#what if they were like statler and waldorf.....

[kellterntempest]

quick muppet stobotnik

#stobotnik #jimbotnik #agent stone #what if they were like statler and waldorf..... #muppet au #i guess????? lemao #my art #dr robotnik #imagining jim carrey muppet intimidating human tom wachowski is sooooo funny 2 me

[directdogman]

Each Dialtown cast member shares their favourite Muppet!

Idea: Characters from the cast of Dialtown are asked to share their favourite characters from The Muppets, in order to get the Muppets fandom on board with DT, which winds up being a largely fruitless ordeal.

Gingi insists that Grover and Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street are Muppets when asked, and takes it badly when Gingi is instead asked to name a character FROM The Muppet Show. The ensuing discussion that follows is much too rancid to be published online, making the time spent trying to calm Gingi down entirely in vain.

Karen's comments are not published as she refuses to do ANYTHING other than vent frustrations about Kermit the Frog, making her comments unusable as they would undoubtedly piss off a large section of the Muppets fandom, who largely venerate Kermit the Frog.

Randy tries to make an argument for Scooter being the 'best one', feeling that he, himself, is the scooter of the Dialtown cast, and thus, must stick up for one of his ilk. This answer is NOT published because the internet would tear him to shreds for playing devil's advocate for the worst Muppet.

Randy is then given another opportunity to pick a favourite Muppet, provided he selects a different Muppet. Randy picks Pepe the Prawn. When asked why Pepe is his favourite, tears well on his screen and he asks if he can leave to get a glass of water. Upon leaving the room, Randy never comes back. The answer isn't included in the article, as it's impossible to discern whether Randy feels that Pepe the Prawn is truly a kindred soul or if he was simply put on the spot and felt pressured to simply name the first Muppet he thought of.

Oliver answers by explaining Gonzo is his favourite but every time he's given an opportunity to explain why, his explanation inevitably transitions into a rambling endorsement of anarchism. Each time, after he's been given an opportunity to explain himself, Oliver is asked to rephrase his answer to be less political and he accepts, apologizing for his mistake and swearing that he understands what the blog is looking for now. Oliver then proceeds to somehow transition back into an endorsement of anarchism until the interviewer gives up and decides to leave him out of the article.

We're not actually sure who Norm likes the best from the Muppets cast because before we could get to Norm, Gingi (irate that Grover/Oscar the Grouch were rejected as its answer) told Norm about Big Bird dying in the Challenger explosion (which happened in DT's timeline), prompting Norm to get really upset and leave before his turn came up. Norm's favourite character is PROBABLY Sam Eagle, but now, we'll never get to know for sure. Thanks, Gingi.

Mingus, when asked, declined to answer out of sheer disinterest. Upon being shown a photo of the extended Muppet cast, she arbitrarily pointed to Robin the Frog and said "That one, I guess." Upon being asked why she would pick Kermit's nephew of all characters, her response was: "It's no business of mine who this frog is related to. Nobody is well-connected enough to ensure they'll live if I deem them a threat to my success." After being reminded that Robin is canonically a child, Mingus retorted by pointing out that Robin is, in fact, a fictional frog puppet. Not sure what to do with this answer, but we certainly can't include it.

Stabby + Shooty are asked for their favourites and they pick Statler and Waldorf respectively. When asked why, they explain it's because they're cool, wear suits, deliver CUTTING jabs, and each hang out with their best bro all day, not unlike themselves. The blog operator remarks: "Oh. I figured it was because, like you guys, they're kinda interchangeable and are pretty much overlooked by everyone", causing Stabby to angrily flip a table and storm out of the room. Shooty apologies meekly for his outburst and leaves to calm his companion down. The answer is not published as the interviewer had no clue which was Stabby and which was Shooty, thus being unable to accurately attribute the answers to either of them.

Bigfoot's favourite character turns out to be Animal, and this is the only answer that ends up being published.

Here's the finished article:

DIALTOWN ARTICLE, EACH OF THE CAST'S FAVOURITE MUPPETS: BIGFOOT'S IS ANIMAL.

The article only gets 3 likes.

#dialtown #the muppets #muppets #kermit the frog

[earlgraytay]

I'm having a certain amount of weird cognitive dissonance about partycoffin's Welcome Home (not tagging them because this is kinda speculation...)

I normally absolutely loathe the "the cute thing was EVIL ALL ALONG" genre, especially with Muppety puppets. I have a very strong squick about it. The Henson Workshop was one of baby's first hyperfixations, and The Dark Crystal is so important to me that it's hard to describe how without invoking religion.

... It's important to me, for these reasons, that the Muppets, especially the Sesame Street crew, are... innocent. Not in a Calvinist way, in an ... autistic hippie way. They're joyfully weird. They're not cruel for cruelty's sake. Some of the Muppets are grumpy and mean because it's what they were made to be, but they're not...

Look, it's hard to explain, but there's a very specific kind of Mean Comedy that, before Henson's death, the Muppets just did not do. Even Statler and Waldorf's heckling doesn't push that button for me. The Muppets shouldn't be capable of that kind of interpersonal cruelty. And that's important enough to me that I can't watch something like Avenue Q (much less Actual Puppet Horror) without getting sick to my stomach.

But *thus far*, the horror elements of Welcome Home haven't gotten to me in the same way. And I think it's because... Clown respects that aspect of the children's puppet genre?

Like, I know we're still in early days, and That One Fucking Picture Of Maisie freaks me the fuck out (for, uh, different reasons). But so far, it seems like at least part of the horror aspect... Is that innocence, and how it can't survive contact with humanity.

So far, at least in the newest version of WH, we've seen very little to indicate that the Home crew's joy and innocence aren't genuine. Everyone has Depths to their character, obviously, that can't be plumbed without going into the Gruesome Shit. But like.... with the possible exception of Wally, they don't seem Cruel. Fuck, even Wally seems Oblivious and Earnest, just... willing to do horrible things for the sake of Keeping Home Intact.

And that LACK of malice is ironically where the horror comes in! Because the sunny days of a kids' puppet show can't survive contact with a reality where people are cruel and ableist and homophobic, and once the show ends, there's nothing left but that reality... and everything falls apart.

Agh, I don't know. I might have to drop this fandom if I get that button pushed too many times. But for now, it's interesting to see an adult take on the genre that isn't gleefully mean and disrespectful towards one of the things I love about puppets.

#welcome home #clown don't look #welcome home speculation #kinda #about Themes more than Plot #puppet horror

[pacific-coast-hockey]

Well, I did a corny post last year after the last home game about how much I appreciate the Cudablr community and I thought I'd do one again this year. It truly has been another year of good times on the internet and in person! However, a lot of this season was really colored by the kind of catastrophic depression I was dealing with from like mid-November to mid-March and it was pretty hard to live laugh love with these teams under those conditions. So I thought instead I'd do a bullet list of some meaningful moments to me this season:

taking @whoredeleau, @msmargaretmurry, and @kitebird-hockey to Sharks games this year and getting to see all of their reactions when the 1.800.injured ad comes up

additionally, taking Becs to a Cuda/Bakersfield Game and her watching one of the face offs with a short king line vs the Condors and bursting into laughter, saying "oh my god, it's just like Mighty Ducks 3!"

also kb being like ".....what is wrong with #3?" at a Sharks game and me having to explain like, oh that's Henry he does everything wrong but we love him anyway

wandering around the Tank before warm ups once, bored as hell, and recognizing @unbenchthekench from behind bc he was wearing a Kähkönen jersey and I was like no way anyone else on planet earth has that jersey. And it was him!

making kpop hearts with @18minutemajor at the All Star Classic at the players and falling in love with the Admirals Russian goalie, also the way the entire arena went apeshit for Shakir rolling up right before the end of the Skills events

going bananas with @bunnymcfoo when Shakir did his rookie lap and everyone around us is being like...who is that noodle call up....

also the Cuda Classroom game and the way Bunny and I both full body flinched when the kids started screaming

the number of times @tausendsorgen and I turned to each other during Cuda games going, "and in the middle of this stands Tanner Kaspick..."

honestly just the amount of dancing and singing in the stands I did this year...like in this economy we have to find our joy where we can, and sometimes that is singing and dancing along to 30 second clips of Avicii and Taylor Swift and Pitbull and Journey and "Fancy Like (Nikolai Knyzhov)"

and of course, not to be outdone, my besties Waldorf and Statler finding out the opening game next season is the weekend they're out of town and the ensuing debate I was treated to over whether or not Statler should skip the wedding

Weird year for me AND the Cuda, but not without impact or meaning, honestly. Maybe it's not exactly the same as last year, maybe the team vibes were weirder and the content was worse and I still don't know who Jack Thompson is and at this point I'm afraid to ask and I was struggling personally through it all, but it's still like. Idk it still meant something. I made beautiful new friends, I spent a lot of time with cherished old friends, I watched my flop team fail to connect their passes, and even when it was hard for me personally, me, Cuda, everyone, ee all still showed up. For me, Barracuda Disease: Year 3️⃣. We'll see what next year has in store!

#kaspershark.txt

[eminsunnytoons123]

The muppets Show: Life in the boarding home series

PILOT

"whos that wocka agent?"

Disclaimer: at the end of the Journal pilot episode, i'll write the characters like what are Main ones, mentioned ones or the supporting ones, And the villains. And i'll tag the characters that had most voice roles. I wont tag all the characters that were mentioned, And I really want tumblr to make a update where you can tag more than 30 tags- And i'll even write the song name and who is created by.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The intro starts with the muppets boarding home showing on the screen, And kermit Opens the door:

Kermit: its the muppet Show Life in the boarding home! Starting with fozzie for this pilot!

And the music in the background is the muppets Show theme but more energetic, everyone are shown in the House doing their activities while singing the muppets Show theme song:

"its time to play the music,

Its time to light the lights!

Its time to get things started in the muppets boarding home tonight!

Its time to put on makeup,

Its time to dress up Bright!

Its time to raise the curtains in the muppets boarding home tonight!

Statler: why do we even live here?

Waldorf: I guess we'll never know.

Statler & waldorf (together): its like a kind of torture to have to live in here.

The camera Shows Kermit infront of the door

Kermit: But now lets get things started! ♪

Miss piggy: why dont we get things started?~ ♪

Fozzie: Its time to get things started! ♪

Then the camera shows all of the muppets in the muppets boarding home sing at the same time:

All muppets: ♪ On the most sensational, inspirational, celebrational-

Welcome to the muppets boarding HOOOOOOOMEEEE!!! ♪ ♪ ♪

Then gonzo tries to play a tune on the trumpet but then a Badge comes out saying: "secret wocka bear"

Gonzo: what the?-

Then fozzie snatches the badge

Fozzie: OH! thats mine! Hahahahaha!

Then the title card of fozzie dressed up as the "secret wocka agent" shows up with fozzie's voice saying: "who's that wocka agent?" While the instrumental of the lazytown song called "man on a mission" is playing.

-

The camera shows the muppets boarding home. The camera shows inside the kitchen of the boarding home, there were only Kermit, miss piggy, gonzo, Pepe And Rizzo in the kitchen, others were probably either in their rooms or outside.

Kermit: hey, where's fozzie?

Pepe: probably fantasizing about being an famous comedian, okay?

Rizzo: well, he is one, Pepe.

Pepe: well, okay, but still, okay?

Then Rizzo slaps his hands on the table And glares at Pepe

Rizzo: CAN YOU LIKE STOP SAYING "OKAY" AT THE END OF EVERY SENTENCE YOU SAY!?!?

Pepe, smirking: eeehh.... No, okay!

Rizzo: UGHHHH!!

Then fozzie comes from upstairs And he is carrying an poster with The wocka agent bear on it.

Fozzie: hiya, Guys! I have an AGENTY thing to tell ya! Hehehehahaha!

Gonzo: oh, what is it, fozz?

Fozzie, who has a big exciting smile on his face, he shows the poster of the wocka agent bear on it.

Fozzie: This is the wocka agent bear!! And he is in OUR TOWN!!

Kermit, miss piggy, gonzo, pepe And Rizzo stare at the poster for a few seconds And then they start laughing, but Kermit was chuckling

Kermit: oh, fozzie... Wocka agent bear doesnt exist! He is just a character from the comic for our town.

Miss piggy, laughing loudly: yeah!! And if he even existed, he would call moi to go on a date with him.

Kermit And fozzie stare at miss piggy with an awkward look on their faces

Miss piggy: what!? Im just joking.

Fozzie: wait! What do you mean that he DOESNT exist? He does!

Rizzo: oh, really? You Got proof, fozz?

Fozzie, sweating a little bit: well... I, uhhh...

Kermit, miss piggy, gonzo, Rizzo And pepe start laughing loudly again And even nearly falling off their chairs. And fozzie has a sad expression on his face.

Fozzie: Aww.... Looks like they dont believe me.

Fozzie sighs And goes upstairs to his room again, And then chip the IT Guy was going downstairs while Seeing fozzie going upstairs And he sees Kermit, miss piggy, gonzo, Rizzo and pepe laughing loudly.

Chip: uh.. can you Guys Shut up? Zondra, Ubu and I are trying to do our show, And you're interupting us with your loud laughing.

