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uglypastels · 1 year

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Caught Me Slippin' | escort!eddie au

(a/n) yes, this fic is based on the Kiss Quotient, and, therefore also Pretty Woman. Thanks to everyone who voted on the poll for me to work on this fic. I had a lot of fun with it! So, even though its a bit all over the place, haha, I hope you still like it.

If you want to see more of this fic, please send an ask and we can chat about it but Do Not Ask For Part 2. This is a One Shot.

Summary: [modern!au] feeling insecure about your skills in bed, you decide to find someone who could help you learn. Except, when the guy actually shows up, a mistake seems to have occurred. Fortunately, you're both quite adaptable (or, at least, you try to be), and the night quickly takes off into unexpected territories.

Word count: 13.2k

Warnings: SMUT. MINORS DNI. 18+ ONLY. dual POV. rich!female!reader. shorter than Eddie. self-consciousness. slight miscommunication - quickly resolved. swearing. drinking. awkwardness. [mention of infidelity, side characters]. non-monogamous relationship. smut. male sex work (obviously). slight dom! Eddie. inexperienced!reader. mentions of bdsm- bondage, sadomasochism. nipple piercings. nipple play. fingering. oral (f receiving). light pussy slapping. Eddie has an innocence kink. I'm probably not representing sex work 100% accurately, but this is [fan]fiction. You should always take it with a grain of salt. + apparently, kind of angsty, idk i guess I'm dead inside.

if you think I'm missing any warnings, please let me know, and I'll add them. if you do not like the sound of any of these- then this is not for you. do not read.

All the errors left unlearned, oh

But I am the luckiest guy

Not the loneliest guy in the world

- David Bowie, The Loneliest Guy

What the hell were you doing?

Sitting at a bar, which was mistake number two. One of many, for that matter. The third was ordering a drink you knew you wouldn’t drink but had picked when panic swooped over you as the bartender walked up. The red liquid looked quite pretty, but you could smell the alcohol the second the girl put the glass in front of you. An attempt at a sip was made, and you brought it to your lips, but the bitterness overwhelmed you.

There was one thing you had gotten right, and that was at least picking a bar that wasn’t crowded. The music played at just the right volume, and people kept to themselves, to their booths and their tables. You tried to let your mind wander off, not to overthink– that would only cause more anxiety– but it always went back to what the people around you were talking about. You never meant to be nosy, and you never butted in… but it was entertaining what random strangers had to say to each other.

— You’re shitting me.

— No, I’m serious. Sarah told me herself. She walked in, and there he was, fucking their pool boy.

The table behind you erupted in a chorus of gasps.

— Poor Sarah, though.

— Yeah, well, she had been sleeping with her yoga instructor.

How were people so comfortable talking about such things in public? Where everyone could listen in? You almost felt bad for this Sarah that her complicated marriage was being shared with the entirety of this small bar, surely then retold all across the city.

You glanced around you, side to side. The bar counter was quite long, with enough space for eight barstools to stand next to each other. Besides yours, four more were occupied. Having opted for the last chair, you were worried about someone sitting on one of your neighbouring chairs, but luck had been in your favour.

That is, until he showed up.

Your first, and probably, the biggest mistake that you made that night.

♤

From the second that Eddie sat down beside her, he could tell something was wrong. He always could with such things. As well as assume what might have been the cause of the problem.

Her eyes widened, nearly doubled in size, as he sat down next to her. He couldn’t have made a mistake; she had sent what she would look like and be wearing, and the description was accurate. She should have known what Eddie would look like as well; that’s basically what the whole selection was based on, look, and yet… the way she stared at him… he had the urge to wave his hand in front of her to make sure she wasn’t going into shock.

‘Hey,’ instead, he opted for a kind smile as he leaned against the bar, asking for a quick confirmation of her name, and took a moment to take her in properly while she defrosted and returned to reality. She was cute, to his surprise, definitely not the type he would usually be coming across these nights. Pretty and young, but mostly, shy. The bar was definitely not in her comfort zone, and he had picked up on that the second he noticed het sitting there, back stiff in nerves, drink untouched except for the little straw she stirred around in circles mindlessly. At first, he thought, maybe it’s all an act. The shy and naive girl next door, he was into it, but no. Now he knew better; she was terrified.

A few seconds later, when his eyes moved back up to her face, she spoke her first words.

‘Who are you?’

♤

There had been a mistake. There must have been. Whoever the guy sitting next to you was, he was not the guy you had paid for.

Jesus that sounded so stupid. How could you have been so dumb thinking it was a good idea to hire a guy for the night. As if that would make you feel better, make all your problems disappear.

The man blinked in confusion. Your reaction had clearly been a surprise. As he stumbled over his words, you took him in quickly.

Long brown hair fell over his shoulders in messy waves. He had layered up, but not for practicality. You couldn’t see how the leather jacket or the denim vest over a thin t-shirt would help him against the evening cold, not to mention his ribbed jeans. Overall he looked like he had been directly cut out of an 80s rock magazine. Sure, some women must be into that kind of look; you couldn’t even deny he was pretty attractive, but it was not what you had wanted. Not for now. You needed something simple. Comfortable. Easy.

Those large rings and metal chains were most definitely not comfortable. Or simple. Or easy.

Oh god.

♤

‘I’m Eddie,’ he stated, hoping it would clear something up, but her confused stare didn’t falter. ‘Didn’t you book…’ Eddie knew all the people around him were poking their noses into everyone’s business, so he tried to pick his words wisely, ‘... the appointment?’ Fuck, did he walk up to the wrong girl? He knew it would have been too good to be true to get an actual girl his age. People always lied on these forms. He was ready to apologise and walk away, but she answered.

‘I did.’ Her eyes wavered again over him. ‘But not you. There must have been some kind of mistake, I–’

‘Is everything good here?’ The bartender walked up, towel across her shoulder, her piercing blue eyes digging right through Eddie. Her question had been directed at the girl, and she nodded quickly.

‘All good, just a little misunderstanding.’

‘Alright then,’ The bartender sent Eddie another suspicious look before heading to the other side of the counter to take another order. This was fucking fantastic. Yeah, just great.

♤

‘Ok, so who did you think you were meeting?’ Eddie asked when the woman behind the bar walked away, slightly backing away from you, letting his shoulders fall.

You tried to remember the name of the guy who caught your attention last evening. Would the name mean anything to Eddie? You didn’t expect all these guys to hang around together...

‘Shit, yeah, ok, that makes sense.’ You could see all the puzzle pieces coming together behind his eyes. ‘He’s out on a date tonight as well. They must have sent us each other’s… wait,’ he quickly grabbed his phone.

♤

Eddie searched through his emails. It didn’t take long to ignore the few spam messages he had gotten since this morning. And there it was. The booking confirmation he had received. Having gotten them so often, he had read it on autopilot, not even realising that his own name was missing. All he had needed, he thought, was his client’s information. But there it was, literally the first two words of the email: Dear Steve…

Oh, the office would have a field day with this.

But some of him also could not wait to ask Steve how his date went.

♤

‘Yeah, they fucked it up,’ after a few seconds, Eddie had turned his phone around to show you an email. Even though you only needed the first two words to understand the mistake that occurred, you took the time to read as much of it as possible to make sure it was real. From what you could tell, it seemed legit. Just what business operated solemnly through emails… and apparently, not even automated ones.

‘I’m really sorry for the inconvenience,’ Eddie apologised as he pulled his phone back and placed it into his pocket. ‘I can call the office and get you a refund. I promise you that this is usually nothing of the standard we usually operate at.’ You appreciated his professionalism. Despite never thinking you were that judgemental, perhaps you had actually judged him a bit too harshly at first glance. And he was quite attractive…

‘No, wait,’ you stopped him before he could dial the number of his boss, or whoever was in charge. ‘Uhm… did your… friend… send you something? About his date?’ Steve was now, of course, also on the wrong job. Eddie looked up at you for a second, before glancing down again at his phone to check his notifications.

‘No, haven’t heard anything from him. I guess the other person didn’t seem to care which one of us they got.’ he chuckled, which surprised you. Did other people not care about who they slept with? You get to pick a person for a reason, don’t you?

‘I don’t need a refund.’ You stated after a short moment. Eddie glanced up once more.

‘Are you sure? It’s a lot of money–’

‘No, I mean, I would like to continue the night… with you.’ This was, for sure, getting out of your comfort zone, right? Being adventurous, getting a life, all that shit your friends nagged you about for years. Eddie smiled with the corner of his mouth.

‘Alright then, would you like to get out of here?’

‘Yes, please,’ you let out a sigh of relief. Thankfully, the volume in the space picked up quite a lot as more people entered, drowning out your conversation, but it was getting a bit too much for you. ‘Just… one minute.’ you stood up, heading to the bathroom, but Eddie called your attention for one more second.

‘You forgot your purse.’ he looked down at the ground where your bag was lying. You gave him an awkward smile and picked it up before making your way to the back of the bar.

Closing the stall door behind you, you wished for some decent internet; thankfully, it wasn’t the worst. You didn’t bother trying to be quick about it. There was no doubt in your mind that he knew you were looking him up online. With shaking hands, you typed in the name of the agency where you had found Steve. They had a list of all their “models”, as they nicely labelled them, and you scrolled through them. There was the guy you had planned on spending the night with. You had picked him because he looked sweet, and hot, obviously, but with enough cockiness thrown in the mix to tell you he knew what he was doing. And the little sales pitch the website had written up for him to sell the fantasy worked well. You didn’t bother rereading it now, but it was something to do with “the sweet jock that knows how to take care of his girl”. It was extremely cheesy, you were more than aware of that, but cheesy was good. It was safe.

Your friends would have probably laughed at you.

They probably would have picked out a guy like Eddie.

Speaking of the guy waiting for you at the bar, you found his profile. First thing first, the picture. That was definitely him; you recognised the unruly dark hair and brown eyes. He had several photos posted in his profile, like most of the men on the website, and they were of semi-professional quality: self-taken, but with a very nice camera and lighting. He had put effort into his presentation. First, there was the portrait, showing his handsome face, shirtless but cropped to the shoulder, revealing enough of the silver chain around his neck but not showing what was actually hanging off it.

The following picture was a full-body pose, with clothes on that were not significantly different from the ones he was wearing now. No denim vest, but a different leather jacket on top of a black shirt. Dark denim jeans with a belt, buckled by what looked like to be steel handcuffs… had he been wearing that tonight as well?

Your throat tightened up as you swiped to the next post, which was, of course, the obligatory nude. All the “models” had to have them, since that was basically what people paid for. If it wasn’t for the fact that the site saw itself as one of the “classier” agencies out there, the naked pictures would have been the only ones available. You, for one, appreciated the variety.

Eddie was posed on a bed, on his knees. With one hand in his hair, and the other over his thigh, he didn’t leave anything to the imagination. Despite not even looking at the camera, the smug smile on his face told you he knew exactly what he was doing. He got you looking, and he knew you liked it. Yet, what you couldn’t stop looking at were the tattoos that covered his pale skin. Dozens of them, at least, varying in size and style, covering most of his arms, upper legs, ribs…

You scrolled on, remembering he was still waiting for you outside, but the next picture didn’t make anything better.

It had been a session shot. You had stumbled across similar ones on your initial look at the website. The men posing out the act of some kind of intercourse. Different positions, different actions, whatever described their style in the profession. For Eddie, that included the shot of a naked woman in bed, the same bed in which he had taken the previous picture. Her limbs were spread apart, tied to the bed corners. Her eyes were covered with a black and white bandana, and the rest of the features tightened in bliss as Eddie was positioned between her legs. His mouth was right at her core. If that wasn’t enough, he had put some props up on display next to the woman; some extra handcuffs, a vibrator and what you assumed to be a flogger.

What the hell were you getting yourself into?

♤

She returned after a few minutes, and Eddie could immediately tell his assumption was right. The poor thing couldn’t look him in the face. She sat back down on the barstool, holding onto her purse, lip between her teeth and eyes on anything but him. Yeah, she had looked him up.

In all honesty, he thought it was a good thing. He didn’t care for people who didn’t do their research into things. Saying that, as quite a spontaneous person, you couldn’t jump into things head first all the time. Sometimes, it was important to test the waters. Make sure there were no sharks swimming around.

‘I paid for your drink,’ Eddie remembered. She looked at him, stunned.

‘Oh, you really didn’t have to.’ Did she seem apologetic?

‘Please, its the least I can do, for, you know, being the wrong guy and all.’ He smiled, hoping she would return the favour. The corner of her mouth curved up the smallest amount, still quite unsure of the situation.

‘Really, I–’ she was ready to get her wallet, most likely pay him back, but Eddie stopped her by placing his hand over hers. That made her freeze, look back up at him. Eddie felt two pairs of eyes on him. Hers, and the bartender behind him, most definitely reassessing the whole situation. Everything about this evening was going to shit. He could probably wave his perfect 5-star rating goodbye, it wouldn’t be the end of the world, but he for sure as hell was not going to get put on any registers tonight. However, trying to seduce a stranger into bed with him when he is so clearly not the type for this girl… why was he even trying so hard?

He didn’t like using the term “vanilla”, it got too much of a bad rep, but that is what she seemed to be. Her clothes weren’t flashy, not even considering for “outgoing”. She wasn’t the type to go out and hook up, let alone get an escort. He wasn’t surprised she had decided to go for a guy like Steve. But Steve wasn’t here; Eddie was. He now had the job of taking care of this girl in any way she wanted him to.

‘Ok, shall we?’ She took a deep breath as she got up.

‘Are you–’ maybe they should talk about this? He didn’t want her to do anything she wasn’t comfortable with.

‘C’mon,’ next thing he knew, she grabbed Eddie by the wrist and whisked him off the barstool, dragging him along outside. It was early in the year, but late in the evening. The air was crispy, and the wind blew harshly. Eddie had definitely not dressed warm enough for the night, but that would have been an understatement for her. She would freeze in a few minutes.

‘I got a room in the hotel just across the corner,’ she spoke, rather determined. Some people might have mistaken it for confidence, but Eddie saw the other signs. Her clenched jaw, her consistent avoidance of eye contact… she was putting on a brave face. And that’s how people get into situations they don’t want to be in.

If it had been warmer, he would have stopped them on the street, but he had to get her out of the cold, so he let the girl drag him across the sidewalk to the hotel's entrance. It was big. The warm lighting reflecting off of all the decor, giving it a golden glow.

She did not stop walking until they reached the elevator. She clicked the button, and the arrow above the doors pointed down. The numbers slowly descended from 14.

‘I know you looked me up.’ Eddie started, having no idea how to introduce the topic fluently.

‘Ok.’ She was biting her lip nervously.

‘So I know you know what my usual gig is.’ They both watched the numbers go down. 7… 6…

‘So we’re on the same page.’ She glanced up at him; he could see it in the reflection of the metal doors.

‘I don’t think we are.’ The elevator pinged open as Eddie said so. They walked inside.

‘What do you mean?’ She finally looked him in the eye, only momentarily, but he saw that some of her fear slowly faded as she pressed the button to her floor. 15.

‘That, yes, I usually am pretty rough with my clients,’ he couldn’t hide the smile on his face, but could anyone blame him? He enjoyed his work. ‘But that’s because they want me to be rough.’ He looked at her intensely. Not to intimidate her, but to show her the seriousness of his words. ‘I don’t do anything that you don’t want me to do. You paid for an evening with… well, not me, but it’s all the same. If you get your money’s worth from a good pounding, I’m more than happy to oblige. From cuddling and watching a movie? All fine by me.’

♤

It’s all the same.

But it wasn’t, was it? They weren’t all the same.

‘What about you?’ you asked just as the elevator opened on your floor. Eddie let you walk through first. Now, you couldn’t look away from him, letting your head almost spin around a whole 360 to get your glance at him.

‘What about me?’ He had his hands in his pockets. Suddenly there didn’t seem to be anything scary about him. His hair was soft. His jacket, while not exactly winter-weather proof, looked cozy. The patches on his vest were hand sawn. With an image of him sitting at home, sewing them on, one by one, you got a sudden urge to ask about them, but who did that? Surely, in your situation, questions like that were out of bounds.

‘What do you like?’

‘That doesn’t matter,’ he chuckled, which confused you.

‘Doesn’t it? I might not be the most knowledgeable about the whole sex thing, but… shouldn’t both people involved be getting off? Doesn’t that make it better?’ You had reached your door. Weirdly, from having focused on the conversation as you walked, you didn’t feel any nerves unlocking the door. The room was dark, and you switched the light on. The nerves still didn’t bubble up. You could do it.

‘I suppose so– wait, you’re not a virgin, are you?’

You shook your head no.

‘Ok. not that there is anything wrong with that. Everyone’s living life at their own pace, I just don’t feel comfortable with that kind of responsibility. No one’s first time should be with….’

‘A professional?’ you raised your eyebrow, suggesting a possibly more classy term for what he wanted to say.

‘Nice.’ He smiled, and made his way over to the bed. You watched him get comfortable on the edge as you took off your light jacket. Your arms were freezing from the cold air outside, but the hotel room was cosy. Not to mention, the nerves were heating you up once more by the second. This was it. Eddie spread his legs wide, almost calling for your eyes to look at his thighs and how they stretched the material of the jeans.

When your eyes moved back up to his face, you were terrified to see that he was staring right back at you, devouring you with his gaze. He definitely saw you checking him out. But it was becoming harder to concentrate when you looked at how his large hand grazed over the faint stubble on his face.

‘C’mere,’ he said with a nod, and thoughtlessly, you followed his order. Eddie took you by both hands once you were close enough and placed them on his shoulders, then let his hands settle on your waist. His eyes found yours for a quick check. When you gave him the green light with a smile, he immediately mirrored it and asked: ‘what were your plans for this magical evening?’ He briefly tightened his grip on you and kept moving his hands up and down lightly as you tried to respond. As if that wasn’t hard enough with his eyes staring deep into you.

‘No, uhm, nothing special.’ You didn’t need special. Special meany complicated, and you just needed someone to help you out with the basics.

‘Making it special is kind of my one job, you know,’ he pulled you in for a hug so that his face was only a few inches away from your stomach. His arms now enveloped your frame, hands comfortably positioned over your ass. A complete stranger was hiking up the hem of your shirt, touching your bare skin underneath it. ‘So, what is it that you want?’ When he pulled up enough of your shirt to actually reveal the skin underneath, he placed a soft kiss on your side. That feeling alone felt electric. He kept on leaving fluttering kisses over your middle. It was a strange sensation as well as a pleasing one. So simple, and yet it had a great effect that you couldn’t quite explain.

Your eyes fluttered shut as you tried to concentrate on Eddie’s question as his kisses continued. What did you want from this night? But should you tell him the complete truth? Wasn’t there some way to avoid the embarrassing details? Then again… how could he ever help you with your needs if he didn’t know what they were?

‘I want…’ you gasped lightly when his teeth grazed your skin. For some reason, that pushed you over the edge to just put everything you worried about out there. You were already here, in this hotel room, with him. Fuck it.

♤

‘I want you to help me be good at sex.’

Eddie didn’t mean to stop. He saw in her reaction that that had been the wrong thing to do. She must have seen his widened eyes and taken it for judgement, while really, it had just been a small surprise. He wasn’t exactly used to people asking him to teach them how to have sex.

‘Sorry, uhm, nevermind. Just ignore me.’ She scratched at her neck while looking away. That won’t do. Eddie had to fix this before they would do anything else.

‘No, wait. Let’s… let’s talk this through for a moment.’ He led her by the hand and let her sit on the bed next to him. ‘Get comfortable. Is there anything in the minibar?’ he noticed the small fridge in the closet across the room and hoped she would understand his question to ask permission to use the service provided in the room.

‘Go ahead, take anything you want.’

‘Living large, are we?’ He cocked his brow before making his way over to the minibar. The selection of drinks was quite understated for a place like they were in. two cheap beers, a small bottle of champagne and two sodas. From what he had gathered at the bar, she didn’t seem to be a big drinker, so he grabbed a beer and a soda can. ‘Here.’

‘Oh, thanks.’ She didn’t look up at him as she took the can from him. Fuck, what was she embarrassed for? He doubted she would speak up in the conversation by herself, so just started out with a question. ‘Why do you think you need help with sex?’ She said she wasn’t a virgin, so she’s had experience. With a glance at her hands, he saw no ring or sign of regular wear of one. That, of course, didn’t exclude the option of a boyfriend or a partner. Maybe even a guy she just wanted to impress. The possibilities were endless, and for some strange reason, at the thought of her having sex with someone else, a strange feeling started gnawing at Eddie’s guts.

‘Because I’ve had sex a few times and so far it’s been awful.’ She sighed. ‘But I know that, to get better at it, I would have to go and endure endless dates to find a guy who would want to sleep with me, but then what if I do meet a great guy but just put him off because I’m shit in the sack?’

‘Don’t you believe that, if you did really find the right guy, he would help you? Or not even mind your alleged lack of skills “in the sack”?’ Eddie asked, taking a sip of beer. She just looked at him with a look that told him everything. Right. Men are egoistic scum. She had a point.

‘Sorry, you must think I’m insane.’ She tapped on the top of the can. The metal ticking sounded hollow in the quiet room.

‘I really don’t.’ If it wasn’t for the fact that he had a moral spine, he would have happily told her about some of his other clients.

‘Yeah, but I’m just wasting your time talking your ears off with absolute nonsense,’ she tried to laugh at it, lessen the tension.

Eddie leaned over the bed on his elbow. ‘Don’t you know that escorts are the new therapists?’

‘Wasn’t that bartenders?’

‘I brought you your drink, didn’t I? Call it a 2-for-1 combo deal.’ He put his beer in the air for a toast and took another sip. ‘And I was serious earlier. You already paid for the whole night, so I’m all yours, sweetheart’ He hoped that didn’t sound dismissive. The last thing he wanted to do (again) was to upset or offend this girl, who genuinely looked and seemed amazing. The idea of her not being able to find someone for herself, having to go down the process of finding someone like him to make her feel good…

‘Are all the guys at your agency this nice?’ she looked up from the lip of her can, bringing his mind back into the room.

‘No, Steve is a giant dick,’ Eddie laughed.

‘Right, while you have one,’ she teased.

‘Ha. Funny.’ He pointed at her in appreciation before taking a sip of the beer. ‘But I suppose you’re not wrong.’ She had seen his pictures; she knew what he had in stock. He wondered what she thought of it– sure, she might not have been ready for his regular repertoire, but that didn’t mean “never”. But what he wanted to know the most, which felt like the biggest surprise, was what did she think of him? For the first time since he started this gig, he wondered what she thought of his appearance. Did she like his tattoos? Was his hair too long, maybe? Were his clothes too shabby? Perhaps it was because she had not actually picked him. She had chosen Steve.

Oh, Stevie. They couldn’t be more different.

‘Are you sure you’re ok with me… being here?’

♤

‘I am.’ You didn’t know what else to reply to that question. Of course, the night was not going anything like you had expected. Until two hours ago, you were planning to have some alright sex with, what you could describe as a “regular hot guy”. Instead, you were on the bed, fully clothed, drinking a coke next to a Metallica reject. Was it too late to still do any of the things you had initially paid for, or was the mood entirely ruined? Did people recover from going into highly personal and dramatic tangents in front of the escort they had hired?

‘Ok, cool. Just… making sure. Fair warning, I might do that a few more times through the night.’ The idea of still having an entire night to spend with Eddie made you really happy. Even if you didn’t know what to do with him in this small room. With a large king-sized bed in the middle, and not much else but the essential hotel decor, the room was perfect for exactly the reason you had booked it and not much else.

Just as you thought it was getting a bit too quiet between the two of you and had wanted to speak up with a question, Eddie opened his mouth to say something as well. So you also simultaneously apologised and let the other person say their piece.

‘No, go ahead,’ you nudged him. Whatever he had to say would probably lead the conversation better.

‘I was just wondering, when you said “help be good with sex”, which aspect are we talking about here? Just regular? Oral? Foreplay? Like, what are we talking about here?’

‘Uhm, pretty much everything.’ You winced at yourself. So far, all your attempts at intercourse had been not great. It always felt awkward and uncomfortable. The guys would get what they were there for and didn’t feel the need to wait around for more. And if it kept on happening, then the math was simple, wasn’t it? Just look at what the overlapping factor was in all the situations. It was eventually your friends one night, after a few bottles of wine, who suggested the idea of just hiring a guy to teach you what to do. It would be so much easier. No feelings, and they know what they are doing. Foolproof plan.

And somehow, you still managed to make things complicated and weird.

♤

‘Now see, I don’t believe that,’ Eddie smiled. There was no way she didn’t know how to do anything. Especially since most of it was just pure instinct. There is a reason why people call it “messing around”, and it’s not because of any guide or formula that one should be working off of to get it right.

‘Well, then you should ask the other guys.’ Again with that little smile, trying to undermine her own feelings.

‘No, fuck them. I bet they didn’t even make you cum.’ He accused. Her lack of response was enough of an answer. Eddie could bet his entire wage that she thought it was her fault they didn’t get her to climax and that… that actually pissed him off. How often had he had his clients tell him how their husbands, the men supposed to take care of them, never bothered to fulfil their one simple and honestly fucking delicious duty? A thought sparked in his mind, and he couldn’t keep back the grin that sprouted up with it.

‘What?’ she asked at the sight of his smile.

‘Have you ever?’

‘Ever what?’

‘Had a climax?’

‘Oh,’ the way she got shy talking about it, to Eddie’s embarrassment, turned him on. The best thing was they didn’t even have to play pretend. ‘I mean, I think?’

‘You think?’ He raised an eyebrow.

‘Yeah, sorry,’ she cleared her throat, ‘Uhm… I’ll just be right back.’ And having said that, she ran to the bathroom.

As she closed the door, Eddie pondered on the idea of undressing. It would speed things up, possibly breaking the icy wall that closed her off. With one naked person in the room, it was hard to think about much else, which meant less to worry about. But he didn’t think she would actually appreciate it. No, she needed to take it slow. And he would happily guide her through it all.

♤

You splashed some cold water in your face. There had been no reason for you to run out of the room like that except for being a total chicken. The way Eddie was so open and comfortable, talking about all of that… brought out a new fear in you. One you didn’t know you had. One you couldn’t even identify. You just knew you had to get out from under his gaze. Those big brown honey-glazed eyes.

Why the hell did you leave the room? He was sitting so close to you. Your legs were nearly touching. He still sat with his legs spread, basically inviting you to get between them. And what do you do? Run away.

You splashed some more water onto your face.

There wasn’t much makeup on your face to begin the night, and whatever you had left of your mascara and blush was wiped off with the towel you grabbed. One more look in the mirror to ensure no grey ink streaks down your cheeks, and you were ready to get out again.

Just one big breath in. and out.

The bathroom door handle moved silently, and you pulled the door open to be met with Eddie’s chest. He was standing right in front of you.

‘Oh, hi.’

‘Hey, just wanted to make sure you were ok in there.’ He knocked on the door frame in a delayed manner for extra effect. Knock knock. You noticed he had taken off his vest and jacket. Just in his t-shirt now. The sleeves ended right at his biceps, revealing the sleeves of tattoos he hid underneath all those removed layers.

‘So are you alright?’ he asked when you didn’t respond to what he had said earlier. The question pulled your thoughts out of the clouds and your head up to look him in the eye.

‘Yeah, yeah, just…’ your mouth was extremely dry. One more second and no words would be leaving it ever again. It was just gonna have to come out now. Then, with a quick exhale, you admitted. ‘I’ve never had an orgasm.’ From Eddie’s reaction, it didn’t seem to have been any news to him. Like it was the most normal conversation, which, given his job, it probably was. You tried to ignore the thought of him and the many women he must have helped.

‘Well, I would be more than honoured to change that for you.’ He took a step forward, and the proximity forced you to look up at him to see his eyes.

‘Is that a rehearsed line?’ Apparently, your one outburst of truth led to the pandora’s box in your brain, and now you couldn’t shut up, saying the first thing that came to your mind. And unfortunately, it was still filled with the images of him with other people; him making all of them feel ecstatic.

Luckily, Eddie laughed at your presumption. His head tilted back, and when it came back down, and his eyes were once again locked in with yours, his lips pulled up into a smirk. One of his hands found its way up to your cheek before he leaned in. you were ready for him to kiss you, but instead, his breath lingered over your skin. So close that you should have been able to touch him, and maybe you did. Because there was something that made your mind a thick haze, impossible to navigate through. Everything spun around you except for Eddie.

‘So what if I did rehearse it?’ his words hit your jaw as he hovered over you, then whispering directly into your, he asked: ‘What if I’ve already planned 10 different ways in which I want to make you writhe underneath me? Would you mind that?’ Would you mind?

Whatever for?

In a shaky breath, you spoke the only thing you could think of at the moment.

‘Kiss me.’

♤

Eddie didn’t need to be told twice.

He must have been grinning like an idiot, and he could only hope it didn’t put her off as he brought their lips together and kissed her. Deeply. Passionately.

The hair around her face was slightly wet, as was her jaw, telling him she had just spent the last minute splashing water in her face. She tasted sweet, like the coke she had been drinking earlier.

Her hand crept up to his collar, shyly grabbing at it and pulling it down, revealing the slightest inch of the tattoo on his clavicle. Not that she would see it, having closed her eyes the second their lips connected.

Eddie let one of his hands find its way back to her waist. Holding on to each other, they stumbled back onto the bed. She let out a whimper as Eddie’s knees hit the edge of the bed, and he fell backwards, taking her right down with him.

It was a slow tear-away, leaving both in a haze. Eddie watched her sit up straight, straddling him and keeping him locked. If she moved, she would feel how hard he was getting.

‘I assume kissing was not on the agenda of the lesson?’ He brushed some of his hair out of his face.

‘Well, if you have any tips–’ she tugged at the bottom of her shirt. A nervous habit, probably, but all Eddie could think about was how he wanted that material as far away from her as possible.

