs”, “Tony”, “Love”, and “Baby.”

59. It’s better not to question whatever facts Husk gives about his past.

60. Family dinners at 6 pm unless you can’t make it due to prior obligation. Game nights after on Sundays.

61. No hunting people for sport and NO KNIFE MONOPOLY.

62. Don’t attach knives to a roomba so you can have a “boyfriend” Niffty.

63. Keep Niffty away from Roombas.

64. Alastor, treat people with decency. Really, it’s not that hard.

65. No making giant ducks that breathe fire to chase people around the hotel just because they call you short.

66. Therapy. Everyone.

67. DONT HAVE SEX ON THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!

68. If Valentino enters the property you have permission to stab him.

69. “Hell is forever” is bullshit. You guys aren’t. You can do this.

#stupid hazbin hotel lists #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel memes #hazbin hotel vaggie #vaggie hazbin hotel #vaggie #angel dust hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #charlie hazbin hotel #alastor hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #chaggie

[your-dad-the-fag]

WELCOME TO ALL OF THIS IS THUS FAR CANON (decided by me)

everyone settling into the hotel and figuring out the unsaid rules of cohabitation like

1 - it’s okay for Angel Dust to leave work stuff lying around IF ITS WASHED

2 - if you want a drink you ASK Husk. If you want to die you mess with his drink display

3 - TV is timeshared and if Alastor wants to use his timeslot to turn the tv OFF then no you can’t watch it just because he’s not using it

4 - Niffty can pin up the cockroach kill of the week in the lobby for everyone to wince at but it has to be on the cork board Charlie bought for her and she has to take the old ones down first each time

5 - if you break it you rebuild / replace it. You do NOT upgrade it with weapons while doing so (Sir Pentious THIS MEANS YOU) 5b - as long as it gets rebuilt / replaced no one gets to make a huge deal over something being broken or blown up again (or at Sir Pentious for doing it)

6 - don’t move around the fucking lobby furniture without moving it back afterwards 6b - if it’s in your room then you can do what you want but in all shared spaces the furniture NEEDS to be kept tidy and in proper place unless you want to hear swearing and sounds of violence as Vaggie trips over and throws her spear into a wall in frustration again, ruining the paper 6c - every third time this happens everyone has to sit through another presentation by Charlie explaining how having one eye is different when it’s not huge and in the middle of your head and you’re not basically at ground level

7 - Charlie can sing but only between 10am and 10pm unless it’s an emergency. If she tries singing outside of that whoever’s nearest is allowed to GENTLY hush her 7b - if you hush Charlie at any other time Vaggie will chase you. 7c - the above is NOT a recommended source of healthy exercise (you will have trauma)

8 - and above all have fun and FUCK yourself!

- Whoever changed “be” to “fuck”- it’s okay and you are loved <3

- Platonically. You are loved platonically, by me Charlie, who is writing this while standing next to my beautiful girlfriend.

- hey Charlie puff you alright? Sounds like she had a gun to your head while you were writin’ this XD

- It was more like her lips on my neck but yeah pretty close!

9 - Charlie and Vaggie are not allowed to be gross and cute in common areas they have a room for that sappy shit and need to keep it there thanks

- Homophobia.

- this is hell, toots

- You are literally a gay man Angel Dust

- I contain multitudes. Multitudes of d

- Bonding between friends is WONDERFUL but this is a list of rules not a chat room so let’s end things here ha ha ha ! Great job everyone!!!!

- KILL

- niffty what the fuck did you write that in it wont wash off

- BLOOD~

#chaggie #hazbin hotel #charlie morningstar #hazbin alastor #hazbin angel dust #hazbin husk #angel dust #it’s canon guys I promise

[your-dad-the-fag]

New headcanon, cass only randomly finds people that she really likes (Steph, random family members and Bruce when he’s not an asshole) and Steph has decided that is great because it means cass likes her

From this

To this.

And Cass doesn't have to give up a single bit of her natural creepiness. She can still lurk ominously but instead of nightmares and jumpscares Steph just sees her and goes Ah yes my lovely cryptid girlfriend. Stephcass relationship development you will always be famous to me.

#cassandra cain #stephanie brown #stephcass #dc #batman #gay bitches #steph brown

[your-dad-the-fag]

THIS WOMAN STALKS ME, EVERY WHERE I GO SHE FOLLOWS (I ain’t risking it, it’s 2024 people)

“But if you forget to reblog Madame Zeroni, you and your family will be cursed for always and eternity.”

