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iateyourwaffles · 2 years

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Hey. I haven’t been here for a while. Almost for about half a year, I think. I’m sorry. My mental health hasn’t been very well since sometime around late last year, as well as my physical health. I’m sorry for disappearing for a while. I’ve been having lots of physical pain and d/ental pain since late last year, around the holidays. I had lots of appointments for d/octors and d/entists and such throughout early this year during winter. After that though, I was still in pain, I went back to my d/entist and they said that I had to go see a specialist. I went to see one, had to go to a big hospital, and I was diagnosed with a muscular joint issue which affects the face and mouth. I have to live with it, unfornately, but my specialist said that there’s ways to treat it, like to help ease the pain. Also I have to go through a clea/ning next month, and I’m a bit worried, cause my mouth, jaw, and t/eeth are usually always in pain, and my t/eeth are sensitive due to my joint issues. I would like to get it worked though, cause I drink coffee and tea often, and I have some v/isible stains that are quite hard to clean. I have been having anxiety and been worrying a lot about my t/eeth and bones and such ever since I have been diagnosed with this issue. I can hardly eat these days and sometimes it’s hard to open my mouth too wide. I may also have a nerve issue but I need to go to a certain d/octor for that.

Now days, I have been trying to avoid getting too worked up. I get stressed easily and upset easily. I was diagnosed with emotional disorder when I was very young, so I cry easily and such. I’m also autistic. I get a bit overwhelmed at times and I let stuff get to me. I got upset a while back, cause I was treated like a k/id, and I personally don’t like that too much, cause I’m an adult. I don’t mind being called a ‘k/id’, by much older adults though. I just don’t really like being treated like one. I do a lot though cause of the way I act, and the stuff I like, and there’s s/imple things I don’t understand at times. I got a bit upset, and it made my face and jaw hurt a lot. Once I calmed down and had some soup, it settled, though. I feel like when I eat or drink something warm, it helps eases the p/ain a bit.

My specialist said that I should wear a mouth g/aurd. I tried, but the instructions were hard for me to understand. I tried a bunch of p/ain r/elievers but they didn’t really do much. My specialist p/rescribed me some rexlaxers and they help, and make me sleep, lol. But I have to eat cause sometimes they make me get sick. The last time I went was about a month ago, and they said they wish there was something they could do, but they said I have to go to a different d/octor that specializes in what I have. It’s hard to find one that will ac/cept me. I might have to go to one in the b/igger c/ity somewhere. Also a while after that, I had to stay in my h/ouse for about a week cause one of my family members got s/ick. They are okay now and fully recovered, which is good, cause I was worried. My b/rother gets sick easily and has been sick when he was growing up, so I was worried about him a lot. I’m glad he’s okay.

So, yeah. I have been going through quite a lot since around the holidays late last year. However, some good things have happend though. My b/rother’s partner adopted a kitten. That and I was a top ra/nk score during an in game e/vent in one of the games I play. I got a t/100 t/itle, which I thought was pretty cool. It made me kinda happy, since I usually don’t really achieve anything. I k/now it’s not much, but as a fan it made me happy. I’m also not very good at games, lol. I also got a few plushies of a character I like. The plushies hasn’t been in the mail yet, but I’m patiently waiting for them to arrive. I also want to cosplay as my favorite character again this year for fall. I haven’t got the costume yet, but I will soon.

I’m a bit nervous about my next appointment at the d/entist for cleaning, but maybe I’ll be alright. A part of me says I will. I’ve been a bit worried about it that I get b/ad dreams sometimes and I fi/nd it hard to sleep.

So, that’s what’s been happening. Sorry, for not being here for about h/alf a y/ear.