‘You’re joking, right?’ She must have been. The kiss, though brief, had been… he felt alive after it. His chest was tight as he caught his breath. ‘Fuck, c’mere.’ He pulled her right back. It might have only been one kiss, but it had been more than enough for him. He was already hooked.

♤

His lips were slightly chapped, but not in any way to make you feel uncomfortable. Nothing that some chapstick before going out into the cold couldn’t solve. You could smell the bitter beer he had just drank, and despite the drink having been cooled, it brought a warmth out in you. This heat swam over your cheeks and the parts of you that he held close. His hands were now back to playing with your shirt. The material was creeping up over your stomach, up up up…

♤

‘Can you take your shirt off first, please?’ she asked nervously once the second kiss parted. Her small voice sent sparks flying down Eddie’s body, directly to his dick.

‘Yeah, ‘course.’ All he could do was smile. She shuffled down his legs to give him space and remove the shirt. There was no way she didn’t feel how tight he was getting in his trousers, but she didn’t show any reaction to it, eyes focused on his chest. Eddie looked down at himself. He had almost forgotten about those.

‘You have piercings?’

He kept on forgetting to update his pictures on the website. It was such a hassle. Taking the time to plan it all in, preferably with someone else, so he could have some action shots. There was the editing, and then he would have to send them into the office so someone could actually upload them… he just couldn’t be bothered. As much as he was meant to keep his clients aware of what they were paying for, it was selfish of him to love their surprised reactions. Just now, the way her eyes immediately locked in on them in surprise. How her hand lightly fought against reaching for him.

‘You can touch them. It doesn’t hurt.’ He took her hand and placed it right over his chest. She immediately regained control over her body, and her finger lightly traced over the silver bar. Eddie’s body tightened for a second in bliss. ‘See? It feels fucking good, actually.’ He hadn’t meant to whisper the words out or for them to be so shaky. It was supposed to be a light joke to keep the tension away, yet it pulled the atmosphere down to something intense and sultry. Hopefully, it wouldn’t scare her away.

But she smiled and leaned in again for a featherlight kiss. Fuck, she could kiss. It was like a gift from the gods themselves. A little piece of heaven. If this was how she kissed every guy, Eddie couldn’t comprehend how they didn’t line up for more. And then her hand kept moving, slowly tracing the ink on his body. Her fingernails grazed over the drawings. Perhaps it was a placebo, but he had always considered the tattoos to be more sensitive than the rest of him. The soft touches made him shake in need of her.

‘What do you want me to do?’ he asked, nearly out of breath, mind spiralling with everything he wanted to do to her. He couldn’t keep it in a straight line anymore. Meanwhile, he was supposed to be the professional here. Meanwhile, she expected him to teach her… he was absolutely fucked.

And then her following words only made his situation worse.

‘Just tell me what to do, Eddie.’ Somehow, he missed the exact moment when her lips travelled down to his jaw. It must have been some kind of joke– there was no way this incredible woman did not know what she was doing.

‘Fuck, baby.’ He groaned. He actually groaned. Eddie never did that during his sessions. It just wasn’t something he thought he could do with his clients. It turns out he had never been this turned on by any of them.

It made sense. How often did he think up hour scenarios before meeting the ladies? How often did he imagine he was with someone else? He had thought that maybe, because of the rules of his job and the frequency of his sessions, that maybe sex just wasn’t really anything for him. Not that he didn’t enjoy his job or regretted ever going into the business… money was good, and he was good at what he did. Yet, it was still a job. And jobs could often tire a person out. Maybe he had become desensitised to it all.

But this proved all of his theories wrong. He was entirely in the moment. Aware of everything that was happening between him and her. Nothing between them was new, or necessarily exciting, and yet it felt like nothing he had felt before. Nothing but kissing sent him down a road he could never return from.

And now she wanted him to tell her what to do. Yes, in the teaching context, he understood. But was she even aware that this would not be that far from the ordinary things he did in his sessions if they had just removed that context? Just add in some leather and handcuffs.

‘Take your clothes off, baby.’ He spoke softly, not wanting to roll back into his regular role. This wasn’t that, he reminded himself. He didn’t want it to be that.

When she started to pull her shirt up, he quickly took over. ‘No, wait, go slower. Take your time.’ Fuck, please take your time, he internally cried out. He didn’t want this night to end. It all felt like a dream, and he didn’t want to get dressed and wake up. He didn’t want to leave because once he did, coming back was not an option for him.

♤

You followed his instruction, slowly pulling your shirt over your head. Focusing on him. Looking at him prevented you from getting too much into your head. After all, it was hard to think or worry about anything with someone like him, half-naked, under you. You traced his tattoos. They were all black and white, the ink scratchy and uneven on most as if done at home.

Not precisely stick and poke, but not from a studio either. A pull at your heartstrings made you think of how much money you had paid. How much he needed that money… See, hard to think of your own insecurities when looking at him.

Eddie moved up to lean on his elbow. You were sitting still for too long; he must have sensed something was off. With a gentle touch, he stroke your bare skin. You were both shirtless, though you still had your bra on; his hand was sneakily moving up to the strap over your back, ready to unclasp it.

‘What’s going on in that pretty head of yours, sweetheart.’ It must be some kind of trick he was pulling, something he learned over his experience on the job because of the way your whole body fluttered at the sound of the little nickname… it must be a trick. But there was nothing you could complain about either.

Once again, your mouth worked faster than your brain, and before you could tell yourself to shut up, you answered with the first question that came to your mind. ‘Do you do anything else… besides this?’ a second later, before he even had the time to react, you butted in with your own response. ‘That is probably way out of bounds. Sorry–’

‘Only a little bit,’ he was taking it lightly with a chuckle. Clearly, with no intention of stopping what the two of you had been doing, he littered your jaw and neck with kisses between his answer. ‘I’m in a band. But garage gigs don’t exactly pay the bills.’ You felt him tremble with a laugh against your neck. Eddie had by then sat up and kept you in place on his lap with a tight hold. As he kept kissing you, you let your body speak for itself, closing your eyes and trusting your instincts. Somehow you knew what felt right and what didn’t. Your hips moved of their own accord, grinding against Eddie. You tried not to think about what you were doing, knowing you would just start to freak out and freeze. Instead, you thought of Eddie on stage with his band, imagining him in all the different positions, trying to figure out which instrument fit him best.

As if he could read your mind, he said, ‘I play guitar.’ His hand had now officially made its mark on your bra, grabbing the backstrap, and wringing it until it unclasped.

‘That’s hot.’

‘Yeah?’ The bra snapped open. Eddie took it upon himself to slide the straps off your arms. You threw the item off to the side of the room, and Eddie didn’t waste a second to bring his attention to your breast.

♤

Had no one ever touched her properly?

All that Eddie did was kiss her tits, and she was almost coming undone. He felt a pang of terrible guilt on behalf of his entire sex. How the fuck did no one make her feel good… not only that. How did men make her feel as if she was the problem? That she had to step her game up and learn. If he ever got his hands on one of those assholes– woah. Calm down.

♤

‘Yeah,’ you gasped out the small word. ‘So- so hot.’ It was hard to keep a sentence straight when he had his full attention on your nipples.

One preoccupying his lips, while the other was cupped by his large hand. He was rough in his touches, pulling and squeezing, but not in any way that felt too much. On the contrary, you needed more. More of him.

He switched from one breast to the other in his movements. Then when he pulled away, he kissed you again. Then, he looked you in the eyes, a false seriousness covering his features.

‘So, let that be lesson one: foreplay. Extremely important before any kind of sex.’

‘But… I didn’t do anything?’ You blinked. It was true, wasn’t it? He had been doing most of the work; meanwhile, you hadn’t done anything for him. But Eddie frowned.

‘Oh, baby, you did plenty.’ His hand reached down to his own trousers. ‘You feel this?’ When you hesitated, he took your hand to guide it over his crotch, where you could clearly feel the outline of his dick. ‘Yeah, that’s all you, sweetheart.’ He was so cocky, so confident.

He kept on talking. ‘And let me ask you one more question.’ For this, he leaned in to almost whisper the words against your hot skin. ‘Are you wet?’

‘I don’t know.’

Eddie clicked his tongue in disapproval. ‘I think you do know, but let me check then, hmm?’ You weren’t sure how he did it, but he brought you underneath his body in one fell swing. You were now lying on the bed, and he slid down to sit on his knees at the end of the bed. ‘Professional opinion and all, right?’

‘Right.’ You hid your face in your hands to laugh. What the hell had you gotten yourself into?

Eddie reached for your hands, making you look down at him.

‘I wanna see your pretty face.’ But, God, speaking of pretty faces, his smile might have been one of the most beautiful sights in the world. He could have been a model, probably… and yet…

You didn’t want to look at him, however, when he started unzipping your trousers. The button opened up, and you heard the zipper move down, releasing the tension of the material around your waist. Eddie tapped your hip, telling you to move them up. Once you did so, with one big tug, he pulled the pants down to the middle of your thighs with one big tug. It took him three more to get them off entirely. The next second, the trousers were in the corner of the room, along with your shirts.

‘Oh, baby,’ his syllables were long, dramatic, playful. ‘You are fucking soaking through these.’ You felt your back stiffen at the feeling of his fingers on you. Two, his pointer and middle fingers, slowly tracing down over the thin cotton. Then he’d roll them back up, letting his knuckles press the slit.

‘Fuck, can’t wait to taste you– can I taste you, baby?’ He asked, eyes pleading you for it.

‘You don’t have to,’ you responded. The air in the room seemed to be turning colder and sent shivers over your arms.

‘I know I don’t have to.’ Eddie scoffed, teasing. ‘Let that be lesson two then: if a guy doesn’t want his mouth near your pussy, then you shouldn’t come anywhere near his dick.’ He growled out the last words, and his hand had such a tight grip on your panties, that, with one quick move, he tore the material in two.

♤

‘Eddie!’ she shouted.

‘Shit, sorry.’ He got too carried away in everything. ‘I’ll pay you back.’ That’s when he glanced down; it was like his memory was instantly wiped. ‘Oh, fuck yes. Fuck you got the cutest pussy I’ve ever seen.’ He left a kiss a few inches above it and slowly made his way down. His fingers returned to the slow up-and-down motion he had done before, and each time, he let himself go deeper. Her body tensed up, and breathing hitched in her throat until it came out in a soft moan.

‘That’s right,’ Eddie said before one last kiss on the most crucial spot. And this kiss lasted. After a few seconds, he practically made out with her clit, as his fingers entered her.

That is when her hand reached for his hair. The touch was enough to make him moan against her.

‘Oh fuck,’ she moaned loud, eyes tightly shut in pleasure. Keeping his fingers deep within her, Eddie mused:

‘That’s right, baby. Does it feel good?’

‘So good.’ She dug her nails through his hair, nudging him on to continue whatever he was doing.

♤

Even though you had not meant to pull at his hair, it was all much more of an impulsive action, Eddie groaned out against. He pulled you in closer, sending the vibrations from his body right through yours.

You had expected, thinking up this plan of hiring someone to teach you sex, that it would be much more formal. That the guy would give you step-by-step instructions on how to do things, tell you everything directly, and you would follow. Maybe that is how it would be with anyone else, but with Eddie, he made you feel it. Without saying a word, you knew how to listen to him. Through his reactions, you knew what to do. His moans encouraged you to pull his hair, to close your thighs around him. Meanwhile, your response spurred him to go, let his fingers move harder, his tongue slick deeper through you.

‘Fuck, Eddie, fuck.’ You felt that feeling inside you, the build-up. It wasn’t familiar, for you had only experienced it very few times, mostly on your own. This tension deep within you. It grew, quickly reaching its tipping point.

Eddie’s free hand fastened itself onto your leg; he seemed to have lost himself in you. Then his eyes moved up, locking right with yourself. A part of you wanted to take a picture of what you saw in front of you and cherish the memory forever. His honey-brown eyes glazed in need of you. This spark of all-knowing deviltry.

Your whole body tightened as you felt it coming, tighter and tighter, like a rubber band ready to snap.

But instead, Eddie let go of the band as he pulled away from you to accompany your last moan of his name.

A whimper left your mouth, and pleads were ready to follow it, begging him to not stop. Not now. Just a few more seconds.

‘Lesson number three,’ he wiped his mouth– which was glistening in the room's warm light– with his thumb but never wiping the smug smile off his face. ‘Tease, tease and tease. The longer you keep them waiting, the sweeter their reward will be.’

At this point, you could not imagine it being so sweet, as all you felt was a horribly empty feeling, deflating your insides by the second.

‘Everyone likes that?’ You asked.

‘Hmm, good question.’ Eddie got up to remove his belt. He made a spectacle out of it, sliding the whole strap from between the loops, then throwing it down to the ground. ‘It does probably depend on a person, what their limits are. How much they can last and take.’ Like a showman, he made you watch. Made you wait. ‘I’m sure some people would rather just get on to the final act.’

‘Not me?’ you asked as he pulled his jeans down along with his boxers.

Just like the picture.

‘Hmm,’ with a pondering expression, he fell down onto the mattress beside you. ‘Not you.’

‘What makes you say that?’ It took all your willpower to keep looking into his eyes. He, however, wasn’t as courteous. His eyes roamed over your naked body as his hand found its way back between your legs. A quick snap. He slapped your clit lightly, but it was enough to immediately sent a spark through you, nearly bringing you back to the spot of tension.

‘Just a hunch.’ He slapped you again.

♤

She was so fucking sensitive. Like a little porcelain doll.

For good measure, and the fact he couldn’t get enough of how her body moved when encountering intense pleasure, he gave that pussy a third and final snap. Maybe he would have kept going, he certainly had not felt like stopping any time soon, but it was when her hand reached for his. Fingers around his wrist. Her eyes closed lightly, mouth parted just a tiny bit, enough for her to whisper his name.

‘Eddie.’

‘What’s up, sweetheart,’ he leaned in his lips almost on her cheek again. She didn’t respond. ‘Lesson four: always use words. I don’t know what you really want unless you tell me.’ He left sloppy kisses over her face as he dictated. ‘So? What. Do. You. Want?’ He punctuated each word with a touch

‘Fuck me.’

‘Of course.’ He had expected her to play around with the words, make him pull it out of him, but no. So, he got up and reached for the wallet in his jeans. He should have checked sooner. This had been too much of a risk, but luckily, the silver foil stuck out immediately.

She had sat up again to watch him rip the packaging open.

‘You’re making me feel really unprofessional right now,’ he chuckled to himself whilst pulling the condom out. ‘I have a whole box in my bag with the rest of my stuff.’ He had planned to get it out of his car after meeting her at the bar, but then everything had gone a bit to shit, hadn’t it?

‘I have a box… in my bag,’ she said, for some reason almost embarrassed.

‘Someone’s eager, huh?’ Perhaps he didn’t help, but really, he was talking about himself. Eddie could immediately imagine himself being with her for the rest of the night, the entire fucking week if he could, but something told him that after this— that would most likely be it. It was better not to stretch a good thing out. She paid for him to teach her the basics, not exhaust her to her limits, perhaps scare her off of sex forever.

‘No, I just–’ did she notice he was joking? Either way, she hid her face in her hands, laughing at herself. Eddie took the moment that she wasn’t eating him alive with her eyes to get a few pumps in. it wasn’t even needed; he was rock hard; it was just a routine at this point. He let his head roll back a little back as his hand moved up and down, then got on with putting the condom on.

♤

‘How should we uhm— how do you want—’ you looked for a good way to phrase it as Eddie got back into bed.

‘Anything particular in mind you wanted to get a hang of?’ he asked. You shook your head no. Stupid. You should have done your research. Come more prepared.

But could anything prepare you for Eddie? It didn’t seem likely. You could have come in with a four-volume guide, and he would have probably thrown it out the window and shown you a whole new world.

‘Then we’ll just see where the night takes us, why don’t we?’ He positioned himself on top of you. Arms on each side of your shoulders, stomach hovering over yours. As you both breathed in, you could feel his muscles. He put his weight on one of his forearms as the other hand reached back down between you, moving his fingers in a circular, steady motion.

Too occupied with how good his touch on you felt, there was no real thought going through your mind when you pulled his face closer to you, kissing him deeply. Your noses pushed against one another. Your fingers rooted down between his hair.

Eddie spread your legs wider apart, creating the perfect position for himself.

‘You ok?’ he asked, lips practically still on yours.

‘Mhm.’ You hummed, but Eddie clicked his tongue, pulling away a few inches to look at you a bit more focused.

‘Mm, remember rule four?’

You didn’t want to remember. You didn’t want to think. All you wanted, needed, was him inside you. But you answered: ‘use your words? Let them know what you want.’

‘Good girl,’ he kissed you softly. ‘It also goes for consent. Probably should have made that the first lesson, but what can you do? Make clear what and when you want something. If the guy doesn’t listen– I don’t know, kick him in the nuts.’

‘Got it.’ You nodded.

‘So, let’s try it out.’ He didn’t move, just waited for you to speak.

You took a deep breath. ‘I want you to fuck me, Eddie.’

‘There we go. Feels good, doesn’t it?’ His hand returned to rubbing your clit as he moved around above you, getting in the proper position. ‘Quick lesson five: it’s fucking hot when girls say shit like that. So don’t be afraid to get dirty.’ Slowly and carefully, he let himself sink into you. His length filled you up, spread your walls. It was a perfectly tight fit, making it impossible to hold anything in.

‘Dirty and loud.’ Eddie stayed still, letting you get used to the feeling of him. ‘Don’t hold it in, baby, ok?’

‘O-ok.’ Your breath was shaky. Once used to him, you placed your hand on his chest. His hot breath burned your skin.

Eddie kept a slow pace, letting both of you ease into the rhythm of being together, but eventually, you felt your body loosen up. Finally, it wasn’t enough anymore. Was he holding himself in? Could he tell you needed more but was waiting for you to tell him? Teach you your lesson.

‘More,’ the word was nearly just an exhale, but it was enough for Eddie. He kissed you passionately with a smile, and he plunged deeper inside you. From then on, his thrusts were harder, faster. He grabbed your leg and pulled it over himself. The new change brought in a whole new angle, letting you feel him through your entire body.

The pleasure was intense, and beautiful. Your mind was scattered, so you didn’t even feel your teeth graze over your lips, locking in your voice. But Eddie noticed.

♤

The second he caught it, something in Eddie’s mind switched on. As much as he tried to contain that part of himself, keep it away from her, he couldn’t. It was fucking primal.

He thrust harder than he did before. His hand found its way to her cheek, squeezing it– not too tight, he pulled himself back quickly, but strong enough to show her he meant it– and his words came out in a growl.

‘What did I tell you, baby? Don’t hold it in.’ A few more deep thrusts left both their bodies shaking with each move. ‘I want to hear every pretty sound that comes out of your mouth.’ His thumb pressed against her bottom lip, and, without another word exchanged, she parted those beautiful lips and granted him access.

She fucking moaned around it and sucked her own juices off it. Could she taste the sweetness? He hoped she could. He was jealous of every person that ever got to taste it, but he quickly let that thought sink away as he had more pressing questions.

‘Now, where did you learn that?’ He smiled when he pulled his thumb away, his hips only slightly rearranging the pace as he spoke calmly.

‘Sorry, was that wrong?’ She blinked. Genuine fucking naivete. Eddie could barely hold it in anymore.

‘Only in the sense that it got me this close to blowing my load before you got even close.’ He quickly regained his speed.

From that point on, she didn’t hold back. Her moans were beautiful. The sound of his name comes directly from the centre of her pleasure was like hitting the jackpot. If only he could live off those cute noises, he’d be the wealthiest man on earth. The luckiest. The happiest.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

But shit were her tits a sight for sore eyes. Looking at them, he couldn’t go a second without touching them. For a moment, he got scared he was too rough, but then the claws came out– almost literally. Her nails dug into his back. It would leave marks, and Eddie couldn’t wait to see them when he looked in the mirror the following day.

‘Eddieee,’ it came out so shaky, so desperate. He could tell she was getting close. It took much less than expected. He had a thousand things in his head that he still wanted to do with her, show her, but even he realised then it was wishful thinking. His own words from minutes ago reverberated in his mind.

You’re making me feel really unprofessional right now.

He was ready to burst, and it only took a few minutes in missionary. Usually, he could go for ages.

Then again, he hadn’t been this turned on in a long time.

‘You close, baby?’ He asked and almost hoped to hear yes; Eddie didn’t know how much longer he could last, and if he came before her– he could never live that down.

But she was lost in him, too far down to appropriately respond. That wasn’t good. Eddie slowed down a bit. ‘Hey, hey, you alright?’

♤

‘Yes,’ you took a deep breath, ‘please don’t stop. Not now.’ He was making you feel incredible. In a matter of a few minutes, you felt like you had reached the seventh heaven. Absolute bliss.

But perhaps you didn’t feel how much you actually felt. As good as it was, this overwhelming sensation pulled you away from everything around you. When Eddie brought you back, with the softness of his voice and the touch of his hands, only then you realised how far down you had been.

‘Are you sure? We can take a break.’ Eddie’s eyes searched your face for any signs of trouble, but before he could spiral, you halted him. A few deep breaths were all it took for you to be present.

‘I’m ok. Thank you.’ You kissed him. Whatever anyone would say if they heard about your plan, this was how you knew you had made the right choice. Or perhaps how you knew that the universe wasn’t always against you. Tonight, it brought you Eddie. Whether it was a freak accident or not, you would never regret the choices that led to it.

Eddie continued what he was doing, giving you all his attention. To all of you. You didn’t feel like an inch of your body went down forgotten. Meanwhile, he was all you could think about. It was like the world around you dissolved. A fire could have burned down the entire room, and you don’t think you would have even noticed. Not with Eddie’s cock deep inside you. He didn’t falter. Each thrust was full of him, hitting the perfect spot. Mind-numbing, toe-curling and…

Soon, you felt that feeling again. That tightness inside you. This time even tighter than previously. It was to be expected that Eddie knew what he was talking about. The longer the wait, the better the reward. And to think only a little time had passed since the two of you entered the hotel room. Not much time at all compared to how much you wished you could be with him. Was it insane? Probably, but you didn’t care.

You just wanted him, and you would take as much as he could give you.

♤

Eddie could feel how close she was.

It had definitely scared him when he saw how far down she had been, already blaming himself for taking it too far. He had been ready to pull the plug and return her all the money. It didn’t matter if her payment had actually gone to his account; he would make sure that his fuck ups were compensated.

But she was fine. Like a little firecracker that she was, she kissed him, wiping his whole mind clear of anything but her. Her and that sweet, sweet taste.

It didn’t take much longer for breathing to break up in quick succession. Moans got louder, likely uncontrolled, and her grip on his tighter. Her nails dug into his shoulder just as he loved it.

‘C’mon baby, come on.’ He encouraged her to lose all of her control. Lose herself to the pleasure. She needed to know how it was to be treated right. He needed her to know. And he didn’t know how much more he could keep it going. His last few thrusts still reached the deepest parts of her, and got everything out of her he wanted, but he felt himself lose his momentum. With each second, it was getting harder to concentrate.

‘Oh my god-’ she whimpered as she released underneath him with a high-pitched scream at that. As much as he wanted to hear all of it, he kissed her to mute it. There was no need for the neighbours to get concerned.

Though from all the other noises they made, from how the bed shook and banged against the wall, they would make the correct assumption.

Not much later, as she was still coming undone, Eddie let himself reel in the pleasure. Then, stilled within her, his lips on her neck now, he came. When he pulled away, he wished he could have left a mark on her, but he knew that would be a step too far.

‘Thank you’ were the first words to come out of her mouth when he discarded the full condom in the trash. He wasn’t sure what to do now. He didn’t like feeling naked post-sex, but he didn’t want her to get the wrong idea. Maybe she expected more. If so, he could give it to her, but he just wasn’t sure–

‘It’s my pleasure,’ he sat on the edge of the bed, just in reach to place his hand on her leg. They were both covered in sweat, naturally, but the cold was taking over. ‘You should get under the covers.’ The last thing he wanted was for her to get sick.

‘Right.’ She pulled at the corner of the blanket– always a much more arduous task than necessary in hotel rooms when they’re tucked in deeper than the pits of hell. As soon as she pulled the white sheet over her body, Eddie regretted his choice of words. It was probably the last time he would have seen her naked, and he didn’t even take a moment to appreciate what he had in front of him.

He found his underwear, which was almost kicked under the bed. When he resurfaced, her face was full of worry. The furrow of her brows was enough to tell him that.

‘What’s wrong?’ he asked as he covered himself up.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘I didn’t do anything. I asked you to help me figure this out, and we just–’

‘No, hey, hey.’ Eddie practically jumped into bed next to her. Cupped her face in his hands and made sure she looked at him as he spoke. ‘First of all, if this is how you feel, I should be the one to be sorry since I clearly didn’t do my job. So I’m sorry. But you have no reason to think you didn’t do well. This was amazing.’ He could only hope she knew just how much he meant his words. That she could trust a complete stranger with words as much as she did with their bodies.

‘No, Eddie, it’s not that you didn’t teach me anything, but I– there’s still so much I don’t know. Fuck, I still have no idea how to suck a guy off.’

Eddie cursed under his breath. Just from those words, he could feel himself twitching against his boxers. This girl was going to be the death of me. She kept on talking.

‘Would it be ok if we do this again? Not as an accident this time, I will book you.’

He wanted to say yes so badly. But he had to keep his mind clear as he answered. ‘I don’t think that will be a good idea.’ fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He wanted to punch himself in the gut.

♤

‘I try to keep a strict one-time, no repeating clients policy. It makes the job much easier,’ Eddie explained.

‘No, I understand.’ Having to do this with the number of people he does… you couldn’t imagine how that was. How other people would be with him, and what could have happened for him to make such a rule in the first place.

‘I would say you should try Steve for real, but I don’t believe you need any “sex lessons”.

‘Right,’ you scoffed away the comment, but Eddie was persistent.

‘I mean it. I can tell that you have a whole talent in there for this shit. You just need to find the right guy to bring it out in you because whoever you’ve been in the past, clearly, they weren’t doing it right. Then you will learn everything else you want to learn by yourself. Basically like you did now.’ He gave you a kind smile, and you tried to replicate it.

‘I did need you.’ You couldn’t look at him as you said it.

‘Ehhh– not so sure about that. For a while, I thought you just wanted me for my body.’ He fell over to his back, hand on his chest as if he had just been shot. ‘That shit can hurt, you know.’ He was so dramatic and made you laugh so easily. You had never expected anything like that to happen that night.

♤

A body to adore was one thing, but he might miss her smile even more.

‘Are you feeling alright?’

‘Why do you keep asking me that?’ She blinked. Eddie pushed down the anger he felt at all those morons that had not treated her right before.

‘Let that be your final lesson then,’ he pushed down another instinct, this time to make a cheesy reference that she might not get. There was no need to make the mood weird or awkward now. Eddie cleared his throat. ‘Lesson… what number are we on, six?– Lesson six: aftercare. Just check up on yourself to see if you’re able to carry on afterwards. While always quite vital, the more intense the session, the more important the aftercare. It keeps you stable.’

She nodded in understanding. ‘So, how would that look?’

‘Well, let’s see…. Are you sore? Do you need anything?’ Once again, he was mad at himself for going into this without his usual stuff. While his bag was mostly filled with toys that might be a bit too much for her, he also had plenty of shit to make her feel better if needed.

‘No, I don’t think so.’

‘Ok, do you need something to drink? Eat?’ Before she even replied, Eddie lunged for the can of soda she had discarded on the desk opposite the bed. The bubbles would have mostly flattened by now, but it was still a liquid to drink.

‘Not really,’ she said as he handed her the can and took a small sip. ‘Ok, maybe a little bit.’ They both smiled as she emptied the can of its last chug.

‘More?’ Eddie asked as he tried to read it off of her.

‘No, I’m good.’ Just like before, she started tapping on the can. Now empty, it sounded even more hollow.

‘And was everything alright? I was scared I might have gone too far at one point.’

♤

The way you could see the genuine concern and worry in Eddie’s eyes made you want to wrap your arms around him, kiss him, and never let him go. To think that a few hours ago, neither of you was even aware of the other’s existence. That you weren’t supposed to be aware, that it was all a giant coincidence. And that after tonight… that would be all that it ever was.

Here was this fantastic man taking care of you better than any other guy had.

Sure, you paid him to do it, but something in you, call it a freaky instinct, told you that that was just who Eddie was. He wanted to take care of you.

Maybe that’s why he went into the business. Who could really tell?

‘It was perfect,’ you told him because it was.

‘Ok, good.’ He nodded, smiling shyly. It was the first time that night that you saw a crack in the confident front of the guy.

‘Really, thank you.’ You reached for his hand, and his eyes followed it. He looked as your fingers lazily intertwined while you watched him.

‘You, uhm, you should probably go to the bathroom. Make sure you wash all of me out. Make it a standard practice, really.’

‘Will do,’ your voice wasn’t hoarse, yet you whispered. It suddenly became hushed in the room. It could have been quiet all this time, but it was then that you grew aware of it.

You didn’t want to leave the bed, or Eddie, just yet, but you knew you should listen to his professional advice. Everything he had told you so far felt like the most obvious thing in the world. Maybe you also knew of them already, maybe did it too, but it only made sense when it came from Eddie. ‘Don’t leave yet, ok? I want to say goodbye.’ The idea of him being gone when you came back felt gut-wrenching for many reasons, but all unknown.

All Eddie did was nod.

When you returned, he had just put his shirt back on. His belt was in his jeans loops but not yet fastened. Was it weird to watch him get dressed? It felt more like a thing real couples did, which you were far from. It felt stranger doing so whilst you were still completely naked, so you grabbed the fluffy white bathrobe on the bathroom shelf and pulled it on, tying it tightly around your waist.

