#when you try so hard and fail so hard

[whore4batfam]

Bruce put his head in his hands.

"I don't want that," he said, not looking up. "I want you to want to be good, I want you to want to be better. It's not about consequences and punishments. It's about who you are."

#:(((( #i wrote this years and years ago #and now as an older adult it makes me sad and hurts me #when you try so hard and fail so hard #and you’re trying to raise *people* and everything feels like it’s your fault if they’re. well. people. #we seek perfection and for us perfection means ‘better than me’ #be better than me be better than me #and in the meantime children keep saying ‘look at me! look at ME’ #and you say what’s there to look at? you’re so young you have to build yourself. I’m here if you need me #I’m here if you need me why don’t you take my hand #and they don’t see you there and won’t take your hand because that feels like a betrayal #they need to be a person. they NEED to be a person #and if you’re there how can they truly be a person?? #and you understand and you step back and you look at them go #and don’t even wait for the day for them to look back #you just keep praying ‘better than me. better than me’

[natjennie]

something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.

#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting #as her deity being overcome with rage #something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard #and something about people loving you anyway #something about 'your anger isnt scary to me' #as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD #something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself #and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something #but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up #and how mad that makes you. at yourself. #this fight is so much #fhjy #d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high

[theallegedbird]

get ushankaed losers

#id in alt #cheil my new otp #trying so hard not to get my hopes up that is actually them or some alt version of them #failing miserably #when i tell you i screamed when i heard their voices.. #drew this all just with the lasso tool so i could feel something #tmagp #the magnus protocol #tmagp spoilers #tmagp fanart #tma #the magnus archives #tma fanart #the magnus protocol fanart #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #fanart #avery draws #cw eyestrain #cw bright colours #1k #2k

[bitchthefuck1]

It's kind of funny that Kendall and Shiv are both equally delusional about their ability to charm people for business and somehow think they can do it even though they choke almost every single time, whereas it's like the one thing Roman is consistently good at despite being the "least legitimate" option.

I think part of this comes down to the fact that Shiv and Kendall both have very clear ideas of the versions of themselves they're trying to be and the images they're trying to project, and they're trying so hard to be seen that way that they end up coming off as a little desperate and off-putting. Meanwhile Roman "knows" that there's something wrong with him and he's worthless, so he doesn't get sucked into the trap of trying to force people to see his idea of himself and instead molds himself into whatever he thinks the other person wants from him because that's the only way he can compensate for "being him," which works very well in the short term but also means he's the least capable of maintaining any relationship for very long because he has no sense of self.

#this was going to be a joke about kendall consistently failing to charm anyone that isn't stewy (and still for some reason thinking he's #good at it) but then i thought about it too hard and started connecting dots #but it is really interesting on a character level to analyze the different ways the siblings act when they're trying to win someone over #kendall and shiv will try to find common ground but they always end up pushing too hard and overplaying their hands because they're #focussing too much on wanting to get the person to take them seriously or see them the way they want to be seen #and roman will test the waters a bit but not say anything definitive until he get the person talking and can see what it is they want #and then just says whatever it is he thinks they want to hear #which also makes a lot of sense with the abuse dynamics since he was the one most likely to actually get hit so the goal is to just make #sure dad never gets angry at you and tell him whatever you need to to avoid that because the consequences will be worse #anyways its 2 am here you go #succession #kendall roy #shiv roy #roman roy

[governmentmandatedryujinstan420]

releasing this from the hj discord dungeon because the public populace was in agreement also i'm chronically offline on tumblr and need to fix that for my chronically online ahh

#hand jumper #webtoon #sayeon lee #she couldn't even enjoy herself once she gets into the decent university because she got sent to the corps sayeon lee my giiirl #SHE'LL NEVER BE ABLE TO BASK IN THE GLORY OF VALEDICTORIAN BECAUSE SHE WAS CONSCRIPTED 😭 #bro she's built like those kids in school who dump social interaction the moment exam season comes around #she's built like and earned that first honours fr. #but the corps said nah so she did the one thing those kids do make life even HARDER for themselves #even if in context it's no even hard it's just a matter of survival in the corps so success is the only option lest you die #hj reminds me of kaiji a lot with how they handle this but they're like two different genres but i digress #so she created TWO short term goals that forced her to hammer down her if not reinforce her previous values/beliefs #and if you read fp or wait until this tuesday lemme tell you rn it gets worse #which force her back into her shell and wall she's built #which is fucked up bc juni's wall is coming down when cell 4 didn't die as quick as she'd thought and surpassed her expectations #sayeon try not to be any characters narrative foil/parallel challenge fail 1000% speedrun #this only gets worse in fp and while this was in my drafts since the morning #i will say i literally just had a conversation abt this with my g bigbrainmanyvibes before prematurely leaving for lunch #but i set an alarm to actually post all the memes i made here so imma do this one now then the rest later #JOIN THE HJ DISCORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S FUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND WAY EASIER TO USE!!!!![to me......] #PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #that's it for my obligatory plug for the hj discord you can stop reading now i you haven't already stopped because i make this thing a diar #anw GLORY TO SAYJIN NATION!!!!!!!!!

