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lavendersuh · 3 years

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what a feeling

johnny x fem!reader | badboy!au, too much fluff | 2.4k words

warnings: mentions of nicotine addition, alcohol

based off of this moodboard and au idea created by @neo-cult-ure!! thank you luv for allowing me to play around with this au idea! I originally wrote this bc i loved the idea and just wanted to self indulge in some writing a few nights ago. I probably could’ve fleshed this out more, but i’m in the middle of exams so i probably shouldn’t even be writing fic rn haha (fair warning tho there is so much fluff help) hope u enjoy!!

~~~

“I need your help.”

Haechan looks up to see an unexpected face peering over him. It wasn’t every day that resident bad boy Johnny Suh was asking a drama student for something. While the two of them ran around in slightly similar circles due to their mutual acquaintances, Haechan can’t remember the last time he spoke one-on-one with Johnny.

“What do you need my help with?” he asks curiously, as he shuts his locker.

“There’s this girl.” Johnny says, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck, “She’s different, Haechan, I need your help.”

Johnny has always been the most confident person Haechan knows. He always admired him for that, but now it appears that the tall boy has a rosy tiny covering his cheeks, along with a sheepish smile.

“My help? I can’t imagine being much help compared to Jaehyun… isn’t he your wing man?” Haechan responds.

He begins walking away, heading for his next class. He didn’t hate Johnny, nothing even close to that, but he was a bit suspicious of why he was coming to a self-proclaimed nerdy, drama student for help.

“This is different…” Johnny mumbles as he catches up with Haechan, “Do you know that diner a few blocks from here? The Neo Zone?”

Haechan looks over at him, “That neon, throwback place? Yeah, the theater kids go there after practice sometimes.”

“There’s a waitress there.” The older boy says, “She’s pretty, her laugh is like a song, Haechan, she’s perfect.”

“The problem, then?” Haechan asks. Johnny didn’t seem like the kind of person to have trouble with the ladies.

“She wants nothing to do with me.”

Haechan can’t help the laugh he lets out, “Did your usual flirting not work out for you?”

Johnny wasn’t a terrible guy, in fact, he could be very respectful (despite the cheesy pick-up lines sometimes), with a nice sense of humor and friendly smile to go along with it. But he had some bad habits. He refused to buy a helmet for his precious motorcycle. He smoked more than he should. He wasn’t always present during school hours. But underneath the leather jacket and torn up jeans, the boy wasn’t all that bad. He loved to flirt and fool around, but he never took things farther than someone wanted.

Johnny frowns at Haechan’s laughter, “I was hoping you could help me. She’s interested in 80s films, and I know you’re into stuff like that. You have a huge collection, don’t you? Could I borrow The Breakfast Club? Sixteen Candles?”

“Yeah, I can lend you some of them this weekend.” Haechan stops in front of the door to his next class, turning around to look back at Johnny, who’s grinning with appreciation.

“But Johnny?”

“Yeah?”

“It’s gonna take more than just flirting and watching her favorite movies. You gotta get to know her.”

Johnny throws him a classic smirk, his confidence returning to his face, “Will do, Haechan.”

~~~

“Hey, Y/N!”

You turn around without Johnny seeing the roll of your eyes. After his shameless flirting last weekend you knew he would probably be back.

His flirting wasn’t creepy; it was actually a little bit flattering. You couldn’t count on your hand the number of men that had spoken their fair share of sleezy comments to you. Johnny’s flirting was refreshing (but maybe that was just because he seemed to be your age instead of thirty years your senior). He asked about your favorite movies when you had mentioned liking 80s films. He complimented the sneakers you painted yourself.

But alas, he was also a walking stereotype, with the leather jackets and motorcycle parked just out front. When you waited on his table last time, you nearly coughed over the smell of nicotine that followed him around.

“Hi, Johnny,” you say, leading him to a booth in the corner, laying out the menu on the table.

“I watched some of the movies you told me about,” he says, smiling brightly at you, “Got any more recommendations?”

You can’t help but feel a bit flustered at the fact that he watched some of the stuff you recommended. He was paying you a lot more attention than you had previously thought.

While you take his order and bring out his food, Johnny flirts and makes jokes. You can’t help but smile at some of the things he says, despite yourself. By the end of his meal, you bring out his receipt, showing him the list of movies you wrote on the back in black pen.

“Thanks! Maybe I could take you out and we could talk about them sometime?” he asks, a hopeful gleam in his eye.

You roll your eyes at him, “You’re gonna have to do more than just watch my favorite movies for me to change my mind about you.”

“Am I really that bad?”

“You aren’t bad, Johnny. I just feel like I deserve more than just someone who smokes and rides a motorcycle without protection.” You say, walking off to ring up his order and get his change.

He huffs as you walk off. What was he to do?

~~~

‘This is stupid,’ Johnny thinks to himself as he pulls up to the diner, a week and a half later. He was driving Haechan’s car, but that wasn’t the only thing he had borrowed.

When Johnny had reconvened with the boy, Haechan told him he needed to change up his act in order to impress you.

And somehow this is how Johnny ended up walking into the diner with a dorky sweater and his hair neatly combed on a Friday evening. The neon sign of the diner glowed into the car, casting shadows on the funny pattern of the sweater.

He felt so stupid, but he was also kind of desperate. It was Haechan that had come up with the plan after suggesting he dress a bit nicer.

“I don’t know if I have any ‘nice’ clothes, Haechan,” Johnny had told the other boy.

“Then you can borrow some of mine!” Haechan looked up at how tall his friend was, “Or maybe my brother’s…”

Johnny knows he went overboard but he also really wants to see your smile again. He supposes it’s worth it.

“Welcome in,” you say, but as you turn around, you pause, “...Johnny?”

He smiles, reminding himself that he can be confident without the bad boy clothes and aesthetic. “Does your shift end soon? Could I take you out for ice cream?”

Somehow you can’t help but find the outfit change endearing, so you find yourself nodding. The boy was clearly trying to impress you, so you should at least give him a chance. And ice cream sounded excellent after a long shift. It couldn’t be all that bad, could it?

~~~

It ended up being quite nice, actually.

Johnny took you to an ice cream shop on the edge of town, leading you to a picnic bench after getting two cones of ice cream. As the sun fully slipped away and the stars started to come out along the purple sky, you both discussed movies, the future, your favorite foods, everything.

He was a good listener, holding eye contact and asking questions, full of attention. He told lovely stories when he wanted to, as well. You couldn’t help but find yourself to be a bit drawn to him when you finally gave him the time of day. His humor, his soft smiles, his contagious laugh. It was clear to see it would be easy to fall for someone like him.

It was hard though, knowing the reputation he held. He did risky things, a cigarette in one hand, his motorcycle keys in the other. From his stories, you knew he cut class. He never wore a helmet, either.

Just because he wore a nice sweater and borrowed a friend’s car didn’t change these things.

“I hope we can do this again, sometime.”

Johnny lightly holds your hand as he stands outside of your front door while dropping you off.

You looked up at him, his face soft under your front porch light. There was so much hope in his eyes, hope for the idea that you would give him more of your time, more of your smiles.

“Oh, Johnny,” you say, slowly, “This is really sweet, but this isn’t you.”

He looks confused for a moment, protesting, “Of course, this is me. I just cleaned up my act, like you said.”

You frown, “Sure, I did say that, but you changed all the outside pieces of yourself.”

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” he asks.

“What? Johnny, no, of course not!” you exclaim, “I don’t care if you have this ‘bad boy’ act, and drink, and ride motorcycles. I just hate that you are so careless with yourself. You smelled like smoke every time I saw you. You never wear a helmet. You refuse to go to class sometimes. It hurts me seeing someone so bright, someone I’m enjoying getting to know, do nothing but hurt themselves.”

You squeeze his hand, hoping to offer some form of comfort while you speak your truths. “Just cause you changed your clothes doesn’t mean you are changed for the better.”

“What are you saying?”

“I like you, Johnny. You.” you say, taking his hand in yours, “Not this dressed up, masked version of you. I just want you to care about yourself. So I can care about you, too.”

Things are quiet for a moment, as Johnny stares at the ground. Finally, he looks up at you, an unknown flicker in his eyes.

You let go of his hand, “You have some stuff to work through. You’re sweet, Johnny, and I’m happy that we’ve gotten to know each other. Please call me when you figure things out.”

You go inside, leaving him frozen in place.

~~~

“Has Johnny come in lately?”

You are startled out of wiping down tables at the diner when you hear someone speak to you. You look up to see a honey-haired boy, who you recognize as Haechan, one of the drama club kids from school.

“You know him?” you ask, your eyes narrowed.

“Yeah,” Haechan rubs the back of his neck, “We’ve become friends recently. He told me he liked you. Asked to borrow some movies and stuff.”

Realization dawns on you that Johnny had probably gone to Haechan to get some guidance. The thought makes your heart squeeze. You’d been curious about where Johnny was getting the knowledge from. You recall Haechan being in the after school film club as well.

“He stopped coming in a while ago,” you say, “I gave him my number after we went out once, but I didn’t hear from him.”

You try to keep the feeling of sadness from washing over you, but you’re surprised at how affected you are by Johnny’s absence in the past few weeks. While his flirting could be a bit relentless sometimes, there was no doubt that he respected you through all of his charming antics.

“Hm..” Haechan seems to be deep in thought at your words.

You ask him if he wants to order anything, but he declines, thanking you for the offer before leaving nearly as soon as he had entered.

~~~

“Hey.”

You look up on your way out of the diner after your shift, startled by a voice. Johnny stands in the parking lot, next to his motorcycle, a soft smile across his face. He has his leather jacket back on, but surprisingly, you notice he has a helmet tucked under his arm, too.

“What are you doing here?” you ask, walking up to him, “You haven’t come in for a while.”

“Thought I’d come stop by,” he grins. “I heard you missed me.”

You look down shyly at the pavement, “I never said that… but yeah, I guess.”

It was a surprising feeling as you confessed that small truth to Johnny. It was boring around the diner without his conversations and flirting words. It felt nice to let those words out.

Johnny leans behind him, grabbing another, smaller helmet, “Wanna take a ride? I wanna take you out for another date. I even bought you a helmet. Hope you’re not scared to go a little fast.”

You nod, unable to keep the smile off of your face. It was nice hearing Johnny’s bluntness again. He seemed more relaxed, more comfortable with himself.

You run over to your car quickly, shoving your bag into the backseat before walking back over to Johnny. You climb on to the bike behind him, feeling him place the extra helmet on your head. While he adjusts it, his fingers brush across your face, sending chills down your spine.

Once he’s back in position, you boldly wrap your arms around his torso, letting your head rest across his jacket. You take a deep breath, expecting to smell the nicotine that follows him around, but his leather jacket smells fresh.

“Did you quit smoking?” you ask, as he turns on the motorcycle.

“Yeah, I quit after our date,” he explains, “I was kinda unbearable for a while there… That's why I didn’t come into the diner. After a while, I figured you woulda forgot about me.”

You let out a laugh as he pulls out of the parking lot, “How could I ever?”

You both ride along in silence, aside from your nervous laughs as the motorcycle speeds through traffic. You notice the elevation getting higher as he rides outside of the city.

Finally, he pulls off next to a scenic outlook overlooking the metropolis. The sun is starting to set, casting shadows along the buildings, along Johnny’s face. You can’t tell which you find more beautiful.

“I want to thank you.” he says, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you to look at him.

“For what?”

“For caring about me. I didn’t even care about me.” he tucks a strand of your hair behind your ear, cupping your cheek.

You smile up at him, his soft words making you bold. You lean in, kissing his lips in response. After you pull back, Johnny wraps his arms around you, pulling you into the warmest hug of your life.

It seemed simple, really. As the sun set with an orange glow, marking the end of a day, it also marked a new beginning. It left you both with a warm feeling. And what a feeling it was.

#nct-writers #neothestars #neo-constellations #johnny x reader #johnny x you #nct x reader #nct x you #johnny scenarios #badboy au #johnny #nct #johnny suh #my writing

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achillmango · 4 years

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Random Thoughts on LoK Season 1

I’ve been hearing a lot of people hate on Korra over the years. I remember watching some of it when it first aired and not liking a of things so I sided with the haters. But lately I’ve wondered if Korra really deserves all the hate it gets. I’ve decided to watch Korra in its entirety to decide for myself if it’s really as bad a some people say. Recently, I finished watching Season 1. Here are some of rough thoughts (thoughts under the cut, bc this is kinda long):

Art

-The art in this show. THE ART. The backgrounds are beautiful. LOVE the sweeping camera angles and the moving water in the intro.

-I’m not used to seeing the CG stuff against the hand drawn animation. Not bad, it’s just gonna take some getting used to.

Character Designs

-Korra’s eyes are absolutely beautiful.

-Still don’t like Korra’s hairstyle since first seeing the show.

-(spoiler!) Turlock had the SAME hairstyle as his father. I don’t know what to make of that. As much as he says he hates his father, that’s too much too be a coincidence.

Ships

-Still hate the love triangle between Korra, Amko, and Asami.

-Bo Lin and Korra’s date was so so cuuuutte!! Loved it. Wouldn’t mind them as a ship.

-Why KORRA AND MAKO BREAK SWEET BOLIN’S HEART???

-Korra initiating that kiss when Mako said he was confused about his feelings made me want to slap them both. I wanted to slap Mako because Korra is allowed to date who she wants and Mako is in a relationship. Also, Mako knew her and Bolin were dating. Korra because kissing a someone in a relationship is wrong. Also Korra, YOU’RE DATING THE SWEETEST BEAN BUN, why you do this?? *cries*

-Bo Lin is AH-MAZING for still being friends with Korra after their romance doesn't work out. He’s not bitter, he’s not mad, he’s a genuine friend to her and i really liked that.

-(after i learn that Lin and Tenzin were a thing) Why are there so many love triangles in this show??

-When Tenzin asked Lin to watch his family and Pema found them, it’s clear from her reaction that she’s not okay with their past. That irked me. This may be harsh, but sort that out. All 3 of them are adults. Talk it out and move on.

Plot (spoilers!)

-From a writing perspective, what was the point of Turlock killing Amon and himself? Poetic justice? I just don’t get it. It felt unearned in a sense and didn’t have an impact other than getting rid of this season’s villain. If anyone wants to talk about this scene I’m down.

-Also what did Tarrlok mean “It’ll be just like the good old days”??

Villain (spoilers!)

-Amon had put on make up on under that mask everyday just in case he ever decided to take off the mask that day.

-The one humanizing moment for Amon was when that tear rolled down his face in ep 12. Then it’s gone as soon as it’s there. Loved that one humanizing moment.

-I relished the fear in Amon’s eyes when the make-up came off. He was finally vulnerable, even for a little bit.

-Loved how Amon was consistently ahead of the game and had a plan for what he wanted to do through the whole series.

I Don’t Have a Category for These

-The Cabbage Corporation was nice nod to ATLA. I enjoyed that.

-The part where New Team Avatar tries to get on Naga (who i kept calling Nala) and it doesn't work so they get in a car. That felt like a metaphor for updating the show.

-When General Iroh made his 1st appeared and sounded like Zuko I got chocked up and was legit gonna cry. Hit square in the feels.

-I felt really bad seeing Tanho so worn out at the police station. I didn’t recognize him. How dare this show make me feel for this character i was hating?

-Props to Tarrlok’s assistant for snitching. Respect. Poor dude was kicked around a lot. Sometimes literally by Korra.

-LIN BEIFONG SACRIFICED HER BENDING FOR TENZIN AND HIS FAMILY. STAN LIN BEIFONG.

-When Amon’s dad is in the Northern Water Tribe, he looked exactly the same to as he did before plastic surgery.

-In ep 1, based on how Ikki interacts with Katara, they haven’t met before. That tells me for at least as long as she’s been alive, the kids haven’t visited their grandmother. Maybe Tenzin has visited her by himself, but at least 2 of his kids haven't met their grandmother. That detail irritated me.

-So lightning is easy to control now? Mako and General Iroh did it with seemingly less effort than firebenders of yesteryear. Maybe Mako and General Iroh are just really skilled benders.

#legend of korra #lok #korra #lin beifong #tenzin #pema #mako #asami #cabbage #Amon #tarrlok #General Iroh #ikki #tahno

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lokisasylum · 4 years

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Map of the Soul: 7 Album - First listen review

[I won’t bother reviewing the ones from PERSONA that were added, since I already did a post for Persona when it came out. Only the new songs]

#1. Interlude: SHADOW

WOW.... just when you thought the first version hit hard/differently. The extended version comes in to choke-slam you against the wall.

#2. Black Swan

Our new Royal to take a spot in the throne of power along with Blood Sweat & Tears, Spring Day, Fake Love, and Outro: TEAR.

Do we even need to add more additional to what we’ve been saying since its release? As an artist, the lyrics still pull at my heart strings the same way they did the first time I heard it. Especially the verse that says:

‘If this can no longer resonate No longer make my heart vibrate Then like this may be how I die my first death But what if that moment’s right now Right now .’

This verse can be applied to ANY time we loose faith in ourselves or have to give up on a dream/passion and how that separation slowly kills us inside.

#3. Filter (Jimin’s solo)

....Not gonna lie, this song gives me TRUST ISSUES just because its Jimin LOL!

‘Cause I remember seeing & hearing Serendipity for the first time and it was such a lovely melody and the lyrics were so soothing like a lullaby expressing Love in its purest form.

But then you see the choreo and it all went Magic Mike SO FAST X”D.

Because on one hand the lyrics (at first glance) can be interpreted as Jimin seeing himself through Army’s eyes. How WE see his “Duality” - cute/adorable/lovely one minute and then sensual/tantalizing the next.

That boring expression of yours, boring feet Please look at me now Put down your phone, don’t even think about turning your head Let me know your type You can choose and use me yeah

Oh I cover your eyes with my hand Oh go towards the secret I’ll take you to a brand new world Yeah open your closed eyes now go!

Mix the colors of the palette, pick your filter Which me do you want? The one who’s going to change your world, I’m your filter Cover it over your heart

(Ok) How is it, do you feel it a bit? Is it still not enough? (Yes) Girl you have your chance I can be your Genie How ’bout Aladdin? I’ll become anything [for you] You can choose and use me yeah

That first part really does sound like how he would accommodating his “Persona” to make us happy. And every-time something he does isn’t enough he changes again.

Of course this doesn’t have to mean what he’s doing in the present, “Filter” could be just like “Lie” which spoke of his past-self and how he used to blame himself for the group’s failures. So maybe he’s expressing how’s he’s had to change himself throughout the years to please the fans as long as they understood and accepted who HE REALLY IS beyond the Idol persona.

Or y’know, this is just a very sexy number he wanted to try and shy away from his comfort zone XD. And I’ll bet all my money that the choreo’s gonna be SEXY AF and WE AIN’T READY FOR IT.

P.S. that moment when the music stops and he goes: “OKAY.” WITH HIS SEXY DEEP AF VOICE, JESUS!!!!

#4. My Time (Jungkook’s solo)

Kook’s solo not only reminded me heavily of “Begin”, but it also sounds like what “Decalcomania” should’ve been if he had released the full version.

He’s seeing himself not as an Idol, but not quite as Jeon Jeongguk either.

Like he’s just standing in the middle watching his two selves, his two Personas and trying to find which one is his. Which reality he is living in--or should be living in. Which part of his life belongs to his “normal/non Idol self” and which one is part of the mask/Idol self he puts up for the fans.

And yes, you know, yes. you know Oh I can’t call ya, I can’t touch ya Oh I can’t Let me know Can I someday find my time? Finna find my time Someday finna find my time

This verse sounds like he’s still experiencing that loneliness that all artists experience during stardom very often (Note on how in Shadow Yoongi is the one who says: “Nobody ever told me how lonely it is up here.” ). Like how he sometimes wishes he could tell someone, but can’t?

#5. Louder than bombs

All rise for our National Anthem!

If Shadow hit hard while choke slamming you. Then this song is the overkill.

The vocals are insane, and the lyrics mixed with the music tell one story through two points of view. Actor in the spotlight and Actor as a Spectator.

This is BTS telling us how people view them and having to keep their emotions in check in the face of criticism from general audience and even antis, versus how they truly feel inside and behind close doors.

Break, unwind, let it out, breathe out, stand up, pray for better days and keep moving.

#6. ON

THIS👏SONG👏FUCKING👏SLAPS👏PERIOD👏!

The energy, the rap line, the vocal line, the CRAZY FOOTWORK AND INSANE CHOREO.

THE JIKOOK NIP-SLIPS

THE BODY ROLLS

THE TATTOOS---

THE SUBTLE “GO FUCK YOURSELF!”

