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ganymedesclock · 4 years

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So... What do you think about revisiting Danny phantom in general? Revisiting the fandom I've noticed a lot of fanfic that have Danny's parents finding out his deal rather violently, or generally having more violence/angst than the original show..

I’m assuming you’re sending me this ask because of my recent burst of Danny Phantom art, so, it’s probably not a surprise to say I’m doing a certain amount of revisiting myself, and certainly not about to shame anyone else for it. It was a very dear cartoon to me in many ways and left some enduring hallmarks on my own writing, and I can absolutely understand people feeling the same way.

That said, as someone who’s been in this fandom for a while, albeit quietly- there certainly is a thread of macabre interest in fandom spaces, one I don’t always know that I agree with, especially when it comes to the Fentons.

My personal verdict on the Fenton parents specifically is I think they are not handled fairly by canon. This is a problem that Danny Phantom as a show shares with Fairly Odd Parents, though I would argue the Turner parents in FOP are quite a bit worse at this.

Roughly, I think how the Fenton parents are canonically depicted suffers from a phenomenon that affects many parts of the show: DP, as a series, has a bit of a sense of confused priorities between comedy and drama, and as a result, what’s 'real’ in-universe and what’s “just supposed to be a joke”. The kind of humor that DP tends to spring for is exaggerated or shocking behavior- it also tends to be a humor that hinges on the idea that other people are generally inconvenient to the main character. So humor-characterization is inconsistent here- Jack is negligent until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as overbearing (see: Girl’s Night Out and other cases he desperately wants to bond with Danny) he’s a recluse only loved by his wife until it’s more inconvenient to depict him as having an active social life (Masters Of All Time and that he and Maddie are going to a themed party so they’re dressed ‘weirdly’ in public)

A big victim of this is Jack’s sense that ghosts aren’t people and his desire to dissect them. Because here is the thing: it’s all talk, in the worst way. It hinges on the idea Jack- someone who knows enough of what he’s doing that along with Maddie and, in the past, Vlad- ripped two different holes in reality hard enough to permanently alter someone’s relation to undeath- has never seen a ghost before the series as he says in Mystery Meat.

The series has a big problem where it hinges on the Fentons’ inventions and expertise but also wants to treat them like idiots constantly. And if you notice how much I’m talking exclusively about Jack- that’s part of the problem. Maddie, in many ways, outside of episodes that throw her a bone, despite constantly being told by people she’s too good for Jack, is really treated as an extension of Jack. Masters Of All Time even suggests that her choosing Jack in the first place was just a path of least resistance between her two college friends, and she’d have married whichever one stuck around.

The Fentons are not respected as experts, so Jack is given his ignorant line about dissecting a ghost. The Fentons need to remain exaggerated, ridiculous, an inconvenience to Danny- so they threaten his alter ego and point guns at him, but this is funny and not serious and not a reason to be worried about them as parents, because they are not on Danny’s level. Nobody is ever on Danny’s level. There is literally an episode called The Ultimate Enemy. The antagonist is an evil future Danny. The only person who could ever be Danny’s ultimate nemesis is Danny himself.

And when the series stops milking the Fentons for jokes about how they’re so stupid and how Jack is an idiot and Maddie married that idiot but even she doesn’t respect him even though she loves him and dutifully follows him everywhere and god how can these people care about ghosts they’re so ignorant and out of their league-

-then it kinda shuffles its feet awkwardly and goes, yeah. the Fentons love each other, and love their kids.

Yeah, Jack has framed photographs of Maddie, Jazz, and Danny on his personal workstation.

Yeah, in Mystery Meat Jack was seriously debating walking away from his lifework because it upset one of his kids.

Yeah, every time in canon the Fentons find out Danny’s secret they’re immediately all in supporting him.

Yeah, even not knowing it’s Danny, Jack has an amiable conversation with him in Million Dollar Ghost and the ghost containment units designed by the Fentons get some jokes about that they’re a little cramped but they aren’t horrifying prisons of inhumanity- and as soon as Danny Phantom the ghost boy has a good point, Jack lets him go on purpose.

Yeah, Jack is a competent ghost hunter who can take on Skulker and win as well as beat down the giant lake monster Skulker brought with him in Girls’ Night Out and would do this in a heartbeat, no jokes and no sidetracks, because that monster just chewed on his baby boy and nobody does that to his baby boy.

Yeah, Maternal Instinct is an entire episode of Maddie throwing hands with (or deceiving and manipulating) literally anything she thinks was responsible for getting Danny in this dangerous situation.

...And then the series says “but that’s not funny! Here, have jokes about the Fenton Stockades, that exist and have spikes and Jack wants to put his kids in them for time out, when the spikes apparently don’t hurt given Jack is not injured for being put in there. Here, have a joke about Jack attacking Jazz with a vacuum cleaner because he gets hellbent on the idea she’s possessed for no good reason. Here, have an uncomfortable joke about how badly Jack Fenton wants to vivisect a ghost while it screams. Funny funny funny. Why- why are you flinching?”

It basically creates a comedic situation where the show is constantly winding up like it’s gonna punch you- with the idea that the Fentons are bad parents and this has consequences for Danny and Jazz personally- and then laughs in your face if you flinch. It’ll never actually punch you- but it will sure keep swinging its hand really close to your face and laughing at your reactions.

This is, I’m just gonna say- one of the worst elements of the series, this weird relationship it has with “hahaha are we depicting an abusive family or not? ;)” where its actual point is that Jack Fenton is a person who should be shamed for being overzealous, for caring about this niche field, because nobody cares about ghosts! (unless the entire premise of the show does) Nobody wants to think about ghost science! That’s LAME! (unless Vlad does it)

So I think ultimately this creates a polarizing experience in the fandom. What part of this information do you take?

Do you take, say, my personal approach, which is:

“Hey, so it’s pretty clear and consistent that the Fentons love their kids and wouldn’t hurt them. The Fentons are nice people. They can be obsessive or headstrong but there’s nuanced and salient ways to examine this in the basic framework that they care, both about their family specifically, and in general- and while I think they can have flaws or conflicts with their kids, and with ambient ghosts in the world, I really don’t think they’re in danger of torturing a sapient entity in their basement and it frustrates and annoys me that canon ‘makes a joke’ of them doing these things because it thinks they’re so incompetent that these things are not really malicious actions, when- whether or not you successfully shoot them, it takes a certain kind of person to point a weapon you know is dangerous at something that looks, and talks, like a fourteen-year-old, especially when you’re a parent who has probably at least once in your life worried about something happening to your kids, and the ghost of a teenager means something happened to someone’s kid, in a general sense.

So my end conclusion on the Fentons is I think they are being depicted in a kind of metatextual bad faith, that they are not cruel or malicious people, and in my personal take or understanding on the series, I’d massively dial down those elements, and if any remain, take them seriously as problems they have in their relationships with other people.”

Or do you take an approach more rooted in,

“If the Fentons are shown to be negligent parents they are negligent parents, I’m going to examine and depict them as that, and I find this very hard to forgive, so it’s going to have real and nasty consequences.”

Both are basically valid. The place where I tend to get a little uncomfortable is twofold:

First, I think sometimes people just really want some fictional tragedy to either create or consume, and to that end, you aren’t going to get much juicy drama out of the Fentons being reasonable people. This isn’t evil or unforgivable, but for me, it’s definitely my least favorite fannish content to create or consume. I’m no fan of angst for angst’s sake, and I feel like there’s enough misery and heartbreak in the world that I’m not interested in wallowing in it unless it’s got something interesting to say.

Second- and this is a point I’m gonna be saltier: A lot of abusive Fenton fics that refuse to forgive them for the poorer-taste jokes the series makes, simultaneously give Vlad a blank check, when he has done targetedly malicious things to Danny.

Now- do I also have a more sympathetic read on Vlad, and feel like canon also gives him a bad rap? Yeah! But you can’t have it both ways. You can’t say, “I can’t forgive the Fentons for stuff that was tagged onto them because canon thought it was funny, but I’m gonna editorialize Vlad’s depiction to lionize him as the ideal parent figure for Danny to run into the arms of.”

And the main reason I get so worked up in this, is I feel like Jack in particular (when Maddie is characterized as subordinate to Jack, following his cues, etc., and that’s its own demon) is... characterized as kind of a mocking caricature of traits that I personally recognize as an autistic and ADHD person.

Because the reality is? In many practical ways, I am Jack Fenton.

I like a bunch of weird stuff people find unacceptable or gross, like bugs

I’m hyperlexic (that means I talk, a lot)

Scatterbrained, forget words or where I left something or, sometimes, to do something important

Passionate and excitable including and especially in situations where it’s not normal, or expected, to have this much energy

I absolutely can forget birthdays, even for people I love dearly that mean the world to me! It’s horrible! There’s almost nothing I can do about it! My brain refuses to hold onto this information reliably and no amount of caring fixes it.

And being this way, living like this? My worst nightmare has always been that people think I either don’t care or that I’m just too much of a stupid, flippant buffoon to get right.

The thing about Jack is he’s “a person like me” and he’s “a person like me” who was designed to be a joke. We’re clearly expected to view him as untrustworthy, stupid, just like a big dumb dog of a man who barks in the wrong directions, who sometimes, when it counts, fetches a stick like he’s supposed to. Good job, Lassie. You got little Timmy out of the well.

And I am going to say with certainty and confidence that feeling like this is how people see me is the most unbelievably crushing feeling I have ever experienced in my life. That my excitement and passion means I’m unprofessional, stupid, don’t know what I’m talking about. It’s nearly painful for me, as an adult, to watch Danny Phantom because the show can never get off Jack’s case. And the few times it does, he hauls overtime arduously to make a difference, to help, to build something that will protect others, to put his own life on the line to stop hostile ghosts.

And immediately, then he goes back to being stupid stupid dog man. ha ha. why does his wife love him? no wonder his kids don’t ever want to be seen with him. no wonder his best friend is trying to kill him and he doesn’t even know, the big idiot.

(never mind that we see a scenario where he does know. and admits he would’ve forgiven Vlad anyway. but he can’t forgive Vlad hurting Danny.)

So to rein in this wild tangent: I’m not saying all must love Jack Fenton and despair. I’m not even telling people to hide their angst. If I have a sincere request, it’s this:

If you’re inclined to thinking of Vlad as a cool, troubled, complex person (as I do!) and are haunted by the implications of The Ultimate Enemy specifically for Vlad, that when Danny lost everyone else in his life that Vlad really genuinely tried to help, and was not gloating and happy and victorious to have Danny as his protege, and when that went badly, he was haunted to the end of his days by not having been able to help-

-but immediately turn around and think Jack is just a rotten awful person who’d absolutely hurt his own kid in spite of canon to the contrary (when there’s just as much, if not more, canon of Vlad being willfully hostile)

It might be good to examine why you’re feeling this way, and if this might not come down to the fact that even when canon has people call Vlad a desperately lonely fruit loop, it has a lot more respect for him than it does for Jack, and this isn’t because it’s actually taking a stance against any of the qualities it gave Jack that someone might find disagreeable- it’s because Jack’s just “a big old fat idiot nobody likes, right?”

and that’s... not something comfy to buy into.

#Danny Phantom #readmore #long post #I have a lot of feelings about the fenton parents #and about how generally cartoons like to normalize child abuse in the context of jokes #and this creates a very upsetting similarity between parents who are otherwise characterized as good and reliable #but given these jokes anyway #and parents who genuinely seem really nasty #but it's tied up in a bow with 'it's Just A Joke'#Anonymous

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thisisthepartwhereyou · 4 years

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BEASTARS MINI-STORY #5: “Everybody Play the Game pt. 5” (FIN) by JCL

---

Haru, Legosi and the 701s are standing on the street outside of Yanni's, with Yanni himself talking to them with a nervous look.

TEXT BOX: We were asked to leave after that, despite the fact that we didn't start the fight. We were also asked not to come back.

In the background we see that Mizuchi, Melissa and Mica are still stuck between the door and the wall, while two repairmen are working on unscrewing the hinges.

TEXT BOX: We didn't really protest much, for we had already been there for quite a bit, and after all that, we just felt tired of playing games. ---

Later, we see that the group are now travelling by tram-train. There are not many other travelers in the wagon, so they have proceeded to take up six seats alongside the windows. Through the city we can see the city pass by.

MIGUNO: "Damn that was intense...!"

Durham gives Legosi an impressed look.

DURHAM: "Yeah, when you turned up, I swear one of those girls must've pissed themselves! Man, even I was scared by the threatening aura you were giving off!"

Legosi looks like he does not see that as a good thing.

LEGOSI: "...!"

The coyote then looks down at Haru (who is sitting between Collot and Legosi) and makes a boxing motion into the air.

DURHAM: "And you, you slapped the fur outta that girl's face!"

HARU: "Yeah, well, I didn't like what she was saying..."

Collot, who is sitting next to Haru, gives her an approving little pat on the back, which almost makes her fall forward.

COLLOT: "You were totes badass, babe."

She sweat drops at this, while Legosi, who is sitting on Haru's other side, gives the sheep hound a look of disapproval.

LEGOSI: "Oi, you're gonna make fall out of her seat."

Voss, who is sitting next to Collot, follows up with his own impressed words.

VOSS: "I was aroused!"

Jack shakes his head at Voss inappropriate behavior.

JACK: "Class Voss, class...!"

HARU: "M-hm..."

The boys quiet down and look at Haru sideways from their seats. They notice that she is looking kind of depressed. Legosi watches her with a concerned expression.

LEGOSI: "Haru, are you alright?"

Haru's right ear twitches a little.

HARU: "Yes... Well, not really. It's just... One would think I'd be happier to hand it to those girls. I mean, hitting her felt really-really good. But now I just feel bad about it."

MIGUNO: "Why? They were the ones who started trippin'!"

HARU: "Yes... But just so you know, she was right about something: I did sleep around when was in Cherryton, and I did break a lot of relationships."

This seems to surprise the 701s a bit. Legosi stare at Haru as she continues to talk.

HARU: "I couldn't help but to think of that thing about karma, where it comes back to bite you at the most unexpected of times. Feels like that fits in pretty well here. After all, I was the succubus of the gardening club, who devoured young males and then spit them back out by choice... Sounds like a solid case of cause and consequence to me."

Jack blinks. He looks regretful for bringing up karma, now that it appears to be a source of sadness for Haru.

LEGOSI: "You were more than that!"

Legosi stands up, surprising the group. He looks upset.

LEGOSI: "If they really would have loved each other, they would have stayed with them or at least talked their problems out. Blaming you rather than their own issues is not right! It's petty!"

Haru blinks and gives Legosi a patient look.

HARU: "Legosi... That's not how it works. The first thing a girl thinks of when she finds out that her boyfriend is messing around is herself. She asks: 'what did I do wrong' or 'what makes this girl better than me'?"

The tram then passes through a tunnel; the city outside disappears. It goes darker in the tram, the remaining light coming from the electric lights above the walkway. A shadow goes over Haru's face.

HARU: "That's why it's easier to imagine this 'other girl' being the one at fault, because an external problem is always easier to deal with. It can be pushed around. It doesn't make you question yourself. It's never your fault if there's a villain to deal with."

Legosi looks upset by this, cause it seems like Haru is trying to justify her mistreatment.

LEGOSI: "That doesn't make it right!"

