#we need less vackers

[foxfire-official]

People say I should respect all the councillors but like the only one worthy of respect is Clarette. She was the only one to try to murder a Vacker and I thank her for that!

#we need less vackers #nothing against biana vacker #fitz once bumped into me and didn’t apologise soo #ig kenric was cool but he bit the dust #kotlc #foxfire kotlc #kotlc shitpost #kotlc fandom #kotlc rp #kotlc foxfire #kotlc thoughts #fitz vacker

[jeannefostergoriot]

I hate it here x Fitz Vacker (12/16 years old)

“Quick, quick, tell me something awful, like you are a poet trapped inside the body of a finance guy” is the friendship with Keefe, as both their life are abnormal, and they find pretty ways to word it better. To make themselves breathe easier.

“Tell me all your secrets, all you’ll ever be is my eternal consolation prize”: all the Foxfire girls turning around him cause he’s handsome and a Vacker, while not understanding him, and this popularity being like a consolation prize for all the pressure he puts on himself, all the weirdness of living between the worlds.

“You see I was a debutante in another life but now I seem to be scared to go outside”: he was seen as king of teenage, king of school, and then, after book 2, he can’t go outside, he can’t get in life, he screams his anger whenever, his friend has been kidnapped, his father’s mind broke, and it may have been temporary but it scarred him.

“If comfort is a construct, I don’t believe in good luck”: being a Vacker. He knows he has privileges, but he doesn’t really feel them in any other way than pressure.

“Now that I know what’s what, I hate it here”: with the story unraveling, all the secrets hidden by the Council, learning all the flaws, now Fitz probably feels like the Lost Cities are less shiny as they seemed when he was a child sent away.

“So I will go to secret gardens in my mind”: before finding Sophie, the Forbidden Cities may have been such a haven, like there, he was a kid, learning about life, on a secret mission but without the prestige of his family name. Now, it’s in his mind only.

“People need a key to get to, the only one is mine”: the fact that he doesn’t trust easily, that he won’t open up.

“I read a book about it in a book when I was a precocious kid”: maybe he read the book. But he probably read a lot as escapism, and human books to learn about them. And he was precocious. Manifested very early.

“I’m there most of the year cause I hate it here”: he goes to the Forbidden Cities. He isn’t “here”, in the Lost Cities.

“My friends used to play a game where we would pick a decade we wished we could live instead of this”: used to cause the second Sophie arrived, he can’t play anymore. And he’d pick any other time just to not be himself.

“ I’d say the 1830’s but without all the racists and getting married for the highest bid”: he is basically living that. It’s not racism but there is discrimination he grew conscious of, and there is the matchmaking…

“Everyone would look down cause it wasn’t fun now”: we tend to get annoy at him cause apparently he ruins things. But he points things out too. He is embarrassing.

“Seems like it was never even fun back then”: I doubt he has ever had fun in his life. He’s been on a mission since he was SIX. And he daydreams it.

“Nostalgia is a mind-trick, if I’d been there, I’d hate it”: till being re-integrated in the Lost Cities cause he can now follow classes normally, but still, he doesn’t fit with his image, he hates it everywhere.

“It was freezing in the palace”: about how Everglen can feel, it’s a palace and sure, they love each other, but they put such high standards, it’s cold.

“I hate it here so I will go to, lunar valleys in my mind”: he goes in himself when he can’t breathe. He paints the light in his brain.

“When they found a better planet”: the idea, again, that he feels trapped in this world.

“Only the gentle survived”: he wish for gentleness

“I dreamed about it in the dark, the night I felt like I might die”: so. Yeah. He probably gets very anxious in the middle of the night for anything, during the mission, and even after. Worries about not finding Sophie. About something going wrong. About the way he is perceived. About everything really.

“I’m lonely but I’m good, I’m bitter but I swear I’m fine”: no one really knows him deep down, except Keefe, and they get separated about Sophie. So it’s lonely. He is bitter, he is angry, but he still puts up a pretty facade, he still pretends, cause he has to in order to hold on.

“I’ll save all my romanticism for my inner life and I’ll get lost on purpose”: 12/13 yo. Lost in between worlds he doesn’t really belong. Losing himself in one to not face the other. Hiding how he is inside.

“This place made me feel worthless”: he thinks he’s never enough cause he doesn’t hear “I’m proud of you” enough, cause he plays a role, he has to be the golden child, or at least act like it.

“Lucid dreams like electricity, the current flies through me and in my fantasies, I rise above it”: the lucid dreams are the only thing he has real control upon, but for the real life, he is drowning, trying to keep things in order with the world collapsing.

“And way up there, I actually love it”: the hope to find his place someday.

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #fitz vacker #i hate it here #taylor swift #the tortured poets department #yeah I love Fitz #and songs #so I’ll make it fit #Spotify

[ahoyimlosingmymind]

Lava Cake is 'The Blue' by Gracie Abrams

You live in Hollywood You're half an hour from me Your reputation's good <- Hollywood = Vacker fame I hope we've got a lot in common I kinda think you should Just drop it all and call me <- The oh crap, we DO have a lot in common and now all I want to do is talk to you You'd tell me on the phone You really want to meet my family <- Fitz genuinely wanting to know Marella and her life and to be apart of it. Even if she's scared and embarrassed of her mom and feels so guilty for it.

You'd talk about your dad He used to get so angry He'd scare you and your brother 'Til you felt you needed saving <- This only works if you like sucky Alden HC's. Which I do. I think this could reflect Alvar and Fitz's relationship with each other and their dad. I know I'd let you in On all my bad decisions You'd make them feel less terrible The second that you'd listen <- having someone who really listens to you. Feeling young and carefree again. Encouraging each other to be a bit reckless, to not hold onto the fear of being judged.

You came out of the blue like that You came out of the blue like that I never could've seen you coming I think you're everything I've wanted <- You've been around my whole life. But it's like we're meeting for the first time. This wasn't supposed to happen, but it feels good and safe. You aren't who I expected you to be, and I was shallow with my preconceived notions about you, and I'm sorry. But this feels good. It feels safe. This isn't a silly school-girl crush anymore.

I wonder if you know If you can tell I'm losing I'm going down without a fight <- They're not even pretending there isn't something going on between them. They aren't denying the feelings as they come. It's all softness, flirting, giggles, and pinkie promises. I don't know how you do it You say we share a brain Apologizing for it But I take it as a compliment <- Their shared bluntness and fear of other people's opinions of them. The way they try to hide the more broken parts of them under masks. The way they can grow resentful when they feel ignored or unchosen. These traits that aren't always the best, suddenly becoming a compliment bc they're reflected in the person you love. You make me really nervous <- They're in love ur honor

Send me every song That keeps you up from sleeping I bet I could recite 'em all <- UM this fits perfectly with @myfairkatiecat 's HC about Fitz transmitting Marella 2am poetry and stuff.

I won't forget the feeling Of staying up with you Despite the space between us I've never felt this close to someone What if you're my weakness? <- They come from different worlds, and yet, it's them against the world. It's them in the quiet, in between moments, teetering between vulnerability and masks. Sharing glances across the room, with eyes that say 'You are known to me'

#kotlc #lava cake #marella redek #Fitz vacker #lyric analysis #Spotify

[gay-otlc]

Stellarlune Recap

You couldn't get your copy of Stellarlune yet? No worries, my summary will give you all of the relevant details and will definitely not be entirely focused on the gay side characters.

Diversity win! The ogre chemical thing is aromantic!

Gisela is still doing evil things but have you considered; she is very sexy while doing them. Gisela is a milf and I will die on this hill.

Amy! Amy is great. Very glad to see her again.

Obligatory scene where Sophie talks about how she's so much more comfortable when she's not wearing a dress. In a very gender confirming cishet way of course.

Fitz's reaction to Keefe running away was BULLSHIT and I do not accept it as canon. He had to care about his boyfriend- uhh, best friend- leaving and fuck Shannon for not giving us the Keefitz angst we deserved.

The Vacker accent sounds haughty :)

Glimmer is called Little Miss Neverseen now, and I think this means we need a Glimmer/Umber Little Miss Perfect songfic.

Shannon doesn't know how to spell bestie.

Linh and Wylie sibling fight??? Man instead of saying shit like that she should have just hit him with a broom like normal siblings.

Rayni is trans, for no reason other than her name reveal sounded exactly like a coming out scene.

Sophie's description of Rayni is incredibly gay, as expected.

Imagine talking about all the flaws with the matchmaking system and not even acknowledging it's messed up gay elves can't get married? Yeah, Shannon just forgot about queerness ig.

Wylie needs to stop being a council stan >:( please Wylie I know this isn't who you really are-

Pyrokinesis continues to be extremely queer coding- the pyrokinesis ban forces people to deny who they are.

Oralie has trichotillomania! Good to see BFRB rep, less good to see it immediately dismissed as a silly quirk.

Unhinged gardener Fintan! He's so weird and I adore him for it.

Pyrokinesis once again is queer coded. "I have the right to be who I am in the privacy of my own home," okay Fintan. that's gay.

Prentice! No actual thoughts. Head empty. Only Prentice.

Why does it actually sound like Kenric is flirting with Prentice though? He outright asked to be Prentice's partner, I cannot.

I will NOT make a joke about how "keeper and probe" sounds like an innuendo and Kenric called Prentice the most talented keeper while flirting with him. I am NOT. I'm better than that.

I'm extremely normal about the Endal family pre-mind break, I'm not crying, you're crying.

FORK MAN SAID THE TITLE???? You know shit gets real when a character says the title.

For many reasons, Ro deserves to be punched. One of those reasons is invalidating Sophie's trich.

Sophie has alexithymia, it's basically canon. The most honest thing she's ever said is admitting she doesn't know what she's feeling, I am blasting her with my alexithymia laser as we speak.

Also I did enjoy Sophie's "do I have a crush" on Keefe crisis. I honestly found it fascinating from an aromantic perspective.

Sophie is probably on the aro spectrum, by the way. I think allo people usually don't struggle so much with identifying whether or not their feelings are romantic.

Tiergan is "adept at misdirection" because he's closeted. Also he's not that good at misdirection, Sophie is just not very observant.

Sophie's description of Biana is so fucking gay I can't.

Marella reminds Fintan of himself?? Canon?? Time to be insane about their dynamic again.

The sweet and sour chicken monologue >>>

Tiergan has to be Sophie and Fitz's marriage counselor. Rip.

Nobody expects the Cognate Inquisition.

Seriously, why did Shannon call it that. She had to know we would all think of the Spanish Inquisition, right? Or did she... not expect that.

CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT LET'S GO (tiertice chapter)

Qualden will never get a happy ending. That sucks ig

Tiergan all but admitted to being in love with Prentice, they were almost cognates, and Sophie had a live slug reaction. 10/10 scene

Tiergan would rather die than hear about the Fitzphie drama. Also he still doesn't understand ship names. Iconic.

Alden... why do you know so much about the rules regarding cognates and dating... did you perhaps want to date your cognate?

Edaline wins all the mom points.

Alden and Quinlin are canonically divorced.

Tiergan canonically wants to marry Prentice.

HOW did Shannon not know what she was doing when she said cognates were like marriage??? How???

Additional training with Marella, Linh, and Maruca you say? That's gay.

Sophie has advised Wylie to fix every problem with the power of homosexuality.

Also, Sophie is trying to break the news to Wylie that his dads are gay for each other.

Dex is bad at picking up when someone is joking or exaggerating. He's neurodivergent your honor.

Keefe... why are you just taking your shirt off for Tam... he wasted NO time with that damn

I want more Keefe and Grady interactions on screen. For. Science.

Chapter 42. I enjoyed it more than I thought. The kiss was... whatever, but their dialogue was very nice and I appreciated the healthy communication. Also the touching foreheads.

Sophie is canonically polyamorous!

"Tiergan held them [Wylie and Prentice] both" I AM GOING TO BE THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY I AM SCREAMING SOBBING THROWING UP THEY LOVE EACH OTHER THEY ARE A FAMILY ETC ETC

Tiergan: Well no one in this group ever fucking listens to me so I might as well stay with my husband >:(

Prentice needs a hug. Tiergan is giving him a hug. Love wins.

Sokeefitz can still happen. I refuse to give up hope.

IT/ITs Masteress Elysian. Elysian has the gender of all time.

If my summary somehow wasn't enough for you, you can read Stellarlune for free here. I gave you all the information you need to know though.

