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maxwell-grant · 3 years

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Excuse Me what is pulp and why is it importan?

Good question! And probably one I should have answered sooner. Time to put on the historian hat for this one.

"Pulp" is a term used mainly to describe forms of storytelling that sprang out or were dominant in 20th century cheap all-fiction American magazines from the 1900s to the 1950s. The pulp magazine began in 1896, when Frank Munsey's Argosy magazine, in order to cut costs, dropped the non-fiction articles and photographs and switched from glossy paper to the much less expensive wood pulp paper, hence the name. The pulp magazines would mainly take off as a distinct market and format in 1904, when Street & Smith learned that Popular Magazine, despite being marketed towards boys, was being consumed by men of all ages, so they increased page count and started putting popular authors on the issues.

It was specifically the 1905 reprint of H.Rider Haggard's Ayesha that not only put Street & Smith on the map as rivals to Argosy, but also inspired other companies to start publishing in the pulp format. Pulps encompassed literally everything that the authors felt like publishing. Westerns, romance, horror, sci-fi, railroad stories, war stories, war aviation stories. Zeppelins had a short-lived subgenre. Celebrities got their own magazines, it was really any genre or format they could pull off, anything they could get away with.

Nowadays, although they came quite late in it's history, the American pulps are most famous for it's "hero pulps", characters like The Shadow and Doc Savage that are viewed as a formative influence on comic book superheroes. The pulp magazines in America lasted until the 1950s, when cumulative factors such as paper shortages, diminishing audience returns and the closing of it's biggest publishers led to it dying off, although in the decades since there's always been publishers calling their magazines pulp. That's the American pulp history.

But pulps are a phenomenon that spans the entire world and has a much bigger history to it, because pulps have become synonymous with cheap fiction magazines and those have a much bigger history. In America, before the pulps, you had the dime novels, the direct predecessors of the pulps, as well as the novelettes. England had it's penny dreadfuls and story papers, and continued publishing pulp-format magazines past the American 1950s, and that's how we got Elric of Melniboné. France and Russia arguably got to it first with it's 1800s coulporters, chapbooks and particularly the feuilletons which lasted all the way to the 20th century and created characters such as Arsene Lupin, Fantomas and The Phantom of the Opera. The Germans published pulp under the name hefteromane. Japan also published pulp magazines both original as well as imported, and the current "light-novel" phenomenon started off as an equivalent of pulp magazines (it's even on the Wikipedia page). China has wuxia, Brazil has cordel, Italy has gialli. There were Indian, Persian, Ethiopian, Canadian, Australian pulps and much more. Look anywhere in the world and you'll find examples of "pulp" happening again and again, under different circumstances and time periods.

Even if we stick to American fiction, it's impossible to state that all pulp heroes must come from the 1900s-1950s pulp magazines, because that forces us to exclude some of the most popular pulp heroes like Indiana Jones, Green Hornet, Rocketeer and The Phantom. Pulp may have once been a term meant to refer to pulp magazines exclusively, but it's morphed and lost structure and it's become the closest thing we have to a general umbrella term that allows us to try and consolidate these under a shared history. It's a lot, as you can see, and it's why several pulp historians that broaden their scope outside of 1930s American fiction have adopted Roland Barthes's definition of pulp as "A Metaphor With No Brakes In It", which is still the closest thing to a true working definition we have.

Why is it important? You tell me. I don't like to stake claims about stuff being "important", everyone's got their own priorities in life. Surely a lot of people would scoff at the idea of old populist fiction published in what was functionally equivalent to toilet paper having any sort of "importance". On the other hand, some people definitely want to talk big about the pulps as a cultural bedrock of fiction, something that's baked into the lifeblood of all fiction as we currently know it. Which it is, mind you, but I don't like to talk about pulp fiction's value being derived mainly from merely the things it inspired.

There is definitely a historical importance to be had in cataloguing them. According to the US's foremost pulp researcher Jess Nevins, 38% of all American pulps no longer exist, and 14% of all American pulps survive in less than five copies. Many libraries have very scant, if any, records on them, many collectors are hard to locate and are uncooperative when it comes to sharing information and letting outsiders view their collections. A lot of them are bound up in legal complications that prevents them from taking off in the public domain, and a lot of them ARE public domain but are completely inacessible as research material. And that's the American pulps, foreign pulps have fared far worse in posterity, with records inaccessible to people unfamiliar with the language or locations, many existing merely in mentions on decades-old records, and hundreds if not thousands of them being completely gone beyond recovery or recall.

Gone, dead, wasted, destroyed. They can't be found in barbershops or warehouse or bookstores, not even in antique stores. Hundreds, thousands of characters, stories and creators, gone. Time and posterity have crushed them to dust, forgotten and ignored by their successors. Unfettered by pretenses of respectability that repressed their glossier counterparts, in packages meant to be destroyed after reading, proudly announcing itself as trash. Things that should have never even lasted as long as they did have died many times now. It's heroes peripherical shapeshifters, nearly all of whom seem dead, quite dead, as dead as fictional characters can possibly be.

But they do not die forever. Many of them have, maybe most of them have, but many of them linger on.

"The strange red flickering of 1930’s fiction seems distant now. You hold in your hand the product of a time too remote to recall, and feel a slow stir of wonder. The smell of pulp pages, an illustration, an advertisement, these fragile things mark the slow hammering of time and display what it has done. About you are today’s machines, today’s shadows.

Outside the window, leaves hang against the sky, as did leaves during the 1930’s. The sound of voices are no different then than now. You hold the magazine and feel something quite delicate slipping past. These solid forms surrounding you are all insubstantial. Time’s hammer will also pass across them, leaving little enough behind." - Spider, by Robert Sampson

Many of the things people call dead are just things that have been sleeping for a while or haven't had the chance to be born. Pulp fiction is dead on the page, inert, unless your imagination breathes live to it, and every now and then, one way or another, these characters dig themselves out of dustbins. Maybe it's a brief revival, maybe it's a successful reboot. Maybe they find publishers, or maybe the public domain allows them to find new life. Maybe new creators do interesting things with them, and maybe, just maybe, they live again because some won't shut up about them online. Some curious impulse led you to me, did it not?

We all have our Frankensteins to obsess over, and these are some of mine. As someone who's lived a life perpetually restless over pursuit of knowledge, pulp has lured me like a moth to flame, because I literally never run out of things to discover within it, I never run out of possibilities. As the years pass and the public domain starts being more and more open to the public, more and more narrative real state is brought forth for writers and artists and creators to play around.

Pulp is the dark matter of fiction, the uncatalogued depths of the ocean, the darkest recesses of space. It's the box of your grandfather's belongings, the treasure you find in an attic, a body part sticking out from an old playground. It's the things that don't work, don't succeed, the things that don't fit, that are out of place. That shouldn't live and succeed, and did so anyway. The things that slither in the cracks, the shadows behind the curtain.

Aren't you interested in peering on what's behind the curtain?

The exquisite workmanship of the head, of a pre-pyramidal age, and the hieroglyphics, symbols of a language that was forgotten when Rome was young–these, Kane sensed, were additions as modern to the antiquity of the staff itself as would be English words carved on the stone monoliths of Stonehenge.

As for the cat-head–looking at it sometimes Kane had a peculiar feeling of alteration; a faint sensing that once the pommel of the staff was carved with a different design. The dust-ancient Egyptian who had carved the head of Bast had merely altered the original figure, and what that figure had been, Kane had never tried to guess.

A close scrutiny of the staff always aroused a disquieting and almost dizzy suggestion of abysses of eons, unprovocative to further speculation. - The Footfalls Within, by Robert E Howard, quoted by Stuart Hopen’s The Mythic American Culture

#replies tag #pulp heroes #pulp fiction #argosy #h rider haggard #ayesha #robert e howard #solomon kane

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supernaturallyobsessedchic · 3 years

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Save Him

Warning: A total rewrite of Carry on because…well…it’s shit. And maybe not from start to finish, the beginning half of the episode was good. No other warnings, just a feel good fic to help cope with the end of SPN.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

A/N: Events are after the fight with the vampires.

Word Count: 1,369

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Summary: Sam and Dean go on one last hunt. But just before the older Winchester can accept his fate, his little brother fights for him one last time.

(My opinion, the acting was awesome. Jared and Jensen deserve all the Oscars after that performance. Just, story-wise, it’s shit. Too fast and rushed. And out of character, Sam didn’t even call 911, or put an attempt into saving Dean. They just accepted ‘fate’. After they said they’re better together, and worthless apart. Dean saying, he sees him retiring from the life in Season 13, and actually seeming like he was looking forward to it. Sure, it’s the only way to end the show, but too soon. Dean deserved more, and Sam’s kids deserve an uncle. The boys deserve to grow a family of their own. But that is just my opinion, Jensen and Jared will forever be my favorites.)

“It’s okay,” Dean says. Fighting off the pain as best as he could. “It’s okay, it’s good.”

“It’s good.” He says, smiling.

“No Dean, this is not good.” Sam argues. Clearly upset and freaking out his older brother is dying and there’s nothing he can do about it.

Unless…

“Jack!” he calls out, pacing the barn.

“Sam, don’t.” Dean groans. “He said he was hands off.”

“Jack if you can hear me, save him. You owe us that much!”

Moments later Jack appears in the barn.

“Jack, save him.”

“Of course, Sam. You don’t have to ask me twice.” Jack says. Snapping his fingers. Snapping the boys back to the bunker, Dean fully healed. Miracle running over to them, greeting them with licks and tail wags.

“But I thought—”

“I owed you guys that much. For all the things I’ve done to you, Mary. I just wanted to not only make it up to you guys, but to give you a proper chance at life.” Jack explains.

Dean stood there, speechless and taken aback by Jack’s reasoning. He was still wanting their forgiveness, and he did it by bringing Dean back to life.

“A proper chance?” Dean asked.

“I got Cas out of the Empty and we’re working on making a world just for monsters. So, this world can be free of them. No more monsters, no more hunting.” Jack says.

“That’s amazing Jack, thank you.” Sam says.

“Yeah, that’s awesome.”

Jack smiles on his family. “Anything for my family.” And vanishes.

“So,” Sam goes. “What now?”

“Now, we start living.”

5 years later…

After 5 years of leaving the bunker and living the apple pie life. Sam, managed to get back together with Eileen, and have been married to her for two years. Sam working at a law firm agency, having gone back to law school, and graduated recently with honors.

Dean’s story. Dean always liked working around cars, he liked working with his hands. Dean tried his hand at school, wanting to open up his own garage. Not being a fan of being bossed around and such, following in Bobby’s footsteps. Opening a garage, scrap yard, fixing up cars, reselling them. Restoring them. At Winchester’s Restorations.

It wasn’t until a few years later, after his garage has been opened, and the Winchester’s are living comfortably in their apple pie life, he had a visit he didn’t know he was waiting for his whole life.

It was a stormy night, his garage normally closes around 8pm, later than most garages in Lawrence Kansas.

A car pulls up to his garage, sounding god awful. The engine making a noise even he didn’t like the sounds of it.

Hurrying outside, he urged the driver to shut off her car. She does so.

Grabbing her things, she gets out of her car.

“My car has been making this noise all day today, and just as I’m driving home from work the check engine light came on.” She explained. “Now, I know you do restorations, but what about just, regular like, garage stuff like fix up cars like mine.” She asked.

“I know what you mean, and yes, I do that stuff too. Let’s get you squared away so I can do it tomorrow.” Dean says with a smile.

They hurry inside to get out of the rain.

Dean grabbed the correct paperwork, having her fill out her information of her car and her contact information and the problem. And handing it back to him.

“Alright, I’ll start on it first thing tomorrow.” He tells her.

“Thank you so much.”

“It’s not a problem.” He says with a smile. “Do you have a ride home miss?”

“Um, no I don’t. I’m new to Lawrence.” She says.

“It’s totally fine, I have no problem giving you a ride, if you like.” Dean offered.

“I don’t know you.”

“Just thought I’d offer.” Dean says.

“My name is y/n. I’m from Nebraska, and I’m a writer.” She says.

“Dean Winchester, I’m was born and raised here.”

She nods. As the two get to know each other.

Dean happily gave her the ride, she accepted happily given the storm not lighting up.

As Dean sat outside her house, while she gathered her things and got ready to head in.

“I really enjoyed your company Dean, maybe you should call me some time.” She offers.

“I’ll take you up on that offer sweetheart. See you soon.” Dean smiles.

She smiles back, as she exits the impala, she’s taking a number of times looking back at Dean. She shuts the car door behind her, running inside so as to not get soaked by the rain.

Dean keeps an eye out to make sure she is in the house, safe and sound before driving off.

Only to make a turn seeing the road flooded. Turning around he tries another route to getting out of the neighborhood, getting the same road.

It had been raining all day that day, and well into the evening. It’s no surprise if the creeks and rivers have gone over their banks, or even the storm drains having a hard time keeping up with the rainfall. So, he drives back to her place.

Rings her doorbell. She opens the door after a few beats. Dressed in her more comfortable clothes, sweats, oversized t-shirt and a pair of big warm socks.

“Problem?” she asks, when she sees him.

“Roads are flooded, kind of trapped here.” He says sheepishly.

“It’s not a problem, come on in.” she offers

She had popped in a couple of frozen pizza’s in the oven while Dean got himself comfortable.

She headed up to her guest bedroom, where she had spare clothes stashed away. From number ex-boyfriends who have forgotten most of their clothes. She grabbed Dean a pair of sweats and a comfy t-shirt.

She heads back downstairs to offer Dean the clothes.

“I have some clothes, hope they fit.” She offers.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine, thanks sweetheart.” He says, taking the clothes.

“Bathroom is down this hall here on the left.” She points out.

Dean makes his way to the bathroom, getting out of his work clothes and into the comfy clothes offered to him.

The beeping of the oven going off as he exits the bathroom.

“Hope you don’t mind, I heated up some pizza.”

“It’s okay, I am starving, thanks for offering.”

She smiles, offering him a styrofoam plate of pizza.

Dean spent the night that night, and every night since then.

After that night, they bonded over stories. She learned of the places he’s been, she knows he’s keeping a major part of his life secret. But maybe it is for the best that she doesn’t know the hell he has been through.

As the years went on, Sam and Dean having families of their own. Sam had his son, who he named after his brother Dean. And Dean having him kids of his own, two boys, twins and a girl. Kevin, Jack and Charlie.

Monsters really were a thing of the past. But the people over the years up to this point, the people Sam and Dean have saved, made stories. Like heroes to legends.

They lived their life, happy and to the fullest.

Sam and Dean died of old age in their homes, surrounded by family and those they love.

Up in heaven, where Bobby sat on the porch of Harvell’s Roadhouse and waited for the boys to enter heaven.

