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nikito0x · 3 days

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RadioApple AU - Forget me not

I am too lazy to write a whole fic of it, but I can't get this plot bunny out of my head so here we go:

This is so AU it will never be canon (obviously) but it's ridiculous enough to be believable.

To start off: We all know the age old story of Lucifer's fall and the way he and Lilith got together. Right? Well forget all about it. In this AU it's all a lie. Let me explain.

The first humans to have ever been created were Alastor and Lilith. They were acquaintances and simply live peacefully in the Garden of Eden for a while. There is nothing romantic between them.

Lucifer gets assigned to watch over them and at some point witnesses Alastor interacting with some of his creations. So he decides to ask him about his opinion of them.

They start a conversation about Lucifer's other, weirder, creations. Some of which were rejected by the elder angels.

Alastor, as someone who gets easily bored, finds Lucifer's ideas amusing and intriguing. So they become friends, partially thanks to Alastor's pure fascination with Lucifer's mind, and partially thanks to Lucifer having finally found someone who would listen to his ideas and even like them. Not to mention add some of their own to his to create something even greater.

So they become friends. Lucifer starts visiting Alastor more and more often as time passes.

Alastor witnesses how Lucifer isn't exactly treated great by his siblings a lot of the time and tries to soothe the angel or distract him with a new invention that may never be allowed to be created, but would be fun to think about anyway.

Lucifer gets isolated from his siblings because of his "shortcomings" and at some point ends up in a situation where he has to ask for Alastor's help with preening his wings as no one else would.

Alastor notices Lucifer being uncomfortable and asks about it. Lucifer tries to deflect and ignore the problem but Alastor convinces him to trust him with whatever issue he has. And so - wing grooming happens.

Insert typical Wing Fic tropes here.

This becomes a regular occurrence.

Meanwhile Lilith is just chilling and exploring the garden. Nothing much to see here 👀

Michael is going to be sort of a villain in here.

Michael sees the bond forming between his brother and this inferior creature his father has created and disapproves of it. So he decides he will have to seperate them for the good of everybody.

Michael goes to Lilith and convinces her to help him with that task. Lilith would try talking to Alastor and Michael would talk to Lucifer.

Lilith is confused and uncertain about that. She tries asking questions but he rebuffs her and simply reassures her that it's all for the greater good.

In the end Lilith just asks something like: "What if I can't? What if I don't succeed?" And Michael implies that her existence is at stake if this doesn't work.

Remember: Alastor and Lilith are the first ever humans. They haven't eaten the fruit and know very little of the world, only what they've been told and found out for themselves. And since they have committed no sin yet, they are basically immortal as long as they don't injure themselves to a point of no return. And so they don't know pain like a regular human does.

Lilith becomes fearful of Michael's warning and tries explaining to Alastor the importance of not associating with Lucifer anymore. Alastor is confused and doesn't understand her worry, so he doesn't listen. Lucifer is too much fun for him to just abandon him like that. Besides, he's started to care some for the angel. He won't just do something without a good reason for it.

Alastor, in this sense, knows more than Lilith since he's been in contact with Lucifer (who's been explaining things to him) for a while now. Alastor would know more of the world than Lilith and wouldn't just make a rash decision to follow any order he is given like she does.

Michael also fails in convincing Lucifer that Alastor isn't worth his time. The conversation does rather the opposite of what he wanted, as Lucifer is reminded of all the things Michael and the other angels didn't do for him, that Alastor did in their stead.

Alastor and Lucifer talk about it and simply decide to ignore them and continue as they have.

At some point Michael gets frustrated and gives Lilith an ultimatum. Get this done by the end of the week or God will be informed.

"Remember, your existence might be at stake." And so Lilith panics.

Nearing the end of the week, Michael becomes impatient and introduces Lilith to something no human at that point has ever experienced. Pain.

He cuts her hand with an angelic weapon to prove to her what she could feel (if not a 100 times worse) if she doesn't comply. The cut is shallow, barely there and Michael heals it afterwards, but Lilith has never experienced such a horrible thing before. This was pain? And it can be a lot worse?? No, she has to separate Lucifer and Alastor at any cost.

Michael stays in the shadows and observes, satisfied.

Lilith, out of desperation, reaches the conclusion that it would be better for Alastor to get hurt than her, since he is the one who doesn't wish to listen to God's will. And so, in a frantic state of panic, Lilith attacks him.

She doesn't really know what would happen if she hits him hard enough with a rock or sth, since neither of them have ever truly witnessed death at that point; so she tries hurting him to show him the consequences of his actions if he doesn't listen to her.

Alastor ends up accidentally killing her in self defense. Alastor pushes Lilith away but as she rolls away from him she hits her head on a rock and dies that way.

Alastor explains everything to Lucifer and Lucifer goes to find Michael because this situation stinks of his interference.

God finds out about the situation and sends both Lilith and Alastor's souls to Hell.

Lilith starts hating Alastor and Lucifer from then on. So when she and Alastor meet in Hell, she screams at him that if he'd just listened to her, they wouldn't be in this situation. He tries reasoning with her, even as much as he's angry with her, but she just storms off away from him.

The first residents of Hell have been added.

Alastor still gets his deer like characteristics as he spent a lot of time in their presence at the Garden of Eden.

Meanwhile, Lucifer finds out where Alastor has ended up and tries to convince God to change his mind. He doesn't.

So he makes a plan. The new humans have been created. They're supposed to be better than the last ones. Lucifer tries to prove God wrong by getting Adam and Eve in trouble. He tries to prove that just sending every human who has made a mistake in Hell without a chance to redeem themselves gets you nowhere. But his plan doesn't work the way he wished, as Adam and Eve are turned mortal and Lucifer gets sent to Hell as well.

Michael is the last person Lucifer sees as he falls, wings cut off, betrayed and in pain.

Alastor finds him and helps him heal mentally and physically. They end up actually getting together there and they are the most disgustingly adorable couple ever.

They build Hell up and create Pentagram City. They're happy and the people of Hell respect them and appreciate their presence.

Lilith's POV meanwhile: she starts asking questions like: Okay but what if nothing bad would have happened if Lucifer and Alastor stayed together? What if Michael lied to me? Well, he could still have hurt me (for his own agenda) when I was alone, since Alastor spent all of his time with Lucifer. And I don't have anyone else. Well, if I have to be miserable and alone, then I'll make sure they are as well. And I'll take Hell for my own in the meantime.

So now she hates all three of them. Yes, she's a victim but she chooses to deal with the anger and grief she has in a toxic way.

Charlie will still exist in this universe, but for now, she'll be a creation of Lucifer's who somehow combines his and Alastor's energies, and uses whatever powers of creation he has as an angel, to create her.

Even with the depressing circumstances of only being able to see the worst of humanity, Lucifer doesn't fall into depression like in canon, not to that extent at the very least; Alastor an Charlie would be there for him after all.

He ends up ruling hell well, having Alastor's help doing so as he is the more politically savvy between the two of them.

