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sweetdreamhellofanight · 3 years

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Matchmaker

Noam Dar x Reader Warnings: None Word Count: 1,538 Summary: “Nothing to worry about,” he said. It made you worry even more.

“What do you think of her?” he asked, sliding his phone in front of you, forcing your attention onto him.

You shrugged. She looked like every other woman he’d shown you,

“She looks nice,” you said.

“You’ve said that about everyone,” he replied.

“They’re all nice, Noam, I don’t know what you want me to say,” you said.

He sat back and sighed,

“I think no,” he said, and swiped left.

You shook your head, but went back to your own work,

“What about you?” he asked, trying to peer over your screen.

You ignored him,

“I’ve never seen your profile on here,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows, “how have we not matched? I thought I was your dream man?”

You groaned loudly, and watched him frown,

“I don’t do dating apps anymore,” you said. “Don’t have the time.”

“Oh I see,” he said, moving so that he could sit next to you, “an old fashioned one, aren’t you?” he teased.

“I’m not looking,” you said.

“Of course you’re not, you’re a busy woman, you’ve got too much on your plate,” he said, one arm around your chair, the other propped up under his chin, watching you with a smile that was too excited to make you feel good. “Shame though, a woman like yourself shouldn’t be alone.”

“Thank you?” you said.

“And if you don’t have the time, well…” he trailed off.

“Noam,” you said, warningly, “whatever you’re planning, do not.”

He shook his head,

“Not planning anything, sweetheart,” he said, with a wink.

You turned to face him, fully, now,

“I’m serious,” you said.

Still, he smiled wide, nose scrunched, eyes nearly shut as he shook his head,

“Nothing to worry about,” he said.

It made you worry even more.

But he left before you could say anything else, yelling after him though you knew he was ignoring it.

***

“Here,” he said, sliding his phone over to you. You stared at him for a moment, afraid to look down at what he was about to show you. “It’s not for me,” he said.

“That’s why I’m worried,” you said.

He smiled,

“Just take a look!”

“Tyler Bate?” you asked.

He shrugged,

“You just want me to distract him before your match against him,” you said, pushing his phone back.

“Smart girl,” he said with a wink, and you had to pretend as if it did nothing for you. “But you’re right, I’d never set you up with him. How about him?”

The next picture was Ariya, and while there was no denying how handsome Ariya was, you knew there was no chance you two would ever work out.

So you shook your head,

“We don’t fit,” you said.

“You could!” Noam said.

You smiled, turning back to your own work,

“You’re sweet to say that but he’s not my type,” you replied.

“He’s Ariya Daivari, he’s everyone’s type,” he said.

“So you date him, then,” you said.

“I’m out of his league,” he responded, flexing his arms for you, kissing his bicep.

You rolled your eyes,

“Of course you are.”

“Listen, if I tell Ariya about you there’s no chance he’ll say no,” he continued.

“I’m sure he’s already got someone, I mean look at him, that doesn’t stay single, you know?” you replied, trying desperately to change the subject.

“He’d settle down for you,” he said.

You tried not to smile, knowing it didn’t mean what you wanted it to mean.

But it was still sweet that he said it.

“I’m gonna pass,” you said.

“I’ll keep looking,” he said as he left the room, eyes glued to his phone.

“You don’t have to do that!” you called after him.

But it didn’t stop him.

Any moment alone with Noam was a moment where he tried to point out any man around you, gauging your interest.

“I’ve got it, Fabian Aichner,” he announced as you picked him up to go out for lunch.

“I thought you hated him?” you asked.

“I don’t hate him!” he said, defensively, “I just said I don’t think there’s too much going on up there in that bald head of his.”

“Don’t be mean, Noam,” you said.

“So you’ll go out with him?”

“Well not after you said that,” you said.

He nodded,

“What about his pal, Barthel?” he asked.

“I’m good,” you said.

“You’re right, they’re more of a package deal, can’t have one without the other,” he said.

The next week he’d found you at the gym and continued his search there, trying to set you up on a date with James Drake while you both were in the middle of a workout.

You apologized to James, but it was Noam who’d caught most of the heat from him.

It did make you laugh, though, so it wasn’t a terrible outcome in the end.

The week after he’d moved away from the UK roster, settling on the 205 boys you knew so well, positive that he’d find you someone from that line up.

“You said no to Ariya,” he said, laying on your couch while you cleaned up. You nudged his foot with the vacuum and he hung both his legs over the arm of the couch. “Which I still don’t understand, but what about Oney Lorcan?” he asked.

You paused, as you put the vacuum away.

Longer than you should’ve, you realized, making Noam smile again as though he’d cracked your code,

“Ah so that’s it, is it?” he asked, sitting up and pulling his phone out.

This time, he didn’t slide it towards you, didn’t ask any follow up questions, but typed something out quickly which made you panic.

“Please don’t!” you said, trying to grab his phone out of his hands,

“No, it’s too late,” he said, holding it out of reach. “He has your number, and says he’s going to ask you to go out tomorrow night.”

You lunged at him, but Noam was faster.

“I’m going to kill you,” you said as he tried to move out of reach.

“What’s wrong with Oney?” he asked.

“Nothing! But why would you set him up with me before telling me?” you asked.

“Because you two would be perfect together!” he said.

You sighed, taking a seat on the couch.

“Why are you trying so hard to set me up?” you asked.

He shrugged, taking a seat beside you,

“Why not?” he asked. “You deserve to be happy.”

“What if I am happy already?” you asked.

“Are you?” he asked.

You nodded, turning your head to look at him.

Both of you, with your heads resting on the back of the couch, staring at each other.

“Yeah,” you said, quietly, “I am.”

“I just thought…” he started, looking away, “you deserve someone who’s...good to you.”

Your stomach churned and your heart beat faster, but you still couldn’t bring yourself to say what was on your mind, what was on the tip of your tongue.

“Oney’s not really my type,” you said, quietly, smiling at him.

He sighed and nodded,

“So what is your type?” he asked.

“Well…” you started, looking up at the ceiling instead of at him. “Not too much taller than me, I don’t really want permanent neck pain for some guy.”

He chuckled, but didn’t interrupt so you kept going.

“Someone who can make me laugh, you know? They don’t even have to be funny, but they gotta be willing to make me laugh.”

He kept nodding.

“Curly hair, preferably. I like the way it feels when I run my hands through it.”

Now he watched you through the corner of his eyes, but you didn’t look at him.

“Looks good with and without facial hair. I need that duality in my life. Also, if he’s got facial hair, he’s gotta keep it trim and proper.”

His hand instinctively went to cheek, but tried to play it off as though he only needed to scratch it.

“Oh and he’s gotta have a nice, thick, Scottish accent,” you added with an exaggerated sigh.

“You devil, you know Kenny Williams is a married man,” he teased.

You turned to him, trying not to laugh as you hit him on the arm.

“You dumbass,” you scolded, “I’m not talking about Kenny Williams.”

“Then who’re you talking about?” he asked, moving closer to you, his voice getting softer.

And you took a chance.

Because you were tired of pretending you didn’t feel like this, like it wasn’t going to lead anywhere.

And you pulled his face towards you and kissed him.

And when he pulled you onto his lap and wrapped his arms around your waist, and moaned as you tangled your hands in his hair, you knew it was all real.

It wasn’t just in your head, it wasn’t just a dumb crush.

You and Noam.

He pulled back, breathless, lips red and slightly puffed,

“I think you should tell Oney it’s a no from me,” you said, softly.

He smiled, eyes fluttering shut as he leaned back in,

“I never texted him,” he said.

“Then what did you do?” you asked, slightly worried again.

“I made dinner reservations for us,” he whispered.

“Bastard,” you whispered.

“I’m your bastard now,” he replied, kissing you again.

#nxt uk fanfiction #noam dar #noam dar x reader #my writing #****#i don't think i've written for him before but uh hey there #he's annoying and sweet looking and has curly hair so like ??? noam call me if you're free

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e-of-west-glendia · 4 years

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Photographs

Happy Birthday Remus!!!!

(Ok story time now)

It had been a warm summer evening. The kind with just enough breeze to cool you off but not enough to make you cold— that had been the water's job. They’d sat on the edge of the sand, the waves lapping at their feet and beckoning them forward. Begging them to come off the sand and explore the ocean below.

They’d laid there, staring at the setting sun and enjoying the pure simplicity of the moment. They were Remus and Sirius, Sirius and Remus. The other rest of their friends were scattered around the beach. Playing various games and splashing water at each other.

“Put me down, James!” Lily had said. He didn’t, instead James had only laughed and dumped her into the water. The waves swallowed her. She didn’t come up for air for a while. So long that James had begun to panic, and then, there she was, pushing up from the water and dragging James down with her.

They had all laughed as James flailed about, trying to keep his balance. Then laughed some more as he gave up and went crashing into the surf, spitting out sea water and indignantly shoving water back at Lily.

Sirius took Remus’ hand, lacing their fingers together. Remus looked down at their entwined fingers, smiling softly.

“I’m glad we’re here, Moony,” Sirius had said.

“Me too”

They had stayed like that for a moment, holding hands and breathing in the fresh coastal air mixed with the subtle scent of sea spray. Then, Sirius pushed himself up on his elbows.

“What?” Remus asked.

“Nothing...just—are you happy?” His head had been tilted to the side in a dog like fashion.

Remus had sat up, too. “Why do you ask?”

Sirius shook his head bitterly. “We’re in the middle of a war, Remus, and here we are sitting on a beach and watching the sunset. The world’s crashing and burning around us and I can’t help but wonder, how can any of us really be happy?”

Remus smiled at him, it was filled with love and sadness and pain and memories— so many memories.

“We’ve been through so much together already, seen so much.” He’d turned his head out towards the rest of their friends. Seemingly carefree with lazy smiles and bursts of laughter. Then he turned back to Sirius. “But I’ve always found that no matter where I am or what’s going on I’m always happy when I’m with my friends.”

Sirius snorted, “That’s so fucking cheesy.”

“Well you asked.”

Sirius barked out a laugh. “That’s true.” Then he grabbed Remus by the arm and pulled him down into the sand.

*********

They’d been in 5th year when the meteor shower happened. Sirius had heard something from Professor Sinistra about it and made some joke or another about fallen stars.

“I’m just saying I think it’s be right up my alley, what with me being a fallen star whatnot.”

Remus has smacked him in the arm. “Shut up with your disowned Black jokes. You’ve made enough to last me a lifetime.”

Peter said, “Well he’s not wrong.”

“I hate you all,” Remus grumbled.

“Even me?” James asked.

Remus didn’t even turn to look at him, continuing out the portrait hole, blanket in hand. “Yes, James. Even you.”

At the top of the astronomy tower Peter and James had laid on the ground on the blankets. While Sirius and Remus sat on the railing. Sirius with his feet dangling off the sides and Remus leaned back against one of the pillars, legs pulled up to his chest.

“This is nice,” Sirius said.

“Yeah,” Remus agreed.

Nothing had happened yet, the sky was still and filled with hundreds of thousands of twinkling stars.

Then Marlene had appeared, more people slowly trickling in behind her.

Lily lifted her camera, pointing it at the Marauders.

“Smile!”

They did, the shutters of the camera going off with a faint click.

Then, like a switch being flicked, the sky lit up, filled with streaks of fire and bright lights. A collective gasp echoed through the astronomy tower. Funny how even though they had magic the most mundane of things could still be counted on to amaze.

“Very nice,” Remus amended. Then they’d all sat back and watched the sky fall.

**********

The flat hadn’t been new when they’d bought it and it certainly didn’t look new now. It had gone from slightly dirty floors, to stained and damaged within a week.

Mismatched furniture and odd posters spelled to the walls. The eyes of the animated pictures following them around the room.

The smell of ash burned into the air from cigarette smoke. But it had been theirs and that’s all that mattered.

Somehow Remus and Lily has managed to get a TV working. It’s for entertainment, they’d said, when the others had objected. It won’t hurt to have it.

And it hadn’t. You couldn’t count the number of times they had sat on the patchwork couch watching movies.

James and Remus and Peter and Sirius. The Marauders. A family. They’d invite the girls, too. And Fabian and Kingsley. All of them crammed into that small flat. Sitting on the edges of the sofa and spilling onto the floor. Shushing each other as the movie played.

Remus had chosen that time. Some old Muggle flick with lots of singing. Nobody — save for Lily — had expected to like it, but they had. That was to be expected—when was Remus ever wrong?

The twins had brought firewhiskey over. Sirius, Gideon and Marlene playing drinking games, a hiccup between every word. Slowly they roped in the rest of the group, Remus and Lily being the hardest to convince. Lily figured that someone ought to watch them so that they don’t kill themselves. Remus warning that he would win.

In the end, they’d all succumbed. Minds spinning as they belted out lyrics to songs they didn’t know. Off beat melodies somehow blurring together into continuous hum. They’d finished out the night passed out in the living room. And in case you were wondering, Remus of course, had won the drinking games.

*******

Another summer came to pass. A different one with different meanings and higher stakes. Order meetings in the dead of night and mysterious missions.

People had been going out and some never came back.

The Marauders had been gone, too. Especially Remus. There some days and gone the next. No one knowing where he went or why.

Tensions had been high and everyone was on alert. Nobody had been cleared of suspicion. Except for tonight.

Tonight everyone who was supposed to be there was there. Everyone gathered in the hall. Placed in rows from tallest to smallest.

The Marauders has been scattered around on opposite sides of each other. But they weren’t worried. They were unstoppable, unbreakable, they were the Marauders.

They were all facing forward, smiling faces masking secrets. Secrets that didn’t matter right now. In that moment everything was fine. Nothing had changed and would ever change.

********

Harry stared down at the photo album smiling sadly at bittersweet memories that weren’t his own.

The images flickered, capturing frozen moments in time when they’d all been alive. When they’d all been well. He didn’t often open this photo album. Too many things to do and so little time. But it was nights like these that he felt he should. Let himself dwell on what could’ve been.

March 10th 2020. Remus’ birthday. This book was one of the only things he had left of him. Teddy, was another. The stories of friends a third, but none of them, he thought, showed Remus as well as the pictures did.

The showed another side of him, a side he’d rarely ever seen when he’d known him. That Remus was long gone. Even longer gone than the man himself.

Part of him wished he could have him back. Ask him things he should’ve thought to ask before it was too late, before he was gone. Another, stronger part of him knew it was for the best. Harry knew Remus never would have wanted to leave Teddy or him for that matter. Yet he couldn’t help but feel happy for him. He remembered that night in the forest when he’d died. He remembered the train station that would take him someplace new, someplace unfamiliar.

Harry had been able to come back. It wasn’t his time to leave yet. Remus had gone though. He’d taken that train to wherever it went and Harry could only hope that the ride would share the same purpose as Remus’ first trip on the Hogwarts express.

Happy birthday Remus, Harry thought to himself, shutting the cover of the book. I hope you finally were able to go home.

#remus lupin x sirius black #mentions of wolfstar #wolfstar #kinda #marauders era #happy birthday Remus Lupin #order of the phoenix #harry potter #harry potter fanfiction #marlene mckinnon #gideon prewett #remus x sirius #lily evans #jily #march 10th #marauders era fic #once again #HAPPY BIRTHDAY REMUS!!

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oldshowbiz · 5 years

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An Mini-Oral History of Maryjane (1968)

Kliph Nesteroff: You penned two scripts with Dick Gautier?

Peter Marshall: I did. Dick and I did Bye Bye Birdie together in Vegas. We became very close friends. We were together every day. I was struggling before Hollywood Squares, trying to make a buck. We started writing...

Dick Gautier: We were in Acapulco. We said, "Let's not just sit around. Let's write something."

Peter Marshall: We wrote a couple of TV things and then a friend of ours said, "Hey, I'm doing a movie on marijuana. Would you write the script?" So we gave him an outline. He said, "That's perfect. We're shooting in ten days." Didn't even have a script!

Dick Gautier: They said, "Here's what we want. We want a movie about marijuana." We said, "Okay." We started researching marijuana. We weren't smokers, but we started researching and discovered that the worst thing about it was that it was illegal.

Peter Marshall: We locked ourselves in an office and wrote this thing called Maryjane.

Dick Gautier: We wrote a beginning before the titles, where you see it being harvested and grown and cut into packages and sent to America. Then when the movie starts - we follow the five different packages. One goes to a housewife in Encino, another goes to a bank president, another here and another there. They didn't like it. They said, ‘No this is too literate and too boring.’ They had Fabian under contract and made him a high school teacher who starts selling it to kids.

Carl Gottlieb: I played a high school teacher in Maryjane. It was shot on the old Allied Artists lot. I'm in a scene with the high school faculty and the sheriff. We're discussing the marijuana problem at the school. Someone says, ‘You can't tell when these kids are high or not!’ I say, ‘You can tell. They act crazy and their eyes are funny.’ I was high myself. I was loaded when I shot that scene.

Peter Marshall: Fabian was in it and he said to the director, Maury Dexter, "Hey, can I change this?" He said, ‘Sure!’ We said, ‘No, hold it! You can't change that! That's the storyline!’ ‘Ah, don't worry about it.’ I never went back to the shoot. They destroyed you. The script had been real good, but they turned it into a terrible picture.

Dick Gautier: They almost dictated the thing to us. It was awful. We wrote it in eleven days.

Peter Marshall: It was a big hit!

Dick Gautier: A piece of shit.

Peter Marshall: It did very, very well and it's a terrible movie.

Carl Gottlieb: It was American International Pictures. Jim Nicholson and Sam Arkoff and a director named Maury Dexter who was a complete B-movie guy. He could shoot a movie in twelve days and he did.

Dick Gautier: The only scene in Maryjane that I like - I happen to be in. I’m the hippie in the jail cell with Fabian. I come in with a beard and all kinds of shit. I don't know if you remember it.

Kliph Nesteroff: No, I don't remember that. I'll have to watch it again.

Dick Gautier: No. Don't.

#AIP #american international pictures #american international #Dick Gautier #Carl Gottlieb #Peter Marshall #b movie #Maury Dexter #oral history

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jq37 · 5 years

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The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 7

Moms, Meltdowns, and Mayhem

Hello and welcome back to Fabian’s worst nightmare, already in progress!

We rejoin the Bad Kids who have linked back up the next day and are on their way to the library of the city Leviathan--The Compass Point Library. On the way there, they see the Crow’s Keep burning but Fabian, assuming it has to do with what happened to him, tells everyone to leave it alone.

Adaine questions why Riz hasn’t had any nightmares (Riz: In a way, my life is a nightmare) and the whole group goes into another round of Shadowcat speculation. Is she protecting Riz from nightmares for some reason? Why can Tracker and Garthy suddenly see her in the picture despite not having seen her irl or had any weird dreams? Is she masquerading as someone else?

Anyway, they reach the library which is the cool, cobbled together and largely stolen (to Fig’s delight) pirate-y library of Alexandria type place. They meet an old pirate wizard named Rollins with a book of pirate spells that Fig immediately wants to steal and Adaine wants to borrow (or steal, she’s flexible). They all sign up for Compass Point library cards and go up to the observatory to look for Ayda Aguefort.