HARU: "There are many things that aren't right Legosi, but they happen anyway! High school bullies ruining a pleasant evening for shit that happened years ago isn't right, but it happened didn't it, because of ME!"

Legosi and the boys look surprised by this outburst. Haru then looks sad.

HARU: "I never deliberately broke a relationship or or sought boyfriends out... I always figured that I was not half as bad as them or their girlfriends for being more angry at me than at them. But, maybe it would have been better if I had rejected them. I never imagined that someone would still be so angry because of me... She was unnecessarily rude to you, and I can't help but to feel that it was my fault that she was like that. I don't care what those girls think about me, but I don't like it when others take the brunt for it. Especially people whose only crime was to be nice to me."

The tram comes out of the tunnel. We see the city through the windows again, and the tram is now lighter. Haru gives the 701s an apologetic look.

HARU: "I'm sorry about getting you thrown out and barred."

She then meets their looks, looking like she is expecting them to see her in a different light after what she has told them.

JACK: "You have nothing to feel sorry about. You stood up for us back there."

Haru gives off an uncertain expression.

HARU: "That... It was nothing."

JACK: "It was more than you think!"

DURHAM: "Yeah, no herbivore has ever done that for us before."

Haru shakes her head though, unable to take the compliment.

HARU: "But I caused a scene and got you barred!"

Jack waves this off.

JACK: "Eh, that's not a big loss. I mean the atmosphere was just not up to par anymore and board games are pretty square anyways. We should just go to the arcade next time."

Collot interjects at this though, giving Haru and excited expression.

COLLOT: "No, bowling! We gotta go bowling!"

VOSS: "Not before we see something at Biorama. I vote for that new dinosaur-film! What do you think Haru-chan?"

Haru looks increasingly surprised as the 701s all suggest places where to go next time.

MIGUNO: "Karoake bar! We haven't been there in like forever!"

DURHAM: "Mini-golf!"

Haru and Legosi stare at the the guys as they argue about where they all should go next time they meet.

HARU: (They're already talking about where they want to go with us next time?)

Legosi sits down next to Haru again. The two smile warmly at the boys. ---

Skipping ahead for a bit, we see that the tram has stopped at the train station. Haru and Legosi is stepping off, having reached their destination. The 701s all wave their goodbyes to Haru.

COLLOT: "Hope to see you again soon!"

VOSS: "Remember to show me how to do that ear-trick next time!"

DURHAM: "Take care of that big lug in the meantime, or else he'll get into trouble!"

Haru laughs, while Legosi look a little bothered by being called 'lug.'

HARU: "It's a promise!"

Jack gives her a kind smile.

JACK: "Take care of yourself till we meet again."

Haru smiles back, though she also has a bit of a concerned look as she gives Jack a reply.

HARU: "As long as you promise to do the same."

Haru and Legosi go out, with the door soon closing behind them, and the tram proceeds to go. Suddenly, they hear a banging noise coming from behind them. They turn and see that the 701s are banging against the window and waving and saying goodbye excitedly. Legosi and Haru smile and wave back as the train passes and eventually disappears out of sight.

As they proceed to walk through the train station, walking down the steps towards the exit, Legosi turns to Haru.

LEGOSI: "So what do you think?"

HARU: "Well I understand why you're thorn. They're all so nice."

She hugs the Danny-doll a little tighter, thinking back to how Jack helped her get it.

HARU: "Though if I had to make a choice, I think like you: Jack should be your best man. Not that the others couldn't do a great job, but you two have the longest history."

LEGOSI: "I know. It's just that I hate the idea to make people feel less for selecting just one of them...!"

HARU: "They're still gonna be your groomsmen. And who knows, maybe Miguno and his band could lend their services at the reception. What kind of music do they play?"

LEGOSI: "Alternative Punk Rock."

Haru gets a disdainful look.

HARU: "Yikes... I wonder what kind of wedding march that might lead to... What about the stag party?"

Legosi stops as he reaches the end of the stairs. He gets a disdainful expression.

LEGOSI: "I dunno if I'd even like one..."

HARU: "Oh come on, its your right. Surely one of the guys could organize something for you?"

Legosi, noticing that the shoe on his right foot is untied, kneels down and begins to tie it.

LEGOSI: "Well, I suppose... Though I have to ask them about being my groomsmen first. I mean they don't even know we're engaged. But before any of that, we should probably tell our families."

Haru walks down and joins Legosi at the end of the stairs, looking him excitedly.

HARU: "Such as when we meet your grandfather?"

With his shoe tied, Legosi stands up.

LEGOSI: "Feels like a good time for that."

Haru stares up Legosi. He meets her look and blinks.

LEGOSI: "What?"

HARU: "Can I... Try something?"

LEGOSI: "Try what?"

Looking around, she then beckons him with a finger, gesturing him to come down to her level.

HARU: "Come down here."

Legosi crouches down. Haru then gets close and whispers something into his ear. Legosi's eyes widen at whatever she just said.

LEGOSI: "Are you-" ---

DURHAM: "-KIDDING?!"

We see the 701s as they continue to travel by tram. Durham and the others are giving off incredulous looks directed at Collot, who has put his hands behind his head in a relaxed pose.

COLLOT: "Yeah... I mean if they're anything like Haru, dating herbivores mustn't be that bad. You see, she made me realize something tonight:"

He raises a clenched fist and showcases a dramatic, convicted pose.

COLLOT: "As long as a girl is nice, has a pretty face, a fine rack and decent butt, it doesn't matter what species they are... They should all have an equal right to some COLLOT!"

Jack looks like he cannot even compute what he has just heard.

JACK: "I... I don't know if that is open-minded or just new levels of objectification."

DURHAM: "Yeah, it sounds more like it was your dick who learned a lesson tonight."

Collot gives off a jovial laugh.

COLLOT: "Heh!"

DURHAM: "Although... I can understand it better now. I mean I am still a little mind-boggled as to how it works, but now I at least understand the attraction. She's quite exciting, that one..!"

Collot nods.

COLLOT: "She's a little firecracker, that's for sure."

MIGUNO: "But still perfectly pleasant, like you said Jack."

VOSS: "And hot. A little small for me though..."

Jack gets a contemplative expression.

JACK: "..." ---

We enter a short flashback, where we see Haru talking to Jack back at Yanni's.

FLASHBACK-HARU: "When I am with him, I feel neither scared or sad." ---

JACK: "Yeah, I like her."

Miguno nods.

MIGUNO: "Same for me."

Voss crosses his arms.

VOSS: "If Legosi makes her cry, I'll kick his ass."

Durham mimics the fennec's gesture.

DURHAM: "And I'll join you."

Collot, sporting a goofy grin, leans his chin in his hand.

COLLOT: "I like her personality AND her cinnamon buns!" ---

We see a crowd of people from a bird's eye point of view in the street, staring up at something with weirded out looks.

HARU: "I got to admit... Voss was right."

LEGOSI: "M-hm...!"

We then see what it is all about: Legosi is walking through the street while Haru is sitting on his shoulder in the same manner that Voss usually does with Collot. Haru looks like she is really enjoying herself, while Legosi looks uncomfortable.

HARU: "This is pretty damn awesome!"

LEGOSI: (I feel like a rookie father carrying his kid on his shoulder!)

THE END... FOR NOW ---

#beastars #fanfiction #script style #haru #legosi #jack #miguno #collot #voss #durham #grey wolf #fennec fox #dwarf rabbit #spotted hyena #sheephound #coyote

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jennifersylvesters · 5 years

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not so subtle - part three

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x reader Word Count: 4.3k~ Warning: swearing A/N: meant to post this yesterday, but was a bit overwhelmed with interviews. i actually immensely enjoyed working on this part, especially because i got to add more dialogue this time around. this is a halloween part aka me trying to get caught up to the current holiday shenanigans. as always, feedback is always appreciated/loved aka give me validation

If there a holiday that reigned supreme in your mind, it was definitely Halloween. An excuse to watch themed movies and binge out on sweets? Who could say no to that? And with the day after making it possible to purchase discounted candy, it made Halloween the ultimate holiday that keeps on giving.

While you didn’t discuss it, you secretly loved dressing up for Halloween. You liked being able to wear absurd outfits that you normally wouldn’t be able to wear besides that specific day. And ever since freshman year of college, you enjoyed the freedom of wearing a revealing costume without the consequence of your parents insisting that you change into warmer clothes. You liked how some guys would get hot and bothered by your outfit, often flirting like mad with you. Of course you couldn’t flirt for to save your life, but the attention was nice. And it was true what they said in Mean Girls: “Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.”

This year you had been invited to tag along to one of the biggest Halloween bashes in Hollywood. Naturally your excitement had been at an all time high knowing that big celebrities would be in attendance. But it meant that you needed to step your costume game up. You couldn’t just go to a regular party store and grab whatever flattered you best. No, you needed something fun yet clever. It had to be appealing yet not generic that others could be wearing the same thing. You wanted to get attention on you, having guys ridiculously into you.

When you received your costume, you knew no one else would be wearing that, and that attention would definitely be on you. Except it wasn’t the way you hoped it would happen. Thanks a lot, Tom Holland.

Honestly it shouldn’t have come as a surprise that Tom’s gestures of goodwill were now the worst. Long gone were the days of him just spotting you cash or comping your meals. Ever since the laundromat incident, he seemed determined to make it up to you. They just never turned out the way he hoped. The time he sent you a box of handmade chocolates? You just about choked to death when you realized he used salt instead of sugar. Those nice flowers he sent to your apartment? Turns out you were allergic to Peruvian lilies; the flowers made you break out like crazy.

Unless Emma’s name was attached to whatever excitement Tom seemed giddy about, it usually ended up a disaster. Your costume choice definitely fell into that category.

When you shared how ecstatic you were about getting to join Emma and Tom, you couldn’t help but wonder aloud what costume you should get. It was at that moment that Tom quickly volunteered to get you a costume. Naturally you hesitated. With how previous accidents had progressed, you couldn’t imagine things ending well in this scenario. You didn’t want to mess up this huge opportunity. But when Tom insisted you wouldn’t regret it, eyes pleading for you to take another chance, you reluctantly gave in.

Now you were wishing you hadn’t.

“How does someone get teletubby and tomb raider mixed up?” you seethed, stumbling around your apartment building. Your costume came the day of Halloween, the huge package arriving at your doorstep. Tom and Emma insisted you waited until they got there so they could watch your surprised expression. And surprised you were. Along with confused and angry.

Though Tom promised to get you a sexy costume, you had been delivered a bright red teletubby costume. Tom stammered as he claimed he ordered a Lara Croft outfit for you. Emma managed to convince you to at least try on the costume, stating you might actually like it when you wore it. Ha ha. Yeah right. If anything, it made your blood boil looking at how childish you looked.

“You look really cute!” Kimberly complimented your costume as you huffed around, trying to get used to the absurd amount of space it took up.

“That’s cause you’re wearing a costume you actually like” you snapped, turning to your roommate who currently wore a vagina costume. Honestly you weren’t even aware those existed till she proudly displayed it a week ago.

“I can now properly show boys where the clitoris is” she announced defiantly. “Who else can say their costume is a teaching moment?”

“Who would wanna say their costume is a teaching moment?” you grumbled under your breath.

“Teachers potentially. Maybe possibly even historians” she replied quickly, causing your irritation to rise.

“I think Kimmy’s costume is quite clever” her girlfriend, Sarah, piped up from the living room couch.

“Are you Sherlock Holmes?” Tom asked, eying Sarah’s ensemble. She tipped her deerstalker hat his direction as she flashed him a toothy grin.

“Ding ding. You are correct, Danny Zuko” Sarah responded. Tom beamed, pleased at himself that he got her costume right as well as her recognizing his attire. For the party he slicked back his hair like a greaser and gussied up as a member of the T Birds. If it wasn’t for his blunder, you might’ve complimented him. But he was currently on your shit list, which meant absolutely no compliments.

“Hope you don’t mind me asking, but why Sherlock Holmes?” Tom questioned, curiosity getting the best of him.

Sarah and Kimberly exchanged glances and sly smiles before Sarah turned to Tom. “Oh, you know. Just so when boys try to hit on me, I can say I’m on the case to find my heterosexuality which plot twist: it doesn’t exist.”

“Or you could do ‘I’ve just solved the case of whether or not this flirting works out in your favor. Turns out I will absolutely not be going home with you tonight’” Kimberly piped up. The two of them high fived one another before breaking out into giggles.

Even when the pair were being weird, you couldn’t deny how cute they were. Still, you were upset that you looked like a children's program character instead of a sexy goddess. Somehow your anger wasn’t just limited to Tom but to those having a better time in general.

“So you’re a vagina and Sherlock Holmes” you stated flatly. “You could’ve been Watson, Kimberly. Or a goddamn vagina and penis.” Both of them made a face at the latter body part. “Or fine! Two vaginas then! But nooo, you had to go and be a vagina and Sherlock Holmes. God, you guys are so weird” you rolled your eyes.

“We wanted to defy the typical costume choices, Y/N. And we’re just party hopping down Greek row with our friends; it’s not like we plan on impressing anyone. We just wanna have fun” Kimberly explained as she took Sarah’s hand in hers. She understood that your frustrations were misdirected so she kept her voice steady and patient.

Unlike you, Kimberly turned down Tom’s invitation to the Hollywood party. She had no interest in mingling with celebrities who would probably expect her to know their name. You knew how terrible she could get about differentiating the Chris’s.

“I mean, it is a bit strange of costume choice” Tom commented, attempting to take your side. He hoped that if he showed a bit of camaraderie, you might be a little more forgiving towards his blunder. Haha. Not today, Thomas.

“Says the kid who couldn’t tell the difference between tomb raider and teletubby” you snapped, hands resting on your waist irritatedly. Well, it rested on where your waist would be. The gigantic costume made it difficult for you to distinguish where any of your curves were.

“And how well do you know the female anatomy, Tom? Would you like to point out where the clitoris is on my costume?” Kimberly asked, something in her voice clearly egging him on. He knew better than to try and point out something like that, especially if he got it wrong; he would never live down that humiliation. So he shook his head and refused to make eye contact with either of you. The male took a seat on the couch next to Sarah who just laughed and patted his shoulder.

As Tom sullenly moped on the couch, Emma pulled you aside to your room.

“He meant well, Y/N” she attempted to reassure you.

“Yeah, that seems to be the typical Tom excuse at this point.” She gave you a look, letting you know to cool it.

“I get it. Obviously this isn’t the look you were going for-”

“Yeah, no kidding” you muttered under your breath.

“-But Tom was trying, okay? He really just wants to make you happy because he cares about you. He would not have gone through all that effort just to screw you over on purpose.” You knew she was right, but you just grumbled. “Tom thinks of you as a good friend, and you know he feels really bad about this.” Yeah yeah. “Just don’t hold this against him. Please? For me?”

Everything she was saying made sense, but a part of you wanted to hold on to your anger for just a little longer. Emma looked at you, waiting for a response. Letting out a dramatic groan, you nodded your head.

“Listen, Tom’s mistake aside, you are the cutest teletubby.”

“This isn’t exactly a sexy costume, Ems” you pointed out, but she persisted.

“Someone out there isn’t gonna care about sexy costumes. They’re just gonna think ‘wow! I cannot get over that adorable teletubby’. And they’re gonna want to get with you.”