#I don’t want to die

[your-dad-the-fag]

stephanie brown NOV 2023 fic awards

this is part of a new experimental thing I'm doing, where I will comb through every fic posted/updated in a character tag for a specific month and find my favorites! I hope this will encourage people to read and comment on new and active fics with less-focused-on characters.

-> Action & Plot <-

Purr-ple Power [series: 2/2], by Cephalogod. 5.7k, T, timsteph pre-relationship. summary: batman wouldn't listen to steph about her dad, but luckily for steph, a certain cat-themed vigilante is more than willing to. my notes: I adore "stray" fics/AUs, so it's about time steph got one! her particular brand of mischievousness is more than suited to selina's, and tim in this series is so funny. love!!

&&

Road to Recovery, by Solemini. 19.8k, T, gen, 6/6. summary: cass leaves steph the batgirl suit, and everything changes. a complete rewrite of batgirl 2009. my notes: god. this steph is angry. and she deserves to be-- she hates the world for not treating her right, she resents her upbringing. this is our angry robin. but it is, despite that, a tale of joy and love. basically, it's a gorgeous retelling of batgirl 2009.

-> Fluff & Humor <-

the relief of home, with you, by MermaidMarie. 2.5k, G, stephcass. summary: a series of little moments in the home steph and cass share. my notes: AAAGHGHG this was so cute!!! absolutely adorable and lovely 10/10 no notes the perfect friends to lovers domestic fluff

&&

the purple menace and camera boy, by waffleinatorinator. 1.2k, T, timsteph pre-relationship. summary: steph is spoiler, tim is a civilian, and he finds her injured in a dumpster. my notes: they're so cute!!! this is just one little scene but it's an adorable setup and I enjoyed it immensely.

⇘     click for more!     ⇘

-> Whump & Angst <-

distress signal, by waffleinatorinator. 5.4k, T, implied stephcass. summary: cass's distress signal goes off. steph runs across a city for her. my notes: the angst is DELICIOUS. the author's tag of "if there was a pwp tag for whump i would use it" rings very true. definitely good steph angst >:)

&&

i swear that i'll be yours forever 'til forever falls apart, by waffleinatorinator. 800, not rated, timsteph flavoring. summary: steph comes back as the red hood, and she's out for revenge -- but she doesn't get what she expected. my notes: this concept is everything to me -- reverse robins tim as red hood always bugs me when steph is logically supposed to be in that spot in the order and when it fits her story so much better. I also love tim's dedicated loyalty to her here, and how insane they both are <3

-> Currently Updating <-

Girls Against God, by cookiesncrows. 36.3k, M, stephcass endgame, 22/?. summary: jim gordon falls ill, which means babs and james have to tolerate each other enough to take care of him. in the interim, kate kane moves back to gotham to be the new batgirls' mentor, which steph and cass are not fond of. my notes: ohh the angst is so good!! this fic is very heavy on the character interaction and the plot which I personally adore, and the inclusion of lesser-known characters that are written very well makes this whole world feel fleshed out and real.

&&

The Ping-Pong Wars, by fadesfanfic. 6.6k, G, gen, 5/?. summary: steph beats damian at ping-pong, and damian becomes hellbent on reclaiming his honor. my notes: it's silly and fluffy and somehow manages to perfectly capture the batgirl 2009 vibe of steph trying to bond with this feral little child. well worth the read!!! <3

send me an ask for fic rec lists ++ to find a fic lost to the sands of time

[your-dad-the-fag]

Jason (finds tim): I’m gonna take that home with me

Bruce: that is a child Jason, you can’t take him home

Jason: YES I CAN, you did it to me

robin finds this strange little guy with a camera while on patrol

[your-dad-the-fag]

All supers just like have an assigned bat to go with them like:

Clark has Bruce

Kara has Barbara

Jon has Damian

Connor has Tim

Bizzaro gets Jason

All of them have a bat! Which there all happy about, meanwhile their bat companion on the other hand have some warming up to do (most of the time)

#babskara #superman #superbat #barbara gordon #kara danvers #kara kent #bruce wayne #bizzaro #jason todd #jon kent #Damian Wayne #tim drake #robin #dc robin #I love these little idiots #Bruce (realising all of his bat children are just like him) wow all you copy bats #BATMAN #DANANANANANANA BATMAN AND HIS ISSUES!!