In the observatory, they find a huge orange-yellow bird on a perch and this is the part of the recap where I have to inform you that Aguefort had not only banged a phoenix, he somehow managed to procreate with it. Meet Ayda Aguefort, the half-phoenix (shout-out to the anon from last week who called Ayda as Aguefort’s daughter). She’s got wings and arms, bird legs, a plume of red fiery hair, and eyes which are basically just fire.

Fig thinks she’s the creature Aguefort made for her for reasons I cannot begin to fathom. She tries to feed her but Ayda rejects the food, not wishing to be in anyone’s debt. Ayda is kind of intense, abrupt, and anti-social when they meet her. She’s fully is about to fly away instead of helping until Fabian yells that Garthy sent them and Adaine remembers she has the letter from Garthy asking her to help them. After some back and forth, she agrees to give Adaine the spell (which will take 6 hours to learn) for 150 gold. But these are the Bad Kids so, of course, we have several tangents before the plot goes anywhere, during which we learn Ayda is a divination wizard (like Adaine), she asks if her father has talked about her (Fig successfully lies that he has), and Gorgug spouts out some fortune cookie nonsense (“What is a telescope but a spyglass pointed at the stars?”) that convinces Ayda that he could be the greatest wizard of their age (Adaine does a spit take and Fig is loving it).

Adaine hits the books to learn the sending spell with Sandra-Lynn keeping watch while everyone else splits up suchly:

Fabian wants to go out to check on the Hangman but Kristen absolutely vetoes that. Buddy. System. Ragh agrees to go with him and she lays off. He tries to see what the damage on the Hangman is. Nat 1. As far as Fabian can tell, the Hangman is full dead. Not only that, Fabian is poor people sick which he isn’t used to at all. Ragh isn’t doing much better on the emotional front. He just started making progress with processing his emotions and now his mom might be dead. Saddest Hoot Growl ever (seriously, it’s heartbreaking). Cathilda comes in, loving as ever, with food and kind words and an old lullaby, but that’s not enough to stop Fabian from rolling another Nat 1 and gaining 2 levels of exhaustion (which means disadvantage on ability checks and speed halved). Lou, please burn those dice.

Kristen and Riz are researching the Nightmare King. They go into a religious studies section of the library and (on a 20+ check from Riz) find texts about a temple to a forgotten god in Sylvere (the forest of the Nightmare King). The god is never named in any of the texts which Kristen finds weird. Riz decides to steal the book and is able to do it, despite Kristen’s “help”. Later, Kristen cross-refs Riz’s info with her world religions book and, on a dirty 20, she finds with frustration that there’s a lot of information but none of it really matches up. The fairies, treants, and especially the unicorns all had mysterious deities but none of them really match with the forgotten god. [Note: Last time we heard about unicorns was in episode one and we learned that the last time people saw the great unicorn was the last time the NK showed up.] At the same time, it seems like there are elements of the god in all five of the cultures in the forest. Adaine checks and there’s nothing magic with the book so it’s just the contents of the book that are weird, not the book itself. Kristen thinks there might be a connection to her weird dream about not being able to draw the face of her god. Adaine wonders if Kristen might have been worshipping this unnamed god by mistake. Gorgug wonders if the god is erasing themselves (a theory backed up late when they talk to Aguefort).

Fig looks for information on cursed gems and (with a 19) she finds a good amount--no surprise in a pirate library. She finds a book called Breaking the Evil Eye in one of the forbidden sections and learns that it could be possible to planeshift into the gem, dispel magic from the inside and get rid of the trap, before breaking the original curse. She finds all of this out after she steals the book (disguised as Rollins). Planeshift is a level 7 spell though so Adaine has a while to go before she can learn it (she gets her first at level 13).

Gorgug asks the real Rollins for books about cheering up a friend. He’s brought to a small, dusty section of the library. Gorgug rolls a nat 1 on an insight check and thinks that Rollins must be messing with him. Rollins is confused because he super wasn’t. Adaine takes a break and uses this pointless argument borne from misunderstanding to steal his book. Dirty 20. Rollins instantly skelatizes. She hastily puts the book back. He comes back Wrong and in incredible pain. He begs them to take the book out and Gorgug does. Adaine peaces out to finish studying, leaving Gorgug to deal with her mess. Gorgug decides to keep looking at the friendship books. Even on a 5, he finds a secret door into a HUGE friendship library. Guided by his library card, Gorgug finds a book called Cheer Up Me Hearties. When he gets out, Gilear is being accosted for killing Rollins, but Gorgug is able to get them to stand down. Gorgug Thistlespring, winning pirate hearts and minds. They take the book and Rollins’ bones to get him put back together.

Adaine finishes up as Ayda comes to check on her. Ayda is about to make another quick exit but Adaine tries again to make friends with Ayda, this time by directly asking and offering to let her hold Boggy. Ayda is immediately obsessed with Boggy (and Adaine’s backpack terrarium AND the backpack she makes for him at Ayda’s suggestion) and extremely impressed with Adaine’s spellwork in manifesting Boggy. It’s a very cute scene and Adaine has made a useful ally. Ayda can’t believe she met the two greatest wizards of the age in one day. Wild.

Everyone regroups to call Aguefort now that Adaine knows Sending. He sends them back some more powerful magic so he can talk for longer than the 25 word response. Think of it as magic Skype. He very casually tells them that Ragh’s house is a smoking crater and his mom is super dead. He takes far too long to follow up with the information that, a long time ago, he hid Lydia’s real body under the school, made a clone of her, and used the Magic Jar spell to basically hook up her consciousness to the clone body (which held a fake demon shard). The clone body is what got destroyed. Lydia’s real body and consciousness are fine. Way to bury the lede dude! Upon being asked, Arthur says that he used to remember the name of the god of the unicorn but he forgot. Suspicious and troubling. He and Fig also renew discussions on the creature she ordered but never paid for. He says the cheapest option is a pentacorn for 30k gold (which sounds like a unicorn w/ 5 horns and pretty useless but I refuse to get dragged into this insanity, I am just the messenger here).

Aguefort leaves to deal with the situation at home. Meanwhile, Gorgug notices smoke again but he also notices that it’s on the wrong side to be related to what happened to Fabian. After giving Fabian and Ragh oranges to prevent scurvy--a tip from the pirate friendship book--he brings it up to Fabian who thinks it’s probably Captain Wicklaw making a power play and they should probably stay out of it. What? says Adaine. Nah, we should fight him. Yeah, says Fig. You deserve revenge! Fabian just wants to lay low so they can get their C+. Adaine is not here for that C+ and she’s not here for Fabian’s concerning attitude shift. None of the Bad Kids are. However, the cast is very here for absolutely roasting Lou for all of his choices by having their respective characters inadvertently reference every bad thing that happened last episode. When Adaine suggests that Fabian might be cursed, Fabian finally haltingly comes out with the entire story (which Lou has to laugh-cry himself through in one of the best scenes of the episode) and everyone interjects with comments that they (out of character) know will just make Fabian’s storytelling even more uncomfortable. It’s a very wild combination of very emotional (in game) but deeply funny (out of game). Like:

Ally (who knows good and well that Chungledown Bim told Fabian he was gonna shit in his mouth): Did Chungledown Bim help you?

Zac (who also knows good and well that Chungledown Bim told Fabian he was gonna shit in his mouth): Chungledown Bim probably saved you.

Murph (yet another person who knows good and well that ChungledownBim told Fabian he was gonna shit in his mouth) You know what we should do? We should go see Chungledown Bim.

Amazing.

Fabian finishes his recounting of the 20 car pile-up that was last episode by repeating his earlier opinion that they shouldn’t go after Captain Wicklaw because it will just end with all of them dead. Kristen tries to slap him back to normal and tells him to lose the Gilear energy. Led by Gorgug and Adaine, the gang tells Fabian that being Bill Secaster’s son isn’t the only worthwhile thing about him (in fact, it’s pretty annoying). He’s worthwhile all on his own. Tracker chimes in and says that she thinks Fabian might have some issues with depression so maybe their well intentioned efforts to get Fabian to buck up weren’t the best way to handle things. Adaine and Riz are skeptical that Fabian is like, capital D, Depressed but Tracker sticks by her read on the situation. The group eventually decides to at least check out what’s going on with the smoke but before they arrive, an interlude:

As they walk to Crow’s Keep, Cathilda walks with Fabian and Cathilda starts dropping information about herself and about how her own children died before Fabian was born and about how she sees him as a son--though she’s tried to keep the proper professional distance. She comforts Fabian on his bad day and then her eyes go full Terminator and she mentally buts Wicklaw on her “People I Need to Murder Today” list (more on this later).

When they arrive at the place where the smoke is coming from, they find that the Ramble (kind of a pirate meetinghouse/Courthouse) has been burned down. Jemina Joy is there and she lets them know that Wicklaw asked what was necessary to become the new pirate king. He was told that all he needed to do was get the crown from the former pirate king (because respect for/fear of Bill was the only thing keeping there from being a new king). He just burned down the Ramble to be a dick. Adaine damn near gets her ass beat by Jemina by arguing politics with her (her point being that she wants to install Jemina as Pirate Queen while Jemina is like, “I just keep this place from sinking. Lay off.”) but Riz, mindful of the fact that this is a time sensitive situation, takes off to Gibbety Square where the pirate king’s crown is (and where Wicklaw is headed).

They make it to Brennan’s latest battle mechanic: The Row and the Ruction.

This is the crazy, pirate bicameral legislative system. The Row is a huge fistfight (no weapons allowed--or really they are allowed but everyone will gang up on you if you use them) at ground level. It’s always in session and has been for 150-ish years. Above that, is the Ruction which is a fight with full weapon and magic usage alone. The idea is that you need enough support on the ground in the Row so you can use them to get up in the Ruction. It’s a king of the hill situation up there and if you can hold your position up there for long enough, you can make laws. Got all that? Good.

They get there just barely after Wicklaw and his men who haven’t yet entered the Row. Wicklaw starts talking mad trash to Fabian but his friends back him up. They give him back his sword, his eye-patch, and Kristen hits him with a Warding Bond (which means that he gets +1 to AC and saving throws if he stays close to her plus resistance to all damage and, more importantly, she takes all the damage he takes). Fig gives everyone Countercharm. And, to top it off, Cathilda shows up with in an all black, super-badass pirate uniform to say she’s gonna feed him his own freaking brains! Let’s goooooooo!

But, Wicklaw has some new allies as well. Three elves bamf in from Falinel (same people who Kristen felt scrying on them earlier) and they’re there to bring Adaine back, and it doesn’t seem like they’re gonna just ask nicely.

Detention

Adaine for Unnecessary Theft and (Accidentally) Killing a Man

Adaine was kind of on one this episode. Not only did she inadvertently kill* a man while stealing from him, Adaine also ghosted at the first sign of trouble, leaving Gorgug and Gilear to catch all the flak for her attempt at pulling a Fig. Bad form, girl!

*She probably didn’t technically kill him but she turned him into a skeleton and he called the pain upon reconstitution worse than death so let’s not quibble about the details.

Honor Roll

Cathilda for Being a Badass Mom

Oh man, oh man, oh man.

I’ve low-key been waiting for Cathilda to go full pirate since we learned that was an option and especially since Fabian got attacked because it was a pretty safe bet that was going to be her berserk button and boy did she deliver.

When did she have the time for a costume change? Is she that stealthy? Did she magic it on? Or did she just manifest the outfit on the power of her rage alone?

The scene where she says Wicklaw is gonna pay? Chills. Not only pledging to eat your enemy’s brains but also saying you’re going to feed him his own brains and describing exactly how you’ll serve it? So raw.

But I also have to shout out the non-murderous mom stuff she did this ep. The little talk she gave Fabian about no one being defined by their worst day was very sweet and good advice out of game too.

But honorable mention to Gorgug for being an absolute sweetheart all episode. Zac’s improv about pirates giving their friends oranges to prevent scurvy bodied me.

Random Thoughts

Some very useful posts from @jamiebluewind: Character Descriptions, Location Descriptions, Transcripts of Cathilda’s speeches from this ep.

During the initial discussion with Collins, we learn that the transmutation exchange rate is 50 Parrots=10 Bananas=1 Gold. How are bananas more complex than parrots?

Adaine: May we steal books?

Her later actions aside, I think it’s funny that Adaine’s first move is basically always to sweetly ask for what she wants and Fig’s first move is, “Gotta steal that book!” Adaine is like the most polite person in the group but also ready to fight 100% of the time. The role reversal in the Jemina scene where Fig was the one who asked an on point question and Adaine was the one who made it almost spiral into an actual fight was great.

I was just saying this re: Harry Potter in a different context but clearly marked but not blocked off forbidden sections of libraries are more a dare than a deterrent.

Fig as a horned parrot (done by Rollins for trying to steal his book) is adorable. Please somebody draw that.

I love that when they see the bird that turns out to be Ayda and Murph is like, “I don’t think that’s a bird,” Zac is like, “Yeah, Gorgug doesn’t know that.” Zac (like Travis as Grog in CritRole) has a real talent for playing dumb while actually being really smart.

“My principal scammed me?”

Brennan truly did not have to follow through on Aguefort saying he slept with a bird. He really, really did not have to but he was like, “Nope! I said it so it’s happening! This is happening!” I really wish you guys could have seen my face as I realized in real time that the madman was actually doing that.

Adaine to Fig who thinks Ayda is her creature: This is a full person.

“I like school.”/“You would.”

Lol at Fig trying to draw parallels between Ayda’s prickliness and her own behavior and getting absolutely shut down. “I think people think you’re really tender.” The running thing of Fig’s perception of herself as this standoffish loner being constantly reality checked by literally everyone she knows being like, “You tell us you love us literally every day,” is one of my favorite group dynamics. It’s even funnier because, besides probably Adaine and Fabian, the rest of the Bad Kids probably knew Fig (or at least had seen her around) before she started going through her emo phase. So they totally remember her in 8th grade wearing preppy clothes and carrying a unicorn backpack and listening to Fantasy Taylor Swift and all that.

All ep they were calling Kalina a cat and I was thinking, “I feel like—in game—that’s gotta be offensive.” And then Aguefort straight said it. Wild for it to come from him since he’s the craziest person ever but I’m glad it came up.

“You seem simple to me.”/“Thank God.”

Aww at Ayda asking if Aguefort ever talks about her. Brennan, you gotta stop putting little emotional traps into otherwise funny scenes. I can only handle so much!

The gang did some experimentation with the photo in this ep with these results: Ayda and Aguefort both couldn’t see Kalina in the picture. They also took a picture of the picture but that picture had the same properties as the original picture. Weeping Angel rules I guess.

There’s speculation in this episode about why Riz isn’t having nightmares. I have another question kinda on that topic. In episode 2/3, we see the lie/mirror/Baron thing that happened with Riz. And that was for sure super nightmarish. But it doesn’t match what happened to Adaine and Fabian. Both of them seem to have had more ephemeral experiences that quickly vanished. And they weren’t borne from lies so much as fears. Riz’s monster came from a direct lie and it didn’t seem to be a nightmare. It came out of the mirror and attacked not only him but his friends later. No one saw Fabian or Adaine’s nightmares besides them (although, that could just be because they got away). And no other lie-monsters have showed up as far as we know. I’m just wondering if there’s maybe something else going on or if it was a different NK follower who did that or just a different power of the same dude. Just something I wanted to note because it’s been bugging me a little and no one’s brought it up yet.

Cool quirk of the sending spell Adaine learned: Because it was modified by pirates, curse words don’t count towards the 25 word limit. What I immediately thought (and what Aguefort actually ended up doing more or less) was that you could easily send very long messages with, say, Morse code. Just designate one curse as a dot, one as a dash, and one as a space, and you’re good to go. It’d be slow, but totally workable.

Also, after watching Laura as Jester absolutely flying by the seat of her pants with every sending spell, it was wild to see the group take the time to carefully craft the perfect message.

I said two recaps ago that I wouldn’t be surprised if Gorgug multiclassed into a casting class soon and boy do I hope this episode means he’s gonna do it for real. Adaine’s total disbelief at Ayda’s interest in Gorgug’s wizarding potential was sending me.

Oh also. Ayda has forbidden Gorgug from reading any wizarding books so he doesn’t lose is totally uncomplicated mind. I guess he’s supposed to learn everything the savant way? Imagine Adaine diligently studying her wizard books, trying to master some complicated spell and Gorgug is like, “I woke up and I guess I can use Mage Hand now? Neat.” Absolutely maddening.

Besides Cathilda, Gorgug was the MVP in this episode. Dude has a knack for making friends that I think will eventually pay dividends.

Also, speaking of, everything Brennan said during the secret shelf section was so good as to sound planned, however, how could you predict that that was a thing a player was going to ask to find? Brennan is just always 7 seconds of prep time away from giving an elaborate and super specifically themed speech about friendship I guess.

Big ups to Kristen for not letting Fabian go off by himself again. Like, for the sake of the party of course but also the, “We almost lost you,” was sweet. She also helped buff him going into the coming fight with Warding Bond that means she takes all the damage he takes. I am SO glad they brought another healer with them because that’s such a risky move. Kristen is a LOT but she’s also very ride or die and all heart. I really love that the last time she used this spell it was on Gilear for a joke and now it’s getting used seriously. It’s a perfect establish existence of power to audience/bring back at plot relevant time setup. Improv storytelling is so inexplicably good.

Technically, to cast Warding Bond, you’re supposed to have matching rings with the person you’re casting it on so imagine Kristen blinged out with a ring for each party member and each of them having a corresponding one in case she needs to cast it on them.

Little bit concerned that Tracker still doesn’t know about Sandra-Lynn/Garthy. The longer it takes for her to find out, the higher the chance it blows up and becomes a Thing.

Fig: *Meandering philosophical question about why Ayda watches the stars*/Ayda: I study it so I can know where this big city is floating.

RIP to the Hangman. I don’t think he’s gone for good but it seems like he is for now. On my first watch, I thought that, on a 1, Fabian just fully thinks that the Hangman is gone but, the second time it seemed more like he’s just dead. Now, I’m not Brennan, but if I was in this situation, you know what I would do? I would have someone save the Hangman’s soul (or whatever he has instead of a soul) and store it in the Hangvan temporarily. Imagine how much he’d hate that. It’s full of potential for “roommate” shenanigans.

Is there anything stopping them from just, ramming the Row with the Hangvan? Like, I know it’ll get them ganged up on, but will they be able to do much against a full van?

Also, if/when they hold the Ruction, I wonder what law they’re going to try and make. They didn’t really go in with a plan (understandable under the time pressure) so they’re really gonna have to improvise something on the fly.

Also, I’m assuming Fabian stabbed the Hangman while he was asleep? I don’t think we were ever shown that scene, but Fabian must have been under some kind of compulsion since he woke up in the river (and the same happened to Ragh).

Aguefort casually mentions that he has many children and this episode proves that Brennan can and will back up every single crazy thing that comes out of his mouth, so I’m excited to see if there is a single Aguefort out there that isn’t crazy.

Oh, also, the acknowledgement that occasionally that phoenix is a child is appreciated because that was def a question I was going to ask. Squicky to say the least but I guess that’s how phoenixes work so what are you gonna do?

Ally needing to roll a 10, rolling, being happy, checking Kristen’s modifier, and realizing it’s a negative 3 for a total of 9 is peak D&D.

Fig as Rollins: Look at how fast I can run!