#plot? what plot? i only know tiertice #s reads stellarlune #stellarlune spoilers #kotlc stellarlune #kotlc recap

[queenie-blackthorn]

50% into kotlc, here are some thoughts ive had since the 25% mark :D

@aylin-hijabi @that-multi-fandom-hijabi sorry for tagging yall a lot lmao

first thing that comes to mind thats plot-related n not character-related is prentice. he was exiled 12 years ago, same age as sophie. its so obviously not a coincidence. tho i wonder whats up w him n tiergan (idk how to spell lmao i feel like thats wrong)

also, i wonder just how strong sophie is. like, the way she knocked fitz into the wall ??? thats her not knowing the full extent of her powers. i have a feeling shes always gonna be one of those main characters whos extremely powerful but constantly throughout the series she finds new abilities she has. kinda like percy jackson

im also realizing how stupid ill seem if im just overanalysing everything and my guesses are too far-fetched or too deeply thought out to really mean anything lololol

moving to character-related, i adore dex. he seems kinda spiteful tho ??? esp towards fitz. thats prolly bc the vacker family is apparently rlly famous n shit n meanwhile dexs parents were a bad match. still dont rlly get what that means. i feel like theres more to him. also his crush on sophie is adorable

KEEFE. nothing, just... keefe. havent seen much but from what i HAVE seen, hes hilarious. i remember aylin mentioning that hes like leo valdez in that theyre both hot, funny, and traumatized... still waiting on the 'traumatized' part. she also said hes less major in this book n more major in the second book, so maybe ill find out then

midterms are gonna go wrong just wait i just know it

biana seems acc genuine in wanting to be friends w sophie. but there was one point when she was talking to sophie n there was smth like a glare for a moment ?? idk kinda sus to me. maybe im overthinking it cause i cant think of a possible motive

marella seems cool. in the art, shes absolutely gorgeous, but so is everyone in this goddamn book. also notable that the first time i saw her name i misread it as 'redneck' 💀💀💀

stina is a bitch. nothing else to say, except that she looks terrifyingly like me? except different eye color n i wear glasses loll. i hope to see some character development cause i personally hate the trope of "token mean girl" in books (like drew tanaka or zoya nazyalensky) cause theyre so one dimensional n boring (although zoya does become majorly more likeable throughout the grishaverse books, im hoping to see the same in stina)

irrelevant but the amount of times sophie is ending up in the infirmary reminds me of a roleplay w my friends from like three years ago oml the nostalgia (cause there would at all times be at least one character in the infirmary injured or nearly dead bc we needed that drama to keep the rp going LMAO)

overall, theres not as much to say as there was at the 25% mark. (i feel like theres more i wanna say but i cant think of anything.) prolly cause since then, the book has mainly been abt learning abt the elves' world n culture. i think by the 75% point im gonna have a lot more to say, n then ill post the final update thingie when im 100% done w the book

ill be 75% done in 89 pages, but the last day of midterm is tomorrow, so god knows how long thatll take me :') i promise to try thooo

oh also galvins a bitch but i feel like she has trauma fsr idk shes just giving

#kotlc thoughts #kotlc #first time read

[cowboypossume]

day three: academic rivals

Hi lovelies !! I am very exhausted with school right now and didn’t know @sophitzweek was happening really !

thanks to this amazing work by @camelspit i found out it was !! and i’m doing it (based off their art so go like the orginal) !!

so my attempt at the accidemic rivals is below the cut :)

Fitz confidently leaned forward, wobbling the table the slightest bit. “I think this is the part where you resign, now.”

“No.” Sophie wished the clock would tick besides her. She missed any sort of noise instead of the empty library, but they agreed to play without the timeclock; thought it’d be less stressful that way. “I can still get out of this.”

“Doesn’t look like it.” He leaned back into the chair. “You have as much time as you need to prove me wrong, though.”

“No.” It was all Sophie could think. 

The world of 64 squares left Sophie deep in their thoughts, across from the stupid boy she never could quite escape. 

64 black and white squares, usually colorful with world-building and convoluted puzzles, silent.

She mindlessly touched the rook, trying to come up with anything. 

They had to retreat now.

Legally, there was no other move.

“No, what?” Fitz purposefully lingered his fingers above the knight, not quite touching it. “No, you can’t beat me? Because,” his knight took her last-resort pawn, “I think I’d agree.”

Sophie watched in awe as Fitz never took a second blink when he moved: he attacked again and again. Methodically.

As if a game written about centuries prior and memorized by every newbie.

His moves were perfect. Precise. 

She would have to retreat. Hapazeradlously and clumsy. 

They could escape, but only for a turn. Maybe two depending, on Fitz’s play.

But she had to try. 

She couldn’t be bested by this prodigy.

Sophie poured themselves a glass of water and fully pulled up her hair. She studied every angle of the board. 

Sitting back down, they huffed at Fitz. “I can get out of this.”

“I don’t think you can, love. But try. I have nothing but time.”

Sophie moved the rook, the stupid rook from earlier, trying to attack.

Fitz saw right through the play.

Four moves until mate.

And she couldn’t get out of it.

Fitz must have seen her demeanor change because they grinned, almost in a mock.

“Do you see it now? Or should we keep playing? Maybe you can- how did you phrase it- get out of it?” He winked.

Sophie got up. “Fuck you, Vacker.”

“We’re back to last names?”  There was hurt in his Sophie couldn’t place as ironic, fully. 

 They finally found the footing to be a bit sarcastic. “Thought we were past that?”

“Considering you asked me to this match using Fitz, ” He pulled the cat that always loomed in the lounge into his lap. “Yea?”

“Technically,” Sophie skimmed through her stuff, “I said Fitzroy, which is an objectively worse name.” 

She found a treat for Marty and managed to get him on her chair. She pet him and smiled innocently at Fitz. 

Putting away the final piece from the board, Fitz barely met her gaze. 

“Ok, Foster. You win. I’m not in the mood for a debate tonight, too.”

“Wait, Fitz-” Sophie reached across the table and tried to grab his hand. 

Their fingers brushed for a second and Fitz pulled away before Sophie fully noticed. 

“I’ll play you tomorrow at practice tomorrow, Foster.” 

“Fitz,” He looked pissed when they snapped around. 

Sophie retreated. “Ok. Tomorrow.”

But the only thing that heard her was the bookshelf behind the now empty table.

#sophitz week 2022 #academic rivals #sofitz #sophie fosters #fitz vacker #sophitz #chess #fanfic #kotlc #you don’t understand #also fitz is a sore loser #*sophie #my writing

[moonlarked]

a) what do you think's going to happen with rayni? will she just be a bckground character now or do you think she'll be important?

b) opinion on the love triangle? (not which ship you prefer per se but do you think it should have been omitted, focused on less, etc)

c) what do you think will happen with the council? will they be replaced? will the entire system be changed? how?

d) any random thoughts going through your head right now? just opinions or headcanons you really wanna share :)

sorry this is a lot in one ask lol

a) she’s gonna be the piece that connects the Black Swan to the Neverseen. We’ve already seen it in Stellarlune - how she had a pretty realistic motive to join the Neverseen and how she introduced the group to Trix who was also painted in a sympathetic light and also offered more backstory to Umber than just being a horrible killer. Through her, we’re likely going to learn more about other Neverseen members and even possibly redeem some of them.

I also just think she’s cool and I like her story and I hope we get more of her :D

b) well, you know I’m a hardcore sokeefer, and I have reasons for that - and it’s not because I hate Fitz! I think he and Sophie have a chance to repair their relationship - just not a romantic one. He’s unfortunately ruined that, and he’s slowly accepting it. Sophitz was never going to to work, in my eyes. I ship Sokeefe because I genuinely love how their characters bounce off of each other and how they help each other through their darkest moments. They truly know each other, and they help each other evolve.

Now, enough of ships! You asked how I thought about it in the narrative - sorry for getting sidetracked. And, well, I’ve sort of accepted that the romance plot of the books is a major part of the story and it’s actually pretty integral to Sophie’s character growth. She’s a teenager trying to be a normal person when she wasn’t built to be one. Through her relationships, she learns how to trust people in different ways and learns how to take off the rose colored glasses once in a while.

Would I change everything? Well, Flashback is probably my least fav book bc of the romance stuff. I don’t hate everything about the book - I f fact, the parts where it slows down and we get more nuanced character moments are great - but it’s too much for me.

Also, the canon ship names get old after a while :/

c) I doubt we’re gonna get a whole ass overthrow, but the systems are definitely going to be changing by the end of the series. Considering how many secrets about the Ancient Elvin world we’re bound to learn through Elysian, I could 100% see Sophie just going up to the Council and saying “this is fucking wrong.”

d) hmm.

- Jensi needs to be Talentless

- Elysian should be a human/have brown eyes/not be a normal elf

- Fallon and the Vacker Legacy is likely going to be connected to Elysian

- Alvar’s gonna show up only to die in front of Fitz

- Sophie is going to kill somebody

- fork man needs to be humbled

- Prentice probably knows everything that’s going on and likely discovered Elysian

#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc theories #kotlc headcanons #kotlc thoughts #kotlc rayni #rayni aria #kotlc elysian #sophie foster #sophie elizabeth foster #kotlc sophie #kotlc keefe #keefe sencen #kotlc fitz #fitz avery vacker #fitz vacker #kotlc trix #fallon vacker #kotlc stellarlune #stellarlune spoilers

[when-wax-wings-melt]

Roisin’s Reading Rumble: ROUND THREE @camelspit​ @arson-anarchy-death​

SO sorry for the big paragraphs my adhd brain can’t read them either. I also barely proofread and wrote this thing in two sittings. So. My bad if it sucks and also my bad if u can’t tell bc you can’t read it. I bolded to help but if it makes it worse. oops.

Final wordcount: 1612

Preview: Misattributing Dex’s drive to make a name for himself and prove people wrong to pure selflessness takes away these parts of his character that show the elves still have the “human” need to be wanted. It’s thematically important for the characterization of elves as “more” or “greater” than humans, but it’s also essential to Dex as an individual.

Without further ado:

DEXTER ALVIN DIZZNEE

From Dex’s introduction, where we learn he’s a prankster and the child of a bad match, to his most recent scene learning about Rex’s talentless status, he has been shown to have the flaws and complexities that fandoms love to skip over. The most populated form of content for Dex remains the “cinnamon roll” or “the boy who deserves a cover and more page time” rather than focusing on when he does appear—and most appearances add more evidence against the former portrayal. He lives as a living manifestation of the inequality and prejudice the Lost Cities hold beneath their polished veneer—the rest of the main cast serve to highlight this in different ways, but Dex was the first to rip the blindfold from Sophie’s awed eyes. Traits such as social awareness, intense jealousy, desperate ambition, and sullen anger make up Dex’s character right alongside all the sweet selflessness the fandom prefers, and erasing them is a huge discredit to his complex and hard-earned development as the series progresses.

The KOTLC wiki in particular tends to place Dex on a pedestal that little canon evidence backs. Even the description of his character, which supposedly is unbiased and moderated, reads “Dex Dizznee (Dex Diz-nee) is a deuteragonist in the Keeper of the Lost Cities series and a amazing, strong and intelligent friend to Sophie and the team always doing his best to help out.” While none of this description is inaccurate—Dex is, after all, very intelligent and strong in resolve and courage, consistently working behind the scenes to help his friends—it leaves out several key aspects of his character. Portraying Dex as simply a great helper and a wonderful friend erases his narrative importance and drops him into the role of one of the gnomes at Alluveterre—no less important to the battle, but far less important to the plot and themes of the work as a whole. Another description from the wiki reads: “He is considered a kind, intelligent ‘cinnamon roll’ by the fandom and is always trying to prove himself when it is unnecessary by pushing himself to create gadgets using his talent because of his selfless nature.” Once again, the description moves from complimentary to completely erasing key motivations and desires that highlight the importance of his character in the narrative as a whole. The fandom considering him a cinnamon roll motivated entirely by his selfless nature wipes away the combination of pride, ambition, and need for attention and acclaim that drives Dex to accept tasks and jobs from the Council he hates, form vendettas against the Vackers, and constantly succumb to an often selfish competitive streak.

Dex becomes Sophie’s friend because he’s a loner like she is, and to showcase the darker elements of the Lost Cities such as matchmaking and multiple birth prejudice. In his very first appearance in the series, Stina and Vika Heks accuse him of using a balding serum on Stina, claiming that “‘‘[they] won’t need to [prove anything]. They’d expect nothing less from a bad match!’” (KOTLC). Sophie goes from new caretakers on a fantastical animal sanctuary, new magic school, and crystal palaces straight to some of the worst the Lost Cities has to offer— and Dex carries this responsibility with him for the next few books. As Sophie makes friends with the Vackers and Keefe, the elves with seemingly perfect lives, Dex remains there as a glaring reminder of the ugliness of her new world. By erasing that, a fundamental part of his character that influences every single relationship he has is destroyed. Dex finds it hard to befriend Fitz, Biana, and Keefe not because he’s socially awkward (as other parts of the fandom suggest) but because they represent the success he craves, which his family has been systematically denied.

