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digenerate-trash · 6 months

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So Yan!Harper is a little different because it has been heavily contributed to by several people including:

@asylumdweller | @these-bees-r18 | @pip-n-chips | @degrees-of-fuck

(and the asylum group chat)

And all others around the community!! I want to thank you all for feeding my freak obsession and im glad this has become like a group project!!

(PS: tag your own yan head cannons pretty please. Dude a freak I love him)

Just Harper head cannons!!!!

SFW ones first:

Obsessed with you. Not possessive but still wants you to be focused on him.

Really into dolls especially customizing them with clothing and hair accessories. He's definitely got one of you that no one can ever touch or look at because it's very special to him.

Speaking of Harper being crafty he's also into sewing! He's very good at tailoring things to your measurements, he has them memorized by now. It's not creepy he's just thorough.

Has made you a custom straight jacket.

Embroidered your name in his sleeve so he can look at it whenever he's bored.

Absolutely was the worst child, other kids in the neighborhood feared him and that is why all the images of him as a kid are of him alone. he's also got pictures of you though. They're just hidden.

Will gaslight you for no reason. He just likes seeing you confused and worried when you think you've missed your appointment. don't worry he'll make an exception. you're just going to have to owe him a little favor that's all (:

Will drop anything to make room for appointments with you. Will also ditch work for you as well. He would make house calls but Bailey is pretty strict about Harper being in his territory and Harper isn't prepared to fight Bailey.

Will make you sick on purpose to keep you close by. This is either physically sick or mental (he only makes you mentally sick if he wants to keep you at the asylum)

Harper is constantly sticking things in you so he can lick/chew on them after you leave.

He is convinced that every action you make is playful and flirty even if you're trying to attack him. He just thinks of you as his feisty little lover and you just need a little extra attention that's all.

When you're actually sick he's extra helpful, he prefers you like this. Weak and needy. He pets your head calls off any appointments or seeing any patients and he just sit's with you. Making sure you feel better.

Harper takes care of all your needs. Check-ups mental health care surgery. No other doctor can touch you he's made sure of it. You also can't get a second opinion.

Prefers using drugs/hypnotism to keep you in line. Man isn't strong and even though he could call security it's not ideal for him to get others involved in your little ‘couple fights’

For surgery, harper is always there for you. Before and after he's very attentive. Makes sure you know everything you need to and he's very good at making sure your recovery goes smoothly (even if it takes twice as long)

he's always very clean even if you're a mess. He likes the dynamic of the two of you together. He likes it when people think he's out of your league because it adds to his abuse of power kink

Man has breathing issues around you. He tries to hide it. Biting his lip. Holding his breath. Just trying to control his breathing. None of it works. Man wants to huff you like a junky huffs paint.

Even if you are in a proper relationship with Harper he gets really petty and upset if you don't address him as ‘doctor’

don't play games with this man. He is the worst sore loser and even when he does win if you are close to beating him he's bitter about it. Might even hypnotize you to make you worse. He doesn't care if it affects other parts of your life. Competitive and petty

Any time you punch/bite/mark this man he's enamered with the marks. They are a little present from you to him and it's not like you could ever really hurt him so he sees it more as a little lovers trophy than an attack

NSF WORK UNDERCUT:

will absolutely voyeur you but he is always particular about it, positions how people touch you how they act around you It is all very carefully choreographed even when he gets other people to fuck you it's all very staged and sterile in a weird way that doesn't even feel like sex lets be honest.

Prefers getting his sexual frustration out on you but likes it better when you're hypnotized. (He doesn't like to be associated with pain or discomfort unless it's for a purpose)

Has a file full of images of you naked, broken, on the verge of tears, fucked out of your mind, even ones where you're just asleep. He files them all carefully and studies them all he really wants to get ‘the perfect picture’ of you that captures everything you are. he's not even sure if it's possible but he's going to try.

Get ready for everything you wear/eat/smell/sleep on to be covered in harper cum. Especially at the asylum where he's in charge of everything. he's got no shame and he really wants you to be accustomed to him and everything he does.

Cockwarming at the drop of a hat. He needs to do paperwork. Guess who he's assigning as his little helper? you're too tired to get up from bed? Not a problem for Harper he can stay in bed with you. At the farm and he has a moment alone with you while he gets things ready? His pants are already off. You can't escape it. Harper loves having his dick in you at any time.

Chugs a vial of aphrodisiacs before your appointments with him so he's the correct amount of horny for you.

Will also feed you aphrodisiacs and then deny you any sort of stimulation until you're begging or crying. The dude really wants you to earn things from him when you're lucid so you think it's all your idea

When you are hypnotised definitely makes you do some really nasty things for him. he's really into the idea of you being into everything he is and even encouraging him to do things to you when you're asleep/passed out. it's like getting consent but he's putting the words in your mouth and having you spit them back up for him.

Has sex with you during surgery. And if he can't do that he at least jacks off during it. He can't help himself he really needs you.

Man loves gaslighting you about your past sexual experiences. he's a big fan of convincing you that you're just an exhibitionist and it's normal. You just like things super rough and with a little more practice you won't be feeling so guilty about it anymore. And surprise harper is here to help!!

Will jerk you off as therapy. If you enjoy it your making progress if you don't next time he's going to get a vibrator

Very body-focused he's interested in pushing you to your absolute limits and making things difficult for you. Wants you unable to focus/form words/be able to move.

Prefers it when you're squirmy during sex but not outright violent.

Absolutely loves forcing you to cum. Not a fan of edging though. Not unless it's some kind of punishment. The dude will make you cum in your sleep during surgery when you are hypnotized, hands-free when you're fully dressed. Mans a freak for it. He also likes it when you sit on his lap or thigh while he forces you to cum. You'll get a lot of praise if you do it of your own volition.

Harper drinks piss. At least once bro look at him.

#Harper the doctor #Degrees of lewdity #Tw blood #Tw surgery #Tw hypnotism #Tw dubcon #Tw noncon #Tw rape #yan dol #yandere #tw yandere #yandere tropes #gn reader #x reader

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urf1lterr · 1 year

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lovesick | pedro pascal [3]

"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."

next chapter: [4] previous chapter: [2] series masterlist

summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.

pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader

genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually

word count: 5.7k

status: in progress

author's note: in my head i have a certain way this story ends- but thats farrrr from this chapter. i couldn't stop laughing while writing this. i might have to rethink my ending bc i don't wanna make this series looooong. not edited.

Brutal banging on your bedroom door was not how you imagined to be awakened, especially when you were barely endearing maybe four hours of sleep.

Jolting up, you could feel your shoulders begin to ache as your severely tangled hair got stuck on the insides of your shirt. The shades in your room being shut, you had no sunlight whatsoever so you weren't sure what time it was.

Not like you needed to be anywhere important on a Wednesday- not until later anyway. Wednesday's were your arranged day off from school so you made sure to plan something productive to not feel more useless as you already were.

Typically, you were scheduled to work on these days- but we all know how that ended.

Thinking about your unemployment status aggravated you. The same day you were told you were going to be cut was actually your last despite being scheduled for the rest of that remaining week.

Oh how you wish you could say you didn't show up because of your stubbornness.

But frankly you had covid.

Not only did that job fire you, but they gave you a thoughtful farewell gift of a deadly virus to remember them goodbye.

Guess they took their storyline a little too seriously.

However, you did receive a few texts from your old coworkers wishing you well. At first, you wondered if Finn disclosed your personal medical information after you contacted him, but Jules admitted to doing so, swearing she only told Joon with the likelihood someone overheard and the rest was history.

Sadly, you barely talked to Pedro and Bella anymore.

The duo did reach out once they discovered you were sick and Bella would occasionally send you tiktoks at the most randomly times. But again, occasionally.

Pedro, on the other hand, never got back in touch after his 'feel better' text.

You weren't exactly distraught over it, it wasn't like you two made it your mission as friends to go out every day. But the thing was, you still did that when you worked together. Barely seeing him for a few seconds on some days in the past still meant you got to see him, but now you don't.

And strangely you miss him.

You always heard your coworkers discuss how considerate and down to Earth he was whenever they managed to work with him and you agreed. All the stories of him being one of the rarest, mindful human beings were true.

He was always the one spamming you with texts, but the only messages you received now were from your roommate, Joon, or the deals sent by your favorite food places.

But you weren't going to think too much of it. He's an adult, his days are always scheduled with new projects. You can't blame him for not making time for you.

Two weeks later here you were, using your extra free time to your advantage to stay up past midnight watching shows like Hell's Kitchen while eating ramen noodles.

The only con was you had the tendency to wake up late all the time.

Yanking the warm covers off your body, you slowly slip out of bed trying not to hit your desk by how poor your vision was at the moment. Opening your door, you give daggers to the other person behind it. "Is there a reason why you felt attempting to break my door was necessary?"

Jules sheepishly smiled, lightly rubbing the door in remorse before continuing. "I just wanted to remind you about our study date!"

"That's at 11."

"It's 10:32," she replied, pulling her phone out and showing you.

Gasping, you shut the door in her face before searching for clothes to wear. How could you possibly sleep in?

Actually, it was quite easy with American Horror Story having amazing plot twists. You decided to switch up your late night shows every now and then to spice things up.

But you were certain you turned on your alarm the night before. You must have slept through them. Damn, you were turning into Jules.

Quickly running to the bathroom to take a quick shower, you managed to finish the rest of your routine with ten minutes left to spare. You were certainly glad you could always count on the city's nonstop traffic as an excuse for your late arrivals.

Once you were able to catch a cab, which was a tremendous struggle considering your hand signals weren't clear enough to apprehend, Jules and you made it to a coffee shop a few streets away.

Being your designated place to study, you had to introduce Joon to it. He was practically the fifth member of the group, the third one being one of Jules' friend you frequently talked to and the fourth being the one you shared with Joon.

The best part about this cafe would have to be that it was two stories. You guess you could say you used the upstairs room conveniently when it came to debating, definitely not being afraid to raise your voice when your friends believed disagreeing with your opinions was acceptable.

"I didn't know a triple meant three shots of espresso," Joon pulled a disgusted face as Jules and you arrived to your familiar large booth. Sliding right next to him, you saw the coffee he was drinking was extremely dark. "I thought it meant three shots of creamer."

"For a guy who is phenomenally smart, you are phenomenally stupid," you heard your shared friend, Yoongi, comment after looking up from his notes.

The next hour consisted of the five of you centralizing your attention on your individual work before you decided you wanted to buy a coffee as your energy slowly drained away.

Walking down the stairs and placing a swift order, you stood to the side of the counter waiting as they prepared it. Scrolling through your phone to pass the short time, you felt someone near you.

"Hey, covid girl!" you heard a man exclaim, causing you to rush and shush him before the customers begin giving you the eye. "Long time no see."

"Don't expose me like that! I'm negative," you flush, tapping your fingers on your face to cool it down.

"Don't expose me," he clarifies, taking two steps back. "You're the one who's sick."

"Was," you groan, not standing for his teasing this morning. "Stop messing me with me, Nick. I am just a tired, broke college student who can't take anymore mocking in their life."

Nick chuckles, not denying that may be the case. He understands how you're feeling, he was once a student and knows how stressful it can be. Honestly, he can only imagine how tough it is now compared to when he last attended.

Inflation was no joke.

"I take it you're studying?" he eyes the large black frames on your head and the thick headphones around your neck. You only nod, making him laugh. "Very studious I see, it's a shame they let you go even after I told them not to. You could've done our taxes."

Pulling a forced smile, you just raise your right shoulder slightly not really wanting to talk about it much.

"Good thing I am very understanding," you joke.

"Hell, I wouldn't be," he curses, shaking his head briskly. "The least they could've done was offer another position while we left the country."

"When are you guys leaving anyway?'"

He looks up at the ceiling, trying hard to remember the exact date before clapping his hands. "The 3rd of next month."

"Three weeks from now? Are you ready for the cold and the snow?" you laugh as he shakes his head.