I love Fig thinking Adaine could plausibly have 7 level spells. She’s like, idk bro. She’s the eleven oracle. She cares about school. She could know this too. Who knows? Certainly not Fig who thought she could buy wizard spells to use as a bard.

“Please speak more enthusiastically on my behalf.”

“It’s my brain guys.”

Fig mind controls Gilear into believing in himself and he fails his save. I wonder if this is could be valid therapy technique in this world.

Aguefort mentions that a Wish spell can destroy a Magic Jar just fyi. That makes 3 pretty high level spells mentioned in this ep. Magic Jar is 6th level. Planeshift is 7th level. And Wish, basically the strongest spell in the game, is 9th level. We’re starting to deal with some serious magical mojo.

The whole thing with people in pictures that not everyone can see and memories that you know you once had but don’t anymore and information that should exist but doesn’t is hitting a very specific storytelling sweet spot for me.

This is a little meta-gamey to be thinking about but I’m kinda wondering, why sideline Gorthalax? Obviously, it’s a good plot hook for Fig and that might be all it is. But I’m lowkey wondering is there something Gorthalax knows or can do that would solve the plot in 30 seconds if he was around? Like, was he roommates with the Nightmare King in hell or something?

Kristen finds it weird that the god’s name isn’t written anywhere but I’m sure that’s gotta be fairly common. Or at least not unheard of. Like, I know in Judaism you’re not supposed to do that. Anyway, watch the great unicorn be the Nightmare King just for the Nightmare/Night Mare pun.

Adaine being on brand no matter the situation: Everybody shut up I have to do my homework!

The, “Do you want a friend?”/“Desperately.” interaction killed me.

“I don’t have any wizard friends.”/“I’m a wizard.”/(beat)/“I don’t have any wizard friends.”

Arthur cloned a woman, forgot to tell her, and then straight forgot. So business as usual from him.

Fabian’s, “Nooooooo,” with the rising intonation every time someone made an assumption during his story and he had to correct him was amazing. Also, “He told me he was going to shit in my mouuuuwth.”

Ragh, Fig, and Adaine all crying about their parental issues at the same time. This has been, like, the longest week ever. I wonder if the 7 Maidens are unpacking this much trauma on their quest.

“Absolutely timbered.”

Lol at Brennan dropping the cool pirate sending spell “curses don’t count” detail and then being told from off camera that he needs to keep it PG-13. But then Cathilda needed to go beast mode so, like, what can you do?

Another cool worldbuilding detail is pirate clerics just keep shrines to every deity they’ve come into contact with to hedge their bets like Beni from The Mummy.

I know Lydia was attacked on orders from Kalina but I wonder if they knew about/had plans for the demon shard too.

When Emily said she disguised herself as Rollins, I fully thought she was going to walk out the door the real Rollins was guarding and not go out the back door like she did. The idea of a back door didn’t even occur to me. I just thought we were in for some classic Axford insanity.

Riz: You’ve gotta get better at talking to kids.

Riz: This is real Gilear energy.

Kristen: We brought one Gilear. We don’t wanna make that mistake twice.

Everything that happened with Fabian was really funny because there’s nothing I love more in D&D than players having a good time dunking on each other but, in game, Fabian is really going through it. Fabian low key has mom friend energy so to almost die and then for all of his friends to jump into the exact fight that almost killed him (including taunting the dude! Adaine!) against his advice must be giving him a level of anxiety and dread that I don’t even have the words to describe. Like, now is not the time for him to digging into that because things are life or death. Gotta save your life before you can fix it. But he def needs to at some point. Too bad Jawbone’s not around for a quick mid-battle therapy sesh like he had with Adaine during prom.

Tracker suggested that Fabian might be depressed. I’m not an expert on depression. He could be depressed and, in any case, he definitely needs to see a therapist for a Lot of reasons. But having a breakdown because you saw 14 people die, almost died yourself, and were told that a man wanted to shit in your mouth less than 24 hours ago seems less like a sign of depression and more like the only rational human reaction.

Adaine calls the above, “a vaguely mediocre day”. Michael Scott Voice: Adaine you ignorant slut.

Also Adaine: You got that bike because you won it fair and square because we killed a lot of people.

This is the second time Adaine has said that Fabian’s lineage is actually the most annoying thing about him and these are the kind of tiny continuity details I live for.

Semi-relatedly, Fabian’s relationship with his parents v. Adaine’s relationship with hers is endlessly fascinating to me. Because they have such similar backgrounds but coming from, like, opposite directions of the same spectrum, you know? Can’t wait for those sweet, sweet parallels as we jump into her trauma! (What is D&D but group therapy interspaced with murder?)

Speaking of Adaine’s trauma, it looks like we’ll be getting to it very soon as those FBI Falinel operatives have shown up to force her (and the plot) back to Falinel. This is Concerning to me for two reasons. First off, remember the Aelwyn fight from season 1? Remember how annoying that was? Now imagine that times three and also 2 separate pirate brawls are happening. That sounds like a Bad Time for our kids. They’ve leveled up some and they’ve been known to make some very clutch battle decisions, but this is gonna be tough any way you slice it. This is like two entirely separate encounters at the same time. A small good point: I looked up the language for teleportation and it can only be used to transport a willing creature. So they can’t just bum rush her and poof out. But they could give her an ultimatum to make her agree. The second reason this Concerns me is that Adaine high key doesn’t want to work with/for Falinel and they know this. The fact that they’ve resorted to kidnapping (fun international law fact: when a government kidnaps someone, it’s called rendition) tells me that they’re done playing nice which opens up two options to them they might not have otherwise used. They could coerce Adaine’s consent to be their oracle by threatening her life/her friends’ lives. Or, more troubling, they could just kill her. I mean, she became the elven oracle when the old one died, right? So, if she died, someone else would get the job. Probably someone less troublesome to deal with. I doubt they’re gonna go straight for that because they seem to want her alive, at least for now. But it is a concern.

Of course, we’re assuming that what’s happening on the face of this is the whole story, but that’s not necessarily true. Iirc, all we heard was that they found the oracle and they were gonna bring her back to Falinel. For all we know, the elves could be working for Adaine’s mom. Of Adaine’s mom could be working with Falinel. Or she could be working with Falinel just as a way to get to her daughter. We really don’t know. The last person on this show that got kidnapped was Fabian and that was a friendly kidnapping. Anything is possible.

Something that struck me as a possibility: This fight seems like it’s gonna suck. There is a world where the ideal move for Adaine is to pull an Evy (from the Mummy--two Mummy refs in one recap, did not plan that, I just love the Mummy) and agree to go with the Falinel elves if they help them instead (or at least stop helping Wicklaw) with the faith that her friends will come rescue her. I doubt they actually care much about what happens in the government of this pirate junk city. I’m curious about how they ended up together anyway. I’m guessing the elves clued into what was going on while scrying on the group and decided an alliance might be useful.

Brennan about both Ally’s Applebees Reference and Fig using a Leviathan phonebook: That is nothing.

Shoutout to Fruzzinoid in the chat who said Ally’s alignment is chaotic-chaotic. Accurate.

I love the laughing-squawk that Brennan does for Ayda as much as I hate the fact that he made the Choice to spell it that way.

Truly, the entire scene where Lou is recapping the fight from last episode and he’s laughing uncontrollably but Fabian is clearly crying and he’s expressing both of those things simultaneously is beautiful.

A Fabian line that really hit but that I haven’t mentioned yet: “I probably have one follower running around. Never mind he’s my father’s just like everything else I have.” Ow. Such a deep cut but so off the cuff from Lou. As a writer, this show makes me so mad because that’s such a good line of dialogue that Lou just dropped out of his mouth like it was nothing. How dare he?

Another good line I didn’t mention before, this tie from Riz: “We all draw strength from each other. You went in without your crew. What’s a pirate without his crew?” Ugh, Murph. Who gave you the right?

This episode has made me extremely curious about what Cathilda thinks about Hilariel. Because she sees herself as Fabian’s mom--which she essentially has been in a lot of the ways that count since Hilariel has been mentally out to lunch for the past however many years. To be clear, I do think Hilariel loves Fabian. She just hasn’t really been present even though she’s been literally present. The way Cathilda phrased some of the things she said and the way she seems to talk about Fabian’s dad so much more than his mom makes me wonder if she doesn’t...resent isn’t the right word exactly. Maybe, disapprove? It makes me wonder if she doesn’t disapprove of Hilariel’s parenting choices more than she lets on.

Kristen’s, “Do you listen to music?” in the middle of actually useful questions for Ayda.

Rich people sicknesses include having eaten too much caviar or smoked a cigar for too long in case you’re wondering.

“You want an orange, pal?”

On a practical note, we have two more episodes to go until the show breaks for the year so prepare yourselves from now people!

Riz, Adaine, and Gorgug each rolled one Nat 20 apiece. Fig, Gorgug, and Adaine each rolled a Nat 1 (but Adaine presumably cancelled out hers rolling with advantage because of Boggy). Fabian, who is still living his worst life, rolled three Nat 1s. Tragic.

#fantasy high #fantasy high spoilers #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #report card

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mattzerella-sticks · 5 years

Text

Natural One (Fabian Seacaster/Riz Gukgak, 5.8k)

5 times Fabian rolled a natural one, and one time Riz rolled a nat 20

Fabian and Riz stand with their backs against each other - well, with Riz’s head pillowed by his lower back - surrounded by tiny gnomes baring their tools menacingly. Hammers and saws meant for building were slowly tearing them and their friends apart. One lucky swipe slashed his arm and earlier one of their attackers bashed Riz’s knee in. For tiny creatures they have a ginormous ruthlessness to them.

If they survive this, Fabian will bind Fig’s hands together with enchanted chains. So she can never again anger a room full of sleep-deprived mechanics by pressing the only button that would destroy their hard work.

“Why would you even make a button for that!” Fig screamed, swinging her guitar wildly, “It’s like hanging a piano with fraying rope. One way or another it was getting smashed!”

“Less pointing the finger and more apologizing !” Adaine said, tossing up a shield to block the flurry of screws pelting her.

Now while their friends handle the main engineer, Riz and Fabian stay with the stragglers.

“I never thought it would end like this,” Riz mutters, fingers twitching against his trigger, “After so many close calls… taken down by a bunch of gnomes hopped up on coffee and Adderall.”

“Don’t say that Riz,” Fabian says. He glances at the smaller boy, attempting a reassuring smile. “We’re adventurers. We have the final say on when we perish… and that day is certainly not today.”

Riz meets his stare, mirroring his expression. “Thanks, Fabian.” The words drift towards Fabian’s heart and wraps around it, squeezing. The uptick of his mouth feels more genuine. While he has confidence in his premier abilities and skills, Riz’s support is a special kind of blessing. A gift far greater than any Kristen’s terminally positive deity could give. His faith in Fabian is unshakeable, even when some of his actions and misadventures were questionable.

Why he never realized he loved the eager goblin sooner Fabian blames on tunnel vision. Too focused on aiming for precise points on the dartboard that he completely missed the bull’s-eye.

Once he realized where he should be firing, though, his aim faltered.

Fabian faced the encroaching gnomes, ready to fight. He crouches and leaps, twisting over the pack blocking him. Picturing how amazing he must look - twirling in the air, fluorescents flashing behind and casting him in a vengeful shadow, preparing to swing, slash, and drop his enemies.

Except he lands wrong. Foot sliding, Fabian falls to the floor. His sword flies elsewhere, wrung from his hands. The last thing he hears before succumbing to swirling darkness was Riz calling his name.

It doesn’t make him feel as warm as it did seconds earlier.

He comes to surrounded by the other Bad Kids. “It’s all smoothed over,” Gorgug says, “I managed to convince the boss that Fig blowing up their machine was a good thing.”

“Helped that he thought you were his son,” Fig chuckles, elbowing him in the ribs, “Seriously, who knew so many gnomes adopted orcish orphans? Apparently it’s really big in the gnomish community.”

Gorgug whines, “But he’s not my dad!”

“Honestly?” Kristen says, leaning on her staff, “It was a little touch and go there.”

Adaine nods, “I saw you mumbling to yourself. ‘No, it can’t be… three dads is too many’.”

“I got there in the end, that’s all that matters!”

Fabian sits up, waving his hands and cutting into their argument. “Wait a minute! It was that easy? But what about the other gnomes we were fighting?”

“They stopped pretty quickly after their boss offered them paid time off,” Riz tells him, “After you went down -”

“Which I took pictures of,” Fig adds, “very funny.”

“After you went down,” Riz repeats, “the gnomes closed in and were about to end me. But when the gang rushed in with the PTO forms they rushed home.”

“I can’t believe I got knocked out almost as the fight was over,” Fabian groans, “What did I even slip on?”

“Some loose nuts and bolts.”

Fabian slams his head into his knees, hoping the concussive blow could force him unconscious once more. “Please,” he says into his legs, “No one speak of this.”

“Too late,” Fig says, “I already texted it to the entire school.”

All he wanted was to impress Riz. He surely wouldn’t find a laughingstock that worthy of his affections.

The Hangman sped in as the group said their goodbyes, promises to meet up tomorrow and discuss their findings. Fabian couldn’t leave fast enough.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Coach Gorthalax stressed how important this game was for the Owl Bears. Winning this meant that they would advance to regional championships, playing bloodrush against some of the top schools across the lands. And with their final competition being the boys from Hudol, there wasn’t any doubt they’d move forward.

“Even if their players are pale, nerdy weaklings, with so little muscle development they can barely hold up their books,” Gorthalax said during the huddle, “I don’t want you slacking. Being lazy now is just the thing that’ll give them an edge over us. If we all focus we’ll win and have a good time!”

“Yeah!” Ragh screamed, pounding his helmet against his chest, “Let’s go and mutilate the other team! Woo!”

“See, now that’s some great enthusiasm,” Gorthalax wags his clipboard at the orcish player, “I want to see that from all of you. Now let’s hear some hoot growls. Hoot Growl! Hoot Growl!”

“Hoot Growl! Hoot Growl! Hoot Growl!”

A stampede of cleats and warcries filled the pitch as Fabian and the other Owlbears stormed the field, startling the opposing team as they sipped at their tea. Watching a biscuit drop and crumble onto the grass made Fabian grin, an omen for how the game would play out.

Hudol didn’t stand a chance. The Owlbears played to their strengths. Fabian and Ragh never let them have the ball, and on the off chance they did Gorgug tackled them once they stepped foot near the goal. Height and long limbs had their advantage when guarding. Riz helped by confusing them, rolling up into a little ball and jumping into their arms. Sometimes a Hudol boy ran towards Gorgug only to find Riz in his arms smiling. Distracted, they never saw Gorgug until it was too late. They high-fived over the prone figure below them.

Halfway into the third quarter, though, Riz sat on the sidelines. Helmet off and chatting with Fig, their assistant coach and manager. He didn’t think a student could hold such a position, but one day during practice she came in with a whistle and two hats - ‘Ass Coach’ stitched onto one and ‘Womanager’ on the other.

“Is this allowed?” Gorgug asked, “What did Principal Aguefort say about this?”

“He liked my moxy and wanted to know if I could be coach as well,” Fig said, smirking, “I told him thanks but assistant coach and manager were already enough. Then he did a bump of cocaine, offered me some, and hopped out of his office window.”

Riz arched a brow. “You didn’t take it did you?”

“What are you, a cop?” she huffed, rubbing her nose.

They were most likely discussing plays and maneuvers. Fig surprised him with her skills in both roles she took on. During practices she pushed them harder and further than even his mother during sword practice. Outside the field Fig kept their successes circulating in the school paper and once, for an overnight away game. booked them the nicest motel.

“I didn’t think the school had the budget for something this fancy,” Fabian said while waiting in one lobby with its own water feature. Gorthalax spoke with the lady behind the front desk while the others ran to their rooms.

“Oh it doesn’t,” Fig said, “That’s why I used Gilear’s credit card. Not like he’s spending money on anything other than yogurt.”

Caught up in the memory he doesn’t see the leg of Hudol player until he’s tripping on it. The ball in his hands goes flying.

Luckily an Owlbear snatches it and powers through over to the Hudol goal. Fabian glares, shoving the boy who tripped him as he stood.

Ragh jogs over to him and slaps his shoulder. “Head in the game, Seacaster. Hoot Growl!”

“Yes, yes - Hoot Growl!” The teams move to set up for the next match after the Owlbears scored their latest goal. Fabian waits in the middle for the referee's whistle. Glancing over to the bench he sees Riz staring at him intently. Under such intense scrutiny forces a blush to settle on Fabian’s cheeks. Trying to will it away only causes him to miss the whistle and see Hudol steal their ball.

“Get it!” Gorthalax screams, “Get the ball!”

Fabian spins and chases the player, bulleting over. Leaping forward Fabian tackles the other boy and rolls with him until he’s crushed underfoot. Grabbing the ball back, he takes a moment to appreciate the cheers erupting from all around. The stands go crazy. He spots a sign held aloft by Adaine and Kristen, both girls stamping their feet in excitement. On the bench Fig is shouting at him, but he can’t notice over the pride glowing from Riz’s face.

He craves more of it. “This one’s for you, Riz,” he says, and charges towards the goal. Fabian slams the goalkeeper to the side and scores a point. Overcome with delicious victory, Fabian throws the ball and begins dancing.

Suddenly someone knocks him to the ground.

Ragh rages over him, teeth bared and drool leaking from his mouth. “You idiot,” he says, “you cost us a point!”

“What?”

Gorgug groans from his side. Craning his neck far enough, Fabian can see the taller boy hunched in on himself. Nursing his wound from the vicious attack he laid upon him.

“There goes our perfect game!” Ragh seethes, “You working against the Owlbears? Is it some kind of elf thing? Because if there’s one thing I don’t like it’s a traitor -”

“Get off of me!” Fabian says, shoving Ragh off of him. Standing he looks past his friend and notices the rest of the scene. His teammates glare at him, scowls hidden behind their helmets. The crowd flipped on him. They boo and taunt him, Adaine and Kristen hiding behind their hands. Gorthalax shakes his head while Fig breaks her clipboard with her knees and sets it aflame.

And Riz winces, as if the overwhelming embarrassment crushing Fabian was too painful to watch.

“Get it together,” Ragh shoves him, jogging over to the starting line, “We have a game to win.”

Owlbears triumph over Hudol with a wide margin. However the celebrations are muted since it wasn’t the landslide they were expecting. The locker room was silent where Fabian changed. No one clapped him on the back or flicked a towel in his direction in good cheer. What he did receive were fumbled assurances from Gorgug - who brushed off his apologies, saying there was no need - and Riz’s attempted jokes.

All Fabian wanted to do was crawl into his bed and die.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fabian sits at Riz’s table confusedly following the red strings criss-crossing the corkboard in front of him. “Wait, how is the Daycare connected to the Pixie smuggling ring?”

Riz sighs, sipping at his coffee. “Okay, so the Pixies…” He launches into another explanation, Fabian doing his best to focus. But like before he stops listening and instead focuses on how Riz’s mouth moves to shape his words. The way his hands flit around and, at times, shake so much Riz nearly drops his coffee. And when he turns to point at his work Fabian’s eyes drop low to appreciate how his slacks cling to his tush.

“And the money from their operations gets funnelled from the Daycare and into these shell accounts,” Riz finishes, facing Fabian again, “Do you get it now?”

