#what also came up in convo was we both think it would be fun to add a phone in dol. smiles

[kylarsobsession]

i was talking with a friend about how we both really think dol could use more violence and like...the ideas we came up with...i wish i knew how to mod LOL but i REALLY think this could be implemented and work within the story

i think having the option for the PC to kill unnamed NPCs if they're close enough to a breaking point after going through so much would fit so good in the game. maybe just one or two in specific scenarios so it's not like you're a serial killer but it would add flavor to the PC.

like if you meet certain requirements during a noncon encounter with a random unnamed NPC you can get you the chance to kill them, maybe kyler gives you a knife for self defense and protection at some point, or you just find a brick on the ground or a pipe. but i feel it fits more for spur of the moment so those last two work better

and OBVIOUSLY afterwards you get like, + + + + trauma and stress

maybe different stats give a different reaction, high sadism makes it so it's less trauma and stress? if it's repeatable maybe it stops giving trauma or stress? but I feel having it repeat would get boring and lose the impact.

but I think different outcomes would work!

There's a realization with + + + + trauma and + + + stress for one outcome

a different one with the text "you finally feel safe." With just + + trauma and - stress

Maybe if you've had max/near max trauma and stress for a while you just get text that's something like "you knew something like this would happen." And that could either raise or lower trauma/stress I feel.

also! killing someone would DEFINITELY amp up the horror aspects of dol, with ivory wraith already giving you hallucinations in the library where the students that usually talk about whatever get ivory's glowing text and call you graverobber and thief, you could get them calling you murderer and that could lead into a scene where sydney asks if you're alright, because you look sick you could have nightmares of it, waking up with + stress and/or + trauma. or if you wake up screaming you could get + love + robin's confidence if they run in to check on you. or bailey running in to check on you and offering you their..own kind of comfort. which i will talk more about next! you could get scenes for some LIs/Named NPCs where they try to comfort you if you confide in them, and depending on your stats with them if they believe you and worry for you, or if they think you're just some murderer.

characters I think would work for telling you killed someone (in self defense) robin: prompted to tell them if they run in to your room after you scream due to the nightmare, i think depending on how high/low their confidence is they could be scared of you but still love you, or hold you and tell you that they'll protect you

eden: i think they would be proud of you for defending yourself, but still get mad because you could have gotten hurt or caught by someone (also theyd think it was hot. sorry.)

black wolf (wolfperson): similar to eden, i don't think they'd really get how much of a big deal it would be for you to have killed someone, but they're also proud that you're strong enough to protect yourself

kylar: they'd tell you they could have done it for you, you didn't need to dirty your hands with this, but it's ok. they'll help you. don't worry. (if kylar is stalking you when the encounter happens they could help you hide the body after, otherwise you get a + + crime, but with kylar with you no + crime happens, though you end up passing missing person posters with the person you killed and get + + stress) (also would think you were hot for it)

bailey: they're mean, rude, and sell you off if you're short money, but they do care about you, they always come running in the orphanage when you yell, if you have a nightmare they can come running in, seeing that no one is in your room they can tell you to shut up, but they see your face and this obviously isn't like other times you've had nightmares. your face is different. they reluctantly sit on the edge of your bed (or just reluctantly ask you what's wrong) and you get the chance to tell them what you did, and how it's haunting you and all you can think about. obviously bailey is in some deep shit with what they do, they've absolutely dealt with murder before. they know how it can affect someone. and now two different things could happen. they sigh and walk over to you (getting up from the bed if they sat down) give you an awkward half hug, or they could sigh and tell you that they'll give you an extra day or two to get some money for rent, but just this once.

whitney: when they're in a relationship with you, i really feel they could border on kyler if they were a little more unhinged, with how protective they can get of you (punching someone in the stomach and beating them up and stealing from the person that either has sex with you or just SAYS they'd have sex with you on halloween) but i don't think they've ever done something as serious as kill a person, so they'd think you were bullshitting for a minute, until they see how serious you are, they'd get worried about if someone saw you, if you'd get caught, call you a dumbass while hugging you (sorry im weak to sweet whitney)

pure sydney: they get scared but try to reassure that they're sure it'll be ok, it was for your protection. They'll pray for you. - - love corrupt sydney: still taken aback but doesn't lose any love, says something about how if protecting yourself gets you sent to hell they'll go down with you

AND! i think the PC should be allowed to choke out NPCs during noncon encounters, if they manage to gain control of the situation.

depending on if this is before or after you killed someone the text could change

If you haven't killed anyone, you naturally stop once they pass out. but if you have you keep going until it's a force stop and you get + + trauma + + stress

#talking doll #degrees of lewdity #dol #robin the orphan #eden the hunter #black wolf the alpha #kylar the loner #bailey the caretaker #whitney the bully #sydney the fallen #anyways i think the PC should just simply be allowed to hurt people. #they've been hurt so much. they have so much anger in them. #what also came up in convo was we both think it would be fun to add a phone in dol. smiles #kylar sending u pictures of ur window <3 #avery paypaling u per nude #38 missed calls from bailey asking where the hell u are LOL

[ironunderstands]

Here’s my comparison of Acheron, Aventurine and Ratio that I made in 2.1 which I forgot to upload here lol, I would like you to know my thoughts then because OH BOY HAS THIS AGED WELL

Aventurine, Acheron, Ratio and what the Nihility means to them

(Inspired by a convo I had with @aoxizu on Tumblr!)

The ending scene of the 2.1 update (the one featuring the black hole) is perhaps one of my favorite in all of fiction. I genuinely adore the way it was done and what it says about both the characters and life itself. This game has THEMES and by god did they come through then. So, I want to go over why I love it so much, and why it’s such a vital moment for Acheron, Aventurine and Ratios characters.

First, some context. Prior to Aventurine’s and Acheron’s conversation, Aventurine was taking the riskiest gamble of his life. Prior to the confrontation between him, Acheron and the Astral Express, Aventurine set up a plan to try and get to the secret at the heart of Penacony, as well as provide a ruse for Topaz and Jade to do, well whatever they planned on doing, the ending scene says they came there to “harvest”, so in 2.2 I assume we will find out what exactly that entails.

In order for this plan to work, Aventurine needed his cornerstone and to trick Sunday, so pre-2.0 he went to Dr. Ratio to include him in this plan, and set up a fake betrayal to fool Sunday and allow him to keep the Aventurine stone, with the Jade and Topaz stones also being acquired pre-Penacony. We know this because of Aventurine’s conversation with Topaz post 1.4 Belabog mission in which he requests her help in Penacony, something which we didn’t get confirmation on whether or not she accepted until 2.1, in which it’s revealed that one of the Cornerstones in the box is Topaz, meaning when they got confiscated in 2.0 she had already accepted his offer (we can assume a similar situation for Jade). 

Essentially, everything had been going according to plan for IPC (even if Aventurine was absolutely not having a fun time during it), Ratio even says as much, stating that the IPC is pleased to hear of his death sentence, so that part of the confrontation was already predetermined. This leaves Aventurine with one final gamble, hoping the Astral Express and Acheron take the bait, and that they will try and stop him from destroying the entire dreamscape, which if Acheron acts on it, he could entire the true dreamscape to find the truth, as only an emanator could break through the power of the harmony. 

Luckily for Aventurine, the gamble pays off and Aventurine does indeed draw her blade, both stopping him and sending them both into another plane entirely, it’s there in which one if my favorite scenes in fiction ever occurs. 

You see, even if Aventurine planned this all from the start, he hasn’t exactly been having a fun time while doing it. Being sentenced to death and then slowly hallucinating on Harmony sh1t until the manifestations of your past self and your present doubt and insecurities come to haunt you isn’t exactly fun for anyone, especially Aventurine. 1) Because his backstory is horrifically tragic and being faced with a reminder that you will never feel secure or valued or truly happy would be enough to erode away the psyche of anyone 2) A version of himself which claims to be his future, but is more like a personification of how much Aventurine doubts and hates himself. It’s even more telling that this isn’t the first time he has talked to this version of him, in fact it saved his life several times, meaning one of Aventurine’s driving motivations is his own self loathing. 

A trait that on the surface you don’t think he would have, Aventurine plays the role of the confident, unflappable gambler who always wins, when in reality his other hand is under the table, clutching his chips for dear life (something I quite literally paraphrased from the game). 

Therefore, going into this conversation, Aventurine is more relieved than anything, yet another one of his gambles paid off, but now he will have to see how to go from there, and that’s when Acheron’s advice comes in. She’s not stupid, and immediately recognizes that he won (or at least got what she wanted), and that killing him is meaningless, it’s not his time yet. However, what Aventurine is really focused on is the fact that out of all the emanators he could have come across, the one he faces now is an emanator of nihility.

And well, in the face of overwhelming nihility, one’s own value comes into question yet again, and that’s something Aventurine doesn’t even need the aeon for to ask. So, he talks to Acheron, as IX isn’t exactly going to answer, but she might know. Now, I’m just going to lay out the dialogue (then explain it obviously) because it’s genuinely amazing. 

Aventurine starts out by asking Acheron if she is an emanator of nihility, and I find her response to be really interesting. She doesn’t view herself as someone chosen by IX, as nihilism (the feeling of meaningless) envelops everyone equally, but she has simply walked in their shadow longer, tainted on the feeling. This leads Aventurine to question if this is the end, as if life has lost all meaning, in the face of overwhelming nihility, would that mean he’s dead?

Luckily Acheron immediately disagrees, stating that this is merely a manifestation of IX, not the end (he’s not dead guys idk how anyone can think that). However Aventurine still questions if his death has been determined, but Acheron doesn’t promise it. She mulls over his plan and and Aventurine asks her why she thinks he did it, and Acheron believes it was to find a secret deeper than the dream “deaths: the Real Penacony. He wonders how she found out, and Acheron says it’s the trailblazer’s identity which allowed her (and Aventurine) to come to this conclusion (we don’t yet know how this happened for either of them yet, but 2.2 should give answers).

