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aveegrex · 2 years

Note

Hi, I really love your writing! I was wondering if I could request hot steamy shower sex with Zoro, Crocodile, & Smoker ( separately ) with gn/nonbinary reader? 👀👀 tyyy

Omg HIIIIIIII

You’re my first ask and it’s super exciting!! Thanks for entrusting me with such a request, I truly had a blast writing it all. Though it didn't turn out exact, since only Smoker's part is in the actual shower. I just felt like Zoro and Crocodile would work better in a slightly different water-themed settings, so here you go with onsen Zoro and private pool Croc. Also sorry it's a bit long, each part can be read as a full on separate piece. I tried to avoid any gendered ways to address the reader and didn't describe the anatomy in detail, but reader is penetrated in Zoro's and Smoker's parts.

genre: smut pairing: Smoker, Crocodile, Zoro x gn!reader (all separately) word count: 3,3k

cw: smoking (croc's part), alcohol (croc and zoro part), water sex, subbish reader (not so much in smoker's part), shower sex, onsen sex, spa sex, oral (m!receiving), fingering (zoro's part, mentioned), finger-sucking, swearing, degradation (croc and zoro), a little bit of daddy kink (croc part), choking (croc and zoro), cock worship (croc), overstim (kinda, smoker's part), cumming inside (smoker and zoro), cum-eating (croc), teasing, ig that's about it

Smoker:

“Oh, o-oh, h-honey-y, yeah, - your husband’s heavy panting riling you up, wet slaps filling the bathroom as he pounds into you full nelson, threatening to drop you on the tile floor any second. - God, missed ya, missed ya s’much, f-fuck”.

Four hours since he stepped foot into your shared home. Four hours since he silently ripped off your clothes and finally sank his dick in you, downright moaning the second he bottomed out. The bed, the hallway wall, the kitchen counter, the windowsill, then particularly steamy doggy on the floor - and now he has you in shower, knowing exactly how weak you are for his wet body.

Muscles covered in a slight sheen of water and soap, his hair slick and messy, lips plump and reddened - Smoker teased another round out of you, absolutely aware you’d forego any soreness to get a piece of him like that.

“G-god, babe, taking me s’good. - he slurred, eyes trained on your fucked out face, toned muscles flexing as he bounced you up and down. - Take it, fuck, take it, likethatlikethatlikethat ohhh - ” - another moan, he was such a slut for you in moments like this, coming back home after weeks away, getting to release all pent up stress.

Being fair to him, though, you always reciprocated his eagerness. Countless nights in a cold bed were excruciating, driving you up the wall for the most part of his missions. But it all paid off on nights like this, when he returned safe and just as sex-starved as you, resulting into the living nightmare for all the neighbors.

“P-please, - you bit your lip in exertion, throat sore of all the screaming he had you do. - P-please, can I, .. AHH!!”. You felt him change the angle, going deeper, harder, straight where you needed him most. “Yeah, yeah, god, babe, - his own mind blurry of pleasure, his still somehow full heavy balls slapping against your skin. - Cream on that dick, yeah, mmhmm, mhm”.

His pace stuttering, you felt his dick twitching, signaling how close he was to filling you up again, your own body still hungry for whatever he can give you. “Gon’ pump you full o’me, yeah? - his voice resounding off of tiles, shower doing little to save your neighbors’ ears from the carnality of your evening. - Cum for me, c’mon, mm-need you t’cum for me, babe, pleasepleaseplease-”

His whines drove you mad, your nails sinking into his broad shoulders as you clamped on him, feeling your climax right around the corner. His everything was big, that beloved dick included, and god you loved it when your usually serious and collected husband lost his mind in lust. Lewd moans, strong body shining with moisture, eyes brimming with tears - no matter how sore you were from previous rounds, you’d climb him over and over just to remind yourself that this hunk of a marine was all yours.

Squeezing his hands on your ass tighter he pushed you against cold foggy tiles, ramming his cock deeper and deeper, face nuzzled into the crook of your neck. “F-fuck, babyyyy, - wretched whines vibrated against your skin. - Tug on my hair, babe, need y’too, mhhmm, like that, yeah, y-yeah,- OHHH FUCK”

You felt him twitching inside you, filling you up to the brim with his seed, and your legs clamped up against his frame, your own orgasm jolting through your spent body. Throat sore, you tugged on his hair again, crashing your lips against his, his lips bitten raw. “Missed ya s’much. - he slurred, careful to lower both of you into the tub. - Don’t think I’m done yet”

Sir Crocodile:

Deep satisfied groans resounded from the dimly lit mosaic walls, his cigar hanging from the corner of his mouth, head leaned back to the stack of towels by the side of the private pool. “Fu-uck. - he chuckled, smoke whirling up to the ceiling. - That’s the life”

Ever since eating a devil fruit, Crocodile has found himself not so fond of baths, opting for quick showers. Drowning aside, his power itself didn’t pair up well with water, and he distasted the vulnerability that baths brought out. It was only when he gained enough wealth to build himself a whole fucking spa was he able to enjoy a simple pleasure of soaking his bones in steaming water, sipping on scotch and living that rich life to the fullest.

You were actually the first person he ever allowed to accompany him there, your doe eyes and tons of “pretty pretty please” aiming straight at his heart. You promised him he wouldn’t regret it, telling him how romantic it would be and reminding him of all the times he had to skip your dates. He gave up, and now, fuck, with your lips wrapped tight around his dick under water, - yeah, he didn’t regret it one bit.

A glass prepped up in his hook, he pushed your head with his healthy hand closer to his crotch, making you gag on him. “Mmhmm, yeah, - strained moan leaving his lips as he felt your throat clamping around his girth. - Go for it, just like that”

Ten more seconds and you resurfaced, coughing out the water with a content smile. “You look happy, love” - you mused, reaching for his glass.

“That’s cause I am, love” - he teased, his lidded eyes full with lust and adoration. Damn were you a curious little thing, always making sure to leave your mature lover excited with thousands of novelties. And where the hell did you learn to hold your breath for so long? “How about you dive back in and make me even happier, hm?”

To his surprise, you shook your head, your hand gripping on his tense thigh underwater. “Got a better idea. - you winked, content smile shifting to sly. - Sit up on the side for me, would you?”

His brow quirked up, he remained silent, taking the final sip from the glass and obliged to your request, thick hairy thighs splayed on the marble tile, glistening with wet, his dick high and proud. You hummed in content, water splashing around your body as you moved closer, your hands outward groping his body as you lowered your head to his legs. “Delicious. - an airy whisper escaping your lips. - If only I could swallow you whole”.

He knew he looked good, but your compliments never failed to make his head spin a little. Toned pecs dripping with water, body flushed a light rose from all the heat, and the way he looked down at you - nah, it definitely wasn’t just his money that attracted you.

Wasting no more time to ogle, you dug your hands into his hips, lips making their way to his crotch up his chunky thighs, a bite here and there eliciting little moans from your man. “Playing around again?” - he cooed, head rolling from one shoulder to another, a hiss making its way through his teeth when you sucked on his inner thigh.

You just hummed, set on riling him up a bit more before tending to his aching cock. God it looked good: angry red tip leaking precum, thick and long, with a prominent vein adorning the underside and a pair of fucking breeder balls at the bottom now laying atop the marble floor. You moaned into the juncture of his left leg, eyes trained on the main dish - even the smell of his skin drove you wild, barely there after the aromatised bath but still present.

Nuzzling your face into his groin, you chuckled, looking up to meet his eyes. “Could be doing that for hours” - and with that you swallowed him, yanking him back to heaven.

He shuddered, knowing how true your words were. Ever since you two got intimate you paid special regards to his dick, worshiping it like your life depended on it. It almost felt like you enjoyed giving oral more than receiving it, finding yourself buried between his thighs any moment he was available for some head. And god was he available, devoted to giving you your fix any moment.