[genderfcker]

do you ever think about how NONE of the gangsey really had friends before they met each other besides henry? the only people we know gansey interacted with before meeting adam and ronan are people like mallory, who i wouldn't really count as super close friends. we know blue was the odd girl at school. that the only people adam seems to really interact with are gansey, ronan, and noah at the start of the raven boys. we know ronan was close with his brothers, but never mentions any close friends growing up. even noah is only really described as having one close friend (whelk) in high school, and we all know how that one ended up.

i think a lot about how messy the friendships are in that group, but it wasn't until today that i realized that part of the reason might be because none of them have really had friends before. it makes sense that henry, the ONE person who actually seems to have friends besides the gangsey, is also the one who is the most upfront with getting friends, and the one who seems to be really good at picking up his new friends' strengths. he's already been there before, so he knows how to interact within groups like that. everyone else is still figuring out that dynamic all throughout the series.

#it also explains why adam has so much trouble opening up to his new friends at harvard in the dreamer trilogy #his one standard is the gangsey #and more specifically gansey #he tries mimicking gansey's method of gathering people down on their luck because that's the ONLY thing he knows #but gansey is also not the best at opening up to people #so adam never once really thinks about how to do that #especially when everything that happened in henrietta within the gangsey was generally group knowledge since its a small town #its hard to hide things there #you can even make an argument for ronan struggling so much in the trilogy because he's never had long distance friendships before #he's still trying to figure it out #but failing miserably at it #the gangsey #trc #the raven cycle #gansey iii #richard campbell gansey iii #adam parrish #ronan lynch #blue sargent #noah czerny #henry cheng

[rileys-battlecats]

i really gotta get better about listening to my own brain and needs when i'm making things. i've been working on a video and i'm almost finished (yippee!!), but drawing this One Specific Frame was giving me trouble. i could have just brute-forced my way through it and finalized the initial sketch, since it was relatively good enough. but instead i left it and took a day off from working on the project, let myself recharge, and came back to the sketch with fresh eyes today. and what do you know, my redrawn sketch today is WAY better! now, i can finalize that frame and be genuinely proud of it, instead of just powering through on something i was less than happy with.

i hadn't done any other art stuff that day when i couldn't get my sketches to look right, so letting myself stop and have a break from the project felt sort of "unearned" i guess. but it's just. what i needed! and the break did what i needed it to do; i was able to come back later and make something i could be proud of.

anyway i guess this is me saying that, if you're like me and have this weird morality-complex about letting yourself rest, it's ok to take breaks, even if you feel like you haven't "earned" one yet :)

#rye.txt #growing up i got very accustomed to ignoring my own needs and just 'powering through' when i wanted/needed to get something done #which worked out relatively ok for me in school (banging my head against a wall until my brain absorbed information leading to exhaustion) #but now that im doing work that is ostensibly for my own enjoyment #i have a hard time divorcing myself from that mindset #i feel guilty if im not constantly working #which is. not great! so im trying to unlearn that #trying to let myself think 'ok my brain isn't brain-ing right now. so i should stop and rest/do something else' #my actual job is Very Emotionally Draining so sometimes i just. can't find the energy to work on my art #which sucks!! cause i love making art!! and then i think to myself 'maybe making art will make you feel better' #but then when i try it's like scraping the bottom of a dry well. trying to find water #when what i need to do is rest and let the water well up from the ground itself #but resting is HARD when you tie your self-worth to how much you can work #ough ok this got a little vent-y sorry guys #I don't want to let myself fall into the 'content creation' mindset. cause I don't think i make 'content' i make ART #and art isn't something you can just pump out mindlessly #good art. art that i can be PROUD of. that takes time and intent and energy. and I can't make that if im just scraping the bottom of a well #vent in tags #this whole post is just 'riley vs the concept that taking breaks is a moral failing'

