#to be clear it's not stopping me

[inazuman]

i'm so late to fmab goddammit it's just like w fruba where i'm gonna write smut for a dead fandom

#alka talking #to be clear it's not stopping me #i'm gonna do it anw LMFAOO

[inkskinned]

they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X' #and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!'' #babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness'' #it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!'' #& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell? #you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse? #but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck? #your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross? #HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like. #anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

[uncanny-tranny]

The hardest, but most important, part of my transition has been untangling what my personal dysphoria is, and what is more a result of cissexism.

What I mean by this is that I learned that I am not dysphoric about certain aspects of myself, my body, and my life, but my discomfort in these aspects was influenced by the cissexist culture I live in which told me I couldn't exist as myself.

It's definitely a slow process, but I have found that it helps me self-actualize and actually see myself instead of what others demand of me.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria #and what makes this really tricky is that often it isn't clear-cut as to what makes you dysphoric... #...versus what makes you uncomfortable due to your culture or environment... #...i still experience dysphoria but now i find that my motivation isn't to please the people around me... #...if i truly wanted to please the people around me then i would cease to exist altogether... #...and once i truly recognized that and came to terms with this reality i stopped feeling like i owed the world everything... #...i stopped feeling so disconnected with myself... #...i don't think this will be useful for everybody but i want to offer a different approach to it... #...by no means do i think that this is a 'cure-all' in fact it's not even close... #...because what i found that this has done is bring me *closer* to my trans body and my trans soul... #...i have found that my dysphoria has narrowed (especially since going on testosterone) and i feel more at peace

[paintpanic]

#kirby series #meta knight #im poking fun again but this really does bug me some #it's made pretty clear in canon he doesn't like to take it off lol #it's his whole thing when you take it off he becomes A Different Guy. stop it.

[shitouttabuck]

for @onward--upward, who texted me screenshots of this scene at 3am the night before 7x03 dropped

#q i need to know every thought you’ve ever had please never stop texting me in the middle of the night xoxo #not ignoring the horrible intended homophobia of this scene but as q said: v unintentional foreshadowing? perhaps? #911 abc #911 #i do not care abt buck/tommy past it MAYBE catalysing buck’s bisexuality. to be clear. however and IF ever that happens. big if. BUT #always always always on board w a queer journey of self discovery #also: theres always room in the clown car

[transmascissues]

today, my coworkers’ refusal to see me as a man put one of our patients in a position where they felt unsafe for the third time. i’ve been at this job for less than two months total. i don’t even care about getting misgendered anymore, i just want the people we’re supposed to be taking care of to feel comfortable around me.

i work at a hospital where we have to supervise our patients in a lot of vulnerable situations. there are safeguarding rules in place for certain things that male employees aren’t allowed to be present for when it comes to female patients. and yet, the people training me and telling me what to do have repeatedly put me in situations where i’ve been forced to do things that the female patients aren’t comfortable with me doing. and because they have repeatedly failed to teach me the rules for doing my job as a man, i have no way of knowing when i’m crossing one of those lines unless one of the patients tells me.

i’ve had to watch a victim of SA stare at me in abject terror as my coworkers asked her to strip naked with me still in the room. it took several minutes for her to even be able to speak enough to ask if i could leave the room. i found out after that she broke down crying the moment i walked out. my biggest regret is that i didn’t realize what was happening fast enough to leave before she ever had to say something, because she shouldn’t have had to say it. i never should’ve been allowed in the room in the first place, because that’s not something male employees are supposed to be present for. but i didn’t know that yet, because i was training and i thought surely, they wouldn’t train me to do something that directly violated their own safeguarding rules. that moment was the first time, and it’s haunted me ever since, but it wasn’t the last time. not only did it happen for the third time today — it almost happened for the fourth, and would have if someone hadn’t spoken up to say they should pick someone else. i care for these people so deeply, it’s why i took this job, and i’m so tired of hearing the fear in their voices when they have to ask me not to do something i never should’ve been told to do.

i’m very used to the personal discomfort of being misgendered. i willingly deal with it a lot at work as well as in other situations, not because i’m in the closet (at this point in my medical transition that would be impossible), but because it’s such a frequent occurrence with my coworkers that we would never get anything done if i took the time to correct them every time. but to see it get to the point of causing such visceral discomfort in other people? people i’m supposed to be taking care of and keeping safe? that’s something else entirely, and i’m fucking exhausted.

and after all of that, some of them still look at me like i have two heads when they tell me what to do and i say “i can’t do that, only female employees can” because i’m learning now. clearly i’m already seen as a man by our patients, but my coworkers would still rather put them in an unsafe situation than just train me as a man.