‘That’s me then.’ Eddie scratched the back of his neck, looking around, most likely checking if he didn’t forget something. A part of you hoped he did. He would realise it only hours later and rush back to find it. That this wasn’t the last time the two of you would meet.

A girl could wish.

‘Right.’ You put on a brave face as you made your way to the door. ‘Thank you again. For everything.’

All Eddie did in response was nod with a tight-lipped smile.

The door was open now. He was already on the threshold. Compared to the soft glow of your room, the corridor's light felt jarring to your eyes. Just like that, it was over.

You could not believe this was the end. It ended as quickly as it started. A whole whirlwind of… everything, really.

Before you could stop yourself, one last question burst through your lips.

‘Is Eddie your real name?’ You immediately regretted your entire life, couldn’t believe you had done that. ‘I’m so sorry, just ignore me. I don’t know why I said that–’

But Eddie beamed. He took your hand in his. ‘As real as anything tonight was.’ and placed a soft kiss on your knuckles. He started walking before your wrist even hit your hip.

You couldn’t watch him walk away, so you closed the door and your eyes before he went too far. A minute later, you cursed to yourself.

The whole aftercare thing- You never got to ask if he was ok.

Fuck.

the end.

thank you so much for reading!! if you want more of where this came from, check out my masterlist. - also made a lil playlist based on this fic, told through taylor swift songs

and please support your (not so) local creators by liking AND reblogging.

I would love to know what you thought of the story, so please consider leaving a comment, or maybe an ask or even an anonymous review ;P

you are also more than welcome to join the taglist. right here.

Eddie (smut, 18+) taglist part 1:

@spiderrrling @theglitterymess @dorianelizabeth @theletterhart @niyahwhoreworld @fopdoodle1624 @pastel-abyss-x @ghoulsgraveyard @lovesickollie @xbreezymeadowsx @ssanjuniperoo @nxrdamp @meaganjm @mischiefmanagers @capybergara @brother-lauren @h0sh1verse @ghostlyreads @croweaterr @ladyapplejackdnd @bilesxbilinskixlahey @kbakery @lizzylynch1 @liltimmyst @hellfire-state-of-mind @escape-in-time-x @sweetpeapod @the-a-word-2214 @eddiemunsonbby @mydearzero @overthewhiteclouds @wroteclassicaly @groupies-do-it-better @celestialsxturn @hoe4eddiemunson @inanausomewhere @scoops-harrington @fluffyharrington @billyhargrovesprincess @annikin-im-panicin @kaitieskidmore1 @yesv01 @princess-aries

#eddie munson #eddie munson au #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fic #eddie munson imagine #fanfiction #imagine #fanfic #fic #smut #escort!eddie munson #escort!eddie

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wangxianficfinder · 2 months

Text

In the mood for...

Feb 26th

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1. hi, would like to ask if you know of any fic about the sunshot campaign after a failed golden core transfer. thank you :)

Never Again by Hauntcats (T, 67k, WWX & WN & WQ, JC & WWX, wangxian, graphic depictions of violence, major character death, Canon Divergence, Angst, Golden Core Transfer Fix-It, Time Travel Fix-It, Not JC Friendly, Dark, BAMF WWX, mentions of abuse, Not Everyone Dies au, XY doesn’t have a happy ending) IDK about failed transfer, but this is a Time Travel AU where WQ travels back to when she was performing the transfer & refuses to go through with it

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2. Hello! I have been reading a fic where the elder Lan Wangji Hanguang Jun time travels into the past time in Cloud Recess during the time when his Younger self and Wwx were studying

And then wwx is all over the older Hanguang Jun fawning and fussing .

Fic like Vinegar Jug by Dandelion Sun .

Or something similar coded. @lostsoul234

💖 Hanguang-jun’s Husband by lilacevergarden (alittlemorecreative) (T, 6k, wangxian, time travel, bullying ur younger versions, jealous wwx)

💖 From the Future for the Past by friedchickenlord (G, 27k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, first love, love confessions, fluff & humor, denial, pining, happy ending)

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3. Tysm Mods for all you do to accommodate and keep up with these asks and recs. As well as all your efforts in keeping up this site. We all appreciate it very much.❤️❤️🥰

But, here’s the ittmf ask. I’m looking for longer fics, (30k+ words) for modern cultivation aus. I’m looking for something like the societies portrayed in Truth Will Out (when caught on video) - End_OTW_Racism! byKizuKatana or All Old Things are New Again byThe Feels Whale (miscellea) would be great, but just give me what you’ve got. I’m hungry for more, does anyone have any good ones? @omgnectarina

I feel like I win when I lose by so_shhy (T, 25k, wangxian, modern cultivation, Sports AU, Getting Together, some semblance of a plot, gently implied 3zun, obsessively observing someone from a distance is super romantic, LWJ pls use your words, really WWX cannot be blamed for obliviousness in this one, WC causing trouble, WN is precious, Fluff, Podfic Available)

Hear a song this deeply by so_shhy (T, 87k, wangxian, modern cultivation, music, kid fic, action/adventure, canon typical JGY behavior, slow burn, fluff & angst, happy ending)

🔒 close the door behind me, i'm leaving by thelastdboy (M, 3k, LXC & LWJ, LQR & LWJ, Madam Lan & LWJ, Modern Cultivation, Canon Divergence, POV LWJ, Character Study, Coming of Age, Past Character Death, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Neurodiversity, Autism Spectrum, Situational Mutism, Hurt No Comfort)

💙 this river runs to you by sundiscus (T, 53k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Mutual Pining, Dragons, Literal Sleeping Together, Tender wound tending) Idk how close these are to what OP wants, but I've been reading a lot of Modern Cultivation fics recently, so here's my fave so far

something wicked by isabilightwood (T, 13k, wangxian, modern with magic, coffee shop AU, Animal Transformation Curse, Bunji, LWJ is a Talking Bunji, True Love’s Kiss, Specifically the Same Type of Love, Miscommunication, Pining, Jealous WWX, WWX attempts to set LWJ up on dates, LWJ is not having it, WWX is an empath but he’s bad at telling how people feel about him, Friends to Lovers, Moms and WCZ Live, blink and you’ll miss it implied 3zun, Werewolf Baker WN, extremely mild angst, Fluff, minor background WQ/JYL/JZX, Halloween)

The Curse Breaker by NebulusCharlie (Not rated, 34k, wangxian, Curses, soft and fluffy WangXian, past mistakes, school of Cultivation, modern with magic, Definitely a happy ending, not much angst)

Extracts from the diaries of Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, relating to the case of Lan Zetian (Nov. 4 to Nov. 27) by Accidental_Child (T, 6k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Case Fic, Epistolaryish, Diary/Journal, WWX-centric, LWJ-centric, Slow Burn, (academic), Enemies to Lovers, academic rivals to Lovers, Mentions of Murder, mentions of abuse, mentions of assult)

And you must keep your soul/ Like a secret in your throat by athena_crikey (E, 48k, wangxian, Modern with Magic, Vampire WWX, Cultivator LWJ, Case Fic, hur/comfort, Angst, Falling In Love, First Time, Reference to Torture)

那些年错过的大雨 (Nàxiē nián cuòguò de dàyǔ | The heavy rain we missed in those years) by PorcupineGirl (E, 29k, wangxian, LSZ & WWX, Modern Cultiovation, Secret Identity, Wangxian Reunion, Dual Cultivation, Sorta kinda soulmates, but not a soulmate au, Consensual Non-Consent, Explicit Consent, Dom/sub, dom LWJ, sub WWX, Wangxian Have a Non-Con/Rape Kink, No Golden Core Transfer, discussion of mental health issues, WWX & LSZ reunion, Scheming NHS, NHS is Sir Not-Appearing-in-This-Fic (except for how his fingerprints are all over it), Content Warnings in Chapter Notes, no lube we die like WWX's asshole)

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4. I've read a few fics with this lovely concept, but may I have more recs with talisman-genius wwx? getting rich/admired as a result of that is a welcome bonus! thank you💚

🧡 Stunted, Starving Juvenility by TomatenMark (E, 762k, WangXian, WIP, Fix-it of sorts, Talisman master WWX, Not JFM Friendly, Study Arc, Getting together, Fluff and Angst, Engagement) The ultimate Talisman Genius WWX Gets Recognition fic

🧡 One Can Keep A Secret (If He Does Not Know It’s There) by H_Belle (T, 5k, WangXian, Modern Cultivators, Inventor WWX, Secret Identity, Identity Reveal, YLLZ WWX, Rogue Cultivator WWX, Pining LWJ, POV WWX, Background Wangxian Getting Together, Jiangs are only mentioned in the passing, inspired by a tumblr post)

💙🔒 Away from Trouble by Ilona22 (M, 15k, WangXian, Not JC Friendly, LWJ/WWX Get a Happy Ending)

🔒 The Second Hand Unwinds by trulywicked (E, 46k, WIP, WangXian, XuanLi, Time Travel Fix-It, JC Bashing, Yúnmèng Jiāng Sect Bashing Jiāng Family Bashing, YZY Bashing, Time Travelling LWJ, Protective LWJ, Fluff, Minor Angst, Minor Character Death, Wooing, Inventor WWX, Genius WWX, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, frankencanon, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Protective Gūsū Lán Sect, Supportive LXC, Good Uncle LQR, WWX Protection Squad)

A Thousand Things by tickertape (M, 108k, wangxian, canon divergence, WWX not adopted by Jiangs, developing friendships, miscommunication, misunderstangings, nightmares, hurt/comfort, panic attacks, WWX’s fear of dogs, slow burn, cultivation world bureaucracy)

~*~

5. this is for itmf! (no wips)

A. bottomji fics please

B. fics w lots of cuddling, soft fics (post- canon preferably, but anything is good!!)

5A)

do with me what spring does with cherry trees by jalpari (E, 34k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Arranged Marriage, No War AU, Bottom LWJ, Getting Together, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Idiots in Love, Touch-Starved LWJ)

this bed of love by YaYa (Terabyte_my_ass) (E, 4k, wangxian, Established Relationship, Post-Canon, Rimming, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Tender Sex, super sensitive LWJ, Blink and you miss it humiliation kink, and a little bit of praise kink, First Time Bottoming, Bottom LWJ, POV LWJ, Coming Untouched)

Respectable, Decent, and Quiet by Theotrix (E, 5k, wangxian, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, repressed LWJ, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Loud Sex, Emotional release, How about instead of more rules you get your disciples some therapy)

leave all your love and your longing behind by ScarlettStorm (E, 143k, WangXian, Modern AU, no magic, Meet-Ugly, Panic Attacks, autistic lwj, neurodivergent wwx, the neighborhood asshole dog, if you’ve met one then you know, Hurt/Comfort, Pining, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, Happy Ending, for everyone including the asshole dog, Eventual Smut, switch rights, Sex Toys, horny yearning, Masturbation)

To Know, To Be Known by cqlorphan (E, 38k, wangxian, PWP, Bottom LWJ, Top WWX, Cock Warming, Multiple Orgasms, Marathon Sex, Under-negotiated Kink, Porn with Feelings, Aftercare, Dom/sub Undertones, Established Relationship, let lwj get railed agenda, LWJ Learns Some Things about himself, sex tears, gratuitous use of names, Begging, Kink Discovery, Post-Canon, Top LWJ, Bottom WWX, Switching, Light Bondage, Blow Jobs, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Let wwx get tied up but also let lwj railed, Repressed LWJ, Inventor WWX, Cock Rings, Angst and Fluff and Smut, begging, talking about feelings, Dirty Talk, Rough Sex, Dildos, Rimming, Edging) link in #15

~*~

6. my first time sending an ask! this is for the i’m in a mood for thing, i wanted fics where xue yang ends up in the burial mounds and/or becoming wwx’s protégé, like canon divergence where he isn’t like a full spawn of evil

no one ever said the single-plank bridge had to be walked alone by rosemu (T, 124k, wangxian, Canon Divergence, Yílíng Wèi Sect au, Fix-It, Not Everyone Dies, LWJ Stays at the Burial Mounds, Fluff, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Canon-Typical Violence, Found Family, Slow Burn, LWJ and WWX get to be Dads together, the healing power of homoerotic flute/guqin duets, Happy Ending) XY is sent to the Burial Mounds to spy for JGY, becomes WWX's student & switches sides, is still snarky without being evil

~*~

7. Hi! I’m in the mood for fics where WWX comes back in MXYs body but it’s absolute canon divergence from there. Thanks for all your help! @empress-of-elsewhere

Home isn't Where the Heart is. by Hauntcats (Not rated, 7k, wangxian) Technically already an AU before WWX came back, since LWJ noped out of the Lans while he was dead, but might still count for the request

Love Song In Reverse by timetoboldlygo (T, 237k, WangXian, Amnesia, Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Non-Sexual Intimacy, Falling In Love, Slow Burn, agressively mixing and matching novel and cql canon, No Homophobia, Mentions of Starvation, Parental WWX)

~*~

8. heyyy, do yall have a cross dressing comp.?? if not can u rec some (or put this in itmf?)

My Leaves Reach Ever for the Sun by nonplussed (T, 26k, WangXian, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fix-It, Crossdressing, Idiots in Love, Sharing a Bed, Canon Divergence, Happy Ending, Mutual Pining, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies)

Wei Wuxian, Who’s That? by bumbledees (T, 48k, wangxian, crossdressing, pining, sibling feels)

we’ll get him falling for a stranger (or a catfish) by sweetlolixo (T, 38k, WangXian, Modern AU, College AU, Catfish AU, Eventual Happy Ending, Crossdressing WWX, Rich heir LWJ gets catfished by pretty WWX online that’s it that’s the fic, Pining LWJ, Fluff, Humor, lwj is a grade A+ SIMP, Identity Porn)

~*~

9. I've read a few fics with side plots of the lans learning about the culture of yunmeng and seeing all of the cultural differences, and was wondering if there were anymore fics like that? It could be any sect tbh I'm just super interested in the cultural differences between the sects. @reyoffuckingsunshine

~*~

10. do u have some outsider pov mdzs fics (especially if it's like from any of the juniors or lan xichen )

Time, Time, Time by skeletonofaplant (G, 44k, wangxian, JYL/JZX, LSZ & WWX, JYL & JL & JZX, LJY & LSZ, Time Travel Fix-It, Burial Mounds Settlement Days, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, Angst, Fluff, Junior Quartet Dynamics, Time Travelling Junior Ensemble, Junior Ensemble Shenanigans, Humor) Juniors pov time travel fic

Weep You No More, Sad Fountains by athena_crikey (T, 59k, wangxian, LXC & LWJ, LXC & JGY, Canon Divergence, Fix-it, Whump, Curses, Fever, Delirium, Stabbing, Loneliness, Confessions, LWJ's emotional repression, WWX giving everything as always, LXC realising sympathy is not support, LQR Being an Asshole) LXC POV

The Story of El-ahrairah and the Rabbits of Cloud Recesses by zylaa (G, 1k, wangxian, Crack, Fluff, literal fluff, it's all about the rabbits) Definitely outsider pov as it's from characters from outside MDZS canon

There's a Baby Loose in the Burial Mounds! by ScarlettStorm (G, 3k, LSZ is the best boy, even the ghosts think so, OCs, But they're all dead, What is a family?, the burial mounds, sentient burial mounds, don't worry wangxian are together and in love, that's just not relevant to anything that happens in this fic, radish truther agenda) POV various ghosts

❤️ The One-Body Problem by metisket (T, 29k, LJY & WWX, LJY & LSZ, wangxian, possession, cohabitation, Mojo’s bookmark) LJY POC

pitfalls of greed by glitteringmoonlight (T, 3k, WangXian, POV Outsider, BAMF WWX, Kidnapping, Violence, YLLZ WWX, not exactly but the vibes are there, Post-Canon) POV random idiots

💖 Lessons relearned by Iamnotawriter (T, 44k, WangXian, LQR & WWX, Not Madam Yu Friendly, Time Travel Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Inventor WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, No Golden Core Transfer, YZY Bashing) LQR POV

Oh, my precious didi! by PrinceInuYasha (G, 7k, wangxian, High School AU, LXC's pov, Misunderstandings, Fluff, Some angst, Protective WWX, overprotective LXC, Rumors, Established Relationship, bad boy WWX, but not really) link in #11

~*~

11. Do u have some lan xichen or jin ling pov fics esp ones that are already not quite so popular on ao3

climbing up that coastal shelf by Sour_Idealist (T, 15k, JC & JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, JL & LSZ, JL & WWX, Post-Canon, Mutually Unrequited Forgiveness, JC & WWX Reconciliation, Family History, Generational Trauma, Discussion of Canonical Abuse, Awkward Attempts at Communication, mentions of past JC/WQ, Fairy is a good dog, Podfic by RevolutionaryJo)

a symbol to remind you that there's more to see by paperminds (T, 9k, JL & WWX, JC & JL, JC & WWX, canon-compliant, post-canon, Canon-Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Mild/Moderate Angst with happy ending, Yunmeng Shuangjie, Twin Idiots, Reconciliation, JL has too many uncles, JL deserves a hug, JL will save us all, excessive verbosity by yours truly)

To Love What Is Mortal by treemaidengeek (T, 22k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Grief/Mourning, Fluff and Angst, Healing, past 3Zun, past SongXiao, background WangXian, background SL & WN, & LSZ, Hurt/Comfort, Canon-Typical Violence, [Podfic] To Love What Is Mortal by flamingwell)

Gentle Exile by rynleaf (E, 9k, XiSong, Post-Canon, Canonical Character Death, Grief/Mourning, References to Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Character Study, Epistolary, Post-Canon, Exploration, [PODFIC] Gentle Exile by flamingwell, semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona))

🔒hills and rivers are waiting by LtLJ (G, 15k, WangXian, CQL canon, Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, domestic fluff and angst, Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, Case Fic, BAMF WWX)

~*~

12. I’m ITMF a fic where it’s a AITA au / where the characters are in a AITA scenario @zerokogane

Am I (Gusu Lan Cultivator, 24 M) the Asshole? by moonwaif (M, 41k, wangxian, Modern Cultivation, Mutual Pining, Friends to Lovers, Oblivious LWJ, Jealous LWJ, Jealous WWX, Misunderstandings, No actual Wei Ying x Others, A "What If Wei Wuxian Figured Out His Own Feelings First?" AU, Hanguang-jun unlearns compulsory heteronormativity, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, give LWJ friends agenda)

~*~

13. hi! for itmf i wanted to ask, are there any fics where cssr's infidelity accusation gets addressed definitively? it's mentioned sometimes but there aren't ever consequences for yzy or the other gossipers, or wwx doesn't get to honor and take pride in his parents (I'll also take any angsty options where the the jfm-bastard assumption gets wwx in trouble) thank you!!

~*~

14. hey admins! i'm in the mood for any fics where wwx is depressed and sad, but people help him? i'm in an angsty mood, thanks!

🔒🧡 rain falls and soaks into the earth series by RoseThorne (T, 53k, WangXian, WIP, Near Death Experience, Attempt Drowning, Madam Yu Bashing, Recovery, No war AU)

🔒 tuck me in by belovedmuerto (T, 4k, WangXian, bed sharing, Hurt/Comfort, mostly comfort, Pre-Slash, Getting Together, Nightmares, expressions of care)

~*~

15. hi! if you dont mind me asking, what is the mdzs/the untamed fic with the best smut you ever read? any kind of fic is fair game

Make me by anaphoricae (E, 180k, wangxian, Modern, Dom/sub, Dominant WWX, Submissive LWJ, Friends With Benefits, Pining while fucking, Co-workers, Praise Kink, Touch-Starved LWJ, Semi-Public Sex, Exhibitionism, Nipple Play, Mutual Masturbation, Overstimulation, POV WWX, In which I trick you into reading about Wangxian falling in love by making you think it's all just a smut fic, Brief Mentions of WWX/Others and LWJ/Others, Bondage, Blindfolds, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Flogging, Chair Bondage, Aftercare, Edging, Jealous LWJ, Facials, Come as Lube, and also lube as lube, Cock & Ball Torture, But it's mild, Coming Untouched, Deepthroating, Face-Fucking, Face Slapping, Choking, Subspace, Couch Sex, LWJ sitting on WWXs lap agenda, Biting, Spanking, LWJ having his cheeks pinched as a treat, So much RESPECT and TRUST this is actually way softer than the tags make it seem, Bottom LWJ, POV LWJ, Rope Bondage, Office Sex, Rope Bunny LWJ, Spit As Lube, LWJ's canonical habit of keeping (stealing) Wei Wuxian's things, Intercrural Sex, Light Angst, Blow Jobs, Snowballing, Service Submission, Lingerie, LWJ's brain going BRRRRR, Jealous WWX, Cock Rings, Cock Warming, Collars, Power Play, Orgasm Control, LWJ and WWX's inability to pretend they're not actually madly in love with each other, slight degradation [Affectionate], Miscommunication, Impact Play, Rigger WWX, BDSM fetish party, Public Blow Jobs, Rope Suspension, Cuddlefucking, Fluff, LWJ and WWX being boyfriends without realizing they're boyfriends, Porn with Feelings, Body Worship) lots of bdsm and stuff so u might wanna check out the tags

🔒sleep in your bed by copperwings (E, 12k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Fluff, Humor, Smut, Attempt at Humor, Boys Kissing, Emotional Sex, Anal Sex)

Fentao-laoshi’s Guide to Cut-Sleeve Pleasures by occultings (microcomets) (E, 31k, wangxian, canon divergence, pining while fucking, friends with benefits, first time, cloud recesses study arc, practice kissing, sharing a bed, jealousy, getting together, confessions, happy ending)

~*~

16. Hi! This is for ITMF ✨

I'm looking for two kind of fics:

A) Cloud Recesses Arc where WWX and LWJ are together soon, Happy ending pls. I like longer fics, but shorts ones are OK. 🤗💕

B) Travel time fics where WWX (I prefer WWX but if it's LWJ it's ok too) travel in time to fix everything and save everyone. I love this kind of fics. Please give me all you have. Happy endings, pls. 💕😉

Thanks for everything!! Ily 🤟😊 @wangxiansgirl

16A)

❤️ Gentians in bloom by teawater (M, 251k, wangxian, canon divergence, political marriage, dysfunctional family, implied/referenced self-harm, hurt/comfort, fix-it, implied/referenced suicide, BAMF WWX, eventual happy ending, not YZY friendly, not LQR friendly (kind of), Mojo’s bookmark)

16B)

the cycle of regret by KouriArashi (T, 14k, WangXian, Groundhog Day, Fix-It, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Alternate Canon) LWJ stuck in a time loop

Regrets by antebunny (G, 38k, wangxian, miscommunication, misundersandings, time travel fix-it, temporary character death, angst w/ happy ending, fluff, hurt/comfort) Both LWJ & WWX time travel

Here With Me by iamwish (T, 58k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time travel Fix-It, No war AU, Not YZY Friendly, Somebody Lives/Not everyone dies, Established Relationship) WWX time travels

Ad Oblivione by Baph, HikariNoHimeWriter (M, 70k, WangXian, Time Travel Fix-It, Temporary Character Death, Canon-Typical Violence, POV Multiple, Hurt/Comfort, Grief/Mourning, Identity Reveal, Golden Core Reveal, Cultivation World Critical, Not JC Friendly, Abusive YZY, Angst with a Happy Ending) WWX time travels

A Narrow Bridge by FrameofMind, Jo Lasalle (Jo_Lasalle) (E, 700k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, slow burn, getting together, first time, pining, pining while fucking, burial mounds settlement days, angst w happy ending) LWJ time travels

🔒 Hope series by RoseThorne (M, 59k, wangxian, WIP, Transmigration, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Crying, Music, Nosebleed, Fear, Recovery, Nightmares, Sharing a Bed, Flirting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent YZY, Referenced Sexual Slavery, Blood and Gore, Monsters, Sexual Tension, betrothal, Arranged Marriage, Adoption, POV Third Person, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Parent LQR, Clairvoyance, Butterfly Effect, Kid Fic, Epistolary, Food, Secrets, Resentful Energy, Cultivation Sect Politics, Character Death, Resentment, Anger, Explosions, Yīn Iron, Grief/Mourning, POV WWX)

Wish Me Luck by Starlight1395 (Not rated, 164k, wangxian, time travel, fix it, PTSD) It's the perfect angsty/cute combo time travel fix-it fix! Also fits #16A

And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 139k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together)

~*~

17. Hola! Nice to meet you ☺️

I want to ask for some fics in ITMF. Lately I'm reading a lot of Wangxian fics where they kiss or confess in Xuanwu cave or Gusu cave. I like when they have their happy ending, long fics better. (I'm happy with mpreg and omegaverse too).

Thx!!

💙🔒 Wish I could forget the taste of your skin and the feel of your hands pinning me down by KizuKatana (E, 63k, wangxian, WQ & WWX & WN, modern w/ cultivation, getting back together, BAMF WWX, BAMF LWJ, case fic, pining)

hope dangling by a string by KouriArashi (M, 70k, wangxian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, LXC & LWJ, JC & WWX, Alternate Canon, Fix-It, Everybody Lives, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Psychic Bond, Telepathy, Communication, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, jiang family feels, Lan Family Feels, Canon-Typical Violence, canon typical political bullshit, improper use of sacred forehead ribbons, gratuitous hair washing)

Quartet series by WithBroomBefore (T, 69k wangxian, JZX & JC & WWX & LWJ, Canon Divergence, Friends to Lovers, First Kiss, WWX's canonical comfort with the prospect of his own death, Hurt/Comfort, JZX makes friends, Eventual Happy Ending, some unhappiness along the way, Canon-Typical Violence, JC keeps his golden core, JYL Lives, WQ Lives, Minor Character Death, Kissing, WWX Lives, no golden core transfer, JZX Lives, Fix-It, WN Lives, Weeping, temporary major character death, Murder Road Trip, Implied Sexual Content, Sunshot Campaign, Nonbinary NHS, Telepathy, platonic group soulbonding, Family, Found Family, POV WWX, Podfic Available, Siblings Sworn Brothers, aroace JZX, Happy Ending, all the Wen remnants live, POV JZX, JGY is less murdery, Asexual Character, Aromantic Character, JZX's social awkwardness, Poison) the first part starts with the Xuanwu cave and confessions/realisations.

~*~

If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***

#wangxian #mdzs #wangxian fic recs #i'm in the mood for a fic #the untamed #wangxian fic search #wangxianficfinder #long post

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7-wonders · 6 months

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It's Just a Bunch of Hocus Pocus!

Summary: It's Halloweekend, and you've got a couple of parties to attend! Morpheus, who missed out on the development of Halloween into the holiday it is today, is very curious about what your plans are.

Word count: 1.8k

And now, a note from the author: Ahhh Claire actually managed to write something! I loved coming up with and writing this; I was giggling the entire time. As always, if you enjoyed, likes, comments, and reblogs (but especially the last two!) make my world go round. If you didn't like it, also let me know! I'm always down to hear constructive feedback/criticism—it's how we become better writers.

Though reader is wearing a skirt, the gender of reader is not specified! If you're non-binary or a guy and you wouldn't mind dressing up in a skirt for a group costume, I hope you enjoy this fic too!

It’s not often that Dream of the Endless visits you in your realm, instead of vice versa. While he had met you in the Waking, he had never been entirely comfortable there. That feeling, that wrongness, only increased tenfold after his imprisonment at the hands of Roderick Burgess. No, Morpheus is not overly fond of the Waking.

Tonight, however, he’s here, and you have a pretty good inkling as to why.

Though Morpheus would never admit it, hearing you talk helps to calm him down when he’s feeling stressed (another thing he would never admit to: stress). After a frustrating day of holding court—one of his least favorite things to do, but one that was integral to the functioning of his realm—you decided that telling him about your plans for the week would be a bland enough topic where he would not have to actually listen to your words, but simply your voice. Your plan seemed to be working; you could feel his body relaxing in your arms, and you had never been more relieved to hear the absentminded hums of someone who was only half-listening to a conversation.

At some point, you mentioned that you were excited about the Halloween parties that you would be attending. That got his attention, drawing him out of the reverie that your voice and your fingers carding through his hair had lulled him into. He shifted in your hold, his black pools of stars looking up at you curiously.

“All Hallows’ Eve is not for another week though, yes?” he asked.

“Yeah, but it’s during the week this year, which means everybody celebrates the weekend before.”

“Why not celebrate on the day itself? Traditionally, Samhain is a very important holiday.”

Now the miscommunication made sense in your mind. It was only natural that he still thought of the holiday as what it was before 1916. “Oh! Halloween has evolved a lot, especially in the past hundred years. It doesn’t really resemble the Samhain of old.”

He still looks a little confused but nods. “How interesting. So you will also be participating in these…festivities early?”

“Festivities” was a good way to put it, and you decided to just leave it at that. How the hell else were you supposed to explain to your eons-old, all-powerful boyfriend that the Halloween of today is about wearing a fun/sexy costume, doing spooky activities like haunted houses or watching scary movies, and partying?

“Yep!” you said. “I have plans with friends; we’re going to wear our costumes and go celebrate with others.”

“What will your costume be?”

“I’m not quite sure yet. I have a couple of different ones, so I’ll probably decide the day of.”

That interest in modern Halloween, specifically how you celebrate Halloween, is why you’re not really all that surprised when you hear him call your name from the other side of the bathroom door while you’re taking a shower.

“In here, my love!” You just barely have to raise your voice, knowing that he’ll still hear you above the sound of water raining down. The bathroom door opens, and you stick your head out of the shower curtain. You very happily accept the kiss that he offers you. “Hi.”

“Hello.” His voice, deep and as smooth as dark chocolate, rumbles through your ears in a way that you’ll never tire of. It’s impossible to resist giving him one more kiss (can you be blamed?), so you give in to the temptation.

“Give me five minutes and then I’ll be done, okay?”

