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#until it becomes second nature
hussyknee · 1 year
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Listen I love Ellen and Oscar but
June Claremont-Diaz 🫱🏽‍🫲🏻 Princess Bea
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✨ Parentification Trauma ✨
#listen I know there's many reasons this happens even with loving parents#but it's incredibly psychologically damaging to have to fill a parent's shoes for a sibling even if you're legally an adult#because your brain doesnt give a shit how legal you are#it just knows you're prioritizing playing a parental role when you need to be focusing on yourself#my most intense parentification trauma years was between 17–22#it broke my heart that June left her boyfriend to be with Alex because she knew she's the only one who would prioritise him#and Bea pumping the brakes on her mental health spiral because her baby brother didnt have a functional parent left#granted that may have saved her but having to claw yourself back to sanity bc you have to take care of someone else is seriously non-ideal#and yeah I know that their brothers were worth it and they dont regret it#but they have so much reason to be burnt out and hold their mothers to account good god#women arent caretakers and protectors because we're just built naturally kind. it's because we get left to do the nurturing and caretaking#until it becomes second nature#for my part being a big sister is fundamental part of me and caretaking and protecting and nurturing is who I am now#but the inability to ever put myself first and take space when someone needs me#the inability to turn off the kindness tap even when it's running blood#the instinct to fix things and take responsibility for everyone#it's all incredibly damaging in the long run#''southern goodness'' baby that's the gender conditioning ideal#do you know how much repressed pain it takes to be that kind and gentle#firstprince#june claremont diaz#bea fox mountchristen windsor#parentification#child neglect#emotional neglect#feminism#gender conditioning#knee of huss#rwrb#red white & royal blue
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fishyfishyfishtimes · 7 months
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5
(F I V E)
5. What's your controversial marine biology take? Oh, have I been talking about my controversial takes these past few days! Ocean sunfish.... beautiful, so silly but so beautiful.
To name another thing, perhaps this is moreso something that grinds my gears rather than a controversial take but I haaaaate when people say that male seahorses get pregnant. It's what it looks like but it's not the case!!! He just has a pouch where the egg are deposited for safekeeping, it's like mouthbrooding but with a designated pouch!! He does not produce the eggs and all the nutrition the eggs receive was never from him!!! Perhaps I get too hung up on these aquatic animal technicalities, but it still makes me needlessly annoyed whenever in fiction there's like, seahorses, and they imply that the process of seahorse baby development is the exact same as human baby development but.... backwards for sexes..?
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revelisms · 11 months
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Braindumping about Silco and Vi, because these two are such fantastic narrative foils for each other—and, in the same breath, completely cut from the same cloth.
I keep wishing they had more scenes together, another square-off, something to put them head-to-head—because there's so much potential for them to counteract the layers of each other.
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At the root of it all, Vander's looming between them, this monolith of a presence that ties their pasts together. But above that, still, we have Jinx—who not only is their driving tension, but their greatest possibility for reconnection.
Here, we have Vander's daughter—someone who, for all intents and purposes, has become what he wanted, but who has also been someone he saw too much of himself in; who he did his best to reshape, instead of enable, and who put him on a pedestal, and truly saw him as hers, more than perhaps anyone (except, well, Silco).
Vi treasured Vander, fully looked up to him as her father—and losing him shattered her. In between all the layers of it, there's this underlying thread in his actions towards her, a tension that just sits with her through Act 1—Do as I say, not as I do (or, rather, as I did).
Here, we also have Vander's partner—someone who knew him before, knew what he was, what he resented, and what he became, instead; and who bears the scars of what all their fallout grew to be. Someone who holds the memory of him tangibly, in multiple respects, as though it is something he physically cannot sever: Vander's knife, the Drop—and even, in some ways, Jinx.
Silco is still clinging to the idea of Vander, throughout the entire series. To the potential in their reunion at the cannery; to the reassurance of what he knew him to be (I knew you still had it in you; Vander wasn't the man you thought he was); to this need he has to still speak to him, even after everything.
But Vi was raised with the burden of being the eldest; being the one most capable of providing protection—and, as a consequence, with the burden of responsibility.
She's not only a sister to Jinx. She's a guardian to her—and in many respects, a stand-in mother. And Silco, as a surrogate father, is standing right in the middle of that. A roadblock between "Powder," as Vi knows her sister as, and "Jinx," as Silco knows his daughter to be.
Right at the forefront, we have so much conflict here. Vi is so similar to Vander, to the point that she is nearly his spirit incarnate—so much so that having her resurface from a presumed grave just sets fuel to fire for a vendetta Silco has never been able to snuff out.
But beneath that—far beneath that—they have so much in common. Vi's headstrong rebuttals in Act 1 about going against Piltover and striking them down, about being made to feel lesser her whole life and needing to fight against it, just sings with Silco's anger in the cannery (You'd die for the cause, but you won't fight for one?).