I LOVED IT and it gave me such a strong throwback to NOT TODAY.

#7. UGH!

This is CYPHER_pt3 Killer, CYPHER pt. 4, TEAR & DDAENG’s lovechild.

This song is the Rap Line going like: “THESE MOTHERFUCKERS WANTED TO TRY ME (AGAIN) AND IMMA GIVE THESE BITCHES A CYPHER.

BITCHES LOVE CYPHERS.”

#8. 00.00 (Zero o’ Clock)

When I saw that we were having another Vocal Line unit song the first thing I kept praying for was: “PLEASE don’t let this be another Truth Untold...”

Because I absolutely HATED the hypocrisy that came out of this fandom ESPECIALLY the toxic Solo Stans who did nothing but hype up their faves while shitting on other members (I will never forgive those who went so far as to defame and even act as if Jimin wasn’t part of the Vocal Line, ya’ll are still trash for that).

But I gotta say Zero o’ Clock was totally something I can see them enjoying while performing. Despite, of course, the song talking about hardships and finding a new way to be happy throughout the tough times even when you don’t feel like smiling.

I liked it, the vibes are a bit like “2,3″ and “Magic Shop”. A song for HEALING.

#9. Friends (VMIN sub-unit)

VMIN

SOULMATES FOREVER.

I also LOVED that they added the voice messages Jimin & Tae used to leave each other since their recording schedules were different and they didn’t see each other. That was such a nice touch. T_T

That little “Hello my Alien” .... that made me emotional. I kept imagining those mischievous kids running around playing pranks on the other members, like that one time they made Hobi fall off the chair and got chased by him XD ...*SOBS*

#10. Inner Child (Taehyung’s solo)

All the time I kept listening to this song I kept imagining Taehyung sitting in a park next to his Younger Self, like the way a father sits with their youngest son and talks to them about life. What to expect, what will change and how to go about these changes.

Really heartfelt song.

#11. Moon (Jin’s solo)

Just like Tae’s song, “Moon” makes me thinking of all those moments when Jin kept doing his “Heart Event” where he kept pulling out hearts out of nowhere. Each time more clever than the first, just to show ARMY how much he loves us.

I wonder all of a sudden, do you really know yourself? Do you know how pretty you are? I will orbit you I will stay by your side I will become your light All for you

This part in particular makes me think of Jin up on stage staring at a stadium full of bright little stars that are in reality Army Bombs.

#12. Respect (Namgi Unit-song)

Fave verse from this song is:

“Re-spect”, it’s literally looking again and again Looking again and again and you’ll see faults But despite of that you still want to look

And the fact that you have two members of different ages (Hyung/Donsaeng), in a sort of conversation that goes back and forth between what the real meaning of “RESPECT” is and how people throw the word around, even those who speak ill of others behind their backs.

And were they talking in Satoori in the end??? That was nice XD

#13. We are Bulletproof: the Eternal

Throw stones at me We don’t fear anymore We are we are together bulletproof (Yeah we have you have you) Even if winter comes again Even if I’m blocked off, I will still walk We are we are forever bulletproof (Yeah we got to heaven)

#14. Outro: EGO (Jhope’s Solo)

EGO is Jhope and Jhope is EGO in all it’s glory.

Like “Just Dance” i like the contrast how in EGO he’s doing a back-track to his younger self, how he used to dance to prove something TO OTHERS, where as now that he’s older he just accepts that everything that happened is just part of life. So he’s a happier now doing what he loves BECAUSE he loves to dance.

#15. ON (feat. Sia)

....WHY?

Like... I don’t wanna be THAT BITCH and drag nobody, but like... was this really necessary?

I mean atleast Nicki Minage and Halsey had their own parts that they owned like the bad bitches that they are.

But like...

Yeah, Imma stop right here.

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the-irish-mayhem · 5 years

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One of the mods shows up 15 minutes late with Starbucks. This week has been insane, BUT never fear! The stuff WILL get posed. This is for Fosterson Week Day 5: Throwback Thorsday. We’re fudging the timeline a little bit--imagine that the Thor movie took place around the same time/a bit after the first Iron Man movie in 2008. More of a sketch, a collection of moments than a true fic. (but there is something resembling plot here)

Loki never sends the Destroyer to Midgard.

Read on AO3.

destiny, disrupted

Here is a truth: Loki loves Thor.

Here is another truth: Loki also hates Thor.

Here is the most relevant truth: Loki loves his mother and respects her counsel above all others.

At the end of the day, this is what matters most. Odin sleeps on, Frigga advises her son how to rule, and Loki (mostly) listens.

Thor remains on Midgard. Mjolnir lays dormant in the desert, the magic patient and steadfast. The Destroyer remains in the Vault where it belongs, and the Warriors Three grudgingly accept Thor’s banishment; after all, Loki seems to be (mostly) listening to Frigga, and they are loyal to the throne. Heimdall watches carefully.

The realms continue to turn, Yggdrasil’s branches trembling in the galactic ballet.

Something is drawing near--but not yet.

Years later, he marries Jane in the desert where they met. The marks of the Bifrost have long since blown away by the sharp winds, but it still feels as close to his first home as he can get. It’s a small wedding, made up of the few friends they have plus Jane’s mom and officiated by a local Native American minister.

She throws her arms around his neck when they are proclaimed man and wife, she kisses him like he is her anchor, and he wonders how he ever thought he’d been in love before. He dips her dramatically, and she giggles against his lips. Their small audience applauds, Darcy wolf whistles, and Thor would never have thought he could ever be satisfied, could be happy, with something so small and humble, but it’s perfect, it’s wonderful, and he gets to call Jane Foster his wife.

He takes her last name--she never asked him to, but it seems apt, to Thor, to do it. He is no longer Thor Odinson. The name no longer fits him. His father is gone; his last action had been to cast his son out. It seemed almost appropriate, honorable even, to respect that last ruling by giving up his name. On Midgard, he is someone new. He isn’t the crown prince, he is simply a man. (A man who loves a woman more than life itself.) A new identity, a new life, a new beginning.

And so they begin life as Mr. and Dr. Thor and Jane Foster.

(Distantly, Thor hopes Heimdall has told his mother that her son has happily wed.)

(Distantly, Thor hopes his father would’ve been proud of the small life he is building.)

(And a small life--)

(It doesn’t seem so bad now.)

THEN

SHIELD had left several months after Thor’s arrival. Packed up the facility after it became clear nothing was going to move Mjolnir, and no new data would be gathered from it. Coulson left them a business card, which Thor talked Jane out of throwing away outright. (He knows that having SHIELD on their side might prove useful in the future, even if Jane continues to grumble about jack-booted stormtroopers stealing her life’s work.)

After almost a year, the agent following them finally left too.

Jane rebuilt, Thor helping where he was able, happy to simply be around her. Her energy was unlike anyone he’s ever known, vibrant and frenetic and with an unbridled intelligence that he thought his brother would’ve liked.

Their first kiss was on the roof, late at night with a fire in front of them, Thor pointing out where his planet would be.

“The light from my sun hasn’t reached us yet,” he had said.

“It might in about two thousand more years, if my estimates were right about distance,” Jane had replied.

She’d been looking up, using her hand like a galactic wayfinder of old to measure the stars. The fire glowed orange on her skin, illuminating her eyes like coals. She’s a supernova of her own making, and he’d always known there was something special about her, but in that moment, he’d been struck not just by her beauty in the gentle slope of her nose and cheekbones, but the effortless way she’d folded him into her life, the way she accepted his story--she’d run an estimate on distance because he’d asked her to in a fierce bout of homesickness. (And even if the answer wasn’t great, it was an answer, and then she’d reached out and held his hand and asked him to tell her about Asgard.)

When he kissed her on the rooftop, she didn’t seem surprised--she just leaned into him and let the embers between them spark into flames.

NOW

“It’s a letter from SHIELD.”

“Oh?”

“They want you to advise on a quote ‘top secret project of high scientific importance’ unquote.”

Jane snorts. “They can eat my shorts. It set my research back months to rebuild all my equipment they stole.”

“Maybe you should read the letter,” Thor offers.

Jane waves him off, returning to the small piece of equipment she’s slowly soldering together. “Don’t need to.”

“Shouldn’t you be wearing a mask?” he asks, concerned. “Those fumes can’t be good for the baby.”

She sits up a bit. “It’s only a bit of copper. But I’ll wear one if it makes you feel better.”

“It will.”

Jane gives him a small smirk and a wink as she stands from her station. She’s not showing much yet--she’s just barely out of the first trimester, but Thor can’t help but glance at her belly, at their little miracle.

He looks back to the letter. When Jane returns, mask in place, he says, “How much did you say the university was paying you for your research position?”

Her snort is even more incredulous than before. “Not enough.”

Thor glances down at the letter in his hand, and counts out the zeros after SHIELD’s base salary for the offered ‘long term advisory and research position.’

“I do think you should read this.”

She sighs, and holds out her free hand without looking up.

He can tell exactly when she reaches the “we hope this to be fair and adequate compensation for the services you will provide” portion of the letter based on her eyebrows jumping straight up and the soft “Holy shit,” falling out of her mouth.

“We did need to get out of the one bedroom before the little one makes an appearance,” Thor offers.

“Shit,” Jane says again. “We could forget that shitty two bedroom place we were looking at in Santa Fe.” It’s a soft comment, more of an idle observation than a commitment.

“So you’ll call them?”

“I’ll think about it.”

(She calls them that night, and is on a plane for an interview within 36 hours.)

THEN

In the early days of their courtship, he’d tried every job available to him. He’d worked construction, waited tables at Izzy’s, bartended, answered phones at the sheriff’s office, and sold secondhand furniture. In truth, he did not particularly hate any of these jobs--they just hardly seemed worthwhile to do for the rest of his life.

He’d been used to being significant in a way that being a human man couldn’t quite match. Going from galactically known prince and military leader of a planetary superpower to a small town bartender was a jarring transition, to say the least.

The only place he’d found where that feeling of insignificance faded was at Jane’s side. He’d never had an eye for the technicalities of magic, but he remembered enough from his schooling to be able to help her interpret some of what she was looking at; she was certainly clever enough to fill any gaps in his own knowledge.

“I could use another intern,” Jane had mused one day. Darcy had gone back to Culver after her semester with Jane had finished with six college credits under her belt and a promise to stay in touch.

(“How do you feel about student-teacher relationships?” he’d asked cheekily later on.)

(She’d slapped his shoulder, but given her lips on his not a moment later, he supposed that was his answer.)

NOW

Their new home is lovely. Jane had been added to SHIELD’s payroll two months ago, and they’d collected enough savings to put down a sizable down payment on a nice three bedroom house about a twenty minute drive from SHIELD’s base.

She still hasn’t managed to talk SHIELD into letting her bring him with her.

“They’re fishing for information about you, I know they are. They keep saying shit like ‘oh, your research assistant hasn’t cleared our background checks, but if you help us fill in the gaps, we can do something for you.’ Pffft. Like I’m going to fall for that.”

“And I’m only the research assistant?” he asks from his place by the stove, tossing his chopped bell peppers into the frying pan with the onions.

Jane rolls her eyes and plops down at the kitchen table. “Right? It’s not like they don’t know we’re married.”

“They literally helped me get my driver’s license that lists my name.”

She gives him a helpless shrug. “They have a lot of questions about where you come from.”

“Perhaps we tell them everything. Phil Coulson isn’t so bad, despite what you think.”

Jane growls. “Why you insist on being friends with him I’ll never understand.”

Thor shrugs and bends to check his roast in the oven. “He is a nice fellow.”

“A nice fellow who stole all my research.”

Their doorbell rings. Thor moves to answer it, but Jane flaps a hand at him. “No, no, I’ve got it. You’ve got dinner going.” She slides up behind him and hugs him around the waist, kissing his shoulder blade before stepping away. “Love you. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he answers as she leaves the kitchen. He takes two plates from the cupboard and wonders who could be at their door. He has invited Coulson for dinner in the past (hoping that his wife would bury the hatchet once she got to know him), but he hardly seems like the type to show up if he hasn’t informed the hosts of his arrival.

He’s in the midst of carrying the plates to the table when Fandral, Sif, Hogun and Volstagg walk into his kitchen.

The plates slip right out of his fingers and smash against the tile floor.

(Once the fragments are cleaned up, his friends tell him what has transpired on Asgard in his years of absence. Loki lied, his father was never dead, and a few months ago emerged from the Odinsleep. Loki disappeared soon after, and they’ve heard disturbing rumblings about Loki partnering with the Mad Titan.)

(“We have reliable sources saying he’s hunting for something called the Tesseract,” Sif says.)

(“This Tesseract,” Jane says, “wouldn’t happen to be like… a small-ish, blue, glowing cube would it?”)

(“Yes, that exactly,” Sif says, surprised.)

(Jane winces. “I think I know where you can find it.”)

THEN

Jane liked to cuddle. Especially when she was sated and sleepy, her limbs would tangle around him like an affectionate octopus. It was one of those nights when she asked him, “Would you go back?”

“Hm?” he asked, mind addled by sex and the late hour.

“If you got the chance to go back to Asgard, be who you used to be. Would you take it?”

“I doubt I’ll ever get that chance.”

“Humor me,” she said, insistent in a way that tells him this is far more important to her than she’s willing to explicitly vocalize.

He stared at the ceiling in silence for a long moment, considering his answer, because she deserves a fully honest one.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. “I don’t think I could ever be who I used to be. I haven’t used magic in so many years, I feel like I can’t properly imagine it anymore.” He shifted to look at her. Her head was on his chest, and she steadily met his gaze, brown eyes wide and accepting. “The only way I can imagine going back is if I go back with you,” he said.

(Not long after that, they said I love you for the first time.)

(A half a year after that, Thor asked her to become his wife.)

(Inscribed on the inside of their wedding bands is the phrase Home is wherever you are.)

BREAK

When Jane shows up to the SHIELD base with her husband plus four honest-to-goodness Viking warriors at her back and requests to speak with Agent Coulson the agent on gate duty scrambles to fulfill her request.

While Jane handles the particulars of getting several guests in past security, his friends encircle him, staring at him like he’s a headless banshee. “What?” he asks.

“You’re married,” Hogan states, as though it’s obvious.

“I am.”

“And you’re expecting a child,” Sif says.

“Is there a point to stating the obvious?”

They all look at each other, and then back at him as though he is missing the obvious.

“The only one who was less likely to settle down was me,” Fandral says, an emphatic hand placed over his chest.

Thor shrugs. “I’ve changed.” He looks past them, to where Jane is emphatically gesturing at the agent who is clearly not moving fast enough in getting her what she wants and smiles. “She is everything I never knew I needed in a package I never expected.”

“I think it’s a good change,” Volstagg says proudly. “Becoming a father does tend to mature someone quite rapidly.” He steps forward to give Thor a hearty slap on the shoulder. Forgetting that his friend is no longer Aesir, the gesture nearly dislocates the joint and Thor struggles to stay on his feet.

“This new Thor, I like him!” Volstagg crows.

(The other three don’t look entirely convinced yet, but seem more or less willing to accept him as he is now.)

(Thor loves his friends--he knows them as well as anyone, and thinks that they will come to understand his new life.)

(He knows they want to ask if he will come home.)

(He knows what he will answer.)

THEN

“You don’t have any strong feeling about flower arrangements for the wedding, do you?” Thor asked.

Jane looked up from the book she was reading with a quizzical look on her face. “Uh, no? We’re getting married out in the middle of the desert.” She pauses. “Why? Do you?”

Thor had been idly browsing online and-- “This flower,” he had turned the screen to Jane and she leaned forward. “What is it called?”

“I think it’s a calla lily?” She squinted a little. “Definitely calla lily. They’re a pretty popular wedding flower.”

Thor hummed softly in contemplation. “Do you like them?” he asked.

“They’re pretty and they smell nice, so I guess.”

Thor went quiet for a moment, his eyes unseeing, and Jane bookmarked her book and set it aside. She scooted into his side on the couch and seemed to wake him from whatever spell he’d been under.

“Where did you go?” she asked.

“Just remembering,” he answered. “My mother liked to raise flowers. The palace gardens were almost entirely her handiwork. She was a talented sorceress, so she could’ve easily used her magic to make her garden as beautiful as it was, but she never did. She told me that sometimes the easiest thing isn’t the right thing.” He chuckled a bit at that. “She had lots of gardening life wisdom for us.

“Anyway, her favorite flower was the Queth Blossom. They look almost just like these,” he said.

“Then let’s get them for the wedding--I changed my mind, I have a very strong opinion about flower arrangements and I think they should be calla lilies.” Jane had said; he still remembers the way his heart leapt, and then melted, at her simple declaration. The way she simply said of course to something to remember his mother by. The way she could make him happy by just existing, by just being who she is.

(Jane would eventually tell everyone at the wedding who would listen that the flower arrangements were done in memory of his mother.)

(He loves her.)

NOW

The Tesseract is underwhelming at first, a shiny bauble like millions of others across the universe. Then it opens a portal and Loki emerges from the other side.

Underwhelmed is suddenly the least of Thor’s emotions.

Before Loki can stand and take in the room, Thor shoves Jane under a desk, praying to any deity that will listen that he doesn’t notice her. He can’t bring himself to hide with her. He has to speak to his brother, he has to know what--

“Loki!” Sif shouts.

Loki looks surprised, his attention pulled towards where the Warriors stand in formation with the SHIELD agents who approached the portal.

“Sir, please put down the spear,” calls out Fury.

A blast from the weapon takes down three agents before Thor can say anything.

“Loki! Stop!” Thor shouts, running from his meager cover behind the desk.

Loki knocks back the last of his opponents, downing even Sif and the Warriors with a power that is absolutely beyond anything he knew Loki possessed.

Loki’s eyes find Thor, and Thor barely recognizes the unhinged look in his eye.

“What happened to you?” Thor asks, a soft and genuine query because his brother looks unwell; gaunt, tired, and plain rabid.

Loki doesn’t answer immediately, just stalks forward like a predator.

“I started to see clearly for the first time in my life.”

There are other words, calmly spoken about a world made free from freedom, then Loki drops the visage Thor knows, his skin goes blue and his eyes go red and oh.

(Oh, Loki.)

Thor refuses to falter under the weight of this new truth that he can feel in his bones. He is not mine in blood, but he is my brother. “We were raised together, we played together, we fought together. Do you remember none of that?” Thor asks.

“I remember a shadow,” Loki says softly, stepping closer, skin still blue. “Living in the shade of your greatness.” He laughs. “And who could blame anyone for treating the Frost Giant like an invader who does not belong in his own home?

“And now you are but a man.” He snorts. “A pathetic, human man who can be killed just as easily as everyone else in this room.”

“Spare them,” Thor says. “If you want to take my life as recompense, then--”

(Just his small life. Just his small life with his wife, who he loves, and his unborn child, who he would do anything for. Just his one small life as Thor Foster seems--it seems too big to give up. His heart screams at the unfairness of it all.)

(It is too much to give, it is too much to lose.)

(But if he doesn’t offer to lose it, then everyone will die. He knows that.)

(There’s no such thing as just a small life, Thor knows in that moment. No life in this room is any smaller or bigger than his.)

(He feels like he wants to cry, but he will do it.)

Loki says, “Oh, but I could do that anyway. Besides,” a poisonous grin seeps over his face as he glances over Thor’s shoulder. “It looks like your wife is trying to make trouble for me.”

The floor drops out from under Thor as he looks back to see Jane typing furiously on the control unit that directly affects the Tesseract’s behavior. It’s sparking, just like it did when it opened to bring Loki here, and his brilliant wife is this close to being able to send him away--

Loki sends Thor into a wall with a flick of his fingers. Dazed, possibly concussed, but otherwise unhurt, Thor tries to stand, feels a scream inching out of his throat as he watches Loki magically drag Jane from behind the station.

Thor has never understood what made him worthy of Mjolnir in the first place.

He’d first picked it up in his youth, when he’d been emotional and his magic had been out of control-- Mjolnir had been a focusing point, something to channel himself through, something that felt like an extension of his connection to a storm. He’d been so busy trying to be the best warrior Asgard had ever seen, he’d never stopped to really think about what being worthy meant.

He learns what worthiness means in the space of a heartbeat.

He learns what it means the instant Loki turns his sight on Jane.

He reaches out, instinct, need, his magic reawakening, he does not know.

Mjolnir answers.

The hammer rips through the domed ceiling above them, and flies straight to his hand. The storm fills him once more and it’s only now that he has it back that he can feel the ache of its absence.

Loki, for the first time since he stepped into the room, looks scared.