“I feel like I should be worried about any guy that wants to hook up with a teletubby.” She rolled your eyes playfully at your comment.

“Someone out there is gonna agree with me and know you’re the cutest teletubby. You’re gonna be all that matters to them, Y/N. It’s not gonna be about the outfit; it’s going to be about you” she continued. “So do me a favor and not stay mad at Tom? Because your costume is gonna attract the person who’s right for you.”

The two of you shared a smile as she gently rubbed your mitten covered hand. “Danny Zuko’s really lucky to have you, Sandy” you joked.

Emma smiled and shrugged pretending to act nonchalant. “Oh, you know. Sandra Dee is truly the best” she responded as she flipped the synthetic hair of her wig.

The two of you headed out of your room and back into your living room only to come upon the sight of Sarah and Kimberly chanting for Tom to point out the clitoris. He looked downright miserable and unsure of himself. You snickered under your breath as Emma told the pair to knock it off.

Ten minutes later a large van came to pick all of you up to take you to the party. You could feel your jitters getting the best of you as you knee rapidly bounced up and down. “You look really great” Tom chimed as the vehicle came to a stop near the party entrance. You grunted out a ‘thanks’, knowing he only said that to make you feel better. Too bad it wasn’t working.

As soon as the car door opened, you hustled to make it in to the building. The last thing you wanted were paparazzi snapping photos of you as a guest. “Please don’t let me become a meme” you prayed as someone snapped a photo of you.

The building was packed, filled with star studded faces. You got multiple glances from those around you, but it wasn’t the way you hoped. Instead of “I’m totally into that chick” vibes, you received “that’s a massive teletubby” looks. You waddled around wishing something would just go right around celebrities for once.

Making your way towards the open bar, you felt something yank on your leg. Turning you spotted a small child in a dinosaur costume. “Erm, hello?” you greeted the girl as she gazed up at you in awe.

“Are you Po?” she asked, her tone hopeful you would say yes.

“I guess I am” you replied. Technically you were wearing a Po costume, which made you Po. You figured it wouldn’t be lying.

The girl’s face lit up as she proceeded to hug you. “Will you come meet daddy with me? Please?” she looked up from her tight hold.

You knew you shouldn’t get involved. After all, you didn’t even know this kid. Plus you just wanted to drink the night away if you weren’t going to enjoy your usual Halloween flirtations. You decided that you had to be firm and just say no. “Okay?” Crap.

Somehow she managed to convince you to pick her up as the two of you searched for her dad. “I’m India” she introduced herself.

“Very nice to meet you, India. Would you mind telling me where your father is now?”

“I think he’s around there” she gestured to your left and you followed her direction. “Oh! He’s right there!” she screeched as she pointed straight ahead. You winced at the shrillness ringing in your ear. “Daddy!” she squealed as she waved to a man also wearing a dinosaur costume. As her father turned around, you nearly dropped her as you realized who he was.

“Oh, there’s where you’ve been!” Chris Hemsworth called out as he approached you and his daughter.

“Y-You...You Thor” you croaked out, gesturing randomly with your free hand.

“That I am” he proudly agreed, taking no mind to your nervousness. “And are you taking care of my little girl?”

Right as you were about to say no, India chimed “Yes! Po is the best!” What the-

Two smaller children, one dressed up as a Dalmatian while the other wore a rhino costume, approached you eagerly. “It’s Po!” one of them cried out excitedly.

“Ah, it seems they’ve also taking a liking to you as well” Chris noted, watching as his twins comfortably moved to hold on to your legs. “I’m sure you wouldn’t mind the two boys tagging along as well.”

“I-uh-I” you stuttered, unsure of what to say. It sure looked as if you were a caretaker with the way they all clung to you. Were you even allowed to say no to Thor?

“Excellent! Glad to know they are in capable hands” he clapped his hands in delight, ignoring that you hadn’t actually gave an answer. He rustled his eldest child’s hair as he headed off.

“Alright then” you weakly called out to no one in particular. Sasha wrapped his chubby arms around your left leg as Tristan tugged on your other leg. Oh boy. You definitely weren’t expecting this. Letting out a deep sigh, you figured you could babysit for a bit. After all, it couldn’t be that hard.

What started off as just playing with three children ended up escalating to multiple kids. Apparently no child could resist the idea of playing with Po. You weren’t even sure how, but one child - whose damn demon of a child was it? - managed to climb your back and yanked viciously on your round antenna. You just about flung him off before remembering children were living human beings with parents that could easily sue you. Nope. Don’t want that.

So you did your best to entertain them, feeling yourself getting drained by their unwavering energy. Who the hell decided to hop these children on sugar? “Pick me up again!” India demanded, waving her arms up towards you.

“Say ‘please’” you instructed. If you were going to be their play friend, you at least wanted to get a decent amount of respect.

“Pleaaaase” she pleaded, hands grasping at the air wanting desperately to be carried.

“Good job, kiddo” you praised her as you picked her up and gently bounced her up and down. She giggled at your actions, clearly enjoying herself. Well, at least one of us is having a good time. All you wanted was to look and feel sexy for tonight, but obviously that went down the drain. Damn.

Out of the corner of your eye, you spotted Harrison walking around the building. No surprise that he chose a costume that showed off his abs, choosing to dress up as a gladiator. He really only sported the top armor, going mostly shirtless and causing girls to gawk and fawn over him. In some ways you were jealous that he got to flaunt something while you were being mobbed by children. But mostly your mind repeatedly played the same sentence: Fuck Harrison Osterfield’s gladiator costume.

About an hour of being the children's companion, you managed to wrangle them off of you when you could feel your bladder getting full. With the massive costume, you knew there was no way you could get into the women’s restrooms without constantly bumping and potentially angering someone. So you settled for occupying one of the bigger family restrooms with single occupancy.

Except you couldn’t use the actual toilet. Thanks to all the stuffing in the suit, you struggled to grab the zipper at the back. You swore under your breath as your hands swatted towards the zipper, unable to grab it. You fumbled around, trying to figure a way out so you could enjoy the sweet release of peeing.

Bam! The bathroom door swung open and you yelped in surprise as a girl in a playboy bunny costume stumbled in. You internally cursed yourself for forgetting to lock the door. Well at least it was only her.

Psych. The girl dragged someone else by the hand, pulling none other than Harrison into your view.

“Oops!” the woman chirped as she spotted you.

“Oh, sorry m-PFFFTT” Harrison begun to apologize to who he assumed was a stranger but absolutely lost it at the sight of you. Your face turned as red as the costume, completely embarrassed in front of him.

Harrison’s female company tugged on his hand, clearly wanting to leave, but he couldn’t stop laughing. He howled loudly, squatting as tears came out of his eyes from laughing so hard.

You couldn’t get fast out of there enough.

No seriously. You actually couldn’t. The costume made it difficult for you to slip between the pair. So you awkwardly stood in front of them, shifting from leg to leg, still needing to pee like crazy.

The playboy bunny obviously did not find the situation as hilarious as Harrison. To her you were just some stranger in a childish costume. She let go of his hand and with a flip of her hair, she left. Harrison didn’t bother stopping her as he let his now free hand rest on his knee. He stood up slowly, still chuckling every couple seconds.

“Oh, man. I really needed a good laugh” he grinned, wiping away tears from his eyes.

“Great. And I really need Emma. So can you get out of here and go get her for me?” you asked impatiently. Despite asking him for a favor, your constant irritation with him never wavered.

“What’d you need Emma for? So you can get laughed at some more?” His grin widened, and you shoved his shoulder.

“No, smartass. I need to pee.” He raised an eyebrow, and you continued. “I can’t get this stupid zipper down, and I need her help so I can finally use the restroom.”

“Well jeez, Lil Skunk. I can help with that” he pointed out. Oh. This was true.

You really didn’t want him around you in general, but the choice of denying his help was outweighed by your need to use the toilet. “Fine” you conceded with a huff.

“All you have to do is ask me nicely” he added, a mischievous look dancing in his eyes.

“Are you kidding me?” you snapped. Of course Harrison Osterfield would come with terms and conditions for kindness. Obviously the laundromat incident must’ve been a fluke. Or perhaps he had a concussion that night which made him unaware of how kind he could actually be without special circumstances attached. That sounds about right.

“C’mon now. Not too difficult” he commented, crossing his arms as he waited for your polite attitude.

Maybe it was better to just pee in this costume. Kids did it all the time. You could join their league.

“Y/N, all you have to do is say ‘Harrison, I would love for you to help me out sooo much’” he assured you, knowing full well it would drive you mad.

“Osterfield. Help me before I pee in this costume” you gritted out.

“Say please” he called out in a singsong voice.

“Fuck you.”

“That’s not the magical word, Y/N” he tutted, shaking his head in fake disappointment.

“I’m gonna kill you, Osterfield” you fumed on the verge of murdering him.

“All you gotta do is say please.” It sounded so simple, yet you struggled to say that one word he craved to hear.

You furrowed your brows, glaring at his easygoing disposition. Had anyone ever been strangled by a teletubby before? Maybe tonight would be the night.

“Please” you finally caved.

“Of course, Lil Skunk. Anything for you.” He batted his eyelashes innocently. Fuck this guy.

You yanked off the costume head before turning around so he could unzip you. Within a couple of seconds, he easily slid the zipper down despite you struggling earlier for what felt like eternity. You let out a sigh of relief as you finally felt the weight of the costume sliding off.

Harrison’s eyes widened as you stepped out of the costume, surprised to see you wearing nothing but a lacy slip and nice lingerie. Before he could comment, you bunched up the costume and turned around to face him.

“Move it, Osterfield!” you barked, shoving the costume in his arms. “Just wait outside with the costume. Now get out so I can finally pee!” you informed him as you pushed him out of the bathroom.

Once you finished your business, you peeked your head out of the bathroom. Some part of you wondered if Harrison took off without a second thought. You wouldn’t put it past him to play a trick on you, especially on such a fitting night. Yet he stood outside the bathroom, peering at you when you opened the door. He smiled, head tilted ever so slightly as he took in your appearance. “Should I call you Lil Teletubby from now on?” he teased.

“Fuck off” you grumbled as you opened the door further to let him in.

He shut the door and locked it before helping you put back on your costume. Your right hand weighed on his bicep as you concentrated on slipping back into the suit. No notice was paid as Harrison eyed your figure. Yanking up the top portion, you shimmied slightly to get comfortable before he zipped you up.

Plopping the head back on, your costume was now complete once more. You waddled out of the bathroom with Harrison, making your way back to the festivities.

“You wanna tell me now or shall I wait for Tom?” he inquired, gently bumping your padded shoulder. You groaned, deciding to just explain what happened. You knew if he asked his best friend, the endless stream of “I’m sorry” texts would follow in suit. No thank you.

“Tom decided to order my costume. Made a mistake and chose teletubby instead of tomb raider. How one does that I have no idea. But he somehow did. So now I’m wearing this” you summarized up the predicament that fell upon you.

“That div” he chuckled. “Well, the costume certainly fits your personality.”

“Go fuck yourself, Osterfield.”

“C’mon. That was a good one. I deserve at least a high five for that.”

“What you deserve a swift kick in the nuts. And you’re definitely making me want to do that.” He laughed, obviously unbothered by your potential threat.

“Y’know, you didn’t have to wear that.” You grunted as he proceeded to gesture to the party goers. “I mean, look around. You could’ve just thrown on a pair of cat ears with your” -he paused, clearing his throat- “uh, outfit underneath your costume. You could’ve called it a day with just that.”

“What’s your point, Lil Shit?”

“I just wanna know why you wore that costume.”

Your brows furrowed as you stopped walking, trying to figure out your answer. Harrison hovered a couple inches away, watching you piece your thoughts together.

“I mean, as much as I’m not a fan of the costume, Emma was right about Tom. He put a lot of effort into trying to help me out” you admitted before giving your best casual shrug. “I dunno. I just don’t wanna feel ungrateful to such a nice guy, even if this definitely is in the top five dumbest things he’s done. Like there’s no way I would’ve been able to come here to a cool place like this if it wasn’t for him. And I mean, hey. There’s always next Halloween, right?”

Harrison leaned over and before you could even process what was happening, he kissed you tenderly on the cheek. “That’s very kind of you, love.” It was the second time he’s called you by that name, catching you by surprise. There was something soft and tender in his voice, making you feel special for the first time tonight.

Your heart raced as you bit down on your lip and you found yourself getting self conscious around him. Your eyes locked with one another and you took in the brightest blue eyes imaginable. Was he always this gentle? His eyes glanced at your lips, now gently parted and slightly glossy. Harrison turned away, rubbing the back of his neck.

That’s when you saw it: Harrison was blushing. The consistently cocky Harrison was getting red in the face. And it was over you? You didn’t even think that was a possibility, especially in your current state.

“See ya” he called out in a gravelly tone as he walked away, still refusing to make eye contact with you.

You watched his figure disappear into the crowd and were left with one question: what the hell just happened?

tag list: @sleepybesson, @butithasntkilledyouyet, @chims-kookies , @choke-me-sweet-pea, @highladyjel, @sleepwalkingdragon, @soccerstud004, @spider-mendes, @thefallenbibliophilequote

part four

#harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield x you #harrison osterfield x y/n #haz osterfield #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield x you #haz osterfield x y/n #haz osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield fic #harrison osterfield fanfiction #haz osterfield fic #haz osterfield fanfiction #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fic #my writing #fic: not so subtle

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fountainpenguin · 5 years

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What do you think of TUFF Puppy? I see a lot of people give it flack for one reason or another, but do YOU think that’s warranted? Would you recommend the show at all? Hopefully that’s not a loaded questions. Thanks!

I was able to watch the show with my free 1-month trial on Hulu (as opposed to buying the episodes on Amazon or something), so that’s always nice, and it was a good way to keep entertained during my study breaks this semester.

I previously wrote out my general thoughts about “T.U.F.F.” in THIS post just after I finished my binge-watchif you’d like to read that too. I can expand on some thoughts in more detail more below the cut.

“T.U.F.F. Puppy” isn’t the first show that pops into my head as a recommendation for its genre (“WordGirl” is the superior crime-fighting cartoon in my mind). When it comes to secret agents, I do enjoy a good “Bruno the Kid” for its wit, slow burn character development, and the fact that some of its villains legitimately die. And when it comes to cartoons that really explore animal behavior and what it would be like to live in an anthro animal world, I’d point first to “My Gym Partner’s a Monkey.”

But for what it’s worth, “T.U.F.F. Puppy” was enjoyable. It didn’t feel like a repetitive Monster of the Week show and it had its share of fun and engaging plots. There were some worldbuilding elements I really enjoyed (such as laws protecting endangered species - including villains - and the aquarium doubling as prison for aquatic criminals). There were some fun animal behaviors that I enjoyed seeing anthropormorphized, such as Kitty bringing people dead mice to express affection and the Chief (who is a flea) sneaking drinks of Keswick’s blood when he gets hungry. Many of the jokes were creative and worked for me- for example, a background character ended up committing crimes solo for a day because his usual partners in crime were on jury duty.