Another essential Dex Dizznee trademark that fanon interpretations constantly forget is his selfishness, his ambition, and his consequential jealousy. Fanon portrayals of Dex as selfless and endlessly kind erase his true need to be the best at everything, even though he doesn’t seem to have the natural talent that Fitz and Keefe have. In Everblaze, he drops his morals and overlooks his hatred of the Council in order to work for them making ability restrictors, a job that places him in a place of honor and prestige. The idea of being recognized for his natural talent blinds him to the true target of the restrictor: Sophie. “‘They wouldn’t be controlling everyone,’ Dex argued. ‘Just the people who need it.’ / ‘And who decides that?’ Fitz asked. / ‘The Council, obviously. What?’ Dex asked when Fitz cringed. ‘I thought your family was like, the Council’s number one fan club.’ (Everblaze). The Council’s praise for his abilities inflates both his ego and his inherent need for recognition or success. The concept that his motivation for endless creation and gadgets comes from his selflessness or self sacrifice isn’t true because his motivation is to gain acclaim, fame, and apologies for thinking less of him. He wants fame and acclaim that his family has been denied. He wants to prove the Hekses and everyone like them wrong.

Later, when he becomes one of the youngest Regents on Team Valiant, Dex accuses Stina of wanting to be a part of the team only for a title, and she throws the same accusation back. “Dex didn’t deny it. And the intensity in his eyes made Sophie realize how much this opportunity had to mean to him.” (Legacy). What Stina and Dex have in common in this moment is the need to prove that their talentless fathers, bad-match parents (since Vika and Timkin should have been a Bad Match) don’t define them, and more importantly were judged incorrectly and with prejudice. Dex’s understanding of inequality ties into his motivations for wanting success—both a positive, when he wants to prove his parents’ marriage didn’t harm anything, and a negative, when he overlooks that same inequality in order to prove the haters wrong.

This ambition moves into jealousy when someone achieves something he failed at— for example, when he meets Tinker for the first time. Tinker is an adult and far more experienced at the type of invention he wants to succeed in, but after so long of being told he’s a true prodigy of technopathy and being useful to Sophie and the team, it hits a sore spot. “‘Is this a better solution than what you were planning?’ Tinker asked Dex, with no bravado in her tone. Only curiosity. / But Dex still wouldn’t look at her as he nodded. And his sigh was somewhere between a grumble and a harrumph. / ‘You have a competitive streak, don’t you?’ Tinker noted. / Sophie and Mr. Forkle both said ‘yes’ while Dex said ‘no.’ / ‘I’m not being competitive,’ he argued. ‘I’m allowed to be annoyed that I got replaced’ (Flashback). Effortless success rubs him the wrong way because he has had to work so hard to overcome stigma, discrimination, and his own doubt to succeed, while people like Tinker appear to have to have the same natural talent that bothered him about the Vackers. Misattributing his drive to make a name for himself and prove people wrong to pure selflessness takes away these parts of his character that show the elves still have the “human” need to be wanted. It’s thematically important for the characterization of elves as “more” or “greater” than humans, but it’s also essential to Dex as an individual. Why does he want this? Because he wants to help Sophie, or because he wants to prove to the world and himself that he can have this?

While all these flaws (jealousy, selfishness, sullen competetiveness) make Dex who he is, they don’t make him a mean person, and certainly not a bad character. He was the first friend Sophie ever had (Fitz truly does not count) and also the one to help her acclimate. He grew from his jealousy, selflessly staying behind the scenes to develop new gadgets to help his friends in their battles. He took steps back and learned how to place blame: not on Keefe for sensing Rex would be talentless, but on society for the way his brother would be treated. But viewing these positive things as the whole of his personality and ignoring any flaws he might have is a huge disservice—these flaws are what makes him interesting, a developed character. There is no such thing as a “sweet cinnamon roll” character in KOTLC, because making a character only good and never flawed is objectively bad writing, and makes for uninteresting dynamics.

Readers wouldn’t be interested in Dex if he never lashed out, never reacted negatively to Sophie, never had his own wants and desires that didn’t always correspond to what the narrative needs. He’s self punishing constantly over his mistakes, not forgiving himself for Fitz’s stabbing in Neverseen or for the ability restrictor. He’s jealous over Fitz, Biana, Keefe, Stina, Tinker, and Sophie’s success and power. He wants to succeed and is (or used to be) willing to place that need above the needs of his family and friends. And he also learns that Fitz and Biana are not their legacy. He cries over his brother’s future, and assures Keefe he would never blame him. He works with Stina and explores new methods of technopathy with Tinker and encourages Sophie to step into an official leadership role. Erasing any of these traits or experiences steals part of who he is and where he fits into, an unfair and inaccurate reading of the series as a whole.

In conclusion: The Dex wiki page is an atrocity, and someone who isn’t me (because I don’t have the energy 💖) needs to fix it.

Bonus:

[id: a post by A Fandom User on 7/2/2021 reading “Whoa. Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. I come on to check my cinnamon rolls age, and I see this TREASON. Who - who called him a pussy? How is he always constipated? Someone, someone who truly DEEPLY loves this cinnamon rolls need to revise this. I would, except 1) I don't know how and 2) I wouldn't do it properly. Please fix this. Please. ~Humble Follower of The Cinnamon Roll King“.

 A reply by SaladmanOfSokeefe5 on 8/8/2021 reads “I have fixed this mistake -Humble Follower of The Cinnamon Roll King“ /end id]

#summer rambles #im vaguely normal about him so this might not be as good as the fitz and alvar one. oops #i DID spend hours on it tho!!! #so giving it a read would be nice to me #dex dizznee #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #roisin's reading rumble

[crymeariveronceagain]

river's thoughts on Exile after reading it again.

what the actual frick was this book.

Alden Vacker you slick smarmy son of cerberus you can die by my blade <3

Alvar was very present in this book i was actually legitimately surprised by that. The first time I read it I barely remembered who Alvar was when he turned out to be Neverseen, but now I'm seeing all the little clues and things, as small as they are. However, it's all so subtle and hardly there at all that Alvar's either an Amazing Liar or his traitorhood was added spur of the moment and like me Shannon is a pantser of a writer.

Fitz Vacker is an entire jerk, and honestly he is so unlikeable in this book that there is no good reason that anyone should ever have shipped him with Sophie this early. Like, come on. We barely know the kid, at all, he's been a mostly background character, with Dex and Keefe taking the front positions in Sophie's mind, and what we do see is selfish, mean, and just generally nasty. Like. Kid. What?

Mr. Forkle.

Grady Ruewen is the best dad, and he just wants people to leave his 13 year old daughter alone, but they're not going to and they never will and this makes me sad because there is nothing this man would not do for his daughter.

Edaline went through some SERIOUS character growth in this holy SHOOT. She took leaps and bounds and she's doing so much better mentally I cannot even.

SOPHIE USED HER ONE QUESTION TO HELP HER DAD!!!! She had one question! One question about anything Black Swan! The people who created her! And what did she ask? Did you murder Jolie. For her parents. Oh my stars I'm never going to be over this. This is the sweetest thing.

Look, I get why people don't like Sophie. I get it, I do. But honestly, she is really just doing her best and people just keep trying to hurt her I don't know what else to ask of the actual child.

Councilor Bronte can die by my blade <3 And I'm coming for his kneecaps. This man deserves a tribunal for the crimes against Sophie. Just saying.

Council is heavily abusing their power. Also, so unoraganized? Like can y'all keep it together for ten seconds???

Ok but with my "Neverseen Alden" Headcanon, I'm undecided as to whether or not Alden actually suffered a mind break or not, through that looking glass. Like, if he didn't, and it was for some neferious gain, that makes sense. If he did, it makes less sense, but is still plausible, since the Neverseen are still just ordinary elves, and Prentice was Alden's friend. However, I will say. Alden needing to be repaired was the main catalyst for Sophie both breaking and being put back together, herself. If Alden hadn't broken, none of the events of the book would have happened. Her powers would be shrinking, and no one would know what was going on. Alden is the catalyst.

A Lodestar is a mirror that reflects pure light. If Keefe is the Lodestar, then he reflects all the goodness from the world around him. No, I do not take criticism of this interpretation.

Magnate Leto acting real sus. Like, Mr. Forkle, can you be ANY less obvious. Dude. Pull yourself together, you are a professional.

#river re-reads kotlc #kotlc #kotlc keefe #keefe sencen #kotlc sophie #kotlc headcanon #sophie foster #kotlc headcanons #kotlc alden #kotlc fitz #kotlc forkle #kotlc bronte #kotlc thoughts #neverseen alden anyone #kotlc dex #kotlc prentice #kotlc magnate leto #kotlc alvar #alvar vacker #kotlc grady #grady ruewen #kotlc edaline #edaline ruewen

[ravs6709]

These Feelings Inside (How Deep Do They Go)

Chapter 10- Look At Me

Previous. Next. Masterlist.

Or read on ao3 here!

Word count: 3.0k words

Finally back with another chapter!!! A bit longer, so enjoy!

warnings: panicking (panic attack kinda but not quite), swearing

•~•~•~•~•~•

"Sophie, can we talk for a bit?" Edaline asked.

Grady was standing beside her, so she figured it was important. Keefe and Fitz seemed to have the shop under control.

"What's up?" she asked.

Edaline and Grady shared a look. "Not here. In our room."

Well, that was a little weird. It wasn't that often that she went in their room, she liked giving them privacy and they were rarely in their room in the first place.

Sophie walked with them there. It was a light, airy room, decorated a little bit but what always grabbed Sophie's attention were the picture frames. The ones of Jolie, especially, as pictures of Jolie weren't found anywhere else around the house.

"We need to talk about Keefe," Grady said.

Sophie turned to him. "What? Is something wrong?"

Grady just looked at her, Edaline too, though her gaze was more sympathetic.

"Sophie, we're happy to have Keefe here and all, and we've refrained from asking too many questions, but don't you think things are a little strange?" Edaline asked.

"No government ID, they haven't been able to even give me a last name, and they're just relying on your name for income. You know they can't rely on you for everything, right?" Grady continued.

...I think I rely on them more than they do me.

"Are you kicking them out?" Sophie blurted out, feeling dread build up.

"No," Edaline said, while Grady said "Not yet."

"Seriously, kiddo," Grady said, "it couldn't have been that long since you've known them, otherwise you would've told us about your 'online friend'. The lack of last name, that's what gets me. How could you know that they're what they say they are?"

"I know their situation, I've seen it," Sophie murmured.

"You've also seemed more stressed since their arrival," Edaline added.

Sophie felt bad, because she was right, but somehow, the more time that passed, the less she felt like blaming Keefe, even though it was very much their fault.

"We're worried for you, and the toll everything will have on your heart. You've been looking more blue lately."

Sophie blinked, getting the basic idea, but she was so confused at the weird way they were going about saying it. "I'll be fine," she said.

She truly hoped that the more she said it, the more she'd grow to believe it.

"We're still housing them," Grady said, "and even if we did kick them out, we wouldn't leave them with nothing. But you come first, remember that."

Sophie nodded.

~•~•~•~•~•

"So... you want to go on a date?" Fitz asked. "Later today?"

"Sure," she agreed. A date with Fitz! She wanted to do a little dance, even though it'd been a few days since she officially became Fitz Vacker's girlfriend.

"We could go watch a movie."

"But if Foster leaves, what am I supposed to do?" Keefe said, appearing out of nowhere.

Fitz rolled her eyes. "Sophie's not your mom."

They grinned. "I know. I'm older."

"That's not what I meant. But how old are you?"

"That's a secret!"

Sophie held back a sigh of relief. Though, she did wonder how old they really were. She remembered how they said it'd been at least a year since they were turned into a siren. They looked to be around her age, maybe slightly older.

"Fitz and I want some alone time, no third wheeling," Sophie told them, because she really wouldn't put it past them to spy on her date. Sure, there were going to be moments where she'd be tempted to kiss Fitz, but she knew not to risk anything.

"Me? Third wheel? I would never."

They continued working their shift and after that they got ready for their date. She took out a cute top Biana bought for her but she said she'd never wear. A date with Fitz! She felt like the same giddy highschooler that she'd been back when she first fell for him. When he came back to pick her up, she linked elbows with him and they drove to the movie theatre.