Kermit, miss piggy, gonzo, Rizzo And pepe stop laughing but they are still smilling And have tears in their eyes from laughing

Kermit: oh, sorry, chip. Fozzie was trying to tell us that the "wocka agent bear" exists-

Chip: yeah, yeah, whatever. I dont care. But PLEASE Shut up and be quiet! Again, zondra, Ubu and I are tryna do our sho-

Rizzo, smirking: oh, when you mean THAT, you mean trying to sabotage us, right?

Then chip started sweating

Chip: uhh... No? We- youknowwhat? Whatever.

Chip started to walk away while staring at them but then he bumps into a wall And breaks his glasses, And he looks down at those broken glasses.

Chip, his eye twitching from annoyance: oh, how great.

Chip takes his broken glasses And runs upstairs again. Then Kermit, miss piggy, gonzo, Rizzo And pepe started laughing loudly again And even fell from their chairs while saying: "OW!!"

Meanwhile with fozzie, he was in his room And he was still looking at the poster of wocka agent bear And he sighs

Fozzie: I wish others would believe that you're real, Mr. Wocka agent bear..

Fozzie was still looking sad And then he Got an Idea And he gasps

Fozzie: oh, shucks! I can be the wocka agent bear! And then the others will believe me!

Then fozzie points at himself

Fozzie: fozzie, you're a genius! Why thank you! Wocka wocka-

Then he puts on a black agent hat And he speaks in the voice he had as foozie on muppets 2011

Fozzie: wockaaaaa...

-

The camera shows the outside of the muppets boarding home, And it shows Hilda with her Bag, And then kermoot jumps infront of her

Hilda: oh!

Kermoot: Gimme yo Bag, Lady!

Hilda: oh why there's no way that i'll give you MY Bag!

Kermoot then sighs

Kermoot: welp, you made me gonna do it!

Kermoot then snatches Hilda's bag And runs away

Hilda: HEY!! MY BAG!!

But then fozzie- I MEAN! wocka agent bear shows up and he puts a bear trap on the walkway And kermoot steps in it, yelling loudly And dropping the bag

Kermoot: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOO!!!!! OH GOD!!!!!

All the muppets look outside the windows And see the scenario And some gasp

Wocka agent bear (fozzie) takes the Bag And he gives it back to Hilda

Hilda: ah! Thank you, dearie!

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): your welcome, ma'am. Its my Job to protect everyone And solve mysteries.

Everyone in the muppets boarding home looked amazed And shocked because they thought that wocka agent bear REALLY exists

Gonzo: Woah... Fozzie was right! Wocka agent bear DOES exist!

Fozzie Heard that And he was proud of himself for dressing up as wocka agent bear to make others believe that agent wocka bear DOES exist

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): well! My Job here is done.

Then wocka agent bear (fozzie) runs away somewhere near the muppets boarding home, but the muppets didnt notice that he went there somewhere near the boarding home

Then fozzie whispers to himself

Fozzie: oh boy! I cant believe they believed it! Now they wont make fun of me!

Fozzie Chuckles And he takes off the wocka agent bear clothes and he hides them behind his back and he gets back to others, who are still looking outside And chatting about wocka agent bear

Fozzie: hiya, Guys! Whats going on?

All of the muppets look at fozzie And smile

Kermit: fozzie! Wocka agent bear really does exist!

Fozzie: really!!? Woah! See? I told ya he does exist!

Yolanda: definetly! I even have a picture of him giving Hilda back her bag!

Yolanda shows the picture to fozzie

Fozzie: Woah! He looks just like on my poster!

Yolanda: he sure does! He looked so hot!!

Pepe: not as hot as me, okay!

All the muppets groan And roll their eyes as Pepe Said that

Pepe: wha??

Fozzie: oh boy... Im very glad you Guy believe me now! See?! He does exist!

Kermit: well, it looks like he does, fozzie.

Fozzie: well! I'll go now to MY room! And be happy about you Guys believeing me!

Fozzie laughs And he goes inside the House And goes upstairs to his room

The muppets were still looking outside through the windows, or balconies or Doors, And miss piggy gasps, she Got an idea

Miss piggy: oh moi!! We should sing about this!!

Some muppets say: "yeah!" And some groan, especially chip

Chip: im not in the moo-

The starting music of the lazytown song "man on a mission" starts (they all are gonna dance And sing like the characters from lazytown in that episode with The song)

♪ ♪ ♪

Miss piggy: ♪ quick and suave, no one knows who he was, he's a-.. shh!

Gonzo, rowlf and janice: ♪ Secret ageenntt.. ♪

Miss piggy: ♪ with phones on his feet, he's a Spy you cant beat! He's a-... Shh!

Gonzo, rowlf and janice: ♪ secret ageenntt.. ♪

Miss piggy: ♪ if you've Got his back against the waaaaall... You'll discover he's not there at aaaaaaaaaaaaalll... ♪

Gonzo, rowlf and janice: bam! Bam! ♪

Annie sue: wocka agent bear! ♪

Gonzo, rowlf and janice: bam! Bam! ♪

Kermit: he's everybody's hero! ♪ X-ray vision, a bear on a mission, he's a- ♪

Gonzo, rowlf and janice: bam! Bam! ♪

Gonzo: wocka agent beaaar... ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ (Zoot plays the saxophone)

Miss piggy: gadgets galore, no one knows whats in store, for the-... Shh! ♪

Rizzo, Pepe, yolanda, gonzo, Janice And rowlf: secret ageenntt.. ♪

Miss piggy: saving the world, And getting the girl, he's a-... Shh!

Pepe: secret agent... ♪

Rizzo, Pepe, yolanda, gonzo, Janice And rowlf: bam! Bam!! ♪

Annie sue: wocka agent bear! ♪

Rizzo, Pepe, yolanda, gonzo, Janice And rowlf: bam! Bam! ♪

Kermit: he's everybody's hero! X-ray vision, a man on a mission, he's a- ♪

Rizzo, Pepe, yolanda, gonzo, Janice And rowlf: bam! Bam! ♪

Miss piggy: wocka agent- beaaaaaaaaaaa... ♪

Kermit: piggy! Piggy, piggy. Stop! Its over. Piggy, stop!

Miss piggy stops singing

-

Meanwhile with fozzie, he was in his room And he looked proud of himself for making other muppets believe that wocka agent bear is real

Fozzie: I cant believe the others really believed me! This is the best Day of my Life!!

He was still very proud of himself

After a few hours, it was night, everyone went to bed except for fozzie, he wore his wocka agent bear clothes and he again has the voice of wocka agent bear (foozie from muppets 2011) And he whispers to himself

Fozzie: its time to solve mysteries.

Then he Got out of his balcony And was outside the muppets boarding home, about to solve some mysteries

Fozzie- I MEAN, wocka agent bear, was going around the muppetown, And then he saw an shadowy figure from behind the trash cans

Wocka agent bear (fozzie), whispering: ah-ha!

Wocka agent bear started walking fastly towards that shadowy figure And he jumps on it, trapping it

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): I GOT YOU!!

Then it shows that it was Bonzor, the "fantastic", wearing his acrobatic clothes but they looked more darker

Bonzor the fantastic: hah! You Got me, Mr. "Wocka agent bear". But I Got my friends with me.

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): hahaha! Really? Let me see them.

Bonzor smirks And he snaps his fingers, And then lots of roosters come out from behind some places, like shops, trash cans, bushes, trees... Etc.

Wocka agent bear looks around And he sees roosters surrounding him And Bonzor, Bonzor kicks wocka agent bear with his legs, making wocka agent bear letting him go.

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): OW! you are strong there, boy.

Bonzor the fantastic: I am?

Bonzor Chuckles And smirks again And he flexes his muscles

Bonzor the fantastic: why ofcourse I am! Hahahahaha! ROOSTERS!!! ATTACK HIM!!

Then all the roosters started bitting And attacking wocka agent bear while he is Screaming And yelping in pain

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): OW!! AAH!! OW OW OW! OH THAT HURTS-

And suddenly some muppets like selena, Tammy, Hilda, Cliffy, cliffster And a few others from their own houses opened their Windows And peeked outside And they gasp And look surprised, but Bonzor ran away with The roosters before they noticed them.

Wocka agent bear was laying on the ground with bruises And scratches, but he wasnt very far away from muppets boarding home, even the muppets from the boarding home Heard the Screaming noises And they all gasp loudly as they saw wocka agent bear from a little afar

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): goouhhhhh... That Hurt, A LOT!

Then he immediately Got up and ran away And he hides in the shadows, with other muppets in the boarding home being confused, concerned And scared. And a few muppets from other houses being surprised And scared. But cliffster recorded the whole thing.

Cliffster: Holy... Toledo.. this is awkward.

Meanwhile with The muppets in the boarding home, they were all chatting And talking about what happend

Kermit: oh gosh... That didnt look good! He Got very Hurt by those roosters.

Gonzo: wait! Those were Bonzor's roosters!

All the muppets: really!?!?

Gonzo: yeah!

Rowlf: wait! Where's fozzie? He isnt here.

All the muppets were nodding And they were confused too

Miss piggy: oh that bear's probably sleeping.

Kermit: well, maybe. We should back to bed too.

Then all of the muppets nod And went back to sleep.

Wocka agent bear (fozzie) Got back to the muppets boarding home And he looks up at the balcony of his room.

Wocka agent bear (fozzie), whispering: aw, shucks... How do I get UP there now?

He looks around And sees ladders, he takes them And theyre even high to get to his balcony. He started climbing, until bean Bunny noticed him from outside the window of his And the jim Henson hour gang's room, he gasps And screams

Bean Bunny: WOCKA AGENT BEAAAAAAAAR!!!!! HE'S THERE!!! GUYS!!! WAKE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!!

The other six in the jim Henson hour gang immediately woke up and look at bean And then out the window And see wocka agent bear (fozzie) outside with The ladders And climbing up

Vicki: w-what the!?!?

Wocka agent bear (fozzie) looks at them And he does a wildtake And he screams

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): WHAAAAAA!!

And then he falls off the ladders while Screaming in pain

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): YAAAAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWWWW!!!!

Wocka agent bear is on the ground And he sits up, again with some scratches And bruises

Wocka agent bear looks up and sees bean, digit, Clifford, Vicki, Lindbergh, Waldo And Leon looking down at him from their window

Wocka agent bear runs away And hides in the shadows immediately

Leon: god! Can we have ONE normal night in this town!?

The next Day...

Everyone were woken up, (note: fozzie did make it inside his room, he succesfully Got inside) And they were downstairs in the kitchen eating breakfast. Then fozzie Got downstairs

Fozzie: mornin', everyone! Was your night "wockatastic"?? Aaaaaaaah!

Fozzie giggles, And the muppets groaned and they were watching the news with wocka agent bear on it after being attacked by roosters

Fozzie: so, uhh... What are you Guys watching?

Pepe: you didnt hear it!? Wocka agent bear Got attacked by Bonzor's roosters last night, okay!!

Fozzie gasps as if he is shocked, but the others dont know the truth

Fozzie: what!? Thats horrible!

Miss piggy: yes.. its horrible Seeing your idol being attacked by ROOSTERS! Hmph!

Bean Bunny: And we literally saw him last night with ladders!! And he tried climbing to your room, fozz!! Clifford, digit, Vicki, Waldo, Lindbergh, Leon And I saw that!!

The other six in jim Henson hour gang noded

Fozzie: really!? I didnt see that!

Kermit then noticed fozzie's bruises And scratches, And it looked like wocka agent bear's scars

Kermit: uhh... Fozzie? Where did you Got those bruises And scratches from?

Fozzie: oh! These?? Well...

Fozzie was sweating a little bit, trying to come up with an good excuse

Fozzie: I Got bitten by mosquitos! Yeah.. And I uhh- scratched a Lot! Yea-

Other muppets were looking at fozzie with suspiciousy in their eyes, especially miss piggy And kermit. Miss piggy slaps the table with her hands

Miss piggy: are you sure!?

Fozzie: ofcourse I am! I never lie!

Kermit: well, okay, If you say so...

Fozzie: welp! I'll go now, Guys!!

Fozzie then Got upstairs to his room again very quickly

Kermit: I feel like he is hiding something...

Miss piggy: me too...

Other muppets nod and agree too

It was night aga-

Chip appears infront of the camera, looking closely at it

Chip: WAIT! STOP! PAUSE! how is it already night if it was morning?!

I, who was the narrator of the story, spoke up:

Emin (me): well, chip.. thats called: "TMS:LITBH logic", shirt for "the muppets Show: Life in the boarding home logic", man.

Chip: well... I guess THAT makes sense to some others, but not really to me!

Emin (me): well, then STOP COMPLAINING And let ME finish, m'kay?

Chip rolls his eyes And sighs

Chip: Fine.

He gets away from the camera

Anyways, it was now night in the muppetown again...

Other muppets in the boarding home went to sleep, while Meanwhile with fozzie, he was in his room again and he put on his wocka agent bear clothes again And Got outside from his balcony

Wocka agent bear (fozzie), again in his foozie voice from muppets 2011: time to solve mysteries..

He was walking sneakly around the muppetown And he saw that there werent any mysteries that he can solve, he sighed...

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): oh, shucks... There isnt any crimes or mysteries I can solve, nor help anyone.. i'll just go back home..