It is a show aimed at 7-year-olds, so it has its share of simplistic characterizations, crude humor, and a preference for action over long-term character development. And blood. There will be blood.There are a few continuity issues as well, but they’re pretty minor details. If you’ve enjoyed the other Hartman shows and are itching for something to watch this summer, it’s a fun choice if you can find it for free. I will say that now that I’ve watched it, it’s fair game for headcanons and ‘fic allusions.

I’ve been re-watching the series with my little brother (skipping around to see my favorites instead of going chronologically this time) and it’s been enjoyable. He’s gotten really into it and we like quoting random lines at each other (There’s an entire song about how to defuse a nuclear bomb that we’re particularly fond of).

The way I see it, if you go into it with an open mind, you’ll enjoy it, and if you go into it looking for reasons to dislike it, you’ll find them. I’ve been thinking about it for a few weeks now and I think that “T.U.F.F.” might actually be my second favorite of the Hartman shows. I’m more biology-minded than tech-minded and worldbuilding-oriented than action-oriented. I could never get interested in much about “Danny Phantom” except Youngblood psychology, and as much as I adore Mikey being a manipulative narcissist, the rest of “Bunsen Is a Beast” is a little hit or miss for me.

I enjoyed how “T.U.F.F.” really drew me into the world. If you watch the show starting from Episode 1, you learn everyone’s names extremely quickly. That means every major character at T.U.F.F., every single villain, and every henchman every villain has. I believe the exteriors (and some interior rooms) of every major character’s home were seen within the first half of Season 1, except Keswick’s which was seen in Season 2. We even learned the streets of several major locations. Details like that helped strengthen my belief in the world and follow along without getting lost. Villains were often defeated through clever plots rather than just punching them into submission, which was nice too, and they were a nice blend of being goofy and legitimately threatening.

Feel free to skip anything containing the Caped Cod, though, because he’s a piece of work and you’re not missing much.

Character-wise, I would have liked to see more female characters, and more villains too. One of the awesome things about “WordGirl” is that is has a truly massive pool of villains to draw from, and they’re all fleshed out in lovely shades of moral gray. In “T.U.F.F.” you will get the same few villains over and over again, so you’d better learn to like them. Some of the villains didn’t appeal to me, while others are fascinating from a psychology / writing perspective.

I wasn’t very interested in Snaptrap (the show’s main antagonist) during my first watch. He’s your typical evil megalomaniac, but he’s also dumber than bricks and doesn’t have a lot of redeeming qualities to choose from. During my second watch, however, he’s grown on me. I’ve realized that I like him more when I listen to what he says instead of overthinking what he does. He’s probably the funniest character in the entire show, and has a whole slew of quirky lines like “If I’m so dumb, why have I been getting away with slowly poisoning you?” and “I love our new crib! It was an impulse buy. (Gasp!) We should steal a baby to put in it!” One of his quirks is that ambiguity trips him up, so he’s easily confused and has a lot of quasi-insightful thoughts about mundane things… it’s hilarious.

Snaptrap’s not that bright, but he’s incredibly impulsive with a knack for building destructive weapons and promptly losing them. He also has a streak of affection for kids and is a surprisingly good parent when put in that position (He’s absolutely the type who would encourage his kids to follow their dreams and would support them every step of the way, which is an interesting quality for a villain). Literally the first thing he did when he realized he’d accidentally cloned himself was send his clone into the world to live the happy life he didn’t get to have. He grows on me more and more each day. He’s fun.

I like the Chameleon (the second main antagonist of the show) a lot. I favor neutral characters, and the Chameleon tends to base his loyalties on the kindness others show him. Sadly for him, both the good guys and the bad guys find him clingy and annoying, so he ends up ping-ponging back and forth between whichever side he believes will cause him the least amount of pain (When he knows he’s upset powerful enemies, he’ll try to hide in either jail or witness protection to avoid facing consequences).

His motives for most crimes are hilariously petty. He’ll target vacation spots where he had a bad experience or attempt to burn the whole city because he thinks the heating company takes advantage of him for being cold-blooded. He’s the type of villain who commits international crimes purely to earn the “international criminal” bragging rights, but he’s also the type of villain who will drive random strangers to the airport mid-crime attempt despite it being out of his way. He’s described himself as someone who “doesn’t always make the best choices, but you just can’t help rooting for anyway.”

The Chameleon is arguably the smartest of the main villain trio, but his weakness is that he’ll let his “friends” walk all over him in a desperate attempt to maintain one-sided friendships. In Season 2 he got himself tangled in a terribly abusive relationship with his girlfriend and is completely in denial that she’s only interested in him for his money. He’s exactly the type of quirky villain I’m interested in. I’d love to tap inside his head for a ‘fic or two.

The third main villain, Bird Brain, isn’t one of my favorites. I did enjoy a lot of the minor villains, such as the members of F.L.O.P.P. (the Fiendish League of Potential Perpetrators) who think they’re way more evil than they really are. Meerkat is particularly interesting. He’s obviously in the criminal business for fame rather than fortune, but planning isn’t his strong suit. He can organize a get-together, put together an evil lair, scout for useful weapons, he’s great at pep talks, he has connections- he can do EVERYTHING on the spectrum to put a criminal organization in motion, except actually think up ambitious plans. He works so hard, but he’s his own worst enemy.

He’s like an evil secretary.He really needs a boss to design plans for him and keep him on track and pat him on the head and tell him he’s doing a good job. If Snaptrap ever took him into D.O.O.M. (and listened to him), he’d have organization and Meerkat would have muscle. Seeing ‘kat run with the big kids for a day would be interesting, I think.

Anyway, there’s a nice handful of engaging characters in the show and some fun episode plots as well. The worldbuilding is decent, though there’s still room for headcanons to expound upon. I’d recommend it to anyone who thinks they might like it, because if you have a good attitude, you’ll see it as a good show. It has its ups and downs, but it’s cute and clever overall. There are three seasons worth of episodes (Seasons 1 and 2 have 50 individual episodes each) so if you watch it, you’re sure to find something in there you enjoy!

#asks #Anon #Eyyy Hartman gang!#Spy dog show #Vile Verminious #Lonely lizard #No mere cat #The tag I should check later

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saltyfilmmajor · 5 years

Text

FROM RECKLESS MEN TO EMOTIONAL DISASTERS

AN ANALYTICAL EVALUATION OF THE AESTHETIC QUALITIES OF A FEW FAMOUS TOM CRUSE CHARACTERS

To start off, yes, I’m doing another essay on this. (Mel, this doesn’t change the fact that we are fighting because you know I’m right. So, write a paper or admit that I’m right.) This was requested by @sweetbouquetartisane because she wants to hear my thoughts on why I find Mr. Tom Cruise attractive, on a physical level anyway. And I am very inclined to write this first in the series of essays that will come out soon. But I digress, the main point is that Tom Cruise is a very good-looking man and that characters he plays from movie to movie bring out very different responses from me. So let’s dive head first on the characters of Barry Seal, Jack Harper, Ethan Hunt, and Danny Kaffee. This order corresponds from least favorite to most favorite. I don’t hate any of these characters. In fact, I love them. A little too much. But l Digress.

American Made, for me as a film, was something I wished to watch for the historical nature of it, given that it sort of documents the situation surrounding the Iran-Contra affair (look forward to that essay soon). And so when I watched it the very first time this week, I was excited. I had never watched a film that directly talks about this stuff, especially with such a big-name star like Tom Cruise. He plays Barry Seal, a very crazy man irl who worked for the CIA and The Medellín Cartel and ultimately died before the Iran Contra Scandal went public. Now I’m supposed to hate this character very much cause of his involvement with said cartel and CIA, but from his very first words, he grabbed my heart and never let go. GOD, he’s so fucking charming it is insane. He speaks in a slight southern accent, he flies like a mad man. HE SPEAKS FUCKIN SPANISH, I JUST.

So, a bit of context about why that is important. Before I watched this film I was away in Guatemala visiting family for two weeks. Because of that, I was limited to Spanish only conversation. It got me thinking. Mel and I had a discussion on this about how great it would be if Ethan Hunt would speak Spanish on screen. We never get to hear it in a movie, and it was a very fun conversation. So I watched American Made the day I returned home, not knowing that Tom would be speaking Spanish. I FUCKIN LOST MY SHIT. I just couldn’t FUNCTION. And he starts off with very limited Spanish and over the course of the movie he gets a bit better. MEL AND I JUST LOST IT. I showed it to her the second time I watched (but she does not like Barry, she likes Schafer and she hasn’t watched to the end of the film.)

The outfits they put Barry in this movie, like in every scene almost, he has the Sleeves™ and Mel and I LOVE THE SLEEVES. Tom Cruise with rolled up sleeves, very good yes. Also, Mel, I know you appreciate when Tom is wearing a uniform and he wears a pilot uniform for a good portion of the beginning of the movie.

HE LOVES HIS WIFE SO DAMN MUCH. AND WHEN SHIT HITS THE FAN THAT’S THE ONLY THING HE CARES ABOUT, HIS FAMILY’S WELLBEING. THE VOICE KINK IS STRONG IN THIS MOVIE FOR ME. (yes Tumblr I have a voice kink, the least Extra™ of any kink I’ve ever admitted to, shut up. Well, that and the Sleeves™.) Also, he fucks his wife in a plane and it just stresses me the fuck out but also makes me feel things. I’m very conflicted about it.

Jack Harper, The Softest™ Man. I can’t thirst over him, it breaks my heart too much. BUT THAT WON’T STOP ME. Look, he just wants to live a peaceful life away from this bullshit. And HE JUST LOVES THE EARTH SO FUCKIN MUCH. AND VIKA IS JUST A STICKLER FOR THE RULES. LET HIM KEEP HIS FLOWER FOR FUCK’S SAKE. PLEASE DON’T HURT HIM HE JUST WANTS TO BE HAPPY AND LIVE LIFE ON EARTH. (also, he does have that scene where he’s restrained and its…. fuck)

Ethan Hunt. Ethan Fucking Hunt. THIS MAN DRINKS RESPECT WOMEN JUICE FOR BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER. He is such a badass and he cares so much about his loved ones it’s crazy. He just wants to protect the world and he fights his government to do the greater good. He clings of a plane, free climbs the side of mountains, marries Julia in the hospital before the mission (and then proceed to fuck in the medical supplies…JULIA YOU ARE A NURSE WHAT THE FUCK.) He looks damn good wearing a tux and riding a bike. He has the sleeves in fallout. I just love him a lot.

Like ok look, not to go too in depth about Ethan’s character (Look forward to that essay as well) but he is an Extra Spy who cares too much and risks his life because ultimately he cannot let anyone die. He won’t allow it. The mission is all he has left, he has no life outside of that because he learned early on that the risk is too much for his loved ones. He’s always ready to die for the sake of a mission, and he speaks French and Russian. So, in turn, he dedicates himself to being the best agent, not for the sake of his government, however, (because the government is shown to be very sketchy.) It’s the embodiment of the thesis posited by James Bond in Skyfall. In Skyfall, when Bond is meeting Q for the first time they have this conversation of Technology vs Old-school Tradecraft

Bond: Oh, so why do you need me?

Q: Every now and then a trigger has to be pulled.

Bond: Or not pulled. It's hard to know which in your pajamas.

Ethan Hunt is the embodiment of the critical thinking in the espionage trade. By that I mean, after his first mission gone wrong, he thinks about the decisions he makes. And it’s nice that people consider the consequences of their actions and don’t go shooting everyone who crosses their path. Ethan Hunt Certified Badass and Respecter of women. (also he has the scene in with the pole). He has an engineering degree and he was in the army. He DOUBLE MAJORED IN ENGINEERING AND INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS! HE’S A SMART BOI AND I LOVE AND RESPECT HIM VERY MUCH! JUST LET HIM LIVE A HAPPY AND NORMAL LIFE. (also he has those scenes...)

And lastly our last candidate for evaluation. You know who it is, THAT’S RIGHT. LT. DANIEL ALLISTER KAFFEE SMARTEST SMARTASS TO EVER SMARTASS IN THE HISTORY OF SMARTASSERY. (Did I ever mention I have a thing for lawyers?) This is different from all the others I’ve mentioned here. Like Kaffee is not the Tom Cruise Action Hero™ he is a quietly intense drama boi. He’s insecure and masks it with a layer of cockiness because he is afraid of the shadow of his father’s legacy. It’s just so sad. He’s a very smart Boi who doesn’t apply himself because he understands that litigation is an artwork to itself and he’s trying to make sure his clients get the best deal possible. He knows that if his case goes to trial he cannot control the outcome, he can present his case but at the end of the day, it is up to the jury to decide whether his clients are guilty or not. I could discuss Kaffee, my actual husband, all day. He has some certifiable looks in this movie.

HE HAS HIS REGULAR NAVY UNIFORM.

HIS SOFTBALL OUTFIT

THE JOCK OUTFIT

THE WHITE NAVY UNIFORM

And my absolute favorite HIS CLASS A UNIFORM.

HE HAS EVERYTHING I LIKE. ROLLED UP SLEEVES? CHECK! TOM CRUISE IN JEANS? CHECK! SMARTASSERY? DOUBLE CHECK! UNIFORMS? CHECK FROM HERE TO COLOMBIA! ISSUES WITH AUTHORITY? CHECKAMUNDO! (also his reluctantly subbish tendencies, but not everyone is into that. BUT FUCK YOU MEL, I’M RIGHT JUST ADMIT IT)

LOOK MY ACTUAL HUSBAND DANIEL KAFFEE

This man is such a disaster, he doesn’t know how to eat apples, he gets sick on boats (Jesus Christ Kaffee, You’re in the Navy.) All he has in his house is Yoohoo and Coco Puffs, He has a baseball bat fetish (not the sexual definition, the witchcraft one.) He fuckin walked in the rain drunk af and then proceeded to drive a few blocks looking for Joanne, while still drunk (Sam WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DID YOU LET HIM DRIVE???) When he tells Jessup to return to the stand and he drinks water, he’s fuckin shaking. He swears when he’s frustrated. His voice, oh my fuck, HIS VOICE. He gesticulates a lot in court as well (I’m thinking about his cross-examination of the doctor specifically) I don’t know why but I find that endearing. The way he speaks in court is so smart, and when he whispers, It just. IT’S Like ASMR but I like it instead of being creeped out. He just, GOD HIS VOICE. I LOVE IT. He never has a pen on his person, like Danny, sweetheart, please. He just. GOD I THINK I’M IN LOVE.

So that’s essentially my Deep Dive™ on Tom Cruise characters that I’ve watched this week. He’s just so charming in all these roles and they all have something different to offer. All are distinct people: Barry Seal, the most fucking reckless man ever. Jack Harper, the softest soul who just loves earth please just let him keep his flower. Ethan Hunt, the most badass Extra™ spy who consumes gallons of respect women juice. Daniel Kaffee, my Harvard educated smartass who is very fucking stupid. Each of them just provides me with a very different experience emotionally, but they all have their merits and I love them all.

(Mel, fuck you. I’m Right.)

#tom cruise #a few good men #tom thirst #or Tomrst™#ethan hunt #american made #jack harper #deep dives #supergeekytoon #essays #my essays

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five-wow · 5 years

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I AM CATCHING UP. here are my thoughts on 9.17!

i love a good bank robbery/heist story, so at least in theory they definitely have my interest here.

