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todayisafridaynight · 9 months

Note

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

#long post #cw csa #doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags....#i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately #snap chats #THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts..#im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4..#UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit #I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby #and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them #i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth..#even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them #i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics #so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects #tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine #the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ??#in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less #when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense #THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato #even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre #cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist #but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi #BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY #childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️#tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL #i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good #so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty...#forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still..#im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That

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mememan93 · 1 year

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My toxic trait is that i genuinely love hyrule warriors with all my heart and think it is genuinely the best warriors games out of the ones i've played.

#I fucking LOVE hw #i wanna get it on switch too #i have it on wii u (that's for playing with my sister when she's home) on 3ds (that's me :)) and now i want it on switch #hyrule warriors #Warriors games i've played from best to not best: OG HW; Fe3hopes; HWAOC #disclaimer: i don't have HWAOC dlc #Fe3hopes and Hwaoc were fun but idk they kinda annoyed me with their stories; especially Fe3hopes. also uh. frame drops. massive frame drop #only time my switch ever crashed is right after zelda unlocked her powers

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violetheart77 · 1 year

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#if you’re one of my mutuals in one fandom but not the other: consider this a recommendation to watch the other series! :D #(*Disclaimer for GF mutuals tho: if you wanna get the most out of NMT2 there’s other stories that came out first #starting with The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals and then Black Friday #BUT if you don’t wanna sit through hours of other stuff first the good news is each story in Nightmare Time is (mostly) self-contained!#and also the entire series + all of Starkid’s other musicals are FREE to watch on their Youtube!!!! :D #oh but also Fair Warning that there’s uh. lots of ACTUAL Character Death** + plenty other stuff that would make Disney S&P utterly implode.#**But if your favorite character dies just move to The Next Story! (you’ll see))#anyway enough of my rambling #gravity falls #nightmare time 2 #nightmare time season 2 #nmt2 #nightmare time #hatchetfield #polls #tumblr polls #i write shitpolls not tragedies #hatchetfield falls

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isabelguerra · 1 year

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okay yeah sorry i am Eternally gonna make fun of johnny ‘i didn’t getta good peep at any of em sides max an the ginger’ jhonny:

looking Directly At the last remaining photo member while the car passes by AS SHE SITS lNBETWEEN MAX AND THE GINGER

proceeding to be her rival hitball captain for literally 80 pages

noticing her trying suspiciously hard to end the hitball game against suspiciously-acting jeff

but ed is STILL the first one he recognizes

#paranatural #i love pnat but im not gonna lie this area of zacks writing falls so flat for me. its not even a ‘boo my faves aren’t interacting’ situation #disclaimer. this time it 100% is a dunking on pnat post. i still mean it in a fun lighthearted way but like come on. cringe #its just like. he saw isabels whole entire face. shouldnt that be relevant somehow. shouldnt that be something i should worry about plotwise #‘i disnt get a good look at them’ YOU LOOKED DIRECTLY AT HER SHE WAS RIGHT THERE…. AND THEN YOU PLYED HITBALL AGAINST HER FOR TWO YEARS #YOU ARE A LIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOK AT ISABELno im gonna save that for a post thats too funny to leave in tags #WRITE ISABEL BACK INTO THE NARRATIVE GET HER KN THERE!!!!!#i dont WANT a ‘happy ch5 ending everything is ok’ scenario i want to be thinking ‘UH OHHHH ISABEL WATCH OUT GIRL!!!!’ i have to do everythin #g around here smh… anyway new fic dropping this week

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bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue · 7 months

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For the ask game!

🏳️‍🌈

I got the notification and decided to send an ask before I forgot :3

Awww, thank you so much!!! I’m so honored :)

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

Uh…kinda! Right now I identify as “asexual???????”, complete with all those question marks after it. I’m still in the process of figuring out my identity, but for now that’s what I tentatively feel comfortable with—and it is part of LGBTQIA+!

Thanks again for the ask!