“Oh g-god” - he uttered, your throat slack, tongue enveloping the underside of his cock as you bobbed your head up and down. Your right hand fondled with his balls, massaging them lovingly, and he trembled, feeling his climax creeping up.

You felt that too, apparently, quick to snatch his cock at the base, pressing tight while gliding his tip across your puckered lips like a fucking popsicle. “Not so soon, daddy. - you cooed, blowing air to the sensitive tip. - Need more, please”

“Damn slut” - he hissed, barely holding himself from pushing your head down and fucking into your throat in earnest. He knew better than that already, familiar with your magic mouth and the wonders it could do uninterrupted.

“Thank you, daddy” - an honorific making his balls twitch. How the fuck did he manage to get his hands on you, a cock-hungry little imp that was now slurping up his balls, sucking on them, your thumb drawing circles on his tip. His eyes rolled back, ragged breaths echoing through the hall.

His hand crept up your hair, pushing your head further into his balls, your tongue lapping at the cold skin in earnest. “Gotta feed my baby good, yeah? - his tone laced with fake care. - Gotta make sure you eat well? Fucking eat that”

He spat down onto your face, smearing the drool with his cock all over your cheeks, balls still slurped up into your mouth, so heavy and full you gagged on them. He knew he had to be patient, but you were a fucking tease, and he needed his cum out as soon as possible. Thick thighs trapping your head, wrapping around your neck, you felt his dick sliding down your throat as he reclined back on his elbows, ramming his girth further and further in. “Fu-ckin’ take that, yeah-yeah-yeah. - his teeth gritted, lack of oxygen making you moan in need. - Know how much you like that, uhuh, like eating up daddy’s fat cock, m-yeah?”

You mewled at that, mind buzzing with excitement, your own arousal ringing in your ears as you gripped his thighs weakly. You knew there was no stopping him now, he was already lost in bliss with his heavy balls tightened up, his tip buried inside your gagging throat.

“Could be doing that for hours, - he laughed, his hand fisting your wet hair, the water on his flush naked body replaced with a layer of sweat. - Slurp it up, just like that, fu-ucking swallow daddy’s cum”.

He bobbed your head a few more times and pushed your nose into his damp wiry pubes, thick ropes of viscous salty spend trickling down your abused throat, meaty thighs threatening to crush your head. You gulped for air, only managing to take as much in before his lips crashed against yours, his tongue reaching deep inside.

“Gotta get here more often. - he chuckled, getting back into water to hold your body close. - Starting to like this bath thing, y’know?”

Zoro:

Onsen baths are a rare find on the Grandline, so when you stumbled upon one walking around town with your boyfriend, you were quick to pull him there, excited to unwind under the starry sky.

“Told you it’s better than drinking through your wallet at some shitty tavern” - you mused, hands linked up behind the swordsman's neck. He hummed, a lopsided smile adorning his flushed face. “Right as always” - you felt his hands traveling lower to your ass, grinding you down his lap underwater.

“About to perv up another romantic date, aren’t you?” - a chuckle rumbled through his chest at that, his lips quick to find a weak spot on your neck. “I’m a simple man. - he managed between the soft suckles to your wet skin. - You’re hot, you’re naked, you’re wet - I’m hard”.

To be fair, he wasn’t alone in his excitement. Onsens always brought out the horny in you - stars above, cute cozy gardens, soft murmurs of water and a wet hot trained body under you made you weak in your knees and keen to succumb to all earthly pleasures. There was just something so intimate and erotic about the laziness of the setting, allowing you to forget your usual quickies and fully satiate your hunger for Zoro’s entire being. A luxury so rare in pirate life.

“Hate them quickies. - it was like Zoro read your mind and voiced it out, his hands roaming your body. - Wanted to show off my stamina for so long”.

“Yeah? - your eyes lidded, head thrown back to allow him full access to your neck and collarbones. - What’re you planning?”

He’s about to act upon his promise only for you to catch his chin with your hand, looking down at his reddened face with a tease. “Uh-uh. - your thumb brushing along his lower lip, tugging on it playfully. - Tell me, mister Bushido”

Zoro gulps, both at the nickname and at the request. He’s a man of action, always “better show than tell”, and he hates to admit how awkward it is to voice out everything he’d easily do in silence to your oh-so-tempting body. “I’d fuck you.. an’ all”, - he huffs, eyes shooting down in embarrassment.

Your soft laugh makes him slouch deeper, face now turned to water. “Okay, Shakespeare. - you kiss his temple, hands tangling into his damp locks. - How about we play hot ‘n’ cold?”

He raises his eyebrow at that, his good eye squinted in question, reddened nose asking for a kiss.

“Well, since you laid your master plan so poetically. - he rolls his eye and you’re quick to peck his lips, biting down on the lower one. - How about I try to guess your dirty intentions”. Kissing along his jawline, you get back to his mouth, letting your tongue inside for a mere second before continuing. “I guess right and you say “hot”, I’m wrong and “cold” it is”.

He hums, calloused fingers squeezing your ass, lopsided smile back on. “What if you’re somewhat right?” - he seems to even worry about it, taking a little game too seriously again.

“That’s where you go for comparatives. So?”

“I’m in. Hopefully soon”

You laugh at that, grinding down his half-hard boner.

“Okay. - your fingers massaging his scalp, a whisper tickles his ear. - You’d start as usual, hickeys on my neck for everyone to see…”

“Hot” - he bites down your collarbone accentuating his point.

“Then slowly trail those pretty lips lower, a fucking tease”

“Hot. - he’s not quick to meet your lidded gaze, suckling on the crook of your neck. - Also ouch”

“You’ll live. - your hand reaching for his nipple, fingertips brushing against a sensitive bud. - Mhmmm, feels good”

“Next?” - he hisses, the dick under you twitching weakly.

“Those fingers, - you fish out his hand, massaging the calloused palm. - light as feathers against my skin. You’d push those in my mouth”

He sucks in a breath as you suck on two at once, taking them all the way in to visualize your presentation. “Oh fuck, hot” - eyes trained on your mouth, his other hand digging into your thigh.

“Wet enough to prep me, yeah? - your deep chuckle shooting straight to his balls, he licks his lips. - And make me cum just from that, hell”

He just nods, cock hard against your skin.

“Yeah, you’d even do that twice just to see me cry”

“Hot. - he gulps, adjusting himself on the underwater seat. - Make it hotter”

Your eyes widen in fake surprise. “Three times?”

“Scolding right”

“Oh my… - you can’t help but rub yourself on his thick thighs, moaning at the thought of your boyfriend tending to your needs so religiously. - You’re so hard from this, can’t wait to dick me down?”

He’s silent, nodding shyly, waiting for you to continue.

“You’d slap me with that hard on a few times. - your tone now half moans, imagining your brute of a boyfriend having his way with you. - Push me in doggy, ass up, your hand on my waist”

“H-hot, yeah”

“Then thrust inside, sooo slooowlyyy” - you whine the last words, hand trailing up to his neck to give it a sudden squeeze, Zoro’s mind too hazy to react on time. You gasp, your fingers around your boyfriend’s throat too hot an image. “Then out, making me cry, and ram back in, a hard slap on my ass at that”.

You slap his cheek at that, cutting up his whore moan with your hand back to his throat. “H-Hot, fuck, h-kh-hot”. - he’s chortling, hips now grinding into you, water splaying against the side stones.

“Snap your hips in, in, in, ahh-. - you bounce atop him, making sure to slam down with each word, water adding tiniest friction to your arousal. - Fuck me so good, yeah”

Zoro mewls, a choked sob escaping his lips and he pulls you into his chest, teeth biting down on your lips, his tongue bullying its way inside your mouth. “Who’s a fucking tease now? - his hoarse voice vibrating against your ear, hand on your throat returning the favor. - Got it a little wrong though”

You gasp as he pulls you up by your neck a bit, his dick now pressing against your hole. “Gon’ fuck you just like that. - he glares at you, lips bitten raw. - Wanna see that face tear up when I pump you full”.