They continue, Aventurine reveals that he believes the barrier the family built using the power of the harmony was not just to keep death out but the nightmare that is the real dreamscape. That the Memory Zone is simply a vast island built atop a violent ocean with the barrier keeping whatever nightmarish secrets from washing ashore. In order to break through this barrier and find the real dreamscape, which is why he kept killing himself earlier in the dream, but to no  avail. When Sparkle gave him the hint, he realized it was referring to Firefly, someone who had seen the other side and survived it, even if she was unable to let others know if it. It wasn’t proof of the families wrongdoing, but it was suspicious enough for him to try and get Acheron to kill him, rather than try and find the Meme to recreate Firefly’s death. 

Acheron points out just how insane this plan was, that if he hadn’t gotten lucky and crossed path with her, it wouldn’t have succeeded. Then, she commends him for playing it perfectly, pitting her perfectly against him and creating a plan that would be beneficial for the IPC no matter what happened, as even if he dies that would be great leverage. However, Aventurine disagrees with that last point, he truly can’t guarantee the IPCs success or even his own survival, that if she hadn’t drawn her blade it would have all be pointless. 

She’s doesn’t let him continue along this line of thought, what-ifs are pointless and he earned his ticket to the dreamscape. What matters now is what happens next, and Acheron asks him if he can return from the abyss (Childe reference?), but more importantly, she questioned if he has ever wavered, as even a gamble as seemingly insane as the one Aventurine just did seems to have not shaken him (from her POV, we know how terrified Aven was but everyone else minus maybe Ratio does). 

Aventurine tells her perhaps the most fundamental aspect of his character; he gambles simply because he has no other choice, betting on everything because he has nothing else to lose. Acheron tells him to wake up from this “dream” (aka find the true dreamscape), and she presumably goes to leave.

However (and this is my favorite part of the scene), he asks her one more question before she leaves, thinking she might know the answer as a pathstrider of nihility, “Why are we born in this world if it’s just to die?”

Her response is the best possible way you could answer this question. Acheron is an emanator of nihility, but she doesn’t think life is meaningless. The feeling of emptiness and pointlessness envelops everyone equally and that’s exactly why the nihility is pointless. It doesn’t matter that nothing matters, and we aren’t born into this world just to die. 

Aventurine still worries though, after all if the dice of fate will always roll to the same conclusion, then destiny is predetermined, so why struggle? Why does it matter?

Her answer again is not one he would expect, but one that absolutely makes sense. Acheron says the answer has been with Aventurine throughout his entire life and journey on Penacony, and that he’s already somewhat realized it. Aventurine said himself that sleep is a rehearsal of death, but people aren’t ready to welcome death, which is why they sleep to get a taste of it. Sleep is much like death, a realm of unreality in which anything might be possible within the dreams that define its existence. Death itself is an unreality, and nobody truly knows what it’s like to die, but dreams are the closest we might ever get before the end. Like Acheron says, in a way, dreams are just a preparation for death, a practice before it can be welcomed. 

However, much like how dreams can contain anything, even if we cannot choose to experience them or not, life itself is full of choices, regardless of if the ending is determined or not. Acheron understands that there are an infinite amount of things people cannot change before the end, but there are choices you can make up until it. Death is inevitable, but the life you live before it isn’t. This is what the words in red mean, both here and in my opinion, in general. 

Acheron reminds the trailblazer to make the right choice when time comes for it, in our first meeting with her. However, I don’t think the path we choose matters, but rather the the fact that we chose at all. Now the next paragraph will include a minor discussion of 2.2 leaks, so skip to the next slide if you don’t want to hear it. 

Sunday is getting a bossfight in 2.2, and it’s highly theorized that he works/believes in Ena the Order, especially because it looks like it’s their hand he’s touching in that one animation of the bossfight. Now here’s the thing, Order as a concept Chooses For You. I think the trailblazer making a decision is the thing that will save them and the rest of the gang, as within the face of an entity defined by limiting choice and free will, choosing to well, choose will save them (us?) and perhaps be the thing that gets the trailblazer acknowledged by the Harmony, a concept greater than Order. 

Anyways, after she says that, Acheron leaves Aventurine, saying the answer to his question was from his friend.

And Aventurine pulls out the vial from Dr. Ratio

The vial telling him that the only impossible thing in the dreamscape is dormancy (meaning the secrets from before are destined to rise and destroy the “island” that is Penacony.

The vial telling him to stay alive and wishing him the best of luck, which in the Chinese version is: 

Ratio answered both of Aventurine’s questions. The physical one, the one that pertains to Aventurines goals in Penacony, informing him of a vital aspect of the dreamscape that will help him win his gamble. But more importantly, he also answered Aventurine’s emotional one. What is the point of living? There is no real deeper meaning but to stay alive, survive and keep on living, because at the end of the day, that’s the only choice Aventurine can make, and that’s the one Ratio wants him to make.

Ratio Gives Aventurine A Reason To Live. 

Aventurine says that he has nothing left, his family is gone and he has nobody and nothing to fall back on which is why he gambles. But Acheron proves him wrong, he isn’t alone, she calls Ratio his “friend”, says that he’s the solution to his doubt. Someone caring about Aventurine is what saves his life, he walks into the massive black hole unafraid not because he holds some secret power or technique or trick, but because someone cares about him, and that someone taught him that caring about himself is enough. Aventurine didn’t need the power of an emanator to survive the true dreamscape, he only needed a friend, and the will to keep going that he realized from them. 

This is the true meaning of nihility, not that  Aventurine says that he has nothing left, his family is gone and he has nobody and nothing to fall back on which is why he gambles. But Acheron proves him wrong, he isn’t alone, she calls Ratio his “friend”, says that he’s the solution to his doubt. Someone caring about Aventurine is what saves his life, he walks into the massive black hole unafraid not because he holds some secret power or technique or trick, but because someone cares about him, and that someone taught him that caring about himself is enough. Aventurine didn’t need the power of an emanator to survive the true dreamscape, he only needed a friend, and the will to keep going that he realized from them. the universe is meaningless, but that regardless of if it has one or not, it doesn’t matter. It’s this realization that saves Acheron from losing herself like other emanators, it’s this realization that allows Aventurine to cross the event horizon of that manifestation of IX, and it’s this realization that I believe is why Dr. Ratio was never acknowledged by Nous: he was already treading the path of nihility without even realizing it. 

Now this is where my conversation with @aoxizu comes in, and I’m just gonna paste directly what they said because I think it’s amazing and everyone should read it, more importantly it’s what inspired this slideshow in the first place.

Ratio tells Aventurine to live despite everything because that’s the only thing he can do. It doesn’t matter how absurd life is, or how meaningless it all seems, choose to live anyways, because all you have are choices, and it doesn’t matter if they lead to some grand outcome or future or whatnot. To Ratio, life doesn’t, and shouldn’t care about that. Existence doesn’t need to make sense to be worth it, and that’s a sentiment both me, the characters and the og poster share.

Acheron is a lot like Ratio, she chooses to live despite having discovered the meaninglessness of the universe. In an existence seemingly black and white she chooses to paint the world red with her choices, accepting its reality and choosing to forge her own path rather than succumb to the madness. That’s why she says in her trailer, “there is no other choice but to move forward” and that’s because there really is no other choice, the universe doesn’t have some grand plan for anyone and you can’t turn back time to change anything, so all you can do is move forward.

My contribution! I’ve already kinda started but I do want to talk about how Ratio could be treading the path of nihility, but I’ll let this amazing post finish.

So yeah, amazing post, and I don’t think I could reword what they said in a better way than they did. Bringing up the philosophical aspects of this scene makes me really happy because they are so prominent, but most people aren’t really aware enough to notice. Absurdism is one of the driving inspirations behind the dreamscape, and it’s nice to see someone else besides you (see: my slideshow about Penacony and its American influences for an elaboration on this) bring it up. Honestly I think that philosophy fits Ratio far better than any of the Ancient Greek stuff you try to slap on him. Sure he obviously has the inspirations, but he’s closer in spirit to philosophers from the 1700s to now than them, a reinterpretation of Greek scholars rather than a copy of them. 

And this is where my idea that Ratio is a pathstrider of nihility (and he doesn’t even know it yet) comes in. He doesn’t view knowledge in the same way that pathstriders of Erudition do; knowledge for knowledges sake has never been something Ratio has cared about. Knowledge means something to Ratio because it allows people to better themselves, not because it has some sort of inherent value. That’s why he’s so determined to spread it, he wants everyone to reach their fullest potential, and dedicates his life to doing so. Regardless of if the universe has meaning or not, that doesn’t mean people can’t try and live their best lives, and that’s the philosophy Ratio truly believes in.

Moreover, this is why it’s so meaningful that Ratio is the one to help Aventurine, he’s teaching him something Ratio himself learned long ago when he got rejected by the Genius Society. Despite all of Ratio’s intellect and qualifications, he will never be good enough for them because he simply doesn’t view knowledge in the way they do. But instead of this meaninglessness (nihility) consuming him, Ratio dedicated his life to doing what brought him meaning and validation rather than searching for some hidden answers from the universe (specifically Nous).

And it’s not like he just accepted it happily. Ratio still wants their acknowledgement, and it still hurt (and hurts) him a lot to not have it, which is why I think he unknowingly strides the path of nihility. To Ratio, his view on knowledge is simply how knowledge is, and the fact that Nous will never perceive it in that way because his philosophy is more nihilistic than it is erudite is something Ratio might never come to terms with. But that’s ok. The point is that it’s ok, Ratio doesn’t need to be acknowledged or to understand the truth of the universe to be happy or do well for himself. Our universe might mean nothing and yeah that can and will suck, but existence is more valuable than some grand cosmic plan, and even if you don’t realize it, choosing to live is enough.