He sneakly Got back home, but at the front gate, he Heard a noise from the bush

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): Huh!?

Then suddenly, Bonzor And kermoot came out of the bush, And kermoot had a bandage on his foot because of the Bear trap. They were both smirking evilly

Kermoot: we Got you now, Mr. "Wocka agent bear"!

Bonzor the fantastic: HAH! we indeed do!

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): you two!? Well, it looks like this is one VS two, right?..

He put his black hat a little bit over his face to look more mysterious And to make his face look shadowy

Kermoot: ofcourse it does, bear!

Wocka agent bear (fozzie): well then go on!

Kermoot And Bonzor look at each other And smirk, And Bonzor snaps his fingers And yells loudly

Bonzor the fantastic: ROOSTERS!!!!!! COME HERE!!!

Yet again, like last night, the roosters occupy all the sides And corners And they surround fozzie. And wocka agent bea- i mean, fozzie, speaks in his normal voice again.

Fozzie: uh-oh....

The roosters jump on fozzie And attack him again while fozzie screams loudly And yelps in pain

Fozzie: OOUH! EEEH!!! AAAAAA THAT HURTS!!!

Bonzor And kermoot were chuckling. Then suddenly, the muppets look outside their Windows of the boarding home And AGAIN see "wocka agent bear" being attacked by Bonzor's roosters, And fozzie's sunglasses And hat fall down, revealing his True form, And he screams loudly for help

Fozzie: HEEEEEEEELP!!!! SOMEONE HELP MEEEEE!!!! MR. WOCKA AGENT BEAAAAAAAAR!!!!!!!!

All of the muppets from the boarding home gasp

All the muppets: Fozzie!?!?

Kermit: I KNEW he was hiding something!! FOZZIE!! HANG ON!!

Then suddenly, an shadowy figure that looked like a bear, maybe... Real Wocka agent bear!? He comes out of the shadows And he had his face shadowed, except for his eyes And sunglasses, and he speaks up in his voice of foozie from muppets 2011 And he had a deadly look on his face

Wocka agent bear: ...leave the kid alone...

The roosters stop attacking fozzie And look at wocka agent bear, kermoot, Bonzor And all the muppets look at the REAL Wocka agent bear, and fozzie gasps

Fozzie: IT- IT- IT'S WOCKA AGENT BEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!!!!!

Some whatnots (from muppets Show) And muppets who lived in their own houses looked outside their Windows to watch the scenario

Then the instrumental from Garfield game tango toss (high quality) comes on And wocka agent bear attacks kermoot first, with a "POW!" on the lips and fists

Kermoot: AHH!!!

Kermoot falls on the ground, wocka agent bear looks at Bonzor, who is sweating

Bonzor the fantastic: UHH... IT- IT WASNT MY IDEA!! I SWEAR-

Wocka agent bear gives a "POW" on bonzor's lips with his fists to Bonzor

Bonzor the fantastic: AAAAH!!

Bonzor falls on the ground too, And both kermoot And Bonzor sit up, And bonzor's roosters run go Bonzor And hide behind him

Wocka agent bear: now... You two leave this kiddo alone, before I didnt do something to you two And the... MOOPETS...

Kermoot And Bonzor nod And they get up and ran away, And bonzor's roosters run away with them

Bonzor the fantastic: AAAAAAA!!!!

Kermoot: RUN YOU ACROBATIC ALIEN!!! RUN!!!

Fozzie gets up and he looks at wocka agent bear with a huge smile on his face, And the muppets get out of the boarding home And walk towards fozzie And wocka agent bear

Fozzie: I- Its really you!!! You're wocka agent bear!!!

Wocka agent bear: mh-hm, I indeed am. And you're not. You pretended to be me, kiddo. Thats not wockatastic for my fans, y'kno?

Fozzie: uh, well... Im- uhh... Im very sorry if I pretended to be you, Mr. Wocka agent bear... Its just that you're my wockatastic idol! And im your wockatastic fan!

Wocka agent bear nods

Wocka agent bear: I understand that, kiddo. But thats not very wockatastic towards your friends too.

Wocka agent bear points at the other muppets that are standing outside the gate of the boarding home, And they were all looking at fozzie, they were sort of angry at him.

Fozzie: oh... I-...

Fozzie sighs

Fozzie: im sorry, Guys... I just wanted to prove you all that wocka agent bear DOES exist, but I more made you all angry... And I made wocka agent bear look bad...

He looks down at the floor And he looks sad And guilty, Kermit And the whole muppets gang then dont look Mad anymore, they now look like they were calmed that fozzie was brave enough to say the truth. And wocka agent bear puts his hand on fozzie's shoulder.

Wocka agent bear: you know, kiddo? You're very brave because you Said the truth to your friends, now THAT'S a thing that a good fan And friend would do.

Fozzie: r-really?

Fozzie looks at wocka agent bear

Wocka agent bear: ofcourse, kiddo. And I respect you as my good fan. And now, Im very proud of ya. Im sure your friends are too.

He looks at Kermit And the whole muppets gang and they all nod And look happy that fozzie Said the truth

Fozzie smiles And then he nods

Fozzie: Woah! It looks like i learned a wocklesson this night! Hahahaha!

Some muppets groan from that joke but they Chuckle too

Wocka agent bear: ya sure did, kiddo. And im proud of ya. And never forget, I know my fans' every move, especially yours now.

Fozzie nods And hugs wocka agent bear tightly

Fozzie: m-mm! Thank you, Mr. Wocka agent bear! Wocka wocka wockaaa!!

Wocka agent bear looks surprised from that tight hug, but he hugs fozzie back

Wocka agent bear: wocka, wocka, wocka.

Then wocka agent bear looks at fozzie

Wocka agent bear: well, before I go, want an autograph, kiddo?

Fozzie: I would love that!

He takes out his poster of wocka agent bear and he signatures on it

Wocka agent bear: im glad to see you happy now, kiddo. Good luck kiddo. I hope we'll see each other again like how I do see my other fans.

Fozzie: ooohhh I cant wait to see you again, Mr. Wocka agent bear!

Wocka agent bear smiles a little bit like a faint smile And he waves a little bit And runs away back in the shadows

Fozzie had the biggest smile on his face And he jumped up and down from joy

Fozzie: MMMMMMM I MET WOCKA AGENT BEAR!!!!

Kermit: ya sure did, fozz! But you still lied to us tho.

Kermit crosses his arms the rest of the muppets gang did And they look at fozzie

Fozzie: well... I Said I was sorry! I wont do that anymore! Promise!

Kermit And the whole muppets gang smile And Chuckle And they all hug together

Gonzo: well! Lets go inside, im kinda sleepy-

Everyone nods And go back inside the muppets boarding home

Meanwhile a little bit with wocka agent bear, he had a few pictures of fozzie disguising himself as wocka agent bear, And he smiled a little bit And chuckled

Wocka agent bear: Im glad that kiddo learned. I hope i'll see that brave comedian bear again.

-

And the instrumental of lazytown song "man on a mission" plays while the credits are on:

The screens shows the "the end" screen

Created by: Emin Muslich (eminsunnytoons123)

Main characters that mostly spoke: fozzie, Kermit, miss piggy

Supporting characters that spoke more: Pepe, Rizzo, gonzo

Characters that spoke a few Times or once/Sang a few Times: Janice, rowlf, Leon, yolanda, Leon, bean, Hilda, cliffster, Vicki, chip, the rest of the whole muppets gang

Characters that have been mentioned by the characters or narrator but didnt spoke: Ubu, zondra, Tammy the red haired whatnot, selena the brunette haired whatnot, Clifford, digit, Lindbergh, Waldo C Graphic, Cliffy, Zoot (except for playing the saxophone)

Villains: Kermoot, Bonzor the fantastic, bonzor's roosters

Guest characters: Wocka agent bear

Music/songs: man on a mission instrumental From lazytown And muppets' version of the song, tango toss theme from Garfield tango toss game

I hope y'all enjoyed this pilot episode I made for TMS: LITBH i literally worked on this pilot episode nearly this whole Day ^///^;

I'll make the episode 1 of season 1 on Friday =^_^=

And this is for all my besties/Sisters And brothers/pen pals:

@splashy900 @kxllboii @cheezekennith @aquamarine-dream-queen @dayzsaclark @oscarandgrinchfan @moshywoosh @ilovescaredysquirrel2 @nuggetaubrey @sharkyy599 @nightkit92 @familyoffood @mysafespaceblog13 @thelazzyblogzz @sugar-miss1 @shrimpathizer @shypeachrunaway @iggyguyy @sophia-does-skits @typical-sophie @peaceforpeople @ben5569 @xxkurosakutisaxx @ducktoonz903707 @muppet-fan-real @artismeyou-12 @blackstar044 @acen402 @acen404 @walt-diego-rodriguez @goatsarecool1 @nia1sworld @rumplestiltsbear @s4gefr0g @beeware-of-lulu @leafith

#my arts #digital art #the muppets #the muppets show: life in the boarding home #TMS:LITBH pilot #TMS: LITBH series episodes #Kermit the frog #miss piggy #fozzie bear #wocka agent bear #pepe the king prawn #rizzo the rat #gonzo the great #the moopets #kermoot the frog #bonzor the fantastic #ibispaintx

[gayelderstourney]

OLD MAN YAOI BRACKET ROUND 3

Propaganda:

Sheo/The Nailsmith:

It's really nice because you unlock it after the nailsmith asks you to kill him with the pure nail and you refuse and walk away. He then says he was wandering hallownest without purpose until he found sheo who helped him discover that there was more to life than just one calling. These two are probably the only characters in the game to have a genuinely happy ending

The nailsmith loses his purpose in life after finishing his ultimate masterpiece, his lifelong goal, the pure nail. He requests the protagonist to try the nail on him, but If you refuse, he will find sheo who helps him to find new meaning in life and realise that there is more to life by teaching him different crafts. They can then be seen sculping figurines together, and sheo is also painting the nailsmith.They share a common love for art and crafts and inspire each other. Sheo's story is that he was a nailmaster, but got tired of it, and put down his nail to pick up a paintbrush. I think it's beautiful that he could help the nailsmith realise what he himself did. They both also used to live in solitude without even realising how lonely they were, and I think it's cute tuhat they can do art together now :]

They are two bugs retired from their career and making better lives for themselves and they’re gay about it. Nailsmith believes at first that he has nothing left after creating the perfect nail and asks the knight to strike him down, and if you don’t, he meets Sheo, a retired nailmaster finding a new calling in painting and sculpting. They find a shared love in creating things and Nailsmith finds a new calling in art as well. The achievement you get for uniting them is called “Happy Couple”

Gay bugs gay bugs gay bugs (Cw mention of suicide) They both used to pursue their one passion in life: forging the perfect nail (sword) for the Nailsmith and the art of combat for Sheo. Sheo realized he could just leave that life when he lost his passion for fighting, and he found himself a new purpose in life: art. However, he always seemed very lonely, completely isolated by all other bugs in his hidden house in the middle of a thorn jungle. When The Nailsmith achieved his goal and forged the perfect nail, he lost his purpose in life and his will to live. He asks the player to kill him. However, if the player refuses, he can later be found in Sheo's house, modelling for Sheo or sculpting figurines with him. He thanks the player for not fulfilling his request, because he has found a new calling in life here, making art together with Sheo. They both express how happy they are to no longer be alone. This also gives you the "Happy Couple" achievement, confirming that they are a couple.

THEY'RE CANON!!! They're fucking canon!!! You can talk to them at one point after doing a Bunch of Stuff to get them to meet each other and you get an achievement called "Happy Couple"!!! Gotta love old man yuri

Statler/Waldorf:

is there anything gayer than being a hater with another gay old man. Those two queers have done so much for the lgbt community

Waldorf has a wife, but it's literally just Statler in drag. In the wiki it says "Astoria often wonders why her husband keeps coming to this 'irritating, mindless, incessant nonsense' while he could stay home with her. The only answer from Waldorf was 'no comment.'" And I like to think it's because he gets to go on dates with his boyfriend. Every show they're always heckling the Muppets but end up sitting back in their balcony seat every show, meaning they must have to enjoy it enough to come back. They're, like the kids say, a little tsundere. -"The internet is a completely different culture isn't it." -"You said it. Everything here is immediately followed by sarcastic comments and nasty responses." -"Yup, we're finally where we belong." -"Do-ho-ho-ho-hoh!"

They hate everything together

#round 3 #polls #tournament poll #gay elders tourney #sheo #the nailsmith #hollow knight #sheosmith #statler and waldorf #the muppets #statler #waldorf

[pinkandpurple360]

IDK if it’s a hot take but I actually like Asmodeus as a softie (albeit still flawed - he is a demon). Even in original myths he’s more of a trickster and protector than adversary.

That said, he really did just become the Millie to Fizz’s Moxxie and THAT pisses me off! Like he just kinda exists to comfort Fizz, who adopted Moxxie’s personality out of nowhere.

There are some really great Fizzarozzie fanworks I enjoy way more than canon, not because it’s toxic or anything, but because it was loving but also fun. There are good canon moments (I actually thought the breakfast and workshop scenes in Oops were really well-done) but a lot of it isn’t fun anymore (especially everything in the Mammon - Crooked makes me want to die) because we know what’s going to happen with them - bland heteronormative MoxMil Part 2.