( Spark of Redemption: After being cast down, Lucifer could create Charlie as a symbol of hope. Her creation could combine his angelic power with Alastor's understanding of humanity, creating a being with the potential for good even in Hell. Balancing Darkness: Charlie could be born as a counterpoint to the growing darkness in Hell. Her presence, filled with Lucifer and Alastor's love, could offer a glimmer of light for lost souls.)

( Showcasing the respect Hell's residents have for Lucifer and Alastor can be done through small details: demons seeking their counsel, celebrations held in their honor, or acts of loyalty in times of trouble.)

The Morningstar family is as wholesome as it can get in a place like Hell.

Shared Responsibilities: Charlie, with her inherent compassion, focuses on rehabilitation efforts in Hell, while Alastor manages the day-to-day operations and Lucifer acts as the final authority figure. They respect each other's strengths and work together for the good of Hell.

After a few decades in hell, Lilith disappears. No one knows where she went. She's gone for a long while until she pops up again, more powerful than ever.

In reality, Lilith made a deal with Roo. It is in Roo's interest that Lilith uses her concerts to spread sin and rebellion in order to turn Hell into a domain of evilness to fuel her power. Roo in return gifts Lilith power, she becomes strong enough to affect most with her voice and words, even someone as powerful as Lucifer himself.

No one but the two of them are aware of this deal being made. The deal was made some time after hell establishes a proper society with its own system.

Lilith decides to build her power, by making deals with other demons for their souls, her deal with Roo enhances those deals and gives her a larger boost than it would have given her otherwise.

Lilith decides it's time to enact her revenge.

She targets Alastor, knowing that without him, Lucifer will crumble under the pressure like what happened in canon with his depression. This would cause Hell to go in chaos once their powerful leader seems to have lost any care for the souls in his domain. This would spread sin and rebellion in Hell even further.

Lilith holds Charlie hostage as she makes a deal with Alastor for both Lucifer and Charlie's safety. She uses her voice/songs to brainwash them into forgetting Alastor's very existence. She does the same to the whole of hell.

Instead, she replaces Alastor with herself in those memories and convinces everyone that she's been the one by Lucifer's side all along. For the safety of his loved ones, Alastor signs away his soul to her. Lilith forbids him from approaching Lucifer, and from telling him anything about the truth of what actually happened between the three of them (Lilith, Lucifer and Alastor).

In the meantime Alastor's powers are severely restricted and he is not allowed to make deals for other demons' souls in an attempt to increase his strength.

Lilith goes to Heaven, making sure that Roo's plans for the yearly exterminations are going well and that her hidden seeds of sin in Heaven continue to grow. Lilith is strong but not strong enough to defeat Lucifer in battle. Replacing his memories of someone with another wasn't easy, but was simple enough to trick the mind to do.

She knows she can't convince him to give her his crown, not now anyway. She is convinced she would rule Hell eventually. As Roo's powers from the spread sin and chaos grow, so would hers - a nice gift from Roo to her, as she's doing such a fine job on their deal. Lilith disappears for seven years.

After all that Alastor tries his best to regain any power he can. He looks for loopholes in his deal with Lilith and realizes that Lilith didn't forbid him from approaching Charlie, so once he feels he can be of help to her in any way, he would approach her.

Lilith didn't forbid him all interaction with Lucifer. Lucifer can still approach him himself and they can talk about other things that don't include the contents of Alastor's deal.

Alastor also figures out that Lilith had made a deal with someone powerful, he doesn't know who, but he knows she can't have gained abilities strong enough to manipulate an angel from just deals for others' souls.

Alastor is convinced, however, that given time and some reminders Lucifer will be able to break through Lilith's deception, as he is still more powerful than she is. (he is right).

For now Alastor has a new goal: Get stronger and get noticed by the king of Hell somehow. That's how he becomes an overlord.

Once radio was brought in hell, he makes it a part of his brand (as it is in canon);

That's how he meets Vox. Here is why they don't get along in this AU. For one, Vox is a clout chaser while Alastor does radio mainly for himself and his own enjoyment; and other such character differences that get in the way of them being truly close.

Alastor one day approaches Vox with an idea: bring others' memories to the screens of their TVs. Vox loves the idea, he imagines he could make a whole lot of profit by exploiting sinners' longing for home by bringing their memories of Earth to their screens.

The project is going well and Alastor finally decides to share his reasons for coming up with such an idea. He tells Vox that someone he loves was attacked by another with the ability to erase his loved one's memory of him. And he wants that person to remember him again.

Vox becomes angry with Alastor, since he has a crush on the Radio Demon and doesn't want to help him reunite with his love. Vox puts an end to that project. Vox and Alastor fight and Alastor manages to win even with the restriction placed over his powers.

Alastor was really powerful before it. Even now, restricted, he will be above average in regards to power even compared to the other overlords.

After that Alastor disappears for 7 years - like in canon. Maybe he's looking for alternative ways to get more powerful. Maybe he finds out that cannibals have just that little bit more power to them than regular demons and joins them as he has nothing left to lose. Maybe he's looking for other demons with the power to affect the mind. Maybe he tries making deals for favors instead of souls. Maybe he gathers allies to fight alongside him against Lilith for the future. Idk.

Alastor uses his weakened powers to subtly manipulate events around the developing hotel, guiding Charlie's path with anonymous warnings or nudges to ensure her safety.

After he comes back, the events in canon from season 1 proceed to happen as they originally did. The only difference being that Alastor cares about the residents of the hotel more than in canon.

He sort of becomes "the dad" of the group, before Lucifer shows up.

Lucifer and Alastor still have their fight in "Hell's greatest dad" with their song. The difference is that Alastor has different motivations for being angry with Lucifer. He intentionally calls Lucifer a dud in their song, because he is angry with how neglectful he had become to Charlie in the 7 years he was gone.

Canon events happen as they originally did until the end of season 1. Alastor still makes a deal with Charlie for a favor. The difference is that this time he plans to use it in a situation like this- example: Charlie's loyalty to her friends might threaten her safety and Alastor plans to use his favor to make her run if needed.

Alastor uses his fight with Adam to test his strength and see if he has managed to get any stronger despite the restrictions he is under. He still loses that fight. Even if some of his strength was returned it isn't anything significant. Alastor learns to use whatever little powers he has as efficiently as possible. Low effort maximum efficiency.

After that first season Alastor and Lucifer start getting along better. Lucifer realizes Alastor was angry with him for his absence in Charlie's life even when he doesn't know where that anger stems from and resolves himself to be better for her in the future. He tells Alastor so and they forgive each other for whatever wrongs were inflicted. They still tease each other often, but that's just a part of their dynamic.

Eventually Lucifer will start getting dreams of things that look like memories but can't be because he doesn't remember ever having done those things with Alastor. He ignores the dreams, dismissing them as wishful thinking as he had started to view Alastor as a close friend after they forgave each other.

Lucifer slowly falls in love with Alastor, and those dreams continue to haunt him.

Alastor never fell out of love with Lucifer to begin with.