Though it’s very reluctant, he does part from you. It takes you a little less than that to finish with your shower, and you open the door again so that you can at least be in the same space as Morpheus while you hurriedly put some makeup on (thankfully your costume doesn’t require anything drastic beyond what you normally wear). He’s sitting patiently on your bed, eyes already trained on you as you move through your getting-ready routine.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. “You almost never visit me in the Waking.”

You’re teasing him, since, as previously mentioned, you know exactly why he’s here. Naturally, Morpheus doesn’t catch on. “I wished to see you off before your Hallowe’en celebration.”

“That’s sweet of you!” To the bedroom you go, where your costume sits waiting atop your dresser. “I’m just about ready to go, I only need to finish putting my costume on.”

Morpheus’s face grows flushed at the easy compliment you give him (you don’t think he’s ever been called ‘sweet’) and you laugh quietly before disappearing back through the bathroom with costume in tow.

A couple of months ago, two of your friends decided that being the Powerpuff Girls was the move for this Halloween and roped you into the idea. One of your friends, a natural blonde, claimed Bubbles before the idea could even fully be discussed. Your other friend was very excited to be a bearded Blossom and wear a giant bow on his head. This left Buttercup for you to dress up as, not that you were complaining.

Now, you’re sliding into a green crop top and a matching green skirt, this piece being made out of a shiny material. All three of your skirts are the same fabric (and definitely shorter than what’s considered decent), with the shirts being dealer’s choice. You finish your outfit off with black tights and a black headband—Bubbles is also wearing black tights, while Blossom will be sporting black knee-highs. All in all, it’s a pretty simple costume, but sometimes, that’s what the best costumes are.

You emerge from the bathroom once more and do a little twirl for Morpheus, whose eyes immediately light up. “This is very much a pop culture reference, so I’m not expecting you to understand the costume. Still, I think it turned out pretty good!”

Morpheus is not a man—the anthropomorphic personification of the collective unconscious, the Lord of Dreams and Ruler of the Nightmare Realm, simply chooses this as his favored form. Still, he is a man-shaped being, and like all man-shaped beings, he goes a little wild for the object of his affection in a short skirt.

“You will be wearing this in public?” he asks, standing up and approaching you.

Morpheus has lived for as long as beings have been able to dream. He quite literally lived through the Beginning when Adam and Eve didn’t know what clothes were, as well as a number of empires for whom clothing was merely a suggestion. The affront he’s showing at the clothes you’re wearing must be some sort of code for “this is my partner wearing something I consider sexy and I’m feeling possessive about other people seeing them.” That he looks at you as though you’re wearing the barest scraps of clothing and not dressing up as a cartoon superhero has you feeling mighty powerful.

You’d be lying if you said that didn’t turn you on a little bit.

“This is tame compared to what a lot of other people wear,” you inform him.

Morpheus does not look as though he’s listening. No, he’s focused on your body rather than your words. One hand rests on your waist to pull you closer to him, and the other hand comes to rest on your upper thigh where the skirt ends. He rubs the skirt between his thumb and index finger as though he’s testing the fabric.

“Am I correct in assuming that costumes are no longer worn to disguise the wearer from errant spirits?”

“Yes, you’re correct.” Right now though, explaining the traditions of Halloween is not important to you. You need some validation, and stat. “But do you like it?”

“Yes, I do.”

“Thank you,” you say smugly, smacking his hand as he tries to slip it higher under your skirt. “Not tonight. I have to meet up with the gang soon!”

“Might I make a suggestion?”

You nod. No matter how outlandish the suggestion, you’d listen to him make it, and you’d probably take it into strong consideration.

Morpheus places a delicate kiss on your jaw before he trails his lips to your ear. “Forget about your friends and stay with me for the evening,” he whispers seductively.

Oh, but that is tempting. You can already imagine the way in which Morpheus would remove your costume, the feeling of his hands on your body as he makes you forget about anything outside of you and him and the pleasure you bring each other. From the darkened look he gives you, he’s already picked up on these daydreams, and he’s in total agreement of that order of events.

Unfortunately, your brain, that traitorous organ, reminds you of why you shouldn’t be absconding to the Dreaming with your lover.

You sigh in frustration at the logic and lean your forehead against his. “I would, but I’ve had these plans for a couple of weeks now, and I really am looking forward to them.”

Though it very obviously pains Morpheus to say it, he does agree. “Yes, I suppose it would be…rude to abandon them.”

“I should probably go,” you say begrudgingly, pulling away from him and focusing intently on gathering what you’ll need so that you don’t give in to your desire.

Morpheus watches as you whirl around the room, muttering the name of each item as you grab them. Your phone is annoyingly elusive, and you think you’ll just have to go without it until it’s dangled in front of you by your Dreamlord. Gratefully, you take it from him.

“Thank you,” you say sheepishly. That’s the last of your belongings, but you feel like you can stall just a bit longer. He’s heard about your plans, but you haven’t heard of his. “What will you do while I’m gone?”

“Wait for you to return to my embrace once more,” he teases.

“Please try to do something instead of moping the whole time.”

“I do not mope!”

You give him a look, one that says you see right through this charade. “Yes. You do. I’m sure there’s a new book you’ll want to read. Maybe ask Lucienne what she’s been working on, or start creating a new nightmare?”

“Are you not going to be late?” Morpheus deflects. It makes you laugh, but he is right, so you do a once-over of your room to make sure you’re not missing anything and kiss him briefly.

“Bye. I love you.”

“I love you as well, my starlight. You remember how to call for me should you run into trouble?” Of course you do: write down his name and speak it. It’s cute of him to act like he won’t try to have Matthew follow you, though.

You can’t help but smile at the sweet gesture. “Yes, I remember. I’ll be fine, okay?”

He nods, satisfied. “I shall see you later, then.”

You’re able to sneak in one more kiss before he’s off and you’re heading to your front door, already counting down the hours until your night of partying is over. Who knew dressing up like a Powerpuff Girl could get someone so hot and heavy?

If Morpheus thinks that’s attractive, just wait until he sees the angel costume you’re wearing tomorrow.

#morpheus x reader #dream of the endless x reader #morpheus imagine #dream of the endless imagine #the sandman

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zonzolik · 3 months

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Fluffy Good Omens fanfiction masterlist

huge thanks to @heller04, @turquoisedata and @smoxensweetpea from Garden of Eden server for this list of super fluffy angst-free ineffable fanfics🥳

legend: one shot, shorter fic, longer fic, series, a f*cking saga

Temporary Tattoo by cyankelpie - Crowley's snake tattoo wandering around, a lot of people love this one

Anthony J. Crowley, Retired Demon and Airbnb Superhost by TheOldAquarian - the title says it all and it's freaking hillarious

Put Out The Fire by Aleakim - a spell makes everyone fall in love with Aziraphale the moment they see him, except for Crowley, 'cause... you know

I Slithered Here From Eden by Cryptand_Bismol - "yeah, you probably should have kissed him sooner"

air conditioned, love unconditional by fractalgeometry - Aziraphale is a ceiling fan and Crowley is an air conditioner

where the lights burn low and you're only mine by hopelessromantic549 - they move into a cottage and Aziraphale is trying to be rational

Texts from an Unknown Number by GaryOldman - first of the Wrong Number AU series, human AU, Azi's text does not end up where he wanted it to

Family by Association by otherhawk - Warlock finding his nanny

snake time by RosePetalsAndRain - snake Crowley getting cozy in the bookshop

Getting a Wiggle On by Kedreeva - Crowley leaves Azi fake eggs to babysit...

is it that we are dying? by NeverNooitNiet - Aziraphale has to help a dying demon escape from a church in England, 1349 EDIT: put here by mistake, it's sad but with a happy ending!

Press My Petals To Your Heart by ranguvar82 - miscommunication queens talk with flowers

I want it to be an "us" by Mimisempai - first of the Ineffable Growing Love series, S2 fix-it

Fifty Ways to Kiss Your Partner by ICarryDeathOnMyWings - literally fifty types of kisses, how adorable is that, "Fluffy as heck, y'all."

Tangled Up by No1fan15 - just fluff I guess

The Duality of Grief and Forgiveness by SealandRocks - the others arrange a dinner so the ineffable idiots can finally talk

right in front of me by raphvfx - Azi and Crowley finding out about the Good Omens book

Scare me goodnight, my love by The_Rogue_Bard - Crowley being Aziraphale's sleep paralysis demon

The Coffee by Ghostofafruit - Crowley does not like Metatron's coffee

How to Woo a Demon by Bookwormgal - after Armegeddidn't Azi wants to admit his feelings but he just can't do it the normal way, can he

Starting A Trend by somethingscarlet13 - they wanna get married

In the bleak midwinter by HolRose - human AU, a rather confused middle aged bookseller bumps into a handsome red-haired man in black

Miracle me a house by IneffableDemon - After the Amrmageddidn't, the Almighty wants them to play house

Clear As Day by HopeCoppice - Crowley actually knowing Azi's filing system (not a good thing)

Let It Snow by inffablenerd - stuck in the bookshop because of a snowstorm

This Strange Sweetness by KannaOphelia - they admit they're a couple, also there's a pear

Find Out How Much Love The World Can Hold by ineffablefool - Azi starts saying "I love you" at the end of phone calls

The Whole Truth by Aethelflaed - a cursed tome in the bookshop

Forget-me-not by gothikmaus - Five times they erased each other's memory after accidentally confessing their love, plus one time they didn't.

Putting the Endearment in Dear by JoyAndOtherStories - Azi calling everyone my dear, including Crowley

Unrequited by Arielavader - Crowley being a jealous bitch

Happily Ever After by IneffableToreshi - snake Crowley can't change back + ineffable stupidity

Fortune Cookies by PlantsJustWannaHaveFun - Anathema's Armageddidn't afterparty with a bit of future telling

Please tag the authors so they know their work is appreciated❤️

Note: I have not yet read them all but I will be making an AO3 collection as I'll be going through the list

#can i hear a wahoo #fluff #fluffy fanfic #fluffy fluff #fanfic #fanfiction #good omens #good omens fanfiction #good omens fanfic #ineffable idiots #ineffable husbands #ao3 #ao3 fanfic #ao3 fanfiction #archive of our own

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97keanu · 9 months

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"ˣ'ˢ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ᵒᶠ ʰᵉʳ ʰᵃⁿᵈˢ

ʷᵃˢʰ ᵗʰᵉᵐ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃᵗʰʳᵒᵒᵐ ˢᵒ ˢʰᵉ ᶜᵃⁿ ᵈʳⁱⁿᵏ ˡⁱᵏᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵇᵃⁿᵈˢ"

Dave Lizewski x demonic!Reader

Premise: In this chapter, Dave takes Katie to Melody Lane Tavern, along with You and the rest of the group because somehow, he isn't really sure why, this has turned into a group outing. When you see Dave and Katie chatting it up, you decide to get a little revenge by dancing with Todd on the dance floor before the real concert starts. Unfortunately, Dave seems inspired and begins dancing with Katie. You find out how far your heartless mean girl soul is willing to go to get revenge for the jealousy you feel.

Later, you find out what happens to bad girls who decide to double down and get interested in the lead singer.

Tags/CW: Dark Fic, Dark Themes, Morally wrong choices, Nerdy!Dave, Jealous!reader, Jealous!Dave, DRAMA, a lot of miscommunications, semi-sex crazed!reader, reader who is a mean girl who likes to fuck her feelings away, wrong person wrong time, right person is just out of reach, refusal to admit crushes, mutual pining, revenge sex, aggressive, doggy, blowjobs, soul connection, red string of fate, soul connection sex, public orgasm, hidden orgasm, dubious consent on that one, semi-mentions of drugging, blood, gore, canon typical gore, reader is taken advantage of via demonic spell, reader is kidnapped, cliff hanger but there are a lot of dark themes in this one so needed a little break where we stop.

A/N: This chapter is packing a LOT. We are going to start out pretty fun and I'm throwing the Todd Haynes girlies a bone (if you forgot who he is in Kick Ass, he's Evan Peters <3). Later in the chapter we meet the creep, Nikolai, and unfortunately there is horror and angst once again. Our two lovers are in for a long night.

Read part one here, and read this part on ao3 here read part three here

words: 7.2k

Likes/reblogs/comments inspire me to keep going!

Early spring has a chill in the air that makes Dave's bones shiver. Winter still hasn't unleashed her grasp on the small town of Devil's Kettle, and Dave is pulling his jacket closer to his body for warmth as his breath trails in front of him. He has a strange feeling that the chill isn't just from the cold. No, there's something off about tonight, he just has no idea what. Besides that, he had horrible dreams all last night. He can't remember much of them, but what he does remember involves blood running down stone, the rushing sound of water, and for some reason, your voice screaming out for him. Speaking of you, Dave is currently following your puffy jacket silhouette in the dark as the two of you walk up to Melody Lane Tavern. He sees you shoot him an interesting look over your shoulder, he wishes he could ever get a real read on what you are feeling. Even though he finds himself knowing you so deeply, anticipating your needs most of the time before you even voice them, he never knows how you truly feel. Which is to say that right now, you're shooting him a look that he can only describe as repressed anger, but he has no idea why you would be so angry with him. He hates when he thinks you’re angry at him the most, he can’t help but feel like everyone else who thought you two made an odd pair might just end up being right about it not working. That's another thing, he has no idea why you of all people would ever give him, world-class nerd, the time of day. Yes, you two have been friends ever since you plucked him off the playground and proclaimed best friends forever in front of all the other five-year-olds there, but this fairytale should have ended a long time ago for him. He was so sure that by the time you two reached middle school, you would see the truth, hear all the mean things the other kids would say about him, and walk away like his mom did his dad. But no, you actually stayed, and on top of that, you never even made him feel like a loser. You never said anything about him liking comics or being obsessed with superhero movies. Even when Dave told you that he wishes he could be a superhero, like a real-life superhero, you just listened and told him that you 'found him pretty super'. It was one of your rare tender moments with him. Not to say that you two aren't extremely close, but it does feel like half the time he never really knows what you actually think of him, beyond being a best friend and someone you can depend on.

For a while, especially when puberty hit and his hormones went crazy, he wondered if he could ever actually be with you, in more than a friend way. But Dave also knew that every other boy in school was hounding for you, and you confided in him that you hated how it made you feel like an object. Your adamant denial of boy after boy really made Dave believe he had zero chance with you. In fact, he tried so hard not to see you as a romantic interest so as not to ruin the lifeline friendship he had with you, since at the time you were his only friend.

No, Dave learned years ago to keep his feelings for you hidden deep, and by now it's as easy as breathing not to act on them. Even if sometimes you drift through his mind while he gets some much-needed release at night, he feels guilty after, knowing to his core that you would never love a guy like him more than a friend. And he was content with that just to be near you, but he also knows if that's the case, then he needs to move on to someone actually in his league.

That's where Katie Deauxma comes in. Todd and Marty have been hounding Dave for years to find some girl, any girl to talk about with them. While they have been lusting after anything feminine and that walks, he's never chimed in. In fact, they're not as close friends as he wishes he could be because of that. It makes it so awkward. Not to say Dave isn't a man with needs, but he is not a total horn dog the way they are.

This was a point of contention between the three boys. At first, they actually tried to get Dave to admit to secretly fucking you all these years, or at least being some sort of cuckold to your obviously promiscuous ways. You're one of the most popular girls in school, of course, you're a whore, right? Well, Dave knows for a fact that you've never had sex. You would have told him that, he's your best friend. Even though that information would have hurt him, despite his constant refusal to accept or admit what's under the surface for you, he believes he would know if you had had sex. That's what best friends do, tell each other stuff like that.

After Dave finally had a break and stopped talking to Todd and Marty for a week, they didn't bring up their suspicions that something had to have transpired sometime between the two of you. Instead, they moved on to trying to get interested in any girl at school that wasn't you.

That's when Dave finally noticed Katie. She sat next to him in Biology III and for the whole semester, Dave never gave her a second glance. When she and him were partnered on a project last week though, he learned she was actually really nice, and he kind of liked her laugh. She wasn't as beautiful as you, not by far, but she wasn't not pretty. No, she had her own charms, and in fact, she was much more in Dave's league than you would ever be, and that was a more pressing fact. Along with the other fact that Dave was a Certified Virgin, who had never had even a kiss before, Katie seemed like a safe bet. Obtainable.

And now here he is going with you to see her at this concert tonight, which he still can't quite believe was an accident on your part for turning it into a group outing. He just doesn't get why you would do that to argue anyways. So now the two of you are meeting Todd and Marty here, while Katie brings along her friend Erika.

Dave feels you grab his hand and pull him into the bar as Marty and Todd have a senseless game of pool in the corner. He allows you to pull him to towards them, and he catches a glimpse of you two in the mirrored backsplash of the bar. For a moment, it almost looks as if you are the one bringing Dave to a date, the way you’re pulling on his hand and biting your glossy, juicy lips with a smile. He can’t help it, his heart flutters around his ribcage, and he has to close his eyes for a moment to make it stop. He knows he can’t think like that, especially when he’s trying to have a date with Katie right now.

Todd and Marty stop their goofing around to welcome Dave and you, and you can see a twinkle in Todd’s eye as he looks you up and down. That’s something else, Dave knows for a fact that his friends, Todd more so than Marty, are totally obsessed with you. They think it’s awesome they get to actually hang out with a popular girl when it once in a blue moon happens that all of you are put together in an outing such as this. And Todd isn’t even subtle about how badly he wants you, he gets hard just seeing you enter with a low-cut top and mini skirt. Oh yes, Todd is going to have the most wicked thoughts about you tonight when he’s in his bed alone, Dave can practically see the scenes play out in his mind right now. Dave isn’t sure why the idea of Todd having such a hard-on for you angers him so, but it does. If Dave were a different man, he would knock Todd out just for looking at you the way he does. But he doesn’t have that kind of authority, Dave isn’t entitled to worry about who drools over you are not.

“Dave! You finally made it, are you ready to totally woo Katie tonight?” Dave could audibly groan from how loud Todd is saying it, and as Todd does, Dave notices your eyebrow twitch out of the corner of his eye.

“Yeah, sure dude, hopefully it goes over well as a group thing…” Dave says half-heartedly, honestly feeling a bit lost right now in the decades-old bar, not really sure why he is here in the first place.

He knows why, of course, but something about tonight just feels totally off. Honestly, his muscles feel so tense, like he needs to run, get out of here. He also has this deep feeling to take you with him, something tells him you’re not safe here tonight, none of you are. He wonders if this is what the unknowing teens of a B-list horror movie feel at the start of the night, this heavy cloud over their heads that they keep denying is going to surely drown them if they don’t take action. Just like those teens, Dave chooses to ignore the feeling and sit down at a table with the group.

As he does, Katie and her friend Erika come through the doors of the bar, Katie getting up onto her tippy toes to look around for Dave. He immediately jumps up from the table, knocking his knees against it like the dork he is, and trying to not acknowledge the pain, instead waving Katie over the best he can through gritted teeth. God, he hopes he doesn’t look like a complete loser right now. He feels terribly insecure at the moment.

“Katie! Over here!” Dave calls out, and Katie finally spots him, pulling Erika over with her.

They fit into the booth with ease, Katie sitting next to Dave, who is sandwiched between her and you. Dave can't see you seething while he chats up Katie.

No, instead he leaves you next to Todd and Marty who are arguing over which girl in whatever video game of the week is the hottest. You cannot believe how head over heels nerdy Dave is for Katie. Your heart sinks, and the burn it leaves is practically radiating off of you, even Todd notices your reaction.

"Hey, you alright?" His geeky voice asks nervously. Even though he and Dave were good friends, he hardly ever got to talk to you. You really didn't give him the time of day either, but he couldn't help that he thought you were one of the hottest girls in school. He often wishes that Dave would give up the details between you two, there's no way there's nothing going on between you two, right?

You ignore Todd for a moment, focusing on how Katie just made Dave laugh instead, and that's when a wicked plan began unfolding in your pretty little head. You turn to Todd.

"Yeah, I'm just peachy, Todd." You put on a fake smile and bat your long lashes at him. "Actually, would you like, totally come dance with me?"

Todd's face goes red, his words unable to come to the surface for a moment, then he nods, excitedly.

"Y-Yeah, I'd, I'd love to!" He looks back over at Marty who seems in disbelief that Todd is getting to dance with you.

You turn to Dave who is blushing and asking Katie all about her day, and scooch.

"Hey, Dave, can you let us out of the booth? Me and Todd are going to go dance." You say it so sweetly, so innocently, and yet Dave's blue eyes go bigger than usual, confused. You continue to move towards him so he and Katie have to get up.

When you and Todd are out, Dave says something he can't help himself from.

"Why? Why would you do that?" He knows you don't like Todd, not even really as a friend, why would you ever go dance with him? Todd's face looks at Dave angrily for his comment.

"Because why not?" You say with a smile and take Todd's arm, leading him more towards the dance floor. Dave is speechless. He sits back down with Katie.

He has the hardest time keeping his eyes off you and Todd. Katie begins to pick up the conversation from before, but Dave's interest is split. He sees as you rub your body into Todd, Todd at first looking like he might faint, then gripping into your hips and actually helping you! How could he do this to Dave?

Katie tries to grab Dave's interest again, she was actually having a pretty good time before this. She glances at Erika, who is next to Marty as if to say 'What the hell?' to Dave's reaction. Erika shrugs and now Marty is trying to invest her in a conversation about Star Wars that she's surprisingly not uninterested in.

"Dave? Do you want to go dance too?" Katie finally asks him, and he has to blink and rethink what she just said to take his attention off of you, where you're grinding your ass into Todd's crotch.

"What? I mean…" He glances back to where Todd looks like he might just cum in his pants right there and then, and his own anger starts to drift somewhere inside him. He knows he has no right to be angry with you, you're not his girlfriend, and you're way too good for him. But if that's the case then why the fuck are you dancing with Todd?

Dave looks back into Katie's eyes and nods, his brow furrowed.

"Actually, I'd love to dance, Katie. Let's go." It's the most confident thing he's spoken all night, and for a moment Katie is wooed by how bad he seems to want to dance with her.

Dave leaves the booth with Katie and begins to take to the crowd where you and Todd are dancing. He hopes you see him as he puts his hands on Katie's waist, not quite bold enough to dance as provocatively as you are, or sure of if Katie would enough that.

You're still dancing to the pre-concert music, your eyes closed and feeling weirdly excited that Todd's cock is hard against your ass. You never really wanted to talk to him since he's such a geek and way too much of a loser, but he isn't ugly. No, you always thought it was strange how Todd was actually pretty good-looking, but his personality was never really your cup of tea. It doesn't matter much anyways, you're doing this to make Dave jealous. Speaking of, where was he?

You open up your eyes and spot the seated Erika and Marty with no Dave insight. You scan the crowd immediately, and your eyes land on Dave and Katie dancing, your jaw tightening. Did he really wanna play this game with you? For some reason, tonight you're feeling like you'd risk it all to make a point. You watch Dave until his eyes catch back to you, and you hold his gaze while you bend all the way down and show Todd your ass. You're surprised that some of the crowd goers are even watching, a few cheering when you do your filthiest moves. You can see as Dave's mouth falls open for a moment, and you can't help but smirk. You wonder if that's what set him off because suddenly he's leaning in towards Katie, and it looks like he's going to kiss her.

You could scream, the only blessing being that if he did kiss her, you missed it as the crowd gets more encircled where you and Todd still dance. You can't see Dave, but you hope he can see you. You flip around and face Todd, where he's totally head over heels for the whole experience. He has a totally goofy grin on his face, and he looks you in the eyes and does something you're surprised by. He brings you in and crushes his lips against yours.

Now, you know you could have done it to him, as revenge for Dave kissing Katie, but something had stopped you. You're not sure if it's because the switch that made you attracted to Todd hadn't flipped or something else, but when he kisses you, you can't seem to find it unpleasant. In fact, you close your eyes and lean into the kiss.

You've kissed a few of the few boys at school you every so often found some fun in, but Todd is actually a pretty good kisser in comparison to anyone else you've kissed. You feel like your lips are tingling when they're pressed to his, and somehow your hands are up and twisted in his messy mousy curls. You can almost hear Todd moan if it wasn't for how loud the music was. As you pull away, Todd only becomes more eager for you, kissing down your neck, somehow hitting all the spots that turn you on. You can't help the heat that spreads down your back and between your legs. Maybe you can do something to really get back at Dave, but would it be too much?

You have no idea if Dave can even see you anymore, but you feel so compelled to drag Todd to the restroom right now. He wouldn't be your first, and your sex drive has never been low. Besides, maybe a good fuck would make this night easier, and make your heart less tender. You know somehow you will regret this later, but here you are, whispering your plan into Todd's ear. He looks at you like he's dreaming, totally into it and dazed by the fact that you actually want to fuck him. It's more of him who's dragging you to the restroom instead of the other way around.

You quickly find a single-stall bathroom, opening it, and closing it behind you two. Todd already has his hands on you, he wants you so bad. He doesn't even know if he should tell you he has never had sex before, but god he is so lucky that he gets to do it with one of the most popular, sexy girls in school. He is halfway through getting your skirt down when he stops to look you in the eyes, none of this makes sense.

"Are you sure you really want me to…?" He starts, his breath heavy from how much he's been kissing you. You grab him and pull him in.

"Yes, I know, it's weird for me too how badly I want to fuck your nerdy cock, but can you do me a favor and just bend me over already?" You don't know what's gotten into you, tonight has been so strange, but you oddly feel like it's meant to happen this way. You can't deny how horny you are either.

Todd doesn't even need to hear anything else, he's ready to take all of your commands. You bend over the sink and look into the mirror with a slightly bitchy smile, and Todd needs to fuck that smug look off your face right now. He drops his jeans and grabs your ass, wrenching your panties down, the moment making him bold.

His cock is so hard against your ass, and you can't believe he has the audacity to tease it between your ass cheeks. You almost gasp when he does though, surprised at how big he is. You never took him for having that big of a cock, but it's moderately girthy and long. The feeling of it against your bare skin excites you, and you feel his precum painting your ass. You look into the mirror and give him a look that lets him know you're done being played with, you need his cock right now. He obliges happily, spreading your legs and lining himself up, wetting the tip of his cock with your own wetness.

You jump from how quickly he slams into you, not expecting this energy from such a dork. You gasp from the feeling of being so full so quickly and look at Todd, seeing how satisfied he is with your reaction. God, is this nerd really going to fuck you like this? You were used to being more dominant, but you bite your lip and cry out as Todd continues to move inside of you, his cock is just so hard.

You hope Dave can tell how much you're enjoying this. Something tells you he can feel it, you don't know why, but it's as if you can almost feel your energy centered on sending itself to him.

Todd lifts your leg up with ease, again surprising you with his strength. He leans that leg onto the sink countertop, and you cannot believe how deep he's getting in your pussy, the feeling making you forget about Dave for the moment. Todd pushes your body until your face is practically against the mirror's glace, your breath making condensation against it. Todd is totally lost in the feeling of your tight pussy, his breath husky and his muscles tight.

"Fuck….you like this you little whore?" He says, almost to himself, quietly like it's a kink he's not sure he can have with you. For some reason, the fact that this loser had you so vulnerable and was fucking you so hard was turning you on. When he called you a 'little whore' you couldn't help but feel your pussy tremble.

"Oh yeah?" You say, breathy and looking back at him. "Why don't you tell me how you like fucking this slutty cunt?"

Todd seems emboldened once again and picks up the pace, his thrusts almost hurting but you find the sensation to be amazing.

"I can't believe you're such a filthy girl that you'd let a loser like me fuck you without a condom." He almost growls out, and you remember that you in fact did forget to use protection. The thought sends a mixture of fear and pleasure through your body. The idea of how dangerous this is somehow makes it better. God, what is with you tonight, you never thought of yourself as someone who would do something like this.

Todd continues you fuck you, and you can clearly feel him getting closer. You decide you do something before he fills you up with his cum. You pull back from him, and he looks confused for a moment before you turn around and drop to your knees. He down at you with a lazy, lust-filled grin like he's won the lottery.

"Oh my god…" He whispers out, looking down as you look back up at him and take hold of his cock.

You stroke him gently, placing your perfect lips around it and tasting yourself. You reach down to your own clit between your legs, your knees on the dirty bathroom floor. You can't believe what such a slut you were being, but it didn't matter. What mattered was getting Todd's cock down your throat in a way that turns you on.

You feel Todd placing a hand on the back of your head as you get into the rhythm of it. You glance up and see how much he's enjoying it, as well as a look on his face that tells you you're never going to live down letting him fuck you. You can also tell by how he starts fucking your face like he's been waiting for this, likely dreaming about the chance to get in your pants. And now he's a bit smug about it, sending his hips thrusting deeply til you're practically choking on it. Something about that makes your pussy clench as you rub tight and fast little circles on your clit. You can taste his precum seeping out onto your tongue. He's getting so close. You close your eyes and enjoy him face fucking you, getting lost in how dirty you feel for doing this.

"Keep those eyes open for me…" He breathes out, half commanding, the other half letting you know that he needs it to cum. He needs to be able to see those pretty eyes while he drains his cock into your mouth.

You look back up at him, your eyes almost watering from how he's fucking your throat, your breath so hard to keep. Holding it turns you on more, the asphyxiation of it making your brain and pussy go crazy for it. This nerds cock really has you completely dumb for it right now, you feel like such a whore. You keep eye contact with Todd and feel that as you do, you are getting closer yourself.

You actually have to back off stimulating your clit, so close to the edge that the littlest movements keep bringing you almost there. You can feel your eyebrows worry and as you look up at Todd he is throwing his head back and slamming his cock down your throat, cum drenching the inside of your throat, it's so hot. You let yourself join him as he does, and you cum, your legs tightening so hard you shake. Your moan is muffled and gurgled by his cock in your throat, and you can feel your own eyes close as you get lost in the sensation. You force yourself to swallow even though it's difficult, and Todd slowly comes out of it.