"Dealt with it growing up, don't wanna do it again," he groans before a barista calls out his name for his coffee. He excuses himself for a minute, grabbing the coffee along with a few napkins before walking back to you. "Have to get back to filming, they only gave me a half an hour break before we change scenes. Good look in university, kiddo. If you ever need anything you always have my number."

With that, he retreated back outside but not before sending you one final wave. You loathed the fact you missed them, but you had to get over it.

Grabbing your coffee once your name was called, you walked back up the stairs to find your friends staring at their own laptops as if they were going to breakdown in tears any second.

"When I tell you I would rather give up one of kidneys than learn about screenwriting," Jules weeps, pulling her hair in distress. "I just wanna tell people what to do, not write stories."

And that's how your whole study session went, one of you having your own malfunctions for the next few hours before the five of you agreed to end it.

"I am going to get a refill, meet you by the door?" Jules asked as you packed up your school belongings. You nodded, allowing her to walk downstairs with her friend as you stayed behind with the two other boys.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Joon called out as the three of you were making your way down the stairs. "I'll be out in a jiffy."

With that, Yoongi and you were stuck around a large crowd of customers trying to get their coffees in this 5 o'clock chilly evening. And one thing about these customers, they loved to push.

"If one more person hits my arm a brawl will unfold," Yoongi proclaims, making sure to raise his voice a bit to make his point come across. Which did nothing as he was granted another push in his arm in return.

Moving you head towards the exit, you made it clear to Yoongi that you two were better off just waiting outside unless you wanted to continue being compressed by total strangers whose been god knows where.

Feeling Yoongi's loss of touch from your shoulder, you sensed a group of friends rudely crossing between you both in order to make it to the front of the shop.

It amazed you how people had no manners in public places.

"Ah!" you shriek, feeling somebody aimlessly hit your body hard, knocking the wind out of you as you fell on your side.

That was until arms wrapped tightly under your upper arms, barely being able to stop your whole body from touching the ground as you felt you legs lay across the cold floor.

With the strong pair of arms effectively pulling you up, it caused you to slam your body against their unknown chest as the mob of customers didn't seem to die down any time soon.

Trying to find some stability, your eyes widened as your peripheral vision was met with a broad chest that you were too scared to figure discover who it belonged to.

This could either end with you meeting the love of you life or encountering a complete weirdo.

Moving your gaze upwards, you were met with familiar brown eyes that creased slightly as a gentle smile was released.

Okay, the second option was indeed your answer.

"Pedro? You fucking scared me!" you pushed him away, slapping his chest as he whined in response, clutching it in pain. "I was going to grab my pepper spray!"

"I see you're still satan," he glared as you crossed your arms. "No 'thank you for saving my severely mentally mad life from the mass of people who could've stamped over me'?"

Expressing an infuriated expression as he scared you, you begin to walk away from him but he quickly pulls you back into his arms and stares down at you. "Why are you leaving?"

"My friends are outside," you declare as he peers over the crowd to see who you were talking about.

He glances back down at you before pushing you straight by your waist, causing you to trust his guidance as he directed you backwards until you were against one of the walls to avoid being crushed again.

"Wait, my friends-"

"You wear glasses?" he slightly grasps the frames propped on your face, generating a strike from you. "What a dweeb you are."

"Isn't this a question you can ask through text?" you remark, causing him to purse his lips at how mediocre you were being.

"Oh come on, kid! I haven't seen you in weeks, it's my right to ask questions," he defends, giving you a staggering look as you sighed.

"And my glasses were the first thing that came to mind? Very clever."

"Would you rather me ask why we say 'cool' when it's not really cold?"

Studying his face in pure boredom, you set out to march past him but he pushes your shoulders back again, forcing you to stay put. "Sorry! Just trying to lighten the mood."

Scanning past him, you tried to locate your friends but to no luck they were absent. Glancing back up at him, you take a deep breath. "I really have to go before they leave me stranded a-."

"I can take you home," he instantly speaks up. "I know where you live remember."

Laughing, you disagree with his proposal. You arrived with Jules, you were leaving with her. But you were curious as to why he hasn't left you alone. It surely couldn't be just to chat about corny jokes-

Actually, you've had many of those conversions in the past.

"Is there a reason why you aren't letting me escape?" you blurt out, making him tilt his head suspiciously, trying to figure out what you were speculating.

His body language became edgy as he motioned his palm out in front of you. "I just so happened to drop by for some coffee and ended up being tackled by you," he confessed, making you scoff. "We haven't talked for some time, I wanted to check up and see how you were doing."

"I am as happy as a clam," you let out a radiant smile, making him squint his eyes and direct them to the side.

"English, please?" he pleaded.

"It means I am very happy," you respond, standing up straighter as he questioned you longer with his eyes as if he didn't believe a single word you were saying. "Everybody knows that expression."

"They really don't," he denies, giving you an awkward smile by your strange dialogue. "Anywho, I've been wanting to talk to you."

"Then why didn't you call?" you accidentally spit out, shutting your mouth as you grasped how bitter it came out.

He caught onto the sound of your tone, registering how unhappy you must've been for abandoning you friendship after strongly bonding for two months.

But he couldn't let you believe he did it on purpose, he had a reason. One that he was finally going to disclose after fighting battles until it was finally approved. "I was preoccupied with something else, I really am sorry," he apologized. "But I was going to reach out today."

Uncomfortably shrugging, you don't put too much thought into it. You didn't want him to assume you were upset, but you had a feeling he could sense it by how tense you were becoming.

"For what?"

He looked around before averting his eyes back to your own, grinning widely. "So I think there's a chance you'd be able to get your internship back."

Standing up straighter, you stared at him dumbfounded. What the hell was he talking about?

"How? They already terminated our useless contracts," you argue. "Why hassle making another one."

"Work for me," he ignores your sour tone, getting straight to the point.

This was why he didn't have time to communicate. Too busy trying to find ways to convince his own boss to keep you, it led to him being in a bad mood after failing each attempt.

He couldn't talk to you knowing his plan went wrong.

After the constant begging, whines, and even going out of his way to format a ridiculous petition as to why you should stay, which centers all interns because he didn't want to throw himself under the bus for you- the main producer eventually gave in.

"You want me to work for you here when you're leaving the country in a few weeks?" you narrow your eyes, confused as to how that was going to work out in the end.

"I was going to sneak you into my suitcase."

"What in the world are you rambling about?" you exhaled sharply.

Pedro grinned brightly as he held onto your shoulders again, "Come with us to Canada."

"No," you quickly answer, not even processing fully but you knew it could never happen.

There was no possible way you could ever go through with this. For one, you can't even leave the country. You parents were so strict they'll probably smuggle drugs in your luggage so you'll be gunned down and locked into the country.

Second, well there really isn't another reason- your parents were enough.

"Oh come on," he whined. "It'll be great! You'll gain so much experience like you've been wanting. Plus, you'd do more hands-on work with the film crew. Think of it as a student exchange program."

"That's literally not what a student exchange program is."

"Stop rejecting the idea. You go to school here, yeah? I assume you're taking classes online because you basically lived at the studio," he implied and you slowly nodded. "We can adjust your schedule to where you'd have time to work and focus on school."

Silently looking to the table nearby, you began digesting what he was going on about. It wasn't a bad idea, but it wasn't an easy one either. "My parents would never let me."

"Give me their number and I'll convince them," he persuades and you sway you head. You wanted to laugh in his face if he really believed he could make your parents agree.

"No," you fight back, watching him exhale loudly by how restrained you were being. "I k-"

"What would Matt Healy do?"

Immediately shutting your mouth, you freeze as he catches you off guard. He did not come to play and knew you well enough to use your weaknesses against you.

He knows Matt Healy would easily agree- that man was literally the devil's spawn.

And god, you just knew Matt would be disappointed in you if you didn't go.

Curse you and your infatuation over this short English man.

Luckily, your thoughts disappeared as you felt a tap on your arm. Looking up, you see Yoongi breathing heavily as Pedro eyes him, unsure if you knew him.

"There you are, I've been looking for you everywhere! My god the lecture your friend gave me about losing you-" he groaned, shivering. "-I was certain she was gonna file a police report."

Slowly averting his eyes to the older man beside you, Yoongi's face fills with curiosity. "Hey, aren't you that one guy from that Netflix show..." he stops, looking up as he tried hard remembering the name. "Narcos!"

Pedro's eyes shoot open as he tries to innocently stretch his body, purposely blocking your view of him, "No." Secretly waving his palm across his neck, he sends Yoongi daggers to keep quiet. Stiffly turning to you, he becomes flustered. "But don't watch that show."

Raising a brow, you decide to drop the random topic and focus your attention back to your friend until you heard another person shriek. The three of you searching to where it came from, you find Namjoon stumble between people, trying his hardest not to fall face first on the floor.

"A jiffy later and I'm back," Joon winks once he's released from the mass.

Pedro scrunches his face. "Jiffy?"

Joon breaks out into smiles once he notices who was with Yoongi and you. "Oh my gosh! What are you doing here? Did you miss us that much?"

"I don't think it was you he missed," Yoongi muttered, making Pedro send him a questionable glance and Joon tilt his head, not sure what he meant.

Wanting to leave this now weirder conversation, you step forward and grab onto Yoongi's shoulder. "Let's go, I wanna breathe." Turning your attention back to Pedro, he swiftly moved his eyes from your hand to your own. "Text me if you need anything else."

"Only you," he sends you a cheeky smile making you blush by how nice he was being. Yoongi glanced at the two of you, dazed as what you two were implying.

Staring at him, you waited for him to say his farewells first so everybody could leave already. Waiting for one, you never received anything but his quiet stance and gaze stuck on you.

It felt strange not feeling the strength to walk away- not even the strength but the need to go anymore as you couldn't take your eyes off him. It also wasn't only you as he couldn't help but bear comfort from the sight of you.

It felt like the both of you were interacting to each other in your minds.

"Are you having a staring contest?" Joon questioned, making your your consciousness come back to life as you looked back at him. Pedro's gaze weakened, but they were still on you as yours was unfortunately long forgotten.

"No," you laughed, now gripping onto Yoongi harder. "But seriously, let's get out of here. See you whenever, Pedro."

Watching as you stayed close to your guy friends in hopes of being secured through the populated room, he sighed to himself. He was sure your friends might confess their own intuitions to you and perceive him as a creep.

The sad part was he knew why your particular friend would have his suspicions. He never knew his age would have that much of an effect, but he never hung out with people that young before unless it was for a project.

Shaking these thoughts away from his head, he chuckled to himself. He shouldn't care about what other people thought, the two of you never engaged in anything but friendly encounters.

He just despised his gut feeling as if he was doing something wrong. People are making him feel this way, that was guaranteed.

But he feels awful how he keeps trying to find ways to see you, too embarrassed to think about the things he done just to see you for not even a minute.

He's just never had a friend like you before. It was nice.

"I can't believe he's offering us a job like that!" Jules exclaimed as Joon and you nodded. Yoongi lived in the opposite direction so he made his departure a few minutes ago as well as her friend. "I can't go."

Widening your eyes, you stared at her. "What? Why?"

She laughs before pointing at herself. "You think I'll be able to properly manage school and work in another country? I barely did that these last two months- I'll just be partying it up at hockey games eating gravy with fries."

"You mean poutine," Joon corrected.

"Same thing," she rolled her eyes. "All I'm saying is, being home made me realize how much I love sleeping. I would rather give that up when I graduate and actually have a real adult job."

She did have a point, she really enjoyed her naps.

"I'll consider it," Joon spoke up, putting his hands inside his hoodie as the three of you continued walking. "Doesn't sound too bad, it'll look good on resumes."

Smiling, you nodded. You weren't sure why you even dared to be happy about this when you were the one wanting nothing to do with the idea not even a half an hour ago.

You just knew your lord was giving you a disapproving glare from the clouds.

Within the next 20 minutes, Joon went his separate way home as Jules and you arrived in front of your shared apartment. Rushing to the bathroom, your roommate excused herself for the next hour for her 'needed' relaxation.

In other words, a bubble bath.

Turning on the tv, you sat down on the couch swiping through boring news channels until you decided to switch to Netflix. You still had to make time for Evan Peters before the night ended.