The movie was fine, although a cliche romance story. She honestly paid more attention to staring at Fitz, holding his hand and feeding him popcorn more than anything else.

This was what she'd wanted so badly. His eyes on her, smiling his charming smile at her. For him to feed her popcorn too, to hold her face in his hand, his eyes flitting down to her lips and—

Sophie kissed his cheek before she could be too tempted and do anything more.

"I don't want to rush you," he whispered, but she could see disappointment flash in his eyes, "do you know how long until you can..?"

"I don't know. I want to, I really do, but I can't." She kissed his other cheek, and this time, his expression softened. "Not yet. But I will, one day."

He took her hand in his, bringing it to his lips. "As I said, I'll wait for you."

He turned back to watch the movie, and she turned away too. I'm sorry, she wanted to say. I must be disappointing you so much, aren't I? You waited all these years for me, and...

She didn't even notice when the movie had finished, or when Fitz had walked her back to the car, only when Fitz was calling out her name and she absently picked up a bottle of water in her hand did she realize that the world had muted. She weakly opened the cap, downing half the bottle, noticing how hot she felt. It was the withdrawal again, but she had taken a bath not that long ago...

"Sophie," Fitz whispered, "are you okay?"

She nodded. "Sorry."

God, she couldn't even go through the whole date without making things go wrong. Though she felt a little better, Fitz still insisted on helping her inside.

"So, you two, how was the date?" Keefe asked from the dining room table. "Oh, Foster doesn't look well."

"Nothing that a little rest and hydration won't fix," she replied.

Keefe looked at her, then shrugged. She figured they got the message.

"We could have our next date next week?" Fitz asked. "On my birthday?"

Sophie grinned. "You'll spend practically your whole day with me. Movie midnight, sleepover, work, date and party."

"I'll enjoy every minute of it."

"Ugh, gross," Keefe gagged, and both of them turned to glare at them. "You two are insufferable."

"Not as insufferable as you are," Sophie said, rolling her eyes.

~•~•~•~•~•

Over the next week, she noticed that the withdrawals started to come more frequently, but it wasn't like she could just spend all day in a bathtub. So instead, she bought herself a giant shiny cup to drink water out of. It honestly worked better than she thought it would, and she wondered why she never tried doing this in the past, considering she was usually dehydrated.

"That's strange," Biana remarked, upon seeing Sophie refill the cup after having already drunk the entire cup once.

"I'm in my hydration arc," she told them.

"That's a first," Biana said.

Sophie snorted. "I know, right?"

After her shifts, she usually went out with Keefe to the water for a proper rehydration, plus it allowed for them to do so too. While her afternoon outings with Keefe were already a constant, they began to become something more daily. Going to the water allowed them both to get their water intake plus it allowed for some privacy to talk about any siren stuff.

She knew it meant spending less time with Fitz and Biana, and she wasn't completely oblivious to Fitz's questioning stares, but what could she do?

~•~•~•~•~•

"I'm getting good vibes today," Keefe declared. "Let's go, I'm feeling that Marella and Linh might be back."

"Oh?" Sophie replied, "good vibes, huh?"

She wasn't the biggest fan of leaving things up to fate or luck, but when nothing new could be learned, or no actions could be taken, luck was really all she had. If Marella and Linh were back, then maybe they'd have figured out an answer and all this siren stuff could be over.

She could go back to her normal life. Keep Keefe in it too, even have Marella and Linh hang around. She wondered if maybe other sirens could use this knowledge too. Wouldn't that be nice? They wouldn't have to be alone anymore.

The two of them headed out, though Marella and Linh weren't there.

Keefe sighed. "Damn it, I was really hoping."

"It's fine," she said on autopilot. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Maybe," they shrugged.

They went on to that little piece of land and laid there on the sand. Sophie turned to look at them, poking their cheek.

"Foster, what are you doing?"

"I'm bored," she said, poking them again.

They poked her back. She poked them again. They kept poking each other, and Sophie laughed, feeling relieved to be able to act so immature, even if for a little bit.

"Keefe?" she whispered, her hand drifting in their hair, ruffling it a little. "'m glad you're here."

Their eyes widened, and they turned to face up. "I thought I was insufferable. Don't worry though, I know. I'd be glad to have me here too. Can't resist the Keefester."

She punched their shoulder. "Oh, shut up."

"Oh, no no no, I will not. You care about me, Foster. Don't lie to me, I can see your heart." She honestly expected them to poke her heart, but instead, they stood up. "Getting late. I think it's past midnight."

"Oh shit?" Honestly, she was disappointed. She got up too, and they swam back to the mainland.

She picked up her phone and started absently going through her notifications, only to see a few missed calls from both Biana and Fitz. There were a few texts from each of them too.

Biana: Sophie? Are you running late?

Sophie?

Sophie where tf are you?

Keefe's unreachable too. Are you with them right? Seriously???

Sophie, did you really forget?

It's past midnight, what the hell. You actually just ditched us?

And then just one from Fitz.

Fitz <3: Where are you?

...and then her phone died. Damn this cold weather.

"Foster? Something wrong?"

"I think I was supposed to be with Fitz and Biana. But I have no idea what it is."

"Huh? Was there something you were supposed to do with them now? Let's just walk to their place, maybe you'll figure it out."

As they walked, Sophie tried to wrack her head for anything. She didn't recall making any plans. She thought of the date: October 27th. It didn't sound significant... what on earth was it that had both Biana and Fitz calling for her so urgently?

When she opened the door, it was to Biana's disappointed stare.

"Did something happen?" Sophie asked. "It's late."

Biana raised an eyebrow. "You mean you haven't figured it out?"

"I'm not a mind reader, Bi," she said, walking in. She looked around for Fitz, but he didn't seem to be around.

"He's upstairs, changing."

"Sorry," Sophie said.

Biana shrugged with one shoulder. "I'm not the one that needs it."

"Sophie? You're here?" Fitz asked from the stairs. "Hey, can we talk?"

Sophie went to climb the stairs.

"Alright, I'm coming with."

"Alone," Fitz continued, glaring at Keefe.

Sophie climbed up as Fitz led her to his room. When they entered it, Fitz locked the door.

"I'm being an awful girlfriend, aren't I?" Sophie asked, unable to look up at him.

A few seconds of silence. "Honestly, yeah. I want you to be honest with me Sophie, do you have a thing for Keefe?"

Her gaze wrenched upwards, looking up at him in shock. "What? No, I don't, why would you—"

"I don't get it. It took you a while for you to be comfortable with Biana and I, but with Keefe, it's effortless. They're touchy with you, just like that. I have been trying so hard to ignore it, because I have no right to control who you're with. But seriously? You ignored pre-established plans, plans for my birthday, when we never skipped our midnight movie, all for someone you've barely known. I'm your boyfriend, no—I'm one of your best friends and it hurts."

"I forgot," she mumbled.

His birthday. How on earth did she forget that? While she was prone to forgetting most dates, birthdays had always been a thing her brain instinctively kept track of. She'd been excited about it, the gift she bought for him was...

...what was it again? Her head felt heavy as she tried to recall, but it was like the memory didn't exist.

Memory, Sophie thought. A siren, their memories would—

No.

"Forgot," Fitz murmured, "Sophie, are you okay? Ever since Keefe came here, you've been more stressed, you've fainted once and nearly did again all within this month. You've been on multiple of your 'stress walks' and you've been drinking more water. You've been hiding something from me, haven't you?"

"No, I—"

"I won't judge. Even if you accidentally had a thing with Keefe and the reason why they're here is because you're pregnant and—"

"What?"

Fitz stopped talking. Sophie stared at him. "You think I—wait wait wait—"

She nearly burst into laughter, but only stopped herself at the serious expression on his face.

"I've been trying to think of any logical explanation. For your symptoms, for Keefe's presence, because we both—not even us, Biana and even your parents—know that the story you gave us sounds like bullshit. But I accepted it, thinking you'd tell me the truth eventually. I don't get it then, what's going on? And you also said I shouldn't blame Keefe for you being unwilling to kiss me, but isn't that the truth?

"You're hiding something from me," Fitz said taking her hands in his. He held them close to his chest. "I'm hurt that you don't think you can trust me, when we've known each other for so long."

And then, for a brief moment, a blue light drew her attention. Emitting from his chest where his heart was, was a series of blue swirls shaped like a heart. It looked exactly like Keefe's drawing of her.

Heartbreak.

She blinked, and then it was gone, but the pained expression on his face still remained.

"Do you want to know the truth?" she asked.

"Yes! I want you to be honest with me!"

She took a deep breath. She had to tell him, to alleviate that heartbreak. She never wanted to see his heart turn blue like that again.

"You remember what sirens are, right?"

"Mythological creatures that sing and seduce sailors to their death," he said slowly. "What does this have to do with anything?"

"They're real. And I'm—I'm one of them. Part, technically, I'm a half siren—"

"What the fuck are you talking about? Explain. Slowly. Please."

She took another breath. "Sirens, they're former humans who were cursed to lose all their memories and forced to stay in solitude underwater. They have a song that they sing to lure heartbroken humans so that they could pass the curse on to that human, all so that they can become a human once more.

"Keefe was a siren, and they tried to pass the curse down to me—it's not their fault though because sirens live in solitude and they just want to actually live again, but the transferring process went all weird so both of us just ended up as half sirens, though I'm slowly becoming a siren and Keefe human I guess and it means that—"

Fitz put his hand over her mouth, the other moving to wipe her face. Oh, she was crying.

"A siren," Fitz said blankly. "A siren? And you were... cursed? By Keefe?"

He took hand off her mouth. She looked down, afraid to see his reaction.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She looked back up at him, and his eyes were glimmering with tears. "You're going to become a siren? Is that... is that what I heard? Why didn't you tell me?"

His heart shone blue again.

"You believe me?"

"It's ridiculous. It sounds like bullshit," he sighed, running a hand through his hair, "but I'm choosing to believe you anyway. You should've told me earlier. Didn't we once promise each other to not keep secrets?"

("I'm scared, sometimes," Fitz once said, "I think I lucked out, getting to meet you. That we got to be friends. I get worried I'll lose you. Can you... can you promise me that we'll always be together? That we won't push each other apart, that we won't keep any secrets?"

Sophie looked at him, and all she thought was the biggest secret that she could never tell him. That she was in love with him. But that secret... that one would stay hidden, and she would never let it drive them apart.

And then she said... what did she say next again..?)

"I didn't want to burden you," Sophie said. "And you can't solve this problem."

"Burden me? Did you think helping you was a burden? That listening to your problems was a burden? Even if it is, it's a burden I'm willing to carry!" he grasped her hands again, brushing a thumb over the back of her hand. "I'm hurt that you thought I wouldn't always, always choose you!"

His heart shone even brighter. He was so close to her... she cupped his face in her hands, and brought herself closer, close enough to kiss—

Fitz shoved her away. She reeled back and stared at his heart, as it dimmed slightly.

"No. Not like this," he said, "I'm not letting our first kiss happen just because you want to appease me."

First kiss... she... she tried to kiss him, and his heart was clearly so broken—

She staggered towards the door, clumsily opening it.

"Sophie?"

She needed—she needed to leave, she couldn't control herself and she nearly transferred the curse to Fitz—she couldn't stay.

She flung the back door open wide, ignoring the feel of concrete against her bare feet as she ran. Away, she had to stay away, or else she'd ruin things.

•~•~•~•~•~•

TFI Taglist: @keefeinnit, @my-swan-song, @impostertamsong, @subrosasteath, @solreefs

Want to be added/removed to the TFI taglist? Just let me know!

#sophie foster #fitz vacker #keefe sencen #sokeefitz #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc fanfiction #ravi writes a thing #these feelings inside (how deep do they go)

[comically-long-cloak]

i never wanted to clock fitz in the face harder than i did in book 7

do i even need to explain the priorities he needs to get in order here. let’s face it fitz for all his actions is still haunted in a very real way by the threat of losing face in elf society. fitz has never known prejudice, nor have practically any of the elves in keeper until Exilium. He comes from generations, literally generations of nobility back to when nobility was originated. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into, and his being afraid of losing his voice & respect in elven society is understandable, and honestly worth being afraid of. We’ve already seen that elves who face prejudice for so much as being twins or bucking the match system endure exclusion from the aristocracy for their whole lives. Not just that, their children, too—wouldn’t you worry if you were Fitz?

i’m saying i get it. and I’m also saying, Fitz, it’s not okay. because the moment he forgot that he cares about any of it—aristocracy, wealth, status—less than he cares about having Sophie in his life? he lost her. i would say, permanently. status and identity are static themes in Sophie’s life. she exists in the crack between nobility and insurgent. she will never be traditional aristocracy (despite the Council and polite society begrudgingly revering her prodigious skill & dexterity with her gifts).

on the other hand, Fitz is chest-deep in ancient influence, an inheritance analogous to old money. his influence elevates Sophie’s insurgent wills through Alden’s putting his neck on the line for Sophie—even at school, classmates give Sophie gifts as a doorway to potentially dating Fitz. Fitz is, for all intents and purposes, a Vacker, a member of a large and powerful family whose power can benefit Fitz and Sophie for the whole of their lives, so long as they tolerate its outdated bigotry.