[americanprometheuss]

aegon saying (in episode 8) that whatever he does, no matter how hard he tries, would never be enough for alicent literally stabbed in me gut. because here’s her firstborn son, her FIRST child, the very best and very worst parts of herself made human - and he’s saying everything that she’s said to otto before.

he’s begging for love and attention and to be let go from the chains of his duty, and what does she do? she ignores aegon’s pleas for freedom and mercy in favor of her and her father’s political agenda.

and i feel like there’s something so gut-wrenching and poetic - in a darker sense - to see this character you watched grow up (alicent) ultimately treat her child, who - emotionally - is a carbon copy of herself (aegon), the same horrifying way she was treated.

#i can sit and talk about aegon and alicent’s relationship for hours on end #there’s something so horrifying in becoming your parent especially when you tried so hard to become the antithesis of them #if someone told her she had become otto alicent 100% would have a breakdown #can you imagine after all these years of trying to love on your children (ESPECIALLY your oldest one) you get told that you failed abysmall #aegon you poor unloved child it’s okay #i mean it isn’t but i’m gonna make everything okay so don’t worry #asoiaf #dance of the dragons #alicent hightower #hotd #team green #aegon ii targaryen #alicent wasn’t the best mother but she tried so that counts for something right?

[worstloki]

something very horrifying about the concept of Thor but not Loki being told that Loki is Jotun when the brothers are old enough to understand the importance of the secret

#so he gets to watch Loki be unfavoured or try to do things and HE KNOWS WHY #but Thor can't SAY anything about it bc he's not supposed to #and Thor obviously has no way to reconcile that Loki is Jotun which means Jotun can't possibly be plain monsters #so Thor and Loki both keep badmouthing the frost giants #Thor gets to watch Loki hate on the frost giants while knowing Loki is one and idk something about that doesn't sit right with him #Thor basically gets to watch Loki fail at things and to Thor it's like 'oh yeah of course he's not as good or doesn't fit in' #he gets to watch and learn bad war stories and that's just how they learn about how horrible the Jotnar are #and i think occasionally Thor would stop to really process that fact #but most of the time Thor is just like. yeah that's a thing but it's not like it matters #even tho Loki being Jotun totally IS an important thing #he's just used to ignoring that it's not since he'd been told pretty far back #and it was apparently never relevant to their parents to inform Loki so *shrug* #ALSO ALSO Loki finding out so long after and being devastated and ''they told you of my parentage did they not?'' #but make it Thor 1 #make it happen when Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor too hjsvfdsh #Loki: I have reason to believe I'm not related to any of you by blood. #Thor: uh well that'd be a little hard wouldn't it #Loki finds out that Thor knew he was adopted/Jotun before him too #lets get that breakdown moving along

[tswwwit]

I know Bill's the big bad demon everyone is afraid of and he will protect his husband at all costs (when no one's looking), but I think it's also worth mentioning that Dipper, even being the dorky, squishy human that he is, also cares about his dumb demon hubby and wants to keep him safe, even if it annoys Bill, and really, he doesn't need protecting the way Dipper does. He isn't going to puff out his chest and get in someone's face like some macho man, but I think Dipper knee-jerk reaction when Bill's in "danger" isn't to just shrug because he's an all-powerful demon who can handle it. If a blast that could level a whole town was aimed at Bill's head (for him, this just means a bad hair day and a new body), Dipper's immediate impulse is to push him out of the way or defend him against whatever wants to kill his familiar. Because he's not thinking "Bill could literally end this match in .3 seconds." He's thinking "if you touch even one hair on that asshole's head, I'm going to knock yours clean off your shoulders." I don't know what the point even is in this post, just that Dipper is this nerdy, unassuming guy who ends up being viciously protective under the right conditions. Like I think Dipper pulls off the bloody and vengeful look SO well that Bill immediately melts and just lets him handle the situation, even though it's not really Dipper's fight to begin with. He's beating the guy to a pulp with zero reserve, and Bill's off to the side swooning and twirling his hair over his man for getting his hands dirty for him.

It's true! While Bill's not the type to enjoy being underestimated, he has to admit! Seeing his adorable husband all riled up on his behalf is a hell of a sight.