He doesn’t trust his voice, so he nods.

Riz smiles. “Good. Then that’s exactly how I’ll explain it to the others when we see them tomorrow.”

Fabian returns it, fiddling with his own mug. Like always they and their friends were wrapped up in some serious trouble. This time Kristen, in trying to set up a physical location for her Church of Yes?, accidentally rented out a space that used to hold illegal artifacts between trades. They discovered this when Gorgug picked one up and unleashed an army of gremlins that wrecked the barren floor. After beating them and destroying the orb Riz sent the evidence to his mother.

Hearing how it was stolen piqued their interest, and once again launched them on another adventure.

A few days of serious investigation later the group reconnected and went over their findings, Riz taking it down and setting the clues on the corkboard. The night dragged on and one after another their friends dropped. Gorgug left first, promising to meet them at school in the morning. After him Adaine said she needed her rest and invited Fig to join her and Kristen for a sleepover.

“Sure,” she said, “can we have a few brewskis and kick it before we hit the hay?”

“I don’t know,” Adain shrugged, “we can always ask Jawbone?”

“Sick!”

That was over an hour ago. Fabian felt the siren call of sleep singing to him, tempting him with the wondrous beauty of sleep. He fought against it as he did everything in life; clawing tooth and nail for what he wants. In this moment it’s to share the cramped kitchen with Riz and his cluttered corkboard.

Riz settles in the seat across from him, pouring another cup of coffee. “You want me to top you off?”

Fabian shakes his head, pushing his mug away. “I really shouldn’t. Too much and I might not be able to hold my sword without it shaking.”

“You get used to it,” Riz says, “Years of drinking this stuff allowed me to take into account the jitters for when I’m shooting my gun.”

“How early did you start drinking coffee?”

“Same as everyone else. Five?”

Fabian bites his lip, unwilling to shatter the illusion for his friend. Instead he glanced behind him at the corkboard again. “I must say, that sure is something…”

Riz follows his gaze. Smiling, he leans into the chair and takes a huge gulp of his drink. “We did a lot of good work. I know officers who can barely think past their patrols who wouldn’t have been able to do this.”

“I think the real credit goes to you,” Fabian says.

The other boy directs his smile at him. “You think so?” he asks, a small tint to his cheeks. Seeing him fluster brings a rush of warmth racing up Fabian’s chest, and he hopes a blush isn’t blooming across his own face.

Everyone knows how deeply Riz loves detective work. Aside from how he dresses and the never-ending supply of mystery novels he keeps in his briefcase, Riz also treats everyday matters like an investigation. Once a water fountain broke and, before the janitor could react, Riz canvassed the area with caution tape and began questioning witnesses for motives. During lunch he explained how, using deductive reasoning, Riz found the stolen item in his Rogue class and where his teacher hid it.

“That’s amazing!” Fig cheered, “Now do Porter! Find out exactly what evil schemes he’s working on!”

No matter what situation they were faced with Riz approached each mystery with a ferocious tenacity for finding the answers. Not willing to rest until every stone was uncovered and the truth was set free. Fabian cannot count the amount of times Riz’s quick thinking saved them or helped them see an important piece of evidence they missed earlier.

With the way Riz’s eyes sparkle under the flickering light bulb, Fabian wants to tell him how much he values and appreciates him.

Instead, what comes out is this. “No one else is as this obsessed with mysteries than you, The Ball.” Wincing, Fabian pinches his thigh in disappointment. Especially when Riz’s face falls.

“Oh…”

“That, I didn’t…” Fabian sighs, scrubbing a hand down his face, “I’m sorry, that’s not what I meant to say at all.”

Riz tries to smooth his expressions, except Fabian can clearly see the lines marring his pretty face. “It’s late, I get it. Why don’t you turn in for the night?”

“Don’t you need my help?”

“It’s like what you said… I’m the only one obsessed enough to stay up this late. You don’t have to worry. I’ll crash on the couch if I need to.”

Fabian leaves, drained of any energy to stay and apologize. He shuffles over towards Riz’s room, closing the door behind him. Stepping over empty coffee mugs and sheaths of paper he stops at the smallish bed. Fabian strips off his jacket and jeans, folding them gently and leaving the pile on a clear space of floor. Then he curls up on the bed and wraps the wrinkled sheet around his shoulders.

There’s an ache in his chest where his heart is. Sleep won’t come until he’s finished lambasting himself for shoving his foot into his mouth. At least the smell from Riz’s pillow eases the blows, and gently cradles him as he drifts off into a dreamless sleep.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sitting at his desk, Fabian thinks that he finally found a way to confess his feelings to Riz.

He got the idea from his mother after a particularly grueling day of training. Fabian laid on the lawn, gasping for breath and waiting as Cathilda prepares a protein shake for him. Hallariel stands beside him, checking her makeup using her sword’s reflective surface as a mirror. A few feet away, sitting on a lawn chair, was Gilear. His mother’s boyfriend played keep away with a seagull who wanted his yogurt.

Turning away from a remarkably hilarious sight, Fabian asked his mother, “How did father win your heart?”

Hallariel shrugged, “With his passionate lovemaking.”

“ Mama !”

“What? You asked me a question and I answered it. Did I do something wrong ?”

“No, I…” Fabian sighed, leaning up on his elbows, “I wanted to know if there was anything he did that might have made you… swoon . Something sweet and romantic. ”

Hallariel’s gaze darted away from her face to her son, smirking. “Does my darling boy fancy a girl?”

“Mama…” Fabian ducked away, blushing, “it’s not a girl …”

“Even better,” she grinned, “now you won’t deal with the crushing disappointment when you realized she could never be as good as your mother.”

He rolled his eyes. “There’s no one who could be more perfect than you, mama,” he said, reaching forward to accept the shake from a returning Cathilda, “except maybe Cathilda. If you’re number one she’s definitely number two.”

“Bless your heart, you young thing,” Cathilda said, hand over her heart, “the sweetest you are.” She moves over to Halladriel, “What were you two discussing now?”

“Fabian wants to know if Bill ever did anything romantic,” Halladriel explains, “probably so he can use it for inspiration in winning over his little crush.”

“Oh! Why don’t you tell him about the letters?”

“Letters?” Fabian asked, “What letters?”

“The sweetest things they were,” Cathilda tells him, “your father, Bill Seacaster, would write these beautiful letters to your mother and send them whenever he was away for months on end. Whenever they arrived I’d always read them aloud as Haladriel drifted off to sleep.”

“Papa wrote you letters?” Fabian looked to Haladriel, “Why didn’t you remember this?”

She shrugged again. “Honestly I was toasted so much during my time with your father a lot of it is still a blur…”

Cathlida clapped, drawing their attention towards her again. “We still have them!” she said, “They’ve been put away, but I can dig them out for you if you’d like?”

“I would be delighted.”

Reading through the letters provided Fabian with a lot of details he didn’t need, learning that the beautiful prose was essentially foreplay for his parents. Imagining Cathilda read about his father’s length forced him to pause and spend the next few minutes hovering near the toilet. When he recovered Fabian focused on finding the little bits that weren’t explicit. Where his father compared his mother to the beauty of the sea or explaining how his newly earned riches would look better once locked away with his most valued treasure - his family.

While a letter was deemed gauche by today’s standards, Fabian found the practice intimate. Halfway through composing his own letter, though, he was hit with the worry that his letter wouldn’t arrive. Maybe on the way to his apartment it would be lost or damaged. Perhaps someone other than Riz opens it up? Squanda, to check and make sure the letter wasn’t a bomb. Fabian wouldn’t be surprised if Fig stole Riz’s mail that day and read his feelings, only to then tell Riz and butchering his meaning.

He succumbed to the anxiety and decided on a more direct approach. Fabian transferred his writings to his phone, finishing the letter there to send through text.

Re-reading it for the third time, Fabian realizes he needs to send it.

Fabian copies the text and switches from his notes app over to the messages. Working quickly while the courage of his father swims through his blood Fabian clicks on Riz and his messages. He pastes the text and sends it, slamming his crystal onto the desk face down.

Staring at it won’t make Riz respond faster, yet he cannot pull himself away. Each minute ticks by slowly the longer his crystal stays silent. Allowing for horrible images to flash across Fabian’s mind. Like Riz laughing and sending the letter to their friends, a highly impossible outcome. But the one where Riz spends time crafting the kindest rejection is unfortunately a sound possibility.

Suddenly his crystal flashes to life. Fabian snatches it with terrifying speed, opening the newest message.

It isn’t Riz.

Aelwen cooly thanks him for his devotion, offering him a night of passion if he’s willing to make the journey. Scrolling upwards he sees all the words that poured from his heart - sent to the wrong person.

He hadn’t talked to Aelwen since his disastrous attempt to free her. Fabian managed to follow through on his promise and fought for her freedom alongside the ragtag crew he gathered for the mission. Dodging spells and powering through guards, Fabian rode the Hangman and crashed through her cell. Then, after a kiss filled with searching hands and tongue, he helped her onto his motorcycle and fled to his ship.

Halfway across the Celestine Sea, Aelwen showed her true colors. Fabian found her preparing a dinghy for leave one starless night. He asked her where she was going.

“I’m leaving,” she said, “Is that not obvious?”

“But… but why?” Fabian asked, gut screaming as if stabbed. “We’re almost to Solace. And there we can be together… I - I thought…”

“You thought what?” Aelwen snickered, “You thought that I’d go with you because you freed me? Sorry to break it to you but I don’t slum it with trash, even if they’re somewhat cute and entertaining as you.”

Vision spinning, he staggered backwards. “W-what?”

“Thank you for all your help,” she said, untying the last rope, “But I must return to Fallinel. A friend offered me a room at her estate when I was free and I’ve kept her waiting long enough.” Hopping into the dinghy, Aelwen winked at him one last time. “Do tell my sister one thing for me? Even though she’s now an oracle she still can’t see what a colossal disappointment she is to the Abernant name. Farewell!”

The rope slips from her hands and she drops into the ocean, nothing left but the splash on her exit. Fabian doesn’t run to see her off, rooted to the deck as the pieces of his heart spear through his boots. When he collects them, Fabian shuffles towards his cabin and hides them until they reach shore.

His reception wasn’t well received. Adaine screamed at him until her voice was hoarse, pounding against his chest until she slumped over and was led away by Kristen. Fig and Gorgug didn’t say anything but kept their distance for the next few weeks. Only Riz stuck by his side.

The other boy sat with him after everyone left, understanding that Fabian had to go and see Aelwen. “Once you make up your mind about something,” Riz chuckled, “it’s hard getting you to change it.”

Riz’s words held no judgement. Even as Fabian confessed everything, including how Aelwen used and left him; he asked how that made him feel and hugged him through the rolling wave of depression that swelled inside.

Things returned to normal after a while. Adaine forgave him, and their group drifted together again. Except it wasn’t the same.

During the days Fabian and Riz were left alone he finally began to take notice of how special and important the goblin boy was to him.

So seeing how disastrously he messed up something as easy as a text, sending it to the worst person imaginable, turns his hopes into ash.

Fabian deletes the messages and leaves his phone on silent.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s now or never.

Fabian needs to take a leap of faith and lead with action. His father would chastise him thoroughly for how he’s tiptoed across the whole ordeal. Inviting embarrassment by tiptoeing around Riz. When he should do first and apologize later - if at all.

The group sits huddled together in Basrar’s, enjoying some milkshakes. Ever since Adaine freed him from his curse, Basrar has branched out to include other items in his menu besides various ice creams. To varying levels of success. While his milkshakes were delicious Fabian suffered at the hands of his chicken nuggets.

But they’re not slurping them as vigorously as they usually do. Too worn out from fighting pirates all day at Seacaster Manor.

His crew from the Aelwen misadventure came calling for Fabian, demanding their pay. He should have seen this coming since, bereft of any common sense by the heartbreak, he gave them a map rumored to lead to the grandest treasures of all. Except he drew it up in less than five minutes and water-logged it with tears.

When they finally discovered the ruse the ship set course for their newest mission - robbing the accumulated riches of Bill Seacaster.

Pirates were no match, of course, for the combined efforts of his friends, his mother and housekeeper. “And Gilear,” Halladriel added, standing over the corpses of their enemies, “we couldn’t have done it without his help.”

He glared at the sad elf his mother rubbed against, her hands tugging at his jacket. They knew Gilear added nothing of value to the battle save for the accidentally flung yogurt that sabotaged the cannon firing at them. Halladriel wouldn’t hear reason and began undressing Gilear in front of them.

“Best to run along, children,” Cathilda ushered them away, “Who knows how long they’ll be at it.”

Kristen swallowed her vomit. “Gross.”

“It’s not gross,” Fig defended her second father, “it’s good for him.”

“Well it’s awful for me,” Fabian hissed, “let’s go before we hear anything.”

“Oh!” Halladriel cried from a distance, a cold chill shooting up his spine, “You taste so sweet! What is that flavor?”

“Nothing too adventurous… just a simple vanilla mango yogurt…”

Fabian led them away with blinding speed. They decided on Basrar’s thirty minutes into their wandering, too sore to stay upright for long. Sliding into the booth the group ordered and enjoyed the calm environment. For once the group rested quietly, enjoying the silence.

It was so peaceful Fabian could think clearly for the first time in a while. An epiphany floated down from above and entered his spirit, imbuing it with strength.

Riz rests against his shoulder, skin tingling under his shirt and jacket. The smaller boy was injured pretty badly during the fight. Kristen’s healing only helped so much and Riz looks seconds away from sleeping. Kept awake only by the gentle shakes from Fabian every so often.

He wants to do this before sleep lulls him away, so Fabian softly whispers Riz’s name. Riz glances at him, frowning. “Yeah?”

“Riz, I…” A voice that sounds like his father cuts through his mind, telling him to stow his words. Show the other boy what he feels and steal a kiss. Cooling his nerves, Fabian leans down to do that. To capture Riz’s lips with his own.

But then something cold drips onto his nose.

“What’s th-” A blob slams into Fabian’s face and knocks him backwards, falling onto the floor. He curses and wipes the mess clear. Investigating what hit him, Fabian finds the culprit was a stray scoop of ice cream.

“Oh my God!” Fig screams, “it’s raining ice cream!”

Ice cream pelts their station, inspiring different reactions from the group. Unlike Fabian they cheered at the surprise dessert storm.

“How is this possible?” Adaine asked, chocolate ice cream melting on her head, “Our wish was already fulfilled?”

Basrar drifts over, smiling. “That is true, yes. However, I received a call from a man named Gilear asking that I serve you kids a treat so you would stay far from the Seacaster manor a bit while longer. He asked me if I could conjure some yogurt, but I told him that my magic does not create something so... sad . So then he asked if I could give you all frozen yogurt, which I could only assume was a strange way of saying ice cream!”

“Are you kidding me!” Fabian growls aloud, “How did Gilear even find out where we were?”

“I texted him,” Fig says, scooping ice cream off of Kristen’s shoulder. “Figured he’d want to know where we were in case more pirates came back.”

He groans as more ice cream pelts his prone body. Squinting one eye open Fabian sees all his friends save Riz enjoying the treat. Riz smiles down at him, fondness shining in his eyes. Fabian flushes, turning away from the stare.

Shoes squish onto the ice cream as Riz jumps out of his seat. He offers a hand to Fabian, “Need some help?”

Fabian answers by weakly taking Riz’s hand, pushing forward.

Instead of standing Riz tugs Fabian closer to him and slips an arm around his waist. Riz kisses Fabian, surprising him and earning catcalls from their friends. He ends their embrace, still smiling.

Fabian cannot wipe the shock from his expression. “Did you-?”

“Do what you should have done from the start?” Riz chuckles, “Yeah. Did you like it?”

“Did I like it -?”

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lou slams his fist on the table. “This is some bullshit,” he says, “How is it that I’ve spent countless games rolling nat 1’s trying to seduce you. And the first time you decide to flirt back you roll a nat 20. Bullshit!”

“I’m as surprised as you are,” Murph laughs along with the other intrepid heroes, “Usually my rolls are the crap ones.”

“Is that why you never helped out until now?”

Murph grins, winking. “Nah, I liked seeing how many times Fabian suffered.”

He scoffs, “You think that’s going to make me want to kiss you again?”

Brennan jumps into the conflict, shoulders shaking with contained laughter. “With a nat 20 Fabian and Riz begin making out in the storm of ice cream.”

“Oh come on!” Lou cries, “Fabian’s supposed to be the dashing hero! He had to make the first move! These dice are cursed.”

Emily shakes her head, cackling. “Could be worse. Riz could’ve rolled a nat 1 and we’d have to sit through another round of you trying and failingseduction rolls.”

“It’s not easy,” Lou argues, “Love to see you try and get a nat 20.”

“I so could,” she says, “you saw how hot and heavy me and Dr. Asha got. The next time we see him I’ll roll and ask him to marry him.” Brennan rolls some dice, drawing the group’s attention. He barks a quick laugh, looking to Emily. Her smile falls, “Uh oh, what?”

“All the commotion of raining ice cream and teens making out means the entire store is looking at your booth. Especially one seat at the bar where a dwarven doctor relaxed after a long shift at St. Owen’s Memorial Hospital,” Brennan explains, chewing on a chip he sneaked. “He walks over and, to Fig, asks, ‘Dr. Keller? Why are you hanging with these teens and not at home watching the kids?”

Lou erupts with laughter, leaning back in his seat and clapping. Emily scowls, grabbing for her dice. “What do I have to roll.”

“Let’s start with a deception.”

“Okay I’m good with deception…” She rolls, slapping her hand against the table. “I got a four. But that’ll be over a ten.”

“Say what you’re going to say.”

Emily clears her throat, shifting in her seat. “I needed a break from the kids and release the inner child in my heart with these… actual children?”

Brennan squints, head skewed to the side. “Dr. Asha is taken aback by that, slightly, but wants to believe in your relationship. ‘Did you at least get a babysitter’?”

“Yeah, yeah they’re fine…”

Lou turns to her. “So, are you gonna ask?”

“I’m getting to it, I’m getting to it…” Emily says, “So, Dr. Asha, I know we’ve been seeing each other, and we have kids… I think we should take this to the next level. I think we should get married.”

Brennan rolls another die. “Make a seduction roll, with disadvantage.”

“Fine.” Emily drops two dice on the table. Looking between the two, she screams and drops her head onto the table.

“What did you get?” Brennan asks.

Zac, at her side, uproariously laughs. “She rolled a twenty and a one.” They all hiss at the disastrous roll.

“A twenty,” Emily chuckles self-deprecatingly, “How can I split it this bad?”

Lou asks Brennan, “What happens?”

Brennan rolls a few more dice before smirking at Emily, doom curling his lips. “As you ask this Dr. Asha’s phone lights up with a call. He answers it, and the real Dr. Kelly speaks from the other end. Asking if he can bring home a pint of ice cream for the twins.”

“Oh, crap.”

“And,” the dice ominously tap against the table. “When he hangs up a couple enters Basrar’s - one elven ranger and the other a ginormous demon. It’s Sandralyn and Gorthalax!”

“Seriously?” Emily hisses, “How is this possible?”