#personal #long post #also another game i got t/300 which was pretty cool too #so yeah this m/uscle j/oint issue is hard to live with #it s kinda hard to talk too much so i try not to #also i have to eat soft foods and such #i usually just eat ramen soup these days and banana #my brothers partners cat is adorable #my brother says that he will try and talk back to you like he meows after you say something to him #i usually see him through video chat since my brother usually lives with his partner and stays here during the weekend and days off #he works in the b/ig c/ity #he shows me the cat during video chat the cat is adorable #my aunt has the same joint issue and she said it will be okay and gave me some advice #i actually have been having signs of the joint issue since i was in junior high #however it didn't cause p/ain i just had a clicking noise around my jaw when i walked and it would stop after a while #though i guess since im much older now it s starting to get w/orse #sorry for all the tags #might reblog this later #if you read all this than yay heres a cookie x p

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thesmallworldofsamizayn · 11 days

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that look that sami had on his face though right before the match started when montreal was drowning him in love and you could see the dread and self doubt hit him like a truck before he shrugged it off. visibly thinking oh god can i take it if i let them all down again exactly the same way as last time. that is actually why he's my favourite

#a part of me wishes he lost purely for the angst but also i can't wish for that. how could i possibly wish for that it'd be too cruel #because he's not Just A Character. he means something to people and he feels what they feel and he 100% meant it when he said EC 2023 hurt #oh how embarrassing. to have a favourite who's not a pathetic poor little meow meow 'i want to study him like a bug' blorbo #but like.... a person i find inspiring and want to succeed. guy who reminds me above all of my best friend who's motivated ME #sami #sami zayn

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qangelbluebird · 3 months

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Right. First order of business: wHY DID YOU PEOPLE LIE TO ME ABOUT CELLBIT BEING A CATBOY/lh

#I am not lying when I say I thought that was canon. but no according the wiki he’s just human???#y’all had me convinced. what the heck (affectionate)#him and Bagi are just vanilla human (that we know of) and that is so valid of them. Cellbit isn’t a cat he just has issues and disorders #which… mood #that being said do miss the purring opportunity but motherfucker meows when he’s nervous he can purr when he’s comfy too. as a treat.#it’s a vocal stim or something. good for him #blue babbles

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ponyboi-69 · 7 months

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I just had a very sad dream and don't believe I will be falling back asleep today

#I was playing with my childhood neighbor when my aunt (who cmmitted suicide) said she had to go #then I heard meowing of Shelby and it was my dad holding her #he hugged me really hard and said he was sorry and that he wished he could have done things differently #he committed suicide too #maybe it was last night's sermon or maybe something else but I'm definitley still crying

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lesbianstarlightglimmer · 9 months

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for some reason my brother’s pissed off with ME and its pissing me off

#meows #like?? sorry youre having to move back in with our p*rents but thats something you get upset w our gma about not me??#like shes the one who said that he could still live there when my aunt and her sons move in (long story) but then #yesterday came into the house and started essentially making it clear that only the aunt and sons were going to live there #and like later that day i went back to my parents for dinner + get my car's oil changed and he was still being standoffish with me #and was like snapping at me for being too rough with Cinder and like??? no i wasnt???#if anything i was being extra gentle bc ik she was stressed with the extra company we had over???#like i barely touched her toe beans and he was like ''omg youre being so rough i can FEEL that!!!'' bitch i was barely touching her!!!!#and then later on i was petting her on the couch and she does this thing where she gets really cuddly and like rubs her head #against the back of the hand that's giving her scratches and then she'll suddenly bite #its not a harsh bite but ive gotten so used to scotty NOT being like cinder that it startled me and my hand jerked up #and she hissed at me?? again i literally did nothing different than usual except the jerk up which was involuntary #and then he accuses me of being rough again!!!!! AGAIN!!!!! i did nothing diff than usual except being EXTRA easy!!!!!#its not my fault or really anyones that our aunt finally decided to leave her jackass of a husband #and idk maybe he's jealous i escaped our p*rents and he's being sucked in idk!! theres a billion other people he can be mad #at so why ME!!!#even when i went to tell him i was heading home he didn't even open his arms for a hug like he usually does #fuckinh hell

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xfindingtrouble · 10 months

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sighs bcs i did the math wrong & domeric would be closer to 20-25 if he had survived to the beginning of agot

