#while never being told why that happens

[tsireyast]

I feel like we dont talk about one of the main reasons nico was ostracized at camp, not just because hes a son of hades.

Camp half blood is small enough so that rumors and information spread fast, but that doesn't mean they are always right. So imagine you're a random camper, and you're told nico, one of the new campers, gets in a big fight with Percy. During which he makes skeletons appear and somehow opens a huge crack in the floor. But percy wins and nico leaves camp.

Don't you think it would've rang a bell?

Don't you think it would've reminded them too much of two summers ago, with luke?

Dont you think everyone would've been even more scared, because now they know nico is a child of hades, one of the big three, and therefore very powerful?

There must have been so many rumors that summer of nico being part of the kronos army. Betraying camp just like luke did.

Of course after the battle of manhattan many people would've changed their minds. Hes in their side now, after all. But there are probably still many campers who think nico left them to join luke, before he changed their mind and helped them win against luke and kronos. People who still hold a grudge against him for joining the "enemy".

#i havent read the battle of the labyrinth in a while so aorry if this gets cleared up by then #ive never really seen anyone talk about this #nico being a son of hades cant be the only reason hes not well liked by camp #of course hes just emo and traumatized and thinks everyone hates him when they dont but i dont think he was exactly popular at camp #and also this has been in my mind for a few days #i just love nico hes so sad and traumatized #my poor little guy #he got misjudged by so many people for a out of context rumor that got changed and twisted as it spread #obviously at first percy told the truth to chiron and annabeth andnother people who came to ask “yo what happened with the new kid” #(will definitely asked him) (he met nico in the infirmary and had a crush on him since) #i mean everyone must have been curious as to why the floor of the dining pavillion was all broken #but as rumors do it just turned into a broken telephone situation where the story got more and more dramatic #if you asked some (very exaggerated)people they would tell you he tried to kill percy and he was actually sent by luke to camp #percy jackson #pjo #camp half blood #heroes of olympus #nico di angelo #solangelo #pjo headcanon #percy series

[worstloki]

something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret

#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY #but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to #and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters #so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants #Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him #Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in' #he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are #and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact #but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters #even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing #he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back #and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug* #ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?'' #but make it Thor 1 #make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh #Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood. #Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it #Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too #lets get that breakdown moving along

[fleshdyke]

hchkvgjvfj

#csa warning for tags #goddd being raped at 6ish and brutally bullied is a hell of a combination #i was the one kid in not only my grade but multiple above and below me as well that the boys would dare each other to 'ask out' #absolutely CONSTANTLY. like jesus #by the time i was raped i'd already been bullied pretty badly for a while. including being constantly told i was ugly by all the boys #which is like. a huge reason i was raped in the first place. i still dont know who it was but i can only assume he took advantage of me #being constantly bullied to abuse me. as child rapists so often do #but like i was always the one that would be 'asked out' as a dare bc why would any of them want to talk to me #it was so inconceivable that any of them could want to be near me let alone 'go out' with me. they didn't even bother trying to hide the way #they laughed. like they didn't try to hide it bc they knew no one would do anything #and this happening to me fucking constantly for years on end throughout my ENTIRE childhood. that fucks with you man #like i dont think its even possible for anyone to like being around me at all. let alone find me attractive #there's still never been a single person who's had a crush on me or whatever #like all my friends have stories about annoying boys having crushes on them when they were younger. and what does it say about me that im #the complete opposite. and like it's so stupid because who fucking cares what 10 year old boys thought in 2016 but it really really fucks #you up bad man. like if anyone ever does come to be attracted to me for whatever reason i dont think im ever going to be able to believe it #i'm always going to be waiting for the joke to end and them to start laughing. i'll always be waiting for the other shoe to drop #and the worst part of it all is that i fucking want to be raped again #being raped as a little kid is the only time anyone has ever wanted me. it's the only time i've ever been desired. and i dont even like sex #but it's just the only time anyone has ever loved me in a non parental way #like i have one crush story to all my friends'. and it was a grown man that raped me when i was little #and i want to be raped again so fucking badly not because i would enjoy it but because it would prove that someone actually fucking wants me #i want to be sexually harassed and not in the way i usually am. i want to be catcalled and have to be scared walking around alone #i want men to grope me and say disgusting things and rape me because then i would finally be fucking wanted #it would prove that i'm actually likeable in some capacity. that i still am #im so scared that now that im grown im just a lost cause. because i was only desirable when i was little. now im just nothing #and i know i shouldnt even care but its so fucking hard to shake. i just want someone to love me #and i love my mom so much but i want them to love me because they want to and not because they have to #rambles #vent