“It’s about time you boys showed up.”

“Bobby?” Dean asks.

“What memory is this?” Sam asks.

“This ain’t a memory. You’re not living in your golden years anymore. Rufus just lives about half mile that way. You’re parents there.” Bobby pointed out.

“Wait, mom and dad are here?” Sam asked. Bobby nods.

Sam taking off, Dean following him.

They catch a glimpse Dean’s Impala, with his old Kansas plates, KAZ 2Y5. Dean excited he sees his old baby again.

“Let’s go see our family.” Sam says. Dean smiles, agreeing.

Dean turning the key in the ignition of the impala, roaring the engine to life.

The radio playing Carry on Wayward Son by Kansas.

“God, I love this song.” Dean sighs.

“Same.” Sam says.

Dean Tag List:

@luci-in-trenchcoats, @supernatural-jackles, @becs-bunker, @mlovesstories, @winchesters-favorite-girl, @winchest09,

Copying and reposting someone else’s content is plagiarism and illegal. This work is property of supernaturallyobsessedchic. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. These works contain material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of these works may be reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher. An electronic reference link to the original posted work may be provided for purposes of promotion or assistance of publication by the readers discretion, if proper credits are given to the author in the re-post. 12/2/2020

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helenarlett-rex · 3 years

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Goosebumps Review #14

So back in January of 2020 I said I would do a review of Werewolf Skin and then I never did it. 2020 sucked. I had other things on my mind. But I guess it’s time I finally go ahead and do that now.

(Spoilers)

Werewolf Skin

Goosebumps (original series) #60

Werewolf Skin was the third to the last book in the original Goosebumps series and the last book in the original series to get a TV episode made of it. The final two books, I Live in Your Basement! and Monster Blood IV would never get TV episodes made of them, or even reprints of the books themselves and would end up languishing in obscurity. In that case of I Live in Your Basement! that’s a real shame because as I said back in my review of that book, it is one of my favorites and one of the best Goosebumps I’ve ever read. And the same can be said about this book as well.

R.L. Stine is kind of a hit or miss author. Sometimes his stuff is great, sometimes he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing... and sometimes I have to tell him to go fuck himself because he’s body shaming again... But when he is writing about werewolves at least, he never seems to do wrong. And yeah, I still haven’t read The Werewolf of Twisted Tree Lodge, The Werewolf in the Living Room, or Full Moon Fever yet, but the three out of six I have read have all been great. So great that I have to wonder why R.L. Stine hasn’t written about werewolves since the Goosebumps 2000 series... We haven’t had a werewolf book from him since 1999...

Werewolf Skin is actually pretty unique in that it takes a slightly different approach to the whole werewolf myth, but not in a way that ruins it like certain other authors who will remain nameless have done when deviating from established tradition. The story is about Alex Hunter, a sixth grader who is really into photography. His parents get called out of the country on business, so they send him to stay with his Aunt Marta and Uncle Colin in the small town of Wolf Creek for a few weeks. His first week there happens to fall on the week of Halloween so the photography magazine Alex reads is holding a contest with a cash prize for whoever can take the scariest photo and Alex is pretty interested in winning that.

Now we get a bit of weirdness right away in this book, and I don’t mean intentional weirdness... I mean R.L. Stine has forgotten how reality works again kind of weirdness. Because even though Alex is only going to be staying with his aunt and uncle for a couple of weeks, they have arraigned for him to attend school there at the local middle school in Wolf Creek for the duration of his visit. And I’m instantly like... What? I’m pretty sure you can’t just trade schools for a couple of weeks like that... What kind of school lets a student enroll for three weeks? I know R.L. Stine doesn’t usually do much (or any) research when he’s writing these books, but come on... The guy used to be a middle school teacher. This is something I would expect him to know...

But okay... that aside... Once Alex gets there his aunt and uncle tell him there is a cute girl his age who lives across the street named Hannah and that he should make friends with her. And then we get another case of R.L. Stine not understanding how reality works because Alex is all like, “A cute girl...? Aren’t there any boys around?” Uhh... It was clearly established that this kid is in the sixth grade. I remember the sixth grade very well. Unless Alex is gay, no sixth grade boy is just going to turn his nose up at the idea of hanging out with a cute girl. Quit being such an old man Stine... I started dating in the sixth grade... And okay... If Alex is gay that’s perfectly fine, but nothing in the book ever indicates that’s the case.

This hesitation from Alex doesn’t seem to last very long though. The moment he meets Hannah his balls finally decide to drop. I’m not kidding. One moment he’s all upset he only has a girl to hang out with, and then the next moment he’s all infatuated with her and can’t stop describing her “husky, breathy voice” and how much he loves it. I’m not entirely such what a husky, breathy voice sounds like, especially on a sixth grade girl... but from how much Alex’s inner monologue focuses on it, it’s pretty clear that it’s doing it for him.

I should also point out that Alex’s uncle gives him two rules that he has to follow while he’s staying there. Rule number one, stay away from the run-down home next door. That’s where the Marlings live and they are a weird, mean old couple who don’t like anyone coming near their house. And rule number two, stay out of the forest surrounding the town at night. You know... Standard horror clichés that the characters will then refuse to elaborate on, thus driving the protagonist to only be even more interested in doing those things...

Although there’s some conflict between his aunt and uncle about the whole refusing to elaborate on things. When they are first driving him to their house his aunt asks him what he wants to be for Halloween and Alex answers that he wants to be a werewolf. This causes his uncle to freak out and almost lose control of the car. His aunt then asks his uncle if he was thinking about them? “When he said you wanted to be a werewolf you thought about them, didn’t you?” Which of course only makes Alex’s uncle get mad and tell her to stop talking about it. But this situation comes up a few times in the book. Alex’s aunt seems to think Alex should be told about them... we are assuming she means the Marlings... but his uncle is pretty against it and keeps telling her to stop talking about that in front of Alex.

Although his uncle isn’t the only one having that kind of reaction about the topic of werewolves. When some kids from school ask him what he wants to be for Halloween he tells them werewolf as well and they also have similar reactions... Until one kid finally tells him “We already have enough werewolves in Wolf Creek.” And I realize this review is getting pretty long winded but unlike most Goosebumps, this one actually has a lot of detail that builds up the story as apposed to the first half of the book just being filler like I normally see in these books.

But in an attempt to make a long story short, too late, I know... Alex is so dense about everything that Hannah finally just breaks down and tells him that the Marlings are werewolves. It seems to be something everyone in the town knows about but doesn’t seem to do anything about. And of course Alex’s reaction to this is the reasonable one of, Uhh... This is the twentieth century... There’s no such thing as werewolves... Which is why he was so dense about figuring it all out in the first place. He’s not going to jump to the conclusion of, Oh! The Marlings must be werewolves! when he doesn’t believe in werewolves.

This changes when he starts hearing animal sounds coming from next door at night and he watches out his window as two werewolves come crawling out of the Marlings house. I have to give the book credit for actually getting to the werewolf stuff pretty early in the book. While I also loved The Werewolf of Fever Swamp, that one didn’t actually show us any real werewolves until the very end of the book. It was still a great book, but there wasn’t actually a lot of werewolf action in it. This book only give us one night of build up, with Alex forgetting his camera out in the woods and having to go out after it before it gets ruined in the rain, stumbling across some animals that have been ripped apart, and trying to find his way back home in the dark while hearing the sounds of something else out there... But then by night two we have werewolves right out in the open. That’s kind of refreshing.

And I’d like to take a moment to talk about how this book actually puts a different spin on the werewolf myth. Because remember how I said that the whole town more or less believes the Marlings are werewolves? Well this town believes in werewolves so much that they actually teach about them in school. During one of the classroom scenes in this book we get to learn the rules of how werewolves work in this setting. It turns out when you get bit by a werewolf you turn into one when the moonlight touches you. Not just the full moon... Any moonlight. But then when the sun comes up a werewolf actually sheds it’s skin. It then keeps its skin, or pelt I guess... like a fursuit. Then every night after that, when the moon comes out, the werewolf is compelled to put its fursuit back on which turns it back into an actual wolf monster. So werewolves are just furries who can’t stop fursuiting at night. Who knew...? And of course the only way to kill a werewolf is to find its skin while he isn’t wearing it and destroy it. If you destroy the skin you kill the werewolf.

Anyways, Alex gets tricked by some kids at school who tell him they know a place in the woods where the werewolves go to drink out of a pond every night and they want him to meet them there at midnight so he can see it. Now that he actually believes in werewolves, having seen them himself, Alex agrees, thinking that if he can get pictures of the werewolves he can win that photography contest, but when he tries to sneak out that night, he finds that his aunt and uncle have locked him in his room. There is no scene of the werewolves trying to break into his room at night like there was in the TV episode, but we do find out that when he goes back to school the next day the kids are making fun of him because it was all a lie and they didn’t go out into the woods that night, thinking they tricked him into tramping through the woods alone all night. Alex doesn’t tell them that he didn’t go either because he didn’t want to tell them that his aunt and uncle locked him in his room, so instead he tells them he did go and he took pictures of the werewolves. But of course that leaves him with the problem of now they want to see the pictures and he doesn’t have any...

So of course that means there’s only one thing to do. The next night he rigs the door lock with chewing gum and sneaks out to follow the werewolves through the woods to he can take pictures of them. He tries to get Hannah to come with him, but when he knocks on her bedroom window in the middle of the night she refuses to come out. So he tramps off into the woods on his own, follows there werewolves, gets a lot of pictures of them, and actually makes it back unharmed. Not to say it wasn’t a tense couple of chapters... But when daylight finally comes and he follows the werewolves back to the Marlings’ house and watches them take their fursuits off, we get the big reveal.

Oh look at that... Aunt Marta and Uncle Colin are actually the werewolves and the Marlings don’t even exist. It’s just an abandoned house they use to store there werewolf skins in... Although I will say the twist was handled pretty well. I didn’t actually see it coming. But that’s not the end of the book. Like I said, this book had a lot to it. Because now that Alex knows his aunt and uncle are werewolves, he has to decide what to do about it.

The next day is finally Halloween and after he tells Hannah what happened she has an idea to deal with it. They don’t want to kill his aunt and uncle, so they decide that once they leave to go trick-or-treating that night, they will sneak over to the house, steal the werewolf skins, and then wear them themselves. The idea is to go trick-or-treating in the aunt and uncle’s werewolf skins and when the aunt and uncle can’t find them, they will be forced to go the whole night without turning into werewolves. In other words, they are planning to cure the aunt and uncle by making them go cold turkey.

The aunt and uncle figure this out sooner than expected and Alex and Hannah don’t get very far away in the werewolf skins before they show up and start chasing them, demanding they give them back their skins. Alex and Hannah manage to stay away from them long enough that when the full moon reaches the highest point in the night sky the curse is broken and the aunt and uncle are no longer compelled to put the skins on anymore. And naturally at this point I’m wondering why the skins haven’t turned Alex and Hannah into actual werewolves instead. Does it just not work if it’s not their own skins? That seems like a bit of a shame. That would have been a perfect twist ending. They managed to cure the aunt and uncle but became werewolves themselves in the process. Then Alex could have a werewolf girlfriend! But no... It doesn’t seem to work that way...

With the curse broken, they all decide to go back to the aunt and uncle’s house to celebrate and Alex tells Hannah “Let’s go put these skins back in the old house where no one will find them.” Hannah starts getting nervous about that but before she can stop him he’s already gone inside, and once he is in there he finds another werewolf skin still in the house. When Hannah comes in he is confused, wanting to know how there is already a skin there when they are both wearing his aunt and uncle’s skins... to which Hannah tells him that she isn’t wearing his aunt’s skin. She’s wearing her own skin. And when Alex still doesn’t seem to get it, she tells him he’ll understand soon enough, before pouncing on him and biting him.

Werewolf girlfriend!

Honestly this is probably one of the longest Goosebumps reviews I’ve written and there was still a lot of stuff I didn’t even mention. The book just had a lot to it and for once, it didn’t feel like it was filler to pad out the page length. It wasn’t even full of fake-out scares like most Goosebumps are. There were a few I guess, but with actual werewolf stuff happening from very early on in the book, there just wasn’t any need for constant fake-outs. It was pretty nice. And I probably spent more time than I really should have just rambling on about what happened without actually critiquing things... but there just wasn’t a whole lot to critique. Other than a few weird things in the beginning, like enrolling in a different school for only three weeks... the book was more or less fine and I didn’t have anything to complain about.

Definitely one of my top ten Goosebumps books. I’m very happy to see Alex and Hannah get to become a cute werewolf couple. And I’m sure Goosebumps has long been responsible for so many kids discovering new fetishes, so I just have to wonder how many kids developed a suit transformation fetish because of this book?

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mylifeasaserver · 3 years

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All for a potato

My restaurant has gone all in on the doordash/uber eats/grubhub deal. We opened up online ordering too. It’s been a huge pain in the ass. Nobody tips out for a delivery order so servers essentially got that function added to their jobs.

Not one of us wants anything to do with takeout. Not one.

But we do it.

Partway through my miserably slow shift tonight, one of my 16 year olds tells me there’s a drunk woman really pissed off about her online order that I put together, so I go up front.

This woman is drunk - and obnoxious and stupid. I ask her what the issue is and she tells me we forgot her “fucking goddamn baked potato because we always screw up the orders.” I ask her name, and tell her I’ll find out what happened. She’s rude about it so I’m not real inclined to do anything above and beyond for her.

I pull her order.

She didn’t get a potato because she didn’t order one. I reprint her order and take it back up to her.

Meanwhile, she’s taken the order we’d made for her and opened the containers and dumped the food on the floor. I go back up and she tells me we have to remake this whole order.

I show her her order - and point out where she didn’t order a potato. The reality hits her. She tells me she needs her order remade. I tell her we’re not remaking it unless she buys it again. A fit is thrown.

I tell her that she can either control herself and reorder the food or she can leave. If that doesn’t work I’m going to call the police. The second I say the word “police” she all but runs out the door.

A while later a new order was placed online. The exact same thing she had before. Exact. Same. Order.

Some sober guy came and picked it up with no issue.

Had she been polite about it, I’d have just given her the stupid potato. Gonna be a pain in the balls, gonna pay for it. -J

#restaurant #server

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radramblog · 3 years

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Planeswalkers in Cube: White

It’s been a while since I’ve discussed cube, I think, and also a while since I’ve just dived into a stupidly long topic without thinking too hard about it. And so here we go.

Planeswalkers are kind of in an interesting place in Cubes. Most of the time, they’re powerful midrange or control threats, but a lot of them have more specialised roles that can make them better suited to particular cubes. They’re also popular to include, seeing as they’re big, cool, and splashy, and a lot of people really like playing with them. What home exists for something like Liliana, Death’s Majesty in any other format? (I know it’s fine in commander hush)

However, you can only afford so many slots for Walkers in your cube, depending on how you treat them. And so, you’re not going to see all of them very often. Here, we’re going to go through all of them, colour by colour, and figure out why you should or shouldn’t play them, and which go better in different builds. Starting off, as many things do, with Mono-White.

