#why am i putting so much effort into a FRIENDSHIP bro

[aguademelon047]

Caring about someone more than they care about you hurts 10x worse when it’s PLATONIC

#why am i putting so much effort into a FRIENDSHIP bro #i know all your issues and likes and dislikes #i know the reason why you act the way you do why don’t you know my favorite color #melon says stuff #friendships are hard #one sided friendship #why haven’t we hung out since January

[sketchy-scribs-n-doods]

Bee and Argie, Billy and Argyle

Arturo Guillermo Franco Valdes.

Arturo Guillermo, and a friend that calls him Guille, Artie, Argie.

A red faced Billy that pronounces Guillermo as ‘Gah-ee-ler-moh’ before learning that ‘ll’ makes a ‘yuh’ sound in Spanish.

Artie calling him Bee-yee, and later Bee, as a joke because of it.

Billy tosses out nicknames like the affection he’s never been sure how to express. But he loves the way his friend's name rolls off his tongue, the syllables strange and clunky and a challenge that Billy readily takes up. Soon, it falls full and melodic from his lips, prettier than any song he's ever heard on the old radio his mom left him with.

Mi amigo, Arturo.

Argie tells him not to sweat it, but Billy doesn’t understand why nobody else seems to want to make the effort. Like it’s too difficult, or like Argie isn’t worth the effort. Most of the other Mexican kids at school already know how to pronounce the names that give their white teachers pause, but outside of that demographic there’s a pathetic lack of effort that incites Billy sometimes. 

“Don’t sweat it, bro. Not everyone can roll their Rs as good as you.”

“What, like it’s hard? Fuckin’ idiots.”

(Years later, when they find each other again, Billy will know why his old friend Argie goes by Argyle, because Argyle will nudge him with a serene little smile of his and say, “Long time no see, Bee. Your ol’ pal Artie Gyle-ermo missed you, amigo.”)

Once, early in their friendship, Billy asks Argie why he has so many damn names. Why does he need like half a dozen of them? And Argie says,

“Well, I dunno. I think it makes me pretty damn special, though. How many ‘Arturo Guillermo Franco Valdes’ do you know?”

“Just you, obviously. But that doesn’t mean much, I don’t know any other ‘William Hargrove’s either.”

“Maybe not. But it’s prolly a lot easier for some random Hargrove to be named Billy than for someone to line up a buncha random names to smash together and create a Franco Valdes named Arturo Guillermo.”

“That ‘random Hargrove’ is me, jackass!”

“Exactly!”

“At least my name’s not a fuckin’ mouthful!”

“Oh, so I’m a mouthful, am I?”

“Fuck you!”

A few months later, well into Billy's friendship with Argyle, the kid invites him over to his place to check out his new bike or something, Billy doesn't remember.

What he does remember is meeting Argyle's dad and paternal grandma, Nana Hermelinda.

It's getting colder, for California at least, and Nana insists on making the kids chocolate abuelita while Argyle's dad is at work. A much richer hot chocolate than Billy is used to, the smell is spicy sweet and warm in the air as it foams up in the pot Nana is using, instead of the mild chemical sweetness of the mugs Billy puts in the microwave when he can sneak a packet of Swiss Miss in the winter. Her worn, wrinkled hands make quick work of it, expertly spinning between them a wooden stick with rotating round bits at the end that goes into the frothy mix. Nana calls it a molinillo when she sees him looking at it, and rather than freeze up over being caught staring, as he normally would, Billy instead finds himself trying to pronounce the new word for the remaining five minutes the chocolate takes to finish. The air feels almost soft around him, pleasantly warm and sweet like cinnamon as Nana lets the mixture cool while she searches for mugs in the cabinet above them. When she offers him his own, a brown mug with a rounded bottom and pretty dotted flower designs on its shiny finish, Billy is shy and hesitant to take it. But the warmth as he wraps his chilly fingers around it is welcoming and its smells so good. The first sip is cautious, slow like he's still unsure about whether he's allowed something so warm and comforting.

It's incredible.

Billy's pretty blue eyes light up like Argyle has never seen before. He can feel his heart thump awkwardly in his chest as those baby blues shine bright in the soft yellow light of the kitchen.

Then Billy lowers the mug, and a little mustache of foamed milk and chocolate lines his upper lip. Argyle quickly forgets the brief stutter of his heartbeat and cackles at the sight.

Billy is too busy having a religious experience over his mug of hot chocolate to bother with telling him to shut up like he normally would, but he doesn't truly mind- he likes the sound of Argie's loud bouncing laughter.

Nana looks fondly at them over her own mug, sitting comfortably on a stool by the kitchen counter as Billy politely thanks her for the drink with what little clumsy Spanish he's learned from Argyle so far. She coos at him, putting down her mug as she answers in a kind, lilting Spanish that Argyle will later tell him roughly means, "Of course, love. Come here whenever you like. I will make you a mug anytime, son." Billy inhales the warm steam wafting up from the mug he holds tight as Nana places a gentle hand on his cheek and calls him mijo.

Years later, Billy still remembers it as one of the last times he'd felt so held and cared for.

#my mutuals were posting about billy's spice tolerance from his california years and i started having feelings about billy and argyle okay #here's an edited excerpt from my billy time loop fic bc of it #billy hargrove #argilly #billy stranger things #sketchy fics #many thanks to @ thediktatortot and @ stranger-rants for fueling my brainrot every fukin day lol #argyle #argyle stranger things #fuc k it tagging argyle bc i have SO many headcanon and idea about his family for the billy haters to come at me about it #its okay i have a permit: #'i'm mexican and i can do what i want' #like cmon you cant name a character argyle have him be mexican and then not explain how tf that came about #die hard had not come out yet so in world that cannot be the explaination #gotta do everything myself around here #also the bit about billy's eyes going big and bright after his first sip of mexican hot chocolate is based on a friend of my sister's #except it was her trying horchata for the first time #but i stg that little girl's eyes grew twice their size at the first sip lol she had like 4 cups of the stuff that night during the party

[kingkatsuki]

Seeing all the discourse about tumblr algorithm n interactions n tingz

I still don’t get why people really struggle to just do the right thing. Like bro atp it’s easy as breathing.

I literally like and reblog just abt everything I interact with that I enjoy (on both my main and side). Majority of the time with at least a few comments in the tags if not on the reblog itself (tho that’s more on the writing side blog than the main for other random shit lmao).

‘S Kinda sad cus atp I think a part of me has accepted that aside from moots i’m prolly never gonna get the interaction I desire. Majority of all my notes on my writing blog? Just likes. I get reblogs here and there but most of the time that isn’t even on my actual content. Just other stuff I’ve reblogged.

Not to say I’ve never gotten reblogs on content I have created myself, but it’s a stark contrast to the amount of likes. And it’s is extremely rare that a non-moot will leave a comment or tags.

Idk. Just makes you feel lonely sometimes? Cus it’s not even really about trying to be famous or have a lot of followers anymore lmao. Just want people to talk to.

It’s understandable you may not want to reblog absolutely everything. Not even I always do it. But the vast majority of the time I am doing it. Because people deserve to know that something they created actually touched someone?

Screaming into the void is valid and what most blogs have to start out doing but that should not have to be something they have to deal with forever.

Cus at that point what even is the purpose of posting works to some website if you’re basically still just keeping it to yourself?

People have said it time and time again, but likes are worthless here.

Like if you equate it to instagram I guess (so maybe ppl will understand it better)

Tumblr likes = Instagram views

On instagram views are cool and all, but they’re faceless and don’t really do anything to promote a post and allow others to see it. Even if there are a lot of views, it isn’t extremely validating (high numbers or not). It’s the people in the comments saying stuff that matters, and likes that help the post. Like Instagram views, Tumblr likes do nothing and though there may be a lot they are not really validating or helping the post.

Tumblr reblogs = Instagram likes (+ shares)

Both of these functions on the respective websites help a post to get more seen. Instagram likes only function is to help promote posts. Tumblr’s reblogs are a little different in that you have to ability to say things while you help promote (in tags or on the post itself). Basically they’re like instagram likes and shares smooshed together. If you don’t want to do the extra work of using your words fine, but at least actually share the thing you are enjoying so others see it. Whether or not it matches your theme or not, do it. It’s your blog and if you like a post then yeet it on there. If your followers (if you have any) followed you for a specific type of content and your worried about them, fuck ‘em. Share what you want on your blog.

Tumblr comments = Instagram comments

This one is self explanatory they are the same ooga booga

N e ways that’s a lot of words I’ll get off my soapbox now.

Love u Jo 💋.

I was done talking about this but you put so much thought and effort into this Dere I think it deserves to be addressed.

Especially the point you made that it can be so lonely on here sometimes and I think it’s hard when everyone already seems like they’re in their own little friendship groups and stuff. But like some of my closest friends on here are my friends because we reblogged each other’s fics and screamed in the tags!!

I think people tell themselves “oh that person won’t care if I send them an ask/message.” But it’s like they would, everyone would🥺💕

#jo talks

[casspurrjoybell-21]

Pirate Chains - Volume 2 - Against Tides

*Warning Adult Content*

Chapter 1 - Shadow of Doubt - Part 2

Agenor

Later, we were gathered for lunch. I sat in the large room of the first level of the hull, on one of the benches that surrounded the room. Others sat around on the benches, the floor or any solid object they could place their asses on. Nyx was occupied, filling the wooden plates, while Yeagar was assigned to help him serve. Baril finished bringing the food he prepared.

So he stood there, surveying the distributed portions and glaring at everyone like he wished they'd hurry and die to spare him the effort of feeding them. It goes without saying that the first one who was served was me. And, of course, the second was Ajax, Yeagar's younger brother. The bulky man thanked his big bro with one sharp nod and started eating immediately.

"Hey," Nash yelled at them. "How come he gets to be served first?"

Yeagar raised an amused eyebrow at him.

"Any suggestions, Nash?"

"Aye, plenty. First, after the Captain, you will serve ME. Know your place pirate."

Yeagar glanced at his brother, both of them trying to hide a devious smile. Then he answered as he went back to grab the plates from Nyx and hand them to others, none for Nash though.

"I thought after the Captain, Ace would be next. Don't you think?"

Nash stiffened at that and Ajax went to push the knife further into the wound.

"Aye. If you want to be second one day, you should work harder, Nash."

"Huh. That day might come faster than you could imagine," Nash spoke while eyeing Ace who, like always, ate silently.

It's no secret that Nash wanted to be second on the Martina. It's probably the most known fact about this crew. But Nash was not Ace. Hell, he wasn't even close to taking his place. He might be in competition with Lou. Aye, Lou would make a fine second in command, he'd even make a good Captain one day if he decides to leave the Martina.

But here, I preferred Ace much better than anyone else. He was more than just a crewmember. We go way back and he's best at understanding me and following my orders, there's no doubt about that. IF friendship existed in our world, he'd definitely a very good one. Although pirates can never be real friends, the concept is distorted and relationships are always built based on benefits.

'Then again, if there could be love for a pirate, why not friendship? I recently came to the meaning of love.'

I eyed Nyx who was working silently.

'Aye, I came to know what love is. But I can't put it into words, maybe it was the feeling for someone you own, someone you can control and do whatever you want with but also you'd get the urge to please him and see him smile, you want him to be under your care, nicely protected and in arm's reach every second, he'd challenge you sometimes making life much more interesting but he would never disrespect you.'

I thought about that for another second....

'Aye, That's what's called love. But it seems that once there's love, you don't just own, you are also owned. A fact that I've learned the hard way.'

My thoughts trailed to a certain night when Nyx got drunk and my ass remembered the hurtful feeling. I shook my head mentally, when Maren interfered.

"Even if we follow that order here, after the Captain, I should be the next served. I'm the Captain's trustee. And, take all possible offense from my words by the way, I am higher than all of you. I'm in control of the mast, therefore I am more important..."

"Huh? Whatever you say windy, the only thing you're better at is your imagination," Nash interrupted Maren and before he could answer, we heard a protest.

"Meat. Where's the meat?"

I look at Armpits who spoke the second he was served.

"Everyone's got the same amount. Just stuff your face and shut it," Baril barked at him and Armpits finally found a tiny piece of dried salted meat, he immediately grimaced and whined...

"Me Gods, this thing is thinner than a needle."

"And it will be this way until we reach land. You pit-holes keep eating and asking for more and you forget about tomorrow. Be glad we still have some beans."

Baril stopped talking when Nyx handed him a plate, served with a smile. He glared at Armpits then started gulping the food in. Tren hurried to snatch a plate from Yeagar's hand ignoring his snarl. Well, Tren always made sure to eat a random plate, otherwise, if the plate was intended for him he'd accuse Baril of wanting to poison him. And Baril never even tried to deny that. Armpits peaked on Jay's plate above his shoulder.

"Hey, I'll take those herbs if you don't like them."

"I don't like them but I'm eating them. I'm not giving you my food."

Armpits kneeled closer and Jay shoved him back.

"Fuck. THAT'S IT. Don't get close when I'm fucking chewing. Go away."

"The Fuck, Jay?"

"That's all you're getting since you went back to smelling like a foul corpse."

Baril, who finished his food, threw in a comment before exiting...

"Aye, if we throw you into the sea it might spit you back on the deck. That's how much you fuckin smell."

Armpits looked unaffected and went back to licking his plate. But Jay wasn't finished.

"Maybe you should learn from Nyx a bit. See? He's always clean and he smells nice."

'Smells nice?'

I almost choked at that.

'When the fuck did he smell him?'

Nyx completely ignored them, he was used to their ranting by now.

"Sounds good. Hey Nyx, will you clean me?"

Everyone exploded laughing at that, especially when Nyx frowned then tried to cover it. Yeah, worse idea ever. The closest Nyx is getting to Armpits is when he'll throw up on him. But like always, Nyx had to be 'courteous' with his answer.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why not? I think it's a wonderful idea. That's it, after lunch, you're cleaning me."

Nyx looked like he wanted to cry it made me laugh. And that's when Baril joined us again, bringing Nyx's plate with him, the one that Nyx always hid somewhere in the storage room. And Baril went to serve him his lunch.

"Here, go eat. I'll finish feeding the last assholes."

Nyx sat at the end of the bench and Whale, who already finished his lunch, came to sit on the floor beside him with his empty plate in his hand.

"You watch and see fuckers. I'm gonna become the cleanest of you all," Armpits kept dreaming about a new 'clean' life.

Even if Nyx tried, I don't think he could do much though. Unless he skinned him. That's the only way you'd get a smell-free Armpits.

"I could give you some pointers. But you should do it yourself. How else will you learn, Mern?"

Nice escape. Armpits looked like he was considering that, before his colorful teeth drew in a wide smile.

"Aye, we do that."

Jay scoffed and shook his head in surrender.

"Me Gods, the only thing that smells stronger than your filth is your stupidity."

Everyone laughed but Armpits ignored them and went to sneak around the cauldrons pretending he was helping when we all knew he wanted to lick them.

"Hey. Why are you feeding that thing?" Maren pointed at whale and questioned Nyx who shrugged and went to place another spoon of beans on the whale's plate.

"Hey. Stop doing that."

"It's fine Maren."

"No it's not. You're being unfair."

"Really, Maren? Now you're saying pirates are fair?"

I chuckled at that. Nyx was polite and weak but not stupid.

"Well.... At least you should consider friends first, like ME. If you want to give your food away, I can definitely help you with that."

"I just think it's unfair for Britt to get the same amount as the rest of us. I don't know but bigger people need more food, don't you think?" Nyx said and then he tilted his head to look at whale.

"No offense Britt."

The big thing just nodded. Of course he wouldn't take offense, the animal was leaching off Nyx. Armpits laughed at whale.

"Huh, thank the Goddess Baril doesn't think the way you do. Or else I'd be left with nothing but one bean."

We laughed at that but Maren wasn't finished...

"You shouldn't get him used to that though. If one day you decide to eat your whole meal, then he'll eat YOU."

Nyx rolled his eyes and went back to eating. And without being seen by him, Whale grinned and gave both Maren and Armpits the finger. Armpits put the cauldron that he was carrying away, almost dropping it.

"Oh yeah. Well FUCK YOU WHALE."

Then he went to fondle with his pants. See, normal people, even pirates, flip each other off all the time. It's like a nod or a handshake, nothing to worry about. Armpits, on the other hand, he'd pull out the real thing. He used to drop his pants and send back foul names at whoever tells him to fuck off. It was like that until one day, his prick accidentally touched Yeagar. The pirate went berserk and even his brother Ajax couldn't stop him.

I actually had to interfere personally to stop him from chopping Armpit's pecker off. Don't get me wrong, I actually thought the cockroach deserved it. But I didn't want that thing dropped on my deck, it would bring herds of bad spirits to the Martina. Luckily, for Nyx mostly, this time Jay managed to stop Armpits and we all got to keep the shit we ate in our stomachs. My sweet lover went back to the galley after that and I haven't seen him for about three hours.

[thegraveyardjohnsongrey]

Wahhhh I love my lineage (3.6.21)

I’m like never getting over the fact that the years pass and bros change.

It feels like yesterday when the Taus were pledging and now ?????? I’m being harassed by THE PSIs ???????????

So, yesterday I finally got to meet my G. Yes! You heard that right. My little bean picked up his own little bean!!!!!

Seeing Bros gathered together in the same room forr pledging is always a different vibe. And I don’t know why I have such a soft heart for moments like these when literally all the classes and generations that I knew and helped raise are literally almost gone! LMAO like 

If someone were to tell me that Son Cao and Thomas Lam were going to be the “old” Bros one day, I would’ve probably assumed I was in old and in law school/seminary by now

But YET

Here I am! Present and participating in shenanigans! Helping raise a new class. LOLZ

+ Happy to have seen my pbs - Kenny & Minh 

+ Happy to have seen Bros who were happy to see me - Thomas Lam, Phi’s, Luan, etc 

+ Happy to have finally seen my G little in the flesh!!