[~💖 Ask Game 💖~]

#fun fact: i first encountered the word ‘asexual’ at age 12 and wondered if that was what i was #but i understood that lots of people hadn’t had crushes or romantic relationships yet at age 12 #so i decided that i could call myself asexual if i still hadn’t had a crush yet by the time i was 17 #(i don’t know why 17—it was a pretty arbitrary number—but that’s what my 12-year-old self decided)#(i think a little later i read the book ‘tash hearts tolstoy’ which had a 17yo asexual protagonist so that may have contributed)#and now here i am—19 and never having fallen in love with anyone of any gender in my life #not counting unattainable fictional/celebrity crushes #(some of which i think were just obsessions/hyperfixation feelings i couldn’t properly put a name to)#so uh…there’s that for my 12-year-old self #this may change when i’m older. it may not. we’ll see #for now i’m okay with identifying myself as asexual #(with of course a million disclaimers and question marks because i’m me)#ask #answered #hoiimtemmi #lgbt+#asexual #~💖 ask game 💖~#just ‘maya overshares in general’

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pocket-prosecutor · 2 years

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this started as an incoherent rant in the server but now I'm obsessed so have a Wereshifer Miles AU one-shot (tl;dr: Edgeworth shrinks to about 6 inches every time the sun goes down)

set after the timeskip in AA5. Edgeworth and Wright live together. Edgeworth's nightly shrinking is part of their routine at this point.

the part with Phoenix getting back on the couch and talking about how Miles makes him feel is a bit that @callie-flower came up with in the server and I really wanted to use that ahh ;;;

--------------------------------------

They were sitting on the couch after work. It was a nice day, with the late evening sun still filling the room with a golden glow. In the back, a record player was playing a slow, soothing album.

Suddenly, Phoenix shot up. He looked at Edgeworth with eager eyes.

"Wright, what is-"

"Dance with me."

"W...Now? The sun is almost down, I don't think- h-hey!"

Before Edgeworth could say more, Phoenix pulled him from the couch.

"Just for a bit. Come on, we rarely do this."

Edgeworth stared at Phoenix for a few seconds before smiling and complying to his request.

"Alright, just for a bit then."

They held each other and slow-danced to the music playing in the room for a few minutes, relishing the closeness of the other.

"...Phoenix, it's time, we should st-"

But Phoenix pulled Edgeworth closer, locking eyes with him.

"Phoe- please I'm already losing height."

"Just a little more, Miles."

Edgeworth was making a second attempt to get back to sitting down in a safer spot. But Phoenix wasn't about to let go.

Then it clicked.

"Oh."

Edgeworth relaxed. They kept dancing, although Phoenix had to adjust the way he held his partner as he slowly shrunk down. Phoenix realised it must have looked somewhat silly, but he didn't care.

Within a minute, Edgeworth was too small to even hold Phoenix in his arms. Yet Phoenix was not ready to let go. He picked Edgeworth up the moment he was small enough. Edgeworth looked at him with surprised eyes. He lost the last few inches of his height whilst being held in Phoenix's hands, who had never held Edgeworth while he shrunk before. The experience took them both a little aback.

"I could hold you like this forever, you know." Phoenix said, breaking a short silence.

Edgeworth wasn't sure what to say. He adjusted his position to lay more stable in Phoenix's hands. Then he looked up. Their eyes locked again and Edgeworth took in the sight of Phoenix's face so up close.

He let out a sigh. "Your freckles are exceptionally visible from here." he said half seriously, to break the awkward tension he felt.

Phoenix's heart skipped a beat. Now he was the one who was at a loss of words. He'd held Edgeworth before at nights, but that was mostly to help him get around the house. The sight of his partner laying down in his hands. So small and fragile. And Miles literally trusted him with his whole life in this moment.

Eventually he managed to utter: "God, I want to kiss you so badly right now."

"You- What now?"

"... please?"

Again, Edgeworth was unsure what to say. What was Phoenix thinking? This was one of the worst moments for Phoenix to play the romantic fool.

Wasn't it?

...

Edgeworth smiled.

"Okay."

"Wait really?"

He stood up in Phoenix's palms and nodded. "Really."

Phoenix didn't wait until Edgeworth could change his mind. He brought his hands closer to his face as gently as possible. His lips covered Edgeworth's entire face, and Edgeworth tried his best not to fall over. To keep his balance, he wrapped his arms around Phoenix's cheeks, and kissed him back as well as he could despite his size.

Phoenix gently drew back his hands, which made Edgeworth fall over on his palms. As he laid there, staring at Phoenix, he smiled.