There will be a whole lotta angst in regards to Alastor. He will have to realize that during the time him and Lucifer were separated they have become different people entirely and he will have to let go of the past and maybe get used to Lucifer and him being friends because he doesn't know if they'll ever be anything more.

And with how much he's changed - becoming an overlord and a cannibal to boot, he doesn't know if Lucifer could ever accept him. Especially since at the time he just sees him as just another terrible sinner.

Alastor falls in love with that new version of his husband and Lucifer does the same.

Eventually Lucifer breaks through Lilith's enchantment and him and Alastor have a proper reunion. Lucifer will break the enchantment on Charlie soon after.

Alastor writes down what happened and explains why he made the deal with Lilith (he can't tell anyone anything, but he can write it down)

Lucifer will be able to get him out of it with some time.

Eventually they will fight and win against Heaven.

Maybe they'll cause a rebellion in Heaven by it's residents by using both Lucifer's angelic power and Alastor's radio show to broadcast the truth of their pure leaders. The ones that take pleasure in killing and hunting those who are already down.

Whew! Done! Finally! Whoop!

It turned out far longer than I thought it would but here you go ig.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin fic idea #hazbin alastor #hazbin lucifer #hazbin charlie #my fic #fanfiction #hazbin au #radioapple #appleradio #strawberry shortcake #duckiedeer

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utilitycaster · 2 days

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Hi there,

You said in the answer you just gave that, "the Nein mechanically played really well to the casts strength." Could you talk more about that? I'm someone who hasn't actually played D&D before, and everything I've learned has been through osmosis with CR, and your more crunchy posts have been really interesting to read, too.

Hi anon,

Thank you! I can answer but this is definitely pretty subjective in terms of how I see the classes they played and my view of the cast's mechanical strengths so know that you're getting one very specific perspective here. You will notice as a theme that I am not one for indecision.

Anyway: I think Liam and Travis are both notable within the cast for being decisive, in and out of combat, and both played characters with a huge array of options, as arcane utility spellcasters (plus Fjord's melee and, later, paladin abilities) and so having people who can make a quick, confident decision and stick to it with their spellcasting was crucial. Travis also has, as I once put it, court sense, and so having a character with options at basically any range in combat (from melee to eldritch blast range) was extremely good for him. I also just think they like utility casting, which, as my url indicates, I obviously think is awesome; but not all people like it and that's okay! I also just think they like it - both have mentioned on 4SD that Orym and Chetney are much more limited in what they can do.

I think Sam can get really hung up on the optimal and ideal thing to do at times. Really, the best way to put it - and FCG's death is a great example actually - is that Sam is not precious at all with his own characters but is worried about letting other people down. So I think the fact that Veth had a limited but interesting number of choices was actually quite good for him - he could make creative decisions (and even think outside the box, as with fluffernutter) but didn't have an endless list. It also still provided spellcasting, which is important to him.

I think Marisha is one of the strongest players on adding flavor to combat which is purely non-mechanical but is important in actual play if you are playing a character who does mostly the same thing. For what it's worth a lot of the things Beau played to her strengths were on the RP side (give the notetaker a character who has a reason to know a lot of lore) and also, I like monks but they are very straightforward characters to play in battle for the most part so there's not a ton to say, but I think she had a good sense of melee combat and would love to see her play more melee characters; Keyleth was obviously incredibly versatile, but this meant she did spend a lot of time in melee! Marisha also has decent instincts for tanking (Keyleth as regular tank thanks to wildshape and Beau as a dodge tank) so Beau allowed her to exercise that.

Taliesin is also a generally strong player in terms of mechanics and I think, honestly, his strength is that he doesn't seem to have a strong preference on what sort of class he plays and therefore was able to lean into a character who was almost purely support without any resentment over not getting the kill. In general I think Taliesin is very good at just...doing what his character is built to do, which seems damning with faint praise but honestly I think people who get really obsessive about Subverting Their D&D Class are annoying so this is praise and respect.

Laura is an interesting one in that I think she really likes to do Big Damage but she actually is quite skilled at utility casting. Having Caduceus definitely allowed Jester to shine in that she didn't have to serve as dedicated healer, but she also was a strong healer. Laura can be somewhat precious about her characters and I think being a healer is a good antidote for that in that you have the power to heal yourself if you get worried (honestly, this is why I started off as someone who played healers until I allowed myself to accept that dying on graph paper, as Taliesin once said, is fine). Being a prepared caster is also good for someone who, like Laura, can be competitive - it's interesting because she and Sam have a lot of similarities but I think respond in different ways, and Laura having a lot of options and knowing she can change them works well for her approach.

Ashley is also quite strong at flavor descriptors but I also think she likes doing damage, and I think Yasha was very much a "right character at the right time" for her in that barbarians are complicated in the sense of maneuvering, but not in the sense of options - it's a much easier character to jump back into after being away because she is, for the most part, going to be hitting things with a sword. I think she's doing a great job with Fearne too, but wildfire druid is MUCH harder to put down and pick up.

Really, in short, I think the cast members who thrive on having a ton of decisions had them; the cast members who at times have trouble picking what to do had a much more limited list which helped them; and those who don't really have a strong preference had other stylistic elements that were a good fit.

(I also happen to think, as I alluded to especially for Marisha's portrayal of Beau, that the Nein played to the cast's RP strengths as well and/or were given the time and space for the cast to grow into things they were less confident doing, eg: Travis and romance; and I think that does bleed into combat in that it helps you take actions that feel right for the character which in turn helps the other people around you predict what you'll do. It's the drift compatibility.)

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag #more generally the way i mentally categorize the cast and their characters for the campaigns is like #c1: i made this guy for a one shot i guess we're playing to L20 in front of strangers; strong RP & mechanics varied #c2: we are going to very carefully ensure we prove we're not a one trick pony; what do i really want to do now that i know what i'm doing?#c3: what haven't i done yet that intrigues me?#so i do think the nein just hit a particular sweet spot for that reason

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kandisheek · 3 days

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FIC REC WEEK 18 – CREATURE FIC

Fangbait by FestiveFerret

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 5,396 Tags: Vampire Steve, One Night Stand, Blood Play

Summary: There's only one reason Tony would go to a bar like this, dressed the way he is: fangbait.

Reasons why I love it: The whole concept of humans specifically going out to get picked up by vampires is really great. And Tony obviously knows what he's doing, which I love, because confidence is sexy as hell. But so is Steve when he's fumbling every step of the way until he hits familiar ground and gives Tony the night of his life. I love this fic so much, and I bet you will too, so please go and check it out!

Best Time of the Month by Onetruesikorsky

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 4,243 Tags: Capwolf, Knotting, PWP

Summary: Original prompt was: There are some really great capwolf fics out there, but can someone give me Tony getting down and dirty with Capwolf? Knotting not optional. So, yeah. This is Tony happily getting down and dirty with Capwolf. And knotting.

Reasons why I love it: The fact that Tony trusts Steve enough to sleep with him when he's in his wolf form speaks for itself. And Capwolf is adorable in his impatience and yet infinite care when it comes to Tony. This fic is insanely hot and surprisingly sweet, so if you love Capwolf, you're going to enjoy this one!