You sob, nodding as he bullies his way inside you, burying his dick full in. His pupils dilated, water trickling down his face, plump pecs heaving, he grinds his heels into the bottom of the pond, bouncing you up and down his length, hand not leaving your throat once.

“Sweet mouth silent now, huh? - he hisses through his gritted teeth, lust mixed up with anger, and lets your throat free only to shove his digits into your mouth. - Damn f’ckn’ right it is, gon’ fuck you t’dumb to speak”.

Moaning against his fingers, you feel yourself losing it to the overwhelming pleasure. Zoro always was the dominant one, letting you play a little sometimes before asserting his power rough, leaving you unable to form words or even move after.

He picks up his pace, water splashing against your flush bodies, his other hand digging into your waist. “Fucking slut, taunting me with them filthy words. - a harsh slap against your cheek and you whine, pain mixing up with pleasure. - Fuck you hard that is, yeah?”

“Ye-yeah, Zor-zoroo, pleaseee-”, - he slams a hand against your lips, his eyes mere millimeters from your own. “Shut it. - he hisses, his dick twitching at the ungodly pace, your own eyes rolling back from pleasure. - Wanna have them folks rub their cocks to your sweet voice? Dirty fucking whore”

His dick is hitting you in all the right places, thick balls slapping against your skin as he raises from water, pushing you down the moss that adorns the side and pulling you onto him again and again, fingertips bound to leave marks by the time he’s done.

“Zo-zoroo, ahhh, AHH, ha-har-deerr.” - you’re slurring, his warning to keep quiet ignored by your buzzing brain. “Damn cocksleeve. - he’s happy to oblige, falling onto you, wet bodies pressed together as he folds you in half and reaches deeper, hips jolting too fast to keep you sane. - Need this cum s’bad, yeah? Fucking take it then”

He sinks his teeth into your shoulder and your orgasm hits you like a train, his cum filling you up nice and well. He’s panting, broad shoulders slumped and his lips pressed to your trembling head, eyes screwed shut with the aftershocks.

It takes minutes for both of you to come down, sweaty bodies splayed on the moss under the starry sky, fingers interlaced as a way to ground yourselves after the bliss. “We’re not done here” - he chuckles, rolling closer to you and you smile back, your hands back into his wet locks. You reach up to kiss him, parting the kiss to let out a small chuckle. “Fucking hot we’re not”.

MDNI, reblogs are welcome, request the hell out of me I'm all yours babes

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ironunderstands · 18 days

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help I have been afflicted by Boothill brainrot time to share some shitty angst bulletpoints with the class (that I’ll probably turn into a fic later)

I don’t think I have to tag anything specific but be warned there’s probably something bad in here so if you understandably don’t wanna read that then scroll. Expect cyborg related angst (and minor spoilers)

Also I hc Boothill as nonbinary (using he/they and occasionally she) so if you’re wondering about the use of multiple pronouns that’s why, it’s not related to the angst, I just don’t want people to be confused.

-has a sensation of touch on the metal parts of his body, but it’s visibly muted compared to his skin and it drives them nuts

-despises hot/cold temperatures due to how they interact with the metal parts of their body, on especially hot days

-very vulnerable to hacking and it scares the shit out of him (thanks past obsession with Genji for giving me this one, the amount of “Sombra hacks Genji and he has a bad time” stuff I have read is unhealthy, even if she would only do it for the shits and giggles or a mission, a character losing control of their body is unfortunately very compelling please don’t cancel me)

-can’t remember their past life or how he died but still has nightmares of it

-phantom pain is a bitch and her name is Boothill

-won’t be seen as human by most people (even actual people write him this way which is a little weird to me, like I know the Robot/Human tag w Boothill serving as a Robot is probably just for reach, but like, he’s still human, he’s not a robot, he’s a cyborg, idk it’s just a pet peeve of mine)

-has to go to the scientist who made him to get “upgrades” (aka whatever they feel like fucking with this week) against their will

-he can’t remember his old life, but they can remember how their body felt back then and the cyborg one distinctly Doesn’t Feel The Same

-Boothill’s synesthesia beacon doesn’t just prevent Boothill from cursing, it prevents her from saying certain things entirely which makes it very hard for him to express his feelings

-charging induces sleep for them, something which Boothill tries to hide as it could be used against him

-debating between making Boothill unreasonable heavy (because metal) or unreasonably light (because high tech) both scenarios cause problems for him, feel free to torture yourself for as to why

-animals (especially dogs) don’t like them as Boothill doesn’t have as strong a scent nor the flesh of other humans which is why it’s hard for them to trust him, which sucks for Boothill because he loves animals

-doesn’t even know the planet they were originally from or how old he was when he died, Boothill doesn’t even know their birthday, so it ended up becoming the day he was brought back to life against his will

-gets called “it” by people who don’t like cyborgs or people that are non-organic/have nonorganic parts of their body/existence, I also share this for the trailblazer because of their dubious origins, I’d like to believe transphobia isn’t a thing in Star rail because it’s already tiring enough irl and there’s no proof for it unlike other real world problems, so the misgendering happens for other horrible reasons! Horrible reasons that are close to canon considering the whole organic/inorganic war thing depicted by the Sim Uni, I’d imagine a lot of people are still bitter about that (honestly I don’t know the details I was there for the jades) and/or ignorant enough to believe that only fleshy beings have a monopoly on personhood (it/its pronouns are cool but not on people who don’t want to use them!)

-constantly pushes the limits of their body (aka self destructive behavior), I doubt Boothill would be trying to hurt herself but it’s more of a “it will get fixed anyway” kinda thing, any injuries sustained still hurt like a bitch but Boothill forces himself to not care because well “it’s his job and he will get healed anyways” (also it’s implied from their LC that he’s a Galaxy ranger against his will from the whole “never living for themself again” thing, so Boothill probably has to get injured for the job and is just forced to grin and bear it

alright that’s all the angst my sleep deprived brain could cook up for now if I did something wrong or missed a tag pls tell me

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr boothill #boothill hsr #angst #tw body dysmorphia #tw medical trauma #tw self h4rm #tw self destructive behavior #hopefully that covers everything if I missed a tag please tell me

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detransraichu · 1 month

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my transmasc nonbinary ex said that they keep getting gendered as female when going out, especially now that they're off testosterone, and that they're not opposed to it per se but it just gets tiring to be called the same thing all the time and they wish people would switch it up every now and then (so they feel more validated as enby)

i remember what it was like when i had nonbinary dysphoria and it was almost like a game. like you want a good ratio of being gendered as male vs female. they were gendered as male for long enough for years that they got actually dysphoric from it, like they got miserable living 100% as male. so now they're in-between. they've had top surgery, they have stubble but always shave it and want to get laser for it (they don't enjoy anything they rly got from hrt afaik, they just "needed something to happen" and top surgery was taking a while to happen at the time). so they're androgynous, but they're hyperfixated on how others view them. it's obviously not what they always think about, but enough to notice and keep track. if they only get gendered as female that month they get uncomfortable. if they only get gendered as male another month they get uncomfortable. it must be so fucking annoying. it was for me, anyway. like never feeling satisfied w how others view you, bc what you want is basically impossible unless you were super dedicated every single day to curating your appearance to pass differently

sometimes i feel like telling them just be yourself, even cis ppl get misgendered, try to feel secure in yourself and all the other bullshit will fade away. strangers only take a quick glance at you and your sex characteristics. and if you have an afab-typical body outside of a flat chest, and you wear stylish clothes, and you're conventionally pretty... and have shaved your stubble... i mean yeah, ppl are gonna think you're afab, and they use the typical sex-based pronouns associated w that. it sucks though. nonbinary ppl, including me from back then, tend to daydream abt a world where ppl would just be able to tell they identified as nonbinary and used they/them or did the "oh miss... i mean sir! sorry" thing every time. they're seeking that rush of "omg i did the nb thing!!" even though they themselves will use she or he for others unless the person is alternative enough & androgynous enough where they cannot believe the person is at peace w their sex. they'll say all day long that nonbinary isn't a look or a behavior but they really go against that aaall the time!!! honestly often the word nonbinary is basically synonym with "androgynous" in how it's used, and other times as a nebulous identity based on the understanding that everyone has an inner womanly or manly feelings inside their head except for special enbies. some nonbinary ppl are androgynous, others genuinely for all intent and purposes are considered gender conforming in society. sometimes i think that's to the detriment of genuinely androgynous folks (nonbinary-identified or not) who face the blunt of anti-gnc hatred