Sophie and Fitz are interesting because they are fundamentally foils to each other’s visions of the future, even if they don’t actually realize it in book 7. As long as Sophie reaches her goals to reform the class system altogether, Fitz will never ascend to bureaucracy in the footsteps of Alden. And Fitz… see, Fitz doesn’t just WANT to be Sophie’s equal. He NEEDS to be Sophie’s equal. We keep seeing Fitz being jealous of Sophie’s (Telepathic) dexterity. Fitz tries to get over it, but he keeps showing the greens of jealousy in his emotional center, whether he willingly acknowledges it or not. Fitz needs to ascend to the apex of noble society. There we go, that’s our big conflict. Our Golden Boy. And if he does, Sophie can never execute her reforms of society.

Lucky for us, there’s a loophole. Fitz only serves as a foil to Sophie’s compassionate revolution for so long as he is a capital V Vacker. Fitz needs to find a way to distinguish his ego from his abilities. His identity shouldn’t be that he’s the second-best Telepath.

This stupid love of my life. If he could just see he’s honest and brave, loyal and trustworthy. If he could just see, he’s a soul that shines so bright. If he could just be, and that were enough.

If everybody could win.

#read somewhere: ‘fanfiction overwhelmingly exists as a ‘fuck you’ to the author. there is a misconception that ff is a love letter to the #original work #or a emphasis on its joys #but a overwhelming majority of ff authors wrote beyond a affection for the source material #but with a obstinate enthusiasm for lgbtqia representation #the representation of the underdog #and #above all a mule headed passion for your good old fashioned happy ending. #sophie #keefe #kotlc legacy spoilers #kotlc keefe #kotlc sophie #kotlc fanfic #kotlc dex #kotlc headcanons #kotlc hc #keeper of the lost cities #kotlc fitz #fitzphie #sokeefe #sofitz #sophitz #keephie #team foster keefe

[duchesspeggy]

This has been the worst trade deal in the history of trade deals, maybe ever

[More thoughts under the cut because Alvar makes me sad and I need to share my thoughts. Warning: it’s very long and still doesn’t cover the whole thing imo.]

[Additional warning for Star Wars and ATLA spoilers, for comparative purposes.]

One thing that strikes me about Alvar is how close he came to be on the right side.

We don’t know at what age he joined the Neverseen but we know he was still in Foxfire (and according to Fintan, he was even the youngest to ever join them). Much like Sophie & co, he joined a secret group of rebels because he thought the Council was not ruling the Elvin society properly. His tragedy was being found by the Neverseen rather than the Black Swan. On that note, I think it should be worth noting that at the time Alvar joined the Neverseen, they probably seemed like a better group than the Black Swan. The Neverseen motives are still unclear (Lady Gisela joined them during her pregnancy, but I’m not sure what the Neverseen were up to before that. Were they just radical ecologists or did they already have some weird convoluted plan to take over the world ? idk) but from Alvar point of view, they were probably just a group set on taking actions the Council didn’t dare to. The Black Swan, on the other hand, created a genetically-manipulated child and dropped her in the human world for their own benefit. I know Forkle has all kind of well-crafted speeches to explain how this isn’t a bad thing and Sophie isn’t his little puppet but I’d argue that still doesn’t excuse the circumstances of Sophie’s creation (she was made for a purpose rather than being her own person. That’s messed up) and most of all, Alvar didn’t hear that side of the argument. From what he knew, the Black Swan really created their own little puppet with all kind of super abilities. So yeah, he joined the Neverseen, which was an incredibly bad decision because they’re still terrorists, but from his point of view, I think they appeared less radical than the Black Swan. Sorry for the long digression, back to Alvar’s tragedy.

Why did he join the Neverseen ? Because he thought his family had too many privileges and got away with too much. His biggest desire was literally to put and end to the cult surrounding his family and reveal them for the schemers that they are. He was himself involved in one of those casual ‘breaking the law because we’re Vackers who cares’ by his own father: “Hey Alvar, how would you like to ditch school from time to time and go to the Forbidden Cities to try and found a baby elf hidden there ? Don’t get caught, the Council doesn’t want me to investigate that case lol”. (Side-note again but I wonder if Alvar joined the Neverseen because, having seen humans first-hand, he shared their disgust towards them, especially with all the pollution).  Of course, joining the Neverseen ultimately proved to be a wrong decision, because their actions are morally reprehensible, but his core motivation was good. He saw an injustice and wanted to expose it, even if it meant losing his own privileges in the process.

However, at some point, you have to wake up and realise that kidnapping children and poisoning an entire species etc. is bad. Especially as an adult. It would have been difficult for Alvar to leave the Neverseen after so many years, notably because he joined them so young. He was craving the attention and recognition he didn’t get from his family and for a while, he thought he found it with the Neverseen (bad idea kids. don’t try this at home). Getting out of such groups ascendancy on your mind is very hard and you rarely manage it on your own. Alvar didn’t get any help to do so, except a little in Flashback, but by then it was already too late and not nearly enough. Also the length to which he was ready to go through to make himself useful to Vespera (getting drugged, having his memories erased, etc.) shows how much he depends on that recognition. No sane person would agree to that, much less think of it themselves. But he is still an adult. He is responsible for his actions and he is very much aware that his actions are evil. He hasn’t even shown remorse for them, not even in Legacy. 

Which brings me to the next point I wanted to discuss: should Alvar get a redemption arc? First of all, I need to state that nothing in the narrative points towards it so far. What happens to him at the end of Flasback and during Legacy is not redemption, it’s retribution. In a good story, characters have to face the consequences of their actions at some point. Good actions lead to a good reward. Bad actions to various pay-back. It’s what make it satisfactory: in the end, the villains get punished in one way or another (I really cannot wait for Lady Gisela to get what she deserved because imo, she’s truly the worst of all). Alvar took part in various schemes of the Neverseen and ultimately, put the entire society in danger by opening the hive. He deserves what happens to him. (Except he also doesn’t because so far, he is the only one to suffer a truly horrible fate, when he isn’t in any way as guilty as other characters and already suffered a great deal. Back to it later.) And when he meets Sophie and Keefe, he’s not remorseful. He is not in a redemptive set of mind; he’s only resigned to dying (which breaks my heart, but that’s my own bias) (part of me hopes his quiet place is just his dating spot with Ryu in the Neutral Territories but it’s just wishful thinking). All of this to say that, if Alvar gets a redemption arc, it hasn’t properly started yet (and with only two books left and so many matters to cover, I don’t think it will happen. I still won’t shut up)

Although such an arc hasn’t started yet, I’d argue the conditions to it are already planted. As seen above, Alvar isn’t your big villains with nefarious plans to destroy the entire world, nor is he subjecting his children to horrifying experiments for his own selfish purposes or whatever. His initial motive wasn’t evil and he has shown a good side several times, especially when interacting with Keefe. He is eager for him to see his point of view, he wants him to be properly trained (and teach him very useful skills), he reassures him about being his own person... He’s not pretending in those scenes. He has genuine goodness in him. He is also now separated from the Neverseen. This part is probably what saddens me the most, because deep down, Alvar’s story is one of a child who craves recognition (even if it meant searching for it in wrong places), but only ever got disdain. He felt neglected by his parents and overshadowed by his siblings. The Neverseen only saw value in him because of his family name, the very thing he wanted to leave behind, rather than his talents. Fintan forced him to reveal his affiliation with them, and then Alvar got blamed for it by Vespera and tortured. At the end of Flashback, Umber calls him useless the entire time and says Fitz would have been a better recruit than him. Finally, Vespera ditches him because he’s done serving his purpose. (Which is very stupid. He’s a Vanisher, and from what Della’s says, one of the best. He can still make a very good spy. But hey, she only ever saw him as the guy with the Vacker DNA.) Alvar being kicked out of the Neverseen speaks against him for a redemption arc, because it would be more powerful if he broke the bound himself (rather than “the baddies don’t want me anymore so i’m good now”). But it also means he has no part in whatever Lady Gisela is doing. Even before that, we never saw him take part in those schemes, and his words to Keefe tend to prove that he doesn’t support that plan. The series is too advanced for him to make a 180°C turn and reject everything the Neverseen has done so far. It seems like a good compromise to me to have him stand against that project (even more so if you consider that he was opposed to project Moonlark. I don’t think he likes the idea of manipulating the genes of children *here’s your ‘not as bad as you could have been’ star*)

Now, what makes a good redemption story? There are several examples out there (Zuko having the best one, obviously. Unfortunately, he is too different from Alvar to serve as a good example) but I would like to focus on one: Darth Vader. Anakin becomes evil with good intentions: he wants to save the love of his life and their children. He is also tired of the Senate inefficiency and the Jedi strict rules. A powerful member of the Senate happens to agree with him and encourage him on his rebellion. And listen. I know this post isn’t canon but I truly wish this is how Alvar encounter with the Neverseen happened. It’s plausible. Darth Vader commits infinitely more crimes than Alvar. He destroys an entire planet in the first movie. Not exactly a good guy. But he still gets a redemption at the very end. He kills the Emperor to save his son and loses his life while doing so. For a redemption arc to be good, the character has to sacrifice something. And it has to be proportional to the evil they did. (Zuko, for example, went through various trials and hardships in book 3, and ultimately sacrificed himself to save Katara, but he lived because he was not evil. He was always bad at being bad. End of the digression.) Also worth noting that Anakin was saved by Luke’s faith in him. If Alvar does get a redemption arc, I think it’s the direction it should take. He should be motivated by love (probably for his family since this what his entire arc revolves around ; on that note, even though Biana is the most obvious choice, I would be curious to see a confrontation with his parents. We never got that, I wonder how it would go) and he would have to suffer for it. Not necessarily in a physical sense, even though it’s the most obvious, but he has to sacrifice something. Since he is already dying, it would be very difficult to put in action unfortunately, unless he gets a miraculous healing. But then, the whole ordeal gets very redundant, considering he’s been found half-dead twice already.

Even though I wish Alvar had some form of redemption, I doubt it. Or I doubt it will be properly done, for a few reasons. First of all, as seen, it’s a little late. Besides, Alvar doesn’t have much to contribute to the series anymore. It’s a shame, because I think he had a lot of potential, but the story went in such a direction that he’s not relevant anymore. (Note that I’d love to be proven wrong!) Another thing that makes me iffy about a good redemption arc is, unfortunately, the quality of the writing. Alvar isn’t really Darth Vader; he’s closer to Kylo Ren. And Shannon Messenger doesn’t write him in a mature way, I’m sorry to say that. “He’s evil, therefore he’s the ugliest of the family. He’s vain and has mirror in every single room of his place (like Lord Cassius who has a statue of himself, wtf). Oh but wait, he’s evil! so his place is stinky and smells bad he obviously never cleaned”. Listen. You’re telling me he’s vain and has pristine clothes and is a womanizer (oh yeah, bad) but lives in a junk? This feels very gratuitous. Aside from that, many characters in the books suffer from this “immature” writing. For example, Keefe has no character development. I apologise to all the Keefe stans out there, but I find his lack of evolution incredibly frustrating and when at the end of Unlocked, he once again runs away “for everyone’s sake uwu”, I just wanted to punch him. (I won’t get into a full analysis of his character because this is already too long and also, I don’t like him enough to do that but in short, the sh*t his parents make him go through doesn’t excuse his lack of growth from a narrative point of view. It makes him frustrating to read.) Fitz development is... weird. Linh is forgotten halfway through. Dex and Biana are remembered once in a blue moon. Etc etc. Of course, the large cast makes it difficult to focus on all of them and honestly, kudos to Shannon Messenger for even building such a story. I could never do that. But I think character development is the weakest point of the series, which means I’m not very hopeful for a good redemption arc for Alvar. Even though I’d like to see him get more recognition, because I think he has a lot of untouched potential, I hope he just found his quiet place like he wanted to.