If the Water's Still Flowing by Sineala

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 8,106 Tags: Merman Steve, Interspecies Sex, Fluff and Smut

Summary: When a flight test of Tony's new Iron Man suit model sends him plunging into the depths of the Atlantic, rescue comes from the most unlikely of sources. Tony had thought mermaids were fictional, but this man is very, very real. And Tony certainly never expected the merman to be handsome... and the attraction to be mutual.

Reasons why I love it: Steve is so goddamn cute as a merman, holy shit. I love the exploration of his and Tony's cultural differences and how it translates into them having sex. It's really sweet how they keep accommodating each other until they find a way to be together. And Steve getting all hot and bothered over French kisses is so fucking cute, oh my god, I love him. Definitely go and read this one, it's so much fun!

Protecting What's Mine by ATOASTBW

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 8,391 Tags: Vampire Tony, Werewolf Steve, Mating Cycles

Summary: Despite being a vampire and a werewolf, Tony and Steve have overcome the odds to become best friends, and for the past six hundred years, that's all they have been: friends; nothing more, nothing less. That is, until Steve experiences a problem with one of his ruts, and being his best friend (and definitely not because he's attracted to Steve), Tony decides to help him out. However, the issues go much deeper than that of just sex, and the two are finally forced to face the true nature of their relationship.

Reasons why I love it: Steve pining after Tony for literally half a millennium and resigning himself to suffering in silence makes so much sense for his character, but holy shit, I just want to smush their face together! I love how in control Steve is throughout his rut, and how he makes sure that Tony is okay at all times. And the fluff at the end is absolute perfection. I hope you check this one out, because it's wonderful!

Turn Around (Three Times Before Lying Down) by kellifer_fic

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 15,573 Tags: Werewolves, Action/Adventure, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Everyone knows that Tony Stark is a playboy, billionaire philanthropist, but what they don’t know is that he’s also a werewolf. When a government agency known as SHIELD finds out, they use this information to force Tony’s hand and bring him into a new elite lycan field team, codename The Avengers Initiative. Suddenly Tony finds himself playing host to a bunch of lycans, a misplaced God of Thunder and an experimental supersoldier that isn’t as dead as everyone assumed. Can his week get any worse?

Reasons why I love it: My heart just bleeds for Steve in this one. The sentiment of being in between two groups, never really belonging to either, really hit home for me. And it's so lovely to see the pack bond form between the Avengers, especially because getting there is such a journey for them. This fic is amazing, and I highly recommend you read it for yourself!

#marvel #stony #fanfic #ficrec #fic rec #fanfic rec #a year in fanfic recs #werewolves #vampires

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immortalthunderstorm · 16 hours

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The Alicent-Larys Conondrum

I'm back with some thoughts™️ on the HOTD fandom's hot topics. This time - something I've seen discussed quite a lot and what seems to be a controversial topic - the dynamic between Larys and Alicent, and mostly how a lot of the blame gets shifted onto her. There's a general tendency of overt victim blaming when it comes to Alicent herself, and often situations in which she is subjected to trauma get twisted into her own shortcomings rather than those of her perpetrators. The marriage to Viserys is one example, but the same arguments are used for her scenes with Larys.

I thought I'd try and analyse it a bit more from Alicent's perspective, though I don't disagree that the show has left this incredibly dubious at times and I really think that e.g. the foot scene was unnecessary.

Obviously Matthew Needham already provided a pretty great take on Larys as a character and his perspective on the dynamic, so I won't get into that myself here, but recommend having a listen to what he has to say.

1. Alicent should have dismissed or reported Larys after she learned of his Harrenhal stunt

I actually think it makes perfect sense that Alicent doesn't dismiss Larys despite being horrified by his actions.

The earlier episodes of the season make a point of how Alicent is isolated and lonely in the Red Keep. She says herself, she has no friends, no real allies, her former companion lied to and 'betrayed' her, got her father fired and therefore left her without her last constant family member by her side. She is heavily traumatised, forced into a marriage she doesn't want, forced to birth child after child and mostly ignored or dismissed by her ailing husband. She is queen in all but name, her job is to look appropriate, make sure the courtiers are entertained, and most of all give the king children.

Before even Criston joins her, the only person who approaches her is Larys. He seems empathetic, talks to her openly (or so she thinks), pretends to care about her as a person. This is where she is probably most vulnerable, most alone. Of course she falls for it, I don't think anyone can realistically blame her for that, she's a lonely teen forced to be a mother in what is essentially a toxic environment. Plus it is Larys who tells her of Rhaenyra's 'betrayal', which turns out to be true, so in a way he 'proves' his loyalty to her by disproving Rhaenyra's.

Later on he is the one who supports her when she vents about Rhaenyra and her bastards, they have dinners together, an honest friend and sympathetic ear in a metaphorical snakepit. And then, he goes as far as killing his own family, something that Alicent is horrified by, but it shows just how far his capabilities stretch. He has a spy network, he can get her information no one else can, information that can give her shreds of power and influence. He can make things happen without anyone ever suspecting that he, and by implication her, was involved. Larys makes himself invaluable to her and is not easily replaced.

I do disagree that she has some great power over him as a lot of people like to claim. Larys would not confide in her if that would bring him in any great danger. Realistically, accusing him would be such a wild theory, plus the absolute no go of double kinslaying, plus he's a very high ranking Lord, I'm not actually sure people would believe her - she doesn't have proof either. Viserys has absolutely not had her back ever, he has the spine of a wet slice of bread, I doubt that he'd simply put him on trial and kill him (each High Lord is an asset to the crown and if he starts "randomly" beheading people that could cause problems, like Ned Stark, like Rickard Karstark (let's put Vaemond aside here because there should have been consequences)) because Alicent said so? All that on top of Viserys' general strategy of ignoring everything that could be a "political headache" to him, my confidence in him is quite low.

And again, why would Alicent rat Larys out? He benefits her and is her main ally at court. She is shocked at how far he went, but in the end it did get rid of both Harwin and Lyonel, which caused Rhaenyra to leave and Otto to resume his position as Hand. Alicent did not condone the murders and would not have sanctioned them had he asked - but to her he is loyal beyond doubt and most importantly only to her (in her head) - later when he offers to give her Lucerys' eye she openly refuses, BUT she acknowledges how far he is willing to go for her. She'd be stupid to rat him out that would only disadvantage her.

2. The Foot Scene

Now in episode 9, Alicent is in a highly stressful situation. Aegon is to be crowned after she spent the entire day fretting he was missing or dead in a ditch somewhere, she had to fight her father and essentially most of the council not to send assassins after Rhaenyra, she had to find Aegon first to be the voice of reason to him, she is clearly distraught over Viserys death and scared for her children.