honestly once i embraced being a female human life seemed kinda boring at first bc i didn't get those "omg i reached androgyny!!" rushes anymore. it's like the game was over bc i aligned w my sex as a neutral fact. and all that energy i had focused on gender stuff i now put towards just seeing myself as a human who happened to be female, and would be female no matter what, and no matter what ppl thought it doesn't change the body type i was born in. i'm just like any other female animal. it means absolutely nothing. ppl can think i'm a dude all the time and i just laugh it off bc i know what i am, it's like a funny little secret i have when i get misgendered. but trans ppl don't view it like that... i wonder, what if they desensitized themselves to misgendering and found security in themselves and confidence in their identity? even while still identifying as trans etc? what if they could learn to laugh too cuz they know what they are? i feel like that's what they should work on instead of changing the world around them and feeling bummed out everytime they don't win at gender

#lay text #research tag #my words #radfem #radblr

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genderkoolaid · 1 year

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Honestly, there’s something that I’m struggling with, I’m like salmacian, and I have bottom dysphoria, that’s like really really really bad, and I’m planning on getting bottom surgery, but honestly, I kinda don’t know how I’m gonna deal with the whole isolation aspect of it all. Cause like, the queer community HATES us bro, so while I love the idea of finally feeling free in my body it sucks because it makes me feel like I have to choose between my life and my community; my bottom dysphoria has been making me wanna kms, I mean like literally curl up in a ball and drop dead, and then you see people on Twitter and shit saying “if you feel dysphoria in this way you *SHOULD* kill yourself” and that’s really challenging for me, I can’t really go to irl queer spaces or transition right now (toxic family situation) but it’s crazy for all these queer spaces to be about “being your true self” just “NOT LIKE THAT” I hope IRL queer spaces will be better, but like I can’t just die because other queer people don’t like my dysphoria, but it’s also kinda hard to find others like me.

Like, what do I even do here?? Do I just pretend I’m cis? Do I publicly ID as nonbinary and pretend I’ve never had bottom surgery, do I pretend I’m like binary transmasc, and also like, in this vein, I think it’s funny (horrible) how nonbinary people literally get hate no matter what we do, we don’t transition? Then we’re bad cringy transtrenders and the reason cis people hate trans people, we transition? We’re evil incarnate, we just can’t win lmaooo. 💀

First of all, I’d recommend distancing yourself from spaces that promote anti-salmacian bigotry and trying to engage yourself in online pro-salmacian spaces as much as possible. Do whatever you have to in order to disconnect from the people who hock the idea that salmacians are bad or salmacian transitions are somehow immoral. If you haven’t checked out r/salmacian, I would highly suggest it– its the biggest (and really, only) community of salmacians I’m aware of and it can be really refreshing to be in a space entirely centered around us and our desires and needs. Connecting with other salmacians can be so healing, especially getting to see people who have physically transitioned and reminding yourself that it is possible to have that body and be happy. It also reminds you that there are so many of us out there– pretty much everytime I talk about being salmacian on here, I see new people who have never realized that “its a thing” and there’s a word for it. It is so much more normal to be salmacian than bigots will make it seem.

This post on the subreddit talks about dating as salmacians, and the consensus seems to be that the trans dating scene seems to be pretty accepting of salmacians– obviously that’s not going to be the case everywhere, but weird queers have existed since time immemorial. When you are surrounded by (especially online) regressive bigots, it really warps your view of reality and makes it hard to truly believe that that isn’t the universal standard. Its near impossible to thrive when you are in the situation, which is why its so vital to surround yourself with proof that that isn’t the standard. I promise you that you will be able to find a community that will find the idea that your dysphoria is “evil” to be fucking ridiculous and support your salmacian identity– you might even find other salmacians, or help other people realize its an achievable option!

I strongly agree with how nonbinary people get treated re: transitioning. Obviously binary people are not overall treated better but it really does suck there’s no way to be nonbinary that doesn’t involve hate– either you don’t transition (or don’t “really”/”fully” transition) and get seen as a transtrender who doesn’t know what its REALLY like, or you have a “weird” transition and get treated like a weird fetish-chaser or a TLC short and not, like, a person who just wants to control their own body. Tbh I would love to see more nonbinary/genderqueer-centered community stuff, along with more discussion of exorsexism that isn’t just “diet transmisogyny/transandrophobia” or “general transphobia.” Ik a lot of post-bottom surgery trans people feel disconnected from the trans community, and I myself have thought about how I’m going to go about… engaging with others and identifying myself post-op. Honestly I would love a salmacian4salmacian relationship but idk if that will ever be in the cards!

& when it comes to salmacians & exorsexism there’s so much stereotyping us as horny freaks (which is a bad thing apparently!) whose dysphoria/euphoria is Evil and Twisted and like… 1. thats just Transmisogyny 2: Electric Boogaloo 2. as if its our fault that 99% of salmacian rep is in fetish porn, so there are so many of us whose only exposure to the concept of being salmacian is through that lens. Or as if its inherently evil to feel sexually satisified with a body that brings you joy? (also this doesn’t even get into the way that so much discussion around transness is not prepared for altersex transitions & the reality of nonbinary people who are physically androgynous and how no, you can’t just slap binary theory onto our bodies and assume its going to cover our experiences, which is why while I would not call myself intersex I do feel a strong sense of solidarity with intersex people bc of the shared “stop assuming your forced rebinarization of myself and my body is okay or coherent”… but anyways!)

I’d love to see a stronger salmacian community, and know that you (or anyone else!) can send me asks about being salmacian, whether to learn more or for advice or just to share experiences/vent and I will be overjoyed to respond. I love talking about being salmacian and helping other people learn about it.

#m.#ask box #salmacian #salmacian propaganda

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cuntylittlesalmon · 8 months

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I came across one of your posts criticising Delilah Green, and the radfem-esque rhetoric of Ashley Herring Blake's works. I agree, I completely despised her works. But every time one of my friends or I spoke about it, we were criticised on bookstagram and book twt. I was curious to know your thoughts on these books, if you are okay with it.

i am aaaaaaalways down to talk shit about bad books! i’ve felt completely isolated in the larger sapphic bookish spheres because i hated AHB’s work, i’m glad to have found another one of us 🫶

this’ll be under a cut because it’ll be incredibly long, as every instance of me criticizing these books has been

DGDC - delilah green doesn’t care

APDF - astrid parker doesn’t fail

AHB - ashley herring blake

SO!

these books suck. lmao. i don't think they're particularly interesting on the character-level, or the world-level, or the prose-level, or really anything at all. there are scenes here and there where i can see what AHB can do but she's too busy trying to seem like the funniest and the most progressive white cis woman out there--of course, without doing any of the actual work that comes with deconstructing the racist, transphobic, and homophobic ideology she grew up with as a person from the united states.

which leads me into my first complaint: everything to do with emery and their pronouns. every single thing in that scene felt like pandering, and the pronoun sharing aspect felt like word salad that needed to be edited down to a single sentence of "And then everyone else shared their pronouns". we're already deeply aware that every single person in this book sans emery is cis, i don't need that shoved into my face further with a cis woman expounding upon how she's terrified that she's going to fuck up somehow in sharing her own pronouns. unnecessary bullshit, since i'm guessing the point was to show that astrid is insecure, particularly around industry professionals, but with a slightly funny slant to it. this was not the place to show that, especially when there are so many other instances both before and after this part that show her anxieties better.