These are two kindred spirits, two revolutionaries willing to do anything for their city and those they love, and who aren't afraid to fight for it. Who want to fight for it.
But trapped between it all, we have Jinx. Someone Vi is not willing to sacrifice (i.e., her memory of Powder), and who Silco, by the end of the series, isn't willing to sacrifice, either (i.e., his loyalty to Jinx).
Vi, of course, could never fathom Silco being a father to Powder (how could she, after he is the reason Vander was taken from her?)—and looks for justifications for her hatred, in everything he does.
But the unfortunate truth of the matter is that for all Vander cherished and nurtured Vi as a vision of himself—so has Silco, to Jinx. He sees himself in her. He has empowered her, cherished her. He is so incredibly tender with her, in his own ways. And—for all his absolute faults, his skewed morals, his tunnel-visioned zealousy to achieve Zaun—he is a good father to Jinx, just as Vander was a good father to Vi.
The question I keep finding myself mulling over, though, is whether these two could find elements of that, once again, in each other.
There are so many things Silco isn't—not only in Vander's shadow, but simply in the character that he is. He doesn't come in swinging; he plots, he strategizes, he fights with words. He isn't a warm presence, or a jovial one; he's chilling, he's dry, he's distanced. There are countless contradictions one can draw between the two of them—and so many layers one can tease apart, on how their opposites attracted each other, how they worked (a balance that will no longer ever be).
But there are so many things Silco is. He's critical, he's fiercely rational, he knows how to weave a crowd around his finger with a single intonation. He admires the outcasts, the scrappers, those that have dredged through society to claw for what they can. He surrounds himself with them—and he operates alongside them, as an equal as much as an usurper.
He's a flavor of parenthood Vi didn't receive, but could have—the one that would have validated her need to fight; who would have taught her that strength comes in numbers, not in one's single ability to protect; who would have seen her snarkiness, her quick wit on her feet, and taught her to use it to her leverage.
The tragedy of the whole series is that Jinx needs them both to have balance in her life—to keep the tether of her child self and her trauma from splitting her apart at the seams—yet for Silco and Vi, as the narrative destines them for (and as it destined Silco and Vander for), any semblance of a connection between them is doomed for destruction.
There's too much they hold fiercely to themselves, in their own traumas, that they cannot set down—even for the sake of Jinx's needs. They are equally selfish, in that way. They want the version of Vander that they are not willing to let go of; and they want the version of Jinx that they know her to be.
But they could change. They could.
Silco did, by the end. Chose his daughter, his legacy, over the cause, over his vision of progress. And Vi did, too. Chose "peace," chose to set down the gauntlets, chose politics (and—arguably—complacency, in the same way Vander did) as the path forward.
But what if they set it all down, for Jinx? What if they became what she needed, on both sides? A father who sees her, nurtures her, like Vander saw and nurtured Vi—and a sister who loves and protects her, like Vi loved and protected Powder; who could learn, maybe, to love and protect "Jinx," too?
And maybe—just maybe—Silco and Vi could learn to appreciate each other, for all their surface hatreds. Find mentorship, find balance again, in each other. And through it, Vi could learn that protection, responsibility, isn't the only quality to strive for. That even she can be nurtured again, too.
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linipik · 9 months
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Lyra doodles 🧡
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camellcat · 3 months
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it's suddenly hit me with a startling and distressing clarity that one day I will be able to type out "whouffaldi" without even relying on the tags to do it for me
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sxturdaysun · 22 days
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that last post is doing something to me emotionally, but the first one especially makes me think of inigo and how i'm really specific about how i like tea (and coffee) to the point that i usually just resort to making it myself, and.
idk. cries a little at the thought of him taking me out to get tea and noticing that i don't ever finish a cup, and when he asks and learns that i like it made a specific way, he takes it upon himself to learn how just so he can make it for me instead.
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kithtaehyung · 1 year
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Where does your confidence come from?
Oh, babe. This is the result of years of self discovering and building up self-esteem. Because I used to be the person that couldn’t take compliments at all, and the one that would shy away into the background or let people walk over them.
When I say that you truly have to fake it or believe it until it’s real, I mean it. Because that’s exactly how I started: telling myself I’m a bad bitch. Forgiving myself if I’m not where I wanna be or if I slip from time to time. Because let’s be real, you can be a sad bitch but still a bad bitch, you know?
I think it really starts with being okay with yourself. Don’t bring yourself down all the time. It’s much more freeing to forgive yourself and even congratulate yourself when you do something good, because you’re with yourself at the end of the day. So make peace with you, and start carrying yourself in a higher regard and figure out what you want to become.
There’s a lot that went into it so that’s pretty much why I’m all over the place here. But it really does start with the self-esteem aspect, and then telling yourself more positive things than negative. Eventually, go for things you want. Doesn’t matter how small or humongous in scale that is—just go for it. That will help with building confidence, too.