This is not the time and place for mistakes, every move has to count and nothing can slip through the cracks. Larys knows this, and he knows that he and his spies are going to be very important in the coup to come, and he knows he is the only one who can provide this. So does Alicent. She may be queen, but in actuality she wields very little power in this instance. The green council scene showed that they plotted behind her back, her father most of all, and clearly don't take her very seriously.

Essentially in episode 9, she's trying to outrace Otto and establish herself as more than a pawn. In a time where war is all but inevitable and she has enemies both outside and within the Red Keep's walls, and her children's lives are at stake - how could she refuse Larys who can provide her with valuable intelligence? By giving in to his "demands" she learns that her handmaiden is a spy which is a very important revelation.

It's hard to try and make sense of how their power dynamic switched to such extremes, we don't know whether it's happened before, in which capacity and for what. Clearly she is aware of what he wants, but how did that come up? How did this develop? We can't know so I refrain from making assumptions for any other times.

Her symbolically selling her body again for all this is a price she is willing to pay, but it doesn't make it any less of a SA (and yes, I've seen a lot of people dismissing this as consensual since she willingly took off her shoes for this. It's giving 'she asked for it'). Alicent is deeply disgusted, she can't look at him, she probably already has a very twisted view on herself and her body as something that belongs to others and he abuses that. But she indulges him because she realistically doesn't really have any other choice. He has made himself irreplaceable.

This doesn't mean it's consensual. Consent would mean that Alicent did this because she wants to, finds some enjoyment in it, and hasn't been pressured into it. But that's far from the truth. She does it because she feels like there's no other way for her to get this valuable intelligence, so she endures it despite clearly being uncomfortable and disgusted. I am so tired of everything being blamed on her just because people don't like or understand her character.

#alicent hightower #hotd #house of the dragon #larys strong #team green #pro team green #anti team black #pro alicent hightower

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savagewildnerness · 3 days

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Lestat and Louis at the start of TTOTBT

Ok, I’m reading Chapter 7 of The Tale of the Body Thief & would love to hear everyone’s thoughts, because to me it is like - why is Lestat really going to see Louis here? Is he going in some way to say goodbye? Is he going to Louis really to in some subconscious way, beg him to give him reason to keep on existing? Does he really think Louis will approve of his (bonkers!) mission!!?! Of course he won't!

Just before he arrives, Lestat talks of how Louis lives in ramshackle conditions & he feels like Louis on some level would love Lestat to pull him out of it all and into the luxury Lestat loves... and how Louis seems to love this luxury when he visits Lestat. Is this all a way of reflecting something Lestat is feeling himself on some level?…

Then, Louis is horrified to see Lestat's appearance and to realise that Lestat tried to kill himself, but Lestat brushes it off as if it were nothing and as if he truly didn't believe he could die and to be suicidal is nothing at all. He minimises it (as he also does for us readers) & tells Louis about his plan with the body thief, as if Louis will be excited.

Louis admonishes him & tells him he’ll kill Raglan James if he sees him. Lestat makes a jibe about the time Louis saw him in New Orleans post-Paris being untrue - alluding to the other time Louis experienced Lestat essentially suicidal, and indeed in way more ramshackle conditions than Louis now lives in… and they have spat about lies and truth and at the end of it Lestat says of Louis:

“He seemed tormented in some deep way, as if my words had caused him pain.”

Well they had, Lestat! Lestat talks of lying to himself before this moment in TTOTBT & personally I absolutely think he’s doing it here. After all, he just tried to kill himself. That did happen. Now he wants to become mortal via an interaction with a human he himself doesn’t like & sees is immoral and untrustworthy and has bad vibes. Why is it Lestat is *excited*? Well, as a mortal, he can still die! He’s still dreaming of his mortal life in Paris just as he was before he went into the Gobi Desert! He is still seeing Claudia, as he was then. His mindset is really no better than it was before that suicide attempt. In fact, it is worse, because now he knows he cannot kill himself by going into the sun! That has to cause a deeper crisis!

Why doesn’t Lestat care what will haven to his powerful immortal body & what havoc could be wreaked? Because on some level, he thinks he will (or at least is drawn to the idea that he could) die.

Lestat: “My suspicion is that we know a great deal of each other’s feelings and longings; only the amplification is too loud for any distinct image to come clear.” (Re: fledglings & makers not being able to communicate.) Why YES Lestat! Louis sees you as you avoid seeing your self!!!! 😭

“I found him still at his desk, looking at me in the most forlorn, almost heartbroken way.”

Louis sees you, Lestat!!!!!

Lestat on Louis: He grew reflective again and very sad….*snip*

“I love you,” he said softly. (Louis to Lestat)

And... (still Louis to Lestat when Lestat bemoans everyone telling him to stop being stupid...)

“Well, of course, you pick the voices that scold you. You always have, in the same manner in which you pick those who willl turn on you and stick the knife right into your heart.”

And all this time, Lestat wanders New Orleans observing the beauty and the charges over time. Reminiscing, looking at the stars, at the weeds, at the water and bridges, at the houses. Trying to conceive of New Orleans’ future. He sits in churches & contemplates existence and God and... is he truly in an excited headspace, merely wanting to be mortal 'as any vampire desires'? Obviously not.

I sense Lestat’s underlying despair still there: a deep chasm. And what does Lestat do when in despair. Well, he doesn’t dwell in it like Louis - he tries his very best to ignore it if he can. He'll ignore it and ignore it and ignore it until it absolutely almost destroys him. He does it over and over again. But for now: if he can find the most extravagant distraction or scheme then it’s a YES PLEASE from Lestat!!!...

“Something dreadful’s going to happen to you again. You’re going to see to it. I know.” (Louis, to Lestat)

There's just so much sadness in this chapter and it is so long since I read it, I had forgotten the depths of it and I just love how you can feel it without it all being put into words. Of course, as this isn't all in words, I do wonder if everyone feels it the same way I do?

Do you?

#interview with the vampire #anne rice #the tale of the body thief #lestat #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire lestat #louis de pointe du lac #loustat #raglan james #lestat x louis #vampire chronicles

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cosmiccowboystuddies · 2 days

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A Secret History, otherwise known as what the fuck Richard

(the last few bullet points will be talking about CSA so if that triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, don't read this)

Hi pookies, sorry for being awol, I've been prepping for finals, as well as annotating a secret history, and I had some thoughts I felt like sharing.

first of all fuck Henry

Bunny being the one to say " to live forever" is the definition of being doomed by the narritive

there is no version of the story where bunny lives, and by him being the one who says that, is in a way a challenge to Henrey

Richard opens the book by claiming to be a good liar, and in every situation where he lies he does it horribly is the funniest thing ever

Henry was a budding serial killer, and I think that by the simple fact of giving poor Charles those pills

I also don't think Bunny was as bad as the group made him out to be. Richard is obviously a self-admitted unreliable narrator, but I really don't think Bunny was as bad as they were making him out to be

sure he was probably really annoying, but the week before his death I don't think he was being purposely antagonistic but acting afraid

and in a sense when Richard found out about the murder, that was bunny signing his death certificate.