and frankly, in sharing this part with a friend, they thought it was astrid being insecure about getting emery's pronouns correct which....if your cute lil romcom protag can be see as an annoying and borderline transphobic cissie when they come face to face with a nonbinary person for the first time because your prose just sucks ass......maybe you shouldn't include that lol

and i think that leans in a lot to the "humor" of these books. at one point in ADPF, delilah makes a joke about fighting someone "like a lesbian", which in her eyes (and somewhat therefore AHB's eyes) means gazing disapprovingly at someone and making her mouth "look like a butthole" (paraphrasing, but not the butthole part. she really says butthole). i'm assuming this was supposed to be funny, but it fell so fucking flat with me. like, these books are supposed to be romcoms. romantic fucking comedies. but most of the humor is so deeply steeped in white millennialisms that it's actually unfunny unless you're like my gen x mother who spends 90% of her time on facebook.

which, i suppose that's my biggest gripe with the books, and with AHB herself. it's a lot of self-serving nonsense, with little to no introspection about why certain things are included versus not. i mean, i can say that about a lot of popular romance novels, but thats beside the point. there is no reckoning with institutions, despite all of the call backs to how rich people suck, or how white people suck, or how men suck. it's all so very wink-wink-nudge-nudge, "im in the know, can't you tell?", correct terminology wrong ideology kinda of stuff. ok yeah, white people as the institution suck. i think we all know that. but also, ashley, every single important character, every single side character (save a couple), and every single background character (save a couple), are all white. you are actively participating in the "white is default" ideology that you seemingly dislike and make fun of in your book. so which is it?

this disconnect between AHB's story choices (all white main cast, etc) and the prose-level choices is so fucking obvious throughout the entire body of both books:

the lesbian main characters cannot call themselves lesbians, but one will call themself dyke without a second thought.

the trans-positive lesbian main characters will talk about dating/being attracted to nonbinary people, but do not have any nonbinary friends, do not talk to any nonbinary people, and the one nonbinary character included thus far speaks one (maybe twice) just to give their pronouns.

the lesbian main characters call themselves butch (or are called so by other wlw (but not lesbian) characters) and yet are still conventionally feminine in their presentations.

men are the worst people in the world, and yet josh (an ex of claire from DGDC) is consistently trying to atone for his past harm, and within the story we're given, is like, an actually alright guy.

men are the worst people in the world, and yet the worst actions taken against iris was not by her ex-boyfriend, but by her butch girlfriend (which. i have a lot of thoughts on this).

the books say they believe one thing, but are never backed up with actually evidence that this is the case.

and so, when i say the books have some radfem-y bullshit in them, this is largely what im talking about. i have no clue if AHB herself is a radfem, or exactly what she believes in. im not combing through her twitter account because she as a person annoys me, and anyone promoting her work annoys me. but she is participating in some fucked up shit, and the fact that they are so beloved just makes my ass itch and i feel like i need to speak on it more than i already do now 💀

anyway. the radfem-y stuff.

the books use some pretty covert gender essentialism when it comes to the lesbian characters vs the bisexual woman characters. every single lesbian is said to be masculine (specifically butch) while every single bisexual woman (and every single ostensibly straight woman) is, while not called out as feminine, exclusively present femininely. which....is weird. i don't think i have to say why saving masculinity for lesbians (and men) is stereotypical, and kind of gross, especially coming from someone who isn't a lesbian.

but wait! its worse! masculinity (regardless of how prescriptive vs. descriptive it is) in these books are very much associated with emotionally unavailability and callousness toward the feminine (emotional) counterpart. and really, its even worse when you compare difference within the lesbian characters (delilah, jordan, and iris' girlfriend).

delilah and jordan, when you actually examine them, are feminine presenting. they both wear red lipstick, eyeliner "sharp enough to kill a man", and in delilah's case, heels. the most masculine aspects about them is that they don't wear skirts or dresses. literally. whereas, iris's girlfriend in APDF, who only wears suits, has short cropped hair, never wears makeup, and has a stereotypically masculine job. jordan and delilah are love interests. they're allowed to grow into emotionally available people by their love for their feminine partners. the butch girlfriend, however, is a cheating piece of shit who's entire point is to set up iris' storyline for the third book in the series (a role that could've been done just as well by her ex boyfriend, who she dated in DGDC, instead of what feels like a very pointed and spiteful subplot).

so, it becomes very clear to me that masculinity is the worst thing you can have in these books. none of the men are given grace either, and i touched on it a bit earlier talking about josh. he was flaky as hell with claire and their daughter before the events of DGDC, and so claire (and by extension, her friends iris and astrid) are wary of him when he comes back into her and her daughter's lives. but, for all of that, josh isn't flaky in the book. like he very much steps up to be a good dad to his daughter. is the best? no, obviously. i dont think AHB is capable of writing a "good" character. but he literally doesn't abandon anyone, despite us being constantly told that thats what he does, to the point that when he ends up being unreachable for a couple of days, every single character freaks out and treats him like a monster. iris fucking punches him for this, even though he actually had a good reason. and im not one to defend men like 💀 i am very much a manhater, but like. cmon. it feels entirely unearned. and its that disconnect again. AHB wants you to believe that josh deserves this because he's a man, so of course he's going to be terrible, its what men do, despite him, like, not being terrible.

(and its even worse in APDF, where astrid is literally disgusted to be in his presence point blank, period, even though hes been like. consistently a decent guy.)

and my last piece in this, is natasha rojas. the otherworldly sexy and gorgeous latina host of the reality show in APDF, who literally wears a clitoris necklace. like not only is it leaning on racist stereotyping, but she's the ultimate feminine who wears a literal piece of the vagina. yonic imagery is cool and everything (genuinely, there should be more!) but this is not only extremely heavy handed in a brick-to-the-face kind of way, but also as the Ultimate Feminine, she's this deeply warm and caring and nurturing person, who is never posited as a antagonist or anything despite her positioning as a literal corporate player for HGTV (the hallmark of home renovation. every fucking person on that network is some flavor of conservative). she very much could've been a stand in for the capitalist homogenization of the housing market that HGTV absolutely caters toward, especially when you take into consideration astrid original plan for the house that she's renovating (taking it from very classically victorian to white and grey contemporary), but instead she's positioned as a mouthpiece for the glory of the clit and female sexuality only. which is fucking frustrating. and so fucking weird.

but yeah. AHB has a very white millennial liberal queer view of gender and presentation and sexuality, which in and of itself is very essentialist. but she tries to play out of her biases as a white and cis woman by making in-narrative jokes about it, but they fall completely flat because she has no idea what she's doing, and thus perpetuates the exact same shit she's trying to make fun of. she's got a lot of unchecked bigotry rattling around in that empty brain of hers, which when you're trying to write a feminist book, leans itself to radfem & white feminist ideology (which. lbr. are the fucking same but whatever).

ik this was long as hell but ty everyone who made it to the end for reading 😤🙏💓

#asks #yayyyy being critical about books #TY FOR THIS BTW #i know most of my posts complaining about books lean a lot more into the comedic #but i do genuinely think the bright falls books are like. insidiously bio/gender essentialist #and i hope that people can work to recognize this kind of stuff (i know its a lot more obvious in m/f romance because of the overwhelming #obsession with the size difference between the f lead and the m lead) when its more quiet like this #because its fucking gross to be reading a (supposedly) cute romance only to get smacked over the head with covert conservatism #when the books are marketed & frankly pandered to people who are not conservative!#delilah green doesn't care #astrid parker doesn't fail #ashley herring blake #ashley herring blake critical #i realize that i spent a lot of time talking about astrids book more than delilahs book but. ah well. i read it more recently #and its more obvious that dgdc was 🤷‍♂️

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catgirlforeskin · 6 months

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The "egg" again.

I assume that my old ask (insecure anon) is buried forever, so I may as well restate it here.

