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#went against myself
howifeltabouthim · 1 year
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I have broken every rule I ever set for myself. And now I am busy, so busy, day and night, ruining my life.
Catherine Lacey, from Biography of X
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littlemoonglow · 9 months
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Warning: Long post?
Jason did not expect his ghost form to feel…like this.
(Oh, dealing with his body randomly phasing through the ground and smacking his face onto hard concrete was not fun, but Jason dealt with that just like with every other hurdle in his life. By being more stubborn than the problem itself.)
It felt like something… settled into place. That was the best way he could describe it.
He felt as if spite and anger were finally not the only things keeping him awake and running. 
He felt calm, almost. Stable, at least. Whatever pent up energy that was stuck in his chest cavity now flowed freely throughout his body, redistributed, instinctually easier to manage.
It's almost like he could breathe a little bit easier.
(After much… ranting that Jason decided to ignore for his own sanity, Danny said that his case ectoplasmic corruption was probably due to the fact that Death, as a concept, doesn’t let go of things easily, time shenanigans notwithstanding.)
(Becoming a half-ghost was seemingly the only working compromise.)
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Danny once told him that broad strokes of a ghost’s personality could be guessed by looking at their physical appearance. 
Despite the cool powers, this was a slight downside. Jason dealing with the filth of the Earth meant that being to hide his emotions and who he is was kind of important. Life saving, even.
He realized later on that his ghost form was way too easy to read.
He looked at his arms covered in bandages, and got reminded of the amount of times he had to patch himself up in the last month.
His jacket was ripped in place he knew that would have been sewn together when he was a living breathing human (well, as much as he could be).
He always looked slightly on fire?
(Danny told him it's probably related to his... core?)
(He know he died in an explosion but really?)
And then, there was his… veil? Shroud? Cloak?
It looked really nice.
But on the other hand…
It drooped when he felt under the weather. It flicked and thrashed around when he’s either irritated or barely holding back his urge to headshot someone.
And—
(No Danny, my cloak was not fucking wagging when you brought me fresh ectoplasm last week, you’ll have to get your goddamn eyes checked—)
He'll deny it until the day he dies (a second time).
And then his cloak could sometimes just…grow bigger. He figured that it acted as an extension of his own body, and had a nice add-on of allowing him to sense things he couldn't see. Hell, he could even make a hand out of it (wacking Danny with it - gently - never gets old). Jason had to also admit it looked cool, with the wispy bits and with one of its sides becoming a bright yellow.
(It reminded him a bit of his time as Robin.)
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Being a ghost had a lotta perks.
Dealing with targets was so much easier when no one could see you. Inflitration was so much simpler when walls became optional. Cameras will glitch out when he's around, he left no traces visible to the naked eye and, combined with his training, to say that it was useful would be an understatement.
But, sometimes, he feels like he’s changing as well the more he transforms. Not drastically, but enough for him to look back and notice.
He usually was someone who prided on being efficient and straight to the point.
But now he’s starting to… have fun.
He started using his claws whenever he could. Don't het him wrong, he still uses his guns plenty, but there was just something deeply satisfying about vaulting over things, scaling a wall or crawling on the ceiling with bare hands. 
(Punching people is still the most satisfying by far, though.)
That one time hunting down the Joker wannabes was fun too.
(Danny said he’d get along great with Skulker? Did Jason want to find out? No.)
Fading in and out of invisibility, he picked them off one by one, watching as panic and dread slowly but surely creeped up on the remaining ones.
(After all, he has no respect for those trying to emulate the dead clown.)
(Yeah, the Joker was dead.)
(Surprisingly, that has not been a good day.)
One of the favorite things he liked to do was rooftop parkour. The… bendability of gravity is… fun, not gonna lie.
(Not flying though. Jason is used to having feet in regular contact with solid ground, thank you very much. No offense, Danny.)
But he gets why ghosts love to fly. When he’s jumping from rooftop to rooftop in Gotham in the at night, watching the city light fly by, cloak spread behind him, it’s as if nothing else matters. 
(No Joker, no petty criminals to beat up, no avoiding the Bats so they don’t find out about his existence—)
He can just enjoy, even just for a little bit.
(Somehow the Demon Brat and Orphan could sense him. Will keep and eyes on those two, and also the more reasons to avoid them.)
(The real problem was the new Bat in town. Bruce, what the fuck, another one? Again?)
(The yellow one, Signal. No time to check his profile yet, but probably a meta or something.)
(First night out and the guy almost managed to actually fucking see him —looked at him straight in the eyes and all, then did a double take. Jason never phased into the pavement so fast in his entire fucking life.)
(And so far no Bats on his cloak tails yet.)
(He did help the guy incognito, just a couple of times.) 