Jane just grins.

(Later, when she gets the chance to examine the armor up close, she asks, “Is this how you normally looked?”)

(He answers, “More or less.”)

(She smiles like a woman who is absolutely going to ask him to wear his armor in bed later.)

(“It’s a good look.)

#fostersonweek #fostersonweek2019 #fosterson #jane foster #thor #fosterson fic #my fic #ooops?#did i mention i have two other small fics coming?#i've actually genuinely written so much!#is it all great? fuck no!!! but it's at least decent!!!

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dam-those-words · 5 years

Text

15 Questions Tag Game!

I was (kinda) tagged by @georgiacambrielwritblr!

Rules: Pick a character (or two in my case) from your WIP and have them answer these 15 questions, then tag 15 people!

(Also, I already had this post done but when I tried to post it Tumblr went Thud appearently and deleted it instead, so I had to start over. Sorry for the long wait Georgia lol)

1. What is your full name?

" I'm Aniol Kaminski," The dirty-blonde male on the interviewer's right ruffles his red and gold wings. It takes most of the interviewer's willpower to not stare at them while shaking his hand; of course they've seen wings before, but never like these.

"Mattea Sarai," Says the platinum blonde on the interviewer's left. She completely disregards the interviewers outstretched hand and instead sits back in her wooden chair and crosses her arms.

2. What does it mean?

"Mine means something like, 'Stone Angel,' in Polish, so that's pretty cool." Aniol's voice is a growly-type deep, and paired with his thick accent, it takes the interviewer a second the realize what he said.

"You're so lucky. [Throwback to when his name was actually Lucky lmao] My name means some bullshit like, 'Princess,' or 'God's Gift,' or something. Makes me wanna barf just thinking about it." Mattea says, making a puking gesture.

"Woah there, young lady. Who taught you to cuss?" Aniol grins at her, but the way he flashes it makes it seem more like baring his teeth.

Mattea raises an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'Who taught you to cuss?' Have you heard yourself?" She leans forward in her wooden chair, putting her elbows on her knees.

Aniol leans forward, copying Mattea. He whispers-- well more like growls-- something too quiet for the interviewer to hear, but makes the rage in Mattea's eyes simmer.

The tension in the room makes the interviewer realize that the wooden table in between them would do nothing if the got into a fight as bad as they'd been rumored to. The interviewer clears their throat and asks the next question.

3. Do you two have any nicknames or other names?

"I don't really have any, but this little devil does call me Bird Boy more often than she calls me Aniol," Aniol nodded towards the girl across the wooden table.

Mattea had snatched a peanut butter cookie from the gold-lined plate in the middle of the table, and now had a mouthful of cookie. She somehow still managed to say, "Are you forgetting about Jexi calling you Ann? Like, Ann of Green Gables?"

Aniol simply rolls his eyes, replying, "I'm not forgetting, I'm just ignoring the fact that you've appearently eavesdropped. And don't talk while eating,"

"Its not like I try to listen to everything that happens in your guys' rooms, especially at night when you guys--"

"Anyway, why don't you tell them what your nickname is?" His cheeks are a bright red as he talks.

Mattea smiles, relaxing a little and shrugging. "I don't really have any, either. Oh, well, Mayson calls me Matt sometimes. But other than that, none."

4. What's your gender?

"Male, obviously," Aniol says, the pink already fading.

"Female," Mattea answers.

"God, we're so boring. I wish we had Dani so they could spice it up," There's a tinge of sadness in his voice. He frowns down at his hands where he holds a small paperclip he had been figiting with, his short and jagged hair falling into his eyes.

Mattea's eyebrows scrunch for a split second before a mask of arrogance passes over he features, and she says, "Speak for yourself, amigo. I'm the most interesting out of the entire Assassin's."

Aniol's returning look is so full of an emotion that the interviewer can't place, but still makes them look away and clear their throat yet again.

5. What is your sexuality?

"I'm pansexual," Aniol says quickly, sitting back in his chair and grabbing a cookie.

The confusion must have shown on the interviewer's face, since Aniol adds on, in a matter-of-fact tone, "It means that I can like anyone, regardless of their gender."

The interviewer nods and turns towards Mattea for an answer.

She had become a completely different person than she was about five seconds ago: she had somehow scrunched in on herself, grabbing her arms as if she were cold. Her lips were pursed.

"I--uh, I don't... I think--" Mattea is interrupted again by Aniol, but this time her expression changes to relief instead of amusement.

"We've talked about it before, and Mattea would like to not answer that question. If we could move on, that'd be great." He says in the same matter-of-fact tone as earlier.

6. Where are you from?

"Poland, though you can probably tell," Aniol says, his accent somehow becoming thicker than before.

Mattea clears her throat, the tension slowly leaving her body. "I'm from here. Akida."

7. How old are you?

"I'm 25. I was born on October 2nd, 2005." Aniol says.

"I'm only two years younger than him, and yet he somehow thinks that he's sooo--" Mattea does jazz hands as she speaks. "--much smarter and wiser than me, even though I obviously am the smarter one."

Aniol rolls his eyes, throwing the last bit of his cookie at her. He hits her directly in the forehead. His eyes go wide.

There's a moment of silence before they both burst out laughing. It fills the small room, and the interviewer can't help but join them.

8. Any special talents?

"Not really. I mean, I'm pretty good at baseball, but my wings get in the way for any sport." Aniol ruffles his wings again in emphasis. The interviewer silently thanks themselves again for remembering to get a special chair to accommodate his wings.

"I'm good at using most weapons, besides those stupid miscellaneous ones. I'm also good at braiding my own hair, which is something even Jexi can't do." Mattea figits with her hair tie, throwing Aniol an arrogant grin.

"Hey, you should put all that on your future resumes. I'm great at weapons, also known as murder, I can tie my hair back like any normal human, and I can be incredibly stupid! I'm the whole package!" Aniol mocks, making his deep voice extremely high.

The interviewer tenses, but is pleasantly surprised when all Mattea does is laugh and look expectantly for the next question.

9. Any kids?

Mattea bark-laughs again, shaking her head vigorously.

Aniol only shrugs his shoulders and says, "In the future, if my partner wants them. But none right now,"

10. What's your aesthetic?

Mattea interrupts Aniol before he has a chance to open his mouth, ticking the subjects off on her fingers as she talks, "Water fountains, pale roses, lip balm, pastel colors, stationary--"

It's Aniol's turn to cut her off, asking what an aesthetic is.

"It's like... your vibes. Like, for you it would be something like... maybe lots of grey and orange things." Mattea explains.

"That sounds stupid, but whatever. I guess mine is cobblestone, rain... uh, bright orange feathers and pumpkins. I don't know what it means, don't laugh at me!" He adds when Mattea tries to cover her laugh up with a cough.

11. Who's your best friend?

"Jexi,"

"Are you sure it's only best friend? Nothing else?" Mattea prods at Aniol's answer.

"Oh shut up. What about you and Mayson, huh?" He snaps back. Her cheeks turn as red as Aniol's cheeks earlier.

"That's not important,"

"Mhm," Though their words suggest tension, their eyes are full of amusement.

12. Would you ever get piercings or tattoos?

"I already have a tattoo," Aniol says, pulling up his grey sleeve to show a black and white tattoo of an arrow on his bicep.

"Wait, when did you get that?" Mattea asks, leaning forward to see it better.

"Jexi gave it to me when we were nineteen,"

Mattea's eyebrows rise. "Jexi did? And you still refuse to acknowledge the fact that she's--"

"Did I not make myself clear, Matt?" Aniol snarls, letting his sleeve fall down.

Mattea snarls right back.

The interviewer hastily asks the next question, hoping to change their focus onto them.

13. When are you happiest?

Aniol throws Mattea one last death glare before ruffling his wings yet again. "When I'm flying,"

"With a certain someone," Mattea tries to whisper but the interviewer hears her anyway, smirking.

"Do you have a death wish or what, Matt?"

"Name a time when I didn't,"

Aniol starts to respond but is cut off by the interviewer, still desperately hoping to get through this interview without a fight. The interviewer asks Mattea the question again.

"If I'm honest, I really like sketching. And archery. And I do like to banter with this idiot," She smiles again, but it's (thankfully) filled with much less venom than before.

That quickly, the tension leaves the room. The interviewer was amazed at their ability to start and end an argument in less than a minute. No wonder these two were always in trouble.

14. What's your biggest secret?

"Oooh, that's a good one. Why don't you go first, Aniol?" Mattea claps her hands, threading them together and putting them on her now crossed legs.

"Oh, uh. I guess... I'm terrified of spiders. Like, I hate then with my whole being,"

Mattea seemingly can't help but laugh at that, trying again and failing at turning it into a cough.

"Hey, you're scared of them, too! Don't you remember when you made Noah switch sleeping bags with you because you thought there was a spider in yours?" Aniol hastily defends himself.

"Yeah, but," Mattea is laughing so hard she can barely talk.

It takes longer than the interviewer would have liked for Mattea to finally calm down, and to ask the question again.

"I think my biggest secret is how I got this necklace and why." Mattea answers, holding out a silver chain with a half-cresent moon dangling on it.

When she doesn't continue, the interviewer decides to move on and get this interview over with.

15. Last question: What's the first thing you notice about people?

"Hmm. I think I notice how they move firstly. That alone tells you a lot about them," Mattea answers, nodding at her own answer.

A grin creeps onto Aniol's face at her, but he only says, "I notice their eye or lips first. I don't really know why, and I honestly should notice their movement first, but," He shrugs.

Oh jeez, I'm sorry for the long post lmao!

And idk about 15 people, since tumblr might decide to not actually tag them, but I'll try as many as I can think of!

@supersockosis @toboldlywrite @quillwritten @quilloftheclouds @fruzsiwrites @reeseweston @writeness @bartlebyboys @pens-swords-stuff @msmeaghanrey

As always, you dont have to do this is you dont want to (or already did it), and if I didnt tag you feel free to do it anyway and say I tagged you!

#tag games #tag game #long post #sorryyyyy #i know im a hypocrite lmao #my ocs #mattea sarai #aniol kaminski #btw theyre pronounced exactly how they look #well #aniol is ann yule #but besides that #yeah