[confinesofmy]

is it okay to tell someone you don't want to be around their stupid boyfriend.

like, when you're hanging out and about to go somewhere and she says "oh my god, i could invite my rancid boyfriend!" because she's obsessed with him, he's like her jungkook, etc is it inappropriate to say "i don't want you to and if you do i will go home"? he's done nothing to you btw, he just doesn't like being around you and is always vying for dominance when you're together because he's a meathead moron and this is why you don't like to be around him. but when you bring this up she says "i think he's like that because he thinks you don't like him :(" and then what can you say but "i don't" lmao...

like. it's two things, right. you both clearly dislike each other. for whatever reasons. so why should you hang out. then secondly. what even are you to each other. why would you have a relationship. whose bright idea was it to mandate there be anything above civility in this type of relationship. but how do you explain all this in a way that doesn't make you sound like a dickhead.

#i've been in this situation uhhh let's see 20 times probably #i've never had a friend's boyfriend like me. they've always been straight white guys who despise me from what i can tell #i did have one who ''jokingly'' asked my friend to invite me back to their bedroom with them #which she told me about. for some insane reason. #and one who tried to start having sex with that same girl in front of me either as a show of dominance or an invitation? 🤔 i'll never know #usually they just tell my friend to stop hanging out with me #like that particular detail has gotten back to me with.... 7 different guys whose names i remember #very common thread here #i don't know why these girls tell me this shit 😩 #they act like i'm crazy for being standoffish then after the breakup talking ab '& he was always telling me how much he hated your ass 😂 ' #hello 😭 tell me while it's happening or never don't save it for when you've been gaslighting me for months or years #😭😭😭 god i'm so sick of being in this position #people always put my opinions on a pedestal then when they don't like them it's a psychological catastrophe for them like who caaares #ofc i don't like your boyfriend do you think i'm chronically single as a bit?? in my personal opinion the dating pool here is a sewerrrr 😭 #don't take it personallyyyy i'm not that invested in yoouuu or your fucken. romantic relationships with strangers like hello??? #😭😭😭 #adam YAPS #big time YAPS

[235uranium]

"loki is akechi's hate" "loki is destroying akechi's psyche" you're all cowards. loki is akechi's anger and outrage at being trapped and abused. and that is NOT a bad thing

#☢️.txt #yknow how ppl say that being upset at your mistreatment is a form of self love? i think loki can be that. #tbqh i tend to fall into the featherman seeker theory but like. i dont think wakaba implanted anything or even intended a 2nd awakening? #in my head wakaba is kinda akechi's maruki. she was Definitely using this kid as a human experiment and very fucked up shit was happening #but she /did/ care about him and told herself that it would all be okay in the end. right up until she realize oh right shido is horrible #anyways. i think that at some point during the experiments he did have a moment of actual anger that caused loki's awakening #generally im on the 'wakaba's death is one of his few regrets' #and i think his feelings on her are extremely complicated. she was an adult who was actually nice to him and expressed concern about him #unfortunately she was also using him as a lab rat and never tried to actually get him out #god. that theory drives me insane. what WAS wakaba doing. why do akechi and futaba have the same rare blood type #also do you ever think about how while loki is a trickster + god of chaos #he's trapped and prevented from interfering until ragnarok? #and akechi is a wildcard unable to truly use his power + seems to be a bit of a control freak #despite his main power being to make people lose all control?? and how if he does manage to unchain himself it'll mean the end of the world?