Continually, this reminds me of the conversation Aventurine had with his hallucination self, in which he told real Aventurine that him and Ratio are very similar. In a way, they are, both struggling to find meaning in their lives, and Ratio helps Aventurine find meaning in his without really even knowing how. Sure the note was meant to keep Aventurine going, but Ratio caused Aventurine to come to a conclusion that probably won’t find Ratio for a while. He helped Aventurine overcome nihility without even knowing it, without Ratio even realizing that THAT is the thing he has been struggling with, and the path he has been walking the whole time.

I really hope we get to see Ratio again, and at the very least I want a story quest for him because I want to analyze his brain under a microscope. Him and Acheron need to meet asap I want more Ratio content idc if everyone else in the fandom hates him I love him and he’s my pookie bear and I will write 3039493494 things about him when it comes to me UGHHHH. Anyways I didn’t know how end this so this is the ending yaaayyy! I hope you liked it and if you have any thoughts let me know! 

_________________________________________

Og post over! That was a long ass read and past me was absolutely cooking up a storm, oh god did this age well and I was right about or close to right about a lot of shit haha. Anyways I really do hope you enjoyed reading this, and this will hopefully provide some needed context for my next posts on this subject. Also feel free to repost this onto other sites I’m very proud of it

#honkai star rail #hsr #Dr ratio #acheron #aventurine #penacony

[fabaceous]

Is there ever a hypothetical world where Jackie and Shauna’s situation is reversed (as in Shauna dies and Jackie makes it home)? And if so, how do you think Jackie would react and deal with it?

this is ANOTHER of my favorite cans of worms to open lately so THANK YOU for giving me an opportunity to talk about it!!

i was thinking about this mostly because i was thinking about how shauna's hallucinations of jackie provide us with such valuable information about shauna's thoughts/feelings/desires, how she thinks of jackie, how she thinks of herself (via jackie). hallucighost jackie i think sort of has two sides that are intertwined but serve different purposes - there's one side that's more straightforward and even sweet: it shows how shauna, in her grief and pain, wants to remember jackie (the fun, lighthearted moments; braiding her hair, joking about randy). the other side is more dark but gives us just as much if not more insight into shauna: she uses jackie as a mouthpiece for her own bad thoughts about herself. hallucighost jackie is the whip that shauna self-flagellates with. and she punishes herself, but she's also sort of repressing the fact that she even feels guilty (which maybe is why she needs jackie's "ghost" to guilt her, because she can't admit to herself that she feels guilty). and it all must hurt even more coming out of jackie's mouth - which, if you think about it, is probably why she does it (better fuel for her guilt complex).

ANYWAY, i digress (sort of). my point is, i've always wondered what we could learn from jackie hallucinating shauna. how would jackie want to remember shauna, but at the same time, how might the memory of shauna torture jackie?

if we do a simple swap and have shauna leave the cabin when jackie tells her to during their fight and then shauna freezes, that's one option. we get jackie feeling both immensely hurt by shauna's nearly inconceivable betrayal but, at the same time, feeling guilty for sending her out there. this could lead to some interesting hallucinated convos and, personally, i 100% think it could also lead to jackie doing shauna's makeup in the meat shed lmao. (and thats how you know they're made for each other!)

BUT ALSO. shauna's betrayal (i mean, combined with jackie losing her social status in the wilderness and having the other girls turn on her ofc) made jackie so depressed that she was unable to eat, and shauna dying on top of that would have the potential to completely destroy jackie's will to survive. it would be a big ask, at that point, to get jackie through to rescue. id say its pretty likely she dies of a broken heart, so to speak. like, just loses all her remaining will to live (because her will to live was literally hanging on by a thread and that thread was shauna). the only way i can imagine her surviving long enough to go home is if she has a complete and total break from reality and like, just sort of dissociates from the entire year-plus that follows. i think (? let me know if you agree bc this actually just came to me while writing this and im not sure if it holds up) that if the writers really sold it right, they could convince me that jackie basically goes catatonic and retreats into some fantasy world (one where shauna is around, of course!) for the rest of their time in the wilderness. not exactly the way shauna talked to jackie in the meat shed, because shauna knew she was hallucinating and was more or less able to walk away when she had other obligations. i think jackie would actually legitimately just lose her grip on reality, and succumbing to this would be the only way for her to survive. kind of like the bacchanal but about, like, everything.

the other scenario that occurred to me (and it's a pretty awful way for shauna to die and makes me really unhappy btw, so, sorry in advance) is what if shauna's abortion attempt had gone really, really wrong and she had gotten an infection and died from that? obviously jackie has no clue at this point about jeff/pregnancy/rutgers/etc so its pure unadulterated heartbreak. taissa could play a really interesting role in this situation as the only other person who knows this huge, earthshattering secret. would she keep it from jackie? i think that would be the prudent thing to do. losing shauna would already be almost too much for jackie to take, but she could maybe survive that by designating herself as the keeper of shauna's memory and she could probably convince herself she owes it to shauna to stay alive because if jackie dies then shauna is gone for good. but, as we've seen in canon, finding out that shauna betrayed her sends jackie into a really dark place where she doesnt have much will to live. i think she could plausibly survive with her sanity intact if one or the other happens (shauna betrays her OR shauna dies) but, as i discussed above, experiencing both would either break her sanity or effectively kill her.

and i suspect taissa is smart enough to realize this too, so if she wants to keep jackie alive she'll withhold this information (hide/burn the journals?) and let jackie cling to whatever romanticized image of shauna she comes up with. once they get back to the real world, who knows? taissa might tell her because she feels like jackie deserves the truth, jackie might read shauna's journals from before the crash in an attempt to feel close to her again and find out that way, or even jeff might tell her (worst case scenario IMO)... and im honestly not sure what jackie would do at that point, like, murder jeff maybe? (im joking but i actually am not sure how that whole situation would play out. maybe depression 2.0 but in the real world, but that's not as fun as murder.)

i haven't even said what i think jackie would hallucinate, so lets end with that. for shauna, it's primarily about self-flagellation and self-punishment, although it has some ability to soothe her as well, like when she imagines having fun with jackie.

for jackie i think its actually fairly simple: its obvious to all of us that what jackie wants most is shauna's authentic and full love, and my personal theory is that the main (and maybe even sole!) function of jackie's hallucinations would be escapism and wish-fulfillment, and imagining that shauna really did love her.

jackie doesn't have a self-destruction/guilt complex like shauna does. jackie, i think, would be able to just feel guilt in a more straightforward way. as well as anger! so in the scenario where shauna freezes after their fight, jackie would certainly be feeling a lot of guilt, but she doesn't need or want shauna to remind her, she could just apologize. and she's feeling a lot of anger, but she'd be able to say it to shauna's (hallucinated) face instead of putting it through some twisted alchemical process that turns it into something else. like, i think she actually does have a chance of getting closure in a way that shauna doesn't because shauna would never let herself get closure because then she'd have nothing left to fuel her guilt/self-destruction complex.

i think jackie would want closure for her immediate anger and guilt about shauna's death, and because she wants it, she'd be capable of getting it. but after that's dealt with (assuming she survives long enough to deal with it), or in a scenario where jackie doesn't know about shauna's betrayal/isn't responsible for her death, i really think (and i just made myself sooo miserable realizing this btw so you're welcome. or i'm sorry) that the thing that would cause jackie eternal and relentless pain for the rest of her life would be the immense regret and the feeling that she didn't love shauna enough, or didn't love her right. and her hallucinations of shauna would, by and large, simply be an outpouring of all the love she didn't get to show her in life (and imagining the reciprocation of that love that she always wished shauna would give her).

#can of worms: opened #worms: on the floor #are they good worms? you be the judge #also lol remember the ask about my thoughts on whether jackieshauna would ever be canon #that and this are two things that i have actually discussed extensively in the dms with rose @lottieurl recently #its kind of funny 😂 like u guys are asking THE most perfect questions #and they're things ive already been thinking about! #also hiding this reallllyyyy deep in the tags but #i may or may not be pondering exploring some of this through the medium of fanfic #will i ever actually turn it into anything publishable? who knwos #but its. percolating shall we say #RIGHT! well. this was fun! #ill end it here since this is already an ungodly amount of words #yellowjackets #yj asks

[gunsatthaphan]

🎆 🥂 𝐻𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓎 𝒩𝑒𝓌 𝒴𝑒𝒶𝓇!!! 🥂🎆

*cue piano music* another year is gone and I know no one asked for this but I wanted to take the opportunity to do a little recap and also give shoutouts to some lovely people 🥺  

It’s been a rollercoaster of a year, both for me personally and also regarding the content that came out. We got some amazing stuff but sadly there was also a lot of less amazing stuff and ultimately, the quantity > quality tendency dominated once again. 2022 was the year where I decided to take a few steps back in terms of my watchlist; I have come to the realization that the more stuff I watch, the more stressed I get - both regarding the pressure of always being up to date with everything, but also the pressure of creating content around said shows. Which might be a ridiculous thing to think but I usually have a feeling of insufficiency when it comes to my content. Which is why I put a few things on the backburner this year. Additionally I have also realized I’m not willing to put up with shows anymore that are not 100% to my satisfaction. Hate-watching is something I somewhat enjoyed before and admittedly there were a few shows that I watched despite not liking them (like unforgotten night or OMSN) which was mostly due to the amusement of making fun of them lmao. But I ended up finding a lot more joy in putting my whole focus on the few shows I genuinely enjoy, instead of watching an abundance of mediocre stuff on the side. Which was why the variety of content on my blog was a little limited this year. 