My confidence comes from me. Because even if everyone or everything else isn’t there, I am.
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miami2k17 · 2 years
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a lady came into work today and like infoblasted me about equestrian shit after i just asked if she wore halfchaps/where to buy them and she said the barn she rides at is looking for work in exchange for lessons ppl and she would tell the owner i was interested n was reaching out and i was standing there the whole time like Yes. Ok. Good to know thank you. Yes. Have a good one
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storms-path · 2 years
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Day 10 - Channel
Focus, draw the aether from inside, give it form and… release! A wild, uncontrollable bolt of lightning burst from the accelerator, nearly incinerating X’rhun. Thankfully the dashing tutor had the good sense to dart to one side before the bolt could strike him, gently adjusting his hat before turning to assess the damage. A formerly proud tree was now a smoking ruin, bits of bark falling to the ground all around them. “Well, there’s certainly no problem with your ability to draw aether! Control could use some work though.” Xrhun’s smile was gentle, encouraging, and just enough to completely devastate poor Stalwart.
With a telltale slump of her shoulders, the roegadyn looked mournfully at her rapier and accelerator. She just couldn’t understand what was going wrong. They’d gone through the basics again and again, X’rhun patiently explaining every step of the process. And yet when push came to shove, the bolts and blasts of lightning and wind aether Stalwart produced wound up turbo-charged and entirely uncontrollable. It just didn’t make sense. And soon the sun will be going down and I’ll have gotten nowhere all day.
Frustration was an increasingly common emotion these days (mostly thanks to Fareena), but rarely was Stalwart so annoyed at herself. I’m supposed to be better than this! So consumed with her thoughts was she that she failed to notice X’rhun until his hand was against her forearm, his weathered face creased into another smile. “Don’t worry about that tree. It was on its last legs anyway.” X’rhun turned his attention to her rapier, gently prising it from her grip to inspect it. “Hmm. No faults that I can see. Good, haven’t given you faulty training equipment. Still…” He frowned in concentration.
“It’s me that’s the problem. I know it, you know it, we might as well just admit it and move on.” Stalwart’s words came out harsher than she’d intended them, tinged with her own bitter disappointment. She had so hoped she would be able to master the arts of the Red Mage, but she couldn’t even grapple with the basics. X’rhun frowned, placing the rapier back in her hands.
“Now now, none of that. Even if the problem does lie with you, there’s nothing perseverance and practice can’t fix.” X’rhun fixed his gaze upon a nearby boulder. “That said, let’s move onto a sturdier target, shall we? Something that can take a few hits.” Stalwart nodded bleakly, reluctantly going along with X’rhun’s gentle insistence. She wasn’t looking forward to blasting a rock to dust with an errant spell, but she didn’t want to disappoint X’rhun even more.
“Now, let’s try one more time.” X’rhun placed himself behind Stalwart, hands placed to correct her posture as she once more began channelling aether. Stalwart tried to suppress her bleak mood as she closed her eyes, trying to focus on the act of drawing forth lightning again. Focus, draw the aether, give it-
“Ah, just a moment!” X’rhun’s sudden interruption cut through Stalwart’s focus, dispelling the aether in an instant. X’rhun was watching her rapier with intent, still glowing in the dying rays of Thanalan’s sun. “Tell me, have you acquired any other magical arts? Trained with the arcanists, perhaps, or the conjurers?”
Stalwart pulled out her soul crystal marking her as the only non-Padjal white mage still living. X’rhun’s eyes widened, then his face split into a grin. “There it is! There’s our problem!” If he were a less calm man he’d have been whooping for joy, Stalwart bet. “It’s second nature for you, isn’t it? To draw aether from your surroundings and commune with nature?”
“Well yes, but only when I need to draw upon the healing arts. I hardly see wh-”
“But that’s just it, don’t you see?” X’rhun was getting more animated now, starting to gesticulate. “Your own training is working against you. You can’t help but draw on the aether around you despite your best efforts. Oh, what a fool I’ve been! I should have asked you long before now. Please accept my apologies, my dear pupil.”
It was no effort at all to forgive him. But… “What can I do about that, then? If it’s so instinctual, how do I stop doing it?”
X’rhun was rummaging around in his pockets, apparently ignoring Stalwart entirely. “X’rhun, sir? What do I-?” X’rhun held up a hand to interrupt, then pulled out a dull silver bangle. He presented it to Stalwart with a knowing smile, but Stalwart could only return the smile with confusion.
“This should be the ticket, I believe. If you could hold out your arm…” Stalwart, still confused, nevertheless complied. The bracelet fit snugly around her wrist, locking into place with a soft click. Stalwart brought the bracelet to her face, examining it closely. Devoid of decoration or ornament, it looked like a shoddy product of a novice goldsmith. But it was surprisingly warm against her wrist, and something about it felt… off.