[paris-geller-was-straightwashed]

'I just don't believe in/understand it!' well unfortunately for you I just don't stop existing as an agender person bc you don't believe in it. I'm not fucking tinkerbell.

#vent post #transphobia #let's play a game where we guess if my mom can ever learn to apologize when she did something wrong on accident #and that answer is rarely if ever #a lot of this isn't going to make sense #so just ignore me #also class move from my mom in response to being told she was (potentially) misgendering to RANDOMLY BRING IN MY FATHER WHO I'VE BEEN TOO #SCARED TO EVEN COME OUT TO YET #LIKE NO I HAVEN'T BROUGHT THIS UP WITH DAD AND YOU FUCKING KNOW WHY #BUT THANKS FOR BRINGING HIM INTO THE CONVERSATION I GUESS THAT WAS SUPER RELEVANT #maybe I messed up but so fucking did you #confronted her in the most neutral and nicest way I could bc I KNEW she wasn't misgendering on purpose and so I SAID THAT #and /I/ get called TOO SENSITIVE when asking them too be a bit more careful #I'm not asking for tHE FUCKING MOON HERE I'm asking you to LEARN TO CORRECT YOURSELF WHEN MESSING UP #and I keep fucking saying sorry why do I DO this the second there's friction #I just start apologizing for her and saying I never meant to cause harm I can never stick to my guns when I feel someone's mad at me #especially someone I'm close to why am I LIKE this #this happened the last time we argued and then I feel bad and she gets off scott free #this sounds one-sided but to be fair I did make a misunderstanding #but I still get called ''''too sensitive''''' while holding no accountability #I was APPROACHABLE and NEUTRAL in bringing it up so we could HAVE A CONVERSATION LIKE ADULTS #and yet STILL ASKING FOR TOO MUCH and get the cold shoulder #I knew she was mad from the first text #this shifts lines a little for me #misgendering #tw transphobia

[hella1975]

LADY NAGANT!!!!!!

#SHES HEREEEEEEEEEEE #lady nagant fired for attempted unionisation she was ahead of her time fr </3 #overhaul 😭 he's such a wet little mess of a man yeah no u just sit in the rain while she does all the work it's fine #ough her getting overhaul out of tartarus bc he couldn't do it himself. i fucking hate overhaul but #there's smthn about lady nagant still showing heroic tendencies even after all this time and everything that happened #like is she evil or did she just snap after years being forced to be a blind government dog for the Very Corrupt Hero Commission? #such a compelling question. we may never know (it is explicitely shown to us the fandom just collectively has the brain capacity of a 2 y/o #'you told the others to go wild so why am i the only one whose freedom comes at a price?' :(((( she's never been truly free :(( #i think she deserves to go wild personally i think lady nagant should blow up the hpsc and all for one too actually #she's everything i want hawks to be like hawks u want ur lady nagant era sooooo badly pls pls pls arent u tired of being nice #mha #mha spoilers

[timeisacephalopod]

I've kinda seen some pushback to the idea of representation in media and I don't necessarily think it's bad to point out actual rights are more important than Disney's thousandth first gay character that's fine, but I've had a LOT of people comment on my works about asexual characters and tell me what I wrote changed their life-and it's always that phrase- because they now have the language to describe what they feel. I've had people who ARENT ace or aro comment that what I wrote finally made a concept they didn't understand make sense, or that the way I explained things was interesting and enlightening and I'm kind of a mediocre writer who hasn't written anything in ages.

Like idk, if reading something from a writer who is fucking around and only somewhat talented can genuinely impact someone because they've not seen anything like them reflected back at them in life or media I don't think pushing for representation in media is as "needless" as some people seem to think and caring about that doesn't mean you don't care about more "important" (although if you think seeing people like you in media ISNT important it's because you already have that representation or are privileged enough to not care if you do, in which case maybe pipe down) stuff. Hell, I even got a Facebook message ages ago from someone who found a comment I left in an ace group about QPR's and what they meant to me and how I perceived them and the person no joke said what I wrote two years before they even found it changed their life forever because they finally knew what kind of relationship they actually wanted.