Again I don’t think they have to be super toxic or mean or anything, they should just be like, for lack of better comparison … Statler and Waldorf from the Muppets. Love roasting the shit out of people for funsies, but generally aren’t malicious unless you piss them off, and are ride or die for each other. Cuddly but also horny at the same time. Not a literal Disney movie Mary Sue Lore Olympus fanfic.

Oh no no me too! But what I like is the idea that he had to work to get there, he seems like he’s had a lot of therapy himself, including some rage issues, which fit into his lore, that he’s overcome. And a masculine character like him showing vulnerability and overcoming aggression to reach softness instead, but eventually to everyone, not just fizz. Is a good message. Him being protective, but also possessive, is an interesting layer to explore. But they won’t. -_-

Yeah toxic or mean isn’t quite right…but cheeky is. Cheeky and audacious, they need to be fun and yknow, actually queer? Actually a queer friendly pair who create an lgbt and kink safe space. Honestly though? Viv creating what is essentially a queer and kink bar, and having them all be hostile to an m/f vanilla monogamous couple, is so…stereotypy. (I know MnM are both bi but here me out) that’s like how monogamous straight people who’ve never left straight conservative spaces, think that lgbt spaces are like.

Not a sub fem princess and a masc dom daddy -_- be fr. Sorry but making them heteronormative isn’t what was subversive, it was the tenderness in between the lust. That’s just gone now if you’re trying to sell that they’re in reality, barely kinky and that he coddles him. And personally I think making Ozzie solely in charge of managing fizz’s disability is what killed it for me. It’s no longer “fizz and oz are partners” it’s “fizz is so weak that he literally wouldn’t last five minutes alive without Asmodeus”

Also? Fans saying that Fizz can never leave Asmodeus because he can just never let anybody else see his disabled body or ever be able to manage his disabilities without Asmodeus and only Asmodeus? Yeah. That’s. ableism. And codependency. He should be with him because he wants to be, not because he has to be.

Oh my god. They’re literally those two, they even sit up in the same theatre area together. Man people are going to actually kill me for this but I ship them as platonic best friends who work at the same job and are flirty as the job requires but see other people. Idk I feel like it’s more fun, like you said.

Crooked was nice but at the same time, i did the fangirl squeals. But….for whatever reason, I was pretty happy when Blitz burst in and, literally, broke it up. I didn’t even ship blitzfizz yet but that scene awoke something in me then I rewatched Oops and saw the letter and flower that I didn’t see the first time, then went back and saw Blitzs jealous faces and jealous behaviour and——

Pictured—literally me piecing it all together

#helluva boss critical #fizzarozzie

[disneyparksattractionstournament]

Disney Parks Animatronic Tournament: Bracket B/Tier 2 Round 3

Trolls: Maelstrom - Epcot Disney World (formerly)

Propaganda:

"I just liked Disney having a ride that's less cutey, where the troll threaten you and were kinda grotesque. Feels like a breath of fresh air."

(go to 1:58 for animatronic)

Statler and Waldorf: Muppet*Vision 3D - Hollywood Studios Disney World, Disney California Adventure (formerly)

Propaganda:

"Waldorf: “Do we have time to go to the bathroom before the next show?” Statler: “We can’t, you old fool. We’re bolted to the seats!” These animatronics are the next best thing to having the real puppets sitting there in the balcony doing what they do best--heckling the Muppets."

#disney animatronic tournament #disney #disney parks #poll #polls #tournament poll #animatronics #disney animatronics #audio animatronics #disney tournament #epcot #maelstrom #trolls #norway #disney world #round 3 #muppets #the muppets #muppetvision #Statler and Waldorf #hollywod studios #mgm studios #Youtube

[saywhatjessie]

We're Marley and Marley

Day eleven of the Advent calendar! Using this list. Day 11: Sitting by the Fire Fandom: Ted Lasso - Pairing: RoyJamie 1.2k[Ao3]

They were watching The Muppet Christmas Carol, to begin with.

They didn’t really have an excuse for it: Phoebe wasn’t there and Roy didn’t even celebrate Christmas besides. Only, they’d been outvoted for the last team movie night and Roy had seemed genuinely disappointed so after their last training for the night, Jamie had manhandled Roy onto his own couch, thrown a blanket over them both, and turned it on.

Roy had grumbled and swore but let Jamie cosset him, giving his secret Jamie smile when Jamie pulled over the footrest and got his leg situated with the least amount of stress on his knee. He still huffed grumpily as Jamie curled into his side but he draped his arm around Jamie’s shoulders and pulled him in tight, his fingers stroking the skin at the end of Jamie’s sleeve

“It’s just a really good film,” Roy said, as if he still had to convince Jamie to watch it with him, even while it was playing. “Michael Kane approaches his role with such conviction and gravitas, even while the rest of the cast are fucking muppets.”

“Muppets are people, too,” Jamie said with a grin.

Roy rolled his eyes and jostled him, but gently enough that he wasn’t dislodged from Roy’s side.

Jamie turned back to watch the movie, only gently ribbing Roy as he mouthed the words to all the songs. He was sure he’d seen it before but he didn’t really remember it. And Roy seemed to really care about it and Jamie liked Roy enough to want to know why.

When Statler and Waldorf showed up as the ghosts of Marley and Marley, Jamie was immediately distracted.

“Hang on, is this Scrooge bloke about to be haunted because he’s too rich?”

Roy grunted. “You told me you’d seen this.”

“I have!” Jamie said, his eyebrows furrowed. “But like a long time ago I think. I thought Scrooge was just kind of a dick.”

“He is,” Roy said. “He’s just a specific kind. He’s a rich dick. A miser.”

Jamie turned to look at Roy, his pulse picking up. “But we're rich dicks.”

Roy laughed. “Not like that, you fuck . We’re dicks. And we’re also rich.” He shrugged, making Jamie’s whole body move. “It’s different.”

“But, Roy, you don’t do Christmas! Like Scrooge!”

“Oi!” Roy reached up and cuffed him on the head. It didn’t hurt but his hair was probably fucked now. “That’s anti semitic.” but he still just looked amused.

Jamie pulled away enough to cross his arms and scowl at Roy. Roy let him but put a hand on his leg to make sure he didn’t get too far. Jamie wouldn’t let his scowl soften at that.

“I’m serious, Roy. I can’t deal with no more fucking ghosts.”

“We’re not gonna get any ghosts!” Roy told him. “A miser’s different from us. They like hoard their wealth and shit. Exploit workers and spit on the poor. Like Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos.” We waved off Jamie’s protest. “Look, can we just watch the movie? If you’re still worried about us getting ghosts by the end, we can deal with them, yeah?”

Jamie huffed but let himself be pulled back into Roy’s arms and they continued to watch the film.

By the end of it, (and yes Jamie did tear up when it looked like Tiny Tim had died.) Jamie agreed with Roy that it was a great film and he also knew how to fix the ghost problem.

“We should just give loads of money away, right?” Jamie asked. “That’s what Rebecca does, doesn’t she? Every Christmas she buys loads of toys for children.”

Roy sighed. “Philanthropy will certainly keep you from becoming miserly enough for ghosts. But the main takeaway is that you’re not a greedy fucking landlord to begin with.”

Jamie hummed. “Should we also do another curse fire?”

“What the fuck? No! We don’t have any ghosts!”

“But we still could! Scrooge had a lot of money but he didn’t buy himself any fancy shit or nothing. We do buy fancy shit! I feel like that makes us worse for–” Jamie frowned as he searched for the word. “flouncing our wealth or whatever.”

“Flaunting,” Roy corrected him, gently. “So, what, you want to burn some of your expensive shit? I feel like donating it would be better for your philanthropy.”

Jamie grimaced. He had a lot of totally lush shit he did not want to burn, but he didn’t know if donating used silk briefs would work either. Not sanitary, was it?

“I could donate some things,” he hedged. “I got some mint fucking trainers young poor lads would love. I’d have loved my shoes when I was a young poor lad.”

Roy hummed, kissing Jamie’s hairline like a ‘good job’.

Jamie preened. “We should still burn something, though. Ghosts love when you burn shit. Symbolic, like.”

“I wish you didn’t have a hard on for arson,” Roy grumbled.

“Hey! It’s not arson if you’re just burning your own shit, is it?”

“Well, go on, what are you burning?”

Jamie pursed his lips thinking.

“What do you think?”

“You’re stupid fucking face cream.” Roy answered immediately.”

Jamie was scandalized. “My what? But it’s got minerals! And it’s from Finland!”

“It’s bougie trash that has impure metals and makes my lips feel weird when I kiss you,” Roy said. “You can’t donate it because that’s probably not fucking hygenic and I hate it so much and it was so expensive and there are absolutely ghosts in your face cream.”

“You can’t say there are ghosts in it just because you want me to burn it, Roy, this is serious!” Jamie argued. “And you have to burn something, too! What if I told you to burn your new leather jacket that looks exactly like the other three you have?”

“This jacket has burgundy stitching and you know that.” Jamie rolled his eyes. “And I buy way less expensive shit than you. The only expensive shit I buy is for you and Phoebe. You want me to ask Phoebe if I can have her new ice skates back to burn?”

“You’re not burning those skates – she’s gonna be the next Evgenia Medvedeva!”

Roy frowned. “Bit of a random choice.”

“Nah, she’s a little weirdo like Phoebe.” Jamie grinned before remembering they were arguing and then frowned again. “Stop distracting me. What about your fancy tea subscription?”

Roy rolled his eyes. “Fine. I will burn one box of tea. And you can burn your fucking face cream. And tomorrow we’ll donate a shit ton of money to a youth shelter or something. Will this make you feel better?”

Jamie grinned, leaning in to kiss Roy, before vaulting to his feet to collect his face cream from Roy’s bathroom. 

It wasn’t long before they were sitting next to Roy’s fireplace, watching the glass of the bottle of Jamie’s cream break and breathing in the tea smelling smoke.

Jamie stared into it, letting his head nuzzle against the underside of Roy’s chin. “You think Marley and Marley were gay for each other?”

Roy sighed, sadly. “I just wanted to watch some fucking muppets.”

#Ted Lasso #RoyJamie #oops I wrote a thing #writing advent

[homosexual-fast-dancer]

Muppets Themed F/O Ask Game!

Kermit The Frog - Would you say that yourF/O is more level-headed and has things under control, or are they more likely to be two steps away from exploding at all times?

Miss Piggy - What would you say is your F/Os fashion sense and is your type of style more similar or different to theirs?

Fozzie Bear - Would you say that your F/O has a good sense of humour, or are they just incapable of catching a joke?

Gonzo - Is your F/O more brave or cowardly when it comes to most things?

Rowlf The Dog - Does your F/O play an instrument, and if they don't what instrument do you think they would play/want to pick up?

Scooter - Is your F/O tech savvy or would they not be able to tell a laptop from a dishwasher?

Swedish Chef - Is your F/O a dab hand in the kitchen or are they likely to burn even milk? And who tends to do the cooking more often?

Walter - Is your F/O a fan of anything in canon? And what do you think they'd be a fan of if they were to watch/play it?

Animal - Is your F/O more level headed and calm, or are they a being of pure chaos?

The Electric Mayhem - What would you say is your F/Os favourite music genre and is that a genre you also like? (Also what do you think your F/O would think about your music taste?)

Muppet Labs - Is your F/O more of a left brain person or right brain? (Logical or Creative problem solver?)

Statler and Waldorf - Is your F/O generally a grouch and sarcastic or more kind and would feel terrible being mean to anyone?

(Also always remember to practice reblog karma! If you reblog from someone, send an ask back and share the love!)

[Proshippers dni!]

#hehe i really wanted to make an f/o ask game! #and i feel like if theirs one thing my blog is known for... #but yeah reblogs are really appreciated! #i hope this doesn't bomb- (seeing as it is kinda niche...) #f/o ask game #ask game #f/o positivity #f/o community #selfship community #selfship positivity #selfship imagines #f/o imagines

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern AU) - Game Night

Jaskier loves music. It is his career, and he spends the majority of his days listening to it, creating it, and sharing it. It's an important part of his life that he is very passionate about.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't have other interests or things that he obsesses over. He likes games in particular. He'll sit down with Geralt and the other Witchers and play some video games, a card game, or a few rounds of pool. Sometimes he'll play a board game with Geralt, Yennefer, and Ciri.

But there is one game he gets really excited about playing. He is a huge fan of D&D. He has a custom D&D table, and has made a few diroamas. And he is obsessed with collecting dice. He follows several custom dice makers on tiktok, and is constantly showing the ones that catch his eye to Geralt, but he very rarely buys any.

Everytime he goes on a tour with his band, or goes on the Path with Geralt, he always keeps an eye out for places that might sell dice. He almost always comes back empty-handed.

He could easily buy anything he wanted, being a sucessful bard, and a Viscount, but he rarely buys anything for himself. He prefers to use his money for more sensible things, like taking care of his family, and making sure his band has what it needs. And making sure he is more fashionably dressed than Valdo Marx, because f**k him!