“Aether dampener,” X’rhun explained. “Should inhibit your ability to draw in latent aether. Obviously make sure you take it off once we’re done training. But here, try once more for me. Let’s see if that helps.” Stalwart nodded, this time with more conviction. Gripping her rapier tightly, she once more assumed the position.
Focus on your target. Draw aether from inside yourself. Mould the form you need of it… RELEASE! A bolt of pure, focused lightning slammed directly into the rock, drilling deep into it and throwing up a cloud of dust. Stalwart opened her eyes, not even realising she’d closed them. X’rhun said nothing, merely smiled at her. Stalwart, not quite believing, stepped forward to observe the damage. A clean, smoking hole stared back at her, unbelievable proof of her success. “I did it…” She whispered. Then, louder: “I DID IT!” Stalwart did whoop for joy, rushing over and yanking X’rhun into a whirling hug as she laughed. X’rhun merely smiled, enjoying the unbridled joy of his pupil. His intuition was never wrong about prospective students, and something told him Stalwart would be a shining star of a Red Mage.
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hameigreengold · 3 months
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alphiebetsoup · 4 months
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metropolis threat theme save me… metropolis threat theme… save me metropolis threat theme
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shadowtraveled · 2 months
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"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.
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but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)
mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…
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the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.
every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.
first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic
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which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.
which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.
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the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.
walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?
well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.
you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?
it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.
when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.
and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.
kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.
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yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.
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nomaishuttle · 8 months
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i think my solution 4 the streak system issue btw is to cap it at 3 and if im able to keep it up for 4 weeks then itll go up to the easier difficulty ykwim.. so its worth less. so like if im able to meet the goal for my Single red task (which is outside time) 4 weeks in a row itd move down to a yellow task.. and the streak would reset and once i get it 2 4 again it goes to a green then to blue and etc.
#but im also hrmmmmm... bc ideally some of these things will judt become second nature thats the whole point#but where theyre also to determine my free spending money.. do u guys see the predicament here#ideally id just be able to come up eith new goals to add as i complete all of these and they become second nature... so ill have 2#keep that in mind.. ive been considering once ummmm ummm once my umm. oh i could add laundry thatd be a rly good one since i need 2 make#ure 2 be doing my laundry consistently. okie#bc i think ill do my laundry sundays... since saturday is my day out yk.#and the weekdays where i work until 3 theres no time to dry clothes in the evening#oh but anyways. i was thinking once i finish school Which i will . fucking eventually fuck you physics i hate you i hate you i hate you.#i might replace the school task with reading since thats somrthing i want 2 get into... ive also thought abt maybe just adding likeeee#just a hobby task... thats kind of general but itd be like. when i finally get into sewing and whenever i draw etc. and if i cook more...#see cookings a hard one bc ig its kind of included eith eating well but also eating well is so vague i kinda just need 2 likee. change that#i ALSO want 2 start working on drinking more water.. and exercising Eventually. rn exercising is semi included in outside time since#outside time is just Leave the house and not for worm#aork#not even like fr leave the house bc if i sit on the porch that counts.. just gotta get out sometimes yk.#but yas and of course another way i can keep it in check is t judt up the weekly goal..
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simpjaes · 1 month
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BIG D*CK FOR DUMMIES (s.jy)
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The one where you find out that your boyfriend has a huge cock and you’re not entirely sure if you can take all of it. 
MDNI!!! | pls leave feedback and reblog your fave writers!
PAIRING ― jaeyun x afab reader  
WORDCOUNT ― 2.4k
CONTENT ―  first time, established relationship, top jaeyun, painful sex
NOTE ― this was originally written for a different idol on my other blog [ncteez] but i pictured jake in that one en o’clock episode doing this and went feral so……here’s ur giant package. 
smut tags― he’s a little cocky (lmao), i guess you could say size kink but it’s more like huge cock / tiny pussy size kink, theres some crying, praising, reader gets off like almost instantly and becomes incredibly cock drunk the second he’s able to actually fuck
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
Things you knew about your boyfriend before dating: he’s very protective, super smart, has good taste in music, his hands are big and warm, and he’s very down to earth.
Things you didn’t know about your boyfriend until after dating and he’s on top of you during a moody and rainy night makeout session: his cock is huge and it’s very intimidating.
One might ask, how could you have not known? Well, that’s easy. It’s a fairly new relationship and a very shy relationship at that. It’s a bit embarrassing for you, actually, because it’s not like you don’t want to be intimate with him. You definitely do, and apparently so does he. 
It’s the first time in the three weeks you’ve been dating that you’ve gotten to be completely alone with him in an intimate setting. For one, you live with your parents, and secondly, he lives with three other dudes who like to be all up in his business. It’s not exactly easy to get alone time with him. Thankfully, your parents are out on a five-day holiday somewhere in the Bahamas and you’re here on your family couch with Jaeyun’s hands cradling your neck as you kiss him. 