+ Why are the Phis so funny I hate it UGH 

+ “You’re a funny man”

+ “I feel like you and ______ would dance well together”

+ Being called Lolo & Senior by the actives 💀💀💀

+ FTing with my Little & Glittle 🥺❤️

I’m happy I got to take part in that different process, but at the same time I’m also very happy that me and Derick had a different ritual experience and that it was something WAY more serious feeling and WAY more intense 

Like I rlly can. It believe it’s been 2 years since then, like huh ??????

Anyway. 

I’m just happy that I have a cool lineage 

My he most polite and heartfelt out of all of them 

Can we just TALK 

those guys are super funny and something really special. The kind of bond ls that are forged from years of being friends - not a 7 week process LOL 

In all, I really REALLY hope they stick around.

My G-little 

What I love about Harvey is that you can tell he is a genuine person at the front of it. Like. I like that he’s also VERY trolly and very funny. But of the 3, he’s the one who seems the most mature and logical. (And POLITE!!) I very genuinely appreciate that. 

###also not the PSIs roasting me as I walked to my car and they JUSTTT met me. #gurlpz 😩

S

Also, I don’t wanna talk about S but if I must, I just wanna say how much of a bad btch I feel for not hitting S up for theIr BD rn . Sounds like a shady thing to do right? Even tho S messaged me at midnight for my bday this last year?

Well yeah no. I feel like I should only feel bad for failing to put effort in relationships I WANT to continue.

I don’t want to maintain ANY kind of friendship with S. I don’t want ANY KIND OF relationship with S. 

And that’s that.

Maybe if S texted back or sum the last two times after starting a convo with me, maybe I would’ve texted. 

But S didn’t. And I’m not going to feel bad for not.

I have a say, thanks. 3.6.21

[passingdaysthings]

02.16.2023- Ending Our “Friendship”

A letter to Taylor, 

I think there are some things I need to get off my chest, and I think this would be the best for whatever we are and for myself. These things have been weighing on my mind, and it makes things really hard for me.  Overall, I don’t really feel like I am your friend, and I am more of a replacement/stepping stone for you to get to Victoria. It always seems like you would much rather spend time with her than me, and you only spend time with me because she is busy. Personally, I don’t mind if you want to spend time with Victoria, but it just puts me in a very awkward and uncomfortable situation when you always talk about her given our relationship. 

Let me give you some examples: 

1. When we started talking you stated that you missed talking to Victoria because you used to talk to her all time, and I didn’t really care much before. Our relationship was just a normal one between friends, and I didn’t care much every time you brought it up. It was still awkward though because I really thought you were trying to get with her, and I supported it enough. It changed more when you’re attitude towards me and our relationship changed. It’s also awkward when you express some kind of bad opinion about Victoria, like when you called her a whore, and I defended her. 

2. Victoria was in Pensacola sometime for the holidays, and you told me I should have gone up there to see her since an 8 hour drive wasn’t that bad. I told you no because that’s just out of the way, but you said we must be different people because you really cherish the friends you have (since you didn’t have many) and you would make the 8 hour drive to see her. THAT’S FUNNY. You cherish friends? I was in Dallas for 6 days for a volleyball tournament (4 hours from you), and you said it was too much effort to drive that far to see me. I really questioned my status as your friend when I heard you say that. 

3. We used to talk on the phone pretty often, and it was always awkward when you would bring up Victoria as the love of your life or how much you want to meet her irl and spend time with her. You should just talk to her about that if you want to spend all that time with her. Why are you on the phone with me? But like.. you also think Victoria has 1. “too many men”, 2. emotionless, 3. Is into children (Keikoa), and 4. not worth your efforts. Like what? Make it make sense, bro. How do I respond when you say those things about my best friend, but also, you want to be one of her men? 

4. You wanted to buy her flowers. This was awkward because I was like.. damn, I put all this effort into being a support/good friend, but you can’t even say nice things to me here and there, but you wanna get Victoria flowers? This just made me feel like our friendship and everything was just a stepping stone for you to get to Victoria after she stopped talking to you as often.

5. You asked her to be your Valentine, this is just another example of you using me as a stepping stone. Ask her to be your Valentines. Don’t bring me into it. 

6. I asked you to watch dramas after you said you were gonna be lonely, but you said no because you had to be free in case Victoria wanted to game. COOL. I’m just gonna let you be free for the rest or how ever long our friendship last so don’t expect invites from me anymore.

Those are more of the major things, but there were little things here and there too, but those are all smaller things that annoy me. 

This is a random thing you did that really hurt me: 

One time after playing valo, I was already not feeling well from Valo, but I decided to watch dramas with you because I wanted to watch. Before we even started, you spent 10 minutes talking about how bad at valo I was, how much you hated playing with me, and how annoying it was to spectate me when I was alive. I was shocked, I didn’t know what to do or really say so I just laid quietly crying, watched one episode, and then I went to bed. I just kind of pushed it off, but it always comes up here and there when we play and gives me anxiety. That’s why I don’t really ever ask for your buy or gun, and I usually avoid siting with you. 

This is just something I will always question: 

Why me? Like.. Why did you suddenly change our relationship dynamic? I thought we were cool being best friends, but then you suddenly started hitting on me and calling me babe. This was like 2 weeks after saying you cared about me in a platonic way. I am partially to blame for this too because I kind of just went with it. I didn’t really think too much of the time we spent together and talking, and I was comfortable with it. I didn’t really start thinking deeply about those thing until people around me questioned our relationship, and maybe it doesn’t mean much to you, but it means something to me. I thought really hard about everything, and I felt really guilty about having feelings for you because we were friends. I finally decided it was the best to just tell you honestly, but your response was also something I just pushed aside. I am also to blame though because I continued sending pictures after I said it wasn’t right. I always think about the pictures too, but I am the one that took them and sent them. No one forced me LOL. That has nothing to do with you. I am not sure what you think of me, but I have only ever sent those kinds of pictures to you and done those kinds of things with you on the phone. I didn’t even do that with my ex. I know you don’t think much about it because that is just how you are so I am just gonna stop. Maybe, I will find out one day why you did those things, and I can finally be at peace. I would even be okay if you told me you did it because you were bored or you were playing with my feelings. Literally, anything, but “I don’t know” which is what you said when I asked.   

Aside from all that, I really do appreciate you and our more normal friendship moments. 

1. I really think that I would have had a much harder time my first quarter of grad school if you weren’t there calling me randomly to give me a break or watch dramas with me when I had the time. 

2. I appreciate it when you tell me good luck at my volleyball games. 

3. I like that you watch dramas and anime with me. 

4. You are good at impersonations, and I actually really enjoy them. 

Here we are, I think that’s the end of my major thoughts. I’ve decided that I need to distance myself from you for my mental health, and it’s sad to say, but we may never go back to how we were when we first got close. I really really miss those times when things were simple, and I didn’t have to worry about much and before all the confusion. It’s not like I will stop being your friend, but I’m just gonna scale back to being the friend I was before all of this. I won’t talk to you as much, I’ll stop going to streams, I won’t ask to watch dramas or anime together, and I will stop cheering for you during games. I don’t usually cheer often, but I did it because I know it makes you feel good so I did. Tracy even thinks I babysit you too much. 

I will always love you as my best friend, and I won’t ever tell you any of these things unless you come and ask me directly. 

-P 

[intothevoidisbetter]

11/25/22

my back keeps making this tingling thats unbearable when im laying on it for too long. this is the second time its brought me to tears.

i rly dont know why e c and h wont reach out. it seems silly and maybe just another mark of adult friendship (as in we dont have to talk every day) but its been months. they hardly ever reach out to me but theyre always hanging with each other. it definitely makes me think theyve just made a conclusion abt me and dont want to be as close anymore. which is fine but where am i going to make friends that will do those sort of things with me anymore?

i have t and k and m and c and a. i think ill just stick with them because im sick of putting so much effort into one sided relationships.

l is fucking exhausting me. she feels so fucking dependent on me to fix everything, to talk her through everything. our convos leave her feeling way better and it leaves me feeling triggered and annoyed. i cant keep dealing with her shit. every week its something new and i just dont have the mind to deal with a friend who is super unstable because im unstable. and shes constantly apologizing to me like she did something wrong but wont tell me what she did wrong so idk. dont care anymore i cant keep saving l from herself.

why is my family so troubling? why does it bother me so much that they are here doing the same thing every day. i look at these pictures of a happier time, of a happier a and i, and i want to vomit. my grandpa who i barely met. my parents who i can hardly remember being the way that they were. a went from this happy little boy to this low self-esteem, anxious, selfish guy. he now has cuts on his arm that werent there before, and now will be there for the rest of his life. like what the fuck happened. we arent abused, our parents are married, theyre not abusing drugs or hitting us or constantly yelling at us. why does he say such depressing shit all the time? why does he care so much about what other people are doing and why? like what does that fucking matter youre going to college after the summer, think about getting your shit together mentally before you start worrying about where this trashy ass family is going to spend their christmas

i cant anymore bro. its miserable in my house, i have such a lonely existence now compared to the the summer. these things keep bouncing around in my mind for days for MONTHS and idk what to think.

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

I just read an anon ask to you about JK.

I always thought most members know very well about the shipping theories and play into it esp. on stage.

For ex. Tae.

Taekookers were trending Taekook after Jk commented under Tae's "shall we dance" vid on insta. They were also trending Taekook after Tae commented under Jk's Insta boxing clip asking for sparring.

Now during LV concert, Tae pulled Jk for a dance. And next day concert he asked JK to box with him on stage, Jk refused. It's too much of a co incidence. I believe Tae knows what he's trending for and doesn't mind playing it up to entertain that section of the fandom. JK plays along too.

And it also seems the label knows too and puts certain pairs together for vlives etc. Since Tae and Jk's soop discussion, there's a conscious effort to showcase their bond, through same unit vlives, promotional event in LV, bangtan bombs etc. And even in vlives they discuss their friendship these days or the things they did or do. Ofcourse they are friends for sure, but it's a bit in the face these days.

Now about Jimin, there seems to be a shift. He doesn't seem as interested as before in "fanservice". He wasn't as "flirty" as before on stage with any of the members. Yes, there are "cute" moments but nothing like their pre covid concerts. Although, I am not sure the reason for the change.

I guess what Iam saying is, I think the label and most members are fully aware of what's happening in the fandom, even shipping space. And don't mind playing it up for the fans.

The night before the first concert in Las Vegas. Jimin's room. Tae and Jungkook are there as well.

TH: ''Jungkookie, I think we should do a little dance tomorrow on stage.''

JK: ''Uh, why?'' (utterly confused)

TH: ''Duh, you commented on my post when I was dancing on my own, so I think our beloved fans would wanna see that, but with the two of us''

JK: ''Our beloved fans?''

TH: ''They're called taekookers, stop acting as if you don't know. Why do I always have to be the one doing everything? For once, get your ass up and do some work.''

JK and JM: ''Ok, Kim Kardashian''.

JK: ''So how is this going to happen?''

TH: ''Well, I'm going to pull you in and start dancing, just the 2 of us. Fans will scream and then they will trend the word taekook on twitter''.

JK: ''Remind me again why we need that?''

TH: ''Because....because we're the biggest ship in K-Pop, because we're hot, because we have the most loyal shippers and the biggest in numbers so of course that will work for us as a group, to make sure that fans stay engaged with our social media and they buy tickets to our concerts. They love it and it's for the greater good. It's also good business for our company''.

JK: ''Thank you Tae, always the voice of reason. What would I do without you....''

TH: ''Love?''

JK: ''Bro, what?''

JM: ''You guys are really boring''

TH: ''How about we also kiss? or at least we pretend to go for it?''

JK: ''What are you talking about?''

TH: ''Just kidding....Unless....If you're down, I'm down. As I said, it's for our fans.''

JK: ''Tongue or no tongue?'' Cause I really like tongue''

TH: ''We can practice here if you want''

JK: ''Uhm, yeah sure and maybe we can take a selca with our lips swollen and post it on IG. Taekookers will love it''.

TH: ''That's the spirit, I like when you take initiative, it's so sexy''.

TH and JK: ''Jimin, you want in? After our little stunt on stage, we can do something together all 3 of us. Of course, after the jikook bit on stage, we can't forget about that, we do need to satisfy everyone''.

JM: ''Get the fuck out of my room, I'm tired. Also, I said I don't like acting fake on stage''.

TH: ''Who said anything about acting fake?''

#bmt asks #as Jimin in my story said you guys are really boring #where are all the fun asks? it's the weekend #do you think they're such losers after so many years?

[pub-lius]

Yo I haven't read Chernow's bios for a while and they were really my first introduction into the AmRev and shit but anygay- Could you give me a quick list of some of the reasons he's shitty at this? I know he is but it's been years and yeah

I am so. glad. you. asked. I have been compiling a mental list of his bs for the past year. (I'm only going to speak on Alexander Hamilton because it's the only one I've read so far).

Now, let me say a few nice things about the bastard before I talk about why I hate him. He goes really in depth, and I appreciate at least someone making the effort. He's clearly put a lot into his writing, and as a writer, I can appreciate that. He's also done a lot of research, and you can't not respect that. He's also very eloquent and clearly a very intelligent person. I don't think he shouldn't have written history books, since they are very influential books that have a lot of information, but they're still shit <3 (just my educated opinion)

Despite all the research he clearly does, he really wants you to believe whatever story he decides is the most entertaining. A lot of the time he will over exaggerate certain aspects, burying the facts of the matter in his ideal version of the events. Most authors prioritize the facts, and then give what they think might be the most accurate. Chernow still proposes alternative explanations, but in such small degrees that you've forgotten them by the end of the paragraph.

Speaking of paragraphs, he has too many. So many of them are repeating the same information, and not adding anything substantial. I know I'm not the best with brevity myself, but holy shit bro, shut up. His book could be easily cut in half if he just. stopped. talking. about. THE SAME THINGS

Also, for a man with such definite claims, he certainly cites a lot of other secondary sources. He does cite a lot of primary sources too, but there are. so many secondary sources in his notes and bibliography. I don't have as much of a problem with this, it just makes it hard to find definite evidence of the stories he tells.

We also need to talk about his glorification, of Hamilton and Washington specifically, more so Washington. He acknowledges some things Hamilton did wrong (at least at the point where I am in the book, which at the beginning of the 1790s, before a lot of Hamilton's controversy), but he largely glosses over them. He also exaggerates Hamilton's abolitionist beliefs. With Washington, he glorifies him a lot more. Now, Washington is very easy to glorify, since you can justify most things with "he was trying his best", but he still wasn't perfect, or even close. He was kind of a dickbag sometimes.

Also he has a weird obsession with giving Hamilton and Burr a lovers to enemies storyline, it's really annoying. Every five seconds he's like "here's what's CRAZY guys... while hamilton was having explosive diarrhea... burr was.... TAKING A PISS!!!!! ISNT THAT CRAZY THAT THEY WOULD BOTH USE A CHAMBERPOT AT THE SAME TIME AND THEN DUEL EACH OTHER??????" Which kind of makes it seem like Burr and Hamilton were more connected throughout their entire lives, when uh, they weren't. Like at all. And it makes it seem like Burr betrayed Hamilton, which explains why the musical makes him look like some kind of Judas.

Also I hate the way he talks about the women in Hamilton's life. Especially Eliza and Angelica. He makes it seem like they only existed to further Hamilton's empathetic, but horny character that he's trying to portray. The way he talks about them makes it seem like they weren't their own people. (i feel like i don't even need to mention how he dedicated half a chapter to Hamilton and Angelica's alleged emotional affair, but only a page to his relationship with John Laurens, who maintained, at the very least, a homoerotic "friendship" for like six years. whoops i did it anyway).

Now, part of me wants to go chapter-by-chapter calling out his bullshit, but these pretty much sum up the entire book (or at least the half I've managed to struggle through) because it is. SO. REPETITIVE. It's just the same things, but slowly moving through the timeline at a snails pace. I highly dislike Chernow's writing, and I don't recommend it if you already have a good understanding of whatever his book is about, but if you want to learn a lot of information from one source, go for it!! You'll learn a lot of really interesting things, just keep in mind that his writing isn't the most accurate, and to always fact check historical facts even if they're not Chernow. It's very important to try to be as accurate as possible when dealing with real people (unless ofc you're not portraying it as truth). Question everything, it's how you learn!!

I hope this helps, and thanks for the ask, bestie!!!

#alexander hamilton #george washington #ron chernow #books #american history #history #literature #sorry this is long #but you triggered my primal instincts

[let-them-read-fics]

Yours Truly (Pt. 2)

Requested By: Some of you!

Pairing: Jisoo x Fem!Reader

AU: College

Word Count: Part 1 -> 9,786 // Part 2 -> 7,433

Warnings / Misc. -- Angst, Pining, Fluff

Disclaimer: This writing is a work of fiction, and no disrespect is meant for those mentioned herein.

A/N: Here's the second and final part of the imagine, gang. I hope you enjoy the adventures I wrote for you! Let me know about your fav part(s)!

♡ Happy Reading ♡

Part 1 -- Click Here

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

5.) Epiphanies

A Week Later

"Yuqi, why the hell did you drag me here? I'd so much rather be writing…" you shove your hands further into the pockets of your hoodie and look at her with a scowl. Rows of people fill the bleachers around you, everyone excited for the football game that's scheduled to start soon. Happy couples sit together all around the stadium, and the sight only works to remind you of how weird things are with Jisoo right now.