#to be clear it’s four different things they’ve asked me to do that im not supposed to #as soon as i find out about one rule they ask me to violate a different one that i didn’t know about #i will never ever forget that girl’s face and i’ll never stop being angry for her #for all three of them but especially her #i hate my coworkers for a million different reasons #the patients are the only reason i didn’t quit this job after the first day #i just want to do right by them and sometimes it feels like i’m the only one working there who does #it kills me because the patients who know im trans have been so great about it too #most of them know nothing about trans people but they’re so willing to learn and so respectful and we’ve had such great conversations #they’re getting fucked over by someone else’s transphobia when they themselves don’t have a single transphobic bone in their bodies #i hate this place because i care about the people in it too much to stand by the way it treats them and it’s killing me #transandrophobia #transandromisia #transmisandry #virilmisia #virilphobia #anti transmasculinity #transmascphobia

[liesmyth]

My Coronabeth Dominant Twin manifesto is simple and it's as follows: there's no way the twins could have planned for Canaan House.

John requesting new Lyctors wasn't something anyone in the Houses would've expected to happen in their lifetimes with any meaningful probability. This means that when the Tridentarii started the double necromancer ruse, they expected to carry on for life. It was an arrangement that benefited Corona vastly more than Ianthe.

What Ianthe got out of it, as far as we know: Corona would rule Ida, which she isn't keen on (as per NtN). But it also meant that Ianthe signed up for a life in her sister's shadow, with everyone regarding Corona as the perfect heir and Ianthe as the lame spare. Worse, for Ianthe, everyone believed Corona was the better flesh magician (as per As Yet Unsent). There's a lot more in for Corona in this arrangement and a lifetime of mild humiliation for Ianthe. As we see during the reveal in GtN, she was just dying to tell anyone that SHE is the necromantic genius of the pair, actually.

On their relationship with Babs: in GtN, Gideon notices that Babs obeys Ianthe's orders over Corona's. She also notices that Corona looks shocked about this — to me, this means that it's NOT something Coronabeth is used to. Pre-Canaan House, they are equals in their ruse. At Canaan House, it becomes obvious that if Ianthe ascends she'll leave Corona in the dust, and their relationship has to change. I don't think the way they act around each other from Canaan House onwards is at all representative of their relationship back on the Third, and I don't think Babs deferring to Ianthe over Corona is something that has happened often before, if at all.

There's the bit where Corona routinely threatened suicide to get her way since they were teenagers. In NtN she's doing it to save Camilla's life, but she reminisces fondly about it like it was something she did often to get her way, like it was a fun mind game they played with each other.

You've also got Ianthe calling Corona a bimbo and insulting her and whatever, and me arguing that Corona pulled the few strings doesn't make Ianthe good but as things stand I'm much more inclined to believe that, before Ianthe attained Lyctorhood, Corona was the one in charge — and I’m also firmly convinced that she’s using BoE for her own ends, and we’ll see her Fuck Shit Up in AtN.

#re: Corona threatening to kill herself #in NtN they ARE in a life-or-death situation but I simply refuse to believe that the same circumstances ever applied before #no way Ianthe aged 15 was going around murdering people and virtuous Corona tried to stop it. OCCAM'S RAZOR GIRL #I also think that she's killed many many people in between GtN and NtN to attain her BoE rank (which is positive) (I think she's hot) #but Ms. 'I am Interested In Imperial Economic Policy' isn't doing it for freedom fighting reasons <3 #tlt thought #tridentarii #to be clear: I choose to believe in Worsetwin Coronabeth bc it's so much sexier. to me #ianthe #coronabeth #tlt

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

if you struggle with mental health, one piece of advice i would genuinely give you is learn to knit.

or crochet: something repetitive to do with your hands, assuming you're capable of it. if you're like me and learnt to knit as a kid but let it lie fallow for a long time, it may be that starting a large, simple project (for me it was a cloak, but a blanket could work too) gets you back into it. or maybe doing something smaller, idk. i personally found socks really hard for a while because they felt smaller than my cloak but weren't getting Done quick enough for me. as i've sped up i find it more interesting to knit socks.

regardless, a repetitive task is great for emotional regulation (also see: autistic stimming), and something that you can look at and go hey i've done something, unlike simply using a fidget toy, can also help to pick your mood up when the brain is being cruel.

it's also useful as a conversation starter or distracter if you don't know what to talk about. if you're wanting to talk to older people also you're more likely to reel them in with knitting (i work better with older people, and 99% of people who ask what i'm knitting are older than me). it also gives you the opportunity to not make eye contact because you're busy knitting, even if you're still carrying on a conversation. if you're absolutely stuck for conversation you can count your stitches and people might stop bothering you.

if you have trouble focusing without doing something with your hands, you can knit! i knit a lot in church, and it helps me to focus on what's being said.

i probably have more reasons you should pick up knitting, but i can't recall them right now, so yeah.