“nobody needs to die today!” one of the bank robbers yells, right after one of his buddies shot the armored car driver in the back and he fell to the floor and i kind of presumed he was dead (though he might not be?)

he just shot another guy! right in the head, so i’m pretty sure this one at least is definitely very dead, oh boy.

ahhh, the other bank robbers didn’t want this. barely three minutes in and there’s already trouble (i mean, aside from the obvious this-bank-is-being-robbed part, of course)

danny and steve arrive at the crime scene in the camaro! always a good look

eep. junior knows a woman who was present during the robbery (i think it’s his ex? wasn’t that the plot of this episode somehow?) and she’s already lying about having had her head down the whole time, which is not a great start

one armored truck driver to the other: “never take [women] at face value. there’s always something more complicated going on.” ah yep, the good ol’ ‘women are incredibly mysterious creatures who never say what they mean and it’s impossible to follow their logic’ thing. hilarious. i may look unamused, but i am totally laughing on the inside.

tani: “well, i have to cancel my 5pm mermaid class.” awww, i like that they’re calling back to that!

ohhhh wait, this girl who raised her head at the robbery wasn’t junior’s ex, but she recognized one of the robbers and he’s junior’s ex’s current boyfriend! ahhh. there’s the link.

tani and junior fight because tani thinks that junior should tell steve about what they just found out (and she’s right!!!) but junior thinks he owes his ex (layla) to doublecheck it was actually her boyfriend before he does anything, and in the end junior goes to talk to his ex alone which seems like a REALLY BAD IDEA, GUYS

layla: “oh, this is you doing me a favor?” much as i love you, junior, she has, you know, a point there

now tani has to lie to steve about junior’s whereabouts which is Bad.

and junior is IGNORING HER PHONE CALL. it just went from Bad to Worse.

junior shows steve pictures he took! if steve’s “you should watch out for your own blindspots” advice is all the drama that comes from this, it’s a bit of an anticlimax (even though i’d actually like that), but the episode still has sixteen minutes to go so who knows (except for everyone who’s already watched it)

“didn’t you find it a little bit odd that five grown men would rent a hotel room for the day?” ... this reception desk guy has apparently been reading enough fanfic that he doesn’t bat an eye at this.

steve and danny are interrogating their newest suspect! there isn’t any hugely significant mcdanno content this episode (so far), but i just like seeing them on screen together. makes me happy, yay.

layla’s boyfriend (husband? i don’t remember) wants to kill junior (or at least he pulls a gun on him and says “i’m sorry, junior”) so he... lures junior to a public park that has cars passing by in the background? that’s the best location he could come up with?

for once the bad guy (one of the bad guys) is someone who’s important to someone who is important to a person on the team (that’s a complex sentence part, but okay), so junior yells “hold your fire!” which is... good, but also kind of ironically underscores that maybe they shoot the bad guys a little too easily at all the other times

junior shoots tory (layla’s boyfriend) because tory is in a panic and caught and doesn’t want to go back to jail and he raises his gun at junior, and welp, this got veRY PAINFUL VERY FAST

we end it with junior telling tani about his history with layla and i like that. i like that it’s clear they both made decisions that led to this complicated place they’re in now.

less of a fan of layla slapping junior, but i mean, i’m not here to get into how weird i think it is that women slapping men is a normalized and acceptable thing in our culture for some reason. junior didn’t deserve this, but from layla’s point of view, it makes sense.

in the end, i mostly liked this episode! i’m definitely here for some more junior content, steve and danny were both on screen if not exactly instrumental parts of anything, and overall i really liked the plot. the angst at the end about junior shooting tory also worked for me a lot better than i thought it would have???

on the other hand, i’m a little unsure about the way some of the plotlines in this episode ended. the mastermind behind the heist told steve and danny that overconfidence always leads to ruin when they were interrogating him, but then we never see him or steve or danny again in the episode, so that was pretty much an empty threat. i suppose he meant the thing with junior in the park, probably? but how was that going to help him at that point, when he was already captured? and in the end their evil park plan didn’t pan out the way the bad guys wanted anyway, so i suppose the guy should have been warning himself about overconfidence, not steve or danny. which is actually a nice ironic twist, but they never wrapped that up on screen, so it only works if you’re giving it way more thought than h50 usually seems to expect their viewers to put into things.

the other big thing is the part where junior withheld information from steve, and tani told him not to do that, and he was a slight asshole to her and eventually very suddenly DID tell steve. telling steve was good, in theory, but then after that the whole withholding information thing ended up having zero consequences, kind of like when tani finally confessed the whole story about the gun at adam’s place to steve. on the one hand, i was relieved at the way it sizzled out both times, because i don’t generally like deception-for-the-supposed-greater-good-which-leads-to-drama plotlines, but on the other hand, it seems like wasted screentime if steve very mildly going “yeah that probably wasn’t a good idea and maybe don’t do it again” is all it leads to after all the buildup and all the “you should tell mcgarrett or he’s going to be super mad and might fire you!!!” warnings. bonus: i get that junior is going through a lot this episode and that tani isn’t going to call him out right now, but i still think he should probably apologize to her, at the very least for not picking up his phone when she called him after having lied to cover for him.

so yeah! not my favorite episode, but i liked it, mostly.

#h50 #9.17 #i feel like they often forget about certain plotlines or don't wrap them up very well (or at all)#which is a Huge Thing that could make the overal episodes feel so much stronger if they worked on it?#i get that they have a lot of characters now and need to do a lot each episode to get all of them into the story somehow #but maybe just... stop expanding your cast #or actually focus episodes on half of them and leave the rest really far in the background?#which is not something i actually want but if it would free up screentime to really finish up plots instead of leaving them hanging?#yeah i'd go for that #on the other hand: this whole 'where's the wrap up on this plotline' problem isn't something super new for this show #they're always struggled with that to some degree #*

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justreviewingokay · 5 years

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D.C. Beetlejuice Review

Let me cut to the chase. I know what you’re gonna ask, is Beetlejuice “good”? Now I have a very complicated answer, but I will say this: if a Tim Burton styled stage show is what you’ve always wanted, then should probably be off to see it as soon as you can. Hold your sandworms, I’m not done yet. Beetlejuice may be a visual masterpiece, but it is also a work in progress. If you’re looking for more than high caliber Broadway comedy actors and half-baked humor, it may be better to wait and see what the move to the Winter Garden Theatre has in store for us.

Now for the complicated answer. If spoilers aren’t your thing, turn back now, for the surprises of Beetlejuice are extremely rewarding.

Making it Beetlejuice’s given job to usher the dead into the netherworld is an excellent addition to the character, except there isn’t very much character to begin with. The opening makes the blind mistake of relying on the audience already knowing who Beetlejuice is. A newcomer to the show might find him confusing or vague. “The Whole Being Dead Thing” is an explosively entertaining number where BJ bashes some funeral goers. Cutting in half way is Lydia mourning with “Invisible”. Although the long arm gag is good and the bus driver costume from the film is much appreciated, the big B is introduced all too soon. The buildup is killed rather quickly and consequently, the anticipation. Alternatively, since the scene starts off with a dirge, Lydia could plunge right into “Invisible” with Beetlejuice popping out of the casket and delivering the brilliant line “a ballad already?” The audience cheers as he climbs out and begins “The Whole Being Dead Thing”, uninterrupted. Act One’s pacing is quite tangled, so this jumpy establishing song is important. Alex Brightman is an absolute tour de force and does his best with the often immature dialogue. It’s obvious that Brightman is doing a good job of balancing the voice, but it’s still a bit much when he’s singing. His vocal talents are betrayed in this respect and some of the lyrics are hard to understand because of it.

The Maitlands are brilliantly portrayed by green clad Rob McClure and Kerry Butler, known for Something Rotten! and Little Shop of Horrors, respectively. “Ready, Set, Not Yet” is funny, but far too frantic to be endearing. Contrary to the writers’ belief, Adam and Barbara can be thoroughly lame and likeable simultaneously. In the following scenes one could argue that too many pelvic thrusts are performed. The scene progression is quite choppy, with so many reprises that one wonders if the song ever ended in the first place. “Fright of their Lights” has a weird 1980’s sound and it has a great joke where Adam informs BJ that they can still hear him, with BJ responding “Well that was a soliloquy, so you’re the one being rude.” BJ’s interactions with them are typically crass, but not in a clever adult way, an almost childish mentality instead. Many of the jokes end with an unnecessary “F You,” which often feels like it’s only there to keep children out of the theatre.

The show really begins to pick up when the Deetz family begin to move in and Lydia sings “Dead Mom,” easily one of the best numbers. Sophia Anne Caruso plays the iconic goth girl in a way that doesn’t leave you cringing at all. As the show progresses, Lydia upstages everyone. An odd thing to note though, Lydia comes downstairs to dinner wearing a yellow dress to confuse her dad, which is exactly what Wednesday Addams does in the Addams Family Musical.

Slapstick is the name of the game, considering BJ himself isn’t given many witty lines in the first act. The sight gags are what work best, so you’d assume that the iconic Day-O scene would be the hit. Instead of ascending to a new level of ridiculousness, it stays at relatively the same length. A puppet roasted pig is added to the song which is funny by itself, but they didn’t stop there. The pig’s male organ begins to invade Delia’s personal space. Leslie Kritzer (a delightful scene stealer) appeared to be having troubles realistically interacting with it, awkwardly thrusting herself into the pig’s appendage for the remainder of the song. Even though it garnered some laughs, initially it was a distraction from more clever effects such as the shrimp hand. This is a perfect example for most jokes in the show; something clever is undermined by something vulgar. They say a funny person can make a good joke, but a comedian can take it to the next level.

Act Two is significantly better than the first, giving the ghost with the most just the right edge. “That Beautiful Sound” is my personal favorite, showing off the comedic prowess of Beetlejuice and Lydia as a pair, only seen before during “Say My Name.” Casting actual teenagers as the girl-scout and Lydia was a great move, considering the big concern among fans after the misfires in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

“Children We Didn’t Have” is a wonderfully somber piece, (beautifully sung I might add) but would have made a larger impact if the audience had learned to see the Maitlands in a more positive view throughout the first act. If any song is to be removed, I hope that this one survives instead.

Otho’s lines aren’t too brilliant, but luckily for them, they’ve got Kelvin Moon Loh to deliver. Brief as the character is in this version, Kelvin’s comedic talents make the scenes memorable. His days on SpongeBob SquarePants especially prove that he deserves a bigger spotlight.

“Everything is Meh” by Boy Inferno is quite brilliant considering… well… boy bands are dead. The netherworld has a well-designed look and the characters are quite faithful to the film, including Mrs. Juno Shoggoth exhaling smoke through her neck, Miss Argentina, a shrunken headed hunter, (the effect works surprisingly well) and that one guy who appears to have been run over. “Running Away” has a nice tune to it and its enjoyable right up until the “woah-oh’s” start off. This trope feels almost anachronistic and quickly evokes the desire to attempt Miss Argentina’s “little accident” on yourself. It does end up being a good moment though, with character development for Lydia and Charles.

The ending is hilarious and pretty unexpected. Beetlejuice’s exit is somewhat delayed though; every time you think he’s done, he turns around and delivers another cheesy one-liner. BJ being carried off into the netherworld was quite enough. Even though it doesn’t really make sense, (does Lydia somehow have a karaoke record?) it is indeed surprisingly pleasing to hear the cast sing “Jump in the Line”… and the levitation effect is flawless.

In fact, probably the best aspect of the show is special effects and scenic design. David Korins has done an absolutely astounding job of fulfilling Tim Burton’s vision, all while presenting his own take. Michael Curry’s puppet design is not to be missed, with smooth movement and grand scale. Enough cannot be said about the visual aptitude of Beetlejuice.

The music by Eddie Perfect is ironically not… perfect. Sorry. Rock and Roll style ballads may be a good choice for the musical, but a few things it still lacks. Remnants of Danny Elfman’s original score are always welcome and can be heard during some cues. After all, the music is half of what makes Beetlejuice feel like Beetlejuice. Thankfully, the keys and trumpets are pretty prominent in Perfect’s score, which helps greatly to set the tone. It’s important to mention that one thing is missing… strings. Violins are either utilized very little or are nonexistent. Sound design should be looked in to, most of the time the music overpowers the voices or the voices hide the music. Even though I have no hearing problems whatsoever, the lyrics were frequently hard to understand. (I do realize that this could entirely be the National Theatre sound system’s fault) When you come down to it, the music needs beefing up. Giving it a fuller, more orchestral sound to complement the rock instruments is the exact way to accomplish this. (See Hans Zimmer, Trans-Siberian Orchestra, Kansas, or Foreigner with the David Eggar Orchestra)

Overall, Beetlejuice is a spectacular show with immense potential. That fact is, frankly, quite enough to satisfy considering it could have been a huge misstep, similar to the fate of Moulin Rouge. With the fabulous cast and crew carrying it through, Beetlejuice could be an absolute Broadway hit in the making.

We’ll see at the Winter Garden Theatre on April 25th, 2019.

#Beetlejuice #Lydia #betelgeuse #TimBurton #Broadway #Theater #Theatre #Musicals #Netherworld #Spoopy #BeetlejuiceMusical #StrangeAndUnusual #AlexBrightman #RobMcClure #kerry butler #KelvinMoonLoh #TheBox

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ladylynse · 6 years

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Got a thing based on your previous work. Going off the basis that Aftermath and Reflections take place in the same timeline. What would Randy do next in regards to the Sorceress? And how would this next journey affect what may come towards Danny's end of things? Not sure I'm making sense here.

(For those of you unfamiliar with the mentioned fics: Aftermath and Reflections; they’re both on FFnet and the AO3 if you have a preferred reading site)

Hmm. Well, what Randy should do is try to figure out when and where the Sorceress might attack and prepare for it, right, so he can defeat her, too? Once we get past some of what he actually does–panic, video games with Howard as a distraction, trying to strike a deal with McFist and Viceroy because they kinda owe him, and showing off the Dragon Fist technique–he might get down to business and go over what he knows. Since Danny was so insistent that the Land of Shadows and the Ghost Zone are the same, or at least connected, then the least Randy can do is warn Danny that the Sorceress might be escaping that way and wind up in his usual territory first, at which point she’d cause absolute chaos.

Danny hadn’t been expecting a call from Randy–they texted more than talked–so his answer was a bit hesitant. “Hello?”

“Heeeey, so, Danny, you remember when you came to Norrisville and the Sorcerer escaped?”

Danny blinked. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn’t that. “He’s out again? Oh, geez, I’ll–”

“No, no, no, nonono, no. No. Not exactly. I mean. Yes. He did escape. But that was fine. I dealt with that. Had a bit of help. Not much, but, y’know, the Nomicon might get mad at me if I don’t admit I had a little help.” A pause. “Actually, I kinda teamed up with him at one point–”

“What?”

“Unexpected allies. We were fighting Evil Julian–”

“Wait, the kid with the top hat?”

“Kinda? He split himself in half. Or something like that. It’s complicated. Anyway, turns out the Sorcerer was the same, and I just had to recombine his two halves and it was all good.”

Danny seriously doubted that. Splitting yourself into two was never great–he remembered all too well going through the Fenton Ghost Catcher–but if everything had worked out just fine, Randy wouldn’t be calling him. “So–?”