Clicking on the current season you were on, Freak Show, you began thinking about how massive Evan Peter's hands were. How can his girlfriends survive.

The thought freaked you out, this really was a freak show.

Soon, the next episode began featuring Twisty the clown more and you were terrified by how huge he was. He could crush you with a flick of his fingers.

Knocks on your door alarmed you, making you slightly jump and look towards the bathroom. Your roommate's music was softly playing in the background meaning she probably couldn't hear the blows on the door.

Slowly standing up, you grab the bat you keep near the door, in case someone tries viciously murdering you in your doorway, and go on your tiptoes to see what kind of stranger needed to pay a visit in the middle of the night.

Well, it wasn't even 7 o'clock in the evening yet but you get the point.

Gasping at the sight presented through your little peep hole, you promptly unlock the handles before extending the large door wide. "And why exactly are you here? Miss me that much?" you tease.

Not receiving an answer, you scoff. "Are you really giving me the silent treatment? You're hurting my feelings."

When he didn't react to that either, you felt your face drop. Slowly striding towards him, you notice his head was low as he stared at his shoes. Placing your right palm softly on his left shoulder, you felt him glance up.

Did something happen during your short time apart? Was he in trouble?

Knowing it was really you in front of him, Pedro lunged his body onto yours before you could stop and think about what was happening. Colliding his lips upon yours, you felt your thoughts drift away as he steadily moved forward and made his way inside your warm apartment.

Stopping to swiftly shut the door, you had no time to take in a full breathe before his mouth found yours again. Clutching the back of his head, probably pulling his hair out, you groan as his nails claw your exposed waist, your shirt slowly inching up more and more as the seconds went up. Slipping his tongue inside you, you felt the way his nose hit yours as dominance took over.

He wanted to control all of you.

It wasn't until your legs began wobbling from the long standing when his hands lost your waist, instantly making contact with the back of your thighs, squeezing them, soon allowing them to suffocate his sides. Following his lead, you pull your lips back before diving them to the corner of his jaw as he groaned, walking to god knows where.

You figured out where once you shrieked as your back made contact with your couch, his palms widening your legs in a hurry before situating himself on top of you. Surprisingly, the difference of weight wasn't an issue as he clinged harder against you, moving his hand behind your neck to pull it down, making sure to make you feel the pain of the slight hair tugging.

"What are y-" you softly choke, voice coming out in whimpers as he ignored you. Latching his lips to the top of your chin, he stuck his tongue out, dragging it gradually down your neck as your back arched, needing to feel closer to him if that was even possible. Your wish was his command as he hastily pressed himself against you, making you groan in surprise.

Making his way lower, he passes your neck down to your chest while his hands found their to your collarbone, smoothly rubbing the area up and down before clutching onto it harshly as he continue down his path. Something about the way his soft fingertips applying pressure near your neck as his lips kept kissing the rest of your body had you in wonders. You couldn't believe this was happening.

It wasn't until you felt his mouth near your exposed waist that made you completely lose it. You had long forgotten that Jules was in the room next door when you gasped, feeling his teeth swipe against your skin. "Shhh," he whispered against your lips as a way to silence you. "Don't want to let your friend know I'm here now, do we?"

You could only stammer shaky sounds as he planted a few more deep kisses, slowly pulling away and feeling the wetness of both your mouths descend down. He gave you one last dark gaze before returning his mouth on yours, loving the feeling of the dampness between your faces.

His mouth opening wider, he began intensively tasting you, swiping his tongue around your lips as you tried to keep up with his eagerness. Not giving you much time to catch his pace, you could feel how wet he was making you.

No, he was literally drowning your face.

Pulling back, you squint your eyes and take a few seconds to adjust to the poor lighting in your living room. You were met with dark, green eyes.

Lady Gaga.

Shrieking, you grab the black, green-eyed demon on top of you and throw her off, causing her to let out a loud hiss with the immediate sounds of footsteps following afterwards.

"Lady Gaga!" you hear Jules squeal in her pink robe, wrapping the nauseating cat in her arms before turning to you, giving you a look of rage. "Did you throw her?!"

"She licked me!"

Jules scoffed harshly before hurling a nearby pillow at you, allowing it to hit your face in full force before stomping back to her door and violently slamming it shut.

You fucking hated that cat.

Laying back against the couch, you rubbed your red face in humiliation. Not only did you have an intense dream about Pedro but you're pretty sure you just had a full on make-out session with a cat.

Groaning, you couldn't believe what was happening to you. Why would you dream about him-

No- why would you have one doing not so child friendly activities?!

You just know you'll never be able to face him with a straight face, too embarrassed to even be near him now without thinking about this moment.

It wasn't even like you thought about him in that way- you didn't.

Maybe your time of the month was approaching or you were in desperate need of a date because there's no way any normal human being would fantasize over some older man that way.

Okay, maybe it was possible.

But that was definitely not you...even though you just did. Although, you did see the comparison between him and Lady Gaga.

They looked kind of alike- right? Same whiskers.

One thing that was certain was you were never going to tell anybody about this. If people believed for one second you had feelings for him, which you don't, you'll never hear the end of it.

He was not your type nor close to your age. It would never happen.

Sighing, you close your eyes and silently send out a prayer to not engage in another session with the demonic cat. Maybe sleep will make you think clearly once awoken and abolish all these wild concepts floating through your head.

But once you were actually awoken, your mind still wasn't clear- or maybe it was because the pounding on your door ultimately pulled you from your slumber.

Stretching your arms, you scratch the top of your head as you try to open your eyes but it was no use, you were way too tired to fully engage with anybody right now.

Completely avoiding looking through the peep hole, which was a red flag on your part, you swing the door open to find a man who looked like Pedro standing on the other side of it.

Groaning aloud, you slap yourself as he takes this by surprised, not sure why you just did that.

How are you having another dream about him? Was this the bad luck needed after scoring tickets to your favorite band? Is this some kind of sick revenge someone has against you?

Pointing at Lady Gaga, who was dressed up as Pedro, you rudely spit out the words needed to be said. "You are just a cat. Nothing happened between us."

With that, you step back inside, ignoring Lady Gaga's attempts of trying to gain your attention by waving their arms in front of you. Making your way to your room, you see Jules walk out of hers.

"Who was that at the door?" she questions, hearing another round of knocks appear.

You tiredly wave your hand in nonsense, denying that thought. "It was Lady Gaga, go back to bed."

Jules sends you a bewildered look as you enter your bedroom and face-plant on your cozy bed, allowing sleep to reel you back in. Turning her head, she looks at Lady Gaga who was sitting casually by her bedroom door.

"She is turning fucking nuts," she whispers to herself before swiftly opening the door to reveal a very confused Pedro. "What's up?"

Pedro's concerned face takes over his actions as he jumps to his eager questions. "Is y/n okay? She thought I was a cat."

Jules shrugs, rubbing her eyes with her palm. "Who knows, I think she's getting over her coffee hangover."

Pedro carefully nods, still skeptical as to what happened to you. What did you mean nothing happened between you two? Did something happen that he wasn't aware of?

Were you hiding something from him?

Gracelessly gesturing his leave, Pedro walked quickly down the hall as Jules stood there for a moment too tired to comprehend why he paid the apartment a visit this early in the morning. The sun was barely out, why did he come?

After shutting the door and taking a seat on the couch, she laid back and stared at the ceiling. She couldn't quite put her finger on it, but for some reason a strange intellect emerged out of nowhere.

She shrugged it off, instantaneously knocking out, too exhausted to conquer her suspicions.

taglist: @thesapphirequeen @floralsightings @wrathofcats

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal x you #joel miller #tlou #tlou joel #pascalispunk #joel miller x reader #the last of us #pedro pascal angst #pedro pascal fluff #pedropascaledit #fanfiction

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clubdionysus · 1 month

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[BAD DECISION #10] Blonde

warnings: b is in her bleach era. love that for her!! jaykay is in the chapter for like 1.5 seconds and still manages to be the best thing about it. also if u think wow holly sometimes your chapters end very similarly, uhhh yes. ur right. mainly because my brain is smooth but also because jungkook is a creature of habit! it’s within his character traits! not because im stupid! even if i am!

soundtrack: space - audrey nuna; blonde - maisie peters

wc: 3.5k

bd total wc: 540k (on-going)

minors dni | AO3 | series masterlist

You suppose you really shouldn't be surprised when Seokjin leaves you on read. It happens as soon as he escapes the city, just like it always does.

It's always the same; he'll come back to town for a few days - to visit friends, his family, or maybe for a haircut with the only barber he trusts - then leaves just as quickly as he comes.

The predictability of it all would be funny, you think, but your knees are getting worn out from how many times you fall for it; his charm, his deception, his pretty lips that soothe the burn of his selfish choices.

He'll be radio silent for a while, and then suddenly, as if he's finally changed the batteries in his walkie-talkie, he won't be. It'll most likely be when he's on his way back to town in a few months time.

The saddest part is that you know you'll want to see him when he does. Will have the burning desire to show him just how well you've been; how well you've coped without him.

Most of all? You'll want him to know just how much you don't need him.

Inevitably, he'll end up in your bed, and you'll end up all in your head - again - overthinking and underestimating just how easy it is for him to drop you. Forgetting just how badly he fucked you up, only for him to remind you in the most callous of ways.

When Danbi comes home on Thursday night - three days since Seokjin's last message - she knows exactly what's happened. You've got a special kind of pout reserved for Seokjin-related upsets. It's always a little soft yet incredibly hard to break.

"You gotta stop letting him in," she says over a glass of red. She hates the taste, but loves the soft buzz in the pit of her stomach. Though she's much better suited to Moscato, Danbi will never turn her nose up at free wine.

If she knew why you were drinking it, she might consider rejecting it.

Seokjin's favourite. You'd bought it on the way home from work. Just couldn't help yourself.

Had figured that at least when you hugged yourself to sleep that evening, your lips would taste like his used to do, on the nights when he'd tell you that you're the most delightful thing he's ever laid his eyes upon. Would be all giggly. Wine drunk. Happy. In love.

But it's been a while since he did that. Feels like a lifetime ago, now.

You shrug as you let the ruby red liquid swirl in your glass. Fighting against your feelings feels like swimming against the tide.

Always struggling to breathe. Never winning. Failing. Falling.

"I don't know how to, Dan."

"But you do," she insists.

And she's right. Of course you do.

His number has never been blocked, but a simple restriction of access to you would solve so many of your problems.

Thing is, you kind of like him still being your problem. At least that way, on a technicality, he's still yours. Kind of.

Every time he comes back to the city, it's still your bed that he ends up in.

Never for the night. Just for an hour or two - but for long enough for you to convince yourself that he can't stay away.

The lies you let your mind whisper are insidious. You're irresistible. He's still just as affected by you as you are by him. He can't possibly leave you.

And yet he does, each and every time.

He doesn't ever let you go. Not fully. Whenever you think you're getting over it, he shows up just to get you under him; his thumb, his spell, his body.

You're halfway through the bottle of wine when Danbi tells you once more that you need to get Seokjin out of your hair.

You've reached the end of it by the time you're grabbing your purse and heading for the closest Olive Young.

It's just down the street, by the crossroads that lead into town, and the staff there have seen you in worse states. A little tipsy has nothing on the mascara-stained eyes they used to be greeted with during the worst days of the breakup.

"Sure about this?" Danbi asks just to check before you take the boxes in your hands to the counter.

"Absolutely not - but he always hated me blonde," you grin a little sardonically. The happiness that comes with this change will be temporary, but you have to remind yourself that so was he. "At least even if I can't resist him, he'll resist me."

Peroxide and perhaps a little fried, your blonde hair had caught his attention in the early days - but you had dyed your hair dark in a bid to keep it.

He'd said some bullshit in a conversation amongst friends about his preferences, and how he favoured the 'natural look'. You weren't together at the time, not officially - but everyone there was a friend of his. They all knew you'd be going home with him. It only took two boxes of dye to get him asking to be exclusive. A week later he was introducing you to his friends as his girlfriend.

Funny what a little bit of conformity can do for a man who loves playing by the rules.