[your-dad-the-fag]

What people think I mean when I say I ship robin x batgirl:

Dick and Barbara

What I really mean:

My little gays, Steph and cass

#dc robin #batman #cassandra cain #stephanie brown #robin #dick grayson #richard grayson #batgirl #barbara gordon #I love the gay people #stephcass #dc comics #dc universe #fuck you dc make them canon

[your-dad-the-fag]

Cass and Steph (have any problems what so ever): BARBARA HELPP

Barbara(the 6th Time they’ve called on her in the last hour and a half): what do you want now?

Cass and Steph (being cheeky assholes): what’s the password to the computer?

Barbara (done with them): IVE TOLD YOU THIS 3 TIMES NOW

Barbara(takes some deep breaths): the password is 795854

I also fully believe that when they have problems they always ask Barbara for help first and that they probably snitch on people that are annoying them to Barbara

#barbra gordon #stephanie brown #cassandra wayne #cassandra cain #batman #my little baby’s #there such snitches #I love that for them

[your-dad-the-fag]

This is amazing I love it, I would die for it

It’s now canon

fuck you dc

Y’all think about those rare times when Batman talks about his sons before they were introduced to the justice league he talks bout his ‘babies’

Batman: ahh yes nightwing, he’s my little boy. Always is full of energy. I love him. He’s just a happy little boy. In fact I have called him here and there he is, my little boy, a bundle of joy he is.

Nightwing: *a fully grown man with the height of 6’0 and almost the size of Batman himself* hey guys :D

JL: that’s not a little boy???

Batman: *pointing to red hood* this is my baby, he’s just a precious baby and I love him so, he is fragile so please don’t make contact. He’s so cute and precious, he’s my precious baby boy.

Redhood: *a 6’2 man, absolutely covered in guns and is the size (if not slightly bigger) then Batman himself, glaring at all of them* don’t talk shit b

Batman: language.

JL: THATS NOT A BABY BOY???

Batman: this is my other son, he is my little genius. He’s so full of innocence and so pure, I love him dearly. Don’t be fooled by that stare, he’s so full of love he can hardly contain it. In fact he is friend shape.

Red robin: *staring down the JL with his Batman glare, already in a fighting stance* I will not hesitate

JL: I do not feel safe

Batman: this is robin, my son. He is very nice, though he might pick at you slightly, he is harmless. He can be prickly be warned but overall he is such a lovely baby and I love him so much

Robin: *gripping his swords, glaring at them ready to fight*

JL: oh my god we’re gonna die

#fuck you dc #let Batman be nice #Batman loves his kiddies #Cassandra Cain #cass Wayne #Jason Todd #dick grasyon #Batman #justice league

[your-dad-the-fag]

Raven (bored and and wants to cause chaos): who tops in your relationship?

Lexa (a little liar): me, I’m the commander in and out of bed

Clarke (calling her out on her bs): that’s not what happened last night babe

#Clarke 100% tops #did you see how lexa looked at her after their first kiss??? #of course she bottoms #raven loves chaos #lexa deserved better #commander lexa #clexa #raven reyes #the 100 #this show makes me insane

[your-dad-the-fag]

My new favourite thing ever

(Steph’s broke my heart)

So my Batfamily brain rot is back (not that it ever really left) and I just had a thought like…

If you’re a henchman/criminal in Gotham, seeing your life flash past your eyes is gonna be a somewhat regular occurance but… what if like… the thing that truly made a henchman’s heart fall to his ass was when they hit Robin just a little too hard and this 10 year old kid just starts crying and goes ‘Daaaaaadddd!’

That’s the moment when they truly think they’re going to die because said dad, the kid is calling for is a 6’6 demon from hell who’s all muscle and shadows and vengance and a lot of Gotham still thinks he’s a cryptid

The henchmen all drop their guns and try to calm the kid down but it’s over in 5 seconds flat. Batman breaks several bones before speaking to Robin in the softest voice they’ve ever heard him use and the criminal world, who was already a bit hesitant to fight a kid have even more reason to take it just a little easy on Robin.

And like, I can picture different reactions with every Robin.

Like, for Dick, he’s ten and we all know he was the most violent Robin second only to Damian so maybe when he’s ten or eleven and has calmed down a little, a henchback who still remembers what a little shit he used to be decides to get back at Robin, slips on a pair of brass knuckles and BAM

And then, little Dick just stares for a moment in shock, cheek already starting to bruise, the criminals he’d been fighting all stay still because it was a nasty punch and then…

“Daaaaad!!!” He cries out in a whiny voice that reminds them that Robin really is just a kid and it all clicks into place.

Even Bruce wasn’t expecting that, Dick has just started calling him dad and he still isn’t used to being called that so to hear his kid calling for him in the moment where he is startled and hurt and a little scared… the henchmen don’t even have time to react and they wake up in the hospital with concussions and maybe a few broken bones.