i think Henry was always going to kill Bunny, he was just waiting for a good enough excuse

when Jullian left Henry started decompensating like a serial killer, and that's why he lost control when talking to Charles

and while it is clearly the best choice to send Fransis to the police, Henry tells Charles to go because Charles is easy to manipulate

i think Fransis is obviously disalutioned by Henry from the beginning of the book, while Charles and Richard were still drinking the Kool-aid

Camilla is obviously romantisized by Richard, and I think that in all reality he probably viewed women in a simmular way Bunny did

in Camilla's descriptions she is often barefoot, and he makes note to mention that during the act of the murder she wasn't present

he also compares most women to Marion a person he thinks is too stupid and girly

people forget how physically imposing henry is, by Richard describing him it almost infantilizes him, in a way.

he is physically imposing which made him look odd, but he lifted camila with great ease, and lifts weight despite is limp

i think he hurt camilla by pulling out her hair, and hurting her wrist

i feel bad for bunny because while he was teetering over the edge he must have been so afraid

richard and henry could have been the same under slightly different circumsances

camilla is not as oblivious to things as people belive she is, obviously she is a victim, but the narrative implies that she is for lack of a better term, not completely innocent

she is a victim of her circumstances, but not completely innocent

richard clings to the group because they are every thing he wanted to

henry killed himself to achieve some fucked up version of godhood.

fransis is the most complex character because by the end of the book we feel bad for him despite taking advantage of 2 of the other characters in the book

he is also clearly in love with Charles but yk

CSA TW BELOW

okay so i think its pretty clear that Charles is a CSA victim

he very clearly has an eating disorder, and a alcohol problem which Fransis exacerbates by getting him drunk and hooking up with him frequently

not only that but he is really dependent on his friendships and is constantly paranoid that they are talking about him, but needs constant reassurance like a child

but also when bunny is making digs at the group, he starts talking about the preversions of the catholic church, i don't think that group cared, nor do i belive that any of them are particularly religious, but I do belive that Bunny was making a dig about Charles being molested by a preist

and if that's the case than his ultimate outcome makes the most sense,

that also makes sense why he would frequently sleep with camilla and fransis

feel free to message me so we can chat about it... this book has recently become my greatest obsession, or we can chat in the comments.

#a secret history #richard papen #donna tart #henry winter #omg #booktok #book review #books to read #bookblr #book blog #charles a secret history #dommed by the narritive

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irish-belle · 2 months

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Struggle city this morning.

#I really felt like I’d made progress on the house this week #but my husband was getting the kids ready for our walk and it was all #where’s xyz #kicking toys out of the way #up the hall now there’s no room in here #out now I can’t move in here #and like I get it #I didn’t get to the bedrooms #and children 3 and 4 keep dumping out my catch all baskets #and he’s a big man #but geez did I just feel so shitty at my job #I really thought I’d be good at being a homemaker #I mean I was my moms right hand for most of my life #but I don’t know how to get things done without the fear of my dad yelling at me #which is obviously not great in any sense #but I feel like a failure #and I don’t know how to make things better #I feel like I should have stayed home and made some progress #but I’m on my period and I prob woulda just slept

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artemislosthunter · 3 months

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also no more outing myself directly to my friends, you will find out about pronoun and name change through the wonders of instagram stories where you talk abt yourself /hj

#I mean ... I love my friends I really do. but they're cis and ... idk sometimes you can tell #like not transphobic (obviously otherwise they wouldnt be my friends) but just ... cis #never had any doubts about their gender identity. they feel perfectly fine in this little label and never had any doubts #and that is great for them!! Genuinely!! but I also know that none of my gender feelings will make sense to them #I have tried trust me. they are supportive but also ... just confused and lost #bringing the questioning up to them feels like they expect you to have an answer or to help you discover the answer with simple quetsions #that you yourself had asked yourself a thousand times with no clear answer and they somehow expect it to work this time #I know they mean well!! I love that they're trying but also ... it usually just ends up making me feel frustrated and them slightly frustra #frustrated bcs it feels like I am being uncooperative when all they are trying to do is help #so yeah idk how to bring it up #bcs Idk what I am #I just know I don't like being refered to as a girl #I am either indifferent by it as in 'not really but also not really NOT so I guess that works fine' or 'I mentally recoiled'#which is ... not really clear #I might be vaguely ''girl shaped'' on some days #and on some days I am not #but that does not really explain what I am does it #am I male? idk I feel like maybe sometimes I am vaguely ''male shaped'' more so than girl shaped atm I think #but in the end it's always something else entirely I think. it might briefly resemble it but never for long and never entirely #yes I have been debating if 15 y/o me had it all down when they said 'biromantic-asexual genderfluid'#bcs ... yeah I've come to notice ace was actually pretty correct I am definitely somewhere on that spectrum #I am ... very unhorny and genuinely came to realize I do not find people 'hot'. I find them aesthetically nice to look at and that's it #bi ... yeah I had a few phases of doubts but by now I really can't deny that anymore #so 15 y/o me MIGHT HAVE ACTUALLY BEEN RIGHT ABT IT ALL #but I am not sure yet #and until I'm sure I'll ... just not say anything bcs I know it'll just end with confusion and awkwardness

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unityrain24 · 7 months

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"oh the loki in the series isn't the same as the one in infinity war because he got several movies-worth of character development scrapped. the tva version is all the way back from avengers 1, that's why."

ok but have you considered that maybe that doesn't even make sense for avengers 1 loki.?

#like the tva variant loki is supposed to be branched off from avengers 1 loki #but there isn't even any resemblance in that sense?#like loki's health in a1 was SHIT #he sort of hid it near the end but it still wasn't great #he was literally under influence of the mind stone AND tortured/blackmailed by thanos/the other/the black order #(WHICH IS CANON)#(ITS LITERALLY CANON AND THEY IGNORE AND EVEN CONTRADICT THAT)#he was still pretty graceful in that movie? there were a few scenes something silly/clumsy happened、#but he was able to regain composure in a way that didn't invalidate his gracefulness? or intelligence?#he isn't comically over-animated or energetic either.#he is reserved.#all of that they just take away the moment the series starts #also loki speaks allspeak???? which literally was shown in a1 but then scrapped in like the first scene of the loki series?#AND IT WASNT EVEN JUST IN TERMS OF PERSONALITY AND CONTINUITY! IT WAS THE COSTUMING TOO!#like that was NOT what his hair looked like???#very obviously??#one of the main parts of a1 fandom was making fun of loki's long greasy spiky “christmas tree” hair?????#i hate this. i hate everything.#loki #mcu loki #anti loki series #anti loki show #loki series criticism #loki series hate #loki series critical #loki show hate #loki show critical #loki show criticism #unityrain.txt

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milkweedman · 9 months

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I am sorry you've been harrassed by terfs, but the way you are currently trying to weed them out seems a bit misguided. As in, the vast majority of terfs are in fact ok with big hairy CIS men. The so-called men they are actively hating are trans women/transfem people. So by acting like you proclaiming your love to big hairy dudes is the best terf-repellant you seem to be missing the point at best.

i'd love to actually respond to your concerns or whatever the hell it was that you were trying to convey with this ask, but it has almost no basis in reality so i literally cant.

thats the one statement on how effective i think the banners are that has left my queue so far. which is: i hope it works but also have literally 2 other backup plans already in case it does not. i dont know why youre calling that "acting like [me] proclaiming [my] love to big hairy dudes is the best terf-repellant", because thats wildly off target from what i have actually said at any point. everything else youve said is also pretty much either dead wrong or ignorant, so im getting the feeling that you not reading has been a problem for a while.