So like sure, of course there's always bigger fish to fry them diversity in media (you know, like diversity in real life lol) but I don't think it's as frivolous as some people are beginning to act like it is. At least not if you're an aspec person it's not, I STILL don't see ace characters almost ever and I'll bet my whole everything if I asked a writer of a show why they'd tell me that EVERYONE has to be in a sexual relationship and characters that aren't won't sell and are boring- I say this because in film school I had a teacher TELL ME every character needed to basically be sex obsessed and when I pointed out a GREAT MANY CHARACTERS are not revolved around sex (Supernatural stars two brothers, I pointed out) and when she asked if I had love interests I was like ??? That doesn't matter- using my aforementioned supernatural example almost all their love interests die or get mind wiped because at the end of the day that's not what the story was about. So actually I think writers who act like that teacher need like 50 reality checks, and representation in stories isn't unimportant and also support indie writers you'll probably find more funky shit there then Disney anyway lmao.

And also even the asexual characters I DO see in media don't remind me at all of myself even if I appreciate the effort, but they never feel real or genuine and their sexuality doesn't get a lot of exploration so 🤷🏻‍♀️ I actually could use more media focused on characters that I can genuinely see my sexuality reflected in in a meaningful and narratively impactful way because I've got nothing.

#winters ramblings #todd from bojack horseman im sure is SOMEONES version of asexuality but i dont see ANYTHING of myself in him #great character dont get me wrong but not relatable to me on any level including our shared sexuality #sex ed got a bit closer with their brief ace character although maybe she got more exploration in season three or four?? #the latest one i havent watched lmao. but being closer and having a moment wjere shes told shes not broken #while DEEPLY vindicating isnt necessarily all im looking for either #like i wamt a REAL character thats ace or aro or both thats written by people who UNDERSTAND what theyre writting #not just well meaning people who dont know what theyre doing its kind of tiring #also idk why theres no dating shows with gay men because reality dating shows are ALL ABOUT who fucks who and who gets together #gay men would be hooking up ALL OVER THE PLACE and the DRAMA youd think reality tv freaks would be SALIVATING #but no none of that lmao. just ru pauls drag race and thats great it is like its not my bag but people love it #back on yrack though the weord blowback representation is getting is strange and its VERY clear to me #the people writing those posts havent gotten dozens on dozens of messages from people like them who found their writing #and haf their life altered forever for the better because someone who KNOWS what theyre talking about wrote a character like them #and it opened doors they never knew existed. doesnt even need to happen with fiction either i had a friend i had in toronto #tell me the info i sent to her on being aromantic changed her life- THAT'S the phrase i keep getting thats TELLING- because it describefld #described** how shes felt her whole life but didnt have words for. how frivolous IS representation if im getting these messages? #not very i dont think if some rsndom indie fic writer who hadnt written anything substantial in years can change someones life #REPEATEDLY might i add. ive been getting a LOT of messages like this lately and seeing this new bramd of discourse latetly too #like maybe YALL have enough that you dont care anymore but speak for your fucking selves

[thebirdandhersong]

if I had a nickel for every time I had an interest in someone who was a) extroverted, b) very enthusiastic and passionate about very niche subjects, and c) completely and utterly clueless, I'd have two nickels.... which isn't a LOT, but it's weird, amusing, and exasperating that it happened twice