It doesn’t take Dick long to calm down, it was mostly that the hit from a random henchmen really startled him and got him right in the cheekbone. But Bruce still finishes patrol early and Dick still hides under Bruce’s cape all the way to the Batmobile.

Then comes Jason and Jason was such a sweet kid, I headcannon he was the one that called Bruce dad the most often while being Robin. So one night during patrol maybe he finds himself fighting Penguin or Two-Face and it’s been a long night and he has an exam the following day and Bruce is fighting another villain at the other side of the warehouse

The point is, the henchmen and Two-Face start landing hits on eleven year old Jason in his gut and at some point he loses sight of Batman fighting on the other side of the room. Jason gets scared because he’s never really fought without Batman and while he knows that Bruce is still in the warehouse, he can’t see him and the handle of a gun hits the back of his ankle and he falls and he sees Two-Face or Penguin or one of the henchmen getting ready to grab the front of his uniform and beat him up and…

“Daaaaddd!”

The criminals freeze for a moment. They’ve heard the stories of what happened the last time a Robin called scared for dad.

They’re fucked.

They all drop their guns and try to get Jason to calm down, but he’s crying just a little bit and calls again, his voice breaking and despite having been at the other side of the warehouse just a second ago, Bruce somehow drops from the ceiling and it’s over before the criminals can keep pleading with Robin to calm down.

Jason tries to apologize for ‘acting like a baby’ but Bruce is having none of it and carries him back to the Batmobile and Jason is happy to just hide his face in Bruce’s cape because he knows his dad will always be there to save him.

Then comes Tim.

And Tim gets found out while doing reconnisance and somehow he finds himself face to face with Bane who manages to wrench away his bo staff and Tim is just eleven and he is scared because Bane doesn’t look like he’s going to hold back

All Tim knows is that the crack he hears must surely be his ribs either cracking or breaking and he can’t breath and he can only muster enough air for a single word… and he calls for his dad through tears and fear

And at this point… at this point Batman has already lost a Robin, Tim may not be his legally but he is his son just as much as Jason was

Bane spends a month in the ICU

Tim is embarrased that he reacted like that. He thinks it makes him less of a Robin to called scared for Batman… for dad.

So Bruce tells him of the other two times it happened. It’s one of the first times he’s spoken about Jason to Tim so bluntly.

Then comes Stephanie.

Stephanie never calls Bruce dad when she’s Robin. She’s not his daughter and he’s not her dad. They’re not sure what exactly they are to one another.

As far as Bruce knows, Stephanie’s version of Robin never called out to him when she was scared.

What he doesn’t know is that it did happen. Just once

It was the last time she was Robin. When Black Mask had her and she thought she was going to die

At some point while bleeding and feeling nauseous and so scared she could barely hear anything that wasn’t her own heart beating wildly against her chest… she called for dad. Not for Arthur Brown, but for Bruce

Black Mask laughed at her

Stephanie never tells Bruce

And finally… Damian

Now, we know Damian would probably never be startled enough to call for Bruce out of instinct, so I can see 2 scenarios in which this could happen.

First, he sees another kid do it. He sees a kid close to his own age laughing and playing, then tripping and staying quiet for a split second before crying out for mom and dad and he just… assumes that’s something kids do when scared and hurt and startled and does it mostly in an attempt to be a little more ‘normal’

Or, my favorite scenario… he hears of the other times it has happened. He overhears maybe Dick remind Jason of what Bruce did when Jason called out to dad as Robin. Tim maybe jokes that a Robin calling for dad is still the villains’ greatest fear

So Damian stores that knowledge away as a battle strategy just in case he ever needs it… and maybe a small part of him wants to put it to the test, to see if his father would protect him as brutally as he’s protected the Robins before him

So some random night during patrol, he’s up against several henchmen, a few of them grab him from behind, trying to hold him down. Damian is fighting against them when one of them swings a cylinder of metal that Damian thinks might’ve been meant for the plumbing and…

The henchman breaks Damian’s nose, there’s blood dripping down his chin and staining his uniform

Now… it is most certainly not the first time he’s broken something, he’s more than used to the pain, in fact, he barely feels it. However, it gives him a chance to put his little theory to the test

And so Damian allows himself to sound like the ten year old that he is and in a whiny, teary voice, goes… “Babaaaaa!” (Bonus points if it’s the first or second time he’s called Bruce baba instead of father)

What Damian didn’t take into account though, is that Batman and Robin aren’t the only ones on patrol that night. They made a big bust. The biggest part of the operation was over but they were still fighting a few stragglers. The whole fucking family is here.