It got heated very fast, presumably because the two of you haven’t really had the privacy to do more than a standing makeout session without someone listening in, or worse, walking in. It almost makes the air feel electric now, kind of like a breath of fresh air except the fresh air tastes like the fruity chewing gum he had in his mouth when he originally came over.
Here’s the thing though, and man, it’s a thing. Looking at Jaeyun you’d think he’s average at best and you’re not really the type to go around guessing dick sizes.  So, naturally, when he slots a leg between yours as he got on top of you and you fucking felt it against your leg, you were a little more shocked than anticipated. Maybe he let out a little snide chuckle at your reaction too, you wouldn’t know, you were kind of busy wondering when he was going to let you in on the secret. 
Now, here you are deep in thought of how the hell that thing is going to fit anywhere while simultaneously one hundred percent willing to make it fit because god, does he know how to makeout and feel someone up. 
The more he kisses you, the more his hands roam, the more you experience intimate touches with him, the more you feel like your skin is on fire and replacing that intimidation with extreme arousal and lust. All the way until the point that the presumed makeout playlist starts over and he finally pushes a bit further with you.
“Is this okay?” He asks, now slotting himself entirely between your legs and essentially pressing his length directly against the pool that is threatening to seep through your fucking denim shorts. 
You give him a half nod, trying to pretend that he’s definitely a normal man with a normal cock. He smiles though, knowing full well that this isn’t what you were expecting. No one ever expects it from him. 
“You seem occupied,” he comments, pressing himself against you a little more and leaning down on his arms to nip at your lips. “or shocked, maybe?”
You try to kiss him to shut him up, not wanting to expose yourself for being entirely inexperienced with a size like his. 
“Hm?” He encourages you, pulling back again and looking directly into your eyes with a confident smirk. 
“Well,” you shift your eyes away and sigh out, “you’re kind of huge…” 
He takes that compliment and runs with it. It’s not like the two of you have to finally have sex or anything, but you both knew what was happening and you both definitely knew what the other wanted. At least ten minutes ago that was the situation.
“Is it too much?” He asks, this time a bit more concerned that his own biology could ruin this for you. 
“Probably? no, maybe?” 
Jaeyun pulls away from you, moving himself to sit back against the couch and give you your space. Considering probably and maybe isn’t a yes, he feels no need to push or pressure you into doing something you don’t want to do. There have been times where he’s hurt another person while being intimate, though not intentionally, he’s not exactly willing to do that to you unless you’re like, you know, jumping his bones for it. 
“Still, i’d like to try–” You start, looking at him as you sit up and feel your entire body tingle at the cold air that replaces his warmth. “Maybe if we take it slow– like, really slow?”
He looks at you with shining eyes. He asked you to be his girlfriend because he genuinely likes you. He likes your voice, he likes the way you smell, likes when you talk about your favorite songs and favorite movies. He was definitely smitten from the moment he saw you trip on your own two feet down the front porch of a house party months ago. Taking it slow with you was pretty normal, and the fact that you want him too just makes him all the more willing to take his time. 
“I’ll take care of you, ” he hums, spreading his legs a bit across the couch to give himself more space to re-adjust himself. “Just tell me if I need to slow down?” 
You nod, staring directly between his legs and rubbing your own together on instinct. If anyone’s gonna split you open, it might as well be your boyfriend.
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
When he said he would take it slow with you, he really meant it. The fact that he curled three fingers into you for a solid twenty minutes and you still feel like your legs will buckle on you at any moment knowing that this is just for prep– oh damn. 
 The fact that he even used his tongue on you for the first time, making sure you were more slippery than you already were for another twenty minutes? The fucking fact that you were on the verge of orgasm when he pulled it out and presented it to you like a cock you could totally sit on without issue? 
Fuck.
Reality washes over you far too quickly when you actually make that attempt. 
You’d be lying if you said it didn’t feel like you were being torn apart by him, but part of you loves the way his gentle hands hold you steady as you try to sink down. You can feel the wet heat between your legs coat his length inch by inch as you start to slide down.
He stops you only for a moment when he notices you wincing. 
“Breathe, baby, just a little more.” He encourages, getting a nod from you before guiding you down further.
You breathe, clenching around him and doing your best to stop doing that so you can relax. You can tell he’s struggling to actually take it slow by now too, only because you can feel his hands shake against you as he holds himself back from obliterating you, probably. You’d think it would be quite endearing to see, if it weren’t for the fact that your eyes are blurring from the tears threatening to fall. 
Feeling embarrassed, you wipe your eyes and focus on how he feels inside of you. The pain is still there, but as you “sit” here, that pain somehow does replace itself with a strange sensation of pleasure little by little. You’ve always wondered what it felt like to be full, and it appears that this is exactly it.
It’s overwhelming.