Thank you, being a girl is cool, but it feels like lying. Girls love having boobs, and I don't want anything bigger than AAA, if anything at all. Some girls even want SRS, though you are different*. And girls don't say shit I said. I know that not everyone knows since age 5, but living until 17.5 years without feeling different is beyond pale. Like I felt different from other boys, and since at least 14 I considered myself more feminine than them (de facto I was always more feminine, but I didn't think that it was a good thing), but, as I said, I was completely fine making "relatable" memes about boyhood. I did like to consider myself more of a girl, especially when doing quizzes, but still.

(*Side note, but I went on r/MtF, and it feels like some girls straight up consider those without bottom dysphoria just crossdressers, they don't say it, but my feminine intuition tells me this. I guess it's only tumblr that celebrates girlcock)

So saying "Surprise, I am a girl now!" feels like lying. And I don't want to be a liar.

Saying that I am nonbinary also feels like just wanting to be special. I don't believe that someone can be raised in the West and not think that androgyne is a superior form of human being. So it sounds like "I am not just a boy, I am more special. Don't look that I don't socially transition, I am not a boy, trust me".

The label that I fancy somewhat is eunuch, because it doesn't make me sound like an attention seeker, but there are real eunuchs, and they are different, so it's not very chivalrous of me.

So yes, I am just sitting here, no idea who am I, no social transition, does it even matter?

17.5 is honestly an early age to realize for trans women. I personally know women who didn’t realize until their mid-20s or 30s, and there’s lots of trans people who realize at every stage of life.

Reddit trans women, especially ones who post on the big trans subreddits, generally are assimilationists and hate everyone who don’t want to assimilate like them. They’re cowardly idiots and I don’t care about any bad things that happen to them.

You keep going “well real women don’t do or want X Y and Z and I do so clearly I’m not a real woman” when like. Those things also apply to a majority of women. The enforced cishet standards of womanhood fucking suck and most women chafe against at least parts of them.

Theres plenty of women who like having small or no breasts and plenty of women who didn’t realize until late in life and all this other shit, and saying “well obviously I’m not a woman if I’m like that” is just kinda stupid.

Honestly it’s part of why I don’t hang out around a lot of recently cracked girls because they’re often so mired in that “I’m not a real girl because X” dysphoria shit when like. Half the people around them still have the trait they’re complaining about. Idk it’s just like, take your damn girl pills and shut up lol, have some lesbian sex and get over it

#asks

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ratgingi · 1 year

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lets GOOOOO juniper's lad squad / band members finally have refs

some of you may recognize the second and third ones, thats bc theyre old fav ocs of mine that i bestowed the highest honor (made into dt chars) these guys and juniper tend to get in a lot of trouble together and also the four of them may or may not be active spreaders of vampire rumors ive decided. tormenting those old men

in order from left to right:

kipper | nonbinary, he/they + aroace - bubbly sunshine guy who was adopted by a bunch of edgelords - he loves fashion and gardening (can you guess his fav thing to grow lmao) - theyre actually the protector of the group, as hes the most confident and courageous in the face of danger. also keeps rocks + bandaids in that bag hes holding so he can play healing or defense depending on the situation - he and ashton are qpps - originally had a normal rotary phone for a head, but they got a cute little strawberry flipphone and then had their head modeled after it bc he loved it so much (the white dots are rhinestones !) - technically lives with his parents still, but they travel a lot for work and are rarely ever in town so he basically lives in a house on his own that they pay for - plays an electronic keyboard

ashton | agender, he/it + ace and demiro - antisocial and mean and cranky - hes selectively mute and if he does speak its usually to inform someone hes leaving on account of them being boring or annoying - its pretty athletic and can do a few different tricks like backflips and stuff - he has a major interest in bugs, especially arachnids, and actually keeps live spiders and scorpions in his head. which is unfortunate considering the Massive Hole. he has a favorite scorpion and her name is glass - it's junipers next door neighbor in the apartments, its parents kicked it out around the same time juniper was showing up in town and a friend of the family it was on good terms with helped it back on its feet - hes not very expressive physically or emotionally unless hes angry - has a huge blindspot on the half of his face with the hole and if you come at him from that side and get hit bc you spooked him he considers it your fault - plays the drums

almagest | trans, he/him + gay - goes by alma for short - stereotypical gamer boy who lounges around a lot and eats almost exclusively junkfood - despite having a keyboard for a head he does not like it when hes called a catboy. he prefers to be called a ratboy as rats are his favorite animal he just wanted the rainbow gaming keyboard for gamer gender swag - he has pretty poor eyesight and bumps into things a lot, and is partially why kipper always has bandaids on hand - technically lives in an apartment with his dad, who kinda sucks, so he spends a majority of his life either with the friend group or crashing at the place of his old babysitter Amora (he stays there so much he has his own room at her place) - technically knows how to make games himself and has made small demos of things for fun, but struggles to keep motivation up too much to fully develop anything - plays guitar (juniper is usually lead, hes usually rhythm)

#dialtown #dialtown oc #jack dlc #dlc wiki #hobos creations #if kippers colors look a little funky its bc i had to. color him with a mouse lmao #this will be the last art post for a couple of days while i wait for my new wacom to come in :-]#anyway enjoy the boy swag

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maco-sims · 2 months

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Hi. I see you play Trans Sims and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind sharing how you go about it.

How and when you know a Sim is Trans.

How you use the right body type.

Thanks

When i create a sim i just go "yeah this one's trans". In my rotational save i have a system though (putting a cut because it's kinda long)

I use a mod to make kids and toddler's clothes unisex (here's one for pack clothes), with that and the chunk of gnc/trans cc i have, my in-game born sims have the chance to be wearing clothes of the opposite sex in the randomized outfits they get when growing up

So any time a sim ages up i check their outfit (and their hair if they grew up into a toddler), If they have several outfits with clothes of the opposite gender i put a star in my google sheet, in this screenshot you can see some sims with stars

Once they get two stars the sim is absolutely trans, If the sim's a kid when they get their second star i wait until they're teens to transition them with this guide (i tried it on kids and it just ends up being glitchy). If a sim only gets one star then they stay cis, they may be gnc but it depends.

Usually on transfem sims if they get their final star after growing up to a teen when they transition keep them in the male body but use this transfem bodyshape (mostly because i have a lot of cc of that bodyshape that i don't want to go to waste). Usually on transmasc sims i keep them with androgyny clothes for a while and then transition them.

Also if the sim doesn't have 2 stars but they really give me trans vibes, i just count them in too, i have rules for the sake of randomness but i break them sometimes.

I have nonbinary sims as well, some are sims who got 1 and a half stars or just sims that i just felt were nonbinary, depending on the sim i might change their physical sex, use bodyshapes or just leave them as is.

I suck at explaining stuff so i hope it was understantable :>

#idk how to tag this

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artsycrapfromsai · 6 months

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I know in the context of your DnD campaign that Amaryllis has multiple partners, do you think the Baldur's Gate version will end up with multiple people or is it just Astarion that's her type?