Some ground rules: I’m not going to talk about the Planeswalker deck cards in this post, because the answer to whether you should play them is pretty much universally “no, why”. I’m also not going to talk about the creature->planeswalker transform cards, because they get treated more like creatures in a Cube environment. Jace, Vryn’s Prodigy is kinda just Merfolk Looter.

My next point before I talk actual cards: I’m far from an expert on this sort of thing, and this is going to be my opinions! If you want a different perspective, Season 4 episode 6 of Solely Singleton is a great podcast about this exact topic, though it’s two and a half years old at this point so some things might be a bit outdated.

Finally: White is a colour that tends to get more good Planeswalkers than other colours. Turns out, most Gideons and token-producing walkers are good in slower decks, who’d a thunk it. So unlike, say, Black, the average here is a bit higher than most of the time.

Let’s get into it!

Ajani Goldmane

Ajani is kind of a classic, but the original iteration is kind of showing its 14 years of age. It’s a 4-mana walker (which is a very competitive slot) with a +1 that doesn’t really do anything, a turn-3 ultimate that dies to removal, and while the minus is good (see cards like Unbreakable Formation, or other Ajanis), it requires a board and isn’t really worth a four mana cast.

I had thought he’d be good in more budget lists, though. Except he hasn’t been printed since 2010 and so even though he sees no play he’s still like 5 bucks. So I’d pass on this version of cat dad.

Elspeth, Knight-Errant

On the other hand, Elspeth pt.1 is still one of the best Planeswalkers you can play. She makes blockers for days, can push through some serious damage, and does both of those things while getting more resilient rather than less. Her ultimate might not be game-breaking, but since she’s constantly pushing towards it anyway you don’t really mind. Also she’s only 4 mana, holy moly.

Elspeth is good in aggro, good in midrange, and arguably still more than playable in control. At 12ish dollars, it’s not the ideal price point, but if you can afford it (or have one sitting around), she’s absolutely worth the include.

Gideon Jura

Gideon 1 is a bit more specific. Aggro is not going to want him, seeing as the minus does basically nothing in that deck and the +2 isn’t really worth your time at 5 mana. On the other hand, this card is nuts in control. It’s a hard-to-kill wincon that is also removal that fuels its own condition and survives boardwipes. Gideon Jura is a chad in those decks, and kind of takes over the game the moment he comes down.

The other nice thing about Gideon Jura is that due to recent reprints in Mystery Booster and his Signature Spellbook, as well as not being very good in Commander, he’s ludicrously cheap. You can get one of these for under a dollar, making it perfect for budget cubes (that still include rares). Although, at that point, he might be warping to a cheaper format where aggro is worse, so keep an eye on him.

Elspeth Tirel

Elspeth’s second incarnation (which is the one with her last name, because ???) is significantly worse than her first. If you’re in a slower deck where you want the ultimate, she’s probably not going to live to make it there. If you want the tokens, there are better options at cheaper mana costs. And you don’t want the +2, unless you somehow have a decent board against a red aggro deck.

I remember really liking this card when I first started playing Magic. That was a long time ago, and we have had much better options in the near-decade since then.

Ajani, Caller of the Pride

The first 3-mana walker on this list, and one that shows the conservativeness WoTC had when first testing them at that mana cost. Just kidding, this came out after Liliana of the Veil.

Ajani 3is theoretically fine in an aggressive deck, but white has some seriously good 3-drop creatures that you’d rather just cast instead. Because when your options are a Blade Splicer or putting a +1/+1 counter on your two drop…I’m taking that token. And let’s not act like this card has any place in a midrange or control deck.

Gideon, Champion of Justice

This was the first Planeswalker I ever opened, so I have a soft spot for it. But not enough of one to put it in my cube.

As potentially threatening as this Gideon is, he basically doesn’t do anything? While token decks might have a hard time taking him out, seeing as his loyalty can get pretty huge against them, they can also just block him forever. The ultimate is a game-ender, but also would leave Gideon so small that your opponent might just have enough time to draw lands and get back in the game. And he doesn’t do anything to protect himself aside from get big, and doesn’t really progress your board, so. Sorry Gids, you’ll get them next time.

Elspeth, Sun’s Champion

Elspeths alternate being good, I guess. Elspeth, Sun’s Champion is basically unplayable outside of slow midrange or control, but is utterly incredible in those decks! She wipes out anything that would threaten her and makes enough blockers to easily protect either herself or you, and stalls long enough that those tokens can turn into a wincon via her ultimate.

It is not as universally powerful as the four-drop Elspeth, but the 6-drop one undeniably shapes the game when she hits the table. She stops aggro in its tracks, and nukes the shit out of midrange, especially green-based decks. I suppose there are times when she might be awkward to cast because she hits your own threats…but then just hold her back or +1, dude.

Ajani Steadfast

Ajani Steadfast is kind of trying to be a better version of Ajani Goldmane. And yet, funnily enough, the Vigilance on Goldmane’s -1 is so important, as is being a -1 instead of a -2, so he’s kind of in a similar tier. The loyalty counter upside is so utterly niche that it might as well not exist, but the +1 is unquestionably much better at least.

Like with Goldmane, Ajani Steadfast isn’t really doing anything at 4 that cheaper cards don’t do better. And he’s at about the same price point. At least the ultimate is better?

Nahiri, the Lithomancer

Nahiri is really specific. Like, if you’re at a power level where you have equipment worth playing Nahiri with, then you’re probably at a power level where she’s completely outclassed by things like Angel of Invention or…I mean, most other playable 5s. And some unplayable ones.

…I just remembered this card has 3 starting loyalty. On a 5-drop walker. You can -2 her and she’ll die to literally a goblin token. I sure hope that Equipment you got had Living Weapon!

Gideon, Ally of Zendikar

The first 4-drop that really steps to Elspeth, Knight-Errant. This Gideon is kind of just good in any deck- aggro decks like a 5/5 top end that makes a token T1 or just is an unkillable Glorious Anthem, midrange loves an infinite source of 2/2 to block or beat down with, and control loves an infinite source of blockers that can clean up after a wipe. He’s just kind of a disgusting piece of cardboard for a whole variety of decks, making him easily one of the best walkers in the entire format.

Also he’s…surprisingly cheap? After one “real” printing, and being on The List (which doesn’t do much, trust me), Gideon Ally of Zendikar is still only like 5 bucks. So if you can justify spending that much on one card…probably do that? He won’t let you down.

Gideon of the Trials

Unlike our first 3-mana walker, this one is more than playable in slower decks. Gideon of the Trials is kind of awkward for aggressive decks, put what he does do is effectively remove some seriously big threats, adjust for whichever is the biggest problem around, and still punches peoples as a 4/4 Gideon. And he also has the unique benefit of being a Planeswalker that makes combo decks think twice, given that Emblem- though you’ll still go to 0 life if Splinter Twin or a similar combo is in play, and then die since they probably killed him too there.

Once again, though, this card is pretty cheap, sitting at about 3 bucks. As we get towards the more recent end of this list, a lot of these cards are going to look like that. I remember when I made my first cube, with the restriction of “Rares/Mythics that are under $2 US”, and getting 0 white Planeswalkers. I was playing the Planeswalker deck Gideon, for fuck’s sake! Things are so much better now.

Ajani, Adversary of Tyrants

I could never really get a good read on this Ajani. It’s obviously something control doesn’t want, and the +1 isn’t doing a huge amount in midrange decks. But the -2 is powerful in creature-based decks, and the +1 is solid for quicker builds, but not enough to really justify 4 mana? There’s a lot of power here, but the parts kind of form a strange whole.

I guess it depends a lot on how deep that 2-drop slot is in your cube, and how deep the 4-drop slot is. Because you kinda need good 2s and medium 4s for Ajani to really shine. I’m a little bothered by how meh Ajanis are apparently in general in Cube, but the multicoloured ones are a bit more solid.

Gideon Blackblade

Take Gideon of the Trials, make it not playable in control, and make it really fucking good in aggressive decks. There you go, that’s Gideon Blackblade. Cheap in money and in mana, he’s here to die, aside from the part where he’s hard to kill.

The +1 on this card is not super great, but you have to keep in mind that you get that at the same time as Gideon being a creature. Honestly, it’s kind of easier to think of this card as a creature with a triggered ability than as a planeswalker, at least as far as cube is concerned. It also helps that the -6 isn’t actually that hard to hit, considering you can keep a creature back by giving it vigilance. He’s quite solid, and might just be the best aggro walker White gets. Certainly at 3, at least.

Teyo, the Shieldmage

A bit of a step down from our last 3-drop, Teyo is clearly not built for the same formats as Gideon Blackblade. But with him, we can talk about weaker formats, like Peasant, where Teyo is…still not great? 3 mana gets you a pair of 0/3s and immunity to burn spells, which I suppose control might like in formats where you don’t really get board wipes, but I can’t imagine any other deck wanting him. And that’s not a great place to be.

The Wanderer

Much like Teyo, I don’t think even Peasant wants this. I do think it’s kinda better- their static abilities are virtually the same, except Mx. ??? here extends the burn protection to your creatures. And they do serve as removal, but its both expensive and narrow. Like, how often is this just going to kill a 4/4 and then get killed by their 2/2? I wouldn’t play Smite the Monstrous but it gains 2 life.

I’m interested to see this character return at some point. Maybe next time they can be playable. Some of the uncommon walkers from WAR were great for Peasant (and some even in higher formats), but this isn’t one of them.

Serra the Benevolent

Okay, so. 4 mana Serra Angel that can stick around to make another one is quite powerful! Though the +2 basically does nothing, it’s still a +2, meaning you can get an unkillable Worship the turn after you play this if you aren’t under pressure, or go token into pump into token. Serra is clearly quite solid!

However, it suffers from two issues. One, it’s competing for that 4-drop slot, and is less playable than Elspeth or Gideon in slower decks since she makes tokens slower than those two do. The tokens are more threatening for sure, but token decks generally want more tokens rather than bigger tokens. And two: it’s more expensive than Gideon and similar in price to Elspeth, not to mention another card we’ll get to later, so she’s not even getting into cheaper cubes. Since a lot of cube slots like this are taken by cards with more general playability, Serra is going to sit on the sidelines more often than she maybe should. If you’re at like a 720 list, though, spare her a thought.

Ajani, Strength of the Pride

Take everything I just said about Serra, and make it worse, basically. I suppose 4 mana for two Ajani’s Pridemates is fine, but the plus doesn’t do anything (unless you have those tokens, in which case it’s okay) and you are never activating that 0 unless you’re already winning.

Oh also he’s more expensive than she is and is still at the same mana cost. Yeah nah I wouldn’t bother. Ripper in my Cat EDH deck though.

Elspeth, Sun’s Nemesis

This card is actually really interesting. Our last Elspeth is still mono-white, despite the art and flavour, but she almost doesn’t play like she is. I think most of the time, she’s likely to make 4 tokens and then probably cack it, but the Escape on this is really interesting. By the time you reach 6 mana, you probably will just have enough cards in the yard to cast this again.

I really don’t know how to interpret this card. She’s in my own cube, but I don’t remember seeing her cast yet, so that’s not really any help. My guess is that she’s mostly good in slower decks, but also making and pumping tokens does output a fair bit of damage over time. She’s only like a dollar, so maybe try her out? At least she won’t be an expensive mistake if she is one.

Basri Ket

Mr. Sandman here is pretty much just a better Ajani, Caller of the Pride. The +1 does more, the -2 actually puts things on board and is better for aggressive decks to get value out of, and the ultimate is actually attainable. He’s basically aggro-only, but he’ll get the job done in those decks.

However, the 3-mana Gideons kind of just outshine Basri here. He does literal jack squat without a creature on board, and his -2 is quite weak with only one or two attacking creatures to work with. The ultimate is nice, but +1ing over and over is extremely bleh, and you probably have better things to do. So sorry, Basri, maybe next time.

Grand Master of Flowers

Bahamut, you aren’t fooling anyone, it’s on the typeline. For reference, Monk of the Open Hand is a 1/1 for W that gets a +1/+1 counter if you cast two spells in a turn- so it’s not really worth running? And even if you do put it in your cube, there’s no guarantee you’ll have both in a deck, or want to play both in a deck…so…

Okay, fine, let’s assume you just get a copy of Monk of the Open Hand when you draft the card. I’m still not super enthused about this Planeswalker. The lockdown ability is going to miss more than you think it will, and a lot of the things it misses are the things likely to kill you. It can make a 1/1 every turn, but only one at a time, and if they exile it then the ability does stone nothing. And that “ultimate” takes forever to actually get to. Also it’s another 4-mana White Walker. I think I’ll pass on this one. Somehow, both Tiamat and Bahamut were disappointments.

Teyo, Aegis Adept

I wasn’t sure whether or not to include this, but I didn’t really want to end on GMoF, so. I’ve done a whole post on the digital-only cards, and I do think Teyo, despite being a Planeswalker, is one of the less fucky ones. You will need to track a lot of things, though.

So how does the card stack up? Honestly, I think it’s surprisingly solid. Aggro probably isn’t that interested, though Lumbering Lightshield’s ETB (makes a random card in the opponent’s hand cost 1 more) could be a real pain if you’re lucky. It makes a 4/4 every other turn for a bit, which is quite solid, and the ultimate isn’t that unobtainable. And you don’t have to worry about money, because this could only ever exist as a proxy.

I’d be really interested to see how Teyo, Aegis Adept plays. I don’t think I’m likely to, outside of Arena-based cubes, with the whole stigma around these cards and the added layer of having to proxy them. But in an Arena cube, with a restricted list of cards he’s competing with (It’s Adversary of Tyrants forward), he could really shine.

This concludes White Walkers, the post. Please join next week when we discuss Blue Walkers. Make your own Game of Thrones joke here, I haven’t watched or read it.

#ramble #mtg #mtg cube #planeswalkers #mono-white

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didanawisgi · 4 years

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Anatomy of a Sheepdog

Book Excerpt; Grossman, D., with Christensen, L., On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace, WSG Research Publications, 2004.

Reprinted countless times. Feel free to distribute as long as you attribute Lt. Col. Dave Grossman as the author and that it is an excerpt from his book, On Combat.

On Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs (From the book, On Combat, by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman)

“Honor never grows old, and honor rejoices the heart of age. It does so because honor is, finally, about defending those noble and worthy things that deserve defending, even if it comes at a high cost. In our time, that may mean social disapproval, public scorn, hardship, persecution, or as always, even death itself. The question remains: What is worth defending? What is worth dying for? What is worth living for?” - William J. Bennett In a lecture to the United States Naval Academy November 24, 1997

“One Vietnam veteran, an old retired colonel, once said this to me: “Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident.” This is true. Remember, the murder rate is six per 100,000 per year, and the aggravated assault rate is four per 1,000 per year. What this means is that the vast majority of Americans are not inclined to hurt one another. Some estimates say that two million Americans are victims of violent crimes every year, a tragic, staggering number, perhaps an all-time record rate of violent crime. But there are almost 300 million Americans, which means that the odds of being a victim of violent crime is considerably less than one in a hundred on any given year. Furthermore, since many violent crimes are committed by repeat offenders, the actual number of violent citizens is considerably less than two million. Thus there is a paradox, and we must grasp both ends of the situation: We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people who are not capable of hurting each other, except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep. I mean nothing negative by calling them sheep. To me it is like the pretty, blue robin’s egg. Inside it is soft and gooey but someday it will grow into something wonderful. But the egg cannot survive without its hard blue shell. Police officers, soldiers and other warriors are like that shell, and someday the civilization they protect will grow into something wonderful. For now, though, they need warriors to protect them from the predators. “Then there are the wolves,” the old war veteran said, “and the wolves feed on the sheep without mercy.” Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial. “Then there are sheepdogs,” he went on, “and I’m a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf.” Or, as a sign in one California law enforcement agency put it, “We intimidate those who intimidate others.” If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen: a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath–a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? Then you are a sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero’s path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed. The gift of aggression

“What goes on around you… compares little with what goes on inside you.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Everyone has been given a gift in life. Some people have a gift for science and some have a flair for art. And warriors have been given the gift of aggression. They would no more misuse this gift than a doctor would misuse his healing arts, but they yearn for the opportunity to use their gift to help others. These people, the ones who have been blessed with the gift of aggression and a love for others, are our sheepdogs. These are our warriors. One career police officer wrote to me about this after attending one of my Bulletproof Mind training sessions: “I want to say thank you for finally shedding some light on why it is that I can do what I do. I always knew why I did it. I love my [citizens], even the bad ones, and had a talent that I could return to my community. I just couldn’t put my finger on why I could wade through the chaos, the gore, the sadness, if given a chance try to make it all better, and walk right out the other side.” Let me expand on this old soldier’s excellent model of the sheep, wolves, and sheepdogs. We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids’ schools. But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid’s school. Our children are dozens of times more likely to be killed, and thousands of times more likely to be seriously injured, by school violence than by school fires, but the sheep’s only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their children is just too hard, so they choose the path of denial. The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours. Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn’t tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, “Baa.” Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog. As Kipling said in his poem about “Tommy” the British soldier:

While it’s Tommy this, an’ Tommy that, an’ “Tommy, fall be'ind,” But it’s “Please to walk in front, sir,” when there’s trouble in the wind, There’s trouble in the wind, my boys, there’s trouble in the wind, O it’s “Please to walk in front, sir,” when there’s trouble in the wind.

The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough high school students, and under ordinary circumstances they would not have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel those clinging, sobbing kids off of them. This is how the little lambs feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door. Look at what happened after September 11, 2001, when the wolf pounded hard on the door. Remember how America, more than ever before, felt differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Remember how many times you heard the word hero? Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it is just what you choose to be. Also understand that a sheepdog is a funny critter: He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night, and yearning for a righteous battle. That is, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they move to the sound of the guns when needed right along with the young ones. Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, “Thank God I wasn’t on one of those planes.” The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, “Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference.” When you are truly transformed into a warrior and have truly invested yourself into warriorhood, you want to be there. You want to be able to make a difference. While there is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, he does have one real advantage. Only one. He is able to survive and thrive in an environment that destroys 98 percent of the population. There was research conducted a few years ago with individuals convicted of violent crimes. These cons were in prison for serious, predatory acts of violence: assaults, murders and killing law enforcement officers. The vast majority said that they specifically targeted victims by body language: slumped walk, passive behavior and lack of awareness. They chose their victims like big cats do in Africa, when they select one out of the herd that is least able to protect itself. However, when there were cues given by potential victims that indicated they would not go easily, the cons said that they would walk away. If the cons sensed that the target was a “counter-predator,” that is, a sheepdog, they would leave him alone unless there was no other choice but to engage. One police officer told me that he rode a commuter train to work each day. One day, as was his usual, he was standing in the crowded car, dressed in blue jeans, T-shirt and jacket, holding onto a pole and reading a paperback. At one of the stops, two street toughs boarded, shouting and cursing and doing every obnoxious thing possible to intimidate the other riders. The officer continued to read his book, though he kept a watchful eye on the two punks as they strolled along the aisle making comments to female passengers, and banging shoulders with men as they passed. As they approached the officer, he lowered his novel and made eye contact with them. “You got a problem, man?” one of the IQ-challenged punks asked. “You think you’re tough, or somethin’?” the other asked, obviously offended that this one was not shirking away from them. “As a matter of fact, I am tough,” the officer said, calmly and with a steady gaze. The two looked at him for a long moment, and then without saying a word, turned and moved back down the aisle to continue their taunting of the other passengers, the sheep. Some people may be destined to be sheep and others might be genetically primed to be wolves or sheepdogs. But I believe that most people can choose which one they want to be, and I’m proud to say that more and more Americans are choosing to become sheepdogs. Seven months after the attack on September 11, 2001, Todd Beamer was honored in his hometown of Cranbury, New Jersey. Todd, as you recall, was the man on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania who called on his cell phone to alert an operator from United Airlines about the hijacking. When he learned of the other three passenger planes that had been used as weapons, Todd dropped his phone and uttered the words, “Let’s roll,” which authorities believe was a signal to the other passengers to confront the terrorist hijackers. In one hour, a transformation occurred among the passengers–athletes, business people and parents–from sheep to sheepdogs and together they fought the wolves, ultimately saving an unknown number of lives on the ground. “Do you have any idea how hard it would be to live with yourself after that?”

“There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men.” - Edmund Burke Reflections on the Revolution in France

Here is the point I like to emphasize, especially to the thousands of police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves. They didn’t have a choice. But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be whatever you want to be. It is a conscious, moral decision.

If you want to be a sheep, then you can be a sheep and that is okay, but you must understand the price you pay. When the wolf comes, you and your loved ones are going to die if there is not a sheepdog there to protect you. If you want to be a wolf, you can be one, but the sheepdogs are going to hunt you down and you will never have rest, safety, trust or love. But if you want to be a sheepdog and walk the warrior’s path, then you must make a conscious and moral decision every day to dedicate, equip and prepare yourself to thrive in that toxic, corrosive moment when the wolf comes knocking at the door. For example, many officers carry their weapons in church. They are well concealed in ankle holsters, shoulder holsters or inside-the-belt holsters tucked into the small of their backs. Anytime you go to some form of religious service, there is a very good chance that a police officer in your congregation is carrying. You will never know if there is such an individual in your place of worship, until the wolf appears to slaughter you and your loved ones. I was training a group of police officers in Texas, and during the break, one officer asked his friend if he carried his weapon in church. The other cop replied, “I will never be caught without my gun in church.” I asked why he felt so strongly about this, and he told me about a police officer he knew who was at a church massacre in Ft. Worth, Texas, in 1999. In that incident, a mentally deranged individual came into the church and opened fire, gunning down 14 people. He said that officer believed he could have saved every life that day if he had been carrying his gun. His own son was shot, and all he could do was throw himself on the boy’s body and wait to die. That cop looked me in the eye and said, “Do you have any idea how hard it would be to live with yourself after that?” Some individuals would be horrified if they knew this police officer was carrying a weapon in church. They might call him paranoid and would probably scorn him. Yet these same individuals would be enraged and would call for “heads to roll” if they found out that the airbags in their cars were defective, or that the fire extinguisher and fire sprinklers in their kids’ school did not work. They can accept the fact that fires and traffic accidents can happen and that there must be safeguards against them. Their only response to the wolf, though, is denial, and all too often their response to the sheepdog is scorn and disdain. But the sheepdog quietly asks himself, “Do you have any idea how hard it would be to live with yourself if your loved ones were attacked and killed, and you had to stand there helplessly because you were unprepared for that day?” The warrior must cleanse denial from his thinking. Coach Bob Lindsey, a renowned law enforcement trainer, says that warriors must practice “when/then” thinking, not “if/when.” Instead of saying,“If it happens then I will take action,” the warrior says, “When it happens then I will be ready.” It is denial that turns people into sheep. Sheep are psychologically destroyed by combat because their only defense is denial, which is counterproductive and destructive, resulting in fear, helplessness and horror when the wolf shows up. Denial kills you twice. It kills you once, at your moment of truth when you are not physically prepared: You didn’t bring your gun; you didn’t train. Your only defense was wishful thinking. Hope is not a strategy. Denial kills you a second time because even if you do physically survive, you are psychologically shattered by fear, helplessness, horror and shame at your moment of truth. Chuck Yeager, the famous test pilot and first man to fly faster than the speed of sound, says that he knew he could die. There was no denial for him. He did not allow himself the luxury of denial. This acceptance of reality can cause fear, but it is a healthy, controlled fear that will keep you alive:

“I was always afraid of dying. Always. It was my fear that made me learn everything I could about my airplane and my emergency equipment, and kept me flying respectful of my machine and always alert in the cockpit.” - Brigadier General Chuck Yeager Yeager, An Autobiography

Gavin de Becker puts it like this in Fear Less, his superb post-9/11 book, which should be required reading for anyone trying to come to terms with our current world situation:

“..denial can be seductive, but it has an insidious side effect. For all the peace of mind deniers think they get by saying it isn’t so, the fall they take when faced with new violence is all the more unsettling. Denial is a save-now-pay-later scheme, a contract written entirely in small print, for in the long run, the denying person knows the truth on some level.”

And so the warrior must strive to confront denial in all aspects of his life, and prepare himself for the day when evil comes. If you are a warrior who is legally authorized to carry a weapon and you step outside without that weapon, then you become a sheep, pretending that the bad man will not come today. No one can be “on” 24/7 for a lifetime. Everyone needs down time. But if you are authorized to carry a weapon, and you walk outside without it, just take a deep breath, and say this to yourself… “Baa.” This business of being a sheep or a sheepdog is not a yes-no dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees, a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-grass sheep and on the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the other. Most of us live somewhere in between. Since 9-11 almost everyone in America took a step up that continuum, away from denial. The sheep took a few steps toward accepting and appreciating their warriors, and the warriors started taking their job more seriously. The degree to which you move up that continuum, away from sheephood and denial, is the degree to which you and your loved ones will survive, physically and psychologically at your moment of truth.”

#sheepdog #wolves #ideology #ideological possession #philosophy #sheepdog vs. wolf #the problem of violence

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mytwitterisdogtoast1 · 3 years

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Yugi’s decks and some other odd stuff that just makes sense.

This is a weird double kind of post where I focus on many things because of a little project I’ve been working on. So as anyone who has ever grown up and has been into Yu-Gi-Oh knows you just can’t not like the anime. From the ridiculous duels and cards to the ridiculous hair on every single character and I’m not talking about the newer shows so much as just the original show because that’s probably the “best” one to most people (partial to GX myself even though I know it’s not the best and Konami kinda messed up on it at the end of the series in USA). See if you watch the show a simple easy thing that anyone who gets it would like would be to get the decks of a character. Heck even if it was Weevil people would be a little excited but not as excited as if they got one of the main characters. Which was great because even though it’s old news I was very excited to buy the legendary decks for Yugi. See that is an amazing product idea that can bring in everyone who likes Yu-Gi-Oh. You bring in the casuals by giving them his decks, you bring in the collectors for cards that don’t exist yet here in the west or even those who have missed out on older cards, and you bring in the more serious crowd for cards that are in archetypes that might be harder to find maybe (probably not because the game has evolved to such a degree that even mirror force isn’t good anymore.) but still 2/3 ain’t bad. Let’s be honest though. This is Konami so they’re gonna find a way to fuck it up and I’m a decent guy so I usually try to have some faith in things. Even things like Konami who ruin most of their IPs in general but hey, I keep that faith. This was a simple thing to do but in the end they messed it up with really easy to do things. Now let’s just be really honest about this. if this product interested you. You would buy it if it hit the sweet spot of cost = product. I know I would and I’m sure many others would as well. Let’s assume Konami does its best in that it not only releases every single card Yugi has ever used before but also makes each card that doesn’t exist, to exist. They would have to make a handful of cards yes, but people would probably go and buy that product cause every deck he’s run is in it in their entirety. We can assume they would use his actual deck lists and make his actual decks. Yeah, his decks are not good but let’s face it fan, cosplayers, kids, adults and everyone and their grandma would buy this product. Nostalgia is a huge thing nowadays and even if we can’t play it in a tournament and hope to win we could just roll up, throw down a fiver and just play that sweet sweet celtic guardian. Now let’s be a little more realistic. Let’s assume we take the middle road which is absolutely the best idea. Heck we’ll take both sides of that road and give two middle road ideas that are the best idea. Make his actual decks and only use cards printed while printing about 5 cards that haven’t been made. That electromagnetic turtle is pretty dope not gonna lie. Point is even then we would still get a 4 card deck from each main part of the journey. 120 cards, 5 promos, the art cards for duelist kingdom, the god cards (playable or not even) would not set anyone back hard in printing since they’re all stuff already made in real life and would even bring cards like torike and horn imp into the west which haven’t even come here. Heck don’t even make decks. Throw in every card from every single season he has ever used. We don’t need to have 2 giant soldier of stones. (yes he uses two at one point) It would however be nice if we just got the cards the way he has them in looks and what he has. Call it Yugis legendary collection and it is the same exact thing. The worst thing you could do is just make his deck and just add in random shit like 3 dark magician girls. Which is what they did. Like This is a simple thing to make man how could you mess up by adding cards he didn’t use in decks when they didn’t exist then? Even detonate which is a card Kaiba uses. Look man it’s not the biggest of deals but the fact that the next set was stuff “based on their main cards” and Yugi had exodia? HE USED IT IN ONE DUEL. Make a dark magician deck. Sure it would reprint some of the same stuff but lets face it. THAT’S WHAT PEOPLE WOULD WANT. We don’t want something LIKE it. We want that thing. Why does this matter? Honestly besides how sad the product was it really made me want the thing I didn’t get and it is near impossible ( at least I assume) to get torike and horn imp in the west when I believe it has had one printing in the east only and the only way to buy the cards are to go buy Orica stuff. Which in their own way is nice too. Support artists. So I took it upon myself to make those exact decks and to in general just make it a small side project in my life. Duelist kingdom deck was mostly easy to do and I am missing just 3 cards so I can buy 2 of them no problem and the others are torike and horn imp. Cards we never got (fuck you Konami). That’s when I started to see the other seasons which are not cannon in comics but are technically cannon in the show. Filler is a very iffy thing to use but I’m super casual and actually like filler in things I like. Hell DBZ has some of the better filler in the side stuff it puts in because it never really changes much. However sometimes you can have too much filler or filler that changes the series totally (stares at bleach, Naruto, and one piece. You all know what you did). Now why does this also matter? Because it raises a ton of questions about the series in general when you look at a characters decks. Did you know that as iconic as Gaia the fierce knight is he doesn’t show up past duelist kingdom? Even in the manga he only has it in duelist kingdom. This raises a ton of questions. Like Gaia the dragon champion is really good in the anime. Because let’s face it. If you are going to use chimera in your duels than why not have Gaia in there as well to make a stronger monster? It’s one of his boss monsters. I mean he still uses curse of dragon in every deck except waking the dragons which again I know it’s not fully cannon but that shouldn’t stop them from using him. Unless there was a decent enough reason. I think that reason is you don’t need the monster itself in duelist kingdom to make the fusion. Which I can actually make an argument for. Yugi has 2 monsters in his deck. First is Black skull dragon and Dragon master knight. I know one is filler but it would fit the same argument regardless because even if we take from the anime it might be a little different in the manga and comic for battle city but that is indeed cannon. So the point I’m making is it’s a little strange Yugi would have either of those mosnters in his deck. He never knew he was going to work with Joey or Kaiba ever so why would he just have them? Trade doesn’t really work that way in the show cause we never see it and I know that dude isn’t carrying around cards because let’s face it. He didn’t bring anything but his cards and a glove. He didn’t have replacement cards. Which makes you wonder where the time wizard was from when he gave it to joey. He isn’t carrying extra cards cause the world doesn’t have packs the same way and cards would be more diverse or shittier and packs are like 5 cards per pack. So having such a rare and powerful card like that and it just “being around” makes 0 sense. Which makes you believe that it came from his deck. So time wizard was an original card. We have to remember that the reason he never played it is he never drew it in his duels and then gave it to Joey. Which makes the most sense. So if we go by that logic it would be understandable that since time wizard doesn’t fuse into baby dragon that you don’t even need thousand dragon in the extra deck. That also means dark sage isn’t even in Yugis deck because if it was meant to pair with time wizard he’d have taken it out or he just simply never ran into it or was a jerk and threw it in to counter Joey. So by that logic the reason Gaia never made a return is he never had the fusion in the first place. This makes me assume many things about the decks written are kind of misleading. Firstly the fact that Yugi has the same deck kind of but changes it every season. It makes 0 sense that he would in a world where cards are not a common supply even though it is the most common thing in his world to have that he would just always remake his deck mostly alike and then in general change 10 cards out only to put them back in to only take them out again. So when mysical elf is in his deck in virtual world but he doesn’t put 2 giant soldiers of stone in makes me question if he actually even doesn’t have mystical elf in his deck normally but sure as heck has feral imp. I came to the conclusion that in every season Yugi is just running the same deck with no differences. If there are differences it would be he added them in later on because he got the card and the only reason we never see it is that the man has over 80 cards in his deck. No it’s not 40 no matter how many times he says it because anime rules. It makes even less sense to change the deck not just for every season but every duel that he would have life shaver in against Kaiba only and then never play it in a duel ever again or something along those lines. Why does this matter? If I am going to make his decks I want to be as “accurate” as possible and am going to make his decks but it’s not like anyone wants to just make 7 decks for the dude. Especially when you take the Pharaoh into account as well. And who even wants to actually just make a Yugi themed deck? It’s not the same as having his decks themselves. It is much cooler in the end to actually have his deck. Even if it is 4000 cards large.