"The song stopped playing already, you know."

"I don't care." As Phoenix said that, he cupped Edgeworth against his chest and moved to music that was not longer playing. Edgeworth listened to Phoenix's heartbeat and relaxed.

When Phoenix was done, he fell back on the couch, keeping Edgeworth close to his chest.

"Do you hear that Miles? This is how you make me feel all the time."

Edgeworth moved to lay on his back on Phoenix's chest and let out a heavy sigh. He never thought of shrinking every night as anything positive. It was always a burden to him, and now he often felt like a burden to Phoenix. Being showered in affection like this felt...good.

Really good.

Maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

They sat like this for a while, both contemplating what just happened, until one of them spoke up:

"We could do this more often."

#wereshifter miles au #aa gt #aa g/t #g/t #my stuff #where Miles gets interupted by Phoenix like 5 times #theyre dancing to Like Real People Do obviously #because i can never be normal when that song comes on #how many awkward silences can i add in 5 sentences? the answer will surprise you #i passed out a few times writing this #Phoenix picking up a shrinking Edgeworth: idk i didnt think id get this far #oh to dance with a tiny to kiss the tiny and oh to share a moment of intimacy with the tiny #between them Phoenix is defintely the more romantic one and Edgeworth the one who goes along with it bc !! husband moments #referring to Phoenix by his first name and Edgeworth by his last idk that feels less jarring to me #also disclaimer: i havent played aa5 yet lmao #this is entirely based on what i see in fanworks #ppl seem to put them down a bit more romantic and mature so im going from there #it's up to you to decide who says the very last sentence btw i think it both fits #after this Edgeworth gets more comfortable with uh. intimacy. after he shrinks #ok i went through this so many times already i think it looks good. i just need to blow life into this idea #im so obsessed with it

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ratgirlcopia · 8 months

Text

every night i sit in my study by candlelight writing ghost ministry gender theory on my antique typewriter so that i can explain it to the five people gathering at the town hall. who read my posts about how copia experiences misogyny.

#copiaposting #i really believe in the ministry Not being like. cool gender utopia.#like i think they're on paper normal about trans people but still have pretty strict gender roles that get brushed under the rug.#rubs my hands all over the version of the ministry that exists in my head.#but tbh this seems uh. canon compliant to me.#my only contribution here is just. saying that copia has a rough time on account of sometimes being a woman.#copia is so gender to me you don't understand. i mean some of you do definitely understand. but. but.#“how does secondo factor into this”#secondo is on dozens of levels of stone butch blues and nihil literally does not remember the agabs of his own children.#secondo is not having a good time + avoids nihil like the plague + knows he would probably not be able to stick around if nihil knew.#“hey vinny when you get into ghost you're actually going to have a mind break and start making it about stone butch blues”#wish someone had told me this. months ago. i would have blocked them.#i need to make another emoji ask post i'm in gender mode.#obligatory “this is all because of the heatwave” disclaimer.

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agallimaufryofoddments · 1 year

Text

Hypothetically Heckling Hyperbolically

Scene: If Huey had been a couple years younger and able to overhear Ronny and Elmer’s peri-drowning conversation...

⁂

(TL;DR)

Ronny: Magic mirror of the sea, who is the unlikeliest to smile besides me?

Huey: Me.

Elmer: True that. Psyche! It’s me.

Ronny: Shit.

Elmer: Cope. I do. Anyway, you’re going to make Maiza smile, and you’re gonna like it. You’ll like it till you drop dead from smiling!

⁂

Ronny: Mortal, I can grant you power beyond your wildest dreams. Perfect immortality. Freezing time. Extreme farsightedness. Command over the human race. Money go brr. Anything. Anything! Think big. Bigger. BIGGER. Think deep.

“After thinking for a little while...”

Elmer: s m i l e

Ronny: Elaborate.

Elmer: Laugh from the bottom of your heart, at the top of your lungs, like you’re having fun, like you’re overjoyed. Woo me like one of your French girls, bright-eyed, rosy-cheeked, lips parted just so in the latest fashion of joie de vivre. Tell me how you smile, you who are called a demon, and what makes you really and truly happy.

Ronny: What? No. Who are you.

Huey: Addict. Smile Junkie. Joyster.