“Do you want to stop?” He asks after noticing your tears, a bit of panic in his voice despite the fact that you could have sworn hearing a moan come out alongside it, “Pull up, it’s okay, you can–”
You sink down further instead, now bottoming yourself out on him and releasing a broken whine of both pain and pleasure. He grunts in unison to your whine, gripping your hips even harder than he already was and squeezing his eyes shut. 
“Fuck,” he sighs out, lazily opening his eyes to look at the way you perch yourself on him so perfectly. “Such a tight fit.” 
You nod, mostly unable to hear a word he’s saying as you try to relax your body enough to get rid of that small hint of pain. The consistent clenching of your adjustments send your boyfriend spiraling a bit, unable to contain his sighs of pleasure as your tight and wet heat squeezes his cock.
“Tell me when I can move, please, tell me–” He groans out almost frantically, staring down at where you sit flush against him and wanting so badly to fuck into you.
 He’s wanted to do this to you since you started dating, now that it’s finally happening, and now that you’re quite literally jerking him off simply by adjusting to his size– you know, it’s not exactly easy to contain himself. 
You take a few more seconds to breathe before your body finally relaxes and you give him a reluctant nod. 
Instantly it’s like you’re seeing stars. He barely moves, all he does is flex his abs and press his hips up and it’s like he manages to fit another non-existent inch inside of you. 
You groan out, falling forward against his chest and gripping onto his shoulders as you feel your body adjust to even that small movement. To you, this is so fucking embarrassing, but to him? 
Hottest thing ever. Really. 
He can hear your whiny gasps against his neck when he moves and it’s driving him fucking wild, especially considering the fact that his cock is driven so deeply inside of you that he thinks you’d tell him to stop— but you don’t. 
You’re so good to him, and for what it’s worth, he wants to make sure this will be the best orgasm of your life.
Slowly, his hands fall to your ass and guide you up. You feel slight relief as a few inches leave you, and your stomach bubbles with that same sensation of both pleasure and pain when he slides you back down.
He moans out at you, almost like he’s cooing in pity at how much you’re trying to take for him. It’s incredibly sexy to hear now that your ears have stopped ringing and you’re beginning to believe that you’d never want anything smaller than him anyway.
This time, you lift on your own and sink back down just as fast, wincing again against his neck but releasing a moan that sounds more like pleasure than anything else. He sees this as a green light, gripping your ass and encouraging you to lift slightly again.
“Stay like this.” he mutters with a deep breath before kissing against your forehead and thrusting his hips up once, hard. 
The tight heat you’re offering sends him into a frenzy when paired with the wet slap of his pelvis hitting your pussy, and the sounds you’re making offer little in terms of stopping because by now, you’re both loving it. 
He thrusts into you with ease, the drag loud and slippery, the moans of pleasure you release only make him go faster, harder. Almost releasing a whimper of his own at how fucking perfect you are for taking all of it.
“Look.” he tries to let out, waiting for you to pull yourself up from his chest and look at him.
You do with ease, that broken face from before now replaced with lustful and blown out pupils. 
“Look how good you take it,” he praises with a groan, almost punctuating each word with a thrust, “knew you could take it.” 
Your broken smile that falls into a slack mouthed string of nonsense only continues to push him.  All the way until you can’t think straight at all, and you’re feeling your body tense up with such pressure that you can’t even warn him before your walls are clenching so tightly that it even hurts him. 
You grasp onto him for dear life as your orgasm washes over you, drenching his entire length as you hold your breath. Never have you gotten off while feeling so fucking full, and arguably, you don’t think you could ever feel an orgasm so intense without him being the one to split you open.
“There you go baby.” he hums, watching you breathlessly fall apart on top of him before picking up his rhythm again and chasing his own high.
By this point, you’re so well adjusted that even the searing pain of his restless thrusts feel good. Your brain is foggy but you can’t help but just fucking watch him.
This is your boyfriend and this is what it looks like when you’re making him feel good. 
“Are you close?” you start to bounce on him, meeting his rhythm and allowing him to rest his own hips. 
He nods as he looks at you, awestruck with how you’re already able to ride him as if you weren’t whining just moments before. Seeing you take him in full like this is enough to have his cock pulsing.
“Just a bit more, baby.” He closes his eyes and runs his hands up your waist. “Keep riding me, fuck.” 
And that, you do. Feeling proud of yourself for being able to actually take this literal monster, you focus on the twitch inside of you as he releases with a deep and breathy moan.
It’s entirely too sexy to ignore, and you continue to bounce even as he tries to hold you in place to subdue the sensitivity of his cock being fucking strangled by how tight you are. 
Once his body stops jerking and you feel the last twitching release inside of you, you fall forward and both of you groan from the sensitivity. 
“There are pros and cons to having a big dick, i guess.” he admits in a groan. 
Even when you laugh, there’s another wince from both of you followed by a groan.