“It’s possible because of the dice, baby,” Brennan says, “They see you and come over. Gorthalax starts up, ‘Fig! Oh, my lovely daughter, Fig. We didn’t know you’d be hear. Are you having fun? It’s so great to enjoy the days of youth before it’s all over. Being a high school student can truly be some of the best times of your life. Anyway, we won’t cramp your hang - get home at a reasonable time, though!’ They seat themselves far away, leaving a stunned Fig and Dr. Asha.”

Chin trembling, Emily asks, “Does he still accept my proposal?”

Brennan claps, laughing. “Dr. Asha leaves immediately.”

“Dammit!”

“See,” Lou says, “it’s not that easy.”

Emily rolls her eyes, “Just enjoy making out with my husband, okay?”

“I will!”

#Dimension 20 #Fantasy High #Riz Gukgak #Fabian Seacaster #Fabriz #Fabian/Riz #Fantasy High fanfiction

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sammysdewysensitiveeyes · 5 years

Text

The Many Deaths of Fabian Cortez

Once again, @thecorteztwins inspired me to write something stupid about Fabian, featuring his many deaths and resurrections on Krakoa as he annoys every woman on the island.

Warnings for the usual level of Fabian-style sexual harassment and groping. A couple of the deaths are gruesome, but nothing described in much detail. One of the deaths got a little more angsty than funny, sorry about that. Also sorry for any continuity mishaps, I’m not familiar with a few of the characters in here. I characterized Chrome and Delgado based on thecorteztwin’s headcanons for the personalities. Under a read-more, because this sucker wound up long.

The first time it happened was when Fabian made the monumental mistake of flirting with Selene. He’d already been trying his luck (meaning “pestering and in some cases straight- up assaulting”) with some of the gentler, less violent mutants. Dr. Cecilia Reyes simply covered her body with a forcefield when he attempted to grope her, then pushed him aside when he persisted. Wallflower used her pheromones to induce a jolt of fear that sent him scurrying away. Sooraya shifted into a cloud of dust and reformed on the other side of the island after Fabian commented that it was a waste for a beautiful woman like her to cover herself completely (Icarus promptly punched Fabian in the nose to “discourage” him from trying again). Meggan played dumb blonde and asked Fabian to explain, several times, what exactly he meant by “Does the carpet match the drapes?” She finally flew off when he failed to recognize the obvious brush-off.

So Fabian was brimming with unearned confidence – because the women’s non-homicidal attempts to rebuff him had been, in his mind, “playing hard to get” – when he decided to approach the former Black Queen.

“Well, it’s your funeral, man,” Dominic said, lifting a beer as if to toast him.

“Because she’ll literally fuck me to death, you mean? Not to worry! I’ve got incredible stamina and a very healthy heart.”

“Don’t listen to him, mate, go for it. Tell her about how you’re the ‘true pinnacle of homo-superior,’ she’ll be real impressed.” St. John couldn’t finish the sentence without snickering.

“It…seems like a bad idea,” said Simon nervously. He hadn’t really intended to fall in with the bad guys, especially since he’d been trying to prove himself as an X-Man, but the original Pyro had immediately glommed onto him with a pushy, aggressive friendliness. And he supposed they weren’t really doing anything wrong just sitting around drinking and swapping stories. It was better than awkward run-ins with Iceman, who was trying to pretend that the two of them hadn’t banged.

“Shush, Baby Pyro. Let the man do his thing,” St. John said, tossing back another Jack and Coke.

“Please don’t call me that,” Simon muttered.

“Yes, I shall now ‘do my thing,’ as you so eloquently put it. Try not to eat your own hearts out with jealousy when she falls into my arms,” Fabian said as he swaggered off.

“She’s gonna eat his heart. Literally,” Dominic grunted. “Why are you even encouraging this, Johnny?”

“Because it’ll be hilarious, and there’s fuck all to do on this island. I’m about ready to start writing again, I’m so bored.”

“Ugh, don’t expect me to help edit if you’re gonna start in with more of that Harlequin romance crap –“

“You are literally the last person I’d ask to help edit, you illiterate wanker – “

“Hey guys, I think he’s making his move.” Simon pointed across the way, interrupting the quarrel. (Simon had already recognized that original Pyro and Avalanche bickered like an old married couple, and drawn his own conclusions about that.) Fabian was trying to casually lean against a tree while chatting up Selene, but had misjudged the distance, and was now stuck in a weird diagonal slant. He made a vain attempt to compensate by pushing off the tree in a series of awkward, one-handed push-ups, while flexing his other arm. Selene stood with her arms crossed like a very sexy, very terrifying statue.

“This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen,” Dominic snorted.

“This is bloody brilliant, it is. I’m absolutely putting this in my next book.”

“It’s gonna be a comedy, then?”

Fabian had stopped the push-ups, and was now gesturing at Selene, then back at himself. He ran a hand down his chest and abdomen in what he probably assumed was an alluring manner. Selene hadn’t moved, but something in her posture seemed tenser than before. Simon thought he could see a vein standing out in her forehead.

“Wish we could actually hear him,” St. John remarked.

“I like him better when he’s out of earshot,” Dominic responded.

“You almost gotta admire him, in a way, haven’t ya? I mean, the sheer bollocks on the man to walk up to the Black Queen and try to put the moves on her. Most men’s dicks would just shrivel up in fear.”

“Is it really brave if he’s too stupid to be scared?” Dominic crushed his empty beer can and pulled out two more, tossing one across to Simon.

“Yeah,” Simon put in. “It’s kinda like jumping the fence at the zoo and trying to pet a lion.” The sense of camaraderie was making him feel more at ease. The alcohol helped, too.

“See, Other Pryo agrees with me.”

“Please don’t call me that, either.”

Across the way, Fabian gestured again at Selene, then cupped his hands and twisted them around in an obviously lewd gesture. Selene finally broke her stance, grabbing Fabian by the front of his shirt and pulling him forward into a passionate kiss.

There was a collective gasp from the three mutants watching.

Then, a dark energy crackled over the two embracing. Fabian’s eyes widened in fear, and he attempted to pull away, but Selene put her hands on the back of his head and forced his mouth down onto hers. The blackness rippled across Fabian, then drained into Selene, who seemed to stand taller and stronger while Fabian’s muscular body withered in her arms. Soon there was nothing left but a desiccated corpse, which Selene contemptuously tossed aside, wiping her mouth and looking like she’d just enjoyed a full meal.

“Alright, Dom and Baby Pryo. You’re both right. The tosser is just too dumb to live,” St. John conceded.

The second incident showed that Fabian had not learned any kind of lesson at all from his experience with Selene, as he decided to proposition Mystique. The exotic blue skin, contrasting with her fiery red hair and revealing white costume – how could any man resist? And why would she dress in such a way if she didn’t long for male attention? Her cold, aloof temperament added to the appeal, with an exciting hint of danger. (Of course, for most would-be suitors, it was significantly more than a “hint” of danger. But Fabian was never one to notice things that didn’t fit into his world view. As far as he was concerned, she only needed the right man – himself – and she would melt into his arms like a delicate snowflake.)

She presented a particularly dangerous picture as Fabian approached, cleaning and oiling the guns that she had spread along the table. Sitting across from her, Toad was absorbed in his Nintendo Switch, waiting for her to finish so that they could start planning the next mission. He’d earned some downtime, and was determined to get in a little practice so that Doug Ramsey wouldn’t destroy him at the next Smash Brothers game. Again.

“Mystique. Why is a beautiful woman like yourself doing such base manual labor?” Fabian slid into the seat next to her. “Why not leave it to him?” He gestured across the table at Toad, who briefly looked up from his game to scowl back.

“No one touches my guns except me.” Mystique did not look up from her work. “What do you want, Cortez?”

“Just to spend a little time with you, so that we could get to know each other better.”

“If you don’t have anything interesting to say then stop wasting my time.”

“I have many, many interesting things to say to you. But perhaps it would be easier if we had some privacy. If the third wheel sitting across from us would possibly take a hint?”

“Stay, Toad,” Mystique insisted.

Toad nodded. He wasn’t really paying attention to the game anymore, as he couldn’t resist sneaking up glances to watch Cortez be inevitably put in his place. He felt a little bad about it – indulging in that kind of schadenfreude was an unhealthy habit of his from back in the early days of the Brotherhood. He had so desperately wanted Magneto to love him, and he’d spent so much of his life as the unwanted, outcast butt of every joke. It gave him a thrill of glee to see someone else get in trouble for once.

“If that is your wish, Mystique, I will allow it. But you may prefer that we move this someplace more private once the conversation becomes more….intimate.” He reached out to brush a hand against Mystique’s cheek, and she jerked away, looking up at him for the first time.

“What is this actually about, Cortez? Do you have information or some kind of plan in mind? I know you’re a devious little shit and I can respect that, but cut to the chase.”

“Very direct! I like it. I love it when a woman takes charge.” At least as long as her “taking charge” happened to coincide directly with Fabian’s own desires and fantasies. “My ‘plan,’ as you so delightfully put it, is simple. You. Me. Enjoying each other’s bodies and experiencing pleasure that you couldn’t possibly imagine. We could find a bedroom, or a secluded spot on the beach –“

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Mystique snapped. “I thought you had something I could use, but you’re just hitting on me?”

“And why not?” Fabian stood up, spreading his arms wide to better show off his muscular chest. “Am I not incredibly attractive?”

“You’re making a huge mistake,” Toad warned, now openly watching the scene with his chin resting on one hand. “I’d back off while you still can.”

“I didn’t ask you,” Fabian said coldly. “And pull your tongue back into your mouth, you repulsive creature. She’s probably too disgusted by the sight of you to respond to my advances.”

Toad slurped his tongue back up out of sight, tucking the excess into his cheek, which now burned with embarrassment. The long tongue had been a later mutation, and he’d never quite gotten used to it. Keeping it all inside made his mouth feel uncomfortably full, and it often lolled out without his noticing. But he was all too aware that others found it disgusting.

“You’re far more repulsive than Toad could ever be,” Mystique said, standing up to face Fabian with her arms crossed. Toad felt a small spot of warmth blossom in his chest. He certainly didn’t feel bad anymore about watching Fabian get what was coming to him.

“Understand, because I’ll only say this once,” Mystique continued. “I am not, and will never be attracted to you. I do not desire you or your company in any way – sexually, romantically, platonically. Do not speak to me again unless you have something relevant to say.”

Fabian seemed taken aback for a moment, then he grinned.

“So, you’re saying that you’re only going to refuse me once? I get it, you like a man who persists, who makes you feel that you are worth fighting for. I won’t make you say it again.” He put his hands on her shoulders and leaned in for a kiss. His lips never touched hers – instead, Mystique’s hands moved rapidly, and there was a sharp cracking sound as Fabian’s head wound up facing the wrong way on his body. He dropped to the floor. The whole thing happened too quickly for him to even register surprise, so his now slack face, with eyes glazed over, still held some hint of hopeful anticipation.

“Wow, that was…sudden,” Toad muttered, his tongue slipping out again. Mystique just looked at him, one eyebrow raised.

Toad shrugged back at her. “I mean, you did warn him.”

“If anyone asks, he tried to take one of the guns.” Mystique was absolutely not in the mood for an Xavier lecture, it was even worse than a Magneto lecture.

“Agreed.” Toad nodded.

The third time, Fabian made what he believed was an entirely innocent gesture. He saw a lovely ass, barely covered in tight black booty shorts, and he gave it the playful slap that such an ass invited.

Obviously, his first mistake was in assuming that clothing was an invitation for touching, and that he had a right to put his hands on anyone’s body.

His second, and ultimately more important mistake, was that the ass in question belonged to Illyana Rasputin.

Illyana whirled around at the touch, and her eyes narrowed. Whatever pick-up lines Fabian had planned shriveled and died on his tongue as her piercing blue eyes seemed to stare directly into his soul. A chill ran through his entire body, and he shuddered involuntarily. For once, Fabian was immediately aware that he had gotten in over his head. This was no woman, it was a demon wrapped in a beautiful body, meant to lure in innocent men like him.

The she-demon reached out a hand, and said a single word.

“Limbo.”

The word seemed to echo in Fabian’s ears as the ground melted away below his feet, and he dropped into a glowing circle.

Later, Illyana would claim that she had only intended to teleport him across the island, far away from her. It was a complete mistake that Fabian had somehow wound up stranded in Limbo, and torn apart by demons. And hey, that wasn’t her fault, right?

The fourth time, Fabian had retreated back to familiar ground – his own beloved Acolytes. He’d led the group for so long, and served under Exodus (despite the man being painfully unfit and incompetent), so surely they’d all welcome him with open arms. And there was his own dear sister, resurrected at last.

Unfortunately, Anne Marie was a bit miffed at him for the events that had led up to her death, which Fabian thought was rather unreasonable. It was so long ago, Fabian could barely even remember it. Who could really say anymore who betrayed who, or who caused Asteroid M to crash? The important thing was that it all ultimately came down to Magneto’s poor leadership. Anne Marie didn’t quite see it that way. She directed an icy glare at him whenever he ventured into the compound that most of the resurrected Acolytes had chosen to share.

“Anne Marie, have I mentioned recently how happy I am to see you returned to us?”

“Chrome, please tell my brother that I am not speaking with him.”

“Fabian, Anne Marie says – “ Chrome began in a deadpan.

“Yes, yes, I heard her,” Fabian hissed. His sister’s stubborn hostility hurt him more than he expected, although he was used to her being childish and willful, having grown up together. He hadn’t actually intended for her to die all those years ago; he hadn’t imagined she’d be so stubborn as to stay by Magneto’s side until the end.

“Look, Anne Marie, things were complicated back then. I had a plan –“

“Chrome, please tell my brother to stop making excuses for his despicable betrayal of Lord Magneto.”

“Fabian, Anne Marie says –“

“Chrome, why are you participating in this immature nonsense?” Fabian snapped.

“Because it amuses me, and I like her better than you.” Chrome was blunt as always.

“Fine,” Fabian sighed. “But let me remind everyone that we’ve all been reborn on this island to start fresh, all sins forgiven. Why don’t we let the past stay in the past? I mean, I’ve died several times now, I don’t know why you’re all making such a big deal out of it. And Magneto is alive, anyway. He’s alive and thriving, so no harm done.”

“Disagree,” Delgado muttered, from the corner by the window. He was staring longingly out at the trees and sunshine, but unwilling to leave his team-mates alone with this snake.

“Why are you even here, Cortez? Are you recruiting for your stupid harem again, or are you going to try to replace Exodus. Because you must know neither of those things are ever going to happen,” Frenzy spoke up from the table, where she and Unuscione were splitting a bottle of wine.

“You say ‘start fresh,’ but you’re the same as ever,” Unuscione added. “You never change, Cortez.”

“Why should I change when I am so magnificent? Perfection itself!” Fabian exclaimed, although his enthusiasm withered a little under his sister’s glare.

“I have rarely met anyone so completely and utterly wrong,” Chrome snorted. Fabian paid him the generous favor of ignoring him.

“Rest assured, I am not here to reclaim my rightful place of leadership. Although I’m not sure why you all wouldn’t want that. Someone has to take charge. Magneto is running the island with Xavier, and Exodus has abandoned you all to go tell stories to children.”

“So, it’s the harem, thing, then?” demanded Frenzy. “It’s always one or the other.”

“My friends, can’t I just visit you all out of the goodness of my heart?”

‘That has never happened,” Chrome pointed out.

“Ever,” Delgado added, quite unnecessarily, Fabian thought.

“Loooook,’ he adopted a soothing tone. “I just think that we should all start thinking about the future. After all, we’re going to be living out our lives here. And eventually, we’ll no doubt start forming family units. It’s only natural. And one of the rules of Krakoa is to make more mutants, after all.”

“Wow, there it is,” put in Unuscione. “I knew you’d get there eventually.”

“I think we need to sort this out early, so that it doesn’t get…messy later on,” Fabian continued. “After all, I’m only one man, and there are only so many hours in the day. We don’t want fights breaking out.”

“Oh my god, will you just leave?” Frenzy exclaimed. “We don’t want you around.”

“Now, now, don’t get excited. I know you deny your feelings because you don’t think you’re worthy, but I assure you, I find you extremely worthy. You and Unuscione both.”

Unuscione jumped up from the table at this point, forcefield spreading across her body, but Frenzy put an arm in front of her.

“The other mutants already think we’re violent trouble makers,” she said. “Let’s not prove them right.”

“Yeah, but….it’s Fabian.” Unuscione gestured at Cortez as if his very existence explained everything.

“I know. Let’s finish this wine and then go burn him in effigy.”

“I like the way you think.”

“So……” Fabian folded his arms, giving a long-suffering sigh. “No one is willing to help propogate the mutant race with me, despite my obvious superiority in all respects? And all because you’re all holding a grudge over a few tiny little mistakes in the past, that weren’t even really mistakes, just part of a long-term plan – “

Fabian was interrupted by a flash of movement out of the corner of his eye. He heard Delgado call out his sister’s name, and whirled around. He didn’t quite complete the turn, as the wine bottle was snatched up off the table and shattered against his temple.

Fabian collapsed amid a spray of red wine and broken glass. His vision rapidly fading, he looked up to see his sister standing over him, holding the end of the broken bottle, her face contorted with rage.

“You are not forgiven,’ she whispered, and then both sight and sound faded as he slipped away.

“Hey, we were drinking that,” said Frenzy, although her annoyance faded as she looked up to see Anne Marie starting to shake, tears spilling out of her eyes as she dropped the bottle. “Um, hey….you okay, hon?”

“It’s okay, Anne. He had it coming. And they’ll just bring him back next ceremony anyway,” Unuscione said.

“We’ll take it from here,” said Chrome, as he and Delgado came to stand on either side of Anne Marie, gently taking her arms. She looked at both of them with a dazed expression, and then down again at her brother, the tears continuing to drip down her cheeks.

“Come with us, Anne Marie. Outside. You’ll feel better,” said Delgado. The two former Acolytes led Anne Marie outside, and they sat together for a long time under the trees, quietly watching the birds

The fifth time it happened, Fabian had learned a few lessons, and decided to approach some meek, sweet-natured mutants again. Which is why he was sitting next to Marie-Ange Colbert, the former Hellion known as Tarot, with his arm draped presumptuously around her shoulders. The way she seemed to quietly shrink away did not bother him. Obviously she was just shy. The sense of innocence and vulnerability was very attractive. Someone sweet and kind was exactly what he needed after the pain of his sister’s betrayal. He couldn’t get Anne Marie’s face out of his mind, so twisted with hatred. He shoved the image aside, and focused on the beautiful girl in front of him.

“I’m sorry, Monsieur Cortez, but our destinies are not in any way entwined. The cards are not favorable,” Tarot said. She attempted to shrug off his arm, but he pulled her in closer.

“Your superstitions are adorable, my dear girl,” he purred. She seemed so lovely and pliant. He’d tried approaching the exotic one with the tail and lavender hair, but she’d hissed at him in a way that was really unbecoming, then run off into the woods. “But we mustn’t let them stand in the way of true love. Imagine the possibilities of the two of us together!”

Tarot turned slightly green as she unintentionally imagined it.

“Hey, that’s enough. She’s not interested, and you need to take your hands off her. Now.” James Proudstar stood in front of the pair, scowling down at Fabian. Although he no longer considered himself a proper “Hellion,” he still felt some responsibility to watch over his resurrected team-mates on Krakoa. His fierce expression and massive bulk would make anyone with common sense hesitate – but Fabian was not known for his common sense.

