#when i think of the line creators should be more hostile to their audiences? i do think of taliesin

[utilitycaster]

this was a good panel and I'm glad I watched it specifically because Taliesin deservedly has a reputation for coming up with fairly philosophical concepts behind his D&D characters, but also on another level he is just like "what if there were just wretched guy with so many things wrong with them. fucked up, right?" and it nearly always slaps

#taliesin like ashton is not designed as a person who will be happy and we should all go to therapy #critical role #people in panels like taliesin...will your character be happy 🥺 and he's like bold of you to assume they're capable #when i think of the line creators should be more hostile to their audiences? i do think of taliesin #like be a kind and generous person (from everything i've seen) but also don't give the people what they want

[sagau-my-beloved]

What would happen if the creator got jealous instead of Venti?

A Display of Unpleasant Feelings

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mostly comfort, jealousy, self doubt

-

It really was absolutely no secret that Venti was an incredibly beautiful and talented person. So it was never particularly surprising, the amount of attention he would attract.

Still, there was something about it that rubbed you the wrong way, how it felt like you couldn't go out in public for longer than five minutes without somebody giving him a compliment that only thinly veiled the underlying desire.

You just felt so invisible next to him, ever admired him, with his ability to simply draw a spotlight to himself unintentionally.

It didn't bother you at first, or you didn't let it bother you.

This was all to be expected, you should have just felt lucky that he hadn't been found out for what he actually was yet. But every timid smile pointed in his direction by a passing admirer, every person who couldn't seem to keep their eyes off of him when in a conversation with the both of you, every server and waiter and store clerk who seemed to not acknowledge your existence at all when he was next to you...

Your resolve was slowly being chipped away at, which led to a plethora of negative feelings...

It wasn't his fault, but that knowledge did little to subside the more aggressive feelings of jealousy and selfishness and almost hostility at how perfect he was, how easily he could be liked.

Venti was yours, by his own choice no less. None of the people whose eyes lingered, whose smiles faltered slightly at how he so proudly declared you two to be together, had any claim to him.

It was a nice thought, and Venti made sure to reassure it at every given possibility.

"Oh course I would prefer to be here with you my love." He gave you a lopsided smile, not faltering slightly in his denial of the want to go out to one of the many so called 'get togethers' he had recently been invited to after his most recent performance.

Really, the performances were the worst.

The times in which all eyes were on him, admiring him as he played something soft and sweet, something brimming with his love for you that the audience members were more than happy to direct at themselves instead.

You had to explain to him, with a slight feeling of tightness in your chest, that the many slips of paper with strings of digits he received after were actually phone numbers.

That feeling did ease a bit when he chose to throw them out without so much as a second glance, stating that yours was the only one he would ever need.

Though after months of this, this constant feeling of inadequacy, you did finally break.

Secluding yourself in your room, when the place you lived was already rather small, was nothing short of a bit difficult. Luckily Venti happened to be at a performance at the time, although that was what led to this in the first place.

It was the amount of flirting that finally did it, how it seemed as soon as he got out of a conversation with one, there were five others lined up.

The biggest issue you had was how he never seemed to actually blatantly push them away, how he would play into the charade, if only slightly, in order to obtain a few measly drinks.

It got to be too much, watching yet another woman shamelessly resting her hand on his arm in something akin to a 'friendly' gesture with a not so friendly, or secret, intent.

These mental gymnastics were exhausting, you chose to simply walk right out of the bar in favor of going directly home and trying to stop yourself from thinking about what he might be doing without you there.

Venti notice rather quickly, he always searched specifically for you during his performances, adoring how you would catch each other's eyes as if he was playing only for you. How you would give him a small encouraging smile, causing his heart to flutter as he had to focus on not messing up the next verse.

He couldn't find you, his eyes scanning the room multiple times over, a small frown settling across his usually optimistic features. Where exactly had you gone?

It didn't feel right to sing songs like this without you there to listen to them, they were for you of course.

When you still hadn't returned after the end of his next song, Venti decided to cut the set short, with the obvious disappointment of the audience.

He searched the bar high and the low, intentionally avoiding any unpleasant small talk he would have usually indulged in for the sake of getting a drink.

When he turned up with nothing once again, his nerves started to take hold.

Where exactly were you?

Venti practically ran home, surely he would find you there, right? He really didn't want to think of the implications of if he didn't.

You heard the door open, faced down in a pillow, making a mental note that he seemed to be home earlier.

It's not as if you were crying. Having to deal with this feeling for so long, you were past the point of crying, settling in to something more akin to an unpleasant numbness.

You hadn't locked your door either, that would have made this all that more suspicious. It's not as if you wanted to explain yourself to him, have him knowing exactly how insecure you were.

Your bedroom door creaked open softly, you continued to lay still, wondering if you could get away with pretending to be asleep.

That thought was rather short lived as Venti chose to climb into the bed next to you, putting his arms around you as if he could merely tell whether or not you were awake based on intuition alone.

"Where were you? I missed you." His voice held nothing akin to hurt or anger, simply containing relief at how he was able to have you near him again.

You took a moment to respond, both enjoying the feeling of him so close and wanting nothing more than to be alone in your own misery.

"Sorry, I was getting tired, and you look like you were having a good time." You really tried to keep your voice clear of any sort of passive aggressiveness, any accusing tone that might have seeped in under a less mindful watch.

Venti let out a hum, choosing to position himself in a way where his head was close to your heart, listening to the methodical sound of it beat.

"I'm having way more fun here than I ever could there, please tell me next time and I'll leave with you."

You obviously weren't telling him the whole story, how you felt nauseous at the way other people looked at him, how you were just so tired of feeling as if you were competing with the world.

"Why are you here?"

It was a question that could have many different meanings, many different implications. Venti felt a twinge of sadness at the dejected way you said it, that one question showed exactly how many emotions you had been keeping from him.

"Because you're here." Venti mumbled, holding on to you tighter. He sensed that wasn't enough, there was an underlying intention there.

"I love you more than anything else, I don't want to be anywhere that you aren't, you know."

You almost felt like crying from the way he said it, how stupid it made you feel for having any sort of thoughts to the contrary.

You finally turned to look at him, your eyes meeting his beautiful green ones, filled with the promise of honesty.

"I just... I hate how I'm practically invisible next to you. You're so easily adored." You bit back bitterness.

"There's no way you can say that honestly when you're so much easier to adore my love. I adore you."

He really did, loved and adored you more than anything else in the known universe, he would have given anything for you to know that as well as he knew it.

"Please," there was a tone of desperation in his words, "Tell me next time you feel uncomfortable, okay? I promise I'll do anything to reassure you that there isn't anyone I could ever love more than you."

The promise hidden behind his words, telling you he would move mountains if only you asked him to, wasn't particularly concealed.

You gave a small nod, not trusting your voice with whatever you might have attempted to reply with.

Venti wasn't quite content with the doubt that continued to cloud your lovely face, his face contorting into a pout as he brought it up to meet yours, placing a long and gentle kiss on your lips as he tried to force every bit of sincerity into it.

You felt a bit light headed after a moment when he pulled back, that being rather prominent in your slightly hazy expression which he shared.

"I'm sorry—"

Whatever apology you had managed to conjure up got cut off swiftly by another kiss, then another and another.

You could help but smile slightly, which then turned into a full blown laugh once he moved his actions to various other parts of your face. From your nose, to your cheek, to your jaw, he seemed intent on proving his point.

"Ok, ok I get it." You giggled out as he smiled against you.

"Mm, I'm not quite sure you do, maybe I should keep going, just to be sure."

You felt the need to playfully roll your eyes at his teasing, but ultimately decided not to in favor of returning a kiss of your own.

It really was difficult to harbor negative feelings for long when he was so intent on counteracting them like this, and you had a feeling he would be more than happy to continue doing so whenever they happened to pop up in the future.

#genshin impact #sagau #genshin x reader #genshin venti #venti x reader #hurt/comfort

[fozmeadows]

race & culture in fandom

For the past decade, English language fanwriting culture post the days of LiveJournal and Strikethrough has been hugely shaped by a handful of megafandoms that exploded across AO3 and tumblr – I’m talking Supernatural, Teen Wolf, Dr Who, the MCU, Harry Potter, Star Wars, BBC Sherlock – which have all been overwhelmingly white. I don’t mean in terms of the fans themselves, although whiteness also figures prominently in said fandoms: I mean that the source materials themselves feature very few POC, and the ones who are there tended to be done dirty by the creators.

Periodically, this has led POC in fandom to point out, extremely reasonably, that even where non-white characters do get central roles in various media properties, they’re often overlooked by fandom at large, such that the popular focus stays primarily on the white characters. Sometimes this happened (it was argued) because the POC characters were secondary to begin with and as such attracted less fan devotion (although this has never stopped fandoms from picking a random white gremlin from the background cast and elevating them to the status of Fave); at other times, however, there has been a clear trend of sidelining POC leads in favour of white alternatives (as per Finn, Poe and Rose Tico being edged out in Star Wars shipping by Hux, Kylo and Rey). I mention this, not to demonize individuals whose preferred ships happen to involve white characters, but to point out the collective impact these trends can have on POC in fandom spaces: it’s not bad to ship what you ship, but that doesn’t mean there’s no utility in analysing what’s popular and why through a racial lens.

All this being so, it feels increasingly salient that fanwriting culture as exists right now developed under the influence and in the shadow of these white-dominated fandoms – specifically, the taboo against criticizing or critiquing fics for any reason. Certainly, there’s a hell of a lot of value to Don’t Like, Don’t Read as a general policy, especially when it comes to the darker, kinkier side of ficwriting, and whether the context is professional or recreational, offering someone direct, unsolicited feedback on their writing style is a dick move. But on the flipside, the anti-criticism culture in fanwriting has consistently worked against fans of colour who speak out about racist tropes, fan ignorance and hurtful portrayals of living cultures. Voicing anything negative about works created for free is seen as violating a core rule of ficwriting culture – but as that culture has been foundationally shaped by white fandoms, white characters and, overwhelmingly, white ideas about what’s allowed and what isn’t, we ought to consider that all critical contexts are not created equal.

Right now, the rise of C-drama (and K-drama, and J-drama) fandoms is seeing a surge of white creators – myself included – writing fics for fandoms in which no white people exist, and where the cultural context which informs the canon is different to western norms. Which isn’t to say that no popular fandoms focused on POC have existed before now – K-pop RPF and anime fandoms, for example, have been big for a while. But with the success of The Untamed, more western fans are investing in stories whose plots, references, characterization and settings are so fundamentally rooted in real Chinese history and living Chinese culture that it’s not really possible to write around it. And yet, inevitably, too many in fandom are trying to do just that, treating respect for Chinese culture or an attempt to understand it as optional extras – because surely, fandom shouldn’t feel like work. If you’re writing something for free, on your own time, for your own pleasure, why should anyone else get to demand that you research the subject matter first?

Because it matters, is the short answer. Because race and culture are not made-up things like lightsabers and werewolves that you can alter, mock or misunderstand without the risk of hurting or marginalizing actual real people – and because, quite frankly, we already know that fandom is capable of drawing lines in the sand where it chooses. When Brony culture first reared its head (hah), the online fandom for My Little Pony – which, like the other fandoms we’re discussing here, is overwhelmingly female – was initially welcoming. It felt like progress, that so many straight men could identify with such a feminine show; a potential sign that maybe, we were finally leaving the era of mainstream hypermasculine fandom bullshit behind, at least in this one arena. And then, in pretty much the blink of an eye, things got overwhelmingly bad. Artists drawing hardcorn porn didn’t tag their works as adult, leading to those images flooding the public search results for a children’s show. Women were edged out of their own spaces. Bronies got aggressive, posting harsh, ugly criticism of artists whose gijinka interpretations of the Mane Six as humans were deemed insufficiently fuckable.

The resulting fandom conflict was deeply unpleasant, but in the end, the verdict was laid down loud and clear: if you cannot comport yourself like a decent fucking person – if your base mode of engagement within a fandom is to coopt it from the original audience and declare it newly cool only because you’re into it now; if you do not, at the very least, attempt to understand and respect the original context so as to engage appropriately (in this case, by acknowledging that the media you’re consuming was foundational to many women who were there before you and is still consumed by minors, and tagging your goddamn porn) – then the rest of fandom will treat you like a social biohazard, and rightly so.

Here’s the thing, fellow white people: when it comes to C-drama fandoms and other non-white, non-western properties? We are the Bronies.

Not, I hasten to add, in terms of toxic fuckery – though if we don’t get our collective shit together, I’m not taking that darkest timeline off the table. What I mean is that, by virtue of the whiteminding which, both consciously and unconsciously, has shaped current fan culture, particularly in terms of ficwriting conventions, we’re collectively acting as though we’re the primary audience for narratives that weren’t actually made with us in mind, being hostile dicks to Chinese and Chinese diaspora fans when they take the time to point out what we’re getting wrong. We’re bristling because we’ve conceived of ficwriting as a place wherein No Criticism Occurs without questioning how this culture, while valuable in some respects, also serves to uphold, excuse and perpetuate microaggresions and other forms of racism, lashing out or falling back on passive aggression when POC, quite understandably, talk about how they’re sick and tired of our bullshit.

An analogy: one of the most helpful and important tags on AO3 is the one for homophobia, not just because it allows readers to brace for or opt out of reading content they might find distressing, but because it lets the reader know that the writer knows what homophobia is, and is employing it deliberately. When this concept is tagged, I – like many others – often feel more able to read about it than I do when it crops up in untagged works of commercial fiction, film or TV, because I don’t have to worry that the author thinks what they’re depicting is okay. I can say definitively, “yes, the author knows this is messed up, but has elected to tell a messed up story, a fact that will be obvious to anyone who reads this,” instead of worrying that someone will see a fucked up story blind and think “oh, I guess that’s fine.” The contextual framing matters, is the point – which is why it’s so jarring and unpleasant on those rare occasions when I do stumble on a fic whose author has legitimately mistaken homophobic microaggressions for cute banter. This is why, in a ficwriting culture that otherwise aggressively dislikes criticism, the request to tag for a certain thing – while still sometimes fraught – is generally permitted: it helps everyone to have a good time and to curate their fan experience appropriately.

But when white and/or western fans fail to educate ourselves about race, culture and the history of other countries and proceed to deploy that ignorance in our writing, we’re not tagging for racism as a thing we’ve explored deliberately; we’re just being ignorant at best and hateful at worst, which means fans of colour don’t know to avoid or brace for the content of those works until they get hit in the face with microaggresions and/or outright racism. Instead, the burden is placed on them to navigate a minefield not of their creation: which fans can be trusted to write respectfully? Who, if they make an error, will listen and apologise if the error is explained? Who, if lived experience, personal translations or cultural insights are shared, can be counted on to acknowledge those contributions rather than taking sole credit? Too often, fans of colour are being made to feel like guests in their own house, while white fans act like a tone-policing HOA.

Point being: fandom and ficwriting cultures as they currently exist badly need to confront the implicit acceptance of racism and cultural bias that underlies a lot of community rules about engagement and criticism, and that needs to start with white and western fans. We don’t want to be the new Bronies, guys. We need to do better.  