You assume his desire to tick the boxes and do what is expected of him is also why he was such a bellend when it came to the glitter you liked to dust yourself in.

Nobody's perfect though, so he was willing to overlook it. Was just one of the flaws he perceived in you. When you love someone, you accept them.

He ultimately never grew to love it, but for a while, you thought he might.

Bleach boxes in one hand, another bottle of wine in the other, you waste no time and head straight for the bathroom. Danbi follows you right in. She's always there to lend a hand or at least provide a Spotify playlist to get you through your woes.

Folding the powder into the developing lotion by the sink, you know your bleach-induced bathroom antics could get you a spot in a Brad Mondo video.

All a little haphazard, you're without a mixing bowl and brush, so are having to use an old takeout container and a plastic spoon, instead.

It's not quite how the instructions suggest you should mix it all up, but no good ever comes from following the rules.

You'd tried for Seokjin, and look where that got you.

Unlike him, trusty Tupperware has never done you dirty before. No reason why it should now.

Danbi sits on the closed toilet seat, legs crossed, a small bottle of bubbles in her hand. The bubbles had been a Christmas party favour from the office job she'd quit four months ago. Rediscovered when she'd been cleaning her room earlier that day, Danbi had taken to blowing pretty little bubble flurries your way all afternoon.

Your reflection is captured in the peacock sheen of the bubbles while you study your rapidly developing hair in the mirror.

You haven't bothered to change out of your shirt. It's not yours. One of Seokjin's. It's navy, and you hope the bleach ruins it.

"I think I've fucked up," you say all rather calmy, talking about your hair and not the shirt. It's not the end of the world if you have. Just hair, you always think.

Danbi shrugs. Has clearly spent too much time in your company, because she echoes exactly what you're thinking: "Just hair, babe. It'll grow."

That's the joy of your friendship; you both encourage each other with the same dumb remarks whenever you feel like you've reached the point of no return.

After all, if you can't go back?

Go forward.

"Plus," she adds, blowing more bubbles instead of taking a breath. "You can just chalk it up to being your hot mess era."

"Been in that for months already," you smile at her in the reflection of the mirror. You prod a little at your roots, and know that you definitely should have waited a little longer to work the bleach up to them. Bollocks.

You've done this enough times to know you'll end up with a gold band haloing around the top of your hair thanks to how easily your roots always lift. Nightmare.

"Exactly, so you may as well look the part," Danbi encourages. Worst influence going, she is. Also the best at times, too. You find comfort in the fact she won't always say what you want to hear, but what you need to hear instead.

The conversation dissolves into empty chatter, gossip about Danbi's dog walking clients, mentions of Taehyung and how he's still trying to talk her into a mates-rates discount despite the fact they aren't actually 'mates'. She asked you about your Bartender That Smiles, and you say he's all good - before you have to insist there's nothing going on there.

"He's got issues with his ex," you explain.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't they all? Boys and their first loves, I swear to God."

"Not sure she was his first," you defend, though you're not sure why. The thought lingers as you rummage around for an old tube of toner that you know you have hiding in the bathroom cabinet somewhere. It's been a while since your hair was pale enough to take toner, so it's been pushed right to the back.

Danbi is shooed from her perch on the toilet seat and into the living room as you let the shower run to heat it a little.

The first crash of water against your skin is lukewarm. Tepid. Unappealing, but necessary.

You hate anything other than boiling-you-alive degrees Celsius, but know you need to be kind to your hair after the torture you've put it through. The water runs cloudy until the bleach is rinsed out, and then it runs purple thanks to your silver shampoo. It pools around your feet and seeps into the drain. Wishful thinking has you hoping memories of Seokjin will do just the same.

It's just to preemptively tone it, but you can't help but worry about the pigment taking too strongly on your roots.

The ash toner you found in the cupboard is in a box by the sink. You plan on putting that over the top of whatever mess your hair is anyway, but it doesn't hurt to get a head start on the process.

The water glistens a deep violet, briefly coating your skin - and for some reason, all you can think about is Jeongguk, and how you'd really like to be downing a Purple Starfucker (or five) with him right now. He really is the perfect distraction.

Still, you have a task at hand. You rinse your hair; ring it out. Sigh as you frown at the mess that greets you in the mirror - lilac roots, a yellow band haloing just like your thought it would, and silver ends. Brilliant.

It's as you're sitting with Danbi in the living room a little while later - body wrapped in a towel that isn't half as fluffy as Jeongguk's favourite, ashy toner smothering your peroxide blonde hair - that you notice your phone flash on the coffee table.

Danbi clocks it first, and stifles a laugh as she reads the screen. "Isn't that the guy from the club?"

You assume she means Jeongguk, and are a little perplexed to see it's Jimin's name on your screen instead.

"Yeah... Jimin. Smooth talker, shit shagger."

"A glowing review."

"Hey, I still let him think he was good," you say as you reach for your phone to read his message out loud to Danbi. "You guys out tomorrow night?"

Sipping on her wine, Danbi raises a brow. Shakes her head in confusion. "He hoping for round two?"

"Fuck knows."

It's just gone midnight, so you consider maybe he's thinking about his desire for a hook-up, and is hoping for a safe bet in the form of you.

And so you don't reply. If he double texts, you'll just lie and say you've fallen asleep.

The scent of your toner is beginning to give you a headache, so you go to rinse it and bid farewell to your final day as a brunette.

Sleep evades you. Doesn't want to let go of who you were, apparently. Wine makes you sleepy, and yet you're wired as if you've just had a triple shot americano.

But then it's three in the morning, and all you can seem to smell is the deep conditioner you bathed your hair in that evening.

Somehow, when you look to the empty space beside you - delicately ruffled, a dent prevailing in the pillow - you convince yourself that you can smell fig leaves and coconut. The notes of his favourite aftershave linger like the ache in your chest. It's hollow, and you can't work out why it hurts quite as much as it does.

If there's nothing there, how can it be so painful?

You sniff back tears that fail to truly form and pull your phone from beneath your pillow. It's hard to move your fingers when they're tangled up in puppet strings that Seokjin is refusing to let go of, but eventually you manage to tap through some Instagram stories in a bid to distract yourself from him.

Inspirational quotes don't do much for you, nor do the engagement pictures of people you haven't given a second thought since graduation. There's an abundance of them. Smiling faces. Diamonds, or maybe just cubic zirconia. Fresh sets of nails, hands that are pink and warm from the heat of whoever's been holding them.

It's a curious thought; what people who haven't spoken to you in years must think of you now.

You were the one who was going to succeed. Going far in life, made for a boardroom, would look incredible in a pantsuit - and yet you're working in a cafe, first-class degree of no more worth than the tissue paper you flush down the toilet.

See, you switched out life goals for glitter. You wear it like armour; protect yourself from the world around you. Who cares about seriousness and success when you're a constant disco? Not you. Could never be you.

Or at least, you hope that's what people think. Hope that no one realises you're covering yourself in artificial shine; like a canvas in acrylic because you were too impatient to watch the oil paint dry.

One day you'll glow. Glow for real.

For a while, you thought you had been with Seokjin.

All you see when you look in the mirror these days is tarnished silver; copper alloy pretending to be much more than what it really is. Your skin will turn green eventually.

There is, however, one person you've managed to fool.

When his story pops up - a repost of tomorrow night's paint party event at Dionysus - you find yourself clicking through to your DM thread without much thought. You know he's at work. Know it's a 50/50 whether or not he'll get back to you before your mind begins to berate you again for how miserable you feel.

It's a simple message - hey - and you're pleased that it's met with an equally simple reply not even a minute later.

JustJK: To what do I owe the pleasure?

You decided that 'I'm about to cry over my shitbag ex so chose to message you instead' probably won't be Jeongguk's favourite thing to hear, so you opt for a little white lie.

You: Just wondering how the kids are <3

Part of you worries he won't understand what the fuck you're on about - but of course, he does. He's Jeongguk. Gets you better than you get yourself, these days.

JustJK: Missing their mother.

JustJK: Perry the Pigeon almost fell earlier.

JustJK: Roger the Robin looks like he has a broken wing.

JustJK: Must be one of yours. Inherited his mother's wonkiness <3

With each message that comes through, your smile grows wider in the midnight darkness of your bedroom.

You: Careful or I'll file for joint custody.

You: Get poor Roger away from his father's cruel remarks </3

There's an ease to how you joke together, both aware of how unserious you are. There's no second-guessing, no worrying about saying the wrong thing. If you do, you'll say sorry and move on. No harm, no foul.

JustJK: Your appeal won't hold up in court, Byeol.

JustJK: You've neglected them ever since you spawned them.

JustJK: Haven't even paid them a visit!!!

Laughter stifles in your throat as your body curls up into a more comfortable position. The audacity of this boy, you think, ignoring the way he manages to get you entirely focused on something that isn't your own despair.

You: You've got full custody!!!

JustJK: And you're still allowed to come for supervised visits!!!!!

JustJK: smh and to think you call yourself their mother.

JustJK: I'm their mother now.

You pout at your screen, and whine a small little 'nooo'.

You: They need me :(

JustJK: Come and see them, then. They miss their mother.

You: Tomorrow?

He reads the messages instantly, but takes a little longer than usual to reply. It worries you slightly. Makes you more aware of your surroundings. The scent of Seokjin's aftershave begins to permeate the air once more.

Until, all rather suddenly, it doesn't anymore.

JustJK: I'm not working tomorrow night, but Jimin's insisting on going to the paint party - you coming?

You: Will Perry the Pigeon be there?

JustJK: If he falls before I leave for the club, then yes.

It's not a bad proposition. One that quite intrigues you. One that has you agreeing, and him telling you to fuck off and go to sleep. He's got work to do, he says.

It's actually quite quiet at the club - Yeonjun just caught him looking at his phone with a dumb smile a few too many times for Jeongguk's liking. Doesn't wanna get caught out again.

Especially doesn't want him catching onto the fact that there's a reason Jeongguk's eyes light up like Disco Balls when he looks at his phone.

Yeonjun doesn't really have friends who are girls, Jeongguk reasons with himself. Won't understand that he's perfectly capable of having a little flirt without it meaning anything more than that - after all, isn't that just what banter is? Friendly flirting? He does it with the boys all the time. Doesn't mean fuck all. Just fun.

Jeongguk's a couple of years older than his cerulean-haired coworker, and has learnt the hard way that you really shouldn't escalate friends above the level of purely platonic. One day Yeonjun will realise this.

For now, though, Yeonjun'll shag anyone who looks at him in the right direction. Has probably already ruined a few good friendships. Doesn't even realise he's done it.

Jeongguk trusts himself not to make the same mistakes he's made in the past with you. Thinks that he's pretty happy with how things are. Has missed the dynamics of friendships with girls. Is looking forward to Monday movie night with you and Danbi again.

And yet when he gets home to find Perry the paper pigeon on his bed, he can't help but smile.

You wake up to a picture of the fallen bird in your DMs - and even though you'll whine and complain about it when you see him that evening, all you can do is smile, too.

JustJK: Looks like we're having a wholesome family trip to Dionysus tonight.

You: Mummy and Daddy reunited at last <33 Perry will be so happy.

JustJK: It's okay, you don't have to lie.

JustJK: I know you're talking about yourself, not Perry.

Jeongguk doesn't send the message where he tells you not to call him Daddy. Knows you'll read into it; tease him about it. It's not like he's got a thing for it, or anything, he just... maybe wouldn't be opposed to it, and so he'd rather not be called it when he's having casual conversations with you. Wouldn't wanna get flustered.

Part of you already knows this. Is precisely why you'd said it. It's not really your style, not the kind of thing that gets you going.

But it is also exactly why you choose to end your next message with, 'See you tonight, Daddy x'.

You're laughing as you send it.

And as he receives it, Jeongguk groans. Buries his head into his pillow. Crumples Perry a little in the process. Whines.

"Don't fuck this up, Jeongguk."