"One: it's a Friday night and you need to let loose, and two: I wanted to come, so you have to tag along by default. The rules of friendship are very simple, Y/N," she trails off, tilting her head at you with a smile. 

"Well I am gonna go get some food," you imitate her, "Do you want anything?" You stand from the bench and look down at her, noticing how her permed hair sticks up in a few different places. You smooth it out for her as she answers, "Nachos, please." 

"Alright, dork. I'm sure the line's kinda long, but come look for me if I'm not back in 20." She pats your butt as you leave, and you just shake your head with a smile. 

"--I know! Did you hear about Lee's new girlfriend? I heard she got in a fight with his ex last ni--"

"I'm fucking starving bro."

"Yeah, they totally hooked up at Jackson's party!"

Various conversations work their way to your ears as you walk towards the back of the line, but you attempt to not get too invested in the gossip. As welcoming as your school tends to be, even it has its fair share of scandals and drama. You've never been one to care about rumors though, and you don't plan to start now.

"I heard that Jisoo likes someone." 

Funny how plans can change in an instant, don't you think? 

You can't find it in yourself to ignore the childish desire to eavesdrop, so you listen in as the line slowly shifts forward with each new customer served, doing your best to be inconspicuous. 

"Supposedly she's been into them for a while but they don't know about it. I guess Lisa is planning to get them together tonight or something, I don't know." You recognize the brunette speaking as Seulgi, a dance major that you share a couple classes with. She's talking to Yeri, whom you've seen a few times in passing. 

That must be why she was defensive about the kiss; she has feelings for someone else. 

"Ooh, that'll be interesting. I can't say that I'm not disappointed, though; now Jisoo's gonna be off the market." The shorter girl frowns, basically reading your mind with her statement. You've never fooled yourself into believing you have a chance with Jisoo, but knowing that she'll be whisked away by some lucky classmate of yours definitely isn't an easy pill to swallow. 

You pass the remaining wait time by imagining who that person may be. Jisoo has a lot of friends, but you've never seen her around campus with any particular love interest; she always puts her studies first, deciding that her education is far more important than any potential relationship.

You remain lost in your thoughts until it's your turn to order.

"Hey Y/N, what can I get for you?" The cashier greets, resetting the register as she grins at you. 

"Hi Yeji," you smile back, happy to see your old friend again after what feels like forever. Your busy schedules have kept you from hanging out much lately, but seeing her now is something you're grateful for. "I'll take two waters, a medium nacho, and 1 hot dog, please." 

"You want everything on it?" She asks in reference to your last request, assuming you still stick with the order you used to go with in your childhood. 

"You know it. And make sure to--"

"--spread the toppings out well. I remember, girl." She says with a wink, turning around to get started on your order. The familiar interaction warms your heart, aided by the idea that some things never change. After she packages your things up in a convenient little container, you thank her and pay, walking away with a promise to meet up at the school's café next week.

About halfway back to your seat, something unexpected happens.

"Rosie, we can't buy out the whole place. This is the 4th trip we've taken back here and the game hasn't even started yet!" You freeze as you round the corner, almost dropping your food as Jisoo's low voice sounds off nearby. 

"Unnie, I didn't even get to eat much of the other stuff at all! Lisa and Jennie stole it and shared it with everyone else," the artist pouts, rolling her hands into fists at her sides like a toddler. 

"Fine. But this is the last trip I'm taking." She warns, rolling her eyes when the Australian attacks her with a flurry of kisses. "Yah! Let's go before we miss something." She says, pushing her off of her with a smile on her face. 

Even her voice makes your heart ache, and it reminds you of what her kiss felt like against your lips. It was short, no doubt, and barely there; but the sparks remain, waiting to be reignited anytime she's around. Maybe you're just destined to pine.

----

"There you are! I was literally about to go steal some food from Shuhua because you were taking so long." 

"Yeah, yeah," you say, sitting down beside Yuqi with the cardboard box in your hands. "You're lucky I love you enough to pay for this. Now I'll have to survive on 3 grains of rice and ramen for the next few weeks." 

"Oh, the struggles of being a broke college student." She says woefully, clutching her hands together in front of her chest to add to the effect. 

"Precisely," you agree, scooting closer to offer her some nachos. When she tries to greedily take the whole tray of them, you're quick to stop her. 

"Ah, ah, ah," you warn, pulling her wrist back down. "We're sharing, chica." She huffs, but eventually settles down and decides to shove her face full instead of protesting anymore. 

Now, with your best friend happily eating, you relax and begin to prepare yourself for the match. 

--

"LET'S GO!" You shout with Yuqi, chanting together as your school's anthem echoes throughout the stadium. The rival team has been behind the entire game, but they closed the gap in the last few minutes and now it's neck and neck. Your band plays loudly to encourage your team, and it seems to be working; they manage to repeatedly hold the others off and keep them from scoring. 

It's the start of the fourth quarter now -- the home stretch. With their spirits still high, your team continues to keep victory out of their opponents hands. The black paint underneath their eyes is really streaked now, showing all the effort and sweat that they've put into the game so far. A beautiful sunset just previously gave way to a rapidly darkening evening sky, allowing some stars to peek out now.

"My high school team sucked; this is epic!" Yuqi says, making you laugh. You tear your eyes away from the heated game to say something to her, but all thoughts soon disappear from your mind and you stop mid-sentence. 

She notices your sudden silence and looks at you, only realizing what's happening once she follows your line of sight. Jeong is standing against the metal fence that borders the track, mingling with everyone at the bottom of the bleachers. That doesn't bother you, but what you see next certainly does; you spot Jisoo beside him, giggling at something he said as he tucks a piece of hair behind her ear. 

"Oh shit," Yuqi breathes out, fully grasping the weight of the situation now. She doesn't even attempt to give him the benefit of the doubt, because he knows how in love you are with Jisoo and yet there he is, flirting away. He's the only other person besides Yuqi who knows of your feelings for the brunette, and you really trusted him with it. Clearly that was a mistake. You blink a few times and set your jaw, quickly looking away as he moves closer to whisper something in her ear over the noise of the crowd. 

"I'm gonna head out to the car. Just let me know who wins," you mumble, brushing past her on your way toward the exit. You know there's no way you'd be able to focus on the game anymore after seeing that, so going is your best option. She catches your arm before you can slip away, and says, "Wait, I'm coming with you. And don't even try to tell me no; I can always watch highlights later. I'm not gonna let you be alone right now." 

Knowing it's pointless to argue anymore, you nod once and wait for her to gather up her trash and coat. "Let's go," she says, taking your hand after tossing her garbage in the can conveniently placed at the end of your row. She squeezes it a few times for reassurance, and a bittersweet smile works onto your lips at the gesture. 

You don't notice how Jisoo's eyes follow you, every fiber of her being yelling at her to go after you. She hates seeing you sad, and although she isn't 100% sure of the reason for it now, all she wants is to cheer you up. 

"So, Jisoo. Do you have any plans after the game?" Jeong smirks, quirking a brow suggestively at his own question. Jisoo grimaces, saying, "Yeah, I do. I have to study." She tries to find you in the crowd again, but it seems that you've already slipped away. 

"We're throwing a party tonight, you should come." He leans a little closer to her, but she takes a step back. The only reason she's even talking to him right now is because Lisa introduced them, and it would be impolite not to. She turns him down, yet again sneaking a glance around the stadium. 

"No wonder Y/N's too chicken to ask you out; you're hard to get, but I don't mind a challenge." Her head whips around at his statement, heart regaining that familiar uptick at the mention of you. "What?" She blinks, not believing her ears. Surely she was just hearing things. 

"I said I don't mind a challenge," his words come out slightly slurred, and the effects of the alcohol he's been drinking are beginning to show themselves in all the wrong ways. The more he talks, the less Jisoo can stand him. "Look, Jeong -- I'm not interested. I'm sure there are other girls here that would love to get to know you, but I'm not one of them. Now, if you'll excuse me," she says, turning her body to the side to maneuver around him and get to the stairs. He lets her go without another word, his pride too bruised to come up with a more fitting response than a muttered insult. 

She makes quick work of getting to the parking lot, where she spots you approaching Yuqi's car, head hanging a bit. Seeing you upset saddens her, and she's determined to find out what's wrong. 

"Y/N! Wait up!" The shout catches your attention, and you slowly spin around. Jisoo begins to jog out to you, and a scoff slips past your lips (though you don't put much effort into stopping it). You're hurt, and half of the reason for your pain is staring right back at you like nothing happened. 

"What do you want, Jisoo?" You sigh, not looking forward to where this conversation will most certainly go.

"I want to talk, Y/N." She's in front of you now, scanning her eyes between yours to gauge your reaction. 

"What is there to say? Just go back to talking to Jeong; you looked like you were enjoying yourself." She can hear the jealousy laced in your tone, and things finally -- finally -- begin to click for her. 

"Is that what this is about?" She asks in reference to your sadness. The question isn't accusatory at all; she's genuinely trying to piece things together. 

A disbelieving laugh leaves you at that. How is she still so oblivious? "Yes, Jisoo, it is. I just had to witness someone who I thought was my friend flirt with my crush. So yeah, that's what this is about." Sensing that she doesn't know what to say, you decide to conclude things for her. This is already pitiful enough, and you'd rather spare the both of you from having the "it's not you, it's me" talk. 

"Look, I get it. You don't like me back, and you were only trying to be friendly by inviting me to the rehearsal that night. Just please, for the both of us, forget it even happened. Forget all of this. It was a mistake, and I won't do it again."

Jisoo hates that you're jumping to conclusions without even knowing her true feelings; you automatically think that she couldn't possibly feel the same, and you use her moment of silence as a form of evidence to prove that. The complete opposite is true, though you'd never give her enough time to straighten out her jumbled thoughts and tell you that. 

She finds her voice when you turn away, and she reaches out to touch your hand. "Stop, you've got it all wrong." Your eyes glance down to your intertwined hands, but you wiggle out of her grip with a heavy sigh. Over your shoulder, you shakily say, "You don't have to pretend for me, Jisoo. I'll be alright. If he makes you happy, then so be it." 

With that, you get in Yuqi's car and tell her to drive away, leaving Jisoo to deal with the sinking feeling in her chest that worsens as the car's tail lights grow dimmer and dimmer in the distance. You're gone, and she really has no idea how to come back from this. 

6.) Broken Hearted

The next few weeks were hell. You avoided Jisoo as much as possible, too embarrassed to face her after what happened and too weak to be close to her again. You'd surely fall even harder if you allowed yourself to grow any closer, so you didn't take the risk. How could you? Falling alone isn't an enjoyable experience, and you've been teetering on the edge of no return ever since that afternoon at the daycare. 

It was hard enough to escape her hold -- her face was everywhere, plastered on ads and bulletin boards all throughout campus, on reminders and sign ups for student council. You used your sick days in order to hide away in your dorm and block out the world, only being comforted by Ryujin when she wasn't busy with her own life or Yuqi when she could spare a few hours. They always made sure to care for you as much as they could, knowing first hand how tough heartbreak can be -- especially with the added stress of schoolwork. 

One person you thought about often was Jeong. Every time he'd cross your mind, dirtying up your brainwaves with the mere notion of himself, you'd grimace. He didn't deserve the attention, and yet you couldn't help but question why he did that to you. He hadn't reached out since that night, likely due to Yuqi giving him a piece of her mind after the game. He made it clear that he wasn't sorry, and that if given the chance, he'd play his cards even better and hopefully score a date with Jisoo. 

Maybe that was the worst part of it all. Hearing that it hadn't just been a stupid thing he did because he was drunk; he realized the weight of his actions, and he'd do it again, over and over, without caring about how you fit into the equation. That football game was simply a turning point, hidden in plain sight as an unassuming night for you to hang out with Yuqi. But you learned more then than you had ever intended to; Jeong's selfish, and he probably never even cared for you in the first place. The idea of that makes you feel dirty -- like you wasted so much of your time with such a horrible person, sticking up for him and defending his name when he wasn't around when he never even deserved that in the first place. You wish you would've known who he really was back then; you would've stayed away. 

Unbeknownst to you, Jisoo was struggling much like you -- minus the whole "betrayed by a best friend" situation. Every time that she showed up in class, she hoped with every piece of herself that you'd walk through the door and grace the room with your presence. You seldom ever did, though -- but when you ran out of free days of absence and were forced to attend class in order to keep your grades up, you never even uttered a word to her. She'd make it a point to ask questions in class, hoping that hearing her voice would bring something out of you, as yours did to her. She longed to talk to you again, if only for a minute; but your resolve remained strong, and her determination grew weaker as the days went by. 

Being the person she is, though, she knew giving up wasn't an option. After a few weeks of that cycle, greeting stands were placed at the front doors of each complex on campus, manned by different members of the council. She came up with a story for the administration on the fly, using her people skills to convince them that it would be good for student morale and getting more people to join clubs. It was a great effort, but she underestimated your avoidance skills; you thwarted her plans again, slipping right through her strategically linked fingers. 

Eventually, she lost hope. She exhausted every option she knew to try, and the girls ran out of new ones as well. Seeing their unnie so upset saddened them, and they did all they could to cheer her up in any and every way they knew how. 

7.) Premiere Night

"Y/N, get up. You're gonna shower and get dressed if I have to force you to do it myself." Yuqi commands, blasting into your room and flipping on the overhead light that shines far too bright for your liking. 

"Mmm," you groan in protest, not even bothering to roll over. 

"I mean it; don't test me, you know I'm true to my word."

"Why, Yuqi?"

"Because we're going to the performance tonight. The big show that everyone has been going on about is premiering, and you're coming with me to see it."

"I can't do that." You say, her words sobering you up from your sleepy stupor.

"I know who the lead is," she informs, already knowing about your reasons for being hesitant, "and that's precisely why we're going. You can't keep living like this, so either go get your girl, or agree to be friends with her and work past what you're dealing with." 

"You sound like a mom at the end of an 80s movie."

"80s movie moms are valid, so I'll take that as a compliment. Now go!" She shouts, shoving you off the bed. You tumble to the floor in a heap of blankets and pillows, still managing to hit your funny bone as you let out a pained groan. 

"Remind me to slap her later, Ryujin." 

"Will do." She salutes, reaching a hand down to help you up. With one last glare at an annoyingly bubbly Yuqi, you head to the bathroom to shower. 

----

"How do I look?" You ask, looking yourself up and down in the skinny mirror attached to the wall. 

"Is it gay if I say I'd ask you out?" Yuqi asks with a smile, fanning herself animatedly when you strike a pose. 

"Very much so, yes." 

"Well, hand me the rainbow suspenders, then." 

You push her over with a laugh -- the first real one you've shared in a while -- and wrap her in a hug. 

"Thank you, for real. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have you." You say against her shoulder, pulling back to look at your roommate and add, "Either of you." The three of you settle in for a group hug and tell a few more jokes before Yuqi finally drags you out of the dorm. 

----

"How does it feel to be back in society?" Yuqi whispers, leaning in close to you to read the seat numbers printed on your tickets. 

"As lame as ever." You add, amusingly unenthused. 

"You're never gonna convince Jisoo to date your dumbass with that attitude." She retorts, feeling a little guilty when she sees your expression change upon hearing her name. You're afraid to see where the two of you will stand at the end of the night, so saying it's still a sore subject is the understatement of the year. 

"I'm messing with you, dude. If she doesn't want to be with you, then it's her loss; but I highly doubt that's the case. I've heard she misses you a lot." For once, Yuqi's words are halfway encouraging to hear, and you let out a light smile. 

"Well I'm prepared to worry about that whole situation later. For now, let's find our seats and enjoy the show." Your best friend quickly agrees, and the two of you squeeze through the crowds in the aisles to get to your row. 

----

"Jisoo, I promise you'll do well. You've been practicing for months; you've got this," Soo-hyun says, rubbing his co-lead's back in reassuring circles. The certainty in his deep voice gives Jisoo some semblance of security, and she stands to look at him with one final, nervous sigh. Stage fright has never been this big of an issue for her, but the size of the crowd and the idea that you might be out there scare the hell out of her. She wants you to be there with all of her heart, but she doesn't know if she'll be able to handle watching you walk away again. The past few weeks have been torture, and she misses your presence and witty remarks more than she ever thought possible. 

"Thank you, Soo-hyun. I'll meet you out there in a couple minutes, just let me collect myself."

He nods and says, "Take your time. I'll let Mrs. Choi know," before leaving and shutting the door behind himself. Now alone again, Jisoo digs through her personal bag that lays neatly on the small futon of the dressing room. When her fingers come in contact with that familiar material she's spent hours staring at, she bites the inside of her cheek and unfolds it for the millionth time. Multiple poems and blurbs litter the page, accompanied by cute doodles and cartoons here and there that give it a personal feel. She's spent the time away from you methodically working through the different writings, restraining herself from reading all of them in one setting so that she can have new content from time to time. 

She's down to the last one, now, and a surprising sort of realization hits her when she reads it. It instills within her a sense of determination -- determination to get you back and set things right, one way or another. She makes a plan to find you after the performance.

-- After The Performance -- 

It was even more spectacular than you ever imagined it could be. The school spared no expense in getting the best props, employing the most skilled technicians on hand, and recruiting the best artists that the school had to paint the backdrops. Everyone behind the scenes worked tirelessly to produce the best show possible, and their efforts really paid off. 

And, of course, you can't forget the actors. 

The entire cast was incredible, their talent matching some of the world's most sought-after stars. Every part was played to perfection; even the smaller, supporting roles were acted with passion, really bringing the piece together as a whole. The production left you wanting more, too inspired and awestruck by the amazing performances to be content with just seeing it once. So, after numerous calls for an encore, the cast returned to run through a few of their key scenes. 