Yennefer doesn't understand Jaskeir's obsession with the dice. The closest she can compare it to is a magpie's obsession with shiny things.

He had been so excited when Eskel had brought him a custom made set of dice that looked like they contained small galaxies. He had hugged the Witcher, then run off, doing this weird little excited goblin run. The dice had been placed in a display box, on a special shelf in his room. He would occassionally bring them out to use for special game nights.

And he doesn't just use the dice for his games. He uses them when he and Geralt can't agree on something, or to make a decision.

Yennefer cannot acurately the describe the feeling of utter dread/panic/suspicion, or Impeding Doom that twisted up her stomach every time Jaskier hands her a die and says "Yen, quick! Roll this for me!"

Yennefer: *reluctantly rolls die*

Jaskier: "20!? Thanks, Yen!" *runs to the kitchen excitedly shouting* "Geralt! Geralt, 20!"

Yennefer *sits there internally panicking* 20 what? What was the number for? Was it 20 kittens? Was it number 20 on a list of options for snacks? Was it a destination? Was it the number of grapes Jaskier was going to try to shove up his a**??? She doesn't know. All she knows is that if Geralt starts laughing, it's going to be something cringey, stupid, dangerous, or possibly all three.

She hears them giggling in the bathroom later, and someone whispering "Stop laughing, you're making them fall out!"

Yennefer bangs on the door. "Jaskier! You better not be shoving grapes up your a**!"

"I'm not!"

*muffled giggling*

Yennefer: You better not be shoving grapes up Geralt's a**!

Geralt: *muffled giggling*

Jaskier: *disappointed whine* "Awww-! D*mn it, Geralt! Now we have to start all over!"

Yennefer decides she doesn't want to know.

She doesn't really have a great deal of interest in D&D itself, but she knows just about everything there is to know about it, thanks to the weekly game nights.

She was excited at first, listening to them talk about their campaigns the following day, but when she actually sat in on a game, she found it...tedious. Their characters,on the other hand, were interesting and creative.

For example, Jaskier's character (a Bard, of course) was just a pair of hands that (at first) communicated in a combination of sign language and rude gestures, played the lute, and made sex jokes.

His character later gained the ablity to speak by making a 'talking' motion with the hands. And proceeded to talk and argue with himself, carry on an almost non-stop Statler and Waldorf running commentary, sing, and make rude/inappropriate gestures. And try to randomly poke his companions in the a**.

His favorite spell was 'Mega B*tch Slap', which he'd made up, they'd argued about, but had ended up allowing it because 'why not?'.

The world itself was interesting, but the actual quests/adventures took forever. This was mostly because they spent the majority of their time rolling to end a parade of arguments. Most of the game was spent rolling to see if one of them would be allowed to do something.

They spent an hour at an Inn, rolling to see who the barmaid liked best.

They rolled to see who the horses liked better.

They rolled to see if Lambert could start the campaign completely hammered.

They rolled to see if one of them could fight a battle bucka** nekkid

They rolled for d*ck length.

They rolled to see if Geralt was allowed to turn himself into a horse.

They rolled for Horse Geralt's d*ck length.

Yennefer discovered that there was barely a serious moment in any of their campaigns. All manner of improbable and impractical things happened. Dead Cow Balloons, Dead Elf Boogie Board, Crab Tornado, Exploding Chickens, Bag of Singing D*cks... and the she couldn't forget the most powerful weapon ever forged. The Jabbing Stick of Instant Death. It was literally just a stick with a pointy end, but one jab and it was all over.

Yennefer did find all the absurdity and unpredictability amusing, but she just didn't have the patience for all the rolling.

Which is why she volunteered to be in charge of cooking for game night. That and she was appalled when she found out what they were eating during their gaming sessions.

Yennefer had walked into the game room with some drinks, "What the h*ll are you eating?"

"Grilled Cheese Sandwiches and Tomato Soup?" Jaskier had said, casually stirring his soup.

"That's not-! Those are cheese puffs floating in, in tomato sauce!"

"I put some of that chicken powder stuff in it,"

"That's not tomato soup! Or grilled cheese!"

"But it's like tomato soup and grilled cheese." Jaskier replied.

Yennefer turned at the sound of a plastic water bottle crinkling, and saw Geralt squeeze a mushy white substance into his mouth, then follow it up with a handful of shredded cheese straight from the bag. "Geralt! What the-!"

"Baked potato," Eskel explained, shaking some instant mashed potato flakes into his water bottle, letting Geralt heat the water in it with Igni, then shaking it.

Lambert glared at her, daring her to say anything about the bowl of pizza rolls covered in so much ranch dressing that he was eating them with a spoon.

There was a soft scrape of a plastic spoon against metal. Coen was eating Spaghetii-O's right out of the can.

"You all eat like f***ing stoners!!! I'm going to make you some real food!"

From then on, Yennefer cooked for them on game nights. It was simple fare, mostly things that made her feel like she was feeding a pack of children.

Dinosaur chicken nuggets, macaroni, and cheese, hotdogs, etc. But they never complained about it. In fact, they seemed excited about the food. Especailly one dish that she discovered was their favorite.

Jaskier had walked into the kitchen for some drinks, saw the cans and the hotdogs on the counter, and gone bolting back to the game room, with an excited whoop of, "F**K YEAH, BEANIE WEENIES!!!"

Sometimes, if Jaskier hadn't been too aggravating that week, Yennefer would make tavern food for them, to kind of fit the theme of their game.

Yennefer would leave them to their game and go about her evening, then curl up with her old cat plush, Sammy, and go to sleep. Sometimes she would have to make a trip to the game room to yell at them to be quiet.

And in the morning, she was woken up by The Ritual of The Most Holy Burrito. Every morning following a game night, five grown-a** men would microwave breakfast burritos, hold them over their heads, and dance through the living room while singing every verse of the sacred hymn "Yum Yum Breakfast Burritos".

She started leaving blankets and pillows on the couch after she'd gone in one morning after a game night and found them all sleeping scattered around the room and using various items as blankets.

Lambert was using a week-old pizza box someone had forgot to throw away.

Coen was under the gaming table.

Geralt and Jaskier were using Eskel.

Yennefer had started a collection of Game Night Aftermath photos that she regularly shared with Madeleine when they would go out on their Girls Only Days.

Unless the photo was so extraordinarily humorous or adorable that she would text it to her immediately.

Like the photo of Jaskier using Eskel's a** as a pillow.

Or the picture of Geralt passed out on the game table with his tits out.

And the assorted photos of shirtless Witchers in cuddle piles

Yennefer decides that game nights aren't so bad after all.

#the witcher #the witcher headcanon #the witcher modern au #the witcher netflix #twn #geralt #geralt of rivia #yennefer #yennefer of vengerberg #jaskier #julian alfred pankratz #eskel #coen #lambert #kaer morons #geraskier #geraskefer #geraskifer #yenskier #yennskier #yennaskier #yenneskier #game night headcanon

[cosmog-mcgee]

(Click for better quality I think ??)

What if the Sun & Moon muppets were like Statler and Waldorf,,, Jesters in the box seat !!

#dca fandom #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun fanart #fnaf moon fanart #fnaf sundrop #fnaf moodrop #fnaf daycare au #fnaf dca au #glamrock bonnie #montgomery gator #That is an actual quote from Statler and Waldorf btw I watched So Many compilations JSDFSHFSJ #Love this au sm I'm having sm fun #Also that best gorilla joke of 1897 thing was stuck in my head so I Had to put it in HSFSHDFJG #arty mcgee #au mcgee #muppets au

[wickedlysecret]

Something I’ve been lowkey obsessing over for the past few years has been The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992), which is quite possibly my favorite Christmas movie ever. It’s fun, it’s funny, it has cute moments, Michael Caine is absolutely the best Scrooge to ever Scrooge… I can’t sing this movie’s praises enough. I was so excited when it was included on Disney+, so I could watch it pretty much whenever the desire struck.

The thing is, there’s another Christmas Carol adaptation that I loved to watch as a child that’s also on Disney+: Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983). It’s another retelling of the same story, and yet… it doesn’t really hit in the same way that the Muppet one does. And I can’t stop thinking about why that would be the case. What do the Muppets do in their adaptation that Mickey and his friends don’t do in theirs?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m going to sit here and compare and contrast these adaptations, with pictures and quotes. This is gonna be one of those “In this essay I will” posts, except the essay actually follows under a cut. After all, I’m nothing if not a former English major with weird hyperfixations.

I broke down the places where the differences are strongest into four parts: The Spirits/Ghosts of Christmas Whatever; the inclusion of a comedic Narrator character; the simple fact that the Muppets are Actors in their own right; and the entire “Christmas Future” part of the story.

1. The Spirits. 

For the Muppets, new characters have been created for the roles. These characters were only ever used for these roles, and we never see them again in other Muppet productions, save for Jacob (and Robert) Marley, as played by Statler and Waldorf, whom I’ll talk about at another point.

These new characters make much of the dialogue work, as well, with much of their exchanges with Scrooge at least sounding, if not actually being exactly as written in the original Christmas Carol. The supernatural look of the little ghosty Spirit of Christmas Past helps to sell the whole picture when they say lines like, “A touch of my hand, and you shall fly.” The jolly, bumbly, ginger-haired-Santa lookalike Spirit of Christmas Present is personable and friendly, even able to make a mean and grumpy man like Scrooge joke and laugh with joy. And the Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come is faceless, imposing, and silent. They communicate through pointing, or a guiding hand, and they chill both Scrooge and the audience without saying a single word, merely showing Scrooge the future that awaits him.

Disney, perhaps understandably, made use of some of their existing Intellectual Properties (IPs) instead of creating new characters to serve as the Spirits. Jiminy Cricket is our Ghost of Christmas Past; The Giant (from Mickey and the Beanstalk) makes a surprising return to the screen as the Ghost of Christmas Present; and finally, in a jarring reveal which I could argue was made only for the purpose of having yet another IP make an appearance, Pete fills the role of the Ghost of Christmas Future. These are characters with personalities that the audience already presumably knows, and while they are able to fill their roles to a degree, they also come with baggage, for lack of a better term. They struggle to keep a balance of their original personalities, while also donning the personalities of their Christmas Carol roles.

Jiminy attempts to give sage advice to Ebenezer Scrooge (McDuck), in the same manner as he had with Pinnochio, but a stern little cricket lecturing an old man duck just doesn’t feel right. And the giant is also bumbling, sure, but more than that, he’s just… stupider than the Muppet Spirit. Caine’s Scrooge even remarks “You’re a little absentminded, spirit,” to which the Muppet Spirit of Christmas Present replies, “No, I’m a large absentminded spirit!” The giant’s version of the Spirit is just your run-of-the-mill comedic relief idiot. As for Pete’s ghost, he’s silent and somewhat imposing for almost the entire Christmas Future segment, until he removes his hood and scares Scrooge into his empty grave with some mean remark. And the mean remark is truly what ruins Pete as the Spirit of Christmas Future; this Spirit isn’t mean, but rather delivering harsh truths. The purpose of the Spirit of Christmas Future is to really drive home to Scrooge that, if he doesn’t change his ways, this is the unfortunate future that awaits him. It’s the future itself that’s supposed to scare Scrooge, not the Spirit delivering the message.

In essence, by not only using existing IPs for the Spirits in the story, but miscasting the Spirits with IPs that don’t work for their roles, Mickey’s Christmas Carol confuses the whole message that A Christmas Carol is supposed to convey.

Finally, as I mentioned, I want to talk about our Marleys. In The Muppet Christmas Carol, Marley is the only spirit for whom they’ve used an existing character–or, rather, characters. They’ve cast the grumpy old men, Statler and Waldorf, as Jacob and Robert Marley. They have a silly song they sing to Scrooge, which still manages to terrorize the man, and to be fair, the spirits of Scrooge’s old business partners are warning him of something terrible coming for him: more ghosts. We’re still early in the story at this point, so the Muppets wouldn’t be taking their big guns out yet, so imparting a scary warning in the form of a light and fun musical number is… well, it’s very on brand.

Meanwhile in Mickey’s, we have Goofy as Jacob Marley. I’ll talk more about this casting choice later, but the short of it is: why? Goofy’s not a mean OR selfish guy at all, and I can’t understand this role placement for him. He’s very stern with Scrooge, and it’s hard to take him seriously at all, and to top it all off he falls down the stairs at the end of his scene, with his trademark “Yaaaaah-hoo-hoo-hoo-eeeeeeee” shout and all. It doesn’t fit the character they’re trying to have him portray.

2. The comedic benefits of a Narrator Character. 

In the beginning of The Muppet Christmas Carol, the audience is introduced to Gonzo and Rizzo on the streets of the British Muppet City.

“Welcome to the Muppet Christmas Carol! I am here to tell the story!” “And I am here for the food!” “My name is Charles Dickens.” “And my name is Rizzo the Rat! Hey, wait a second…”

Gonzo and Rizzo, from this point forward, are the audience’s guide throughout the story of A Christmas Carol, there to explain, buffer, and offer comedic relief. They break the fourth wall, talking about and to the audience, and referring to any children who might be watching.

“Whoa, that’s scary stuff. Hey, should we be worried about the kids in the audience?” “Nah, that’s alright, this is culture.”