AO3 | MASTERLIST | NEXT

#by holly #jk #jeongguk fanfic #jungkook fanfic #Jungkook Fanfiction #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #jungkook x reader #jungkook ff #jeongguk fic #bartender!jungkook #BD #bad decisions #bangtan #bts fanfic #dappleddaisies

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the-s1lly-corner · 4 months

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Anon who asked about the mpost/the one who had sent the tadc x wolf reader request here... Here's my new and improved version of the request!! And not on anon so I get the notification for it being completed :3

Okay so, tadc characters of your choosing (if you need specific characters then Jax, Ragatha, Caine, and Gangle) x a wolf!reader who is really shy, tends to be self deprecating, is a people pleaser, and underestimates their skills. Preferably platonic but romantic is fine!!

Caine, Ragatha, Jax and Gangle x wolf!reader who is shy w/ low confidence !

writing this then imma go work on my silly art eheheheheh unironically listening to hit my spot by ur pretty (do NOT listen to it without headphones if youre not alone it is literally gay sex song) on loop it has no reason to be so catchy gawd DAMN admins yapping aside i hope you enjoy this !! written more leaning towards platonic !!

CAINE:

i think he would try to hype you up and make you more confident in yourself! i think he would be a little confused on why you arent too.. self assured, i mean he thinks youre cool and talented and skilled and-

he could go on for hours.. i think sometimes you might cave into him and what he wants due to you being a people pleaser and it might take caine a while to catch on to that and try to pay attention to those smaller things, especially if theres something making you uncomfortable... the good thing about being a wolf is that you have ears and a tail, which do a lot in conveying how youre feeling in the moment! usually he pays attention to those things if youre the type to not like.. vocalizing your discomfort. hypes you up to everyone who will listen, stops just short of picking you up and showing you off to everyone/hj

RAGATHA:

similar to caine she uses your ears and tail as a means to gauge your internal feelings about things. ragatha is a lot more low energy and calmer compared to some of the other characters on this list... has the least issues of reading you. pulls you away if youre getting uncomfortable in any situation, and oftentimes stands up for you if someone is trying to push you something you dont actually want to do... a lot of the times those people tend to be jax.. but we'll talk about that in his part. I like to think she would try to give you little pep talks when she notices you're a little down.. makes frequent compliments to you and the things you do (skills, hobbies, ect). her room is always open to you whenever you need an escape!

JAX:

really a lot of his "coercing" is just him teasing you and, in a somewhat mean way, trying to subtly push you to get a backbone and find your limit. he wont say it or really express it, but you guys are friends and he does want to see you be able to speak for yourself... its just how he goes about it can be a little... erlrkgkh.... you know? since HES the one trying to test your boundaries and get you to snap at him. i dont think he would go as far as make fun of your hobbies and interests to make you stand up for yourself.. thats just. a smidge to mean, since youre his friend. definitely calls you wolf/dog-based nicknames, most of them dont fall into the "im trying to make you stand up for yourself" thing and more so "haha i think its funny and genuinely lighthearted"

its a little odd but there are good intentions in there

GANGLE:

she gets it, she really does... you two probably talk to one another about your problems to one another... you both find comfort in it and in a way it makes you both feel better. seeing you uncomfortable or anxious kind of empowers gangle to come and help you out, regardless of which mask shes wearing. i like to think it would to the same for you if the roles were reversed... its kind of like how you stop being anxious momentarily when you see your friend struggling and being anxious themselves and you back them up or speak for them, you know? or maybe thats just a me thing... shrugs. probably gives you bows and ribbons to put on your tail to accessorize it

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #caine x reader #caine x you #caine imagine #ragatha x reader #ragatha x you #ragatha imagine #jax x reader #jax x you #jax imagine #gangle x reader #gangle x you #gangle imagine

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controversial-blorbo-bracket · 5 months

Text

Controversial Character Tournament Round 2: Gamzee Makara from Homestuck vs Maeglin Lómion from The Silmarillion/The Fall Of Gondolin

(remember that these characters are fictional and your fellow tumblr users are real. i will block you if you harass others in the notes, please consider sending your unhinged harassment to my inbox instead)

Propaganda under the cut, may contain spoilers:

Gamzee Makara:

LOVE: - "Okay, so Gamzee is such a divisive character that I even hesitated on choosing "love". Sad clown with an absentee father raised in a fascist dictatorship. Was mind controlled into killing his friends and then mind controlled during a toxic relationship (or two). Suffers from addiction so fandom likes to go "Oh, how scary his withdraws are. Clearly being drugged up was the only thing keeping this THIRTEEN YEAR OLD from murdering his friends (who largely ignored him, insulted him, demeaned him and acted like they wanted nothing to do with him). Having one such friend gently touch his face didn't cure him of his issues (or the mind control) so obviously he is an irredeemable monster and an abuser. This is genetic." I know you've gotten tons of Vriska, so basically insert any of Vriska's apologists' points here." - "Gamzee is a complex character who is used as a puppet both by the other villains of Homestuck and by the arthur. Once someone takes a deeper look at him they might find a tragic character who had lots of chances where he could have gotten onto a better path but those chances were not able to be given or taken. On the flip side Gamzee suffers from some poor writing that leaves aspects of the character to based off poor stereotypes, he also lacks chances to show his internal character as thr story goes on and is treated like a tool by the story. He also killed some fan favorite characters and has a version of himself (homestuck is a multi timeline story) that abused a different fan favorite character." - "I know Vriska is the obvious pick for controversial HS blorbo, but consider: He is the world's shittiest boy. No one knows why he does the things he does he might just be a murderclown but he might be mind controlled or something no one knows and people have really strong opinions on him based on what they believe. He makes me very sad because I did think he was a cool character before he snapped." - "He was written so poorly 💔" - "when i was 12 i had a crush on him i was like a gamzee apologist and i was probably right i dont remember homestuck. i used to listen to icp and think wowww this is just like my clwon boyfriend and giggle and blush and kick my legs and i still do that with my fake boyfriend but hes not gamzee and its not icp and im not 12 but he kind of sounds like gamzee but thats because hes a smoker and he wouldnt listen to icp he likes techno. anyway i used to get so sad when people said they didnt like him because of the killings and i brought him up to my old therapist a couple times thats kind of funny looking back but i would do it again (but not with gamzee. with my fake chain smoker boyfriend who likes techno). anyway anyway my mom listens icp because her old friend from highschool who died was a juggalo and whenever i hear her listen to it i think about gamzee so i havent forgot about him yet. hes wasnt my favorite character thouhg my favorite character was the gemini one (i also had a crush on him when i was 12 i tried to lucid dream to see him once) (it didnt work). ok love you bye." - "-Funny clown -Cares about his friends -Absent parental figure :( -Did some murder but it wasn't his fault really he didn't have all of his mental faculties (see next point) -Got brainwashed by a universe-destroying god that is everywhere and nowhere at the same time through the form of a rapping marionette -The author(s) fucking hates him for some reason and retconned his previous characterization to make him a one-dimensional shitty villain and used canon text to make fun of fans who like him and no I'm not exaggerating -If I don't make him my blorbo who will"

Maeglin Lómion:

LOVE: - "LISTEN okay so he DID betray the city of Gondolin to the guy who literally invented evil, and that DID result in it getting destroyed and a whole bunch of people dying or being taken prisoner (which is probably worse in this instance), and also he DID attempt to throw his cousin's seven-year-old son off the city walls to his death during the attack. BUT. I love him. Also, and more substantially, a) he didn't go out of his way to betray the city, he was taken prisoner and threatened into it, b) he had an incredibly painful history with Gondolin involving both his parents' violent deaths happening like ten minutes after he arrived there, and he was legally not allowed to leave, and c) he was SO YOUNG (only 180! that's hardly anything for an elf!) and he is SO ANGSTY and INTERESTINGLY GOTH and SELF-HATING and I LOVE him. So." - "First of all he was LITERALLY CURSED TWICE OVER so there was NO WAY he was coming to a good end okay. Sure he had a crush on his cousin but he canonically didn't say anything and she only knew because she read his mind and he wasn't able to hide it from her. He had a major éowyn moment (iconic) and was trapped in cage after cage all his life and tbh after what he saw in the Nirnaeth I'm NOT surprised he voted to stay instead of go. Or just told the king what he wanted to hear. Anyway the POINT is that breaking under mental torment to morgoth, whose force and victory he'd seen firsthand, is NOT a moral failing, and idril started conspiring against him before he'd actually done anything wrong. The attempted murder was, admittedly, not great though. But he didn't even SUCCEED like c'mon he just got homoerotically yeeted from a cliff about it. In conclusion: maeglin did nothing wrong except all the things he did wrong, and the version in which he's most openly evil is also the one where both the narrative and the other elves are racist to him so like they had it coming"

#poll #round 2 #maeglin #maeglin lomion #the silmarillion #lord of the rings #gamzee makara #gamzee homestuck #gamzee #homestuck gamzee #homestuck #6 submissions #2 submissions

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x-liv25-jamieswife · 20 days

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maxander head canons

@ant-thebooknerd requested this in my comment section so here it is. @hathorneheiress helped with this post. some hcs might suck and i apologize if anything doesn��t make sense cause this isn’t proof read. i haven't gotten any real sleep in 3 days so my hcs making brain juice has almost run out. hope you like it! i will make a part two bc i love them and these were so easy and fun to make.

max gets annoyed sometimes cause she loves reading but hates having to hold the book open, and those contraptions you buy online don't work. xander built her smth just for her.

they're the type of people to kiss each other's feet and bow down to each other as a joke

when they can't sleep, they read smut to each other.

when they’re out in public, xander clings onto her arm like a baby.

although they’re in a relationship, they’re both really shy when it comes to telling the other i love you. either that or they make it a competition like who can go the longest without saying i love you accidently.

they're the type of people to always be on call. it doesn't matter if they're sleeping or at the bathroom, they will NOT hang up.

i can see him asking her to prom with those super cliche embarrassing posters with puns and stuff. max squealed like a seal when he did it.

they do those challenges on tiktok where someone puts the karaoke version of a song on and the other has to guess what song is playing (search it up if you don’t know what im talking about).

speaking of singing, they make the weirdest parodies of songs and sing them during their weekly dinners with the rest of the family.

when xander doesn't want to wake up and get out of bed, max shakes her ass in his face and jumps all over him.

they both love lying down sprawled on the floor quietly, staring at the ceiling, questioning their life decisions together.

they love scaring people when they're in his lab and people are passing by saying stuff like 'harder, xander! ah you’re so big. yes that's it right there". they always succeed.

they love pretending like they're their favorite historical romance couples like elizabeth and darcy from pride and prejudice. they go around acting out all of the scenes and stuff.

whenever their favorite artists release an album, they have a listening party with popcorn, candy, balloons, confetti, etc. its this huge thing and it basically becomes a holiday for them (which obviously doesn't have a set date bc albums are released randomly)

they post those weird cliche cheesy prank videos like "pregnancy prank on my boyfriend"

when they cuddle in bed, max is the big spoon and xander is the little spoon.

they’re both cuddle addicts. they’ll be at a super important event and they’ll be sitting on the floor in each other’s arms whispering things to each other. alisa gets so mad and thinks its bad for their image.

ever since they started dating, xander doesn't use his pillow anymore, he lies down on max's chest bc he think boobs are better than any pillow.

they love watching crime series and trying to figure out who committed the crime themselves.

max loves making paper flower bouquets for xander.

max wanted to learn how to twerk so she got xander to teach her. she's now an expert (even better than xander)

xander loves picking up her hand and bowing down to kiss it like some historical romance boyfriend saying stuff like "why hello there, mlady"

they are constantly sending each other tiktoks. one will wake up the next morning and see that the other one sent them 20 different tiktoks. they send the other their thoughts on each and everyone of them in a numbered list.

max becomes a literal monster when she’s on her period. she’s constantly screaming at xander to get her chocolate and stuff and xander’s running around trying to get it for her. she also asks for the most unreasonable things ever. she’ll ask xander to get her a book blanket or some shit and xander will sit there, terrified, wondering what he’s supposed to do.

max is always bragging about the fact that she can eat more than xander even though he’s much bigger than she is.

max will only swear for real in front of xander. they make a competition out of it: “who can out swear the other” usually sweet cinnamon roll xander wins surprisingly.

they sneak around hawthorne house together to try to get all of the juicy gossip. i can see them acting like they're in a comedy movie hiding behind cleaning carts and stuff.

they call each other stuff like 'my sexy sweet sugar plum dusted with pepper" and "my hot little apple pie sprinkled with glitter"

they draw stuff on each other's arms with sharpies. they're too scared to get actual tattoos so this is the next best thing.

when max has a bad day, she loves lying down completely on top of xander and placing her head in the crook of his neck. it allows her to decompress and relax.

nose kisses are their favorite type of kisses bc it always makes the other blush and scrunch their nose, and they find it adorable.

they have matching shirts that go like "if lost return to max"/"i am max"

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne #libby grambs #maxine liu #maxander

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cecillias-garden · 7 months

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Im thinking a lot about LOA this morning, in part thanks to @creature-wizard and their posts about the subject, and I think there are a lot of you in the tags that may be very hurt by what your seeing, but I want to talk as someone who practiced loa for a time, and has since moved on to other practices, other ideas.