(ive also not mentioned terfs this entire time--ive been talking about radfems and using the word radfems. they're not the same thing although there's large overlap. so like. thats strike two for zero reading comprehension, buddy. cause you are literally not talking about the group im talking about and youre also inventing whole new sentences that i didnt say.)

#obviously reading ability does not equal intelligence. more about the wild overconfidence of someone who didnt bother to check if they #even read a statement correctly #i misread things all the time which is why i also dont barge into strangers inboxes to insult THEIR intelligence #because i know theres always a chance im completely wrong and i dont want to be an asshole #anon you could give that a try #like what am i even supposed to say to this ? i dont think its the best terf repellant and have never said that ?#but if you know so much about them go ahead and tell us your suggestions for how to get rid of them #im skeptical that they will make any sense at all but im always open to new ideas #(feels nice to be condescended to doesnt it ? i assume thats why you were condescending to me so im returning the favor <3)#anyway other than this fool thank you all for the supportive asks im glad youre enjoying the banners ! so am i :D #way too soon to tell if theyre working (no radfems yet but i usually get a wave of them every couple months so i wont jump to conclusions)#but just as blog decor theyre already great #there are many many asks though and i dont enjoy when this blog is less fiber craft than other stuff #so im reading each one and appreciating them but please dont be upset that im not responding to them or posting them #i have the first 2 i got in my queue and then i got like 20 more so

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leofrith · 23 days

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💫,☯️,💌?

💫 what is your favourite kind of comment/feedback?

any kind of feedback is good, but i especially love one that points out a bunch of details that you didn't expect people to notice. but they noticed. and then on the other end of the spectrum we have mostly incoherent insults about how horrible i am, which are fun, because i do love when my writing causes emotional distress. 😇

☯️ how do you think engaging with each other through tumblr, twitter, comments, kudos, creates healthy fandom experiences? How do you deal with that if you're not a social person/experience social anxiety?

i mean it depends on what kind of engagement we're talking about obviously, because some kinds of engagement are. not good. but i think it's generally true that even just interacting with the art, fics, etc. that people put out that you like is a great way to motivate them to create more. looking at some of my old catws posts (🤡) last week reminded me just how much more engagement art, fics, etc. used to get, and it definitely made me miss how much more active people used to be on here.

💌 share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

i wanted to try to share something from chapter two of honor bound, but it's in pieces right now. i very much posted the first chapter and have since let it rot for seven months because life stuff/writer's block/imposter syndrome have all conspired to keep me from finishing the next one, and i really need to stop doing this. 😭 anyway here's an excerpt from chapter three of a different kind of solace, which i also keep trying to finish and i PROMISE it's close i promise—

Eivor draws him out of his thoughts with a soft hum. “Perhaps King Ceolwulf may welcome you back into the fold. You are a steadfast warrior and a man of honor—the exact kind of ally that a fledgling king needs by his side.” There was a time when Leofrith would have basked in the praise, bent himself into whatever shape necessary to prove himself deserving of it. Eivor’s suggestion is sound—it would be easy enough to don the role of war-thegn once more if it were offered to him. It would be familiar, comfortable, like slipping into a pair of well-worn boots—and the very opposite of what he wants. The realization startles him. For years, Leofrith has given away pieces of himself, sliver by sliver, cutting and tearing until he was left entirely stripped bare by duty. What he did in Rome was a necessary bloodletting, a purging of what remained of Burgred’s poisonous grip on his life. Eivor has managed to warm him enough that blood pumps anew within his veins, but her presence is only a temporary fire, soon to be extinguished, and he worries what will become of him when he is left alone again. But being freed of his oaths, free to live as he sees fit for the first time since he was a boy is overwhelming, terrifying . . . liberating. And Leofrith cannot remember a time when his own needs or wants held any weight, any importance. Not before last night.

fic writer asks 💖

#i knew i should have just waited to start posting hb until i had a decent backlog of chapters #and ANY fic i write that's longer than a one shot for that matter #but the need for instant gratification got me 🤡#i also have realized that i do this thing where i share a piece of writing and if it gets a good response i become convinced #that anything i put out from that point on will just be disappointing which. is obviously not great for my ability to write #trying to answer these after a few glasses of wine so if it doesn't make sense i'm sorryyyyyyyyy #answer #aeide #ask games

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cherrymoonvol6 · 9 months

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the worst part about flapjack's death is that luz and hunter's friendship died right along with it lmao

#idk it's just funny. TTT goes so fucking far in order to say that luz and hunter have built a strong bond between them #to the point that luz calls him family #then luz is the only one who refuses to fight possessed hunter #she only gets close to him to hug him and do the 'this is not you!' middle school couple trope on him #not only that but flapjack entrusts his powers for luz when he sees what's become of hunter and THAT is what she CHOOSES to do #you know. flapjack who was caleb's palisman. who was there for the entirety of caleb and evelyn's romance to the point that belos-#-considers him a symbol of caleb's betrayal (his love for evelyn)#this is the same flapjack that looks at phillip trying to harm 'caleb' again and decides to literally put his powers in luz's hands #and ultimately his sacrifice means neither caleb or evelyn have to die again #which is kinda confirmed by the way hunter goes like 'there's a reason you and i are alive and here right now and it's because-#-it's our turn to defeat belos' like i didn't even have to reach for this. hunter says it himself #and this is all great and compelling and makes sense except for the fact that the show just forgets about this on the next two episodes #and so where the first episode establishes that luz and hunter are close friends FTF and WAD are like 'do they even know each other?idk idc #and i get to stare at the camera because OBVIOUSLY if hunter and luz were a couple this wouldn't be a problem to begin with #and flapjack's death loses meaning when it turns out that nothing about evelyn or caleb or the previous confrontations between belos and-#-the other grimwalkers has any bearing in the plot anymore #flapjack gave its life to preserve the love that changed the world back then but because it's just never acknowledged it's like. who cares #someone had to die and we can't kill one of the kids #shrugs #sorry i have so much resentment in my heart #but do not get it twisted. it's HILARIOUS to me that TOH is at its most compelling when the lunter/witteclaw parallels are at its strongest #and then shoots itself in the foot when they realize that they paired off both characters with other people #okay that's all i have to say by now #lunter #is this anything