#race #racism #c-drama #fandom #fan wank #fandom wank #microaggresions #culture #the untamed #bronies #whiteness #ficwriting #fanwriting #cultural bias #discourse

[herorps]

shadow and bone and racism

shadow and bone just came out so i can now finally break my silence bc holy shit do they go ham on the racism and me being me, i just have to tell you all about it. possible spoilers and triggers for anti-asian racism and microaggressions.

to preface, i was very privileged to receive a screener for the entire first season last month and i was actually excited to watch it bc i have friends who love the books and the show piqued my interest since it was announced. and i also have to say that i never read the books and i probably never will ( tho i’ve been told i would like soc ) but i did like the show overall. 

i think sab is a good adaptation and that the fans will like this show. i thoroughly enjoyed it and as someone who had very little to almost no knowledge about the books, i didn’t have trouble keeping up with the fantastical world. 

however that doesn’t mean i can’t be critical of it. 

i think the show can actually benefit from people being critical about it because so far, it feels like they took a very tone deaf direction and ran a marathon with it. 

what i’m talking about, is alina starkov being half-shu. 

now, i said before that my interest was piqued for this show when it was announced and one of the major reasons is the casting of biracial actress, jessie mei li, in the role of alina starkov. i can’t tell you how happy i was to see that a half-chinese actress was cast as the lead in a series based on such a beloved ip, especially since the creators of the show consciously changed alina’s ethnicity to be half-shu before casting calls were even sent out. ( for those of you who are also non-book readers, shu is the race of people from the country, shu han, and is based off primarily mongolian and chinese cultures ) 

so i was endeared with the idea that this character, that is coded white, was deliberately changed to be coded asian ( and coded mixed race to boot ) because the producers wanted to include diversity into the show. i commend that, i love that, i support that. but i believe the way they handled it, shouldn’t have been the way they handled it. and it’s because alina’s race is constantly brought up. 

obviously of course race is going to be brought up at some point. alina in the show is surrounded by white people when we first see her, and her home country of ravka does have a hostile history with shu han----i get it. racism is going to play a part in alina’s story. but it doesn’t necessarily need to go so far as to constantly remind the audience that she is shu in almost every interaction she has with someone she meets. 

and that’s a big part of the issue, is that nearly everyone she meets will bring up the fact that she’s part-shu. and a lot of the time, it’s said with hostility. now i’m not exactly sure if i’m just being particularly sensitive because of certain recent events, but the anti-asian racism hits differently these days. idk. 

because that’s what it is, at the end of the day. it’s racism. alina is often the target of very hostile racism and it seems to mainly be directed at her character and her character only. 

and honestly, on a surface level it makes sense, i sort of understand what the producers are trying to do. ravka has a turbulent history with shu han and were involved in wars with them and they’re often seen as the enemy so obviously that would affect a shu-mixed person growing up in ravka, a very white country. but on a deeper level, it reminds me a lot of the anti-japanese sentiments during wwii. the production team even created a banner that i felt called back to those anti-japanese propaganda of that era. ( mind you it was shown multiple times, in main focus, and acknowledged by characters that were coded shu ) 

but on the other hand, they’ve done a considerable job to diversify at least the ethnic makeup of ravka. there are black and brown grisha at the school and there are people of different cultures ( noted by costuming, etc. ) in ketterdam and there’s even a shu-appearing trainer that teaches the grisha to fight. so my question is, why is this very hostile treatment primarily geared toward shu people and geared toward alina specifically? it just doesn’t make sense to me. 

and when i say it’s specifically geared toward alina, i mean that it’s very apparent that they’re targeting her specifically, because mal  ( played by a possibly mixed-race archie renaux ) is also coded to be of mixed shu blood. while it is not explicitly stated that mal is shu, it is heavily implied that he is mixed, but he is never subject to the treatment that alina is, and the only times he is subject to racism is when alina is also present. in scenes where we see alina and mal as kids, they are often both referred to as “mutts” or “half-breeds”. but when they are older, only alina is continuously called those things. 

this isn’t even touching the microaggressions she faces after she’s at grisha school and this one line that made my gut wrench so viscerally i had to pause the episode and replay the part so i could confirm what i heard. [ episode 3 spoiler warning ] i’m trying to avoid posting screenshots or from spoiling parts of the show but there’s a scene where alina is being cleaned up and made presentable by servants and one of them says “I’d start by making her eyes less Shu.” [ end episode 3 spoiler ] i don’t think i have to explain to anyone how offensive that is. and i understand that the intention was to show how racist this servant is, that the entire point of of this weird racism plot is to show how the people of ravka can be racist and ignorant, but to have that line be written by a white writer, approved by a white showrunner and said by a white character to the face of an asian actor/character feels very tactless. it feels like another antagonist alina has to go against is racism itself. 

what also turns me off about this scene is that jessie mei li revealed that this scene is what actresses had to audition with. “...the sides that they sent for the audition, like Alina is talking to Genya and they’re talking about her eyes and they’re talking about her Shu ancestry.” having actresses of mixed-asian ancestry come in and act out that scene for white producers doesn’t really sit right with me. and i know that there’s an argument to be had about how it’s important to show the minutia of what it’s like to be ethnic in a world ruled by white supremacy and that it’s important to show how alina’s race affects her story, but i don’t think that going this far is necessary to the development of plot or character. 

and i don’t personally know jml, i don’t know how she feels about the show apart from what she’s probably briefed to talk about in interviews, but it is perfectly valid for me to feel iffy about the microaggressions while she feels that it’s necessary for character development ( again, this is just an example, i have no clue what she thinks of the racism ). our experiences are different, our upbringings are different, but we’re both happy to see representation and i’m happy that she’s happy to see an actual mixed-chinese character on screen as the lead. 

i’m glad that the producers were open to diversity and were open to making the lead a person of color, but it’s things like the treatment of shu characters and exchanges like “Tell her...Oh, I don’t know...good morning.” “I don’t actually speak Shu.” and “I didn’t know the Zemeni had such talent.” “She’s Suli.”  ( zemeni is a race of “dark-skinned” people and suli are coded south asian/mena/wena so this exchange is just white people mixing the brown people up )  that remind me the majority of the writers and producers are white. 

now i’m not saying that you should boycott the show or that this show is the most problematic thing to ever grace my retinas, because i really enjoyed watching it and i want to see what season 2 has in store ( more crows content please ). but, i want you all to please keep all of this in mind when you watch the series and think critically of what kinds of unconscious biases these producers had. you’re allowed to have nuanced opinions, you’re allowed to be critical of the media you enjoy so long as you understand where some people’s criticisms are coming from---where my criticisms are coming from. i just hope in future seasons the treatment of alina gets better and that she actually learns to love her shu side because otherwise it’s just going to be problematic as the show continues. 

#shadow and bone #grishaverse #six of crows

[doopcafe]

Star Trek Prodigy: Dreamcatcher (1x04)

Summary: The crew lands on a hostile alien world and (possibly) gets stranded there.

Comments: We get confirmation that this show is happening in the Delta Quadrant with Janeway’s exposition of the Class-M planet being in the “Hirogen system.” I am simultaneously worried and excited by the prospect of seeing more Hirogen.

With this insight, the questions then shift to why this Federation ship is in the DQ (I’m gonna call it that) and why there’s an AQ alien (the Tellarite engineer) over here in the DQ. These are interesting mysteries couched in the greater Star Trek galaxy and are a core driver of my interest in the show at this point. 

During her hallucination, the robot lady sees the weird “engine” thing that’s in engineering and calls it “the Protostar’s additional warp engine” (or something similar), implying she knows something we don’t, namely, that it is an engine (as opposed to, say, a prototype cloaking device or an incubation chamber for gagh). If it wasn’t obvious before, this thing is undoubtedly the reason the Diviner wants the ship, but more importantly, may go far in explaining why there’s a Federation ship over here in the DQ with a Janeway hologram aboard.

Even if this engine has the same function as, say, a spore drive (i.e., teleports a ship quickly over great distances), it would still leave open the question of why there’s a Tellarite kid here. Two theories: (1) The Diviner is a sort of Caretaker-like being that’s collecting species from around the galaxy and/or (2) this is very far into the future to the point where species are all over and mixing together. The fancy tech (namely the tricorder and phaser designs) support the latter idea but the fact there’s an undiscovered planet is evidence against it. There’s also the question of why the Kazon brought a child to the baddies at the beginning, which could be an explanation had the Caretaker not died in VOY’s pilot. I should note that “Diviner wants prisoners that can’t talk to each other” is a weak justification for bringing a single child all the way from the AQ and so I’m “having faith” that the writers have a better explanation in store than what was suggested in the pilot. 

Anyways, about the episode itself, Dell (?)* was dumb at first, but recovered by the end of this episode, being the only one that recognized something was off and subsequently rescuing everyone else. I liked this since it’s more in line with what I’d expect from his character as introduced in the pilot (a smart, resourceful kid).

* I think his name is “Dell,” but when the robot lady says it, it sounds more like “Dole” or “Dall” or “Dull” or something. My rule for watching any new show is to strictly avoid the intake of material outside that which is presented by the show itself, since it should never be the responsibility of the audience to seek out explanations beyond what the creators have put onto the screen. That said, I’m seriously considering looking this one up, but for now I’m going with “Dell” since that’s what I hear most clearly most of the time.

Skipping over the fart joke and the stupid-ass dune buggy (seriously, after Nemesis someone still thought that’d be cool to show?) the girl was able to escape from the brig with the use of her super powerful sword thing, which was neat. I’m unclear about how the engineer guy could smell the soup through his space suit, beyond “the planet made him hallucinate the smell” since later in the episode, I could have sworn someone explained that the planet gets inside your head via physical spores that you breathe in?

I guess I should comment on Janeway. Her characterization here continues to be a facet of her “scientist” personality from Season 1 of Voyager where she excitedly exchanges techno-babble with Torres or seemed excited by strange worlds like those in Parallax or Heroes and Demons (or here with this Class-M Hirogen planet). Personally, this is welcome, as the “scientist” persona was always my favorite version of Janeway’s notoriously hard-to-define character, one best suited to Mulgrew’s talents as an actress.

Anyways, this was a nice “planet of the week” episode with a sufficiently novel alien premise and mystery plot to be enjoyable.

My enjoyment: 4/5

#pie211-prodigy #star trek prodigy

[tominostuff]

Oshii Mamoru  x Anno Hideaki Char’s Counterattack Fan Club Book

Published: January 1993 

Just the first 3 pages as a teaser lol 

Influence 

Anno: As a creator, I like CCA because you can hear Mr. Tomino’s very genuine voice in it. But Mr. Oshii, you tend to dislike doing that. You try to sugarcoat your true intentions and hide it deep within. So, it’s unexpected that someone like you enjoyed CCA. 

Oshii: Well, isn’t it just that? As you said, Mr. Tomino’s raw voice is all out in the open. 

Anno: Yes. It’s very direct. I think sensitive people may even harbor hatred for it.

Oshii: (Kazunori) Itou-kun apparently stopped watching 5 minutes in. When he heard the first “heavenly punishment” line, he couldn’t follow along anymore and stopped (laughs). Since he used to be at Sunrise, he probably sees more. 

So [whether or not you like the movie] is probably decided by what kind of reaction you’d have to hearing lines like 修正 “correction” or 粛清 “purge” or 天誅 “heavenly punishment.” Since there’s bound to be many people who have a dislike towards words like that. Especially older people react towards “purge” and “correction.” For the pre-war faction, “correction” meant military lynching and for people after the 70s, “correction” means demonstrator/political radicals or controlled lynching. There’s also the Red Army (JRA) issue as well. 

If it were a movie, they may have not been bothered by it but since it’s an animation. There is a gap between the raw human intentions and the drawn world. And that actually makes a bigger impact. So for people who dislike seeing undiluted emotions show up on screen, they just can’t do it. 

Anno: I wasn’t bothered by it. 

Oshii: I think you and I were making things during the awkward off season of animation. People like Miya-san (Miyazaki Hayao) who were swept along by Toei and made animations for kids versus people who were pursuing movies and ended up in an anime studio...our generation of people is the in-between, so we understand both sides. We are caught between both the part that’s making shows for kids and the part that wants to make movies that we are personally satisfied with.  So, depending on where you place the center of balance, you end up making a completely different thing. 

On one hand, I felt that this movie could only be accepted by people like that. The older folk just thought it was bad. People in the anime industry especially. And for younger folk, they don’t know how to process an undiluted political world like that one. Despite all of this, the theaters were pretty full. And that’s probably due to the influence of Gundam.

It was around the same time as Patlabor. Even though Mr. Tomino did whatever he wanted in Gundam, and I worked on Patlabor with the same Shochiku, when the high ups at Shochiku came to the press release for the previous Patlabor installment, they just said “I didn’t understand anything” and left. “Nothing made sense.” They were grumbling, “but robot anime originally was like this” as they went home. Which I think was thanks to Gundam (laughs). 

Even so, I was impressed that a script like CCA was greenlit. How could they release something like that. Probably because they weren’t watching it very seriously. Everyone is so enchanted by the surface-level space war aspect that there’s very few people who accurately grasp Mr. Tomino’s intentions. 

Anno: I didn’t understand it the first time I watched it. 

Oshii: The idea itself is not anything exceptional. It doesn’t come up to the surface but… to exaggerate, this is about present day, but as a phenomenon, in Japan maybe after the 70s? Among the political ideas that collapsed in the 60s was a type of retaliation ideology….. There’s a bit of nihilism in it, but basically there existed a political thought that placed its basis on the idea that “humans are no good.” However, that never made its way into the mainstream and much less in a world like animation, the center of popular culture, the fact that it showed up so suddenly was a surprise. It was almost pure literature. 

To want to retaliate against humanity or to want to correct humanity… truth be told, I also had similar thoughts. For example, the upcoming Patlabor has a bit of that in it. There’s a desire to seek revenge against a kind of deceptive inquisitiveness of this generation. However, I’m hesitant about being too direct about it (laughs)... more like I personally, am not a fan of being so direct…. And to go so far as to start saying the intellectuals that, the masses this. That part of the dialogue was probably an exact reflection of Mr. Tomino’s beliefs. As a method of expression, I would never do something like declaring my true beliefs during the movie. 

Just, the one thing I don’t get is why he suddenly did something like that. I actually haven’t watched the Gundam series too seriously so when I saw that, it seemed out of the blue. Perhaps he had laid the foundations for it earlier but I actually haven’t watched anything since Zeta Gundam. Watched the first Gundam and then suddenly CCA. So I don’t know what happened in this gap but it probably wasn’t anything sudden, it was probably always present. 

Anno: Yes. I think he spit out everything he had accumulated, or more like, he put an end to things. 

Ideologies 

Oshii: When you’re working on anime, you’re required to be different from an ordinary movie director. Even though it may look like we’re doing whatever we please, there are some things that we just can’t do. In a live action, even if it’s a bit explicit it may not be a huge problem… but with anime, there’s the first psychological barrier of the people who have to draw it. And when you think about it, the first person who did those things was Mr. Tomino. Like the child who fires in front of his mother. Or the boy or girl, I forget, that got their head blown off along with their helmet. 

When I saw Ideon, I believe it was when I was working on The Wonderful Adventures of Nils at Pierrot, it gave me such a shock. And it became the topic of discussion among directors at the studio. We wondered if it was okay to make something like that. My mentor, Mr. Tori (Hisayuki Toriumi), was someone who would do rather sadistic things. Like, Gatchaman was horrible. People would get hung with chains and beaten with a whip or Joe the Condor would get his face stepped on and messed up. He’s done pretty controversial things over the years. However, he never was as raw. After all, we had passed the era where such direct expression is allowed. 

There were a few taboos that were said to exist in anime, the destruction of bodies being one of them, but the bigger one that existed was probably, “politics.” To express your own political beliefs in the anime you were creating. I don’t mean things like post-war democracy or Tezuka Osamu’s humanism, etc, but radical revolutionary ideas, betrayed ressentiment (concept of resentment or hostility related to 19th century thinkers like Friedrich Neitzche), feelings of grudge, etc. have no place in anime. No one explicitly says it but as you spend time at the studio, you naturally begin to realize that’s the limit. If you want to do it, you have to change its shape. So like in Urusei Yatsura or Patlabor, I had to disguise it as a type of metaphor or a running joke. So even if you’re allowed to have a miniature battle for authority in a school setting… well, originally, even that was going too far, I was told many things by different people… it wasn’t like anyone said anything openly but no one thought to do it in the first place. The reason why is because everyone thought animation was the wrong place to be testing such ideas, who’s going to want to watch something like that. 