A lot has been said about the appeal of LOA and other forms of "new age" mysticism for those who are in hard times, for those who are struggling and looking for hope, but there's an underlying central idea to New Age mysticism that I think needs to be touched on - one that I think a lot of us have trouble talking about.

The idea that the nature and the universe is fundamentally good.

We see it in the way "all natural" remedies are pushed, in the way that positive thinking and manifesting is sold as a way to be in-tune with the fundamental peace and understanding of the universe. We're told that being in-tune with the good intentions of the universe as the solution to our troubles. Let go and float downstream. Ask and you shall receive.

But all of this relies on that good intent to be real.

All of it relies on their being a structure, guidance.

We think we need that structure to make sense of all of the chaos around us.

Even recently it gets hard for me not to fall into the trap of magical thinking of aligning one's self with the intentions of the universe, to be one with God or source or whatever you may call it, but I'm sorry to say that these "intentions", this alignment, isn't real.

Hardships will come to you. They will hit you when you least expect it. They will hit you when you least deserve it. Some will be natural, and others manmade. They will come and it will hurt. God, it will hurt. I should know, I've seen it. I've felt it. I've lived it, and no amount of alignment or spiritual thinking was enough.

It is not the job of the universe or any god to shield us from hardship. It is not up to any movement to ensure our happiness. Happiness is something to be made for ourselves, in spite of our struggles. Its up to us to separate ourselves from what we think we deserve, and work instead towards what we want one step at a time.

It isn't going to be easy.

I'm fact, I'm afraid it will be quite difficult.

But there is hope without LOA. You can find that hope everywhere you go.

We are humans, a social species meant to rely on each other.

Let others rely on you, and allow yourself to rely on them when you need it.

And if you are to practice any sort of spirituality, understand this:

The goal of spiritual practice is in the practice, not the result. If you like meditation, if you like casting spells or feel good when you pray, keep doing that.

The goal of this post is by no means to cast doubt on spiritually as a whole.

Instead, think of it as a gentle warning, from someone who may have once been like you.

LOA advocates will claim you need the practice to be happy. They will tell you that things are so very simple. They will tell you that all you need is to align yourself with your happiness and everything will be okay.

You deserve better than that. You deserve the truth. You deserve to be able to look the world in the eye.

Happiness is something that each and every one of us has to discover for themselves. There are places to start - setting strong boundaries, setting goals, and finding fulfillment through whatever work or play we might enjoy. But you don't need someone to tell you how to be happy, and that includes myself. All I ask is that you listen to what others are saying, and understand why loa can be so harmful. There's a lot of nuance to the world and how things work, but if you made it this far... I think you can find yourself on a pretty good path.

I will give one parting gift that helps me. Take it if you want, but you don't need to if it doesn't fit with you. Its just a phrase that I find helpful whenever things go wrong:

"Well, that sucked. Now how can we make it better?"

#loa #manifesting #spirituality #ex loa

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hellspawnmotel · 2 years

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I love your art!! I really admire your work and I love your deltarune fanart, especially how you draw noelle :) whenever I look at your art I always feel like you have such a firm grasp on anatomy and all your drawings feel like they really exist in 3d space, and i love how the characters in your drawings are shaped :0 do you have any tips for a learning artist?

well gosh, after you buttering me up like that, how can i refuse? (jk but in all serious, thank you so much this is SO sweet) anyway, let's see, tips..... (this ended up turning into a whole tutorial lmao)

so one thing you'll hear a lot of artists say is to start with a warm up first, but not a lot about what "warming up" actually means. some people take that to mean they have to start with a whole other drawing, personally i find that takes away too much energy and i end up spending way more time on it than i want to. i like doodling little cubes and cylinders, but if i have something to color sometimes i just do that to warm up. whatever works for you best, just anything to get your hand used to the motion of drawing.

for starting the actual drawing it really is important to begin with a line of action. think of it as a basic guideline for how you want to pose a character. it will help the pose flow better, trust me. (im going to draw noelle bc obviously im pretty used to that)

some artists start with just the line, i like to do the guide for the head first and then the line, whatever

you dont absolutely have to follow the line for your pose btw its just good to have an idea of what youre doing before you do it

after that is when you start worrying about shapes, usually. an important thing to remember when drawing is that absolutely everything is made of shapes, first and foremost. humans, animals, objects, drawing anything starts with shapes. circles squares and triangles. this goes for drawing from life too! it's why you want to start with a light pencil or a sketch layer cuz this is the stuff youre gonna erase later, but it's essentially the skeleton of your drawing

btw, i give noelle a very basic "average thin teenage girl" figure but it's good to practice other body types too and learn what shapes work best for drawing those

you mightve heard the advice to "draw the person nude first and then draw the clothes on top of them" and that's only partially true- it's good to know what the shape of the body is before you dive in with the clothes but you dont have to do like, a whole nude model first. you just need enough to understand how the fabric is going to fall on the body

also, and this is sort of off-topic, but when it comes to clothes its good to understand how different fabric works and how it's going to react to a body underneath it. some fabric clings, some is very loose, some is thin and some is thick. basically what im saying is that you dont have to shrink-wrap the clothing to the body, especially when it comes to a character with breasts or anything else that sticks out. thats a mistake a lot of beginner artists make. in this case, noelle's robe is very loose but i still want it to conform to her body a little bit so the pose isn't totally lost

aaaaand there ya go! after all that is when im ready to actually draw the dang thing. you can tell if you look close that i didnt totally follow the guidelines i made for myself, and that's okay. for example i tend to almost always draw the head too small and then have to enlarge it afterwards. one of the perks of being a digital artist is i can make mistakes and not have to re-do the whole drawing to fix them.

one other thing as to how to get better at actually drawing the body right in the first place- FIGURE DRAWING! as cliche as it might sound it really helps. it's best to draw from life, but if you can't get into a class for it there are plenty of websites out there with good photography of nude models. i also reference a lot of my poses from those websites, or sometimes from videos of figure skating or ballet if i think the situation calls for it.

this is a good website for figure drawing practice- it lets you set a timer so you can practice getting a pose down quickly or spend a lot of time on one model, your choice

also, yknow, always make sure you're having fun and dont stress out too much about whether what youre drawing looks good. the more you draw, the better, and don't think you have to post everything to social media if you dont want to. draw for yourself first and foremost and observe from life and artists you admire what you WANT to draw and want to get better at, and what looks like fun. that's the most important part

#(im doing this to avoid having to write something else dont tell anyone)#i have no idea if this is a good tutorial or not or if its all stuff you already know #im basically parroting what i was taught in art school. so you dont have to go to art school

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sanemifromcriagslist · 9 months

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BEN Drowned with S/O who is opposite personality to him. Headcanons

Brat || BEN Drowned

Synopsis - How BEN would be with a significant other, who’s his opposite.

Warnings - Dark Humour, mentions of death, mentions of ghosts, mentions of hitting, Jeff. Possibly more?? { Let me know if any are founded please 🙏 }

A/n - I have school in an hour. I hate it.

Word count - 858

↳ BEN to me is such a silly little guy. He’s a goof ball, he’s annoying. He gives off annoying little brother energy.

↳ So for him to have a Significant Other with an opposite personality, they’d would probably give off oldest sibling energy. Essentially, the responsible one.

↳ Definitely teases. Bro would come up behind his significant other, and either pick them up or jump on their back.

↳ BEN has severe ambivert energy. He LOVES hanging out with people, like Jeff and Sally.

↳ BUT, he also likes his privacy, so, bitches better give him that, or they’ll meet with a terrible fate.

{ Do you get it? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) }

↳ So, honestly, his significant other could go either way!

↳ Anyone else think he’d flirt with them, but they’re really bad pick up lines?

↳ “Hey baby, are you noose? Cause I wanna wear you around my neck.”

↳ Dark humour. Definitely his thing. Makes many, many suicidal jokes. You know the abortion version of “Road Work Ahead?”? Yeah, that’s him.

↳ You have so many damn nicknames, and it’s rare you’ll the same one twice in the same day. Jeff once joked he’d forgotten your name and instead called stupid shit to cover it up.

↳ BEN punched him in the gut.

↳ I just thought of this while cleaning my room, but If you take your phone with you to bathroom, he’s using that as a way to come into the bathroom and talk with you.

↳ BEN would sit on the floor next to you, maybe his face is resting on your thigh, or he’s got his arms wrapped around you, while you do whatever.

↳ Definitely a cuddles. So if his significant other isn’t the biggest fan of touch, he’d be a little sad he can’t touch you whenever.

↳ I can 100% image him just sitting, shaking with energy, and you come up and ask him for a hug, and he just practically explodes.

↳ He needs to put his energy somewhere so why not on you?

↳ BEN would adore you if you were shorter than him. Constantly hugging you from behind, leaning on you, comparing hand sizes, standing on tall thing to be even taller then you than laughing at you calling you short.

↳ But if you’re taller than him, he’s so fucking petty. 😭

↳ He constantly be jumping on you, glaring up at you, stand on things, then laugh at you and call you short.

↳ But no matter your height, he’d ask you about how the weather is doing.

↳ “How’s the weather down there?”

↳ “How’s the weather up there?”

↳ Don’t worry though, no matter your height, you can still shove him ☺️

↳ He’s so short either way, like think between 4’10 and 5’4. As much as BEN hates his height, he uses this to his advantage.

↳ “Hey! 🥺 I’m SO small and tiny, you shouldn’t pick on me. 👉👈I’m just so little, no girls like me, so if you’re gonna leave me, just go then.😔”

↳ He’d also be that cringy but funny guy on TikTok who makes those Omegaverse jokes in videos and comments.

↳ “Baby, I am your alpha! You are my Omega! You will submit to me. Because im the Daddy. 😈”

↳ I reckon he’d enjoy the game Sally Face, so while he’s doing a play through, he’d get you to do silly voices for the characters with him.

↳ BEN would love to do Larry’s voice, while you’d be Sal or Todd. He’s Ash cause he wants to be the hot character.

↳ He doesn’t really get angry, at least not with you. He’d just get sulky, and petty. So if you have a short temper, you’d both supple Dazai and Chuuya energy.

↳ Take a guess who is who :DD

↳ Might be a little inaccurate, cause I’m only up to episode 4 of the first season… 😓 Everything else I’ve seen is TikTok and fanfics 🤠

↳ Honestly, the way you to even met would be odd. So I reckon Sally would have been an influence. Whether you’re an innocent civilian or a murderer 👀

↳ Sally’s a ghost, right? And she hangs out with kids, right? Well, maybe you were babysitting a random kid or a younger sibling, and you had taken them to the park. By chance, Sally and insert child you’re looking after, become friends at park.

↳ It’s basically universally known Sally and BEN are the sibling figures if Creepypasta, so either BEN is there or he listens to Sally talk about you two constantly.

↳ Eventually, you two meet and blah blah blah, DATING. 😈

↳ At night, when it’s time to sleep, whether he does or doesn’t, he NEEDS to be touching you. He’ll whine otherwise.

↳ He would cry if you pushed his leg off of you. He’d wake you up and ask if you even love him anymore? 💔

↳ Just slap him upside the head and tell him to go to sleep. Bro would just sit there for five minutes and be hella confused.