---

As the cast takes their final bow, large cannons placed on either side of the stage shoot out bursts of colorful confetti, and you watch it flutter down around them. Some try to catch a piece or two to add to their scrapbooks, wanting to have a trinket from their college years, while others just hug each other and twirl around with content smiles on their faces. The crowd continues its loud cheering, and eventually you find the courage to sneak a glance at Jisoo.

To your surprise, she's looking right back. 

Her eyes hold a mixed softness; she's proud of herself and glad that you came to support her on such a big night, but part of her wants to escape the busyness of it all and tell you everything she's been feeling. She'd be content with looking at you forever, she realizes, as she studies you. You're the true star in her eyes, always shining so bright and making everyone feel at home whenever they're around you. She hopes you know how special you are. 

Mrs. Choi approaches the cast from stage right, gathering their attention to congratulate them and commend them for their performances. Jisoo reluctantly looks away from you, unsure if it's the last time she'll be seeing you tonight. The thought upsets her, but there isn't much she can do about it right now; so, she gives her attention to her professor and flashes that smile that makes everyone weak in the knees. 

You knew it was just a matter of time before she'd be pulled away and immersed in some conversation about the show, but the selfish side of you never wanted her to look away. No matter how confusing things may be because of all of your unresolved issues, she still looks at you like she always had before -- her gaze is kind, albeit bittersweet, but it's full of care. Seeing her like that makes you feel like even more of an asshole than you already do -- maybe you should have just listened to her at the game. Running away was an immature choice, rooted entirely in your own sadness in that moment as you deprived yourself of any explanation she could've offered, though you can't judge yourself too harshly. The situation is complicated, and you still don't know whether to hate yourself for running or go easy on yourself in light of what happened. 

When Yuqi sees you stand up and shuffle towards the end of your row, she sends you a warning look. 

"Dude, I'm not gonna run away. I'm literally just gonna step outside for some fresh air, I promise." She visibly relaxes, no longer having to prepare herself to wrangle you back into the seat. 

"Fine. But if you aren't back in 15 minutes I'm coming to track you down. You really need to talk to her." 

You sigh, nodding in agreement. "I know, trust me. Just let me get my thoughts together first." She sends you off to do just that, but not until the two of you complete the special handshake you made up all those months ago. 

---

Brisk air rushes over your skin in waves the moment you exit the side door of the building, automatically sending goosebumps to raise in its wake. It feels nice, though; it grounds you, and works to cool off your heated skin. The atmosphere inside was thick with the tension you've been feeling ever since what happened that night at the game, and its effects were only heightened by the raw performances of the evening. Passion and longing were the driving factors of the play, ironically, and many of the scenes drew eerie parallels to your current situation. So, it's no wonder that you're thankful to step away from it all for a bit.

You greet a few stray audience members that're puttering around outside as well, opting to walk down a little further away from them and lean against the building. The wall's brick material feels rough against your back, lightly scratching it whenever you shift your weight from one foot to the other. You don't mind it, though; it's oddly nostalgic, somehow. 

When you hear the door open again, you think nothing of it. The metal hinges latch just the same as they had for you, so there's really no reason for you to even look up. However, that all changes when you feel someone's eyes on you.

Unprepared is leaps and bounds away from being a fitting statement to describe how you feel in that moment; Jisoo stands merely 10 feet away from you at most, right next to the stage door that she just came out of. Her hands fiddle with the drawstrings of her costume, seemingly always needing to be occupied when she's nervous or unsure of herself; it's a habit you've picked up on after seeing it so many times. 

The longer you look at her, the more you want to look away; she's so beautiful it hurts, and the silence is eating away at you. You can't blame her, though; neither of you know what to say or do, and the only thing you seem capable of is staring at each other. When you break the intense eye contact you were sharing to turn away, only intending to take a minute to collect yourself, Jisoo is suddenly set in motion. 

She's afraid you'll leave again, and she's prepared to fight even harder for you this time.

I love you as the stars love the night sky

A fateful, cyclic romance

A game of eager greetings and reluctant goodbyes

Those words -- ones that you remember penning one day in class while completely entranced by Jisoo -- roll from her lips effortlessly, as if she had spent time committing them to memory. She had, in fact; whenever days passed without her even catching a glimpse of you, she always found herself unfolding that note again, tracing a finger over the curve of your unique letters as she reread the poem. It always brought her comfort to think that you were in just as deep as her, and a similar sense of hope blossoms in her chest now when she spots an unbelieving smile tug at the corner of your lips as you slowly turn to face her again. 

You're still into her, and she's falling even deeper at the realization. Maybe she didn't lose you after all. 

She takes calculated steps towards you and breathes a sigh of relief when you stay put, not showing any signs of running. The wheels in your head are going into overdrive now, turning and churning as you process her little recital, and she prays with all of her heart that you won't be upset once you put two and two together. 

"How did you…"

"You dropped it one day, and I picked it up. I meant to give it back to you, but I guess I just never got around to it." She feels a little guilty for keeping it as long as she has, but it's served as a way of keeping you close during your time apart. Those bits and pieces of you, scattered around on that page, encapsulated by the annotations and doodles you so kindly left behind, have stayed in her heart. Ever since she discovered it all that time ago, it's never been very far from her; she cherishes it more than you'll ever know. 

"You didn't show it to anyone, right?" Your voice is laced with worry, lowered a bit to keep others from overhearing. 

"No, no! Of course not. I just… kept it for myself. You're really talented; I couldn't stop reading your stuff." 

"Thank, I guess?" You awkwardly chuckle, still a bit rusty on how to interact with her after everything. Plus, to be fair, having your crush read one of the love letters you wrote about her is a bit unheard of. Newfound territory, you think to yourself.

"How long?" You ask after a minute of silence, only realizing how loaded your question is after it slips past your lips, turning into a puff of steam in the chilly atmosphere. "How long have you… felt that way about me?" You quickly add, "Assuming that you feel what the poem says, of course." 

An amused smile tweaks her lips at how cute you are. "I do, Y/N. I always have; ever since that afternoon at the daycare." 

"Really?" The question is quiet, full of childlike disbelief. 

"Really. It was always you." She says it freely now: unafraid.

The sentiment is sweet, but memories of the football game come flooding back and you're reminded that as much as you want to skip this next part, you still have things to discuss. 

"What about Jeong?" 

"What about him?"

"Did you ever like him?"

"No. The girls thought so, but it was just a misunderstanding. That's why Lisa introduced us at the game; she thought I had a crush on him, but I told her that you were always the one I was looking at. I told all of the girls that, after that night." 

Her confession renders you speechless -- only capable of listening and nodding every now and then. She takes advantage of your silence to finally explain herself and tell you everything she's been dying to. 

"I didn't know you felt the same until our talk in the parking lot. I mean, I was hopeful after some of the moments we had, but I didn't know for sure until then. I wanted to beg you to stay and hear me out, but you left before I had the chance."

You blink a few times as the reality of her words begin to sink in. "I had no idea…"

"Yeah, well…" she trails off, unsure of what to say next. She's forgiven you for walking away, knowing you were just hurt, but the whole situation still left a bad taste in her mouth. So much pain could've been avoided for the both of you if you had just listened.

"How did they take it?"

"They yelled at me for waiting so long to tell them, but then they tried to help me get you back. Remember those student council booths?" She leans in a little closer to ask that last line, her lips pulling to the side in that iconic smirk of hers. 

You audibly gasp and point at her animatedly. "I knew that was you!"

"Mhm, pulled some fancy-sounding excuse out of my ass to convince the board, and boom; 20 brand new tables set up the next day. I still can't believe you managed to slip past them, though. I mean, c'mon, have you seen how talkative those kids can be?" 

"Trust me, it wasn't easy," you laugh with her. "I had to sneak to the back entrances like a drug dealer." 

"I can totally see that." 

"I'm dedicated, what can I say?" The stupid hair flip you do makes her laugh even harder, clutching her stomach as those beautiful sounds slip past her lips. 

As your shared laughter eventually turns into soft chuckles, she smiles at you, saying, "I really missed this. I missed you, so so much." 

"I've been a wreck without you, Jisoo. It's honestly embarrassing." 

She looks at you with something new shining in her eyes, and she carefully contemplates what she's about to admit. "Can I tell you a secret?"

"Of course." 

"I rarely cry, Y/N, but I did over you. So you have no reason to be embarrassed. It seems like both of us were pretty bad off." She looks down after saying that, scuffing her foot against the concrete of the sidewalk. Being vulnerable isn't usually easy for her, and she never really lets people see that side of her -- not even the girls. She feels like she has to stay strong for them to keep things running smoothly, but she fails to realize how important her own feelings are. You're different, though; she feels like her entire collection of secrets would be safe with you, and you make her feel secure enough to be open like that. 

When she feels you step closer and hook two fingers underneath her chin, her eyes dart up to yours and her heart speeds up. Your other arm hesitantly wraps around her waist, giving her plenty of time to step away and deny you. You've spent so much time convincing yourself that she couldn't possibly want someone like you that you're genuinely surprised when she steps further into your embrace, pulling your arm tighter around herself. 

Her right arm comes to rest loosely on your shoulder as her other hand caresses your forearm, rubbing various patterns against your smooth skin. "I tried so hard to get you to pick up on my flirting," she starts, playing with the baby hairs at the nape of your neck as she holds you close. "Every touch," she runs a finger down your arm, leaving a trail of electricity in its wake. "Every look," she moves her hand from your neck to your cheek, cupping it sweetly as she gazes into your eyes. She strokes your skin with the pad of her thumb, smiling beautifully when she feels you nuzzle into her hold even more. 

"And that kiss…" she says, sounding breathless at the mere thought of it. "I wanted it to last forever." 

"Why didn't you tell me that, then?" You ask, not even a trace of anger in your tone. You're determined to let go of all the hurt and fear that your misunderstandings have caused, opting instead to finally get the answers you've wanted for so long. "After I came back from putting Aera to bed you were just… different. And then when you said it was just a part of the script--"

"I know. I was afraid that if I let myself have you like that -- if I let you in all the way -- there'd be no going back." When she sees the confusion building in your eyes, she continues on. "I don't usually let myself get distracted; I can't afford it. You know how seriously I take my studies." You nod, recalling the numerous times you've found her in the library until it closed, studying hard for the exams everyone knew she'd ace. "But you wiggled your way past every line of defense I ever put up. You became my favorite distraction." A dopey grin tugs at your lips at receiving that title, and you subconsciously hold your head a little higher.

"But I wasn't prepared for that. You make me feel things that I've never felt before, and I really didn't think I could afford to let myself have you. Not fully, anyway. I could deal with a crush; I told myself I could keep you close enough that I wouldn't miss you, but far enough that I could keep myself protected."

"What changed?" You ask, smoothing your hands over the small of her back, feeling the heat radiate from her skin. They've worked their way under the hem of her shirt during your conversation, subconsciously seeking to share her warmth, and Jisoo has been acutely aware of it the entire time. 

"When I saw you walk away like that I didn't know what to do with myself. I've had people leave before, so it's not a new thing; but I never missed them like I've missed you."

A bittersweet, melancholic look settles on your face at that; she deserves every good thing that the world has to offer, so knowing that you played a part in her sadness -- whether it be direct or indirect -- disheartens you a bit. 

"But you're here now, and that's all that matters." She says, leaning her forehead against yours. 

"And I'm not going anywhere," you affirm, holding her even closer than before. She brushes her nose against yours with a quiet sigh, relieved to be in your arms, caught safely in your warm embrace. If falling feels like this, she's more than okay with it. 

"Can I?" You ask, glancing down to the heart shaped pillows you've dreamt of having against yours again. 

She nods, uttering a soft, "Please", as she tilts her head to the side in expectancy. You close the remaining distance, bending your knees slightly to tighten your hold on her waist and pull her flush up against yourself. Both of her arms wrap around your neck now, occasionally coming down to tilt your head and allow her better access, or run her fingers through your hair. It's sensual and meaningful, but an air of urgency hangs in the air, thickening it the longer her lips are on you. Both of you are making up for lost time, so it's no wonder you're so eager. 

She takes your bottom lip between her teeth as she backs you up, pressing you against the brick wall that you had migrated a few steps away from during your conversation. If she were kissing anyone else, perhaps she'd care about the strangers staring, or what they might say; but as she stands here, feeling your hands explore her body in the ways that she's dreamed of and your lips kiss her senseless, that's the furthest thought from her mind. Her hands grab at the collar of your shirt, balling the material up in her palms as she pushes her lips against yours from a new angle. 

When you eventually pull back for air, you can't help but say the phrase that's been sitting on your mind for weeks. "I love you." 

Her heart speeds up to match yours, both of them racing as you look at each other with giant smiles on your faces. "I love you, too. If you hadn't already guessed that," she chuckles, leaning up to kiss you again. This one's more innocent, though -- full of giddiness as you replay each other's declaration in your minds. 

"Y/N L/N IF YOU AREN'T OUT HERE--"

Yuqi bellows loudly, blasting through the side door and out into the chilly night air. The metal smacks against the wall from the force she exerted, and you physically cringe at the sound. Jisoo does the same, quickly pulling away to find out what's going on. 

When Yuqi's line of sight settles on the two of you, her eyebrows raise and a smirk lands on her lips. "Well, well, well. Looks like my work here is done," she says, cocking her head to the side self-assuredly when she sees how swollen both of your lips are and how mussed your clothing is. You send her a look that she registers as "Get lost", and she retreats back into the performance hall with her hands raised in surrender.

"Idiot," you mutter under your breath, shaking your head as you watch the door close behind her, its poor hinges still recovering from her assault. Jisoo's giggle makes you turn back to her, finding a breathtaking smile forming on her lips. "You're so cute," she coos, poking your cheek, "especially when you blush like that." 

You fight the bashfulness that attempts to take over, managing to cock a brow at her and say, "Hey, watch it -- I might not be so kind in my next poem if you don't stop teasing me." 

"Aww, don't be like that, baby." 

She tenses up after realizing she let that pet name slip out at the end, but your smile only widens. 

"Say that again."

"Baby," she drawls in her signature sultry tone, stepping closer to you again. 

"Mmm, I could get used to that." You hum against her lips, pressing yours to them at the end of your statement. 

"Good, because there's more where that came from." 

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhm," she settles into your arms again, looking into your eyes with so much love you nearly swoon. "This is only the beginning for us." 

#jisoo kim #kim jisoo #kim jisoo x fem reader #jisoo x fem reader #kpop blackpink #blackpink #blackpink fanfic #blackpink angst #blackpink fluff #blackpink imagines #blackpink oneshots #blackpink scenarios #jisoo turtle rabbit kim #park chaeyoung #roseanne park #jennie kim #lisa manoban #let-them-read-fics #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #kpop fluff #blackpink x reader #ryujin #itzy #yeji #yuqi #gidle #red velvet #seulgi #yeri

[nugnthopkns]

dance me to the end of love (iii)

word count: 4.3k

warnings: fem!oc, cursing, potential percy jackson & the olympians spoilers, alcohol consumption, motion sickness and vomiting

series masterpost: here

a/n: this took me a hot sec to finish but here it is! there's a dumb little latin joke in here but that's just because i'm a nerd lmao

Ryan is certainly giving Bette a run for her money in the best friend department.

Magdalene has no intentions of usurping her best friend, but Ryan is quickly becoming the person she talks to most frequently. It started on social media but quickly moved to regular texting, both of them being twenty-five and capable of communicating through more normal channels. The text thread between them isn’t indicative of their newfound friendship – it looks like they’ve been friends since high school. At any given moment at least three conversations are going on, and Magdalene regularly sends him random updates throughout the day. Ryan likes hearing about any interesting artefacts she encounters at work so she keeps mental notes to tell him during their frequent phone calls.

Despite talking to him almost constantly, Magdalene hasn’t seen Ryan since they grabbed lunch at Barn Owl nearly two weeks ago. The lake house trip is a couple days out, and she’s been busy trying to get all her ducks in a row. At work, the current project is coming to an end and Magdalene will be sad to see it go – it’s the first thing she’s been on from start to finish. She’s got a neighbour coming to spend time with Caligula while she’s away so he doesn’t get too upset. Though the days are passing by in a haze as she tries to get ready, Magdalene is excited to get away for a little bit. It’s been a few years since she’s left Denver for more than a night, electing to skip on Bette’s previous vacation invites, and it will be nice to slow down. Life is moving at a comfortable pace, but having some time to pause and breathe will keep Magdalene from feeling too overwhelmed.

Halfway through her last day of work, Magdalene gets a text from Ryan that makes her nearly double over in laughter.

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says to the bartender “I’ll have a Martinus please!” The bartender replies “Don’t you mean a Martini?” Caesar shakes his head and says “If I wanted double I would have said so.”

It takes her a minute to catch her breath, which piques June’s curiosity. Magdalene recites the joke and her boss rolls her eyes and shakes her head, but does let out a chuckle.

June didn’t think it was funny, but I did. Thank you for making today infinitely better. You riding with us tomorrow?

Magdalene tucks her phone back into her purse, determined to remain focused for the last few hours, and misses the reply telling her that Ryan won’t be riding with Bette, Tyson, and herself, but rather with Cale and his girlfriend to leave enough space for all the gear getting brought. She doesn’t see it until she’s walking across the parking lot to her car and it fills her with a sadness that doesn’t make much sense. He’ll be there for the entire week, so does it matter that he’ll be in a different car for the four hour drive? Magdalene has a sinking suspicion about why she’s upset, but she pushes it down. There’s no space in your life for a relationship right now, she reminds herself as she unlocks the door to her apartment. Caligula is waiting patiently at the door and distracts her thoughts from the handsome man with the kind smile that’s been all she can think about recently.