(And he also did steal his escrima sticks for fun, and once the guy went out looking for them, he’d put them right back where they were.)
(Turns out, he discovered later, that being a little shit runs in the ghost community.)
(Sometimes he also wonders what happened to Danny before they met.)
(He wasn't a Gothamite, that was obvious. He doesn’t pry, but it doesn’t take a lot to piece two and two together.)
(He just wonders who he has to kill this time.)
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(Jason could not believe he forgot and underestimated just how fucking persistent every single one of the Bats could be. Of course it had to run in the family.)
He gazed down, thought the agony, at the gaping wound under his right armpit.
(The Bats have been chasing him relentlessly for a while now. He got more injuries than he can count, especially from Bruce.)
(They know. Oh, they know.)
(It didn’t go well.)
(He knows the others are there surrounding him to prevent him from escaping, he knows that Dick is right behind him, but at the moment he couldn’t care less.)
It has been a long time since the last time he got shot.
(It felt like someone set his right side on fire.) 
What was flowing out in abundance was a neon, toxic green.
(The Pit Waters, ectoplasm, he didn’t even know that he could fucking bleed in ghost form—)
(Danny—)
He looked back up at Batman, holding a (frankly) ugly gun, white casing and highlights in the same shade of toxic green. 
(A gun that Danny warned him about. And everything behind it.)
Jason felt something in him... snap.
(Why did it have to be you, Bruce.) 
His mouth opened—
(waitsincewhenhecoulddothatthroughtthe mask—) 
(Jason could see the billows of neon green smoke—)
(He couldn’t see Bruce’s expression.)
(Every. Single. Goddamn. Time.)
— and wailed.
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I am genuinely delighted that my last post got that much attention! Thank you so much, to all who liked, rebblogged and commented, it really does mean the most. 💕
This AU may be continued? No guarantees, tho.
For those interested: Part 01
@fandomnerd103 @phoenixdemonqueen @satisfactionbroughtmeback @ascetic-orange @apointlessbox @bathildaburp @fisticuffsatapplebees @aisforanonymity @phandomhyperfixationblog @help-i-need-a-cool-username @hashtagdrivebywrites @did-i-miss-anyone-tagging-is-a-monk's-job-first-time-doing-this-aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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calmbigdipper · 3 months
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What you mean to me
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dulcewrites · 12 days
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I think the thing that shocks me the most about the discourse, if you can even call it that, around book Alicent vs show Alicent, is the idea that people think book Alicent had full autonomy over all her choices and she wasn’t a “victim” like show Alicent.
Now first, I put victim in quotations bc the way people who do not like her have almost bastardized that word. Alicent is a victim, and those things (rape, abuse, neglect) were done to her. That says everything about the men who did that do her and nothing about her. But people are hellbent on throwing Alicent, a woman in a violently patriarchal environment, being victimized back at people as if it is moral flaw of hers. Which is just terribly ironic bc the same folks who say Alicent “did it to herself” or “deserves what she is getting” also seem to think the crux of the story isn’t about generational trauma catching up with itself, how far people will go for power, or even how all girls and women are harmed - albeit to different degrees. But more the fact that Rhaenyra is the only woman to be harmed - and the only harm done is not getting the throne easily. Those same people wouldn’t be caught dead admitting that Rhaenyra is also a victim in the way they shit on Alicent for being. From the father who sets her up fail, to the baby daddy that’s been eyeing her since she was barely 18, to the uncle that grooms her. It takes away from the fantasy projected onto Rhaenyra if she too is surrounded by men that use her and she never escapes that.
Second, it’s funny how F&B gets heralded by some as this exploration of how history is skewed depending on who is telling it. But people can’t read between the lines (you honestly don’t even have to do that much work) with book Alicent. Showing 14 year old Alicent being preyed on, 16 year old Alicent being pregnant with her second child, and 18 year old Alicent being raped is somehow the show needlessly making Alicent a victim. But reading about a 13 year old bathing, dressing, and taking care of a king who mistakes her for the daughter he abused and neglected, and then that same girl, at 18, marrying another king that killed his previous child bride is just girl bossism on book Alicent’s part?
People hate conceptualizing the idea that (even book) Alicent is caught in patriarchal trappings bc to some that takes away from Rhaenyra’s plight…. Bc they can’t wrap their heads around several women *gasp* all going through hardships, and that ultimately people will respond to trauma differently depending on tools/knowledge they have at their disposal. Alicent neither being gleefully evil nor picking herself up by her bootstraps to somehow end years of patriarchal violence is not the neat box they want for her.
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lovesickeros · 5 months
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can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞
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☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina
[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]
× yelan
Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.
Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.
The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.