“Well, First Ninja sorta…told me that this wasn’t it. That it’s not over just because I’m the Ninja who finally defeated the Sorcerer. Apparently more’s coming. And I think I know who he means, and she’ll wonk your cheese if you cross her.”

Danny had a ton of questions, but he settled on what seemed to be the most important one. “Who?”

“The Sorceress. The one who’s supposed to be trapped in the Land of Shadows. Your Ghost Zone. I might’ve mentioned her at some point. Anyway, she’s like the Sorcerer, except more powerful.”

Perfect. “When you say supposed to be trapped–?”

“Yeah, I…don’t actually know if she’s still there? The Nomicon’s not giving me anything concrete, and First Ninja just talked about doors once known and ancient enemies and stuff like that. I was hoping you could maybe ask around? See if anyone’s heard of anything?”

Danny swallowed. “And be on guard in case she tries to escape using one of the portals in Amity Park?”

“Yeah, that too.”

Despite knowing how similar the Sorcerer and Sorceress are, Randy might not actually think to look to see if she was created the same way; if she’s also the personification of someone’s inner darkness/their id/whatever, I mean. Jazz would. Immediately.

“What do you mean you don’t know anything about her?”

“Well, she wasn’t the one trapped under Norrisville for 800 years,” Randy said defensively, “and if none of the other Ninjas besides First Ninja really dealt with her, the Nomicon isn’t going to be a lot of help.”

“Okay, okay. Sorry. Look, Danny said the Sorcerer was actually part of a person? Split apart by magic? And uniting his two halves defeated him?”

“Yup. Pretty bruce, right?”

“Sure. Just– If you know this can happen to other people, Randy, if it happened to your friend, then shouldn’t you be looking for the Sorceress’s other half?”

“She was trapped in the Land of Shadows,” Randy said. “No one would’ve put her other half in there, too, even if you are right and she is split. As fun as the Land of Shadows was, I do not need to go back.”

“Maybe not the Land of Shadows specifically, Randy, but think about it. The Ghost Zone is a big place. She could be held captive elsewhere. We should help you look.” There was a pause–Jazz might’ve been waiting for an argument, but Randy was desperate enough to actually hear her out–before she continued, “And even if she isn’t in the Ghost Zone, you’ll need as much help as you can get scouring the earth to find her other half before she finds it and destroys it. Or you.”

The Infi-Map would probably come up at some point.

“This will take us where we need to be,” Danny said to Randy. “It doesn’t matter that you don’t know her real name.”

“Great One, if I may,” interjected Frostbite, “the Infi-Map takes you where you most need to be at that moment, and where you believe you must go may not be where you truly are most needed.”

Great One? Randy mouthed.

Danny ignored him. “We need to move before the Sorceress catches up to us. Clockwork won’t tell me anything even if I ask, so this is our best shot.”

*Later*

“I thought you said this map took us where we needed to be!”

“Well, technically we did find half of–”

“Not my point and you know it!”

“And stopping her from flattening a town–”

“Still a shoob move, Phantom!”

And there would be more Nomicon excursions.

TO SEE THE PATH FORWARD, ONE MUST KNOW THE PATH ALREADY TAKEN.

“See? It still doesn’t come up with anything remotely helpful. Retracing my steps over the last few days has not helped.”

Danny scratched his head. “We could ask Jazz. She might know what it means.”

First Ninja might make another appearance.

“So, Danny, this is First Ninja. (I just call him First Ninja.) First Ninja, Danny.”

“Nice to meet you,” Danny said politely, sticking out his hand. “Um…do you have an actual name?”

First Ninja folded his hands and bowed slightly. “Names are as the wind, both fleeting and powerful, but have little consequence here.”

“Yeah, that’s why I just call him First Ninja.”

And, really, anyone else they can think of to question.

“A sorceress?” Dora blinked. “We have no dealings with sorcery anymore, Phantom. We have no reason to invite more curses upon ourselves or our people. Have you spoken with Desiree?”

“Not yet,” Danny admitted, “but she doesn’t really like, well, men, so I thought I’d try you first.”

*Later*

“No man may question me!”

“Oh, well, that’s okay, because this is…Ra…gina. She’s a ninja but really needs to track down this Sorceress, so if you could help us….”

Desiree narrowed her eyes. “Ragina?” she repeated flatly.

Randy glared at Danny but adopted a high voice, adding, “Yes! With an A, not an E. Everyone mixes it up.”

“And you’re a ninja.”

“Of course!”

“A female ninja.”

“Yes!”

“A kunoichi?”

“A what now?” Desiree crossed her arms, so Randy hurriedly corrected himself. “I mean, yes!”

*Later*

“Tell me again why we couldn’t just wish that she’d tell us whatever she knew?” Randy asked, rubbing his bum. It was still sore from that hit from the giant flyswatter Desiree had turned her hand into.

“Because she would definitely take the opportunity to mess with us. Twisting wishes is what she does.”

“And you think this Clockwork is going to be so much better when you already told Ice Giant Guy you didn’t think he’d help?”

“Frostbite. And it’s worth a shot.”

*Later*

“This is a horrible idea,” Randy groused.

Danny wasn’t too enthused, either, but they were running out of options. “She knows about the Land of Shadows.”

“Yeah, but I’ve met her. And even I know this is a bad idea.”

“We’re desperate.”

“Are we that desperate?”

“You’re the one who’s dealt with this Sorceress before. You tell me.”

Randy sighed. “Okay, fine, so we are that desperate. And totally shoobed. I hate this lady.”

“You think I like her any better after everything we’ve gone through?”

“I almost gave up being the Ninja!”

Danny raised his eyebrows, and Randy relented. “Okay, so I guess she didn’t try to kill anybody close to me. I just…. You do know how bad an idea this is, right? It’s right up there with you possessing me.”

“You’re not going to let that go, are you?”

Randy, instead of answering him, raised his hand to knock on the Spectra’s door.

So, yes, there are plenty of ways this could go, but if Randy knows Danny, he’d definitely reach out for help. He can’t afford to try to go this on his own, and he has no guarantee the Sorceress would start with Norrisville when she’s not tied to it like the Sorcerer was. And if Danny wasn’t nuts about the Land of Shadows/Ghost Zone thing, Amity Park could well be on her list. She’d love to erase a doorway (or two) to her prison that everyone knows about in favour of keeping open a secret escape.

#rc9gn #danny phantom #crossover #fanfiction #phanfiction #fic ideas #my writing #ladylynse #fantasycrest #dp snippet #rc9gn snippet #crossover snippet #snippets #asks

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ma-gic-gay · 3 years

Note

A few hours (and ice cream cones) later, Donna leaves to go to the Q's to play with Wiley and Ophelia. "I finally found a dress. It took three stores and way too many dresses that fit like crap but I've found one and I'm ready for the Ball tomorrow," Carly says excitedly when she finds him in the park. "I ditched the guards hours ago."

Of course she did. He rolls his eyes. She's going to get kidnapped again or something as a part of some new competitors revenge on him and she ditches guards. The mob is not a friendly business but leave it to her to forget that, less than six months after her kidnapping and rape. Only Carly. "Stop ditching guards."

"Well I've got you to protect me," she argues, smiling. When his expression doesn't change, she relents, "Fine. I'll take the guards when I'm not with you."

"Thank you," he says. "Donna's with Wiley and Ophelia at the mansion."

"So long as Nina's not there, I'm fine with it." Not this again. "Don't roll your eyes or tell me to play nice, Jason! She wants me arrested and she's acting like Nelle wasn't a terrible person! I don't care if she's Wiley's other grandmother."

Sometimes, Carly's exhausting to deal with.

He rolls his eyes again as she rests her head on his shoulder. "You know, Joss has been complaining lately she's feeling stuck in Port Charles. Which is stupid but it reminded me that I've never taken her to Florida, or any of the kids besides Michael and now I want to. So you coming with me or am I bringing guards?"

The last time they went to Florida, Michael was barely one. It was to officially bury Virginia and it was a very bittersweet experience to see Florida for the first time and also be packing up the house of a dead woman.

"Who exactly are you bringing?" Carly cheers when he agrees to go without agreeing fully.

"Donna, clearly. And I'll bring Joss and, do you think that Ava will let me bring Avery? Michael should go too, he spends way too much time cooped up in that house or at Aurora, so him, Willow, Wiley and Ophelia. Ooh, you should bring your kids! Scout and Danny will have fun in Florida and I'm sure Jake would love it. Well, of course, that involves Elizabeth letting you take him. Maybe if we bring Cameron too- well actually, no, that won't work because him and Joss broke up a few weeks ago and it's still way too raw for her. I'd suggest we bring Dante but he broke Lulu's heart so that's a big no, I don't care if he's my children's brother. Should we bring Brando and Sasha?"

She's rambling excitedly about this trip that seems to double in size each minute and he chuckles to himself at the absurdity of it. Somehow, within five minutes, Carly's built herself an entire vacation to Florida. Complete with exactly when they should go ("The third week in June! It shouldn't be too rainy or humid yet,") and how long they should stay (a week, she's decided). This woman owns an island and insists on going to Florida for a week so her kids can see her old home.

Before he can figure out what's happening, someone has taken him hostage, his hands inexplicably behind his back and he notices that another one of the surprise humans has taken Carly hostage. Fuck. No. He can't fight this guy, somehow he's too strong. And he can't reach for his gun because he's got his hands tied behind his back! Which means she's getting kidnapped and so is he.

Of course, the same thing is happening to Carly, but the dude who grabbed her is underestimating her gravely. She's got enough sense to try and kick him in the balls (so that's why she always wears heels) before settling for a good slap or two to wherever she can reach moments before her hands are tied as well.

He's basically fucked. And so is she.

"Let me go or so help me god-" Carly threatens before they put a gag in her mouth which she does her best to spit out. Fucking hell, these people are terrible.

"Let her go," he demands, feet unrooting themselves from the ground as he desperately tries to break out of this hold.

"How sweet, he's willing to sacrifice himself for his girlfriend. Touching, truly. Not going to work, however, Morgan. Enough of the touching goodbye, you better stop fighting if you want to see her alive again," his goon threatens. This guy sounds like one of Cyrus's old guys. Cyrus is behind this. Which means-

Carly comes to the conclusion at the same time he does and spits out her gag (impressive). "You better have a damn good excuse for this."

The goons don't even bother threatening them, they just drag them apart and Jason gets dropped in the back of some truck before he gets knocked out. His last conscious thought is where the hell Carly is and where he's going.

A few hours later, he wakes up, disgusted by the surroundings he's found himself in. He's handcuffed to a chair with his legs and his hands. And there's no blonde in here with him, he realizes. At the very least, he senses that they haven't took his jacket off or phone or gun from him. "Good, you're awake." Who's voice is that? He recognizes it from somewhere.

"Where is she?" He asks instead of worrying about his own surroundings.

"Your concern for her is really quite touching, but your girlfriend is fine," the dude says again, yet another voice he remembers but can't trace.

"She's not my girlfriend."

"Sure, you just sleep together, live together and act like a married couple. Oh, wait, is she your wife? That would make more sense," the voice says. Who's voice is that? It's on the tip of his mind but he can't remember.

"Very funny. We're not married. Now, tell me, where the hell is Carly?"

"Calm your tits," that's a stupid expression, "she's being well taken care of. Let yourself worry about you for a minute, please. Your relationship with her is..."

"None of your business. I need proof she's okay." Why the hell aren't his demands being met? Who is this?

"Protective, how sweet. Answer the question."

"She's my best friend," he answers calmly. "Got any more questions or do I get proof she's okay and alive?"

"You don't sleep with a best friend, Jason." Shut up, they're not labelling things and this has nothing to do with the damn kidnapping!

"And who are you to judge us?" Mouthing off to a kidnapper, great idea.

"Me? I'm just the messenger. Don't shoot the messenger."

What the fuck is this dude getting at? He's speaking in goddamn riddles of sarcasm. "Where is Carly?"

"Well, that's none of your business." This man is absolutely infuriating. He's a douche and dead the second he gets to his gun. Or, really, anything that can be used as a weapon. Maybe even a pair of handcuffs. Kill him with handcuffs, yeah, that'll work after he finds Carly's location out.

"If so much as a hair on her head is harmed-"

"Your threats are in vain, though your concern for her is adorable. Tell me, do you expect you're calling the shots here? You're not, dumbass. I am. Well, technically my boss, but you know what I mean." Infuriating.

"You lay a hand on her and-"

"Are you going to keep threatening me? You're the one tied up to a chair, not me. I can move whenever I want to, you cannot." Bile pools in his stomach at the thought of someone's hands on her, hurting her. Causing her pain. Doing what Cyrus did to her again, as often as they please because he can't save her. "But, for your information, no one's gotten handsy with her yet."

How relieving. "Keep it that way."

"You know, she keeps talking about you like you're some damn superhero. To be honest, I don't see it. You're so in sync though, she's worried one of us are going to hurt your pretty boy face."

"Careful, you don't want to show all of your cards at once," Jason teases. It's probably a bad idea but Carly's kidnapped too and he can't get out on his own dammit.

"Keep mouthing off and I'll make sure she's beaten up good. Bruised so bad it won't go away for months."

That's a damn good threat, he's got to admit.

Clearly enjoying his silence, this dude continues, "Your only chance of getting to her is playing by my rules. Then again, she's been mouthing off to us the whole time we've had her. Stubborn brat, that one is. She won't let anyone even give her food, she's just been saying that you'll save her because it's how you two work." That's his girl. He can't help but smile at the thought of her talking the ears off of a kidnapper. He might talk the dude into letting her go. "You two are adorably in sync, her fighting us using your name as though you're a hero. Tell me, what did you ever do that made her think of you as her hero?"

"I guess I've just always been there to save her," he answers. Looking the kidnapper in the eyes, he continues, "and I always will, no matter the consequences."

"Cute. Your whole hero thing is cute and I think it's adorable that you both love each other so much. She's already about to kill us if it means she'll get a single piece of information on her big hero who always saves her."

Sounds like Carly. "If that's supposed to surprise me, it doesn't. I've known her so long nothing she can do surprises me."

"And you love her enough you'll do anything for her. Touching, really. Never have I ever had the pleasure of having two hostages who are so helplessly in love with each other like you two are, yet they're apparently only friends. Tell me, is there anything you wouldn't be willing to do for her, if it meant she'd be freed?"

"No."

"Good, good to know. I think we're ready to discuss the terms of your mutual release, because she's pissing my guy off so much he's had to get a little handsy." Name, address, the whole nine yards. The second he gets them, that dude dies. "Calm down, it was only once. She won't even scar."

"The terms," he spits out in an attempt to control his anger. This is infuriating.

"In exchange for your mutual release, you will give approximately fifteen million dollars to my boss." Who the hell needs that much money? Whatever. If she's free, he'll do near anything.

"I don't have my checkbook on me right now, but I can make that deal." Donna. How is she dealing with this? He suspects he's been gone long enough now that she's been able to understand what's going on.

"Good. You will make a check for fifteen million dollars to Miss Fiona Svlankovich," the hostage holder says, handing his checkbook to him.

"Wait. This seems too easy."

"It's not, I assure you. Fiona's a bit of an evil lady, but when she says she'll set you free after you do something, you and your “best friend” will be released," he informs him. A bit of an evil lady? She's a lot more than a bit evil.