Back when Toei made Future War 198x, circulation boards went around and the Toei Animation Company labor union went on strike and all that, but inside, there were a lot of debates happening. Especially among directors wondering how they should take it all. Regardless of the fact that the age of the average anime watcher was increasing due to the anime boom, where exactly do we place the limit? Is it okay for us to try things that an ordinary live action director might do? For the generation of directors above us, these questions existed in a more tangible form. Whenever there was destruction of bodies or kiss scenes, like Mr. Tori did once in Gatchaman, every time something like that would happen on screen, production companies would file complaints or the TV stations would complain, and there would be this back and forth. Even so, there were people who wanted to depict these things. But in other words, that was it. The complaints were only on the artistic level. What that person did in CCA is leagues beyond that. 

The philosophies or policies or themes, those things aren’t in there because the movie needs it, no, the ideology is first and foremost (laughs). It’s probably forgiven because it’s underneath the umbrella of Gundam but even so, I was surprised that they could go that far. 

And, I was surprised a second time when there was no reaction to it. I spoke about this with Anno over the phone but, there’s no talk about it, good or bad. Why is there no reaction to such a radical outburst? There were probably a few entries to some anime magazines, I’ve seen a few of them myself, but in the end they were just the usual debates about war in Gundam. 

In that way, it was as I expected. By “as expected” I mean, even if one speaks of such ideals in animation, who is going to see it, and how? This is a problem that I’m always facing myself because the stories that I want to create aren’t reaching the audience that I desire. And that’s probably because it’s anime. If it were live action, you could just leave it alone and a bunch of critics would come along and say what they want. Even if it’s just some boring police drama, they’d dig up all this nonsense to write. Conversely, [CCA] didn’t receive attention because it was anime. Because it was anime, the ideas presented in it were overlooked. To Mr. Tomino, that was probably extremely regrettable. Because I am always experiencing similar things. The anime isn’t reaching the people who are supposed to see it. That is what I felt from it. 

Anno: Anime as a method of expression is very infantile. Especially facial expressions, angry faces have raised eyebrows, crying faces have tears in their eyes, blurry pupils means they are crying; if a foreigner saw this, I don’t think they’d understand. Japanese people are trained to understand to some extent so they know “oh they’re crying right now.” 

However, whether the character is crying because they are happy or because they are sad, cannot be understood through just the art, without dialogue and the whole package. So, whether hands go flying or blood is shed, at the end of day, they’re all cell humans. Even if they speak, it's just 3 frames of mouths going open and close. I think the sincere attitude of trying to go so far through such childish means of expression and in the even more remote region of robot anime is amazing. I don’t think there were any directors like this until now. 

Oshii: Yeah, there weren’t. I didn’t think he would take it that far. Although, I had sensed that vibe from Gundam itself. The structure of war depicted in it probably made that kind of thing possible. I don’t know how much he had pre-planned while he was creating the initial settings for the show but… it’s probably something similar to Patlabor where you start realizing “oh this is possible too” as you go. But, I kind of understand why it came out of a robot anime. With gag anime or home drama, school stories, these things would definitely be caught in a check at some stage. It’s probably due to the very combative world of robot anime, which depicts war, that kind of thing was passed (laughs). 

Anno: That’s right. It was probably only possible because it had its beginnings as “just an ad for robot toys.” 

Resignation

Oshii: Back when Urusei just finished airing, I met Mr. Yasuhiko at a magazine interview. It was right when the manga, Todonotsumari, was serializing in Animage. The first thing that person said was, “Animators like the ones depicted in [that manga] don’t exist. The anime studio environment that you are creating there is the furthest from an anime studio in reality. It’s what doesn’t exist the most. Why do you do this?” That’s when I sensed a bit of the resignation or frustration that generation of uncles hold towards animation. To put it bluntly, it's a type of inferiority complex. 

I, too, was told that when I entered Tatsunoko. “In the end it’s just an ad for toys. So don’t put too much effort into it. If you don’t keep it at a minimum, you’ll only feel disappointed at the end. If you become too serious about making a masterpiece or making a film, you won’t make it in this industry.” I got a lot of that. Whether they were sakuga directors, animators, producers, bosses. From different people, in different ways, I was told many things. To summarize, that’s pretty much what they’d tell me. “The anime job is not a place for that.” 

I’m generalizing but the generation above us started from a place of resignation. Like the background artist who couldn’t feed themselves off of oil paintings or the animator who couldn’t become a mangaka, it’s not nice to say but the industry was full of people who drifted into it. It was that kind of world. But there were good sides to it being that kind of world. No one would comment on what other people were doing. 

Like, I was told at the beginning, “Don’t criticize other people’s work.” And not only did this apply to people in my own studio but I also wasn’t allowed to say this and that about what Toei was doing. From the start I was still in the mindset of a film bro so I’d complain “what is that?” but I was told off not only by older directors but also by directors my own age. Was it Mashimo Koichi? (laughs). “It’s easy to spot as many faults as you’d like in other people’s work. So there’s an infinite number of criticisms you can make. The only thing that matters is what you yourself creates.” To that I said, “I don’t think so. I have the ability to state why boring things are boring with logic to back it up so I should be allowed to. If we don’t say these things out loud, nothing will change. In exchange, I don’t care how badly my work gets criticized.” That’s a very normal thing. Bar fights are constant in the movie industry. “Why doesn’t it work in the same way in the anime industry?” is how I felt. 

So, until I met Miya-san I was always frustrated. Meeting Miya-san was the first time…. cause that person is the same way. He says whatever he wants about other people’s work…just as I thought, this kind of person does exist. Even as we argue, even as we lovingly tear each other’s work apart, we are still together. I think that’s a very important skill as a director and even beyond that, I was perplexed as to why this wasn’t allowed in the anime industry. 

The one thought I always held within all of this was that, before the sponsors or stations or whatever, the anime industry carved out territory for itself and didn’t try to leave it. So when the industry was forced to the forefront with the anime boom, the previously anonymous animators and directors suddenly found themselves in the limelight. And with that, all of the inferiority complexes came flooding out in a warped way. 

For example, Mr. Yasuhiko’s Crusher Joe is unnecessarily cruel. Like small animals getting turned into meat clumps with a machine gun. Or patricide or siblings killing each other. Everything that had been suppressed until now came flooding out in a very warped way. Endlessly mass producing worthless children’s media that's neither good or bad would turn one’s literary consciousness inwards. So when you’re finally able to put work out there under your own name, all of that came out. Basically what I’m saying is that the balance is off. How far can you take things, from where should you start dialing back; everyone has their own parameters based on their unique method of expression. But they let everything out, completely ignoring these parameters.

When I saw this, I was full of complicated feelings. “Why do you guys have to have such a complex towards making animation?” I hated it so much because the generation below me doesn’t really have these taboos or warped perceptions. 

Anno: They really don’t.

Crime of Conscience

Oshii: On the other hand, there are many things that you can do in anime that wouldn’t be allowed in Japanese movies. Ideas that would be stamped into the rejection pile for a Japanese movie can be expressed to a certain degree in anime….is what people discovered. One way to put it is, if you take “the way anime is viewed” in a societal sense and work within those means, then anything is possible…..or at least I felt (laughs). It’s only useful up to a certain point of course. Using a tactic of pushing and retreating to mix things up while creating a proper product on the other end was how I was doing my job. At the time. Even now I feel I work in a similar way but it’s different. We become wary and don’t do it like that. We’d try to cheat things by having it take place in an alternate universe. Or if you’re trying to depict a rebellion, don’t draw it from the rebel side but from the police side instead (laughs). 

Even today, although it takes a different form, the idea that animation is for kids still persists. Showing nude bodies, and not cute things like shower scenes or skirt flipping, but in the context of lovers or affairs, passionate love or a world where politics are spoken about so clearly, is going to be rejected. But if you add “somewhere out in outer space,” sometimes it slips past the radar and gets greenlit. 

However, I think Mr. Tomino knew what he was doing. 

Anno: I think so too. 

Oshii: When I saw it, I thought “he did this on purpose.” There’s probably parts that I understand because I am also a creator. It was well balanced. There was none of the off-balanceness of Mr. Yasuhiko. Of course, what lies underneath is the same. At the foundation is this inner warped hatred towards animation movies. On the other hand, he understands that he’s  just an anime person and can't express things well when he’s separate from anime. That kind of thing, however, was pretty well controlled when it came to Char’s Counterattack. Therefore, there is no doubt that it was a crime of conscience. 

However, even if it was on purpose, I still think the film was too blunt. I thought it would be better to disguise it a little more, dress it up a little more, camouflage it, and wear a covering, something. 

Anno: On the contrary, I thought that’s what made it so masculine or cool.

Oshii: It’s dangerous. Danger is not about being socially sanctioned, criticized, or denounced, but rather straightforward words suggesting revolution, intellectuals this and that, and correcting or imposing sanctions on humankind…  if you are not careful about it, the intentions may be flipped on you. In other words, you run the risk of becoming a gag. Political language is rather delicate, isn’t it? If you do it too much, like those violent student protesters who often appear in TV dramas, it becomes a comedy act that’s so ugly you can’t even call it a parody. That’s why, in Urusei Yatsura, Megane, the plot device guy, was doing everything exaggeratedly as a running joke. That's because I thought that if I didn't do it that way, it wouldn't pass, and I, personally, wanted to see it. There was a part of me that felt detached. And that was funny in itself. The fact remains that even to me, that era, while there were some painful parts, I also felt that it was humorous. Some parts are nostalgic, and some parts make me feel even disgusted. I found some salvation in letting everything out through a plot device character like Megane. That kind of thing, if you do it seriously, it's just painful.

In short, political language is pretty delicate…. Going back to the phrase “heavenly punishment.” I’m positive that there’s people who laughed at that phrase. Because we’re talking “heavenly punishment” in a space environment. What he’s doing is describing the “February 26 Incident” verbatim but the world he’s created is a future battlefield in outer space. There’s an immense gap. The younger generation may not care about it, though. I've always felt that kind of thing from Sunrise. There is something off about them. It seems that there are people who strangely want to enumerate dead languages.

My scariest thought is that there’s probably people who laughed at CCA.  That they found it comical. The fact these imperial loyalist type characters are living out the “one person one kill” kind of world in outer space. I avoided writing these kinds of stories for this exact reason. ‘Cause at some point, someone is going to laugh. Like the drama, “Hyokin Tribe” from back in the day. You write the drama very seriously and in the end, it all flips on its head. It’s the generation where (serious) things are seen in a cynical manner. I am conscious of the enemy waiting, ready to turn everything into laughs. Especially when it comes to anime, anything is possible so you take it very seriously until the very end where it’s all comedy. The moment that becomes obvious, everything you’ve accumulated becomes invalid. So I prefer it the other way around,  to create the mood, “this is a lie, it’s all jokes,” and then reveal that it was actually my true intention all along. I feel that it’s more effective to build up the jokes and then bring it into the real world at the end. In short, you can’t be seen through this way. If you ask me, the modern movie goer is rather twisted. A naive audience doesn’t exist. Within that, however, many anime viewers are among the exceptionally naive. They get impressed right away. As if they’re prepared to be impressed. Compared to the average viewer, anime watchers are easy to deceive, to the point where I go, “why are you so naive?” They easily go along with your tricks. They are waiting, ready to go along with anything you offer them. It’s the same mentality as the people who come to anime events and go, “since I’m already here, I am prepared to get my money’s worth by laughing at everything, even the parts that aren’t funny, and have a good time with everyone.” From a customer’s point of view, it’s such a naive mindset….maybe even going past naive into sly territory. Speaking broadly about movies in general, half-baked drama, half-baked crying or overly sentimental things doesn’t work on audiences nowadays. Rather, they are looking for ways to laugh at it.  

Ever since that TV drama, "Stewardess Monogatari", I've been endlessly wary of such things. The goal is to make people laugh, not be laughed at. The movie is useless unless we (the creators) hold on to the hegemony. 

Oshii: So when I saw CCA, I thought, there are definitely people out there who got together to drink and laugh out loud while watching this movie. And those who didn’t, said they couldn’t bear to watch it and stopped watching. Since they immediately develop a dislike for it. And the people who watched it seriously are hardcore robot fans, or Gundam fans…… they probably watched it very passionately (laughs). When you remove all of that, the message is clear. It’s completely anachronistic….. well, rather than anachronistic, I think what he’s doing is to a certain extent effective. It’s similar to what I was doing last year (Patlabor 2?).....he's speaking very sincerely, but depending on what kind of world and audiences see this movie, it will become a very unfortunate movie.

Anno: I think that movie is so one-sided though. I can’t imagine he had the audience in mind while he was making it. 

Oshii: Well there was a sense of agitation, “there’s no way you’ll understand!”

Anno: I get that sense from the fighting spirit of the film. 

Oshii: Because humans are somewhat beyond saving, even if you look at history, we haven’t done anything good. Probably even in the next century, whether humans go out into space, humans will repeat the same stupidity, getting everything and everyone involved and ruining it. That’s why he said, if God isn’t going to do it, I will. 

Tsuge (Patlabor) and Char were thinking the same thing, basically wanting to impose punishment. It’s the story of a terrorist who, even if they don’t manage to impose that punishment, can reveal the naked truth just for a moment. It's the world that Miya-san hates most (laughs).

Miyazaki Hayao

Anno: But there’s probably a part of Miya-san that actually wants to write that kind of story. 

Oshii: Somewhere yes. Take Nausicaa for example, within that world called “Nausicaa” there are characters with that sort of “scent.” Even that person (Miyazaki) has his own variations of this. It’s just that he has internalized that making it a reality would be a bad thing. 

Anno: But his true feelings are Lepka (Future Boy Conan) or somewhere around there. 

Oshii: Yes his real thoughts are somewhere different. That’s because that person is very strategic about what he puts out into the world and how. And it’s not necessary for the work to align with his truth. 

Anno: Speaking of revealing one’s truth, I had expectations for Porco Rosso but what part of that was true, damn it (laughs). 

Oshii: His truth was in there. But not of observations on humanity or the world, his truths about his personal life was the only thing in it. Especially surrounding troubles with women (laughs). And of course, only people who know him personally would understand such a thing. In that sense, it goes far beyond the craftiness of Patlabor; Porco Rosso is way more sly. He let everything out in that film and even left excuses for himself. 

When you take off the pig mask, Miya-san is underneath. If he truly wanted to create a world that’s so unheard of and positive like that, why did the pig need to wear a trenchcoat and smoke? They just need to be going oink oink. It would’ve been a much more fun anime that way. If he wanted to make an anime that’ll make the kids happy, then there’s no need to make it so hard boiled, they should’ve just been oinking….cause pigs don’t need to speak.  The pig goes oink oink, and is for some reason is good at piloting a plane. Then it would’ve been so much fun. But it’s not like that. And the reason it's not is because he wanted to show his truth….more like, he wanted to dispel his own sorrows through making this film. The audiences had it okay but his staff who had to go along with this are so pitiful. That’s the true pig curse. I bet they couldn’t stand it. Because they’re Miya-san’s excuse.

#cca doujin #hideaki anno #mamoru oshii #finish someday #translations #interview

[dirthavarens]

The Shrine;; Solavellan

Fandom: Dragon Age: Inquisition Characters: Mirani Lavellan, Solas Relationship: Solavellan Rating: General Audience Warnings: None Word Count: 1420 Notes: First time posting real fic in a while. I hope you enjoy!

The Exalted Plains were beautiful save the name and history of violence and bloodshed. Dirthavaren is what the Dalish called them, a much warmer title that resonated within the confines of Mirani Lavellan’s heart. Deep within was the lair of wyverns and a high dragon that laid slain, bones carried away for armor, and what remained was picked clean by ravenous wildlife. 