I took a 3 month trip to Thailand where, amongst other things, I emerged myself into the on-site fan culture and got to see a bunch of actors close-up and while that was an incredible experience, it made me realize how insanely commercialised this industry really is and how exhausting it must be for these people to always appear at these events with perfect smiles and what not. which was also part of the reason why I stepped back. I don’t want to make this sound overly dramatic but that was the vibe I got when I was there. oh and also don’t forget that time where I got shadowbanned from tumblr for almost 1 month and thought I would never get my blog back... good times 😬 

However despite all, I loved creating content for the things I was passionate about over the past year and I’m looking forward to making more in the next one!

I’m gonna post a personal top10 of the shows I watched this year shortly after this post goes up. Until then, I want to talk a bit about some of my favorite people this year - I’m not good with words lmao but thank you for being you and for making this hellsite a better place djkghdf 💜  

@leonpob - bestie 🥺💜💜 you know you’re one of my favorite people, I love talking to you every day and sharing our thoughts on shows and other things!!! You radiate so much comfort for me and I can’t wait to continue our talks in the new year!!! 😘 

@khunvegas - another year of collectively simping, trash-talking and screaming and I wouldn’t want it any other way jkdfhg. I cherish our unhinged and shameless conversations and I appreciate your non-judgy nature when it comes to unpopular opinions lmao. looking forward to another year of bl bants 🫡

@my-wandering-rabbit - you’re always sooo sweet and I absolutely loved talking to you this year!!! 💜 I appreciate your balanced opinions and your honesty and I'm looking forward to more chats in 2023!! 😊 

@odi-et-amo85 - I love our random convos lmao and I appreciate how nice you always are!! you’re so fun to talk to and I’m so glad we started chatting! 😙

@sleepypurplenote - ahh I love talking to you!!!! your messages are always so lively and fun lmao I love it!!!! 🥺 I love that we share so many opinions when it comes to BL stuff so thank you for being here!! 😘 

@laowen - We haven’t talked a ton this year but just know that I absolutely love you and your content!! on top of that you’re one of the nicest people I’ve met on here and I appreciate you and your blog so much!!! 💜 

@pharawee - we haven’t talked a lot yet either but your content is so amazing!!! I love your gifs and everything else that you do!!! keep up the amazing work and thank you for helping me with my giffing troubles! 🙈 

@bl-recs-and-reviews - my discord bestie 🥺 I absolutely love catching up with you and even though we don’t talk every day, it always feels like coming home when I talk to you 💜 let’s do that a lot more next year pleeasee!! 

@mrsandypants - ahhh you’re legit one of the sweetest and loveliest people I’ve met on here!!!! you’re so nice and fun and your asks are my favorites!! 💜 stay the way you are and please stop by my blog as much as possible 😄 

honorable mentions go out to these lovely people 💫

@10ways @offspring-of-calliope @jjungkookiess @fiftyshots​ @chainsawandronan@victooooorious @sillybiscuitshepherdskeleton @dollopheadsandclotpoles @theblbois @emisfritish @boun-prem @hecalledhimhyung @bengiyo @benkaaoi @clairificusrex @tumcialgun @vegaspetes @eaasysarcasm @german-bl-kpop-lover @patandpran @earthpodd @spine @tobeornottotc @ilajudica @zeejade88 @hunginggrapes @malec4everr @nanons @praninlovex @flukenatouch @dimension-eater @bfjeff @billkinspp @coldties @freensrcha @gooseras @guzhu-furen @jaehwany @jeffsatur @kaonoppakao @kimporchay @lakorns @liankuea @loveisactivated @machikeita @paisky @pranparakul @pranpats @prapais@patpran @seanwhites @seawherethesunsets @smittenskitten @sunsetandthemoon @tachinekoii @taeminnie @team-win @tehohaews @tirpse87 @wanderlust-in-my-soul @yibo-wang @ncppanut​ @ddreamzee​

thank you for making this fandom-year amazing with your content and just by being cute 🥺 happy 2023!!! 💓💋

xxx 

#Happy New Year #2022 recap #bl dramas #thai bl #personal #💜💜💜 #much love

[boobaloof]

Horizon Tag Game

Thank you for tagging me @nerd-artist! :)

1. Ride or die ship (Your otp):

Ereloy. When I first got my ps4 Horizon was one of the first games I ever played back in 2019 and MAN. The dynamic and stories that surround these two. They're polar opposites both in writing, origin and personality. Like many Ereloys I fell hard at the Two Minutes Convo™️ back in hzd when Aloy was all mission and no time to waste. Not only did she reassure Erend when he most needed it, but also promised him a bit more of her time than what little he had asked her for. (Also, the way Guerrilla team describes Erend in regards of his relationship with Aloy is just SUCH TEASING. They love their friendship as much as we do and the puppy mentions are my fave meal.)

Their relationship has developed like HELL in hfw and I'm so here for it. Their closeness and chemistry is out of this world, and to see Aloy be soft and smile with him makes me hope for more moments in HZ3 where she can have fun with him when we go to 🕯️The Claim🕯️. The care they have for eachother is more than evident, too, and all the special focus they both had in HFW still has me thinking they might be endgame in Hz3. I just can't escape them.

2. Most annoying ship: Hating a ship in public? In this economy??

3. Second favorite ship: Morlund and Abadund. Ray of sunshine and little rain cloud ship? Sign me the fuck up. Oh also Vanasha x Uthid. Delish.

4. Favourite platonic relationship: Erend and Varl, whatever Erend and Kotallo have going on, Aloy and Talanah, Beta and Erend, Zo and Aloy, ALOY AND BETA (Super exited for the possible 'Teaching Beta how to hunt' Aloy moment. Need more sisters bonding!)

5. Underrated ship: Morlund x Abadund.

6. Overrated ship: The Horizon fandom is kinda small tbh, so, none thus far.

7. One thing i would change in canon: Ugh. A lot. Kinda noticed that the horizon writing has been kinda lazy after hzd so that explains a lot. Varl’s death, the returning character's treatment in hfw, (Erend got written like a CLOWN in the base dialogue), Most of the Hfw DLC, the small amount of Beta and Aloy bonding in hfw, which made the whole 'sister' thing came outta the blue honestly, The Zeniths showing up too soon in the story for my liking, some writing, mostly.

8. Something canon did right: You know what? HZD. BEAUTIFUL introduction to the game's amazing world. The effort that came into creating every tribe is evident and each one of them has this gorgeous presence in the games. Then the worldbuilding, too. The amazing characters that were made (both main and minor), and to tie it off, the way everything comes together in a perfect symphony surely makes the Horizon universe be unique. The delicate balance of the world and its inhabitant's interactions with one another's makes the world so rich and gorgeous. Major kudos there.

9. A thing i'm proud of creating for the fandom PLEASE BRAG ABOUT YOURSELF I WANT TO SEE/READ YOUR ART: Well, I never thought I'd ever be able to draw digitally and let alone post it online to begin with, so it's been a ride for me. I've evolved a lot ever since my first drawing was posted here, and I'm more than grateful for everyone that has enjoyed the fruits of what I can offer.

The most difficult piece I've ever done and my favorite this far is the Evening at Hidden Ember piece. I have it printed in crappy paper and framed on my bookshelf. It was HELL for me to draw, but it makes it worth it even more because the outcome was lovely.

Also, my fics. NEVER would have imagined I'd be able to write anything in my second language, so yea.

10. A character who is perfect to me (Wouldn't change a thing): Beta is a gorgeous character. I love how different she is to both Elisabet and Aloy, and what it brings to the table. I'd love to see what she will become in hz3. She has this huge potential it'd be sad if she remained as Aloy's gal in the chair. Let her see the world!

Erend is nice, too. I know I mentioned the HFW writing, but the whole base thing can be overlooked when you compare it to the general writing of Erend.

I'm easily unimpressed with the hard, serious, tragic-past-having character trope that a post apocalyptic like horizon can create. It's most of Sony's male protagonists. It's gotten quite old for me.

So to see the kindness, fun, and emotional sensitivity Erend's character represents in Horizon is like drinking a huge glass of cold water after exiting the desert. Guerrilla played the "Crass and Loud male character" in on itself with Erend, which is something that can easily backfire if treated poorly, (hence why I hated the hfw base Erend writing reducing him to just, loud and crass and drunk. It was a gross character regression) but the way they did everything else? They aced Erend GORGEOUSLY.

To remain kind and gentle despite everything, specially in a world like horizon, is a feat, and I applaud that. (While also having a sharp bite, of course, and not making it the whole character's theme and personality.)

That's why his introduction in hzd is the way it is- That's why Erend looks the way he does. He is there to show that not everyone has to be what they seem. So when the heavily armored, loud, piercing having, mohawk and muttonchop wearing guy ended up not being an asshole I was quite happy. I breathed, because I' didn't want to see the basic ass hard guy narrative.

TL;DR I love my fucking bear and the free sister everyone gained in hfw.

11. The character I relate to the most and why:

Aloy. Not much of a social being tbh. Mostly everyone I've met here knows I suck ass at staying in touch or one-on-one chats (I do apreciate y'all though, even if I'm not good at showing it). Most comfy talking on public servers. Def.

12. Character(-s) i hate the most and why: Not many characters to actually hate, to be honest. The bad guys are just 'bad' for narrative purposes no matter how many horrible things they've done. Most characters in Horizon are so well made that I just can't hate them.

Maybe I could hate a character if they're poorly written, or if they represent a character archetype we've already seen in-game, but the hate is not inherently on the character itself, instead it's directed at the lost potential and lack of originality the character represents.

13. Something i've learned from the fandom: About the Horizon fandom itself, it's that it's very friendly and tight knit. Everyone here knows eachother, (specially the hzd oldies), so if any nonsense tries to take flight (Like the good ol' 'new fans trying to stir shit up in a generally peaceful fandom' or the famous Shipping Manifestos™️ explainig why MY ship better than YOUR ship, we can just laugh at the utter idiocy, block, and keep creating.