"I can't exactly sign this with my hands tied behind my back," he says calmly.

"Shit," the hostage holder mutters. "I'll uncuff one of your arms, but only because you don't have any weapons on you." Idiot. He can feel his gun in his pocket as he gets uncuffed and signs the check.

Before he can be recuffed, he pulls out his gun and fires a single bullet into the dude's leg. "Tell me where Carly is or I'll take you out right now."

"On a date or in a murderous way?"

What type of fucking question is that? "Murder. So, her location."

"Someone's horny," kidnapping dude chuckles before he gets punched. "Fine, fine. She's somewhere in this house. You figure out where, that's up to you. So, you gonna kill me now?"

"Thinking about it. You take me to exactly where she is, right now," Jason answers, gun trained at this hostage dude.

Without a witty remark, he gets led the way to Carly. Conveniently, she's screaming at that exact moment, "He will find me and you will die. I hope you look forward to death because he's been getting me out of messes for longer than you've been alive."

She's tied up in a pantry, he notes before kicking the door open. "I swear to fucking god-" she starts before noticing he's there and tearing up. "Oh thank god you're here."

Unceremoniously, her guards pull out their guns and he shoots them both before shooting his own guard, Carly yelping each time. She's not a fan of the sound of a gun going off, nor kidnapping, so he doubts this is fun for her.

He makes quick work of getting her uncuffed and she falls into him, embracing him in a tight hug and burying her face in his neck as he does the same. "I knew you'd save me," she says and he can feel her tears soaking his shirt, but it's okay. He's got extras at home (and, of course, the clothes she bought a few months ago).

"We've got to get out of here," he mutters and she pulls away, tears of joy and relief still flowing down her face.

A few minutes (and dead bodies) later, they make it out of the weird ass mansion they're stuck in. Now, of course, the big issue is how the fuck they get out of here. There's no cars he can see.

"I don't want to walk but I will," Carly says, frowning as she looks at her disgusting outfit. "I liked this outfit too."

To be continued hopefully after this headache clears up

@ryleighjosephine

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robronspoilers · 7 years

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Metro: Danny Miller and Ryan Hawley reveal all as Robert tells Aaron he cheated

We caught up with actors Danny Miller and Ryan Hawley who took us through what to expect.

So why does Robert choose to come clean to Aaron about what has happened?

Ryan: When Aaron and Robert come back from holiday, that kind of tells itself over a few episodes. He comes back to Ross blackmailing him and trying to extort him so there is that pressure and he tries to get out of that by going to Rebecca and asking for help. But he kind of sees that maybe it’s time to own up to what he’s done and if he cares so much about Aaron that he should be honest with him and tell him what happened. It’s then a case of leaving that decision to Aaron of whether he wants to be with him or not and just face the consequences.

Does he try and justify what he did?

Ryan: Yeah because there’s a moment between them where they are being intimate in the room together and it boils out and he’s emotional and says “I need to tell you” and there’s quite a long argument between the two. There’s arguments as to why he did it and he tries to justify his reasons for it and why he feels there’s some kind of understanding, some kind of empathy that Aaron could have with him. It’s played out over a double episode.

Does Aaron have any empathy with him?

Danny: Aaron’s history means he’s very hot headed and he acts very quickly and thinks about things later. There is an argument – you can tell that there’s something wrong with your partner and I think that’s when he comes to admit it, there is almost like a moment of “I know what’s coming here” for Aaron so he’s already worked himself up from there. So the typical thing would be to punch Robert or hurt himself. But it’s actually a very different outcome from that. There’s an interesting dynamic that Iain and his team have gone with. It’s more of a mature Aaron reaction rather than the old person he was.

Is that because of what he’s been through recently?

Danny: I think so yeah. It’s also the fact that he’s been in prison for so long, not that he could ever justify what Robert did to Aaron. He can kind of see past it because it wasn’t as though this was an affair, it wasn’t as though it was going on for months – it was a one night stand. It’s nice that the audience will expect him to fly off the handle but he doesn’t automatically, not straight away anyway.

Is this the direction we will see Aaron take from now on?

Danny: I don’t know what the plans are because the fact that Robert has done that is going to have an impact on Liv for example, in their home and their new little family life so he’s thinking of that but he’s trying to be that family person, a more mature, grown-up Aaron who says “let’s sit down and talk about it” – but by no means is he okay with it!

Trust has always been a big issue, how much more can Aaron take after this?

Danny: I’m not sure. Gordon took his trust and broke it and that’s where it’s all come from. And Chas did as well when she kicked him out when she was younger. So trust is a big thing and Robert’s broken that trust so I suppose it’ll always be there.

Aaron’s had so much that’s happened to him as a result of what Gordon did – the person that he made him be, the memories that he’s left with him. In this case it’s like, “I went to prison because of my trust issues, because of beating up this person” and it has this chain, knock-on effect and actually when you look at the back of it, he was in prison because of Gordon.

So if Gordon takes Robert away, he’s won again hasn’t he? It’ll be interesting to see how that will turn out but there are definitely trust issues – there always have been with Robert. But he’s just made it worse!

There is a scene where we see Aaron with a piece of glass that implies he may self harm again…

Danny: That’s the typical thing that Aaron does and that’s really coming off the back of the prison sentence. He’s always self-loathed, he’s always self-harmed and that’s the way he deals with it. So I think that’s quite interesting that they’ve put it back in there but we don’t see what happens. The history tells us that he’s going to turn to that to deal with it, so we’ll see how that unfolds.

The online reaction to this storyline is huge – do you prefer to stay away from social media, Ryan?

Ryan: Not being on social media doesn’t make you completely immune to everything that’s being said about you. Obviously we talk, and other cast members and such. And it was to be expected that a portion of the audience who are very supportive of Robert and Aaron’s relationship were going to feel very angry but that’s drama!

So what do you think of the angry and passionate reactions to the story?

Ryan: It’s not really any of my business what people want to say about the characters. It’s there for them to watch and have those feelings. I’d rather not take part in it.

How does Robert feel about Rebecca?

Ryan: He loves Aaron and he really regrets this, he didn’t want to do it and it wasn’t for any means of gratification, he didn’t have some burning desire for her. It was a moment where he felt rock bottom, thought that the two of them were over and he’s got that bitterness and he’s an unhinged character. That comes out sometimes and it has big repercussions that are going to get in the way of this relationship.

There’s nothing he can do about that now other than try and rescue this relationship. That’s really what that is, you seeing that other side of his personality and him using that to get what he wants and to prevent Aaron from getting hurt.

How will Aaron feel towards Rebecca?

Danny: Naturally very angry. Emily (Head, who plays Rebecca) and I had a conversation about it and said that “how could you ever look at that person in the same way?” She wanted to help Aaron and she wanted to warn him off Robert a little bit but all she’s done is add to the problem. So at that moment in time he’s very angry with her but then he goes to have a conversation with her and the tables turn a little bit.

The conversation that Emily and I had was that Robert did say to her “we are over” so it’s more on Robert than it is on Rebecca but Rebecca kind of just jumped into bed with him on the evening that they finished so that was the main reason that people are angry with the pair of them. But at the end of the day, how it was played out was that Aaron was having his own difficulties and making it more difficult for Robert, so Aaron self-harms and Robert hurts people around him so that’s exactly what he’s done in this case.

Would you like to see Robert become a dad?

Ryan: Figuratively it would certainly affect the relationship between Aaron and Robert if a baby were to come out of this. There would be two different tangents, they would be drastically different from each other. I enjoy everything they write for us. We’re really lucky, they give us some great opportunities and some fantastic drama and personally I’m very lucky to be involved in it. And I know Danny does as well.

#robron #week 21 (2017)#aaron #robert #rebecca #cast #danny miller #ryan hawley #metro #170522 #170523 #170524 #170525 #170526

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allofbeercom · 6 years

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Scrumdiddlyumptious! My Roald Dahl top 10

Whose glass eye ended up in a beer mug? And how did Mrs Twit get the shrinks? Find out as our writer picks her favourite stories

Matilda

Illustration: Quentin Blake

At 14, I was technically too old for this book when it came out in 1988, but I still swallowed it whole. I loved the set pieces (Miss Trunchbull hammer-throwing children by their plaits through windows) and Matildas thrilling combination of intelligence, coolness under pressure and flair for the dramatic. So much power concentrated in one tiny mind.

It was the last full-length childrens book Dahl wrote and he seems to have given himself permission to put a little bit more heart in it than he had done in anything since The BFG and for that alone it has mine.

The Enormous Crocodile

The enormous crocodile has but one thought on its mind: to eat as many children as he can via the adoption of various, not-quite-impenetrable disguises. One for the very youngest readers, and I can say no more without creating infant spoilers, a low to which I will not stoop.

Fantastic Mr Fox

When kids are a very little bit older, they can move on to this immensely satisfying story of Boggis, Bunce, Bean, a host of fat chickens and a display of reynardian trickery as old as time.

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Born of Dahls famous and enduring love of chocolate, this is an unfairytale for our times. Its elemental simplicity a poor but honest hero and four ambulant essences of the greatest juvenile vices who are justly rewarded and punished during their chocolate factory odyssey made it a bestseller from the moment it was published, over 50 years ago.

The BFGs scrumdiddlyumptious may just have made it into the OED, but a Golden Ticket has long been a byword for any access-all-areas pass, while Willy Wonka is shorthand for any mercurial, mesmeric figure or creator of some barely believable breakthrough.

Charlie is many childrens first introduction to Dahl. He takes you by the hand and leads you as firmly as Willy Wonka does Charlie into an edifice of delights.

Danny, the Champion of the World

Often overlooked, perhaps because it is the book set most firmly in the real world with less explosively Dahlesque moments. The plot to poach the local landowners pheasants is pleasingly intricate and painstakingly worked out, but without magic potions, bottom burps or anyone being sent for slicing in the fudge room. Still, this is a lovely book about the relationship between a boy and his father and about how really, really stupid pheasants are.

James and the Giant Peach

Dahls first book for children. He had already made a name as a writer of macabre short stories for adults but his astute agent Sheila St Lawrence felt there was something shifting around in there for children and kept encouraging him to find it. She was right. Jamess parents are eaten by an escaped rhinoceros (in full daylight, mind you, and on a crowded street) on the second page and were away.

Another edifice of delights Dahl outside the shed where he wrote. Photograph: Ian Cook/Time Life Pictures/Getty Images

The Witches

A favourite with Dahls critics because it offers the most fertile ground in which to plant the charges of misogyny that periodically came his way. (Well argue about their legitimacy some non-centenary celebrating day. For what its worth, I think of him as an alpha-male misanthrope and love him for it.)

This is a favourite with children because its the perfect story of right in the form of a hero (turned into a mouse by bald, blue-spittled witches) and his beloved grandmother winning out over might. It also contains the quintessential Dahl happy ending. The hero realises that as a mouse he has a much shorter lifespan than he would as a boy and thus his grandmother and he are likely to die together. An altogether bracing read.

The BFG

Its fast, funny and furiously charming. If Willy Wonka was Dahls younger, harder secret self, the BFG is his older, more avuncular avatar. He is a maker of dreams who spirits the heroine Sophie (named after his granddaughter – the book is dedicated to her, too) away when she spies him at his nightly work and together they save the worlds children from human bean-eating giants.

When Quentin Blake came to illustrate the book, he couldnt work out what the BFG should wear on his feet. He consulted Dahl. Through the post a few days later came one of Dahls own huge, battered Norwegian leather sandals. And those are what the BFG wears.

The Twits

Like all writers, Dahl had an ideas notebook. One of the scribbled lines in it ran: Beer stealing. An old boy dropped his glass eye into the tankard. He then saw it looking up at him.

From such tiny acorns do fabulously diseased oak trees grow. This time, it gave us the glorious grotesquerie that is The Twits. I remember vividly the story being read to us in primary school. The spaghetti worms! The Hugtight glue on the Big Dead Tree! And consequently bird pie every week and one quartet of boys slipping out of their arbour-adhering trousers and running away with their naked bottoms winking at the sun! The penny-sized pieces of wood being added to Mrs Twits walking stick to make her think shed got the shrinks!

You think I had to look any of this up to refresh my memory? You underestimate the power of Dahl. The glass eye, of course, is Mrs Twits and turns up at the bottom of her unbeloved husbands beer mug. Nice.

Its a pure shot of happiness/disgust for younger readers who dont yet feel the need for a little light and shade in their stories – and indeed for older readers who occasionally feel life and literature is altogether too full of grey areas and would like to drill back down to basics.

The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

A collection of short stories for what would now be called a YA audience, and a fine bridge between Dahls childrens books and his adult work. The Swan still hurts my heart, The Mildenhall Treasure still has me writhing in exquisite agony, and The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar itself still has me sighing in complete satisfaction.

It also contains Dahls first ever published story, about crashlanding in Libya during the war, and an essay Lucky Break – about how he came to write it. CS Forester (Dahl was moving in quite glamorous circles during and after the war) had been commissioned to write a story for the Saturday Evening Post about Dahls experience and Dahl offered to send him some notes, which turned out to be publishable in their own right. A lucky break for us all.

Buy Lucy Mangans book Inside Charlies Chocolate Factory at the Guardian Bookshop.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/scrumdiddlyumptious-my-roald-dahl-top-10/

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flauntpage · 6 years

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Baker Mayfield's Crotch, Wiscy Is for Real, and More: The Week in College Football

Welcome back to The Weekend in College Football, VICE Sports' new column. Each week, we'll take you through everything you missed on Saturday (or, God forbid, Friday night), the things worth learning, and look ahead to what happens next. Enjoy.

1st and 10

Michigan–Wisconsin was the only marquee game on this week’s slate, and it doubled as a long-awaited referendum on Wisconsin’s legitimacy as a playoff contender. Consider the test passed.

On face value, this was a paint-by-numbers Badger victory. Jonathan Taylor churned out 132 rushing yards, the defense held the Wolverines’ offense to 234 total yards, and Alex Hornibrook was a ho-hum nine of 19 for 143 yards, a touchdown, and a pick.

In reality, Hornibrook answered major questions about his mettle by nailing several key throws late in the third quarter, including a 24-yard touchdown pass to A.J. Taylor. Consequently, he forced Michigan defensive coordinator Don Brown to cut down on his overloaded fronts, which freed up Taylor to come into his own and put the game on ice.

None of this is to say that Hornibrook is the sort of player who can will the Badgers to postseason victories; he isn’t, at least not yet. But Michigan’s defense, ranked sixth by S&P+, is a championship-caliber unit and Hornibrook did enough to best it. It certainly doesn’t hurt, either, that in Taylor, Troy Fumagalli, and Danny Davis, the Badgers have their most talented stable of pass catchers in years (and that’s without leading receiver Quintez Cephus, who is out for the season).

This is still an uphill climb for Wisconsin—from convincing the selection committee to look past a soft schedule, to defeating an overwhelmingly talented Ohio State team, to possibly taking down two playoff teams—but on Saturday the Badgers proved that, if nothing else, it’s worth taking them seriously while they try.

2nd and 8

On a weekend devoid of many high-stakes games, most of the other headlines went to Baker Mayfield, who went out and talked some shit. That is a fairly regular occurrence these days, but let’s delve into Saturday’s incident with Kansas.