#hard knock life is what it is #i am approaching very cautiously but my word clueless doesn't even BEGIN to describe #crossing THAT off of the things i never thought would happen to me this year imaginary bingo #what next an invitation to a masquerade with an all you can eat cheese buffet where i sit and watch people and suffer in silence? #will i be taken to court next for perfectly legal but perfectly obnoxious shenanigans? #will a friend ask me to be their photography model for an up and coming gluten free pastry cookbook? #will someone completely random begin a courtship out of nowhere? (that would be highly entertaining) #will i suddenly become keeper of the flamingos at the nearest available zoo? #why are we ALWAYS IN INTERESTING TIMES. WHY MUST IT BE THIS WAY I WANT TO KNOW #in case anyone cares to know i have not yet lost my mind and have reasons for being medium interested #one being that this boy asked me ONE question about modernist lit. and then listened to me rant and ramble for a very long while #in a very intentional and active and thoughtful way. which is something mr knight never bothered to do #and even asked questions at the end! and told me afterwards that he'd like to continue this interesting conversation #ah well life goes on and one must write emails #how can i NOT be hung up on that when mr knight told me to keep things short and changed the subject whenever i talked about books #slings and arrows of outrageous fortune in year 21

[willowfey]

tell me why i had a dream the other night that i had an affair with matty healy when i have not thought about that man for more than two minutes in my life

#i saw him live like pretty close to the stage (small venue) as a teenager and i still know shit all about him #and i have never fantasised about him even once #and yet in my dream i like. borrowed his skirt (??) and he saved me from danger and i hid out at his house #and we had a Thing and then some girls told me he was bad news but i was like. he seems different than u think #and i started to accidentally fall in love with him and we weren’t communicating about anything #just having rly intense nights with his friends and family and alone while i hid out at his house #and i rode on the back of his motorcycle #and like suddenly was In His Celebrity Life without meaning to be. and i was on my way to his concert to wait backstage and he’d like #kind of been ignoring me for a day or two? being weird and distant even tho i was in his house. and i was rly confused #and this girl told me he had commitment issues and i was like ok #and all of them were rly sad that he stopped calling them and i was like ‘i’m not rly a part of this group i wasn’t even a fan rly’ #’this happened accidentally why do i feel so confused rn’ #why did i have such a complicated dream about this man I Don’t Even Know Him

[malewifehenrycooldown]

Sometimes I think about that moment in NMH2 when Travis’s talks about how ‘despite assassins being super fucked up, are still human beings that deserve respect’ and I just… kinda get emotional over that because even though he is a pathetic loser, he’s not wrong!! He’s absolutely correct!!

Assassins are more than just tools! They are more than just bloodthirsty killers! They had lives! Dreams! Personalities! Interests!! Family!! They had things that they cared about but had no choice but to abandon them, because the life of an assassin is cruel one with constant competition. The genuine horror of it is realising that at any moment, a ranking fight would be set and on that day of the fight you’d have to accept the fact that you might not walk out the door, it’s sad!! It’s horrifying! And with each little bit of info on the assassins you get you can’t help but feel bad for them. Sure they knew what they were signing up for but that doesn’t mean they can’t have a dignified/honourable death !!

#shallow rambles #nomoreposting #the UAA should be torn down because it profits off the misery and suffering of its main employees #<- I hope that in nmh4 if it ever happens that Travis makes true on that promise to tear down the UAA. #I want Travis to tell his brother that he’s more than tool!! that he’s a human being that deserves freedom and respect and human dignity!!! #<- I never not think how much Henry’s adopted family messed him up because they only viewed him as a weapon to sharpen and not a child to #raise with love and care and affection :((((( #<- JEANE SMACKDOWN DESERVED TO BE TOLD THAT SHE CAN RELY ON PEOPLE TO SUPPORT HER AFTER #HER TRAUMA!! SHE DID NOT HAVE DO DIE THE WAY SHE DID!! SHE COULD BE LIVING A PEACEFUL HAPPY AND HEALTHY LIFE!! #SAME WITH HENRY TOO!! he deserves to have some personal closure on why his adopted family did what they did to him!! and he has every right #to cut contact with them!! #HI SORRY TIME TO THINK ABOUT THE TOUCHDOWN SIBLINGS AND CRY #thoughts on queue #queue awaits you at the garden of madness #TRAVIS!!! Travis deserved to be with his siblings in a happy and healthier environment!! while I’m happy he carved out a new found family! #he also deserves closure too!! he deserves answers as to why he was split from his siblings!! he deserved the opportunity to mend #the relationships with his siblings that were purposefully broken and taken away from him!!! #I just want a NMH story where the three siblings rebuild their lives together and give each other emotional support!!! #THEY DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER OKAY!!! I mean the whole series is bc their dad was A SHITBAG and thought it was okay to separate them