14. Three tags i seek out on ao3: Friends to lovers, Angst/Comfort, The unadulterated, pure, grade E smut, Modern AU, Coffee Shop AU, etc.

15. A song i strongly associate with my otp/favourite character:

Something about us (Daft Punk) for Ereloy. Much pining much yearning. Delicious.

Tagging anyone who'd like to participate! These are fun to read.

#Jesus fuck old reply PERDON #Anyway- #hfw #horizon forbidden west #hzd #horizon zero dawn #Beta #Aloy #Erend #fucking uhhhh #Horizon #Morlund #Abadund #Bab's other stuff

[needaccount]

Ghost Files Live - Clearwater

I went :) Various things made the situation kind of annoying for me but the actual show was super fun and I'm glad I went. So I just wanted to note what I can remember, mostly for my own records but also because I know other fans often like to hear about the events they can't attend.

So first, I guess they showed the episode but I missed half of it lmao. It was the final one of the season and it was very funny, but I truly think the audience atmosphere made it much funnier than it would otherwise be. After, the guys came out with Lizzie as the moderator.

- In reference to the ep, they had Shane act out a bidet (Shane Bidet, Ryan joked) and Ryan act out a "titilated KFC". While he was doing the KFC thing, Shane touched his shoulder and Ryan got creepy about it lmao. I think he was saying "Ooh you're touching me, the colonel likes that"?? - I can't remember how it came up but Shane said he does the show basically because he loves us, the audience, and also Ryan is his friend. Ryan was like "so you don't love me...because you said you love them-" and Shane joked how he's just a colleague/co-worker - Lizzie asked what ghost/spooky thing they would've liked to see outside the house they visited in the ep. Shane (I think) was like "let's say it at the same time" and they both said "GNOMES". Shane said he'd have liked to see them all stacked up on top of each other. I would love a compilation of all the times these two simultaneously gave the same answer to a question, just like this. Estes Method:

They did a little performance with the Estes thing. Apparently the theater we were in had a man die in it, so they tried to call out to him. Shane was the mouthpiece for the ghouls and Ryan was the asker - He asked the ghost to say his name and/or the name of the man who died. He was getting nothing after several tries, so used a new tactic - ask while pretending he doesn't care about the answer. He finally got a response, the name Logan (or Locan or smth). - He was asking Logan various things but what I remember is he asked what Logan thinks of the guy in the red light (Shane) to which "Logan" responded "love". So then Ryan asks what he thinks of Ryan - "lost" lmao. - At some point during the convo Shane/Logan says the name Elizabeth and Ryan was like whooaa and pointed to Lizzie who looked a little freaked out. I can't remember but I think at this point Shane/Logan mentioned food or doordash? So when it was over Lizzie said that maybe the ghost is mad they hadn't ordered dinner yet like they usually do lol. They had a portion where they showed evidence submitted by audience members and we voted for the best one. 1) A door opening on it's own after the submitter closed the door. The submitter was recording it cuz they were in the house with other friends who were all noticing the doors and lights opening/closing on their own. 2) The submitter referred to it as an orb but it looked more like a stream of smoke shooting through a hall and up the stairs on a cctv at some apartment. A figure appeared in the mirror as the stream moved. Even Shane was interested in this one. I and most of the audience thought this was very fun/interesting. 3) A picture of a guillotine at a location I'm forgetting (I think the ghoul boys had gone there once) with a green streak of light passing through where a body would fall. This was after the guide had pranked the tourists with the guillotine or something.

I honestly forgot most of the Q&A stuff...but it was fun.

#watcher #ghost files #ghost files live #shane madej #ryan bergara

[rikitachiquita]

come back... be here | ni-ki

✧ synopsis: working at a cafe can be really fun: the customers being nice, cracking jokes with your coworkers, singing while brewing coffee and so on. but it's even more fun when two members of the staff bicker and fight all day and keep everyone entertained. that's what  hybe cafe is like, thanks to ni-ki and y/n.

⋆10 my little chai tea sugar cookie (written 0.7k)

after a long day at work, y/n finally got to her house. she knew that everyone would already be there, and by everyone she meant her brother, yeonjun and beomgyu.

as she entered the door, as expected, she was welcomed by a bunch of screams, but the only one she could clearly distinguish was yeonjun's. the bly had some strong vocal cords.

beomgyu came running to her, using her body as a shield

"he is trying to put an end to my life y/n!" he screamed

that's when yeonjun came into the picture, armed with a pillow that was swinging around

"you stole my last strawberry gum!" the oldest screamed back while trying to get to beomgyu who was still hiding behind y/n

as y/n was about to tell the two menaces to calm down, soobin stumbled into the entry-way, with a dirty cloth draped on his shoulder and a pot in his hand

"THAT'S IT YOU GUYS ARE PAYING FOR MY MAC AND CHEESE"

the three boys started running one after the other, trying to get revenge in any way.

during these caos, soobin with his dirty pot, bumped into y/n, who still hadn't said a single word since she entered the house. and in that moment, the guys stopped and all that could be heard was silence

"if you don't give me mac and cheese right now and SHUT THE FUCK UP i'm going to kill every one of you" she said in a calm threatening tone.

and the three man did just that: they quickly and diligently stopped acting like little kids and prepared her food. they ate all together, the atmosphere now calm.

after dinner they decided to play just dance for a while. as expected y/n and yeonjun won, both only getting "mega star" level. y/n wasn't called the "mega star queen" for nothing.

after a pause, beogyu told y/n to follow him and they got to her room

"so" said the boy "do you have something to say"

"not really" she responded

"do you like ni-ki" he asked. he was very straightforward, fortunally for y/n who always would beat around the bush, to scared to say what was on her mind"

"i mean, he is funny sometimes and he is very beatuiful but i wouldn't say i like him, not in that way at least"

"and your tweet?"

"he was cute"

"sure"

"it's true! beside i think he hates me, kinda? i know that bickering is our thing and i really enjoy it cause it's fun but sometimes i feel like there's some truth to what he says"

"i don't think so, you should see his smile when he turns around after talking to you"

"nah, he hates me"

"whatever, i know i can't change your mind when you overthink, even if you are wrong" the boy said "and kai?"

"i don't actually like him, he is just a pretty person i would like to know" she explained " it's kind of a bit to myself and myself only"

"i knew it! he isn't really your type"

"who is my type then?" the girl asked, wanting to know how much her best friend knew her

"ni-ki"

in y/n's mind a big yellow sign with an exclamation point showed up.

"shut up, i'm going to sleep" she said

"good night my little chai tea sugar cookie with red sprinkles on top" beomgyu said

"taylor'a cookies?"

"exactly, we will make them tomorrow"

"good night to you too my little chai tea sugar cookie with red sprinkles on top"

soobin, having heard the last bits of their convo whispered "they are so weird"

and yeonjun to that reponded "you are just jealous that you are no one's little chai sugar cookie with sprinkles on top"

"sure"

"but you are my little french toast with maple syrup and a cappuccino in the side" the oldest said, giving a squeeze to the younger's cheek

prev - masterlist - next

✧ note: sorry for the long wait but i got sick two times in two weeks again

✦ ad time: also CHECK OUT LI AND I'S SIDE BLOG about enha if they were italian

and here is my FRUIT FICS

✧ taglist: open! ask to be added @juyomiao @bambangan @jungw0naftalina

#｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆ ray writes #☁︎ come back... be here ☁︎ #enhypen x reader #enhypen scenarios #enhypen smau #enhypen fic #enhypen social media au #enhypen fluff #ni-ki smau #ni-ki fluff #ni-ki scenarios #ni-ki x reader #enhypen #ni-ki

[inventedfangirling]

ONLY FRIENDS episode 9 (my beloved) thoughts

AHHHHHHHHHHHH THIS MUST BE FAR MY MOST FAV EPISODE OF THE SHOW.

yes top should have been called out for his actions the previous night, his manipulative takeover of mew's day out with his moms should not have been framed as a "cute" moment but for being the only guy feeding the mess this time around one cant ignore his contributions.

Ray fed the mess too but somehow his talk with Mew seems to have sorted that out between themselves a bit too sorted for the sorta mess im used to from this show...a bit too sorted than people would react when both sides did different wrongs to eo..i woulda been happier if we had gotten a mini meltdown from mew and then they got to talking it out but ig in such high emotion time no genuine conversation could happen...which is why eventho its a bit too smooth to be true im still glad we got that raymew convo...when they told eo i love you and then hugged it was SUCH a precious moment

but definitely not more than that kiss that ray planted on sand's cheek after they made love after that heart to heart they had. i am gonna ignore some weird death foreshadowing thats happening cos NO that is not happening to ray. NOT ON MY WATCH. i cant handle thinking he would lose his life so young so soon, despite his faults i adore the boy SO SUE ME and i definitely cannot handle another sobbing boy at a funeral. not even a year has passed i just CANNOT .

and definitely definitely not more than that absolute gem of a scene involving sand nick being cute besties having fun talking, trying something out, (WE GOT THAT SAND NICK KISSS) laughing about it and then deciding to cuddle and sleep like my gawd the aroace in me died went to heaven and came back i was THAT ecstatic about the whole thing. its definitely the best thing that this incredible show has given me. i will never not be grateful for it.

also shout out to my boy MARK. i know the character is nick and i LOVED him throughout the episode except that moment where he was listening to boston and that other dude getting it on, but he's so earnest and so genuine and sees the good in the worst its really tough not to like him, as boston realizes this episode...loved that boston nick hug in ep 10 teaser...but also wth is show gonna do in last 3 eps...i do NOT get what they could fill it up with unless some major twist happens and as long as its not a sandnickcheumrayaprilyo death i'd survive. but gawd back to what i was gonna say which is that i ADORE how mark has played his role. i love him to bits and i really REALLY want to see him do a show as THE main lead...he's got the looks and boy has he got the talent. COME ON GMMTV. GIVE US IT.