“We are having a private conversation,” he said smugly. “If the lady is not interested, she can tell me that herself.”

“I’m not.” Marie said firmly.

“My dear, you play hard to get. Why don’t you say it like you really mean it?”

“She’s not interested. Now back off.” Jetstream joined his team-mate towering over the pair. Two other Hellions – the muscular Beef and electro-powered Bevatron came up behind them in a show of support.

Sitting off to one side, Empath watched the proceedings with a quiet smirk, enjoying simply being able to watch things again. On Krakoa he’d fallen in with his formerly deceased team-mates largely out of familiarity. Given that people like Selene, Mr. Sinister and Apocalypse had been invited to the island, his own comparatively minor crimes were largely forgotten. He hadn’t really changed at his core – he was still a cruel, narcissistic bastard who enjoyed the suffering of others. But his time spent blind had humbled him and taught him an important lesson – to shut up and stay under the radar. It was nice to see the group united in hating someone that wasn’t him.

“And what will you do if I don’t, as you so crudely put it, ‘back off’? There is a proscription against violence on this island, as you all well know.”

“No, the rule is we’re not allowed to kill humans,” James corrected. “Mutants can always be brought back.” Manuel nodded in agreement. Amara had burned him to ash a couple of times before declaring a kind of “truce” in which he agreed to never speak to her again and she agreed to stop killing him.

“Yes, yes, but we are discouraged from starting meaningless fights,” Fabian pressed. “We don’t want to disrespect the island by wasting precious resources.” Mutants killing mutants wasn’t technically against the rules, but the killer had to explain their reasons. A mutant who killed too frequently and easily would be put in a brief “time-out”: imprisoned within the island itself like the mutants who killed humans, but for a much shorter time. They had to have some deterrent, or else old grudges, plus the villains living among them, plus the cathartic ability to murder without consequences would quickly turn the island into a bloodbath.

“That doesn’t seem to stop you from getting killed. Over and over again,” Haroun pointed out. “Even more than de la Rocha, somehow.”

“Yes, we are getting really tired of watching you come back in the resurrection ceremony,” Bevatron agreed. “It is supposed to be a sacred ritual. It kind of – how you say? – ruins the magic.”

“We’re all gonna have to watch it again if he doesn’t take his arm off Tarot right now,” Beef said, cracking his knuckles ominously.

“Are you all really threatening me?” Fabian sputtered self-righteously. “Just because I dare to love?”

“There is no love!” Tarot finally snapped, flinging his arm aside and standing up, putting some distance between them. “I want you to leave me alone. Right now.”

“My poor, dear girl. You are confused by your team-mates’ lack of respect and understanding.”

“She’s not confused, she’s rejecting you. Take a hint, jerk.” Roulette walked up to join the group glowering down at Fabian. She had waves of blond hair and fuller curves than the slim Tarot, and Fabian felt his desire stir for this one as well. So many worthy mutant women on the island. The fact that he didn’t have a harem assembled already was proof that the universe was a cold, indifferent place with no sense of justice. And certainly not because he was doing anything wrong. Anne Marie’s face flashed up again, and he shook his head to clear it, gazing again at the blond.

“Such harsh words from such a lovely vision of a woman. Don’t be jealous, there is room in Fabian’s heart for both of you.”

“That’s it –“ Beef started to step forward, but Roulette put a hand against his chest.

“No need to start a fight,” she said, summoning a glowing black disc into her hand. “We’ll just give this ass a healthy dose of bad luck to encourage him to back off.” She tossed the disc at Fabian, who attempted to catch it, only to have it disappear within his hand.

“Sorry, was that supposed to harm me in some way?” Fabian scoffed. He stood up, arms extended. “As you can see, I’m fi-“

He was cut off as he stepped on the end of his cape, and staggered backward, falling over the bench that he and Tarot had been sitting on. As his feet kicked up, one of his boots flew up into the air, hitting a tree branch that had been weakened by rot. The branch came crashing down. Fabian gasped and rolled away at the last second. Unfortunately, his trajectory took him right across a nest of fire ants, and he had only a moment’s respite before they came boiling out of the ground, stinging enthusiastically. He leaped to his feet, shrieking and batting at his clothing, running in a blind panic. His cape snagged on a tree branch, and yanked him back off his feet, his head slamming down on a rock. Then everything was quiet for a moment, Fabian limp and still on the ground.

Jenny burst out laughing, while Tarot had her hands clasped over her mouth in shock. James walked over and gingerly nudged Fabian with his foot.

“Wow, Jenny, you killed him.”

“Oh my god, I didn’t mean….” Jenny gasped between bouts of laughter. “I mean, that was amazing, but I really didn’t mean to kill him. But that was amazing, wasn’t it?”

“Oh dear,” Tarot sighed. “We will have to explain this.”

“Ugh, I don’t want another Xavier lecture. He’s such a self-righteous prick,” Jenny scowled. Then her eyes fell on Fabian’s discarded boot, and she began laughing again.

“I’m sorry guys, it’s just…it was like a cartoon. Totally worth it.”

“It was an accident,” Haroun asserted. “We all saw it. You were just trying to drive him away and protect Marie. We’ll back you up.”

“Don’t worry, Roulette, I caught it all on video,” Empath announced, pressing a few buttons on his phone. “Aaaaaaaand it’s up on Youtube now.”

“Manuel, no!” James scolded.

“Manuel, yes!” Haroun countered. “Let the whole internet see that bastard’s humiliation!”

“Hey, look at all the hits already! This is going viral, Jenny,” Manuel said, turning the phone towards her.

“Oh wow! I’m gonna be a Youtube star! We’ve gotta find a way to monetize this!” Jenny gushed.

Meanwhile, deep in the forest, oblivious to the recent events, a lavender cat and a russet wolf slept curled up against each other in a contented pile of fur.

The sixth time, Fabian didn’t even manage to stay alive for ten minutes. He noticed, as he came out of the pod naked and dripping, that many of his fellow Upstarts seemed to be getting brought back at the same time.

“What happened to you?” he demanded of Shinobi Shaw, who was facing the crowd with no shame about his nudity. Probably enjoyed giving them a show (and flashing his own father), as did Fabian himself. One silver lining of his frequent deaths was that the mutants gathered for the ceremony got to see his glorious physical perfection.

“Orgy went wrong,” Shinobi said with a smirk. “Never try to have an orgy in a cave that floods at high tide.”

“You couldn’t just leave? Also, why did no one invite me?”

“We were way too involved to just get up and leave when the tides started coming in. Some people were in very elaborate restraints. Including me. Also, we were all pretty wasted. We’re the whole reason Storm is giving a speech right now about being responsible and how our lives are precious resources not to be wasted. Blah, blah blah.” Most people would be embarrassed about drowning in a drunken orgy, but Shinobi seemed to hold it as a badge of honor.

“Why wasn’t I invited?” Fabian demanded again. “I mean, look at me!”

“It was just kind of a small-scale thing, really,” Shinobi began, as more mutants emerged from the pods. “Just a few of us.”

“Wait, are those the Marauders?” Fabian asked, looking at the newly resurrected mutants. “Did you invite the Marauders and not me?”

“Oh, no,” Shinobi assured him glibly. “I’m sure they all died at the same time for unrelated reasons. Sinister’s always cloning them, anyway, he probably just wanted an upgrade.”

“Hey, Shinobi! Great orgy!” Riptide waved from across the way. “You are absolutely the blow job king, my friend, I concede the title.”

“Okay, maybe a few Marauders got invited. C’mon, some of them are pretty hot.”

“Shinobi, loved the orgy,” called Arclight. “Let’s do it somewhere less lethal next time.”

“Nah, it’s not a good orgy unless a few people die,” put in Scalphunter. “Makes it more exciting.”

“Are you kidding me?” Fabian exclaimed. “All of the Marauders and not me? Have you not seen this?” He gestured down at his crotch.

“Oh, I’ve seen it.” Shinobi smirked again, not even having the decency to look sheepish for all his lies. “It’s very impressive, but women don’t seem to like the way you use it. And you don’t seem willing to let me touch it.”

“I don’t swing that way,” Fabian said, although an image of Quicksilver popped up in his head for some bizarre reason. “And what do you mean women don’t like the way I use it?”

“Let’s just say I’ve…heard some complaints,” Shinobi said.

“Okay, you know what? Let’s do this whole orgy thing over again,” Fabian declared. Seeing the nude women around him was already sending blood down to a certain area, and lust was amplified by a frustrated anger. “We’re already naked, let’s start now. And then we’ll see who has complaints!”

“Much as I love the idea of giving the crowd a show, I think you’re jumping the gun a little here, Cortez,” Shinobi said as Fabian marched over to the nearest pod where a woman was emerging. He pulled her up against his body, and found himself staring into the eyes of Siena Blaze.

“Heard I missed the orgy. I’m sure you were incredibly disappointed. Let me make it up to you, right now.”

“Let go of me, Cortez,” Blaze ordered, trying to pull out of his grip. He held her closer.

“Don’t be shy. We’ll give the crowd a show they’ll never forget.”

“-look well, mutants. Once again, your own have been brought back to you. See them and rejoice, for – oh, by the Goddess!” Storm exclaimed, as her speech was interrupted by a piercing scream and a muffled explosion. She looked over to see Siena Blaze, her hands smoking, standing over a bloody splatter that had formerly been Fabian Cortez.

“Um, sorry….” She shrugged. “He grabbed my ass.”

“Fine,” Storm groaned. “Stand with your fellow mutants and let the ceremony continue.”

“Okay. Oh, hey, Shinobi! Great orgy!”

“We have to do something about this. It isn’t just the waste of resources, it’s the message we’re sending. People can’t just kill each other with impunity.” Magneto had come to consult with Xavier about the “Cortez” problem. All of his killers had been subject to investigation and some minor punishment, but the pattern seemed to suggest that Cortez himself was the problem. “Maybe we just shouldn’t bother bringing him back. The man is a snake. I should know.”

“Unacceptable,” Xavier responded calmly. “All mutant life is precious. We will waste none of it.”

“The man is a disruption.”

“He’s followed the rules so far. There are far worse people living on Krakoa than Fabian Cortez. We must treat him fairly. And I must admit, his eagerness to breed is very in line with our goals here, if he could just find a willing partner.”

“But we can’t let this ridiculous cycle of death and rebirth continue, can we? Maybe a time-out in the earth for awhile.”

Xavier leaned forward with a cryptic smile. “I believe I have a solution. And it will require only a minor psychic tweak at his next resurrection.”

At the resurrection ceremony, Fabian Cortez emerged from the pod for the seventh time in a month.

“What is your name,” Storm asked him, quietly praying he would last longer than ten minutes this time. It was all getting very repetitive.

“Fabian Cortez.”

“And how do I know that it’s you, Fabian?”

“Who else could possibly measure up to my greatness?”

“It’s you,” Storm sighed. She presented him to the crowd, which responded with muted applause, mostly from younger mutants who hadn’t met him yet.

As Fabian stood to one side while the other, much less important mutants returned from the dead, boredom began to wear on him. He’d been through this so many times, and there was only so much enjoyment he could get out of displaying his body to the crowd. He glanced around, spotting a beautiful young woman next to him with dark skin and flowing black hair. He believed Storm had introduced her to the crowd as Threnody, but he hadn’t really been paying attention. He let his eyes wander appreciatively up and down her body, then sauntered over. No harm in a friendly proposition, especially since they were both already naked. Maybe he’d finally get to participate in an island orgy.

“Hello, beautiful lady. Today is your lucky day, because you get to experience the glory that is Fabian Cortez.” He grabbed her arm and pulled her around to face him. Then his mouth dropped open in shock, because the face starring back at him was his own sister, with her lighter skin and short blue hair.

“Anne Marie, I….how? Why did you look like….I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to….please forgive me…” The idea of hitting on his own sister filled Fabian with revulsion, and even the faintest hint of guilt. He hadn’t forgotten her face after she struck him down. On some level, he was perhaps apologizing for many things at once.

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about? I don’t know any Anne Marie.” His sister pulled away and stepped back, suddenly transforming back into the dark-skinned woman. “My name is Melody. I don’t know you at all.”

“I’m…sorry. I was confused for a moment.” All sorts of odd feelings were twisting around in Fabian’s stomach.

“Fabian!” A voice called from the crowd, and Anne Marie emerged, walking up towards the platform where he stood. “I’m right here.”

“Does this mean we’re on speaking terms again?” Fabian asked hopefully. Anne Marie’s mouth was still set in a hard line, but her eyes had softened a bit since he saw her last.

“Killing you was rather cathartic. I worked some things out of my system. But don’t press your luck, I’m still angry with you. There’s a reason for what you saw. Come with me and Xavier will explain everything.” Storm ignored the entire exchange as Anne Marie pulled Fabian off the stage and walked off with him. He’d come back so many times, it didn’t really matter if he stayed for the entire ceremony.

“Psychic trigger?!” Fabian exclaimed.

“Yes,” Xavier continued. Fabian and Anne Marie were meeting with him in a private room, after Fabian had thankfully been given clothing to wear. “You have been killed multiple times because you are incapable of showing the women on this island the slightest hint of respect. You let your reproductive urges lead you around.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?” Fabian protested. “We are meant to make more mutants. I want to do exactly that. In fact, I’ll work extremely hard at that task. Can’t you just assign me a few partners?”

“That’s not how we are going to do things here,” Xavier said firmly. “We will not go down the road of forced breeding.”

“It’s worked out okay for the Inhumans,” Fabian tried.

“No, it hasn’t. There’s a streak of instability running through the royal family, people are still born with useless or debilitating powers, and the lack of freedom has the entire society boiling over with repressed emotion. It’s no wonder Black Bolt’s brother manages to organize a coup every other month.”

Fabian shrugged. He couldn’t really argue with that. His encounters with the Inhumans had all been thoroughly unpleasant – especially that obnoxious, back-stabbing lunatic Maximus the Mad. He couldn’t believe he’d ever considered the man a convenient ally. Never again. And he definitely meant it this time.

“So, what….I’m going to see Anne Marie in every woman until I find a willing partner? That seems unfair.”

“It’s entirely fair,” said Anne Marie.

“The illusion will only kick in when you approach a woman with lust and disrespect, as you so often do. When you think of her only as a sex object, and not a separate person with her own needs and desires. Then, the psychic trigger will make her appear as the only woman you care about more than sex – your sister, Anne Marie.”

“B-b-but….how long is this meant to last? What am I to do in the meantime? A man has needs, you know.”

“There are ways to take care of your needs without bothering anyone,” Anne Marie said all too knowingly for Fabian’s tastes.

“It will last until you manage to show respect for a woman that you desire. Until you can put her needs above your own lust, and love her as a person, not a sex toy.”

“Ugh, but that could take yeeeeaaars!” Fabian whined. “So few of them are truly worthy of me.”

“It’s our solution to the disruption you’ve caused on this island. Consider yourself lucky that you are not spending time in the ground, that is much more unpleasant. But we wanted a merciful solution. I will admit, there is some value in your presence, Cortez,” Xavier continued. “Every group that has encountered you seems to have come away with stronger ties of friendship and camaraderie between them. In a way, it seems, you managed to bring people together.”

“Yes, because I have excellent leadership skills,” Fabian agreed. “And people are drawn to my strong charisma.”

“That’s….not exactly the reason why. But nonetheless, your presence has produced some positive affect. With this psychic trigger, hopefully the positive will outweigh the negative.”

Xavier dismissed them rather abruptly. Fabian sulked as he walked beside Anne Marie, heading back towards the Acolytes’ set of rooms.

“Honestly. A psychic trigger. As if I’m a child. Or an animal that must be contained.”

“Well, one part of you certainly is,” Anne Marie muttered. Fabian scoffed.

“Look, try to think of it like a fairy tale. You’re under a curse –“

“Until I find my one true love!” Fabian finished. He rather liked the idea. He was, of course, a handsome prince under a curse from a wicked sorcerer, who was just jealous of his good looks and flowing head of hair.

“Until you learn a lesson. Look, Fabian.” Anne Marie turned to face him. Her face was still stern and set with anger, but he could also see pain – carved into every line on her face. It made him feel….not so good.

“I’m not over what you did. I won’t be for a long time. It hurt. But our Lord Magneto is alive again, and so are we all. And Krakoa really is a place for new beginnings. So maybe you can be better, too. Please try. For me.”

She kissed him softly on the cheek, and walked away.

Notes:

This got slightly more serious than I intended, I just wanted a silly story where people got to kill Fabian in hilarious ways. Oh well. This also turned into an excuse to write a bunch of neglected characters that I like hanging out and occasionally sleeping together. Shinobi is definitely going to try to bang both Pyros at once. He may or may not succeed.

I don’t know all the Marvel women’s ages, but just assume that everyone Fabian hit on was at least 18. He’s a sleaze, but he’s not that much of a sleaze. Also, Meggan was probably just visiting her old Excalibur team-mates, she lives elsewhere with Brian.

#fabian cortez #shinobi shaw #pyro #avalanche #hellions #anne marie cortez #and a bunch of other characters

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finderskeepersff · 5 years

Text

56. Part 4

Cassius be saying one thing and I am telling them not to do it “why are you even following me? Funny thing is Kyle, Celine told me. She said you called her” Cassius stormed off outside, I don’t know where he is going “I knew that, I mean why trust a bitch that barks like that” Cassius stopped and turned to me “if you love him leave him alone? I fucking leave her, got it? She is a dog, she is my fucking dog” he pointed into my chest “ok Cassius, can we go now. I mean I want to go home and sleep” I think he is going home, it’s hard to get him to move. He likes to be here and boss niggas around, I mean he is on his high “I realised I don’t need you, you go and do your own thing” unlocking my car door “that is fine, but for now. I am taking you home” opening the door for him “I want to see my dad dead, Fabian. You kill him, and then send the picture to me. I don’t need him, I really don’t” looking at Fabian and I shook my head “ok” he said “good, I will go home like you said” watching him climb into the back of the car, closing the door “none of you fuckers do that, stay away from him” waking around my car, I don’t like to see my friend like this even though I am angry at him. How did I not see this happen, it was all ok there. He was paranoid that people would betray him and he killed of those people, I was there and I just didn’t see it. Shaking my head as I got into my car, looking behind me and at the back seat staring at Cassius “they speaking about me, I will kill them” turning back around “they ain’t Cass, just sit back” I am doubting my idea now, because he will probably lose his nut.

Looking in my rear-view mirror and at Cassius rubbing his nose, well wiping it “please don’t tell me you doing it in the back seat. Why!?” I spat “just drive, I am good yeah. I have taken this shit for years, I am good” I cannot believe he is doing that in my car “you called Celine, why? You think she will disrespect me, not let me know” rubbing my chin waiting for this light to turn green “I knew she would, I want to know why?” I don’t understand, I actually do but he needs to speak “we talk, I am not fucking her” I started to drive off as the light turned green “I am glad you ain’t Cassius but why did you not tell me? Speak to me” I feel like a bad friend right now “I think we need to understand that I am boss, you are my worker. Shut up and drive” of course he would say this, I hope he does the right thing for himself but he is high as fuck. Turning the corner on the street, I am actually nervous now because he is going to pop off when he sees no Cartier and no Sofia.