The cat is incredibly perceptive and knows the regular routine is going to change, making him particularly clingy. He follows Magdalene as she finishes packing, meowing and begging for pets, and she considers bailing on her friends. Caligula has mild separation anxiety and Magdalene doesn’t go away often partly because of it – though another reason is her homebody nature. Only the thought of seeing Ryan keeps her from hanging all her clothes back up.

“Don’t worry little boots,” she coos, “I won’t be gone long. Maria is going to check on you while I’m away, and I’ll be home before you know it.”

It seems ridiculous to speak to her pet as though it’s a child, but Magdalene knows Caligula comprehends what she’s saying. He’s always been smart, and the two of them share a bond that’s hard to explain. She picks him up, puts him in the pocket of her hoodie, and they spend the rest of the night packing and dancing along to the radio.

☼☼☼☼

Bette forgot to mention that the road to the lake house is winding, and Magdalene spends the entire ride with her head between her knees. Motion sickness is something that unfortunately plagues her during journeys longer than a couple of hours and she wishes she would have thought to take anti-nausea medication before leaving the house. Tyson tries to crack a joke about her being a bad passenger, but his girlfriend swats his arm and passes her friend a water bottle with a concerned smile. The two of them speak in hushed tones, almost certainly for Magdalene's benefit, and she does her best not to throw up on the floor of Tyson’s car. After what feels like two decades the vehicle rolls to a stop at the end of a gravel path.

“Mags, we’re here,” Bette says softly, praying that her friend will begin to feel better after stretching her legs and feeling firm ground underneath her.

There’s an unintelligible groan from Magdalene, but she rises out of the car and stumbles into the house. Tyson and Bette insist that she rest and they’ll handle the unloading of the car, so she crawls into one of the empty beds and falls asleep as soon as her head touches the pillow. It’s a dreamless slumber, one fuelled by the pure exhaustion of battling illness while travelling, and when she awakes hours later Magdalene feels oddly refreshed. Her energy level is still relatively low, but she knows that intaking food won’t be an issue.

Padding down the stairs as quiet as possible in an effort to not break the peaceful atmosphere, Magdalene is met with a quiet house. She’s utterly confused – she didn’t sleep long enough to miss dinner and judging by the way the sun is low in the final car full of people should be arriving any minute. For a moment she thinks the group left her in the mountains alone, but then the sound of a trunk closing breaks the silence.

“I fucking told you bro, you should have let me drive!”

Ryan’s voice echoes in Magdalene's ears and her heart skips a beat. She didn’t realize how much she had missed him or how excited she is to see him. Despite everything inside of her saying she should run into his arms Magdalene stays put in the kitchen, running the tap to get a glass of water. She focuses on the mountain on the other end of the lake, framing the setting sun and creating a postcard ready photo. The camera app on her phone is open and angles for the best shot are found. Ryan tumbles through the door a second later, arms filled to the brim with luggage and bags of food.

He drops them the second he sees her, running up behind her and lifting her off the ground. “Mags! Cale almost hit a deer!”

The shock of Ryan’s onslaught of affection catches her off guard, and Magdalene shakes her hand, forcing the picture to turn out as nothing but a blur.

“No hello?” She laughs as Ryan lets her feet touch down on the wooden floor. “It’s the least you could give me after destroying my chance of getting a National Geographic worthy picture.”

He smiles but doesn’t let his hands drop from their perch on her waist. “There’s six more days for you to nail it. I’ll even help if you ask.”

Other bodies enter the house then, causing Magdalene to slink away from Ryan’s touch even though it was the last thing she wanted to do. They’re simply friends, and she doesn’t want Bette to get any ideas. The last thing Magdalene needs on her plate right now is her best friend forcing her to paint a custom denim jacket with Ryan’s number across the back. “I can’t believe you almost hit a deer,” Tyson sighs in disbelief.

“It wasn’t even close,” Cale grumbles, picking up his bags and stomping off to find a place to claim as his own the next couple of days. A petite redhead follows after him, giving a small wave to those in the kitchen before scurrying away. When she asks, Ryan tells Magdalene the girl’s name is Livy, and that she’s Cale’s girlfriend from back home.

Everyone shrugs at his moodiness and disperses. Bette and Tyson stay in the kitchen to make dinner, Ryan goes to claim the final room, and Magdalene slips outside to sit on the patio furniture. The sun has dropped drastically in the past five minutes, causing the air to chill. She wraps her arms tighter around her legs and watches a pair of birds fly over the lake below. It’s so peaceful, a complete one-eighty from the insanity of her life in Denver, and Magdalene thinks about never leaving. She knows it’s impossible, but as she closes her eyes and listens to the quiet laughter of her friends inside the idea seems like a pretty good one.

The sliding door creaks open and Ryan goes through as quietly as possible. He tosses a sweater in Magdalene’s direction as he walks over, plopping down beside her on the small couch.

“Thanks,” she mumbles, slipping the fabric over her head. “I didn’t realize how cold it had actually gotten.”

He smiles in response and shuffles his body a little closer to create extra warmth. Magdalene leans into him, trying to appear casual even though her heart is beating rapidly, and pulls on the strings of the sweater Ryan gave her.

“So, are you excited for this week?”

It’s more awkward than she thought it would be – seeing him in person again, especially since they’ve been texting almost constantly, and the words kind of stick in her throat.

“Honestly? Now that I’m here I am, but I was a little leery about taking time off,” Ryan explains, detailing how he’s trying to improve some aspects of his two-way play and is worried his progress will plateau. Magdalene understands and shares her own worries about taking time off work even if her boss encouraged it.

After catching up quickly and running out of things to say, the pair of them sit in silence watching the sun set until they’re called inside for dinner. It’s nice to just exist, especially with Ryan beside her, and Magdalene feels her heart sink as they separate and he goes to make sure Cale isn’t actually mad at him.

☼☼☼☼

It storms the first two days at the lake house, forcing everyone to stay inside. Tyson complains about how he has less time to drive the boat that came with the property but the others take it in stride. Magdalene spends most of the time reading for pleasure, something she hasn’t been able to do much of the past few years, and Ryan joins her for large chunks of the time. It turns out that he too is an avid reader, and the two of them discuss their favourite novels and series while the other four play board games.

“So you’re telling me you wish Annabeth would have joined the Hunters of Artemis?” Magdalene shrieks in shock, almost knocking the wine out of her glass as her arms flail in disbelief.

“I think it made sense for her to,” Ryan defends.

“But she’s perfect for Percy!”

He sticks to his guns. “I’m not saying she isn’t. I just think that at the time the offer was presented it was the most logical choice. You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about what would have happened if she did.”

She ducks her head in defeat because she had imagined it, on many occasions in fact. When reading the series for the first time in middle school Magdalene had desperately hoped Annabeth would choose the Hunters over Camp Half-Blood, gaining the family she herself never was privy to. They return to reading quietly beside each other, occasionally knocking elbows when trying to turn a page.

Tuesday brings sunshine and clear skies, which means Tyson is trying to corral everyone into the boat as soon as they’re up. Magdalene tries her hardest to get out of it but her pleas fall on deaf ears.

“You’ll be fine, stop being such a wimp,” Cale jests. She knows that he’s just anxious to soak up some sun, but the words hurt more than Magdalene would have liked them to.

Livy swats her boyfriend across the chest. “Enough! If she doesn’t want to come she doesn’t have to.” The smaller girl sends her a kind smile before speaking low enough that only Magdalene can hear her. “I know your book is just getting good and you look like the kind of person who needs alone time to function properly. Enjoy yourself.”

Seemingly excused from the day’s festivities, Magdalene gives a sheepish wave before climbing the small hill to the house. Ryan meets her halfway and is appalled when he hears of her plans.

“Nope, I don’t think so. You’re not leaving me alone to be the ultimate third wheel!”

He has her off the ground and over his shoulder in a millisecond, jogging lightly to catch up with the rest of the group. Magdalene’s laugh bounces off the tree lined shore, and she’s too busy having fun shrieking at Ryan to complain about being forced to spend all day on a boat away from her book. Tyson peels away from the dock before she can regret tagging along, and Bette tugs Magdalene to the bow.

The two girls chat quietly, giggling and sipping on the mimosas they made earlier. Magdalene isn’t a huge day drinker, but Bette makes sure there’s more orange juice than champagne to make her feel less guilty. Livy joins them a while later after becoming sick of the boys and their shenanigans. It’s nice to hang out with a group of girls that aren’t competing for the top spot in a class, Magdalene decides, and she revels in the stories they tell of going to hockey games and babysitting the children of players so they can catch a break. Twinges of jealousy creep up at the wonderful family dynamic the Avalanche seem to have, but she stomachs them. She reminds herself that other people deserve to have support systems and excuses herself from the conversation.

Magdalene slides into the free space beside Ryan, and without thinking he wraps an arm around her shoulder. It feels so natural that she wonders if it’s how he greets all his friends, but the looks of shock and Tyson and Cale’s faces say otherwise. After a bit more cruising they find a small bay to anchor in for a while. The sun had climbed to the middle of the sky and is unbearably warm, leaving everyone no choice but to jump into the water to cool off. Magdalene does her best to float peacefully a short distance away from the group but is somehow brought into a splashing war because the teams aren’t equal.

Eventually the constant barrage of water chills her to the bone, and Magdalene swims back to the boat. She watches from the sidelines and cheers for her old teammates with a towel wrapped snugly around her. Ryan breaks from the group too, insisting it isn’t fair to have teams on unequal strength. Once dry, he picks up the baseball cap he brought and places it delicately on Magdalene’s head.

“Your cheeks are starting to go pink and I don’t want you to burn,” he explains, passing her a bottle of sunscreen as well.

“Thanks Ry.”

They muse about the idyllic beauty of the scene in front of them until everyone rejoins them. For reasons unbeknownst to Magdalene Tyson is in a rush to get back to the house, which leads to him driving very fast and a little erratically. The contents of her stomach threaten to come up but she holds them down, tightening her grip on the leather seat. A wave crests and Tyson hits it head on, causing the boat to lurch and rock. Magdalene knows it’s going to happen before it does and leans over the side to save a mess from being created. All the alcohol and food she’d consumed throughout the day is no longer in her body, and heat creeps up the back of her neck. She’s embarrassed – what twenty-five year old gets sea sick?

“Are you okay?” Ryan asked, not bothering to hide the concern in his voice.

She tries to smile but it comes out more like a grimace. “I just, uh, get motion sick really easily.” Bette passes her a water bottle and she drinks it quickly, eager to get the taste out of her mouth.

Ryan lets Magdalene curl into his side the rest of the way home, and rubs comforting circles on her back to ease her discomfort, doing his best to ignore the stares from his friends.

☼☼☼☼

The trip comes to an end much more quickly than Magdalene would have liked. Tomorrow morning they’ll pack up and drive back to Denver, returning to their normal hectic schedules. Cale and Livy are heading back to Alberta for the rest of the summer, and Bette and Tyson will be going for a visit as well. She’s heard Ryan mention going home in passing, which most likely means he doesn’t have plans to stay. Magdalene will be all alone in Colorado, but she’s used to it. The only issue being friends with professional athletes is that they leave. She’s been dealing with the loss since Bette and Tyson got together years ago – having them around as her support system most of the year and then them disappearing for a couple of months.

Not wanting to think about how soon she’ll be alone, Magdalene heads outside and starts a campfire. It’s a skill she picked up as a kid and it has come in handy over the years. The newspaper crinkles under the flame from the lighter, and soon the kindling is burning well. Everyone else is still inside, cleaning up from dinner and preparing for one last night in paradise. She places a few blocks of wood in the fire pit once there’s a good enough flame and curls up in a chair, lost in thought about what comes next. There’s rustling from somewhere behind her but she pays it no mind, assuming it’s a small animal wandering through the forest.

“Can I offer you some company?” a voice says softly, waiting for a response. The movement wasn’t a raccoon but in fact Ryan, and Magdalene gestures at the chair beside her with a smile.

He passes her a glass of white wine, which she takes with an appreciative hum. They sit in silence for a moment, admiring the beauty of the setting sun. “I’m going to miss it,” Ryan sighs, leaning back in his chair and extending his legs.

She nods. “Me too. It’s so quiet up here. Denver gets too loud sometimes.”

“Tell me about it. I’m not just going to miss the lake though, it’s also lounging around and not having to worry about hockey. And you.”

The ending comes out rushed, and Magdalene isn’t sure she heard him correctly. “Me?”

Ryan looks at her like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Yes you. Why wouldn’t I? You’re funny, smart, and catch all of my West Wing references. There’s no one who gets me quite like you, even back home.”

It takes her by surprise. They’ve only known each other for a few months, and only really started associating after the party at Bette and Tyson’s. There has to be somebody who knows him better than she does. When she voices her opinion Ryan just scoffs, saying that people treat him as one-dimensional because he plays hockey. Somehow the conversation shifts to Magdalene, and when she lets it slip she gets lonely in Denver without her friends, Ryan asks the question she’s been dreading.

“So why don’t you get a boyfriend?”

“I can’t just get a boyfriend because my friends are gone,” she laughs, but there’s an edge to it, like she’s unsure of where this will go and how to question the follow ups.

He rolls his eyes. “I know that, but like, I don’t know, wouldn’t it be nice to not be alone all the time?”

It would be, Magdalene thinks, but she just shrugs. “I guess I’m not looking for a relationship right now. I just finished school and for the first time in a long time I can focus on myself.” She leaves out the part where Ryan gives her butterflies and that if he asked she’d probably jump headfirst into a relationship with him.

The topic is dropped then because Tyson comes out of the house screaming about the night is going to be wild because it’s their last together for a while. Magdalene and Ryan share a look of mild panic, but both of them are itching to have fun with friends so they raise their glasses in salute before finishing them in one gulp.

Magdalene drinks more than she should and wakes in the morning with a killer hangover. It seems that no one else is better off though, all stumbling around looking for Advil and coffee like it’s going to be their last meal. Packing up takes a bit longer than expected, but they’re still out before the official checkout time. There’s a bit of discourse on who Magdalene will travel home with. Bette wants her in Tyson’s car, no doubt to talk about how close her and Ryan seem to be, but Cale offers to bring her with them. His reasoning is that Ryan is driving him and Livy directly to the airport, and having the front seat could be good for her motion sickness. It’s ultimately Magdalene’s choice and the idea of having more time with Ryan before he leaves is too enticing to pass up. She bids her other friends goodbye, promising to come over for dinner before they fly out, and climbs into the cab of Cale’s truck.

Once again she’s a less than ideal passenger, but this time it’s because she sleeps the entire way back to Denver. The drinking took it out of her and coupled with the queasiness in her stomach from the winding roads sleep is the only thing that makes sense. So much for extra time with Ryan she thinks as she wakes up in the airport parking lot.

“Sleeping beauty has risen!” Ryan chuckles, “Why don’t you get out and stretch your legs for a sec? We have the parking spot for another fifteen minutes.”

Magdalene does as suggested because truthfully her joints are a little stiff, and finds Cale and Livy grabbing their bags from the back. She hugs them goodbye and wishes them safe travels, which Cale returns with a warning not to get into too much trouble before heading for the entrance. Once both of them are safely inside the confines of the airport, Ryan and Magdalene get back in the vehicle and finish the last leg of the trip.

She directs Ryan to her apartment complex, and he mentions that he’s never been in this area of the city. “That’s because you have no need to be around a bunch of university kids,” she laughs. Once they pull into the parking lot, he offers to help her take up her bag. It’s only a small suitcase Magdalene could definitely handle herself, but she wants him to come up, to prolong her time with him.

Magdalene’s keys jingle in the lock as the door opens. Ryan follows her in and shuts the door carefully, not wanting to disrupt the aura of peace that permeates the space. From what he can tell, the average size apartment is the perfect reflection of Magdalene – packed full of books and plants and feels very put together despite the owner being only twenty-five. After their shoes find a home on the boot rack and the coats they brought for the drive home are hung in the closet she leads Ryan into the living room. There’s a soft purring by his feet, and Ryan looks down to see an animal. He never pegged Magdalene as someone to keep pets.

“Who’s this?” he asks, bending down to pet the small white cat.

“That’s Caligula.”

A puzzled look graces Ryan’s features. “Who?”

“Caligula,” Madalene giggles. “You can call him little boots if you’d like. He’ll respond.” She picks up the animal when it comes to her and scratches gently behind its ear.

“Why would you name your cat something dumb like Caligula, and why does it respond to little boots?”

It’s then the woman realizes that not everyone understands the reference. “Caligula was the third emperor of Rome,” she explains, “But his real name was Gaius. He gained the nickname Caligula as a child and it just stuck. It translates to little boots in Latin.”

Ryan is in awe of Magdalene for what feels like the millionth time. Of course someone as smart as her would have a crazy name for a pet and have the knowledge to back it up. He feels his chest tighten with affection but he wills it away. She isn’t looking for anything right now, he reminds himself. Magdalene’s self-professed inability to reciprocate his feelings is frustrating, but Ryan knows he’d wait forever for her.

☼☼☼☼

additional notes: catch some extra content here!

taglist: @scrunchmakar @marcoscandellas @toplinetommy @ricohenrique @lovethepreds @cutiesara23 @hockeyallthetime @stlbluesbrat21 (add yourself to the taglist!)

#ryan graves imagine #ryan graves x oc #ryan graves fic #colorado avalanche imagine #nhl imagine #nhl fic #hockey imagine #hockey fic #cwrites #dmtteol

[5uptic]

crewfu: fanfic spotlight!