Gonzo and Rizzo carry a lot, and I mean a lot of the comedic moments within The Muppet Christmas Carol, leaving the story’s characters to portray the story, without strange interruptions from within. Well, for the most part. There are moments where comedy comes from within the story.

“If you please, Mr. Scrooge? It’s gotten colder… and the bookkeeping staff would like to have an extra shovelful of coal for the fire.” “We can’t do the bookkeeping.” “Yeah, all of our pens have turned to ink-cicles!” “Our assets are frozen!” “How would the bookkeepers like to be suddenly… UNEMPLOYED?!” “HEAT WAVE! This is my island in the sun!”

There are also moments where Gonzo Dickens and Rizzo interact with characters in the story, breaking the fourth wall further for more comedy.

“It is the American way!” “Sam! [Unintelligible whispering]” “Ah. It is the British way!” “Good.”

And of course there are moments where the characters’ existing personalities do come forward through their acting, such as when Miss Piggy, as Emily Crachit, calls Kermit (Bob Crachit) “Crachie”, in a play on her nickname for Kermit, “Kermie”.

The thing to note about all of these moments of comedy, is that none of them interrupt the story for the sake of a joke, or a catchphrase. The story continues without a hitch.

It also means that, when Gonzo Dickens and Rizzo leave at the beginning of Scrooge’s time with the Ghost of Christmas Future, they take just about every chance at joyful comedy with them. The audience knows their absence means things are about to get serious.

Without a similar character to bear some of the comedic weight, it all rests on the shoulders of the characters in Mickey’s Christmas Carol’s story. There’s plenty of jokes and humor, of course, but most of it is slapstick-ish, and typical of a cartoon; for example, Scrooge asking about Crachit’s daily pay, recalling it to be two shillings, only for Crachit to interrupt that it’s two shillings and a ha'penny–a raise that originated three years ago, when Crachit started doing Scrooge’s laundry. The jump into Christmas Future doesn’t have a smooth transition, leaving the audience rather jarred at the sudden change in tone; in particular, when Pete’s embodiment of the Spirit suddenly starts speaking, where previously he’d been silent.

3. The Muppets Are Actors. 

In every Muppet production, one of the things that makes the entire experience work is that nobody in the canon recognizes the Muppets as anything other than the characters they’re portraying. Nobody looks at Kermit and goes, ‘Why is there a talking frog made of felt here?’ That’s exactly the way someone should act with the Muppets, and, according to an interview with Brian Henson, that was Michael Caine’s intention from the very beginning when he was asked to play Scrooge.

"When I met Michael Caine to talk about playing Scrooge, one of the first things he said was: “I’m going to play this movie like I’m working with the Royal Shakespeare Company. I will never wink, I will never do anything Muppety. I am going to play Scrooge as if it is an utterly dramatic role and there are no puppets around me.”

The fact that the illustrious actor understood the assignment from the beginning, without even being told, works wonders for this movie. Caine said in an interview with GQ that, before The Muppet Christmas Carol, he’d never done a movie that a child, like his then-seven-year-old daughter, could see; this was his motivation in choosing the role. He then went on to discuss how one is meant to act with the Muppets.

Interviewer: When you’re talking to Kermit, where do you look? Do you look him in the eye? Caine: Yes. You look him straight in the eye. It’s like talking to a real actor. And the guy is just down below, buried in the floor.

This is a man with a great respect for and understanding of the Muppets, their work, and of course their puppeteers. When asked who is more famous, himself or Kermit, Caine replies that of course Kermit is the more famous, as he should be.

Caine: Oh Kermit is much more famous, because he’s known by children as well as all adults. And I’m known by many, many, many adults, but he’s known by all adults. And then I’m known by few children, but he’s known by every child.

(As a side note, this is a delightful interview with Michael Caine, and he’s just as pleased with and delighted by The Muppet Christmas Carol as the rest of us.)

In contrast with Mickey’s Christmas Carol, the casting for the Mickey Mouse & Friends characters into their Christmas Carol roles feels like it was done without much consideration or thought, beyond the logic of ‘Mickey Should Be Bob Crachit, Donald Should Be Scrooge’s Nephew, Of Course Scrooge McDuck Should Be Ebenezer Scrooge’, and so on.

For example, the part of Jacob Marley is played by Goofy. Marley’s character, or rather his ghost, is one that exists as Scrooge’s warning, both of his night to come and what awaits him if he doesn’t change his ways. Marley was just about as bad as Scrooge in life, hence all his chains weighing his spirit down, formed from his wicked deeds against his fellow man. He even warns Scrooge that he also wears such a chain.

The problem here is that Goofy Goof doesn’t have a single mean bone in his tall, lanky body. He’s a dogman that would never covet money like a miser, would never be cruel to others because he doesn’t deem them worth his time. So, why was he cast as Marley? It’s a confusing decision.

Another example lies with Mickey Mouse as Bob Crachit. Logically, I can understand the casting choice; Mickey is to Disney as Kermit is to the Muppets. Both made the same decision to cast their Big Name Character as the second lead in A Christmas Carol. However, the two portrayals go in very different directions, particularly in the Christmas Future segment. I’ll dig into this particular example in more detail in a bit, but in essence, it feels more like the Disney characters were plugged into their roles for the story, without much consideration for how their personalities would work with that of the characters they’d be portraying. The Muppets were matched with characters to portray, but it feels like careful thought was put into how each character would act and work as their Christmas Carol role.

4. The Entire “Ghost of Christmas Future” Chapter. 

I’ve referred to this part of the story, and the ways in which the Muppets and Disney handled it, several times so far, and this is because I believe that this is where the biggest differences lie, and where the Muppet adaptation truly outshines Disney’s.

First, the Spirit themselves. The Muppets created an entirely new, imposing, shadowy-cloaked Muppet specifically for this role, rather than casting a known Muppet as the Spirit. This Muppet never speaks, and has no face, and only communicates in gestures. It looms over the third act of the story, showing Ebenezer Scrooge what awaits him in this future, without words, instead letting the scenes speak for themselves. The Spirit is silent, but Scrooge understands what it’s telling him, asking questions and paraphrasing the messages he receives as the Spirit guides him through the scenes. And although the Spirit’s appearance is terrifying, that’s not the part that ultimately chills Scrooge to the core; instead, the future that awaits Scrooge (and Tiny Tim), should he continue down his path of cruelty and greed, is what prompts Scrooge to tearfully beg for forgiveness and a chance to prove that he can make things right.

Then, in Mickey’s Christmas Carol, the basic bones of the tale are there: an imposing, silent, hooded figure shows Scrooge glimpses of his possible future. But before this third act is over, the Spirit reveals its face and speaks: it’s not just a Spirit, but Pete. Nasty, mean, cigar-smoking Peg-Leg Pete. And he dumps Scrooge into his own grave to be consumed by flames until he awakens from his dream. Certainly, Scrooge has been shaken by the visions of an awful future, but he’s also been sent to hell by a mean, angry cat. Ultimately, this takes away from the big message of the Spirit of Christmas Yet to Come’s chapter: that we should change because we choose to, not because we’ve been scared into it.

Second, the sharing of Tiny Tim’s fate. In both the Muppet version and in Disney’s version, the audience and Scrooge have both been told that, if things don’t change, Tiny Tim’s going to die. Now that we’re being shown the future, Scrooge needs to go and check on the Crachit family, to see if this loss has come to pass.

In the Muppet Version, Scrooge approaches the home with relieved excitement, remembering the home of his employee as the warm and happy one he’d caught a glimpse of thanks to the Spirit of Christmas Present. However, Scrooge notices the silence of the house, and instantly knows something has changed. He peeks into the window and watches as Mrs. Crachit cries as she cooks Christmas dinner. Then, he learns that indeed, Tim has passed away. We watch the grieving family convene for dinner, and talk of loss; although they try to encourage each other, it’s clear that the loss of Tim has cut them so deep, they might never truly recover.

The fact that someone can watch this entire emotional scene performed by the Muppets and, somehow, not lose any suspension of disbelief, speaks of the incredible talent involved in the making of this scene; the puppeteers, the voice actors, the editors, the filmographers. 

In comparison, the scene we get in Disney’s version is short, and stiff. What we get is a panning view of a graveyard, and a closeup of Mickey Mouse crying while holding onto Tiny Tim’s crutch, before he sets it against the boy’s gravestone. The audience watches Mickey Mouse cry over his dead son before the movie continues.

It sounds sad when said aloud, but watching it happen doesn’t carry much emotion. It just feels awkward, almost forced. It feels like the people who decided that Mickey Mouse should be Bob Crachit finally had the consequences of their actions catch up to them, and they suddenly realized what they were going to have to put the company’s mascot through… and then they had no idea how to do it. The entire scene feels haphazard and strange; it’s upsetting to watch, but not in the way it should be. Instead of being sad about Tiny Tim, I’m just bummed they made me watch Mickey Mouse cry like that.

And here’s the thing: neither of these scenes have been performed by human actors. One has been played by puppets, the other has been animated. The fact that the Muppets, who, in order to show emotion have to move their head a certain way or have the felt of their faces scrunched, do a better job performing the scene than the one that is animated, in which people could make the characters make any face they wanted, speaks volumes.

Perhaps it’s because, while Kermit will always be Kermit, and Mickey will always be Mickey, it all draws back to the fact that the Muppets are actors. Kermit has played so many other roles in other Muppet movies. But Mickey Mouse? He’s almost always Mickey Mouse. Using him in a different role is difficult when he’s never been anything other than himself.

...

I’ve spent some time trying to think how to wrap up this ridiculous essay I chose to write for fun, because while this isn’t an assignment and doesn’t require a conclusion, it also feels wrong to just end it there. I suppose I can say again, that the Muppet Christmas Carol is my very favorite Christmas movie, and I love watching it over and over again. I love it so much that I’ve literally written an essay explaining why it’s good. And it’s not like I hate Mickey’s Christmas Carol; I grew up watching that movie just as much as the Muppet one. It’s just that… the Muppet version hits different, you feel me? The story moves in a different way, treats humor differently, and even treats the audience differently. I’m by no means an expert on film, and I certainly don’t expect everyone to agree with my opinions about this movie. In the end, these are just two child-targeted adaptations of a classic Christmas tale, and I’m just an ADHD girl who got way too invested in a passing thought. The different feelings evoked in me by the two different movies about the same story fascinated me, and I decided I’d try to analyze them and share my thoughts. If you made it this far, thanks for reading!

#the muppets #the muppet christmas carol #disney #mickey's christmas carol #a christmas carol #in this essay i will #essay writing #if i told you i worked on this for around a year would you judge me? yes? okay then i won't tell you. #my personal opinions btw!!! agree or don't agree idc i just was hit with the need to exercise my argument writing muscles

[twistedtummies2]

Top 12 Portrayals of Jacob Marley

The last two characters I’ve covered in this little marathon were the two most important human characters Scrooge encounters in “A Christmas Carol.” Of course, not all of the major characters can exactly qualify as “human” any longer. Enter Jacob Marley: Scrooge’s former friend and business partner, and the first of the phantoms he encounters in the story. While Fred and Bob Cratchit stand as opposing foils to Scrooge, Marley is something different: just like the words he utters, he, himself, acts as a warning to Ebenezer of what his ill behavior could lead to. Through Marley (and the other Tormented Spirits Scrooge sees), not only does Dickens create arguably the scariest and most unsettling scene in the original book, but he also conjures up a karmic punishment so ingenious, Lucifer himself should really take notes! Here we have a man who is forever doomed to wander around, forced to see hardship and suffering and realize he is truly no different from any other human soul. He can do nothing to help, only reflect on his mistakes, his guilt, and his inability to make amends and atone for his crimes, however direct or indirect they might have been. The only “comfort” he has are the very material objects he hoarded in his lifetime, lashed about him to ironically provide even more agony, with every link of the chains that strap them to his form acting as a reminder of a sin he can no longer redeem himself for. As harrowing as Marley’s scene is, there’s also a good deal of humor to it, given the very surreality of the whole scenario and Scrooge’s snappish personality. There’s also a hint of something deeper and sadder under it; in the book, at least, it’s revealed that Marley himself is the one who arranges the whole debacle and manages to get this whole story to get underway, and he does it because he wants to give his friend a sporting chance to escape. It’s not clear if Marley, himself, will get anything out of this, but he tries his best to help Ebenezer, which shows a great change in his character, and helps to sell the message of the story: it’s really never too late to change. It CAN, however, be too late to do anything about it if you don’t shape up in time. Redemption and forgiveness are two sides of the same coin, and Marley is a prime example of that: he sees the error of his ways, but it no longer matters. That is the tragedy of the whole situation. This is yet another character I’ve played, and I’d love the chance to do so again. (Annoying as the costume requirements may be.) With so many versions of the Carol, Marley has been played a lot of different ways: some make him more frightening, others more human, and some even make him a more comical figure. All of them are fairly solid and viable options, if handled right. With that said, here are My Top 12 Favorite Portrayals of Jacob Marley!