Walking behind Cassius to his home “when I say something Kyle do it, don’t disobey me like everyone else. I am so close to being killed, someone will kill me. I have nobody Kyle, I don’t because they all hate me. My own dad will kill me, my mom hates me and she bought me into this world, I didn’t ask to be born. I didn’t ask for this, I didn’t want it. But I am doing it, you know why? Because I have no feelings now, I think this Cassius is better” nodding my head “let’s go in, you can tuck me into bed” he opened the front door, he is so paranoid for nothing. Nobody is actually coming to kill him, he is fine actually. Closing the door behind me “I want to see Cartier, he might be awake” I said following Cassius upstairs “hopefully not” Cassius said, he disappeared and turned the corner. I breathed out all wide eyed, I ain’t going to take his shit, I will have to be hard on him. Reaching the top of the step, Cassius just reached his bedroom, it is somewhat late so Sofia should be in bed, so he assumes. Slowly walking over to the bedroom, he hasn’t come out of the room yet “did she fall asleep in Cartier’ room” he came back out of the room, I just stopped walking and waited for him to check his room.

Cassius slowly walked out of the room “she left me?” he said ever so calmly “she did” Cassius nodded his head looking down to the ground “good, I hope she has a happy life I suppose. I think she needs to be free, she needs to not have me around. She good yeah?” this is not Cassius at all, he looked up at me “she is” Cassius face softened and then laughed “So you know where she is? You made me come back for what? You smug bastard, you bought me here to laugh at me, you know where she is” I thought it was bullshit “who is laughing, she is not here. What you going to do? Run to Celine? Sofia ain’t your dog, she gone” I shrugged, he scratched the side of his neck “where is she?” he asked ever so calm “Kyle, I will kill you” staring at Cassius “then do it, I ain’t telling you shit. Look at the empty rooms, this is your life Cassius” Cassius stormed over to me.

My eyes shot open, my vision blurred a little until Cartier came into my eye-view asleep at the side of me “you fell asleep on me” Amira said, I shot up on the couch noticing I ain’t home “you look so confused” Amira said, I breathed out “I am, I fell asleep? What time is it?” sitting back on the couch “it’s like three, you laid down facing Cartier because he was not sleeping and you both fell asleep” of course I did “I just woke up weird, it’s like my eyes just shot open. Something don’t feel right” I was one minute asleep and I felt my body making me wake up “you good, just shake it off” I swallowed hard “I should be home, hasn’t Kyle come back?” Amira shook her head “no” why has Cassius not come back, has he really chosen my cousin over me “I just need to go home, can you keep Cartier for me?” Amira got up from the couch “stay here, I don’t want you to be alone. Not at this moment in time” shaking my head “I need to go back, I just need to go ok? I need to go” my heart is telling me to go so I am “erm, I guess. I am here if you need me. I will look after him” nodding my head, I just want to be home for Cassius when he comes back home, I need to argue this out and then just know what I am doing. I was going to stay here but my heart is making me go, the way I woke up got me.

Holding my jacket close to me as I walk out of Kyle’ home, I don’t know why I wanted to have a girlie night when honestly, my mind is on Cassius and him not wanting me. Pulling a face seeing Kyle’ car outside my home, so they came back home or what. The lights at my home switched on downstairs, I ran because my legs wanted me to run so I am. I don’t know why I got this feeling, I need to know what the fuck my soul is telling me. My gate is open and it just seems odd, what if someone has taken them and have come to my home, I mean that could happen, right. Least it’s not far for me, I am so worried now. Closing the gate behind me, for all I know I am closing the gate on myself and there is someone I don’t know in there. Pushing my front door open, hearing the fridge door being slammed. Closing the door behind me, this seems so uneasy to me. Slowly making my way to the living room “you joined us” Cassius came out of nowhere, my mouth fell open seeing Cassius cut lip, bloodied nose. He drank from the glass of what looks like alcohol. I am in shock “where did you go? You left me?” Cassius walked over to me, seeing him better in the light as he stood across from me, I looked up at him and I stepped back “no” I said, I know that look. That look, those eyes he grabbed me that time and he was high. Walking around him “no, please no” backing into the living room “we friends now” he said, looking behind me seeing Kyle holding ice to his head “hey Sofia” what the fuck is this.

I sat next to Kyle “did you two..” I drifted off “we did” he answered, I breathed out “we friends now, it was a joke you played with me Kyle” Cassius said, I can’t even look at Cassius “please don’t tell me” Kyle just nodded his head “it is what it is” Cassius grabbed my wrist “let’s go, upstairs” snatching my arm from him “no” I rather not “are you drinking your own blood in that? What is wrong with you” he wiped his bloodied nose “I didn’t feel it, but it’s ok. We are fine” looking at Kyle “how? How has this happened!?” I spat “I don’t know Sofia, I don’t” he mumbled “he was having it ever since, he was always on it. The signs were there but we didn’t take the time out to understand him did we, so we all failed him” Cassius crouched down, it’s so creepy when he is like this “are you both plotting on me? I mean everyone else has” looking over at Cassius, I can’t stand to look at him. Cassius staring at me the way he does, it’s not him “come” Cassius grabbed my hand, snatching my hand back “no, I don’t want too” moving back from him, he got up from his position “I need to start moving, I need to start plotting on people, they are plotting on me so I need to plot on them” looking down and seeing traces of blood from his nose left on my hand, it must have happened when he held my hand “I will be back” he is a mess, I can’t even deal that he is like this.

Kyle threw the ice onto the table in front of us “how can that happen, I saw him. And he was fine, he was ok. I don’t get it. Speak to me Kyle!?” I spat “he was always having it Sofia, it’s when he has it excessively, this is what it does. This is a product of Carnell, this is him. We fought because I lied to him about you leaving him, I wanted to get him to open his eyes but I don’t know. He is on one” Kyle has got to be joking with me on this “if you want to go then go, what do you want me to do? I will handle him, just go Sofia. Clearly you don’t want to touch him, I got him. So go, like you did before” Kyle spat “did before? I was pregnant, he wanted to go! He was getting too violent for me, what did you want me to do? Stay and then what?” I couldn’t stay so he could harm me, I was pregnant “well we both failed him, just like his family did” watching Cassius walk back into the room, he placed a duffle bag down on the floor “so we are going to move, people are going to come and kill us so we need to go” Cassius started throwing money at us “the fuck you going to do with that” I said to Kyle “you tell me Sofia, this is your chance to go” he said to me, biting on my top lip watching Cassius continually wipe his nose, the blood is just not stopping and he don’t care “so we got money, we can go. Kyle, we good now. We can be friends, we just play fighting you know that but we got money. Niggas about to come here and get me, I will be dead but you can get out” placing my head in my hands “we came” lifting my head up seeing Laurence “what happened to you Cassius?” he asked him “we fought, you know. We friends, he good but you and I, we going to go. And then I will show my dad who rules what, I am a real ass boss” I can’t believe what I am watching.

Getting up from the couch “probably your best decision” Kyle said, I am literally so numb right now. I am so broken to see this again, to see him like this again. I think before I go I want to clean his nose “move” I said to Laurence “you coming with me?” Cassius asked, I just want to cry “no, let me clean your nose. Come” I swear my heart is ready to break and cry, to see him like this. Cassius has actually followed behind me, gathering paper towel “put your head back” wetting the paper towels under the tap as he put his head back “I may be able to break away from my dad” turning to him “is that what you want? But you did, you cut him off” the blood is dried up somewhat anyways, wiping slowly “I want to be free from me, and my dad. I get visions, I got to do better. You know, I am doing it now. My head be spinning but we good, like we good” a sob left my lips, my heart is breaking. I paused with the tissue to his face and just froze “what about me Cassius?” I said, he bought his head down to look at me “you got two of three things, you got my son and money and a home. Just not my last name, see I remember that” what even is he up too, if he is planning on not coming back to me “hey you!” I turned around “where are you going?” I want answers “he’s boss, I don’t answer” Laurence said shrugging “I’m your motherfucking boss now tell me, where is he going?” I want to know “Brooklyn, he said nobody doing as he says. He’s going after Raphael, and I said no and he said he rather Raphael kill him. I don’t get it” they don’t get it because he’s talking shit.

Turning back to Cassius “my nose done?” He asked, the floodgates are about to open and I am going to cry “I don’t want you to go, stay with me” I don’t want him to go “Celine is around but it’s cool, y’all can be cousins again. I am putting myself out there” Shaking my head “no, I don’t care for her. Listen to me Cassius stay with me. It’s me, you love me. Look at me, you’re tired. I know you are, you are tired of things in life, I get it. Let me and you go, take me. What did you want to show me? Take my hand and show me” holding my hand out which he took “you will love it, I will be back” he said as he pulled me along “I am fine” I said to Kyle as he watched on, Cassius pulled up along as he went up the stairs. He took me to the opposite direction of my bedroom, I wonder what the hell he doing. He opened the bedroom door we spent time in last time. He let my hand go, walking over to the framed picture he showed me last time “I got this for you” staring at Cassius dumbfounded, he showed me this already, he must know this “you like it? I got it you” staring at Cassius face “but you showed me this, don’t you remember?” he licked his top lip “for you” he said again, I swallowed hard not sure if he is losing his mind “I love it, is this what you wanted to show me?” he nodded his head “for you, you can see it when I’m gone” he placed the picture on the bed, I am just in shock and I want to cry.

When he looks at me I just have that flashback to Brooklyn and at his mother’ home and it was terrible for us because he would look at me like that, it’s like he looks through me and this guy is not the man I love but he’s there “I need to go, I got that you though” I don’t want him to go “erm, stay. Stay with me Cassius, just for longer” Cassius shook his head “I am getting irritated, I need to go. I got you, I am letting you be free. Look, that guy is good for you, I am never right. I just want to go” moving back slowly and felt the wall hit my back “I tell you I am irritated and you block my way” Cassius walked over to me “get out of my way Sofia” staring up at him “y’all good in there” Kyle pushed open the door and I moved forward “we good!” I spat, he’s opened the damn door now “you know how women be, you look bad bro. You know we good, just at times I need to show you I’m boss” I can’t let him go, I can’t let him go because I will never see him, I will never see him again “Cassius please, don’t go” I said “I need a hit, you got some?” Cassius asked Kyle “we go and you can” grabbing Cassius arm “do it here, just don’t go” moving around him “come on Cassius, we can have sex” I will do anything to get him to stay, Cassius walked around me.

Kyle walked around me “are you fucking crazy!” He spat “Sofia no, you don’t understand. He can’t be here, I have seen it. Him in this state, you haven’t. I can’t just let this happen and you can’t do that” what does Kyle want me to do “you said we failed him, well I decided too. I want him, I want to marry him. That includes his shit, if I let him go I will never get him back. I think he is done with this shit, and he will be reckless. I am not risking that, if you do then be my guest. If that means I got to have sex with him then I will” I walked off, if he has gone then he is gone forever. Running down the steps, seeing the door wide open “where is he?” I asked Laurence “he went outside, he said he will be back” I don’t know what to do “Sofia, hear me out. Come with me” walking off to the kitchen “you don’t know, you don’t know what it is like. He is not the Cassius you know, I can’t just let you do this” turning to Kyle “then you going to have to watch me, I can’t just let him go. You know I can’t, I love him. I need him to stay here until I can figure out what to do” like I don’t even know where he has gone now.

I have had so many worst days of my life and I think this is another one for me, will I actually just get happiness or will I find something else worse. Sometimes I feel I am doomed but I have to try and help him, I need too “I thought you know what, I am the fucking boss so I can do what the fuck I want. And then you said sex, and I was like yo why not” I am not sure if I regret this already “are you staying?” I asked walking around the couch “for you, yes” he clicked his fingers at Kyle “you a bitch ass nigga, you need to relax. This is mine” I think I regret it but I am going to do it “Cassius, don’t do this. Let’s just sit and talk, me and you” Kyle eye balled me “come” Cassius grabbed my arm “Cassius, just let’s speak!” Kyle shouted behind us, I am not sure what to expect and I hope he goes to sleep anyways I have never dealt with this.

“You did what!?” Amira shouted in my face “I mean fuck the fact your face is swollen, you have left Sofia with him? I mean Kyle, come on!?” I don’t know what she wants me to do “he is a grown man Amira, he has to openly let me help him. She said it to him, and she openly went upstairs. What do you want me to do?” Amira just stared at me “I don’t know how I will go back to sleep now, you fucking left the home. Go back!” Amira shouted, I shushed her “just relax” I said in a whisper “you will wake Cartier, Cassius won’t harm her. I know he won’t, he may be hyper and talking, saying things. But he won’t, he last time checked himself in because he felt he wasn’t in control, I know he won’t hurt her. I mean sexually, I don’t know. Shit makes you go crazy, his senses may heighten. Ok they are rough, you feel euphoric, if she is used to that. I don’t know, I can’t say Amira. Don’t be angry at me, the fuck. I am trying” Amira is taking it out on me when I am the one in pain “what gets me, you left her with a guy that is high as shit. And then you tell me she was scared at first, god. I hate you” I sighed out “me? Amira, I can’t do anything. Trust me, I was angry she said that. I wanted her to go, she didn’t want too. She chose to stay, she said she wants him” Amira clearly doesn’t want to hear me, she just walked off “ok but” Amira came back over to me “Cassius is not there mentally, you left her there with him. A girl that has never witnessed such a thing, Cassius keeps her away from it all, you should have done more. You’re an idiot” I ain’t even going to argue this.

Amira is doing the most, it is seven in the morning and I haven’t slept and Cartier barely got to open his eyes “open the damn door Kyle, you have the code” shaking my head “we stand outside here like normal people, no!” deep down, I am scared because I personally think he will be fine. Maybe a little rough with sex, when I tried drugs before I felt it but he wouldn’t harm Sofia like he did with Celine but now I am nervous “Kyle I am about to beat you” hearing the door get unlocked “see, this is what happens when you wait like normal people” I rather Amira go inside first, I am not ready for it. The door opened a little but it just stopped, Amira looked at me “Sofia” Amira said, I mean who the hell opened the door “how on earth do you work at night, pussy” Amira used her body to push open the door “thanks” following behind her inside, shutting the door behind me. I feel the bad vibes in this home, it ain’t good and I don’t like it “Sofia, girl. Where you at, what is she like” Amira is either nervous as shit and playing it off or she got more balls than me. I am like where the fuck is Cassius, why is the house quiet and who the fuck opened the door. Nobody is answering, it’s eerie, moving my hand behind my back to grab my gun “oh there you are, hey girl” she is here.

#Chrianna #Chrianna FF #Fanfic #Fanfiction

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arethereanyoriginalusernames · 5 years

Text

Zoophobia Rewrite #3

Disclaimer,

This is not a series meant to critique vivziepop herself as, not sure if you noticed, zoophobia is kinda old. I personally believe that if we find flaws in media we enjoy, it can help us find flaws in our own work, and improve. This series is also my sad attempt to entertain people.

Zoophobia belongs to Vivziepop.

I apologize for wasting your time, and I hope you enjoy.

- ATOUN

--------------------------------------------

We start off our arc with Cameron attempting to sneak into school without being noticed. This fails as she runs into Malcolm and Percy. After being subjected to their torturous chatter, Zech comes to the rescue, requesting that Cameron come with him for a little chat.

Once they're alone, Zech makes a proposition to Cam; for the next couple months, he wants her to spend one or more days with each of the teachers. This will help Cam become more familiar (thus more comfortable ) with the staff and students. Cameron hesitantly agrees, telling herself she'll have to get used to this place somehow.

Since she's already met her (and thinks she's a human ), Cameron decides to spend the day with Jackie.

Cut to the drama class. Kayla and Zill have their little song, and during it, we get reactions from Cam and Jackie indicating how good they are. Jackie also brags a bit about her two "star students " to Cameron. Cameron, however, is slightly creeped out by Zill. It bugs her to not be able to identify what he is, and she ends up looking around the room for something else to look at. She decides to get some assignment sheets for Jackie, under the guise of being a helpful little assistant. Jackie agrees, sending Cam to fetch some papers for her next class that are located in the back row of the auditorium.

Cam goes to search for the papers, but bumps into....*gasp* everyone's favorite witch, Sahara. Yes folks, we're giving her some sort of introduction. She is sitting beside the papers cam needs, and cam needs to reach over her to get them. Seeing that Sahara is preoccupied reading a spell book, Cam attempts to reach over her without being noticed. This fails, causing the two to make eye contact, which freaks Cam out. Cam instinctively demands to know what Sahara is. Sahara is annoyed by this and basically says;

"Lady, I'm a fucking human. Calm your god Damn tits. What, you gonna give me shit for being a human? "

Of course, Cam reacts with "Oh thank fuck, another human " and kinda hugs Sahara, causing an awkward moment between the two. Cam composes herself, apologises, and asks about Sahara's book to lighten the mood. Sahara coldly explains that she considers herself a witch. To Sahara's surprise, Cam tells her that she thinks magic is cool, and says she bets that Sahara is really good at it. Sahara does brush this off, saying that she isn't actually that good, but she still appreciates the compliment and is even beaming somewhat.

Cam retreaves the papers for Jackie just as the duet between Zill and Kayla wraps up. The couple stare deeply into each other's eyes, totally not making out mentally. Suddenly, Damian materializes on the piano.

Quick thing here. In the Rewrite, there's a bit of an ongoing gag with Damian where he just kinda materializes out of thin air, and disappears in the same manner. Where'd he come from? Where'd he go? Where'd he come from Cotton eyed joe? Nobody knows. Weather he teleports, stealthily levitates around, or is just that good at sneaking up on people is anyone's guess.

Damian makes his bad attempt at flirting with Kayla. Kayla panics and, like the good Christian girl she is, proceeds to yeet herself away from the sinful demon. Zill snaps at Dame, telling him to fuck off, but Dame decides to be a shit and go "Je ne peux pas parler anglais "( I can't speak English ). Zill goes to punch him, only for Damian to disappear into thin air. Zill sighs in frustration and goes off to find and comfort Kayla.

Backstage, Jack, Spam, and Vanex watch what goes down between nacho cheese grape juice and the sinnimon roll from hell. Spam laughs, thinking that Dame's antics are funny, Vanex doesn't even seem to care, and just comments that the singing was "passable". Jack is face palming, and excuses himself to go apologize for Dames behavior. He is suddenly intercepted by the little devil child himself, who, once again, materializes out of thin air. Jack tries to call Damian out on his shit, but Damian brushes it off with his "Christian girls always give into temptation" speech from the OG. Jack respondes by asking Damian why Kayla would ever go out with a weirdo like him. Jack's back is turned to Dame, so he doesn't notice Damian pause for a moment, clearly displeased at being called weird, but he recovers quickly. He asks Jack if Zill is really a good boyfriend, and brings up Zill's womanizing past. Jack tries to tell Damian that Zill is twice the guy Dame will ever be, only for Damian to go "Btw, how long has it been since something fell on you? " Right on cue, a curtain falls on top of Jack.

Sahara rushes out, apologizing, and saying that her magic melted the curtain rod. Here, we get banter between her and Dame. Unlike Jack, Sahara calls Damian out successfully, which doesn't faze Damian in the least. Their banter ultimately amounts to "LOL, I'm a little shit""Trust me bitch, I know ". Sahara drags Damian offstage while Spam and Vanex help Jack.