[myownprivatcidaho]

thoseve yall who were here a year ago might remember that a year ago He was liking tweets like "idk how people can cheat when im in love im obsessed😍" and "the honeymoon stage rlly doesnt die if youre with the right person🥰" and he was liking stuff like that up till recently now shit like this is in his likes something is BROKEN in him

#i feel bad. i dont even mean it in a conceited way but i cant help but feel like a bit of this is my fault #hes so bright eyed and ambitious that the idea of him losing any of that idealism is nothing short of a goddamned tragedy im sorry #yes this is the guy who lead me on (unintentionally???) and flirted with me for a year despite seeing TWO people during that time #the latter of which became his girlfriend (who i told Everything to ...) #and like. he never apologized he never explained what was going on or why he acted like a fucking simp for a year #but basically we're not talking now and we're on bad terms and angry at each other #(me because. well yall were there for that . hes angry because i ratted his flirty ass out ) #god that all stings so bad i havent talked about the details of what happened to anyone...... #but yeah i just. even still after all this time i hope he stays bright eyed. the idea that he wouldnt is heartbreaking in and of itself. #that one crush situation lol #idk if theyre still together. it was early novembet i reached out to his gf and laid the whole thing out for her #& she said theyd 'take it from here' (??????) and was uncomfortable with me and him communicating with the knowledge that THAT ALL happened #even while they were together. i told her i could respect that (even though i wanted to ask her who the FUCK she thought she was. anyways) #and then i reached out to him one last time to clarify i wasnt dredging it up for retaliation or to break them up but bc she genuinely #deserved to know. then he sorta said fuck my feelings and then reiterated what his gf said that we shouldnt be talking anymore #its been radio silence since then from bothve them. if they did break up id feel bad (cause how COULDNT i?) but if they didnt. #that means the only factor that changed here was. well. his 'relationship'/chances of a relationship/flirtationship/friendship with me. #i dunno. im not gonna act like i have all the facts and im not gonna act like he hasnt screwed me over #but getting back to my main point. imagine knowing him and watching him lose his idealism. try not being heartbroken over that.

[arctic-hands]

You ever just start remembering the injustices forced upon you when you were too young to fight them and just get angry all over again?

Like I wonder how strong my back would be instead of a shitty weak thing that has thrown itself twice just by walking around my house and has thrown for other reasons too, if I hadn't been yanked out of belly dancing as a kid just because my mom had to stop attending her dance classes after back surgery. Like literally that was the only explanation given. She couldn't do it anymore so neither could I. Now I'm too disabled to ever dance any kind again

#that's not true i can gently Macarena if I'm careful #but still wtf #that was literally the only activity i was allowed to do as a kid #i was kicked out of 4H for being too sick and missing too many meetings #and because my parents were worried about that happening again i wasn't allowed to be a girl scout #i missed too many classes and my grades were only so-so so i wasn't allowed to join any school clubs #i got kicked out of band for being too tired and sick to make it to the before school classes #and i got kicked out right before the King's Island concert/trip THE DAY AFTER i handed in my non refundable seventy-five dollar trip fee #and now my lungs are too shite to ever play the clarinet again too while we're at it #i should have known no one was taking my dancing and the fun i was having seriously #like for real i was enduring the sensory hell that was putting on tights just so i could dance #the end was nigh when i was forced to attend my first (and it turns out only) dance recital because of my brothers hs graduation #i begged my parents to just drop me off at the studio and then pick me up after our respective functions were over #but i was told family was more important than dancing #so instead of dancing my heart out i was forced to sit still for three hours waiting for a single name to be called #all the while being absolutely blinded by the flash of disposable camera from the bleachers across from me #so i got a migraine that night #if family is so important why do my brother and i despise each other #anyway i was yanked out of belly dance class a few months later so i never got dance in front of an audience #the band thing happened a few years later and after that i either wasn't allowed to join anything by my parents #or figured myself that I'd just be kicked out of whatever i wanted to do and never tried up join anything again #why yes i lost my social skills and grew up isolated and that lasted well into my twenties #anyway I'm bitter #edit: *forced to miss my dance recital