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

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Buster & Rio

Buster: [fam christmas woooo when you ain't talked to your sister in 4 months either just to make it more awks] Rio: [what a fun time for all, when you are constantly on your phone so much 'cos Ryan won't stop messaging you and wants a play by play Buster: [he'd be drunk before he even got there ffs boy] Rio: [when it's that point in the evening when everyone is playing stupid games tipsy and you just cannot so you go hide in the kitchen] Buster: [let's say he bumps into her literally cos yeah what you need is another drink boy] Rio: [when you literally jump back like 'oh'] Buster: [when you do the thing peeps do to me & go twenty miles out of your way round her] Rio: ['Don't fall, McKenna'] Buster: ['Only for you, babe' too drunk & voice too loud] Rio: [When you swipe his drink off the counter 'fore he can stop you can take a sip and put your finger to your lips like 'shh, idiot' and hand it back to him, shaking your head] Buster: [When you down that drink so you have to get another & be in there longer] Rio: ['tis the season' when even when you're talking you're constantly on your phone and not that bitch and they love eye contact but she's not smiling like 😍 it's more like 😑] Buster: [when you take her phone before she can stop you & put it down where she can't reach it] Rio: [the lowkey panic in your eyes that you try to mask, 'Come on, don't be a dick'] Buster: ['Don't be rude'] Rio: ['Your territory, I know'] Buster: ['You trying to come for my crown now?'] Rio: ['Maybe' trying to move a chair to wherever he's put her phone] Buster: ['Antisocial is closer to the other twin. Try harder' Lifts her up so she can get it cos drunk & shameless] Rio: [When you stop breathing 'til you're back on the ground and then you breathe out so heavily, 'You wanna be social now? Party's in there' points to the lounge] Buster: ['Hopeless romantic is more her thing too' throws the words over his shoulder as he leaves cos he knows about the bf through stalking them socials] Rio: What are you talking about Buster: You love him Buster: It's cute Rio: It's not even been a month Buster: Moving fast is more of a lesbian thing, like I said, Nance will either be thrilled or threatened Rio: Talk to her and see Rio: though you've definitely got better things to catch up on than my dating history Buster: Put your phone down & try it yourself Rio: I see her every day Buster: Run out of shit to say then? Understandable Buster: Probably don't tell her that though Buster: So rude Rio: I'm not trying to take away from your sibling bonding time Rio: soz Buster: You can't take something that don't exist Rio: It exists, you both just choose to ignore it Rio: least it's mutual though so Buster: Nah, it's been scratched out the schedule instead of penciled in Buster: Still siblings no time to bond Rio: Hmm Rio: you're SO busy, yeah Buster: Yeah Rio: Lovely Buster: Not the word Rio: Not so miserable I'm here to listen to the 'stresses' in your life, tah Buster: Never said it was negative, I just don't use old lady vocab, like Buster: You sound like a teacher Rio: 🙄 Rio: Now you're gonna chat shit on my vocabulary, alright private school Buster: I am a pleasure to have in class if you wanna let my parents know Rio: That was the whole point, remember Rio: how would I know Buster: Play really well with others too but probably don't let 'em know how you know that Rio: You'll be wanting to delete that, I presume Rio: surprised you've even got the balls to talk to me at all Buster: How many convos did you start? Buster: I weren't expecting you to jump out of a cake but a happy birthday would've been polite Rio: Likewise Rio: Expecting or fantasizing, you'd have to make a booking Rio: not showing up uninvited, heaven forbid Buster: Mine was first, babe & I ain't never pretended to be that Rio: So if I'd have said it to you, you'd have returned the favour Rio: You're so childish Buster: We'll never know now Buster: What I might've said Buster: Or gifted you Rio: Save it up for sweet 16 Rio: maybe you'll be allowed to talk to me then Buster: Maybe I'll show up in time to stop the wedding Buster: Fingers crossed you don't get knocked up like your mum Rio: Shut up Buster: Only so much your good looks could do to beat the odds of it being an ugly kid Rio: What would you know Buster: Flawless + Fuck ugly = you're right I don't know Buster: Don't wanna Rio: You've never even seen him Rio: don't be so judgmental Buster: Wrong again, babe Buster: Factual more like Rio: Well I clearly don't think so if I love him so much, do I Buster: That'll be all the cum in your eye Rio: So mature Buster: They don't age check on those vids, it's fine Rio: should run a basic IQ test on you Rio: someone who claims to be such a pleasure in class, like Buster: I've done one but I know you hate when I brag about numbers Rio: That's universal Rio: no one but your hanger-on mates wants to hear that Buster: Your friend loved it, she thinks hers is lucky Rio: I'm glad you found someone officially more stupid than you then Buster: That's universal Buster: Applicable in every case, like Rio: Sure she loved being told that too Rio: such a bullshitter Buster: We didn't do that much talking Buster: Once I'd told her what to do, not much else left to say Rio: Why are you still talking Buster: Why are you still replying? Rio: Gotta be on my phone ain't I Buster: Not in this convo though Rio: Well you're blocking my notifications Rio: you'll pussy out soon enough and be gone Buster: Well I'm drunk. Mute me Rio: Take some responsibility for yourself Rio: you always want me to do everything Buster: So you don't want a line then? More for me Rio: That explains why you're talking so much shit Rio: go on then Rio: have to be here so Buster: [brings it to her cos gentlemanly] Rio: [goes off to the bathroom, 'cos learnt something about getting caught, humming white christmas like] Buster: [lols] Rio: Cheers Buster: Merry Christmas Rio: Merry Christmas, Buster Rio: [bringing the baggie back, assuming there's plenty to go around here] Buster: [does his off the kitchen counter cos wants to be where she is] Rio: [rolls her eyes but licks a finger to clean up the excess and sucks it off] Buster: [is 😏] Rio: ['still like danger, do you?] Buster: ['Don't you?'] Rio: ['Obviously'] Buster: [picks her up & puts her on the counter cos throwback & is standing between her legs like close af 'good to know'] Rio: ['How gone are you?' cos what else can you say rn] Buster: [whispers 'depends who you ask' in her ear and puts a finger to his lips like its such a big secret okay boyyy] Rio: [lols, 'thanks for inadvertently answering my question there' but is just looking at him still like #conflict] Buster: [reaches round her to take her drink cos left his in the other room] Rio: ['oi!' pouty face] Buster: [rather than just giving her it back like a normal person, feeds her the drink like this is crepes 2.0] Rio: [into it.com, 'sharing is caring today, huh?'] Buster: [a nod because so much eye contact so much tension who can speak] Rio: [when you're so close now your phone is the only thing between you and then it goes off and you shit yourself] Buster: [angry.com idk whose house they are in but blatantly walks off & punches the wall in potential full view of the fam cos coke ain't your friend boy] Rio: [when you gotta go outside to have that call 'cos not only not wanting him to hear but everyone tbh] Buster: [when everyone's like umm wtf buster but you ain't having it so you storm out & are also outside but the front while she's in the back] Rio: [when every convo is like talking him off a ledge 'cos he's that bitch do not need this Ryan, even a little bit, going back in finally to get a drink 'cos 1. need and 2. hoping he's had the same idea] Buster: [when you're just having a meltdown lowkey] Rio: I'm just sending this in case you want anything but me to fuck off Buster: I can't Buster: Want anything but that Rio: I'm sorry Rio: genuinely Buster: Don't Buster: Just fucking do not Rio: What can I do Rio: tell me and I'll do it Buster: Nothing Rio: that's what you need? Buster: Don't talk to me, don't talk to me, fucking none of it Buster: *Look Rio: Okay Rio: I will Rio: I'm not gonna give out totally empty promises it'll be hard but I will Buster: [When you just yeet like where do you think you're going at Christmas babe] Rio: [Later] Rio: Tell someone where you are Buster: Why would I do that? Buster: & Why would you ask me to? That's a broken promise already Rio: That's what I do Rio: I'm a shit person, like you don't know by now Rio: but they're gonna go out looking if you don't soon so heads up Buster: Let 'em, I don't care about ruining their fun in case you didn't know by now Rio: Alright Rio: if you don't wanna stay where you are Buster: Why? Rio: Know they'll find you Buster: No, why do you love him? Rio: Honestly? Rio: I don't, you can believe that or not but I don't Rio: I'm just trying, you know Buster: I believe it, if only 'cause I want to Buster: That & I've seen him Rio: Alright 😂 Rio: it's not all about looks, general statement, not a declaration of love Buster: He's got that good of a personality, yeah? Rio: Well Rio: said I weren't it love with him, didn't I Rio: he's alright but it really don't go much deeper than that right now Buster: There's no chance he knows that Buster: Unless he's just that chatty with everyone Rio: Yeah Rio: he's a lot Rio: just that type, you know Buster: Do you want me to chat to him? Buster: I can be a lot Rio: Don't think that means you should be besties Rio: it's fine though, honestly Rio: I can handle him, and whoever else Buster: Alright Rio: are you Buster: Don't ask me questions you already know the answer to Buster: You ain't meant to even be talking to me Rio: Yeah Rio: just want the answer to be different Rio: can't be acting surprised, notoriously bad at keeping any kind of promise, and leaving you alone Buster: Maybe Santa will bring you what you want next year, babe Buster: Don't waste your birthday wish though Rio: 🤞 Rio: Sure some other fucker's got to the wishbone too Rio: keep an eye out for shooting stars Buster: Do my best Buster: Any less isn't an option, like Rio: Nah Rio: what can I say if you don't? Rio: see, best gift of all yeah Rio: room to breathe Buster: I know that ain't yours to me, someone's fucked with that tag Rio: Yeah, I just got you socks but worth trying to claim it Rio: you got me Buster: Socks have their uses Buster: Cold feet or otherwise Rio: Yeah, think of me whenever your feet are cold Rio: 😂 Buster: Obviously Rio: Where are you then Buster: You're not getting an invite Rio: Just curious Rio: Anyway, with you gone and them out looking, I've got the drinks to myself now so tah Buster: Shame it's not the house Buster: That'd be worth coming back for Rio: Stay gone a few hours more maybe the search party will include rugging up all the kids Rio: keep you posted on how special you are Buster: Cheers Rio: it's just your da and granddad Rio: which I did point out probably wasn't the best team when assumedly you've found a pub that's open Rio: might have to stop for a pint, even if you ain't Rio: rude not to Buster: & I had my money on mum & Nance, gutted Buster: The fan club's a fucking sham Rio: shit state of affairs, honestly Rio: where's janis when you need her Rio: sure she'd find you Buster: Only if you'd started searching first Buster: & Were about to find me Rio: That would've been a well good excuse Rio: just tryna find enlightenment it's okay Rio: my ma would buy it and she's the nosiest so Buster: There was a ticket to Heaven on offer so Rio: should've come on the search, like Rio: knew I'd fuck up the talking one so reckoned I could at least go a day or two without looking Rio: if I played it right Buster: I still haven't been found Buster: If you wanna do the honours Rio: Hide and seek Rio: what do I win? Buster: I told you not to ask when you already know the answer Rio: Okay Rio: wish its me that finds you 'cos awkward if it's them Buster: I don't need hope or wishes, remember Buster: Neither do you Buster: Not for this Rio: Okay Rio: no cheating, I'll know Buster: I swear Buster: Head boy's honour, like Rio: are you actually head boy now Buster: Did you actually think I wouldn't be? Rio: Didn't doubt you for a second Rio: hot Rio: in a nerdy way Buster: I'd have brought the badge if I'd have known you were so into it Rio: I know this christmas was going pretty shocking but you've really ruined mine now Buster: [sends her a pic of him when he was wearing it] Buster: You bring me problems, I offer you solutions Rio: 😍 Rio: If you ever go proper missing, make sure they use that Rio: well inspiring Buster: I can do better, but they can't show that level of inspiring on the news Rio: not even the 10 o'clock one Buster: Probably keep 'em your eyes only, babe Rio: Fine by me Rio: I wanna be the one to find you anyway Buster: I want you to Rio: Lemme sniff this out Rio: did you have your keys on you Buster: I always have my keys on me Rio: if you've gone home that's so funny Buster: You know I'm hilarious Rio: Your dad is Rio: if we wanna keep ruining the festivities tell your mum how dumb he is Rio: be a hoot Buster: Will do Buster: Hold on Rio: Alright? Buster: Depends who you ask Rio: Well if you've had an empty house this whole time and you're only just telling me Rio: don't know if this is even you tbh Rio: convincing serial killer maybe Buster: I just needed Buster: That breathing room I got as a mystery gift Rio: Makes sense Rio: I don't have to come Rio: if you still wanna be left alone, I won't tell Rio: they can worry a bit longer Buster: You do have to Buster: I wanna be alone with you Rio: I want that too Rio: hold on Buster: Okay Rio: Promise you'll take my phone away when I get there Buster: If you promise not to tell anyone that I think my hand is fucked Rio: How fucked Rio: like, if you show me how to strap it we can do that or sneaky trip to A&E fucked Buster: Like I can already hear the lecture about punching walls instead of bags Rio: We'll sort it Rio: I won't tell anyone Buster: Thanks Rio: doesn't mean I don't get to fuss though Buster: Such a mum Buster: I ain't got that many issues that its a turn on for me, you know Rio: Shut up Rio: so rude Buster: You're cute Rio: 😒 yeah and as unsexy as a mum Buster: You couldn't be unsexy if you tried Rio: swear you got just enough issues? Buster: Talking about them would take all night Buster: But so would what I'd rather do Rio: Well Rio: think they'll clock before then but Rio: take whatever time we can get Buster: Well then I swear I'll make it worth it Buster: Even if we have to be quick Rio: Jesus Rio: I know it'll be worth it Rio: how could it not be Buster: Yeah, but you don't know how worth it yet Buster: You will Rio: You too Rio: I swear Buster: Tell me this is actually fucking happening this time Buster: I need you Rio: It has to Rio: 'cos all that's happening is I'm caring less and less about the risks and more and more about just making it happen Buster: I know I'm drunk but I never cared about anything but this Buster: I don't Rio: We're both drunk but it's still true Rio: I can't stop, Buster Rio: whatever the fuck this is Buster: You don't have to Buster: Be with me, that's all I want Rio: I'm coming Rio: I'm sorry but even if your family walks in at this point I ain't fucking stopping Rio: I'm so sick of not getting what I want Buster: I can't not give it to you Buster: Everything you want Rio: You Rio: that is all I want right now Buster: I'm not even offended that you don't reckon I'm everything Buster: Easily proved wrong Rio: Exactly Rio: show me Buster: Fuck Buster: Say that again Rio: Show me, baby Rio: I want you to be everything, 'cos you're all I can think about Buster: Rio Rio: Buster Buster: Hurry up & be at my house for fuck's sake Rio: you know I live in the middle of nowhere Rio: [cos figure cali gaff has the most space so logic they'd have been there] Rio: it's the biggest cockblock, modern day princess in a tower basically Buster: 😂 Buster: I'm surrounded by princesses all day, you ain't Rio: Bit rude but I've been called worse Buster: It's the opposite of rude the way I mean it Rio: Let you off then Buster: Don't you know that you're on another level? Buster: Doesn't he tell you that in all those texts you get? Rio: He says a lot of things Rio: I'd be lying if I said I was always tuned in, like Buster: Of course not, like you said, I'm all you can think about Rio: Literally Rio: it's stupid Buster: Nah, 'cause if it was it'd be shared stupidity & I'm too smart for that Rio: 😂 Rio: very self-serving, but I'll take it Buster: Plus, I fucking hate sharing Rio: I know Rio: but you know you don't have to with me Rio: not really Buster: You're gonna dump him, yeah? Rio: I can Rio: we can talk about that later though Rio: what we wanna do for the rest of the time and all that Rio: don't think about it right now Buster: I can't think Buster: Not properly Rio: Then don't Rio: you know I want you more than anyone else right now Buster: Yeah Buster: More than anyone else ever Rio: Yeah Rio: Whatever it is Rio: I know I ain't felt it before Rio: wanting someone so hard all the time Buster: Me either Buster: Wanting someone this hard Buster: Never mind all the time Rio: I know it's crazy Rio: but I don't care Rio: can't Buster: Folie à deux, like Rio: You and your French obsession 😏 Buster: I had to learn to kiss somehow, you didn't teach me shit Rio: You wouldn't let me Rio: so NOT a pleasure to have in class Buster: You could've made you move any time Buster: Including before I was dared to make mine Rio: You take the piss enough that I was in love with you without that Rio: you'd have been even more unbearable if I had, like Buster: No Buster: I only was 'cause you made me do it & then it went like that Rio: I didn't dare you Buster: You didn't have to Buster: Don't act like there weren't loads of chances before that Buster: You could've took one Rio: Better late than never, ain't it Rio: be there in 5 Buster: Of course Buster: Be here now though Rio: Could hardly ask for a lift like hey, think he's here but give me like 15 alone, k dad Buster: Can't your boyfriend drive? Perfect way to dump him Rio: Yeah that'd go well Buster: You'd soon forget all about him Buster: We don't need 15 minutes for that Rio: Not gonna time you, like but Rio: hold you to it Buster: You don't need to, give me one second & you won't remember his name Rio: Fuck Rio: I'm so ready for this Rio: for you Buster: Show me Buster: I'm done waiting Rio: [when you show up and see 'em like hell no] Rio: This is beyond an actual joke Buster: [when you can't even answer cos you're beyond angry like if you thought he was mad before peeps] Rio: Fuck this Buster: [later cos you have to deal with them] Buster: Meet me tomorrow Rio: I can't Rio: we go to see my da's family Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know Rio: can't get out of it though we stay over Rio: there's no way they'd let me stay home Buster: When are you back? Rio: 30th Rio: you're staying for new year's eve, aren't you Buster: Barely but yeah Buster: My flight's next day Rio: We'll make it work Rio: they'll all be so gone Buster: We're gonna have to, it ain't no commuter flight this time Rio: Yeah Rio: you're so lucky Buster: Not how I feel right now Rio: No, me either Rio: really not in the mood, they're all in my face constantly Buster: My dad's lucky he ain't going to A&E Rio: Not condoning that but I could've easily jumped 'em myself so Rio: this is bullshit, swear they left us alone constantly as kids Buster: I'd lift you up, babe. Teamwork Buster: & Yeah, you can swear to that 'cause they did Rio: 😂😍 Rio: #goals Rio: getting my own place as soon as I can Buster: See, I do play well with others Buster: Come to London, I'm always on my own there Buster: Fucking typical Rio: I will Rio: and you can't be mad because that's an invite Rio: however casual Buster: Mad ain't the word Buster: You're always trying to put the wrong ones in my mouth Rio: Don't make my mind go there Buster: If your mind is anywhere else, tell me how you did it Rio: it ain't Rio: but your mouth specifically now Buster: Shame my mouth ain't specifically where it wants to be Rio: Shame ain't the word Rio: for a white boy you got really good lips, you know Buster: I know Rio: ugh Rio: be here Buster: I'm here, that's all I can do Rio: I'm glad we're talking Buster: You missed me, yeah? Rio: You know I did Buster: Tell me Rio: I missed you loads Rio: I thought about you all the time Buster: You're not gonna go see that lad now are you? Rio: No Rio: he wants me to but I don't have time anyway Buster: Don't. I didn't turn you on for his benefit Rio: I don't want him Rio: you don't either, okay Buster: Okay Rio: Not today Rio: you were mine Buster: I still am Rio: Buster Buster: Rio Rio: it feels so good saying your name Rio: I wanna say it for you Buster: Call me Rio: [does, 'cos you gotta do something poor bastards] Buster: [you deserve this lads] Rio: [when even this is gonna be fire] Buster: [literally better than anything I could ever do] Rio: That was Rio: I feel a bit better now Buster: If you think you feel good now, wait until NYE Rio: I don't wanna wait Rio: but fine Rio: try my best Buster: I don't wanna either but I do wanna make up for lost time so behave & I'll make you cum for every day you've had to Buster: Hold me to it Rio: Damn Rio: you're really daddy, huh Rio: 😇 Buster: It's not that high of a number yet Buster: You can be impressed when I make the offer after being away for ages Rio: You better Rio: gotta have some incentive to come back, right Buster: Yeah Rio: I'm so jealous Buster: Put your teacher voice on & come with Rio: 😏 I'll get the 'fit Buster: I look forward to seeing it Rio: You're there to actually learn, babe Rio: maybe I'll tutor you, if I have time Buster: You're saying you don't have enough to teach me full time? Disappointing Rio: Plenty Rio: 'nuff to take it stateside Buster: Start packing then Rio: When we going Buster: Why not now Buster: Fuck it Rio: That's what I need Rio: you, distance from this fam and a place no one knows us Buster: Exactly Rio: One day Buster: Hold me to it too Rio: Can we stop doing the thing where you leave and we don't talk for months now Rio: like, it's exhausting pretending I hate you and don't wanna fuck you, you know Buster: I have to leave, but yeah, we also have to talk Rio: I know you're going Rio: I mean like I see you for a week or something and then that's that 'til the next family function Buster: I know what you mean Buster: It's not like that's how I want it Rio: Why'd it always end up happening, like Buster: What can I say? Buster: What do you want me to? Rio: I ain't blaming you Rio: it's both of us Rio: just, let's not let something happen between now and when you go so you won't talk to me alright Buster: Whatever happens, I still wanna Buster: It's not that black & white though, is it? Rio: nah Rio: I dunno Rio: we got separate lives to live Rio: obviously, and that's cool Rio: but idk why that means we have to end up hating each other Rio: like it is black and white, all or nothing Buster: I can't hate you Buster: Don't be stupid Rio: alright, pretend then Rio: you're quite convincing sometimes Buster: Well I need to be Buster: Sometimes Rio: Yeah Buster: Just don't break my fucking heart, yeah? Buster: Simple Rio: Why would I do that Buster: All or nothing Rio: that's not how I want it either, I'm telling you Rio: we can do better Buster: Obviously Buster: I can always do better & you always keep up Rio: 😏 Rio: thanks Rio: I think Buster: It's a compliment Buster: Nobody else can Buster: Not that I've found yet anyway Rio: Maybe you'll find yourself an American girl who can Buster: Maybe Rio: just don't get married Rio: can only deal with the accent for so long Buster: Before I've done uni & got a career? My mum would kill me Buster: She'd turn up with a shotgun to stop it, fuck encouraging it Rio: 😂 Rio: Nance is the hopeless romantic, I remember Buster: Good Buster: I don't do repeats never mind wedding vows Rio: Never? Buster: Like I said, they can't keep up Buster: I'm not running a charity Rio: You are funny Buster: I'm also too good at it to be having shit hook ups Buster: Tell your friends Rio: 🙄 Rio: No one's forcing you, to my knowledge Rio: so don't think you can complain Buster: I ain't Buster: You asked & I answered Rio: I did not ask you to specifically tell me how good anyone is Rio: let alone people I know Buster: I haven't Rio: Come on Rio: I know what that comment implies and about who Rio: not seen her for ages anyway so can't say I'm heartbroken over her, like Buster: I'm just saying for future reference, let you friends know that anyone can always do better Rio: It is truly amazing anyone wants to sleep with you Buster: They don't want to talk to me Buster: I told you it ain't easy Rio: It ain't hard Rio: stop flattering yourself for a sec, babe Buster: Start flattering me then, babe Rio: 😏 Buster: Can you really not meet me tomorrow? Rio: I really wanna Rio: but we leave so early Buster: You should go then Buster: Sleep Rio: but Buster: I know Buster: But I'll be there, won't I, you always dream about me Rio: Hmm so you reckon Buster: Come on Rio: You Rio: don't you wanna offer to make me sleepy? Rio: amateur Buster: Sleepy ain't the word Rio: I don't reckon you can get me to pass out from there but alright Buster: You don't? Rio: Nope Rio: don't feel bad, like 😉 Buster: Answer your phone & do exactly what I tell you, let's see how we both feel then Rio: [does, duh] Buster: [opened pandoras box here lads] Rio: [least you can do this to your hearts content no matter where y'all is, 'cept when Ryan is around, which is sadly too often] Buster: [god bless technology especially the waterproof phones of the future] Rio: [defs a thing] Buster: [they should fall asleep on the phone together though] Rio: [deffo]

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rainbowkosmos · 6 years

Text

Thoughts on Love Yourself: Tear

i’ve been listening to this album nonstop for over a week now, but I really want to organize some of my thoughts so Here We Go

(this is very long and i’m sorry)

Singularity:

This one has been out for a while and it was slow to grow on me, but now I really like it. it’s dark, sort of haunting, the kind of song that’s good for playing low at 3 am.

“감싸 보려하지만” especially sounds really good.

god this style of music suits taehyung so well. i also think this is definitely a song that is enhanced by it’s music video.

I just wanna talk for a sec about how Namjoon has had a hand in writing all three LY intros so far and how they’re all fuckin amazing

Fake Love:

I love the descending eerie “ding ding ding ding” in the background of this song. It just adds so much character.

whenever i sing this I try to sing “fake love” and then the fanchant “fake love” in the same verse lmao

“love you so bad, love you so bad, 널 위해 예쁜 거짓을 빚어내” is probably my favourite part of the song, it sound so good

also shoutout to namjoon who has two verses in this song and kills them both

jin sounds fantastic on the chorus. he really shines on this song- the way he sings “fake love” is just so pleasing to the ear.

the structure of this song is really weird. like, I don’t hate it, i actually kind of like it, but I wish they had pulled back for an instrumental break after “I just know why, it’s all fake love” and maybe built the song back up again with the “ding ding ding ding”s. it could have used the break in vocals imo.

The Truth Untold

I cried the first time I heard this song and it was 99% because of the rawness of these vocals.

god listen to jin on his first verse.

Jimin sounds beautiful on this song. jimin sounds beautiful always tbh but it’s especially noticeable here, and a lot of my favourite jimin moments from this album are on this track

“you know that I can’t show you me, give you me” i haven’t been fine since i first heard these lyrics

the connection between the first three songs (talk of masks, blooming flowers, hiding oneself) is pretty incredible tbh.

can you believe this is a steve aoki song? i can’t. well done to him for stepping outside the box.

“and i still want you” did????? i ask??????

134340

ngl this is probably my least favourite song on the album, but I can still appreciate it for it’s lyrical cleverness and the frankly amazing flute.

“Us is the plural form of U” i just. really fuckin love namjoon.

I will say, i really like the pre-chorus on this song, the “난 맴돌고만 있어“ bit. it sounds so... adventurous? idk when i first heard this song I was driving through really heavy fog at 3:30 in the morning and i honestly felt like i’d been transported back to the dawn of the dinosaurs and was about to run into a triceratops. anyway, moving on.

Paradise

Okay lyrically, this song is one of my favourites on the album, but instrumentally, it just can’t hold my attention. there’s nothing about it that grabs me except for the “Stop running for nothing, my friend” near the end. as it is, i really love the lyrics, and it has a message that i’m clinging to right now.

“We deserve a life, 뭐가 크건 작건 그냥 너는 너잖어” (whether big or small, you are just you) namjoon is like dr seuss for 20 year olds i love it

“꿈이 없어도 괜찮아” thank u bts this is a message i need rn

yoongi often raps like he’s pulled his verses straight out of my own thoughts and this one is no different. it’s kind of comforting, honestly.

why are he and hoseok turning into the same person though. like on this song and a few others, they trade verses seamlessly and it’s frankly kind of eerie.

this entire album is so cohesive though.

너를 이루는 모든 언어는 이미 낙원에 i kind of really love this line. it’s gorgeous. “every language that makes you is already in paradise”.

Love Maze

I feel like I haven’t explored this song lyrically enough, but I do like it. I especially like how defiant it sounds. Where it’s placed on the album feels very fitting.

“Love ain't a business, rather like a fitness” “Love is a maze damn, but you is amaze” goddamnit namjoon why do i love these lyrics so much

“baby, just don’t give a damn” seokjin.

tbh that’s all i have to say

that really warped sound that becomes prominent in yoongi’s verse is so cool and adds so much character and atmosphere to the song

also the reference to paradise after the last song was actually called paradise is a nice touch and again, makes this album feel like a story with a beginning, a middle and an end.

i’m really sorry. I know the actual lyrics in hoseok’s verse are “와 있고” but it 100% sounds like “white girl” and that’s all I ever hear when i listen to the song.

it’s interesting to me that some people say this song is romantic, whereas others say it’s about the relationship between bts and their fans. what i love about bts’s lyrics is they often leave a lot of things up for interpretation, and i don’t think they’d be bothered by either viewpoint.

Magic Shop

alright this is one of my favourite songs on the album and i have a Lot to say

i have the lyrics to this song saved on my phone so that i can go and look at them whenever i’m feeling down

also if a song is ‘atmospheric’ enough, i associate colours/images with them in my head, and magic shop is one of the most beautiful songs i’ve ever “seen”.

“So show me (I’ll show you)” is gonna be so fuckin powerful at concerts i can just tell

isn’t hoseok’s verse from his thank you in HYYH pt 1? ugh their minds

also hoseok sounds gorgeous here

the little “ey ey“s in yoongi’s verse please i love

and then there’s a reference to The Last here, but it’s written in a much gentler way and with a flip to it. god i love this song.

and then it goes back to hoseok rly quickly before the chorus again and have i mentioned how much i adore the way sope just fits together on this album

there’s something so calming about this song that just quiets my head for a few minutes

“you gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you” these are my favourite lyrics on the entire goddamn album, they’re just so impactful. a: a throwback to best of me, and b: a reminder to their fans that they should love themselves as much as they love bts (i’m trying, okay).

before we move on, I want to mention that Magic Shop marks a very obvious tonal shift in the album, the previous songs have all been sad, bitter, defiant, dark. there’s a consistent theme of hiding yourself behind a mask and worrying you won’t be loved (by others or yourself) if you take that mask off. in Magic Shop, the tone finally grows vulnerable, they talk of past fears, of using the “magic shop” to trade worries for happiness, and the rest of the album (until the outro) is going to be tonally more upbeat. this is not a coincidence.

Airplane Part 2

i’m not gonna lie, airplane was my least favourite song on hope world, but this? this is a fucking Jam.

the first time i heard this my mouth genuinely dropped open when jk started singing lmao

kings of singing latin pop in korean

okay jin and namjoon trading off lines is one of the most iconic parts of this entire album

EL MARIACHI

and then yoongi and jimin trading lines? also iconic. the rap and vocal lines worked so well on this album and it truly shows on songs like this.

this song ends on what feels like an unfinished note. like the structure here is weird too. is there a bridge?? i don’t feel like there is???

Anpanman

I LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH

i remember listening to this for the first time and just laughing through the whole thing bc i was so delighted

this is a song where taehyung sounds very much in his element, but in a different way from singularity

this just feels like classic bangtan to me and it makes me so happy

“keep ballin ballin, still bangtan” there is something about this line that makes me smile so much.