Tldr; Alvar had the potential to be a complex character. His core motives weren’t bad, but his actions were. He was corrupted (for the lack of a better word) at a young age, but is yet to show remorse in his adult life. I wish he got a redemption arc, or his backstory was more explored, because the potential is there. But it seems very unlikely to happen at that stage of the story. Sad.

#kotlc #keepers of the lost cities #alvar vacker #elenwe's babbling #sorry i know this is very long #i wanted to talk about alvar as soon as i finished reading the books but never could find the time #i am now sick and very tired (i wrote this instead of taking a nap) so i hope it still makes sense #OH YES AND OF COURSE this is just my opinion blahblahblah feel free to disagree with me i'm just rambling on my own

[icycoolslushie]

I'm Not the Same Person You Left - Benmars One-shot

Not Sad | Sad | Sadder | Saddest

TW/CW: Romeo and Juliette, blood, gore, violence, suicide, basically everything that happens in These Violent Delights

Hope is a feather. It sticks on for some time, but eventually it falls.

Alisa looked at the door again and again, as if hoping Marshall would suddenly walk through. It wasn’t fair she was alive when he wasn’t.

Benedikt Montagov screamed raw in his sleep.

No one came. They were used to this by now.

But Roma hesitated outside of his cousin’s door. It was his fault Marshall was dead.

The thought hit him like the bullet had hit Marshall. Only he didn’t die; he got to live with betrayal and the knowledge that it was his fault everything had gone to pieces.

Why, oh why, had he ever trusted Juliette? he asked himself again and again, though he knew why: he had hope.

Now that hope was crushed just like the thought of never seeing Marshall again.

“Mars! Marshall. MARSHALL SEO.”

Benedikt had said Marshall’s name in every variation, language, and tone he knew. He had pleaded with anyone (whether they were above or below) to get Marshall back. He had done everything except kill himself to see Marshall. But it was killing him anyway.

All he wanted was one last hug. One last laugh. One last smile.

“Mars,” he whispered softly, one last time, a boy that knew nothing would ever be right again but still had a sliver of hope left, before he buried his face into his pillow and sobbed out whatever liquid was still left in him.

The damn loneliness was killing Marshall Seo as much as Tyler Cai’s bullet had been.

He wanted to make sure poor little Alisa was safe, Roma was okay, but most of all he wanted to see Benedikt.

Ben, the other part of his heart, the twin of his soul, the yin to his yang, the yang to his yin. Ben. The person he loved most.

It was his fault, he supposed, for getting so entangled with a person who loved someone from the enemy’s side. But was it his fault he had become attached to a person? His fault he had eventually started loving his best friend? Was it his damn fault that he lived in a city divided by a blood feud?

Even if it wasn’t, it was still his life. And there was nothing he could do but wait till Juliette could do something about her cousin so he could finally get out of this safehouse and into Ben’s arms.

Then it occurred to him: he could do something. How had he not realized? Maybe the desperation was driving him mad, that he actually considered the craziest idea he had ever had.

Damn doing a favour for Juliette Cai. He needed to see Benedikt. Let Benedikt know he was alive. He could sneak out of here, his face hidden in his hoodie, buy (or steal) a wig from the roadside sellers, get a mask of some sort, and sneak into the White Flowers territory.

Yes, that’s what he would do. The only thing that would keep him sane.

He took an empty water jug and smashed it against the windows, breaking the wood that had warded up the glass. He heard something smash below, and knew that the debris must have fallen. He ducked to make sure no one had seen him. After two minutes, when he figured that if anyone had seen the broken glass and chopped wood would have left, he lifted himself up and looked out the window—the first view of the city he had seen since almost two weeks. It looked . . . different. Less people. He supposed they were all being cautious, and at least no one would be able to see a random person climbing down a building.

Marshall messed up his hair, put his hood on, and took a deep breath before he put one leg out the window.

Grabbing the windowsill tightly, he put his other leg out the window as well.

He climbed down, slowly and steadily, years of practice guiding him. When the distance left was just half a meter, he jumped down.

He hid behind an empty cart, making sure no one had seen him, waiting out two minutes in which he re-adjusted his hood and started walking again.

Within ten minutes, he found the tailor shop he, Benedikt, and Roma used to go to get disguises. Usually they paid, but he had no money now, so he entered through the back and found a large purple overcoat, a russet wig, and a cat mask. He put them on, listening attentively in case someone came into the storage room, and left.

He walked for a bit, until he could tell he was in White Flower territory, and Ben’s place was just a block away.

He took to the wall to make sure no one could see him and sneakily made his way deeper into the buildings.

When he was able to see Ben’s window, he stopped. Did he really want to do this? Endanger Ben? Put Ben’s life into even more danger?

No.

No, he didn’t.

But his desire to see him was overwhelming and Marshall decided he could not live with the fact that he would’ve been able to see Ben but didn’t.

And no doubt Ben wanted to see him too.

He took off the overcoat, the wig, and the mask, letting his disguise slip away.

Marshall took a few steps forward away, and was able to touch the window. He knocked hesitantly, then paused. Then knocked again, properly this time.

He gasped.

Benedikt wasn’t sure whether he was dreaming again, had died, was looking at Marshall’s ghost, or was getting hallucinations.

And honestly, he didn’t care. He was getting to see Marshall again, and that was all that mattered.

Benedikt’s blonde hair was messed up, his face was flushed, his skin was way too pale, and he basically looked like a ghost. Someone who hadn’t eaten, slept, or even had proper hygiene. Marshall grimaced when he saw his best friend.

“I must have died and gone to heaven to receive such a present,” Benedikt said. “Or I must certainly be dreaming. Or is it your ghost? Haunting me? I know I should’ve saved you, but I couldn’t. So I’ll let you give me as much grief as you want as long as you’ll stay.”

“Benedikt, you’ve gone crazy,” Marshall remarked.

“Maybe it is the actual you. Only you could be so vexing.”

Marshall leaned back. What was wrong with Benedikt? Then he noticed a plate, full. Not a crumb had been eaten. Benedikt hadn’t eaten anything today, maybe not even drank. Suddenly he felt selfish for delaying this visit for so long. “Can I come in?” he asked, not bothering for the answer, already moving to de-attach the window lock.

Benedikt seemed to have resurrected, and he fiddled with the lock before Marshall, opening it, letting him in.

He looked behind and in all directions, making sure no one could see him, and crawled through the window.

Tripping at the last second, he toppled into Ben, who didn’t have much strength—after all, he had been eating less—and together they fell, Marshall half on top of Benedikt, half on top of the floor. He blushed, which wasn’t like him to do.

Before Benedikt had gathered his strength to sit up, Marshall did, and grabbed the plate with food on it. He helped Benedikt sit up, and slowly fed him small bites of an apple. As Ben had finished the apple, Marshall peeled an orange and fed him that.

Slowly, Benedikt regained his strength, his proper strength, as Marshall fed him a day’s worth of food. It seemed as if Benedikt had only been having only one or none meals a day.

Finally, when the plate was empty, Marshall moved his right index finger over Ben’s lips, wiping away bread crumbs. When he was done, Ben moaned.

“What?” Marshall asked, honestly surprised.

“I never knew—all these years, and God, I was dumb.”

“We’ve been over this. You are dumb.”

Benedikt laughed. “That—you making me laugh. I—” He shook his head. “Can I kiss your finger?”

“You’ll get your mouth dirty again.”

“Maybe I want that.”

Marshall sighed and stuck out his finger into Benedikt’s lap. Ben kissed it. Then Marshall ran his finger over Benedikt’s mouth again, wiping his face clean, taking care of him.

Benedikt had wished for one last hug, one last laugh, one last smile. Now we would make sure each one was memorable, plastered into his memory.

He would make sure he never lost Marshall again.

Marshall Seo the full moon outside, bringing hope and possibilities and new beginnings. He cherished the view and feelings like he cherished Benedikt.

It grows back, though.

Benedikt Montagov had lost a feather, but it had grown back.

He had hope again.

Taglist: @della-vacker-supremacy @themadhatter999 @writeforjordelia @theenchanteddreamer @shadowhuntingdemigod @reyna-herondale Lmk if you wanna be added or removed! (Also feel free to tag other people.) @safinssmontagov (Fantasy Appreciation Week)

#these characters belong to chloe gong not me tvd is absolutely wonderful please read it if you haven't #this is my coping mechanism waiting for ovd #tvd #these violent delights #our violent ends #benmars #benedikt montagov #marshall seo #benedikt x marshall #chloe gong #fanfic #ace writes #dividers by me! #yes i've started making dividers now #benmars my beloved #ask to tag #tw romeo and juliette #cw romeo and juliette #fantasyappreciationw21 #userrlucie #userfandomsnett

[bookwyrminspiration]

What are your thoughts on Bronte/Fallon? (Or Fintan/Fallon)

will be entirely honest, I don't think about them very frequently, but that does mean going into this I will have a fresh set of eyes to tackle their characters with!

bronte/fallon:

we don't know a lot about fallon, only that he's a Vacker, served on the Original council--with Bronte working as emissary, I believe--and doesn't seem entirely...there, you know? his memeory is fleeting and he doesn't compose himself the way everyone else does. this is attributed to his age, but that's not important right now. But! going back to that council thing! they worked together and have a history spanning longer than most elves have even been alive. there could be a sense of knowing between the two of them, sharing an experience nearly no one else does and an age that separates them from all the inventions and drama of the current era. I mean, I think they both existed before a council even existed, and that's something that's just become normal to everyone else.

bronte has a reputation the same way Fallon does, they've just gone in different directions. Bronte is someone you should avoid because he's cruel and abrasive and doesn't like people, while Fallon is someone you should avoid because he's aloof and has trouble with reality and forgets things. Both of those aren't very accepted in elven society, but both of them paved the future and are respected for that.

if i remember right, Bronte doesn't like Fallon for some unexplained reason, but I'm just going to toss out a possible theory to take into consideration for their relationship. Fallon stepped down from his position to marry and start a family after a thousand or so years of service. I think Bronte may have saw that as weak, a lack of commitment and a softness that he wouldn't want a leader to have. i think he may have been disappointed in Fallon for his decision. My reasoning? Bronte has served a long time on the council, I think longer than Fallon. He started working for the council as an emissary when Serenvale fell to the ogres, and Fallon was still councillor at that time. So, seeing as he is the 19-time great grandparent of Fitz and Biana, estimating elves start the next generation every 100 years or so at the very least, that puts it at around 2100 years ago when Bronte first started working for the government--not necessarily as a councillor. I might be able to figure out that math but I won't do that right now because it's not relevant to the ask more than this, but might do that later just for fun. My point is, 2100 years of service compared to 1000 might make Bronte think he's better than Fallon, more committed and not swayed by familial ties, which would be an interesting dynamic if the two of them ended up together, Bronte engaging in the very thing he hated Fallon for

]Fintan/Fallon:

Oh that's an interesting one! I don't remember when exactly Fintan was serving as a councillor, but if they were serving at the same time, then that opens up so many opportunities. I'll think about him both serving and not serving with Fallon just to postulate about things that could've happened

if Fallon served at the same time as Fintan, there could be a lingering tension on Fintan's end as the council he was on decided that he would need to step down because of his ability. he did agree with this at the time, but we could also go down the route that suppressing his ability for so long made him crack and a little less stable, perhaps in a way that Fallon is as well. there could be something there to explore and their parallels. or he could hold a resentment against Fallon and Fallon alone, going more with the "why did you let me do that to myself" thing, "why didn't you protect me from myself." that could be a good opportunity for something.

if he didn't, then i don't really have a lot to go on aside from a shared public experience of being an ancient member of society who has also served on the council. I don't know when else they could've met or interacted. But this is all also affected by me having very little on Fallon to base this off of--honestly I'm impressed I've gotten this far. Same thing I said with Bronte, there's also rumors about the two of them that are less than positive, so they could bond over that and approach each other with something no one else does, knowing that rumors aren't what they seem. if there's more scenes that have the two of them in common, please let me know and I'd be more than happy to revisit this! I feel like there might be one in Flashback (? whenever Alvar's trial was), but I'm unsure and don't want to drag this on!

to summarize: there's a lot of possibilities for each of those pairs, just a lot of gaps to fill in to try and puzzle them out. there seems to be a lot of drama surrounding all the ancients, so I'd be curious to either meet more and compare them (idk. maybe we just got a weird batch and everyone else is an average person), or learn more about each of them!