Astarion is honestly the only one who's her type, tbh!! Its really kinda funny

Her type generally tends to be

🌸 Masc presenting

one of her boyfriends is a he/they transmasc nonbinary (Yulani), another is genderfluid (Eclipse), another is agender (Percy), and another doesn't really have an earthly concept of gender (Brargridoth). She does like women, but hasn't really met one she's connected with like that yet

🌸 Uses swords/knives

3 of her partners use swords, and another person she had a crush on also used a great sword

🌸 Emotionally kinda fucked up

Percy did not trust anyone and would regularly kill people for small slights, Yulani was so anxious he hid in an archive for 300 years to avoid talking to anyone, Chabat sucks at trying to talk to people and needs to be forced into admitting his feelings

Astarion honestly has a LOT of similarities with Percival, Amaryllis' main love interest, which is honestly how the Amaryllis/Astarion playthrough started lol

Some similarities:

Similar backstories (both were a "slave" for a portion of their lives, to their "parents/father" and both managed to escape)

Similar trauma (Percy didn't experience the same things as Astarion, but he grew up in a similar environment around the stuff that Astarion experienced)

Both dislike being touched without permission or consent

Both have complicated feelings towards sex and intimacy due to their experiences

Both have/had revenge as their main motivation in life

Both put on a front to hide their true feelings/personality

Both have no issue with killing (though Astarion actively enjoys it, Percival doesn't, but he views it as something that has to be done)

Both value their choice and independence greatly

Both have scars on their back

Both had no idea what romance or love was but are trying their best and want to make their relationship work

Etc

Tho Astarion and Percy have VERY different personalities and general characters, so it's not like they're carbon copies tbh. But the amount of similarities they have made it very easy to point to Astarion and say "That one, Amy would like that one"

#aak #amaryllis tav #bg3 tav

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headspace-hotel · 2 years

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The writing industry is AWFUL, can confirm. I'm self-published largely *because* the Official Tradpub Industry is too awful to be on the inside of right now, and I still don't feel free at all. I am having the kind of trouble wording my thoughts that gaslighting victims have (which, hm, implies something), but I'm just gonna kinda... spitball... a few things... --Just. Cancelling. The expectations for social justice perfection that only go up, not down, the closer to an issue you actually are. Being forced to disclose everything about yourself. (Look what happened to Tamsyn Muir.) (LOOK WHAT HAPPENED TO ISABEL FALL.) --Publishers basically don't pay authors shit right now. The people I know who are in self pub are there because it *makes more money*... even though that's not necessarily a lot either. Some people in your notes are suggesting at this point they don't pay editors much *either*, and honestly, that tracks (though I don't have direct evidence of it.) --Self-pub culture has a hustle culture-related problem. Now, I don't see anything wrong with people writing mediocre-but-fun books at speed--or for that matter, *good* books at speed, because some people *just write fast*--but I know of one person who outright managed to hospitalize herself from working too hard.... --I also have direct experience with a probably-overworked editor, who I paid for, who uh.... only noticed so much. So I don't use editor anymore! Except for volunteers! Who are definitionally unpaid! HAHA THE SYSTEM IS TOTALLY WORKING RIGHT --False scarcity. Publishers *could* publish more books, and *could* actually pay authors for them. Instead, there's an assumption that the, idk, one Slot Of Black Nonbinary Fantasy A Year is set naturally, and therefore it's only natural that the Black Nonbinary Authors have to basically fight to the death for it. So of course there's no solidarity between authors, how could there be, when everyone else is your *direct competition*, when it's all the fault of that white guy over there who's taking over your slot and not the publishers who are *setting the slots*... --Why the FUCK does Amazon own Goodreads, this bugs me so much --Speaking of Amazon, their contracts are *literally better* than many of the other contracts out there (cough they never ask for rights indefinitely cough) (70% royalties in exchange for setting your book in an exact price range is better than 1% or less royalties no matter what you do, cough), AND IT'S NOT LIKE THEIRS ARE GREAT. The bar is in actual hell. --Speaking of the above, aren't there a ton of books that are in rights limbo right now because Less Than Three (a small press! a way to buck both amazon and the big tradpubs!) went under? --This is all drastically, drastically affecting my productivity. I have no psychological stability or security. None. I've pulled together basically-an-editor via my girlfriend and three beta readers I would basically trust with my (books') life and that's so much better than many people are doing but I can't help but think it's supposed to work better than this. The industry is supposed to be an *industry*. A *workplace* of some kind. This is like trying to build a building while having to make every hammer and nail myself from scratch, having 0 safety inspectors, and also all the liability if the building fails...

All of this sucks so much. What happened to Tamsyn Muir?! (I've heard a lot about awful things that happened to other writers, but not her.)

For what it's worth, I've entirely abandoned Goodreads in favor of StoryGraph, which is objectively better, and y'all should too.

Man, fuck amazon.

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littlebunnywitch · 2 months

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Fictional Agere Challenge Day 6

Day 6: an “unfitting” character (a villain, someone from horror, etc) that you hc as a regressor

Being a little self indulgent Imma go with Billy Hargrove from Stranger Things - one of my higher kins~!

🩵 💙 🩵 ~ 💙 🦈 💙 ~ 🩵 💙 🩵 (Icon made by me) I first want to mention I choose Billy for day six not because i see him as a villain but rather because his show is light Horror IMO. I also HC Billy as Nonbinary Fem Leaning - who mainly uses He/him and but uses female titles by people Billy trusts.

AGERE Billy Headcanons

He's a premaregressor of 9 to 13 year old

He's also a Trauma & Vent Regressor of Baby to 5 year old

A lot of his drops are involuntary.

Pron to becoming semi or fully nonverbal when stressed or scared. But also not a huge talker most of the time when feeling little.

Gets VERY clingy when feeling on the younger side but is also pron to hiding when he first drops. He struggles a lot with touch though and should be the one to make first content or at least be asked first to before touching him.

Billy loves aquariums - Could spend hours there and one of the few places that doesn't trigger his anxiety. Aquarium and in the ocean videos can help calm him down. Beaches and sealife is a big special interest for him.

Struggles playing with toys after having all his toys thrown out when his mom left but does enjoy drawing. He also loves playing in water when little.

Secretly (Not really) has an oral fixation that he normally uses cigarettes (even not lit) or lollipops to keep it at bay but tends to need to be pacified when regressed because he'll suck his fingers or random items.

Billy barley had any little items before his CG takes him in. And he struggles a lot with being bought things because everything comes with strings attached in his world and it takes him time to get comfortable with things. He also feel guilty or bad when others spend money on him. Surprise gifts are not a positive for him and can lead to distress. It is a bit better when a Cg has him "work" towards an item.

Billy is rather hard to punish due to being physically abused, neglected, and having his things taken or broken - it can be a rather sensitive topic. CGs make it a point not to physically punish Billy because he already automatically assumes he'll be hit or kicked out for doing wrong. Time out don't really work well because it worsens his anxiety. Time-ins work the best because they help him calm down and being guided on how his behavior was wrong - rather then letting him stew in it by himself.

My preferred CGs for Billy (In order from the Best to Okay)

Joyce Byers~!!!! She would have taken one look at Billy and seen past his masks and see the abused hurt little kid he secretly is. And if he flirted with her - She would def not act on it and i don't know give him a cookie instead. I do feel like she could easily become the mother figure that Billy desperately wants. She also would be very accepting and understanding of Billy both his regression and more feminine traits.

'El' Jane Hopper, Billy and her have a rather interesting little/older sibling relationship were El takes on a big sisterly role to Billy when regressed but Billy also shows and teaches El a lot of stuff when not fully regressed and views her as a little sister.

Jonathan Byers, the two develop a oddly good relationship both when Billy is regressed and not. Joanthan keeps a kinda older brother role to Billy at all times - often removing Billy from situations that might end badly for Billy or others. Billy doesn't get violent towards Joanathan most of the time but Joanathan is able to deal with Billy without either of them getting to hurt if he has to.

Will Byers, the two were rather neutral to each other until Will found out that Billy was a rather talented artist in his own respect. The two draw alot and get into really painful conversations about their together more then Billy talks to Jonathan about it because the two just have more in common. The two don't really have defined role of which is the older sibling. Sometimes Billy feels rather jealous and envious of Will though because he had an older brother to protect him and a mom that didn't abandoned him and people who cared him when he was possessed. But this doesn't effect their relationship much - its more something that Joyce has to deal with.

Eddie Munson, Billy's favorite babysitter. The two were friendly before everything happened. Billy often bought from Eddie. Was at first disappointed at how tame the teen was when he first met Eddie based on the rumors. The two however get alone really well (and Eddie is the closest thing Billy has to as a real friend in hawkins before Joyce takes him in). Eddie also lets Billy paint his nails much to Billy's pleasure.