#yugioh #yami yugi #yugi moto #konami #legendary decks #deck #atem

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tigerkirby215 · 4 years

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5e Alistar the Minotaur build (League of Legends)

⚠️ WARNING: THE FOLLOWING BUILD USES CONTENT FROM THE MYTHIC ODYSSEYS OF THEROS SOURCEBOOK. DO NOT OPEN IF YOU WISH TO AVOID SPOILERS. ⚠️

(Artwork by Riot Games)

Wow is Alistar’s champion title really just “the Minotaur?” Like damn I know he’s an old champion but other old champions have titles like “the Dark Child” or “the Frost Archer” or “the Barbarian King.” Calling Alistar “the Minotaur” is like calling Yasuo “the Wind Sword Guy”, or calling Blitzcrank “the Robot”, or calling Amumu “the Sad Mummy.” ...Wait...

GOALS

Pulverize - Alistar’s an old champion with a very simple kit. Hit people, hit them some more, and hit them a third time for good measure.

Trample - The bull has a lot of CC at his disposal with tons of ways to keep enemies at bay.

Triumphant Roar - Ali’s main “supportive” mechanic is the ability to heal himself and his allies in the middle of a teamfight.

RACE

This may be surprising to hear but Alistar is a Minotaur, which is a race in Guildmaster’s Guide to Ravnica but I suppose it got reprinted in Mythic Odysseys of Theros. Your Strength increases by 2 and your Constitution increases by 1. You have Horns that you can use for an unarmed strike that do a d6 piercing damage instead of the bludgeoning damage of a regular punch, and if you dash 20 feet in a straight line you can make an unarmed strike as a bonus action with Goring Rush.

Most notably as a Minotaur you get Hammering Horns: Immediately after you hit a creature with a melee attack on your turn you can use a bonus action to attempt to shove that target with your horns. You can push the target up to 10 feet away from you unless they succeed on a Strength saving throw. The creature can’t be more than one size larger than you and has to be within 5 feet of you.

You can also speak, read, and write both Common and Minotaur, and get your choice of either Intimidation or Persuasion proficiency thanks to Imposing Presence. Of course we’ll be choosing Intimidation but feel free to opt for Persuasion instead if you think it will be more useful.

ABILITY SCORES

15; STRENGTH - You’re a big bad bull whose powers include punching people, headbutting people, and stepping on people... not like that.

14; CONSTITUTION - You’re a tank as well as a support, and Constitution is required for tanking.

13; CHARISMA - You’re a big scary purple monster, and while you could probably convince your DM to be intimidating with Strength Charisma is a requirement to multiclass.

12; DEXTERITY - Not the most in-character since Ali is a slow dude, but DEX is required for AC.

10; WISDOM - You smack people a bunch; you don’t ask them about their feelings. Wisdom could help you with Animal Handling though since you are an animal.

8; INTELLIGENCE - You smack people a bunch you don’t read books.

BACKGROUND

Alistar’s backstory has been through the wringer so many times which is to be expected of an older champion. But apparently now he’s an Outlander seeking vengeance for his tribe? Regardless you get Survival proficiency but I’d actually recommend swapping the Athletics proficiency for Animal Handling since we can’t get it elsewhere, and it makes sense for the cow to be good with animals. You also gain proficiency in an instrument and a language of your choice. Again whenever we make warrior types I always recommend Drums, because I doubt those big hooves can play a lute.

Your background feature Wanderer is kinda like Laberintian Recall from older versions of the Minotaur. You can recall the general layout of the terrain around you, and can find food and water within reason. Alistar’s just generally a cool dude; he seems angry but I don’t doubt he’d be willing to help you out if you got lost in the mountains.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - PALADIN 1

Starting off as a Paladin for a variety of reasons. But regardless of the reason you get proficiency in two skills from the Paladin list: take Athletics from your class instead of your background. Any other skill makes sense so pick whatever you think will be useful. (I opted for Insight personally.)

As a Paladin you get Divine Sense, letting you use an action to detect any celestial, fiend, or undead within 60 feet of you that is not behind total cover. You can use this feature a number of times equal to 1 + your Charisma, so twice. For some Relic Shield healing Lay on Hands gives you a healing pool equal to 5 times your Paladin level. You can heal a target you touch for any amount of health as an action, up to the remaining total of your Lay on Hands pool. Alternatively you can spend 5 health to neutralize a poison or disease, because a good support knows when to grab Mikael's!

LEVEL 2 - PALADIN 2

Second level Paladins get a Fighting Style: to remain in-character it would make the most sense to take Unarmed Fighting from the Class Feature Variants UA, but there really isn’t much reason to use your fists over an actual weapon (especially since you have horns) so I’d suggest grabbing Great Weapon Fighting instead. Use a Maul since it’s a heavy weapon that does bludgeoning; so it’s practically like you’re punching them!

You also get Spellcasting as a Paladin: you can prepare a number of spells equal to your Charisma modifier plus half your Paladin level (rounded down) so... not a lot. Bless will let you boost your allies by setting enemies up for them... that’s how I’d flavor it at least. If you want to take things into your own hands Thunderous Smite will let you empowered your next attack to do bonus thunder damage and force the enemy to make a Strength save or be knocked prone. Is your spell save really bad because your Charisma is so low? Yes!

But naturally we’ll be ignoring most of those spells for Divine Smite! When you hit a creature with a melee weapon attack, you can expend one spell slot to deal extra radiant damage in addition to the weapon’s damage. The extra damage is 1d8, plus an additional d8 for the level of the spell you use. So a level 1 spell does 2d8, level 2 does 3d8, and so-on. Additionally if you hit an undead you do an extra d8 of damage! Fight toe-to-toe with Mordekaiser for a battle of the tanks!

LEVEL 3 - PALADIN 3

Third level Paladins get Divine Health, making them immune to disease, which is good because you’re bound to catch a cold by running around shirtless. (Except you should be wearing armor for now.) But more importantly you get to choose your Divine Oath, and I did say we’d be using content from Theros so... Oath of Glory! As a Glory Paladin you get the Guiding Bolt and Heroism spells innately.

You also get two Channel Divinity options: Peerless Athlete will give you Advantage on Strength and Dexterity checks for the next 10 minutes... and I’m obligated to tell you that advantage on Athletics will let you shove people better to try to knock them over. Inspiring Smite however will let you make a Triumphant Roar when you hit an enemy with your Divine Smite. Roll 2d8 and add your Paladin level: you can distribute this pool of temporary hitpoints among your allies however you wish.

LEVEL 4 - PALADIN 4

4th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement: I’m going to suggest increasing your Charisma and your Constitution by 1, putting them both at even scores.

With the increase to level and Charisma you can also prepare more Paladin spells: Compelled Duel is a good way to keep foes close and CCed so your allies can fight them, and Cure Wounds is a good way to keep those allies in the fight!

LEVEL 5 - PALADIN 5

Paladins get an Extra Attack at 5th level, letting them attack twice when taking the attack action.

You can also prepare and cast second level spells now: as a Glory Paladin you get Enhance Ability and Magic Weapon innately. Hit hard and resist any incoming damage!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 6 - BARBARIAN 1

Okay I know I usually like to start the builds for shirtless characters with Barbarian first but half of Alistar’s skins give him armor, and Paladin levels simply gave us more to work with. Regardless: Barbarians can go shirtless with Unarmored Defense equal to 10 plus your Dexterity and then plus your Constitution.

Of course we’re not just here to go shirtless in Seattle: as a Barbarian you can Rage a number of times per day as shown on the Barbarian class chart. While raging you have advantage on Strength checks and saving throws (which yes our Channel Divinity could also do) and do bonus damage when attacking with a strength weapon. But the most important thing is that you have resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage while raging, meaning that your Unbreakable Will will keep you in the fight!

Note that you can’t cast spells while raging, nor can you concentrate on them. You can still benefit from any spell effects that aren’t concentration though, and more importantly you can still smite! What’s more important though is that your rage will end if you don’t take damage or attack someone for a full round. Beyond that your rage lasts for one minute, so keep in the fray while absorbing every incoming blow!

LEVEL 7 - BARBARIAN 2

Second level Barbarians get Reckless Attack, allowing them to attack with Advantage at the cost of being attacked with Advantage. You know what Advantage means? A higher chance to crit. You know what more crits means? Harder smites, as the smite damage gets doubled! You’ve got the health to take hits, so why not hit them hard?

In addition you get Danger Sense, giving you advantage on Dexterity saving throws against effects you can see. Don’t be a dummy: dodge skillshots you can see coming.

LEVEL 8 - BARBARIAN 3

Third level Barbarians can choose their Primal Path. You’re meant to be a tank so naturally Totem Warrior. As a Totem Warrior you get a Totem Spirit and the Spirit of the Bear gives you resistance to all damage but Psychic. (I suppose you can consider Psychic to be True Damage.) Yup it’s a tank build so of course we’re going Bear Totem Barbarian.

As a Totem Warrior you also get Spirit Seeker, allowing you to cast Beast Sense and Speak with Animals as ritual spells. See I told you the Animal Handling proficiency would help!

LEVEL 9 - BARBARIAN 4

Regardless of your class you get an Ability Score Improvement at 4th level, so with 4 levels in Barbarian it’s time for a... Feat! No not Athlete: I’m actually going to suggest the Resilient feat in Strength this time. You’re a tough guy so naturally you can wrestle toe-to-toe.

NOTE: I opted for Resilient in Strength since it’s unlikely you’ll need to concentrate on spells much. (As you’ll be Raging most of the time.) But if you want better concentration checks feel free to take Resilient in Constitution instead. The last ASI was in both CON and CHA, so you can opt for CHA and STR instead.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 10 - PALADIN 6

With our ultimate in-line it’s time to become the ultimate support! Level 6 Paladins get Aura of Protection, granting allies in a 10 foot radius a bonus to saving throws equal to your Charisma modifier. So again: not much. But it does benefit you as well!

Additionally you can prepare another spell: Lesser Restoration will let you cleanse minor CCs from your allies... or yourself.

LEVEL 11 - PALADIN 7

As a Glory Paladin you get Aura of Alacrity at 7th level, making you and anyone within 10 feet of you move 10 feet faster! Alistar’s a pretty slow boy, but there’s no reason to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe you’re not fast; maybe everyone else is just slow?

LEVEL 12 - PALADIN 8

8th level Paladins get another Ability Score Increase so it’s time to cap off that Strength modifier for the hardest hits possible.

LEVEL 13 - PALADIN 9

So you could’ve prepared another spell at the last level but I didn’t mention it because there isn’t much at 2nd level we want. But regardless you can prepare third level spells now! As a Glory Paladin you know Protection from Energy innately for a Knight’s Vow, but much more importantly you get Haste! Buff your ADC, or buff yourself to attack at lightning speeds!

Speaking of ADC buffs: Crusader’s Mantle will give you and all your allies within 30 feet an additional d4 radiant damage on their attacks. You can’t cast it while raging but you can have it up normally to further support the team.

LEVEL 14 - PALADIN 10

10th level Paladins get an Aura of Courage, making it so that you and allies within 10 feet are immune to being frightened. No scarecrow is going to scare you! And you can prepare another spell: Spirit Shroud is an Unearthed Arcana spell that works a lot like Randuin's Omen, slowing enemies within 10 feet of you by 10 feet. On top of your Aura of Alacrity you can easily keep foes at bay, especially since you do an extra d8 of damage (Necrotic or Radiant) to enemies you hit!

LEVEL 15 - PALADIN 11

11th level Paladins get Improved Divine Smite, doing an extra d8 of Radiant damage with all their attacks. Despite the name of this class feature it doesn’t activate your Inspiring Smite feature; sorry.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 16 - PALADIN 12

12th level Paladins get another Ability Score Improvement, so for more tanking increase your Constitution.

Speaking of tanking you can prepare another spell: Aura of Vitality will let you spend a Bonus Action to heal anyone within 30 feet (including yourself) for 2d6 health, for a whole lot of Triumphant Roars.

LEVEL 17 - PALADIN 13

13th level Paladins can prepare 4th level spells. As a Glory Paladin you can cast Freedom of Movement to ignore CC, and Compulsion for some CC of your own.

LEVEL 18 - PALADIN 14

14th level Paladins buy a Mikael's Crucible to use Cleansing Touch, allowing them to end a spell’s effect with a touch. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your Charisma modifier before taking a Long Rest.

And another spell to prepare? Sure! Aura of Purity gives your whole team CC reduction!

LEVEL 19 - PALADIN 15

As a Glory Paladin you get Glorious Defense at 15th level. When you or another creature you can see within 10 feet is hit by an attack roll, you can use your reaction to grant a bonus to the target’s AC against that attack, equal to your Charisma modifier. If the attack misses, you can make one weapon attack against the attacker as part of this reaction, provided the attacker is within your weapon’s range. You can use this reaction a number of times equal to your Charisma modifier. Man this class has a lot of features based on Charisma... shame we didn’t increase it much.

LEVEL 20 - PALADIN 16

16th level Paladins get our last Ability Score Improvement so I’d suggest capping your Constitution for a 20 health increase and maximum tanking!

And you can prepare one more spell at this level: Staggering Smite is perhaps the ultimate knockup, doing a ton of Psychic Damage on a hit and also giving the target disadvantage on attack rolls and ability checks for the duration, and it can’t take reactions until the end of its next turn.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Gargoyle Stoneplate - This is certainly a tanky build! Over 200 health and a positive modifier in every saving throw, all on top of Bearbarian Rage to halve all incoming damage!

Locket of the Iron Solari - You also have a lot of support and utility. Inspiring Smite alone grants 2d8 + 16 temp HP to your party, and you have a huge variety of healing spells at your disposal.

Lich Bane - Unlike Alistar in League you can hit very hard! A 2d6 weapon with Advantage and Smites will let you break some skulls. (Side note: if you want to be more supportive try investing in CHA instead of STR to boost your auras and spells.)

CONS

Lord Dominik's Regards - Even with the high Constitution mod your low Dexterity means that your AC is subpar. You may have the health to spare but you’re going to be hit a lot.

Blade of the Ruined King - Let’s talk brains: you’re not good at them. Raging stops you from concentrating on spells, and most of your spells are concentration. More importantly you had to dump both mental stats, and while your saving throws are still okay thanks to Paladin levels you’re not going to be succeeding on any History checks.

Guinsoo's Rageblade - Ultimately while Raging lets you absorb a lot of damage the investment in Barbarian makes this class insanely MAD (Multi-Ability Dependent) and raging can do as much harm as it can help. The requirement for Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, and Charisma means that something ultimately ends up dropped. If you can make this build with Point Buy (dumping the hell out of your mental stats) then it’s great, but with such a low Charisma a lot of your Paladin features end up being subpar.

But you’re the support. If you were good at everything you’d just carry yourself. Keep the enemies at bay and your allies in the fight. If you go down it’s a job well done! Space created! But do your best not to feed, obviously.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

#DnD 5e #dnd #dnd build #dnd guide #dnd barbarian #dnd paladin #League of Legends #League of Legends Alistar #minotaur #Mythic Odysseys of Theros

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kisskissbanggang · 4 years

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I just woke up from a nap and let me say—political android Jaehyun is a crazy idea. In my dream he killed my coworkers in a planned destruction of scientific data, but got scared of himself and was hiding in my office so I went back 3 days later to go recover what I could and poor boy was scanning and reprinting all the data he destroyed because he felt bad so I brought him into my home and recovered the data with him and then his ai was great but I didn’t know that yet (part 1)

Move along, nothing to see here unless you want to see Lexi’s incredible nap-dream play out and then me screaming about it. 💕

I was just being me, nice to robots, but I started to do more research on the ai his model had, and had him destroy my search histories and found out that I could remove his “person chip” so he could go back to work and have most of his memories that were positive wiped so he was able to continue his government work while he was feeding me information, and the government found out I didn’t die so I lied and faked my support of their actions and they brought me into the ranks (part 2)

But he still preferred to come to my place most nights so I would replace his person chip when he came into my home and we became friends and he expressed that he always wanted to know about human feelings like having parents and pets and falling in love so one night I asked him if he wanted to lay in my bed with my cat since she’d gotten used to him being around and so he laid in my bed and was all stiff and didn’t know what to do because inexperienced robot (part 3)

And he asked what cuddling was like but he was all stiff so I resituated his body to be okay for cuddling and snuggled him and told him to research “body language” and 2 minutes later he moved himself again and wrapped his arms around me because he learned about body language and I kept telling him keywords to research about intimate human interaction and interacting with pets until I fell asleep in his arms and when I woke up (part 4)

He was in my kitchen with breakfast prepared waiting for me and sitting on my couch, petting my cat whom he befriended overnight 😂 and we watched the news about the government again and he said to me “you don’t really like it do you�� and I was engulfed in my eggs and said “no I love what you cooked but fuck that guy” at [insert gov official here] and he said “how come you work for them now” and i said “I need a job because my other one was destroyed” and he got all glum looking (part 5)

And he said “I didn’t want to do it, but they decide my actions when I’m in uniform” and I said “I know I don’t blame you for what they make you do” and he said “How can I learn about them to decide if I like them or not?” And I gave him keywords about the government to research and he came back and said “oh those conspiracies are true I saw it with my own eyes” and I said “well shit then I hate them even more” and he asked about keywords to learn about morality (part 6)

And he ended up mentioning his creator and I remembered learning about how that guy was murdered by his creation (Jaehyun) because the government made him, but that that creator always created both the most powerful androids but also the most ethical and I asked him if it was true and he said it was true and that he regrets his actions everyday and that’s why he wouldn’t ever hurt me. He talked about how mean the gov was to him and how I was the only nice person he knew since his creator(part 7)

And it became this cute thing in the mornings, I’d take out his person chip while I adjusted his collar similar to a spouse putting on a tie and he’d go off to work before me and then I’d go off to work and get back before him so when he’d come home I’d loosen up his shirt and put his person chip back in and he’d turn back into a docile friend and one day we ended up “meeting” at work because I reached a higher rank and we had to pretend we didn’t know each other (part 8)

But as time went on the government was still shitty and made him do not great things and my job got slightly less ethical as days passed but I was getting paid a lot more and Jaehyun told me about the plans to destroy the low income neighborhood I lived in to remove those people from the planet and make everyone else there homeless so I took a personal leave from work to both move and also warn everyone there (20% of them outright believed me—they thought I was a crazed scientist) (part 9)

But I moved into a nicer area that wasn’t getting destroyed and that neighborhood was destroyed but only 5 people died, but that was because they thought they could take on the android, but also one elderly lady never made it out even though my neighbor promised to get her out so I was devastated about her loss, Jaehyun could tell something was off and did research on the event and learned about the old lady’s death (who he killed ofc) and felt sadness for the first time in his life (part 10)

Eventually I’m to the point at work where my creation is being tested so I’m told to move back home to be safe and they’d give me a retirement for my work (I guess I lived on the east coast) but couldn’t take a plane because of Jaehyun so we were road tripping all the way back to North Dakota which Jaehyun loved because he never had to pee and could use the AC adapter in my car to top off his charge. He was a great GPS though (part 20)

But because of the global warming and regulations you could only drive 250 miles a day so we had to stop a lot and ended up at a lot of motels so they wouldn’t ask questions about my other guest since he had minimal ID and was theoretically meant to stay on the east coast and never move. And we ended up at this janky place and it spooked me out so Jaehyun actually laid with me again that night instead of just sitting at the desk charging like he did at other places (part 21)

And my car had issues so we ended up having to stay at that place a couple of nights but it was still v scary for me. We ended up going to a saloon near the motel for me to get food, Jaehyun came with because spooked) and they were having a dance night and Jaehyun had never danced before so I decided to teach him and he was having a great time and suddenly a slow song came on and I was so focused on teaching him how to slow dance that I didn’t notice how he was looking at me (part 22)

And so I finally feel like he’s got the footwork down and the song is half done and I look up at him and he leans down to kiss me and his dumb android lips are too great and part of me is revolted because I’m kissing a robot but also part of me loves Jaehyun more than I could ever love anyone I’d ever met because of his innocence and good morals and when he pulls away he looks shocked and he said “I just wanted to copy the movies I didn’t know I could feel that” and I laughed at him (part 23)

And when we got back to the motel and I’d washed up he was like “Can we do that again?” And it was the dumbest most cute thing ever and I sat on the bed with him standing in front of me, way too eager hoping I’d say yes and I nodded and he did a little dance before leaning back down to kiss me again and he kept going and eventually had my back on the bed with him over me, holding me as close to himself as he could and then the moment was ruined bc there was some guy rattling room doors (part 24)

I got spooked and Jaehyun guarded me with his body and the guy kept going and management called the room to apologize for the drunk guy who forgot his room # and I ended up just going to sleep. The next day my car was fixed and we were back on the road. Jaehyun kept touching his lips and opening his mouth to say something, but instead of speaking, he’d blush, look away, and close his mouth. He’d do this ad nauseum until I asked what he was thinking (part 25)

And he just asked “How do I know what love is?” And I choked on air, not expecting that question and I tried my best to describe it and gave up and said “You just know. You’d be devastated without them in your life and you enjoy being with them and you love all of their flaws.” And he asked if I loved Gladys and I said “Of course, platonically” and he asked the difference between platonic and romantic love and he said “I loved Gladys platonically too” (part 26)

I ended up going north to Wisconsin for some reason (I think there was a safety issue?) so it took a while to get anywhere but the day after we talked about love Jaehyun looks at me and says, “What if I think I romantically loved you?” And I pulled over, absolutely shocked by my own internal instinct to say “I love you too” and he looked at my face and sheepishly asked “So is now a good time to kiss again?” And we ended up making out on the side of the highway (part 27)

At that point in the dream it gets fuzzy, we get to the next motel, Jaehyun kisses me again, but puts his knee between my legs and when he moves and up moving against my groin and things escalated from there. The dream cuts to my parents meeting him and my dad having a weird vibe about him but not being sure what to think because the dogs think he’s cool. Piper bit his finger once and he didn’t flinch so my dad was like “????” But whatever he seemed like a nice boyfriend to me (part 28)

I end up telling my sister everything and my mom overheard the part about what my job was doing not about Jaehyun being a robot. My sister was understanding and my mom was worried about my work and told me that’s why she warned me about working at the Naval Academy. And between my sister, her husband, Jaehyun, and I, we came up with this plan to take over the government and it was crazy but Jaehyun had all the information to get into places since I backed him up (part 29)

Okay but OH MY GOD??? I CANNOT BELIEVE HOW INVESTED I ALSO JUST GOT IN YOUR NAP DREAM???????????? This had everything like it had stakes and drama and comedy and suspense and science and sex and what the hell it was a whole movie??? It was a whole miniseries??? ANDROID JAEHYUN WANTING TO LEARN WHAT LOVE IS WHAT AN IDEAAAA

I’ve said Android au’s are my jam I feel discombobulated in the best way this is like three different movies in one I’m still losing it BECAUSE I CAN’T STOP THINKING OF ANDROID JAEHYUN LOVING YOUR CAT HOLY SHIT

#mail #hellapainyo #my children #let me tell you!! this was a ride #and i wish to get right back on pls

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tessatechaitea · 4 years

Text

Cerebus #16 (1980)

Cerebus is going up the stairs while Lord Julius is going down them. In the same direction.

Cerebus is often touted as the greatest independent comic book of all time (for various reasons) but I'd like to point out that Elfquest told an incredible story with beautiful art in just 20 issues as opposed to 300. Plus it had an elf orgy. Also, I know it continued on after the first 20 issue story arc but we can ignore the rest of the story because there was never another elf orgy and also the rest of the series concentrated too much on Skywise's fear of dying which was totally valid but was often used as a foil to make Cutter seem braver and more loyal to his wolf roots but really just showed he was stubborn and dumb and totally didn't fuck as many elf maidens as Skywise did. Cerebus does have some sex in his comic book but since the first sex he has is when he rapes Astoria, I don't think anybody was really clamoring for any more of that. I mean, sure, some people were! I didn't mean to erase the sickos and perverts out there. Sorry, jerks! I'm sure the "A Note from the Publisher" bit by Deni seemed like a good idea when starting out on a harrowing self-publishing journey like that of Cerebus. But it quickly became a space where Deni just says, "Self-publishing is fraught with hardships and also this is a really good issue! I won't spoil it! Goodbye!" I won't be sad to see the divorce happen! That's an okay thing to say because it already happened, right? It's not like my wishing for the end of their marriage in 2020 somehow brought about the end of their marriage in the early 80s. Is it? I never took a college course on cause and effect so who the fuck knows? Unless that Critical Literary Theory class was about that?! Oh my God! I think I understand it now! Dave's finale to the "Swords of Cerebus" essay that has been broken up over the last three issues describes how he was consciously drawing the Eye of the Pyramid cult leader's gigantic penis while drawing the snake. Sorry to report, though, that he's being sarcastic. Apparently Dave is above using phallic imagery to make a point about patriarchal themes. Only fucking hacks do shit like that! Take that, whoever wrote fucking Beowulf!

Even if Sim can't see the humor in everybody assuming he made a giant snake dick joke on purpose, he can still be extraordinarily funny with the least of materials.

This issue takes Cerebus to his first fancy dress party (that's a costume party for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was born a citizen of the United States of America who didn't have a choice but knew it was a huge mistake as I was learning about Monty Python's Flying Circus and Dave Allen at Large in elementary school and The Young Ones in junior high and Red Dwarf in college)). Cerebus changes out of his vest and puts on his costume: a furry black jumper (that's sweater for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was forced to watch mostly American popular entertainment until the advent of YouTube and now I mostly just watch Taskmaster over and over (by the way, is Taskmaster as good for people who don't know all of the "contestants" or do I enjoy it more because I recognize and like almost all of the people on the show?)). Lord Julius is dressed as an, um, a, uh, Estarcion matador? I have no context in which to guess what he is.

Certain people like Cerebus because he says what's on his mind. I purposefully used the passive voice here so you can't prove one of those people is me.

Lord Julius has a follow-up joke that leaves the reader thinking, "I guess all Pavrovians are fat?" That's Dave Sim continuing his work on Estarcion continuity! Remember how Pavrovians are the, um, you knows of Estarcion! You know the nationality I'm thinking of! The ones that are all the things people usually find insulting! Come on, you know who I'm talking about. The dumb fat arrogant stupid naive gullible ones! Yes, that's it! Americans! Try to remember Dave is Canadian. You have to think of Americans through Canadian eyes (which are the equivalent of smart, cynical Americans)! E'lass and Turg have gotten tickets to The Festival of Petunias so they can steal the Wyndmel Diamond. They're the duo composed of a giant muscular man and a little bitty shrimpy guy who last encountered (and were beaten by) Cerebus in Issue #6. E'lass is dressed like some kind of small dirt dwelling creature so I hope Cerebus gets offended by his costume and stabs him in the throat. There isn't enough random slaughter in this book about barbarians.

I haven't wanted to fuck a fish this badly since The Littler Mermaid.

I suppose I could have said "since Splash" in that last caption to seem more normal and less perverted but then you'd know I was lying. The assassins make a move on Lord Julius but Cerebus comes up with a plan to stop them that involves inducing the Palnu elite to throw herring-and-onion dip at them. Is that a parodied scene from Duck Soup or Conan the Barbarian? In the confusion, the lead assassin slips out through a secret door and E'lass, having just stolen the diamond and becoming increasingly paranoid that somebody saw him, slips through it as well. Cerebus and Lord Julius follow, having noticed the assassin but not E'lass. Most of the pursuit's tension comes from E'lass believing Cerebus remembers him and is now going to use the excuse of this new crime to murder him. It's more tense than I've even described because I really need Cerebus to murder somebody in this Swords & Sorcery book already. Reading this book waiting for a murder is like firing up a porn video on your laptop with your dick in your hands and realizing after five minutes that the video is almost over and was just a teaser for a pay porn site. Cerebus threatens to quit his job just before battling the assassin so he can negotiate a term of 8 bags of gold and a horse in exchange for killing the assassin as a pension before he goes. Julius agrees and Cerebus takes out the assassin with a rock to the head. I mean, I guess it's a murder so yay? But I was really hoping for some stabbing. Meanwhile E'lass lives through the cliché of the criminal whose paranoia gets the better of him and he tosses the diamond into a huge pit so he doesn't get caught only to discover that they never knew he took it anyway. Everything is wrapped up quickly and thoroughly with Cerebus given money and motivation to move on from Palnu. Dave complained about his heavy use of cliché in this Palnu trilogy and I have to say I agree with Dave. But I only agree with Dave on this point! Don't take that out of context and start raving on Twitter that Grunion Guy agrees with Dave's Issue #186 rant about girlfriends being illogical which is also secretly a rant about a guy who needs to get laid so badly he puts up with partners he probably wouldn't even be friends with and then finally just decides orgasms are evil and religion is super awesome but only if you smash all three People of The Book religions into one bland mash paste of ancient dogma. In the epilogue, Lord Julius receives a letter from his niece Jaka in which she expresses delight in possibly seeing Cerebus again. I guess Dave learned from Howard the Duck that comic book nerds really love for their anthropomorphic heroes to be fucking statuesque women. Perhaps every guy develops a fetish of being with a woman whose breasts are at head level due to being hugged constantly by their female relatives when they're ten years old. Deni's brother Michael's first installment of the "Aardvarkian Age" essays appears in this issue. It gives more details to the various nations of Estarcion and their inhabitants' culture, ruling styles, and brutality of their armies. I thought I'd be more interested in this than I actually wound up being. Maybe I thought it would be funnier? Instead, it's just a bunch of facts about made-up kingdoms to make them sound more believable by making them more like European countries in the Middle Ages. If this entire bit were just lifted from a history of Europe with the names of actual countries replaced by Estarcion countries, I wouldn't even notice. Mostly because I know nothing about European history. As I've always said, "Those who know about European history are doomed to repeat it, boring every single other person at the cocktail party." Dave apologizes for the quarter price increase of the comic book in the Aardvark Comments pages. Why, I hadn't even noticed! Probably because this is the Biweekly reprint issue and I purchased it as a collection off of eBay. Some people write in and discuss how Cerebus is a very fine and funny comic book. I nodded along in agreement as I read the letters. I only touched my private area twice while reading and neither time was for pleasure. The most surprising thing about "The Single Page" is that it clearly states who the comic was authored by: Kent Featherly. I don't know why so many of these single page comics aren't more clearly labeled. Isn't part of the reason for having them exposure for the artists drawing and writing them?! Not putting an effort to let a large audience know who you are and how they can read more of your work just sounds like something I would do. By the way, you should play this game I wrote, Starship Troopers: The Game. You can find it on the hard drive of my laptop. Cerebus #16 Rating: B. Look, it was funny and well drawn and all that. But even Dave said it relied too heavily on cliché plot devices. I've got to lower the grade when even the author points out some of the story's flaws! And I'd probably have come to the same conclusion without having been influenced by Dave Sim because I'm like the best Internet comic book critic who isn't a critic and isn't actually reviewing comic books. Also I almost forgot this evidence: I'm a Grandmaster Comic Book Reviewer! Nobody else can make that claim and if they do, they're plagiarizing me and I'd like you to point them out to me so I can send them a threatening email in which I pretend to be my own lawyer who is really good at suing dumb-dumbs.

#Cerebus #Dave Sim

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buzzdixonwriter · 4 years

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Colonialism

You back into things sometimes.

One of my many guilty pleasures is old school pulp, which I first encountered with the Doc Savage reprints in the 1960s, then old anthologies, then back issues at conventions, and now thanks to the Internet, an almost limitless supply.

And to be utterly frankly, a lot of the appeal lays in the campiness of the covers and interior art -- brass plated damsels fighting alien monsters, bare chested heroes combatting insidious hordes, etc., etc., and of course, etc.

Once past age 12, I never took these covers or the covers of modern pulps such as James Bond, Mike Hammer, or Modesty Blaise seriously; they were just good, campy fun.

While my main focus remained on the sci-fi pulps, I also kept an eye on crime and mystery pulps, war stories, and what are sometimes called “sweaties”, i.e., men’s adventure magazines.

Despite the differences in the titles and genres, certain themes seemed to pop up again and again.

Scantily clad ladies, typically in some form of distress, though on occasion dishing out as good if not better than they got.

Well, the pulps that drew my attention were the pups made for a primarily male audience (though even in the 1930s and 40s there were large numbers of female readers and writers in the sci-fi genre). Small wonder I was drawn to certain types of eye candy; I had been culturally programmed that way.

That’s a topic well worthy of a post or two on its own, so I’m putting gender issues / the patriarchy / the male gaze aside for the moment.

What I’m more interested in focusing on is the second most popular characters to appear on the covers (and in the stories as well).

The Other.

The Other comes in all shapes / sizes / ethnicities. Tall and short, scrawny and beefy, light or dark, you name it, they’ve got a flavor for you.

“Injuns” and aliens, Mongols and mafiosi, Africans and anarchists.

Whoever they were ”they ain’t us!”

Certain types of stories lend themselves easily to depicting the villainous Other.

Westerns, where irate natives can always be counted on to launch an attack.

War stories, where the hero (with or without an army to help him) battles countless numbers of enemies en masse.

Adventure stories, where the hero intrudes in some other culture and shows them the error of their ways.

Detective stories, where the Other might be a single sinister mastermind but still represents an existentialist threat.

And my beloved sci-fi stories?

Why, we fans told ourselves our stories were better than that! We didn’t wallow in old world bigotry, demonizing blacks and browns and other non-whites because of their skins.

Oh, no: We demonized green skinned aliens.

Now I know some of you are sputtering “But-but-but you wrote for GI Joe!”

Boy howdy, are you correct.

And boy howdy, did we ever exploit the Other with that show.

I never got a chance to do it, but I pitched -- and had Hasbro accept -- a story that would have been about the way I envisioned Cobra to have formed and been organized, and would focus on what motivated them.

They were pretty simplistic greedheads in the original series, but I felt the rank and file needed to be fighting for a purpose, something higher to spire to that mere dominance and wealth.

I never got to do “The Most Dangerous Man In The World” but I was trying to break out of the mold.

For the most part, our stories fit right into the old trope of The Other.

Ours were mostly about the evil Other trying to do something nefarious against our innocent guys, but there’s an obverse narrative other stories follow, in which our guys go inflict themselves on The Other until our guys either come away with a treasure (rightfully belonging to The Other but, hey, they really don’t deserve it so we’re entitled to take it from them), or hammer The Other into submission so they will become good ersatz copies of us (only not so uppity as to demand equal rights or respect or protection under law).

These are all earmarks of a very Western (in the sense of Europe and America…with Australia and New Zealand thrown in) sin: Colonialism.

Now, before going further let’s get out terms straight.

There’s all sorts of different forms of colonialism, and some of them can be totally benign -- say a small group of merchants and traders from one country travel to a foreign land and set up a community there where they deal honorably and fairly with the native population.

The transplanted merchants are a “colony” in the strictest sense of the term, but they coexist peacefully in a symbiotic relationship with the host culture and both sides benefit, neither at the expense of the other.

Oh, would that they could all be like that…

Another form of colonialism -- and one we Americans are overly familiar with even though there are all sorts of variants on this basic idea -- is the kind where one culture invades the territory of another and immediately begins operating in a deliberately disruptive nature to the native population.

They seek to enslave & exploit or, failing that, expel or eradicate the natives through any means possible.

It’s the story of Columbus and the conquistadors and the pilgrims and the frontiersmen and the pioneers and the forty-niners and the cowboys and the robber barons.

It’s the story where different groups are deliberately kept separate from one another by the power structure in place, for fear they will band together and usurp said power structure (unless, of course, they band together to kelp make one of ours their leader, and build a grand new empire just for him).

It’s the story where our guys never need make a serious attempt to understand the point of view of The Other, because they are just strawmen to mow down, sexy lamps to take home.

I think my taste in sci-fi and modern pulp writing in general started to change around the mid-1970s.

Being in the army quickly cleared me of a lot of preconceptions I had about what our military did and how they did it.

The easy-peasy moral conflicts of spy novels and international thrillers seem rather thin and phony compared to the real life complexities of national and global politics.

Long before John Wick I was decrying a type of story I referred to as “You killed my dog so you must die.” Some bad guy (typically The Other) does a bad thing and so the good guy (one of ours -- yea!) must punish him.

Make him hurt.

Make him whimper

Make him crawl.

Make him suffer.

The real world ain’t like that.

Fu Machu falls to Ho Chi Minh.

As entertaining as the fantasy of humiliating and annihilating our enemies may be…we gotta come to terms with them, we gotta learn to live with them.

That’s why my favorite sci-fi stories now are less about conflict and more about comprehension.

It’s better to understand than to stand over.

. . .

The colonial style of storytelling as the dominant form of story telling is fairly recent, dating only from the end of the medieval period in Europe and the rise of the so-called age of exploration.

This is not to say colonial story telling didn’t exist before them -- look at what Caesar wrote, or check out Joshua and Judges in the Old Testament -- but prior to the colonial age it wasn’t the dominant form of storytelling.

Most ancient stories involve characters who, regardless of political or social standing, recognize one another as human beings.

And when gods or monsters appear, they are usually symbols of far greater / larger forces & fates, not beasts to be subdued or slain.

Medieval literature is filled with glorious combat and conflict, but again, it’s the conflict of equals and for motives and rationales that can easily be understood.

It was only when the European nations began deliberately invading and conquering / dominating foreign lands that colonialism became the dominant form of storytelling.

It had to: How else could a culture justify its swinish behavior against fellow human beings?

Even to this day, much (if not most) popular fiction reflects the values of colonialism.

Heroes rarely change.

Cultures even less.

We’ve kept The Other at arms length with popular fiction and media, sometimes cleverly hiding it, sometimes cleverly justifying it, but we’ve had this underlying current for hundreds of years.

Ultimately, it hasn’t served us well.

It traps us in simplistic good vs evil / us vs them narratives that fail to take into account the complex nature of human society and relationships.

It gives us pat answers instead of probing questions.

It is zero sum storytelling: The pie is only so big, there can’t be more, and if the hero doesn’t get it all, he loses. (John D. MacDonald summed up this philosophy in the title of one of his books: The Girl, The Gold Watch, And Everything.)

It’s possible to break out of that mind set -- The Venture Brothers animated series brilliant manages to combine old school pulp tropes with a very modern, very perceptive deconstruction of the form -- but as posted elsewhere, imitation is the sincerity form of flattery that mediocrity can pay to greatness, so while I certainly applaud The Venture Brothers I don’t want to encourage others to follow in their footsteps.

Because they won’t.

They’ll pretend they will, but they’ll veer off course and back into the old Colonialism mindset.

We need to break out, break free.

Here in the U.S. it’s African-American History Month.

The African-American experience is far from the Colonialism that marks most white / Western / Christian storytelling (and by storytelling I include history and journalism as well as fiction; in fact, anything and everything that tells a narrative).

It’s a good time to open our eyes, to see the world around us not afresh, but for the first time.

Remove the blinders.

I said sometimes you back into things.

Getting a clearer view of the world I’m in didn’t come from a straightforward examination.

It came from a counter-intuitive place, it found its way back to the beginning not by accepting what others said was the true narrative, but by following individual threads.

It came from Buck Rogers and the Beat Generation and Scrooge McDuck and the sexual revolution and Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance and the civil rights era and Dangerous Visions and the Jesus Movement and Catch-22 and the Merry Pranksters.

It came from old friends, some of whom inspired me, some of whom disappointed me, and yet the disappointments probably led to a deeper, more penetrating insight into the nature of the problem.

This Colonialism era must come to a close.

It can no longer sustain itself, not in the world we inhabit today.

It requires a new breed of storytellers -- writers and artists and poets and journalists who can offer

It’s not a world that puts up barriers by race or gender, ethnicity or orientation, ability or age.

There’s ample opportunity for open minds.

All it asks of us is a new soul.

#colonialism #morals #ethics #philosophy #history #Black History Month #how this writer's mind works #GI Joe

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peachhoneii · 5 years

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What do you think about Catwoman since Scrooge and Goldie have a Batman/Catwoman relationship? To me, I don't think she's a villain because she doesn't try to take over the world or purposely kill anyone just because. She just steals for herself and looks after herself, but will help others when they need it sometimes.