We work together by Anonymous (5up & DK, unrated, gen | 248 words)

Summary: One likes plants and baking, the other loves to create and design video games. They stay up and create monstrosities together, it's their fun, it's their favourite game. Aka a 5up and Dk roommate au!

No matter how life tangles, I’m still here with you. by hungryandsleepy (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 279 words)

Summary: 5up has been working so hard on his new map, and of course, he needs someone to give him a motivation to go to sleep.

objectively pretty by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 462 words)

Summary: steve is drunk. he's pretty sure 5up is too. that doesn't mean being called pretty is any less momentuous.

you plus me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 489 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve meet.

he said to me by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 656 words)

Summary: 5up and Steve share a moment.

by the snowmen by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 670 words)

Summary: Steve has a moment when it's all over.

today you got to know me (a little bit too slowly) by runninohhoney (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 675 words)

Summary: Steve lights up a cigarette. 5up doesn't smoke.

what would it take by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 787 words)

Summary: It's Steve's first mission. He hecks up. Or does he?

sorta cute by floweruru (5up/Steve, unrated, m/m | 822 words)

Summary: ‘I wouldn’t do that,’ he said. ‘That’s just disrespectful,’ he said. Yet there was 5up, crushed like a can in Steve’s embrace, feebly kicking at nothing as his feet leave the pavement.

i was gonna kill u, but ur kinda cute?? by Cthulhuer (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1k words)

Summary: Steve is a mess and 5up is worse.

I hear a Symphony by AwkwardAce (5up/Fundy, unrated, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: He exhaled until his lungs ached for air, fingers twitching as he opted to remove the sleek white gloves he wore in a feeble effort to soothe himself. It didn’t work. He wrung his trembling hands together as his eyes raked down the worn leather case taking in the doodles- some etched some drawn- across the faded surface. He snapped the buckles open and his breath hitched, catching in his already tight throat. For a moment the world span, his head throbbed and he wanted nothing more than to run and hide. 5up breathed out slowly, shakily.

staring by lytriis (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.1k words)

Summary: steve asks 5up out. 5up doesn’t know how to respond.

and it's four am, and yet, you're here by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: in which steve shows up at 5up's house, in the middle of the night, completely spontaneously

more than this by mangoedges (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve catches 5up venting.

3:15 by vesque (5up/Steve, general rating, m/m | 1.2k words)

Summary: Steve tries to guess Five's name. It's much more difficult than he anticipated.

things were different by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: His eyes circled around to his friends, Kimi and Janet engaging in pleasant comversation, sleepy and becoming increasingly more sober. He looked, finally, across him, and caught Dumbdog staring at him. What now bro, what did this guy want. small talk, turns into not small talk, then there's no talk

Once Upon A Dream by SmearedWords (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.5k words)

Summary: 5up looks ethereal, while Steve is struggling to breathe. "You're not real either." Or: Steve has a crush and a nightmare in three parts, 5up is tired, the crew life is hard and Polus sucks.

the ones you love will call you back by homeward_bound (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 1.8k words)

Summary: stevesuptic: dude, is it weird that i miss vegas   DumbDog: No? I do too.   stevesuptic: okay [steve misses vegas and apollo. they talk about it]

cough it out by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2k words)

Summary: Apollo thinks that Steve must be well and truly gone, at this point, because he giggles, like Apollo’s just told a particularly funny joke. He looks Apollo right in the eye and asks, “Do you trust me?” “Absolutely not.”

ivy by Secular_Czar (5up/Steve, teen rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: It might be a sad day, in general, but Steve isn't about to let it get to him. His friends won't ever let him wallow either.

The Colosseum by WhenTheFogClears (general rating, gen | 2.1k words)

Summary: Five squinted, looking at the colosseum intensely. He thinks Apollo was latched onto the sphinx’s shoulder, fur matted with blood. Janet was slumped against a column, probably out, with Kimi whose bow was snapped in two, her leg twisted at an odd angle. DK was in the corner trying to cast various supporting hexes and charms with a broken arm, whilst Hafu was dragging a heavily bandaged Steve away. or 5up slaughters a cat

Oneshots :) by woofles1990 (5up/Fundy, 5up/Steve, teen rating, multi | 2.5k words, oneshot collection)

Summary: Just a bunch of MCYT/Among Us oneshots, mainly featuring 5up's crew because yes :)

the adventures of 5up and steve staying up late because they're under 30 by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.5k words)

Summary: “The night is young!” Steve yells at the ceiling, throwing his hands up in the air. “Take advantage of it! Commit crimes! Fuck hoes!” Five catches his hands in the air and laughs. “You wish you had hoes.”

unreasonably in love by cj__writes (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 2.6k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "It was like pieces of a puzzle, everything coming together. And now, here they are, standing in their apartment, which looks more like a hollow shell than a home, filled solely with scattered boxes and the minuscule amount of furniture that they brought with them to Vegas." Or: what happens after Apollo and Steve move in together.

cant be love by fourpebbles (Apollo/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 3.5 words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: He had chuckled to himself, he felt so stupid. Who in their fucking minds names a playlist 'sugr?', he thought, internally cringing. A story where a Steve meets an Apollo, and some things happen.

Somewhere in the darkness, us together for a while by tumtummeke (Apollo & Kimi & Steve, teen rating, gen | 3.6k words)

Summary: Apollo worries about Steve. Steve breaks his vape pen. Kimi plays power washer. Self-indulgent angst, with a generous helping of friendship and cuddles.

odyssey by 5280ft (5up/Steve, teen rating, m/m | 23k words, chaptered WIP)

Summary: "First you will come to the Sirens who enchant all who come near them. If any one unwarily draws in too close and hears the singing of the Sirens...they warble him to death with the sweetness of their song. Therefore pass these Sirens by and stop your men's ears with wax that none of them may hear." -Homer, The Odyssey

Also: SilverSprinklez10‘s yupwaves collection.

Summary: This is a Harry Potter AU based on the characters/personas of the youtubers/streamers.

FAQ:

Wait what is this: pretty straight to the point! i’ll regularly share crewfu-related fanfictions to this blog :)

How regularly is “regularly”?: great question! LOL. it depends on the flow of fanfics that get uploaded, which i do not have any control over, but i’m looking forward to do this twice a month. after all, it’s only me doing this and i often run on a tight schedule.

What’s the format like?:

[title of fic with link] by [author of the fic with link] ([main pairing(s), if there is one/multiple], [fic rating: eg, general rating], [relationship: eg, m/m] | [word count in k] ([added prompt to specify if it’s complete or not)])

Summary: [summary provided by the author. if it doesn’t have a summary, a “No summary” prompt will be put instead]

(What does WIP mean again?): Work In Progress :)

Why are you doing this?: from the beginning, my blog has hosted conversations about RPF (real people fiction) and crewfu pairings. this has evolved into people sending me updates about certain fics in the crewfu tags every now and then, but i wanna take the next step and just do these things myself. after all, i’m already lurking in the tags often to see the fics that get posted. as someone who is both a writer and a reader, i wanna appreciate fanfic writers and help out other people that want to read fanfic and consume more fandom content!

Will it be AO3 only?: well, ao3 has a very helpful tag system that makes finding fics incredibly easy, as well as allowing people with no accounts to like and comment on fics, so that’s the site i will personally look in for fanworks. but if there are any fics you’ve written or liked in any other platforms, such as wattpad, you can always contact me through my inbox (send an ask or a dm!), and i’ll make sure to include for the next fanfic spotlight :)

Does it mean you won’t reply to fic asks anymore?: yeah, i guess. since i’ll be doing the searching myself it seems counterproductive. but if i ever skip a fic or again, it’s in another platform, or you’ve posted/read the fic a while ago and you want to get more traction on it, hit me up and i’ll take it into consideration!

Will you read every single one of the fics on your list?: oh no. again, i run on a tight schedule, and also i have my own taste when it comes to fics. i won’t be reviewing fics or any of the sort, and my intention extends to simply sharing these fics to this page so people will have easier access to them :) that’s where ao3 tagging becomes SUPER useful!!!

So what’s the criteria for the way you’ll sort out the fics in your list?: word count, going from lowest to highest. in case of fics in other platforms, i guess i’ll put them at the top of the list. i’ll also be looking for fairly recent fics, so let me know if you want any old-ish fic to be included.

I see you talking mostly about 5up/Steve and Steve/Apollo. Can I still send/see other crewfu fics?: why yes absolutely! my goal is to push every fic which heavily features regular crewfu characters - 5uptic and supdog just happen to be very popular pairings. so, to give you a list: core 4 (5up, hafu, dk, steve), apollo, aipha, annie, janet, kimi, ellum, koji... you know the drill. it doesn’t have to be centered on a relationship, or about 5up in specific, etc. my only requirement is that any of the previously mentioned members are a central part of the fic or are HEAVILY featured in it (sorry, minecraft fics with 50+ tags who only mention 5up as an afterthought won’t make the cut :/).

Isn’t shipping Bad™?: well, it’s a little more nuanced than that. i will go out of my way to discourage and shame people who often violate CCs’ boundaries by acting like so and so has a crush on this person, or that this and that are Actually Into Each Other or secretly dating. any sort of tinhat bullshit is a big nono (think larries). but i run on the assumption that people who write rpf understand that what they’re doing is simply write a completely fictional story using real life personalities, and understand the boundaries necessary to do it - aka they’re not tinhats, they understand they can’t assume everything about CCs’ thoughts and personalities, they understand that what they’re writing is strictly fiction, they keep these works only in fandom circles, etc. (but again, it’s only one me doing this, so please be kind if i don’t happen to know that this person is Actually a tinhat or whatever).

show fic: NO. (seriously. i don’t feel comfortable putting my ao3 account out there. please respect my privacy on these trying times <3)

I REALLY don’t care about your rpf/fic talk: fair! i’ll be tagging every single one of these posts as “fanfic spotlight”, so just mute the tag using tumblr settings so you’ll never have to look at these! likewise, you can follow the tag if you want to keep up with it, or search it on my blog to look at the other entries you might have missed (but this is the first one! lol).

Hey, my fic is here and I don’t feel comfortable with it being shared over here: no problem! let me know as soon as you can and i’ll take it down <3

#crewfu #fanfic spotlight

[daised-daisy]

For your dialogue prompt, I know this is kinda cliche but can you do “Has it always been just an act?” With roceit?

Ship: Roceit (Roman x Janus)

Word Count: 697

Warnings: angst with no happy ending (but feel free to add one!)

~

“I’m going to the other side again tonight. Don’t set anything on fire while I’m gone,” Janus said as he passed by Remus, who lay sprawled out on the couch creating crude doodles in the air with green sparkling lines appearing from his pointer finger. He frowned at Janus’s announcement.

“Why do you go over there so much? It’s like you actually enjoy being with my dumb brother,” Remus pointed out. “Besides, Roman already made his decision. The wedding already happened. You lost the fight. Take the L and try again later.”

“I am doing this to build up trust for the next big decision we make,” Janus said, sitting down in a chair perpendicular to the couch. “I have a lot to make up for. If I want Roman to believe I genuinely value him as a friend, then I have to put as much effort as I can into mending the tear that... incident caused.”

“You mean when you manipulated him with flattery just so he would side with you and he realized it and it destroyed what was left of his self-esteem?” Remus asked.

“...Yes,” Janus said.

“And what do you mean friendship? You think I haven’t noticed you getting handsy with my bro?” Remus asked with a smirk. “I think you really like him.” Janus scoffed.

“Oh please! It’s all part of the act,” he claimed, though the blush on his face betrayed him.

“Act?”

Janus spun around upon hearing Roman’s voice. He stood at the entrance to the dark side living room with tears in his eyes.

“Roman! What are you doing here?” Janus asked, shooing Remus away, then rushing up to Roman.

“I wanted to show you this dress I made, but I…” He shook his head, a tear slipping down his cheek. “Has it always been just an act?”

“No, Roman, it’s–” Janus moved forward, but Roman stepped back, a sob escaping him.

“I can’t believe I fell for it again,” he cried. “Oh god, I’m so stupid.” He hid his face in his hands.

“Roman–” Janus tried to come closer again.

“No! Don’t speak!” Roman shouted, shoving him away. “How can I trust a word you say? I won’t listen to your lies anymore! You can’t–”

It was Janus’s turn to cut Roman off. He hooked his arm around Roman’s waist and pulled him against him, their faces now only inches apart.

“Then let me tell you the truth through my actions instead of my words,” Janus murmured. Roman just stared for a moment before giving him a small nod. Janus swiftly closed the gap between them.

He kissed Roman like it was a final goodbye, for it very well might have been. He’d likely blown it, and this kiss wouldn’t be enough to convince him that his feelings for him were real.

But then Roman snaked his arms around Janus’s neck, melting into his arms. And when they pulled apart, the look in Roman’s eyes could only be described as wanting. But there were still tears in his eyes.

“Why do you still cry, my prince?” Janus whispered.

“Because I want this so badly, but I know it's not real,” Roman said. Janus raised a brow.

“Perhaps I did not make myself clear,” he replied, then leaned in again, but Roman put a hand to Janus’s lips to stop him, and slowly backed away.

“Goodbye, Deceit,” he said before turning and continuing to leave. Janus stared as he walked away. For the first time in his life, he didn't know what to say. He knew Roman had every right to leave. And he should leave. Janus never deserved that second chance, let alone a third. And what good was a lover who intended to trick you in the start, but just couldn't resist your charm and fell in love for real?

“Jan..?” Remus suddenly spoke, hesitantly approaching.

“What?” Janus asked, his gaze locked ahead of him.

“You actually fell in love with him, didn’t you?” Remus said. Janus nodded, a tear slipping down his cheek. Remus couldn’t help but laugh as he turned to head back to his room. “Y’know, frankly, it serves you right.”

#roceit #roceit angst #roman sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides #daisy writing

[tuiyla]

so is it just me that is disgusted by finntana as a friendship...everyone in the fandom seems to want them as friends but i'd love it if they stayed as far away from each other as possible. i hated all of their interactions on the show and i don't get why people enjoy them.

i'm interested in your thoughts bc i know you don't like finn that much and santana's your fave

Phew, okay Anon, that's certainly something worth discussing.

I'm 100% behind you in terms of your right to dislike the friendship and I think it's perfectly okay to not want the two to have anything with each other. To say there's a lot of baggage there would be to put it mildly and the show seeing nothing wrong with, you know, the outing of it all, just makes it worse. I totally get why you'd say that.

With that said, and with your assessment of my feelings on Finn and Santana individually being correct, I kinda like it. But in that complicated sort of way that usually categorizes my feelings on anything Glee-related. Out of all my Santana bro ships I'd rank Finntana pretty low but like with most Glee dynamics I wish we saw more of them as friends.

Have only been thinking about this for five minutes but I think there are two aspects to it, for me: one is the thematic importance of their stories and the other is just me wishing everyone was friends and wanting fiction, at least, to be happy. The first one is easier to explain, though I could go into more detail at a later time if anyone would like to have that discussion. Basically, I think Finntana can be really fascinating narrative foils and parallels at different points in their stories. All the ~popular kids~ interconnect thematically imo and with Finntana it's mostly a contrast that then slowly turns into a parallel in late season 3 with neither knowing what the future holds. So I think it would have been neat to explore that and maybe have some scenes between the two in season 4.

The second, I mean, look. I always try to make it clear that Finn pisses me off so, so much even beyond the outing but if I wanna be honest, that is the one thing I just cannot get past. So my way of coping with the travesty that was IKAG and the narrative pretending like it never happened in terms of their friendship is wishing they had an actual friendship. And that's hard to reconcile with actual canon but the alternative is loathing every interaction they have. Which, to be clear, is a valid perspective to have and I don't blame you for feeling that way.

I think part of me wanting this friendship is also the fiction part like I said, which is a) appreciating the friendship Naya and Cory had and wishing it translated. And b) if human connection can't always persevere in real life then let it do so in fiction. What I mean by that is that Finn and Santana are, canonically, two people who have used and hurt each other. They have mutually caused each other pain, on varying levels, and while that's Not Great I am a big believer in forgiveness and learning to love people despite whatever might have happened in the past. So in my ideal Glee world, Finn and Santana would not only have come to a mutual understanding because of their arcs paralleling but because they're both making the conscious effort to forgive, do things to be worthy of that forgiveness, and heal together. I like to believe in the power of moving forward.

I think there could be beauty in that, narratively, and I'm assuming people find comfort in viewing Naya and Cory's characters as friends. But once again I do get what you're saying and with everything that went down between Finn and Santana, it's valid that some don't want the two to have anything to do with each other. What's comforting to some can be infuriating to others. I've seen fics before where Finntana were friends but in a way I don't vibe with, such as following the show's logic and saying Finn was actually showing he cared by outing her. Instead of dealing with the fact that he wasn't, actually. So anyway it is a complex topic and as always the best we can do is just accept all perspectives. I certainly see yours. Just for me, personally, one of the only things keeping me from finding Finn completely unbearable is pretending that there's a Glee timeline out there where this friendship could have worked.

#glee #santana lopez #finn hudson #anti finn hudson #to be safe though now it feels weird tagging it with #finntana #glee asks #santana asks #my thoughts #anon #ask #anonymous #glee friendships

[normal-thoughts-official]

I would have loved to see more interactions with the seelies- people who can’t lie but are crafty and secretive sounds fascinating. Think of the dialog! Alec going to magnus for advice since he has centuries of experience talking to them, Alec playing mental chess while trying to maintain peace. Would have loved getting more- but let’s be real, Cassaundra and the show writers weren’t clever enough to actually make any conversations like that of value.

