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weirdtransguy6 hours ago
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Vanya after getting locked in the soundproof cell:
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crayondoe17 hours ago
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Oscar:聽When I was a kid, Otto told me that the paper strip that鈥檚 in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.
Axel:聽They are!
Oscar:聽FOR REAL?
Axel:聽No! Why did you fall for it聽again?
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captain-valkyrie17 hours ago
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10 Days of Five Being a Total Sweetheart for His Partner
This is going to be a series. Each one is about a hundred words.
Five looked down at you curled up at his side as the end credits of the movie rolled. It was a rainy Saturday evening, which meant movie night for the both of you.
You were sound asleep, so Five was extra careful to not move. Eventually, he just gave up and stood, slowly laying you across the sofa. Returning to the room with a blanket, he placed it over your sleeping form.
It felt wrong to sleep in the bed while you were on the couch, so he brought a few pillows and a blanket and spread it out on the floor.
It was fine. He wouldn't have been able to sleep in the bed without you anyway.
TUA Tags: @zerocanonlywriteshit @i-heart-fictional-boys
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bbluepparadise1617 hours ago
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Happy Father鈥檚 Day to your dads and all other dads out there!! 馃帀馃帀
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captain-valkyrie20 hours ago
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Hostage
Hii, how are you? Can you pls do a five imagine where he enters the place where the enemy from the umbrella academy lives (the place might be like commission) and he tries to find the enemy's child to take revenge through her or him (kidnapping or something like that, like he always does). and when he enters one of the rooms of the place and finds the y/n, he realizes that the enemy's daughter is just an innocent in the middle of it all, it's not as bad as he thought, then he's a bit awkward to instruct her as a "hostage" lol would be a funny scene, even. you can make a sweeter y/n for this one? I think this personality would make the imagine even funnier and it would make things difficult for five lol
Five and the reader are both 17 here.
"Hey assholes, I'm in." Five gritted through a comm to his siblings. They were all arguing and didn't pay attention to him finally getting into the drug lord's house.
It was absurdly big. He almost rolled his eyes at the extravagance, before reminding himself that he lived in a place quite similar to this one. But that was his father's doing. Not his.
He trudged up the stairs, consulting the map he had drawn the last time he had been here. The Hargreeves siblings were hoping to end the biggest drug dealer in the city's illegal business.
It was Diego who suggested that they take the drug lord's daughter, Y/N, hostage. The man might be a great many things, but he loved his daughter. Five couldn't help but wonder how it was to have a dad that actually cared.
The second floor of Mr. Thompson's house was where his daughter's room was. Quietly opening the door, he stepped inside.
Five was surprised by what he saw. A girl--no more than his own age--was sprawled across the bed, reading a book. She seemed far too calm, and looked way too innocent for her father to be this dangerous of a man.
She was so absorbed in her book that she hadn't heard him coming, until he stepped into her line of vision and waved awkwardly. He cringed at himself immediately. Who says hello to their hostages?
She nonchalantly waved back and went back to her reading. "My father's not here, if you're going to ask."
Five cleared his throat. This girl was how he wished more than half his hostages were: cool, calm, and collected, despite the imminent danger. But that was concerning, really. Where were the tantrums? The crying? The screaming?"
"No, I came to see you, actually. I mean--to take you with me. As my captive," He said, putting on a tough facade.
Y/N rolled her eyes and stood up, somewhat reluctantly. "Alright, alright. I always tell Daddy that this sort of thing happens whenever he leaves, but he never seems to listen. But since you look a little scrawnier than any of my other kidnappers, I suppose I could beat you in a fistfight if I needed to." She said, looking him up and down, just a tad judgingly.
"You've been kidnapped before? That seems like a fun story to tell at parties." He said, walking her out of her room like she was a friend and not his leverage. His every instinct was in fire, telling him to be on his guard. But there was just something about this sweet girl that made his whole mind shut down.
"This is the--" She counted on her fingers--"sixth time, actually. Last two times I escaped before my father even got there. I really did want to indulge the poor thugs who kidnapped me for a while, but they were being so insufferable." Y/N gave him a playful smile.
"Wow. As the daughter of a drug dealer, you've seen some crazy stuff, huh?" Five intoned. Thank god he hadn't underestimated her by how sweet she looked, because he might have been in some trouble.
Y/N made a face. "My dad's business is not something I get myself involved with. He does his own thing, and I do mine, you know?"
Five coughed. "I don't, actually. My dad was never really what you'd call the most loving man in the world."
She looked down. "I'm sorry."
Five shrugged it off. "It's fine. None of us really cared about him anyway."
"Us? You've got siblings?" She asked, pretty E/C eyes wide. "All my life, it's always been just me. Tell me about them!"
She looked so happy that Five decided to indulge her for a while.
About an hour later, she was still curled up across his lap and laughing at Klaus' antics. And he was still staring at the gorgeous smile on her face.