12. Mr. Slate, from A Flintstones Christmas Carol. (Here the character is referred to as "Jacob Marbley." Because rock puns. :P )

11. Goofy, from Mickey’s Christmas Carol. (He ranks low only because it’s so weird imagining Goofy “robbing from widows and swindling the poor.” Like…something there doesn’t sound right. Unless this is Jack Kinney’s Goofy, maybe. :P )

10. Basil Rathbone, from Shower of Stars: A Christmas Carol.

9. Ed Asner, from A Christmas Carol (1997).

8. Statler & Waldorf, from The Muppet Christmas Carol. (Here they make up the duo "Jacob and Robert Marley.")

7. Jason Alexander, from A Christmas Carol: The Musical (2004). (A lot of people seem to dislike this take on Marley, but I personally love it.)

6. Everett Sloane, from the Campbell Playhouse Radio Production (1939). (For these entries, I'm not including images of the cast in a Carol costume, because...well...they're from a RADIO production. Just wanna make that clear. XD)

5. Frank Finlay, from A Christmas Carol (1984).

4. Royal Dano, from Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol.

3. Alec Guinness, from Scrooge (1970). (“Use the Force, Scrooge!”)

2. Bernard Lloyd, from A Christmas Carol (1999).

1. Sir Michael Hordern, from Scrooge (1951) AND A Christmas Carol (1971).

#list #countdown #best #favorites #top 12 #actors #acting #portrayals #literature #charles dickens #a christmas carol #scrooge #jacob marley #marley's ghost #movies #film #tv #animation #radio #musicals #christmas

[istumpysk]

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

ADWD: The Iron Suitor (Victarion I) [Chapter 56]

My little dumbbell! 🥰

Nine-and-ninety ships had left the Stepstones in three proud fleets, with orders to join up again off the southern tip of the Isle of Cedars. Forty-five had now arrived on the far side of the world. Twenty-two of Victarion's own had straggled in, by threes and fours, sometimes alone; fourteen of Ralf the Limper's; only nine of those that had sailed with Red Ralf Stonehouse. Red Ralf himself was amongst the missing. To their number the fleet had added nine new prizes taken on the seas, so the sum was fifty-four … but the captured ships were cogs and fishing boats, merchantmen and slavers, not warships. In battle, they would be poor substitutes for the lost ships of the Iron Fleet.

So we can all be on the same page, our champion with the missing fleet is here:

So close! You're doing amazing, sweetie.

+.+.+

"Storms," Ralf the Limper had muttered when he came crawling to Victarion. "Three big storms, and foul winds between. Red winds out of Valyria that smelled of ash and brimstone, and black winds that drove us toward that blighted shore. This voyage was cursed from the first. The Crow's Eye fears you, my lord, why else send you so far away? He does not mean for us to return."

It's always three storms.

Not sure I agree with Ralf the Limper's conclusion, but I do question why Euron has sent Victarion to do this. Gave up that fancy horn and everything.

+.+.+

Victarion had thought the same when he met the first storm a day out of Old Volantis. The gods hate kinslayers, he brooded, elsewise Euron Crow's Eye would have died a dozen deaths by my hand. 

Here we go again.

Wait until Vicky hears R'hllor loves kinslayers.

+.+.+

"More ships will come. The storms are done for now. I will have my fleet."

A monkey on the mast above howled derision, almost as if it could taste his frustration. Filthy, noisy beast. He could send a man up after it, but the monkeys seemed to like that game and had proved themselves more agile than his crew. The howls rang in his ears, though, and made the throbbing in his hand seem worse.

The monkeys remind me of Statler and Waldorf.

+.+.+

Would that we had the Damphair with us, or some other priest. Victarion had made sacrifice before setting sail, and again in the Stepstones when he split the fleet in three, but perhaps he had said the wrong prayers. That, or the Drowned God has no power here. More and more, he had come to fear that they had sailed too far, into strange seas where even the gods were queer … but such doubts he confided only to his dusky woman, who had no tongue to repeat them.

+.+.+

"Aye. And ten days might mean ten ships, or none at all. We have squandered too many days waiting on the sight of sails. Our victory will be that much the sweeter if we win it with a smaller fleet." And I must needs reach the dragon queen before the Volantenes.

Do you see how heroic he is?

+.+.+

In Volantis he had seen the galleys taking on provisions. The whole city had seemed drunk. Sailors and soldiers and tinkers had been observed dancing in the streets with nobles and fat merchants, and in every inn and winesink cups were being raised to the new triarchs. All the talk had been of the gold and gems and slaves that would flood into Volantis once the dragon queen was dead. One day of such reports was all that Victarion Greyjoy could stomach; he paid the gold price for food and water, though it shamed him, and took his ships back out to sea.

Do you see what a feminist ally he is?

+.+.+

If the Storm God spared them, by now they could be in the Gulf of Grief. Three hundred ships, perhaps as many as five hundred. Their allies were already off Meereen: Yunkishmen and Astapors, men from New Ghis and Qarth and Tolos and the Storm God knew where else, even Meereen's own warships, the ones that fled the city before its fall. Against all that, Victarion had four-and-fifty. Three-and-fifty, less the Shark.

Do you see how fearless he is?

+.+.+

The Crow's Eye had sailed halfway across the world, reaving and plundering from Qarth to Tall Trees Town, calling at unholy ports beyond where only madmen went. Euron had even braved the Smoking Sea and lived to tell of it. And that with only one ship. If he can mock the gods, so can I.

*cough* bullshit *cough*

A smile played across Euron's blue lips. "I am the storm, my lord. The first storm, and the last. I have taken the Silence on longer voyages than this, and ones far more hazardous. Have you forgotten? I have sailed the Smoking Sea and seen Valyria."

Every man there knew that the Doom still ruled Valyria. The very sea there boiled and smoked, and the land was overrun with demons. It was said that any sailor who so much as glimpsed the fiery mountains of Valyria rising above the waves would soon die a dreadful death, yet the Crow's Eye had been there, and returned.

"Have you?" the Reader asked, so softly.

Euron's blue smile vanished. "Reader," he said into the quiet, "you would do well to keep your nose in your books." - The Reaver, AFFC

+.+.+

"Is it still to be Meereen?"

"Where else? The dragon queen awaits me in Meereen." The fairest woman in the world if my brother could be believed. Her hair is silver-gold, her eyes are amethysts.

Was it too much to hope that for once Euron had told it true? Perhaps. Like as not, the girl would prove to be some pock-faced slattern with teats slapping against her knees, her "dragons" no more than tattooed lizards from the swamps of Sothoryos. 

Correction. Her hair was silver-gold.

I hope Vicky likes the buzzcut look.

+.+.+

The Isle of Cedars. Where were these cedars? Drowned four hundred years ago, it seemed. Victarion had gone ashore a dozen times, hunting fresh meat, and had yet to see a cedar.

Even in the midst of their own doom, Valyria found a way to kill all the trees.

+.+.+

The Isle of Monkeys, that's what they should call it. There were pigs as well: the biggest, blackest boars that any of the ironborn had ever seen and plenty of squealing piglets in the brush, bold creatures that had no fear of man. They were learning, though. The larders of the Iron Fleet were filling up with smoked hams, salted pork, and bacon.

You know who loves boar? Drogon.

Look at all the treats his new step-dad is bringing him!

+.+.+

The monkeys, though … the monkeys were a plague. Victarion had forbidden his men to bring any of the demonic creatures aboard ship, yet somehow half his fleet was now infested with them, even his own Iron Victory. He could see some now, swinging from spar to spar and ship to ship. Would that I had a crossbow.

Crossbow? I'd love to believe these monkeys represent Tyrion.

+.+.+

The last time Victarion had spent a night ashore, his dreams had been dark and disturbing and when he woke his mouth was full of blood. The maester said he had bitten his own tongue in his sleep, but he took it for a sign from the Drowned God, a warning that if he lingered here too long, he would choke on his own blood.

Was it a wolf dream?

I don't think it will be blood that you choke on.

+.+.+

On the day the Doom came to Valyria, it was said, a wall of water three hundred feet high had descended on the island, drowning hundreds of thousands of men, women, and children, leaving none to tell the tale but some fisherfolk who had been at sea and a handful of Velosi spearmen posted in a stout stone tower on the island's highest hill, who had seen the hills and valleys beneath them turn into a raging sea.

Volcanoes and a tsunamis?

Mother Earth had enough of Valyrians.

+.+.+

So many drowned men, the Drowned God will be strong there, Victarion had thought when he chose the island for the three parts of his fleet to join up again. He was no priest, though. What if he had gotten it backwards? Perhaps the Drowned God had destroyed the island in his wroth. His brother Aeron might have known, but the Damphair was back on the Iron Islands, preaching against the Crow's Eye and his rule. 

+.+.+

As he eased himself into his chair, she took a soft damp cloth from the basin and laid it across his brow. "Good," he said. "Good. And now the hand."

The dusky woman made no reply. Euron had sliced her tongue out before giving her to him. Victarion did not doubt that the Crow's Eye had bedded her as well. That was his brother's way. Euron's gifts are poisoned, the captain had reminded himself the day the dusky woman came aboard. I want none of his leavings. He had decided then that he would slit her throat and toss her in the sea, a blood sacrifice to the Drowned God. Somehow, though, he had never quite gotten around to it.

Do you see how merciful he is?

+.+.+

Victarion could talk to the dusky woman. She never attempted to talk back. 

Ser Ilyn made no reply. The perfect companion for a long ride. I will enjoy his conversation. - Jaime III, AFFC

Lol.

+.+.+

The larger, heavier, slower ships made for Lys, to sell the captives taken on the Shields, the women and children of Lord Hewett's Town and other islands, along with such men who decided they would sooner yield than die. Victarion had only contempt for such weaklings. Even so, the selling left a foul taste in his mouth. Taking a man as thrall or a woman as a salt wife, that was right and proper, but men were not goats or fowl to be bought and sold for gold. He was glad to leave the selling to Ralf the Limper, who would use the coin to load his big ships with provisions for the long slow middle passage east.

It's like they're soulmates! ❤️

There's a lot of minor characters in Lys right now. Lynesse Hightower is in Lys, Humfrey Hightower is going to Lys to hire sellsails, Edric Storm is hiding in Lys, and I'm probably forgetting others.

+.+.+

"the only way to do this is to take the slavers unawares, as once I did at Lannisport. Sweep in from the sea and smash them, then take the girl and race for home before the Volantenes descend upon us." Victarion was no craven, but no more was he a fool; he could not defeat three hundred ships with fifty-four. "She'll be my wife, and you will be her maid." A maid without a tongue could never let slip any secrets.

Damn, it's like he already knows Daenerys. It's fate. ❤️

Of course the little birds would say otherwise (if they could).

+.+.+

Maesters had their uses, but Victarion had nothing but contempt for this Kerwin. With his smooth pink cheeks, soft hands, and brown curls, he looked more girlish than most girls. When first he came aboard the Iron Victory, he had a smirky little smile too, but one night off the Stepstones he had smiled at the wrong man, and Burton Humble had knocked out four of his teeth. Not long after that Kerwin had come creeping to the captain to complain that four of the crew had dragged him belowdecks and used him as a woman. "Here is how you put an end to that," Victarion had told him, slamming a dagger down on the table between them. Kerwin took the blade—too afraid to refuse it, the captain judged—but he had never used it.

Do you see how he empowers people to stand up to their bullies?

+.+.+

They had talked of this before. "If you take my hand, I will kill you. But first I will tie you over the rail and make the crew a gift of your arse. Get on with it."

"There will be pain."

"Always." Life is pain, you fool. There is no joy but in the Drowned God's watery halls. "Do it."

Soon, Vicky. Soon.

+.+.+

The boy—it was hard to think of one so soft and pink as a man—laid the edge of the dagger across the captain's palm and slashed. The pus that burst forth was thick and yellow as sour milk. The dusky woman wrinkled her nose at the smell, the maester gagged, and even Victarion himself felt his stomach churn. "Cut deeper. Get it all. Show me the blood."

Maester Kerwin pressed the dagger deep. This time it hurt, but blood welled up as well as pus, blood so dark that it looked black in the lantern light.

Eerily similar to something else.

A foul, sweet smell rose from the wound, so thick it almost choked her. The leaves were crusted with blood and pus, Drogo's breast black and glistening with corruption.

"No," Dany whispered as tears ran down her cheeks. "No, please, gods hear me, no."

Khal Drogo thrashed, fighting some unseen enemy. Black blood ran slow and thick from his open wound.

"Your khal is good as dead, Princess." - Daenerys VIII, AGOT

+.+.+

By the time he finished, the clean water in his basin had become a scummy soup. The sight alone would sicken any man. "Take that filth and go." Victarion nodded at the dusky woman. "She can bind me up."

[...]

Victarion remembered the fight as if it had been yesterday. His shield had been in shards, hanging useless from his arm, so when Serry's longsword came flashing down he had reached up and caught it. The stripling had been stronger than he looked; his blade bit through the lobstered steel of the captain's gauntlet and the padded glove beneath into the meat of his palm. A scratch from a little kitten, Victarion told himself afterward. He had washed the cut, poured some boiled vinegar over it, bound it up, and thought little more of it, trusting that the pain would fade and the hand heal itself in time.