Mirani found a peculiar piece within Ghilan’nain’s Grove that lie just beyond the great beast’s nest and wondered how she had not seen it sooner. A sizeable and detailed shrine dedicated to a god of treachery and madness stood in carved stone. Most Dalish elves were content to carry only a small fetish and only for superstitious purposes. 

“I’ve never seen something so monumental dedicated to Fen’Harel,” she mused as she placed her palm upon the stone. It was warm from the sunlight and smooth beneath her touch with the exception of the intricate pattern carved into the body. “Surely it’s tucked away for some reason. Maybe due to the possible implications?”

Wolves were not uncommon in her people’s history, as tales of the creatures never leaving the side of the one with which they were bonded. Faithful to the last, were the wolves to the elves. But those statues were large and tame, content to gaze and guard. The wolves locked in stone before her howled soundlessly upward, forever crying out to the heavens. 

“And what implications do you infer?” It was Solas who spoke, but her eyes did not break from the design upon the wolves’ bodies. Their shared interest in the Fade and all things related to the true elves of Arlathan had bonded them from the very beginning of the Inquisition. She took comfort in his voice being the one to urge her further. Though, she swore she heard a note of apprehension lining his tone.

“I would say worship, but it’s hard to think of the Dread Wolf being the subject of such things if the tales ring true, though I’ve never placed much faith in the stories of my people. Maybe it’s a warning to those who venture so deeply into the Grove or maybe it’s a memorial. The Veil feels thinner and there’s room here for something. An eluvian?” 

The spellbound mirrors were a well-kept secret of the old elves that served as doorways between areas. Traces of them laid derelict in the Fade and she saw them only in dreams during her early travels in the Free Marches. The one that would fit in the space between the wolves would have had to have been massive. She took a step back and looked quizzically at the architecture. The stairs that led to the shrine would only serve as more evidence to her initial conjecture.

“An eluvian?” Solas repeated. “You have knowledge of such things?”

“A little,” Mirani began with a smile, still astonished by the shrine. “What remains of the true Elvhen is little and the Dalish only seek to covet it, hide it away from the world. With more eyes and minds turned toward the history, we could learn more than ever. Leliana believes that Briala knows of at least two working eluvians and uses them to move her spies undetected from place to place.” 

A hum of approval sounded from beside her as Solas stepped closer, his gaze now turned to the shrine as well. “It is refreshing to hear a Dalish voice so openly willing to admit such a thing. They claim to be true elves, but hoard and squander what they find. Knowledge should be shared to all ears, not guarded with abject hostility.”

“Though I come from a Dalish clan, Solas, you know I don’t consider myself Dalish. My clan tolerated my magic because the first to the Keeper was old enough to train me and when I was old enough, I was content enough to keep myself far from camp. I spent most of my time in search of ruins that might hold more knowledge,” she explained, ensuring that she kept the bitter taste in her mouth from soiling her words. “Occasionally, they would listen to what I learned but if anything challenged the old stories of the Creators it was immediately shut down.”

Despite her low opinion on her clan, Mirani was thankful that she had been permitted to stay among them. Most Dalish kept no more than two mages in their clan to prevent possible abominations from spawning and those two mages were always at the head of the clan. Elves were intrinsically tied to the Fade, the magic in their blood as old as time. To be punished for having that gift hardly made sense to her.

“My apologies, vhenan. My own interactions with the Dalish have been largely negative to say the least. Perhaps if I had met you earlier, I could have shared my knowledge with you.” 

She turned her attention to Solas and saw the shadow of forlorn familiarity as he gazed upon Fen’Harel’s shrine. Such pain dwelt behind his eyes and Mirani could only think to amount it to the stories he possessed of the ancient elves. The glittering city of Arlathan, towering in the sky like a brilliant jewel. Despite being tied closely to the Fade, she could only imagine what he had seen in his journeys. 

“You’re here now,” she returned softly. “That’s what matters.”

He blinked slowly, the amaranthine sorrow returning to its secret place within him, and turned his head in her direction. “As are you and so long as you’re willing to listen, I will share all that I know.”

“Have you ever found any traces of Fen’Harel in your travels into the Fade?” 

Solas turned to her, the pelt upon his armor shifting slightly as his staff brushed it. There was a muted hesitation in him that would have been imperceptible to most members of the inner circle, but Mirani caught it in a fleeting glimpse.

“Some say his pride was too great, that he locked away the Gods to hold power of them and be the only immortal to roam free,” he started. “As you know from the tales of the Dalish, he was perceived as a monster more than a man--an enemy bearing the face of a friend, at the ready with a knife behind his back. The truth, I fear, is much more complicated. It would be easier had he simply been the malefactor all claimed him to be. He stood defiant against the pantheon, saw their misdeeds against the Elvhenan, and presumably sought a way to free them from their masters.”

Mirani returned her gaze to the wolf statues as she listened to him speak and tried to imagine the hellish fiend as something more complex, something softer, something solitary and wise and helpful. Solas continued. 

“The echoes of long forgotten memories cry out his name in terror as Arlathan crumbled and the world was torn asunder. Magic left the earth as he locked away both the Forgotten Ones and the so-called Creators, the Veil holding back all that the elves were.”

“But why erect the Veil?” The question left her lips before she had time to consider the possibility of him not knowing. 

“What I have found in the Fade suggests that he was attempting to keep the pantheon from destroying the world in their ceaseless lust for power and control. The people suffered a great deal from the actions of their leaders, as they often do when power is placed in the wrong hands. And in his desperate foolishness creating the Veil, the Dread Wolf caused the very world he fought against.”

They stood silent for a time. Mirani swallowed the sorrow that welled in her throat as she drowned in the imagery of the tale. She looked to the howling head of the wolf and wondered how terrible of a burden that must be. It was her every fear, to fail those who needed her protection, to fail the elves, to fail the mages, to fail herself. 

She reflected a moment on his words and closed her eyes. The face she needed to place upon the Dread Wolf was not one in need of creation, but one she knew so intimately that it made her stomach drop. So visceral were his details that she could no longer keep herself blinded by self-imposed ignorance. 

“It must be a heavy burden to bear,” she said after another few minutes of silence. 

“It is indeed, vhenan.”

#my writing #solavellan #dragon age #dai #solas #lavellan #mirani lavellan

[siamusotima-aranea]

Mag 185 A follow up I guess. 

Last week I reflected on the episode and the controversy. I talked a bit about my background, and my fears of the police, and ultimately the point I was trying to make is that the pain and fear of police brutality and corrupt systems isn’t exclusive to certain people.  I was really frustrated and saddened by the comments of things like “It’s not your pain/fear to talk about” and this week we found out, that yes, it was.  Art is often times very deeply personal. Though I haven’t put much of it out into the world, as an artist myself, I know how much of a persons soul ends up in their work.  It’s really rotten how more and more often I see artists and creators pushed into revealing information about their personal lives so that a hostile audience can pass judgment on whether or not they are aloud to speak.   Maybe I’m taking it all a bit personally. Art, and story telling is incredibly important to me. Like I said last week art is a place to reflect, to process, to empathize. You can connect with people through story telling in such deep and meaningful ways. I owe so much to my favorit creators, whos works have connected with me, given me words for feelings I didn’t understand, given me safe places to process fears and grief, given me company when I felt alone, and so much more then all that.  You can’t get art like that when artists are treated this way. I’m not saying all artist should get a free pass, or that art shouldn’t be criticized. (God just look at harry potter, it’s been really important to a lot of us, but that author is awful, and those books have some real issues) What I’m saying is maybe give people the benefit of the doubt. Especially with smaller creators, please, just realize that they are people.  185 did have some issues. As an artist myself whos work often revolves around exploration or my traumas, fears, and doubts, this controversy has given me something to think about when it come to my own work. Where do we draw the line when depicting hard topics? Its hard to say.  It’s getting late, my arms hurt, and I’m kind of rambling. To wrap this up, no creator owes there audience their life story. No one should have to come out, or speak about their traumas or past, or anything in order to prove that they are valid, and get permission to explore and process those things in art. Criticize a text all you want, but leave the personal attacks and assumptions out of it. That kind of thing creates an environment where people are silenced for fear of harsh impersonal judgment, and art has to play it safe, and create an emotional  distance to protect itself. We need art, and connection and empathy, especially in times like these.  I think that's all I have to say on the matter.     

#mag185 #the magnus archives

[mwilson]

Shy girl - statement

Previous statement

 For this class and second half of summer quarter I want to engage in a performance and dialog with female archetypes on the internet. I have always found the platform of internet a rather hostile black hole, yelling into the void so to speak. It also has been a place where I have discovered a lot of things that have helped me feel less isolated and have brought much inspiration to my life, a great outlet for my maximalist aesthetics. So, I have seen as someone growing up with the internet being around for the birth of Facebook and beginning my internet career on Myspace, that the internet is a place of duality. I haven’t much in my work engaged in a particularly feminist dialogue in my work as to not be pushed into a realm of all my work being an expression of the female but I guess I have still done so but not as overtly. I have also never explicitly created a character for myself during a performance as frankly I found it a bit to campy. I have created a persona based of a mash of a type of alternative female archetype that has found its place on the internet specifically, the E-girl. A popular and at the same time very much mi lined persona mainly a great target of specifically a lot of sexist vitriol from other online born groups.it is also a female persona that is much outside of my expression so I am interested in placing myself in the uncomfortable position in such a blatant misrepresentation of myself as well as having that character engage with some of the worst aspects of online culture and addressing that place and stereotype of woman in it. I am also interested in differences in male and female performance and tropes of expression and discourse found online mainly YouTube and other video formats. My character’s name will be named, shy girl and to further disguise is from myself I will be altering my own voice for speaking parts mush of the performances will be bringing more Avant-Garde concepts of performance to the mainstream such as john cages water performance with audience participation.  Also, I want to produce short work more consistently which is a mode of work I have not done up to this point so I will be putting out longer video content once a week.  

 Add on:

To update my artist statement and to speak to my progress with subjects related to the creation of my alter though I’m not sure how much I want it to be viewed as persona but more of a way to remove myself. This alter , Shy girl,  has so far no set type of format or type of content other than videos at this point and photos and maybe live capture online as I progress with platforms but that will very much change the nature of the performances as they will move from being captured into film , to being performance again the temporality will change as well as the source of control. which will affect the performances greatly but that will be addressed when the time comes, I think live streaming is a huge new question and place for performance art.  Back from that side tracking so far in terms of subject my videos have in initial conceptions been touching on but not limited to, Para social relationships, hostile male communities such as Inscels, the gaze, make up beauty/ identity, Vtubers and anime subculture, the body, multiples and an exercise in thought on distance and new space relationships found in the online environment. There is much more intertwined with in all of the videos I have done up to this point but these are some of the starting points for my video concept drawings and shot lists which I will be posing. The biggest development of this alter has been my creation of not only a 3D model based on my outfit and make up created for my performance in my own body. But now also a 2D model, so at this point I have created this group of performers which has been an interesting way of layering levels of abstraction of the original persona created. My video “shy graces” was the first time we were all together as I have been working with green screen to place myself into my online gallery/performance space, though it has been a passing thought but definite one that being my irrelevance now that I have these digital avatars. Which leads to something I suspected might happen that being my own disenchantment with my body which in a way lead to the next video “skin study’s” based on the work of ana Mendieta “glass on face” and my own push to recess the nude and the body online. This video for the first time bought in anime references as well which I did so for the obvious reason that these alters made online where very influenced my anime culture and manga illustration. As a western fan and a reclusive member of the subculture I have always seen interesting territory for discussion about the role of women in the anime but also in the community, being as if suffers from much of many “nerd subcultures” suffer from, sexualization, fetish, nerd bro culture and so on. But in particular anime’s relationship to the female body and projection of female presenting people is rife with conceptual fodder that I couldn’t begin to pick at this is quite long but has been developing. But one of the biggest draws is anime has been the first to bring this type of idealized body and form they have created into a living space in the form of projected 3D models like that of the Vocaloid characters which were developed as mascots for products along with new figures like project melody on streaming cites as well her move into adult content as a Only fans personality, Adult subscription cite. There has even been the creation of objects of comfort mimicking a body in the form or body pillows, which I used in one of my “music cover” videos integrating my own limbs with this printed body. And the creation of silicon full dolls not always used for the purpose of being a sex toy but as recreation of characters from particular shows that people use for companionship not that there is not a sexual element at play. A lot of this rings true to what I think is happening online these things are rather inseparable as I have moved into looking into the Vtuber community for my models and “copies” which the collective element being that all the programs that I have seen or used all by default use this anime form and all Vtubers use this anime avatar weather that be the 3D models or the 2D models as I created mine from scratch based on my performance persona and examples of popular Vtuber forms. There is this whole new level to literally not only changing your persona online as most do but actually taking on a new form and based on anime which is about the creation of whole other reality’s and which has an element of as a lot of media, escapism. These works as of this past class have been as I have been speaking about very bodily and quite grotesque as is the history often is of female performance art which I had read of and reminded me of such in Vergine body as language which I will link. This writing hit many points in relation to my work and I think is a far better resistor of a lot of what is a part of my content currently. One of originators for these past few videos not only the most recent two skin studies and shy graces was when I published my 3D model on Vorid studios there was a pop up that askes you about the licensing the avatar and it asks who can use it but what most stuck out to me was it asked if the creator would allow sexual content or violent content which became a big influence on the tone of that video. As well the video “shy Graces” which addressed the fact to be able to inhabit my new bodies I needed to pay more money to be able to do something as simple as move the arms of my 3D model as you would need an add on called leap motion.my thoughts and conceptual development may seem rather scattered at the moments but much thought has go into them and as far as the writing about this work it will develop as the work has over time.  

As for more technical aspects and materials, I have been pushing myself as far as the structure of my production of these videos as I want to make them all in accessible places with tools that anyone can access and I am trying to produce content weekly as on YouTube the speed of videos outputted is key to that structure and algorithm. The sets, outfits I have been using are also something that its easily accessed or recreated by anyone I guess I am focused on using almost modern-day working-class materials. As I should have started with saying at the beginning of this re brief this project at this point has not end game as it were I have the content that I am expressing as I want to use this avatar to engage with an audience that is outside of say a space in an art institution as I was inspired much by the work of fellow art student and internet artist molly soda. These alters and accounts have become my new studio work place for me to work on a continuous performance practice which is something I have not yet undertaken and I feel that will push my practice outside of my own comfort zone and open me to a space of pushing myself and very making mistakes and gaining new understanding to developed my practice.

 Definition: Internet art (also known as net art) is a form of digital artwork distributed via the Internet. This form of art has circumvented the traditional dominance of the gallery and museum system, delivering aesthetic experiences via the Internet. In many cases, the viewer is drawn into some kind of interaction with the work of art. Artists working in this manner are sometimes referred to as net artists.

 Net artist may use specific social or cultural internet traditions to produce their art outside of the technical structure of the internet. Internet art is often—but not always—interactive, participatory, and multimedia-based. Internet art can be used to spread a message, either political or social, using human interactions.

 The term Internet art typically does not refer to art that has been simply digitized and uploaded to be viewable over the Internet, such as in an online gallery.[1] Rather, this genre relies intrinsically on the Internet to exist as a whole, taking advantage of such aspects as an interactive interface and connectivity to multiple social and economic cultures and micro-cultures, not only web-based works.

[inqorporeal]

Okay, I'm gonna do a separate post since I don't want to hijack @dad-plo-koon‘s post.

Here's my theory about why Mandalore is the way it is in TCW. Even better, the canon isn't saying I'm wrong. 

Cut for length:

HOkay. SO.

719 years before the rise of the Empire: The Mandalorian Excision. 

Mandalore is doing well -- great, actually, they've never been more productive and they've just opened a few new beskar mines. The settlements on the moon -- Concordia -- and on Concord Dawn (not to be confused with Concordia) have proven to be self-sufficient. Things are looking up!