The thing is, Dipper's a good guy! He can't help but put himself in danger over others. Even when all reason and logic say that Bill would be absolutely fine if he got his head exploded or a shiv in his kidney, Dipper's instinct is to fully and immediately get in the way of that. To, in fact, be protective.

Mostly this is only evident when Dipper has to stand up to Ford. Yes, yes, Bill's a vile horrible monstrosity, but he didn't do that particular thing you're accusing him of. Watching him stand up to his uncle is a particular treat!

For bigger threats, though - Well. Bill's gonna be absolutely fine, no matter what happens, thank you very much. But he's definitely not opposed to seeing some guy who was about to literally stab him in the back get a few of his teeth knocked out.

#answers #Dipper doesn't like seeing his husband get hurt. Yes Bill likes pain and all but only contextually. And he's immortal. #But Dipper can't help but cringe and wince on his behalf anyway. He talks a lot of shit but he really does love his bastard husband #When it comes to most of the the Ford situations #Bill gets to have fun with those #Dipper's ready to argue on Bill's behalf. Most times. Yes a little head-explodey doesn't keep Bill down but Dipper is NOT a fan #Catch Bill standing just behind Dipper - or even leaping up into his arms and nearly making him topple over - #Only to look very self-satisfied. Going :3 'yes I am babey' #Looking like the perfect innocent cherub he absolutely isn't gets on Ford's nerves in a HUGE way #Both super obnoxious AND it makes his mortal roll his eyes at him. SO fun! #For other times he gets defended it's Bill's turn to roll his eyes #But goddamn if it isn't cute as hell. PLUS it's one of the rare times he actually sees Dipper really riled up #Not in like a flustered argumentative type of way. In an actual Fuck You You're Going Down kinda way #Real stupid that Dipper keeps doing this. But real hard to oppose it when Bill gets such a view outta it! #Also concept: Dipper trying to shield Bill while he's in his real form and feeling a moment of 'oh no' when he fails #Only for like. The knife to go 'tink' off his surface. Bill looks unimpressed #Another reminder for Dipper that yeah okay Bill can handle himself. He feels pretty dumb about it #That's okay DIpper you mean well! Bill will still smooch you for trying #APPROVED.jpeg implied but not included due to me adding too much text

[awkward-teabag]

I have to wonder how many people celebrating AI translation also complain about "broken English" and how obvious it is something was Google translated from another language without a fluent English speaker involved to properly clean up the translation/grammar.

Because I bet it's a lot.

I know why execs are all for it—AI is the new buzzword and it lets them cut jobs thus "save" money and not have to worry about pesky labour laws when one employs humans—but everyone else?

There was some outcry when Crunchyroll fired many of their translators in favour of AI translation (with some people to "clean up the AI's work") but I can't help but think that was in part because it was Japanese-to-English and personally affected them. Same when Duolingo fired many of their translators in favour of LLM translation. Meanwhile companies are firing staff when it's English to another language and there's this idea that that's fine or not as big a deal because English is "easy" to translate and/or because people don't think of how it will impact people in non-English countries.

Also it doesn't affect native English speakers so it doesn't get much headway in the news cycle or online anyway because so much of the dominant media is from English-speaking countries and English-speakers dominate social media.

But different languages have different grammar structures that LLMs don't do, and I grew up on "jokes" about people speaking in "broken English" and mocking people who use the wrong word when it was clearly a literal translation but the meaning was obvious long before LLMs were a thing, too. In fact, the specific way a character spoke broken English has been a way to denote their native tongue for decades, usually in a racist way.

Then Google translate came out and "Google-translated English" became an insult for people and criticism of companies because it was clearly wonky to native speakers. Even now, LLMs—which are heavily trained on English compared to other languages—don't have a natural output so native English speakers can clock LLM-generated text if it's longer than a sentence or two.

But, for whatever reason, it's not seen as a problem when it goes the other way because fuck non-English readers or people who want to read in their native tongue I guess.