#ooc.#tbd.#which is closer to what i imagined for him in the very beginning of writing him ( in 2017 or so )#but it just means i need to find a new fc for him #there is nothing like figuring out a timeline for a character mentioned in 2 paragraphs ever #but he's my special little meow meow #my weird fucking guy #this being said i love the thought of him as someone who grew up in the shadow of that war #that domeric would have been too young to be involved at all #like he was alive during the time of targaryens without ever being able to recall what that meant ( bcs he would have been 2-5 yrs old )#but i feel like growing up post-war would have also encouraged his less violent pursuits like the harp & horse riding #which i feel like is a Fun Parallel bcs i love the idea of domeric being defined by the sins of his father & roose's influence over him #when that was not always the case & something he acts against for a lot of his life but by the time of the enxt war he's Reshaped entirely #& his distance between he & his father when he was a squire definitely cemented his position outside of roose's instinct #like growing up he definitely took after bethany more & tried to preserve that memory / influence but learns that Doesn't Work in survival #like i like to think domeric has always been kind of a Weird Guy but the coldness didn't really set into his personality until he was older #& started to realize that empathy wasn't going to get him very far #i'll make a post on it sometime I'm not sure how much sense this is making #but a lot of what draws me towards domeric is the instinct to be one way & the influence towards another #like he can sever himself from his heart to be who he thinks he needs to be which i love abt him but can be Scary #but then almost being killed when he doesn't listen to roose abt ramsay makes him reassess EVERYTHING #thinking abt domeric as ' its not a phase dad ' person until he's on his Fucking Deathbed like ok dad maybe u were right

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tangerinesteve · 6 months

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"Do you think Eddie likes me?" The question leaves Steve's mouth absently, like an afterthought. Wayne watches his shoulders tense as he holds the cabnet door up. His eyes are on the floor. His cheeks going red. Wayne hums genlty, trying not to laugh in Steve's face. If he only knew.

Instead he sits with the question for a moment, keeps working, tightening the screws till they're snug. He nods at Steve, he lets go. Wayne swings the door back and forth a few times. No squeaks. And it doesn't fall off into his hands. He and Steve both nod at the same time, satisfied, Steve's hands dropping to his hips.

"Does he bite you?" Wayne asks, trying to sound as thoughtful as Steve had with his question. Steve stares at him. Wayne raises his eyebrows.

"Eddie. Does he ever bite you?" He repeats, giving Steve a pointed look.

"Oh! Um.. he... yeah? S-sometimes." Steve stammers a bit, his brow furrowing as he rubs at the back of his neck. And then his hand falls to his shoulder. And then drops by his side and clenches. Wayne smiles.

"You ever heard'a cuteness aggression?" Wayne asks, putting his tools back into their box and stashing it on top of the fridge. Steve shakes his head and frowns again. Wayne nods, motions for the small table and sits, Steve following him and sitting across from him.

"Well what I understand of it, and I'm getting this information from Eddie so... take it as you will." Steve smiles, a knowing look passing his face as he nods, and yeah, this kid has it bad for his boy.

"It's when someone thinks something is so cute it makes them violent. And Ed's got it bad. Took him ages to get it under control. What do you think happened to Gilberts ear?" Wayne nods toward the couch where their chunky brown tabby cat is napping. He looks up at the mention of his name and meows inquisitively.

"Oh my god what?!" Steve gasps, his hand jumping to cover his mouth. Wayne snorts.

"I'm just messin with ya kid. He was like that when Ed found him." Wayne smiles. Steve looks at him, straight faced, unimpressed. One of Eddie's favorite looks to wax poetic about.

"Very funny." He says dryly. Wayne chuckles, taps his hand on the table and says,

"I thought so. Anyway, point is. If that boy's teeth have sunk into you at some point. Odds are he likes ya just fine." Wayne smiles warmly, watches the gears turning in Steve's head, his brow furrowing and then relaxing as his mouth drops open in a little "O".

"So he'd say yes. If I- I mean if I wanted to-" he watches Steve swallow nervously.

"If you asked him out. Yes. I believe he would say yes." Wayne just watches Steve, takes a sip of his coffee. Steve nods to himself.

"Okay. Okay cool. I can do this. Awesome. Thank you!" He'd stood, hands wiping at his thighs, patting down his pockets, looking for his keys, before startling and turning back to Wayne to thank him.

"They're on the table by the door. And you're welcome son." He took another sip.

"And Steve?" He calls as Steve's hand hits the door, the boy turns to look at him, wide eyed.

"Yeah?"

"He can be a little... dense. When it comes to these things. Best to be forward. To the point." Wayne nods again, gives Steve a knowing look. Watches as his head tilts like a puppy as he processes.

"Forward. To the point. Okay. I got this." Steve said, nodding, to himself really, before darting out the door.