“눈 뜨니 hero but still in 미로” interesting. “still in a maze”- is this a reference to love maze or am i overthinking things.

also this song seems all light and fluffy on the outside until u remember that anpanman was a hero made of bread who gave parts of himself to others to make them happy and then the rapline all get a turn singing “i’m a new generation anpanman”.... i see. pls don’t do what the old generation anpanman did.

even though things have gotten tonally lighter there are still dark undertones here and that comes to a head later in the outro

i fucking love jk’s verse in this song, it might be my favourite of his on the entire album

i stan a band of Nerds

So What

this is a very surface song that i enjoy jamming to in my car, but have no thoughts on it beyond that haha

i laugh every time one of them uses “bae” in a song bc it just sounds... off

“고민보다 Go Go” god i love it when they reference their older songs

this may not have been as surface as i thought it was upon closer examination of the lyrics. idk what i was expecting tbh like, this is bts.

“hope world, let’s go” that’s fantastic

tbh this might be one of my favourite hoseok verses on the album

wait so namjoon’s not saying “i wanna die right now”? i just now figured that out.

the last minute and a half of this song simply did not need to be there

Outro: Tear

i saw someone say that the instrumental for this belongs in a movie score and i 100% agree

namjoon goes the fuck off in this song like holy shit it’s been a while

and then he repeats “you’re my tear” three times, which alone isn’t interesting but is made interesting by the fact that when rapline comes together later, this bit is changed

okay this is my favourite hoseok verse on the album

and then again with the seamless transition to yoongi! god i’m curious as to why they decided to structure their verses like that, as far as I can remember they haven’t done this before and i really like this stylistic choice because they compliment each other so well.

“we thought we dreamed the same dream, but that dream has finally become a dream“ goddamn

this song sounds so raw, like the truth untold sounded raw too, but I really liked that this album had a vocal and a rap line track to showcase how music can sound vulnerable in different ways.

OKAY here it is, one of my absolute favourite pieces of wordplay (that i can understand) on the album

namjoon says “you’re my tear,” just like he did earlier. yoongi follows that up with “you’re my tear” but he uses the other pronunciation, changing the meaning to “you’re my tear (as in, tearing something).” then hoseok comes in and rhymes “fear” with namjoon’s pronunciation of tear. these are god tier (lmao i can wordplay too) lyrics my friends.

god i love yoongi’s verse so much. first the autotune, then the layering of autotune and his lower register (which he’s used so much more on this album and i adore it) like he switches things up so well and he’s such a versatile rapper i’m literally constantly floored by him.

and then there’s another really nice transition from namjoon to yoongi. what i like about bts’s rapline is that hoseok and yoongi sound really good together, but their higher rapping styles compliment namjoon’s deeper voice so well.

i just need you all to know that the first time i listened to this song i was driving at four am and it’s a good thing i was alone bc when yoongi started singing on the bridge i literally shrieked ‘fUCK’ and clapped a hand over my mouth

hoseok was a fuckin brilliant way to finish this album off, he gives this last verse the emotion and speed it needs and i love it. they’re all good at rapping over instrumental pieces like this but there’s something about hoseok (he did it in boy meets evil too) that just drives home the emotion.

and breathe.

Standout Things:

The cohesive storyline within a larger storyline

Love Yourself: Tear is almost what I would call a concept album, which is classified as an album that is "unified by a theme, which can be instrumental, compositional, narrative, or lyrical.” (yes i got that from wikipedia, but the point stands because there’s definitely a concept here.) Love Yourself: Her also falls within the larger storyline of the Love Yourself era (the rise, fall and resolution of love) but I wouldn’t classify that as a concept album in the same way. Sure, a few of it’s songs dealt with the same sort of ideas, a love that was destined by fate, but a few others veered wildly off of that course. Love Yourself Tear remains steady on it’s concept of masks, pain, self love, giving too much to other people and how to be an idol and still love and be loved for your true self. There’s truly a story being told here and I love it.

The metaphors

Kpop love songs usually do nothing for me, but BTS has been getting a lot better at writing them lately, and what I really liked about the romantic songs on this album is that they were explored using metaphors and references to old stories. 134340 refers to both Pluto and Hades to make it’s point. Love Maze weaves a picture of a dark maze with no way out. The Truth Untold references the smeraldo flower. Even the non romantic songs tell a story in a roundabout way- Anpanman and Magic Shop are both for the fans, one is built around a superhero, the other a psychological technique used in therapy to change one’s way of thinking. The writing on this album has matured greatly and it really makes you think about what they’re saying.

Yoongi’s style experimentation

There were a couple times while listening to this album that I had to take a moment to go “wait, is that Yoongi?” I’m rather used to Yoongi rapping in a certain way. his style- occasionally cocky, occasionally bitter, usually high toned, fast and emotional- is pretty distinct, and for the most part, he ditched that on this album in favour of a style that’s more mellowed out and lower pitched. he experimented with autotune, sound effects and even singing and i think his experimentation paid off, because he was one of the most memorable parts about this album for me.

Namjoon’s writing

Namjoon is a phenomenal lyricist, we all know that, but every single verse of his on this album stood out to me in some way or another. he had a hand in writing/producing every single song on this album, and i could really see his influence all over it. I just love words and well written lines, and there are so many lines on this album, particularly in Namjoon’s verses that just make me stop for a moment so I can just appreciate the beauty.

Magic Shop’s themes

This. Song.

First of all, the concept of the “magic shop” is such a cool idea for a song, and the way they incorporated it is actually really clever? It’s literally a therapeutic song, because it is a real psychological technique and they’re saying ‘we’ll be your happiness, just come to the “magic shop” and trade in your worries, you’ll be okay’. but, it goes further than “we’ll fix you!!!” with the line “You gave me the best of me, so you’ll give you the best of you”. Here, they encourage their fans to find the “best of themselves”. Basically, saying “love yourself as much as you’ve loved me”. god this is so good.

I have to mention that this song just sounds magical. There’s a calming, celestial vibe to it that A: fits with the rest of the album up until that point and B: acts as a bridge between the rather sad first half of the album and the more upbeat second half.

Bangtan’s chemistry

A minor problem I had with a few of BTS’s older albums was the disconnect between members. (not in person, just in their music). They were all singing on the same tracks, but it didn’t always feel very cohesive. Wings especially (although it remains my favourite Bangtan album) felt like a bunch of separate artists got together and decided to make an album (an amazing album and that style really worked for them at the time, but i digress). On this album, BTS finally feels like a band. Sure, I praise both the rap and vocal line separately for the truth untold and outro tear, but I’ve never heard BTS sound so strong as a group. The rapping and the vocals felt seamless- there were so many times where they rapidly went back and forth between members, or shared lines, or harmonized beautifully. It rarely, if ever, felt like the vocal line ft: rapline, or the other way around. They blend the two so well these days, from Jungkook and Namjoon’s bit in Fake Love to Yoongi and Jimin during Airplane Part 2. I’m honestly delighted at how well this album works as a whole. Those eight years of living and working together have really paid off for them.

Overall: Love Yourself Tear is a beautiful piece of music that shows a more mature side of BTS. It’s flaws- lack of energy in the middle of the album, more autotune than their previous works, occasionally hard to follow song structure- are not even so much flaws as they are stylistic choices that I can respect. It is a phenomenal 2nd part of a 3 part act, and I eagerly await Love Yourself: Answer for the conclusion of this story, and to see where BTS will take their ever-evolving sound next.

Rating: 9/10.

#bts #bangtan #love yourself tear #rapline #min yoongi #kim namjoon #jung hoseok #jeon jungkook #park jimin #kim taehyung #kim seokjin #me? unable to shut up about bts? it's more likely than you think

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oumakokichi · 6 years

Note

I hear around a lot that Momota is both an hypocrite and extremely loyal to his ideals, I was wondering if you could explain how these two traits can coexist without entering a contradiction

That’s a pretty good question, anon! Walking contradictionsare kind of a recurring theme with ndrv3, I feel. When you have a game whosecentral theme is “truth vs. lies,” there’s going to be a lot of focus on thegap between what people say and what they mean, what defines them as a person,and where their own personal failings lie. Many lies, after all, are ones thatcharacters either tell themselves subconsciously or unintentionally—therebyresulting in many characters who are well-intentioned but nonetheless still somewhathypocritical in their behaviors.

This response will be somewhat twofold, as I feel like partof Momota’s hypocrisy was designed as an intentional character flaw, and partof it was a result more of Kodaka’s mistakes as a writer by failing to address asmany of Momota’s flaws as he should have.

The first part is somewhat easier to put into words: namely,loyalty and hypocrisy are bothintentionally some of Momota’s more noticeable character traits. It’s easy tosee these traits when playing the game: it’s a fact that Momota is quick tostand up for others, even to the point of putting his blind faith in themimmediately.

Not only does he demonstrate this with Maki, most notablywhen he stands up for her in the Chapter 2 trial despite knowing nothing abouther, but also with Kaede in Chapter 1, and with Saihara several times, startingaround Chapter 2. Momota is quick to sort out who his friends and enemies are;when he’s made up his mind that he likes someone, he likes them, and even cold,hard facts can do little to sway his opinion (if Chapter 4 is any evidence ofthat). He bases his decisions on emotion, rather than reason or logic, and thismeans that he’s inclined to stick by how he feels about people, rather thanwhat the facts are saying.

It also means that he’s almost unflinchingly loyal when itcomes to the people he’s decided to call a friend. This isn’t such a surprisingtrait for him to have, given that Momota’s character is intentionally based onthe tropes and characteristics of a “heroic shounen protagonist.” There’s a lotof lampshading of this in the actual game—not only does he call himself “theprotagonist” repeatedly, but even his character design itself alludes to it.The color and design on his shirt is meant to resemble that of a kabuki actor,playing the part of a protagonist.

In just about every shounen series that’s ever been written,themes like unflinching trust and belief in one’s friends and loyalty to one’sown ideals and ambitions are very, very common. Gurren Lagann is perhaps thebest example of this, as Momota’s catchphrase is meant to be a throwback toKamina, who fulfilled a similar role of “inspirational hero” to Simon as Momotadoes to Saihara. Therefore, the fact that Momota is an extremely trusting,loyal, and steadfast individual who doesn’t easily sway from his ideals orbelief in others makes perfect sense—and that stubbornness itself is actually,simultaneously the cause of his hypocrisy, in my opinion.

His unwavering, immovable belief in others is itself adouble-edged sword. As I mentioned earlier, nothing proves this better thanChapter 4. While believing in others and having faith in people is certainly animportant ideal to strive for, ndrv3 makes it very clear that being on theopposite end of paranoia or blind faith can often lead to disasters. Characterslike Kirigiri and Nanami also emphasize in their respective games that trulygetting to know others actually involves doubting them first, in order to trulybe able to rule them out from suspicion. Avoiding that doubt entirely meansskipping a vital step in the process of getting to know someone.

But Momota refuses to recognize that doubt or suspicion arenecessary elements, especially in a killing game that they’ve all been forcedto play. He likes who he likes, and hates who he hates, and absolutely nothingshort of a miracle is ever able to make him change his mind. This is why, evenwhen shown concrete, hard proof that Ouma absolutely couldn’t have murdered Miu in Chapter 4, he still maintains thatOuma must have done it, somehow—because he hates Ouma, and he likes Gonta.Therefore, in his mind, the murder is already “solved” regardless of what theevidence says. Ouma is the “bad guy,” Gonta is the “good guy.”

This hypocrisy of his in deciding things based on rawemotion rather than logic or facts is somewhat brought up by the narrative.Despite the fact that he claimed to want to help Saihara embrace his talent asa detective, it’s also clear in Chapter 4 that the moment Saihara “sides” withsomeone who Momota doesn’t personally agree with (even though Saihara trulydidn’t side with either Ouma or Momota, but tried to find a middle ground), hissupport and encouragement become… well, far more limited.

Even after telling Saihara to believe in himself and his ownreasoning repeatedly ever since Chapter 2, when the end result is somethingtragic or unfortunate (like Gonta being the culprit), Momota doesn’t want tobelieve it at all. He instead switches to telling Saihara to “open his eyes,”questioning his theories and his reliability at almost every point in thetrial. He even goes as far as to threaten to punch him again, because he’s soentirely convinced that his own trust in Gonta is correct and that Saihara mustbe in the wrong this time.

This hypocritical stance is somewhat alluded to andforeshadowed throughout even the earlier parts of Chapter 4, where it becomesevident that Momota is far less comfortable with Saihara actually becomingrelied upon and trusted by the rest of the group. Saihara’s role as the SHSLDetective means that, by Chapter 4, the others are slowly coming to trust himand rely on him—even too much, perhaps, to the point where they aren’t reallythinking or looking for clues on their own, but instead feel that Saihara cansolve the case on his own.

Momota, who up until this point had played the role of theinspirational figure, quoting very Kamina-like lines of “believe in the me whobelieves in you,” looks obviously uncomfortable or goes somewhat silent at mostof these lines from the others in Chapter 4. His FTEs also show that he has atendency to rely on his “sidekicks,” rather than the other way around; he takescredit for most of the accomplishments of others, including politicians, idols,and baseball players. The easiest explanation for this behavior is that inaddition to genuinely wanting to help others improve and better themselves—well,he also wanted the actions of others to reflect well on himself.

Personally, I don’t fault him very much for having thisflaw. This sort of subconscious, unintentional hypocrisy and jealousy issomething that I feel is extremely human. Jealousy is a normal, human reaction,and very often it’s not something we feel intentionally. It’s not impossible tobe a genuinely good friend and want the best for someone while also having moresubconscious, negative emotions. Momota himself admits that this is basicallywhat happened shortly before his execution in Chapter 5. He acknowledges thathe was jealous of Saihara’s talent and the way in which the others were relyingon him, and that it was unfair of him to lash out at him in Chapter 4 the waythat he did.

This covers the range of loyalty and hypocrisy assimultaneous existing traits in Momota’s character. I do think that to someextent, this walking contradiction was something deliberately written andcrafted by Kodaka—after all, it’s very clear that most of Momota’s charisma isbaseless, and that while he’s a genuinely good, inspirational person, he’s alsoincredibly quick to judge, and often fails to think things through. He has nosolid plans in mind most of the time, fails to take facts and evidence intoaccount as they arise, and is very clearly meant to parallel Ouma’s unrelentingparanoia with his own blind faith in the people he likes.

However… I do think that a certain degree of Momota’shypocrisy stems more from Kodaka’s own hypocrisy as a writer, rather than beingincluded as a deliberate character flaw. There are many flaws which Momotaexhibits throughout the game which aren’t actually addressed as flaws at all bythe narrative.

Toxic masculinity is a prime example; many of Momota’s “solutions”to the problems Saihara, Gonta, and Hoshi experience involve the idea of “manningup.” Being emotional or “weak” is seen as “unmanly,” and therefore,undesirable. Crying, feeling depressed or suicidal, and talking about one’sproblems are all seen as signs of “weakness,” and things that a “man shouldn’tdo.” Meanwhile, much of his advice for Maki is the opposite; much of hiscriticism of her is that she’s “not girly enough,” or that she’s “doing thingsa girl shouldn’t do.”

Rather than describing her backstory and the trauma sheendured as something horrible that no human being should ever have to gothrough, much of Momota’s dialogue simply boils down to how “a girl shouldn’tkill people,” or “a girl shouldn’t use deadly weapons.” Even his initial trustin her and decision to “rip off her mask” is because, as he says in Chapter 3, “hejust can’t believe a weak-looking girl like her killed people for a living.”

This makes the entire dynamic between them somewhatfrustrating to watch in later chapters, as a relationship that could easilyhave been about a child soldier coming to view herself as a human being ratherthan a tool is instead shoehorned into a stereotypical narrative about a cold, “unfeeling”girl discovering her “maidenly” side through falling in love.

Unfortunately, this mindset is never once really, trulyaddressed as outdated or flawed by the narrative. Saihara is encouraged tobecome more like Momota, rather than Momota being encouraged to tone down someof his more hyper-masculine ways. When the results for the first ndrv3popularity poll were released in Japan, Kodaka even noted in an interview thathe was surprised Momota didn’t place higher—a pretty clear indication that hedidn’t see much wrong with Momota’s mindset or intend for those aspects of hischaracter to be treated as flaws.

Even more frustrating still, NISA’s localization oftenremoved even these flaws entirely from the game. Much of Momota’s toxicmasculinity was toned down considerably for the localization, resulting inconsiderably tamer dialogue from him. There are two examples I can think of offthe top of my head.

The first is a more well-known one which I’ve discussedbefore: in the original version of the game, in Chapter 2, Momota callsKorekiyo the word “okama,” a word that’s essentially a slur on par with thef-slur or the t-slur, and associated with heavily homophobic/transphobicsentiment. It’s often aimed towards flamboyantly gay men, or trans women, whoare unfortunately seen as “not real women” and are lumped into the samecategory as “gay men.”

It’s frustrating enough that this slur was used for comicrelief in the original version of the game, but the localization doesn’tinclude it at all. Instead, Momota calls Korekiyo “girly,” which doesn’tcapture the same negative sentiment at all. As a gay and trans person myself, I’mpersonally all for removing slurs—the problem is that I’m pretty sure the slurwas removed mostly to improve reception of Momota’s character in the west, rather thanbecause the slur was offensive in the first place. After all, plenty of slurswere added to the localization by other translators (Miu’s being perhaps themost notable, with more than 6 additions of the r-slur that weren’t in theoriginal, and that’s just what I’ve counted so far). And I think it’s worth noting that Momota’s reception in the western fandom has, in fact, been far more positive than it was in Japan.

The second example I can think of is in Momota’s FTEs, whichI translated some time before the localization released. In the final FTE,Momota refers to Saihara’s entire backstory (including his trauma from havingruined a man’s attempts at revenge and sent him to jail) as “kudaranai”—a wordwhich is very noticeably not polite or formal, and often translated as “stupid,”“worthless,” “idiotic,” etc. It’s a very blunt, straightforward assessment,hence why there’s an option in the dialogue for Saihara to get very, very madat Momota and tell him off—but in the localization, “kudaranai” was translatedas “trivial.”

There’s a world of difference between telling someone, “It’sreally stupid for you to be traumatized over something like that,” and “That’sa very trivial thing to be traumatized over.” In fact, the localization’sphrasing was so absurdly polite that it actually made Saihara’s angry responseseem like a drastic overreaction, rather than something justified. This is notthe only time Momota’s dialogue was shifted to seem far more polite or lessblunt, but simply one that I remember stuck the most with me, as I hadtranslated those FTEs myself and therefore remembered very well what kinds ofdialogue Momota used in the original Japanese.

These flaws, both with the original writing and thelocalization, result in Momota having a few very noticeable flaws to hischaracter which aren’t ever actually brought up by the other characters or questioned.Given that Momota’s role in the story is meant to be heroic, inspirational, anduplifting to Saihara and Maki (two out of three of the survivors), this meansthat many of his more serious flaws are somewhat brushed under the rug by theend in order to remember him better as the sort of grand, larger-than-life herohe wanted to go out as.

This is what therefore results in a sense of hypocrisy abouthis character and role within the story. While it’s true that hypocrisy is oneof his actual character traits, it’s also true that it wasn’t exactly handledas a flaw or called out in the same way that it would’ve been for a lesscentral, heroic figure to the plot. Even his jealousy of Saihara, which Imentioned was addressed near the tail end of Chapter 5, is especiallyhandwaved, and only brought up within the last few minutes of the post-trial.

None of this is to say that Momota isn’t a good character,of course! He’s extremely important to the plot of ndrv3, and I don’t thinkthere’s any denying that he’s a good person inclined to seek out the best inothers and inspire them. All of his positive traits are definitely there:loyalty, ambition, and unwavering faith in his friends. But it’s also true thathypocrisy is a very recurring theme with his character—both within thenarrative and outside of it, from the standpoint of Kodaka as a writer simplyfailing to call out or address certain character flaws.

This has gotten pretty long, so I’ll stop for now, but Ihope I could help answer your question, anon! Thank you for stopping by!

#ndrv3 #drv3 #new danganronpa v3 #kaito momota #momota kaito #ndrv3 spoilers //#my meta #okay to reblog #anonymous

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ellanainthetardis · 7 years

Text

“Let’s Wing It!” Fic Exchange (third wave)

This is my third entry for the “Let’s Wing It!” Fic Exchange. @titconao3 prompted “Running Up That Hill” by Kate Bush (lyrics here).

It was hard! Haha! You said no downer ending by your standards so I did my best! There is no downer in this ending. I hope you like this and that I didn’t fail too much at writing God ;)

[ff] or [ao3]

A Good Old Case Of Deus Ex Machina

He hadn’t stopped drinking since the funerals.

Not that it did him any good, downing bottle after bottle only gave him a small buzz at best. His powers seemed to be stronger than ever and getting drunk wasn’t an option. Another cruelty to add to the list.