#knitting #catkin knits #i remember one specific time back in october where i was sitting in Bible class utterly unable to stop the most horrible thoughts going #through my head. i was knitting as fast as i've ever knitted. no exaggeration to say i was knitting to stop myself from attempting to die. #and afterwards i sat there in the corner knitting for all i was worth. just repeating to myself 'not now. i am not killing myself now.' #and someone saw me in the corner frantically knitting and came to ask if i was ok. and asked how my mental health was. #must've been end of oct bc it was the first wednesday after i was out of psych ward. and i was having lots of thoughts about the method #i'd used for what is still my most recent suicide attempt. which was in october. and i had the means with me. #it would have been a horrible thing to do. to kill oneself at Bible class. with children around. but i wasn't in a particularly hinged stat #of mind at the time. that's approximately the only clear memory i have of that time in fact. #anyway idk why im thinking of that rn when im fine

[ilynpilled]

“jaime did it mostly for self preservation” “he did it bc he was ordered to kill his father” are not only blatantly incorrect and borderline illiterate reads of what is in the text but idk why people find it unfathomable that someone like jaime would want to prevent thousands of people from violently burning alive. like it is not actually a difficult moral equation which is why it is at the center of jaime’s arc and his relationship to his society because he realizes that the ethical constructs of westeros seem to be in opposition to this very obvious moral choice as seen by how the situation could even escalate to the point that it does through the enablement of the tyrant by the respected institution of the kingsguard and the uncritical upholding of the honor system over an actual coherent moral code. same with the scorn he receives for killing what everybody acknowledges as an objectively horrid tyrant who harmed innocents and violated law that knights are also sworn to protect and uphold and actually contradict by not acting against.

#like u guys r so blinded by agenda posting that it gets mind numbing #seeing ppl that otherwise r not illiterate repeat these points actually kills me #i should be studying but here i am pissing and crying again #and the whole ‘oh he only did it when it was convenient’ that is not the point the point is that he kept upholding what the kg represented #until he was pushed far enough to break and throw it all away #we see that he keeps challenging it and keeps being shut down until it reaches a breaking point #it isnt framed as ‘oh jaime now knows that he can do this bc tywins here haha’ #its just he finally reaches the obvious breaking point #bc someone out there has to stop a nuke #and it all becomes clear #jaime doesnt have to be the paragon of virtue to do this but yes he has the awareness and the moral code to do the right thing #how contrarian brained do u have to be to take this away

[imnotfromtwitterpleasedonthurtme]

Is… is there an option to fully support ‘platonic relationships can and should absolutely be just as meaningful as romantic ones’ and ‘there’s a good chance the subtext wasn’t even intentional or maybe was never there at all’ and ‘they made the heartbreak tweet and named one of the songs Lokius and put thematic parallels and at this point are probably doing this on purpose’ and ‘it really shouldn’t matter who Loki ends up with because it’s not meant to be a romance, it’s meant to be about him as a person’ and ‘personally I would really like Loki and Mobius to end up together because I think they’re cute and very compatible’ and ‘I like Sylki but I think Disney is doing it wrong’ and ‘fucking hell Disney give us some decent homosexuals already’? My head hurts.

#loki fandom I say this with love: please grow up I fear you in your current state #loki #lokius #sylki #loki series #SSS (Stop Sylki Slander) #just to be clear I do hate disney... but maybe some of this isn't their fault #I just want to consume loki fan content and y'all are giving me a fucking headache

[vellichorsdesire]

definitely do not think about being called tons of masc terms by an f/o. if you’re comfortable with it of course, they make sure before doing so. maybe they start with calling you the petnames/nicknames they’d usually use for you, calling you handsome along with it (‘hey, handsome man’ or a ‘hi, my sweet, handsome boy.’) maybe you like being called pretty boy too, they’d definitely ask first. maybe they focus on the features they adore the most about you.

maybe you ask to be reassured with such words because you feel comforted by it and they don’t mind doing so, but in the end they really do think those sweet things that they mumble in your ear.