[oatbugs]

IM SO FUCKING PISSED RN . tonight was bad but good but bad

also ran out of tag space so rest of tags in rb

#the only other autistic person amongst my friends was like one of my closest friends and i just . ughh #basically we used to hang out a lot esp into sunrise etc and hed tell me abt his problems andnstuff and i just #had to delay my exam and thenfire and everything and i thought hed be there for me too and we all met up last night and i was like #hi i need to vent and he said . and i quote . get in line bitch . which was bad and also weird #he then proceeded to leave without a word after like an hour . and my other friends said he was just in a bad mood etc but whatever it felt #weird . and i texted him that night to check up saying hey u seemed a bit upset are u ok etc and he ignored it #while responding to stuff on the GC . and i was obviously upset bc he said that and proceeded to ignore the text etc #and what he said wasnt ok . anyway tonight we met up and he showed up super late and like . didnt talk to me the whole time despite making #direct eye contact and when we were leaving the bar i literally told him hey stop being a dick bro . like w a smile but like yh #and he kind of got rly upset and his first question was is this bc i talked to K and not you (K being one of the only girls in the group) #(who also treated me weirdly but whom i still care for a lot which he should Know) and i said no its bc you ignored my text after being rly #rude last night. meanwhile my friend with whom i had a kind of deal w for like . not smoking and stuff . took a long drag off a cigarette #and obviously i just saw it happen and his hair being too messy and idk it was like an instant heartbreak kind of moment like why would u #do this you said youd never smoke so i kind of just . looked at him and asked him why hes doing this and he looked back and kept smoking . #upsetting situation but the friend i was talking abt first took this as me walking away from him or whatever ?? like bro ? you see this #happening in front of you #anyway a bit later on into the walk i fall back w him and i ask if he wants to talk and he literally fucking #proceeds to say how he left that night bc his discord friends were doing smth better or whatever and he was standing behind me and i didnt #talk to him first and how he doesnt want to talk and hes sick of talking to people meanwhile im out here being a bitch #and as hes saying all of this hes getting louder so i tell him to not raise his voice bc our friends are in front of us #and i dont want this to be a fight i just wajted to talk to him and he blows up even louder like NO IM NOT GOING TO LOWER MY VOICE IM #TRYING TO MAKE A POINT and he keeps going abt how im being bitchy and he was just right there and i apparently ignored him or whatever . #and like i just let him talk bc i was like . hes not calming down so im gonna let him say whatever and then respond calmly . he then #proceeds to leave . just turns around and leaves w no chance for me to say anything #i had bigger concerns (i.e. drunk friend) but it was still so fucking confusing like ??? i texted u if ur ok and u ignored it why is it #now on me to approach u irl again ? what gives u the right to raise ur voice at me and call me a bitch ? #what gives u the right to be a dick to us but esp to tell me to get in line just bc ur friends are on discord and ppl are chewing too loud? #like what the FUCK bro. but anyway after that we went to a park and i talked to my friends friend and we had a lot in common and it was #like 1-3 AM but ppl kept coming and going and laying down and sitting on the swings and playing old music #and staring at the stars there were so so many stars . i checked up on my friend who smoked and made sure he was ok etc (S

[713-4th-ward-g]