Without warning, he threw the glass at the mirror on the other side of the bar with a helpless cry of rage nobody was there to witness. There it was again. Every time he closed his eyes. The memory he was desperate to forget, the one he could never ignore.

Chloe dying in his arms. Blood everywhere, all over his hands. The roaring pain in his shoulder that hadn’t made sense at the time not until a tearful Dan had pried him away from her body and had forced him to sit down, repeating again and again ‘Lucifer, you’ve been shot’ as if it had made any sense. As if anything had made any sense.

Lux was deadly silent, as it had been for a week now, and, once he reached for another glass behind the bar, there was only the familiar noise of alcohol being poured to keep him company. At another time, it might have been enough to be comforting. Now…

Now, it was simply a noise that grated on his nerves. The same way he could barely bear the sound of his lighter flicking on. The same way he had raged and upturned tables until everyone had run out that night after the funerals because nobody should be partying right now, the whole world should be mourning, the whole universe should have stopped breathing with the strength of his grief.

He wanted it to stop.

He wanted to stop it.

And in the darkest moments of despair he wondered if that was it, the apocalypse prophesized since the dawn of time, brought into being by the death of one human.

He had almost followed on that thought.

He downed the glass of whatever it was. Whiskey or scotch, something expensive that tasted like ash. Everything tasted like ash since that day.

It had been so stupid. So stupid.

A call had come through her radio when they were driving back to the precinct at the end of a most satisfying day of catching murderers. A man who had mugged a grocer’s shop and was running away. They were in the neighborhood, they had given chase, eventually leaving the car behind to follow on foot when the suspect had rushed into a building. It had been thrilling at the time and, of course, Lucifer hadn’t listened to her demand that he stayed in the car. He had followed her and she had rolled her eyes but hadn’t protested much more.

They had cornered him eventually, their suspect. Barely more than a kid, not quite seventeen, threatening them with a weapon he could barely hold the right way. The Detective hadn’t even pulled out her own gun. She had tried to reason with him.

Neither of them had seen the second man hiding in the shadow.

One shot and the Detective had gone down, Lucifer catching her out of reflex. He hadn’t understood the second shot had found its mark, not until Dan had later told him. ‘Lucifer, you’ve been shot. Let them take care of you. Let her go. You can’t do anything for her anymore. You’ve been shot. Let her go. You’re hurt.’ Nothing had made sense. Nothing.

Just the terror.

He wasn’t sure what had happened to the two murderers. He had lost it at that point, everything had flashed red, his eyes, his face, his sight… The kid had been huddling in one corner begging for his mother by the time the LAPD had stormed in. The other one, the one who had shot his detective… Nobody had asked him how that one had died. He probably had Dan to thank for that.

He had tried to keep her there with him. He had tried so hard. He had done it before, on their first case together, and he had told her that, he had joked about how this felt like a throwback to a first date and she had laughed. She had laughed and then she had… His powers had always been tenuous around her. Lately, they had been downward inexistent.

Her soul wouldn’t stay.

It had slipped through his fingers, right through his fingers…

He rubbed his shoulder where the scar remained, a thick patch of angry red skin. He wasn’t sure why it wasn’t fading. It should have. Without the Detective, he had healed in a few minutes – to the paramedics puzzlement. The scar had remained behind, like a reminder. Maybe it was his unconscious. Maybe he wanted to keep it. To make sure he never forgot. As if he could.

He felt her loss as keenly as he had the wings on his back.

Another glass.

The same noises of alcohol being poured, a bottle being placed down. The cigarette was slowly consuming itself between his fingers.

He had tried to pray.

He hadn’t told anyone that. Well… He had yelled it at Linda in a rage when she hadn’t stopped poking, trying to make him talk about feelings that made him want to howl.

He had begged his father when he had realized his powers weren’t working, that Chloe would die there, in a shady squat full of graffiti and abandoned syringes. He had begged his father for help, had promised anything in return. His mother, hell, anything. There had been no answer. None at all. Even once she had been gone, even once he had stopped begging Him to save her and had started requesting to swap their places, his soul off the human plane for her soul back in her body, even then, all that had answered him was a great silence.

Typical.

The creaking of the doors alerted him but he refused to look behind his shoulder. It might be the bouncers checking everything was alright inside, it might be someone coming to check on him. He really didn’t care.

He took a drag of his cigarette just because he was tired of watching it burn on itself like a pathetic metaphor for his life.

He missed the rage. He had been so full of wrath in the immediate aftermath he had almost burn with it. For days he had let it consume him. He had hated his Father, first and foremost, for giving him the Detective only to take her away.

He had stormed into his mother’s office and had declared he was all about finding that last piece now, that he would be her Lightbringer – and he had had no problem igniting the sword, not anymore – that he would make the Silver City crumble down.

He had dreamed about it. For days he had dreamed about it. Running up the golden hill that led to the huge doors, tearing them open and destroying everything on his path until he found Chloe. Sometimes that dream took the form of a rescue mission. Sometimes all he cared about was burning Heaven to the ground until they all understood the amount of pain he was in.

Sometimes he hated the Detective too. For dying. For being so fragile. For making him into the devil he now was – which wasn’t much of a devil at all.

That was the thing with humans. One second they were complaining about their demon roommate who couldn’t follow simple instructions, the next they were gone from the surface of the Earth, never to be seen again because their soul was too pure and he had been banned from Heaven.

He had pretended it didn’t hurt him at first. It hadn’t lasted a day for denial to disappear. It hurt him. Her death. It hurt him so much he could taste blood.

The thought of never seeing her again, he couldn’t bear it. He couldn’t.

“This is a nice place.”

The voice wasn’t familiar and Lucifer only gave a glance over his shoulder before looking away just as fast. The man who was walking down the stairs was young, wearing jeans with holes in them that didn’t seem to be there for fashion purposes and an awful woolen sweater in a rusty color. He was unremarkable, unassuming and absolutely not worth noticing.

“We’re closed.” Lucifer growled, his fingers tightening around his glass.

“I heard.” the man shrugged.

It didn’t stop him from strutting to the bar, apparently unconcerned with the slight clicking of the bottles and glasses as they shook with Lucifer’s wrath.

He didn’t want to be disturbed.

He had made that clear. His control was all relative and just because he had been talked out of going on a murdering spree by an eight year old girl didn’t mean he wouldn’t accidentally do something he would regret if he was provoked. The man was blissfully oblivious to it all though. He hopped on the stool next to his, reached behind the bar for a glass and stole the bottle right from under Lucifer’s nose.

“I said we’re closed.” he repeated, putting just enough of his real voice in his tone to send any human weeping in fear.

The man barely blinked. “You have looked better.”

Maybe not so human. He so wasn’t in the mood for celestial meddling.

The wrath deflated though. Like it had done every time it had bloated again since his talk with Trixie. Being furious was easier on a lot of accounts, it helped mask the pain underneath but… He had felt it now, that pain, and he could never shake it.

His shoulder throbbed as if in agreement and he rubbed it again, almost without thought.

“Have we met before?” he snorted, giving the man a second glance over. He wasn’t one of his siblings but who knew what his father had been up to since he had left Heaven. Maybe he was a new prophet or – God forbids – a new Jesus. It would explain the slightly hippy look. That would also go hand in hand with his decision to ransack Heaven, maybe he was there to spread the news or to prevent him from doing just that. If it was about that, the guy was a little late to the party but Lucifer supposed he should get kudos for having tried.

“Has it been so long you don’t recognize me, Samael?” the man asked casually before taking a sip of whiskey.

Lucifer’s head shot up so fast something in his neck snapped.

He stared at the man, stared hard, and he could almost see it, see the bright ball of light peeking out through the cracks.

“Father.” he whispered.

His first instinct was to find a weapon.

His second was to think sod that and punch Him hard in the unremarkable face He had chosen for Himself.

His third one was to grab Him and refuse to let go until He had given back what wasn’t His to take. Maybe threaten to call Charlotte if that would speed up the process, maybe gloat a little about walking unarmed into the devil’s den.

In the end he did none of that.

He just sat there and stared.

At another time, he would have done it all and then some.

Right then, nothing seemed important but the fact that his father was the key to getting to Chloe. Perhaps He would agree to let him talk to her. Perhaps he could tell her that he…

He would make a deal for that chance. Talk to her one last time. Tell her how he felt. Tell her how grateful… If he only could…

“I heard you were thinking of popping up to give me back your sister’s sword.” his father commented when Lucifer remained silent, there was a hint of teasing in his voice.

“If by giving it back you mean stabbing you straight through the heart with it.” he snarled before he could help himself.

“But you didn’t.” God hummed as if they were simply discussing the weather instead of His – admittedly uncertain – murder. “In fact, I believe you told your mother you weren’t interested in taking the Silver City back anymore.”

He closed his eyes and sighed. It always came right back to this, didn’t it? What his parents wanted, their agendas against each other… They didn’t care about anything else, about anyone else.

He felt the familiar anger rise up but it was snuffed by the grief he felt. What did he care about his father’s vendetta against him or about the rocky relationship his parents shared? The whole thing paled in comparison to the Detective’s death.

He had been set on following his mother’s plans. He had been set on taking back what was his… And how he had shouted and screamed when Linda had asked if it was really what Chloe would have wanted… ‘Once I control Heaven, I will bring her back to life! Of course, it’s what she would want’, he had snarled.

And then the Detective’s spawn had happened, asking him in that small tearful voice how Heaven was and if her mother was happy there. And right as he had described the splendors of paradise for the girl and how content Chloe must have been, he had realized that no, no, his storming of the Silver City wasn’t at all what she would have wanted. She was at peace, he had promised the child and he had meant it. The Detective didn’t need a dashing rescue, not this time.

“The sword is in the safe upstairs.” he answered, waving a dismissive hand that left a trail of smoke in its wake.

“You won’t try to bargain for it?” his father asked, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

Before, he would have taken pleasure in having taken Him aback. Right then, pleasure tasted just as much like ash as his liquor did.

“I would try to strike a deal for it but we both know you will only give what you consent to give so what’s the point?” he scoffed, tossing the cigarette in the ashtray before it could burn him. Not that it would burn him. He was invulnerable again now. “You could have sent one of your errant boys. Granted, it didn’t end up that well for Uriel but…” He shrugged, trying to sound more casual than he truly felt. His brother’s death still weighted heavily on his mind. What he had done, he had done to protect Chloe but it didn’t make it easier to bear. “You still have enough children left to sacrifice a few, don’t you?”

God was watching him thoughtfully, tracing the rim of his glass with a distracted finger.

Lucifer didn’t look at him.

He didn’t want to look at him.

He had been eager to find himself face to face with his father for millenniums, to tell Him straight everything he thought of Him, and now he couldn’t care less. He just wished He would hurry up and leave so he could go back to feeling miserable in peace.

“I did not send your brother, son. He came of his own free will.” God offered eventually.

“Free will.” he spat. “The greatest joke in the universe.”

Did it even exist? Or were they all dancing to His tune? Even him who had thought he had escaped the strings only to fall back in the trap when he had met the Detective…

“I grieve for Uriel.” his father said softly. “But what happened wasn’t entirely your fault, Samael. He bears responsibility for his fate.”

“Don’t call me that.” he growled. “I am not Samael anymore, Dad. I am…”

“You still call me Dad.” God cut him off. “And I still call you son. You are still my son. Samael, the Light Bringer, the Morning Star. It is the name your mother and I gave you.”

“And I changed it when you kicked me out.” he retorted. “So excuse me if I’m not…”

“You called for me.” his father interrupted again with that strength that could have sent the world to its knees and made Lucifer fall silent to his great annoyance. His father was more powerful than he was. It didn’t come as a surprise but it was an unwelcome reminder of his failures.

“Yes, and you didn’t come.” he snapped. “You didn’t help.”

“I am here now.” God offered. “Don’t you think it’s time to mend bridges, son?”

His hand was shaking when he stole the bottle back to pour himself another drink. The bottle was almost empty now and he was feeling the urge to bash the man’s head in with it. It wouldn’t do Him much harm but it would be a relief.

He downed his glass, not trusting himself to speak right then. There was a lump in his throat, a headache throbbing behind his eyes and, tried as he might, he couldn’t summon the rightful anger he ought to feel. A shame for a wrathful devil.

“You gave her to me and then you took her away.” he accused finally, almost flatly. “There are no more bridges. They’re all ash in the wind now.”

“I disagree.” God countered. “You could have besieged the Gates of Heaven, you know there are some who would still follow you over me up there and it could have turned into a civil war. You could have brought down the apocalypse if you had so chosen. And instead you are sitting in your bar, crying in your whiskey.”

“I wasn’t crying.” he hissed through his teeth. Not a lie. Not really. The tears never fell but inside… Oh inside it was a waterfall.

His father ignored him. “And all because you promised a little girl your siblings are watching over her mother.” Lucifer frowned and God shrugged. “Omniscient being, here.”

He rolled his eyes. “You should be grateful for that child.”

“Oh, I am grateful.” his father smiled and it was a kind benevolent smile. The kind that made Lucifer scoff at their deceit. “I do love Beatrice. Just as much as I love Chloe Decker. The Detective is an exceptional soul, isn’t she? As far as humans go, she counts amongst my greatest creations.”

Lucifer’s jaw clenched. “Don’t talk about her like that. She’s not a puppet, she’s not… She’s not a toy.”

“Of course, she’s not.” God frowned. “Her purpose…”

“What was her purpose, Father?” he cut Him off, his eyes flashing red. “Why did you put her on my path? To hurt me by taking her away? Congratulations. Objective achieved. Now, please let me hurt in peace.”

“Her purpose was to show you the way back home, Samael.” God explained, in that soft tone Lucifer hated so much. As if He cared. He didn’t. Lucifer knew that better than anyone. “You were never meant to come back to the Silver City armed with a flaming sword. I had hoped she would be enough for you to remember who you are, powerless as she made you feel. You had a choice to make and you made the right one. The Gates of Heaven are opened to you should you choose to come back.”

He gripped the glass so tight that it broke but he didn’t notice. He didn’t notice the shards digging in his palm or the blood. In a second it had all vanished anyway.

“So it was all a test?” he chuckled bitterly. “You put Chloe on my path so you could… Test me?”

“She showed you the way to redemption.” his father insisted. “And now you can come home and…”

“I hate you.” he spat.

“That’s the first lie you’ve ever uttered.” God dismissed, amused. When Lucifer glared, He simply shrugged. “Again. Omniscient being.”

Lucifer briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He wasn’t sure at which point he had lost his human face for his devil one. He wasn’t sure at which point his eyes had started burning red. But he was very sure he was about to lose it in a spectacular way.

The bottles and glasses were rattling again.

“Get out.” he ordered. “Take your sword. Take your piece. Take your ex if you must but get out.” He was shouting now, his voice a low growl that bounced back on the walls. “I am never coming back to your Silver City, Father. Never. I will go back to Hell before I come back to you. I won’t be your prodigal son. I won’t follow your schemes. And if it means I never see the Detective again…” He stopped breathing for a second, closed his eyes. “Do not presume to understand what I feel for her. You cast your own wife down to Hell on a whim. You manipulate everyone around you. You are a sick bastard who understands nothing about love and I won’t give you the pleasure of patting me on the back as if it was all a tantrum on my part. I am done with you, Father, I am utterly done with you. I will not hate you anymore. I will not curse you. I will not even think about you. I am done.”

He was out of breath by the time he finished and he felt strangely empty. A good sort of empty. He would have to ask Linda about that. He felt… Free.

“As you wish.” God sighed, a little sad, as if He was humoring him, as if He was certain that Lucifer would come home at one point or another. “What I said still stands, you are welcome back.” His father stood up slowly, probably hoping he would stop Him or hold Him back. Lucifer did neither. He stared at the shards of broken glass on the bar but he did flinch when he felt his father’s hands resting lightly on his back, right where the scars laid. “I forgive you, son.”

The hands were gone before he could shrug them off.

Lux was silent once more.

He was alone.

Lucifer buried his face in his hands, feeling the leather-like burned skin under his palms and wondering how his father could offer an unwanted forgiveness when it was his to grant. There hadn’t even been an apology in that whole conversation. Not one.

What his father thought of as forgiveness, Lucifer called punishment.

Maybe that was why he wasn’t that surprised when the scars on his back started to burn. He laughed. He laughed when he felt it. He laughed until he screamed, head thrown back to the ceiling, with the pain of it all.

And once he was done screaming, he felt them spanning wide on either side of him, blinding with light, each feather painfully familiar. His.

He didn’t have time to marvel though, because the Lux had disappeared.

He was back in that shady building, the Detective and the teenager were both gaping at him and his heart was beating so fast…

He jumped on her and she shrieked, not that he cared or noticed because he heard the gunshots. Six of them this time around. And six bullets crashed on the impenetrable shield of his wings.

The Detective was all wide eyes, staring at him as if she had never seen him before and he wondered what face he was sporting because he couldn’t tell anymore. She was there. Breathing. Alive. And that was all he cared about.

He heard the teenager and his accomplice running away, the slamming doors and the shouts in the distance indicating backup was on its way… He made a conscious effort to fold the wings, to make them disappear, not sure they would obey…

But they did, just as they always had before.

The Detective blinked and then bolted behind him to touch his back, her hands poking his flesh hard, looking for… He turned around and hugged her, resting his head against hers, eyes closed, breathing her in… He couldn’t even smell the dampness and the rot of the building anymore. She smelled too good.

“I love you.” he heard himself say because that was what he had been desperate to say ever since he had hold her lifeless body in his arms. The moment he had felt her soul slip between his fingers, it had become so clear… But she hadn’t been there to hear it anymore. She hadn’t… “Chloe, I love you.”

She went rigid in his arms until she completely relaxed and hugged back. “Lucifer, what the hell just happened?”

“Poor choice of words, Detective…” he chuckled. It sounded a bit hysterical to his own ears but he decided he was allowed to be a little hysterical. She had been dead for more than a week and now she was there once more. “Let’s just say it is a good old case of deus ex machina.”

“Lucifer…” she insisted.

“I will explain everything.” he promised. He would tell her. The whole truth. He would show her, even. He would tell her he had almost ransacked Heaven for her. He would tell her he loved her again too. He would… “As soon as we’re alone.”

As if on cue, Detective Douche charged in, a worried look on his face that morphed into relief when he found them there. “Thank god! We heard gunshots.”

“Thank God, yes…” Lucifer laughed. They both stared at him as if he was crazy – well, crazier than usual – and there was something strangely protective to the way the Detective was holding on to him.

“Are you alright?” she frowned at him, cupping his cheek.

He covered her hand with his. “Oh, I assure you… I am more than alright. Actually, I even feel a little forgiving today. Only a little, mind you.”

He hugged her again.

Just because he could.

She hesitated a second and then hugged back, leaving Dan to shake his head and watch them both as if they had lost their minds.

#deckerstar #chloe decker #lucifer morningstar #lucifer #thedeckerstarnetwork #let's wing it fic exchange #let's wing it #fic exchange #the devil sings so well stories

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agrestenoir · 7 years

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turn right (1/2)

Title: turn right Pairing: Lila Rossi/Chat Noir Summary: It’s too quiet, she’s tired, and all Lila Rossi wants is a friend. read on AO3

This is part 1 of a my remix for @thinkoutsidethelovesquare for the Remix Challenge. I was assigned the insanely talented BrenanaBread and decided to remix their lovely fic, Lovebug. Hope I did it justice. Honestly, I saw the Jonas Brothers and jumped because hello throwback?

Lila doesn’t remember much about her time as an akuma.

If she closes her eyes and tries hard enough, she can faintly recall the wind rushing past her as she leapt over the Paris rooftops and the cold hand of an illusion clasped around hers. While she wishes to know more about the time she holds against herself, in a way, it’s a gift not to remember it. The things she did, the people she hurt—Lila doesn’t want to think about any of that. She just wants to stop hurting.

It’s bad enough being the new girl, outed as a liar by Paris’s famous superhero, but to carry the constant weight of the akumazation on her shoulders takes more of a toll than people realized.

Going to school is a long and treacherous road that she isn’t too fond of walking. It’s winding and windy, and she’s nearly blown off the path before she even scales the stairs to the front of the building. Already classmates who’d been fawning over her every word the day before are sending her curious but cold glances over their shoulders when they think she isn’t looking. A sick, nauseating feeling bubbles up in the pit of her stomach, and it takes all she has to push that fear and humiliation back down.