SAME!!!!! honestly i would have loved to see so much more of the seelies. like bro do you understand that their culture predates the VERY EXISTENCE OF HUMANITY??? they are the ONLY kind of downworlders whose culture is completely detached from any human culture, not only because of predating it, but also because of the relative isolationism - which means human culture barely had any influence on their culture and history AS it developed

so like you can literally go fucking bonkers??????????? you can make ANYTHING. they have a whole ass society that doesn't have to have ANY ties to mundane concepts or history AT ALL. complete creative freedom. you could do ANYTHING! and don't get me started on the potential this has, within storytelling, to contextualize a lot of stuff modern western culture sees as natural or timeless as actually pretty fucking specific - like monogamy, cisheteropatriarchy, the gender binary, racism. all immortals have that potential of course since they can come from an array of different cultural and historical backgrounds but seelies in particular have SO much potential that is NEVER! FUCKING! USED! it all goes to waste and they are just a generic vaguely monarchic society that behaves literally exactly as modern western cultural standards. WHY. i'll never stop being salty, especially within sh where all this potential was there and instead they just villainized the seelies like no tomorrow for nO FUCKING REASON, and included a whole plotline about their ruler being a terrible power-hungry person and then proceeded to act as if that would have no influence on the seelies under her rule? thanks for nothing

like i know the seelie queen was so badly written that her own motivations even as a power-hungry wacko didn't make sense or were consistent (like why give simon the mark of cain for example, and for god's sake what kind of power-hungry crazy bitch gives their main enemy the power to literally kill her and destroy everything she has at the blink of an eye, like??? she literally tried to assist in her own genocide, it makes no fucking sense, i fucking hate it here) but if they are going to make her Terrible the least they could do was show how that impacted the people under her rule, especially if they are going to have meliorn be fucking tortured and either forced to display the marks of said torture or choosing to display them themself, like? please give your plotlines one singular thought

but of course it's easier to villainize seelies and reduce them to their obviously tyrannical ruler so they can go back to focusing on the shadowhunters and their issues. nevermind the fact that seelies are obviously equivalent to native ppls/third world countries resisting colonialism/imperialism in sh's stupid ass racial metaphor, which makes making their ruler a big bad unequivocally evil villain that is ruining everything A Choice. and a particularly choicy Choice considering they cast a middle-eastern man to play the most important seelie character. but if they are going to do that they could at least address how the people under her rule suffer and how that's a direct consequence of shadowhunter colonialism and interference, but why would we fkcnig thdo that!!!! when we can have love triangle drama or whatever

and tHEN there is the whole aspect of being unable to lie which is bound to have such an impact on their culture and history since they have to rely on other forms of communication to protect themselves - and considering the whole "tyrannical rule" plotline, to further the queen's agenda in the first place. and how telling the truth without preamble would probably be considered a huge display of trust in a society that has culturally developed so many ways of talking around things. like again the potential of the cultural and historic background for that society! it makes me go insane!!!

anyway all of that to say #JusticeForSeelies and #SeeliePlotlinesNow 2021 and forever. and YES i would have loved to see more interactions between them and other characters, particularly magnus because 1- admittedly i'm a hoe; and 2- magnus was clearly the one that had the most experience talking to seelies and that others relied on for that communication. he also seemed to be the most comfortable with them, which indicates there is either some sort of history there, or magnus just happens to feel relatively at home with the workings of their culture. which makes sense, because magnus also had to develop pretty similar defense mechanisms due to his, A- work as a warlock representative who has to interact with shadowhunters on the regular; B- history with having to deal with asmodeus, which required him to be very smart about what he disclosed and how, especially considering that he had to have been planning banishing asmodeus for a long time before he got to do it; and C- just history with abuse in general. we've seen the way he closed his heart off to new people; but at the same time, magnus is obviously an extrovert and likes to be around people in general. this meant that, in order to be able to both be in the kind of environment where he thrives and protect himself/his heart/his feelings, he had to learn how to interact with people while putting on a convincing façade, which requires pretty much the same sorts of wordplay and defense mechanisms that seelies use

magnus is good at wordplay, he's good at using talking to his benefit; we've seen that. he is also good at hiding and deflecting. he is notably not good at directly lying - every time he directly said A Lie such as "i am perfectly fine and not bothered by this at all :)" it was way less convincing than it was a clear display that he wouldn't budge. even alec, who has difficulty with social cues, noticed the lying and seemed concerned about it. so like. clearly his defense mechanisms were less lying and more dancing around subjects, directing conversation to safe topics, and guiding people to making certain assumptions and seeing sides of his that were safer and he preferred

so in that way it makes sense that magnus is somewhat in his element when dealing with seelies. i think "comfortable" is a strong word because this whole song and dance takes a huge toll on anyone's mental health and energy (which i think is something that could be very interestingly explored in seelies, their collective psyche, and their culture, the way they build relationships, etc. let meliorn have partners they feel 100% comfortable talking without preamble with 2k21), but it's something he is used to and a dynamic he can fall into without as much effort as others who would be second guessing themselves more and going slower, which clearly gives the seelies, who are used to it, an advantage

and like i know that i'm implying a confrontation or sort of situation where they are on opposing sides to seelies here, which i kind of am because i am thinking mostly about magnus' interactions with the seelie queen specifically, since she was the seelie he had the most meaningful interactions with. his interactions with meliorn were very few and almost never relevant, i barely remember them happening outside of generic downworld cabinet interactions tbh. but i don't just mean that because again, stop villainizing seelies 2k21

i also mean just generally that magnus would be in a more comfortable position talking to seelie strangers and slowly working into building a relationship and mutual trust. and just generally understanding them and the workings of their culture because he can empathize with the way they have built their social defense mechanisms. no one is 100% truthful to strangers, but seelies always seem kind of- analytical. and the cultural difference + anti-seelie racism makes them seem untrustworthy to most people, but magnus Gets It, so the potential for friendships! and the mutual understanding and the relative comfort around each other! and both parts understanding the enormity that is letting their walls down gradually and being more direct as time goes by. like.... aaaaaa

and yes magnus becomes a sort of reference on talking to seelies, mostly because he is good at "playing their game", but also making it a point to humanize seelies and making the other parts understand where they are coming from and how they feel :) and just improving their relations, particularly with other downworlders

im not going to get into alec because 1- the relationship between shadowhunters and seelies is already filled with oppression and a lot of complications, and particularly now that the seelie realm is politically fragile due to the loss of their ruler (however terrible she might have been), it would play into either white savior narratives or just straight up colonialism, especially given how alec as a leader already has a history of trying to build tutelage over downworlders (i don't care what his intentions were, it's still true, and although he's learning... well. he's learning, continuous action); 2- that would be more a relationship of opposition and i'm not that interested in that. but i would love to see seelies rebuilding themselves and their relationships and alliances with other downworlders particularly, and all the better if magnus is playing a part in that :)

in short:

more seelies

more magnus with seelies, especially friendships

more focus on the politics of seelies now that the seelie queen is gone

more seelies

more seelies

more seelies

#sh #shadowhunters #lore #magnus bane #meliorn #seelies #the seelie queen #seelie culture #seelie history #meta #magnus bane meta #meliorn meta #in a way #ask #anonymous #long post #salt #a bit #ok maybe a lot but mostly to add flavor to my lore ramblings

[svtwritess]

Chapter 1

➬ warnings: sexual content

➬ word count: 6.2k

➬ pairings: wonwoo x reader, mingyu x reader, joshua x reader 

➬ genre(s): fluff, angst, smut

➬ college!au, vampire!au

You loaded the last of your boxes into the moving truck and stood at the back of it contently with your hands on your hips. Finally, you were off to university, and with your best friend of 20 years nonetheless. Everything the both of you needed seemed to be in the truck and the things that needed to be secured with rope or tape were fastened properly. With a great effort, you reached up and pulled the door of the truck down and locked it, entrapping all of your things safely inside before you headed into your house. 

You entered your house, feeling relieved as the air conditioning overtook your body. Loading the truck had made you quite sweaty. You heard your and Wonwoo’s parents in the kitchen, so you made your way to the spacious room. Upon entering, you saw both sets of parents leaning against the counter by the sink, and Wonwoo on the island next to none other than his male best friend Joshuaz

The pair met the first day of your freshman year of high school and they instantly became best friends. They were both pranksters but responsible enough to know when to stop. They loved picking on you together the first two years of high school, but in the beginning of your third year Joshua became much more mature, seemingly in the blink of an eye. Over the summer, his face became more structured, he grew taller, and he had large muscles in places he didn’t seem to have any muscle at all in before. Naturally, you found yourself attracted to him, and him to you, but neither of you dared to make a move because of your joint friendship with Wonwoo. You didn’t want to make anything awkward for him. However, at a beginning-of-year party that one of your school’s basketball players held, you found yourself hooking up with him in a dark and desolate bedroom. The only person you had ever kissed before him was Wonwoo, and that was when you were both in elementary school. You didn’t have sex that night, the two of you just made out with Joshua initiating some light petting. You liked it. You really liked it. But you and Joshua made a pact not to do it again and to never tell Wonwoo. 

Though, of course that didn’t go as planned. You hooked up a few more times, but you only ever did so at parties. It then got to the point that you’d sneak over to one another’s houses in the middle of the night, the activities the pair of you would partake in becoming more and more sinful with every visitation until eventually, you lost your virginity to him. He was kind and gentle and non-judgmental; he was the perfect first time. And second time. And third time. And fourth time. 

After your fourth liaison, when you both realized there was no end in sight, you decided it was time to tell Wonwoo. You brought him his favorite food and watched a few episodes of his favorite food with him before breaking the news. Needless to say, he was furious. He kicked the both of you out and didn’t talk to you for two whole weeks. During those two weeks, you and Joshua couldn’t find it in yourselves to do anything close to hooking up, so you kept your distance as well, only conversing when one of you would ask the other if they’d heard from Wonwoo. 

After a little while, Wonwoo forgave you, but for some reason continued to keep his distance from Joshua. You never knew why. But on the day of graduation, when everybody was congregating and celebrating in the middle of the football field, the two males made up with a simple hug. They probably realized that they only had one summer left together and didn’t want to spend it holding whatever grudges over each other. You were happy that they made up, but you decided it was best to not see Joshua in any way other than a friendly one after that, and he agreed. Though you had many aroused and lonely nights over the summer and Joshua was less than a mile away, you kept it to yourself.

That’s why Joshua hopping off of the counter and running over to pull you into a hug caught you slightly off guard. You hadn’t seen him since graduation day, but you knew him and Wonwoo hung out all the time. It didn’t bother you, you knew they needed bro time. 

You hugged Joshua back with a small smile and felt him lean down so his luscious lips were level with your ear. 

“I’m gonna miss you when you leave.” he said quietly and you chuckled. 

“You were fine without me the past three months, I’m sure you’ll do just as well the next four years.” you replied.

“Who said I was fine without you?” he inquired, and before you could ask what exactly he meant, he pulled away from you with a smug look on his face. Your cheeks were very obviously red from his unclear words, but you shook it off for no other reason than because your family and best friend were in the room and you had to. 

You reeled your thoughts in as you walked over to Wonwoo and your parents, Joshua returning to his spot on the kitchen island. Wonwoo gave you a look that said he knew something suspicious had happened between you and Joshua, but he wasn’t about to bring it up in front of your families. 

“Well?” your mom questioned causing everyone in the room to look at her, “Are you guys excited to head off to college tomorrow?!” she was very clearly excited for the both of you, even though you knew she’d miss you and tell you that far more often than necessary. You’d miss your home and your family as well, but you were extremely excited to move out, live with your best friend, and finally get to experience independence. 

“Well duh.” Wonwoo responded playfully, his deep voice coating your eardrums. 

“Are you guys living in dorms?” Joshua asked. You shook your head in response.

“Nah, we found an apartment off campus that we’re gonna live in,” you said and Joshua just nodded.

“Well, when something happens, just remember to use protection.” Wonwoo’s dad said as he brought his cup of water up to his mouth to take a sip. Meanwhile, Wonwoo’s mother nearly spit out her beverage at her husband’s remark, hitting him on the arm while the rest of you tried to stifle your laughter. 

It wasn’t an awkward thing to joke about, really. You recognized that Wonwoo was attractive, but having been friends for such a long time and seeing him do so many weird and disgusting things, being attracted to him was something you never really thought about. He’d always thought you were pretty as well, but again, he expected those few kisses the two of you had shared because of triple-dog-dares at the age of 7 to be the only times he did anything more-than-friendly with you. 

“Okay, I think I’m gonna go upstairs and clean up.” you announced to the group. You bid Wonwoo’s parents goodbye with a hug and did the same with Joshua, though his obviously felt much more sexually tense. 

You made your way toward the stairs, Wonwoo unknowingly in tow. 

“Am I spending the night?” he asked, startling you beyond belief. You clutched your chest and held onto the railing as you turned to look at him. He had a small smile on his face and a curious look in his eyes. 

“Yeah, if you want,” you said as you turned back around, the two of you continued up the stairs. “It’d be easier since the truck is over here.” you said nonchalantly, and Wonwoo simply nodded. 

He followed you into your room and plopped down on your bed, instantly pulling out his phone and beginning to scroll through it. 

“Can I shower and eat here too?” he asked, glancing over at you as you rummaged through your drawers to find some pajamas. You settled on a slightly cropped black t-shirt and some checkered pajama shorts.

“You know the answer is yes, you’ve been doing that stuff since you were 5. Why do you feel the need to ask?” you chuckled as you closed the drawer, standing up straight to look at him. He merely shrugged.

“I don’t know, we’re just older now, so it feels a bit weird you know? Being up in each other’s houses all the time,” he stated, and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes.

“Well we’re about to move in together, so get used to it!” you shouted as you headed toward your bathroom. 

“That’s not what I meant!” he yelled back as you shut the door. You just laughed at him, put your pajamas down, and turned the shower on. You took off your clothes and checked to make sure it was a comfortable temperature. When you stepped inside, you let the warm water consume your body and mind. 

You tried not to think about Joshua’s “who said I was fine without you” line or his extraordinarily good looks and instead tried to think about the people you could potentially meet at school as you washed yourself. Maybe, hopefully, you’d meet a guy or girl that you really liked there. Joshua was really the only person you’d done anything with, and though you’d done plenty, naturally you wanted to broaden your horizons. Would you hook up with a bunch of people at frat parties? Would you meet that one person who you’d pine over and think about constantly until finally they admit their feelings for you? Would you be stuck with only Wonwoo as a friend due to lack of interesting or attractive people on campus? Only time would tell. 

You finished washing out the conditioner that remained in your hair and turned off the water. You reached for your towel, drying yourself off to the best of your ability before stepping out of the shower and putting your clothes on. You continued to dry your hair with your towel as you left the bathroom and headed to your bedroom. 

The second you entered your room, Wonwoo spoke.

“Why is Joshua blowing up your phone?” he asked, voice stern with your phone in his hand. You really didn’t have an answer, so you wished he wouldn’t get upset about it. 

“I genuinely have no idea.” you told him. You hung your towel on the corner of your door and walked over to your vanity to grab your brush. Wonwoo, not proudly, made it a point to look at your ass as you stepped, being careful not to get caught. Just because he was your best friend didn’t mean he couldn’t appreciate your ass, in way too short of shorts nonetheless, from a distance. 

You quickly ran the brush through your hair, being sure to part it properly and get all of the knots out before walking over to Wonwoo and taking your phone from him. You rolled your eyes. 

“He only texted me 4 times!” you said, “You’re so dramatic...” you trailed off as you unlocked your phone, Wonwoo looking over your shoulder. You opened the messages app. 

[5:46pm] it was really great to see you today :)

[5:46pm] you look even better than i remember

[5:48pm] listen... if not it’s totally cool, but do you think i could see you tonight? 

[5:48pm] i figured there’s no harm in hooking up one more time before you leave haha, so yeah just let me know ;)

Before you could do or say anything, Wonwoo grabbed your phone from you and bolted out of your room. You ran after him, nearly slipping as you began to chase him.

“WONWOO!” you screamed, following him down the stairs as fast as you could, “GIVE ME MY PHONE!” He ran past your parents in the kitchen and they merely gave the situation a glance, they were used to it. Wonwoo went to go through the door that led to your garage, but you caught him before he could close the door and snatched your phone from his strong grip. He groaned in defeat and threw his head back. 

“God please don’t say yes to him! This is supposed to be our night before college.” Wonwoo whined, a pout on his face. You shot him a glare. 

“Isn’t he your other best friend?” you asked and Wonwoo nodded. “Then why don’t we just invite him over to hang out with the both of us?” you suggested. Wonwoo grunted and pushed past you, exiting the garage. You followed him, closing the door behind you and walking quickly to catch up with him. “What, are you not gonna answer me?” you questioned, but again, no answer. 

When you got up to your room and closed the door, you brought up the situation again. 

“Is it really that crazy of an idea?” you said as he sat against the headboard of your bed. You sat at the end by his feet and put your phone down. You heard his head hit the board behind him and saw him close his eyes and let out a sigh. 

“It’s not, and I would be happy to do it if I didn’t think he’d try to fuck you in the same room as me.” He opened his eyes and looked at you knowingly. You knew that the scenario Wonwoo had proposed was very likely. You would never try to pull something like that, but Joshua would, and knowing how weak you could be sometimes, there was a slight chance that you would give in. 

“Okay listen,” you scooted toward him, “I promise you that nothing even remotely suggestive will happen between Joshua and I tonight.” You held out your pinky and waited for Wonwoo to link his with yours. He let out a sigh and picked up his head, interlocking your pinkies and pressing your thumbs together. 

“Fine.” he stated. 