Zill and Kayla are cuddling in each other's arms a little off to the side. Kayla apologises and says she'd be able to stand up to Damian, but for some reason, he creeps her out. Part of it may be due to his apparent ability to teleport. Zill reassures her that nothing Damian does will affect their relationship.

Meanwhile, Cameron and Jackie are discussing the upcoming talent show. Jackie invites Cameron to come help, and Cameron accepts, saying humans should stick together. We get the same reveal of Jackie being a bird as in the original because I'm not gonna lie, I love that part. And of course, Carrie is watching from the door. The class ends same way it does in the OG

Instead of Cameron's meeting with Carrie taking place a week later, we're pushing it to right now. As Cameron leaves the class, a wild Carrie appears. Here, we get the same convo between the two of them from the OG, however, the excuse Cameron gives is that she has to clean up her office instead of helping with the talent show. Carrie invites her to her part of the school whenever Cameron wishes to come over. We also meet Fabian in the same way we do in the OG.

Now onto the power couple. We get our conversation between Zill and Kayla where they have this dumb misunderstanding where Zill thinks Kayla is taking about the talent show when she's really talking about their anniversary. We all know how this song and dance go, so skip to Kayla's conversation with Vanex. Hold onto your trousers, folks, we're giving Vanex LINES. We're also trying to give a reason as to how Jack appears to be the only one who can tell Zill about this anniversary. When Kayla starts going on about how Zill is so great he could be the real Slim Shady(, so will he please stand up, ) Vanex sighs, and asks Kayla if she's "going to do the same thing she did last year". See, last year, Kayla obsessed over her and zill's anniversary, telling everyone about it and never shutting up about it. This caused Zill to panic while planning that anniversary since he wanted to meet kayla's expectations. This serves as a reflection of both characters.

Kayla admits that Vanex is right, and decides she'll just wait for Zill to surprise her and not put any pressure on him.

Cut to Zill and Jack talking. Jack realizes what's going on here, and is about to tell Zill his mistake. Buuut, somebody materializes behind Jack and keeps his mouth shut. When Zill asks Jack what he forgot, Dame, of course, pretends its about the talent show. However, Zill actually gets a shot in at Dame here. He asks Dame if he really thinks he'd get in with a petty fiddle solo. Now, this was actually Zill making a joke, referencing "Devil Goes Down to Georgia". But of course, as we learn from the Son of 666 film, we know how this would strike a nerve with Damian. For a second, he's outraged at Zill's comment, but quickly recovers, stating that he could win, no matter what he did.

You guys have probably noticed that I'm having a lot of characters make pot shots at Damian in this rewrite. This is because I'm using these moments to build up to Dame's eventual breakdown in the next chapter.

So Zill wanders off, still unaware of his mistake. Jack starts yelling at Damian, and they get in a bit of an argument. Jack, understandably, is pissed, and calls Damian's actions selfish and uncaring. Damian, however thinks the entire thing would be hilarious. He tries to get Jack to go along with the joke, stating that if Kayla was out of the picture, Jack and Zill could go back to the way they were before. Jack asks Damian if he is so inhuman that he can't think of anyone but himself. The "inhuman " comment finally seems to make Damian snap, and he throws Jack into a locker, planning to have him stay locked in there for an entire week.

Later that day, Cameron decides to visit Carrie. This is a conscious decision she makes since she knows she'll have to eventually get used to the place. She mosies on over to Carrie's place, only to get almost killed by Carrie's pet unicorn, Brutus. Cam passes out. Carrie sighs, and begrudgingly carries Cam back home, praising Cam for her efforts under her breath.

Now, hop into your time machines, everyone! Onto next week.

Cameron is neurotic and is looking over her shoulder constantly, believing that Brutus will come after her. Walking into the try outs, we get the Gustav and Mackenzie scene. I'm making it so that Gustav is somewhat discriminatory towards humans (ch5 seems to imply that this sort of discrimination exists ). He greets Cameron rudely, and, of course, kicks Mackenzie off stage, referring to her as an it. Gustav is only discriminatory towards those who are fully human. Shapeshifters or wild Addisons do not count. Just clearing that up.

Nathan acts as the opposite to Gustav's ideas, and it's clear they have some history or relationship with each other, but Nathan is more of a marshmallow, so Gustav almost always gets his way around him.

After the Mackenzie scene, Cameron is introduced to Gustav and Nathan, and when their done, Gustav calls Next! but there is already someone on stage. Sahara is bored and leaning on her cauldron, texting. When she realizes that everyone is staring at her, she straight up sasses Gustav. She asks is she'll get kicked off for no reason as well by some over privileged snakey fucker who clearly has no fashion sense, and who clearly doesn't have the maturity to handle judging kids who just want to preform. Gustav is insulted, and Jackie cuts in, trying to diffuse the situation by having Sahara do her magic. Sahara asks them to hang on as two of her friends are texting her. Here, Addison is name dropped (and his name gets Gustav's attention ). He's apparently trying to ask Sahara where the fuck Damian went as he's been "acting wierd for the past week"

After Sahara's failure of a performance, Gustav make a snide comment about humans which Jackie reprimands him for. We get the convo between Zill and Sahara where Sahara reveals everything. But how does she know about the anniversary? Because of the other person she was texting. Damian.

See, Damian "just so happened to be passing by kayla's house " and he "just so happened to glance in the window and see Kayla sitting all alone by herself " and he felt "so sorry for her since it was her and her boyfriend's anniversary and he didn't seem to care." So when Sahara sees zill, her reaction is "WTF why are you not celebrating your anniversary with your girl?"

Zill realizes his mistake, but it's too late once he gets to Kayla's home. Kayla is suspicious and asks where he's been and Zill sheepishly confesses what happened. They have there breakup, and Zill walks home sadly.

The next morning we cut to Cameron standing in front of Carrie's door. She's hesitant to come in, and jumps when Carrie suddenly opens the door. Turns out Carrie saw Cameron outside her window and came down to let her in. She reassures Cam that she'd never eat her (she's waaaaaay to skinny to be nutritious) and invites her in, offering some whisky. Cameron declines, saying she doesn't drink, and Carrie asks about the talent show. Cameron actually found the entire thing to be terrifying because animals, but she tells Carrie that it was.... interesting. Carrie says "well at least you enjoyed it. Some people didn't seem to have the same reaction. "

Cue the classroom scene with unhappy go-unlucky boi, sad nacho cheese grape juice and the sinnimon roll from hell. Jack is concerned about Zill, but his comforting is interrupted by Damian's "Oh he's so broken "thing. However, Damian does this in more of a drama queen fashion, basically mocking Zill's attitude. Jack loses it and asks Dame what his problem is and if he is so devoid of empathy that he cares nothing about anyone but himself. Damian pretends to not know what Jack is talking about, and Jack ends up yelling at him in frustration that the next time Damian complains that not many people hang out with him, Jack will remind him of this. This causes the teacher to yell at them so now all three bois are unhappy. Jack however continues to comfort Zill, promising that Kayla will forgive him. Also, in this version, Zill is in the middle so Jack and Dame can be doing a wierd version of Angel on one shoulder, devil on the other.

Cut to fencing class. Kayla is clearly still upset and takes it out on people through fencing, but it isn't just because of the anniversary. Kayla wonders to herself if Zill had found someone better than her to replace her with.

You've all probably noticed that I've been bringing up Zill's past as a ladies man a lot. Since we've already learned in this version about it in the previous chapter, why not do something with it? Have it be something shady Zill regrets doing, but also something that bothers Kayla since it makes her fear that one day he'll find a girl better than her and go back to his old ways.

After class, Zill desperately tries to win back Kayla, but to no avail. Suddenly, everyone's favorite windy bird shows up. Horris demands a duel, but Zill tells him that he doesn't have time and that even if he beat him, no one would bow down and worship some crazy nutcase. Horris, however, persists in his demand and eventually, Zill snaps. Unfortunately, their fighting attracts the attention of Vagenza and Simon.

Meanwhile, Carrie and Cameron are walking outside, discussing some of the acts in the try outs, but are interrupted when Cameron looks up and freezes. Carrie asks what's wrong, but Cam faints. Looking up herself, while we don't see what's up there, Carrie does and picks up Cam and runs off to yell at the students to hide and to warn Zechariah.

Zill is to preoccupied with Horris to realize what's going on. It's only when Horris yelps and hides behind him that Zill looks up and he (and us, the audience ) see Vagenza standing (....flying? ) right in front of them.

Zill panics and zips towards the school to hide, only for Simon to pounce on him and hold him down. He also bites Zill on the arm. Vagenza is about to finish him off when da-duh-duh-DAAAA, it's Super Kayla to the rescue. Using her sword from fencing, she pokes Simon in the nose and distracts Vagenza. After Simon gets off him, Zill hurls a fire ball at Vagenza to keep her off of Kayla. Vagenza is about to attack, but is ambushed by Carrie, who ties her up. Fabian pounces on and holds down Simon. Vagenza manages to elbow Carrie in the face and escape. Simon almost ends up following his mistress to freedom, only for Zechariah to block his path, punch him, and knock him out.

Zech tells Kayla and Zill that the teachers have this under control, and that Kayla should get Zill to the nurse's office. While helping him up, Zill has this "you saved me" moment while Kayla says something along the lines of "well no shit Sherlock. You think I'd let someone kill you?" They stare at each other for a bit, and kiss, making up.

Some of the other students are emerging from hiding. Jack stumbles out of a locker, muttering "the fuck is it with me and lockers?" He looks for Dame, thinking "Oh shit, where's my bratty baby cousin, he was right beside me, this is not a good." Only for Damian to fall out of a trash can because he is secretly trash. They both see Kayla and Zill, and Jack turns triumphantly towards Damian like "haha! Your evil plan failed! " Damian looks disappointed for a moment, but, as usual, recovers quickly. He stands up and just casually says "gee, those two should get a room."

Jack is astonished that Dame can just act like nothing happened after everything. Damian walks off, and the chapter ends with a shocked and angry Jack staring after him.

------------------------

Sorry for the delay on this one. This took a while to write. Can you tell I typed some of this in the middle of the night? XD

Be sure to tell me what you guys think. Is there anything here in particular that you liked? Was any joke I made remotely funny? Or what did you not like or think I should add? Let me know your thoughts. Really, I appreciate it!

Thanks for reading.

....

Also, remember how I said to keep your pants on until I posted this and how once I did, we could all collectively rip our pants off?

Welp, y'all know what time it is!

1- wait, do shorts count as pants?

#zoophobia #zoophobia rewrite

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incorrectsibunaquotes · 5 years

Note

I read your oneshot on Patricia sinner, can you write another one on this topic?😍🌹

Of course I can! I’ve always wondered about that one scene with the face off at the Summer House and wanted to explore it from the POV of our two corrupted friends. I’ve also cross-posted this on AO3, so give it some love there!

Now, without further ado:

Beneath The Weeds

______________________

How stupid do they think we are? Patricia pondered amusedly, angling her mirror to catch another glimpse of KT and Eddie peering around the edge of the kitchen doorway.

As Fabian continued monologuing, reading Robert’s journal entries with such over-the-top volume, Patricia had to wonder if either of the Americans had some degree of brain damage not to catch on that they were playing a game with them.

It’s for the best they remain oblivious, she reasoned with a disinterested sigh, catching Fabian’s eye. We need them to do the dirty work, anyway. After all, that staff wasn’t going to find and build itself.

Just to mess with them, Patricia spouted off about how even the fleas that had plagued a sufficient amount of Anubis House were frightened of them and the goddess whom they served. Fabian barely looked up from his reading, only offering her a tiny chuckle in response; irritation flared up in her chest. It was funny, and that was all this stupid boy with his dumbass Justin Bieber hair was going to give her?

Finally, Fabian snapped the journal shut, looking at her with a wicked gleam in his eye.

“Come on,” he said, shifting the pages so she could see. “I found it.”

Patricia’s irritation with Fabian diminished as he read a passage from the diary and pointed to a spot on the map, hiding a malignant smirk as she watched Eddie and KT quickly pull back behind the doorframe in the mirror. “Great. We’d ought to destroy it before Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber get ahold of it,” she sneered loudly, sharing a sly look with her fellow Sinner when they faintly heard Eddie’s offended snort.

They made sure the two idiots had heard the approximate location of the Summer House, and made their way there, getting comfortable behind the foliage to lie in wait for the pitiful excuse for a team.

The final Sinner had been procured—they both felt it in their gut and had given each other a high five reminiscent of their days fighting evil, not serving it—and allowed themselves to revel in the victory close at hand. All that was left was to assemble that Staff to complete the ceremony.

They talked for a while about nothing in particular, and it was almost as though they were entirely themselves. However, the normalcy with which they spoke was the eeriest part of their whole being, even if it didn’t last.

“How have you never read Crime and Punishment?” Fabian asked incredulously. “It’s an incredible examination of the human psyche through the lens of a murderer!”

Patricia raised an eyebrow chuckling. “Now, why the hell would I ever give a shit about that? Especially now, but even before all this.”

Fabian shook his head, looking very flabbergasted at her ignorant response. “I don’t know, I just assumed you were smarter than that.”

Patricia gasped, offended. “I’m plenty smart. Smarter than you, you dweeb! At least Good Patricia went down fighting as any respectable badass should. Good Fabian just walked into the Gatehouse like a lost little puppy dog.”

Fabian reached over and shoved her, and she barely budged, sticking her tongue out at him petulantly. His eyes flashed and he was just about to retort when they both froze, the crunch of footsteps on dead leaves bouncing off the trees and decrepit walls of the Summer House. Spat forgotten, they smirked at each other, peering out from the branches to catch a glimpse of KT and Eddie trotting up the steps.

They were too far away to hear them deliberating clearly, but a few words and phrases could be discerned:

“Do you think this is it? It’s...markings...hieroglyphics?!” Fabian tensed, ready to rush in, but momentarily, Eddie’s voice floated back towards them, sounding dejected. “...pigeon poop...” Patricia rolled her eyes, lip curling in disgust and frustration that they were unable to pick up every word.

KT and Eddie talked at each other for a while longer until KT’s unintelligible, excited chatter reached their hiding place.

Through the weeds, Fabian notes Eddie was kneeling down before a statue with KT hovering over his shoulder, and his perplexed words reached both Sinners at the same time, loud and clear:

“Why are your eyes closed while you’re looking at the wall?” A flash of red light and their cheering pierced the air, and Fabian chuckled, signaling for Patricia to ready herself.

“Eddie, come on! We haven’t got much time left!”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the corner of his companion’s mouth curl upwards into a dark smile. The patter of footsteps approached their hiding spot; like lightning, Patricia’s right hand shot out and wrapped around KT’s upperarm, swinging her around hard into Patricia’s chest. KT shrieked, surprised and frightened, writhing around uselessly in her captor’s vicelike grip. Eddie’s cry for his best friend echoed around the clearing, inciting KT to kick viciously, to no avail.

Fabian laughed cruelly, and KT’s wide brown eyes met his, terror melding with determination as she struggled harder. “Don’t bother,” Patricia hissed, righting her grip and practically lifting her out into the open till they were facing Eddie who stood on the steps, the final piece of the Staff clenched in a fist protectively behind his back.

She winked at him smugly, and Eddie grimaced as though it hurt him physically to see this happening. Perhaps it does, Fabian mused as he stepped into view as well.

KT cried out. “Eddie! Eddie, they were watching us from the trees!”

Eddie’s face was a perfect picture of panic and Fabian chuckled darkly. “We thought we’d let you find it for us.”

“Absolutely,” Patricia chimed in. “Now, hand it over.”

KT, still struggling, shook her head. “Eddie, go!” Her voice was choked and Eddie was quick to say,

“No.”

KT squirmed, sounding desperate, and Fabian could almost taste triumph. “But when Alfie said go—“

“That was Alfie,” interrupted Eddie, taking cautious steps down the stairs. “This is you.”

Wow, so much for being a friend and protector to all, Fabian thought with twisted amusement.

Patricia practically gagged, digging her nails into KT’s arms. “Aww, how touching,” Patricia crooned in her ear, hatred for the both of them practically searing her flesh. “You two would make a lovely couple.”

KT made a last ditch effort to throw her off, and Patricia thought she heard a soft, muttered “I’m lesbian, bitch!” but in the heat of the moment it was hard to tell.

Fabian saved them from furthering the topic with a forceful demand. “Make your play, Osirian.” He was no longer messing around. Eddie inched closer and Fabian glanced between them. “Oh, we can stand here all day. Well,” he paused, eyes flashing, “at least until the sky turns black.”

KT was frantic, having giving up on fighting for the time being. “Eddie, please run!” she begged, tears in her eyes. KT trembled like a flower in Patricia’s grasp, and if Patricia had been at all herself, she would have felt so terrible letting poor KT shake like that. But, thankfully, she wasn’t and didn’t.

Eddie curled his lip, shaking his head, practically vibrating with fury and adrenaline. “No, I’m not taking orders from these fakes!” he spat, and Patricia laughed maliciously, tossing her head back. He glared at her, but waited for their next move.

Patricia leaned her head closer to her captive’s ear. “Well, KT, how about me and you mosey on down to Gatehouse, and get ready to meet Ammut—Ammut the Devourer, to use her full name.

KT, terrified by the prospect, renewed her struggle and practically whimpered in distress. Fabian turned his attention to the mess of a girl in his companion’s grasp—missing Eddie’s sleight of hand—and feigned a pleasant tone. “And I wonder what she’ll want to do when she gets here.” He shared a devious look with Patricia and smiled. “Oh, yeah! That’s right,” Fabian continued, swiveling back to stare Eddie down. “Devour something.”

“And by something,” Patricia continued with a smirk as KT craned her neck to look her in the face, “he means someone.” She sneered, and KT’s face grew ashen.

“Eddie!” KT wailed, frightened out of her mind, but determined that he got away. But, as Fabian saw the apparent defeat in the Osirian’s face, it seemed that KT was about to have one last crushing defeat of her own.

“Fine,” Eddie hissed, stepping down to the last step. “You want it?” He eyed Patricia, who tensed. “Go get it!” Eddie tossed the artifact underhanded, high into the air in Patricia’s direction. Instinctively, she let go of KT, years as a football goalie taking over as she reached up and caught it. Eddie sprinted to KT’s side with a shout of, “Run!” and tugged on her uniform sleeve, as Fabian lunged at them. He missed and soon Eddie and KT had disappeared into the trees.

Patricia shook her head while she looked down at the artifact—but it wasn’t the artifact at all but the apparent pigeon poop Eddie had snatched up in the search. “Look,” she said, voice calm as water, “they’ve tricked us.” Tiny, matching smirks played across their faces.

“How very clever of them,” Fabian sneered, and Patricia giggled wickedly. After all, it didn’t matter if they’d been “fooled”.

Poor KT and Eddie. They had no idea what they had in their possession. As the two teens looked up into the still sunny sky, a single thought was shared between them:

Soon, there would be no more hiding, no more games. They shared a final glance before beginning their trek back to Anubis House. No. Soon, there would be only chaos set against the backdrop of a blood-red sky.

And how sweet it would be, indeed.

#house of anubis #tess writes #cross posted on AO3 #fabian rutter #patricia williamson #kt rush #eddie miller

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