#this one was a little more difficult just because of how little we know about fallon #he had like one scene #and brief mentions throughout the others books but no more than a few lines #most of those few lines I'm just working from memory for #consulted the wiki for some of the bigger things #but!! #I still enjoyed this one a lot! #I love it when you all get me thinking #kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #councillor bronte #fallon vacker #fintan pyren #bronte x fallon #fallon x fintan #quil's queries #nonsie #long post

[gay-otlc]

Little Miss Perfect

Summary: Straight hair, straight A's, straight forward, straight girl

Straight hair is most beautiful. Straight A's are most successful. Straight forward is fastest. Straight girls are the most perfect. And if straight girls are the most perfect, and Biana is the most perfect, ae has to be straight. Ae doesn't get a choice.

Little miss perfect, that's me

Content warnings: Internalized homophobia, homophobia in general, cursing, mentions of abuse, mentions of eating disorders, lmk if I should add more.

Word count: 3143

(Read on AO3)

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight path, I don't cut corners

Biana Amberly Vacker is beautiful, and smart, but that's hardly a surprise. Even before ae was born, everyone knew ae would be beautiful, and smart. Ae's a Vacker, after all. Ae wakes up early to straighten aer hair and stays up late to study, so ae's tired all the time, but ae's gorgeous and ae's at the top of aer class, so does it really matter?

Ae takes life one day at a time, one step after another, because if ae slows down or turns around, everything ae's running away from might catch up with aer.

So ae doesn't do that. Biana keeps following the straight path and hopes the road ahead of aer doesn't wind too much. Make sure every step leads aer to perfection.

I make a point to be on time Head of the student council

Not only that, but Biana's on time for everything. Aer parents make sure of that, but ae probably would be even without their help- Biana likes to plan ahead. Or really, ae doesn't know for sure whether ae likes it, or if it makes ae feel trapped. But at least it saves aer the confusion and terror of an uncertain life. Whatever the reason, ae makes little notes in aer planner for all aer appointments.

And bigger notes in aer journal for the rest of aer life.

Make it through Foxfire.

Manifest an ability.

Get a respectable job.

Marry a respectable boy.

Have children.

Step four... doesn't seem so great, by which ae means downright nauseating, but that doesn't matter. What ae wants doesn't matter. And anyway, this will probably be what ae wants in the long run. Ae's just not old enough for boys yet. Plenty of time for that in the future.

Ae'll be on time for every step of aer perfect fucking life.

I don't black out at parties I jam to Paul McCartney

Biana doesn't break rules- mostly because ae's afraid of how aer father would punish aer. Either way, ae's never snuck out at night, never spent time with the classmates he said were beneath aer, never wore something he said showed too much skin, never ate more than ae was allowed to. Every single one of his rules, ae followed.

If that meant not going to Marella Redek's party because her mother was too "strange," even though everyone else was talking about how fun it would be, ae wouldn't go. Ae would just miss out. Fun.

Ae heard that at the parties, they played human music. What would that even sound like? Fitz knew- he got to go to the human world all the time, but Biana didn't. Still, after incessant begging, aer dad let aer listen to one song, by a human named Paul McCartney. It wasn't bad. Quite good, in comparison to elvin music. Still... ae wished ae could listen to more.

Of course, ae wouldn't. That would be disobeying aer dad. And ae didn't do that. She always had to be the perfect daughtaer.

If you ask me how I'm doing I'll say... Well, hmm

Lying wasn't good, of course. Ae shouldn't lie to people who asked how ae was doing.

But ae couldn't admit to being anything less than perfect.

So ae'd just mumble.

Perfect until proven otherwise.

I was adopted when I was two My parents spoiled me rotten

Okay, so Biana isn't actually adopted- but for years, ae thought ae had been. Always out of place in the perfect Vacker family, because everything comes so effortlessly to them, they're exactly what elvin society wants without any struggle at all. And ae... wasn't like that. Too loud, too argumentative, not quite ladylike enough. Not smart enough, ae needed to work harder. Not pretty enough.

Not interested in the right people.

But when ae learned to stay quiet, keep aer head down, and follow all the damn rules, aer parents seemed to like aer better. Well, Alden did. Della always appreciated aer, however quietly, slipping aer little pieces of mallowmelt behind Alden's back even when he told aer that ae had to be thinner. Whispering compliments into aer ears after Alden scolded aer so much his voice was hoarse from screaming and aers was hoarse from crying.

And when Alden was proud of aer, she would get everything ae wanted. All the pretty dresses. All the sparkles and sketchbooks and sewing kits. Trips to Atlantis or Eternalia. Anything ae wanted, to reward her for being Little Miss Perfect.

Often I ask myself, "What did I do?" To get as far as I've gotten

Some of the time- who the hell is ae kidding, it's most, if not all, of the time- Biana feels like... ae doesn't deserve aer last name, or aer popularity, or any of aer privileges in life. Mentors at Foxfire practically revere aer and aer peers bend over backwards to be liked by aer.

Ae is so fucking sick of it.

Why aer? Ae wants to scream the question at every single person who treats aer differently. Why is ae the one to get that treatment? Ae had never done anything important in aer whole fucking life, ae didn't do anything, and all this praise should go to someone far more perfect than aer.

A pretty girl walks by my locker My heart gives a flutter

Biana is, unfortunately, very well known at Foxfire, and ae thought ae knew everyone else too. But ae's never seen this girl before, because ae would know if they had. It would be impossible for past Biana to have seen this girl and not remember her.

She has dark skin, even darker than Biana's, and long dreadlocks pulled into a knot and streaked with blue. Biana thought ae was used to the beauty of elvin girls- they were all quite pretty- but this girl, holy shit, ae was not prepared to see this girl. Her flat nose and full pink lips and turquoise eyes are all so beautiful. Biana's heart pounds and flutters around her chest like it wants to fly out and meet this girl, and aer breath catches.

Maruca Chebota, as ae later learns, is perfection.

But I don't dare utter a word 'Cause that would be absurd behaviour For little miss perfect

The pretty girl continues walking, seemingly unaware that she's thrown Biana's world wobbling out of orbit. Biana wants to call out to her, to yell, to make sure she doesn't walk away and make it so that amazing high, those butterflies and awe and something ae can't even describe, seems almost like it never happened.

But there are a lot of people in the hallways, and they're already staring at aer far more intensely than what ae would describe as comfortable, ready to judge each and every thing she does. Running to catch up with a girl because she's pretty? Not normal. Not normal for any elf, but especially not aer.

Biana silently watches her turn around a corner into a different hallway and out of aer line of sight, wishing ae could have been a little less perfect. Just for one second.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na No, I can't risk falling off my throne

Dear Maruca,

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you lately. I'm sorry I can't talk to you. You haven't done anything wrong, I promise.

It's just... you're dangerous. To my heart, my... my reputation. My throne.

That's not quite true. You're not dangerous to most people. You're just dangerous to me. Maybe you're fine, and I'm just too fragile. Too imperfect.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Love is something I don't even know

Dear Maruca,

What if we did love each other? Bravely. Boldly. Unapologetically.

What if I pretended it wouldn't topple me off my throne; or pretended I didn't care?

No. That's stupid. I shouldn't sacrifice all that for love.

This isn't even love, anyway. I don't know what love is, but you aren't it.

Straight hair, straight A's, straightforward Straight girl

Straight hair is most beautiful.

Straight A's are most successful.

Straight forward is fastest.

Straight girls are the most perfect.

Little miss perfect That's me

And if straight girls are the most perfect, and Biana is the most perfect, ae has to be straight.

Ae doesn't get a choice.

One night my friend stayed over We laughed, and drank and ordered

And straight girls would like Maruca, sure, but not in the way Biana does. Not in that all consuming, heart wrenching, feels like ae's floating and falling and spiraling all at once way. Just in a... a friend way. A normal way. Because the two of them would make perfect friends, and anything other than that would end in fiery disaster.

So Biana makes friends with Maruca. Friends. They talk about their Universe class, and play splotching together in PE (Maruca wins; Biana gets distracted by her braids), and horribly bake mallowmelt together. It burns.

Maruca is... fun. It's fun to be friends with Maruca. Ae invites her over to Everglen for a sleepover- Della is overjoyed that Biana is finally making friends- and they have a fun time. Playing games and talking about useless shit and going to go bother Fitz and his friend Keefe.

It doesn't need to be anything different, Biana tells aerself, again and again. It's perfect like this. It doesn't need to change.

Something about her drew me in What? It's totally platonic

Biana can't stop staring at Maruca.

She feels like gravity, a star, and ae feels like a planet. They work perfectly together, orbiting around and around and around. If Maruca smiles, Biana's mind races to solve the mystery of how exactly that smile would taste on aer lips. It tastes good, ae thinks, though that's a stupid thought.

"What are you thinking about?" Maruca asks. "You have this goofy smile on your face, and you didn't hear the story I just told."

Biana turns bright red. Of course, ae can't say I was thinking about your lips on mine, because that would sound... weird. Ae has to keep it platonic, because they'll never be anything other than platonic, and it's not like ae wants that either. Ae swallows, and finally says "You. I'm really glad we're friends."

Platonic friends. Perfect, platonic friends.

That night was so exciting Her smirks were so enticing

"Yeah, I'm an awesome friend," Maruca says, flicking one of her intricate braids. Biana's eyes linger on it a little too long.

Ae clears aer throat and quickly deflects the conversation, still blushing. "You are. Do you want to go downstairs? It smells like something's baking."

"I would be honored to go eat some of your mom's amazing desserts, m'laedy," says Maruca, extending a hand with mock formality. Her gorgeous lips are pulled into a smirk. Biana's breath catches; ae wants to freeze this mental image for eternity. Cautiously, ae takes Maruca's hand in aers.

Skin touching. Holding hands.

It's stupid, it's a cliche, but it does feel like sparks shoot across aer skin as Maruca wraps her fingers in Biana's and starts walking downstairs. Aer stomach flips around excitedly.

Then ae crashes and burns. They are friends. Both girls. Friends don't get this excited about holding other friends' hands. Biana rips aer hand away and stuffs it in aer pocket. Maruca looks a bit offended, but Biana clenches aer jaw and looks down.

It hurts, but ae has to be perfect. No exceptions.

Hours speed by like seconds Then, what happens is iconic

Once they get over the awkwardness of that moment, they slip right back into the fun they were having before. Della's ripplefluffs disappear quickly, and the two of them go back into Biana's room to keep talking. Biana shows Maruca aer sketches- ae hasn't really shown them to anyone before, Alden thinks a Vacker should have a more noble profession than designing fashion- and Maruca tells Biana that ae should dye aer hair.

Alden is going to kill aer, but for once, ae isn't thinking of that. Della would probably say yes, but the two of them decide it would be more fun to sneak out, so they light leap to Slurps And Burps as quietly as they can, in silent giggles the whole time. Maruca decides to re-dye the blue streaks in her hair, and Biana opts for violet. They go back to Biana's room and laugh more. Biana wildly thinks this is the most fun ae's ever had.

It's perfect, even if ae isn't.

She takes a sip, I bite my lip She tells a joke, I nearly choke

Aer stomach is sore from laughing, and ae still can't stop looking at Maruca. She's so pretty, something ae could stare at forever if ae had the chance. The longer ae looks, the more ae notices little details, like the way her braids fall against her shoulders, and how she has barely visible freckles splattered across her nose, and how her hand brushes against Biana's every so often. It's warm, and smooth, and perfect.

Maruca is a masterpiece of a person.

Currently, Biana's fascination lies in how her lips curl around the straw of her lushberry juice. It’s disgusting and wrong and so thrilling as Biana imagines kissing those lips.

No. Stop thinking about that, Biana commands aerself, biting aer own lip to draw aer attention away.

"Biana? Bi? You listening?"

Ae turns red. "Yeah, sorry!"

"Alright, so I was reading about cowboys, except I read it as cowgoys because it was really late, which implies the existence of Jewish cows. So then the thought 'Bar Moo-tzvah' came into my head and I can't stop thinking about it."

Biana snorts; the joke is funny enough on its own, but the cute little smile on Maruca's face and the way her eyes light up nearly make aer choke.

“Shut the fuck up, brain, let me be the perfect Vacker,” ae muters, too quietly for Maruca to hear.

She braids my hair, I sit there Blacking out for the first time

Maruca says Biana's newly violet hair looks beautiful- ae needs to fake a coughing fit to keep from squealing- and asks to braid it. Biana nods, and lets aerself get lost in the feeling of fingers weaving through aer hair and brushing against aer head.

Aer eyes close- ae doesn't know when, but the room around aer disappears and all ae can feel is fingers and this all encompassing, overwhelming love ae seems to be drowning in, blacking out everything else.