#only friends series #only friends the series #sandray #sandnick #raymew #thankyou pjojo #firstkhao are magic on screen but i dont need to say that especially like its a given by noe #LOVE IT ALL

[fallingsunflower]

My thoughts on Harry's break part 2/2

I want to share some of my thoughts that I've kept bottled up over the past couple of years but it seems pertinent to share them now.

For those who don't know - hi, I'm Sunny. I run this blog but I also have a background in psychology. I have 2 degrees, have worked in several schools and a psychiatric hospital, and have done extensive research in multiple areas of psychology that overlap with what I'm about to outline.

Celebrities aren't my area of expertise. This is just an educated opinion.

You can read my opinion on what Harry's been up to here. I outlined it like that because I wanted to show that Harry's been on the move for a reallllly long time. He keeps busy and busy and while although I think a break is necessary, I don't think it's as simple as that.

Love On Tour consisted of 2 eras - Fine Line and Harry's House - mashed into about 5 years. I think the emotional ending to Love On Tour was partially due to Harry finally saying goodbye to these eras. It was probably mentally exhausting for him to cope with that. In my opinion, the song he composed for the last show wasn't a goodbye song but rather a thank you song to express what words cannot (I often say Harry isn't very good at words). So I think he wanted to express himself via song to end a very good and emotional time in his life.

This was also only Harry's SECOND world tour. I know it felt like a lifetime but he only did Love On Tour and Live On Tour. So when he says it was the time of his life and he'll never forget it, that's because it was LITERALLY HIS SECOND SOLO TOUR. Both his tours were great but I'm sure this one was probably more enjoyable for him. He seemed to fall into a groove and grew in popularity and success. He was selling out stadiums and I think he realized he was creating something incredibly good - such as the good part of the fandom that came together like a family. I think he felt loved and appreciated.

Piggy-backing off of that into more of a psychological route, there's a lot that happens when an artist is on tour. They're surrounded by people 24/7. They have people telling them every day how much they love them. They are also doing something that they love to do. Harry specifically said performing is his favorite thing in the world to do.

So when the lights go down and the tour ends and the artist goes home, it's probably quiet. It's something we struggle to relate to. There are no more people around. There's no more of that extreme love. There's a pause in doing something really enjoyable.

I suspect it's depressing and maybe even a little bit scary. I don't think Harry likes being alone. I think he likes to be busy, even though I think a break will do him good. I just hope he has a good support system. A lot of artists struggle with the in-between time. I won't go into details but I've always worried a little bit about it.

With all that being said, I think it was just plain old emotionally hard for Harry to leave that stage. I think he longs to go back even though it was tiring because sometimes staying busy is better than being left alone to your own thoughts. So I think we're seeing a lot of that aftermath.

Now idk if Harry is going to be taking an extended break. He COULD be but I really just think it was an emotional end for him. I don't think he's retiring or will be gone for a suuuuper long time. I'm also not sure what his Marvel plans look like but I just can't see him putting music on the back burner. He said over and over on LOT that music is his favorite part of his job. Rumors of his retirement have been circulating for months.

This was a pretty long post to explain something but I think it's a complicated subject and people are taking it in multiple extremes. It's also hard to have a convo on Tumblr lmao I prefer in-person but obviously that's not possible (how fun would that be though LMAO)

#Youtube

[sleepy-achilles]

Protector x Sunshine x Grumpy Guard Dog

I'll make this a thing if it's the last thing I do.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't ask them how it started, they couldn't tell you.

It was supposed to be a one night stand after a taping of heartbreak hotel.

But Shawn got conflicted as he didn't want his relationship with Kevin and taker to be impacted by his dumb urges. He has a kid who's attached to them that he has to think about when making these decisions.

It infact makes their relationship stronger.

Taker and Kevin become more of a figure in John's life and shawn falls even harder for them both.

They work well. Kevin is the protector, he's able to protect both taker and shawn. Both are vulnerable and both struggle with that and yet he can help. He's also able to stand takers full strength whilst shawn can't.

Shawns the sunshine. He's able to ground both men and keep them calm. He's also able to rile them up if it benefits him. But he is a brat so it's expected from him.

Taker? Takers the grump guard dog who will hurt anyone who hurts his boys. You don't fuck with takers boys or his kids. Mess with him all you want, but not them.

Also, plus is, the family of destruction still works because the kids have always seen Kevin as a third dad, so yeah, Leon and cassie can still chill.

It's basically the same, John and Leon get teased for having three dads instead of two.

Taker is the firm dad, kevins the firm but fun dad and shawns the mama bear, he's the caring and most likely to freak out if something happens.

Anyways. Shawn is the cook, kevins the dish washer and taker puts them away. Takers the main driver, kevins the back up driver and shawns a passenger princess. Taker does DIY, shawn cannot and neither can Kevin.

Kevin and shawn love pda and takers a bit iffy about it.

Shawn loves nicknames and so does aba taker.

Kevin is quick to correct Shawn on any of his bullshit whilst taker will just store it away for a later, much kinkier, time.

Shawn is quick to scold Kevin and taker for ignoring medical advice despite them not allowing him too.

Taker is quick to put both of them in time out, because let's face it, Kevin and shawn are the class clowns. The shit stirrers, the troublemakers and well taker is the lockeroom leader so either way he has to put up with it.

Kevin leaves. And it does cause some problems at home. Cassies lucky she's not existing at this time.

Taker watches as it destroys Shawn. And when Shawn becomes a wreck the whole family falls apart. Taker understands both sides but for once, he has to be the protector. He has to ground Shawn and reassure Kevin its whats best. He has to promise John and Leon that Pops (idk if imma stick with pops or go with pater which is Latin for dad) isn't leaving them, that he will still come home to them, he's just moved companies for a reason that will benefit them more.

John and Leon understand a lot more than their parents think. But they help their father as much as they can with papa and how destroyed he's become.

Kevin, because we know his medical history, ends up becoming the stay at home dad eventually, so he does school runs and all that. He doesn't mind it, he enjoys it. A lot more than he thought he would.

Takers multiple deaths.

Interesting convo starter. Shawn is obviously always destroyed by them and Kevin? Kevin is aswell, but he always keeps a strong face on for his family because they need a rock.

It's important to note this isnt shawns relationship. Kevin and taker do love each other too.

Shawns back injury.

Not gonna lie, Kevin was angry at taker at first. Furious. But then when he came home he realised how bad Shawn had gotten with his drug problem. He knew it was probably for the best. And then he sees how badly taker is being on himself.

It becomes clear to him, its an accident. Its beating taker up. He sees how much Shawn forgives him. So Kevin apologies to taker and decides that they all need to heal.

That's the main, important points I can think of.

Yes I'm taking asks for them.

Yes I know I still have asks to answer but I got the world's hottest writers block so I'm trying new things rn.

#wwe #shawn michaels #the undertaker #wwf #hbtaker #undertaker x shawn michaels #shawn x undertaker #kevin nash #kevin nash x shawn michaels #kevin x shawn #the og husbands #kevin x shawn x taker #protector x sunshine x grumpy guard dog

[deusexmachinawitch]

Hii!! Can you talk about how to script for revision?? Thank you ❣️

Of course! I’ll talk about my experience when revising my Mom and my roommates since I’m still working on SP (mostly my self concept first so I can be as specific as possible) and what I did for each situation is different. You can see both the stories in my masterpost.

When it comes to my Mom, my script was more like a story-style first person book. I would remember the good things I enjoyed about my Mom when I was a child and before her mental illnesses suddenly coming up and wrote that up in a doc. I also thought about the traits that I felt somewhat jealous about when it came to the families of other people that I wanted for myself. I recognized that jealousy and flipped it around saying how everyone was jealous because my Mom was the way I wanted her to be and how I loved my relationship with my Mom. Describing the things we did, the things we enjoyed as in memories from seeing her whenever I visited her (even though I haven’t seen her in person for 8 years) in a first person narrative and then describing the conversations I had with her like I was already having them. I indulged in the feeling of how much fun I had with my Mom and how much I missed her but I turned the feelings of missing her old self of missing her because we live in different cities and thinking how much fun I have with her.

Suddenly, my Mom was revised in one night and my Mom is exactly how I want her to be. I have conversations with her normally without her being like before (she has BPD and schizophrenia, but hasn’t shown any things of that since the revision and it has been quite a time) and when she was even calm and open with me about her worries, I affirmed that my brother (who has also been the root cause of my rift with her) would move out and that my Mom would move out to her dream place because she was really afraid of her previous neighborhood because it was dangerous. In the end, one day my Mom was cleaning my brother’s room and found certain “grass paraphernalia” and kicked him out and when she went apartment hunting, she found a beautiful huge apartment in front of the beach for cheap and moved. All of this happened in just a week and everything has been pretty wonderful since then. I will eventually revise my brother but I know I hold resentment towards him still for disrespecting me and my mother’s illness so I’ll work on myself first then on my perception of him.

When it comes to small things like my roommates doing certain things, I made a custom server for myself on Discord where I write conversations with myself like telling a friend things like my roommates cleaning or not being mad because of gaming. Then I re-read the convo and make affirmations very short and easy to remember affirmations related to that and that usually works for me quite well.

The key is doing what feels natural to you. If what you write doesn’t feel right it’s because you either have to work on self concept or your assumption about the person or situation first or the writing technique isn’t the right one for you because it doesn’t feel natural to you. Have fun, be specific, this is writing a story, YOUR STORY. And after that just be very simple with your affirmations especially if you’re an anxious person or an overthinker. That way is easier to overwrite any intrusive thoughts. Identify what’s easier for you and work from that, if it’s not natural it won’t work. You’re the God of your reality, you don’t need to adapt yourself to the techniques your read, YOU are the one that adapts the technique because it’s YOUR reality and YOUR rules.