Except not quite. Mandalore's nearest neighbor is Kalevala. They're absolutely terrified of Mandalore going on the warpath again; Kalevala's likely sent spies to investigate Mandalore's status. What they find is deeply concerning.

Kalevala goes to the Republic -- specifically the Jedi -- for assistance. If Mandalore starts conquering again, Kalevala thinks it'll be the first target on the list. They’re probably not wrong, either. The Jedi and the Mando'ade do not have a fantastic history between them; the Jedi's response is to nip Mandalorian growth in the bud.

The Republic invades Mandalorian space. Technically illegally, but history is written by the victors.

Parts of Concord Dawn and other Mandalorian-held worlds suffer catastrophic bombardment during the fighting, but Mandalore is hit the hardest: half the planet is literally glassed before the end. What's left when the surface cools is a scintillating crystal desert on the southern half of Mandalore, the sand utterly useless for industrial applications without extensive processing. Even the untouched northern half of the planet suffers ecologically as the seas boil off. The planet spends months wracked by deadly weather systems caused by the complete disruption of the existing balance.

The Republic then blockades the sector and occupies it, installing their own government to manage things. The Mando’ade are forced to conceal all outward connections to the Resol’nare: no armour, no weapons, no overt training.

Beskar being as resilient as it is, the southern mines have been sealed at ground level, but below the surface are relatively intact. The Mando’ade try to rebuild, but it's a tough process when you have no outside trade coming in and a hostile power literally controlling what you can and cannot do with your own planet. It’s also physically dangerous -- inhaling glass dust can lead to silicosis and other diseases, as well as any of the compounds in the dust which might be carcinogenic. A huge portion of the southern continent had been used for industry, after all. And with half the planet's lush farmland slagged, they can't locally support the work.

Maybe it started as altruism; maybe it was always the plan.

Kalevala offers assistance in rebuilding. The Republic lets them, because hey, Kalevala was the one that lit this off in the first place. Maybe they feel a little regret? The glass-dust sand is bad for everything -- machines, droids, and people alike -- so they start with force fields and then transparisteel domes that also regulate their internal climate. Kalevala starts by building on top of the southern beskar mine access points and drilling through the melted bedrock, so the material to rebuild can be collected without risking going out on the desert. They bring in extra help from Kalevala. It takes a couple decades to get the dome cities to the point where they can operate without direct assistance from offworld.

The Republic offers no direct assistance during the Reconstruction, but it’s pretty clear who they’re favoring. When they finally back out of Mandalorian space, it’s a Kalevalan regent they leave in charge.

By this point, the Kalevalans who arrived to assist in the reconstruction have settled. Families have been started. The domes are designed for comfort, and with the beskar mines now functioning as commercial sources, there's a financial boom that promises to have the population living well.

Somehow, those proceeds never make it to the northern half of Mandalore. Some of the survivors warned against cooperating with the Kalevalans, and others kept reminding the people set on restoring the south that the Mando'ade don't need a planet in order to have a home: they can have the Resol'nare again, for which these outsiders have no understanding nor respect.

The largest dome in the south, Sundari, schisms from Keldabe. The northerners have a Mand'alor -- or choose a new one, if the previous perished in the Excision (there’s no information either way) -- but they don't understand what it was like to suffer in the desert trying to rebuild -- maybe there was a disagreement during the process on how things should be done. Sundari picks its own Mand'alor -- one of the Kalevalans who had gained a good reputation during the Reconstruction, someone who at least appreciates the local culture.

They set up a local government that's similar to what they're accustomed to on Kalevala -- and why shouldn't they? Their advisors are Kalevalan, and it's not like the southern population is going to resist the policies of a Mand'alor they elected.

Diplomatic discussions open up with Kalevala. See, they didn't just provide assistance out of the goodness of their hearts: they expected repayment. Through a combination of politics and trade deals, Mandalore becomes subject to Kalevala; to take the sting off, it's declared an extension of Kalevalan territory -- rather than a colony, which would have much lower political standing -- and declared a duchy so the planet has self-determination. The southern Mand'alor gains the title of Duke/Duchess. They're still elected, but somehow the role never strays far from the hands of Kalevalan political elites.

Again: maybe this was the plan all along, or maybe it was a bunch of rich people being opportunistic. The end result is the same.

Here’s the thing about the Resol’nare: one of the tenets is answering to the Mand’alor. If you don’t follow the Mand’alor, you’re considered dar’manda -- no longer Mandalorian. If there’s more than one group with their own Mand’alor, things get... sticky.

Tensions are high between south and north -- the New Mandalorians and the True Mandalorians. It's not really surprising the True Mandalorians would be upset: who are these outsiders to come in here, claim our titles, and then sell our world? In an effort to boost the New Mandalorian population, Kalevala offers opportunities to its citizens to help their Mandalorian territories, and to show the Mando'ade that there's a better way to live than constant warfare.

If this looks like a classic example of colonization, that's because it is.

Attempts by the New Mandalorians to subtly colonize the north have only limited success -- they can't prove it was sabotage, but they suspect. The Mando'ade who do go south for whatever reason -- extending friendship, joining family, seeking work, accepting offers from the New Mandalorians, whatever -- find that their appearance sets them apart. The New Mandalorians are nice about it, but enough social pressure happens that those Mando’ade who can't afford to leave feel stifled. Dark hair is bleached to fit in, accents are adopted, Mando'a is only spoken at home and isn't taught in the schools. Mando’ade who aren’t human -- and there are many -- have a particularly difficult time among the New Mandalorians. The Resol'nare is still kept, but only in the privacy of the home.

AND THEN. 

A few hundred years down the line, Mand’alor Jaster Mereel of the True Mandalorians attempts to enact some (overdue and widely demanded) cultural reform. Resistant splinter groups form, most notably Death Watch under the command of Tor Viszla, sparking off the Mandalorian Civil War. Viszla kills Mereel during a battle on Korda Six, leaving Mereel’s adopted son, Jango Fett, to pick up the reins. Death Watch arranges for an ambush on Galidraan that pits True Mandalorians against a detachment of Jedi and ends with Fett being sold into slavery for several years. 

With the True Mandalorians scattered, Death Watch turns their attention on the New Mandalorians, who had remained neutral throughout the conflict.

The Duke is assassinated. His teenage daughter, barely old enough to accept the title the New Mandalorians offer her, goes into hiding from Death Watch’s assassins for a year with her Jedi protectors. Traumatized and blaming anything that could be considered a warlike nature, she completely abolishes part of the Resol'nare. No armour, no weapons, no training at all. Those who protest are offered a shuttle to Concordia or Concord Dawn -- not sending them back north to bolster the decimated ranks of the True Mandalorians. She would clear the True Mandalorians off the north entirely if she could, but achieving that would require the type of violence she abhors. 

Dipping into the meta for a moment: any visual designs are a deliberate choice by the creators. Even in other cultures in TCW where there’s a level of uniformity, there are defined genetic differences in hair colour (not going to get into how everyone’s clothes always use the same palette, because that’s done for a different reason). Satine’s blond hair is noticeably a more natural shade; the bright yellow or “brassy” colour seen on a lot of civilians is the result of a bleach job that hasn’t removed all the natural tint, either by choice or by accident. This is a deliberate artistic choice and the creators are trying to tell the audience something about the culture. There’s no reason for that to be the case unless there’s social pressure behind it to maintain a certain appearance. Particularly since -- one would assume -- Death Watch still maintains the acceptance of non-human species into their ranks, conformity of appearance both expresses the New Mandalorians’ passive resistance to their enemy and internal support for their culture. 

It’s worth noting that the Excision itself was a plot device introduced to the IP in 2010 specifically as backstory for the show.

Mandalore’s implied recent history is one of colonization and cultural genocide, and you can fight me over it.

#star wars #mandalore #i have opinions about this

[tariqk]

More Minecraft grumping

Cut to spare the dash.

Things I really don’t like about Minecraft, honestly:

The early survival game is inaccessible

Here’s the thing about early Minecraft survival: you’re plonked in the middle of the wilderness, with absolutely nothing, and literally the first thing you got to do is punch a tree and find a safe place to spend the night before you get beaten up by monsters.

That’s it. You could spend the night hiding in a hole, probably crafting and mining something in the middle of the night, while hostile mobs wander areas that aren’t lit up, waiting to, basically, kill you. And you’ll stay in this precarious situation for at least a few days, as you 1) make a place to sleep, 2) build shelter, 3) get supplies to venture out, and 4) don’t die, because if you die, you lose your stuff.

This is a game marketed to mass audiences. For children, even. And it can be so manifestly unpleasant I have no idea how it got popular so quickly.

I don’t actually have a problem with this, actually! I positively enjoyed some of that experience, and some of that tension makes for some fun gameplay and entertaining stories — like the one where I found a white horse, tamed it, named it, and then proceeded to take it to a foolhardy exploratory quest before it fell under a hail of arrows (RIP Binky 2019–2019).

And I don’t even have a problem with the learning curve, because I’ve learned and thrived in environments like Dwarf Fortress. I use emacs for gods’ sake. Low accessibility and high difficulty environments are my jam.

But getting here involved more than a dozen start-and-stop moments of gameplay where I literally quit the game, deleted the save, and went to bed in disgust. It’s stupid. It’s aggravating. I can’t believe that this was ready for mass market, what with the lack of telegraphing and the pretty damn high stakes from the start, that the only people who’d play this would be gamers who are familliar with the tropes, already know a little about Minecraft lore, and are invested to try and try again.

To be fair, they’ve made some things easier: they’ve included guidebooks with recipes to automatically load items you already know into the crafter, there’s an official guide online, and if need be, you have cheats. But consider:

If you need to cheat to get the game accessible, there is something wrong with the core game loop.

You can’t create a guidebook and then rely on players gaining “enough experience” to access them to make the game more accessible.

You can’t just bloody have a guide that a person needs to open a browser, or buy the book, to get by.

Survival is very much a non-starter if Minecraft is your first serious game, you get frightened or suffer from anxiety in trying to stay alive, and you have difficulty optimizing your moves to get the best result.

Redstone is a mess

Actually, I have no opinions on how redstone is implemented on a purely technical basis. It’s a system, it’s mostly Turing complete, that's… interesting. What pisses me off is how the Technical Minecraft community is… well, frankly, hard to get into, hard to gain proficiency in, and looks fairly clannish, insular and… honestly a drag to Minecraft’s further development, if Minecraft was to get developed further.

Like I’ve talked about this before, but the existence of the Technical Minecraft is entirely dependent on a class of software behavior that you could make an argument are actually bugs. Zero-tick pistons, anomalous sticky piston behavior with blocks, quasi-connectivity… these weren’t intended consequences for the developers of Minecraft, and they’ve said so before.

Say what you want, but honestly if the only reason why a developer reverted a bug-fix because a bunch of small, clannish, insular, and loud minority were making complaints, I’d honestly ask how much value those people should have in how you run your business.

But that isn’t all. I had taken to writing down notes because I wanted to figure out how certain redstone constructions worked, and even the simplest designs suffer from the following:

There appears to be no standard way of sharing schematics and designs for redstone creations.

Most of the instructions are in video, which is a terrible medium to instruct in, because you don’t have a way to skim through the resource, the presenter literally doesn’t have to say anything more than what they do on video (and thus can be as vague and contradictory as they want).

Most of the instructions are in the nature of, do everything this way, except this section, in which you need to do (flurry of movement as the presenter puts in a slightly different design that you better be able to catch). It’s “simple”. No, it’s fucking not.

Another thing that bothers me is that, fundamentally, most redstone designs are hand-crafted, which is mind-boggling. For one, if you are just starting redstone in Minecraft, you’re going to be sitting with the same toolkit that the most experienced users of redstone are. You’ll still be laying down redstone lines and putting in comparators. You’ll still be dealing with the janky and inconsistent behavior that experienced redstoners are. You’d still be debugging your creations with the same tools experienced redstoners are. And like, you’d be doing it with nary any institutional or technical support, because… reasons?

It’s like you progress from electrical engineering to low-level programming to high-level programming to virtual machines to virtualization… so that you can get back to electrical engineering again? Using skills that may or may not transfer well into other fields? Why?

And there are consequences for this as well, which I’ll get to in a bit, but also, I need to talk about how the community gets around this problem, which is basically…

Modded Minecraft replaces the problems vanilla has with other problems

Specifically? One of them is performance.

I don’t know if you’ve tried 1.12.x and then compared it with 1.15.x, but the differences are night and day. Like, I run a potato computer, mostly because we’re broke af and don’t have the scratch for a l33t gaming machine, but… well, yeah. What’s occasionally janky in 1.15 is literally unplayable in 1.12. What takes 5 minutes to load in vanilla takes up to thirty minutes in modded Minecraft.

And sure, this will sort itself out as modders eventually take advantage of the new architecture and optimizations within 1.15, but in some other ways, it won’t. Mostly because the nature of modded Minecraft is that it literally has to interface with the literal source files to generate or insert new code, and since mod-makers don’t have access to the code pipeline and the tools that they can use to optimize the game, well…

And we’ve only talked about the Java Edition, and not Bedrock, which I suspect will be even more tightly incorporated into the platforms that it runs, at the cost of having less open infrastructure, and as a result, more consequences to mod performance and stabilty.

But another thing that bothers me about modded Minecraft is how so many mods are just… Minecraft, but more. More power, more game mechanics, more technical additions, more mobs, more enchantments… but half the time the resulting game feels bloated and overly-complex.

This is funny because it literally sounds like I’m contradicting myself over the fact that early Minecraft survival had too little in terms of letting itself be accessible, so you’d think I’d welcome mods that worked out some of these gaps with things that made player lives easier.

But what I’m looking for is a realignment of how the game approaches players, not as a punitive, inaccessible system where difficulty is a mask for what is ultimately shallow gameplay, and what we get from modded Minecraft is more stuff. Sometimes, in some modpacks, just so many things that several mods do the same thing that the other mods do.

It’s kind of telling that every time I see a modpack that includes Draconic Evolution the first thing I think of is I better not get into Draconic early, because if I do the rest of the game will literally break, because I have no idea what the hell the mod creators are doing there, but when your damage scales allow you to three-shot the Ender Dragon final boss, that mod breaks the game. Doesn’t matter if you make a boss that’s three times tougher than, say, the Wither. Game’s fucking broken.

There are some good approaches: FTB Academy and other questbook mods do give players a chance to orient and align themselves with what to do, without forcing players to have to go through the anxiety and terror of not knowing what to do, and keeps them engaged far longer than they should be, but honestly… ultimately what you’re doing is more stuff, just through the lens of what the mod wants you to do.

Plus FTB Academy has Draconic and you can literally two-shot the Guardian of Gaia, which is supposed to be so tough that metal music starts playing and it can cause effects that are twice as worse as the Wither… well.

Is it just me or are there only dudes in this party?

If I have to count the number of people who weren’t cis men or boys in the time I’ve been lurking around Minecraft’s YouTube channels, I can quite literally say that the number would be less than half a dozen.

That’s very bad. When your visible community is 95% cis dudes and everyone else aren’t there, it tells me that:

The game alienates literally everyone who isn’t a cis dude

The player base are driving away anyone who isn’t a cis dude

Part of the reasons for #1 are, well, I’ve mentioned them above: it only really allows people who have the time and wherewithal to plug into an activity that offers no real benefit outside of the game itself, most of the fantasies it caters to is power fantasies of vanquishing more and more powerful opponents, and there’s barely any community support for newcomers.

So that’s no surprise that the kind of people who are popular Minecraft YouTubers are dudes who are either bad at explaining what they do, are inarticulate, or… well, to not put it too unkindly, dicks. I mean, Minecraft’s recent rise in popularity and relevance was, sadly, because PewDiePie was playing it. So that tells you everything.

And we haven’t even gotten into the fact that the playerbase looks pale as fuck, so you know that’s a thing. I’m seeing a few Indonesian-language Minecraft tutorials on YouTube, so that’s neat, but otherwise… it’s pretty white-dominated.