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sovonight · 1 year

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#ohhhhhhh i really do dislike the tonal shift in bg2/tob so much........ and by that i mean mostly in xan's mod 😭#i mean maybe the sense of betrayal and disappointment is immersive but it really leaves me with No idea what to do with him #in my version of radri's story. like. do i do my best even with all the parts i find ooc? do i cherry pick what i want and forget the rest?#and even after all my complaints i keep thinking back to his author. the fact that somehow this is the *intended* experience #currently feeling like the necromancer who resurrected their wife and is convinced she came back wrong but who just never truly knew her #i keep going back to 'estel'amin'. the fact that xan named charname his hope--and then quickly stopped using that name for her #once her bhaalspawn nature continued to affect her life after the conclusion of bg1 #so--basically--i'm to assume that he changed his mind? she's no longer his hope; his light; and if she is it's rare #he just calls her beautiful now; something far more shallow #and the fact that in tob he vacillates between subtly criticizing her for her nature which she has no control over #(and which in radri's case she has never even willingly given in to)--#and attempting to comfort her after her nature makes bad things happen to her & around her #--but then his comfort is once again undermined by the aforementioned shallow compliments #it's coming across as 'i love your body despite what you are in spirit' and really isn't a great look at all #look maybe i'm crazy but in bg1 i got the impression that he was able to accept and move past it fairly quickly #like 'ok you're a bhaalspawn so now let's move into problem solving. obviously i have to quit my job and travel with you full time'#but in bg2 he spends most of his time lamenting about how hard it must be for her to live like this #while also pointing it out as a personal flaw of hers. as if she'd had any say in who her father was #like there are npcs literally shouting 'i hate all bhaalspawn!' and here he is--supposedly her closest supporter--#also subtly saying 'i hate bhaalspawn' right to her face #when literally as a neutral alignment and as a companion of 1-2 years-- he should actually have THE most nuanced take on her???#in bg1 he says murder is unavoidable in the life of an adventurer. then in tob he comments that charname kills everyone haphazardly--#--as though in another jab to her nature. meanwhile as a constant companion he should know better than anyone that it wasn't so simple #idk. i'm almost feeling gaslighted by the narrative in a sense #because when everyone else talks about xan in bg2/tob--including charname via the dialogue options/written internal dialogue--#they say that he's ~gray~ and calm and collected and emotionless etc #meanwhile he's literally the most emotional guy in the game. like. he's freaked out SO many times #so?? how am i supposed to take anything here genuinely?? how am i supposed to engage??? SIGH #anyway today's my first day at my new job and i have to wake up in 2 hours & im certain that i'll be too nervous to eat today #my goal for today is just to not be fired 👍 12 hours from now it will be over...

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aeide-thea · 1 year

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very much an off-the-cuff post so there may well be bugs, i'm still workshopping my thinking here, but—

i seem to see posts fairly regularly in which a member of some marginalized group A is objecting to attempts by less marginalized group B to make connections between discrimination against A and harm experienced by B (the main thing i have in mind here is when people attempt to align themselves with visibly-trans people by pointing out the ways that transphobic legislation also impacts gnc cis people, theatrical crossdressing, &c, but there are definitely also examples along other axes)—

and like. the main objection i've seen from A is 'why do they have to connect my experience to their experience in order to care about it? why can't they just agree that i shouldn't be discriminated against as a matter of, like, compassion for fellow humanity?'

and this reaction does honestly always just seem a little, idk, naive to me?? like, i don't know, it's gotten very popular ime to complain about normies' clumsy attempts to Understand Instead of Just Accepting [this feels potentially linked to like. the way many of us now prefer silently clicking 'like' to producing our own original, maybe clumsy, responses? but don't @ me on that point], probably because a lot of the time they aren't genuinely seeking to Understand but just to point out all the ways our queerness &c doesn't fit their received (unexaminedly conservative) understanding of the world, which feels to us (very reasonably!) like renewed pressure from the establishment to make ourselves fit that established framework, and so we resist… but at the same time, idk, maybe i'm just outing myself as lesser-than-thou here, but for every sort of person i was raised to distrust and have since arrived at genuine loving acceptance/appreciation of, it's involved first coming to understand their frame of reference at least a little? not to say that there isn't a place for shutting up and listening while you're still working to understand, because there definitely is! but i do kind of think this idea that's become popular in certain liberal circles of like, 'you don't have to understand my experience, you just have to respect it,' is fine and true for keeping peace with strangers, but really isn't a recipe for winning friends or influencing people—it's a recipe for keeping people at arm's length where they can't hit you. and then people turn around and want to apply that rule to coalition-building, and get all shocked-pikachu-face when others seek to identify more active points of connection.

...

another ~Radical Objection to Liberal Approaches~ i've seen, though often not specifically in this context (of discussing the way attempts to oppress A have knock-on effects for B), is like—'there's no point in deconstructing their logic because it's fundamentally illogical! insert that sartre quote abt anti-semites!' and like. no, there's absolutely no point in debating their logic with them. but fundamentally when people assert a logical resistance to bigoted positions they are not doing it to Own The Bigots, imo, or at any rate shouldn't be; they're (we're) doing it to reaffirm the basis of their/our own camp's position, namely, we see your knee-jerk fears and reject them; we substitute instead a patient allegiance to logic, that reasons its way into compassion.

that said, obviously there's a conversation to be had here about, like, platforming bad positions, and to what extent deconstructing them is implicitly platforming them! but. i do think that complaining that logic won't win over bigots is missing the very fundamental point that the logic isn't for the bigots: it's for us. we're talking to ourselves; we're affirming ourselves. and yeah, we need to understand that this sort of intra-party discussion doesn't, on its own, constitute sufficient activism! messages need to be communicated beyond the bounds of the party! but i do think i disagree that there's no place for it.

#anyway i'm just sticking this all under a cut bc it got very long and i didn't arrive at a nice tidy overarching conclusion #but i guess i just think like. i'm not convinced that resisting people's attempts to understand a struggle as linked with theirs #is ever going to be a strategy that makes any sense—#i just think it's coming from a place of woundedness that wants its pain to be Seen and Matter In Itself #and not get ignored until someone else is also impacted #and like. that's SO emotionally valid! god! but also like. that's feelings and not a basis for politics???#and the second point here—#which honestly could've been its own post; i was just thinking abt the two points together bc i saw a post that made them together—#really feels to me like. showing up at an internal org meeting and then complaining that it doesn't constitute effective public messaging #like yeah‚ people pass posts around on here that aren't gonna convince conservatives #but like. (a) how much convincing of conservatives do you really think is gonna happen on tumblr anyway?#and also (b) then make your own posts that *are* angled at convincing conservatives! or‚ you know‚ do something that isn't posting!#(in b4 'some of us have disabilities' yeah‚ me too! i emailed my representatives the other day! there's stuff you can do!)#but like. everybody just wants to critique other people's efforts (and obviously as per this very post i'm not immune!)#when it's like. most of what we're doing *isn't* activism—what it could be is the tentative social basis for a real coalition #on which activism could then be founded #but most of us would rather suspiciously snipingly in-fight than let these tentative social filaments thicken into binding ties!#anyway. a great example of a post by someone with adhd that will probably be prohibitively difficult for other ppl with adhd to read!

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