Jim Hopper, at first they were not close. In fact Billy was activily scared of him and would often "bark" at the man. But Joyce and El loves him so Billy didn't lash out to much. Jim often needs to make sure he doesn't take the bait when Billy tests and push him but the more he doesn't react in anger - the more comfortable Billy becomes around Jim. It takes much longer then his quick acceptance of Joyce as a mother figure but Billy does end up accepting Hopper as a replacement (and better) father figure.

Steve Harrington, it takes a good while before Billy or Steve gets comfortable near eachother. Billy still has a tendacey to stay away when Steve is around but is more likely to join the group if Eddie is also there. The two mange to come to a understanding about the fight with Eddie and Joyce's help. Both apologize for their parts.

#og #stimboard #billy hargrove #fictionalagerechallenge #fandom agere #agere fandom #kin stuff #stranger things agere #sfw agere #agere

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yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt · 3 months

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Fun fact about my agender ass I fully believed that gender identity did not exist until I was like fourteen

Like I had not experienced it so I assumed nobody else had. Now I know that gender, the gender binary, gender roles, are all social constructs, but from my understanding, gender identity isn't. Many many people are born with a gender identity in their brain, and sometimes it is the one they are expected to have, and sometimes it isn't, and sometimes it changes over time, and sometimes it develops over time, but most people have some gender identity in some way.

I, as well as some other people, just, don't.

And I had no way of knowing that anyone else experienced this. I really thought it was just a game everyone agreed to play. You get assigned a blue pinny or a yellow pinny in gym class and that's that. It kinda sucks but that's the game. It's not like "blue pinny" is a part of your identity, it's just an arbitrary assignment. You might wish you were on the yellow pinny team, because they get a head start in the dodgeball game, but you don't identify as a yellow pinny team member. And that is exactly how I saw, and still see my own gender.

And I have to apologize for this but this resulted in, when I was young, transphobia. It wasn't the violent kind you often see today, but it was dismissive and distasteful. Obviously I'm not proud of it. But I thought "how the fuck can you identify as a gender aside from your AGAB? Nobody "identifies" as anything you just take the assignment and go so ObViOuSlY it's made up." And I was talking to my sister about this and was like "I mean if you woke up in an alternate universe where you were a man, it would be no issue at all, right? I mean aside from having to get used to different body parts and being treated differently, it would be fine" and she was like "no???? Tf??? I'd be really upset!"

And that right there rocked my fucking shit and turned my world upside down. Anyway I learned a lot since then and I support everyone and their gender identities now, obviously, as it was over a decade ago. I realized that "I guess I'm a girl because I was born that way and I don't care enough to change it, even though I literally hate being perceived as a girl I'd hate being perceived as any other gender just as much" doesn't actually make me cis (shock!!) This is also why I much prefer the term agender to nonbinary. I've been asked if I'm nonbinary when I say I'm agender, and I know some agender people identify as nonbinary (power to you!) But to me, "non-binary" feels like a gender identity that is. Well. Nonbinary lol. It's like asking an atheist "so you have a non-Abrahamic faith?" Like no they don't have any faith at all. I don't have any gender identity at all. That's how I see it anyway.

But all this to say being agender is weird. And while I'm about as allo as they come, I can relate to asexual people in a lot of ways.

It's like there are these boxes and everyone else can see them, and everyone else can exist in them comfortably, and sometimes people have to change the shape of their box but at the end of the day, it'll fit them. But I can't see the boxes, yet I've been put inside one, and everyone else can see it. I don't want to change the shape of my box, it wouldn't make a difference. I just don't want to be in this box at all. I can't see it, I keep bumping into the walls. I'm glad when the boxes make other people happy, but all I want is to get rid of it. And while it's freeing to identify as agender within myself, to start using any pronouns instead of exclusively she/her, I know that everyone else can still see the box. If they didn't see me as a woman, they'd just see me as something else, some other box, and that's not any better.

And I'm so tired.

#gender #vent #agender #transgender #asexual #lgbtq+#gender vent #gender identity #cw transphobia #cw personal #nonbinary

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evegwood · 8 months

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I was rereading your breakdown of the playlists and I was kind of intrigued by how you outright stated that David's insecurities are not related to his transness but to the power things - because, like, I don't think it's all meant to be a 1:1 metaphor, but specfic stories like that exist very much in conversation with more mundane issues people face so that distinction stood out to me? (cont.)

(cont.) Like, people such as David get detained in places that feel and work and look like the institutions in Inhibit IRL for various non-specfic reasons, and stories like this are a bit of a dialogue with these issues, especially one like this that goes into the mundane little miseries of it all. Would it be correct to say that that was your way of saying "I don't want people to reduce his character entirely to transness"? Thanks, love the comic!

Hey that's a good question! For sure there are real-world counterparts to a lot of the themes of Inhibit, but specifically when it comes to my queer characters I wanted the story to be completely neutral about their queerness. I do have a lot of thoughts on this so this might be long haha. Hopefully I cover everything I want to cover, I wrote this whole thing out and then hit ctrl+z to delete a line and Tumblr deleted the entire post without letting me ctrl+y because this is a working website that doesn't suck ass. I had to retype it all so I'm sorry if any of it is disconnected, I couldn't remember the exact order I said everything argh ANYWAY

When I started writing Inhibit I didn't realise I was trans, and then I came out as nonbinary, and then I started to transition, so I've had a whole spectrum of thinking "how should I handle transness in this comic?" over my time working on it. Pretty early on I decided that none of the characters would suffer because of being trans, they wouldn't have any anxiety about it, other characters wouldn't treat them differently etc; the story takes place in a world where superpowers are real, so it wouldn't be crazy for transness to also just be normal and accepted there lmao

However now I think that this is a pretty reductive way to represent the trans experience. Like it or not, being trans informs almost everything about you, and I didn't let my trans characters have that nuance. Vic being a white, seemingly cis* seemingly het** dude is pretty central to his character arc***, so actually examining queerness in this society would have been interesting. There was room to do that; something that is canon and just has never come up is that Urquhart sponsors their trans officers' HRT etc so they don't need to go through the NHS, meaning those officers are reliant on Urquhart long past their service. You're right: what would a conversation between the mundane and fantastical elements of Inhibit look like? I, 2023 Eve, would like to have that conversation! But this far into the story, I kinda missed the train on it.

* he uses any pronouns, he is shrug-gender ** he is bi *** spoilers wow he is privileged actually

I honestly think that I haven't done a good job at highlighting my trans characters, particularly for an audience that doesn't expect to see trans characters. I don't think I've done David and Masha justice as trans characters beyond little nods that readers could miss or not even understand, and there are some characters whose nonbinary/trans identities have just never been mentioned (Holly is nb, Jezza and Toby are trans - again just hasn't come up because of scenes and lines changing or being cut, there's so much that you can't fit into a story even when it's as long as this). So to finally answer your question, it isn't that I didn't want people to reduce David to his transness, because I don't think there's enough of his transness in the comic for that to even happen. I don't think anyone reads Inhibit and thinks oh yeah, David, you know, the trans one. It really was that at the time of writing the playlist breakdowns, I was firm that none of the Inhibit characters had anxiety or neuroses about being trans. Instead, all their neuroses were about their superpowers, because that's the fun angst.

Now looking back on Inhibit, there is actually an excruciating amount of evidence for the story kind of being a trans narrative ("oh god i can't control my own body oh god", "oh no people think my body should do this thing" etc). It's so interesting how creators have these themes that they continuously go back to in their work, even unintentionally, and mine is oops all trans. If I were to rewrite Inhibit from scratch now, I'd probably try to include more of that nuance and actually engage with those themes because I realise that they're there haha.

I hope all this answers your question? Kind of? A little? My ultimate conclusion is that I thought what I was doing was writing good trans characters, when ultimately I think I failed to write characters that are truly explicitly trans. On the other hand, maybe characters like David and Masha are the exact kind of trans rep that some people want and are looking for. Either way I'm actively working to write better trans characters in the future because trans people rule, and this was a really interesting question to reflect on, thank you!

#anonymous #asks

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