And this all assumes that the causes are all because of structural inequalities, not active fuckery against marginalized folks. I honestly don’t know how often that happens, though I wouldn’t honestly be surprised if it did. I mean, it’s not as if the game isn’t associated with nasty folk like PDP… and hell, even the original creator, who, to their credit, Microsoft and Mojang have sidelined, is a homophobic and racist dude.

But, yeah. I mean, $CHILD_1 and $CHILD_2 are still at it with Minecraft, and I’ll be around to help them through, hopefully to steer them away from the nasty stuff. But still, ugh. There are so many reasons to be grumpy about this game.

Mind you, at least it isn’t Roblox.

#Minecraft #grumping #accessibility #a whole bunch of things #structural inequality #representation

[comicteaparty]

January 22nd-January 28th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from January 22nd, 2020 to January 28th, 2020.  The chat focused on the following question:

How do you react to comics going on hiatus, and how does that affect your readership for it?

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Being a webcomic artist, I'm always very understanding when an author needs a break. Life happens, and most of us are hobbyists. I will wait as long as it takes for the comic to come back, even if that means years. I'll keep checking in every few months unless the artist makes a post saying the comic is dead and they're moving on (and if 'moving on' means starting a new comic, I'll usually start following it). I have quite a few life circumstances that have forced long hiatuses of my own comics, so I feel it would be a tad hypocritical of me to give up on a comic that needs a long break or has to update very infrequently for a while. Also since I have trouble following a lot of comics at once, my reading list is fairly short and it's easier for me to be very dedicated to and patient with the comics I do read.(edited)

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Even before I started doing webcomics, I knew it wasn't the end of the world when a comic went on hiatus. Like, it's free entertainment, I don't blame the author for not sticking to a specific schedule. As for if it affects my readership... yeah? I usually stop checking in after a year or so if a comic hasn't had any updates, and even in that time I don't check up very often. And I don't often re-read hiatus'd comics until they come back off hiatus (as a sort of refresher) so they don't usually get my readership that way either.

varethane

I don't have any hard feelings when creators go on hiatus, whatever their reasons; life happens, webcomics are a lot of work for (often) little compensation, and people's priorities change over time. It's fine. I am one of those readers who is often prone to having a short attention span, though, so I confess that if a comic goes on hiatus and its creator isn't active on social media, there's a pretty good chance I'll lose track of it. And if the comic returns after a hiatus of more than a year, it may take some months before I will come back as a reader, just because I would need to reread the story in order to catch back up with what's going on.

SAWHAND

I don't tend to keep up with webcomics on a day-to-day basis anyway. I prefer to wait and then be able to binge-read a whole chapter or at least a few pages at a time. I actually really like when comics do a brief hiatus in between chapters to build up a backlog of pages and then post a lot of pages quickly (more than someone usually would do anyway) and then go back on hiatus. Kind of like seasons on tv.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I just had a hiatus that went longer than a year so I can't really fault an artist for needing a break. I understand, and also it doesnt bother me too much because I just read whenever there is an update, it's not like I'm checking at the scheduled time or anything! When it updates, I'll be there.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Life happens, circumstances change, people grow. So many of us are making webcomics at very transformative times of our lives - we can outgrow the stories, get tired of them, or begin to associate them with bad memories (poor artistic partnerships, commercial failures, etc). If a really good webcomic I follow goes on hiatus, of course I'll be disappointed. But behind every webcomic is an author with a life. If the webcomic is keeping their life from improving, then screw the webcomic. I'm always far more concerned about the person.(edited)

I get SO much joy watching webcomics come back after a long hiatus. It's worth any sadness felt during the hiatus itself. And I'm not happy just because the story is back - but because it's a sign that the author has taken care of themselves. You can often feel it in the new pages. It's really cool and good to see.

2

January 23, 2020

Kabocha

I think it depends on the comic. I prefer it when a creator can say, "hey, I'm going on hiatus" so I know to stop checking (or to set my expectations accordingly). They don't necessarily have to post an end date, but if they can, that's always good! Sometimes creators just stop updating, and that's fine too. But one's comic's site is going to be the central hub for anything regarding your comic's news, too. There are some comics where... I'm a little less understanding of hiatuses with complete silence -- and these are usually ones that have an actual publisher backing them and paying for the project's completion. Like, I get that life gets in the way, but when making said comic is your job -- or you have a perceived contractual obligation, maybe your publisher ought to step up and say something if the project is on hold or delayed or something. There's something about the line between "I am doing this project for free and the occasional donation" versus "I am getting paid for this project's completion as a product" that kind of... I dunno, makes the whole thing feel a little different? Like, sure, it might be up for free online, but like... when there's an actual publisher or platform paying the creator to make it it and they've got editors and stuff... It's less like someone's brain baby and more like a product. I actually have a folder in my favorites for comics on hiatus, but ArchiveBinge also tells me when they updated last, so... Not a huge deal. My ability or desire to read a project isn't hugely affected by a comic's status on hiatus, but I have found with some comics that come back years after going on a break... Well, I've changed enough that I'm no longer their target audience. And it can suck to realize that.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

@LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) Oh man, your comment about being able to feel that an author has taken care of themselves after coming back from a long hiatus reminded me of when I once returned a comic from a 3 year long hiatus. I had put it on hiatus after a ‘friend’ completely ripped it apart and essentially called it trash. I was already going through some really bad stuff IRL and I lost all motivation to keep going. But three years later I came back, and the colours in the pages were so much brighter and more vibrant. The change was so obvious a reader actually gave me an impassioned speech about how the previous muted, greyish palette was a a better fit for the story. But only a few pages later they changed their mind and said they were wrong; the more vivid colours worked after all. I think maybe they could see how happy I was to be working on it again.... and maybe just how much happier I was in general. Sorry for the long anecdote; that second paragraph just really hit home for me. (edited)

MJ Massey

I think it depends on a few factors for me. In general I am pretty understanding of hiatus in general - it can be really good for the creator to take a break and set things in order for themselves as well as putting out work they enjoy rather than rushing to get a page out. Especially if this is someone's side gig. I appreciate it all the more if the creator can be honest. Even if they can't give a return date, coming out and saying "I can't work on this comic right now" is enough and perfectly fine

I get annoyed if someone who is PAID to make a comic just disappears and won't take responsibility. If it's your job, then you can't just run away from it. Again, even saying something like "I cannot work on the comic for now" is fine, but don't just run off and make some vague remarks on your social media that's not even where your readers normally engage with you.

I also agree that any partners, like a publisher or editor, that might be employing said artist could also step up and let readers know what's going on. If any of that happens, I am happy to wait as long as it takes

Readers are more understanding than you think, it's okay to just come out and say you're gonna miss updates, need time off, etc. You don't need to say anything more than that.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

I'm not quite understanding the hostility towards people who get paid for creating webcomics, but hiatuses aren't something i could really call our personal business to make any calls regarding their obligations. Like @LadyLazuli (Phantomarine) said, life happens and circumstances change. I'm pretty sure whomever the creator is with has their own reasons as creative projects evolve differently for everyone and that their parties concerned have dealt with it in a necessary way. That is just the nature of them, we won't know or understand the full picture, and while i get being disappointed, it's not something that can be helped! I encourage hiatuses in fact, because webcomics are A LOT of work!! It can give the creator time for revisions, writing the story, and general self reflection of the project. I've stated this before on twitter, but ppl tend to forget that webcomics are typically made by 1-2 ppl and can produce the quality/quantity easily created by a small studio. Take a break!

Kabocha

It's not a hostility thing necessarily, but I do think that when, like, an actual publisher is involved, there should be some sort of expectation of... I dunno, communication? Traditionally published books and such get delayed (and canceled), but usually there's some form of communication as to the change in release dates or if it's going to come out at all. I think that's more or less the expectation with something that's being paid for by a publisher: That there's some form of communication between the audience regarding the story's state or future. It doesn't have to be a total "HI THIS IS MY LIFE" just more of a "hi the comic's on hold". But hiatuses, I think, are maybe different than a break? As a creator, I traditionally take a break between chapters to do editing and such, but I think a hiatus tends to be more... unplanned for. (and I'm not exempt from going on hiatus - I've had issues this winter that made it necessary for me to tell my readers "hi I'm not updating until april". So I'm sympathetic to health/life -- but I do think a "hi the comic's on hold" on the comic's site is warranted in a lotta cases.)

(or hell, even a "the comic's canceled" is fine too hoo boy, I just saw one that I wasn't aware of that got canceled for life issues... I feel for the creators.)

RebelVampire

I'm kind of on the higher standard for creators who are being paid to do it as a job train. At least a higher standard of communication. Cause I never really consider the hiatus itself the problem, but how the author communicates about the hiatus. Cause again, when being paid to do something, I just kind of expect more professionalism, and communication is a huge part of professionalism.

Kabocha

I think webcomics with a publisher -- like, an actual "hi we are paying you to produce this work" that isn't just patreon -- it's more of a commercial work. In one of the cases I have in mind, they're paid to do it per-page, through a well-known webcomics publisher. Sure, the creator loses out, because they're not being paid, but it is also a commercial work in the end. They have an editor, ostensibly someone to communicate with them and the manager, and went through some sort of acquisitions process to sell the work to that publisher. Kinda like the difference between "hi this is my fanfic" versus "hi this is my book that I got put through a small press pub"

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I agree. Ghosting your paying customers is very unprofessional. Just informing readers that there’s a break or cancellation feels necessary if money’s involved. I‘d feel pretty burned if a comic I was pledging for on patreon just stopped updating for more than a few months without any communication whatsoever. A quick note that says ‘Hey, my comic is on break for an indeterminate amount of time because I need to take care of some things / am creatively exhausted / whatever other vague reason’ and I would understand. But if I’m paying the creator and they just vanish without a word, you can bet I won’t trust them enough to pay them again even if they come back later.

RebelVampire

Yeah. Those are my feels too. That it doesn't even need to be some essay message. It's just the giving a heads up so you're not sitting there staring wondering if someone fell into the abyss.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

You can say Tessa Stone, it's okay.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I... I don’t know who that is?

Nutty (Court of Roses)

She was the author of Hanna is Not a Boy's Name. Very popular webcomic, did a kickstarter for a book, then vanished with the money, and reappeared four years later working for another company.

Kabocha

That's... Not who was in mind.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Oh wow that’s scummy.

I’d read the comic waaaaay back but dropped it long before there was a KS.

Nutty (Court of Roses)

Yeah. Other than that, I always understand when hiatuses happen, we all have lives outside our comics.

RebelVampire

Professional comics aside, overall, for me, my reaction to a comic going on hiatus depends on a ton of factors. I will preface this first part, is that I'm always understanding of it. Life happens, interests change, etc. etc. etc. I would never tell a creator not to go on hiatus or that they were magically a bad creator or something for needing to stop for a bit (or indefinitely). People should take care of themselves both physically and emotionally first, so I get why hiatuses happen. That being said, I as a reader also have my own life. And the fact of the matter is, there are thousands of comics out there to read - many of which are not on hiatus. So I'd be lying if I said a hiatus had no effect on whether I'd continue to read a comic. That being said, it's not like a hiatus will make me instantly drop a comic either. This is where the many factors come in. Like how much do I love the comic? Has the creator communicated about the length of the hiatus and given a heads up? Does the comic have a very unreliable history of hiatusing and coming back and then immediately hiatusing etc.. Which again, I get and sympathize with creators and hiatuses. But there's a point where you just gotta move on if the comic's updating isn't to your liking.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

also i just want to chime in and say that as one of those people who get paid to make my comic i don't appreciate it being called commercial work. It's still the creators property and honestly the money earned doesn't change the product, nor should it change the 'merit' of a hiatus. Hiatuses are also planned and not planned. They are both breaks and unseen stops in work, they are necessary and needed- much like vacation time or sick leave at other jobs. Having been paid for making comics shouldn't differ with who is more worthy of one. Again, they all happen with reasons the public doesn't need to fully know bc even if the work is produced 'free to read', it's still not an obligation to the readers for any full disclosure. I get being dissapointed, it's a work you enjoy, but like any type of work, schedules change, lives conflict, and projects get canceled.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

I don’t think anyone is saying that we mind hiatuses when comic artists are being paid, we all explicitly stated we mind poor communication about it from the creator

Big difference

varethane

the main thing I look sideways at is a creator who ghosts their existing audience and goes incommunicado for years, and then returns with either the same product or something very similar. I'm not so much mad, as.... unlikely to keep reading their work, even once it's back? Or I'll have trouble convincing myself to dive back in, even if it still looks like it should be my thing. I'm thinking of a specific comic I used to read called Astray3, which stopped updating with no news updates sometime in like..... 2011? And then after a year or so the website went down, and I assumed that was just.... it, the creator had left comics. Then just this year I was thinking about it while talking to friends and did a google search, and discovered that it was back On a new webhost, totally rebooted and fresh, with gorgeous new art

I had no idea, lol. I guess it had been back for maybe a year or two? It's really beautiful, and if I'd found it fresh I'd probably be super excited to dive in, but I haven't gotten around to it yet and that's the only real reason I can think of as to why.

This is a personal thing though. I don't know why all that happened or what led the creator to shelve the comic, I bear them no hard feelings. I just..... may or may not start reading again (maybe I will when I get some time!! Who knows lol)

keii4ii

@varethane I gotta say I'm sort of guilty of that. I stopped working on my previous comic after I'd gotten pretty far in the story. Things happened IRL and I just couldn't keep working on that story. My main site host died (the hosting business closed), and I didn't leave a proper goodbye on my SJ mirror. Then a few years later, I came back elsewhere with a new comic. X'D I don't really have a point here (yet?), just waving a hand from the other side of the fence.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

@Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios) im responding to the commercial work comment

varethane

I don't even really think there IS a fence, lol. There are so many reasons why I may or may not read a comic, up to and including how I happen to feel on a given day; when I read something really often has more to do with my mood than with how much I feel like it 'should' appeal to me, so long breaks in updates are just one more ingredient in the big old soup of 'will I jump into this story today'

keii4ii

Yeah, readers come and go all the time, for all sorts of reasons

Deo101 [Millennium]

I'd also like to wave my hand from the side of the fence of "basically going completely radio silent" I did it because I had an incredibly difficult personal experience, that I didnt really want to share with all of my readers, and I don't think I should HAVE to share what happened in order for it to be valid for me to have dropped off like that for a while.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Exactly what Deo said

varethane

while I agree you don't need to say why, a quick news update saying 'hey something came up and this won't update for awhile, maybe forever' would be appreciated in a lot of cases

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

but the thing is, nobody said you have to say what happened It doesn't have to be a total "HI THIS IS MY LIFE" just more of a "hi the comic's on hold". like it's the difference between saying "there won't be updates for a while" and just leaving the comic hanging on the latest page with no comment.

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

Yeah, I don’t think anyone needs to leave a reason. But if people are paying you, just a ‘Hey this is on a break’ to the audience.

Deo101 [Millennium]

I did say "hi I'm gonna be on hiatus!" and people did still get upset with me for being gone so long so :/

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

well they were rude

varethane

I don't read anything as obsessively as I used to, but one of the first webcomics I ever read trailed off forever with 'see you next week!' as the last news update lmao

I went back to that homepage like a million times

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Theres no winning with it honestly. I haven't had a hiatus with my comic im working on now, but a previous one earned us threats when we had a break

Cap’n Lee (Flowerlark Studios)

People getting upset isn’t your fault. You communicated, and that’s all you needed to do. We all know some readers can be fickle or downright rude.(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

IN THEIR DEFENSE i did say "brief hiatus" cause the situation around it was really weird, and then it was a very not brief one

varethane

no excuse for bein rude about it tho >:U sorry to hear about that!

keii4ii

Yeeeah

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

The threats that we got and harassment definitely made me realize that you don't owe ppl any thing. It's your work, and at the end of the day, you're the one in charge. We literally don't know the reasons to the breaks of a fave creator, it could be something as simple as boredom to something dire. I again i understand the want for communication but there are times where it just doesn't come first or at all.