I don’t think it’s bad to overconsume as long you learn from reading to learn, adapt those teachings and apply. Go with a mentality of “Yes, I like how this sounds but I will adapt it to what feels natural to me because the law bends to what I want and feels natural to me”. Same goes for the feelings during manifestation, they should be natural. That’s why work on yourself first so it feels natural that good things chase you because you’re amazing and it would be natural people bend to match such a wonderful person and that good things happen to you because you’re a God and everything works in your favor. So it’s natural everything good happens to you and it’s not about lucky girl syndrome. You’re not lucky because you’re a God, it’s just natural everything good happens to you because you’re a God and you’re in charge of literally writing your own story and it’s not about luck that things will happen, it’s just natural things will happen.

Hope this is helpful!

(Also sorry if there’s anything weird in the formatting but the mobile version of Tumblr does weird things sometimes).

#anon #law of assumption #loa tumblr #manifestation #manifestation technique #loassblog #loassumption #scripting #revision

[goddess-aelin]

This is going to be such a long post but I feel like I need to get my thoughts out after the angsty ending from A Light in the Flame.

Overall Thoughts:

Umm I thought it was amazing. I know a lot of people were saying it was repetitive and I definitely get that but at the same time, I would literally read 600 pages of Nyktos and Sera eating breakfast so.... Anyway though, I loved the character journeys. I think good characters are what makes a good book and even if the rest is confusing and angsty, it's those character-driven moments that redeem it.

I've said it once and I'll say it again. This prequel series is so much better than FBAA. Not hating on FBAA but I just feel like Nyktos/Sera is so much more well-developed than any relationship in the main series. I love every single side character (yes, even you, Rhain, when you're being rude).

I was hooked from the beginning. How can you not be when it starts with the whole prophecy thing and continues from there with almost constant action. The first half was definitely repetitive, I can totally see that. But I also think that repetitive-ness helped to get the point across that Nyktos cares about Sera. Not the embers, but Sera. Even before they had any convo about forgiving her, I think his actions were speaking louder than words. Though it was a constant battle of "Sera, no." *Sera does the thing.* "How dare you not value your life. *Fucks* Ya know, the usual. Lol. Some of my new fave sera/ash scenes came from this book.

- I adored when he set up a bath for her and everything- it was such a sweet gesture.

-When he took her to the pool and literally just played and had fun, especially because he knew she missed her lake.

- The "I want to be your consort, Nyktos." and Nektas just laughing and knowing.

-The way they both are always stunned by each other. Like they do such sweet things and they are always, ALWAYS, surprised.

-The entire scene of Rhain asking her if she was in love with him and her not being able to answer because she had no idea what it felt like either.

-Her whole breakdown in the carriage because "Oh my gods, I might be in love with him!" Loved every minute of it.

- And then of course, him trying to get her to breathe and calm down when she was about to freak out over this.

-THE FOREHEAD KISS AT THE CORONATION WHERE EVERYONE CAN SEE AND HE DID IT JUST BECAUSE HE COULD. I die

-The sweet but angsty talk about Veses that they needed to have tbh.

**Nyktos is literally the ultimate book BF, I said what I said. It's honestly refreshing to see this 200+ y/o male character that has like no sexual experience whatsoever yet it doesn't demean him or negate him as weak. Love that for him.

Non romantic scenes that melted/broke my heart:

-Sera holding Jadis when she fell asleep and Jadis feeling comfortable enough to switch into human form.

-Reaver then getting the blanket for Jadis and just being a weird little kid. I love it.

-Jadis giving a kiss on the forehead to Sera before going to Kolis. Sera's gonna be such a good mom even if one of her children is a giant piece of shit.

-Ector trying to calm Sera down in the carriage and just talking to her.

- The friendships with Aios and Bele and pretty much everyone just finally forgiving Sera.

-Ugh going back to see Ezra! I needed more sister love tho tbh. They didn't even hug!

Now for the painful parts:

-Aios dying. Like wow. This 100% is number one. I was devastated when Sera saw Ector's decapitated head. But then she saw Aios' red hair and I literally almost threw my damn book. I'm so happy she's ok in the end but RIP Ector.

-When Sera saw Nyktos with Veses. I know we got an explanation for it in the end but I was incredibly stressed and about to unstan Nyktos. I hate cheating (even if that's not what it was) as a trope and tbh I hate miscommunication as a trope. So this entire part of the book was just devastating to me.

-Sera's reaction to the above. She was in love with him already, she just didn't know it. I felt her reaction so viscerally, though. I suppose that's a testament to JLA's writing in this book.

-Sera constantly being told that she's going to die and there's nothing that can be done. Just when they think there might be another way, nope it's just death again. I love that Nyktos is fighting so hard for her and I have some theories that I'll make another post for, but I do find it very ironic. The entire situation was Sera was meant to make Nyktos fall in love and then kill him. Oops except he can't love. And now instead, she's the one who fell in love and now he has to kill her to literally save the world. What a 180. A fabulously done 180 but a shocking one, nonetheless.

Another post will be coming about theories!

#alitf #a light in the flame #alitfspoilers #alitf spoilers #fbaa spoilers

[4lph4kidz]

(I have no idea if this sent twice, my laptop did a weird in the middle of it. Apologies if so)

Man, I feel like I get gaslit about Dirk every day. My main take is that Dirk's Big Two Most Memorable Conversations are the AR and Dave ones in LOTAK, and if you're thinking about those two conversations in a vacuum and nothing else with Dirk yeah, you're probably gonna go AR=Dirk=Bro and Dirk admits it, therefore Dirk=Ult!Dirk, but like. lol

and that the comic ENDS on the dave convo, and dirk never gets meaningfully challenged on his beliefs. jake is also crying in the corner that he's the worst and can't be trusted in relationships ever and should probably just go live in the mountains like a hermit forever, do i believe him? are we taking these as accurate self assessments, really? but because that's the tone the comic ends on........ that does feel like the end of their "arcs", those realisations. and that's what you tend to remember if you aren't trying to psychoanalyse those brats.

dirk and his splinters are like... staring at yourself in funhouse mirrors. that's you in the mirror, but it's not an accurate reflection. you still have that giant zit on your face though. it's not that big, but you might want to do something about it.

my favourite kanaya is bewildered kanaya on her first date with drunk rose. she was so gentle....

i lost my original response to this one so i think we're even anon, lmao

basically - i do agree with you, broadly speaking, about what kind of impression those scenes might leave people with, but that's not what i came away with at all. like, i like dirk's ending because it IS one of the better conclusions we get in homestuck, even if i think he's being way too harsh on himself ('i was a completely toxic element in his life from day one' is just objectively not a true statement no matter where you fall on the dirk/jake faildating debacle) i still take his fears about his worse capabilities seriously and really like the way those conversations go, because i think dirk being self-critical is pretty important to his arc and growth, despite his overly negative perspective on himself.

maybe it's cause i don't think he goes unchallenged after all - dave's presence in the scene has a lot to do with why i think it's ultimately a positive thing? yes dirk's fears about being a bad person are actually validated when he finds out yeah turns out he really COULD be that bad, but the person who was hurt most by all that is still very firm about not seeing them as the same person after all, and not holding him responsible for any of it. dave is able to find comfort in dirk being there, and dirk feels that maybe him hurting and being bad for people isn't an inevitability after all.

that said he is still overestimating himself/feeling like he needs to take responsibility for things he really shouldn't, and i fear that difficulty in changing that mindset may be the prince of heart's curse, but still. it's something that gets explored in enough depth for me to be more than happy with it as it is.

this is not the case with jake, who is not even slightly challenged on the conclusions he comes to... it's a shame but homestuck just did not have time during its concluding arcs to take his character seriously and attempt to resolve everything going on with him (in a self aware way, the comic pokes fun at itself for dropping the ball with him) and essentially reverts to the same old tactics/routine in order to press forward, while internalising all that negative shit about himself. that IS pointless, unconstructive self-hatred which is not meaningfully challenged. i still maintain jade and jake getting to talk about stuff wouldn't have wrapped up EVERYTHING, but it would have have provided a good deal better resolution for BOTH characters imo.

anyway either jake gets his resolution offscreen during act 7/the credits, or he gets no resolution at all... which i think is the version i prefer, weirdly. he's a character who has a really hard time facing up to problems so i do like the idea that it is going to take him a long time to work through all that stuff. ideally it happens when he's not in a story that (even jokingly) hates him.

and kanayaaaa TT_TT she is very sweet and gentle but that scene still kinda upsets me tbh. she's such a loving, romantic character who is so earnest about trying to be there for people and to see that go wrong in a way she can't really do anything about is so sad to me

#ask #anon #babbling #the dave and dirk convo was good where's the jade and jake equivalent please i would kill for that

[lettersfrombeyondthegrave]

I need to talk more about the scene hug scene of 5x11

Because they're both pissed about being basically back to square one

But Oz wants recognition, appreciation, he seeks it like we saw in season 3. “We saved this city from certain damnation, but will we see any credit for our loyalty, our selfless bravery? Of course not!”

Ed says "I don't want their thanks or their respect" but Oswald does. Ed wants attention and to have fun basically and doesn't give a fuck about anything else, 3x15, “The point wasn’t to kill a bunch of cops, it was you playing my game.” (it is also true Ed doesn't rlly kill people unless necessary or ppl that hurt him as he says to Jim in a previous episode)

Oswald is slightly different

3x16, Convo between Oz and Gabe "We all followed you out of fear" "Actually, I can live with that, fear and respect, management 101" "no one ever respected you" and he hates that

Oswald is emotional and in a way he cares about people. In his own way, that's for sure: he cares about what people think of him and how they see him, at least partially.