The sad truth of the matter is that Lila has no friends. As the new girl, while her lies helped her masquerade, now that the mask is gone, so is the mystery and intrigue. No one wants to get to know her because what else is there to get? After Alya heard Ladybug’s accusations in the park yesterday, everyone knows the truth now. Lila the Liar, as Chloe has taken to spreading, and it’s not like anyone has tried to stop her (just like it’s not like it’s not true). Lila knows she made a mistake by telling lies to get people to like her, but after the sixth new school in the last three years, could anyone really blame her? The lies were a quick and easy way to meld in with the new crowd of new people with new faces and new voices. She just wanted to be liked and have friends.

And that’s the crux of the matter. Lila is lonely, and all she wants is a friend.

But thanks to Ladybug, that will never happen.

Now she sits in the back of crowded classrooms, head buried in her hands, too afraid to face the world. She wonders how long it’ll be until her father relocates again. She has never wished for the day she gets to leave to come sooner, always dreading the fact since it means leaving friends she’d finally made (and even though they swear to keep in touch, the weeks fly by, relationships are strained, and suddenly Lila is alone again). It’s a constant cycle of coming and going, having and hurting, and loving and losing. The geography of Lila’s heart is full of high mountain ranges and wide, open oceans, barriers to block the capital city from complete destruction, but each day a little bit more is chipped away and crumbles to dust.

Watching her classmates from across the room, Adrien with the DJ, and the Ladyblogger with Gabriel’s Protégé… She wonders what it would be like to have a friend like that.

So, as upsetting as her akumazation was, a small part of her wishes she remembered it. If only to have one connection to her classmates, something everyone could relate too, because most of them had been akumas as well. Volpina may have been evil and hurt people, but something good could have come out of it if she remembered.

May she could’ve had at least one friend.

It starts three days after her akumazation.

Lila sits on the edge of her balcony, her legs poking through the rusty rails with bare feet kicking in the cool, evening air. Paris is different from Milan—quieter even in the late hours of the night—and it’ll take her a while to get used to the new setting. Which means sleep won’t come for a long time still.

She sighs and stares at the dark sky above her, which twinkles with clusters of stars and the soft glow of the pale moon, and she can’t help but think there’s something ethereal about Paris at night.

…She wants someone to share it with.

The thought leaves her in a whoosh, air jumping from her lungs as if a wrecking ball had slammed into her ribcage, and she can’t catch her breath. It’s funny, Lila thinks to herself, that she came out here to feel better, and all she succeeded in doing was remind herself of how truly lonely she was.

A burning sensation prickles in the corner of her eyes, and she sniffles helplessly, fighting back the tears that had been brimming for days. It’s been a long fought war against the onslaught—she absolutely refuses to give in now.

“Lila?” The voice comes from the corner of her balcony, and she starts, whipping around to come face-to-face with a pair of huge, green eyes glowing eerily in the dark shadow of her apartment building.

“C-Chat Noir?” she asks, breathless.

Chat Noir clampers down from his perch on the balcony railing, landing softly on his toes, and settles back on his haunches with a small, cautious smile. “Mind if I join you?”

Lila takes a moment to reorient herself, the world turning slippery as she faces off against one half of Paris’s famous superhero duo, who just days before had battled her akumatized-self. All she can manage is a small nod and gestures to the empty space between them, mouth still open in surprise.

Chat Noir flashes her a quick, blinding smile—teeth and all—and slips his legs between the railing, parking himself alongside her. “Thanks,” he says, “I just wanted to check in and see how you were doing.” Their thighs brush against each other as they kick their feet back and forth, falling in sync like a pendulum swinging in time with a clock.

He is patient with her as she struggles to form a coherent sentence. It’s such a drastic change from the scene she faces at school with cold, lingering glances from classmates who refuse to fall for her false smiles anymore. “Take your time,” he tells her, placing a hand on her shoulder.

“Why are you here?” she finally asks, narrowing her eyes in confusion. I thought you hated me, she wants to say, because why wouldn’t he? Ladybug had a basis for her accusations, even if Lila refused to admit it, and was quick to call her out and ruin everything for her. Why would Chat Noir be any different?

Chat Noir simply shrugs in response, tilting his head towards the sky instead of her questioning stare. “I always check up on people after they’re akumatized. Just something I do.”

“But I fought you,” she protests. “I could have hurt you—”A low chuckle falls from his lips and into the space between them, and Lila’s cheeks burn hot with embarrassment. “Stop laughing at me.”

“I’m not, I’m not.” But he’s still laughing, still shaking his head. “You’d just be surprised how often I hear that.”

“But it’s true! I could have hurt you!”

“But you didn’t,” he reassures her, leveling her with his soft gaze. “And everything turned out fine.”

She wants to say more because suddenly it’s so easy. Even if she can’t remember what she did during her stint as Volpina, she knows enough from news footage and eye witness accounts. Threatening Adrien, nearly succeeding in defeating the famed superheroes of Paris, scaring the entire city with fake meteors and bombs and weapons and she just… Suddenly, Lila realizes just how easy it is to hate herself.

It’s funny. She spends so much time trying to get people to like her, and she can’t even like herself… What kind of person does that make her?

Biting her bottom lip, she whispers, “I’m sorry”, as if it can make up for everything she did.

“Don’t worry about it,” Chat Noir says, shrugging her apology off with a nonchalant smile. He loops his arms through the bars of the railing, resting his chin on his shoulder as he stares at her. “It’s in the past.”

“You’re too forgiving,” she says, and there’s an itch under her skin, because people who are too forgiving get hurt easily, people who are too quick to forget make the same mistakes which got them hurt in the first place. She speaks from experience. It’s not a happy situation to fall into.

Chat Noir laughs again, but this time it’s bitter and hard. “I know,” he says like he understands too.

There’s silence between them now, and neither make a move to fill it. Lila can only look out over the city as if it holds the comfort she’s looking for. The moon looms over the world while the stars stand at its side like guards, the whole sky illuminating the two as they sit on her balcony. It’s an idyllic moment, the kind where lovers share the transcendent first kiss under the faint starlight, but all Lila can hope for is something else. Is it really too much to ask to have one friend? Just someone who will sit in her corner when the rest of the world walks away?

She glances at the superhero beside her and thinks about how he sought out her presence on his own, even though she’d never talked to him before, never lied to his face, never spread rumors about knowing him… They’re unacquaintances, strangers to one another. But in a way… That’s how all friendships started, right?

With a hesitant smile, she lets go of the balcony railing and holds out her hand to him. “I’m Lila,” she says, and it’s the first time she introduces herself to someone without an elaborate tale following it. “Lila Rossi.”

Chat Noir’s gloved fingers clasps around her own, claws pricking goosebumps along her cool skin. “Chat Noir,” he offers and smiles. “It’s nice to meet you, Lila… officially.”

“Thank you,” she continues, “for saving me from Hawkmoth.”

He squeezes her hand once more before letting go, wrapping it around the balcony railing again. “It’s my job.”

Something settles in her chest, like the pieces of her heart are clicking back into place in a tender but turbulent manner, careful and careless all at once. She turns back to the city in front of them, the large, beautiful city that stretches on for miles and miles in every direction. Lila thinks about the quiet and the stillness of it compared to the hustle and bustle of everything else she’s used too. Was worth it to keep trying to fit in here so long as there’s people like Chat Noir looking out for her?

“Well you’re good at your job.” She curls a loop of hair around her index finger, gnawing on her bottom lips again. “D-Do you always come to visit akumas?”

Chat Noir gently nudges her with his elbow. “You aren’t an akuma.”

Lila snorts. “Then what would you call me?”

“A victim,” he tells her, eyes softening. “We call you akuma victims.”

Her mouth falls open as she struggles to form a coherent response, left dumbstruck from the admission. She already knew the cat-themed superhero forgives too easily, but is it really that simple? He doesn’t just forgive the akumatized person; he never blames them in the first place. And somehow, that makes a world of difference.

“Victims?” she asks for clarification purposes. “But we’re—”

“You’re vulnerable.” He turns to face her, eyes burning into her own, as if trying to drill the point into her skull. “Think about it. When Hawkmoth sends his butterflies after you, you’re hurt. He purposely picks people who are at their lowest, when they’re at their most vulnerable and easily manipulated.”

“Well that certainly says a lot about me,” Lila interjects, but Chat Noir is already shaking his head.

“No, no, you don’t understand,” he says. “If you’ve been hurt or backstabbed, or embarrassed or angry, and you’re desperate and feel like there’s nothing else you can do? And suddenly you’re offered the power to set things right? To make all that hurt and pain go away? Well, why wouldn’t you take it?”

Lila snaps her gaze away, staring at the potted plant on the other side of her instead.

“Believe me, I understand. Sometimes I wish I had that chance.”

“To be an akuma?” She quirks an eyebrow high in puzzlement. “Why would a superhero want to be the villain?”

Chat Noir only shakes his head. “No, not the villain. I just mean… sometimes being a superhero is more trouble than it’s worth, and I want to just be done with everything, you know? Akumas get that opportunity, even if it’s just for a little bit, and even if it’s completely twisted and horrible but… I’d be wrong to say I don’t understand what it’s like for you guys. We’re all only human after all.”

We’re only human after all. The words echo through her head, louder than she’d like them to be, as the whispered words from a superhero speak volumes within her.

“I guess that’s one way of looking at it,” she says.

Chat Noir laughs, more to himself than anything, and leans back on his palms. “Anyway, I just wanted to check in on you, like I said before. You doing okay?”

It’s Lila’s turn to laugh that bitter laugh she’s grown so fond of over the last few days. “As well as I can be, I guess.”

“What d’you mean?”

She rests her elbows on her knees, leaning forward under her forehead is against the cool metal of the railing. “Just because you deakumatized me doesn’t mean things got better.”

Chat Noir turns quiet, smile fading to a small frown. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she manages, shaking her head. “I don’t know why I thought it would. I only got upset because Ladybug had to fuck everything up, and I—”

“Hey, she was just setting things right,” he admonishes, his frown setting deeper, like a marble carving growing more defined. “If you hadn’t lied—”

“I know!” she snapped, whirling around to face him, eyes flashing wildly as anger brewed in the pit of her stomach like hot acid. “I know, okay? You don’t need to remind me. I already get enough of that at school, and I don’t need you laying into me too.”

Chat Noir is silent, and shame washes over her like the high tide against the shore. She wants to take those words back, but she can’t. Just like she can’t take back the lies, can’t take back losing Adrien’s book, can’t take back being Volpina, can’t take back anything… and suddenly, it’s like a raging fire erupts in her heart, and her hands clasp over her chest in attempt to smother it. Damn it, she’d been doing so well. She’d been nice to Chat Noir, and he’d gone out of his way to make sure she was alright. But now she had yelled, and he was going to leave and hate her, just like everyone else in this god forsaken city!

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” The words break through her silent, raging reverie, and she can barely process them. Lila refuses to say anything, worried that if she opened her mouth more than she intended would spill out.

Chat Noir continues though. “Sounds like you’re having trouble at your new school though.”

“Everyone hates me.”

“I know what that’s like,” he says, and she rolls her eyes. “My first day at my new school, I accidentally hurt this girl, and she was really upset with me. Even after I apologized, I think she was still kind of mad with me for a while, but I just had to keep being myself and hope she accepted it, you know? If she saw I really meant it, maybe she could forgive me.”

“Did she?”

Chat Noir smiles to himself. “Yeah, actually, she did. She’s one of my best friends now.”

Lila pulls her hand from the railing and toys with her fingers, needing to be doing anything to take her mind off of the situation, but the words still leave her lips because something tells her that she needs to be open and honest with him. “I wish I could have that.” “Forgiveness?” he asks.

“A friend.”

There’s silence again—thick and heavy like fog before a storm—but she pushes past it and forces herself to admit the truth. “I lied… to a lot of people, and I don’t know how to fix that.” Chat Noir bites his lip, pondering the problem for a moment before suggesting, “I know it sounds easy, but apologizing might be the only thing you can do?”

Lila shakes her head, unable to even think about apologies, because those are the hardest things to do. Admitting your wrong, especially to the people you wronged, is scarier than moving to a new country, becoming an akuma, and dealing with the disastrous fallout all together.

“Lila,” Chat Noir says, expression softening as he catches sight of the fear and worry lining her face. “Apologizing isn’t supposed to be easy. Everyone knows that.”

“You don’t understand,” she protests. “They hate me. They won’t even listen to me—”

“There has to be someone,” he presses.

Her first thoughts flash to Adrien, but she shakes that idea from her head as quickly as it came. She had stolen his book and lost it, and she’d seen him roaming the library frantically as he searched for it. How can she even begin to approach him after what she’d done?

“Just… Be on the lookout,” Chat Noir tells her. “There’s gotta be someone who’ll listen.”

Instead of answering, Lila cocks her head and turns to him, a small smile stretching across her face. “Do you charge for these therapy sessions, Monsieur Noir?”

Chat Noir closes his eyes as a cool wind whips by, looking the perfect picture of ease. “Like I said, comes with the job. Wouldn’t mind a good tip though.”

“Working with Ladybug not enough for you?” she answers coyly. His eyes snap open in panic, and a dark pink flushes across his cheeks. “I’m pretty sure everyone in Paris can see how you look at her.”

“Well,” he says, swallowing thickly. “You aren’t wrong.”

“I know,” she replies cheerfully, practically beaming with pride at this point. “I can read people very easily.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes,” she says simply. She pokes his side with her index finger. “I can see right through you, Chat Noir. You two are dating aren’t you?”

“Can’t deny I’ve got a soft spot for the bug,” he admits softly, “But we’re not dating.”

“Oh, sure you… say…” Something in his sentence causes her words to trail off as she replays the moment in her head. Soft spot for the bug… Where has she heard that before?”

“Anyway,” he says, “We’re partners, and we look out for each other. And that’s just about it… Lila, are you okay?”

He cocks his head to the side, blonde hair falling over his forehead like a golden waterfall, and his green eyes are alit with concern, wide and open and just so honest. She’s taken back for a moment because he talks like he cares, like he’s worried, like he’s her friend even though they’d only known each other for a brief time. She doesn’t see this from many people, and she can only recall when Adrien look at her this way on the park bench when Ladybug was yelling and…

…and when Adrien…

…Adrien…

…Adrien.

Suddenly, the world opens up, and even though it’s the middle of the night, the sun comes out and illuminates all the shadows she’d created. Oh, she thinks to herself, it’s so obvious.

Adrien is Chat Noir, and it’s so obvious. How had she not seen this sooner?

A slight smile creeps across her face, and he returns it hesitantly. “You okay?” he asks again.

“Yeah,” she dares to say and maybe she can begin to actually believe it.

How can she even begin to tell him she knows? And oh god, what if she’s know? But the more she looks at him, the quiet and kindness he ensues, the small smiles and the open looks… The more she’s convinced that she can’t be wrong.

Her fingers itch to hold onto something, so she simply wraps them around the bars of the balcony, staring straight out into the night sky. That haunting silence is back, but this time it’s lighter, easier to bear, and Lila can’t stop the smile from growing wider. What are the chances that Chat Noir was Adrien Agreste, and where is she supposed to go from here?

She fidgets in her seat, wanting to ask question upon question and dig deeper and deeper until there isn’t anything else to know. How does she start the conversation and let him know she knew his identity? How will she handle it from there? Does she confess to stealing his book? Oh Lord, would…

His words come back to her. Be on the lookout, he’d said, There’s got to be someone who’ll listen.

…Was Chat Noir talking about Adrien?

The thought takes her off guard, and she is pulled back to reality in a loud thunderclap. As she regains her bearings, she hears a low droning noise, soothing almost, like sweet lullabies during a restless night. Turning towards the superhero, she’s taken back when she realizes he’d been humming this whole time. She is stuck over here in a world of her own, the earth-shattering realizations cutting deep and hard into her caged heart, and he’s just humming.

“Y-You sound good,” she whispers, almost afraid to disturb him. She doesn’t know how to talk to him now that she knows Chat Noir, the superhero who cared, is Adrien Agreste, the boy she hurt.

“Oh,” Chat Noir says, finally noticing her snapback to reality. The blush on his face darkens even more, and he ducks his gaze from view. “N-Nothing, just bored.”

“Glad I could keep you entertained.”

“L-Lila!” He fumbles for an excuse, not noticing the grin stretching wider across her face. “I was just—”

“I know,” she tells him, and suddenly that’s all he needs.

There’s more silence, but this time it slowly dissipates when Chat Noir’s humming turns to singing. It’s a few lines, just a few bars, but he stares at her as he sings like it’s purposeful, as if the superhero is speaking to her directly in ways that simple words can’t express.

“So turn right, into my arms. Turn right, you won’t be alone. You might fall off this track sometimes. Hope to see you at the finish line.”

“…That’s beautiful,” she says as the last note echoes between them, dipping and diving past her ears, until all that’s left is the sound of heart putting itself back together. “You… sound really good.”

“You gonna be okay?” he asks again, and she can only nod. “Glad to hear it.”

He pushes himself to his feet and unclips his baton, and she follows suite, a hand stretching out to grasp his elbow. But she doesn’t know if it’s to pull him back or push him away, because all he does is make her confused and hopeful. Like she has a reason to wake up tomorrow and go to school with a sliver of hope that things will be okay, that she might leave with a forgiveness and a possible friend. Or will it just lead to more hurt and an opportunity for her to lose what little she had left?

“Chat Noir,” she says, and he cocks his head, waiting for her to continue. At the last second, however, she lets go with a small smile. “Thank you.”

His own warm one mirrors hers. “I’ll be seeing you around, Lila.”

“Plan to visit me again?” she asks, breathless.

He ponders the question for a moment before nodding. “Consider it a date?”

“A date?” Her heart beats louder in her chest.

“A date between friends,” he clarifies, grabbing her wrist suddenly and pecking the back of her hand with a quick kiss. Then, with a flick of his wrist as his only goodbye, he launches himself off her balcony and goes sailing off over the Paris rooftops.

Lila, on the other hand, is caught between a promise and a kiss, with the secret that she holds dearly against her chest, and all she can do is echo the words of the superhero who saved her in more ways than one.

“A friend,” she whispers, “I… have a friend.”

And suddenly, the world seems brighter.

For the first time in a long while, Lila smiles.

And this time, it doesn’t leave her face.

#miraculous #ml fic #think outside the love square #tols remix #lilanoir #lila #chat noir #adrien #my writing #my fic

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swearronchanel · 7 years

Text

I rewatched 5.09 aka The 2016 Christmas Special

I officially have done nothing productive all day. I did finish rewatching The Nanny though if that counts 😂😂 I forgot how much it made me laugh. Anyway I’m randomly in the mood to watch the 2016 Christmas special so why not post? Btw this will be long af this IS incredibly long but I just had so many thoughts ya’ know?

Ah I’m excited again, this was such a great special don’t @ me

The Turners! ANGELA’S LITTLE NURSE UNIFORM 😭💕 SO PRECIOUS

SHELAGH LOOKING LIKE A BABE😍

TRIXIE looking a babe 😍 she assisted in the cesarean.. later she’ll do it herself ahh

I want to have Christmas dinner at Nonnatus aww

“To absent friends"💔 my freaking heart breaks, sister MJ’s face! ugh she misses sister Evangelina. But don’t we all?