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#honestly been in such a bad mental space #ever since my family denied my trauma and tried to manipulate my memories like it never happened #i swear i wonder if they're all narcissist or something #using all these manipulative tactics to try and distort reality while also diminishing me is crazy #i told my aunt and grandma why I hated my dad for so long and they really told me: No ! never! he is not an alcoholic. #like if him drinking every single day for years isnt an issue or signs of alcoholic dependency with borderline addiction #not one day do I remember him not coming home already drinking from the ages 8 to 18 and they all deny it like he isnt still drinking #every single day* like come on he hasnt stopped drinking for more than 2 days LMAO and I'm not even getting into his outbursts #i remember how bad it got once mt grandma moved out and it was just us dude literally drank a 6 pack a day every single day #get loud for anything #if your question sounded like you were challenging him and his “authority” he would lose his mind #my sister thinks its okay all in the past like if its okay he hit her when we grew up like they really used to hit her bad and jump her #my moms losing her memory every day so she doesnt remember how she used to be but she does apologize to my sister for how it was then #my dad has never apologized he never saw it as wrong to him she was his daughter and his possession or property #and she didnt have a say cause it was his house. even though it was never his house; it was Grandma's house. but he sure acted like it was #always proclaiming this is my fucking house you do what i say “yes you do” i still remember all the fist fights that happened from me #just standing up to his outburst and disrespect and it didnt matter if i was 13 if i called out his disrespect #he took that as me disrespecting his authority in the household when i was just calling out his horrible actions and bullshit #all those times we fought was cause of how he was acting and i had enough and would say something #i still remember the last time we fought i was like 17 or maybe 18 and he was disrespecting my mom and grandma and so i got mad #and remember telling him im tired of you being so rude always trying to control other people's lives and tell em what to do #he got so mad and immediately ran up to me an snuck me and i managed to grapple him into a headlock and he was still trying to hit me #he almost hit my mom and grandma when he was swinging crazy #i didnt talk to him for at least a year and even now i have spurts where I dont see him for weeks at a time even though we live together #im so tired of the bullshit though

[be-good-to-bugs]

itd be so cool if the shitty people in my life were not shitty and were actually slightly decent

#the bin #:/ i wanna stop feeling horrible abt shit with my sister but it makes me so angry and upset ALL the time #im so fucked up abt this. how could i not be. i guess. hhhhh. i dont know what to do. it sucks so much. #its so hard to deal with the aftermath of a deeply abusive relationship in general. and when you cant talk to anyone about it or tell #anyone who knows that person. and you have to continue to be nice or at least civil with them. probably forever. #that SUUUUCKS. she is so awful. shes always been awful. i want to heal from that experience but i feel like im still stuck #probably mostly because im literally physically stuck 1000 miles away from everyone else i know in a place where shes the only person i know #but even after that i think ill still feel so stuck. theres a lot of things she has that i really need to get from her before i do anything #that might make her mad at me. i want to delete our stupid chat full of uncomfortable shit vut thats gonna piss her off #she has a lot of pictures of me from when i was younger and those are pretty much the only pictures of me from then #i can barely even remember those years. id like to get those if i can. also i wanna see if i can convince her to delete all the weird videos #she took of me without my consent while i was having psychotic episodes bc like. what the fuck. AND i know she literally just shows them #to her friends and laughs at them bc shes told me she does. which is very upsetting. and if i can get her to delete them id feek so much #better and not be upset over that all the time #i just cant get iver how much she fucking sucks. she does so much fucked up shit and its so awful. why would she ever think its ok ti record #me when im not in a good headspace. without telling me. and then upload it to her snapchat also without telling me #i only found out about her doing that originally because she decided to show me some of the funny things people said about me on the #video i didnt even know existed and had no memory of what happened. she loves to claim shes so chill and nice and good about mental #illness and she understands it so much and would never ever do anything weird and ableist like that. and then does that. #i feel so much worse abiut myslef and all the behaviors i have caused by my myriad of mental shit specifically because of her #ugh i am so not looking forward to being in a car with her for 20 hours when i move. but thats how it has to be.