She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.
Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.
"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.
"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"
× ei
Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.
..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE
Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.
She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.
But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.
"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.
Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.
"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"
She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.
Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.
Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.
× furina
Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.
Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.
Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).
She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!
Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.
Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.
"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."
The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.
"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!
..Maybe a little.
"Just warn me next time, please?"
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agardenofideas · 3 months
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i hope sunny gets a villain arc if tubbo wont get one fully
like i need her to lash out at every single adult around her for not carring for her pa or her (looking at phil who offered to care for pomme and dapper when he wouldnt for sunny on tubbos Confirmed death), for no one taking her pa seriously, for taking things from them, from her pa until there was nothing left of him.
i need her to lash out at the adults for never seeing her pa hurting and thinking it wasnt serious, i need her to lash out in peoples faces how she had said they were worried for her pa and the adults just said hes like that or he'll get better and he didn't
i want her to lash out and reveal that tubbo said to her he felt more seen and cared about by a fed worker who was learning to have emotions than from any islander around
i want her to burn things, even if not a house and just a wood she placed down to set fire, i want her to do that, i want her to blow things up and lash out and be heard
cuz if being a good girl for her pa ends with them unheard and him dead then she will be heard now and once this thing called Creation gets her pa back to her, she is not letting him go
if any of the adults who didnt do anything to get him back cared for him in life and cared just a bit in death, they dont deserve to see her pa back again, he is sunny's and sunny's alone
i want sunny to spew vitrol and fire and to lash out at everyone, she deserves to go on a murderous rampage too as a treat
#qsmp sunny#tubbo#mostly as a mention#qsmp#look- she went through a lot#being from purgatory#isolated from most eggs and the ones she did meet most rejected her (ik tallulah said give more time- but as an ND myself- rejection)#it feels like rejection- anyways-#she tried so hard to make friends or get along and any time she did it just- failed so bad#sure chayanne and ramon like her lots and such and she has em and pepi- but-#out of all the eggs she could meet who were new to her- only 2 she knew liked her- out of 6 eggs only 2#(that she knew and it took a while to know too- as well as later meet more eggs that would like her too-)#and then her dad is on a depression spiral#and then he is taken from her against his will and on their final day before hes gone they get attacked#and then hes gone for *days*#he comes back and hes worse#no one takes this hurting seriously even when she reached out for fit but he just brushed it off or made light-#and then forever kidnapps the eggs to work and then dapper is taken and no one knows where#her dad gets a bit better btu then hes back to being bad#people keep messing with him too#and it just hurts in ways ya know#and then they are taken to prison#oh yea- and she had her mom as a corpse in her front yard basically#anyways- prison she finally meets her other dad after months of being on quesadilla#everyone presses button and then are in a library and the eggs are just on the prone bodies of their parents#(tubbo died in same position that he sleeps in)#(sunny deffinetly curled up in his dead arms as she did when he sleeps. hes just sleeping. please shes just sleeping and this is a dream)#i want her to finally go ape shit#she would still be kind but she would have no mercy or simpathy to give anymore#no one will trample on them anymore
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sysig · 7 months
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I can't remember if you've done any drawings for this before, sorry, but I have a requestober prompt! Vargas ladyverse snake charmer au? Or ladyverse dryder au Scri, I feel like the potential for pretty spiderweb clothes is high there. I would request both, but I want to respect the rules ^^ Thank you!!
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Day 27 - Skillfully spun sheer shawl
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spooky-activity · 6 months
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Animated this for my dnd group.
Audio is tom cardy's Perception Check
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n0bluev · 2 months
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+
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(eyes only 4 u)
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EDIT: HI IM IRRATIONALLY ANGRY AT THIS DRAWING HAVE SOME COLOUR BLORBSIFICATIONS
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rawliverandgoronspice · 2 months
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genuinely bewildered at how it's just g@merg@te again. like it's just exactly the same strategy, except now it's a cabal of dark and sinister narrative designers instead of "there are women near my games" but it's like the same fucking thing and I'm so tired honestly
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andy-clutterbuck · 1 year
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SDCC 2017
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mugentakeda · 4 months
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is it weird that jokes ab zukos """angst coma""" make me lowkey mad
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spaciebabie · 7 months
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i need 2 get worse about springtrap
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Is this cricket enough I do not know yet, but I promise I will try my utmost to make them even uglier the next time I draw them.
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vvanessaives · 2 years
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takemura on the bridge what will he do takemura: 😔🤸🤔
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kerryweaverlesbian · 7 days
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Everybody give me a round of applause I submitted a piece of uni work that I had a horrible time researching and it's only pretty good and not the best I could have done it 👍 perfectionism WHO? self sabotage WHO? Bitch I'm killing it!
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