#and it's not like no people were doing translations so wonky translations were better than nothing #it's actual translators being fired for a subpar replacement #and anyone who keeps their job suddenly being responsible for cleaning up llm output rather than what they trained in #(which can take just as much time or longer than doing the translation by hand from scratch) #(if you want it done right anyway) #hell to this day i hear people complain about written translations of indigenous words and how they 'aren't english enough' #even though they're using the ipa and use a system white english people came up with in the first place #and you can easily look up the proper pronunciation and hear it spoken #but there's such a double-standard where it's expected that other languages cater to english/english speakers #but that grace and accommodation doesn't go the other way #and it's the failing of non-english speakers when an english translation is broken #you see it whenever monolingual english speakers travel to other countries and utterly refuse to learn the language #but if someone doesn't speak in unaccented (to them) english fluently in their home country the person 'isn't trying hard enough' #this is just the new version of that where non-english speakers are supposed to do more work and put up with subpar translations #even as a native english speaker/writer i get a (much) lesser version of this because i write with canadian spelling #and some people get pissed if their internet experience is disrupted by 'ou' instead of 'o' or '-re' instead of '-er' #because dialects and regional phrasing/spelling is a thing #human translators can (or should) be able to account for it but llms are not smart enough to do so #and that's not even getting into slang and how llms don't account for it #or how llms can put slurs into translations because it doesn't do nuance or context and doesn't know the language #if you ever complained about buying something from another country that came with machine-translated instructions #you should be pissed at companies cutting english-to-[language] staff in favour of glorified google translate #because the companies are effectively saying they're fine with non-native speakers getting a wonky/broken version

[oatbugs]

idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do

#listen. take a deep breath. i know your bpm is high but you need to think with me for a second. #remember that you are paper thin. all your facets are sheets of paper and what you gave her is just another one. #make a new one. you dont need it. you dont need her to see you. i know you think you need her but you will be okay. i know its hard. #you wish you could have shown her how you loved her. listen to yourself. you are made of paper. #she might be concrete or maybe wood or maybe gold. you need to start laying your roots elsewhere. shut that thought down #and blink and listen. the parts you keep thinking of arent lost. they still happened and they are yours to keep. #there is beauty in this loss. tell me about the beauty in this loss. its okay to think about it. you got to see it all and nothing more #and this is great because it would have been bad. you know it would be violent in a way you dont need. you know this to be true. #you are going to look at that empty space in her shape and youre going to fill it with everything that happened when you knew her. #the memories with her but then also the the way your friends talked you through it. the game with the clovers. #your first allergic reaction you almost died and you couldnt stop laughing and you were held so close to their hearts. #learning the names for all the floursecent gene tracking dyes that everyone else knows already. about the exam - listen again. #i know you think if you fail your life is over but you need to try your best. youre not going to get a good grade in a uni test for the fir #youre going to make up for it. youre going to make sure you make up for it. do you understand? i love you. you have to do this. #right now you need to sit up. breathe. i know your heart hurts. go to the living room. grab something to eat. i dont care if you feel full. #youre going to clean your mattress heater. youre going to study a bit longer and then youre going to sleep. youre going to tell your mother #im sorry and i might genuinely fail a test. shes going to tell you its okay. if you do badly in this course you can just become a neurosurg #just agree. dont argue right now. its okay. youre okay. you are paper thin. i know any puncture hurts. #breathe. think of your friends. think of their hands in yours. it isnt eternal.youve lived through worse. the empty sky is still beautiful. #the lack of her is still beautiful

[strawglicks]

no one gets graham payser like i do, he is so pathetic and ugly and everyone seems to think hes sooo hot and slays sooo hard and im over here wondering if we are looking at the same guy

#toontown #toontown corporate clash #ttcc #graham payser #graham ness payser #toontown pacesetter #fellas. i know graham tries so hard to be hot and slay #thats what makes him UNATTRACTIVE. dont you understand. #him trying so hard is PITIFUL if anything. saddening to watch. #i almost felt BAD for him watching his final cutscene. key word ALMOST #like hes good at music ig ill give him that. whatever #but hes not hot . hes not cute . hes SO UGLY TO MEEEE #flint is this ur man???? my condolences #graham trying so hard and failing and being pathetic and a sopping wet cat IS WHAT MAKES HIM FUNNY. #ITS WHAT MAKES HIS CHARACTER SO FUNNY AND AMUSING #watching him fail and be humbled is the best part of his character . anytime i see him try to slay in canon #i can count on the BIT to humble him . #in motm #in the tawney comic #in his battle. when he gets beaten by the toons #in his race against cathal #again and again graham fails and is humbled and its FUNNY and DESERVED. #the bit should always be the priority yall. #and like its not bad to draw him slaying or whatever lmao i do that too #but GENUINELY THINKING he is hot. gurl WHERE. the bar is ON THE FLOOR. #dave brubot is RIGHT THERE yall he slays so much harder #somebody lied to graham several times and told him #he was fly hot sexy and beautiful and he is nothing like that #he is nothing of the sort