Ronny: Listen. Before you are two buttons. The red one can get you permanently clean on the spot. The blue one gets you a one-time BSOD except the :( is a :). Choose wisely.

Elmer: :)

Ronny:

Ronny: This is the most difficult, most challenging, most unfeasible wish ever asked of me. You ask for what is impossible now, nigh impossible in the near future, and forever the unlikeliest of the unlikely to occur.

Huey: Oh, God, don’t encourage him.

Elmer: so what I’m hearing is that there’s a chance

Huey: Elmer, remember when I asked you “would a man who had no personal experience with happy smiles be able to give them to others?” and you went ‘point taken?’ Think carefully.

Elmer: So, what you want to do, Ron, what you do in this sort of situations is you attach yourself to someone else in similar smileless straits, straits sans smiles to quote your French girls, and you make them your pet—pet project, yeah, and you just, you know, do what it takes until they give you a laugh right from the gut. Ron, I betcha anything you’ll be able to smile after that, I mean, we’re talking my tried and true methods here. And partner, if we reunite, smile then, because you owe me—I love ya, Ron, but I’ll find you, and you’d better be glad that you met me again. ‘I can smile now! How d’ya like them apples?!’ …I’ll even take a reason like that, so please, show me your smile.

Ronny: Methods?

Huey: His only one.

Ronny: Has it ever worked?

Huey: No.

Elmer: It worked on you.

Huey: You know which party he meant.

Elmer: Look, I was going to suggest that Ronny stick close to Maiza, what with the dead brother and other dead so-and-sos being a real bummer and all, but... I guess I could wish for Ronny to tag alone with me until I smile for real instead...

Ronny: Wait. Hold on. Wait, demon, there’s still time to change my wish—I hadn’t pressed it y—Maiza! I wish for Maiza! My mind is made up.

Elmer: Ah, you’ve chosen the blue button after all. I figured you would.

Huey: Dare I ask why you didn’t wish for my smile?

Elmer: Well... When weighing my options, I like to choose the one that has the highest chance of succeeding.

Huey: So that’s why you didn’t wish for a genuine smile to call your own, Mr. Empty Ending?!

Elmer: Words can’t hurt me :). Not if I’m empty, right? You should try it sometime oh wait you are. What was that about failed methods, again? Cheer up! You know you want to you. You’ll never best me in the sans émotions racket, so you may as well give up and smile. Come on. Give up. Embrace failure. It’s futile to grieve the dead, but to be so delusional as to try and Lazarus-Frankenstein your wife when not even Ronny can? Move on. Smile for me like your French mother.

Ronny: Mortal, heed me as I literally drown out your words via an ocean of hurt.

Elmer: Huey’s mom :) would know :) a thing or two about that :). Hey, Huey, look to your right, I think I can see Monica from here! Smile and wave!

Huey: The line is breaking up—sounds—gargling?—can’t hear—

Elmer: Remember, demon, that with but a smile you summon meeeee!

#Baccano!#Baccano #Ronny Schiatto #Huey Laforet #Elmer C. Albatross #Frankenstein won't be written for another 107 years of course.#I know my comedic exchanges are not -uh- funny (see those immortals superlatives reblogs) but I couldn't resist writing this one out.#I was jotting down some thoughts about Elmer not taking advantage of B!'s three Ds of insta-rewards (devouring / demon's wish / drugs) okay #and when I was reviewing the nitty-gritty of the wish itself—where Ronny can't smile on command #so Elmer gives him the hang with and help out Maiza condition with the reasoning that Ronny will smile at the end of it—#I realized :Oh. Elmer you absolute cad. That's your thing. The only thing you ever seem to try these days AND HOW'S THAT WORKED OUT?#Then there's Ronny (making the mistake of) admitting the wish is uniquely difficult. Uh oh.#Elmer *thrives* off the challenging cases. The worst of the problem children. Why? Because *he* is The Most Challenging Case of All.#I have thousands of words of notes/draft fragments for a write-up about how Elmer is drawn to and fixates on the series' mini-Elmers.#Anyway I reread Ronny's 'it's too difficult' objection and could HEAR Huey say you poor stupid fool you've encouraged him #next thing you know I abandon the notes-jotting to spend way too much time writing this post #disclaimer: Huey and his mother are never said to be living in a French village.

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