Wayne shakes his head, smiles as he cleans out his coffee cup and hopes that he'd done right by his boy. He couldn't take much more of Eddie's love sick puppy eyes. And Steve had been doing them for a few months now as well, and it was all too much. It had to be done.

~*~

Three hours later the trailer door slams open and Eddie rushes in. Steve hot on his heels, hand locked in Eddie's as he drags him down the hall.

"Evening boys." Wayne says, nonchalant, from his place near the stove, leaning against the counter.

"Hi Wayne!" Steve calls, happy and polite.

"No!" Eddie says, points at Steve aggressively and then to Wayne.

"No more talking! You two have talked enough today!" He half yells, and then drags Steve into his room, both of them laughing. His door slams shut. And then promptly opens again. Eddie bounds into the little kitchen, right into Wayne's space, and nearly tackles him in a tight hug.

Wayne squeezes him back, feels Eddie's lips press gently against his shoulder and then he's gone. Twirling away from his uncle's hold.

"Thanks Wayne." He says, his eyes bright and shining, his cheeks dimpled with happiness, and, right along his jaw, the imprint of teeth. A bitemark. Right on his face.

Wayne nods, and smiles as Eddie disappears into his room again. He can hear them talking and laughing through the wall as he makes dinner. Dinner for three now. As it has been for months.

He cooks. And he thinks. Three hours later and Steve still had to bite him to get his point across. Wayne shakes his head, smiling as he breaks the noodles and tosses them into the water, happy that his boys were finally happy.

#just a little something i thought of last night #and had to write outbefore i took my nap!!!#wayne munson #eddie munson #steve harrington #wayne munson pov #steddie #eddie and wayne munson #mine #my writing

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dirkxcaliborn · 1 year

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My darling my beloved my baby boy the love of my life I almost never call him the same thing twice in a row: Nazuna (Nito, Niichan, Nazunii, Nazunyan)

Almost never call them by their name: Tomoya (Tomo-chin), HiMERU (Meru), Arashi (Naru, Narunee), Kohaku (Kohakucchi), Tsukasa (Kasa)

Use their name and nickname interchangeably: Subaru (Soob), Tsumugi (Mugi), Kaoru (Babygirl), Mayoi (Mayo), Mika (Mika-chin), Hajime (Shinonon), Ritsu (Ricchan)

Just use their name: Natsume, Hiiro, Aira, Yuta, Jun, Izumi, Shu, Hinata, Keito, Souma, Eichi, Koga, Kuro, Leo, Mao, Niki, Yuzuru, Adonis, Chiaki, Hiyori, Hokuto, Ibara, Kanata, Madara, Makoto, Midori, Mitsuru, Nagisa, Rei, Rinne, Shinobu, Sora, Tetora, Tori, Wataru, Tatsumi

#coyo speaks #I don't generally use nicknames for characters rly #especially bc the silly fan-made ones never appeal to me #but a lot of these characters have such cute canon nicknames that I can't resist #I probably call Nazuna Niichan more than anything lol but he calls himself that so much #but I really will call him several different things within a single convo #also babygirl Kaoru is just so funny to me hxbdbsksvsj #Izumi and Nazuna come up with the best nicknames tho fr #Izumi's just like umm I wasn't really listening when you said your name and also I don't care #so I'm going to call you by a cutesy nickname that kinda sounds like what I heard and I'll die before I call you anything else #Nazuna mostly just adds chin to everyone's names #so I'm not saying he's the most creative lol but it still sounds really cute so I use them too #there's some favs hidden in the normal name group but I just don't have any good nicknames for them #Realized I never specified but babygirl isn't a canon nickname for Kaoru lmfao sorry if I got your hopes up #almost all of the others are tho #I still kinda hate that they translated Nazunyan as Nazu-meow #that doesn't sound even half as cute it's just too literal for something playing off similar sounds

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yuukiiqwq · 26 days

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Satoru is the type to get jealous over little things because he just wants you all to himself. Right now, he's sulking on the couch. Why, you may ask? Let's rewind a bit.

When you finally moved into Gojo's house, you got a cat. No, you didn't adopt one. It was Gojo. He came back one day with a cat.

"Toru. Why are you holding a cat?"

"Excuse you! His name is Fluffball!" He huffed. "And starting today, he's living with us!"