[astranauticus]

oh lol i forgot to post this robit sketches! because i have one (1) bit and im sure as hell gonna commit to it apparently

#rolling with difficulty #art I made #'shut your up' is a verbatim quote from an ex classmate i just thought it was funny #i dont think it was intentional i think he was just so angry that Words Failed on him #anyway im absolutely not keeping that maxim design. god i fucking hate clothing design *so* much #austin: 'hes a gold plated mechanite dressed in blue and grey robes' me trying to figure out colour placement: 'what FUCK' #i had one (1) good idea and that was 'skeleton shaped robit' and every other part of that design went to hell apparently #bc all the other mechanites we've had were either like... flesh..? shaped?? like that sorta silhouette (basically most of the old crew) #or more mechanical/geometric (vr-la's designs and like.. k-lb? i guess? if that counts) #so. therefore. bone shaped mechanite. also if i was gonna try that concept on anyone it may as well be maxim if you think about it #idk i thought it would be interesting. and also undertale was my first fandom so uh #ANYWAY. MOVING ON FROM THAT THOUGHT. #this started as a 2am intrusive thought of like #'we (artists in the discord) keep joking abt how k-lb would be a nightmare to draw but like.. how hard is it really' #anyway as you can probably expect. famous last words #i mean genuinely mad respect to noir but i think i said to one of my friends when i showed them this sketch #'i mean this in the nicest way possible but you can just tell he was designed for an audio only storytelling format' LMAO #if anyone is unwise enough to attempt this (so basically @ my future self lmao) #do the lineart and colouring for the wires in front of the inner electricity skeleton (???) and the ones behind it on SEPARATE LAYERS #drew the wires all together then the electricity and had to painstakingly go over the electricity with an eraser it was a fucking nightmare

[pvremichigan]

Whoopsie time

#vent tw #cw vent #I'm stupid to have dropped out of college #now I don't know what I'm doing and I can't do the very passion I set out to do #Animation was my dream and I ruined it for a guy who groomed me and ended up physically abusing me. #I didn't realize trying to animate and failing because I don't understand it no matter what I look up about it would result in a breakdown #Not to mention I'm regressing in my art skill right now. #My art is ASS right now no matter how hard I try to improve it #references... Practice... Doodles... Warmups you name it #nothing is going right and I have the urge to quit art altogether #I'm not going to and I can't bring myself to ever do that but It's aching inside me #I want my art to be good according to me. not others. People can say it's great but if I don't like it... I'm not going to settle for it #I shouldn't have left #I loved college #I loved SELU #I loved my life back then #And now I'm here. And I'm not happy anymore. #Even with writing. I even took a long break from writing and I still can't do it right according to myself. #Now I have no muse or motivation for any of it #I feel empty. And I can't go to therapy because I can't afford the balance on my account. #I just feel like I failed. #I feel like I failed my parents and myself. They always tell me theyre so proud of me but I don't understand how they can be. #Not when I ended up in two severely abusive relationships... Dropped out of college twice... And now work in a factory full time. #Yeah i make decent money in a place I enjoy but it all just feels empty. #I could've been more #i could've done better #[[out of ammo]];; ooc

[musashi]

me, a generally incendiary bitch who refuses to overexplain myself because it annoys me how much i see other autistics feel they have to do that: eh maybe today i will do a little clarifying that i am not trying to be combative

the person who i risk seeming combative to, immediately: OKAY WELL IF YOU ACTUALLY TOOK THE TIME TO READ MY THOUGHTS INSTEAD OF JUST ARGUING WITH ME--

me: nevermind i am never clarifying or explaining myself again

#wordy wendy #i constantly interact with overexplainers and nothing has made me stop overexplaining so quickly #'im so scared of being misunderstood!' #cool. me too. thank you for making me realize how much that is not my fault. #if other people wanna misunderstand me that is their problem and i have always lived my life in service of that #you wanna misunderstand me? die mad about it lol #btu every so often i microdose on overexplaining #just to see if it might serve me well in some scenario #and girl. it never does. #every time without fail it fucks me hdghgfhg #anyways people who want to misunderstand you are going to misunderstand you. #no amount of magic words you can say will convince them otherwise. #stop trying so hard. just live. live and scare away those people and revel in the fact that what is left when theyre all gone #is people who assume good faith in you.