I think in the situation of finding a ks or something u paid for directly? Yes, you deserve that right to know. But a project that isn't going to affect u in that way, well, it's a mystery we're not owed sometimes

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah I'm just gonna get back to making it, and if people are going to leave and be upset with me I... cant control that... so I shouldnt try or worry about it. just offering the perspective of someone who p much did drop off the face of the earth

oh yeah for something youve paid for its different

Kabocha

Allow me to say that when I say commercial work, I mean it strictly in a "This is a thing that you are making money or aiming to turn a profit from." That's it. There's a difference in expectations, I think, for something where the creator is doing it as their job vs the creator doing it as a hobby. (but also -- like, if you have a publisher or an agent, they should be stepping in to help you field things like communication!!)

But also yes -- my essential point is that communication is key.

And yes, there is an overlap between hobby and earning money off said hobby, but once a thing is available for consumption as something you're earning income off of, I think the expectations ought to be slightly different. I think it's fair to expect someone to say "hi I'm taking a break" on the comic site. Edited to clarify the "income" part of this -- I mean like, a significant portion of your income. Tips are always appreciated, but don't generate an obligation in any sense of the imagination imo. Or like. Yanno, a publishing deal? I dunno. But that gets into contractual stuff.(edited)

spacerocketbunny

As long as someone didn't literally run off with your money, I think a bit more empathy and compassion can be exercised, even if the only communication that's provided is radio silence. It just happens man, sometimes life sucks and you don't get to have a word in edge-wise. There's just so many factors as to why it can happen, it's not a divide between who does and doesn't get a paycheck for their work. Stuff happens and at the end of the day it's still free content that's available to you.

Like @RebelVampire said too, it's totally up to you what you do with your engagement when hiatuses come up

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Agreed

Basically, i hope that if ever the case a creator drops from their project without notice or any word, readers express concern and compassion

Kabocha

That is a fair expectation -- and readers need to remember not to be jerks about it.

Mei

Reading through all of this was super interesting. I think hiatuses are just something that in a medium like webcomics is something to almost 'expect'? if that makes sense? Whether it's because of personal reasons, or work reasons, or any reason that we as readers are not privy to, I think it's part of the process. Of course it's great when creators mention they're going on a hiatus, but I suppose it's also having that understanding that sometimes creators may lose the drive or motivation for what they're creating, and they need a break from it. But yeah, I think it'd be awesome for readers to show understanding for webcomics going on hiatus for a short while or indefinitely. They're a LOT of work and most of the time life takes precedent over that?

RebelVampire

I just want to add myself that jerk readers are a diff issue all together and they are legit not the readers you should care about. Cause at the end of the day, you will never ever make them happy whether you communicate or not. So ignore them and do what you need. The communication is for everyone else who isn't rude and likes your comic (whether a vocal fan or a silent fan). Cause frankly, I think it also shows a certain amount of respect as well for readers when the author communicates their status. But just to clarify in case it wasn't clear in my own statement, you are not obligated to share your life story. TBH, I don't even read people's life essays for their reasons in a lot of cases cause it's their personal business. The reasons for the hiatus are largely irrelevant. But you can still leave a small message that says "Hey I'm not gonna be updating for a bit." Like that's not an exaggeration. That's all you have to say. XD Last, I do want to add, of course there are exceptions to this with extenuating circumstances. Like I know a few people who have had all means of communication break for them - and that of course is understandable then. Since it's not that they didn't want to communicate, it's that they literally had no choice in the matter.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #reader favorites

[oswednesday]

okay i guess characterization,

 i wish rey had more time to develop like a struggle, like a consistant narrative that unfolds over time, its not Worse than lukes but it could have been elevated beyond the pre-existing limits of star wars as it is like Its Star Wars but theres really so much room to tell these nuianced stories, she never gets the time to own her own suffering like anakin does and neither does ben either really its all just plot plot plot credits dfg but there are so many posts that was like legit They Made Her Into A Sue (its going to be 2020??) For These Reasons and like,,,that shit all ruled like hell wtf are you talking about, it was stupid and awesome but stuff would have felt more if it was more simplistic like that sounds like a step backwards i guess but if it was like rey has one issue, this issue stems from x, all the symbolism resolves around this issue, because there is  symbolism theres foreshadowing, like thats difficult even for solo writers with their own “ip” but it was really hurting for that, i think an easy fix would have been making the culture she came from extra family like its all that matters and have her have like been orphaned at some space nunery or something, her parents running and hiding her has been so done to death and the reveal that she had surpressed memories wasnt really satisfiying imo, i havnt read much of the reviews with neg stuff about her character, shes often just There,moving ghost like through the scenes (the actress was amazing dead like her acting is really good she just idk underwritten)

i guess that can be said about the whole cast tbh like completely underwritten, rose is brought in to break up the trio het it up obvi but the character is awesome and so is the actress who deserved to be apart of the group proper after the last movie : / she gets a nice scene with poe but its literally the only thing that happens after the last movie like fdfgdf??? she gets some lines but the character is underused, like used as much as unnamed background characters

finn is written soooo hostile in this movie too like whys he have so much beef fdjdgdf like okay theres a scene where it looks like poe is going to confess his feelings to rey which!! SURPISED me cause posts ive seen make it sound like they didnt even have screentime together, like, is it enough? no, but it is something dsfgh thanks for the crumbs, i guess you can read the hostility as jealousy and i kind do love that he brought it back up when they looked like they were going to be death squad’d with poe being like hey ill tell you later dssfgh, it as such a relief when random character from finns past was like no hetero and it was all done in head nods and how warm the scene was when finn and poe reunied and rey joined them in this super tender hug, that was nice

there was also like a half min of two women looking people making out so theres that

i feel like poe’s parts were better than the last movie but also like, under written, i really liked the scene when he meets another trooper, like, theres almost a moment of emotions happening, and i really enjoyed the ex-troopers side plot even though it was super short and kinda tacked on for the hets, she was a really expressive actress for what a small role she had!

i guess the major thing is i didnt feel like i knew or got closer to any of the main characters or like,,cared,,about what was going on and thats WILD for a three hour movie dfdgh

and i know i know this is going to sound awful but i actually liked that scene where ben like force heals her, like that kiss should have been just a forehead touch, or like, maybe his mom speaking to him through rey as he dies, like a lullyby or something, that was a pretty decent redemption arc in like force lore but it was like so strange what little lines he had during that whole thing, it was like, okay this is The character you want delivering a bunch of dry speeches instead of like finn or poe who should be more personal, it was just this weird basic half hour of silence from the cast who should be saying wack stuff with finn  and poe being the audience connection to these wackos?? finn the everyman and poe like the connector and with rose like the deep lore person,the formula was there?

also i think it would have been better is c3p0 died during then, like, if it was more emotionally built up where he recounts his life like the one who created him has died in many ways and many times, if the rebellion is going to end this then i too should go out with the empire, thank you all for being my friends or something like that LIKE THERE IS A SCENE SIMILAR but its super quick and they use the droids as constant slap stick, it doesnt make much sense for finn to be so mean to him through out???? after he sacrafices so much it makes finn this unpleastant character? like character growth would have had him like soften up a bit towards the droid when he comes back but i think it was a deprement to the plot to have that happen, imo it should have been something like my creator installed it in me after he rebuilt me after such and such battle so that i may be free from control of sith influences and then like request to be destroyed after the sith memories are re-instated? again it was just plot point plot point no emotional depth

chewbaca should have also died but that scene should have been better, done in genral also what was UP with that single military dude gettng some actual lighting in that scene fjugjhgh

it was uggh to just have palpatine regurgitate like narrative and not like, have rey come to that conclution herself with him like, saying words an actual person would say like its clear hes lying but its like theres no room to feel anything about it, it just barrels right through

her being like im a skywalker and fade out into the twin suns ruled SO hard tho

[twiststreet]

Feeling too tired to do my day, so just lying around in a bathrobe (bathrobes were on sale at Ikea, so I decided to become a bathrobe guy!  I should’ve become bathrobe guy ages ago-- it’s like wearing a blanket!), catching up on comics.

Wrapped up Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt, which I’d been writing about here and here (though you’re way better off reading  Adventures in Poor Taste’s writing about it-- they're more passionate about the project and more delighted to unpack it-- I’m just some old, crotchety weirdo that stopped liking things sometime shortly after the third issue of Civil War).  I just didn’t think it was about very much at all, in the end, though it kind of insists otherwise throughout.  It believes in itself, the scamp-- the swagger’s admirable, at least...

It mostly resolves itself as just being a comic about a desire that comics move forward from Watchmen.  Which at the outset is weird to me because while I’ve hardly read a lot of his stuff, I’d read at least some of those Keiron Gillen comics-- that guy’s influenced by Watchmen?  Oh okay.  I hadn’t... I hadn’t noticed, but.  And to be fair, I felt very influenced by Wes Anderson’s Grand Budapest Hotel when I was doing a poo the other day, so who am I to... I’m just a guy that takes twee pastel shits-- I can’t pass any kind of judgment here, so... 

But also, move forward to what?  There, the best the comic can try to answer it is with (arguably its best issue) the Eddie Campbell issue, which is celebrating the quotidian smallness of normal life.  But there aren’t any characters in the comic.  How do you do a comic with no characters in it that argues for how comics should look to normal life for inspiration more (or make that argument in a comic about defying Watchmen or whatever, which has about a zillion more normal people characters in it than this does???  It contains that critique within itself!)?  I mean, maybe that absence is part of the point, creates an arc, etc., but the “having its cake and eating it too” of it all seems like it undermines its own argument...  Or it talks about "Envying” a sort of pastiche of those things in the Eddie Campbell issue, but I just think it comes across as a fashionable pose-- because it’s got no real thematic concerns outside of comics.  Morrison made a bunch of comics about how we all need new ideas too-- then he wrote Batman comics.  He liked to do little poses next to Watchmen, too... 

As a personal exorcism of Watchmen’s influence, the comic’s, you know, fine.  The “How they beat the baddie” bit is clever.  The drawings of the baddie eating the pipe are pretty fun-- it’s a pretty fun comic to look at generally.  I didn’t really get every choice the letterer made, but it looked like they were having fun, so good for them.  But it’s... It’s just very, very odd outside of that context.  As the Adventures in Poor Taste folks point out, Moore walked from Watchmen ages ago.  And then the rest of the world-- unauthorized Watchmen sequels; pirate Watchmen TV shows; an audience that is in a state of permanent embitterment, hostility or unearned condescension towards Alan Moore; comic creators and publishers having “Go fuck yourself, Alan Moore” as their default stances... 

Like, this comic posits a world where Watchmen is a villain.  But that’s not our world.  Our world is the exact opposite:  we’re the villains. Keiron Gillen did this for Dynamite-- anyone think Dynamite’s on their side?  Answer: yeah, read the papers-- fucking Comicsgate does.  The comic’s just very oblivious to its context.  But that context is that nothing matters to anyone.  So this comic's whole orientation just seems... very odd.

The big cheer moment that the internet seems to love is the hero of this comic standing over the avatar of Watchmen and saying “you did it 30 years ago.”  Like, haha, suck it, old thing, your time has passed.  Which I suppose is a meaningful thing to say if we were still in the era of “Comics should be pop” that Gillen came of age at on shitty online messageboards.  If your antecedents are pop music where 30 years is perhaps a lot, instead of books.  But the people who went on and on about pop in comics, their work is mostly nothing.  You want to be the guy reading Grant Morrison comics in 2019?  I still like Doom Patrol or whatever (No thanks on your little TV show) but I find the idea of having read as much of his stuff as I have kind of embarrassing now.  That’s how pop works.  But if you live in the world of actual books by actual writers... 30 years for a book...?  That’s not... anything.  The conversation hasn’t even really started at 30 years.

But of course, now there is no conversation.  It’s weird seeing an internet that cheered Watchmen getting stolen away from its writer, as unauthorized Watchmen TV shows are getting trailers put out, now cheer a comic that tells Watchmen that it’s old and can’t show us the way forward and...?   The layers of indecency to that are just... I mean, Lucy just pulled away the football; she didn’t spike it on Charlie Brown’s fucking face!  But I don’t flatter myself to think we live in any more profane times than any other times.  I mean, the newspapers aren’t great to read lately, but.  The last time a comic came out that was oblivious to exploitation and heavily annotated by its creator, it was Paying For It, though...

But thinking about my own personal malaise-- which is probably mostly, you know, just being middle aged and all... It’s just constantly of interest (alarm?) to me how little stuff seems to matter.  How little anything sticks anymore-- the thing about that “30 year line” that this comic refuses to grapple with, is that Watchmen came from an era where shit stuck; and now we’re not in that era anymore; people online praising this comic but even if it’s as good as they say, it’ll be forgotten in a year, if it makes it that long because the way our culture works now. Best case scenario: people are going to be angry about Watchmen’s influence for a longer time than they’re going to remember Peter Cannon standing up to it because something in our culture feels like it’s fucking broken. (Worst case scenario:  I get full-blown AIDS).  Or you look how angry people got watching Game of Thrones just tell an ordinary story to them instead of something that justified the 1000 hours they spent mentally worried about the politics of Planet Skeksie or whatever the fuck they were going on about... They got so mad!!! Because they just got an ordinary story and what are those worth?  Nothing!  

And some of that you chalk up to “Oh all the movies are franchises now” or you know: capitalism.  But I just... I wonder if it’s maybe that when you have a larger story that a culture’s telling itself, these smaller stories can stick more maybe.  Or to put in comics terms, Watchmen came out at a time when comics were telling a coherent story about what comics were, and where they’d come from, and where they might be headed.  And in the world generally, and in comics especially, maybe those larger stories don’t make any sense anymore.  Does the story the UK tells itself make sense after Brexit?  Does the story the US tells itself make sense after ‘16?  Especially as Watchmen itself has become a symbol of that now more than ever in comics-- Watchmen tells us a story now about comics that people don’t want to hear:  the bad guys fucking won.  And this is their world.  And people can point the finger at comicsgate or whoever else as being aberrations, but it all just seems very ... consistent.   People don’t want to hear that story-- they want to hear how you can read a bunch of old work-for-hire comics off some fucking app now-- that’s 90% of the “comics discourse” now, so... fuck it... 

If we’re in a culture where the bigger stories stop functioning, what... what then?  You know?  I don’t fucking know.  I’ve kind of started rambling there, haven’t I?  Aawwwwwfuck, sorry...

Well, anyways, now I’m going to read a Dash Shaw Clue comic.  Hahahaha!  

TLDR:  Abhay is a bathrobe guy now -- they’re like wearing a blanket!

#Worst Hobby or Worstest Hobby?

[thisislizheather]

The Witches Are Coming by Lindy West - A Review

I’ve been waiting for this book of essays to come out for months and it was so, so worth the the wait. I know it’s asking a lot, but can this woman please just write a book every year? Or every six months? That’d be great, thanks. Favourite parts ahead!

“This moment in history is about more than individual interactions between individual people. Those matter, too - it matters how you made your subordinate feel with that comment, and it matters quite a lot that the woman on the bus went home and sobbed after you groped her - but, as Rebecca Traister wrote in December 2017 on The Cut: “This moment isn’t just about sex. It’s about work.” It’s about who feels at home in the workplace and who feels like an outsider - which, by extension, dictates who gets to thrive and ascend, who gets to hire their replacements, who gets to set their children up for success, who gets credit and glory, and who gets forgotten. It’s about who feels safe in public spaces and who doesn’t. Which is to say, it’s about everything.”

“We gobble up cable news’ insistence that both sides of an argument are equally valid and South Park’s insistence that both sides are equally stupid, because taking a firm stance on anything opens us up to criticism.”