Next thing I know, I lose control I finally kiss her but oh no

Without making any conscious decision, Biana spins around, cups Maruca's face, and gently presses aer lips against hers. Their flat noses touch, eyelashes flutter against each other's cheeks, lips kissing. Kissing. It's fast, and sweet, and wonderful. Biana feels aer world aligning perfectly, like this is the way everything was meant to be, and there are fireworks shooting across aer skies.

Biana smiles against Maruca's lips.

I see a face in my window Then my brain starts to go

Everything happens at once.

Maruca yelps and pushes aer back. The door swings open, revealing a shocked Fitz. Fireworks vanish, as quickly as they came.

Biana's world shatters.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na No, you can't risk falling off your throne

Dear Maruca,

That kiss was amazing.

But it's too risky to do again.

I'm sorry.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Love is something you don't even know

Dear Maruca,

What do I know about kissing? It's not like I have anything to compare it too, besides that one time I kissed Keefe on the cheek because I thought I was supposed to. No, because I wanted to. Because I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to kiss him and I didn't want to kiss you.

I don't know what kissing is supposed to feel like. Or what love is supposed to feel like.

It'll be better with a boy. It has to be better with a boy.

I'll know love eventually, and it won't be with you.

You shouldn't love me either.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na You can't risk falling off your throne

Dear Maruca,

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you-

No.

I hate myself.

La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la Love You don't even know

Dear Maruca,

Or maybe I love you.

I don't know.

I probably don't.

Because I can't love another girl, right? I have to be misunderstanding what love means if I think I can love a girl.

I don't know love. But it can't be you.

Rewind, induce amnesia Deny the truth, that's easier

Fitz tells her what to do- pretend like it never happened. That's what Alden told him when he kissed Keefe. Biana snorts humorlessly at that; two fucked up Vacker children. But ae follows his advice. Forget about it. Pretend it never happened. Never address it with Maruca; or speak to her again, really. Pretend, pretend, pretend.

Ae's been pretending aer whole life.

Life continues on, and ae pretends to be okay. Maruca makes friends with Stina, and Biana makes friends with the new girl. Sophie Foster. Sophie is nice enough, but she's not Maruca. She can't replace Maruca. No one can fucking replace Maruca, and no one should have to- ae just fucked up aer only chance with someone that wonderful. But ae pretends Sophie is enough, pretends ae's not heartbroken.

Pretends, pretends, pretends.

Pretends to be perfect.

You're just confused, believe her When she says there's nothing there

Biana talks to Maruca once.

They both apologize in the same breath.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened-"

"That was weird, I'm sorry-"

"I don't like you, I was just confused."

"So was I, kissing girls was just something I thought I'd try, a bit of a phase."

"No, totally, it's not like I really like girls or anything."

"Nah, that'd be weird."

They never speak again. There's nothing between them. Biana tries to believe what Maruca told aer. Ae doesn't.

“You're just confused,” ae repeats to aerself. “You're still perfect.”

It's never worth it When you're little miss perfect

Dear Maruca,

Maybe someone else can love you. Someone who doesn't have to be little miss perfect.

#shai's writing #shai types things #kotlc #biana vacker #bianuca #fuck alden #little miss perfect

[kotlc-deleted-scenes]

Flashback Paperback Edition Short Story

The Talk

“Lord Alden,” Lord Cassius said, dipping his head in what could barely count as a bow before he stepped aside to let Alden enter the Shores of Solace – aka his used-to-be-secret-getaway-though-no-one-actually-wanted-to-go-there-with-him home. “I thought the Council ordered all of you Vackers to the Tribunal Hall today for the big verdict. It’s all I’ve heard about these days. People do love a good scandal – and this is the best our world has seen in ages.

“The sentencing isn’t until this afternoon,” Alden explained, ignoring the rest of Cassius’s jab as he made his way towards the mother-of-pearl walls. His teal eyes looked rather impressed as they skimmed over the fancy furniture and enormous ocean-view windows – but his gaze softened when he focused on the blond boy sprawled across one of the couches. “I was hoping I’d find you here.”

Keefe pulled himself to his feet, making sure to brush all the crumbs from the butterblast he’d snacked on for breakfast onto the otherwise pristine floor. “Is everything okay?”

Alden nodded. “But I’d love a quick word with you if you don’t mind. Perhaps somewhere a bit more private?”

“Or I can lock Lord Nosypants in a closet,” Ro offered, striding out of the shadowy corner flashing a pointy-toothed grin.

How the pink-haired, heavily armed ogre princess could make people forget she was in the room was one of life’s great mysteries.

“Let’s save that fun for later,” Keefe decided, leading Alden to the one place at his father’s house where he felt like he could breathe: a wide outdoor patio facing a glittering black sand beach. Cushioned swings swayed in the salty wind, and Alden sank into one of them, watching the turquoise waves crash against the shore long enough for Keefe’s brain to put together a pretty extensive list of scary things that might be happening.

Clearly Foster’s ever-worrying ways were rubbing off on him.

“Sooo…,” he said, dragging out the word as he plopped onto the swing next to Alden. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing bad,” Alden assured him. “I’m just hoping you’ll be willing to attend the tribunal today.”

Ro groaned. “Nooooooooo! Then I have to go, and everyone’s going to be all smug and sparkly and give boring speeches about how brilliant they are – and I’m not even allowed to stab anybody!”

Keefe ignored her. “I thought it was family only.”

“It was. But I’ve convinced the Council to make an exception, because Fitz is going to need a friend today.”

Yeah, that was kind of an understatement. Keefe was pretty sure Fitz was going to go into rage-monster mode if the Council gave Alvar anything less than a life sentence. And if Alden felt the need to bring in reinforcements…

Keefe slumped back against the cushions. “Does that mean you know –“

“What I know,” Alden interrupted, “is that I’m doing everything in my power to get my family through this.”

Which wasn’t really an answer.

“The thing is,” he added quietly. “my son is far more likely to listen to you than he is to me. Especially under the circumstances.”

“Okay, but if you’re looking for a voice of wisdom, you’d be better off asking someone who’s a bit more… shall we say, responsible?” Keefe felt the need to point out.

“I agree. Which is why I’ve arranged clearance for Sophie to attend as well.”

“Perfect!” Ro jumped in. “Then you don’t need us!”

“Actually, that’s why I do.” Alden’s eyes dropped to his hands, his fingers twisting the edge of his embroidered cape. “You and I both know, Keefe, that my son doesn’t necessarily excel at controlling his temper. And… I don’t think either of us wants to see him channel any of that anger at Sophie. So if you’re there –“

“Hang on.” Ro made a time-out gesture. “Are you seriously asking Keefe to be the punching bag during your pretty boy’s little temper tantrums?”

“Of course not! I’m asking an empath to watch for moments when his best friend is getting close to losing control of his emotions, and to keep him from saying or doing anything he’ll later regret.

“Or you could just leave our pretty little blond girl out of this one,” Ro reminded him.

“No, I can’t. Fitz… needs her.” His eyes shifted to Keefe, and there was something tentative about his expression.

Something nervous.

“He needs her,” he repeated gently, taking a long breath before he added, “I think you know that. And… I suspect you know how Sophie feels too.”

Unfortunately, Keefe did – and he was always trying hard not to think about it, because it made him want to punch things.

“Hate to break it to you guys,” Ro informed them, “but Blondie doesn’t know what she feels.”

“Perhaps not,” Alden conceded. “But that mostly has to do with the fact that my son has yet to make things clear. Once he does…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t need to. Keefe was well aware of all the miserable mushiness he had ahead.

The hand-holding.

And cuddling.

And…

Ugh, if he had to watch them kiss, he was going to vomit all over his boots.

Alden placed his hand softly over Keefe’s, waiting for Keefe to meet his eyes before he told him, “I realize that all of this is… complicated for you, given how you feel about –”

“I’m just gonna stop you right there,” Keefe cut in, pulling his hand away and jumping off the swing. He paced to the far end of the patio, relieved that his legs pulled it off with some swagger. “Leave the feelings-reading to us Empaths, okay? Cause you’re wrong. Like, super, super wrong.”

“No, I’m not.”

Keefe was dying to ask him how he could be so sure – and if that meant Fitz had figured it out too. But that would mean admitting it, and the only way he was going to get through this conversation was to deny, deny, deny.

Alden sighed. “Sorry, I know this conversation is difficult – and I’m not trying to meddle –”

“Um, I’m pretty sure this is the definition of meddling,” Ro argued.

“No, it’s the definition of caring.” Alden stood and made his way closer, wrapping an arm around Keefe’s shoulders. “You may not be my genetic son,” he said quietly, “but I’ve long considered you part of my family.”

Keefe had to remind himself to breathe.

Part of him wanted to pull away and run. The other part wanted to lean back and see what it felt like to not have to stand on his own. But he was pretty sure that either way, he’d end up getting hurt.

So he just stood there, stiff and silent, watching the frothy water smooth the dark sand into a shiny, black canvas.

It wasn’t fair that the beach got so many do-overs.

“I’ve never told anyone this,” Alden murmured, “but long ago before I met Della, there was… another. Someone I was convinced was my perfect match – and the matchmakers agreed. But, as it turned out, she… preferred a close friend of mine.” He let the words hang there for a beat before he added, “So I’m no stranger to your situation, Keefe.”

“There’s no situation,” Keefe insisted.

“Maybe there isn’t. But I’m going to pass on some wisdom to you anyway. I’m a father. It’s what I do. And don’t worry, I’m not about to give you a long speech on how someday you’ll find your true match like I did – though you will.” He pulled Keefe slightly closer, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze. “The wisdom I want to give you is simply this: If you really care about them, let them be happy.”

Let them be happy.

Those words made Keefe want to vomit even more than the idea of Fitzphie smoochfests.

“I know,” Alden said gently. “Believe me, I undersand exactly how heartbreaking that is to hear. But take it from someone who ended up losing two valuable friendships. There’s only one way this ends –”

“Uh, no there isn’t!” Ro snapped. “We’re talking about teenagers! Stop acting like any of this is a done deal.” She waited for Keefe to meet her eyes before she added, “It isn’t.”

Alden sighed. “I suppose only time will tell. But that doesn’t change where we are today. Today, Sophie and Fitz are both going to need your help. So the question is, are you willing to be their friend?”

Keefe opened his mouth to answer, but Alden shook his head, drawing Keefe into a hug before he stepped away.

“That’s all I came here to say,” he said, pulling his pathfinder out of his cape’s inner pocket. “I hope I’ll see you at Tribunal Hall in a few hours. But I’ll leave that up to you. Think about what I’ve said, okay?”

Keefe managed a shaky not as Alden held the crystal up to the sunlight and glittered away.

“That guy’s got a lot of nerve,” Ro grumbled. “You know what that was, right? He’s trying to get you to back off so he can keep his spoiled son happy – and he’s totally using your daddy issues to make you play along!” She held out her arm, pretending she was wrapping it around an imaginary person’s shoulders. “I’ve long considered you part of my family – what a stinking load of garbage! He’s just trying to get rid of the competition. So what you need to do now is –”

“I’m going to the Tribunal,” Keefe interrupted.

Ro rolled her eyes. “Of course you are. That’s what you do – sabotage yourself over and over because it’s easier than putting yourself out there!

“I’m not sabotaging anything! Sophie’s not some prize that Fitz and I get to fight over. She’s a person. And she has her own feelings – and no one knows those feelings better than I do!”

Ro blinked, and he realized he’d shouted that super loud.

Loud enough that he was pretty sure his father had heard every word.

But it didn’t matter.

Lord Cassius wasn’t the type of person to go for a heart-to-heart.

Keefe’s hands curled into fists and he sucked in a deep, slow breath before he said, “I’m going to the tribunal. Because two of my friends are going to be there. And they’re going to need me. You can whine about it all you want. Or you can stay here…”

“Oh, I’m going,” Ro warned. “And there will be an abundance of whining.”

“Bring it on,” Keefe muttered, heading for his room to get changed. He tried to slam the door in Ro’s face, but the ogre princess had annoyingly fast reflexes and managed to block it with her elbow.

She sighed. “Fine. I’ll leave you to your sulking. But just… promise me something, okay? Don’t give up.”

“I’m not,” Keefe said.

And he meant it.

He wasn’t giving up.

He was just… waiting.

Being the best friend he could be.

Trying not to wreck anything.

And hoping, hoping, hoping that someday things would change.

(Source)

#flashback #kotlc deleted scenes #kotlc deleted scene