The Jayhawks fired the first shot in the opening coin toss when they declined to shake Mayfield’s hand. The Heisman frontrunner took all the others by driving the Sooners to a 41-3 victory, grabbing his crotch, apparently yelling “Fuck you” at the opposing sideline, and telling Kansas fans to stick to basketball.

Considering the perpetually dismal state of affairs that is Jayhawk football, that last point is 100,000 percent justified. The rest, a little less so—but it was eminently predictable, considering the blatant provocation as well as the person Kansas was trying to needle. It is exactly what Johnny Manziel would have done, and by now we’ve seen enough of Mayfield to regard him as the on-field second coming of Johnny Football, with all of the moxie and the extemporizing and an abject refusal to take bullshit.

None of it should overshadow the fact that there are only a few opportunities left to marvel at one of the most unique careers in college football history, one propelled by the very same qualities that led Mayfield to end a war of words using firepower that’s a little too heavy-duty. He’s flawed and he’s great, and he’s great because he’s flawed. All that’s left to do is see Mayfield pick up a trophy that validates the total experience.

Clip of the Week

Bronze: Boston College has been one of this season’s pleasant surprises, and A.J. Dillon is a major reason why. The 240-pound Connecticut native has been the nation’s best true freshman tailback outside of Wisconsin’s transcendent Jonathan Taylor, routinely blasting through piles en route to 1,239 rushing yards and ten rushing touchdowns on 245 carries. This, against UConn, is some of his best work:

Silver: UCLA came up short against crosstown rival USC, but that’s not on Jordan Lasley. The junior from Compton ripped off a monumental ten receptions for 204 yards and three touchdowns, and none of it was more dynamic than an early fourth-quarter snare that ricocheted off two Trojan defenders into his right hand.

Gold: Not to be outdone, USC deployed one of football’s ballsiest, sneakiest plays: the fake punt return. Rodger Sherman wrote a good explainer of how it works a few years ago but, in a nutshell, the returning team shifts its returner and almost all of its blockers away from the ball, thus drawing the punting team, which generally eyes the returner instead of the ball, along for the ride. Meanwhile, a blocker—in this case, USC sophomore wide receiver Michael Pittman—snares the punt on the other side of the field, where he can run almost unopposed to the end zone.

On Saturday, it worked to perfection. Take a good look, because something this beautiful only graces the football landscape every once in a rare while.

3rd and 1

Farewell to Jim Mora Jr., whom UCLA fired Sunday after nearly six seasons at the helm. Mora brought some good times to Westwood: three consecutive victories over USC from 2012 through 2014, multiple weeks in the AP Top 10 poll, several iconic players including Miles Jack and Anthony Barr.

But there is only one true mandate in Westwood, and the longer Mora’s tenure dragged, the more apparent it became that he was no more capable of wresting control of Los Angeles from USC than Rick Neuheisel, Karl Dorrell, and Bob Toledo were before him. Consequently, he was given the same exit as Neuheisel and Dorrell, and canned less than 48 hours after losing to USC one last time.

It’s odd timing. The Bruins played the Trojans closer than they had in either of the past two seasons, and a win at home against Cal will put UCLA back in a bowl game after missing out last season. UCLA forked over $12 million to pay Mora’s buyout, so this wasn’t a cheap goodbye, either.

Put it together, and it’s obvious that athletic director Dan Guerrero will be big-game hunting in what might be his last crack at a major coaching hire. Does that mean Chip Kelly? The internet rumor mill says yes, but the Bruins will have no shortage of well-funded competitors hoping to lure the former Oregon boss back to the college game. Speaking of which…

Punt

Not long ago, Oregon was college football’s cutting edge. A cornucopia of flashy uniforms. The warp-speed offense. Facilities that looked like spaceships. The Ducks were the Joneses and everyone else was simply trying to keep up. Fast forward to 2017 and Oregon’s out here ripping off Miami’s vaunted turnover chain with a hunk of metal that looks like a second-grade art project.

The chain has become one of the biggest stories of the season, so someone inevitably was going to appropriate it. It’s just disappointing that Oregon, of all schools, would not only be the first to try but somehow make it look so lame along the way.

Player Who Deserves to Be Paid This Week

Kansas State snuck past 13th-ranked Oklahoma State in Stillwater, a game that they seemingly had no business winning. How’d that happen? By Byron Pringle popping the top off of the Cowboys’ defense. (I’ll let you decide whether the pun is intended or not.) The junior receiver became the first player in Big 12 history to catch three touchdown passes and return a kickoff for a touchdown in the same game, and finished the afternoon averaging 41.5 yards per reception. A little money probably goes a long way in Manhattan, Kansas, so someone give Pringle even some of what he rightfully deserves so he can have a nice night out in the Little Apple.

Coach Who Does Not

I’ve written plenty of words about Kirk Ferentz and the stale marriage Iowa has locked itself into with the longest-tenured coach in college football, so I’ll spare you a rehash of the bigger picture. For better or worse, they’re stuck with each other until 2026, and while that occasionally yields moments like a smackdown of Ohio State, a letdown like Saturday is never too far off in the distance.

It isn’t just that Iowa lost to Purdue at home. It’s that it took genuine effort for a 24-15 defeat to even remain that close. Iowa was the more talented team but the Boilermakers played hungrier while their young head coach, the ascending Jeff Brohm, looked hungrier and, by Ferentz’s own admission, bamboozled Iowa’s coaching staff. Prior to the season, Ferentz drew some headlines by forfeiting $50,000 of his $2.47 million salary. A loss like this ought to mean returning much more.

Obscure College Football Team of Note

Say hello to the Stony Brook Seawolves, who were mere seconds away from a deflating loss to Maine. Now watch this clip and say goodbye to Maine’s grip on this game when wide receiver Harrison Jackson reels in a Hail Mary from quarterback Joe Carbone as time expires to bump the Seawolves to 9-2 on the season:

Something to Look Forward To

In a weekend rife with rivalry games, the Iron Bowl stands out among the rest. Not only is it a matchup of top-ten—and possibly top-five—teams, but Auburn represents a stiff roadblock for Alabama ahead of an SEC Championship Game date with Georgia.

The only means of ever stopping the Crimson Tide is to take the game to them up front, and the Tigers are among the very few with a defensive line potent enough to slow Alabama’s vaunted ground game. The offense is another story, but Jarrett Stidham is the most talented quarterback Gus Malzahn has had since Cam Newton, and he doesn’t turn the ball over, either. The Tigers will still be comfortable underdogs, but there’s enough on hand to at least pester Alabama, which is about as much as any team can hope for these days.

And if Auburn somehow punches above its weight? Strap in for playoff chaos.

Baker Mayfield's Crotch, Wiscy Is for Real, and More: The Week in College Football published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 6 years

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Baker Mayfield’s Crotch, Wiscy Is for Real, and More: The Week in College Football

Welcome back to The Weekend in College Football, VICE Sports’ new column. Each week, we’ll take you through everything you missed on Saturday (or, God forbid, Friday night), the things worth learning, and look ahead to what happens next. Enjoy.

1st and 10

Michigan–Wisconsin was the only marquee game on this week’s slate, and it doubled as a long-awaited referendum on Wisconsin’s legitimacy as a playoff contender. Consider the test passed.

2nd and 8

Clip of the Week

On Saturday, it worked to perfection. Take a good look, because something this beautiful only graces the football landscape every once in a rare while.

3rd and 1

Punt

Player Who Deserves to Be Paid This Week

Coach Who Does Not

Obscure College Football Team of Note

Something to Look Forward To

And if Auburn somehow punches above its weight? Strap in for playoff chaos.

Baker Mayfield’s Crotch, Wiscy Is for Real, and More: The Week in College Football syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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bestnewsmag-blog · 7 years

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New Post has been published on Bestnewsmag

New Post has been published on https://bestnewsmag.com/scientists-across-the-world-take-to-the-streets-to-demand-freedom-from-political-interference/

Scientists across the world take to the streets to demand freedom from political interference

The sector noticed mind strength take an exceptional form on Saturday.

From the Washington Monument to Germany’s Brandenburg Gate or even to Greenland, scientists, college students, and studies advocates rallied on an often soggy Earth Day, conveying a global message about clinical freedom without political interference, the want for ok spending for destiny breakthroughs, and the sheer cost of scientific interests.

They got here in numbers that had been large if no longer quite astronomical.

“We didn’t choose to be in this warfare, but it has come to the factor where we need to combat because the stakes are too excellent,” said Dr. Michael Mann, a Pennsylvania Nation University climate scientist who often clashes with politicians. President Donald Trump, in an Earth Day declaration hours after the marches kicked off, stated that “rigorous technology depends not on ideology, however on a spirit of honest inquiry and sturdy debate.”

Denis Hayes, who co-organised the first Earth Day 47 years in the past, stated the gang he saw from the speaker’s platform down the street from the White House became energized and “magical” in a rare manner, similar to what he saw inside the first Earth Day.

“For this kind of climate, that is a super crowd. You’re now not available these days unless you certainly care. This isn’t always a stroll inside the park event,” Mr. Hayes said of the occasion inside the park.

Dr. Mann stated that like different scientists, he could rather be in his lab, the field, or teaching students. but driving his advocacy were officials who deny his studies that indicate rising global temperatures. When he went on the degree, he obtained the largest applause for his easy commencing: “I am a weather scientist.”

In Los Angeles, Danny Lederman, the 26-yr-old director of digital media for the county’s Democratic birthday party, stated “We used to appearance up to intelligence and aspire to research more and do extra with that intellectual interest. And we have long gone from there to a society wherein … Our officials and representatives belittle science and that they belittle intelligence. And we really need a culture alternate.”

The rallies in greater than six hundred cities placed scientists, who generally shrink back from advocacy and whose work depends on goal experimentation, into a more public position.

Scientists said they were demanding about the political and public rejection of set up technology such as climate trade and the protection of vaccine immunizations.

“Scientists locate it appalling that proof has been crowded out via ideological assertions,” said Rush Holt, a former physicist and Democratic congressman who runs the Yankee Association for the Advancement of science. “It isn’t just about Donald Trump, but there is also absolute confidence that marchers are saying ‘When the shoe fits’.”

In spite of saying the march was now not partisan, Mr. Holt recounted it turned into only dreamed up on the Women’s March in Washington, a day after Mr. Trump’s January 20 inauguration.

However, the rallies were also approximately what technology does for The sector.

“The general public don’t know how a whole lot funding for the sciences helps them of their lives every day. Every medical leap forward, their food, apparel, our cell phones, our computers, all this is technological know-how-primarily based,” stated Pati Vitt, a plant scientist at the Chicago Botanic Lawn. “So if we forestall investment scientific discoveries now, in 10 years, something we would have had won’t be; we just may not have it.”

Sparkling Stem Cells Assist Scientists Understand How Cells Paintings It’s tough to peer the underlying troubles with bare eyes, whilst the whole thing is going on easily. As soon as something is going incorrect, we observe it, irrespective of how vintage the problem has been there. Human frame isn’t any exceptional. Scientists are only capable of having a look at the cells, once they start performing bizarre. However, the reality remains, if they get the access to have a look at the healthy cells, they are able to make contributions lots to figure out how normal cells Work and what it would take to keep them wholesome.

The Allen Institute for Cellular Technology scientists has exactly accomplished that. They invented a brand new era so that it will genetically adjust human stem cells, so they glow! Sure, you heard it proper. The gene-editing generation is known as CRISPR/Cas9. The final intention of the research group of the Allen Institute was to Assist researchers to determine out how excellent-conditioned cells Paintings and what occurs when they begin doing sick.

The scientists inserted a genetic code into the cord tissue cells, in order that they invent fluorescent colored proteins within the nucleus in addition to in the mitochondria of the cells. when they attempted to observe the stem cells under a fluorescent microscope, they found them Glowing. The system guarantees a tool to observe how human stem cells Paintings in numerous organs.

Ruwanthi Gunawardane, The director of stem cells on the Allen Institute said, “We are seeking to Apprehend how the Cellular behaves, how it functions, however flooding it with some outside protein can truly mess it up”, he brought, “the CRISPR machine permits us to go into the DNA-the blueprint-and insert a gene that allows the Cellular to specific the protein in its regular surroundings. Then, thru stay imaging, we are able to watch the Cellular and Understand how it works.”

The manner of creating the stem cells illuminated may additionally sound easy but it required the crew to run via several methods to ultimately provide you with the full evidence tool. Preceding experiments showed the cells flooded with fluorescent proteins and the consequences have been doubtful pictures.

The gene-edited cord tissue cells may be utilized in some of the cases starting from improving on the regeneration manner in organs and tissues to monitoring and treating drug users. But, the Allen Institute scientists have already commenced implementing them to study coronary heart conditions. They used the illuminated stem Cellular lines to Recognize how otherwise stem cells act in heart tissues. They have brought acquainted sickness-inflicting adjustments to the stem cells with a view to recognizing the dissimilarities among the wholesome and dangerous circulatory structures.

Rick Horwitz, the govt director of the Allen Institute for Mobile Science said, “The quantity of scientists doing fundamental biology with wire tissue cells is low, But the hobby in the use of them to create ailment-in-a-dish models is developing explosively. We think these cells will greatly allow that Work.” He truly believes that gene enhancing becomes one of the most famous gears in stem cells medical research.

The group has already built five forms of Sparkling Cellular strains and has plans to create 20 stem Cell lines by way of the end of 2017. Every Cellular line might be unique and could come with a completely unique cellular pattern. The genetically edited cells are available to scientists around the arena.

A Tour of the Grandest Museums Around the sector If a person has been to invite me what the maximum important locations inside the global are, my solution could be easy. the arena’s maximum crucial places are the museums due to the fact this is in which we keep our records. this is wherein we examine from the beyond, renowned the honor of our ancestors and their lifestyle and make plans about the destiny on the same time. Museums can educate us so much, even about the present handiest if we appearance difficult enough. This text is for everybody who believes that museums can come up with the concept to live and for anyone who doesn’t as nicely. Here’s a listing of the world’s biggest museums which have the largest collection of ancient artifacts underneath one roof. And in case you’re a person who does no longer have an awful lot journey experience, have a observe some clean methods to shop for airline tickets

1. The Louvre, Paris This monument of Paris is the holder of the name for the world’s largest Museum freedom. that is positioned at the Proper Bank of the Seine of Paris. This museum homes a total of 35,000 items and includes gadgets that have been dated as prehistoric together with items part of the modern-day day 21t century records. This area is the second most famous place for vacationers to visit in Paris (the first one being the Eiffel Tower). This museum is likewise the house of Leonardo Da Vinci’s most well-known painting up to now – The Mona Lisa. Virtually well worth seeing even in case you’re no longer partial to records.

2. Metropolitan Museum of Art the second biggest museum of the arena and the biggest one within the United states of America of America, this museum is placed in The big apple. The gathering here includes approximately 2 million works and the museum has seventeen subdivided departments that control them. The building for this museum is near the Important Park. Going here, you get to gaze at works with diverse backgrounds (from painting and sculptures from Europe to antiques from the corners of Egypt). This museum actually has all of it.

three. The State Hermitage Museum, St Petersburg This museum houses portions of Artwork and subculture in St. Petersburg Russia. It turned into opened by to the public in 1852 and became created through Catherine the Super in 1754. The gathering here consists of three million pieces.

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