“We kept letting Adam Sandler make more movies after Little Nicky, because white men are allowed to fail spectacularly and keep their jobs.”

There’s literally an entire chapter on Adam Sandler movies that is perfection. You have to read it. Seriously, just pick this up at a bookstore and read that one chapter, if nothing else.

I loved all of her points about how there was endless discussion about The Ted Bundy Tapes when it came out earlier this year and how we debated whether this murdering monster was handsome or not. And how that same type of debate is somehow in the same arena as when people debate whether Elizabeth Warren is “likable” or not.

There’s a part in the Ted Bundy special where the judge sympathizes with Bundy and goes on a ridiculous tangent about how it’s “such a shame” that he turned out that way when he had so much potential, it’s truly disgusting to see a judge commiserate with a rapist and murderer, but it happened and it’s wild to see. “That anecdote is often held up as evidence of Bundy’s charisma - even the judge sentencing him to death was seduced by that smirk, that finger wave. But it is the most blatant, overwhelming evidence we have for the opposite. Men don’t need charisma to succeed. It doesn’t matter if men are likable, because men are people who do things, who don’t have to ask first, whose potential has value even after it is squandered.”

“Chasing likability has been one of women’s biggest setbacks, by design. I don’t know that rejecting likability will get us anywhere, but I know that embracing it has gotten us nowhere.”

Absolutely in love with the fact that she loves the movie Clue as much as I do.

I really liked the chapter that she discussed Gwyneth Paltrow’s GOOP, even if I did wish that she went in on her/the brand harder.

So in love with the chapter where she talks about South Park and its creators. I’ve always hated that show, it’s never been good, and I can’t understand who the hell would be into it. It’s never been funny, edgy, smart. Insane that it’s still on.

Maybe I’m really reading into it, but there’s a tiny part where she mentions that PETA sucks and I can’t stop all my little inside screams - it’s hard to find somewhere who dislikes all the same stuff as you.

“Men think that misogyny is a women’s issue; women’s to endure and women’s to fix. White people think that racism is a pet issue for people of color; not like the pure, economic grievances of the white working class. Rape is a rape victim’s problem: What was she wearing? Where was she walking? Had she had sex before?“

“Whenever talk turned toward solutions, the panel came back to mentorship: women lifting up other women. Assertiveness and leaning in and ironclad portfolios and marching into that interview and taking the space you deserve and changing the ratio and not letting Steve from accounting talk over you in the morning. During the closing question-and-answer period, a young woman stood up. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice electric with anger, “but all I’ve heard tonight are a bunch of things women can do to fight sexism. Why is that our job? We didn’t build the system. This audience should be full of men.”

“Sexism is a male invention. White supremacy is a white invention. Transphobia is a cisgender invention. So far, men have treated #MeToo like a bumbling dad in a detergent commercial: well intentioned by floundering, as though they are not the experts. You are the experts. Only 2.6 percent of construction workers are female. We did not install that glass ceiling, and it is not our responsibility to demolish it.”

When talking about what men can actually do to help women: ”“Do you ever stick up for me?” sounds childish, but I don’t know that gussying up the sentiment in more sophisticated language would enhance its meaning. It isn’t fun to be the one who speaks up. Our society has engineered robust consequences for squeaky wheels, a verdant pantheon from eye rolls all the way up to physical violence. One of the subtlest and most pervasive is social ostracism: coding empathy as the fun killer, consideration for others as an embarrassing weakness, and dissenting voices as out-of-touch, bleeding-heart dweebs (at best). Coolness is a fierce disciplinarian. A result is that, for the most part, the only people weathering those consequences are the ones who don’t have the luxury of staying quiet. Women, already impeded and imperiled by sexism, also have to carry the social stigma of being feminist buzzkills if they call attention to it. People of color not only have to deal with racism; they also have to deal with white people labeling them “angry” or “hostile” or “difficult” for objecting. What we could use is some loud, unequivocal backup.”

“I know there’s pressure not to be a dorky, try-hard male feminist stereotype; there’s always a looming implication that you could lose your spot in the boys’ club; if you seem too opportunistic or performative in your support, if you suck up too much oxygen and demand praise, women will yell at you for that, too. But I need you to absorb that risk. I need you to get yelled at and made fun of, a lot, and if you get kicked out of the club, I need you to be relieved, and I need you to help build a new one.”

The entire chapter about the complications with Joan Rivers is such a great one.

“You can hate someone and love them at the same time. Maybe that’s a natural side effect of searching for heroes in a world not built for you.”

Okay, so the only thing that we strongly disagree on is her previous love for Adam Carolla. Always hated that man.

““Common sense’” without growth, curiosity, or perspective eventually becomes conservatism and bitterness.”

“There are pieces of pop culture that you outgrow because you get older. Then there are pieces of pop culture that you outgrow because you get better.”

“Art has no obligation to evolve, but it has a powerful incentive to do so. Art that is static, that captures a dead moment, is nothing. It is, at best, nostalgia; at worst, it can be a blight on our sense of who we are, a shame we pack away. Artists who refuse to listen, participate, and change along with the world around them are not being silenced or punished by censorious college sophomores. They are letting obsolescence devour them, voluntarily. Political correctness is just the inexorable turn of the gear. Falling behind is preventable.”

Talking about Ricky Gervais:” “People see something they don’t like, and they expect it to stop,” he said. “The world is getting worse. Don’t get me wrong, I think I lived through the best fifty years of humanity, 1960 through 2015, the peak of civilization for everything. For tolerances, for freedoms, for communication, for medicine! And now it’s going the other way a little bit.” “Dumpster fire” has emerged as the favorite emblem of our present sociopolitical moment, but that Gervais quote feels more apt and more tragic as a metaphor: the Trump/Brexit era is a rich, famous, white, middle-aged man declaring the world to be in decline the moment he stops understanding it.”

“Adam Carolla isn’t angry because he’s being silenced; he’s angry because he’s being challenged. He’s been shown the road map to continued relevance, and it doesn’t lead back to his mansion. He’s angry because he’s being asked to do the basic work of maintaining a shared humanity or else be left behind. He’s choosing the past. Gervais and Carolla are not alone in presenting themselves as noble bulwarks against a wave of supposed leftwing censorship. (A Netflix special, for the record, is not what “silencing” looks like.)”

Talking Louis CK: “Less than a year after his vow to retreat and listen, CK made the laziest and most cowardly choice possible: to turn away from the difficult, necessary work of self-reflection, growth, and reparation, and run into the comforting arms of people who don’t think it’s that big a deal to show your penis to female subordinates. Conservatives adore a disgraced liberal who’s willing to pander to them because he’s too weak to grow. How pathetic to take them up on it.”

“Like every other feminist with a public platform, I am perpetually cast as a disapproving scold. But what’s the alternative? To approve? I do not approve.” - This is probably my most favourite line in the entire book

“Not only are women expected to weather sexual violence, intimate partner violence, workplace discrimination, institutional subordination, the expectation of free domestic labor, invisible cuts that undermine us daily, we are not even allowed to be angry about it.”

“I’d been taught that when ordinary people try to do activism, they look stupid. Of course now I know that there is no effective activism without the passion and commitment of ordinary people and it is a basic duty of the privileged to show up and fight for issues that don’t affect us directly. But maintaining that separation has served the status quo well. It keeps good people always just shy of taking action. It’s tone policing. It’s the white moderate. But it’s changing.”

“Diet culture is a coercive, misogynist pyramid scheme that saps women’s economic and political power.”

Definitely the best thing I’ve read all year. GO BUY!

#The Witches Are Coming #Lindy West #this is liz heather #Liz Heather #book review #great book 2019 #great book fall 2019 #feminist #feminism book #feminism

[thetravelerwrites]

Elsabet (Female Lich) SFW

Rating: Teen Relationship: Female Lich x MTF Trans Reader Additional Tags: Reader Insert, Exophilia Content Warnings: MTF Trans, Pre-HRT, Dysphoria Words: 1536

I got a request from @chaoswolf1982 for a fem trans reader and a Lich lady, and managed to knock it out in a few hours! This was a fun one, since the Elsabet is from the 1600s and speaks all fancy, and I haven’t done a MTF trans woman before now, so that was a new experience, too! Please enjoy!

I accept requests, but they are limited to 1500 words. Anything more than that, and I’m afraid I’ll have to charge.

The day it happened was actually your first day on the demolition site. It was a shame; this crumbling ruin must have been glorious when it was first built. You could see the structure of the fallen parapets and towers in your mind’s eye. There weren’t many real castles in your country, and even though it was the job you’d been given, you thought it a pity to get rid of it.

The other construction guys had been looking at you sideways all day. You hadn’t started hormone replacement therapy or undergone any surgeries yet, so even though you’d grown your hair out and despite wearing black jeans with flower embroidery and a feminine-cut button-up shirt with thin, pink pinstripes and a half sleeve, you still had a five o’clock shadow and a tell-tall adam’s apple. You knew you didn’t quite pass yet, but you didn’t care. You’d spent too much of your life hiding yourself and you just plain refused to do it anymore.

At least they had enough consideration to hold their tongues while you were in earshot. Not that it mattered, of course; you were the only explosives expert within a hundred miles that they could hire, so what they thought about you and your life choices didn’t make a difference either way.

“Okay, so, that tower that’s leaning,” You said to the tear-down team. “It doesn’t need explosives. If you take out those three support stones underneath it, it’ll come down pretty quick. The main hall is the one thing I’d say we’d need to rig up, but we’ll work inward toward it and leave it for last.”

“Okay, boys,” the team leader said. “You heard the…” He paused, side-glancing at you. “Start on that tower. I want to have at least half of it cleared out by dark.”

You shook off your annoyance and started mapping out the plans for the main hall. You heard distantly the sound of the supports being smashed away, looking up to make sure the men got out of the way before returning to your measurements.

Then a blood-curdling screech shattered the atmosphere around you. You stood up straight and saw the men scattering, yelling and cursing.

“What the hell is that?” You asked the men as they ran past you like rabbits from a fox. They all jumped into their trucks to flee.

“Wait!” You called, but they were gone, kicking up dust as they sped off. “It was probably just a coyote, you fucking cowards!” You shook your head and growled at them, as they left you here. You reached into your own truck and pulled out your high-impact airsoft rifle. You weren’t really a fan of guns, but you worked in the country a lot and predators were a common problem, so at the very least, a non-lethal deterrent was necessary.

You approached the fallen tower with your rifle up and ready, whistling loudly.

“Alright, whatever is in there needs to fuck off! I have a job to do here,” You said loudly, your voice echoing off the stones. You grimaced at the sound of it. You didn’t have a lot of body dysphoria, but your voice was one thing about yourself that really bothered you. You didn’t know how to make it sound more feminine without feeling like you were pretending.

You didn’t see any movement inside the main structure, so you called out again. “I’m serious! Get out of here!” You even cracked a BB off of the nearest rotting wooden window pane in warning, which you assumed once had glass.

To your immense surprised, a largish rock came sailing out of the darkness in your direction, and you ducked with enough time to avoid getting brained.

“Begone!” A voice inside said. It was a rasping, crackling voice, as if whoever it belonged to hadn’t used it’s own voice in quite some time. “Let this accursed woman rest! I have paid your infernal tax well into the next decade! Get thee hence and vex me no more!”

“I’m sorry, ma’am,” you said, lowering your rifle but stepping tentatively into the main hall. It was still pretty solidly standing. “This place has been scheduled for demolition. You can’t stay here.”

Another stone was lobbed at you, and you dodged it.

“Dost thou intend to eject a lady from her own dwelling? Bought and paid, I have! This land and all that exist within is my own! I shall not suffer thee! Darken my doorstep no further.”

“Ma’am, please,” You said. “This property is owned by the state. They’ve plans to turn it into a resort. You can’t stay. If I have to call someone to get you out of here, I will.”

“Threats?” You saw two pinpricks of light in the dark, moving around the room, and froze. “I should like to see thou maketh good on thy foolish promise. Come, then! Come and see that which you so blithely provoke.”

The person to whom the voice belonged stepped into the sunlight, and you immediately pulled your gun up again.

It was… a corpse. A walking, talking corpse made of tanned leather skin stretched over a skeleton with no muscle or organs beneath. It’s lips were drawn tightly back, leaving it’s long teeth exposed. The lights you had seen were coming from the sockets of its eyes, deep in the darkness of it’s skull. It was tall and wore a tattered, ill-fitting dress; old-fashioned, perhaps centuries old.

“Dost thou comprehend now?” It asked. “Dost thou see what it is you seeketh to expel from her own domicile?”

“What are you?” You asked in shock, your rifle forgotten in your hands.

“I am an undead thing, bound to this castle,” It said. It peered at you curiously. “What is thou?”

“I… I am a woman,” You replied, your heart skipping a beat. It was the first time you had ever said that sentence out loud.

The lights of it’s eyes dimmed, as if it was squinting. “Lookest ye not like a woman.”

“Neither do you,” You retorted, bristling.

You expected a barbed reply, but instead it said, “Thou dost not speaketh a falsehood,” It--she--sat on a moldering wooden chair. “This curse hast robbed me of much. My womanhood is but the smallest facet of the jewel that I once was.”

“How did this happen to you?” You asked, setting the rifle aside.

She waved a bony hand dismissively. “Money and power breedeth hostility. Any number of the vulgar rabble would revel in my misfortune. I am the last of my damned line. The curse hath fixed me so that no further children of my blood would be born, but that my house and name continue in death for eternity.”

She waved her skeletal hands at the remains of her castle. “All that you see is the remnants of my home and my prison. Eternally shalt I pay for the sins of my forebears, though no such sin did I commit.” She looked introspective, her angular shoulders hunched. “Perhaps, if thou dost breaketh down these walls, I shall crumble with it. Perhaps I, too, may fade.”

You knelt down. “How long have you been trapped here?”

“What is the year?” She asked, and you told her. She gasped softly in surprise. “Has it really been so long? I had grown melancholy that I thought to sleep for only a few years, just to pass the time. I have… severely miscalculated.”

You had the strange urge to reach out to her and take her hand, and you did. She looked at you in surprise.

“I’m sorry,” You said. “I can’t stop the demolition. It’s not up to me. You scared off this crew, but they’ll hire more.”

She shook her head, the wisps of hair still left on her scalp floated around her ears like dandelion fuzz.

“No,” She said. “What must be done shall be done. I shan’t stand in thy path or interfere in thy work. The time has come for the end, as all things must.”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “What will happen to you?”

“I do no know,” She said. “But circumstance will be different. That shall be well enough.”

“What’s your name?” You asked her.

She frowned, thinking. “It… it is Elsabet.”

The next week, you began planting explosives around the main hall. Elsabet had retreated to the treeline to watch from a distance. The other workers hadn’t spotted her; the faded green hue of her clothes and tan of her skin made it easy to blend in with the foliage.

You twisted up the charges and set it to the trigger, calling for the team to clear the area. Once it was free of people and everyone was behind a blast shield, you glanced in Elsabet’s direction, and she nodded once. You pushed the plunger down, and the entire main hall blew out from the bottom and fell straight down, shooting dust and debris across the forest floor.

That evening, after spending at least twelve hours cleaning up the wreckage, you made it home and sank onto your couch with a groan of exhaustion.

You felt something push the hair away from your brow, and your eyes jerked open with a start. Elsabet knelt in front of you.

“This place hast not the grandeur of which I am accustomed,” she said. “But… it doth retain a… charm. Perhaps, if thou wouldst enjoy my company, I may stay with thee? I shall endeavor not to be troublesome.”

You smiled at her and touched her cheek. “Only if you want to.”

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#Exophilia #Lich #WLW #Trans WLW #Pre-HRT #Reader Insert #Trans Reader #Monster Girlfriend #MTF Trans #Dysphoria #My Writing #Request #Chaoswolf1982