"Aren't I supposed to be your hostage?" She asked playfully. Five grinned back. "I like to make sure my hostages don't get bored. So I tell them crazy stories. Perks of the job, you know."
She smiled softly, and sat up. "All your hostages? Or just me?" She whispered, and Five swore the room became 10 times smaller.
He pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "Just you," Five whispered back.
Hope you liked it anon, love you! This was so fun to write!
TUA Tags: @zerocanonlywriteshit @i-heart-fictional-boys
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captain-valkyriea day ago
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10 Days of Five Being a Total Sweetheart for His Partner
This is going to be a series. Each one is about a hundred words.
"Kill me now." You groaned, flopping down onto the sofa. You had just come home after a long day, and Five was sprawled across the floor as always: Reading a book with soft rock playing in the background.
"The offer is tempting, but it'd be too much paperwork," He sighed, shutting the book and sitting up. "Want to tell me what's wrong?"
"Nothing, unless you count shitty co-workers and absurdly long hours." You replied, taking a sip of your water.
Five stared at you for a moment. And then he sighed, somewhat lightheartedly. "Go take a shower. I'll put some coffee on." He ordered, giving you one of his 'do-as-Five-says' looks.
You smiled.
TUA Tags: @zerocanonlywriteshit @i-heart-fictional-boys
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c0ffeeb1ack2 days ago
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the hargreeves at the end of s2: time to go home to 2019, which will be exactly the same as how we left it, since clearly none of the fucking insane shit we did in the 60s will have affected the timeline at all whatsoever :)
the sparrows:
the hargreeves:
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captain-valkyrie2 days ago
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Date Night
Five Hargreeves x Reader
"Do you--maybe-- want to go on a date with me tonight?" Five asked, looking at the floor and scratching his neck.
You gave him a funny look. "Do you have temporary amnesia or something? We've been dating for 2 years."
He gave an exasperated sigh. "No, I'm asking if you'd maybe want to go on a date tonight. Like the cute shit other couples do, like going to restaurants and stuff."
You smiled sightly. "You mean like a date night?"
He nodded. "Yeah."
15 minutes later, you and Five were in his car, waiting at the red light. He seemed a little nervous, you thought. He was jiggling his leg, jumpier than you had ever seen him. Was it the pressure of being around other people?
Screw what other people did.
"Hey," you spoke softly, touching his knee. "We don't have to do this. We can go home if you want."
He shook his head.
"You're not comfortable with this." You stated.
Five couldn't deny that.
"So turn the car around. Let's change into our pajamas and order takeout and look for a true crime documentary to watch. Just like we do every other night." You encouraged. Five immediately felt himself relax at the mention of a date night at home, with you, alone. Just the both of you.
And so he did just that. He turned the car around and drove the both of you back home. Then you pulled out your phone and ordered Indian food and he picked out a documentary while you were waiting for your food to arrive.
He and you ended up falling asleep on the couch. There was this hazy glow of happiness that made it hard for Five to think about anything else other than how at peace he felt that night, but he did vaguely remember thinking about how this was how it ought to be.
Every single night.
TUA Tags: @zerocanonlywriteshit @i-heart-fictional-boys
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captain-valkyrie2 days ago
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It's You I Need Tonight
Five Hargreeves x Reader
It was 1 am, and you were sprawled on your couch watching a documentary. You weren't involved in it very much, because Five was due to come back from a mission soon.
Sure enough, a few minutes later, a blue light took your attention away from the TV and to the source of it. Five was standing in your living room, a little beat up, hair messy, and the rare streaks of blood--not his, you hoped--on his face.
He narrowed his eyes at you. "Is that my shirt?"
You smiled slightly. "I must have--ah, misappropriated it. How'd the mission go?"
Five's expression changed to a more solemn one, and you stood up from your position on the couch.
"Not--not bad," He said hesitantly. You put your arms around him.
"It's Vanya. She's-" He sucked in a breath. "Well, she got a little hurt. A lot hurt. "
"Oh." You breathed, your voice small. "You know, it's alright if you want to stay over at the Academy tonight?" You asked. Vanya was Five's favorite sibling. She meant tons to him. You knew that.
He shook his head, almost too fast. "No." He said, voice shaking ever so slightly. "It's--It's you I need tonight."
TUA Tags: @zerocanonlywriteshit @i-heart-fictional-boys
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lvlofpanic2 days ago
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Devotion Season One Trailer 2 | F.H
Five Hargreeves X Fem!Reader (Series)
Summary: In which the Hargreeves siblings come together to stop the end of the world.
Disclaimer: I don鈥檛 own the Umbrella Academy. All rights go to the creators of the show, the comics and everyone in between. Gifs used in these chapters are NOT mine and are/were found on Pinterest.