More cute Angela not talking as usual (still waiting for a word)

I want Trixie’s Christmas outfit, I want all her clothes though 😍

WE OUT TO SOUTH AFRICA

# LETS GET IT 1962

rip to sister felicity tho

More Shelagh being flawless, like yes Laura Main is so gorgeous don’t sleep on it

”God moves in a mysterious manner" lol shelagh I just love u don’t ever change

“Our own son had polio once” yes use guilt to make your point & get ur way

take notes people

“What you did I did, where you go I go..” excuse me while my heart fucking melts 😭😭

I remember watching this Christmas Day & my mom and I did the same sigh and “aww” expression at that line

She loves the show and is going to be shook when she watches series 6 lol

Also like Shelagh’s dress is so cute I’m here for it

Lmaoo I was wondering for so long beforehand why tf they brought Fred?? They Need those engineering skills apparently

CMON BABY DO THE LOCOMOTION 💃🏼💃🏼💃🏼

Yess the music is lit

Trixie’s turquoise dress 👌🏻👌🏻 I want it

Tims leg braces! I actually noticed them and was lowkey proud because I rarely notice shit in the background

More Shelagh being adorable, as always

Get those vaccinations💉💉 f*ck shots though lmao I hate them

What is Patrick whispering to Shelagh? 👀👀

That’s almost right up there with what in the actual fuck did he write in those letters to get her to ditch the habit and wimple 😉😏😉 NO BUT FOR REAL WHAT DID HE SAY? We’ll never know *sigh*

I’m here for everything Trixie wears lets be real

LOL SISTER JULIENNE BASICALLY TELLING BABS SHE CANT BE FOOLING AROUND WITH HER MAN OVERSEAS

don’t even argue that she’s making a big deal with any of that “he’s a vicar, she’s a vicar’s daughter, they don’t believe in premarital sex” either cause they were making out in public before and he was grabbing her ass in a CONVENT Lmaooo (good for him he’s not letting god stop him😂) jk I’m going to hell for all the jokes I’ve made through out this show anyway

I feel though, so im letting them live

But still the married couple barely touch each other 😂 so I’m a little salty *pretend there’s a salt shaker emoji* Fu*k it though

Also Patsy and Delia have been together for a while and haven’t kissed either as far as I remember

BEATRIX FRANKLIN SLAYING AS ALWAYS 😍😍 love her coat and glasses and everything she is

And yikes that swimsuit babs lol

There’s Patsy! With the horrible horrible wig :/

Sister MJ with the Christmas cake 😭😭 aye bendito she just wants to share it

How rich with alcohol is it sister? Pass it over

By guys🙋🏼 we out this Bitch ✈️🚢

The music makes me so happy 😭❣️

“Look at you Barbara! brussel sprout green” Lmaoo ew I hate Brussel sprouts and also throwing up in general😂 sorry babs you’re gross rn

Legit I have not thrown up since I was like 8, I refuse to let myself 😭😂and 3 semesters in to university and lots of parties and drinks I’ve never actually thrown up (been pretty close though haha) *knocks on wood so I don’t jinx it*

I love Phyllis. Have I said that yet??

“..do you have anything to stop my mascara from running” lol I am Trixie

but was there no waterproof mascara yet?

uh oh here comes the asshole sergeant (I think it’s the same guy as later on?), and Tom is so reasonable lol

Shelagh’s hat with the flowers lol, but yes her cute summer dress love it, glad she only took one cardigan 😂

Lol when the sergeant tells Trixie don’t smile 😂😂

yes Dr Myra pulled up, I thought she was kinda bitchy at first and still kinda do but she’s tough and badass so I’m here for it

“I can see the caption now, English Roses dash African Skies exclamation mark!” .. “this is a new camera” LOL AGAIN PHYLLIS IS A GEM I LOVE HER SHE’S SO FUNNY

And again Trixie’s dress, it’s so pretty I want it😭😭

And again I’m Trixie, talking about needing a face mask 😂

lol Babs you smell like grajo 😂

Phyllis sniffing her 😂 “you’ve had enough barley sugar and sympathy”

The spider 😂 I don’t like spiders so I relate lol & Barbara killing it and coming at Phyllis with the clapback “there’s venom on it and some backbone”

Why do I find the linen habits funny?

Aw Shelagh “it’s at times like this I wonder what would Sister Evangelina do” I’m so glad she brought her up

Rip sister E 😰

I feel like Patrick would still feel hot in that linen suit, like it’s still a suit lol? same with the nuns but like they have no other choice

Alright I’ll give Dr Myra that though asking about radium treatment was naive of Patrick

Fred is so funny though 😂 leaving his mark by shaving lol

Throwback to Shelagh’s og bri nylon nightgown’s first appearance 😉

“What’s all this” LOL about to be the cause of this miraculous conception that’s what 😂

“It’s made of a new material called bri nylon..” Shelagh is so cute and genuinely wanting to explain 💕

Lol like cmon u know Patrick probably doesn’t give a fuck and is gonna take it off

Of course Trixie would be mad she didn’t get to set her hair

“That hat covers a multitude of sins” that’s legit one of my fav Barbara lines 😂😂

Shelagh is the only one who brought the belt to her uniform because she’s Shelagh & has to look calm, cool, collected and professional lol

Phyllis’s kink: rolodex systems 📇

lol I really do like Dr Myra, making Patrick feel dumb and I don’t care

“..and they live in a society that is gradually stripping them of any dignity or freedoms they ever had..” again I like Dr Myra a lot. I didn’t really think she had a white savior complex as some people thought because she wasn’t trying to change anything just to help. She even says later on she does it for their need not her beliefs

Proud of Babs for learning xhosa phrases

Just watching this man run makes me tired & he has like tb right? yup

LOL PHYLLIS IS LIKE DO I LOOK SCARED? kicking Fred out the drivers side 😂

“I’m all for persistence in the face of adversity” I loved this scene between Trixie and Roza 😭💕 too bad I didn’t know I was gonna end up sobbing later

Did the nurses and everyone know how bad Apartheid was?

“We have to bloom where we are planted” VANESSA REDGRAVE SAID A VARIATION OF THIS IN THE SERIES 2 CHRISTMAS SPECIAL WHEN MY BBY SHELAGH WAS GETTING READY BEFORE THE WEDDING I REMEMBER

Damn tho Dr Myra didn’t have to yell at the lady :/

THE SCENERY THOUGH, I WANT TO GO TO SOUTH AFRICA

Phyllis learned some xhosa too and im not surprised, she does it all

“Do you have the means to protect this mother and myself” no, “Then I don’t wish to hear anymore about it” PHYLLIS IS HARDCORE SHE DOES NOT GIVE ANY SHITS I LOVE IT

Aw Tom watching babs with the baby

lol I’m not ready for them to have a kid so I hope they wait a series at least

“NURSE BUCKLE” im cryin laughing 😂 I need more of the Phyllis and Fred dynamic

She just had a baby IN THE MIDDLE OF NO WHERE, YES THE MOTHERS ARE HEROINES

“Hells teeth” lol Patrick tried to make hells bells a thing but we know it can’t compare

Trixie serving another look, but whats new? But yes girl you watch those c-sections you’re up to the plate soon!

Haha she’s gonna teach Babs how to smoke

“They aren’t good for you, and the pair of you should know that” YES PHYLLIS WHY DOESNT TRIXIE KNOW OR CARE?

LOL SISTER WINIFRED we know you’re a red head

Idc, sister W used to smoke. I know it 😂 she was living it up before joining the order and lowkey while she’s been a nun, I just want to know her real name?

Of course Shelagh is worried about the lack of records but aye there’s the dress from 6.03 that magically fit even though her uniform didn’t 🙃?

“Typhoo, we brought it with us” YES I HAVE IT & I KNOW WHAT IT IS NOW & CAN RELATE

This scene with Roza & Constance & the nurses + sister W was so sweet I loved it 💕

“Why you should never be sorry, just be glad” 😭😭 there must be something in my eye that’s why it’s watery

Lol aw Trixie saying sister Winifred don’t go yet

Sister Winifred dancing 😂 go to compline

I lowkey have the sister Bernadette unhappy with being a nun vibes from sister Winifred except she’s never really unhappy? You get me? Like she’s annoyingly enthusiastic (in a cute way) most of the time but you can tell she wants to do thing nuns can’t do

“I just want to get it started so I can run him over” DO IT FRED ILL GIVE U $5

“I’m here on a missionary basis, I’m trying not to think uncharitable thoughts” LOL DONT WORRY TOM, SHELAGH’s GOT YOU COVERED

“I’m perfectly happy to think them for you” and she pushes her glasses up 😂 I LOVE The sas. I love her. & then Patrick is like “that’s my girl” & it’s cute af

Dr Myra you’re in pain, I see you

LMAO SHE MAD THAT SISTER FELICITY DIED LIKE SHE MADE THE CHOICE?

“I don’t believe in any of that” how do you tell a nun you don’t believe in God lol?

CHURCH LIT 💃🏼👏🏼

SHELAGH & SISTER WINIFRED TRYING TO COPY THEIR DANCE IS THE CUTEST THING 😭

All of them in the back of the truck is the second cutest thing 😭✨

I cherish the two seconds Shelagh and Trixie sat next to each other 😭 I just want them to be friends!! give me a cute scene between them pls, I won’t stop asking till I get one

yikes @ the water, STILL RELEVANT IN 2017! even in the US in flint

THE ELEPHANTS! ah love it. I want to go on an African safari 😭 guess I have to settle for the fake on in Disney’s Animal Kingdom.. it’s lit though I won’t lie

Mathias and Able 💔💔 and Patrick explaining “man to man”

“All medicine is good, usually” UGH THE THALIDOMIDE

No Dr Myra!!

It’s not liver cancer!! Ah now to wait till they realize

“There’s never no hope at all Patrick, it’s 1962” YES SHELAGH, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. ESPECIALLY CAUSE YOU’RE HAVING A FREAKING BABY, #LETSGETIT1962

Don’t worry Tom, leave it to the pros. Sister Julienne is gonna handle Mr Stark(e)?

SHELAGH WITH THE GOATS IM DEAD, why is she scared of goats but delivered fucking piglets in series 1? I’d be more scared of pigs?

Shelagh talking to sister MJ on the phone 😭💕 THEYRE BOTH PRECIOUS

fuck it’s Roza, brb im gonna cry now

😰😰💔💔 phantom pregnancy

Trixie hurting me more

beach time 🌞🌞

SHELAGH TURNER AKA SISTER BERNADETTE SERVING LOOKS ON THE BEACH. I’ve seen this 3 times and I’m still shook like The hat, the swimsuit, the sunglasses, I am d e a d once again😍😍 when will your fav ever?? She’s sunburnt and still killing it

LOL spicy sausage..

Phyllis in trousers >>

Also Phyllis had her camera where are the photos when they get back?

BEATRIX FRANKLIN SLAYING IN the black two piece and clubmasters AGAIN, when will your fav ever?

HOW DO I GET TO LOOK LIKE THAT? 😭😭😍😍

How am I so attached to Trixie and Shelagh’s characters like wtf?? Everything they do and say and wear, I’m just shook all the time. It’s not normal

Like Laura Main and Helen George could literally punch me in the face and I’d thank them

Why did Barbara get so mad on the beach with Tom? I feel the stress was real but damn

lol shoutout to everyone on Tumblr for pointing out that Shelagh and Patrick were being cute in the corner watching the sunset or whatever

I loved this scene between Tom and Trixie💕

MY BBY HAS COME SO FAR, SHE’S GROWN AND SHE IS THRIVING. LIKE SHE’S ABOUT TO PERFORM A DAMN C-SECTION 😭

also she looks so beautiful, I want to look like that ah😍

Shelagh with the picture of Tim and Angela 😭💔💔

THEN SHE TOOK IS TO THE HOSPITAL UGH, so glad that is over it was too much

“I knew that yearning once, I was lucky because it left me when we adopted our daughter..” UGH CRYIN AND NOW SHE’S HAVING A BABY ANYWAY

BUT I LOVED THIS SCENE AS WELL

Shelagh is understanding & not judgmental of Dr Myra and I just love seeing her nursing & well I love everything she does but I’m so glad she had such great screen time

FRED DOING THE HAND MOTIONS FOR WHAT TOM WAS SAYING LMAO

“Medicine isn’t about doing what’s easy, it’s about doing what’s essential” yes Patrick, we have come full circle

there’s always a moment when I watch ctm and I’m like “I should’ve tried to become a nurse” then I’m like LOL NAH. The nursing program is so intense at my university I wouldn’t pass it anyway 😂

my mother’s a nurse though, I’ll leave it to her. After watching this episode it reminded her of how she always wanted to do a mission trip or like nurses without boarders and was trying to tell my dad she still wants to go 😂

too bad I’ve ruined her plans because my university’s tuition is ungodly & I didn’t get one damn scholarship

“No anesthesia” DR MYRA IS NO JOKE, kick ass woman.

Patrick, Shelagh and Sister J aka the dream team

How did they fake this? So crazy

“When people have no love to live for, it’s so very easy to fill that void with hate” 💔💔 something is in my eye again😭

“ Look where we ended up” “WE HAVEN’T ENDED UP ANYWHERE..and I’m not going to say anything else because I’m afraid I may speak sharply and no matter how high the stakes you don’t deserve that” HELL YEA SHELAGH, I’m so proud.

Sister W casually trying to not look at the handsome but sweaty Tom

Oh shit Dr Myra’s down

CORRA SHELAGH

Shelagh holding the umbrella and laying in the back with Dr Myra >>

Now Constance’s going into labor

Mr Stark I know you think you have a reason to be an asshole but wtf she’s a nun? Like you don’t even feel slightly disrespectful?

“I know what is it to have nothing but a photograph or two..” UGH THAT EPISODE WITH SISTED J’S OLD BOYFRIEND KILLED ME

I love Sister Julienne, I hope we can see hear more of her past.

Lol pbs cut that scene of Babs singing but why?

“Then we have no choice. We have to operate ourselves.” YOU CAN DO IT TRIXIE

the first time watching this my anxiety was on 1000

Phyllis tying up Trixie’s gown up like they’re suiting up for battle

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS AND IM STILL NERVOUS

THE BABY IS STUCK LIKE I WOULDVE FREAKED TF OUT

this is also why I won’t be a nurse or doctor lol, I’m always panicking

BABS PUSH THE BABY BACK UP

AYE GRACIAS DIOS, ALL IS WELL

“Well done Trixie, I couldn’t be more proud of you” 😭💕 me either

Yea I say you earned a cigarette

Better late than never to make amends I guess, but get that clean water going asap no rocky

The Turners are back 👏🏼

THE CAKE TIN 😭😭

& Able and Mathias 😭😭

Aw Tom proposing ☺️ I don’t really feel anything for them as a couple but this was a cute moment 😭

SHELAGH AND PATRICK GIVING TIM’S LEG BRACES TO MATHIAS AH MY HEART

And they got the water 😭

I LIED BEFORE EVERYONE JUMPING UNDER THE WATER PUMP IS THE CUTEST THING😭💕👏🏼✨

“Not all gifts come tied in ribbons, or at a special time of year. Some blessings surprise us arriving unlabeled and we embrace them in a blaze of joy” DAMN IT VANNESSA IM CRYIN THANKS (also now it seems like foreshadow for baby Turner)

Roza as secretary!! My heart again

I bet Trixie took over like a badass while Dr Myra was recovering

THE GOATS HAHA

PHYLLIS TAKING ALL THOSE PHOTO’S AT THE END IS THE GREATEST PART 😭💖 IM SO HAPPY AND MY HEART GROWS LIKE THE GRINCH EVERY TIME I WATCH THIS SHOW

LOL THE NUNS GOT PHOTOBOMBED BY A CHICKEN

AND CUE REDGRAVE

“But though they’d given their labor and their love, they also took and they learned and they went home wiser, enriched in ways they could not count”

The End 😭😭💕💕😰😰

Ugh I don’t care, that special was spectacular and I loved every minute.

#call the midwife #I'm TRASH FOR THIS SHOW #lets get it 1962 #am I still cryin?#yes #I'm still not over it #my commentaries™

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fathersonholygore · 6 years

Text

Slice. 2018. Directed & Written by Austin Vesely. Starring Zazie Beetz, Chance the Rapper, Chris Parnell, Y’lan Noel, Paul Scheer, Austin Vesely, Rae Gray, Will Brill, & Kelli Simpkins. Frehand/N2ition Cinema Rated R. 83 minutes. Comedy/Horror

★★★

Disclaimer: The following article contains heavy spoilers. Turn back, lest ye be spoiled!

Slice came with a bunch of hype because of Chance the Rapper, and Zazie Beetz is on the rise, so it’s always exciting to see her name in a cast, too. Sadly, the movie doesn’t add up to much more than a chaotic mess. It tries being a throwback to the 1980s, between the score, some of the effects, and the general atmosphere. Even in that sense, it never gets where it’s trying to go. At the same time, it’s not without commentary. If there’s a message to be had, you know Father Gore’s going to dig it out! The plot concerns Perfect Pizza Base— a little shop built over the ground of an old asylum in the city of Kingfisher, the basement of which was coincidentally the portal to Hell. The city’s also home to ghosts, werewolves, and other creatures of the night. Regular citizens can’t get along with the ghosts, so the dead are segregated in Ghost Town. Once a bunch of pizza delivery drivers start getting killed, the ghosts are blamed, but the situation’s far more complex. What this movie gets right is its identity as a horror-comedy focused on social issues. It’s not trying to write a treatise on racial relations, though its commentary is difficult to ignore. From the white witches disguising their deviousness with social justice to a community of different groups learning to co-exist and maybe even work together, Slice never holds back on using horror tropes and expected genre characters – witches, ghosts, werewolves – to skewer just how divided our society’s become. Right away, director-writer Austin Vesely touches on issues relating to urbanism and modernity. We hear about the “beautification of Kingfisher” relating to the urban renewal of the city. This leads into one of the main plots, concerning problems with gentrification and old burial grounds being paved over to make way for shopping centres and other city mainstays. A group called Justice 40,000 protest the development of these areas and warn of the “greater evil that is capitalism.” The group worry about erasure of the past, further suggestive of our modern inability to reconcile the past and present by subscribing to the capitalist idea of creative destruction. There’s also the citywide trouble of “relations between the living and the dead,” which so obviously mirrors the tenuous racial relations of white people and people of colour in big cities. Immediately the table’s set for modern social commentary using a horror story as its mask. The racial angle of Slice is never not present. One cop says: “God, I hate werewolves— scum of the earth.” He recounts an accidental vehicular homicide in which his father was killed by a werewolf. You could replace werewolves with a non-white racial group and this whole monologue would fit perfectly with actual white attitudes about POC. The scene’s a mark of great satire: at once hilarious and painfully truthful. Added to the werewolf-hating cop, Dax Lycander (Chance the Rapper) has to deal with constant stereotyping being a werewolf. He’s presumed violent by everyone he encounters and he’s automatically linked to the crimes. Father Gore doesn’t need to point out the irony of his being a BLACK werewolf, right? He repeats he’s “not that kinda werewolf,” and nobody seems to listen.

“All you have is a grudge, and grudges don’t hold up in court.”

Slice is at its best when satirising modern issues, such as its aim at gentrification. Vesely cleverly employs the use of the word halcyon, which denotes a period of time in the past considered idyllically happy and peaceful. This fits well because of the racial themes. Halcyon’s a perfect word for the way whites – the racist or xenophobic ones – look back on the past and see a perfect age, whereas people of colour, and here we’re talking especially about black people in America, have a decidedly different view of the past. The former psychiatric hospital where Perfect Pizza Base now stands was called Halcyon Days Asylum. Various institutions/buildings in Kingfisher are named similarly. With this gentrification of old spaces, the word halcyon specifically links things to a sense of whiteness, particularly once the truth about Justice 40,000 emerges. Justice 40,000’s women are eventually revealed as powerful witches. No coincidence these women are all white, either. The irony with these ladies is evident in the way they fight against capitalism and gentrification but simultaneously blame ghosts/others for Kingfisher’s violent crime. They’re the worst of white feminism, epitomised by being real witches rather than normal women accused unjustly of witchcraft. Vesely utilises the witches to satirise all of the typical white liberals who may be in favour of some ‘good’ social things while actively working against important things— i.e. it’s great white women are concerned about gentrified neighbourhoods, and likewise totally redundant when they perpetuate racist attitudes towards the people in those neighbourhoods. This is one of the most ingenious aspects of the screenplay, and it’s so timely for 2018. This may not be what genre fans expected. At the worst of times, the movie’s a sloppy, hot mess of ’80s homage + comedy + slasher horror. At the best of times, it’s a scorching social satire aimed at hip modern audiences. Somewhere in between, Slice falls into the category of fun yet forgettable horror. Father Gore can ignore a messy movie when there are other things going on. Vesely’s movie at least has its satire to fall back on, allowing him to comically comment on our society’s problems. He tackles gentrification’s negative effects by putting a pizza shop over an asylum which is also the gateway to Hell. He takes down white feminists by casting them as witches who’ve ignored everyone else in favour of themselves. He punches up at institutions trying to capitalise on the “arbitrary divisions” separating people in cities all over America. In the end, Kingfisher, as a community, comes together in order to fend off the malevolence of the witches and their nefarious agenda. Cheesy as it is – get it? – the community uniting across their divisions is ultimately a hopeful message. Maybe real people can’t or won’t ever come together like the werewolves, ghosts, and living humans of Kingfisher. We can all certainly hold out hope.

SLICE: Mediocre Horror Doubles as Killer Modern Satire Slice. 2018. Directed & Written by Austin Vesely. Starring Zazie Beetz, Chance the Rapper, Chris Parnell, Y'lan Noel, Paul Scheer, Austin Vesely, Rae Gray, Will Brill, & Kelli Simpkins.

#Capitalism #Chance the Rapper #Creative Destruction #Gentrification #Ghost Town #Halcyon #Kingfisher #Perfect Pizza Base #Satire #Segregation #Social Commentary #Urban Renewal #White Feminism

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