Instead the wound had festered, until Victarion began to wonder whether Serry's blade had been poisoned. Why else would the cut refuse to heal? The thought made him rage. No true man killed with poison. At Moat Cailin the bog devils had loosed poisoned arrows at his men, but that was to be expected from such degraded creatures. Serry had been a knight, highborn. Poison was for cravens, women, and Dornishmen.

"If not Serry, who?" he asked the dusky woman. "Could that mouse of a maester be doing this? Maesters know spells and other tricks. He might be using one to poison me, hoping I will let him cut my hand off." The more he thought on it, the more likely it seemed. "The Crow's Eye gave him to me, wretched creature that he is." 

He's paranoid like her too! ❤️

Many people believe the dusky woman is sabotaging his recovery. I don't think anyone poisoned him, I prefer the author illustrate men like Victarion and Khal Drogo aren't as invincible as they think.

I apologize for calling her dusky woman, I don't know how to work around this.

+.+.+

"If this is his revenge, he wrongs me. It was Euron who insisted he be taken, to keep him from making mischief with his birds." His brother had given him three cages of ravens too, so Kerwin could send back word of their voyaging, but Victarion had forbidden him to loose them. Let the Crow's Eye stew and wonder.

A flight from Slaver's Bay to the Shield Islands? Can a raven even do that?

People assume Euron is watching him some other way. How exactly? The fandom seriously overpowers Euron Greyjoy.

+.+.+

Longwater Pyke came pounding at the cabin door to tell him that the captain of Grief had come aboard with a prisoner. "Says he's brought us a wizard, Captain. Says he fished him from the sea."

"A wizard?" Could the Drowned God have sent a gift to him, here on the far side of the world?

Wrong god.

+.+.+

His brother Aeron would have known, but Aeron had seen the majesty of the Drowned God's watery halls below the sea before being returned to life. Victarion had a healthy fear of his god, as all men should, but put his faith in steel. 

He says this like he isn't one of the most god-fearing men in the story.

+.+.+

"Lord Captain," he said when Victarion appeared, "this is Moqorro. A gift to us from the Drowned God."

The wizard was a monster of a man, as tall as Victarion himself and twice as wide, with a belly like a boulder and a tangle of bone-white hair that grew about his face like a lion's mane. His skin was black. Not the nut brown of the Summer Islanders on their swan ships, nor the red-brown of the Dothraki horselords, nor the charcoal-and-earth color of the dusky woman's skin, but black. Blacker than coal, blacker than jet, blacker than a raven's wing. Burned, Victarion thought, like a man who has been roasted in the flames until his flesh chars and crisps and falls smoking from his bones. The fires that had charred him still danced across his cheeks and forehead, where his eyes peered out from amongst a mask of frozen flames. Slave tattoos, the captain knew. Marks of evil.

Making Victarion Greyjoy vehemently opposed to slavery is maybe the funniest thing George R. R. Martin has ever done.

What's so beautiful about it is that only a minor group of people get the joke.

+.+.+

"A demon priest," said Wulfe One-Ear. He spat.

"Might be his robes caught fire, so he jumped overboard to put them out," suggested Longwater Pyke, to general laughter. Even the monkeys were amused. They chattered overhead, and one flung down a handful of his own shit to spatter on the boards.

Victarion Greyjoy mistrusted laughter. The sound of it always left him with the uneasy feeling that he was the butt of some jape he did not understand. Euron Crow's Eye had oft made mock of him when they were boys. So had Aeron, before he had become the Damphair. Their mockery oft came disguised as praise, and sometimes Victarion had not even realized he was being mocked. Not until he heard the laughter.

+.+.+

"A storm." Moqorro crossed his arms against his chest. He did not appear frightened, though all around him men were calling for his death. Even the monkeys did not seem to like this wizard. They leapt from line to line overhead, screaming.

A bunch of monkeys are smarter than Stannis Baratheon.

+.+.+

Victarion was uncertain. He came out of the sea. Why would the Drowned God cast him up unless he meant for us to find him? His brother Euron had his pet wizards. Perhaps the Drowned God meant for Victarion to have one too.

Do you see how analytical he is?

+.+.+

"Why do you say this man is a wizard?" he asked the Vole. "I see only a ragged red priest."

"I thought the same, lord Captain … but he knows things. He knew that we made for Slaver's Bay before any man could tell him, and he knew you would be here, off this island." The small man hesitated. "Lord Captain, he told me … he told me you would surely die unless we brought him to you."

"That I would die?" Victarion snorted. Cut his throat and throw him in the sea, he was about to say, until a throb of pain in his bad hand went stabbing up his arm almost to the elbow, the agony so intense that his words turned to bile in his throat. He stumbled and seized the rail to keep from falling.

Surely die? Meaning ... death is inevitable?

+.+.+

"The sorcerer's cursed the captain," a voice said.

Other men took up the cry. "Cut his throat! Kill him before he calls his demons down on us!" Longwater Pyke was the first to draw his dirk. "NO!" Victarion bellowed. "Stand back! All of you. Pyke, put up your steel. Vole, back to your ship. Humble, take the wizard to my cabin. The rest of you, about your duties." For half a heartbeat he was not certain they would obey. They stood about muttering, half with blades to hand, each looking to the others for resolve. Monkey shit rained down around them all, splat splat splat.

This is perfect.

+.+.+

As he opened the door to the captain's cabin, the dusky woman turned toward him, silent and smiling … but when she saw the red priest at his side her lips drew back from her teeth, and she hisssssed in sudden fury, like a snake. 

How much do I love the thought of Moqorro serving Daenerys? Please author, I don't ask for much.

+.+.+

Victarion gave her the back of his good hand and knocked her to the deck. "Be quiet, woman. Wine for both of us."

Do you see how he doesn't allow religious intolerance?

(This is how a Daenerys Targaryen fan interprets the text.)

+.+.+

He turned to the black man. "Did the Vole speak true? You saw my death?"

"That, and more."

"Where? When? Will I die in battle?" His good hand opened and closed. "If you lie to me, I will split your head open like a melon and let the monkeys eat your brains."

"Your death is with us now, my lord. Give me your hand."

With us now? Meaning ... death is in motion?

+.+.+

"I have seen you in the nightfires, Victarion Greyjoy. You come striding through the flames stern and fierce, your great axe dripping blood, blind to the tentacles that grasp you at wrist and neck and ankle, the black strings that make you dance."

"Dance?" Victarion bristled. "Your nightfires lie. I was not made for dancing, and I am no man's puppet." 

Striding through flames stern and fierce might be literal.

Moqorro insinuating Euron is still in control of Vicky.

+.+.+

"Even the smallest scratch can prove mortal, lord Captain, but if you will allow me, I will heal this. I will need a blade. Silver would be best, but iron will serve. A brazier as well. I must needs light a fire. There will be pain. Terrible pain, such as you have never known. But when we are done, your hand will be returned to you."

They are all the same, these magic men. The mouse warned me of pain as well. "I am ironborn, priest. I laugh at pain. You will have what you require … but if you fail, and my hand is not healed, I will cut your throat myself and give you to the sea."

Moqorro bowed, his dark eyes shining. "So be it."

Aww Daenerys sacrificed Mirri after she failed too! ❤️

+.+.+

The iron captain was not seen again that day, but as the hours passed the crew of his Iron Victory reported hearing the sound of wild laughter coming from the captain's cabin, laughter deep and dark and mad, and when Longwater Pyke and Wulfe One-Eye tried the cabin door they found it barred. Later singing was heard, a strange high wailing song in a tongue the maester said was High Valyrian. That was when the monkeys left the ship, screeching as they leapt into the water.

The monkeys have seen enough.

Question of the day:

Did Victarion just die, and come back to life through the power of R'hllor?

Welcome to the unVictarion theory!

He wondered if this was how his brother Aeron felt when the Drowned God spoke to him. He could almost hear the god's voice welling up from the depths of the sea. You shall serve me well, my captain, the waves seemed to say. It was for this I made you.

But he would feed the red god too, Moqorro's fire god. The arm the priest had healed was hideous to look upon, pork crackling from elbow to fingertips. Sometimes when Victarion closed his hand the skin would split and smoke, yet the arm was stronger than it had ever been. "Two gods are with me now," he told the dusky woman. "No foe can stand before two gods." Then he rolled her on her back and took her once again. - Victarion I, ADWD

The first thing that stands out is for a brief moment we no longer experience the story from Victarion's point of view. The text switches from third person limited to third person omniscient. I don't believe that's ever happened before.

Also strange, after this event Victarion's name will finally be used as his chapter head.

Something has shifted.

The Iron Captain

The Reaver

The Iron Suitor

Victarion

How about that horn?

Moqorro turned the hellhorn, examining the queer letters that crawled across a second of the golden bands. "Here it says, 'No mortal man shall sound me and live.'"

Bitterly Victarion brooded on the treachery of brothers. Euron's gifts are always poisoned. "The Crow's Eye swore this horn would bind dragons to my will. But how will that serve me if the price is death?"

"Your brother did not sound the horn himself. Nor must you." Moqorro pointed to the band of steel. "Here. 'Blood for fire, fire for blood.' Who blows the hellhorn matters not. The dragons will come to the horn's master. You must claim the horn. With blood." - Victarion I, ADWD

No mortal man shall sound the horn and live. Did Victarion uncover a cheat code?

Moqorro gives no indication that Victarion might already be dead, but Moqorro is not the most forthcoming individual.

How about that vision?

A corpse stood at the prow of a ship, eyes bright in his dead face, grey lips smiling sadly. - Daenerys IV, ACOK

I thought that was Aeron Dam-phair binded to the prow of Euron's ship. Could it actually be Victarion?

How about those parallels?

Mirri wasn't a servant of the red god, but like we saw above there are a few notable similarities between Khal Drogo's "revival" and whatever happened to Victarion.

the crew of his Iron Victory reported hearing the sound of wild laughter coming from the captain's cabin, laughter deep and dark and mad [...] Later singing was heard, a strange high wailing song in a tongue the maester said was High Valyrian.

x

The firelight made his black skin shine like polished onyx, and sometimes Victarion could swear that the flames tattooed on his face were dancing too, twisting and bending, melting into one another, their colors changing with every turn of the priest's head. - Victarion I, ADWD

↓

Once I begin to sing, no one must enter this tent. My song will wake powers old and dark. The dead will dance here this night. No living man must look on them. - Daenerys VIII, AGOT

x

Mirri Maz Duur's voice rose to a high, ululating wail that sent a shiver down Dany's back. Some of the Dothraki began to mutter and back away. The tent was aglow with the light of braziers within. Through the blood-spattered sandsilk, she glimpsed shadows moving.

Mirri Maz Duur was dancing, and not alone. - Daenerys VIII, AGOT

x

The Dothraki were shouting, Mirri Maz Duur wailing inside the tent like nothing human - Daenerys VIII, AGOT

How about the obvious?

Normal, mortal human beings don't walk around with charred godhands that smoke.

This is the type of sorcery we associate with Robert Strong, Coldhands, Lady Stoneheart, and Beric Dondarrion. They're all dead.

And lastly, we can't forget those amusing words.

What is dead may never die, but rises again, harder and stronger!

Is Vicky Godhand dead? Has he become a thrall of the red god?

I can't answer that question, but it's an amazing (hilarious) theory.

+.+.+

Come sunset, as the sea turned black as ink and the swollen sun tinted the sky a deep and bloody red, Victarion came back on deck. He was naked from the waist up, his left arm blood to the elbow. As his crew gathered, whispering and trading glances, he raised a charred and blackened hand. Wisps of dark smoke rose from his fingers as he pointed at the maester. "That one. Cut his throat and throw him in the sea, and the winds will favor us all the way to Meereen." Moqorro had seen that in his fires. He had seen the wench wed too, but what of it? She would not be the first woman Victarion Greyjoy had made a widow.

VICKY GODHAND RISE UP!

Go get your girl!

Final thoughts:

Have you ever noticed this is Vicky and Euron?

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#operation stumpy re-read #adwd #the iron suitor #victarion i

[moregraceful]

but consider: do you want to spend your time on someone who can't pass the waldorf and statler vibe check??

[in reference to the tags on this post]

that's my biggest fear tho right like!! my family across the board has historically maybe the worst taste in romantic partners to a person*, because their taste in romance involves summoning demons and/or they just don't realize they're gay, so if my parents were like "this guy sux" i'd just be like whatever your opinion became invalid two divorces ago. but if waldorf and statler (do not know their names)(do not know their story)(did not know they were gay until bunny met them) met some guy i was dating and said something like, this guy reminds me of ryan merkley, i'd literally have to break up with the guy that minute. like what if i really liked a guy and thought he was cool, and then waldorf was like wow, ryan merkley-coded. i'd never recover. i'd never trust myself to date again. disappointing waldorf and statler with my taste in men is scarier to me than introducing someone to my moms

*my sister's husband is excluded from this to be clear. the kasper morgraceful family's extended universe has one (1) good in-law. but i do have to note she had to literally leave the country to find him

#i cannot overstate how little i know about them too like #1. sths since the beginning of the cuda #2. sharks sths #3. cheesecake aficionados #4. in a queer relationship (this took me an entire season to figure out) #but the fear of not having a potential partner pass the waldorf and statler vibe check? i'd die #cage replies #tausendsorgen #LOOK AT ME RESPONDING TO ASKS...slowly....