And they all hear his cry.

Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen a fight end so quickly. The henchmen only have a split-second of surprise before vanishing, being tackled or shot or having knives buried on their shoulders by his siblings.

The one that actually broke Damian’s nose is being beaten up by Nightwing, Damian doesn’t think he’s ever seen Grayson so angry.

A shadow kneels in front of him, father. Baba. He’s checking Damian and Todd is right at his side, both speaking in hushed tones, checking his injuries and wiping the tears that usually came with a broken nose.

And now… Damian is used to his father and Grayson treating him like a child, trying to be as soft as they can with him. Even Cain does it to some extent.

But… having Drake wrap an arm around him, calling him baby when knocking out one of the criminals that had hurt him ‘that’s my fucking baby brother!’ and continue to hold him later into the night on the couch, having Brown willingly give up all the snacks she keeps in her utility belt and promise to take him to Batburger the following day for milkshakes because he was ‘a champ’. And Thomas wraps his favorite blanket around Damian while they’re fixing him up.

Todd decides to stay the night at the manor. Which he never does. They all decide to spend the night at the manor when Damian still sniffles on the Batmobile and they have breakfast all of them together. Which Damian isn’t sure has ever happened before and Cain gets Alfred to make pancakes with chocolate chips instead of blueberries.

They call him baby in hushed whispers but for once, it doesn’t bother him even though it really should

But most of all, Bruce refuses to let him go for a good five minutes after he first cries for him. Smoothing down his hair and whispering that it’ll be okay and just being soft in a way Damian has never seen before.

He sleeps between his Baba and Grayson and he knows that Todd and Drake and Cain check in on them at least twice in the night for some reason.

And he realizes it’s… it’s nice. Maybe this really could be an effective battle strategy to be employed again someday.

#Batman #batfam #batfamily #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #duke thomas #damian wayne #I LOVE IT

[your-dad-the-fag]

Jason: *on private line* Swanhead.

Tim: Red Hood. Don’t call me that. What is it?

Jason: Send me my location, I don’t know where I am.

Tim: Hold-

Dick: *batkids group channel* Hey Baby Bird.

Tim: Nightwing. Again don’t call me-you know what? Nevermind. What’s the problem?

Dick: I need you to send me my location, I got kidnapped overseas.

Tim: Red Hood too.

Jason: Hey! I didn’t get kidnapped, I was violently taken hostage for a minor drug deal that went wrong. Totally different.

Tim: Right.

Jason: Listen here you little shi-

Dick: Oh, Little Wing’s in Belarus. Coordinates: 53.6212, 27.94683 and there’s a bike nearby he can use to get to the aircraft landing space close by but he’ll have to be careful because it’s swarmed by mean-looking guards.

Tim: …..

Jason: Since when are the guards nice-looking?

Dick: Little Wing, when you get kidnapped as often as I do, you get to pick and choose who you like.

Tim: Not getting into that mess but how’d you know Jason’s coordinates?

Dick: Older Sibling’s Intuition!

Tim and Jason: Bullshit.

Tim: Anyway, I’ll send Batman to pick you up.

Dick: Wait, no, Batman will bring Robin and little D just went over to J-Superboy’s house to play video games.

Tim: ….Okay, then I’ll send Batgirl.

Dick: No Batgirl’s throwing it back at a frat party so don’t bother her. She’s winning.

Tim: Orphan.

Dick: No she’s busy dismantling an underground mercenary establishment in Shanghai.

Tim: I’ll-

Dick: Nah, enjoy your date with your golden teddy bear tonight. It’s also a bit of a distance to go from Gotham to Metropolis to pick up your other one.

Tim: OKAY HOW DO YOU KNOW EVERYONE’S LOCATION BUT YOUR OWN?!

Dick: ….Tee Hee 😋✨

Jason: *muffled* did he just “Tee Hee?”

Tim: ….where are the kidnappers, I gotta rescue them.

Dick: *in the background on Dick’s line: sobbing and nonstop muffled thank you’s*

Dick: Whaddya mean? They’re fine. Right, guys? *more crying heard*

Tim: Dick….

Jason: *on private channel* Shushhh. Just let him have this. Still send help though. For them.

[your-dad-the-fag]

The Beacon Hills gang as animated text.

Stiles:

Derek:

Erica:

Boyd:

Isaac:

Scott:

Allison:

Lydia:

Malia: