#uk football imagines

[ladymazzy]

There's a discussion happening about the rights and wrongs of Lineker referring to the Nazis in The Tweet. I do think it's more than fair to point out how fucked up it is that 'the Nazis' are so often brought up as an abstract 'Big Bad' with little to no sense of what actually made them so bad (the genocidal antisemitic, anti-roma, anti-lgbtq, all-round eugenicist white supremacism).

Yet, at the same time it is factually correct that the tory rhetoric surrounding immigrants and asylum seekers is grossly dehumanising and in this way reminiscent of the Nazi's antisemitic propaganda in the 1920s & 30s (even though the targets of that propaganda were citizens rather than would-be immigrants to Germany. Baddiel really needs to pull his fatuous head out of his arse...). And, in the spirit of the Holocaust Remembrance exhortation to 'never forget', it is important to point out when contemporary policies and rhetoric drift towards the kind that existed in Germany in the 1930s - precisely because it is so fucking dangerous

If you don't put the 'never forget' fully into practice, the Holocaust is grave danger of becoming frozen in aspic; divorced from the lived experiences of people today and future generations, as well those directly impacted at the time

That said... it is *also* true that UK (and US) immigration policy at the time was rabidly antisemitic. When German and Austrian Jews were trying seek asylum from the increasing hostility and terror, the UK was quick to say 'you ain't coming here'. The Daily Fail was (as ever) quick to side with Europe's fascists. Doors were actively closed on them by the British.

In the same spirit, pretty much every European colonial-settler state from the Americas to Australia had some kind of explicitly white supremacist immigration policy (eg: White Australia , and South American 'blanqueamiento' polices prohibiting non-European immigration to countries like Brazil and Argentina following the abolition of slavery).

The irony is that the same people criticising Lineker for invoking 1930s Germany in his tweet are by and large the same people who criticise anti-racist historians who seek to decolonise curricula and present a broader, more nuanced understanding of British history. They're the same ones that spend every other day pearl clutching about the so-called 'woke agenda' if someone so much as says 'the Transatlantic Slave Trade was fundamental to British industrialisation as it provided both the raw materials and finances necessary to power it'

If the majority of the British population had a better understanding of British history - its long history of antisemitism, and its pivotal role in creating the antisemitic, white supremacist, eugenicist, imperialist values that informed the Hitler's worldview - they would realise that it's not even necessary to invoke 'the Nazis' when discussing a Big Bad. The call has always been coming from inside the house

The UK was (and is - alongside its children-in-imperialism, the USA, Canada & Australia) a Big Bad for millions around the globe for centuries. From the Transatlantic Slave Trade, to the Opium Wars, Irish Famine and Bengal Famine, Millions have died or been displaced, languages and cultures all but annihilated, people dehumanised, economies battered all in the name of the European white-supremacist capitalist hegemony that is distinctly anglocentric

Sure, there have been many Big Bads throughout history, and the UK's own spectacular track record doesn't absolve any of them. But it's about time that people were able to refer to British policies and colonial activities. I mean, we don't have to look back far given that the Windrush scandal is still in full effect; people who should not have been deported are *currently* dying destitute because of this country's racist immigration policies

The UK is indeed *not* innocent, and, as Sivanandan said; 'we are here because you were there'

#uk politics #never tory #big up Lineker and all the footballers speaking truth to power even if it is in the mildest way imaginable #because apprently even that's too much #'impartial' my arse #andrew neil had a whole program for *years* whilst being loudly right-wing and running the spectator #ffs #normal island #uk immigration #the uk is not innocent #colonial legacies #hostile environment #refugees welcome #windrush scandal

[sportsthoughts]

another hockey observation: i find themed nights very interesting. is this something every team does? is it a specific to hockey thing or do other american sports do this?

#pens lb #lucy learns hockey #i am trying to imagine arsenal doing like a ... save the children match or something #why do we not give away hats in the uk like the pens furry hats??? #i for one would like to receive a free hat at a football match #...or just a free hat in general

[beiasluv]

christmas spirit’s | f1 grid

a/n: super rushed but enjoy 💀💀

ynfannss

liked by username, username and 76,727 others

ynfannss NOT CHARLES BEGGING FOR YN TO TAKE THAT PICTURE AS HIS SECRET SANTA PRESENT

view all 3,764 comments

username mans knew that she loves f1 dilfs and went with it

username I NEED to see Jenson reaction

username NO because Sebastian IS her mentor 😩

username I FEEL SO BAD FOR YN 😭

username RIGHT

username NOT WHEN SHE GAVE THE BEST GIFT AS WELL

username 😭😭

username BUT QUEEN WASNT FAZE AT ALL

username NO SHE LOVED THAT GIFT

username I wouldn’t be mad if I was gifted the three branches of government

carlossainz55

liked by yourinsta, landonorris and 524,626 others

carlossainz55 ¡feliz navidad! from the sainz’s 🎄

view all 101,261 comments

username carlos is in spain (without the s)

username NO MORE CHRISTMAS PARTY SAINZ😩😭

username NO MORE SMOOTH OPERATORR

username another one ticked off the list 😭😭😭

username ikr???

username YALL ACTIN LIKE THEY DONT HAVE PRIVATE JETS 👹

username FR THEY JUST HOP ON AND OFF LIKE ITS A FUCKING BUS

alex_albon

liked by landonorris, georgerussell63 and 361,155 others

alex_albon wishing everyone a very happy christmas from the albons!

view all 89,621 comments

username sad day to be an albon fan

username girl imagine being a logan stan

username you’re either american or american. either way, he is definitely back in florida

username ngl I’ll let him spend any day with lily. a win is a win

username get a fucking life yall it’s just a party

username ITS NOT “JUST A PARTY”

username it’s LIFE

charles_leclerc

liked by arthur_leclerc, yourinsta and 861,718 others

charles_leclerc family dinner from the leclerc ❤️🎄

view all 275,255 comments

username okay mr. host candidate, pack it up rn

username WHERE IS THE PARTY MISTA

username so no one is going to mention that yn goes on to like every single post 😭😭

username and lando.

username they plotting sumthinh

username tell me that bitch didn’t lie to us 👹

username that’s mean. do it again

yourinsta

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55 and 861,517 others

yourinsta new player contract?? 🤭

view all 341,255 comments

carlossainz55 ankles still working?

landonorris at least I’m better than you

yourinsta she was a fairy 🤭🤭

username TIKTOK QUEENNN

username YN IS IN THE UK 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🦅🦅🦅

username GOD BLESS FHE QUEEN (Yn)

username LANDO???? EXCUSE ME WHO GAVE YOU THE PERMISSION

username so bf??? 🤭😭😭😭

username WHAT IS HAPPENING

username football girlie here but gah daium yn looks so fine 😩

username the crossover we never (kinda) expected 👹

username so…the party?

yourinsta

liked by charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 385,288 others

yourinsta happy holidays and making cookies!

view all 86,626 comments

landonorris where’s mine

yourinsta burnt 👹

username SAME RESIDENCE CONFIRMED

username switching sides

username maybe she’s not planning something after all 😔✊

yourinsta SAY SIKE RN 🤭

username WHATHDG

landonorris 4h

reply

yourinsta 2h

reply

landonorris 23m

reply

f1gossips

liked by username, username and 97,277 others

f1gossips photos of the F1 Christmas party parties last night were leaked. lando norris comfirmed as the party host and special guests of carlos sainz, nico hulkenburg, max verstappen, pierre gasly, kika gomes, yn ln, and charles leclerc himself. monte carlo confirmed.

- admin

view all 1,097 comments

username please tell me yn took that picture of Charles

username queen getting back for his present

username no she was a savage last night 😭

username Queen was roasting no one with hesitation

username AS SHE SHOULD

ngl guys, I actually finished the mark webber one first and then the poll shifted 👹👹👹👹

if you guys enjoyed it, any interaction would be appreciated. if not, then why the fuck not? 😘

today’s a great day to get out and take care of yourself 🫶

#imagines #fanfiction #formula 1 #f1 imagines #f1 x reader #f1 #lando norris x you #charles leclerc imagines #lando norris x reader #lando norris fluff #lando norris imagines #f1 smau #f1 imagine #formula 1 smau #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc au #charles leclerc fanfic #carlos sainz #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz imagine

[cutielando]

conflict of interest ~ lando norris

request: i recently saw a lando fanfic where the reader was a famous football player’s daughter and she was besties with maguis ex bf (joao another football player) but the story line was that she’d gone to a gp lando grew an interest in her but she rejected/dissed him because of the rumors of him and magui and i was wondering is you could do something like that!

warnings: a little hate towards magui (i have nothing against her and her relationship with lando in any way !!!! but it was necessary for the story to be spicier), jerk!joao (for like a split second)

a/n: part 2?👀👀👀

my masterlist

♡♡♡♡♡

You didn’t know what you were expecting when you got invited to attend a Formula 1 race weekend.

You knew nothing about the sport or how it worked, the only thing discussed in your household being football and your father’s career. Day in and day out, the only thing that surrounded you was football.

Even though your father had always said that he didn’t want to pressure you into liking or practicing football, he secretly wanted you to follow in his footsteps.

Imagine his internal disappointment he felt when you told him you wanted to become a model. He, of course, supported you and helped you in every way that he could have ever thought of, instead shifting his entire focus regarding football on your best friend, João. 

You and João have known each other ever since you were little children, growing up in the same neighborhood and given that he had always looked up to your father and his career. Growing up, whenever you would hang out with João at your house, him and your father never missed out on the opportunity for some early-on training and strategy talks.

That didn’t stop even when João actually became a football player. Your father and him sometimes talked more than you guys did, if you were being honest.

But you understood the shared passion that made their connection so deep.

Even with your modeling, you were keen on following your best friend’s games, always finding time and watching it wherever you were around the world. But that was not the only sport that you followed.

Formula 1 had become your guilty pleasure ever since you did a photoshoot with Charles Leclerc for a jewelry brand in Monaco. You became very good friends with him and his girlfriend, Alexandra, whom you talked to regularly.

To nobody’s surprise, a couple of weeks after the photoshoot was published, you received a formal invitation from Ferrari to the race weekend at Silverstone. The most exciting thing in your life, by far, was getting the opportunity to experience the true feeling of the race weekend from the garages.

Figuring you shouldn’t go alone, you took João with you. 

“Why do you want me to come, again?” he asked while on the place, not particularly excited to attend an event in which he didn’t really have interest in or knowledge of.

“Because you love me and I didn’t want to go to the UK by myself” you had replied, which was enough for the footballer.

After you had checked into the hotel and made your way to the track for the qualifying session of the weekend, you were amazed by the multitude of people screaming all around the paddock and reporters taking dozens of pictures of you and João.

An interviewer motioned you over for a quick interview, prompting you to halt your walk towards the garage.

“Y/N, such a nice surprise seeing you here. Not really the kind of sport we’re used to seeing you attend, is it?” the woman asked, making you smile and laugh

“I suppose not, haha. I’ve been a huge F1 fan for a while now but my schedule has made it impossible for me to attend an actual race up until now” you explained, making the woman nod.

“And who are you the guest of today?” she continued.

“Ferrari. I did a photoshoot with Charles in Monaco a couple of weeks back and we because friends, so I’m guessing he talked the Ferrari team into inviting little old me to Silverstone”

“We saw you came with João Felix, is he your partner? What can you tell us?” 

You laughed, hearing João snort from behind you.

“No, far from it. We’re best friends, we’ve known each other since we were little kids, but there is nothing else going on between us”

You answered a couple more questions before deciding it was getting late and you would miss qualifying if you spent anymore time with the woman.

João and you made small talk as you walked towards the garage, seeing Charles talking to a guy in papaya.

“Hi Charles” you greeted him once you were within earshot, the Monégasque immediately hugging you and João.

“Y/N, João, I’m so glad you could make it. This is Lando, he drives for McLaren. Lando, this is Y/N, a model and very good friend and João Felix” Charles introduced you, making you smile at the curly haired man.

Making eye contact with Lando had been one of the most intense feeling you had experienced in a long time. The intensity of his gaze and the way his eyes moved over your body had your senses tingling.

“It’s very nice to meet you” he said, taking your hand and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

You almost blushed, but a scoff from your right made you snap out of your happy bubble. João was glaring daggers into Lando’s head, which made you furrow your eyebrows as you looked at him.

He shook his head and mouthed later, making you nod.

“Well, we have to get in the cars, but I hope you have a great time” Charles said, saluting you two before departing with Lando, who smiled and winked at you as he walked back to his garage.

“No” João demanded once he saw the way your eyes were following Lando as he disappeared into his garage, giving you one last look before he was out of sight.

“I didn’t do anything” you defended yourself, scoffing once you saw the distaste with which João was looking at you. “What the hell is your problem? You don’t even know the guy and you’re acting like he killed someone”

He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I don’t have to know what he’s like to know that he’s an idiot. Do you not read the news?” he asked, at which you shook your head. 

You didn’t really have the time nor the desire to read tabloids, knowing what kind of articles they tend to write.

“You know I don’t believe in anything the media writes” you explained, rolling your eyes.

“Well, I believe what videos say. And he’s been seen with Magui” your eyes widened at the mention of his ex-girlfriend.

The mere thought of Magui being in a relationship with anyone made you sick to your stomach, especially after what happened with João.

“Oh” was all you could say, and the conversation ended there.

You couldn’t lie and say that the new information didn’t disappoint you. Wanting to see it with your own eyes, you decided to look it up on the internet and, fair enough, there were videos and pictures of Lando and Magui driving around Monaco.

While driving around didn’t really mean anything, you felt it like a punch to your gut. Every single time you would become slightly interested in someone, something had to come in between.

Shaking the thoughts from your head and deciding you would not speak to Lando for the remainder of the weekend, you enjoyed qualifying to the most, the feeling of watching firsthand what was happening was unlike any football game you had ever attended.

It was something special.

After you had arrived back at the hotel and were left alone once João decided to hit the city, you decided on having a quiet night in with some room service and a movie. Settling into the comfy bed, you had barely put on the movie when you heard your phone go off.

Looking at the notification, your heart starts racing when you see it was a text from Lando.

lando

hi there

is this y/n?

y/n

yes?

how did you get my number?

lando

charles gave it to me😅

y/n

hahhaa lol

did you need something?

lando

yes, actually

i think we both felt something earlier today

when we were introduced

and i was wondering if you wanted to go out?

y/n

ummm

hahaha

i don't think that's a good idea

lando

why not?

did i misread the situation completely?

i tend to do that sometimes

y/n

you didn't misread anything

i felt something as well

but i don't think your girlfriend would agree to you asking me out

or even talking to me right now

lando

girlfriend?

i don't know who you're talking about, i'm not dating anyone

y/n

lando

let's not pretend people don't follow the news

you've found magui, and i wish you both happiness if you're together, but given what happened with her and joao, who's my best friend, i don't even think we should be speaking right now

lando

woah, woah, woah

slow your horses

i don't know what news you've been reading

but i'm not dating magui

she's simply a friend, we have the same friend group but that's it

i know about the situation with joao and i would never associate myself with someone like that

does joao think i'm with her?

y/n

yeah

he's the one who told me to be careful

cause he saw the photos and video and shit

lando

i can assure you

i'm not dating her and i don't have the intention to date her

y/n

i don't know

lando

please, just think about it for some time

you don't have to give me an answer right now

y/n

okay

i'll think about it and let you know

lando

thank you, thank you, thank you

Throwing your phone on the bed as far away as possible, you let your mind wonder. Was Lando telling the truth? Was he really not dating Magui?

João had seemed so sure that they were together, so sure that she had just moved on to the next celeb and sure that Lando had just fallen for it. That’s why he had been so hostile towards him and so against you even talking to him.

But you couldn’t deny the butterflies that you felt when you talked to him just now, how excited the mere thought of being with made you. You couldn’t ignore it, and frankly, you didn’t want to ignore the feeling.

You hadn’t realized how long you had been stuck in your own thoughts, not until you heard the hotel room door open and João stepped into the room.

“What were you thinking about? You were lost in thought” he said, shrugging off his jacket and falling backwards on the bed beside you.

“You’re gonna hate me if I tell you” you said, playing with your fingers.

He raised his head at that, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Hate you? I could never hate you, no matter what you would do” 

You sighed, knowing he was right. There was no way he would ever hate you, he physically couldn’t think badly of you.

But this would test that idea pretty well.

“I talked to Lando tonight” you said, not even looking at him but knowing how he was glaring at you.

“I told you to stay away from him and her” the venom dripping from his tone at the thought of Lando and Magui didn’t go unnoticed.

“Look, I know what she did to you was unforgivable, and I hate her for how much she hurt you. You know that. But I talked to Lando, and they’re not dating. She’s just a friend he has in common with the people close to him, he would never date her because of what she did to you” you explained, trying to diffuse the situation.

João sighed, shaking his head. He turned to look at you, seeing the look on your face; a look he knew all too well.

He knew he had no right telling you who you should or shouldn’t talk to. He didn’t like it when you did it to him, he had no right doing it to you. But he had just been so angry at Magui for what he had done to him, time and time again after he had forgiven her, and he lost it when he saw the man in front of him.

However, looking at you in that moment, he knew you needed this. And he didn’t want to be the one depriving you of that.

“Okay” was the only thing he said, making your head shoot up and your eyes widen.

“Okay? What does that mean, okay?” you asked cautiously.

“If you want to go out with him, you can go out with him. I have nothing against it” he said, which prompted you to squeal and jump on him to hug him, chanting thank yous in his ear. “But, if he does anything to hurt you, I’m not afraid to fight him” it made you laugh.

Without wasting a single moment, you picked up your phone again and sent Lando a message, smiling giddily.

so, about that date?

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[brighter-by-the-daly]

Lucy Bronze x Reader

Camera Doesn’t Lie

Prompt: Could you please do something about Lucy in the new Lionesses photoshoot? She looks too good! - anon

Since Papper Snapper had left the England squad after the Euros there was an opening for club photographer. You’d been working your way up the ranks within the women’s football community for the last few years and after one too many drinks in the pub, your friends finally convinced you to press the send button on your application. You never imagined that you would get an interview, let alone the job and was soon following England Women all around the country. When the World Cup came around the staff had to wait for a call up from Sarina exactly like the squad did and you had never been so nervous in your life. You’d never even been out of the UK, let alone a country the complete other side of the world!

You’d now been with the squad for almost a year and had become close with the team, it was your job after all! If you didn’t have a good relationship with them then you could kiss goodbye to the amazing photos the club expected to receive every evening. Your job role included squeezing genuine smiles from them after a tiring day at training, managing the adaptions to clothing to be photographed just right and needed the banter to pull off some candid laughter from the players. You soon became known for your jokes that although awful, always got a authentic chuckle out of them.

Even though your time with England had been short, you soon learnt that there was one player you didn’t have to direct - Lucy Bronze. She just knew exactly what to do every single time there was a camera lense pointed in her direction. Your photo of her won the Sports Picture of the Year 2022 and she was your go-to whenever you received special requests from newspapers and magazines. Lucy’s photos were the hardest to choose between which ones made the cut because they were all stunning - there were never any bad ones to delete because she just doesn’t do bad!

Today was new kit photoshoot day and one by one the players came in ready for their pictures to be taken. The lighting had to be just right as these would be displayed during the line ups and squad list for the upcoming tournament. Every photoshoot was a long day but especially long when done singularly. Seeing on your list there was only one person left, you were relieved to find out it was Lucy, knowing her shoot would take 3 minutes max then you could get to bed - finally!

Waltzing into the room wearing this season’s England kit already pinned at the back to make it taut, hair scooped back military style with not a single strand out of place and a huge grin on her face ready to be captured. Lucy needed no direction at all, she loved the camera and the camera loved her. “Your favourite client has arrived!” her cocky demeanour always intimidated you, Lucy knew how to make your job easy but she also knew how to make your heart flutter with unease. She was just so fucking hot and she knew that too! More recently her flirtatious ways had started to eat away at you, wearing you down until you were weak and flustered over any communication with the defender. “Make sure you make me look good, yeah!” she smirked while striking different poses without having to prompt her. She’d done this so many times before that the brunette could do it in her sleep! “You know you don’t need me to make you look good Bronzey!” chuckling nervously at her comment. Everything she does she does it with confidence and that intimidated the fuck out of you. “Flattery never hurt anyone though!” her smug look through the camera made you wince. “Okay, we’re done here!” you announced quickly closing the camera lens to stop her penetrating eye contact getting to you through the screen any longer. “Nice, see ya tomorrow lil’ darlin’!” she said in her sensual deep tone of voice as she hopped down from the platform and sauntered out of the room, watching her leave she pulled her hair out from the bun as it dropped down past her shoulders. Snapping you out of your intense gaze at the name on her back when she swiftly turned around to ask if you needed any help packing up your equipment. “Nope, I’ve got it!” yelling across the hall as you fumbled over the camera cases at your feet making everything topple over and crashing sounds echo around the room, hoping she didn’t notice you watching her leave. She most certainly did because when she continued to walk away you heard a soft laugh exit her mouth as she went.

Today was the last media day before everyone left for Australia, it was the team photo day so shouldn’t take as long as the last shoot. Although these ones didn’t take as much time, they took a lot more patience because as the photographer you had to make sure everyone was looking the same way, all eyes were open and everyone was visible. Trying to direct 30 people at once was a lot harder than one at a time, it was a lot like a child’s birthday party except they were all hyper adults instead. A few small group photos took place while the rest of the team got ready. Strolling into the room looking half dressed Lucy claimed she was ready for the professional shoot. All the girls had picked their outfits from a range of smart monotone suit options but Lucy decided to skip the entire shirt rail completely and chose to only wear a waistcoat to cover her torso, showing off her toned arms and chest. “Errm, why aren’t you wearing a shirt?” the exasperation could be heard in your voice, ‘do I really need to help them get dressed too?’ you thought to yourself as if your work load isn’t already enough to handle. “Had to get your attention somehow didn’t I?” shrugging her shoulders and trying her best to look innocent but failed at covering up the smirk on her face. “You really do fancy yourself don’t you” reluctantly setting up your tripod for the photos she desperately wanted. “Well that’s one thing we have in common!” Lucy quipped, quick to hush her knowing that fraternisation amongst the squad and crew was strictly forbidden. “Did you do this on purpose?” you asked the taller brunette as you clicked away on your camera buttons. “You’re always complimenting my arms” pulling a pose with her tensed biceps like Bruce Forsyth on a 80s tv game show. “It’s my job Luce, don’t flatter yourself” laughing nervously at the eye contact she was giving you through the camera, noticing she was stepping off of the platform and edging towards you, you lowered the camera to face her. “When are you just gonna admit you fancy the pants off me, I’m bored of chasing” she said raising her eyebrow. “You literally chase a ball for a living” replying sarcastically trying to neutralise the conversation from overly flirty to just workplace friendly. “Yeah but I’m chasing you for fun, there’s a difference” her smug face coming closer to yours. “If you’re not gonna change let’s get this shoot over and done with so I’m not here till midnight, yeah?” reluctantly turning away and changing your lenses, you didn’t have to but it gave you an excuse to break away from the intense encounter. “Anything for you sweet cheeks!” the brunette winked before going off to pester someone else.

Packing up your things and heading for the door Lucy collared you “have your been waiting for me this whole time?” you asked as she startled you out of your business brain of all the editing you had to look forward to tonight. “Yeah, gotta be sure you make it to your car okay haven’t I?” draping her bare arm around your shoulders, “unless you wanna stay with me tonight?” raising her eyebrows and pulling a teethy grin. “You know that’s not allowed Lucy” shrugging her arm from around you and telling her off for still wearing the loaned clothing. “They’re gonna notice yours are missing!” tugging on the threads. “Trying to take my clothes off now are you?” she acted playfully making your eyes roll. “Give it a rest woman!” pushing her softly before walking away. Lucy quickly rushed in front of you to act defender in the doorway so you couldn’t leave, finding yourself trying to dodge past either side of her as she continued to block your exit. You were tired, hungry and getting more annoyed by the second, “I just want to go to bed!” whining and stomping your foot in frustration. Stepping towards your body you backed away from her not realising the wall was so close behind you. She had you right where she wanted you and placed one arm above her head, leaning on to the wall above you in a sexy manner. “Well why didn’t you say that?” gesturing to her hotel room door with her eyes and displaying a large cheeky grin. She was so close to your face it made your bottom lip tremble from being in such a close proximity to the brunette. As she bowed down to make your heads level your breath became shaky. “My boyfriend will be waiting for me” you blurted out, making your relationship status known while looking towards the exit, yet making no attempt to push her away from you. A cocky laugh left her mouth, “I guarantee I can make you feel better than he does” her eyes flickered between your facial features, looking down at your lips and back up to your eyes. “Is that a bet?” your voice now sensual too, your eyes copying her movements with anticipation, with every breath her face was edging closer to yours that you practically said that into her mouth. With very sudden motions Lucy wrapped her arms around your body pulling you into her, picking you up and throwing you over her shoulder like you weighed nothing causing a squeal of excitement as she carried you into her room. “You can tell me I’m right after” she smirked, kicking the door shut behind her.

#lucy bronze #lucy bronze x reader #lionesses #lionesses x reader #engwnt #engwnt x reader #woso x reader #woso masterlist #woso fanfics #woso community #woso one shot #woso imagine

[i-am-church-the-cat]

Just, imagine for a second

You’re an Australian ex-rugby player living in London circa 2016.

You’re married, just had or are about to have a son, doing some personal training work with motorsport athletes.

You go into your gym one day and see this skinny little blond kid, pushing himself to the max, trying desperately to bulk up a little, but all alone. Your newly honed Dad Instincts are telling you something’s up.

So you go over, ask to spot him, start learning about his life. You’re surprised to hear the squick of a distinctly non-British accent. You suddenly have a tiny American teenage boy with big, eager eyes on your hands and you do the one thing you think will work: you ask him about sports.

That’s not the last time you’ll meet him, in fact you’ll continue to meet him regularly over the course of a year.

You talk about American sports, to start with. NFL, NBA, MLB, MLS. You’re almost surprised by the scope of the kid’s knowledge so you talk about Premier league teams and cricket and Aussie football. He meets you every step of the way.

Finally, you just ask him, what are you doing here all alone, kid?

He’s a racecar driver, he says. Just won the karting junior world championship, trying to make the jump up to formula cars. He’s been living in England for about a year now but he’s lived in Europe since he was 11, been on his own besides from karting coaches, driving coaches, and teaches since he was 12. He says, I’m gonna drive in Formula 1.

And damn. You remember how hard it was for you moving from Australia to the UK, and you were a full grown adult. This kid’s in an entirely new country, working his butt off for something most people can only dream of, and he’s doing it almost entirely on his own.

And you think about your son, so small, still reliant every day on his mom and dad. And you think you can help this kid, and not just guiding him on workouts or diets. You can be a mentor, a role model, a teacher and a friend. You can be a helping hand on this kid’s way of achieving everything he ever dreamed of.

Your professional days are behind you. You’re more than happy to sit back and help the younger generation help.

And now you’re watching, 7 years later, as that little boy in the gym who turned into an older brother for your kids, a helping hand for your wife, a friend for you- you’re watching him become everything he ever wanted to be.

That little boy you found all those years ago has turned into one of the strongest men you know.

#benny jacobs #logan sargeant #sorry just suddenly got ben & logan feels #i’ve seen pictures of 15yo logan #he looks like he should be swaddled up and put in front of a pc screen #anyway gn

[zangtang]

Everything can change at any point!

Create images here: https://www.bing.com/images/create?FORM=GENILP before i say anything else though: not following someone else's prompts means you'll likely find some wild and unexpected things yourself. If you follow my prompts like they're laws, you will only ever get results like mine. There are people doing much cooler, weirder things. Don't get restricted by this.

the site was VERY BROKEN for the last 6 days, you haven't been banned. You get 15 boosts a day which usually override any current downtime, but the popup thinks you get 25 a week, which is an indicator of how busted and poorly planned they were for this flood of users. It's not too hard to create illegal results, and there's millions of users, so it's very unlikely a human is ever looking at your results. Unless you're doing really spectacularly terrible things, of course. If you get the warning as soon as you enter your prompt, change the most controversial aspects of your prompt immediately, as repeats of this will get you suspended for increasingly long times. It is possible to make alt accounts with throwaway emails though. It's unconfirmed but it appears that US residents get priority access during US times, and UK residents can only reliably make things from 7am to 1pm for example. Weekend access is a crapshoot. I don't personally pay for ChatGPT so I can't say anything about the alleged priority access you get there, but even that can be slow and restricted during the worst times (I assume this will the their priority to fix though). There are many conflicting reports about whether it's more censored or not. Reports is a very fancy way of saying reddit comments.

Everything I superstitiously guess about prompts:

you can be very descriptive and write in natural english, or you can be very brief. both methods work, I suspect both versions do different things. repetition and restating the same thing in other ways also seems to emphasise (possibly.) Prompts can be quite chaotic and contradictory - you can describe a lot of things happening and it may surprise you, so have fun with weirdness! some words are "heavy" against the automated filters, and can be safe in one prompt and unsafe in another. think of it like buckaroo, the AI is trying to find meaning in your prompt and it will sometimes combine things and get mad about it. be aware of politics and words that may be used in erotic senses, and switch those up.

this is the format I use the most because i am super lazy and unimaginative. items in [ ] are optional and can be anything, and I don't know how the word order matters - in old Midjourney it mattered quite a bit according to guides, but now they're all pushing to parse natural english I'm not so sure:

[number of] [body type] [age] [nationality] [male noun or job] wearing [clothes], with a [size, shape] belly, [hair description], [pose], [location, time of day, weather, lighting, era], [facial expression or attitude], [actions]

The number of guys can be vague like "several." Also placing a number here will generally result in all men being fat. To add a second, very different person (even women! imagine the power), simply describe that in plain english later in the prompt. Try adding "with friends" or something and seeing what happens.

Mentioning body type is separate from mentioning that he has a large stomach because "fat man" alone doesn't make him very fat. also, the body type prompt will dictate his physical build underneath the belly - this allows you to make mpreg very easily, for example. Mentioning his belly separately also seems to be a key part in making clothes not cover it up. However, DallE has clearly gotten much better at this for some clothes, but not all of them. Formalwear is improving, though tactical vests no longer do the cute thing they used to do, and football shirts still ride up reliably. Nationality can be weird, and you can use it to exploit stereotypes, or it can be an eye-opening view of stereotypes from countries you barely know about - want to know what differentiates an Angolan man from a Kenyan man? Probably don't trust AI results! I suspect some countries are controversial due to current politics, and I suspect some are controversial due to fetishy stereotyping. However, if for example "English man" got censored, consider going for capital cities or famous regions, eg "London man." Maybe look up sports teams from that country. I'm a big fan of the "Italian-American" prompt but lately it's gotten quite a few results blocked, so I'd switch to "New Jersey," maybe even "New Jersey Italian."

"Handsome" may slim your results down, or even break the prompt entirely. Consider making your men footballers or rugby players, mention trendy haircuts, or using out of date synonyms to get round it. AI isn't all that likely to give you especially ugly results anyway, particularly if you specify ages under 40. It doesn't get the hair precisely right, but even a generic prompt like "short thick hair" can help. Giving your character a job may dictate what he'll wear, but you might want to specify what clothes you want anyway. Don't mention either if you hope he'll turn out naked. Certain jobs are tricky to use, as AI strains to be as unpolitical as possible - it doesn't want you doing politicians and it sometimes seems to refuse anything that might make the police or military look bad. However, it will accept "wearing a [colour] uniform/pilot shirt" very happily, because it's duuuuumb.

Mention trousers, footwear or even just feet if your results keep zooming in too much. (It'll also zoom in if you mention too much about his face, I think.) Side view appears to make certain prompts fatter, but will often mean he's looking away - you can add "Looking at camera" if you want that. Metallic and plastic clothes can have very fun and weird results, especially if you change the location to a night setting in the rain. Gladiator costumes will reduce his clothes to a few leather straps.

"Flex pose" and "strong pose" will get butch bodybuilder poses (it will also buff up the muscle mass) and "battling strong winds" gets very superhero poses. At least when I was trying these out, I found I couldn't actually get proper bodybuilder poses or mention of superheroes past the censor, but it's been a few weeks so who knows what it's up to now. Give them all a go!

Casual poses and actions can liven things up a little if you just want portraits but don't want it to repeatedly be the same thing facing you directly. Getting out of a car, climbing stairs, leaning against things, adjusting his clothes or putting on a coat, all these kinds of things work. Smoking or drinking does quite a lot. "Tired" or "Exhausted" changes his attitude a lot too, your leans get leaned into more.

Contact words can be a little difficult, so consider ways to exploit using soft contact, or be very wordy and detailed about it so it's not misinterpreting you. "Patting him on the back" is a fairly safe phrase, but DallE isn't intelligent, so it will allow the contact but it will struggle to be precise, especially when the bodies are fat or not positioned in a way they can reach the back - the result of this is that there will be a lot of belly pats. Prodding in the stomach, pointing at the stomach, these both work, but I think DallE is vague about stomach=torso and you may want "pointing at his belt" to give a lower focus. Admiring can direct attention and vibes, whispering will draw their heads closer and make them interact somewhat. Embracing and hugging work but is very heavy for the censor, "hugging on his shoulder/belly" seems safer for some reason. Shaking, grabbing, "examining/concerned about his belly" can work. Bizarrely, squeezing past another man in a narrow corridor/doorway/cupboard works if you want a LOT of contact. And if you want unpredictable contact, fighting can work.

For more dynamic safe contact, try sporting actions. Baseball slides, football tackles, that kind of thing. It's hard to get them to lie flat and the AI seems to resist allowing heads to touch the ground, but "lying in a hammock" works pretty well, and sometimes specifying what the head is touching works. pretty much every minor prompt variation and scenario I've ever used:

"falling onto a broken chair/breaking an object with his weight" "washing windows" "with waiters helping him up" "with friends bringing him food" "falling over another man" "outside of a skyscraper washing windows, harness for safety, hoisted" "hyper-obese man wearing denim dungarees with an enormous inflated belly, drinking from a hose" ("blowing into a hose" gets better expressions for that IMO) "stuck in a broken narrow red british phonebooth with another man, bursting out with his enormous belly, black trousers" "bent over eating at a pie eating contest wearing a dirty white tank top with an enormous round belly and his face hidden buried in messy pie" "sitting on a throne next to a very fat 35 year old spanish monarch" "lying on his back the floor, enjoying a banquet, side view, tired expression" "very fat 35 year old handsome british man wearing tracksuit and gold chain with a hugely distended beerbelly, man with a massive round stomach, washing his car in a carpark at night side view" "at water park, stuck in a water slide" "before and after weightloss picture, in the left he is X and in the right he is Y" "with a large round belly spilled over eating at a banquet with an enormous round belly, bronzed, with waiters helping him up/being prodded with a fork" "washing dishes and leaning over his belly on a freestanding enamel pedestal basin" "climbing and leaning against a stepladder to change a lightbulb on the ceiling [with friend holding the stepladder steady]" "side view, photo of two 40 year old beefy handsome fat italian-american rugby player with a hugely distended round belly, resting hand on his chest, wearing a tracksuit with a gigantic round sagging stomach, gold chain, raining, whispering in a car park at night, leaning/hugging on shoulder, tired, stern expression looking at camera, smoking a cigarette" "side view photo of two strong 40 year old handsome samoan rugby player with a hugely distended round beerbelly, chest hair, wearing a white formal shirt and black suit, hugging on his belly, proud expectant father, boyfriends outside a busy pub at night, stern, looking at camera, raining" "two fat los angeles rams handsome footballers wearing white pilot shirt and plain tie and black trousers pushing through a narrow saloon door with their enormously distended beerbellies, stern" "photo of very fat 30 year old hunk rugby player with enormously distended belly, carrying his belly in a wheelbarrow" "very fat 35 year old man wearing white pilot shirt with an enormous round belly, tough man with a very large beerbelly, too fat for small broken airplane seat sitting on another man, fat belly spilling over armrest and pressing against over man, black trousers, slightly concerned, suave" "being carried on the back of a flatbed truck" can turn them into horrific lardvalanches but you don't get much control over it

original characters do not steal prompts: "30 year old man who looks like he's the main character from the game Uncharted with an enormous distended round beerbelly, with one hand on a bar in a pub, nathan" This is sometimes surprisingly effective, but most often it'll simply draw vibes from the IP mentioned, so you can use it to get specific settings at least

Try spelling the names wrong or reversing the name order - sometimes it'll even accept names sprinkled throughout the prompt. Repeating the name may increase its effect (it might also not!) Also it's speculated that placing the celebrity fraud in a place or situation they would normally be found in helps. That said, I could only get a Robert Downey Jr if I made him dress as a gladiator. So maybe weirdness and ingenuity are your strengths. see also https://www.tumblr.com/baron-bear/731903035856584704/what-do-you-use-for-your-ai-stuff

#fat ai #fat ai man

[vaguesxrrow]

can u plsss write one about charles with an american reader? like the inspo is the olivia rodrigo song so american lol. like maybe him making fun of her accent and her doing the and back and like the differences between the two cultures?

ACTUALLY INSANEEE bc right before seeing this i was singing that song in my head (i dont listen to olivia but i probably should tbh). alsoo i wasn't sure if you wanted a fic or hcs, so i kind of made a 2 in 1. hope you dont mind! xx

a/n: im not american nor british and ive never been to the usa or the uk... so excuse any inaccuracies pleaseee

tags: g!n reader, american!reader, alive!reader

you shivered and exhaled sharply, your breath misting out in front of you. the moment you stepped outside, you knew you should have piled on more layers, but edwin had been eager in whisking everyone out the door to carry out an investigation for your current case.

you burrowed closer to charles. obviously, he couldn't provide any real body heat, but being near him was a boost in morale to keep going despite the temperature.

"alright?" he asked, putting an arm across your shoulders.

"i should've put on more layers," you grumbled.

charles laughed as he kissed the top of your head. "you can have my jacket."

shaking your head, you declined. "it's fine, it's not that cold. and besides, i wouldn't want to strip you of your british glory and your british coat."

charles snorted. "so it's my british glory, now? who was the one making fun of my accent literally just yesterday?"

"litch-rally," you parroted, grinning. "why is it that all your t's turn into ch's?"

"hey, you're one to talk - what is it you were ordering at the restaurant yesterday? a glass of wa-der, was it?"

"bite me, charles."

he raised his jacket up and engulfed you with it in a bear hug. you shrieked with laughter and wriggled in his hold, but didn't protest when he demanded you hold your arms out so he could put the jacket on you.

"what are you, a soccer player? i thought i was your [boy/girlfriend/partner], not your competition," you teased.

"soccer?" he mocked, outraged. "soccer? it's football, mate."

"mate?" you scoffed incredulously, although you were smiling. "way to friendzone me after months of dating."

"oh, come on, you know you could never get rid of me." charles pulled you in again, this time by your hand. "and for the record, you look cute wearing my clothes."

a few beats of silence, in which you two looked at each other with similar expressions of fondness and exasperation.

"yeah, okay, now get away from me, you victorian fossil." you shoved him playfully, and sprinted away to catch up with the other three. niko waved you over, giggling at charles, who was jogging to keep up.

"victorian fossil? i grew up in the 80s!" he exclaimed. "you know this!"

⌦ ---

- you do know very well that charles grew up in the 80s - you frequently ask him what it was like back then, because naturally, you'd take an interest in your boyfriend's life

- however, charles loves how you're genuinely interested, and get how watching times change can feel a bit lonely for him sometimes

- you're a great listener when it comes to this (which you think you should be greatly accredited for; charles' good looks can be very distracting at times)

- imagine: you and charles in your room as he looks around, inspecting the decor you have on display as he rambles about life in the 80s

- he tells you about a huge movie premiere he went to:

- charles: "get this, right - a ridiculously long line outside the movie theatre. the weather is absolutely miserable, and so are the people. no one's talking at all. i think everyone was just hungry - i saw this lady have tea delivered.

- you: 'i keep forgetting you have stuff like tea times. and did everyone really have the patience to wait for that long, in silence?'

- charles, with a fake american accent: yeah, dude. in silence.

- you throw a pillow at him.

- you also like telling hilariously bad jokes relating to his accent

- you: psst. charles.

- he turns towards you, already expecting another jab at his british-ness

- you: what day do british people eat the most?

- charles, in a deadpan: what day.

- you: chewsday, innit-

- he yells 'NOPE' and walks through the wall, leaving you to wheeze-laugh on your own

#charles rowland x reader #charles rowland x you #charles rowland/you #charles rowland/reader #charles rowland #dead boy detectives headcanons #dead boy detectives x reader #dead boy detectives fic #dbd #dead boy detectives

[qqueenofhades]

Do you think Barack Obama was a good president?

For the most part, yes. The fact that he got elected in the first place (and in a landslide) was nothing short of miraculous, but those of you on the younger side don't remember just how FUCKING FED UP the entire country was with Dubya and his bullshit. It didn't really matter if you were Democrat or Republican. Everyone hated him, especially when he went out in 2008 by causing a generational economy-crashing cataclysm. For him to go from a 91%+ approval rating just after 9/11, to the low 20s by the time he left office, shows just how sick and tired everyone was with him, and how we fondly (ha) imagined that he would be the worst American president in our lifetime. How very innocent we were.

The fact that Obama, a black guy with the middle name Hussein, who had not even a full term as a US senator as his only real meaningful political experience, could come in there and win is a feeling that honestly is nothing like anything anyone had experienced in politics before. I remember staying up with my family (I was studying abroad in the UK) over phone/Skype until the race was called for Obama around 3am, and one of my classmates ran outside the flat in delirium yelling "OBAMA WON!!!" The pictures of elderly African-Americans just crying their eyes out on that night, and the way they still look at Barack and Michelle now, is special. Yes, of course the reality didn't totally live up to the promise of that moment, but man, for a little while there, it really felt like we had changed the entire paradigms on which this stupid flawed country had been built from the beginning. I can't imagine we'll feel like that again for a long, long time.

Obama managing to save the economy (as noted before, it's a theme that Democratic presidents have to come in and clean up the ungodly mess left by Republicans) and pass the Affordable Care Act, even as watered-down as it was from what he wanted, were two very significant accomplishments. Where he fell short, however, was in his dealings with said Republicans, and obviously not all of this was his fault. Obama was intensely conscious of his position as a political newcomer AND that he was a black guy. The level of racism, vitriol, and sheer ugliness that he (and his family) faced from all quarters was (and is) yeah. We got the Tea Party, the "birthers," and the rest of the radical-right lunatics out in full force, and Obama was aware that he was going to get blamed for everything and then some. He also wanted to think that the Republicans would throw a hissy fit and then get over it and work with him. They didn't. Not for one single day. Not on anything. Just because he was a Democratic black guy. That was all it took, and they stuck to it even as Obama kept reaching for the football and thinking that THIS time, surely they would be reasonable. They weren't. On anything. Ever.

Likewise, the Democrats were caught unprepared by the special election for Ted Kennedy's Massachusetts senate seat, which they lost (taking them from a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority to 59, after which the Republicans accordingly filibustered everything and the Democrats didn't push hard enough to stop them/change the rules). They also seemed to just assume that hey, the country voted for Obama in 2008, they'd clearly do it again in 2010, and they didn't really hype up the ACA or campaign for it or anything like that. So they got shellacked to the tune of 60+ House seats lost in 2010, and then lost the Senate in 2014, allowing Mitch McConnell to flat-out blockade Merrick Garland's SCOTUS nomination (who Obama picked to fill Antonin Scalia's seat) and get away with it. Obama was also not nearly as assertive about nominating judges as Biden has been, though it's also the case that Trump hadn't yet packed the benches with an endless conveyor belt of unqualified uber-conservative hacks. Once again, I think this is a reflection of Obama's overall political inexperience and the fact that he felt he had to "play nice" or get pigeonholed as the "angry black guy," which he then did anyway. So it really was a catch-22.

Online Leftists always like to yelp about "Obama ordering a lot of drone strikes!!!", as if they a) know anything else about American foreign policy, b) are at all interested in criticizing Trump for using EVEN MORE (by like... a lot, and nearly starting WWIII when he killed the Iranian general with one), or c) ever consider the overall ungodly fucking mess that Obama was ALSO left with in Iraq and Afghanistan. I'm not about to defend or agree with that either, but it's disingenuous (as per usual with them) to suggest that that was the only thing Obama did during his presidency and/or that he should be judged on that alone. They also like to pretend that he faced no racism at all, that he could have just "codified Roe vs. Wade and didn't!", that there were no double standards in how he was treated by the press, the political establishment, and the American people, and so on.

So: overall, yes, I think Obama had good intentions and tried to do the right thing. He failed at certain major parts of that, both because of the Republicans and because he didn't have the experience to challenge them or know how to work around them, and because he was in an utterly impossible position. The intense white backlash that gave rise to Trump showed that contrary to what anyone liked to think about Obama's election heralding a "post-racial" era, it was back and more ugly and public than it had been in a long time. It was also surprising that our first black president was a Democrat, and not a Republican shill like Tim Scott and/or Clarence Thomas, who has been allowed to rise in the party only because he faithfully repeats all the maxims of the (white) GOP ruling class. So the sheer strength of Obama Derangement Syndrome, which persists today, has to figure into any appraisals of either what he did or what he could have reasonably been expected to accomplish, and I don't think people get that.

#anonymous #ask #politics for ts

[my-soupy-brain]

oh man imagine meeting ted a little earlier? when hen is younger and you're the first person the little boy really trusts in the uk?

I love this and I'm here for it. I think Henry would be so excited to get to know you. Perhaps you work at the club? His dad has a crush on you and Henry's the one to figure it out and encourage him. *rubs hands together* Let's gooo!

---

Relationship: Ted Lasso x reader

Warnings: Pining and fluff

---

The first time Ted Lasso's little boy, Henry, came to visit the club, he was in tow with his mom and Ted's wife, Michelle.

And when Henry wandered the halls of the offices and found your office - your bright colorful space with toys on your desk - he knew you were someone special.

And someone very cool, at least to him.

"I'm Henry!" he said with a chipper smile one day, startling you from your work.

"Hi there, Henry! I'm Y/N! Nice to meet ya!"

Henry smiled and walked over to the other side of your desk.

"Where'd you get all these cool toys?" he asked with a bright smile and sparkling eyes.

You chuckle. "I'm a bit of a collector, actually. You can play with 'em if you want!"

Henry's eyes lit up brighter as he grabbed a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle and the Ghostbusters station wagon and plopped down on the floor.

"Hen?" you heard Ted's drawl down the hall, worried.

"In here, Ted!" you replied brightly, smiling when the mustachioed man saw his little boy on the floor, zipping the toy car around him.

"Hi, Dad! Y/N let me play with their toys!"

Ted smiled and looked at you. "Uh, sorry about that. I didn't mean.. uh, he didn't mean..."

'It's OK, Ted."

Ted smiled and ran a hand through his hair nervously. His eyes looked red like he'd been crying. Something on his mind.

"Ted? You OK?" you asked politely and quietly, Henry still playing on the carpet.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm a-okay. Thanks for askin'," he answered with a kind smile. "Hen, we gotta run. Your mom is packin' ya up so you can leave tomorrow."

Henry frowned and returned the toys.

"Thanks for letting me play!"

"Anytime, kiddo."

Your heart melted a little, having a little person around. Your friends back in the States had kids and you loved spending time with them. But moving here to the U.K. uprooted your life and you felt like you were starting over a little.

And your heart sank a little as you watched them leave your office.

In the nearly year you've been at AFC Richmond, Ted was by far your favorite person. He was gentle and kind, always listening. Funny and silly. Inspirational. Strong.

Your friendship had blossomed but you never crossed a line. He was married, after all.

...

Ted's divorce takes a toll on him. He knew things were rough before he came to England, but hearing Michelle say it's over was a stab in the heart. You comforted him the best you could. Assured him he's a good man, a great father, and that some chapters just need to close.

He was grateful for you.

You were grateful for him.

And six months later, when Henry visits against, he bops into your office with a smile.

"Guess what I learned at school this year?" he asked, plopping on your office softa, his feet dangling off the edge.

"What'd you learn? I can't wait to hear!" you answer, putting your work aside to spend time with Henry.

"I learned about whales. Did you know a blue whale is almost as long as a football field?" Henry asks with big eyes. "Well, American football..."

You chuckle. "I figured that's what you meant."

Ted said Henry asked about you every so often since his first visit to the club. Asking if you had gotten any new toys for him to play with. Funny enough, you started adding to your collection just for him.

"Whoa!" Henry says, as he approaches your desk. "New stuff!"

"Take your pick, kiddo!"

He grabs a few figurines and sits down to play with them again, while you tap away on your keyboard.

Ted rounds the corner, knowing full well where Henry is camped out when he's not in the office or the locker room.

"I knew I'd find the two of ya in here," Ted says, smiling.

"It's the Toy Club. Wanna be a member?" you ask with a wink, and Ted blushes a little.

He'd be lying if he wasn't, well, crushing on you.

You're good with Henry - it's clear he prefers you over almost anyone else he encounters at the club. You always ask Ted how he's doing, and you've even stopped by with his favorite coffee a few times. He leaned on you a lot after the divorce, and you were always there to catch him when he fell.

Ted takes a seat on the couch as Henry plays.

"Dad! I told Y/N about the whales we learned about in school!"

Ted nods and smiles. "You'll be preppin' people for Jeopardy in no time, Hen."

You laugh brightly at this and Ted looks over at you quickly and smiles. He likes the way your eyes light up and you laugh with your whole body. He wants to hear that sound again and again.

"So how's things," Ted asks, leaning back on your couch. You lean on your hands, your chin resting in your palms as you look across at him.

"Busy as a bee," you reply, "Nothin' new there. What are my two favorite boys up to this week?" you ask, writing something down on your notepad.

Ted's heart sings at this. Favorite...boys? Both of them?

"Uh, ah...well, not a whole lot. We're gonna check out Abbey Road this weekend maybe?"

You squeal.

"You're kidding! You know, since I've been here, I haven't made my way there! Let me know how it is. I bet it's magical."

Ted smiles and his face brightens. "Why don't you go with us? We'll get lunch at the pub and then go take a tour."

"YAY! Go with us, Y/N!" Henry squeals, eavesdropping on the invitation.

You blush. "Oh, that's so sweet, I don't want to impede..."

Ted waves you off. "Hush, I wouldn't ask if we didn't want ya there. Isn't that right, Hen?"

Henry pipes up. "Yeah! Please come with us! It'll be so cool!"

You can't say no to that precious little voice.

"I'll be there."

...

So that weekend, the three of you grab a little table outside Crown & Anchor and share some fish and chips, chocolate milk for Hen, and a couple pints for you and Ted.

Henry chatters away about school, winter break, and what he hopes to get for Christmas.

Ted watches you converse with Henry, answering him and talking to him like he's a little grown up. He watches Henry smile at you when you tell him your own stories.

By the time you make it to Abbey Road, Henry is about to jump out of his skin.

"I love the Beatles! Dad loves the Beatles, too!" Henry exclaims, bounding up the stairs to the door.

"I guess we all have that in common, then," you add, smiling.

In the studio, you get a tour of the recording rooms, the instruments played by rock legends -- and the Fab Four.

"Y/N, look at this!" Henry says, holding your hand and dragging you across the room.

"Wow! That's so cool! Let me get your picture!"

Henry poses with a big smile while you take out your phone, and Ted stands behind you and smiles.

Your phone rings and you step away to answer it and Henry returns to Ted's side.

"I like her, Dad," Henry says thoughtfully. "You should ask her on a date."

Ted looks at Henry with a quirked eyebrow.

"What makes you think I wanna go on a date with her?"

Henry shrugs and smiles. "I see how happy she makes you."

Ted looks over at you, wrapping up your phone call, a smile on your face. Professional and friendly, as always.

When you return to the boys, they're both grinning at you.

"What are you two smiling about?"

Ted shrugs. "Nothin'. Just havin' a good day. Thanks for coming along."

"Thanks for inviting me."

...

As the night wraps up, Ted and Henry walk you home.

"You two wanna come inside?"

"Do you have more toys in there?" Henry asks brightly. You chuckle.

"I have a few."

Ted nods and walks in with Henry, who heads into your living room and finds some toys on a shelf. "Can I play with these?" You nod and he plops down again and plays. Ted sits on the couch next to you.

"Thanks for this," Ted replies quietly. "I appreciate you -- not just for how you've helped me, but being a friend to Hen."

You smile as you watch him in his own little world of play.

"I'm happy to be here. I care about both of you so much."

Ted smiles at you, watching your eyes and how the light hits them as you watch Henry. How your cheeks smile. How your lips curl.

"Uh, can I use your restroom?" Ted asks nervously, running his palms down his khakis.

"Yeah, right down the hall."

He leaves the room and Henry stops and looks at you.

"My dad likes you, you know," Henry says, not looking up from his figurines.

Your heart thuds in your chest. "What?"

Henry nods and grins. "He does. He's just scared."

You smile. "He doesn't have to be. I like him, too."

Henry smiles again. "I know you do."

Ted returns to the living room and sits down and your cheeks are blushed and he smiles at you.

"Hen, we should probably get goin'. Get out of her hair, let her have her house and her toys to herself."

You laugh brightly, and Ted smiles.

"I don't mind, really. Anytime you wanna come over, I'm always open to my two favorite boys."

Henry smiles and runs off to the bathroom.

"So..." you say, just as Ted starts to talk. You laugh nervously.

"Do you..."

"Would you..."

You're both talking over each other again, and you smile again.

"You first," you offer.

"Would you like to go out sometime? With me? Just me, I should say," Ted asks nervously.

"I'd love to."

Ted's heart sings. He's not sure he's totally ready for a relationship. Not so soon after Michelle. But you're a friend -- more than a friend -- and it feels...right.

"Finally!"

Henry says as he rounds the corner.

"I thought he'd never ask!"

You burst out laughing, and Ted laughs, too. They stand to leave and Ted pulls you into a hug.

"Thanks for everything," he murmurs against your hair. Your body lights up as his hands hold your back, his breath against your neck.

"You're so welcome, Ted."

Henry reaches the bottom of the steps and looks back up at you both.

"If you go to Crown & Anchor for your date, get the chocolate milk. It's sooo good," Henry says with a cheeky smile.

"I'll remember that, Hen..." you answer and wave as he and Ted head down the street.

...

The next time Henry visits, you and Ted are in love. Henry smiles nonstop when he sees you interact.

How his dad always has his arm around you.

How you're always holding his dad's hand.

How warm and inviting it is to spend time with you both. How you both have the same jokes. And finish each other's sentences.

On the way home from dinner, Henry takes the bold next step.

"Dad? Can Y/N stay the night?"

You almost choke on the laughter you try to stifle.

"Hen... I don't think we need to..."

"I wanna have a movie night, and I want Y/N there. Please?"

You look at Ted, and Ted looks at you. Of course, you've stayed the night with Ted... not for movie nights, per se, but for mind-blowing lovemaking and the most incredible cuddles of your life.

Ted looks at you. "Up to you, sweetheart."

"Sure, I'd love to! What movie are we watchin', Hen?" you ask brightly, and Ted grabs your hand and holds it a little tighter as you make your way to Ted's flat. Henry rattles off a dozen movies he wants to see and why each one is his favorite, and Ted looks at you and smiles. He leans against your ear...

"When he knocks out mid-way through movie number two - and he will - we can do whatever you want," he murmurs with a husky drawl.

"Promise?"

Ted looks at you, checking you out. "Oh, I promise. Think we can be quiet?"

You chuckle as Henry bops ahead on the sidewalk. "Ms. Shipley's home right? We're gonna have to be."

---

I hope I did this justice because it could be so damn cute. So many directions. I loved this. I love curious, talkative little Henry. BE STILL MY HEART! Thanks for the prompt, friend!

#ted lasso x reader #ted lasso x reader x henry #ted lasso fluff #ted lasso x you #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fanfic

[uneednotknow]

Vaughn Morozov

A hc of what I imagine him to be like.

Vaughn Morozov, the Pakhan's heir. The Gentleman of the Bratva. The Manipulator. The Mastermind.

He isnt necessarily silent and quiet but he doesn't talk much, either. He got the manners, the charm and the etiquette of what one would call the ideal man. He has the looks, the body, the height, the hair and the money. But above all he is responsible and a smart man.

He knows when and how to use his charm especially in terms of business to either get the deal done or to deceit. He knows and plans things so effortlessly well, its almost flawless. He is also 10 steps ahead of everyone. He is analytical and calculative. A Mastermind. He rules the game, the world and the people, and he would do it so easily that they won't even realise it.

He isnt known as the gentleman for no reason. He is respectful and straightforward. Unlike most of the ruthless men in the Bratva, who springs to brutal actions almost immediately, he is calm. He resorts to let the mind games play, he likes messing up the mentality of the people, because he understands that mental pain is possibly more cruel and painful than physical pain. He resorts to quietly finishing the job because he isnt a fan of showcasing his work to the people.

He is so eloquent with his words and works. He dont need to talk much to get people to his side. He is a man of his words but mostly a man of actions. He won't hesitate to strike when nobody is looking, he won't hesitate to manipulate and make things work out on his favour.

He is a smart man, he knows what strings to pull, what steps to take. And it all comes from being a logical thinker, it comes from having parents who are one of the most important figures in the Bratva, he knows he needs to be well aware of his surroundings in case trouble strikes. It comes from seeing situations through every looking glass. It comes from being a great born-leader.

He likes to keep the side of his street clean and that's very hard to maintain especially being in the mafia. But nobody knows what happens to people who has crossed him or his loved ones. You just know they have suffered gravely. He keeps his business private. Those who needs to know will know and that's it.

He drives. Really, really well. The Mercesdes-Benz, his parents got him for his 18th birthday is one of his prized possessions. He dont ask for much from his parents, he rarely does. Mostly because they have provided him with all that he needed. And it's because he doesn't want to leech off people, he doesn't want to ask things from anyone when he knows he is equally capable of being able to do things for himself.

When he is in the UK, he rides his bike, going for joy rides with them. Though he maybe the youngest, he is undoubtedly a brilliant and mature one. Sophisticated and intimidating, Vaughn enjoys his chase. But he also let's down his guard and takes in the fresh air of youth, he knows how to enjoy his life while learning not to be vulnerable in the eyes of the people.

He can cook, clean, fend for himself. He is self-sufficient and has learned from a young age that there is no other way to success other than hard work along with smart work.

He likes to read. He like to solve puzzles, play chess, watch crime documentaries and just solve anything that needs to be solved. Maybe that's boring for most but that's how he keeps his brain to actively work and think strategically.

He is also athletic, joining the school's sports team to keep himself physically fit. He may not be the best at it but he is above average, he plays football, basketball, tennis. Exceptionally great at ice hockey (according to my headcannon.)

Because he likes to keep himself updated with the people around him and the world, he knows many things about people. If he wants he can extract informations that people have tried their best to hide too.

He might even enlist in the military, just like his mom and dad and climb ranks, but he might not stay long to accomplish that, maybe for 2 or 3 years. Because he has other responsibilities. But he will be there for the experience and knowledge.

He is academically thriving as well. Taking up computer science, physics or any of the challenging STEM subjects, because like mentioned above he likes to keep his brain to actively work to find solutions.

He is without a doubt a great son and a great friend. He won't say it out loud but he will, for sure, be their for people who needs him. Be it for advise or just be there for them. He is a great companion to his dad, helping him with works, though his father never asks him to burden himself with such works at a young age. He is a great son to his mom, driving her to places, going shopping for anything, helping his mom around the house though they have people for that.

He is the type of son, whose parents need not worry about him doing the wrong thing or being in thr wrong place. They only worry about him over working himself. He likes to be in his best behaviour, be the best in what he do.

Overall, Vaughn Morozov, is an almost perfect man, who obviously has his flaws but doesn't shy away from correcting himself and move forward to be better and stronger.

He made a cameo and im intrigued by him. But honestly, as much as I want to read about him judging by how RK has disappointed some(most) of her characters in their own books, I'm afraid she might do the same to Vaughn too. So in a way, it's better to leave him as he is, but at the same time he seems to be a character full of potential, to me at least.

Anyways, thank you for reading my previous post.

Hope you enjoy this as well.

#vaughn morozov #rina kent #legacy of gods #god of malice #god of pain #god of wrath #god of fury #killian carson #nikolai sokolov #jeremy volkov #monster trilogy #kirill morozov #aleksandra zaryanova #gareth carson

[torch-the-throne]

My assessment on which Richmond players are likely to play for their national teams, based on an unscientific combo of FIFA stats, quotes, and vibes (discussion under the cut). 

Dani: absolutely. According to the FIFA stats, Dani is in the top 30 strikers in the world, and sits comfortably above the average Mexican attacker score. Brief run of injuries/yips aside, Dani would surely be one of Mexico’s star players.

Colin: perhaps surprisingly, yes. Most of the current Welsh team come from the lower leagues, so as a Premier League player Colin has a decent chance of making the team- not only is he in the top 30 world left midfielders, but were he part of the current Welsh national team he’d be their 3rd highest ranked player. Nate might have told Colin he didn’t inspire, but Nate is clearly out of touch with all the Welsh kids who are too hipster to call Gareth Bale their favourite.

Thierry: yes, but as a sub. Goalies are tricky, and unfortunately for Zoreaux it’s unlikely he’d make it as Canada’s #1. But, he’d absolutely be a sensible choice for a reserve goalie based on his stats, and if things change he could well join the starting 11.

Jamie: yes/no/yes. Boy, the whole quitting Man City and finding it tricky to be a team player really makes it hard for Jamie. I can imagine him as frequenting the reserve bench for England in his early years, before being dropped from the roster for a while, then making a comeback to the starting 11 later on. The man’s joint 10th in the world as an attacking centre mid, and now he’s showing both commitment and maturity he’d be a great addition to England’s strong set of strikers.

Sam: soon. The only reason why I didn’t have Sam down as currently playing for his national team is because in series 1 he explicitly states it’s still a dream for his future. According to the FIFA stats he’s the 3rd highest ranked Nigerian player, and 13th in the world for his position. Sam can, should, must, and will make the national team.

Isaac: maaaaaybe. Whilst Isaac sits below the average for an England defender, he’s still well within the numerical range to make the team. I can see him being a solid choice for the national squad, but unlikely to be consistently making the starting 11.

Moe, Richard, and Jan: no. Sorry. Unfortunately for these three, their country’s teams are full of damn good players. If Moe can cash in a Scottish grandma I’m sure he’d make the national team in an instant, but he’s unlikely to be a mainstay for England.

Roy: once upon a time. I have no idea if Roy’s FIFA stats are from his prime or from his last years at Richmond, but either way Roy gives off peak “nation’s old favourite” vibes. He’s been a captain, he’s played with Chelsea in their prime, he’s respected enough to be offered a pundit position: Roy absolutely served the England team for many years. Why else would little Mancunian Jamie Tartt idolise him so?

(Disclaimer to all this: ofc I know national teams don’t pick their players based on a single number, and I haven’t been fully into football since Alan Shearer was the UK’s darling. Feel free to debate!)

#hey hey tumblr will you let this one show up in the tags #ted lasso #dani rojas #colin hughes #thierry zoreaux #jamie tartt #sam obisanya #isaac mcadoo #apologies for the lads whove seen this before

[things-about-cars-in-posts]

Suzuki Cappuccino :) or other baby roadsters

Oh, I had a post in the chamber about exactly that! :D

So, Japan is pretty densely populated. Let's put it this way: one reason the Tokyo metro area couldn't do a huge and extremely weird cultural exchange where every citizen trades place with someone from Australia, Belgium or Slovenia, is there aren't enough Australians, Belgians and Slovenians combined to do that. So you can imagine it would be pretty advantageous to public life for people to drive small cars - hence the popularity of kei cars, a car class with huge tax benefits and tiny engine and dimensions limits. Those limits, positively minuscule when they were introduced to push bike makers to use their parts to make small cars, eventually increased to a 0.66L engine size and the dimensions below...

...and in the late 80s there was a "gentleman's agreement" whereby no one would make a kei car more powerful than 64hp, similar to the other gentleman's agreement whereby they agreed not to make cars with more than 276hp - which they cleverly addressed by equipping more powerful cars, like the Skyline GT-Rs, with unusual little devices called lies.

But now it's the 1990s -contrary to popular misconceptions- and Japanese businesses and customers have a problem: what the fuck do we do with all this money?

To truly convey the desperation with which cash was being thrown around like primate feces, Mazda created FIVE sub-brands (Amati, Autozam, ɛ̃fini, Xedos, and Eunos, brand under which they sold the Miata as Eunos Roadster) AND gave the SIXTH sub-brand M2 separate headquarters - these headquarters. In Tokyo.

M2 only ever made parts and some fringe prototypes, the most it produced were three Eunos Roadster-based limited versions - they cost twice as much as the original (and for good reason - one of them used leather deemed too expensive by the only other automaker to ever use it, Rolls Royce), but because economic bubble, they were so sought after they had to set up a lottery, Andrea was telling us, and as he got to the uber-limited production numbers (a combined 780), he explained that, since of course they were only sold in Japan, there were only five in the whole of Europe. He then raised his finger and, in one of the greatest flexes I have ever witnessed, pointed it around his huge, Miata-packed shed, counting "one, two, three, four, five".

S'yah, it turns out the world's biggest Miata collection is just owned by Some Guy in the middle of Italy, and if your kid ever gets dumped it is a wonderful place to take him to cheer him back up. Thanks, dad.

So clearly, this was a point in time where even people with no need nor wish nor space for a large second car, or a large car at all, could still be interested in a sportscar, thus spawning some briefly-lived but oh-so-brightly-burning kei sportscars, nicknamed ABC.

One of them being, indeed, the Suzuki Cappuccino.

Please remember, this car is positively lilliputian. It's 3.30m long. For the yankees in the audience, that's just 0.03 football fields. Here are some fun size comparisons.

The engine was front-mid and turbocharged...

...the roof was a fun puzzle that allowed you to have a T-Top coupe (with just the sides off), a targa (with the top part of the roof removed but the rear pillar of the roof still in place) or a spider (by folding the rear pillar and window down)...

...and it was NOT exclusive to Japan, with 12% of units being sold in the UK!

But since this was clearly asked by someone quite familiar with its generalities, some less-known quirks for the geeks:

It was the first kei car ever with double wishbones all around

The indicators changed between JDM and UK versions so if you've got the latter finding spares is 10 times harder

The hood release is in the glovebox and the fuel release is in the center console storage - the latter locks with a different key than the ignition uses, so if you hand just the latter to the valet you can keep them from siphoning your gas, but I'm yet to hear whether that also goes for the glovebox, so stay tuned for updates on whether you can also keep them from siphoning your washer fluid

Air gets to the engine (well, to the turbo) through the frame. Like, it gets into the frame, it travels inside the frame, and then gets out and is filtered. Now, you may ask yourself why they would do that.

While most cars had front disc brakes at the time, the less effective but cheaper drum brakes were usually used on the rear, which was fine since when a car brakes weight transfers to the front so the front wheels are the ones that get more grip and can thus brake harder anyway - so not only do you not need the rear wheels to have the same stopping power, you don't even want them to, because then the rear wheels would lock up before the front ones even got to their full braking potential. So when the Cappuccino got four wheel disc brakes, like every other car with four wheel disc brakes, it didn't put four discs of the same size all around. Unlike every other car with four wheel disc brakes, however, they put the bigger ones at the rear. A friend who owns one called the brakes "not amazing".

Then again, let's cut them some slack, it was the second kei car ever with four wheel disc brakes! Second, yes, because the Cappuccino was not the first kei-sized sportscar.

So, remember how with Ferrari, the last car to be signed off by its founder was a mid-engined, rear-wheel-drive, manual, record-setting, no frills two-seater sportscar? Well, the Japanese being famous overachievers, that goes for Soichiro Honda's last two.

Supposedly, Honda decided that its F1 engines hadn't kicked Ferrari's ass enough, so they set out to build a car as approachable, reliable and daily-life-friendly as a Honda yet faster through both straights and corners than a Ferrari. Or a Lamborghini. Or a Porsche- you get the idea. Thus, the NSX, seen here next to it is its test driver, tuning consultant and enthusiastic owner Ayrton Senna, best known for driving the car on the left into three championship wins, a bunch of "Greatest Of All Time" debates, and a wall that killed him.

But if your second-to-last car is a two seat, mid-engined, rear wheel drive sportscar with Pininfarina design, a 40mm short-throw manual, and a redline past 8000RPM, what do you do for your last one? Easy! Another!

This little bowl of pint-sized cuteness is the Honda Beat, and yes, that interior is not just factory, but was the only pattern available. Still, if you think the interior is the most outlandish part of this car, you haven't heard it.

Again, this engine was outsized by two Coke cans and the car it's in is no bigger than the Cappuccino, and you already know how... ah, screw it, let's show you a size comparison anyway.

Some geek facts:

It was the first mid-engine monocoque (as in not body-on-frame, not un-shark-like, you pervs) spider ever made! There were some targas before, but never a full-on spider

The stereo was custom to fit in the super-narrow center console between the two asymmetrical cabin spaces so the cassette slot has the same cute little Beat logo as the "Open Air Motoring!" branded floormats!

Gathers celebrated its 20th anniversary with a new touchscreen radio for it that is now uber-rare and uber-expensive

It had two trunks, which is lovely, except that the rear one had the battery and optional CD changer conspiring against you and the front was literally inside the spare tire, so it's good that you could also get a rear rack!

The rear rims are bigger than the front!

With how much cooler this is than the Cappuccino (sorry, friend who owns one) it's quite the shame Suzuki decided not to go forward with the mid-engine layout their kei sportscar development started with. At least, Mazda sure thought as much, asking Suzuki to please keep working on that idea and make a mid-engined kei sportscar for them to sell under their brand for the youth, Autozam. And thus we have the ABC - C for Cappuccino, B for Beat...

...and A for AZ-1. Think of how cool life was in Japan back in the day that this was a car for the youth.

Fun facts:

IT HAS GULLWING FUCKING DOORS

The spare tire was mounted in the front compartment but crashing made it jam the steering wheel in your chest so they sent owners a little bag and asked them to please put that tire behind the seats

GULLWING FUCKING DOORS

Suzuki sold a few of them themselves as the Cara

G U L L W I N G D O O R S

Sadly, it joined the party (JapaneseEconomicBoomfest, that is) just when it was ending. Hell, the Beat was sold for six years ('91 through '96) and two thirds of Beats sold are 1991s. That's how hard recession hit Japan right when the AZ-1 came out, which indeed sold a fraction of the other two.

But fear not: after decades, Honda blew the dust off the kei sportscar idea in 2015 with the gloriously sexy S660.

It did cease production last year, but at least it left the Japanese used market a kei sportscar with the modern amenities we (and by we I mean you spoiled pussies) cannot do without, like steering wheel controls and *squints* HDMI.

Oh by the way, remember how I said I was going to post about the Cappuccino? Well, it was because someone posted a picture of one with aftermarket taillights.

Guess what car was next to it when this picture was taken. Guess.

WRONG.

"What? Where was this?" At a Fiat 500 meeting, of course. And then people wonder why I love Japan so much.

Links in blue are posts of mine explaining the words in question - if you liked this post, you might like those!

#fun fact about ayrton senna: when he was 25 he started dating a 15 year old! #what else can be expected from the man behind the quote “if you don't go for a gap that exists you are no longer a racing driver” #kei cars #M2 #miataland #suzuki cappuccino #honda NSX #honda beat #autozam az-1 #suzuki cara #honda S660

[leonsliga]

How to get football autographs: a crash course

Fair warning: this will be a long post.

We’ve all heard it by now: the best way to get footballer autographs is to attend open trainings or wait outside their hotels and stadiums on match days. But what if you live far away or can’t afford to fly to training or games? Not to worry! Whether you’re a collector, a fan, or a little bit of both like me, quite a few clubs are still willing to send out autograph cards, as long as you send them a stamped addressed envelope.

You’ll find helpful how-to videos on how to do just that, along with links to some country stamp websites, below. These videos actually inspired this post:

Postal service links:

United Kingdom

https://shop.royalmail.com/postage-and-packaging/first-and-second-class-stamps - You can’t print UK stamps, but you can buy them off the Royal Mail website (see above link) or off Amazon in most cases

Germany

https://shop.deutschepost.de/shop/internetmarke/selectPostageIM.jsp?invalidAccess=true#porto-international (you’ll want to buy the printable compact letter—Kompaktbrief in German—stamps for 1,70€)

Spain

https://www.correos.es/es/en/companies/send/stamps - Unfortunately, I’m completely useless at navigating the Spanish postal service (AKA Correos), but here’s the link regardless. Maybe you’ll have better luck than me 😅

France

You can buy printable stamps using the link above

Postage Questions:

What materials will I need to send a request?

You’ll need a letter containing your autograph request, 2 envelopes (one bigger and one smaller), a stamp/stamps (depending on size and weight) from your country and the stamp/stamps of the destination country.

I’ve bought my stamps. What size envelopes should I get?

I recommend getting c4 envelopes, as they’ll be big enough to hold your autograph request letter. These will be the envelopes you’ll mail out. If you go with a c4 envelope, I’d recommend purchasing c5 envelopes as your smaller envelope. These will be the envelopes the clubs return to you with the autograph cards inside, and you’ll slide them into your c4 envelope when you’re ready to mail them.

Be sure to include the club’s mailing address and your country’s stamp on the large envelope and your address + their country’s stamp on the smaller one

Where can I find a club’s mailing address?

You can usually find a club’s mailing address, along with their attitude towards fanmail, on the “contact us” tab on their webpage. If you can’t find it there, search the name of the club on fanmail.biz; they have the mailing address of just about every football club you can imagine.

What should I put in my autograph request letter?

The main thing here is to include which footballers’ autographs you want (if you don’t have a preference, you don’t have to do this; you can always say you’d be happy to add whatever player cards they’re willing to send to your collection, or something like that lol). Apart from that, what you include is entirely up to you! I wouldn’t recommend sending a super long letter, but if you want to add a personal touch, you can always mention one of your favorite memories of that club and their achievements. It doesn’t hurt to throw in a thank you at the end either :) one last note: you can address your letter to the club or the player whose autograph you’re requesting; it’s entirely up to you!

Do I have to send a stamped addressed envelope to every club?

Not necessarily. If you want to save money on stamps and envelopes, try emailing the clubs first. If you’re lucky, they’ll send the autograph cards directly to you and pay for the postage :)

Now onto the most important question: does it work? The answer is that it depends on the club you’re sending the request to and sometimes even the league they play in. I’ll break it down by league below, detailing either my own experiences writing to the club (if I’ve written to the club and heard back, I’ll state it outright) or that of YouTubers who have reached out to them. If you don’t see your club here, assume they either don’t reply to fanmail, or I haven’t heard of any success stories yet.

Premier League

Some Prem clubs still send out autographs, but not all. Here’s the ones that do:

Manchester United - pre-covid I’m pretty sure they sent out only hand-signed autographs upon request. Unfortunately, they seem to have cut back a bit on this in recent years; nowadays they tend to send a mix of hand-signed and pre-printed, facsimile signatures (this was the case for me when I wrote to them a few months ago and a few YouTubers that wrote to them as well). Still, pretty amazing given the size of the club that they’re willing to do this. As a United fan, I can’t help but feel a little proud :)

Liverpool - they definitely take the “you’ll never walk alone” motto literally, because they also still answer autograph requests with squad photos and signatures, at least as of 2021. To add a personal touch, they usually include a certificate with your name on it. Even though they’re United’s biggest rivals, I can’t help but respect them for this.

Arsenal - another big club that’s not too big for their fans; to my knowledge, they still send out hand-signed autographs. In doing research for this post, I even stumbled upon a video of someone who got an Arsenal match program, 2 squad photos, and autographs on the back of one of them. Talk about a big haul!

Tottenham - usually send pre-signed, photocopied autograph cards

Chelsea - sent out pre-signed, facsimile autograph prints as of 2021

Manchester City - sends out facsimile signatures only, according to several YouTubers (I’ve never contacted the club personally, so I’m not sure if this is still the case). If you do reach out to them, let me know what you hear back!

Crystal Palace - hit-or-miss. They tend to reply with pre-signed squad photos. They usually include a “south london and proud” bracelet from what I understand though, which is a fun perk!

West Ham - you might hear back from them, you might not (I didn’t when I tried a few months ago, but I know several other people did). If they do reply, you’ll likely receive hand-signed photos.

Aston Villa - sent out mostly pre-signed cards as of 2021

Everton - sent out predominantly hand-signed cards as of 2020

Leicester - send out a mix of photocopied and hand-signed cards, as of 2020 - they generally include player cards from the entire squad

Bournemouth - sent out pre-printed cards as of 2021

Newcastle - still sent out hand-signed photographs as of 2020

Bundesliga

If you want hand-signed autographs, look no further than the Bundesliga. In my experience, they send out the most hand-signed cards of any football league, and it’s not even close. In fact, you’d be hard pressed to find a club that doesn’t send out hand-signed cards. I’m assuming it’s the same story for the 2. Bundesliga (I know Schalke sends out hand-signed cards at the very least).

Bayern Munich - generally, they prefer you purchase cards on their website. Unfortunately, you have to be a member to buy signed cards on there; otherwise, you have to settle for pre-signed prints. That said, I’m pretty sure that if you purchase the player cards on the website and send a few back to the club to be signed, they will return them with official autographs. I sent in a request for Manuel Neuer’s autograph earlier this year and enclosed his player card, and they sent it back hand-signed. I included my membership number in my request just in case, but I know they’ve sent hand-signed autographs to non-members in the past (i.e. the YouTuber mentioned towards the beginning of this post). If you do reach out to Bayern, let me know how it goes. My fingers are crossed for you regardless 🤞

Borussia Dortmund - probably the most reliable of the Bundesliga clubs when it comes to autograph requests. They now limit you to 4 footballers per request, so you’ll have to be selective. That said, they usually reply quickly and send out hand-signed autographs every time. I have yet to hear of anyone who hasn’t received something back when they sent an autograph request to BVB.

Bayer Leverkusen - when I requested autographs from them, they sent me some back. I requested 3 players’ autographs, along with Xabi Alonso’s, and received all 4 cards back hand-signed. Quite a few YouTubers have had success hearing from them as well. Even though they’re having a fantastic season, they clearly haven’t neglected their fanmail, which is cool to see :)

Eintracht Frankfurt - sends out hand-signed autograph cards, even as of this season (they sent hand-signed cards when I reached out to them two months ago). If they’re your club, you’re in luck.

VfB Stuttgart - hand-signed cards

RB Leipzig - hand-signed cards

FC Union Berlin - hand-signed cards (I haven’t heard back from them yet, but it’s only been a week and a half at this point)

SC Freiburg - hand-signed cards

Borussia Mönchengladbach - hand-signed cards (I just heard back from them a week ago, and I think I got a mix of hand-signed cards and pre-signed prints)

FC Augsburg - hand-signed cards

SV Werder Bremen - hand-signed cards

VfL Wolfsburg - hand-signed cards

VfL Bochum - hand-signed cards, sometimes of the entire team (I received 4 cards in response to my request)

TSG Hoffenheim - hand-signed cards, often of the entire team

FC Köln - hand-signed cards

FSV Mainz - hand-signed cards, often of majority of the squad

La Liga

If you’re a fan of a Spanish club, you might be a lot less lucky, sadly. Only one club still sends out hand-signed autographs to my knowledge, and only one other club sends anything back in response to fanmail.

Real Madrid - occasionally sends out posters with pre-printed, facsimile signatures.

Sevilla - this is the club to ask for hand-signed autographs. That said, you probably won’t get more than one or two. I’d recommend being specific about which player(s)’ autographs you want in order to avoid being disappointed.

Ligue 1

Maybe the French league is more your speed. It’s a mixed bag here; while few answer fanmail, the ones that do are more often than not the most generous of any football clubs on this list.

PSG - the Parisians do still respond to autograph requests, but pretty much exclusively send out facsimile signatures.

Olympique de Marseille - have sent out pre-signed cards of their entire team in the past, along with a poster

FC Metz - sent out a mix of hand-signed autographs and pre-signed prints as of 2021

LOSC Lille - sent out autograph cards as of 2021

OGC Nice - sent out autograph cards as of 2021

RC Strasbourg - sends out autographed postcards, and if you’re lucky, they might include a squad photo and some stickers along with it :)

AS Saint-Étienne - send out hand-signed cards, although I’ve also seen them send squad photos addressed to the recipient, along with 2 issues of their club’s magazine

Eredivisie

PSV Eindhoven - sometimes send out autograph cards with facsimile signatures (pre-prints)

Swiss Super League

FC Basel - sent out hand-signed cards as of 2021

BSC Young Boys - sent out hand-signed cards as of 2021

Austrian Football Bundesliga

SK Rapid Wien - sent out hand-signed cards as of 2021

LASK - hand-signed cards (as of 2021)

Scottish Premiership

Glasgow Rangers - occasionally sends pre-signed prints (at least, as of 2021)

Ekstraklasa

All clubs listed below have sent out hand-signed autograph cards in the past:

Śląsk Wrocław

Legia Warszawa

Lech Poznań

A-League

Western Sydney Wanderers - signed squad photo

MLS

Whether you’ve got a particular club in mind or you’re just a fan of one of the big stars (i.e. Messi), you’re probably in for disappointment. Autograph collecting isn’t super big in the U.S., and MLS treats autograph requests accordingly.

Seattle Sounders - one of the only two clubs in MLS that actually sends a response to autograph requests - one lucky collector was even able to get a hat signed by the entire squad! (see here)

NYCFC - sends out hand-signed autograph cards occasionally, usually only one or two

*side note: unfortunately, it seems like most people have only reached out to European clubs, (with the exception of the A-League and MLS), so I can’t speak to whether clubs on other continents fulfill autograph requests. If you reach out to any clubs in leagues not mentioned here, let me know and I’ll update the list :)

Lingering questions:

How long does it take to hear back from clubs?

In my experience as someone living in the UK, I’ve heard back from every club I reached out to within 2-3 weeks (closer to the 2 week mark in most cases). It depends on how far away you live from the club though. I heard back from Manchester United within a week of mailing my request, but they were the exception, not the rule.

Tldr: expect to hear back within a month (maybe a month and a half in extreme cases)

Do clubs answer autograph requests during the off-season?

In my experience, no. I tried this a few years back with no success.

Can I send a shirt to be signed by a player?

I wouldn’t recommend it, as you may not get it back. If you do, the club will probably just return it to you unsigned. You’re better off just requesting an autograph card imo.

Do national teams send autograph cards?

Some do! Last I’ve heard, the German national team still answers requests with authentic signatures and the Croatian national team has sent out signed cards previously as well. The Czech Republic sends out unsigned squad cards. Last but not least, the Dutch national team has sent out fan posters in the past.

Apart from David MC’s autograph series, here’s some of the other videos that helped form this list:

#Youtube #if you do reach out to any clubs (on this list or off it) let me know how it goes :) #I plan on updating this list based on what people hear #I wish you the best of luck and would love to hear your success stories 😁 #football #premier league #bundesliga #la liga #ligue 1 #eredivisie #swiss super league #austrian bundesliga #scottish premiership #ekstraklasa #a league #mls

[kvetchinglyneurotic]

I wouldn’t mind hearing your thoughts on the reality tv fic research you’re doing, if you had any thoughts or observations you wanted to share, be they fic-related or otherwise 🌹

So the reality TV fic is really the first chapter/prologue of a longer fic that covers Jamie's reintegration into the team and developing friendship with Sam in the first half of season 2, while also having some complicated feelings about Amsterdam and his time on Lust Conquers All as Sam and Jan rope him into their effort to get the player auction during at the charity gala changed to something less terrible. While I don't necessarily think Jamie's experience on LCA was itself traumatic, the structure of reality dating shows might poke at some sore spots in a way he might not consciously register, same as the auction did in season 1. 

Unhinged ramble on reality TV dating and how it might affect Jamie under the read more:

(My research was mainly focused on Love Island UK, the real-world equivalent of LCA; however, some of the rules, filming practices, ect. are based on industry norms that I don't know for 100% certain apply to this show) 

There are some aspects of the reality TV experience that Jamie would likely be better equipped to handle than most contestants — while the producers do go out and scout people and I gather that some (or possibly most) of them are social media "micro-influencers," one of the main things they tend to struggle with is not only the sudden rise to fame and the volume of criticism that comes with it, but the fact that it's very temporary fame and they have to reintegrate into regular life and a regular job afterwards. Jamie struggles with depression after leaving LCA, but he clearly didn't put the same stock in it as a career move as most contestants do — his depression is tied to his football career (or rather, his temporary lack thereof) and his dad; LCA was primarily a way to get away from James rather than something he was invested in for its own merits or that he likely expected to have much of an impact on his life in the long term.

He also has an advantage when it comes to contract negotiations. Reality TV contracts are extremely extensive and typically involve the contestants waiving the right to sue in the event of... basically any kind of harm (emotional/psychological distress, injury, illness, death, ect), as well as their right to privacy — many shows specify that they have hidden cameras and microphones throughout the entire house, including areas like bedrooms and even bathrooms, and that they can use, edit, ect. anything they record however they want, including frankenbiting, ie cutting together snippets of audio to form sentences that the contestants never actually said — and their contact with the outside world, as contestants aren't allowed to keep their phones or go on social media. They also often tie the contestants to the production company for several months afterwards, which may involve doing public appearances or even restricting activities related to the show (this is less relevant for something like LCA, but American Idol season 2 contracts didn't let contestants sing anywhere outside the show, even at like. private gatherings with friends and family).

I imagine Jamie's contract would include a lot of these same rules, but unlike most contestants, he has an agent (even if we know the agent kind of sucks) who may have gotten him better terms. That being said, based on the way his agent talks about him going on LCA in 2x02, there is a distinct possibility that he signed on as an impulse decision and actually didn't have anyone look over the contract, so really whether or not he had an advantage here depends on how pre-meditated his decision was at the time. Another area where he has an advantage is purely demographic: he's a white man, and reality dating shows have a massive problem with racism and sexism that affects casting, how the contestants are framed once they're on the show, and even voting behaviour. 

Prospective cast members undergo a very thorough vetting process that involves a background check, medical exam, psychological evaluation, and interviews with basically everyone they've ever talked to, it seems like. How effective the psych eval is in rooting out people who are likely to be negatively affected by the show is debatable — I read an interview with a former contestant on the Bachelor who said she suspects she was chosen because she was emotionally fragile after a recent breakup with her fiancé — and they seem to be more geared towards keeping people off the show who are likely to be physically violent with the other contestants. Jamie fits the profile of someone who might be chosen pretty well, actually: he's combative and has a big enough personality to be involved in drama, but he doesn't actually start physical fights. 

Once contestants arrive, their belongings are searched for any contraband alcohol or drugs, as well as clothes with logos from non-sponsor brands. Shows generally don't allow them to keep their phones or other electronics — Love Island contestants have cellphones that they sometimes use to take pictures and where they instructions via text, but these don't appear to be their own personal phones. (Sometimes contestants appear to be posting on social media during the season, but it's actually someone else running their account.) They're also not allowed to leave the villa except on scheduled dates (some shows do allow the contestants out, but they have to ask permission first). This is... kind of creepy, honestly, but I suspect that with James being on Jamie's case the way he was after he came back to Manchester, the lack of contact with the outside world may have been part of what appealed to him.

Life in the villa is very regimented: two producers live there with them and the contestants are told when to eat and when to sleep. This is another area that Jamie might cope with better than the average contestant, since he'd be used to working with nutritionists and generally having many more aspects of his life than the general person planned out, and the dietary restrictions are likely less strict. While conversations aren't scripted, contestants are often told to go to a specific location and to have a conversation with a specific person about a specific topic, which produces the slightly odd effect that, especially in the first couple of episodes, they spent all their time analyzing their relationships/prospective relationships with people they just met and barely know. I suspect this might be part of why it's hard to build sustainable romantic relationships in this environment — obviously communicating about what everyone wants in a relationship is good, but it doesn't allow for the regular conversations that make up most of the process of getting to know and like another person.

Which brings us to: kayfabe. Kayfabe is a wrestling term which refers to the implicit agreement between wrestlers and their fans to act as though the staged performances are authentic. Part of what I suspected tripped Jamie up during his stint on LCA and got him kicked off is that he's... not great at this part. He'd probably have some form of PR training and he has experience doing brand deals, but ultimately footballers don't have to pretend they're doing anything other than trying to win. Reality dating contestants can't say that they're there to build their brand or win the cash prize; the only motivation they can publicly acknowledge (not contractually, just in terms of coming off well to the audience) is finding love, and I suspect that Jamie was maybe a bit more obvious than he should have been about the fact that he approached it as a competition more than as an opportunity to find a relationship, which I don't think he was actually interested in at that point (or at any point, for the aro Jamie truthers among us).

There's also a bit of a tension between the producers' putative goal of capturing authentic reactions and creating certain storylines. The result is that they try to elicit certain reactions during the talking head interviews without stating outright what they want the contestant to say, and I suspect Jamie and the producers would find each other frustrating to deal with given his blunt approach to social interaction and difficulty with subtext and other forms of indirect communication. Similarly, interactions between the contestants — particularly the contestants of opposite genders — are governed by a set of extremely heteronormative social norms in which the contestants reaffirm their relationships through by, for instance, acting jealous or worried when their current partner is talking to another person as a sign that they're serious about the relationship. In addition to just generally not being a sexist dick even in his prick era, he is, again, just not that great with subtext. Ultimately, I think Jamie attracts the public's ire because he's too obvious about the fact that he's approaching LCA as a game to be won — while viewers are generally aware that reality TV is constructed, the contestants acknowledging that damages their popularity.

And now onto the potentially triggering stuff. First up: the alcohol. Most reality dating shows involve a lot of drinking, although instances of light drinking (eg sipping on champaign, drinking beer on dates) are generally more common than heavy drinking like taking shots or the contestants being shown to be very drunk, though it does happen. Some shows have an open bar, while others control the consumption of alcohol more closely and only give the contestants one bottle at a time. Contestants on Love Island are often shown drinking (usually champaign, or at least something in champaign flutes) from what appears to be an open bar, but I'm not sure which approach they actually use. I've seen some former contestants (on The Bachelor, not Love Island) attribute the frequency with which everyone drinks to the fact that they don't really have anything to do besides interact with the other contestants, get involved in drama, and drink — they don't have personal electronics, obviously, but they also aren't allowed to bring books or other forms of entertainment. Jamie does drink in canon and he goes out clubbing with his teammates, but the consistency with which everyone is drinking and the potential pressure to drink more himself as a result might make it feel a bit more fraught, particularly if part of the reason he doesn't remember losing his virginity in Amsterdam is because James forced him to drink.

Second: consent in reality dating shows is... weird. Once they sign the contract and enter the villa, the contestants pushed — though not technically legally required — to engage in various forms of intimacy which in any other situation would be considered pretty clear violations of their consent. Couples are formed unilaterally: in the season of Love Island that I watched (season 8), the initial couples were chosen by the voting public, and couples are re-formed in ceremonies in which, for instance, a newly arrived man choses between the two single women and the one who isn't chosen is sent home (or vice versa). In essence, only one member of the couple (or neither, in the case of public voting) actually has a say in whether they want to be with the other person. These couples then sleep in the same bed (in a room they share with all the other contestants), and the challenges similarly often involve one contestant choosing another to kiss, offer a lap dance, demonstrate their favourite sexual position, or perform other forms of intimacy (these examples are all from the first challenge of the first episode of season 8). In essence, while the contestants could technically refuse, they probably also wouldn't be on the show for long, and the whole thing is very much built on the presumption of consent to these more "mild" forms of intimacy. 

Other Things: 

Part way through, the men are sent to a different villa where they meet a new set of women, while the women stay at the original villa and meet a new set of men. I imagine the Jamie cheating on Amy with Denise in a hot tub incident probably occurred during something like this. 

For some reason the announcer always calls them "boys" and "girls." He does it for both genders so at least it's not sexist, but I still don't like it. 

If you want to read more about consent in reality TV dating, I found this chapter very interesting: Sreyashi Mukherjee and Dacia Pajé, "'You Can't Force Someone to Want You': Investigating Consent, Tokenism, and Play in Reality Dating Shows," in The Forgotten Victims of Sexual Violence in Film, Television and New Media: Turning to the Margins, ed. Stephanie Patrick and Mythili Rajiva (Palgrave Macmillan) [tried to attach the pdf but I got it through institutional access from my university and it won't let me 😞)

#lust conquers all #jamie tartt #it's so long i'm sorry #asks #i love when someone asks me about something i wanted to ramble about anyway #kvetch oc

[b00tyliciousbabe]

Guys who could rearrange and flood my guts…pt 1

Welcome to the new hit series, “Guys who I need to clap tf out of my fat ass cheeks.” DISCLAIMER: do not judge me, i fantasise a lot but (unfortunately) irl I ain’t done anything (yet 🤭)

Logan Mandeville

WARNING: THIS IS LONG AF AND NOT PROOFREAD BUT ENJOY.

This guy just gives off BDE, I mean look at him; the toned abs, the strong arms, the body hair - he’s a fucking unit. In my opinion, he’s ugly hot as well, one of my biggest weaknesses. I’m from the UK and he legit looks like one of those white chavs/roadmen that would spark you if you even looked at them, and I find that so attractive. Ughhh I can just imagine him talking so tough and chavvy 😩 but at the same time I can picture him with a Boston accent and that literally makes me wanna suck the soul out of his dick. I kinda think I’m projecting my dream guy qualities onto him because I find him so leng but idc because I love it MWAHAHAAAA

Keeping the roadman aesthetic, I keep fantasing abt sucking him off in his tracksuit and eventually him piping me on the hood of his car. Let’s visualise, he looks like a Liam so for the sake of smut that’s what we are gonna call him…

(setting the scene: you guys are at a party)

It was a cool autumn night,

“Babe you look so fit tonight.” Your boyfriend said grabbing your waist and pulling your lips together. He had always loved seeing you in his brown leather jacket, it looked so big on you, but everyone loved how you styled the look. The kiss lasted for what felt like forever. The lights, the music, the people all drowned out, the only think that mattered rn was the two of you. “So do you,” you said as he stopped tongue fucking your mouth.

See the relationship u had with him was something special. From the moment he laid eyes on you, Liam wanted you to be his. Everyone at school loved you - the nerds, the band kids, the cheerleaders even the students who were basically alienated. What wasn’t to love? All of them…except the homophobes 🤮🤮, and since Liam was captain of the football team, he was guilty by association. That didn’t stop you from finding him attractive. You guys were never even meant to meet. But the day your lives became the storyline of an American teen show and he needed to raise his grade in English, was the day you both SAW each other.

“I’m never going to be as smart as you, no one can compare to the way you are.” Liam told you, and if you weren’t black, you would’ve even as bright as a tomato. “Look at me, you are gonna ace that test, you’re smarter than you give yourself credit for Li” You smiled at him, the eye contact just increasing the sexual tension between you two. “Tell you what,” he said licking his lips whilst staring at you twirling your hair and marking his essay, “if I pass this exam” “WHENNN” you interrupted, “when I pass this exam, would you wanna, maybe go on a date?” You smiled at him so innocently, “Of course, but it means you have to get at least 70%” “70%!! I’m barely pushing 50, omds.” Stop talking negatively, i want you to pass more than you think I do, now more than ever” I defended as Liam smirked at your newfound interest in being with him. Your bf went onto get a 87% in the exam, 2nd highest to ur 98%, and ofc that meant you had to go on a date.

(BACK TO THE STORY) you left him to chat to his teammates who loved your relationship, talk abt growth 👏👏 you went to talk to some of your best friends and the vibe was just so good. Everyone was dancing to the Weeknd. It was crazy in a good way obv. All of a sudden the captain of your school’s rival team starts touching on you. “yooo chill, don’t touch on me like that,” you said and your friends helped you to forget about him. “He’s such a perv, as if you would do anything,” they said “I know right, like I know I look good but come on” you attested. But he didn’t stop and Liam could see you were uncomfortable from the other side of the room. He stared with anger, as he downed his shot of whiskey. He moved towards you. “Is there a problem here babe,” he kissed your cheek as he hugged you from behind. “Nah, Li there’s no issue,” you smiled smugly at the dickhead who tried moving to you. “Can we go love?” You stared up at him. “Of course.” He said gripping your waist tighter, your eyes calming him down. You held his hand, rubbing his forearm to soothe him. “Yh Liam, listen to your lil (f-slur) bitch,” The whole party turned silent. He stopped walking, and you looked back at him to see he was fuming. “Li-Li, just ignore him,” you said with teary ish eyes and shallowed breath. He wiped your cheek. “You go I’ll see you in a bit,” He signalled to your friends to take you outside. “No, I ain’t leaving without you” you gripped his hand. “Babe, I’ll be out in a minute, just go”. Your friends helped you get out of there. The rest was a blur; You remember that your man walked out of that house with a bloodied shirt and blood covered broken knuckles, but at least he was consciously walking, and didn’t have to spend 6 months on life support, limping with a leg that would never kick the same. But hey, no one messes with you.

#gay #smut