Warnings: Cursing, Sex, Nudity, Violence, Gore, Alcohol, Drugs, Smoking, Intense Scenes, and Abuse (if I missed any let me know)
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鈥 饾檸饾櫇饾櫔饾櫓 饾櫔饾櫏 饾櫖饾櫈饾櫋饾櫋 饾櫘饾櫎饾櫔? 鈥
鈥 饾槇饾槾饾槾饾槱饾槹饾槶饾槮. 鈥
鈥 饾樈饾櫈饾櫓饾櫂饾櫇. 鈥
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" 饾槡饾槱饾槳饾樀, 饾槏饾槳饾樂饾槮, 饾樅饾槹饾樁 饾槰饾槹饾樀饾樀饾槩 饾槵饾槮饾槮饾槺 饾槪饾槼饾槮饾槩饾樀饾槱饾槳饾槸饾槰 饾槩饾槸饾槬 饾槾饾樀饾槩饾樅 饾槫饾槩饾槶饾槷. "
" 饾檾饾櫎饾櫔 饾櫇饾櫀饾櫕饾櫄 饾櫓饾櫎 饾櫊饾櫄饾櫄饾櫏 饾櫆饾櫎饾櫈饾櫍饾櫆. 饾檸饾櫎... 饾櫂饾櫋饾櫎饾櫒饾櫄. "
" 饾槏饾槳饾樂饾槮. 饾槏饾槳饾樂饾槮! "
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" 饾槜饾槼饾槹饾槪饾槩饾槪饾槶饾樅 饾槷饾樁饾槼饾槬饾槮饾槼. "
" 饾檲饾櫔饾櫑饾櫃饾櫄饾櫑. "
" 饾構饾槳饾槸饾槰 饾槬饾槳饾槸饾槰 饾槬饾槳饾槸饾槰! 饾槥饾槮 饾槱饾槩饾樂饾槮 饾槩 饾樃饾槳饾槸饾槸饾槮饾槼! "
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" 饾檱饾櫎饾櫎饾櫊 饾櫌饾櫄 饾櫈饾櫍 饾櫓饾櫇饾櫄 饾櫄饾櫘饾櫄 饾櫀饾櫍饾櫃 饾櫓饾櫄饾櫋饾櫋 饾櫌饾櫄 饾櫘饾櫎饾櫔'饾櫑饾櫄 饾櫍饾櫎饾櫓 饾櫓饾櫇饾櫑饾櫄饾櫀饾櫓饾櫄饾櫍饾櫄饾櫃 饾櫍饾櫎饾櫖. "
" 饾槓'饾槷 饾槸饾槹饾樀. "
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captain-valkyrie2 days ago
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Bonnie and Clyde - [1/?]
Assassin!Five Hargreeves x Writer!Reader
Based on this post. I changed the serial killer!Five to assassin!Five because--well, serial killers are a little...too much. On the other hand, an assassin is just a serial killer who takes commissions. This is an AU where the siblings don't have powers, the Commission is a mafia, and Five happens to be their hitman.
Warnings: Descriptions of murder, violence
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Number 4, Tolland Drive was a very bleary place.
Detective Howe strolled the driveway before nonchalantly stepping into the house. He took a look of the lawn. It should have been muddy, having rained early this morning, but Mr. Benson's lawn was impeccable.
The door was slightly ajar; the living room in total disarray. Timothy whimpered behind him. "Quiet, lad." Howe growled, looking surreptitiously over his shoulder before taking another step into the kitchen, where Mr. Benson was lying.
Timothy whimpered something incoherent in response.
Howe walked briskly to the grim, motionless figure and crouched down near his head.
"Hmm.. yes, a gun shot to the head indeed. Timothy!" he called, and the boy jumped. "Read the reports of the Allenhurst and the Evan Street cases."
"S-Stab wound by a serrated blade and a butter knife to the brachial artery, respectively, sir."
Howe hummed. "There's no doubt that the perpetrator is the same."
"But the weapons are all different, sir?"
"Precisely."
***
"Y/N, I'm home." Five sighed, shutting the door to your shared apartment, and slumping against the door. You got up from your desk chair and stepped out of your room. Your boyfriend was there, alright, looking exhausted as ever. "Rough day, honey?" You soothed, placing a hand on his cheek. "You've got no idea," Five said, looking up at you.
You smiled. The butcher shop where he worked was really very disconcerting; he had told you all about the annoying customers and the smell of raw meat and blood. It was terrible enough to tire out a grown man.
"Want me to put some coffee on? And then I'll show you the scene I wrote today," you said, running your hands across his shoulders in an attempt to relax him.
"That's great! You can show..me..." Five yawned, then groaned. "after I go take a shower."
You shook your head affectionately as you watched him topple into the bathroom.
Much love xxx how's the story so far lol?
TUA Tags: @zerocanonlywriteshit @i-heart-fictional-boys
Ask me if you wanna be tagged!!
Disclaimer: I know Bonnie and Clyde's relationship was deemed to be toxic, but the title is merely for aesthetic value and I do not support relationships of this calibre in any way.
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