↳ If you happen to be a guy, anytime you two would kiss, he would tell you that’s gay. Knowing him, he’d probably still do this if you’re a girl. 💀

↳ BENs so silly ☺️

↳ Oh my god, if your not giving him attention, he’d lick your face to get it. 💀

↳ Basically, BENs a brat, he’d love you either way, fines it fun to tease you! 🤠

thank you!! ♡

#creepypasta #creepypasta x reader #ben drowned #ben drowned x reader #creepypasta ben drowned #creepypasta ben #I don’t know what else to tag #hiro answers! ♡

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xxlovelynovaxx · 9 months

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Okay I know this is referring to a very specific phenomenon but takes like this still PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. Screenshot below.

STOP FUCKING MAKING OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPERIENCE OF AND APPROACH TO THEIR ILLNESS ABOUT YOU.

Screenshot end.

[Image ID: two screenshots of a tumblr post which reads: ive been on tumblr a long time and i remember when everyone said "oh don't romanticize mental illness" and it was agreed that doing that was gross and a good way to kill people indirectly

but somehow we've come full circle and there are people who legit defend their right to be anti-recovery there are people who don't want to get better and spread the idea that you can't get better as if it's gospel and it's fucking frightening to me bc nobody seems to want to say "hey? this is toxic and untrue and is your disease speaking, and it's not something you should accept."

and i feel like every recovery post gets about 500 of these people saying "this isn't something that will work" "cool karen i'm depressed" "maybe it worked for you but it won't work for other people" and that's... just... im so sorry if you're 15. i'm sorry if you're in high school and watching grown adults tell you it doesn't get better. that nobody says that with time and help and patience the world stops being so heavy, that accepting your illness as a fact is one thing but accepting it as the only way to be is just wrong, that you can learn to live with it and still find some degree of "happy".... if i had seen this shit back when i was ... oh god starting at 12 when i was already self-harming .... i think i'd have actually honest-to-god killed myself. not a joke, not a funny tumblr punchline, i would have actually just killed myself.

i'm saying this right here and right now to the adults on this site. if you for any reason shoot down positivity that's causing no harm - you might have indirectly worsened someone else's condition, and you should try and do better in the future. if you find it necessary to tell people "recovery is a lie", you need to do better. i know everyone has different circumstances, but i also know that mental illness behaves in such a way that everyone thinks they can't recover. if you feel like you should be spreading the Word Of Relapse, you are causing toxic language to be normalized and you need to do better.

im team "cool karen ive got depression and that means i'm going to try this because i've got to try something" i'm team "romanticize recovery" i'm team "it isn't working now but it might in the future and it's worth staying to find out” im team “hey this didn't work for me but it might help somebody else out"

fuck guys it shouldn't be an unpopular opinion to say "i don't want any of you to die". /end ID]

Stop denying the autonomy of mentally ill and mad people and saying "this is just your mental illness speaking and if you think this you need to be forced to recover for your own good"!!! You're a huge fucking ableist if you do this! It's something I've fucking accepted because constantly fighting against it was causing me MORE HARM than learning to live as a person with mental illness, fuck off!

Some people genuinely can't recover! Get this, some people have MORE SEVERE mental or physical illness than you. How is this fucking different than saying "[medication] or [treatment regimen] made my MCAS/POTS go into complete remission, so why are you still experiencing anaphylactic episodes despite trying every possible intensive treatment/med?"

(I try to only use examples I have personal experience with whenever possible to avoid unintentional ableism. This one is especially apt though as depression and most mental illnesses are not an acute injury, but rather a chronic illness. Remission is possible for some people. At least currently, a "cure" isn't, and recovery is usually closer to management than complete healing. Ofc not all injuries can heal either, but I think it's more apt to compare apples to apples here.)

Also, depression isn't the only mental illness, double fuck off!

Get this, I know my own needs and my own brain and my own illness better than you, triple fuck off!

Like yes, don't shit on positivity posts. In the same way anti-recovery posts aren't for everyone, if a recovery positivity post isn't for you, just move on. Filter or block if you need to.

That being said, there's a difference between positivity posts and posts that say "recovery/this aspect of recovery is mandatory". That kind of "positivity" IS causing harm. Stating "hey this isn't mandatory for recovery and recovery itself is optional, do what helps you most even if that means remaining mentally ill" isn't fucking "spreading the Word of Relapse".

Also "maybe it worked for you but it won't work for everyone" is quite literally not an attack and CERTAINLY not anti-recovery. There isn't a single recovery tool on the PLANET that will work for everyone. That's just a fucking fact.

All I can think of when I see this is that OP probably reblogged that post that basically said "you need to brush your teeth, if you don't you're harming yourself and are therefore a Bad Person, and if you can't, you can actually and are basically just refusing to recover out of laziness I mean because you're not trying hard enough I mean because you don't want to and your poor mental health is basically therefore your fault." Because yes, that was the implication of that post.

Refusing to acknowledge that people can be disabled enough BY ANY ILLNESS to not be able to recover isn't actually helping mentally ill people.

Like, even setting aside that I literally romanticize my mental illnesses as a healthy coping mechanism (signed off on by my therapist, in case you only believe people certified by the oppressive institution known as psychiatry), even setting aside that I have mental illnesses that can't be cured and that I don't want treated in part or in whole (I don't want meds or therapy for my schizophrenia, I only want to achieve functional multiplicity with my DID, as examples)...

It's not "spreading the idea that you can't get better" to acknowledge that SOME people can't get better. First of all, fucking curate your own online experience. Second of all, me saying I will never live without severe anxiety, as one example, is exactly the same as me saying I'll never be able to navigate the world without a mobility aid. It's fucking acknowledging my material reality. It's better for ME to stop wasting all my energy on the stuff that I either fully can't do or that hurts me to try to do and focus on what PERSONALLY makes my quality of life better, even if it makes me MORE ILL.

Finally, even if someone CAN recover, they don't fucking owe you that! There is no moral imperative for them to recover! If them choosing to continue to be mentally ill (by which this post only means depression, but even then), is triggering to you, that's a fucking you problem.

Give people the tools to recover, but forced recovery is inherently a form of violence because it violates a person's autonomy! Why don't you focus on building a society where the social conditions responsible for a good portion of depression are simply gone instead of yelling at mentally ill disabled people on the internet who make choices about their own illness that you don't like?

And stop fucking saying "if you make a decision I disagree with, it's your mental illness speaking and you're not actually capable of recognizing that or of making your own decisions (and therefore need "rescuing")"!!!

That's the justification used for institutionalization and psychiatric abuse.

That's the reason so many psychotic people who are not harming anyone have their psychosis forcibly suppressed via nonconsensual medication. (And quite honestly, even for those few that are causing harm, there are other options besides "lose all autonomy" and "be harmfully medicated into an approximation of a sanist concept of normalcy that is actually just drugging someone into docile compliance". Make no mistake, antipsychotics themselves are not inherently harmless and DO require informed consent. Though I am all for their usage by people who DO grant noncoerced informed consent; I'm not anti-med, I'm pro-consent.

It's not "normalizing toxic language" to literally argue for mad liberation and respecting the autonomy of mentally ill people. To say "I actually know my own self and experiences best and can therefore say this is not coming from the mental illness" or EVEN "it is coming from the mental illness, but I am still capable of making the decision to choose this anyway, because mental illness does not make me inherently incapable of consent" (yes, even if it causes the brain to be in an altered state, stop with that paternalistic bullshit), isn't something you need to "do better" about.

Fuck off.

Another thing: why do these posts ALWAYS go hand in hand with childism. It's a bunch of "15 years olds being hurt by the meanie adults who say they can't get better" and "toxic evil adults harming kids by teaching them that it's okay to make peace with being unhealthy because what's best for people isn't universal and our idea of recovery is very rigid anyway as proven by the idea that accepting your mental illness as it is isn't recovery".

I see you, 15 year olds who ARE mentally ill and are writing about mad liberation and anti-recovery and are wildly more capable and coming up with ideas in those veins that are blowing us all out of the water. For what it's worth, I'm proud of you, and my only wish for you is that you find the peace, whatever that means, that is best for you.

Just...

"if I had read this at 12 I would have actually killed myself" I'm glad you didn't, then, but that doesn't mean the sentiment shouldn't exist.

If anti-recovery isn't for you, that's fine. What's not fine is acting like it's inherently harmful and is a form of violence against every mentally ill person ever. Because many of us have been harmed by a culture that is "pro-recovery" and its logical extreme, forced recovery.

#anti-recovery #anti psych #ableism #childism #sanism #psych abuse #forced recovery #autonomy violation #nonconsensual medication #forced medication #normalism #healthism #institutionalization

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ldrei · 9 months

Text

.“Am I special?” Watanabe Haruto x male reader.

Summary: Haruto likes a girl but you like him and he didn’t know and he rants about confessing and you two fight.

Warnings : homophobia. Angst. Fighting. Losing your best friend.

Authors note : might write part 2 idk it depends on my mood reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated! Also a feedback and being rude is different. Anways enjoy.

“Hey m/nnie!” Your best friend of 6 years said. You looked at him in the eyes and said. “Yeah? Haru?”. “Do you think she will like me?” He

Yeah. It’s true Haruto is straight none the less kind of ignorant against the whole lgbt thing. Yet he tries. You know he tries you were the one who changed him in the pass about this whole thing anyways..

“Hey m/n?. You’re out of it again.” He said as he gives you his infamous smirk. Fuck. There he does it again. He’s making you feel I love again.

“I need to go home.” You tried leaving.

Haruto grabs your arm and said. “Hold up m/n. We live in the same dorm aka THIS dorm. Are you ok? You have been spacing out frequently this past months.” He was genuinely curious and worried about you.

“Then i need to go to jihoon Hyung’s place I’ll sleep there! That’s right I’ll stay there for this week”. You tried convincing Haruto to let go of you. But it didn’t work. His grip in your arm is getting tighter and tighter as you tried forcing him to let go of you.

“M/n. Are you?. Perhaps mad at me?” He said while sounding kind of disappointed. It’s true whenever he said he wanted to confess to a girl. You always try to avoid answering as it was hard for you to see him being in love with a someone. Someone that’s not you. Someone that’s opposite as you. It was slowly hurting you. Stabbing you. Killing you.

“No. I’m not so just let go. Let me go.” You swing your arm as strong as possible. “YOU. are mad at me. EVERYTIME I bring this topic up you get upset. WHATS the problem? Do you like the girl I’m liking? Or is it just WAY to annoying to see someone that looks better than you get what they want easily?”. There he goes again his ego. That same ego you hated. “THE FUCKING HELL? NO I AM NOT JEALOU-“. “then tell me m/n. What is bothering you. If you aren’t jealous what is it.” He said as he interrupted you. “Why is it so HARD for you to just support your best friend.”

“ BECAUSE I WANT US TO BE MORE THAN BEST FRIENDS.” you said as you looked into his eyes. “I-. didn’t know you felt that-“ he tried to say. “Of course you won’t. YOU WERE BUSY BEING A WOMANIZER.” Suddenly a loud slap. Was echoing around the room. “I- m/nnie im sorry I didn’t mean to but you. I really did-“. “Quit it Watanabe Haruto. I don’t need your reasons. Im leaving.” A big red hand print started to show up in your left cheek. It was painful yes. But losing someone special was more painful.

You thought to yourself what made you like him. He was ignorant and kind of homophobic in the past. Yet. You knew you could change him. You tried to change him, and it kinda worked. You always wondered what were you to him. Were you his only best friend? Of course no. Junkyu Hyung and the rest of your group mates are there. You questioned yourself. “Am I even special?”.

Anways the end - Rey rei

#kpop x male reader #watanabe haruto x male reader #haruto x male reader #treasure x male reader

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goldenempyrean · 1 year

Text

𝐌𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭!

〚 Main Masterlist || Request Here 〛

Hey, hey! I decided that instead of having a bunch of separate prompt lists it’d be easier to have one big one. So I combined all my prompt lists together to make one big list. This means I can just reblog whenever new ones are added! So same deal as usual, if you wanna request just pick some things from this list with your character choice :D

>〚 Request Here! 〛 <

〘 totally feel free to reblog this list and to use it in your own writing too 〙

𝐒𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐞 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐠𝐨𝐮𝐞:

“I don't feel well.”