He looks down at you, his breathing heavy and his eyelids tired. He slowly pulls his cock from your mouth, and it's like a switch flipped. He's leaning down to help you up, even though he feels like a total king for being able to do what he just did. Todd also feels like he needs to take care of you after something like that, he had no idea he would end up being so aggressive. He gently pulls you up and helps you bring your skirt and panties up to cover your dripping pussy.

“I-I, I can’t believe you let me do that…” Todd is trying to keep his hands on you where ever he can, and it’s already irritating you how clingy this nerdy no longer virgin is. You move your hands to keep him off you.

“Yeah, it’s not a big deal Todd.” You say snarkily, and turn from him when you think you’re finally ready to leave the tiny bathroom. At the very least, your heart feels better. You feel centered, and ready to enact anymore revenge tactics you need to if it will get to Dave.

“We, we probably should’t tell Dave about this…” Todd mumbles, messing with his curls with anxiety. You turn back for a moment, and smile widely.

“No! You should tell him, let him know what he’s missing out on.” You can’t help how energized you feel right now, you give Todd a wink and leave the restroom. As you do you think he mumbles something else about Dave actually having feelings for you, as if. If that were true, he wouldn’t have brought Katie fucking Deaxuma here tonight. He would have already confessed his real feelings…right?

✧✧✧

Dave stopped dancing with Katie when he noticed you and Todd had gone from the crowd. He tried to keep it up with Katie, but his focus was just totally elsewhere. What really surprised him was when Katie actually stood up for how Dave was treating her. She took Dave’s face right in her hands, and looked him in the eye and asked if he was here with you or her tonight. Dave knew the answer in his heart, but his mouth confirmed that he was here for Katie. She seemed satisfied, and took him deeper into the crowd, her body moving against Dave’s in no way a girl ever has. Maybe Dave can get his mind off you and actually enjoy this if he tries. And he does. He really does try to lean into her soft skin, holding onto her hips as they sway to the music. But as time goes on, and you’re out of sight he suddenly feels so strange.

It’s almost as if he can sense you, but he can’t see you. And what he sense right now really doesn’t make any sense to him, but it is making his cock hard right now. Fuck, and now Katie thinks it’s because of her grinding her ass into Dave, not this weird feeling Dave has about you. It’s almost like he can sense your pleasure, like he can feel how good it feels for you. He has no idea that you and Todd are having an excellent time in the restroom right now, but he can feel it so clearly, it’s almost driving him insane mixed with Katie’s grinding.

Dave can’t help himself, the feeling of pleasure is washing over him in waves. He is already a horny man, it doesn’t help that he has all the friction of his dance partner and this strange connection with you. The weirdest part is he has felt this before, late at night, when he was alone in his bed. He still doesn’t know that the reason he gets so horny at night for you is because you’re likely touching yourself thinking of him in your own bed. The connection is something he has felt for you for so long it is as easy as breathing, he doesn’t even question why he knows where you are, what you’re feeling, and when you touch yourself at night. It actually makes Dave’s brain melt a bit if he thinks too hard about it, he doesn’t really want to admit to how much he feels for you in all these different ways.

The other pressing matter right now that he feels is Katie’s ass, which he is getting so excited for he could almost ruin his jeans. He prays that he won’t, he couldn’t handle the embarrassment, but as the feeling builds he starts sweating, breathing heavier and heavier, and trying to come up with a game plan for what he’s going to do if he blows his load right here and now. He can hardly think though, it’s so hard when he can feel you coming closer to climax yourself. He can almost see you as he closes his eyes.

He imagines you right now, on your knees touching yourself, he can see it, I mean really see it. He has no idea who you are with, or if this is even real, but God does it feel real. It feels so real he can imagine you sucking on his own cock, taking it down your pretty little throat and moaning into it from how much you love the feeling. Dave has completely forgotten about Katie, who is oblivious to the fact that her date is caught up in another woman’s pleasure. Dave grips Katie’s hips and imagines it’s your hair, pulling you deeper into his cock, until he can barely fit anymore. He can sense you coming closer and closer now, and his cock is raging against his jeans, ready to explode at any moment.

That’s when he feels it, so suddenly, you falling over the edge, and his own cock is twitching, leaking out the longest orgasm he has ever had. Dave tries everything in him to not cum right now, but he can’t stop it, it’s happening and now Katie is getting thrust into his cock. He has to hold his breath to not moan out, but here he is cumming in his pants while you have some kind of spell over him here. Katie turns around when she notices how weird Dave is acting, and Dave’s eyes fly open when she yells his name over the music.

“Dave?” She looks at him confused, the dim lights in the bar are helping the fact that a wet spot is forming on his jeans, and Dave can hardly speak, his mind still stuck with you, in the afterglow.

“I…I’m sorry Katie, I have to run to the bathroom real quick.” Dave blurts out, and doesn’t really wait for Katie to respond. Katie is left there feeling totally confused, but has no idea what just happened.

Dave is working his way through the waves of the crowd, which keeps seeming to get thicker and thicker as everyone waits for tonights band, which Dave has zero interest in really, but he knows you are some what obsessed with the boy band. Right now, he isn’t really worried about that however, right now he needs to clean himself up in the bathroom.

When he reaches one of the single stalls, he is surprised to bump into you, his voice leaving himself, his eyes looking at how your hair is tousseled and your clothes are dishevled. A sinking feeling starts pouring itself right into Dave’s very soul. You look at him with a smirk and leave to go see the band, not even saying a word to Dave. In fact, he can almost feel you roll your eyes at him when your back is turned to him, which hurts more.

He goes to open the door and finds Todd in the bathroom, trying to fix his own clothes and hair, extremely surprised to see Dave right now.

“Dave! Hey…hey man, uh, how–” Todd tries to come up with any words that will make this situation less awkward for him right. Dave cuts him off before he can even continue.

“Please don’t tell me what I think just happened, happened Todd.” Dave’s possessiveness of you can’t help it, he knows you’re allowed to fuck whoever you want, but he needs to know you did not just fuck Todd fucking Haynes.

“Um…No man, no, she just asked me for some help with something, it’s not…” Todd is struggling to come up with a lie, it’s almost insanely clear, but Dave’s heart can’t take it. He just nods and leaves the restroom, deciding the let his jacket cover up any spot on his jeans by wrapping it around his waist.

He leaves and begins walking with no real direction when he spots you again. This time you look like some sort of nymph, or succubus, sitting on the edge of the stage, watching the band set up. Dave can see you chatting with the singer, that raccoon looking fuck. The singer looks up and actually locks eyes with Dave as he parts through the crowd towards the two of you, and Dave immediately feels a cold chill run down his spine. This man is bad news, he has to get you away from him, it’s almost instinctual how badly he knows that this man wants to hurt you. Even if you potentially just fucked one of his buddies, the feeling Dave has right now is more urgent than that.

Dave finally makes it to the stage, and you turn to him, and Dave knows something is wrong. You have this look in your eyes, it’s unnerving how empty you seem. You don’t even really acknowledge Dave, you are so busy trying to get this weird, older singer’s attention.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Dave grabs your arm, trying to get your attention, but the singer steps in, dipping down to speak to Dave since he’s so much taller on the stage.

“I don’t think it’s any of your business, besides, she was just heading out to grab us some drinks at the bar, isn’t that right, sweetheart?” The man stares at you with a viscous, disgusting grin, and Dave can feel all the anger of the night welling up inside of him. Before Dave can speak, it’s like you’ve been commanded by the man, hoping off the stage and getting ready to go grab drinks.

“Oh yeah…” You say, your voice totally devoid of real thought, almost drunken already, though Dave is sure you haven’t really had anything to drink tonight, not to mention you’re only 18 anyways. “You just have to try one of these 9/11 tribute shooters, but you gotta drink it fast or else it turns kinda brownish!”

You giggle as if you’ve told one of the funniest jokes, and before Dave can stop you, you’re slipping through the crowd to go get drinks. Dave is totally lost on what to do, but the band members seem to be going about on their own tangent now, and what Dave catches pisses him off even more.

“So, Nikolai,” One of the bandmates start speaking to the singer. “Do you really think she’s a virgin? I mean she seems kind of…”

Dave interrupts, slamming his hand onto the wooden stage, a few people besides Nikolai and the bandmates looking at his outburst.

“Listen to me you fuck.” Dave has no idea where this spirit is coming from, but he rolls with it. “You bet she is a virgin, and a girl like her would never give it away to a loser like you, not to any kind of fucking loser, so just leave her the fuck alone!’

Dave can feel his face go hot, he knows deep down that after seeing how you were with Todd, you probably aren’t even a virgin, but he is projecting his anger onto the men infront of him. Along with the belief that he is saving you from some scummy 23 year olds who don’t deserve to prey on you at all, he feels righteous in his outburst. His shoulders drop when the bandmates almost laugh at him, then continue to ignore him. God, maybe he really is just a loser who is obsessed with you. He isn’t even supposed to be feeling this strongly about you like this, you’re his best friend, why should he care if you hook up with someone? The pit in his stomach still tells him he should protect you from these men, though.

After a moment, you’re back with a tray of red, white, and blue drinks, totally oblivious to Dave standing right there, still in that strange state Dave doesn’t know what to do about. He feels so helpless right now it hurts. Dave watches as you climb back on stage and gawk, twirling your hair and biting your lip to talk to Nikolai.

“I think we should go…” Dave says to you, and you look back at him with the cruelest look you’ve ever given him.

“Don’t you have a date tonight, Dave? Why don’t you go find Katie…” You completely disregard him, and Dave is devastated. The way you speak to him hurts in a way that he didn’t think you would ever do. Dave is speechless, and Nikolai is taking you now, moving you somewhere backstage. Dave is lost in the crowd, his feet somehow moving him and he finds himself back at the table where Erika and Marty have gotten to know each other, Katie sitting totally lonesome with her cheek on her hand.

✧✧✧

He goes to open the door and finds Todd in the bathroom, trying to fix his own clothes and hair, extremely surprised to see Dave right now.

“Dave! Hey…hey man, uh, how–” Todd tries to come up with any words that will make this situation less awkward for him right. Dave cuts him off before he can even continue.

“Hey, what’s going on?” Dave grabs your arm, trying to get your attention, but the singer steps in, dipping down to speak to Dave since he’s so much taller on the stage.

“So, Nikolai,” One of the bandmates start speaking to the singer. “Do you really think she’s a virgin? I mean she seems kind of…”

Dave interrupts, slamming his hand onto the wooden stage, a few people besides Nikolai and the bandmates looking at his outburst.

“I think we should go…” Dave says to you, and you look back at him with the cruelest look you’ve ever given him.

✧✧✧

You have no idea how you got to the back of stage, but here you are, doing rounds of shots with Nikolai, the lead singer of Low Shoulder. The whole in the very center of your being where jealousy and Dave usually housed was fading away after each drink and giggle you had with the band. You feel totally out of it, somehow only a few drinks have you feeling drunker than ever. Everytime Nikolai catches your eyes, the way he looks so deeply into them makes it feel like he is the only man in the whole world. You feel almost proud of yourself for keeping up with these older boys, you don’t feel like they are treating you like a child for still being highschool at all, in fact you feel like they are totally into you. You feel so popular right now, it makes you ecstatic. Dave slowly keeps slipping your mind, more and more. You keep talking with the band, until they finally tell you they have to go on and perform, but you’re their special girl for the night so you can stand off to the side, backstage if you will, and watch where no one else can. The thought sends you over the moon happy, you feel so inclined to do whatever Nikolai says that you can’t do anything else even if you wanted to.

The band leaves and begins playing, the crowd excited and ready for some real live music after all the recorded ones. You spot Dave and Katie in the crowd for a moment, Dave’s eyes on you, and you surprisingly feel nothing at the sight. Why would you when Nikolai is standing there, so completely better than anyone in this room. You can practically feel the hearts lasering out of your eyes at him, you vision feels like a vignette around him, he seems so bright, you are simply a moth to the flame that is a dirty 20 something boy. The idea that this makes no sense doesn’t even come to your mind at this point. They just continue to play on, their song singing of a lost friendship, and you are sure that Dave’s eyes are boring down on you, that’s the one thing you can feel, that grounds you.

It isn’t enough though, you are so entranced by the band that you don’t even smell the smoke. The flames are practically licking at your back like the devil himself is trying to get a taste of your tender flesh before you notice. And when you do, you just stare at those orange flames as they begin taking up the curtain of the stage. The band is now dropping their instruments, and the next thing you feel is Nikolai grabbing your body, pulling you away. The crowd is screaming, the horror is hitting everyone who is trying to claw their way out. You don’t even think your heart is beating faster than normal, this is no normal reaction to such a thing.

You are pulled from the building, the smoke rising and rising, a few people getting out, but you can tell there are many still stuck inside where the flames are engulfing the structure. You look dazed at it, still being taken farther away from the disaster.

Just before you are pushed into the bands van, you see Dave, he’s sprinting towards you like his life depends on it. He is screaming your name, reaching out for you. He has soot and dirt on his face, like he had to claw his way out. Katie is trailing behind him, and the sight of her makes that pit open up inside of you again. You turn from them, and allow yourself to be pulled into the van, Dave’s hands hitting the metal side of it, his screaming continuing, he is running after the van as it pulls away.

The last time you see Dave with your own eyes is through the back window of the van while he desperately tries to keep up.

#dave lizewski x reader #jennifers body au #dave lizewski x demonic!reader #dave lizewski x mean girl!reader #kick ass x jennifers body crossover #todd haynes x reader #todd haynes #my writing #kick ass fanfic #aaron taylor johnson x reader #Spotify

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oddinary4bts · 11 months

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The Forgotten Spaces | ch 8 (jjk)

☆summary: you've been dancing on the same dance crew since your teenage years, and you finally have an important role in it. It feels like life is taunting you when your rival comes back after disappearing for a year, ready to tease you every chance he gets. Will the teasing turn into more, or are you going to take him down with you?

☆pairing: photographer and dancer!Jungkook x dancer!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, there is mature content in previous/later chapters)

☆genre: slow (SLOW) burn enemies to lovers, college!au, slice of life!au, angst (oop), smut and fluff

☆warnings: laura is purposefully mean, oc sprains her wrist, oc's mother is a bitch, lots of angst, some sort of miscommunication between oc and jungkook (what's new) (nothing bad this time I promise), probably some curse words as per usual

☆word count: 12.6k

☆series masterpost here

☆a/n: Some more angst, but a silver lining in the end I promise. Thank you to @moonleeai for her beta reading on this fic, I won't ever thank you enough, you're the best <3

☆Read What Was Hidden here, the fic that inspired this whole story, written by @daechwitatamic, one of my fav human beings on this app <3 It follows the story of Jo and Taehyung before The Forgotten Spaces

☆☆☆☆☆

For this meeting of our end of the world

It's with you that I want to sing

On the threshold of the memories the dead of today

Them that breathe for us

The forgotten spaces

Je t'écris - Gaston Miron (rough translation by me)

☆☆☆☆☆

Saturday, September 22nd

You’re tired. Tired and anxious, especially as nationals are coming in two weeks. Two weeks. It’s unbelievable – it feels like the auditions were yesterday. And you don’t feel ready at all with the choreographies. You’ve mastered them a while ago, yes, but you’ve mastered them alone. Now, you have to practice with the rest of the crew, no matter how much you’ve been trying to avoid Jungkook.

But also, you’re tired and anxious because your mother has been on your back. Indeed, she believes you’ve been investing too much time in the crew, and that you’ve been neglecting your studies. You haven’t, of course, but your mother can’t accept the fact that you are juggling both dance and law. At least that’s what it feels like to you, so whenever she scolds you you just let her talk, tuning her out until she leaves you alone.

Today is no different. You haven’t really been listening to what she’s saying, but all that you know is that she is making you late for dance practice.

“Like, you think dancing will ever bring you any good?” she’s saying. “The type of dance you dance is not something you’ll make a living out of, and I can’t believe you haven’t understood that yet.”

You sigh, and you focus on her where she’s standing in the doorway of your room. “That’s kind of funny coming from you, a professional ballerina.”

Red splotches dot her cheeks. “Ballet is a far more lucrative discipline than whatever you call dance, Y/n. But of course you wouldn’t know.”

You can’t resist but roll your eyes. “Listen mom, I know you don’t like the crew. But I’m an adult and you can’t do anything about it. I have practice now, because we have nationals in two weeks, so can you just please let me go?”

“What are you going to do if I stop paying for your college, uh?” she spits. “You’ve been using my money forever. Your crew doesn’t even pay for the studio.”

“If that’s a problem to you, we can pay”, you say, folding your arms on your chest as you cock an eyebrow. “We’ve suggested it plenty of times before, and you keep refusing.” That makes you shake your head a little, and you add, “And we both know dad wanted to pay for my college. You’re the one who refused.”

You might be a little too bold. It is true that your father had once suggested he could pay for your tuition, considering that you are studying to be a lawyer like him. But that was years ago, and you have no idea if the offer still stands.

“He’s not even your father,” your mother chooses to say, as if you don’t already know.

It just makes you shrug your shoulders. “He’s been more of a father to me these last few weeks than you have been a mother. At least he supports me and my interests.”

She’s insulted. It’s clear as spring water. Brows so furrowed over her eyes that they’re almost touching, fists clenched so hard you can see white on her knuckles. “I…”

But she has nothing else to say. She knows just as well as you do that what you said is true. Your father, even if he isn’t your biological father, has always supported your dance passion. He never once questioned it, never once made you feel lesser because the type of dance you chose isn’t as “elegant” or “classy” as ballet. He also supported you when you decided to join the crew, even if your mother was fully against it.

“As I said, we’re adults, and I have engagements with the crew,” you continue. “So I’m going to go now, and if you want to talk like adults about me paying you for tuition or for the studio, we can do that another time. Alright?”

It’s insolent, the way you say it, but you know nothing else works with your mother. Sometimes, you feel like you’re the more mature one out of the two of you.

Scratch that – you are the more mature one out of the two of you.

Surprisingly, your mother lets you go for now. You expect that she will be on your back again soon enough, but at least you will be able to get to practice without being too late. And you walk quickly to compensate, so much so that you end up arriving before Jungkook and Heather, and you start stretching next to Jiho.

“Hey loser,” Jiho greets you, and you reckon the moment you see her, the annoyance your mother caused you goes down the drain.

Your relationship with her has been sailing smoothly now that you have decided to cut Jungkook out of your life. Now that you’ve actually taken steps to remove him from your heart too, which you’ll be forever thankful for. Maybe Jisung helped a little too, making Jiho realize that pushing her happy relationship in your face was the wrong thing to do. She and Hobi have chilled a little now, though you don’t feel about it the way that you did a month ago.

Now you’re just happy whenever you think about how Jiho got lucky. You know more than anyone else that she deserves that luck.

“Hey stupid,” you reply.

“Are you calling my girlfriend stupid?” Hobi asks, faking offense.

“We all know she’s stupid for you,” Scottie points out, and everyone laughs.

You love them. You love the crew with every single beat of your heart. You can’t imagine a life without them – if you had to choose, you’d cut ties with your mother before you’d even consider dropping out of the crew.

Heather joins you next, bright smile on her lips as Bridget files in behind her. You wave to Bridget and she waves in return, before moving to the spot where you’ve brought bean bags in for her.

After all, Bridget has taken a liking to attending dance practice, saying that it helps her to focus on studying. You have no idea how she manages to do that – loud music has always been a big distraction for you – but Bridget does it well. Sitting in a corner on one of the bean bags with her laptop on her knees, typing away as you all dance.

Jungkook doesn’t seem like he’s going to come soon, and Hobi suggests practicing without him. No one argues, and Lance sets up the music as you all take your places on the floor in front of the mirror.

You’ve done the choreography almost three and a half times when Jungkook finally deigns to show up, and you’re ready to throw hands when you realize why he’s late: he’s decided to bring Laura to practice.

Mind you, you’ve been good at moving on lately, or maybe you’ve just been good at pretending you’ve moved on. But seeing her in a space that she doesn’t belong in, in a scene that never should have been tainted with her presence makes your heart hammer in your chest, eyes going wide.

Jiho has the exact same reaction, mouth hanging open as she looks at Laura walking in. Laura has the decency to look shy a little as everyone just stares at her, and it’s with cheeks flushing red that she raises a bag she’s holding.

You only then notice that Jungkook is holding a bag too.

“We brought boba for everyone,” Laura sheepishly says, entirely avoiding the side of the room where you, Jiho and Lance are standing.

You exchange a look with your best friend, features slightly turning into a frown just long enough for her to notice. To outside eyes, nothing happened, and you’re back to looking at Laura a second later.

Though what you notice then is not her. It’s Jungkook. Jungkook is looking at you, as if he’s gauging your reaction. You meet his eyes, and you hope your emotions don’t show on your face.

Because quite frankly, the hammering of your heart aches, and you wish you could disappear.

Lance is the first one to break the silence that followed Laura’s words. And then everyone follows suit, moving closer to grab their own drink. All you can do is stay rooted in your spot, and you keep looking at Jungkook. He keeps looking at you too, and it feels like the moment has frozen for the two of you. It’s strange, as you have been avoiding him, but it does feel like the connection is still there.

You think it probably will always be there. You’ve just been better at accepting its existence doesn’t mean you and Jungkook were meant to be together anyway.

You stare at each other until Hobi nudges Jungkook, who blinks as if he’s been brought out of a trance. He shakes his head a little, gaze sliding to Hobi, and then he’s opening the bag he’s holding to hand the drinks he has.

You just stay there, teeth digging in the inside of your lips as you notice Laura has seen. She’s seen you and Jungkook looking at each other, and she’s frowning. When your eyes meet, it’s only for her to glare at you.

You wish you could tell her that he’s hers anyway, that she doesn’t have to hate you, but you’d never be able to step on your pride like that. So with your head held high you walk towards where they are. It feels decisive, like something is about to change – maybe the universe is about to shift back into position, after having spun off its axis since that night under the stars.

You think Jungkook senses you approaching, because he doesn’t even look at you when he tells Laura, “Babe, do you have the banana milk bobas?”

Her features turn solid, harsh. “I have yours, yes.”

You watch Jungkook. He’s furrowing his brows as if he doesn’t understand. “You don’t have Y/n’s?”

To hear him say your name makes your heart stop in your chest, and you reckon it hurts just as much as the hammering.

“I only got one banana milk.”

Jungkook’s gaze slides to you then. The room fills with tension, and you just cock an eyebrow as you hold his gaze. As if to say ‘she’s the one you chose as your girlfriend?’

“I asked you to get one for Y/n too.”

Laura just shrugs, and she fakes innocence. “Sorry, I forgot.”

It doesn’t really matter. It’s just a boba anyway, and you don’t usually drink anything while you practice, so you don’t upset your stomach. But the way Jungkook’s features fall, turning apologetic, makes you clench your fists until you feel the sting of your nails digging in your palms.

But you decide to be the bigger person, because you can’t really stay in front of them any longer. “No worries,” you let out, and you spin on your heels, moving away.

Jiho catches your gaze, and she looks livid. Way more than you are, because you reckon this little interaction almost made you faint.

“Wait, Y/n,” Jungkook says.

Now, you’re pretty sure you’re stepping on shards of glass as you turn back around. “Uh?”

“Take mine,” he suggests, and he even digs in Laura’s bag to hand it to you.

You shake your head. “Nah, it’s fine.”

He doesn’t insist, and Laura doesn’t say anything else either. But you see the way everyone is looking at each other: disapprovingly, and you think Lance and Jiho are about to say something. You shrug your shoulders to tell them that it really is fine, but it’s a lie to yourself.

The fact Laura purposefully didn’t get a boba for you does upset you. It’s childish of her, and maybe it’s childish of you to get upset over it too. But you’re human, and you aren’t flawless.

Lately you’ve been thinking you’re more flaws than qualities anyway. And you don’t think it’s your fault that your mind fills with the night sky and cataclysms again. You’re allowed to feel, you’re allowed to break.

You avoid Jungkook’s gaze after that. You try to ignore Laura too, but she has a smug look on her face. She knows what she did, and she’s happy about it. You didn’t think Jungkook would be able to like someone like that.

But he never really did like you anyway, did he?

You made progress over the few last weeks. You really did. You’ve barely been thinking about Jungkook now, but something about standing in a room where she is too… It’s unraveling your progress. You feel like you’re back on square one, back to the day he told you about her.

Right in this room, actually. And maybe you’re not on square one, maybe it was bound to end in that same place.

Dancing isn’t easy, under her watchful gaze. Under the smugness on her features. Under the remorse on Jungkook’s own features. He looks like he wants to apologize, like he wants to talk to you maybe.

But that boat sailed a long time ago, and you’re not going to speak to Jungkook alone outside of choreography talk anymore.

Bridget doesn’t seem too happy when Laura decides to sit next to her. She throws you a look, eyes going to the ceiling before they settle back on you.

It’s then that you realize just how much you really do love the crew, and the other friends you’ve made over the last few months. All of them… They’re your family. Who cares about a broken heart when you have a family like that?

Jungkook is kinder tonight, as he makes you practice. Well, he starts that way, until he seems to relax and forget that Laura is here, and that she was a bitch to you. Then he returns to his usual iron will, and he hammers the choreography into each of you, as if you don’t already know it.

But something about the way Laura’s been looking at you this whole time is starting to make you lose your cool. You feel anxious, though you reckon you really have been feeling anxious for days now. About nationals, about your mom, and of course about Laura and Jungkook.

Jungkook stops the music for the thousandth time. “Heather, try doing this instead,” he says as he shows the move he’s talking about. He’s still moving mechanically, but everyone has stopped noticing it now. “I think it’ll work better.”

She nods, and Jungkook starts the song again.

You’re not one to trip. You’ve never tripped on your feet, have always been agile. But for some reason your feet tangle during one of the steps, the one Jungkook changed for Heather, and all you know is that you’re down before you even had time to blink.

It hurts. Something hurts, and you don’t know if it’s the embarrassment or your body. You only know that tears are pricking at your eyes.

It only doubles up when your gaze meets Jungkook’s doe eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks.

He’s kneeling next to you, and you didn’t even notice him moving. Hands gently holding your shoulders as you try to push yourself up.

Pain shoots up your left arm, and you would have collapsed had he not been holding you.

“Fuck.”

“You’re hurt,” he says rhetorically, and he helps you as you sit up.

You feel everyone’s eyes on you. They look shocked, but what you really do notice are Laura’s eyes. She’s livid where she’s sitting, and you almost want to scream at her that this is her fault. That Jungkook wouldn’t be touching you if she wasn’t here tonight.

“I don’t know,” you reply, and your gaze moves back to Jungkook.

He looks concerned, infinitely so. He’s a little pale, and his big eyes scan your features a few times before dropping to your left arm. Your wrist has already started to swell, and you both look at it for a time.

“Do you think it’s broken?” he asks with a small voice.

You don’t know. You don’t know shit. All you know is that your heart is breaking again, always, and the tears you’re blinking back aren’t because of the pain anymore.

Aren’t because of the physical pain, in fact.

“Can you please stop touching me?” you ask.

He’s not looking you in the eyes, but you feel how he stiffens next to you. How his shoulders tense up, how his jaw clenches. His hands drop on his thighs, and then they turn to fists.

“Sorry. I just…”

He doesn’t finish his sentence. Maybe because he’s realized everyone saw him run to your side the moment you hurt yourself.

You know then that he does care. That whatever led him to choose Laura over you wasn’t because he didn’t care about you. Or maybe he only cares because you’re part of the crew, and you getting injured puts you all at risk of failing nationals.

Needless to say, you favour the former possibility.

“Do you need me to call an ambulance?” Jiho asks as she moves closer.

Jungkook doesn’t move, and neither do you. You just glance at her. “I think it’s just sprained.”

“You better get it checked out before nationals,” Hobi points out. “Just to be sure.”

You nod. He’s right, and the pain turns into anger. The blinding kind of anger. Because if this messes up your performance at nationals, you’re pretty positive you’ll murder Jungkook.

For choosing her, for bringing her tonight, for caring when he should be pretending he doesn’t care.

But he was there under the stars, wasn’t he?

“Okay,” you agree. “But no need to call an ambulance, I can just grab a Lyft.”

There’s no chance in hell you’re risking an ambulance bill when your mother has been pestering you about money earlier this evening. You have pretty good insurance, you really do, but you’re not going to risk having a higher bill than needed.

“I’ll go with you,” Jiho declares.

No one else says anything, because she’s obviously the only one that should be going with you, and a moment later you’re leaving.

You can’t help looking over your shoulder as you go. Jungkook is watching you leave, and you think you see him blinking back tears too. You might have imagined it though, and you’re gone before you can make sure.

Maybe he hasn’t forgotten. Maybe he still remembers how it felt, maybe he’s finally realizing the implication of his decisions.

You reckon you shouldn’t even be thinking about that. So you cling to the progress you made, and you pretend you’re not blinking back tears during the Lyft ride. Jiho holds your hand, the uninjured one, and she pretends she doesn’t see the tears either.

Sunday, September 23rd

Laura has been crying for twenty minutes now. Jungkook thinks she should have seen it coming: after getting angry at him about you last night, she made his decision pretty easy.

He knew he was going to break up with her the moment she started insulting you to his face. And she knows what happened between you and him; he told her everything, not wanting to build a relationship over a lie.

Maybe that’s why she’s been crying so much. Sobbing, face flushed red as snot pours from her nose. She’s told him he’s an asshole and a liar at the beginning, but it hasn’t affected him like he thought it would.

No, he never lied to her. He only lied to himself, so much so that he refused to even acknowledge how he feels about you. But seeing you getting hurt yesterday – both by Laura and because of your wrist… It brought him right back to the night he chose her over you, and it made him sick to his stomach.

They are in Jungkook’s room. Laura is sitting on his bed, and he’s sitting in front of his gaming PC. His chair is turned away from the monitor, but the sound is on speaker, so he hears it when he receives a discord notification.