You blinked at him. Did he just name the cat Fluffball? What kind of name is Fluffball??

"Satoru Gojo."

He flinched at you, calling him by his full name. His brain instantly went into danger mode and activated his secret weapon.

"He'll keep you company whenever I go on missions!" He said as he gave you the puppy eyes. "And isn't he adorable?"

You bit the bottom of your lip. This was cheating. He knew that you couldn't resist. You don't mind adopting a cat... but out of nowhere? Do you trust yourself with taking care of a pet?

You sigh as you gave in. You couldn't say no. The cat was adorable after all...

"Fine. We can keep him."

His eyes instantly lighted up as he smiled down at the cat in his arms.

"You hear that Fluffball? She said yes!" He spins around with the cat, causing the cat to let out a series of meows.

You shaked your head from his antics. "Stop spinning the poor cat. And we will not be calling him Fluffball."

Thus causing Satoru to whined immediately. After all, in his opinion, Fluffball was a great name!

That was a few weeks ago. Now, back to the present. You ended up adoring the cat. Which is fine and all, but you've been paying attention to the cat more than Gojo lately. Like he's right here next to you, and instead of cuddling him, you're cuddling that cat.

And the name you came up with for the cat? Even worse. You took his nickname and gave it to the cat.

How did he find out? Well, it started with you asking for the cat to come over to you.

"Toru, come here," you called.

Satoru immediately came to your side, but you had a look of confusion, thus causing him to become puzzled himself.

"Satoru, why did you come over?

"You called for me! Obviously, I came to your side as fast as possible!"

You narrowed your eyes at him. "I was not calling for you. I was calling for Toru." You motioned your hand towards the cat that came over. You immediately picked him up and covered him with kisses.

He was absolutely confused, and it wouldn't be the last.

Out of nowhere, all the nicknames you would call him would go straight towards the cat. No, he was no longer Toru. Or Babe. Or Darling. Or Baby. Or love of my life. Or beautiful dashing amazing boyfriend. He was just Satoru.

He regrets ever bringing that cat home. So what did he do? Well... he called Suguru for a favor.

The next day, when you came home calling for the cat, no noise was heard. You searched all throughout the house but didn't find the cat anywhere. Then you heard the front door unlocking and Satoru walking in with the biggest smile.

"Satoru, do you know where Toru is?"

He walked up to you and immediately wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you close.

"Satoru?"

"Well... I invited Suguru over while you were out, and Suguru just fell in love with the cat."

"What?"

"He wanted to bring him to his house for a few days! He said something about how he adores that little thing and wanted to spend a lot, and I mean a lot of time with him!"

You immediately knew something wasn't right. There was no way Suguru would do something like that.

You sternly repeated his name– "Satoru."

You stared him in the eyes, waiting for him to tell you the truth.

"Fineeeeee. I called Suguru for a favor," he whined as he nuzzled against your neck. "You're spending too much time with Fluffball! You're forgetting your amazing boyfriend!

"I am not forgetting you, Satoru. We literally live together. You're insufferable, and like you said, you're my boyfriend. I can't forget you that easily. And his name is not Fluffball."

"Oh, so now you remember your poor lonely boyfriend! Don't lie to me!" He huffed at you. "You're calling that cat by my nicknames! What happened to calling me Toru! Or baby! Or my beautiful dashing amazing boyfriend!"

"I have never called you by that last one in my life," you said as you rolled your eyes at him. "Are you really jealous of a cat, Satoru?"

He leaned into you, putting all his weight on you. He was basically crushing you as he continued his whining.

"So what if I'm jealous! You're not paying any attention to me! I thrive off of attention! Especially yours!"

You chuckled at his response.

"There's nothing to be jealous of Satoru. How can I make up for your horrible suffering?"

You felt the instant regret the second those words left your lips. You see the way his eyes get clouded with lust as you feel one of his hands trail up your thigh.

"Oh, you'll make it up to me, alright," he whispered in your ear. "At the end of this, the only thing you'll be able to think of is me and my cock."

He then pulled you into a hungry and greedy kiss. He kissed you like he had been deprived of you for years. And in his opinion, he has.

You only noticed you're in the bedroom once you felt the soft mattress behind you. You don't recall how he brought you into the bedroom. All you know is that you're in for a very long night because he's not letting you go anytime soon.