You smiled widely and reached over to grab your phone that was still by his feet. 

to: joshua

[5:58pm] come over tonight and hang out with the both of us instead :) it’ll be fun, i promise

Joshua arrived at around 8:30pm. He was nice enough to go out and pick up some food for the three of you, knowingly purchasing you and Wonwoo’s favorite snacks. You had on your pajamas, Wonwoo had on black joggers and a forest green sweatshirt, and Joshua wore a form-fitting black t-shirt and grey sweatpants with a silver chain resting on his chest. You knew the second you saw him that it would be a long night for you. 

Your parents were in their room for the night, so you set up some blankets on the floor of your living room in front of your TV, the snacks laid out in front of the three of you in an organized line. 

You picked up the remote and scrolled through Netflix trying to decide what to watch. As you searched, Wonwoo picked up a blanket and lifted it up so it spread out in the air. He covered the two of you with it and you sent him a look. 

“I don’t wanna use that one.” you told him. He quirked his head in confusion. 

“This is the best blanket in your house!” he said passionately, causing you to chuckle. You shook your head no and grabbed the big down comforter that rested behind the snacks. It was a tan color and made a swishy noise when you touched it. You spread it out over yourself and Joshua, earning a jealous and disapproving glare from Wonwoo. You would feel bad if you were planning on doing something with Joshua under said blanket, but since you promised your best friend that nothing of the sort would happen, you felt no remorse. 

You came across the movie “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark”, and since you all loved action movies, you unanimously decided to watch it. Though right as you pressed play, Joshua spoke up. 

“Oh, y/n! I put some soju in the fridge when I got here, would you grab it?” he asked kindly. You nodded with a smile and a small “Mhm!” before pausing the movie, getting up and heading to the refrigerator. For the second time that night someone was looking at your ass, and it wasn’t Wonwoo. Joshua checked you out shamelessly as you went to get the soju, his bottom lip finding its way between his teeth. Wonwoo, noticing his male friend’s wandering eyes almost immediately, reached over to smack Joshua’s arm with no restraint. 

Joshua whipped his head around with a look of surprise on his face, but said nothing as you were sitting down beside him with 3 bottles of soju in your hands.

“One for you,” you gave a bottle to Wonwoo, “one for you,” one to Joshua, “and one for me.” you smiled happily as you opened the bottle right away and brought it to your lips. As you chugged the somewhat bitter liquid, you remembered you hadn’t eaten anything since before you started packing the moving truck at 11 that morning. However, you didn’t slow your drinking. With the way Joshua looked that night, you were gonna need alcohol to get through it without breaking your promise. 

“Jeez, slow down,” Wonwoo said and gently removed the bottle from your lips, “it’s not like we’re out clubbing or something.” he scoffed. You knew he wasn’t trying to sound rude, but you figured Joshua’s presence that was initially unwanted was doing something to affect his mood. 

“I’m sorry! It’s good!” you shrugged before raising your bottle into the air, “Cheers to college?” 

Wonwoo looked at you for a moment, then a small smile crept its way onto his face. Unable to resist you, he picked up his bottle of soju and tapped it against yours with a subtle “cheers”. 

You took a sip from your bottle and looked over at Joshua. He was looking at you with pure admiration as he raised his bottle too. 

“Cheers to not knowing when I’m going to see either of you again after tonight?” he looked over at Wonwoo who was, thankfully, still smiling. The two of you said a joyful “cheers” and drank from your bottles once more. Due to your empty stomach, you were already feeling a slight buzz. You pressed play on the remote and reached forward to grab one of the many snack options that lay before you. You decided on a snack sized bag of chips before leaning back against the bottom of your couch. 

As the movie went on, you snacked, drank, and made little comments about the plot and characters to each other. You were the utmost content to be in their presence; you knew the night would go well. 

Though about an hour through the movie, you felt Joshua’s hand move to the middle of your thigh. You whipped your head in his direction, eyes wide and ready to tell him to stop, but his eyes were locked on the television screen. He must have felt his eyes on you, because he looked over and smirked at you before returning his attention to the movie. 

You just rolled your eyes. Even though Joshua’s action was small, it ignited a fire in your stomach and caused your skin to heat up. After being lonely all summer, it felt nice to feel the touch of someone who wasn’t Wonwoo trying to throw you into your pool. Admittedly, you wanted more, but you wouldn’t let yourself give in. You figured as long as he didn’t try to go any further, you weren’t doing anything wrong. You weren’t breaking your promise. 

Just as soon as you got used to his hand on you, he moved it higher. You thought he would stop, but he just kept going up and up until he neared your sensitive spot. You reached down and stopped his hand from going any further as subtly as you could. You shot him a glare, but he just sat there, smugly looking at you. You wanted to punch him in his beautiful face. 

You leaned over and put your lips right next to his ear, whispering as quietly as you could, “I told Wonwoo we wouldn’t do anything.” You looked over to see if the other male had heard you, but you could tell by his eyes that he was completely entranced by the movie. 

“And I told myself that I wouldn’t try anything, yet here we are,” he whispered back just as quietly. You kept a firm grip on his hand that was on your thigh, not wanting it to move upward any further in fear of how you might react. You thought about somehow moving up to your bedroom so you could keep your promise of not doing anything in the same room as Wonwoo, but he would know exactly what the two of you were up to anyway, so there was no point. Besides, you didn’t want to leave him alone. 

As you tried to figure out a solution, you noticed that Joshua had, at some point, taken a pillow from your couch and placed it on his lap. ‘He could have just been using it to rest his head on’ you told yourself, or maybe...

With your thoughts running amuck, you bravely removed your hand from his and reached up to try and pull the pillow off of him. Somehow he kept his hand on your thigh while still being able to hold the pillow in place. Curse those damn biceps of his. 

“Are you hard right now?” you questioned in disbelief as you continued to try and take the pillow from him. 

Joshua went to respond, but before he could, Wonwoo had paused the movie and was looking over at the two of you.

“Is he what right now?” Wonwoo asked, fuming. You must not have spoken as quietly as you thought you did... 

You and Joshua turned to look at him, anger was evident in his eyes. His fiery orbs then traveled to where Joshua’s hand rested on your thigh. Your eyes widened as you realized what he saw and you threw Joshua’s hand off of your thigh as fast as you possibly could, but you were too late. Wonwoo was standing up and heading towards the door in a very justified fit of rage. 

You scoffed and rolled your eyes at yourself. Why were you so stupid? You called your best friend’s name as you untangled yourself from your blanket and headed out the door after him. He was half way down the side walk when you ran up to catch him. 

“Wonwoo-” you said as you grabbed his arm, but he pulled away instantaneously, turning to look at you. The only other time you’d seen him this angry was when you told him about you and Joshua the first time. 

“God I can’t believe you!” he raised his voice, making you feel extraordinarily small. “You guys couldn’t go one night without being complete horndogs for each other?! You promised me y/n!” he turned around and took a few steps, looking down at the sidewalk in defeat. 

“We didn’t do anything!” you called after him, catching up to him again, “He tried to, but we didn’t.” you stated calmly. Wonwoo turned to look at you again. 

“Well it wouldn’t take a genius to know that you both wanted to, if you didn’t you wouldn’t have let him... touch you.” he cringed at the end. 

You let out a breath that you didn’t know you were holding in, not wanting to have this conversation. “Listen, I haven’t really gotten any all summer, so I guess it just felt nice to actually get some attention.” you had your arms crossed and were looking down at your feet in order to avoid eye contact, “I know I made a promise so I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.” Your words were genuine. You really did feel bad and you hoped that he could hear it in your voice. 

He sighed a long sigh before wrapping his arm around your shoulders. “Fine,” he said calmly as he walked you back up to your front door, “but I’m kicking that asshole out.” he said, causing you to let out a light chuckle. 

“Deal.”

Early the next morning, as you got ready to head to your new home, your mind wandered to last night’s events, specifically Wonwoo kicking Joshua out. He had surprised you. You thought he would get up in his face and yell at him for pulling something like that 5 feet away from him, but he simply walked inside and said “You gotta go man.” Joshua seemed just as surprised as you were, but didn’t say another word as he brushed past you and walked out of your house. 

You didn’t let your mind linger on it for too long as you felt bad for Joshua, but only slightly, and decided to focus on the exciting day ahead of you instead. 

You looked at yourself in your vanity one last time before putting your brush in your bag and heading downstairs. Wonwoo’s parents were over again, giving their son one last goodbye hug. They pulled away from him and saw you, keeping their arms open as and waving you over to them to signal they wanted to give you a hug as well. You smiled cheekily and waddled into their arms, embracing them the best you could. 

“Take care of our Wonwoo, okay?” his mother said, sounding as if she was on the verge of tears. 

“I will.” you said reassuringly as you pulled away. 

“Pffft,” Wonwoo said, the three of you turning to look at him, “I’m not the one that needs taking care of.” he joked, which provoked you to playfully hit him on the arm. However he was right, between the two of you he definitely had a better head on his shoulders, though you weren’t that far behind. 

You all headed out to the moving truck where your parents were. Your father wanted to make sure there was nothing wrong with the truck before you started driving. It was a five hour drive, so there was no room for malfunction. 

You and Wonwoo gave both your mother and father a hug and they told you how well they knew the two of you were going to do. You thanked them graciously and walked over to the passenger side of the truck to get in, but Wonwoo’s mother called out that she insisted that her son and his best friend just had to take a picture in front of the truck before leaving. You both groaned, but humored her anyway as you walked to the side of the truck that faced your families. 

Wonwoo put his arm around your shoulder, and you wrapped yours around his slender waist. You smiled widely for the picture, as you knew your parents would treasure it, and held the pose until Wonwoo’s mom said she was done. You waved and said your final goodbyes as you climbed into the passenger seat of the moving truck. You shut the door and buckled your seatbelt, Wonwoo doing the same. 

He turned the key of the truck before looking at you, excitement filling his cat-like brown eyes. 

“Let’s go!”

You pulled into the parking spot in front of your new apartment. You and Wonwoo had switched driving half way through the trip due to it’s length, and needless to say you were both exhausted. The complex had sent you the apartment key in the mail and it had been sitting in your bag since the day you got it. You took it out of one of the inner pockets and inserted it into the lock that was located in the handle. You turned it and pushed the door open, unveiling your new home for the next year. 

It smelt and looked surprisingly clean. You had only seen it once before when you toured the place a couple of months ago, but it looked exactly how you remembered it. A small living area and a kitchen were visible upon entry, and down the hallway were two bedrooms and a bathroom. It was a minimalist apartment, but it was all you needed. 

You put your bag down on the tile-covered kitchen counter and looked at Wonwoo. He was standing in the center of the space with his hands on his hips, looking around with a judgmental look on his face. 

“Well, I guess you can’t expect luxury in your first year of college.” he said matter-of-factly and you laughed at his words. 

“It’s nice,” you contested, “plenty of room for the both of us.” he nodded in agreement and sauntered over to you. 

“Now can we please get the couch in here? I need a nap.” You nodded happily and walked back out your front door. You pushed it so it was open all the way and hoped that the couch would fit through the frame. You had bought a simple grey one from Ikea the previous week and put it together in your garage. It took about 3 hours, but hey, it was a bonding experience.

Luckily, it was the last item you loaded into the moving truck. Wonwoo pulled the ramp down and you both headed toward the couch, you going to the left side and him going to the right. You lifted it at the same time and Wonwoo turned around, heading backwards down the ramp. 

“Be careful!” you called out, earning a mere grunt from your best friend as you inched toward your door. You successfully made it to your door, though you had to turn the couch a few times to get it to fit through the doorframe. 

You set it down a good 6 or 7 feet away from where a TV would potentially go and Wonwoo laid his long body down on it the second it touched the linoleum flooring. Part of you wanted to nap as well, but the other part just wanted to get the unpacking of the truck over with. So, you did your best to shake off your tiredness and headed back outside to start grabbing boxes.

If you were handling smaller boxes, you would try to take 3 or 4 at a time, but most of them were so large and heavy that you could barely carry just one. A lot of the big boxes were packed last, so you were taking your sweet time, carrying one per trip. 

After about 15 minutes of excess amounts of lifting and carrying, your arms were starting to feel like jelly. Boxes that wouldn’t have felt that heavy at the beginning of your task felt like they were full of bricks. You considered waking Wonwoo up to help, but it hadn’t been that long since he laid down, so you decided against it. 

You walked up the ramp of the truck and picked up a large rectangular box. The shape made it difficult for you to get a good grip on it, and to make matters worse, it was beyond heavy. 

You ever so slowly stepped down the ramp, being careful not to drop it. However as soon as you stepped off of the ramp, you felt your legs about to give out beneath you. Right as you were about to fall, a man appeared in front of you and placed his hand on your back. He prevented your descent onto the pavement and took the box from your hands effortlessly. 

“You okay?” he asked, concern evident in his brown eyes. He held the box between his waist and one of his long, muscular arms as he looked down at you. You took in his immaculate features. He was exceptionally tall, tan, and handsome beyond words. His hair was brown and fluffy and his shoulders were the perfect width. 

You realized how long you’d been staring at him and grew red in an instant. 

“S-sorry, I just... thank you.” you said, moving your hand up to rest your forehead in your palm. He chuckled at your flustered state. 

“It’s no problem. You look like you could use some help.” he said with a smirk, not-so-subtly looking you up and down. Your face heated up again and you suddenly became self conscious of your moving clothes that consisted of an old white t-shirt, tattered jean shorts, and some Nike tennis shoes that you’d had for a few years.

“Uh, yeah,” you chuckled nervously, “I mean I have it, but he’s kind of asleep…”  you said as you motioned toward your door. He nodded in understanding and smiled at you.

“Can I put this down inside for you?” he asked and you replied with a small yet perky ‘yeah’ and led him inside. He set the box down to the side of the door quietly before heading back outside with you.

“Lazy boyfriend?” he questioned, but you shook your head no, admittedly more aggressively than you would if someone that wasn’t as gorgeous as this generous stranger was asking.

“No! No, he’s just my best friend. We’ve known each other since we were kids.” you told him and walked back up the ramp of the truck next him. You picked up a smaller box and he picked up another one of the larger ones.

“Ah okay, good to know.” he said suavely. It sounded relatively flirty, but you didn’t want to get ahead of yourself. You were just surprised that someone as attractive as him was even interacting with you.

You made small talk as you carried boxes and various pieces of furniture to and from your apartment, Wonwoo sleeping through all of it. Him being able to continue his slumber through the moving process didn’t come as a shock to you, he was a pretty heavy sleeper.

You weren’t surprised that the man helping you was able to carry a total of 12 dresser drawers, 2 dresser frames, 2 bed frames, and 2 mattresses on top of the enormous amount of boxes he carried prior to that, but you were surprised that you were able to help him carry all of those things. Maybe it was because you just wanted to get it done, but it very well could have been because you wanted to impress this handsome, and rather intriguing stranger. 

When you were done unloading everything, you walked back to the truck. The man picked up the ramp and slid it back into the truck before sitting on the edge and patting the spot next to him. You blushed slightly and jumped to sit next to him, swinging your legs happily.

“Oh! I never asked, what’s your name?” you asked casually as you looked over at him.

“Mingyu. Kim Mingyu.” he told you. 

Mingyu, you thought, what a nice name.

“And yours?” he asked, holding his hand out.

“Y/N. Y/L/N Y/F/N.” you replied, putting your hand in his and shaking it. His grip was gentle and his hand was large and incredibly soft.

“Well Y/N,” he raised your hand to his lips and placed a tender kiss on it, “it’s lovely to meet you.” he smiled.

His action was cheesy, far cheesier than you would normally like, but given Mingyu’s insanely good looks, you had butterflies fluttering around in your stomach.

“That was a bit tacky,” you admitted, “but I liked it.”

He smiled at you, a playful glint in his eyes. “You know I thought it may be too much, but I wanted to try it out.” you nodded in understanding and sat there in a comfortable silence for a moment. When you went to speak up again, Wonwoo came stumbling around the corner of the truck. He was scratching his head, his hair messy from his nap.

“Who’s this?” he said tiredly, motioning toward Mingyu.

“Kim Mingyu.” he said and offered his hand.

“Nice,” Wonwoo said, not even doing as much as looking at the other man’s hand. “Well thanks for helping Y/N unload the truck, but we have to take it to the company to return it now.” he crossed his arms, giving Mingyu a ‘time for you to go’ look. 

“Well considering we did all the work, how about you take the truck back?” you suggested, but Wonwoo shook his head.

“It’s in your name, so you kinda have to be there.” he said matter-of-factly, causing you to groan.

“Don’t worry, it’s fine. I should probably be heading home anyway.” Mingyu said, standing up from the edge of the truck. He offered you his hand and you took it, hopping down as well.

“I’ll be in the truck...” Wonwoo mumbled, leaving you and Mingyu alone. The thought of Wonwoo backing the truck up enough to hurt Mingyu in some way crossed your mind, but you had faith that he wouldn’t.

“So...” you trailed off shyly and looked at the ground, “thank you for helping me today. Really, you didn’t have to.”

You heard him let out a breathy laugh. “It’s nothing, really. I had fun.” he stated.

“Me too,” you looked at his chest, “is there any way I can make it up to you?” you inquired. Your heart began to race as you waited for his answer.

He reached up and placed his pointer finger under your chin, tilting your head up so you were looking him in the eyes. You swallowed nervously as he looked into your eyes meaningfully.

“Promise me I’ll see you again?”

The butterflies in your stomach were worse than ever.

“Promise.”

a/n: hello!! sooo this is the first chapter of hunger.. i know some stuff may not make much sense yet, but i promise everything will come together later on in the story :) if you liked this chapter please don’t hesitate to tell me!! getting feedback really motivates me to write, so it would be lovely to hear from some of you!! if you got this far thank you so much for reading & i’ll have the next chapter posted ASAP! - j💗

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