He looks over his shoulder to see that Taehyung wrote something, but Laura lets out a broken sound that grabs his attention again.

“I just…” she says as she sniffs and he turns back to look at her. “You fucking used me.”

He plays with his piercing for a few seconds. He does feel bad. He’s not immune to someone he cares about being hurt. And for all that she thinks, Jungkook does care about her. Platonically, that is. Because she is comfortable, she is like the sun in his life.

She was like the sun in his life.

Because he misses his night sky too much. He’s not stupid though: he can’t be with you either. He doesn’t want to do that to you. To run back to you with his tail between his legs begging for forgiveness. He just doesn’t want to string someone along when his heart is not into it.

“I didn’t,” he says, and it’s not the first time he’s told her that in the last twenty minutes. “I really wanted to be with you, but after the disrespect you pulled yesterday, I just don’t want that anymore.”

“You say that as if she doesn’t deserve it!” Laura exclaims. “She broke your heart.”

He shrugs. “We broke each other’s hearts.”

He knows it now. And he knows he’s mostly responsible for it. Because he was too proud, too immature to fully face whatever it was that was blossoming between you and him when you clearly were ready to commit.

Laura stays for a while longer. Crying, screaming at him, and Jungkook just does his best to remain impassive. It hurts him, it does, and in other circumstances he’s pretty sure he would have cried. He’s a sympathetic crier, and seeing Laura cry should be enough to make him cry, but somehow it isn’t. Somehow his gaze remains dry during the whole ordeal, even as he thinks of all the good moments he shared with her.

But it’s been just a little under three months, of them seeing each other. He’s known you for years now. The impact she has on him is just not the same as you, and he reckons he’s not an asshole enough to cry about you in front of her.

He’ll allow his heart to break for you later.

When Laura leaves, Jungkook walks her to the door. He even orders the Lyft for her, and when she begs him to not break up, he tells her he is glad he got to know her. At that she bristles, punches him in the chest and then she turns around to leave, without once looking over her shoulder.

His heart does ache for her then, and he reckons he does shed a tear about it. He wipes it quickly though, and when he turns around to head back upstairs, passing through the living room to reach the stairs, he’s met with a stunned Yoongi.

He doesn’t know how long Yoongi has been standing there, only that his older friend sports wide eyes.

“What happened?” Yoongi asks.

Jungkook sighs, shaking his head slightly. “I broke up with Laura.”

Jin pops his head out of the kitchen. “You did what?”

Valeria appears behind him, a sad smile on her lips. “I’m so sorry, JK.”

He’s stunned for a few seconds. Valeria does look concerned for him, but Jin has started smiling and Yoongi just looks confused.

“Don’t be,” Jungkook reassures Valeria, offering her a small, sad smile. “It is the right thing to do.”

Jin fully comes out of the kitchen, crossing his arms on his chest. “And why is it the right thing to do?”

Jungkook’s brow creases as he holds Jin’s gaze. “Uh?”

“Is there a certain someone that’s caused this… sudden decision?”

Yoongi seems like he’s just put two and two together. “Did something happen with Y/n?”

“Y/n?” Valeria lets out. She appears to be the one that is confused now. “The girl from the cottage?”

Jin grabs her elbow, slightly shaking his head at her as if to tell her not to talk, before turning his shit-eating grin back on Jungkook. “Good for you, bro.”

“Uh?” is all Jungkook can produce again before Jo and Taehyung appear too.

It’s the strangest thing. All his friends flocking in as if they sensed something important happened in his life. As if they sensed he might need them, or as if they too have sensed the shifting of the universe.

It has shifted right back into place, hasn’t it?

“Damn, what are you all doing here?” Taehyung asks as he passes by Jungkook, heading towards the kitchen. Jo is following him, and she and Valeria greet each other.

“Jungkook broke up with Laura,” Jin provides in a sing-song voice.

He’ll murder him. Jungkook will kill Jin in the most agonising way he can think of.

Taehyung stops in his tracks, and Jo bumps into him. She’s the one that turns with eyes big as saucers.

“What the fuck?”

It leads to a very strange conversation. They all sit in the kitchen, and since it’s still early afternoon Jin decides to make mimosa for everyone. Though the atmosphere feels heavy to Jungkook, somehow, it doesn’t linger too long as he speaks with his friends. As they speak to him too, and the conversation doesn’t linger on Laura for long either.

As if she didn’t even matter anyway. And maybe she didn’t. Maybe it’s always been about you anyway.

He knows it’s true now. But he’s too late, and he knows that too. He won’t ask anything of you again. Though he’s learned his lesson, and he won’t let his pride affect him anymore. It was a good defense mechanism for a time, albeit a dysfunctional one.

He’d rather leave it in the past.

Hobi and Jiho arrive as Yoongi leaves, and Jin is once again the one to break the news to the new arrivals. The glare Jiho has been reserving for him for weeks melts as her gaze matches the one Jo offered him earlier.

He reckons he’s getting tired of it, so he says, “It’s nothing, can you please all stop?”

He’s angry. He really does sound angry too, frustrated, embarrassed and annoyed. It works, but it creates an uncomfortable silence that he decides to flee this time around. He gets up from the table, tells them that he has to go, and he moves up to his room.

He decides to clean it then. To wash away every little lingering piece of Laura, and then he sits at his PC and games. He games for a while, until guilt catches up to him about not doing schoolwork today, and then he turns off his game to work on editing the pictures he’s starting to choose for the final project he’s already been working on since the beginning of the semester.

Pictures he took through the last few months appear on his monitor. They’re a collection of moments and emotions, and each picture tells its own story. He stills on the page for a time, watching the pictures without blinking, before he decides to add one to the others.

It feels like it deserves the centermost spot, and he doesn’t even hesitate as he reorders the pictures.

It’s late in the evening when his phone buzzes next to him. He hasn’t looked at it since he’s come up, and the text brought him back to reality, quite at the same time his stomach growls to remind him he hasn’t eaten all that much today.

He pushes his hair back, before grabbing the phone. He tilts his head to the side in surprise as he sees Jiho’s the one that texted him.

[8:37 pm] Jiho: hey, i told everyone to let you tell y/n urself. plz don’t be an asshole again🙄

It does put weight on his shoulders, but he knows Jiho is right. He’s about to tell her so when he receives another message from her.

[8:38 pm] Jiho: but u better talk to her soon bc she’ll find out herself if u don’t. she’ll be at the studio tmrw night

Now he feels as if someone is crushing his heart in his chest. Anxiety floods his blood, and he wonders, is that how you felt that night before he told you about Laura?

He reckons he deserves the anxiety, but you also deserve him telling you. So he tells Jiho he’ll be there, before turning off his phone and resting it face down on the desk.

He keeps working on his project until late that night. Until the night sky glitters up above as he looks out his window, reminding him that some things are forever.

Monday, September 24th

You think it’s early in the year for the weather to be so cold. Like the summer came and went in the blink of an eye, and it really does feel like it.

The summer warmth really feels like a distant memory as the cold fingers of the fall wind grabs at your hair, blowing it all around your head. It’s unusual for it to be so cold today, and from your weather app you know that it’s not going to last. It’s already supposed to start warming up in the next few days, but today it really feels as if you’ve time traveled to the autumn days that are looming over the horizon.

It starts raining a little before you get home, and you reckon you should have grabbed a Lyft to go back home. But you wanted to walk, and now you have to suck it up and live with the consequences of your choice.

Your wrist still aches a little, and the cold makes it feel worse, as if someone’s digging their fingers in your skin, right where it already hurts. You glare at it, as if it’s going to change anything. It’s not broken. Just sprained, and the doctor said you should be okay to dance at the competition, as long as you don’t go crazy with the hands motion.

Hence why you’ll be heading to the studio later tonight: you need to figure out how to adjust the choreography so you don’t hurt yourself more.

You sigh, though your house finally comes into sight. It’s a relief, it really is, until you see that your mother is home. You haven’t spoken yet since Saturday. She doesn’t even know you’ve hurt yourself, and you don’t see why she would need to know.

She’d probably just scold you because that’s the only thing she knows how to do.

You walk up to your house, wincing as a particularly strong gust of wind almost makes you lose footing. Luckily enough, you remain steady, and a few seconds later you finally reach the door.

You open it and step in, shutting it softly behind you hoping your mother won’t hear you.

Only, she’s sitting at the foot of the staircase that’s almost right in front of the door, just outside the hall, and a duffel bag lies on the ground next to her. It’s yours, and you furrow your eyebrows in confusion as you take off your Airpods.

“What are you doing?” you ask her as you remove the platform boots you wore to college today. It’s hard to unzip them with just one hand, but you manage to succeed after a few tries.

Your mother just remains silent. Confusion moves through you even more, and you’re getting out of the hall when her eyes fall on the brace around your wrist.

“What happened?” she asks. The way she says it is curt, as if she’s asking just because she has to, and not because she’s concerned.

You know damn well she’s not concerned. And it’s not like you will tell her about Jungkook, Laura and the whole thing that led to you spraining your wrist. So you just shrug and say, “Nothing really, just a sprain.”

She nods at this, and then she kicks at the duffel bag next to her. “It’s going to make this hard to carry.”

“Why would I carry this?”

You’re stupid sometimes. Book smart, street stupid. Because it’s obvious. To outside eyes, what is going to happen is completely obvious. But you just stand there, watching her with an eyebrow cocked quizzically.

“Because you don’t get to live here anymore.”

You laugh. You genuinely start laughing, shaking your head. “Okay mom, of course.”

You walk around the duffel bag and her, and you’re halfway up the stairs when she speaks again. “I’m serious, Y/n. I’ve had enough of you living under my roof. I don’t have to be taking care of you anymore, not at your age.”

You freeze, before slowly turning to look at her. “What?”

“You can try living on campus or getting an apartment, I really don’t care. I’m giving you a month to be out. You can keep the furniture that’s in your room.”

She’s still sitting with her back turned to you, because you know she’s too much of a coward to tell you while looking you in the eyes.

“What the fuck?”

“You can keep practicing at the studio. And no, you don’t have to pay for it. And I’ll pay for your college until the end. I just don’t want you living under my roof anymore.”

You’re stunned for so long you think you’ve been turned into a statue. You don’t know what to say, and your brain can’t really process what she’s saying. “And you expect me to go right now?”

She nods, finally glancing at you over her shoulder. “Yes. I prepared a bag that should have everything you need.”

You scoff, and you start feeling like you’re going to be sick. Like someone pulled a rug under your feet, and you’re crashing to the ground.

“Are you fucking serious?”

She nods again, slowly getting up. “Yes, Y/n. Go live with your father for all I care.”

“He’s in California!” you burst. “College is a twenty minute walk from here.”

“You can find some housing that’s near college,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. “It’s not my business anymore.”

“By tonight?”

You’re seeing red. No, in fact, you’re way past the red, everything turning fully white as fury grabs you into its hold, blinding you.

“Yes.” There’s a silence, and then she adds, “I’m sure you could stay with the Hans. Or some other friends.”

You don’t remember the rest of the fight. You remember screaming, and you remember her screaming back. You remember going up to your room to make sure you really had what you needed, packing an extra bag yourself as she screams at you from the door to your room. Telling you how much she hates you and hates that you’re the reason why the love of her life left.

As if she’s not the one who cheated on him. And when you tell her so, she strides in your room and slaps you straight across the cheek. She’s wearing rings, and you feel your skin sting where one of the rings cut through your cheek.

A glance in the mirror confirms that you are already bleeding.

Then all you remember is walking to the studio. Carrying the bags, not even feeling their weight. You can barely even feel the ache in your wrist. You hide in the room you usually take for refuge, and it strikes you then that it might be your actual last refuge.

Because you don’t have a house anymore.

You want to call your father, you want to call Jiho, you want to scream and throw up and rage at the world. But all you can do is sit with your back against the mirror.

Jiho is supposed to come later anyway. You just need to wait for her.

You watch the sun lowering on the horizon, light moving on the floor as it slowly sets, a long time after you’ve gotten to the studio. You feel as if you don’t move, then maybe none of this will be real, that maybe you’re going to wake up from a really bad nightmare.

Your mother is a bad mother, she is, but she’s not a monster.

Your eyes slide to the bags. They’re in the semi-obscurity next to the door, because you haven’t turned the lights on. But they’re still there, and it’s proof that it really did happen.

That your mother is really the monster you prayed she’d never be.

Tears come to you then. Welling up in your eyes, stabbing into your heart, and you pull your knees to your chest, resting your head on them as you wrap your arms around them. As if holding yourself will stop you from breaking.

You reckon you’re already fragile. You’ve barely glued the pieces of your heart back together after Jungkook, so maybe you break a little harder.

Maybe the tears and the pain are tenfold what they would have been otherwise. Because you’re in pain. It physically hurts a lot more than Jungkook did. Because a mother is supposed to protect you, to love you unconditionally.

The last time you think your mom loved you was when you were eight and practicing ballet. Long before you gave up on it to focus on dance styles that felt more natural to you, with upbeat music that you could get lost in easier.

You remember the last day she told you. You won a competition, and when you got off the stage she gave you flowers and told you she loved you. She brought you to get ice cream after, and you stained your outfit as you ate. She yelled at you then, told you that you had to be better.

You never were good enough. You’d never be good enough to live up to her expectations, and you accepted that a while ago. But you never thought, never could imagine that she’d choose to kick you out.

Because that’s what happened. You’ve been kicked out of your house, kicked out of the home you grew up in. Kicked out of the memories of laughter and dancing around the kitchen with your father. Of Christmas wrapping paper and twinkling lights, of crying at the dinner table because you didn’t understand a math concept and your father sucked at trying to help.

You’ve been kicked out of the house where you and Jiho played Wii in the basement when you were younger, kicked out of the house that your father left from.

You’re spiraling. You know you are, and your breathing is turning erratic as panic wells up in your chest. What are you even supposed to do?

A soft knock at the door startles you. You don’t even remember shutting it behind you. All you know is that the sun is fully set when your brain focuses back on the present, and dusk has made the studio dark in shades of grey that match the bleak colour of your feelings.

You look at the door, but it’s lacking a window for you to see who’s on the other side. You assume it must be Jiho, and you really feel like crying in her arms for a time. So you get up on wobbly feet, making your way to the door, seeking your best friend’s comfort.

You almost let out a terrified scream when you open the door and Jeon Jungkook is standing on the other side, a halo of light surrounding him and blinding you coincidentally.

You blink a few times, as if it’s going to make him disappear, but you still see him once you hold your eyelids still.

He’s in front of you, wearing an oversized grey crewneck over a black t-shirt. He’s holding bubble teas, and glasses you’ve never seen him wear before sit on his nose. His hair is a mess around his head from the wind outside, and his eyes surveys you as you just stand there.

But he has no business being here right now, when you’re breaking. It just breaks harder, and he looks utterly terrified as tears well up in your eyes again, so much so that they start rolling on your cheeks.

He says your name, so softly you don’t really hear him. He says your name as if you’re made of glass, and maybe you are. Maybe you are and all that you know how to do is break and break and break.

Your face falls in your hands, and you cry, you sob, and it takes Jungkook a few hesitant seconds before he steps closer to you and wraps an arm loosely around you.

“What’s wrong?” he asks with a small voice.

You grab his shirt with your uninjured hand and press your forehead against him. He’s warm, and it hurts even more.

But you don’t have anything left in you that can break. Your mother made sure of that, he made sure of that all those months ago. All that’s left is an ocean of sorrow, and you fear you’ve just seen the surface.

“Y/n, what’s wrong?” he asks again.

You say something through your tears, but you reckon it was inaudible. So you steel yourself, before asking, “Why are you here?”

He pulls you in, closes the door behind him. You fall in darkness again. “Why is it so dark?”

“Hold on,” you say though you’re still crying. You let go of his shirt before moving to the light switch. You keep your back turned to him as the neon lights flicker to life around you.

“Y/n, what’s happening?” he enquires once more.

You hate him. You hate him so much you want to turn around and move back to the comfort of his arms. Because then you can focus on the pain he causes, on the lava he pours into your blood. You’ve already gotten used to it, and it’s easier to handle that than whatever your mother did to you.

“My mother kicked me out,” you reply, using the sleeve of your shirt to dry your cheeks.

You’re surprised when no new tears meet those that have already cascaded down your face.

“What?”

You chuckle, ever so bitterly. “You heard me right.”

He’s silent for so long you turn around. And he looks so sad it only makes you break again, and fresh silver lines your gaze. Especially as his eyes fall to the cut on your cheek, that you at least managed to clean when you got to the studio. All you can do is hope he won’t mention it.

“What are you doing here anyway?” you ask as you blink the tears away.

“Jiho told me to come.”

So he’s not going to mention it, but you’re going to kill Jiho. You’re pretty positive you’re going to eviscerate her the next time you see her. It’s an emotion other than the sorrow, and you cling to it as best as you can, because right now it feels like preservation.

“I don’t need your help,” you say, folding your arms on your chest.

It makes your sprained wrist hurt, and you let your arms fall at your side almost immediately.

Jungkook just nods, and he pulls at his piercing, like you’ve seen him do a thousand times before. He glances at your bags next to the door, and then holds up one of the bobas.

“Do you want a bubble tea?”

It brings you back to Saturday, and goddamn him you’re crying again. “No.”

He takes a step towards you, then seems to realize he isn’t the one that should be comforting you. Not with Laura in the picture.

“I got your favourite.”

You know he did. You know Jungkook would always get your favourite bubble tea, because that’s just the person that he is. As much as he breaks, Jungkook cares too.

You inhale sharply, trying to keep the tears from rolling down your cheeks. “Why?”

He seems like he wants to talk, to say something, but he remains silent. He just holds the bubble tea out between the two of you, and you watch it as if it’s going to blow before you finally walk towards him.

You grab it with shaky hands, before taking a long swig.

“Better?”

You don’t know how drinking bubble tea will make you feel better about getting kicked out, so you just remain silent. Jungkook figures you don’t want to say anything, and he just stands there, looking away from you as if to give you privacy.

For a few seconds, all you can picture is how he cared last Saturday.

“I sprained my wrist,” you tell him. And then you bristle at your sight as you look in the mirror on the wall.

Your face is flushed red, eyes bloodshot and nose putting Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer to shame. You look positively horrible, hair ruffled and all out of place.

“Yeah,” he replies flatly. He then worries at his piercing some more, and you turn your gaze away from the mirror. “Are you going to be okay for nationals?”

You realize the next time you might be in a bedroom is at the hotel for nationals, and you’re back to crying. “I don’t know,” you say, and this time Jungkook really hugs you, pulling you flush against his chest.

You hate that you’re crying in his arms, but he’s warm and solid, and right now it’s all that you need.

“Hey, it’ll be okay,” he whispers reassuringly, brushing his hand on your back in a soothing manner. “You’ll figure it out.”

“I have nowhere to stay tonight,” you admit.

It feels as if he holds you a little tighter. “You can come over to mine. Stay in my room, I can grab the couch.”

It is a stupid idea, and it just makes you cry more. “Why?”

“I care about you,” he says simply.

He shouldn’t. He shouldn’t care and shouldn’t make you feel safe. But he does. He still makes you feel safe even though he broke your heart. Even though he’s hers.

You think about her. You think of her smug smile Saturday. And maybe it makes you a bitch, maybe it makes you worse than she is, but you say, “Are you sure the boys wouldn’t mind?”

He pulls away so he can look you in the eyes. “Yeah. They love you, they will be happy to help.”

You refuse to mention Laura. Not when you’re in Jungkook’s arms. Instead, you nod once, sniffling a little. And then you glance down at his chest, and at the wet spot you left behind. “Sorry about that.”

He looks down too, before shrugging his shoulders. “It’s okay. Let me grab your bags, I’ll call a Lyft.”

You’ve stepped in a parallel universe, haven’t you? One where Jungkook is allowed to take care of you, one where he felt the way that you felt under the stars that night. And you’re selfish. You’re selfish and you decide to let him do it. To let him care for you.

You’ll find a way to fix things yourself tomorrow. But tonight, tonight you’ll let yourself find comfort in his arms and presence. Then maybe the sun will never rise and tomorrow will never come.

Maybe you’ll be allowed to stay in his arms until eternity takes you in its embrace instead.

*****

It takes you a lot of courage not to cry in the Lyft. Not to look at Jungkook and sob again. It takes you even more courage to sit on your side, miles away from him, with your bags creating a physical border between the two of you.

You’re weak, and you want him to make you feel weaker still. Until you die and can’t feel anything anymore.

The Lyft driver has some music playing on the radio, and from the corner of your eyes you notice Jungkook bobbing his head to the beat. He’s texted away on his phone for the first part of the drive, and you assume he’s informed the boys that you’re coming over.

You wonder what they think, and then you remind yourself that you don’t care. You really just need a place to stay.

You’re not surprised when you receive a text from Jimin, when you’re just a few streets away from their house. It confirms the fact that Jungkook told them, because as you open your phone, you read,

[9:07 pm] park.jm: hey, if u’d rather stay in my room, u’re welcome to it🤗 i’m not gonna be home tonight

You’ve remained friends with Jimin after the night you kissed. As a matter of fact, you think you’re way closer now, mostly because he’s dropped the flirty persona, and now you’ve started seeing the person that he is underneath.

Which is, a very caring and kind person.

You type back a reply, teeth pulling at the ever-constant dry skin of your bottom lip.

[9:08 pm] You: thank u💛 i’ll figure it out later [9:08 pm] You: if jk’s chill with it, i don’t mind staying in his room tho [9:09 pm] park.jm: sounds good!

You don’t say anything else, and neither does Jimin. That leaves you to focus on the music on the radio again, and on the splatter of the rain on the windshield and side windows. It only takes a few more minutes, and then the car is stopping in front of the house.

Jungkook grabs your bags as he thanks the driver, and he gets out before you do. You hesitate long enough for Jungkook to have walked around the car, and you figure you have nowhere else to go, so why not just do it?

Why not just claim Jungkook’s room as yours for the night?

It’s not a nice feeling. But it’s starting to take room in your heart, replacing the hurt that your mother left behind. You want to hurt someone, just so you can transfer the pain to someone else. You never thought you’d have it in you to feel this way, but it just feels like it’d be a relief.

Give someone else the weight to bear. You’ve had enough of it.

You’re trying not to think about your mother too much. You know the moment you’ll be left with your thoughts again you’ll crash, so you try to focus on the fact Jungkook’s waiting for you just outside the door.

It works. Almost.

You thank the driver, and then you open the car door, stepping outside into the rain. The only thing you notice is that some drops are clouding Jungkook’s glasses where he’s standing waiting for you, but he turns his back to you and walks to the door without saying anything.

It feels weird, but you still follow him. He waits for you by the door, and offers you a smile as you stop next to him.

“They shouldn’t talk to you about it,” he says as he glances towards the door. “And if someone makes a comment, I promise I’ll beat the shit out of them.”

That sounds a little excessive, and it takes you aback. You remain silent for a time, just taking in the noises and smells of the rainy world around you.

“I… are we going to hang out with them?” you ask.

You don’t realize you’ve used the word ‘we’ until Jungkook repeats it. “We can stay in my room, if you prefer.”

“I…” you trail off, nodding slowly. “I think I’d like that better.”

He offers you another sweet smile, a soft smile you haven’t seen in months now. “Alright then. We can go straight up to my room.”

You thank him with the smallest voice you can muster up, and then you’re walking into his home behind him, trying to hide behind his large frame so his friends – your friends – won’t see you.

Luckily enough, the living room is empty, even though the TV is on and playing some drama you know for a fact Jo has been watching with Taehyung. You wonder where they’re hiding, but you’re thankful you don’t have to confront them as Jungkook leads you to the staircase, and then up to his room.

You only relax when you step in the cool darkness of his room. Jungkook drops your bags by the door before turning his LED lights on, and they shine purple around you. You eye his room – it’s a lot cleaner then you saw it the last time you stood in it, the night he told you about the accident. Not that it was very messy then, but it looks and smells like Jungkook has just cleaned it.

It feels homey, and it makes your eyes well up again. Jungkook has his back turned to you as he moves to his PC, before sitting in his gaming chair. He turns to look at you, tongue playing with his piercing for a few long silent seconds.

You just stay by the door, fighting the tears in your gaze.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” he asks, gently, his big doe eyes casting softness on his entire aura.

You dry the lone tear that’s escaped the confines of your eye with your thumb, before folding your arms on your chest. “I don’t even know where to start.”

He offers you a sad, knowing smile, before glancing pointedly at his bed. “You can first get comfortable.”

You don’t know why, but it makes you chuckle a little. You reckon you might be going crazy, but you can’t even bring yourself to care.

“You’re just going to sit there?” you enquire.

He shrugs. “Would you rather me sit with you?”

Your heart beats steadily in your chest as you answer, “Are you comfortable with that?”

It’s the closest you’ll go to mentioning Laura tonight. If he wants to pretend she doesn’t exist, then you’ll follow his lead.

“Of course,” he simply says, and you watch as he moves to his bed. The floor creaks as he steps closer, and you watch as he rearranges his pillows so they can serve as a backrest. He then sits on the side of the bed, patting the spot next to him. “Come here.”

You bite at your tongue to refrain from saying something, instead nodding your head as you cross the distance between you and him.

It feels a little awkward sitting there, but Jungkook saves you by saying, “Do you feel comfortable confiding in me?”

You glance at him. His eyes are already set on you, and it makes something ache so deeply in your chest that you think you might actually be dying.

“I mean, I’d be better off talking to Jiho, uh?” You shrug your shoulders. “I… is it okay if I talk to you?”

He nods. “As I said earlier, I care about you. You can tell me anything if it can help make you feel better.”

You highly doubt it’ll help. You highly doubt revealing to the man that broke your heart that your mother hates you will help in any way. So you choose to say something else instead.

“You know my parents divorced, right?” You wait for him to give you an indication that he does, and then your gaze slides to the floor, before settling on a vague spot next to his gaming chair. “I don’t think you know the reason why. Only Jiho and her brother do, and I’ve never really told anyone else.” You steel yourself, taking a deep breath, before continuing. “My mother cheated on my dad before I was born? And uh… He’s not my dad. We learned when I was sixteen.”

A heavy silence follows your revelation. You’re too broken and exhausted to be ashamed, so you just shrug your shoulders. “That part doesn’t even matter anyway.”

You completely freeze when Jungkook grabs your uninjured hand, slowly forcing you to unclench your fist by gently pulling on your fingers. “You have the right to say it matters,” he carefully says.

You feel like falling in his arms again, but you let him play with your fingers instead. “It… it does matter. My mother has always blamed me for him leaving. Said if I never was born then he would have stayed with her.” You’re crying softly now, silently. “I think that’s the reason why she decided to kick me out today. She’s had enough.”

“I don’t have the words to convey how sorry I am that you’ve experienced that.”

You let out a broken sound, and then your crying is nothing but silent, with you sobbing as you hide your face in your hands. Jungkook wraps an arm around you, pulling you into his chest. And he holds you as you break, as if the breaking has never scared him. You don’t know how he does it: the night you saw him break right in this room you fled like a coward.

“It hurts so bad”, you say through your tears, and the words cause a break in the sobbing. “Like, I never thought she’d go this far.”

He runs a hand on your back, waiting for you to continue.

“We barely even talk most of the time, but we got in a fight on Saturday before practice. Something about money. And it doesn’t even make sense because today she said she’ll still pay for everything, but she’s given me a month to be out of the house.”

The position in which Jungkook is holding you is a little uncomfortable, so you push on his chest, until he lets you straighten. You balk at the sight of tears on his cheeks.

“Why are you crying?” you ask, forgetting all about your own pain for a few seconds.

He chuckles sadly, wiping his cheeks with the back of his hand. “Sorry. I’m a sympathetic crier.”

It’s endearing. And you know the last thing you should feel when it comes to Jeon Jungkook is endearment, but you’ll allow it for tonight.

“It’s fine”, you reassure him. “I’m going to be fine.”

You say it as if he’s the one that needs comforting, and he catches on to it right away. “You’re not alone, you know?”

You blink back tears as one rolls on his cheeks. It makes him laugh awkwardly, and he quickly dries it, this time using the sleeve of his shirt.

And he has no business telling you you’re not alone. It makes you look away as you’re fighting the urge to yell at him. To yell at him for breaking your heart, to yell at him for not listening to you, for moving on so quickly.

He’s right though. You’re not alone. You have friends that are there for you, no matter how far away they feel like.

“It’s just…” you trail off, shrugging your shoulders. “It fucking sucks that my mother hates me so bad. No matter what I do she just always hates me, and sometimes it does feel like everything is my fault.”

“It’s a natural way to feel after she’s blamed you for years”, Jungkook carefully replies, as if he too has heard the hidden meaning behind your words.

As if he too knows you’re also referring to how you lost him.

“But you know that it isn’t, right?” he adds. “People make mistakes. That’s what makes all of us human.”

“I just…” Now you break even more. You can barely breathe for a few seconds, and it feels like you’re burning inside, so badly you think all that will be left of you are charred remains. “I just wish my mother would love me? It’s so fucking hard to see happy families all around when all I’ve got is her.”

You’re talking about Jiho and her family. Jungkook probably doesn’t know, and you reckon it isn’t really relevant. Because Jiho’s family is not the only happy family in your vicinity. You see couples on walks with their kids all the time in your neighbourhood, you see some friends from high school getting married and starting their own little family. And you’d like to think your friends are your family – it does feel like it most of the time. But today it feels as if you’re back in that forgotten space where no one knows about you.

Where all that you are is the physical embodiment of breaking.

“You know, I still talk to my dad,” you add after you’ve fought a wave of panic. “But he has his own family now. He’s married, and they have a son.”

You glance at Jungkook, and he’s still crying. In silence, just letting his tears flow freely. His nose has turned red, and you want to reach out and ruffle his hair. You want to wipe his tears and hold him, making sure that he’ll never hurt.