V is for villain...Goldie is not a villain.

Goldie doesn’t want Scrooge dead.

Goldie doesn’t steal money directly tied to Scrooge.

Goldie steals treasures she and Scrooge are hunting or have hunted in the past.

Goldie saved Scrooge’s life multiple times throughout their adventures based on his biography, and in Golden Lagoon, she saved his life again.

Goldie saved his life in Outlaw and displayed some touching if very rare protectiveness over Scrooge.

Goldie is not good, and Goldie is not bad. Just as it is for Scrooge. Scrooge is not good, and he is not bad. They are people.

Btw, Team Goldie 3000%. Lets get that out of the way.

Carl Barks + DT87

Goldie reaction has been mixed for understandable reasons. There wasn’t a lot of Goldie in past American comics. Barks used her for one story. Don Rosa kept her to the past with some current day comic appearances. DuckTales 87 made them very sweet and tender and cute...but...

Goldie shot at him multiple times.Goldie sent a bear to kill him.Goldie drugged him. (Barks)Goldie hit him in the head with the nugget. (Barks)Scrooge abducted her. (Barks)

Abduction was removed in the original print. Barks didn’t see it as an abduction, but that was what it was. It was eventually returned in later reprints.

Scroldie isn’t a large ship compared to other DT ships, but I watched remember watching a reaction video to their DT17 depiction (Golden Lagoon), and I understood some of their points.

But...I didn’t agree with the DT87 praise, because it doesn’t deserve it in my opinion.

Carl Barks and DuckTales 1987 shared something in common, and it was the lack of character development. Obviously, Barks’ characters evolved and developed their current characterizations. The stories are character driven, but they’re aren’t character arcs.

Uncle Scrooge is going to be this way throughout all his appearances unless the story calls for something ‘different,’ but he’s going to resume his original characterization. He’s always going to be that stingy miser. There are moments of kindness and nice, but the default stays.

Gladstone is always going to be a dick. Donald is always going to be unlucky and you know, stuff like that.

That isn’t a bad thing. I love Carl Barks stories. His stories are good...racial portrayal, not so good, but we’re going to ignore that for this discussion. It worked for the time and medium and the stories he wanted to tell.

DT87...is not character driven.

Like I’ve written for Barks, DT87 didn’t participate in character driven arcs. The series focused on the characters, but there wasn’t any lasting development. It was an episodic series. It stuck to that.

HDL want to stand out and be their own people. Yeah, they finally achieve it, but next episode they’re back to being identical characters.

So Goldie appears three times...and she’s in that role of romantic interest and hasn’t grown as a character or anything like that. She’s fun. She’s cute. Scrooge and Goldie are cute. That’s totally acceptable and adorable and I want more of that in DT17.

But there isn’t any development. There isn’t an arc, and there isn’t a need for an arc since none of the characters are meant to develop and grow in this series. It works for them.

Don Rosa is character driven...but sticks to Barksian Law.

Don Rosa rarely went against the Holy Barks Bible. If it isn’t in Barks, it didn’t happen. If Barks didn’t approve of it, it didn’t happen. He stuck to Barks all the way, and he wrote his stories circling that canon.

Life and Times is a character driven adventure drama that develops Scrooge’s character from idealistic, hardworking poor immigrant child to hardened, cruel, and miserly billionaire.

He did what he could with Goldie based on the information he had, and he made up some of it, leading to very fortunate implications.

But it isn’t Goldie’s story. It’s Scrooge’s. Rosa doesn’t give us her beginning, and we get what’s probably 15% of her middle. By time she reappears, she’s an old woman; aged, matured, wiser, and far more patient than when she was young.

All of that development for Goldie? We didn’t get to see. We didn’t see it in Barks either. Didn’t have time. Didn’t have the drive. We don’t know what happened to Goldie in that time, because where Scrooge grew colder and harder, Goldie became warmer and softer.

Not too soft, but you get it.

DuckTales 2017...is character driven and thrives on character development.

I understand why people may not like Goldie as she is in this continuity, but I cannot find it in me to ever dislike her as a character.

What worries me is that the criticisms about Goldie is that she isn’t as emotionally available or soft or in a position to wait for Scrooge, which I don’t think is misogynistic, but it paints a slightly misogynistic color for me?

Should Goldie be submissive? She never was submissive. Was she soft and emotionally available? Yeah, as an old woman. Had she been that way in her youth, they’d be married.

DT17 strongly relies on character arcs. From Scrooge to Glomgold, there are character arcs and backstories and drama, and characters get to grow and develop.

Scrooge has grown as a person, though he retains his primary characteristics. The same can be said for Donald, Della, the boys, Lena, Webby, and many other characters.

I know it might sound crazy and weird, but I believe Goldie is going to get the same treatment. Why make her Louie’s adult friend if the show didn’t want to improve her as a person and show different facets of her character?

Maybe the show won’t give us Goldie’s beginning and middle, but it’s going to give us the transition from this greedy, gold hungry, cold-hearted thief to a little bit kinder greedy, gold hungry, and not as cold hearted thief who bonds with a child that is so much like her.

This could be naive and short-sighted of me, but I trust the show is going down a route that’ll have Goldie grow. If not, shame on them.

I can go into the whole...I really don’t want Goldie’s character circling 100% around Scrooge, including Louie who is Scrooge’s grand nephew. I’d really like for her to have friends and a life outside of Scrooge, but I am going to put my faith into Frank and his team. I trust them.

Goldie criticism is valid to a point for me, but the impression her detractors give is naivety and short-sightedness. But you know? I probably am too...for having so much faith in Frank and his team. Please, don’t let me down guys.

Goldie appeared physically in two episodes; one focused on her Scrooge, the second a cameo.

Scrooge told Outlaw through his perspective. We don’t know Goldie’s side of the story.

Scrooge loves her the way she is, as much as it frustrates him. He loves her.

Goldie isn’t a villain. That isn’t a fair description of her character and role in the show, and there’s more to her that we haven’t seen. So rather than unfairly judging her, maybe we should wait until we’ve reached the end of her story? DuckTales 2017 wants to go the distance with her.

#ducktales #ducktales 2017 #goldie o'gilt #scrooge mcduck #ducktales 1987

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frankpanioncube · 5 years

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Prompt List #3 - Rain

Part #3 of @sheewolf85 's October Prompt List. Based almost exclusively on something that happened to one of my best mates, myself and his wife.

Contains video games, spooky graveyards, light UndynexAlphys and Papyrus

"A whole Surface worth of snacks to choose from and you still want oatmeal with little sugar eggs in it."

Undyne's complaint held no real weight and she slammed the boot of the trunk down. There was more than enough variety of snack foods for tastes (and several more people beyond two monsters’ besides), to complement her first real 'best friends' night with Papyrus since they'd settled on the surface.

"NYEH, I HAVE AGREED TO THE PIZZA YOU KNOW!"

"And I will RUE the day I get sick of pizza because of you, you nerd."

Papyrus put the top of the car up with a glance at the sky, perhaps because it was going to rain, perhaps because he knew as well as she did that the very second he latched onto a favourite food, he would order it ad nauseum. It was a real debate on whether to take him to a new place that didn’t have one of his favourites; as if he happened to like it one was liable to be eating nothing but for the next few months.

At least his spaghetti was more than edible now.

True to his word, Papyrus navigated through the parking lot from the grocery to the pizza joint they'd placed an order into forty minutes prior and Undyne dashed inside to get the pies. She returned in fairly short order, holding the boxes on her lap. It appeared not too many other people wanted to go out in what was rapidly becoming a torrential downpour of an evening and the parking lot was all but deserted save for Papyrus' convertible and those parked in employee spots.

The home that she had settled in with Alphys was closer to the the University than the flat Papyrus shared with Sans on the other side of town and Papyrus was enjoying his first visit; or would be had the rain not been driving so heavily.

It finally let up about fifteen minutes in, so Papyrus dimmed his head beams and let Undyne gush about anime for awhile while he chose to take the lull in the storm to observe the local scenery.

"Hey, spooky huh?"

"What is?"

"All that mist around the graveyard at the Church."

"That's spooky?"

"Hell yeah. Well, you know, humans find it spooky. Like zombies and stuff."

"Some humans find Skeletons spooky." Papyrus retorted, rather primly.

"Yeaaaah, maybe, but it's different. Like...it's atmosphere."

Papyrus considered as they continued past. In the gloom of twilight with the imposing silhouette of the church as a backdrop, the roiling fog along the ground did not give the same ambience as the precursor to a Mettaton Show, that was for sure.

Undyne predictably broke the silence. "Oh hey! We should play spooky video games! It's the perfect weather for it!"

"Spooky video games?" Papyrus echoed her.

"Yeah. Unless you're chicken!" Undyne grinned viciously at her friend across the car seat.

Papyrus predictably rose to the challenge spectacularly. "OF COURSE NOT!"

The rain had started up again and they booked it into the house. Pizza boxes and snacks were delivered to the kitchen; a brief tour of the house was given and soon the duo found themselves seated in Undyne’s living room, drinks, snacks and pizza to hand.

Papyrus examined Alphys’ anime figurines with a begrudging amount of respect while Undyne pawed through her much less alphabetically organized video game collection, pulling out several titles well known for their blood, guts, gore and of course, jump scares.

The room had been outfitted with drawn blackout curtains but a low rumble of thunder suggested that the storm had now escalated.

Undyne thumbed the volume up on the television and sorted through the titles, picking out the most up-to-date; virtually guaranteed to have the most realistic graphics, then put it down.

“Oh no. This one.”

The title was a compilation reprint from an old company to the point where it’s inital release had required more than nine CD’s to play through. However, in the interests of winning the unspoken challenge the game’s plot also revolved around puzzles; using items and information in the correct way in order to escape the demonic haunted house and solve the mystery.

Just as the protagonist’s posessed husband had caught hold of her and was about to lock her into a torture device, an immense clap of thunder rang out, the power went out and both Papyrus and Undyne let out a joint scream.

“I’M NOT SCARED!”

A split second later the lights flickered back on.

Alphys stood in the doorway, taking in the sight of her wife and her wife’s best friend, clutching eachother on the couch; Undyne in Papyrus’ lap with her arms around his neck and her knees tucked up to her chest, Papyrus with his face buried into her shoulder and clinging like his life depended on it.

Both Undyne and Papyrus were begrudgingly impressed as she very calmly held up her phone and snapped a photo.

Papyrus broke the stunned silence with what was evidently meant to be a whisper. “Is this where I’m supposed to say ‘It’s not what it looks like’?”

#October prompt list #undertale #alphysxundyne #alphys #undyne #papyrus

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adapembroke · 6 years

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No Freak-Out Guide to Venus Retrograde

If you’re looking for more info on Venus Retrograde 2018 specifically, I also wrote Everything You Need to Know about Venus Retrograde 2018.

When I started studying astrology, you could generally assume most people knew three things about astrology:

Their sun sign

Mercury retrograde sucks

Seriously, don’t even bother getting out of bed when Mercury is retrograde

Thanks to witchblr and the increasing popularity of witchcraft,* it is becoming common knowledge that every planet goes retrograde.** Some planets, like Pluto,*** are retrograde for half of the year, which means that there is almost always a perfectly astrologically legitimate reason to panic.

Except, retrogrades aren’t a reason to panic.****

Inhale. That’s the first step to dealing with Venus retrograde. Exhale.

Notice how you feel slightly more calm?***** That calmness you feel is Venus telling you that everything Venusian in your life isn’t flying into a boiling pit of lava while Venus is retrograde.******

What is Venus?

In astrology, the solar system is like a giant map of the human mind. Each planet (and the Sun and Moon) represents a part of the psyche.

Venus represents:

The ability to experience pleasure

The ability to make and maintain relationships (with friends and lovers)

The ability to calm down

The ability to make an aesthetic response (make art, express yourself through clothes, style a room, sigh at appropriate moments while watching a rom-com or Bollywood movie)

What happens when Venus is retrograde?

Retrograde is short for “retrograde motion.” If this were a post about Mercury retrograde, this is where I would explain the science of retrogradation. Since Venus is the planet of liberal arts majors, I’ll say that “retrograde” comes from the Latin word retrogradus, which means “backward step.”

When Venus is retrograde, the planet appears to move backward in the sky from our perspective on Earth. In astrology, this means that we have the psychological urge to step back and reflect on Venusian things.

Things that might happen to you when Venus is retrograde:

Old friends and lovers might come into your life to resolve unfinished business. (If you meet someone new, they might be someone from a past life with whom you have unfinished business.)

Relationships that are worn and stale might come to an end.

If you are an artist or writer, you may feel the urge to return to or revise old work. (Or you may find a new market for old work or have the opportunity to put out a reprint or new edition.)

You may return to artistic practices you’ve been neglecting for a long time.

You may find yourself wanting to listen to old music you used to love or binge watch old movies or TV shows.

You may find that all of the clothes you own no longer suit (hah) you or that you need to do something new with your hair.

The techniques for self-care you’ve been using (or the things you used to do to feel good) aren’t working anymore, and you have to try something new.

How to make sure your Venus retrograde is a good one:

Intention. Intention. Intention. Like Jung says: Anything you refuse to acknowledge appears in your life as fate. Retrograde periods are times when those “fated” things tend to happen. If you know perfectly well that your relationship is dead and you don’t do anything about it, something is likely to happen that is outside of your control during Venus retrograde. It’s better to deal with problems yourself and have some power over how things turn out.

Engage in reflection on purpose. Don’t want to hear that song in a coffeeshop? Go through old music that makes you feel happy and reminisce on that instead.

Don’t fight backwards motion. If you’re in the middle of writing a book, and you feel like you need to return to that old plot thread again, do it. You’ll have to do it eventually, anyway, and it will be much more of a pain later.

Breathe. Meditate. Practice being calm.

Are you calm? Good. That’s, really, all you need to know.

*Again. Witchcraft becomes trendy every 20 years or so. Gardner in the 50s. Goddess worship in the 70s. TV in the 90s. Tumblr in the 10s.

**Every planet goes retrograde except the Sun and Moon, which, astronomers will point out, aren’t technically planets, anyway.

***Pluto is still a planet in astrology, which is another reason to get your Official Practicing Witch card. Then you can yell at Sephora and Neil Degrasse Tyson on the internet.

****This is a secret. Don’t tell anyone.

*****If you are not feeling calm, try breathing again. I am not a doctor, but I am pretty sure breathing is safe for most humans. If you have been told by your doctor not to breathe, or you aren’t sure if breathing is right for you, you can always look at cat pictures instead. Unless you’re allergic.

******That’s Mars retrograde.

#venus #astrology #retrogrades #witchblr #original content #original astrology #original witch tips #venus retrograde

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