From the same convo "We all saw what you really are. A tiny freak who used to hold an umbrella" and that was hard enough to hear that he went in rage mode

Ed says here "You know what I felt, standing shoulder to shoulder with those people out there? Nothing."

Which is different from Oswald's confrontation with Jim at the pier in 5x12 "You and I stood shoulder to shoulder on those barricades, ready to die for this city. Six months later, you locked me up like an animal!"

And we also see the giant ego of Ed, going "They will bow, to the Riddler, and they won’t get up until I permit them to.” and before, how much he hates how he used to be, looking in the mirror, saying "Shy, awkward, pathetic Ed."

All of this seems an intricate obsessive way to prove himself he's worthy, to prove himself he's not weak. “All my life i felt like there’s someone inside me, stronger and smarter, that people would fear. No one else saw that.” 3x15, Ed and Lucius conversation. And don't get me even started on Lucius saying "Except Oswald" and Ed confirming cus this isn't about that.

Now you might be "Ed also cares about how people see him tho" and reference the various times his actions were described as mad, him as a psycho of some sort. But I feel like that's more about seeing him crazy and not a genius or whatever than actually caring about how ppl see him, it has more to do with his ego and so I think it's different from Oswald's perspective.

Now back to this scene. I also like how Oz says basically nothing for the whole speech Ed does, before starting and renting that people should have let him run things, because then the city would have been fine, he had this and that

And Ed half interrupts him, pointing a finger at him saying "Gordon took them. Why? because he still sees you as Fish Mooney’s umbrella boy, and he always will.” and Oz has this half realization, weakly saying "Yes". Because again, they both hate being seen as weak and prove the world wrong but Ed wants to prove that to himself more than the world.

Oz probably also has the insecurities of being weak, this and that, but I wonder if that's because how he sees himself or if these insecurities originated from the outside, from the way others sees him. Because with the way he was raised by his mother, I feel like he had this half of confidence and half of non confidence but being like "oh I'm a nobody? Oh I'm weak? Oh I'll fucking show you how weak I am, how useless I am, how much of a nobody i am" and I take this from also the line in season 1 "This nobody still out foxed you at every turn"

Like Idk I just feel like they have so much parallelism but at the same time so many differences

Back again to the scene. It's Ed who says "I only came back to help him save this city so I could take it for myself.”

Like ya with Oswald taking the city is basically always implied but the second man has a deeper connection with the city. And without even talking about Ed always having to be with someone. Because what he did with Lee is basically what he did in the mayor era, it's like he has this need of almost codependency and when he's not having that with someone what he does? Making people follow his games! Making them pawns in his game! Make a quiz show! Attention, attention and fun and games and riddles and nothing else if not searching for someone to be the new person he can attach himself to. And that leads me to believe that's the reason he stayed for Oz, without even talking ab romantic implications.

But I'm getting off the rails

So, Oswald is the one to propose to work together "We would be so strong together." Like when in a previous episode he went to Ed to escape from Gotham together “We’ve been through all of this before. I’ve tried to kill you. You’ve tried to kill me. But here we are in this room. Together. It means fate has different plans for us.”

And they think ab it for a second, Ed still looking in the mirror, he adjusts his jacket and does the smaller smirk I've ever seen and like, is it bc he's feeling confident? Is he think about working with Oswald?

And Oz takes the knife from his leg brake and hides it before talking about the pact.

And Ed already position his knife behind his back and when Oswald proposes a hug, the blade is out.

And at the start Ed's blade is up and he turns it down so that it's easier during the hug to stab Oz in the back

While Oswald's stays up.

And like from the start of the hug Oswald's eyes are tearish (or at least they're very lucid)

And it's like 0.2 seconds where they're both waiting, and Ed is in position to stabs him and his hand is barely shaking but he cannot do it and after this wait

Oz is so happy and hugs him tighter and I'm gonna cry pls and he has this small sighs out of relief and also he's not pointing the blade at Ed' back, so he's hugging him with both arms

And Ed hugs him tighter too mind you with just one arm and smiles and omg I cannot do this

And the embrace ends, Oswald's knife ends in his pocket and he says "Life beings anew"

And Ed smiles again even more and put his knife in the pocket AND THE WAY THEY LOOK IN EACH OTHER'S EYES, SMILING

so ya that's what I have to say for this scene

#long text #holy shit this is a papyrus i made #gotham #oswald cobblepot #edward nygma #nygmobblepot #ed nygma #riddlebird

[lost-in-azalea-forest]

hello bro!!!! giving you cereal, notes and walk for Asmo, Jiro and Asra!! feel free to change the f/o if you feel like writing about someone else! im just here wanting to read more stuff about you and Jiro hehe sending the best vibes your way!<3

oh, long post incoming

cereal - how different are your breakfasts? have you ever prepared breakfast for the other? is there something you would never accept for breakfast, even if it came from them?

Asmo: My S/I isn't actually the exchange student but they almost live with the demon brothers so we have often breakfast together, he definitely cares more about looks of food to make aesthetic photos, while i just want my coffee

Jiro: I'm a bit of a mess in the kitchen but I still feel like a biiiit of a big bro for Jiro so he is always welcome to crash my home for breakfast, whatever he asks for I will try and fail miserably to do

Asra: He makes such a great tea for REAL!! The best way to begin a day, and his cooking is great so I'm coming to visit you two quite often. It's also nice to make a card reading for the day in group :>

notes - whose writing is harder to read? who writes more by hand than digitally? do any of you rely on making lists or using post-its on a daily basis?

Asmo: he writes so much digitaly but whenever he writes by hand, his handwriting is beautiful, i feel like we would leave eachother some small notes to make each other's day

Jiro: he has an awful writing and as non native i have such a hard time reading it, i learn with time though; i was said my writing is very neat though

Asra: i like his handwriting, after all you can see it in the game! and we keep sending eachother postcards from any place we visit, i think it's cute

walk - what do you usually do when you spend time together? is there any place you especially like to hang out at? maybe somewhere that holds a deep meaning for both of you for some reason?

Asmo: shopping malls are such a cool place, we get to have fun trying out some clothes and choosing outfits for eachother as well as chill in cafés while exchanging some gossip and having meaningful convos, but tbh, having a spa day at his room is also a favorite of mine, depends on my energy levels

Jiro: i feel like if the day isnt going right for any of us it's high time we go hit arcade and playing together to our hearts' content, if i end up being really good i would let him win ksjskjs i think it would also be fun to play some basketball or soccer although im really physicaly weak xd im complaining about my old age to him while being 4 years older, yea (i think. math is ironically not my strongest suite)

Asra: to be honest, travel is the best 'place' for us to spend time together. i just love seeing new places and i'm sure he would make it extremly fun, besides i like to help him find gifts from travel for you ;3

#f/o #self ship #ask game #safeship #safeshipping #💄 #🎸 #🔮

[luminousbeings-crudematter]

u asked for more details 👀🫶 lmaoo dksjsksbsi im so embarrassed!! anyways- STOP THIS IS SO LONG IM SO SORRY UM UMM

so my friend from school invited me to her house for drinks & monopoly. im competitive, i needed to win- but we got so deep into our convos & kept forgetting whos turn it was so we gave up on the game. by this time im already feeling it hard, a handful of shots & only hot cheetos in my system 😭 ikik js im vegetarian & they only had pepperoni pizza-

at the start it was 5 of us, my school friend (G), her husband, her bsf (P) & another school friend + mee

her husband left for his night shift. the other school friend left home early. G + P were crossfaded cus they were smokin too. theres a balcony so while they smoke out there, i join them so i wont be alone inside. its winter for us, it got cold, i cuddled P on the bench & then kind of blacked out?? next thing i remember is seeing G showing us her boobs😭 & then we took turns showing them off & i was like jaja this is funnyy but i have to pee ,,going back inside i biffed it, falling on my face & P comes to help me but before i stand up, shes pouring more shots in my mouth. i black out again. next thing i remember is falling on my ass against the sink counter in the bathroom. the lights are off, i look up and see P & we were doing a fewwww thingss wink wink -black out again. next memory is being in the guest room, all 3 of us making out & i vividly remember being like yo is ur husband & ur bf gonna be okayy with thiiss..

& they both were like its ok cmon. & before i blacked out again, i remember thinking to myself jeje been horny for days cus of all those fanfics, i js knoooww simon would be impressed by how wet i am rn -FLEOWJWB 😭😭 i hate my brain. its ruined.

pls my hearts racing thinking back to it. It was my first time meeting P, what a goofy first impression. oh hey we have the same friend! lets jiggy in her guest bedroom!😟

G also said at one point she left cus her hubby got home & came back to P & I passed out. I woke up in the middle of the night & processed wtv memories i had, whispering to myself, “simon would be a lip biter” & THEN WHEN I WOKE UP I SAW I HAD BRUISES ON MY LIPS & P SAID SHES NO LIP BITTER BUT SUMN POSSESSED HER TO ??? also bruises on my knees & arm from when i kept tripping :)

that was saturday. on monday, G & i talked abt it in person 🧍‍♂️ she said she was curious which is why she engaged. she says she remembers it all, i wish i did. she still hasnt told her husband tho. oop- uh yuh but we’re all chill jeje. we all feel neutral about it. it was fun, i was mostly touch starved, P is open to wtv & G was curious 🤷‍♂️ wouldnt seek that out again w them but it was fun & what happened happened yk

bro. BRO.

I had to sit with this for a few days before I could answer. This is an adventure and a half. getting drunk (and high???) and thinking "simon would be a lip biter" while making out with someone?

anon you're a real one.

#anon ask #ask