“Pros: big dick.” he whispers, holding you still against him so you don’t move again before he can soften up and pull out. “Cons: big dick.” 
You still laugh, and it still hurts. 
・・・・・・・・・・・・・・
me and my lame ass endings lmfaooooooooooooooooo
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chuusmuts · 5 months
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imagine losing your virginity by helping catboy!kabukimono
smut. afab reader, lactation, fingering. grammar errors 🥲
the idea of him fucking you while you rub his ear, his tail swishing back and forth, and purring is so 😳😳
you rubbed your eyes, opening them sleepily and were surprised to see catboy!kabukimono on top of you, straddling you. "kabuki, wha- do you need anything?"
he could feel himself getting hard as he saw your nipples through your thin, white nightgown. oh, imagine how tasty your milk was. and you're so pretty, laying underneath him like that. he wanted– no, he needed to fuck you right now.
"i... umm... need your help." kabukimono replied, trying to sound as innocent as possible while maintaining eye contact with your breasts. his ears twitched, signalling his growing arousal. "you see... i'm experiencing some discomfort, and i was wondering if you could help me relieve it." he bit his lower lip nervously, hoping that you wouldn't notice the blatant desire in his eyes or the throbbing between his legs.
his tail swished back and forth behind him as if he was nervous and excited about all this. it took you a while, but eventually you got what he meant. "are you in heat..? how can i help you, then?" this was both you and his first time so it was a little nerve-wracking, at least to you.
kabukimono hesitated for a moment before nodding his head slowly. "y- yes... i am. and i was hoping that you could help me find relief from my symptoms." his voice was low and seductive, almost purring as he spoke. "you see, as a cat hybrid, it's natural for us to seek out mating during these times." he licked his lips, looking at you intently. "would you be willing to help me?"
as he spoke, he couldn't help but let his gaze drift downwards towards your exposed nipples. the sight of them made his mouth water, and he could feel himself becoming even more aroused than before.
noticing his gaze, you covered your nipples with your hands as you felt yourself heating up, your cheeks turning pink. but then again, he needed your body relief him from the symptoms. sighing, you lowered your hands to your side as you glanced away, "okay, fine. do what you need to do. just... try not to be so rough, okay?" you said shyly, your voice small.
kabukimono grinned, his eyes gleaming with excitement as he heard your agreement. "i promise to be gentle with you." he then leaned down and gently nuzzled into your neck before moving his face closer to one of your breasts. with a soft purr, he began to lick at it slowly and carefully, taking his time to savor the taste of your skin. kabukimono began to lick and suck on your exposed nipples, tasting you full. he used his tongue to tease and stimulate them to their fullest extent until you moaned and squirmed ever so slightly. his other hand grabbed the second one, massaging and squeezing it gently until the light liquid started coming out of the nipple. your hand moved into his dark cat ear as you started rubbing it gently.
kabukimono purred loudly as he felt your hand on his ear, and he continued to lick and suck on your breast with renewed vigour. he could taste the sweetness of your milk flowing from the nipple, and it only served to make him more excited. as he drank from you, kabukimono became bolder in his actions. he slid his hand down your body, gently caressing your thigh before moving it up to cup your pussy through your nightgown. the sensation of your wetness against his fingers sent shivers down his spine, and he couldn't resist the urge to plunge them inside you.
arching your back, you cried out as he plunged three fingers inside you, causing your eyes to get teary. he continued to suckle on your breast, using his tongue to play with your sensitive nipple while his fingers abused your hole. you gripped the duvet tightly, this was the first time you had sex and you didn't expect this at all. moans poured unabashed from your lips as he scissored your walls, stretching them apart.
kabukimono moaned softly as he felt your walls clench around his fingers, and he increased the pace of his thrusts, pushing his fingers deeper into your pussy. the combination of the warmth of your body, the taste of your milk, and the sensation of being filled by him was overwhelming for him. he couldn't hold back any longer - he pulled his fingers out of you and positioned himself at your entrance.
"s- slowly!" you cried out as he pushed his erected cock between your folds, your legs spread apart. tears streamed down your face, both from the pleasure and pain.
sure, it felt good to be filled up, but it hurt especially since you're a first timer. he pushed his cock so deep until it hit your g-spot, he could literally see his bulge poking inside your stomach.
he hesitated for a moment, hearing your cry of pain and concern. he pulled back slightly, his eyes meeting yours with a mix of love and understanding. "sorry, i should have been more gentle with you." he whispered the words before leaning down and giving you a tender kiss on the lips.
slowly and carefully, kabukimono resumed his thrusts, this time going at a much slower pace. he focused on making sure that each movement was gentle and comforting rather than forceful and overwhelming. as he did so, kabukimono leaned down and captured one of your nipples between his teeth, gently nibbling and suckling on it while continuing to fuck you. his thumb found its way to your throbbing clit, rubbing it in a circular motion. bucking your hips up into his fingers, you moaned as you felt yourself getting close to your orgasm.