#Yeah. Just like the sweet prince post this is targeted towards. me and ofc all the people who loved that post #just to be clear i don’t really know what else to call these terms aside from masc terms…? #i just make it clear at the start so that people who dislike the idea of it can immediately skip the post #i just hatee to think that ive made someone dysphoric or anything by not clearing it up at first yknow? #yknow its 1am my brain is mush sorry </3 i should stop posting before i go to bed ill grammar check in the moorning.. #LIKE IDK IF IM COOKING WITH THIS ONE LIKE I SAID. TARGETED TOWARDS ME. YEAH #❥ vels ramblings #self ship #f/o imagines #self shipping #hi to my fellow transmascs too if anyone sees this <3 #masc term self ship imagines

[inkskinned]

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.

#hobbies #writeblr #what stage of weirdness to write about hobbies on my hobby writing blog #although i know OBJECTIVELY i am a creative person #i often forget to label myself that bc i don't feel im an ARTISTIC person bc i don't do anything like that professionally #writing doesn't even feel like a hobby i think that surprises nobody for me to be like #it would be easier for me to stop . like. breathing. #which feels cheesy and trite but listen im running late for a meeting and all i really want to say is like #i couldn't even consider writing my hobby bc it makes my skin crawl bc it makes it sound like it's not important to me #bc we really devalue hobbies. like entirely. #it HAS to be a job. it must #also idk if this is clear but i personally get stuck in this space where i CANT create bc i am putting so much pressure on myself #to make it RIGHT #and im like ... idk i only have an hour #so probably shouldnt get involved in this thing

[clairedaring]

MY STAND-IN (2024) | 1.03

#poom phuripan #up poompat #my stand in #my stand in the series #userbunn #userrain #usersasa #userjamiec #tobelle #msiep3 #usertoptaps #tuseralexa #userrlana #userjap #rinblr #my stand-in #clairedgifs #msiedit #thaidrama #decided to split this into multiple sets so it's more condensed #this was such an important scene for ming #bc it underlines him making it super clear that he wants to live his life QUIETLY #leading to the contrasting image of him in the present being a STAR in this essay i- #STOP ME FROM SPOILING PLEASE

[youngpettyqueen]

was talking with someone irl about Star Trek the other day and this person really hates Discovery for many stupid reasons (misogyny) and he was whining about like. casual swearing. in Star Trek. like he was mad they said fuck. and he looks at me and he's like "it completely sucks you out of the experience right??" and I just looked at him and went "no it makes me want a modern DS9 show of some kind cause I think Kira Nerys deserves to say fuck" which wasn't the answer he wanted I dont think

#star trek #like to be clear this guy really just hates Discovery because 'every person in power is a woman' #and the casual swearing. apparently #I will no longer be talking Star Trek with this person dfhskdjfhjksd #like no sorry casual swearing doesnt bother me and I think Star Trek has used it fairly well #people need to stop being lil bitches about casual swearing #'it takes me out of the experience' this is an adult show for adults. perhaps go watch cocomelon. #grown ass man btw #several years my senior #anyways give me a DS9 continuation just so Kira can say fuck

[chasing-faith-and-fate]

Moon 20

#chasingmoon #clangen #sootcff #dewcff #BABIESSS #Soot: yellow #Silk: light green #Dew: purple #Grove: lime #they got blue baby eyesss theyre so babyyy #just to be clear to mother is NOT Quiver #sir?? mx soot?? the hell'd you do #also Ribt grove was meant to be a one off cameo cat but nooooo #they will not leave me alone #grovefall said i will be in this bullshit story and i cannot be stopped #mothcff #cranecff #valleycff

[chloecherrysip]

Mario, why do you look like a bear? What is this!?

#mario movie #mario movie spoilers #mario and luigi #super mario bros #super mario bros movie spoilers #cherrysip edits #she'd never gif this scene AGAIN they said. WELL THEY WERE WRONG!!!! #I'LL GIF IT A HUNDRED TIMES IF I WANT TO!!! NO ONE WILL STOP ME #so here u go these are basically the biggest highest-quality gifs of this scene i can possibly make lol. THE DETAILSSS #luigi's grip looks so unsteady in the third gif ;_; also mario breathing so hard in the second-to-last gif ;_; all of it is the end of me #also i love how it takes luigi physically tugging on mario's ears to snap him out of his adoring grin <3 HE LOVES HIS BROTHERRRR #also RIP to the theater footage of this i shot on my phone a month ago. you served me (and a lot of other people) very well!!! NEVER 4GET #(if you tag this as ship i will block you!! just to be very clear!! DON'T DO THAT)