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emo-batboy · 10 months

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Battinson on SNL

Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀

To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”

But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.

Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨

But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.

They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.

So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.

He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?

Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.

It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:

OPENING MONOLOGUE

It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.

To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.

Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”

It’s working. The audience loves it.

Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.

Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.

There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.

Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!

(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)

SKIT #1

Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)

The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀

Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.

Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.

PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”

He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.

PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”

SKIT #2

For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.

It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.

He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.

Yes, he IS sparkly.

Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”

Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.

Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”

Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”

Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.

SKIT #3

The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.

Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another.

Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.

Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.

At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”

This time, the mic bit is a bit different.

Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”

Board dings! That was the #1 answer

Brucie Wayne for the win

SKIT #4

Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”

The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…

But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.

Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”

A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…

We hear some generic hero music play…

And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume

(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)

Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”

Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.

Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”

He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”

CLOSING SEGMENT

Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.

Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)

News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”

News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”

News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”

It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!

News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”

And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.

The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.

Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.

THE END

LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D

#battinson #bruce wayne #batman #batman 2022 #the batman 2022 #the batman #battinson needs a hug #gotham #dc universe #dc #saturday night live #snl #soft bruce wayne #batdad #batfamily #gotham city #brucie wayne #only in gotham #give battinson a child 2k23

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 1 month

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AITA for choosing my cat over my trans friend?

Some background about my cat first.

I (25F) have a pet cat named Max (not real name. It would be too identifiable if I used his real name). Max is a rescue. He had been abandoned by his previous owner because he would meow too loudly. This had happened several times, so he has been in and out of the shelter a lot. None of the previous owners had tried to figure out why he always meows so loudly, so I took him to a vet. It turns out that Max is deaf, so I don't blame him for meowing so loudly. He can't hear himself! He is scared of strangers and tends to hide, so I don't try to force him to come out if he doesn't want to. I also don't usually take pictures of him because the cameras and phones scare him. I just do what I can to respect his boundaries. Max isn't just a cat to me. He is my treasured family who brings a smile to my face everyday. I can't imagine life without him.

My friend, Amelia (22F) is trans. Her folks are transphobic and were not accepting of her when they found out. However, they had not kicked her out of her home right away. They had given her a week to pack her things and find a place to stay. I'm not sure what they were trying to do with that but another friend, Nina (24F) thinks that they did that as a manipulation tactic to get Amelia to retransition and Amelia thinks so too.

But the week had passed and Amelia couldn't find a place to stay. Nina had said she would have offered, but she lives in a small apartment that hardly had enough room for two people. So Amelia had asked out friend Ted (26M) who had also said he couldn't because he was housing his younger siblings since their parents had passed and he was struggling financially.

So that left me. But Amelia said she wouldn't be able to stay unless I got rid of Max. Why? Amelia is highly allergic to cats. Whenever she had come over to my place in the past, she had to take allergy medicine to keep from having severe allergies around Max. The allergies are bad enough that they could trigger an asthmatic attack. I told her that I refuse to get rid of Max because of his past with being abandoned. I do not want to become one of the people he distrusts, not after it took so long to get him to feel comfortable around me.

Amelia is upset with me for this and says that she doesn't want to have to always take allergy medicine. She said that I should get rid of Max because he is just a cat and his needs are not as important as hers when she could become homeless soon. I argued that he wasn't just a cat and was part of my family. Max would be staying no matter what. Amelia ended up renting a motel room, but she couldn't afford to stay for more than 4 nights. Nina ended up taking her in, but that has made her own living situation harder.

Amelia and Nina are calling me an asshole for choosing Max over giving Amelia shelter. They are saying that I am being a horrible ally and friend by valuing an animal over a human life. I don't think I made the wrong choice by choosing Max, but it doesn't feel great that they are starting to tell some other friends that I am being transphobic for not choosing Amelia. A part of me is saying that I should have chosen Amelia, but that same part is also saying I would fee guilty for being one of the people to also abandon Max if I chose to do that. Amelia and Nina barely talk to me aside from saying that I am being a transphobic asshole for "choosing an animal over a trans person's livelihood." I am thinking about just cutting them off now, but I'm afraid that would just lead to more backlash.

AITA for choosing my cat over my trans friend?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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