“I'm fine. Stop worrying”

“Relax, it's just a cold.”

“I'm not sick. I literally do not get sick”

“I think I'm coming down with something.”

“Its just allergies!” (Totally isn't)

“No. I don't have hayfever.”

“Can we take a bath together?”

“Does my forehead feel warm to you?”

“I’ve missed you today.”

“I can't be sick right now! I have so much stuff I need to do”

“Is it cold in here, or is it just me?”

“Is it warm in here, or is it just me?”

“Baby, can you pass me the tissues?”

“Don't freak out but...”

“I’d keep your distance babe, this is pretty gross.”

“Do we have any coughdrops?”

"Cmon, you know I don’t get sick.“

"My head feels funny”

"I just need some sleep, I’ll be fine"

"Please stop worrying"

"Wait!.. Don’t go.“

“I’m Wallowing in self-pity.”

"Couldn’t you keep your cold to yourself?“

"Stay still, you’re making me dizzy.”

"…The central heating broke.“

"I’ll rest later! I have really important work stuff to finish.”

*sniff* “No, I don’t need a tissue.”

“Woah… Why is the room spinning?”

“Tissues are for sick people!”

“This isnt fair! Germs should see me and run the opposite way”

“You infected me.”

“I caught your stupid cold!”

*sniff* “We ran out of tissues.”

“Don't come too close. You don’t wanna catch this.”

“I'm really gross right now.”

“Can we shower together?”

“I didn’t want to ruin our plans…”

“I don’t need you to check my temperature, Im fine!”

“I thought the medicine was non-drowsy…”

“I’m not drinking it! It tastes disgusting!”

“Can we cuddle?”

“I don’t think I can walk straight right now.”

“If you keep kissing me then you’re going to catch this junk.”

“I think that maybe…possibly… I might be sick.”

“Can we please just snuggle on the sofa?”

“I'm just trying to get all this work done! I have no time to rest.”

“You’re overreacting, Im fine!”

“All I’ve done today is catch your cold!”

“You don’t need to worry about me sweetie.”

“I’ve felt worst.”

“You probably shouldn’t kiss me.”

“Hey! Your gonna catch this now.”

“Do I look okay to you?”

“I must look a mess…”

“I’m not really feeling too hot.”

“This can't be happening-“

“Can you budge up, I wanna lay with you.”

“You need to stop worrying about me.”

“Im going back to bed.”

“I can see you staring at me. You’re not discreet y’know?”

“Naps are only for babies and old people. Im neither.”

“I felt funny this morning, but it wasn’t this bad.”

“I don't care what you talk about, can you just keep talking?”

“I'm a little out of it today.”

“We need to buy more tissues.”

“I do not have a cold!”

“I can't use toilet paper, it makes my nose get all chapped!”

“I'm not pouting…”

“I'm allowed to be miserable.”

“Oh Im sorry. Is my sickness bothering you?”

“You worry too much.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to get sick.”

“It’s a cold. I’ll live.”

“Hey! Don’t tease me whilst I'm sick!”

“You gonna nurse me back to health?”

“I'm not feeling too hot.”

“You better not complain when you catch this.”

“I'm just a little under the weather that’s all.”

“I said I was fine.”

“I don’t need you to nurse me, I'm perfectly fine.”

“Y’know… I heard cuddles can cure colds quick.”

“I sneezed twice, is that a crime?”

“You’re not going to drop this, are you?”

“You didn’t have to go through all this trouble.”

“It's just a silly little cold.”

“Do you actually think I’ve had time to go out and get a flu-shot?”

“It's chaos here. I can't just stop working because I have the sniffles.”

“I want a hug.”

“Don’t get lost in the sea of tissues.”

“I'm not grumpy.”

“Sharing is caring afterall.”

“Can you just shut up for a second?”

“That medicine tastes gross.”

“I just can't stop sneezing!”

“I don’t get colds.”

“You don’t need to take care of me, I’ll be fine.”

“You’re really sweet for wanting to look after me like this.”

“I totally just got my germs all over you!”

“We were meant to go out tonight!”

“I didn’t want to cancel on you…”

“Is it obvious..?”

“Did you come home just to look after me?”

“Aw, you made me soup?”

“You’re literally my favourite person on earth right now.”

“Can I lie on you?”

“Can you turn the lights off, they’re giving me a migraine.”

“I think I caught that bug you had.”

“How long was I asleep?”

“My boss won't let me take a sick day.”

“I can take care of myself, thank you very much.”

"Why are you laughing at my misery?"

“Are you seriously going to say bless you every single time I sneeze?”

“I think I’m catching something.”

“I don’t want you to get sick too.”

“For the hundredth time, I am not sick!"

“I don’t don’t have time or energy to be sick right now.”

“Can you please stop pacing, you’re making me dizzy.”

“You gonna nurse me back to health then, Show me some bedside manner?”

“Jeez, if thats your beside manner, I’d rather take my chances on my own.”

“I can feel you drawing shapes on my back… it’s nice.”

“Maybe I should get you sick too so we can be miserable together.”

“I can’t tell if this movie is just boring or its because I’m sick but I’m really sleepy.”

“You’ll stay here while I sleep?”

“You’re hovering…”

༘ ⋆｡˚ ✧ ˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚ ✧ ˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚ ✧ ˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚

𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐮𝐞:

“You feeling alright?”

“Bless you! Are you sure you're ok? You never sneeze this much.”

“Babe, im saying this in the nicest way possible, you look like shit”

“Your cheeks are flushed”

“Let me feel your forehead.”

“We need to get that fever down.”

“I’ve never seen you this sick.”

“So much for your perfect immune system.”

“We’re going back inside.”

“Jeez, you look half-dead.”

“Let's get home so we can get you feeling better.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Your health isn't a joke.”

“Thats it. You're going to bed.”

“Let's just cuddle”

“Your never usually so quiet.”

“Aw, you're all sniffly.”

“Wow. Bless you! That didn't sound too good.”

“I'm going to take care of you.”

“Would you like some tea?”

"You look like death warmed over.“ "Bless you!… since when do you sneeze more than once?”

"I’m getting you something for that fever.“

"Make sure you wear something warm.”

"You’re going to catch your death out here.“

"Slow down, you’re slurring your words.”

"I’m going to run you a bath.“

"Baby you're shivering.”

"Your eyes are glassy.“

"Aw, your nose is all red.”

"You know we own tissues for a reason, right?“

"You need some more rest.”

"What are you doing up? You’re supposed to be in bed.“

"How did you get manage to get this sick, this fast”

"Date night can wait, your health is what’s important.“

"Blow your nose, I can’t understand what you’re trying to say.”

You can’t drive home in your condition.”

”There’s no way you’re going to stay home alone like this.”

“Please let me look after you.”

“You shouldn’t be embarrassed, everybody gets sick.”

“Please just sit down for a moment.”

“I’m not going to take that personally, your high on meds.”

“You shouldn’t be walking around when you’re this sick.”

“You can barely stand, nevermind go out and do a full day’s work.”

“If you sneeze one more time, I’m going to start getting worried.”

“Baby… Are you sick?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Do you need me to get you anything?”

“How about we just snuggle and watch some movies.”

”Bless you… Bless you! Are you okay- bless you again!”

“It’s not like you to get this sick.”

“You really should be resting.”

“Please just lay down for me baby.”

“Here, let me help you.”

“Can you make it back to the bedroom?”

“Hmm… I’m keeping my eye on you.”

“You’ll feel better if you go and lie down.”

“Stop sniffling and go blow your nose.”

“Maybe you should just take it easy.”

“Your too stubborn for your own good.”

“You sound like you could use some more sleep.”

“God bless you!”

“Aw sweetie, your nose is all runny.”

“Somebody’s certainly sneezy today.”

“You’re not feeling well… are you?”

“Your shivering baby.”

“You’re sweating.”

“You’re definitely running a fever.”

“I’m going to need to take your temperature.”

“You should take my jacket.”

“Hey, hey, we can worry about that once you’re feeling better.”

“You’re past the contagious phase… right?”

“Make sure to drink plenty of fluids.”

“Let’s just have a lazy day.”

“Was it really worthy getting soaked?”

“I told you to wear something warm.”

“Are these flowers bothering you?”

“Baby, I think this is more than just the sniffles.”

“There’s no way that you’d make it past lunch in your condition.”

“We could shower together if that’d make you feel any better.”

“The steam will help with your congestion.”

“Goodness, you look like your about to pass out.”

“Baby you’re delirious.”

“Let’s just get you home and into bed.”

“Its your fever that’s making you feel cold.”

“We should really get you in a cool bath.”

“You can’t work in your condition.”

“There’s no need to worry. I have everything covered, just relax.”

“Wait… You’re not allergic to that, are you?”

“I didn’t know you had cat allergies!”

“Want me to make you some soup?”

“Do you need me to carry you?”

“You’ve been sniffling all day.”

“Do you need any extra blankets?”

“Baby please let me take you home.”

“I have tissues in the car.”

“You can sleep in the car, don’t worry, I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

“You’re not ruining anything.”

“You should really try and eat something.”

“Those sniffles of yours really turning into something, huh?”

”There's way you're going out. Not with that cold.”

“You’re looking a bit pale sweetheart.”

“Use a tissue for god's sake!”

“You’re not one to go quiet, what's up?”

“My poor baby is all sniffly, aren’t you?”

“Oh honey… You can't be outside like this.”

“Don’t be offended or anything. But you look horrible.”

“I think you caught my cold…”

“It sounds like you’ve caught that bug going round.”

“You’re in bed early. You feeling alright?”

“Oh my god. You’re completely burning up!”

“I think your fever is spiking.”

“We should get you into bed.”

“Cmon, let's get you into the shower.”

“You need a tissue?”

“Jeez, blow your nose before you drown in your own mucus.”

“Don’t worry, I'm gonna take care of you.”

“How long have you been like this?”

“If you’re trying to be subtle, I'm sorry but you’re doing an awful job.”

“I bet I could toast a marshmallow on your forehead.”

“I think you have the flu, nobody’s ever this sick with a cold.”

“Want some ice cream for your throat?”

“We’re going home, right now.”

“Come on, let's get you wrapped in warm.”

“Let’s get you in the shower.”

“We’re gonna stop at the pharmacy, okay?”

“You can sleep in the car.”

“You’re home early?”

“Do you not see how pale you are right now?”

“Let's get you into bed.”

“Cut the crap. I know you’re sick.”

“Hush now, otherwise you’re going to lose your voice.”

“I don’t think that’s exactly hygienic.”

“You’re kinda cute when you’re all sick and needy like this.”

“I'm now going to give you some tissues and pretend I never saw that.”

“You need to wear something warmer.”

“If you don’t get into bed willingly then I will personally carry you there.”

“I thought you said that you were feeling better?”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed; you’re allowed to be sick.”

“Are the rumours true, is the (name) actually sick?”

“I’d kiss you right now if you weren’t contagious.”

“Your too stubborn for your own good.”

“Let me take care of you.”

“I told you that you should stay home from work today.”

“Okay Ms I’m-not-sick, tell me why you sneezed five times in the span of an hour.”

“Are you done pretending you’re fine?”

“The only place you’re going is back to bed.”

“I know, sweetie, but you have to take it so your fever goes down.”

“Did you manage to get much sleep? I heard you tossing and turning all night.”

“You might be coming down with something....”

“You’ve really got the sniffles today, haven’t you?”

“I’m not leaving you until i know you’re better, and that’s final.”

"When were you planning to tell me you were sick?"

"You're sick. If you overexert yourself, you're gonna get sicker."

“Great… Now I have your germs all over me.”

“I swear to god, If you don’t get back in bed, I will physically drag you there.”

#Prompts #Prompt List #sickfic prompts #whump prompts #snzfic prompts #comfort prompts #sickfic #snzfic #whump #comfort #fluff #my prompts #illness #flu #snz #sickness #caretaking

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