But that’s not your job. So you just let out a small laugh. “Stop crying.”

He furrows his brows before chuckling. “Sorry.”

“We can stop talking about it if you want,” you suggest.

He forcefully shakes his head no a few times. “No. You need to talk, and you deserve to be listened to.”

You hate him. You wish you could show him that he’s ripped your heart from your chest, that he broke you that July night. When he chose not to listen to you, when his pride won over whatever emotions the starry night raised between you.

He’s sensed your unease, because he adds, “I’ll never do that again.”

“But why, Jungkook?” you ask, voice trembling. “Why did you do it in the first place?”

His hand moves between you as if he wants to hold you again, but his arm falls back to his side. “I was too proud. We can talk about it tomorrow?”

You scoff, but then crease your brow. Because if he’s referencing to a tomorrow, maybe he doesn’t expect you’ll have to leave again. “Why?”

“Because you’re vulnerable right now, and I think it’s better to process what happened today before we focus on what happened in the past.”

Jungkook sounds as if he’s majoring in psychology, and not photography. You don’t know what to make of it.

“Why?” you repeat, as if it’s the only word known to you.

“Because I think you still have a lot more to say about your mother. And I’d hate myself if I brought the conversation to me.”

“Jungkook…”

He shrugs. “I’m serious, I was a dick. And I don’t want to be like that anymore. So tonight we’ll figure out what we can do to fix your situation, and then we can talk some more tomorrow.” He offers you a tentative smile. It’s a little hopeful, like he wants you to stay.

And tonight, you’re foolish enough to believe you will.

“What should I do?” you ask after a while of silence. “I never thought I’d have to find a place to stay in such a short amount of time.”

He worries at his piercing, and then he’s getting up to walk to his PC setup. He turns it on, before glancing at you. “Come here.”

You hesitate, but when he moves the chair so it’s facing you, you figure it’s better if you just do as he asked. So you get up and cross the distance between you once again, before plopping down in the chair. Jungkook turns you towards the keyboard, and then he leans down to press in his password.

You catch a whiff of his detergent from so close, and maybe of some cologne, though it’s pretty faded. It distracts you from your ocean of sorrow, and you just watch him with wide eyes as he waits for the monitor to show its welcome screen.

“Why don’t you look up some apartments? Figure out what you’d like to live in.”

It’s a good suggestion, but it makes you feel infinitely insecure. “I don’t know what I’d like to live in.”

He glances at you, offering you an encouraging smile. “Do you want a studio, or do you want your room to be separated from the rest of your living area?”

You think about it for a time. You’ve always been used to having your own room, and you’ve always liked the comfort of a closed door when you sleep at night. So you reply, “I’d like to have a room.”

He nods his head, before focusing on the monitor as he opens the web browser, and then searches for a website where you can look through listed places to rent. He puts in some filters, asking you more questions to guide the search – like your budget, if you want an office, if you need a parking spot.

You’re so thankful to have him with you right now you think you’ll cry again. You succeed at blinking the new wave of tears away though, and then you start looking at the apartments.

A whole hour later, you’ve made a list of places you’d like to go visit. Jungkook suggests to go sometime over the weekend, but with midterms coming and having to practice for nationals, you feel like you’re running out of time.

It makes panic rise in you, and Jungkook quickly gets up from where he’s been sitting on his bed. In two long strides he’s already next to you, and he turns the chair away from his monitor.

“That’s enough for tonight,” he says gently. “You’ve got a good list, and I can help by visiting some of them if you want.” He slowly nods. “That could work. I could take videos for you.”

“Most of them are on the other side of town.”

He shrugs. “It’s fine, I can take the bus. I can visit a couple of them on the same day too.”

When you start crying, Jungkook grabs your hand to pull you up. You don’t resist, and you let him guide you to his bed.

“Sit.”

You don’t move, instead burying your face in your hands.

He says your name gently, pulling you in yet another hug. He’s firm next to you, warm and real, and in this moment you realize you don’t want him to be gone when tomorrow comes.

But he’s right, and it’s better if you focus on figuring where to live for tonight. Already, you feel a little reassured that things will work out.

He lets you go when your tears recede, and you let out a small laugh as you notice he’s shed a couple of his own too.

“You really are a sympathetic crier,” you tease, and it makes both of you laugh some more.

“Sorry.”

His hands are still on your shoulders, and your mind chooses this moment to focus on the spot where his palms trace warm spots on you. He notices the change in your expression right away, and he lets his arms fall to his side.

“Don’t apologize,” you say, and you let your gaze drop to a random spot on his chest. Mostly because his big eyes have started feeling like a safe haven far too much. “You’d really go visit some apartments for me?”

He sits on the bed, nodding his head. “Yes, of course. Unless you’d rather go yourself, which would be totally understandable.”

You kind of do, because you know you’ll need to see the places yourself to decide which one you want to build your home in. But Jungkook could pinpoint which locations are worth visiting…

“Maybe you can visit a couple and send videos?” you suggest, even though that’s what he already said he’d do. “And you tell me which you prefer and all.”

He smiles at you, a little hesitantly. “My opinion is not important.”

He’s right, it’s not. But at the same it is, so you only shrug your shoulders. “You’re not stupid, I’m pretty sure you can tell if a place sucks.”

“Right.” He laughs a little, that childish laugh of his you haven’t heard from him since the weekend at the cottage. It stabs into your chest a little, but you reckon you’ve cried way too much tonight to be able to cry some more.

Or maybe the way his eyes are crinkling at the corners, housing hearths of happiness that shine brightly as he looks up at you… Maybe that is the true reason why you don’t feel like crying anymore.

You look away, taking a deep, steadying breath. You don’t know what good it does you, but it’s easier to think when you’re not directly looking at him.

“What’s next though?” you ask.

“A trip to Ikea?” he proposes, shrugging his shoulders. “We figure out what furniture you need, what home appliances and all of that shit.”

“My mother is letting me keep the furniture in my room.”

He nods. “Then the bedroom is going to be easy. You might want a dinner table or a couch, or maybe just a desk?”

You decide to sit next to him before replying, letting yourself think about it for a time. “It’d be nice to have a little cozy living room area.”

You don’t see it, but he’s smiling softly as he gazes at your profile. “What do you have in mind?”

“Mmh,” you let out. “Maybe a cute little coffee table, and some plants? I don’t watch TV a lot, but I feel like that’s a necessary thing in an apartment.”

He chuckles. “You don’t need to have a TV. You can save up the money for other stuff.”

You’re too drained to feel stressed about the financial aspect, but you still say, “I hope I made enough money over the summer to be able to afford all of that.”

His expression turns somber. “You can always get a part-time job to help. And you mentioned you still talk to your dad. Is your relationship good enough with him to talk about money?”

For the first time tonight, you realize there might be a chance you’ll truly make it out of this situation. And Jungkook’s words remind you that your father suggested himself that you move out of your mother’s house. Maybe he’d truly be inclined to help.

“I could try,” you say after a few seconds of thinking. “I’ll call him tomorrow, see what he thinks about this whole situation.”

Jungkook offers you an encouraging nod. “Good idea.”

As silence fills the room around you once more, you find yourself yawning. You hide it behind the back of your hand, but Jungkook still notices. He chuckles a little, and you throw him a sheepish look.

“Sorry, I’m exhausted,” you admit.

“Do you want to go to bed?”

You hold his gaze for a few seconds. “As much as I feel like I still have a lot to do, I think sleeping would be better.”

“You’ll also feel better in the morning,” he says, smiling softly. “Trust me.”

You chuckle, because you don’t know if he’s right but you sure hope that he is. “Let’s hope so.” You look around, eyes settling on your bags by the door. “Is there any chance that I could take a shower?”

He’s up before you’ve even finished your sentence. “Of course. I’ll show you where the bathroom is.”

*****

Jungkook has a hard time believing that you are currently sleeping in his bed behind him. He barely even dares look over his shoulder, afraid that you’ll disappear if he does. But each time he fails to resist the urge, you’re still there. Features serene in your sleep, arms wrapped around a pillow.

You told him you liked to hug something while you slept, and he made sure to tuck that piece of information in the safest corner of his brain.

When you came back from your shower, hair wet and cheeks red from the water – or maybe from crying some more – Jungkook had started a game with Taehyung. You told him that he could play while you slept, and he kept the volume to a minimum since then, though he reckons you’d probably sleep through a hurricane.

It’s unbelievable that you’re here. That you’re real, that maybe he’ll be able to fix things with you. He’s not foolish to expect he deserves to be the one that you love. He knows he’s lost that privilege a while ago. But he thinks that maybe, maybe you could be friends.

He finds a strange form of comfort in thoughts of friendship with you.

He’ll help you. He’s already decided he’ll do everything he needs to do to make sure you settle into your apartment comfortably. It’s what you deserve, and if you let him, he’ll make sure you forget about your mother.

He knew you had a bad relationship with her, but he has never suspected that it was so bad. And he didn’t tell you, won’t tell you either, but he’s glad that you’re out of that toxic environment.

Maybe it’ll allow you to grow and finally start healing. And he knows more than anyone on this Earth how much healing you deserve.

You don’t deserve any of the pain that you’ve been through.

Taehyung went to bed about twenty minutes ago, and Jungkook has just been looking at YouTube videos since then. He doesn’t want to go to sleep yet, mostly because he enjoys your presence, and he doesn’t want to have to go downstairs.

But he told you he would, so he will.

He’s not really paying any attention to the video unfolding on his monitor. As a matter of fact, all he can think of is that he understands you now, or at least he’s starting to. Starting to understand the complicated maze that is your heart, starting to know how to navigate its halls.

He can’t wait to talk to you more tomorrow. To tell you he’s not with Laura anymore, that he’s sorry for the pain he put you through. He’s anxious about it, and maybe that most of all is the reason why he doesn’t want to go downstairs.

Because there’s a high possibility that you’re just going to leave tomorrow, and he reckons he’d deserve it.

He sighs, blinking his tiredness away. He readjusts his glasses on his nose, tries to focus on the video, but he’s dozing off.

No matter how much he fights it, he knows he’ll just end up falling asleep in his gaming chair. So he turns off the computer, turning the chair around as silently as possible to glance at you. You shift a little where you’re lying, burrowing your face in the pillow.

Jungkook doesn’t think he is ready to feel the pang it causes in his heart, because he almost starts crying then. But he’s cried enough tonight – not nearly as much as you, of course. So he blinks the emotion away, and then he stands.

He moves towards his bed, walking around it to reach the empty side. He can’t resist but sit on it, and as creepy as it might be he just looks at you for a few seconds.

You’re real. You’re real and in his bed, under his comforter, like the place belongs to you. He thinks maybe it does.

Jungkook takes off his glasses, putting them down on the night table. He rubs his nose where the pads left little indents, sighing deeply before lying down. He knows he shouldn’t, knows he should just grab his pillow and go, but he wants to be in your company just a little longer.

He’s a fool, he knows he is, and he falls asleep in the next few seconds.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

Soooo we're finally nearing the end of the angst are we?? I'm sorry I ended it here, this chapter used to be over 20k and I split it in two hahaha did we still like it??

Taglist (strike-through means dumblr is not letting me tag you my bad): add yourself to my taglist by following this link

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gabrielsbubblegumbitch · 28 days

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Since you said you're interested to know, the way I see findom working for VoxVal is like this: It's essentially a power play, Vox is the type to have that traditional masculine ideal of being the provider in a relationship, to be the one who works and accomplishes more than his partner so they can rely on him, but he is insecure over this role, especially since Valentino doesn't really need him to thrive. That's where the financial domination comes into play, giving money and gifts relieves him from the feeling of inadequacy. It's a serving and self-humiliation act, knowing that Val doesn't need it, and holds the power to decline his expensive gifts and the money thrown at his feet, is all part of the thrill, a fantasy of being ruined financially by his lover (not for real, but the risk of it is exciting), it's a type of worship and a way of giving up control. As for Valentino, he likes it when Vox does things for him and spoils him with fancy gifts, enjoying this subtle act of admiration and submission Vox gives him. He is not as into this kink as him, but it's fun enough that he's glad to indulge him. Val also knows when to put a stop to it before Vox goes too far and ruins himself by being too caught up in the play, but of course sometimes things can get out of hand and Vox gets pissed about it later. Btw, I see this happening only after their relationship gets more stable and Vox is more comfortable to show his sub side. (I don't think I explained it too well, I'll write a fic to put it into perspective a bit better)

OHHH okay there was some miscommunication because in previous ask you wrote "financial domination by Vox" and I understood it as Vox being a findom when he's so obviously a finsub material, that's what I couldn't grasp. But our visions align perfectly I see, thank you for writing that ❤️ imo you described it really well

It's fortunate that Vox is probably Hell's equivalent of Elon Musk and it takes a lot to drive him into financial ruin. Do you think he wants to be stopped? Or is it autodestructive? Like in findom there's this cycle of paying a tribute -> paying way too much and causing serious financial damage -> guilt and self loathing -> leaving -> relapse. I subscribe to the idea that (like in any other Ds dynamics) it's Dom's responsibility to keep sub safe and findom is about control, not just draining as much as possible. BUT plenty of subs I've encountered got really pissy if I denied tributes when we get to stage 2. Basically they were like "you are ruining it, stop being nice, that's not what I pay for", so in love with the idea of being radicaly dehumanized. How is Vox when Val tries to stop him? Is he grateful Val cares, is he annoyed because it ruins his degradation fantasy or maybe he's pissed that Val assumes he cannot control himself?

Also, good luck with working on your fic, I woul love to read it 🩵

#hazbin hotel #vox #valentino #voxval #ask #vox hazbin #valentino hazbin hotel #staticmoth

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bookinit02 · 1 year

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bookinit’s byler fic recs

happy new years! to celebrate, i’m posting a list of some of my favorite fics of this year, sorted by word count. i tried not to include a bunch of super well-known, commonly-recced fics, and of course, there are SO many more that i didn’t include just because there isn’t enough time in the world. but i really wanted to lift up some amazing authors, my friends included, as well as some more underground fics. happy reading!!🥳

my top byler fics of 2022

1 - 10k

- it’s a choice (getting swept away) by @wiseatom. i just skimmed this again to see if i wanted to include it, and even just SKIMMING, i was having goddamn heart palpitations. there is something so special about healthy communication and resolving misunderstandings with emotional intelligence and kindness instead of anger. don’t get me wrong, big dramatic blowups are lots of fun to read, but this one stands out for how quiet it is. how gentle. not only is the willel done FANTASTICALLY, but byler here is so soft and tentative, and i was eating up every minute of it. as always, with thea, a phenomenal read. (categories: post s4, mileven breakup, painting conversation, getting together, willel)

- the body is a blade by inblue. this author is severely underrated—incredible prose, such unique fics, and so much genuine emotion in such a short space. i sincerely recommend all of their works!! phenomenal, and despite their short length, they’ve stuck with me since i read them—this one in particular. (categories: poetic, unique, character study, will byers needs a hug)

10 - 20k

- i’m caught up in you by @wiseatom. the first half of this is genuinely novel-worthy—beautifully written & crafted, to the point where i couldn’t stop writing down sentences as inspiration. the second half kicks you into an apocalyptic adventure, filled with byler banter, miscommunication, wound tending, a Painting Debacle™️, and literally everything you could want out of byler in the upside down. thea’s byler is SO much fun to read—they absolutely are best friends, and they don’t let you forget it! the banter is so realistic and snarky and fun, and i’ve read this a million times over at this point. infinite kudos always💗💗 (categories: byler in the upside down, miscommunication, angst & fluff, tension, wound tending, will has a gun)

- i hate accidents (except when we went from friends to this) by blackdeathmamba. a classic, and for a good reason. great tension & pining, super butterfly-inducing, with a twist at the end that simultaneously had me yelling and giggling into my pillow. ADORABLE. so, so wonderful. (categories: pining, miscommunication, college byler, roommates, fluff)

- running up that road by @smoosnoom. i had a really hard time trying to figure out which of moon’s fics to rec bc i feel like all of them, in general, defined my 2022. and of course, everyone and their mother has recced tearing you asunder! but going back over the fics, i think this one truly had the biggest impact on me. first of all, it was the first fic i ever read while listening to the accompanying playlist, and that experience literally changed my life. it is so hard for me to read without listening to music now😭 but seriously reading this w/ moon’s song choices felt like watching a movie. second of all, i really got inside mike’s head here. his character was great, and the fic displayed some of his more unpleasant qualities that some people might shy away from, like anger or resentment. this was just a very real portrayal of byler, and of mike in general. and a lot of the scenes in here—specifically the beginning and end—have stuck with me since i read them. overall, incredible experience, and i’d read it again in a heartbeat. (categories: post s4, character study, mike centric)

20 - 30k

- the gaps and the silence by delusionaltogether (whyyyyy) aka @parkitaco. i read this last night and cried my heart out—not big dramatic sobs, but more of a silent & continuous cry that would pop back up without warning. this was just so exquisitely written—the best of parker’s work that i’ve seen, which is such an impressive feat because i love absolutely everything they publish. the resolving of miscommunication, the healing of byler’s fractured relationship, the responsibility taken on both sides, and the love that still persists through all of it—this is a masterpiece. it is a triumph of human emotion, and a truly excellent mark of good writing. cannot recommend enough—along with absolutely all of parker’s other works. (categories: angst, miscommunication, reunion, college byler, first dates, mutual pining)

- mike wheeler’s guide to falling in love with a superhero by @smoosnoom. this was my first introduction to spiderwill, and i loved every minute of it. this is fun, fast-paced, a little crazy, and just SUCH an enjoyable read. plus, i get a cameo as bagel girl, which in my opinion, is the best part!! but fr this was honestly so well done and even as i’m writing this, i’m getting the urge to read it again. loved, loved, LOVED. (categories: spiderwill, fluff, light-hearted, energetic)

30 - 40k

- you can hear it in the silence by @astrobei. there is truly not enough praise in the world for suni’s fics, or her writing in general, but this one was really something special. mike in this fic is one of my favorite mikes ever, and i think about his big conversation with robin at least once a day. this is truly just a magical coming of age romance. it is so soft & tender & real, and i genuinely could read it every single day and never get bored. also, as someone who worked in food service, i appreciated the accurate portrayal🫡 but also. never again. customers can suck my dick. getting off track here :) (categories: coming of age, friends to lovers, mutual pining, soft)

- i know, i know, i know by aude_sapere. season 4 rewrite!! the writing of this is incredible, the plot is fantastic, and it was one of my first really notable reads in this fandom. really gives will his main character moment, as he deserves!! (categories, s4 rewrite, main character will, pining, action)

40 - 50k

- i’ve come home, i’m so cold by @astrobei. this one is just. ohhhhh my god where do i even start?? this is my ideal college byler fic. it’s literally so perfect, start to finish. will’s narration is incredible, and additionally the plot is just so, SO interesting?! there’s something about suni’s writing that i just can’t get enough of. she writes exactly the way i think and it results in prose that flows effortlessly and is so much fun to read!! i am just chomping all of her fics up one by one and i am still hungry☹️ i think suni needs to write just for me forever & always actually. (categories: college byler, mystery, pining, best friends to lovers, roommates)

- boys don’t cry series by @padmedala. this series is so special to me, specifically the first installment. it was one of the first works i really read that focused on will’s queerness in other terms than his relationship with mike! there was so much queer joy & healing & growing up in this series, and it was really beautifully explored in a way that left me crying, but still unable to put my phone down. really, really wonderful, and criminally underrated. (categories: coming of age, season 4-5, queer joy, healing, romance, pining)

50 - 100k

- chiron in gemini by babydraygen. this was one of the first season 5 fics that i read, and i still think this is a REALLY interesting take on it. eddie’s alive, mike is kind of a dick, and the apocalypse is in hawkins, but everyone’s pretty chill about it. i think the characters here were so complex and interesting, and i was honestly hooked the whole time. (categories: season 5, coming of age, angst, getting together)

- there is a season by ghostlin. yet another s5 fix-it, mike-centric this time. really well written, great character development, and truly so much fun to read. to quote my original bookmark: this is, without a doubt, one of the best fics i’ve ever read. writing is impeccable, everything (EVERYTHING) is perfect, and i cherished every single word. this is my season 5. if you are reading this right now, stop and read this fic. yes, me too. read it again. (categories: s5, character development, slow burn, apocalypse, drama)

- i’ll find a new place to be from by @andiwriteordie . clearly i have a thing for s5 fics, but this was honestly so amazing!! i think about it a lot, and am definitely pulling inspo for my own eventual s5 fic (hopefully coming next year!) andi has written so many (and i mean SO. MANY) wonderful fics for this fandom, which is a gift in itself. but there’s nothing that i think about more than this one. (categories: s5, drama, will byers has powers, getting together)

100k +

- you are the heart by touchthesky. i spent months reading this one, chapter by chapter, as it uploaded, and i don’t regret it one bit. this was such an interesting, complex, and well-done take on season 5. there were some really shocking plot twists, gripping moments of turmoil, and satisfyingly resolved arcs for every single character. the action sequences are god-tier, the internal dialogue is fascinating, the worldbuilding is INCREDIBLE, and i honestly just cannot say enough good things about this fic. will probably be giving it another read soon! (categories: s5, angst, the full package, slow burn, will pov, intense worldbuilding, main character death)

again, there are SO many more—and yall are always welcome to search my bookmarks on ao3—but those are the ones i was thinking about today. here’s to more great fics in 2023!!🥳🥳

#byler fic recs #feel free to use

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desceros · 4 months

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Re: ableism w/Symphony Donnie: Definitely some internalized ableism but I think that’s unfortunately due to not many people knowing what exactly neurodivergence looks like and how people with it processes things differently.

Like, honestly, my biggest gripe was the recording and even that, for the SPECIFIC context of this story and Donnie as a character, it makes sense. Does it make it right? No, but if Donnie never had to think about these things before, for him it’s the same as recording everything to protect his family. Just something he does.

Also, even though my heart broke with Reader’s at her realization, MULTIPLE times reader has said Donnie says what he means and even at the beginning with the “I like you” thing I was like, “Girl, I’m going to need you to define the relationship with him.”

And I think, with Leo, even when writer’s do write him as neurodivergent, what I’ve read always has him as the he better masker whether it’s explicitly said or not. Idk if Symphony Leo is neurodivergent or not but STILL, reader has picked up that he’s good with masking which usually comes off as charming or “easy breezy beautiful cover girl”.

Idk, maybe because I know a lot of people like Donnie irl but if anything I was more frustrated at the obvious miscommunication between both of them than him directly, because as reader said, she projected her feelings on to him when he’s been super direct with his intentions.

Basically, there are sometimes where I wish people would just realize that processing the same thing between two people doesn’t always look the same and that one isn’t necessarily bad.

well-said, anon-chan!

edit: this got SPOILER!! HEAVY!! for chap. 22 and also soooo long so i'm going to tuck it under a cut. but here's some meta on symphony to explore this a bit since it's something that's very important to me and also... pretty critical to the fic itself! i don't typically like explaining myself outside of the text and letting the fic itself speak but. hm. i suppose i shall let it slide for today!

as you all have hopefully noticed by now, as an author, i like to be. hm. more subtle with things. i prefer to tuck things away versus having things be blatant in the text. and this is kind of coming back to bite me a little with donnie and his neurodivergence, i suspect.

i've tried pretty hard to make it contextually obvious that donnie's autistic. i've all but used the word. the way he behaves and communicates is heavily autism-coded.

meanwhile, the story is from viola-chan's pov, and she's neurotypical-coded (well. as much as i, an adhd-riddled autistic cat in a trenchcoat can manage).

as a result, she doesn't... pick up on donnie's problems with communication. not right away. but here, in this chapter, we see where she finally figures out what their issue has been the entire time:

…Oh. Oh god. He really doesn’t get it. You’d known, of course, that Donnie wasn’t great with people. That he doesn’t communicate well. He doesn’t pick up on cues, or use them himself. No wonder he’s always so frank in his language, you realize. No wonder he’s so comforted by the firm rigidities of science. No wonder he looked so lost. No wonder he was so perplexed.

then, she puts that into practice by being specific and precise with how she talks. and we see that she now knows how to communicate with him in a way that works for both of them. and it works for them:

God; it’s like—a breath of fresh air, you think, staring at him in a little bit of awe. It’s so easy to talk to him, now that you’re just… letting it all out. Being honest. Frank. Infuriating that you hadn’t done this earlier. Feeling your irritation deflate, you nod. “…Okay. You just—need an explanation. Clarification.” “Yes, please,” Donnie gushes, fretting a little.

it's going to take some work. she still takes things he says personally and extrapolates past them (the whole "leo being an important person" thing). but she immediately nips it in the bud and is like. no. we're not doing that anymore. so, going forward, her relationship with donnie is one that's built on learning how to develop this open communication.

of course, it's not perfect, because they're human. donnie twisting her arm into still talking to him by calling in the favor is shitty behavior. a desperate bid to keep someone close that, for some reason, he can't imagine being without. not cool. the recordings of them having sex were shitty behavior to us, people who Know Better. but when violist-chan said 'hey, that's not cool, don't do that' and donnie was given a reason why not to, he just says ok. he might not understand ("but i record everything"). but he acknowledges that there's a concern there, and he agrees to be more conscientious in the future (having a consent sheet).

now then, let's look at leo's behavior in comparison.

donnie's biggest fault was that he didn't know to check in and make sure they were on the same page with everything. leo's fault, on the other hand, is purposeful, manipulative, and cruel. his open admission that he's been manipulating her from the beginning. manipulating donnie. lying to her.

to me, this is much, much worse than what donnie did. even knowing that at some point he starts developing friendly feelings towards her—and some of their interactions were indeed genuine!—i'm with violist-chan here. i'm not going to be digging through every one trying to parse out which ones were real and which ones were him being a dickhead. they're all tainted by the stain of betrayal.

also. because it has come up in a different ask that i will be publishing probably tomorrow bc of spoiler reasons: someone said something to the effect of 'why didn't he just not say anything? he could have taken that to his grave. how selfish'. i will remind you of a conversation between violist-chan and leo that happened in the previous chapter:

“Most of all, he’s honest,” you keep going, tangling your fingers together, staring down at the way they knot at your waist. “If he says something, I can take it at face value. There’s no hidden meaning. Nothing deeper. If he says something feels good, I know it feels good. If he says he likes something, he likes it. If he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it. If he asks for something, I don’t need to ask if he’s sure. He asks, so he’s sure. It—It’s a breath of fresh air. If I want to know what he’s thinking, really thinking, all I have to do is ask. And...” [...] Leo’s still as stone for a few moments longer, looking at you like he’s trying to decide if he wants to say something; but finally he relaxes and comes back to you himself. Reaching out, he flicks your forehead, causing you to wince and rub at it.

i think... leo maybe wouldn't have ever said anything about it. but then you said this. how donnie matters to you because he's honest. there's nothing deeper with him. it's all at face value. you never have to worry about what he's doing, what he's thinking. and that i think... really messed with leo. because he knows he hasn't been honest with you. you can't trust what he says at face value. you do have to worry about what he's doing. and for you to say that that's the main thing you love about donnie—it messed with him. so, even though he knew it would jeapordize the relationship with you, even knowing he wanted to put this off for as long as he could, even though, even though, he decides he has to tell you. he has to come clean.

so even though it feels like shitty, selfish behavior... it's actually him trying to do right by her for a change. to conform to what she looks for in a relationship (both romantic and platonic). it just... didn't go over so well, predictably. most people don't like hearing that not one, but two of their most precious relationships were built on a foundation of misunderstandings or lies.

side note. i do headcanon leo as having adhd that primarily manifests itself as an inattentive form. i don't suspect it has much to do with his behavior here... save perhaps for some possible rsd being triggered when violist-chan is like 'ok actually go fuck yourself i'm out of here.' i don't find it particularly relevant to the discussion of ableism, in this context.

so anyway. long post aside. it's... interesting to me. to see people saying 'actually fuck both donnie and leo equally!!! bleh bleh bleh!!!!' i don't know that it's. hm. active ableism. i'm certainly not accusing anyone of the sort. but it is, at the very least, indicative to me that there are a lot of people who don't read into the text as deeply as perhaps i would like on certain character traits, if i had a magic wand to wave.

....and also perhaps just ableism, haha.

#ask tag #symphony tag #rare desceros meta post #symphony meta

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myheartalivewrites · 10 months

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Five Favorite Fics

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love❤

Hey @14carrotghoul thanks for tagging me! Knife to my throat I'll try to pick my favourites! 😂

Here we go, in no particular order:

Happy NY - New Year's Eve AU, ~11k, E rated

This has everything I love: flash falling in love, then a bit of miscommunication, Henry being angsty, Alex being a force of nature. Both of them as responsible college professors even though they're still horny buggers! Sexy dancing! All the good stuff

Down by the Water, I Saw You - exes to lovers AU, ~63k, E rated

This is my angstiest long fic - A and H having loved and lost each other as teenagers and then trying to find their way back. It's all set on holiday locations and it's got more than its fair share of smut to balance everything out. I really buried myself in this, and felt a huge sense of loss when I was actually done posting. I kinda still miss it

You Spin Me (Right Round) - gym AU, ~5k, E rated

Thought I'd big up this little guy! It's a quick and dirty, mostly-porn-not-so-much-plot fic where Henry is a spin instructor and Alex comes to one of his classes. Horntown ensues. I had a lot of fun pulling from my own experiences to write it 🫣✋

Don't Wanna Be a Fool for You, roommates AU, ~6k, E rated

It's smut, but Henry-centric, introspective smut. They're roommates and Henry's in love and doesn't know what to do with himself, until he decides to fucking bolt. Angsty sex ensues. For whatever reason this gave me exactly the right sort of feels I needed when I wrote it, and the sort of desperateness of it all really works for me.