kabukimono moaned softly as he felt your body responding to his touch, and he increased the intensity of his ministrations. his fingers continued to work their magic on your clit while his teeth played with your nipple, sending shivers down your spine. with each thrust, he felt himself getting closer and closer to his own climax. he could feel the pressure building within him, and he knew that it wouldn't be long now before he reached his mutual peak.
kabukimono purred loudly before he was sent over the edge, his hot seed shooting into you as he pressed his face into your neck. the feeling of your warmth and tightness around him was incredibly intense, he couldn't help but moan into your ear, muttering something in japanese. you could feel every single twitch and jerk as his hot load spilt into your hole. soon, you came with him, the knot in your stomach tightened and you squirted on his cock, your arm over your lips as you moaned, trying not to be so loud. more tears rolled down your cheeks, your face getting warm and you felt like you couldn't move your legs anymore.
when he finally came, kabukimono collapsed onto your body, panting heavily as he felt the last remnants of his seed trickle out of you. he laid there for a moment, simply enjoying the sensation of being connected to you in such an intimate way before rolling off to the side and pulling you who was still breathing heavily into his arms, his cock still kept buried deep inside you. "that hurts a lot than i expected." you huffed, wiping off the tears that stained on your cheeks.
kabukimono held you close as she spoke as he could feel your wetness still coating his member. he smiled softly, knowing that he had given you something special. "it can be overwhelming at first," he said gently, "but once we get used to it, it will become even more pleasurable."
it was his way of saying that this wasn't the last time you're gonna help him.
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whateveriwant · 5 months
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The 141 in a reverse harem
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18+ content, GN!Reader, Reader is the ruler of an ancient kingdom
Soap
The moment you step into their communal quarters, Soap is always the first one to greet you, almost Iike he was sitting right beside the door
But nooooo, don't be silly. Of course he's not been impatiently waiting since your last visit. Though, you were 28 and ¾ minutes later than normal, not that he's been counting or anything
As you walk around their dwelling deciding on who to take back to your chambers for the night, he's following closely behind like a little horny whiny puppy
More than once, he's accidentally stepped on your robes because of just how close he likes to trail after you
Oh, but he's so terribly sorry! Here, let him make it up to you! Please, please let him make it up to you!
Because he tries to hog the limited time you spend with the men, it's earned him more than a few elbows to the ribs from his biggest “rival” in the group: Gaz. And speaking of which…
Gaz
Always trailing a little less desperately closely behind is the newest member of the harem: Gaz
Though he may be the youngest of the four, that doesn't mean he's any less experienced in these types of matters (and the young ones are always the most eager to please, aren't they)
Have you had a good day, darling? He knows you're very busy running a kingdom and all, so he for one is grateful you've taken time out of your hectic schedule to visit them
Oh, but your shoulders look so tense, darling! He can rub them for you if you'd like
And your poor feet! Those sandals of yours look awfully uncomfortable. Why doesn't he head back with you so he can show your full body the love it deserves
While he and Soap can't help but bicker when it comes to vying for your attention, on the rare occasion, the two have been able to put aside their differences and work together, if you know what I mean
Price
Unlike the two younger men, Price feels no need to fight for your time
No, he knows you'll eventually make your way over to him, swaying your hips in that way that makes him salivate like a dog
As the oldest and the longest resident of the group, he's become somewhat of a right hand of yours; almost like a concubine turned consultant, if you will
While of course he loves nothing more than to get down to the nitty gritty with you, these talks of yours are truly the highlight of his day even when they're entirely polite in nature
Why yes, he has done something different with his beard, thank you for noticing. He got some new oils from the market yesterday. Do you like it? Isn't it soft? Just wait until you feel it between your thighs
No matter who you're taking to your bed for the evening, Price always escorts you to the door of their quarters, leaving you with a kiss to the hand goodbye. Until next time, starlight
Ghost
Last but certainly not least is the man you have the most… interesting dynamic with, to put it one way
It's funny, really. He likes to pretend the sweet taste of you doesn't haunt his every waking moment, and you like to pretend that there was anyone else on your mind the second you walked through the door
But oh, he sees that you've arrived yet again... Well, this book of his is super interesting, so he's just going to sit in the corner and read, and absolutely not watch you out of the corner of his eye
What was that? No, he's not holding it in his lap for any reason. And no, his pant legs aren't shorter than normal. Why would you think that?
Oh, but the moment you hold your hand out for him, he has to stop himself from immediately tossing the dumb book aside and hauling you over his shoulder like some sort of rabid beast
Instead, he takes his time standing from his seat, almost indifferent as he takes your hand and lets you lead him back to your chambers
It's all a farce though, of course. Nothing makes his pride swell more than having you scream his name for the whole palace to hear, echoing all the way back to where the three other men are left to sit and mope
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