Love and War, WWII army training camp AU, ~11k, E rated

Recency bias, bc I only just posted this last night and am still faintly shaking with the adrenaline of getting it all done in a little over a day. I had to go back and fix a million typos this morning, but hey. It's done.

This is my first historical fic and first anything to do with the army. Henry's a captain, training troops, Alex comes from overseas for training and they fall for each other.

Because I set myself the challenge of writing it super quickly, there's a sort of lightness in the writing that I really like. I didn't allow myself to get bogged down with details, specifics or side plots. It's just two guys falling for each other and going for it, and I'm really happy with how it came out. And it's a happy ending. No war angst allowed.

I think all my mutuals have done this, so open tag for anyone who wants to do this and please tag me - I love getting fic recs!

❤️ Happy reading.

#rwrb #rwrb fanfic #rwrb fanfiction #henry fox mountchristen windsor #alex claremont diaz #my writing #rwrb fic rec #red white and royal blue #firstprince

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altocat · 7 months

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so i'm trying to get back into the swing of things after almost a decade of being out of ffvii fandom and ever crisis has rekindled a very powerful desire to write and write until my fingers fall off. so i'd like to ask, since you're in the tags and seem quite knowledgeable: what is your opinion of genesis's writing in crisis core?

i've always been of the opinion he was woefully mishandled, and i'm currently trying to reconcile what we were given with what i assume they were going for. got about 2k of a fic with a slightly difficult to explain premise written so far, but sephiroth is pre-nibelheim in post-advent children time (no dirge of cerberus) where genesis is about a decade older than him now. and they're navigating the fallout of the last time they saw each other.

i'm using a lot of what we're learning about sephiroth to color their relationship, too -- my boyfriend skillfully pointed out that it feels like genesis may have developed a parasocial attachment to the version of sephiroth that shinra fed him through propaganda, and when he met the real thing he was let down and became resentful.

so i'm wondering, how do i handle it without making it into a personal vendetta against how horribly i felt genesis was written? heh

The writing on Genesis in CC is....yeesh.

I'd chalk that up to many things--general mishandling, the fact that Genesis is only limited to appearing when Zack is present, and some translation issues from the Japanese language over to English. Lots of his arc as a character doesn't really feel earned, or they don't take enough time to establish his good qualities to make the player care about him.

It's important to note that, despite the fact that the game failed to shed proper light on this, Genesis DOES have many good qualities. He's kind to the lower ranking soldiers, whom he reads to. He and Sephiroth, for all their rivalry, seemed to be close at one point. He was presumably a good friend to Angeal. And even Gackt himself has said that Genesis has a "sweet" streak hidden beneath all that bluster.

It's equally important to note that the Genesis we see in CC is desperate, dying, and under the influence of the Degradation Process. Angeal himself points out that the process seems to dull the mind, clouding it. Sephiroth may or may not have some variation of this as well once his Jenova cells are activated in Nibelheim. So Genesis is really not "himself", warped and twisted, trying to preserve his life, angry and bitter at what Shinra did to him. He's at his lowest point emotionally and psychologically, hence why he does what he does. The writing....just doesn't convey it well.

As for his relationship with Sephiroth, I feel like Sephiroth was closest to him out of all his friends, and Genesis' previous idolization of Sephiroth is the primary reason why he WANTS to be the best. He wants to beat Seph to prove that he's WORTHY of being around Seph. As a boy, Seph was his hero. He HAS to surpass him or become his equal to prove that he can stand toe to toe with the person he feels is a real hero. The dilemma is that Sephiroth never wanted to be a hero and would have always valued Genesis just as he is. Genesis already had what he was looking for...he just didn't realize it until it was too late. They're a complicated pair, with lots of miscommunication, unresolved tension, and poor decision making shared between them. I think they needed to talk to each other more than anything else. Because there was something genuine there. They could have kept it, they could have shared the apples just like Genesis always wanted.

Post-CC, I see Genesis carrying a lot of guilt. Both his friends are "dead" and he basically kicked off the events that led to it. He's been pardoned by Minerva and will now act as the planet's hero and protector, but at the cost of the people he loved. There's no real room for arrogance anymore. He's a hero not out of pride, but shame and remorse. He's tired, lonely, and now fully recognizes the pain of what heroism truly is. He's "grown up" in a sense, become a different person. Crisis Core is a coming of age story in many ways, not just for Zack but for Genesis as well. It's too bad they kinda bungled the delivery.

Hope all of that helps! Genesis is actually a really interesting character when you dissect him. He's sorta become one of my top faves over time, even if I fully recognize him as a complete trashlord. But I think there's more to him deep, deeeeep down.

#asks #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #crisis core #sephcanons #sephiroth #genesis rhapsodos #angeal hewley #ffvii crisis core #ff7 crisis core

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thisbuildinghasfeelings · 11 months

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Last night I watched 4x12 for the first time since the finale aired and I had a lot of feelings about the conversation between Carlos and Andrea. Particularly the part where Andrea says "that is not true" when Carlos talks about how he just started building a good relationship with his father in the past two years. Originally, I saw it as a situation where Andrea was trying to reassure Carlos and express to him that his father loves him. I didn't think she was trying to invalidate his feelings, even if it came off that way a bit. I felt like it was perhaps clumsily executed on her part, but overall well-meaning. Now though? I'm looking at it a little differently.

Carlos starts by mentioning the relationship TK has with Owen. He specifically says, "TK and Owen have always had such a special relationship from the time he was little. I didn't start one with my dad until two years ago." Andrea then responds, "That is not true." But now we know that Andrea was actually right--Carlos and Gabriel did have a special relationship when Carlos was little, so while the past two years may have been a mending of the relationship that had been lost along the way, they were not the very start of it.

Obviously, something major changed in their relationship during Carlos' childhood. We know about what happened when Carlos came out, but there must have been a big shift much earlier, especially for Carlos to not remember or at least to have blocked out these memories of his early childhood relationship with his father. I wonder if it was some misguided notion of teaching Carlos to be "tough" and how to "be a man" that led Gabriel to be less sweet and gentle with Carlos as he got older. We know that Carlos truly believed that his father thought he was too soft. I think there was at least a bit of a miscommunication between them on that issue--I believe Gabriel was always proud of Carlos, though maybe a little worried about him--but Carlos' feelings didn't come out of nowhere. Also, the way Gabriel treats Carlos during most of 2x08 shows that, despite the love he clearly has for his son, there are some seriously high expectations there too. I think it's very likely that Gabriel treated a young Carlos in ways that were probably well-meaning but ultimately harmful to Carlos' sense of self and also their relationship. The true tragedy of the thing is how close Carlos and Gabriel were to fully mending their relationship and getting closer than ever before when Gabriel died.

I would be fascinated to learn more about Carlos and Gabriel's relationship and how it changed through the years. I'm not sure how much more in depth we can expect the show to go, particularly as we've already gotten way more of this than I ever expected we would. Regardless, I hope it will be a topic that will be continually explored in fic because there's really so much there and I can't stop thinking about it!

#911 lone star #carlos reyes #lone star rewatch

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jasonsmirrorball · 6 months

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ok ok dad jason and his diary about his baby growing up…

he ends up treating it like a real diary and writes some pretty honest and intense things in there. talking about how he used this as a bridge to make up with dick, how no matter how scared he was that this was the first time he’s had hope in such a long time. that some nights he would let his fear of failure and being a parent get the best of him, and shed tears while whispering “i’m so sorry you’re mine” to the baby. that sometimes he feels SO helpless as he watches mom struggle to breastfeed and sob because she feels like she’s failing, too.

but these entries are sandwiched between moments where he writes about how baby smiled for the first time, and jason swears he never felt love like that before. that baby rolled over for the first time, lifted their head up on their own, learned how to clap and thinks sneezes are the funniest. that he watches mom lay on the floor and play with baby and finally feels complete.

he stops writing in the journal as consistently as the baby begins to toddle. he’ll write entries as he remembers, saying how much he misses baby while they’re at preschool/daycare. that they came home with sloppy hand turkey art for thanksgiving and he swears he’s never seen anything greater. but he starts to go months, years without writing. it eventually ends up forever untouched when baby reaches age 7, and shoved into a closet somewhere.

when the kid is a teenager, and deep in their teen angst where they hate everyone/everything, they have a chore to help sort out the hall closet. they find the journal and start reading through it, and never realized how much their father went through. i don’t think jason will ever be able to fully articulate feelings, and he never planned on telling their kid just how difficult his life was before, and especially not during those first few years of baby’s life and was still learning that he deserved a life like this.

jason comes home and finds them on the floor, poring through the worn journal. he stops in his tracks because he never really planned on giving the journal to his kid, and he honestly forgot about it. they have this heart to heart on the floor, talking through the tensions that had been building up between them in the past few months. a lot of teenage angst “well i’m sorry i ruined your life!” or “i bet you just wish i was never born!” sort of things, lots of twisting words and miscommunication. i’m team girl dad!jason, so for me it’s him and his 15 year old daughter talking, sitting against the wall, with her head on his shoulder. it’s the first time he is really transparent and open with her emotionally, talking about how having her truly changed his life, but it was never for the worse.

anyway it strengthens their relationship and she is unabashedly a daddy’s girl again, and life in the house feels a lot smoother. mom finds them sleepy against the wall after a long talk and lots of tears.

sorry this is so long LOL i spent my lunch doing this. maybe one day id turn it into a real fic who knows. anyway love u ro 💖

i love u ro thank u for sending this in i don't think i can add anything to this except to say that this version of dad jason is unfortunately so very me and my father except we did NOT talk about it lmao (i do love my baba very much though)

this breaks my heart in the best way i'm going to be thinking about this for a really long time

#love letters 💌#jay my heart #dad!jason #i don't think mentally stable enough rn to actually delve into this because it's too close to home lmfao but he has my heart and this au 2 #loverboy 💌

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alastairstom · 11 months

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Never Have I Ever ... Felt So Weird After a Show Ended

Well, the title kind of says it all. I've definitely had a deeply odd, greatly complex relationship with this show, but it has defined a chunk of my life in a way that few pieces of media ever have.

Ben Gross specifically will always hold a special place in my heart as a character who taught me a lot about myself. I'll eternally be grateful to have gotten to know him over these few years.

All in all, my season ranking is 3 > 4 (though it's close) >>>>>>> 1 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2.

Season 4 initial episode ranking is 10 > 8 > 5 > 9 > 6 > 4 > 3 > 2 > 1 > 7.

That being out of the way, here's my ep-by-ep breakdown of some of my main thoughts on season 4.

The spoilers I saw for 4x1 and 4x2 made this whole situation seem way worse and more serious than it actually was. I can't blame either Devi or Ben for any of it, sorry. It was just a Miscommunications Overload. And quite honestly it was pretty fucking hilarious. None of it was serious at all.

What exactly was the point of Ethan? I just didn't get it. Unlike Des, he didn't really do anything for Devi's personal growth or storyline, either. Not a big deal, and I'm not salty, but I don't understand.

One of my favourite moments came in 4x4, when Ben got to have a little panic attack. Jaren did a really wonderful job of portraying it - as someone who experiences panic attacks, this felt authentic and realistic. His rapid movements were on point, and I also really enjoyed all of the facial expressions that truly captured his feelings. As always, Jaren's eye acting was on point.

When I first saw the interview, I thought that Ben saying "I don't trust my natural personality" would be some big emotional moment on his journey. In reality, it was a quick, random one-liner spoken to a stranger. This made it even more powerful to me. It's sad; it's something that he just takes as a fact of life. It's not even considered. Idk, man, I was so moved by it.

Ah, 4x5! My Benvi comfort food! I really loved their heart-to-heart at the end. I felt like it was really equal in who helped the other as well. Ben gave Devi a much-needed pep talk, but she also gave him one back! I felt so warm inside afterward.

Nalini and Andres had a really cute little plotline. I'm so glad that we got to see them together. The actors had amazing chemistry and IDK Nalini just really deserved someone to be there for her.

Ah, Margot. Margot, Margot, Margot. God. I do not like her. I was so proud of Ben for standing up to her. She should not have said what she did, and Ben deserves someone like Devi who understands him! Who loves him for who he is! I was already pretty fond of Benvi in 4x5 after their heart-to-heart, but @rainparadefromhell will be happy to know that 4x6 is the episode that made me hop onto the speeding Benvi train toward endgame.

Devi was actually her best self this season. She was hot-headed, sure, but she was also warm and invigorating. She and Ben both brought out the best in each other, which is something I didn't feel in previous seasons. I loved how she didn't lose her spark or her spunk but... mellowed out a little? Coming of age journeys work wonders!

Patty making Ben a special Columbia acceptance dinner warms my heart. I'm sad that we didn't get to see her (or Howard) this season, but it's okay. I'm probably going to write a fic where Ben and Devi have dinner with Patty (as he intended to do and failed with M*rgot, who is dead to me).

4x7 made me want to stab myself in the eye. It did nothing for me and Gigi was just as cringe as she was in season 2. I like Paxton but idk this episode felt really random. Though I WILL say that I understand its objective necessity to close the door on D*xton (thank God) and to wrap up Paxton's storyline in a semi-satisfying way.

Paxton's story this season did squick me out a lot, if I'm honest. I'm very sensitive to teachers/school faculty with poor boundaries, and it kind of weirded me out. I especially hated the D*xton kiss. I get that it was closure, but his being a teacher made it weird.

2x8 was, however, probably my next-to-fave episode of the season besides the finale. I love the juxtaposition between this episode and 2x9, where Devi did all in her power to stop her mom from dating again. It was really cute to see a full-circle moment here where she attempted to set aside petty squabbles and support her mom here. I loved this display of growth from Devi and wanted to give her a big warm hug.

Devi and her mom's relationship really tugs at my heartstrings in general. I've always thought it was kind of sweet, to be honest, and I like the way that Devi was so realistically supportive of her this time around. She just wants Nalini's happiness.

ANYWAY, the real reason I loved 4x8 so much is, of course, Ben and Trent getting stoned. I've always been the #1 advocate of them being BFF and their getting high together was my PIPE DREAM. I wrote a fic about it once. It was amazing to see it in canon.

Ben seeing an eye-cake blink and then eating a shit ton of Popeyes was amazing. Realistic stoner representation right there. "What's wrong with that apple" is going to live rent-free in my mind for the rest of my life.

But also I thought his gesture of going over with flowers and stuff was super sweet. I'm kind of sad that it didn't work out LOL. But it was funny.

Also, Jaren, have you ever been high? Because your movements and expressions were really on point for stonerhood. If yes, hats off. If no, an even bigger hats off.

Devi's prom dress is BEAUTIFUL like for fucking real. Its cut is really flattering and it brings out the warmth in her skin tone. Also love her earrings and hairstyle. Seriously, Maitreyi, if you ever read this, you're beautiful.

4x9 brings us what's probably one of my favourite scenes in NHIE:

I really loved and adored the safety and intimacy here. Devi just fell asleep while Ben was talking to her? Ben felt safe enough, wanted to stay with her enough, that he fell asleep with her, too? Beautiful moment, and very well-acted by both Jaren and Maitreyi.

SERIOUSLY, Jaren and Maitreyi have off-the-charts chemistry.

Like WOW.

Anyway, other 4x9 thought: I found Devi lying about getting into all her colleges extremely relatable. We all live with this gripping fear of failure, and I think Devi (and Ben) contend(s) with it more than her peers. It felt extremely realistic, especially when Nalini told her how proud she was. Idk. I liked it. I also liked the heart-to-heart she and Nalini had about it later.

Maitreyi also did an excellent job during Devi's last scene with Dr. Ryan. This was a standout moment for her acting.

AND now we have 4x10. This is probably my next-to-favourite NHIE episode overall after Ben's 3x6 solo episode. (No offense to 4x10 at all, but the scene with Howard in 3x6 was so poignant that I have to continue ranking it in the #1 slot).

Ben and Devi at graduation were adorable. I wish we got to see Devi's valedictorian speech. I also wish we got to see Howard at the graduation - that's probably my main gripe in the season, though I'm okay with it. I'm sure he was there off-screen.

Also, good on my guy Trent for finally graduating, lol.

I teared up quite a bit when Devi sent Ben the Equitorial Guinea plaque and they had their text exchange. That was such a good little callback to a moment that they both remember fondly. I maintain that's probably where Devi began having feelings for Ben and where Ben consciously realised that he had feelings for Devi. So I think it was really sweet for them to go back to that moment and kind of rehash the "we make a good team" feelings there.

Loved seeing Devi doing the traditional Indian dance! Such a good contrast with her embarrassment in seeing others do it in season 1. Good on you for embracing your culture, girl!

Ben's slowmo enterance into the wedding and the subsequent love confession was beautiful. Jaren really sold the nervousness and the desperate joy with his eye acting alone, and the rest of his expression and body language here? Ugh. I could write odes. And Maitreyi did a beautiful job, too. This was definitely a wonderful scene of emotional payoff.

Ben and Devi riding away on a voi was a great parallel to Nalini and Mohan on their motorcycle in the past. It was so sweet.

And then there's love, golden, like daylight.

I love the last shot of Ben and Devi watching something on her bed at Princeton. It made me so happy to see them both achieve their dreams like this, especially Ben. And his body language was so... comfortable. There was no tension in him, when he was laying there with Devi.

One final random thought: ...FOR NOW? Are we looking at a possible college spinoff?

Thank you to Jaren, Maitreyi, and the rest of the NHIE cast and crew for making this show happen. <3

#nhie #nhie spoilers #never have i ever #never have i ever spoilers #ben gross #devi vishwakumar #benvi #jaren lewison #maitreyi ramakrishnan

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f0xy5o1 · 7 months

Text

Growing Pains

A Siren and Teen!Capitan fic

So basically, I asked someone to give me three common AO3 tags and I had to make a one shot based on the tags I was given.

Here were the three:

- Sick fic

- Hurt comfort

- Miscommunication

————————————————————————

“Pestisor! Come on out, I need your help!”

The thin walls of the boat allowed for her words to be heard pretty much anywhere. A young, tired, and very annoyed little boy sprung out of bed.

“I’m coming, mother! Hold on!”

Grabbing his coat, he heads up to the front of the ship where his mother was waiting for him. She stood there with her arms crossed, her face showing very visible and obvious disappointment.

“It’s very late in the day for you, young man…” She lectured.

“I know mother I know, I’m sorry-“

“Sorry doesn’t cut it, I’ve been catching fish all by myself while you rested an hour and a half past your schedule! What did I tell you about sleeping this much?”

She continued to lecture him. Despite the importance of her words, the boy couldn’t help but tune her out, desperately resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

“Are you even paying attention?”

“Yes mother I am I promise.”

At this point it was clear to her how futile it was to try and reason with a rebellious adolescence, even if he is generally on good behavior. She sighed and rubbed her temple.

“You’re going to spend your leisure time helping me gut them, does that sound like a fair trade?”

He didn’t respond but, she took his silence as a yes regardless.

“Good, now come on, we have a lot of work to do.”

Several hour go by as the two cast nets out into the open waters. Though they’ve been fishing for a majority of their time, the catch they’ve gotten wasn’t even enough to fill a barrel’s worth. But, it was just the two of them, and the boy’s mother had faith their hard work would last for another few weeks. As the sun began to set, the boy grew tired of the labor and asked for a break. His mother responded with an unamused demeanor, but she obliged his request regardless.

“Alright fine, that’s enough fishing for today. But before the sun disappears I want you to practice your swimming techniques just like I taught you.”

“But mother, I’m already a decent swimmer! I don’t need any more practice!“

She snapped back, her razor teeth peering out as she snarled slightly.

“Decent won’t save you from hunters or monsters of the sea! You need to be vigilant, keep training.”

With a very loud and obnoxious groan, he removed his coat and dove head first into the waters.

The cold, salty waters of the ocean engulfed his body, his form changing and morphing as his gills puffed out from his neck and sides. Whipping his tail around he swam in circles around the boat. His mother watched expectantly over the sides of the ship, making sure he followed the rules she had already set for him ever since he was small.

“Careful now, pestisor! Don’t hit the mast again!”

He didn’t hear her, that or he chose to ignore her words and just continued to roll and flip beneath the waves. Letting the free feeling of the wind hitting his gills fill him with bouts of excitement. With every small wave he jumped from, the more he forgot that his intentions were to train. But in the moment, he’d rather be swimming in the open ocean then doing another boring lap around the ship for the hundredth time. With a whoop and a holler, nothing was going to separate him from this freedom.

Nothing except…

“Capitan! What do you think you’re doing!?”

Uh oh.

“I told you to train didn’t I!? You’re supposed to be following the guidelines I had set for you! All this mucking about will do you no good!”

Capitan bit back, “Mother, all I do is swim swim swim, why can’t I play with the squids and the sharks?! Or at least do something other than train every day?!”

“It’s for your own good, I’ve already explained that!”

With a heavy sigh, she dropped her tense shoulders.

“Guppy please, if you’re not going to listen, at least come back onboard…”

There’s a long awkward silence between both of them, the sound of the wind brushing against the water was deafening.

“Capitan please, let’s not make this difficult ok?”

He pouted his lips and furrowed his brow with crossed arms, contemplating her words.

“Capitan…?”

Right as she outstretched her hand for him to hold, he re-submerged himself to the water and rapidly circled the boat like a hungry shark.

”You’ve got to be- Capitan that’s enough! This is completely unacceptable, come back to the boat NOW!”

She stomped her heel against the hardwood floor loud enough for him to hear it. He still didn’t listen, in fact he had his own “special” response. Using all of his body weight he knocked into the side of the boat. Even with his small and skinny size, the boat rocked ever so slightly from this maneuver.

“Oh why you little- Capitan! Stop it! This is your last warning!!”

Another strike from the opposite side was blown onto the ship.

With a guttural hiss, she dove in after him. As much as she didn’t want to resort to gill pulling, it seems like it’s the only current way for him to listen to her words. What struck her as odd however was that Capitan was always a bit rough but, he was never THIS uncooperative. She decided to question it later though, focusing on the task of getting his unruly tail back on the boat.

With effortless agility, she caught up to him. He tried to out smart her with weaving and dodging but, he wasn’t as skilled as her when it came to tactical aquatic movements and skills. This was the kind of thing she wanted him to learn for his own safety but, it seems the lesson has yet to really process for him. Suppose an attempt to out match her would be a good way to test his capabilities. Regardless she wraps her arms from behind and holds him down in a headlock. He squirms and whips around, using his long tail to hit her as hard as he could, but her grip was far too strong for him. There was great resistance, lots of hissing, lots of swears, but eventually they both made it back onto the boat thanks to his mother’s incredible leap out of water.

Just as she was about to hit the surface, her body morphed into a different form, granting her legs. She landed firmly on the ground with her son in her arms. Unlike his mother, the boy’s ability to change into a more land adapted form was not as easy, evident by the fact that he flopped around after she dropped him onto the wooden floor.

Eventually his legs grew out as he dried off, pulling himself back up onto his feet and snatching the coat he had left on the floor. He glared at his mother with daggers in his eyes.

“Room. Now.”

This was all she could appropriately say to him.

”GrrrraaAAAAH!! It’s not fair!!!”

He screamed all sorts of obscenities as he slammed the door behind him.

She let out a deep and sorrowful sigh, grabbing her blade and continuing her chores around the ship.

“What am I going to do with that boy?...”

She began to gut the fish the two had worked so hard to collect together, even though he had silently agreed to help her that night.

The sun had finally disappeared.

The stars and the moon were the only things shining down onto the boat. Not a candle or lantern in site. Though, it’s not like the two had any real direction anywhere nor do they really need the light considering their unique abilities. Though still, the darkness felt lonely, and no one felt that more than the family currently lost out at sea. Inside his quarters, Capitan was as restless as ever, tossing and turning in an attempt to sleep.

For one reason or another, he couldn’t, something was preventing him from properly sleeping and he was hard pressed to find out why. Using his claws he scratched his skin. It was just a small spot on his cheek, nothing more. Later into the night the spot was on his cheek, then the side of his face, then his entire body from the head down. He quickly threw the sheets off of him and any article of clothing that was making him uncomfortable. Like a wild animal he scratched and scratched but, nothing was working, every part of him was flaring in this god awful burning sensation.

In a fit of rage he threw himself onto the floor. As he landed he noticed that, all scattered across his room, were tiny, round, scale flakes. He checked his body again and, sure enough, remnant of peeling scales all over his body. Everything itched, every part of him felt like it was on fire, and nothing he did made it go away.

In a panic he thought to run to his mother for help, but, right as he was about to open the door. He remembered that he was in fact, still very cross with her. Despite his better judgment, he suffered this uncomfortable pain alone…

The sun peeked over the horizon. Bright and early, there was a sudden knock at Capitan’s door.

“Guppy? How are you feeling? I know yesterday was a lot, I just wish to speak with you.”

The boy got no sleep, the cold and unwelcoming hard floor was not an ideal place to catch any rest. He sprung up from the noise and quickly gathered his clothes,

“D-Don’t come in mother! Uh- Now’s not a good time!-“

He tried his best to string up a feasible excuse.

“Well why not? Is there something you don’t want me seeing?”

He looked down at his bare chest, the flakes are very visible and many crevices in his skin bled black from how much he irritated his skin with all the scratching.

“I- Um-…Yes!”

He panicked suddenly.

“Black?” He thought, “I’ve never bled this color, this looks unnatural! What’s happening to me!?”

Jumping out of bed he took his broken hand held mirror and held it up closer to his body. He looked like a wreck to say the least. The itching is worse now and the panic is creating knots in his chest so tight it’s getting harder for him to breathe…

”Come on now, pestisor… I’m your mother. I respect your privacy but it’s really not that big of an issue! Let me in please I just want to discuss yesterday with you…”

She rattled the doorknob.

“N-No!! Don’t come in here, go away!!”

”.…Ok, I’ll leave you be. Just, please don’t forget I’m here for you… I know you’re likely still upset with me, I understand I….I really do. Don’t hide away Capitan…”

And with that, he could hear the sound of footsteps leaving his doorway. He didn’t move until he was sure nothing was there waiting for him.

The panic didn’t leave him like he thought it would. In fact, it just got worse at time passed. Every little thing he did made him feel dizzy and lightheaded, every sound was ear-splitting, and the nausea helped none. Sitting down and scratching away was all he could really do, he laid down on his bed in defeat as he hurled black liquid out of his system. The world was spinning and everything hurt, it was the only reality he knew at this point…

The sun set again.

Night fell over the ship as Capitan remained in his room. He curled into a fetal position, black staining every good piece of cloth he had left. A violent stream of tears ran down his cheeks. He felt sick, in every way. Sick as a dog with all the vomiting and scratching and bleeding. Sick of his mother bossing him around all the time. Sick of himself and this stupid, cursed body he was given…

Sick in every sense of the word.

”It’s not fair….it’s not fair…”

The chills…the shaking….it hurts so much…He closes his eyes again and-

There’s another knock at the door.

”Capitan?…You haven’t left your room at all today! Please just tell me what’s wrong. I’m not upset with you I promise, you don’t need to hide away… I just want to know what’s happening…”

Without even turning around he yelled at the loudest volume he could manage.

“I said go away!!”

“…..Capitan please…”

“No! I don’t want to be bothered!”

“Capitan…”

“I said go!!”

“…..You don’t mean that…”

There was yet another moment of silence. She put an ear to the door to gauge any kind of response, she was met with the undeniable sound of tears. An uncontrollable sob was heard shortly after with screams so painful it shattered her heart…

This was the last straw. She opened the door, not prepared for what she was about to see. Capitan hid underneath the sheets, shielding himself away from her.

“Capitan…?”

She inched her way closer to him.

”D-Don’t look at me!! I said go away!!...”

Capitan violently shook underneath his blanket. His mother did nothing but sit right beside him on the bed, unsure of how to approach this situation.

”What is it that you don’t want me to see?…What are you do afraid of?… I’m right here pestisor… it’s ok, you can show me…”

She gently placed a reassuring hand on him.

The shaking didn’t stop, but he did pop his head out from under the covers, the blood and scale flakes covering every inch of his face.

��Oh…Oh my little guppy…”

She covered her mouth in shock.

”M-…..Mother…..Am I dying…?”

With shaking breaths she wrapped her arms around him, squeezing as gently as she could.

”No….No you’re not dying…Don’t worry…”

“Then…Then what’s wrong with me?! Why do I feel this way!? Why does it hurt so much I don’t understand!!”

“Shhh….shhhh it’s ok…”

She ran her fingers through his hair, trying her best to calm him down.

”You’re molting… it’s an inevitable part of growing up. I had to live with it too… Of course it wasn’t as bad as this, but I recognize it when I see it. As you grow, your body changes and…these changes hurt… a lot. Until you reach a certain age this won’t stop. It will stop after a few days and then come back after a year with less intensity. You and I may be a bit different but, I know what this is like… and I…”

She tightens her embrace a bit more.

“I really really wish you had come to me sooner… I know I would’ve done everything in my power to help you through this…”

“This….This is normal?”

He lifted his head to look into her eyes. He was still crying but, at the very least he doesn’t feel like the world is ending.

“Well… Maybe not all of it is normal but, the bleeding and the skin flaking is definitely normal.”

She brushed his hair out if is eyes and planted a kiss on his forehead.

“Oh Capitan you gave me such a scare! Hahah…”

Through sniffles and crocodile tears, he apologized for not coming to her as soon as he could. He even apologized for his behavior the day before, but his mother wasn’t too angry about that anymore. Her only concern was him and his safety.

Now that he’s in her arms, everything is going to be ok…

”You’re a very strong boy, Capitan… I know you’ll power through this. You just need to rest, ok? I’ll tuck you in every night and sing you to sleep like I used to. Does that sound alright with you…?”

She patted his head lovingly, giving him the warmest smile.

He nodded yes and grinned with his sharp, jagged, baby teeth. She laughed and gave him another kiss.

“You’re my precious little pearl…I love you so much…”

#incredibox #F0Xfics #incredibox xrun #one shot

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