#though I'd say Tumblr is free of that kind?

[katyspersonal]

I start to think internet is honestly not such a bad place to make friends at. It is just really treacherous. In real life, you can disagree with the person on even important topics several times for months, years even, and you will still have contact. But online, all it takes is like, ONE negative interaction or bad post for person that kept cherishing and supporting you and sharing their life with you to disown you, and all previous feelings and experiences get retroactively ruined.

Not just that, but also there are plenty of terminally online idiots that can't to save their lives grasp the concept of how not everyone will get along. Some people just WILL have a conflict, some people just WILL make you angry or YOU will make them angry. I legit heard the "it doesn't matter if she was nice to you, she was rude to like 4 people in the span of 5-6 years so if you ignore that you are selfish and don't care about the community uwu" cultish nonsense about myself (only real ones remember xd). This shit just doesn't happen in reality, you can have straight up enemy in your class/workplace and people will try to fix the situation. And sure if one person snapped at another, people try to resolve this.

I honestly think that the whole "b-but internet friendships are not real!!!!1! uwu" bunch aside, people are generally lazy about bonds and relationships. That the only way they will ever put effort into preserving bonds and communicating despite issues is if they are forced to by sharing a physical space. In real life they can't just block a person out of their life and be done, they will have to see them in family, in the class, at work, just accidentally meet them in the city etc. So they have to talk it out. But how having to do it can be a real choice? Like... internet is a good place to make friends at because if a person that had a CHOICE to never see you again, that was not FORCED to endure you still sticks with you regardless of negative interactions - it means that they are real one. You can only know whether someone actually needs you or not when they have full freedom of choice without any consequences, but only internet can reveal this much. It just takes a while to find right people, but it is worth it. Basically, internet doesn't "ruin" people, it just reveals their true nature because only not having consequences can do that. But it also reveals who actually wants to accept you, flaws or not, when irl you can't know if that's real or they are forced to to not make their lives harder 🤔

#personal #internets #people #again: this post isnt about people that can't have online friends at all #though I'd say Tumblr is free of that kind? #like Twitter is full of 'if I cant see the person they arent real :)))))' bunch but not here #I just.. I guess I start to realize that being stuck in the internet is sort of a blessing #the fact that online friends can cut you off any second over even the dumbest reason is- #-good because you are left only with people that GENUINELY accept you #like.. don't tell me that in workplace someone will forever stop talking with you over one negative talk #they won't because passive aggression will be straining and they have to work together and SEE each other #but who will still work on fixing shit even if they have no pressure to? right real ones #internet reveals more than it hides ffs

[sisterdivinium]

In the off chance Tumblr dies for real, what if we got ourselves a WN message board like in the olden times?

Or maybe I'd just set up a Dreamwidth account (again) and talk to myself, idk. There's still so much to analyse about WN and there's no fun in doing it without sharing it.

#i've been here since 2011 and i don't intend on moving. all modern social media sucks and i refuse to join bluefuckingsky. yuck #and it's not like i can celebrate the idea of ever being free from tungle because i'd probably just hang out on reddit more lol #not for wn stuff but for interesting conversations. r/fanfiction had a nice nostalgic post with lots of fun comments a few days ago #i'm joking but seriously the message board sounds so good. i wouldn't be caught dead in a wn or other themed discord #but i would nerd out on a forum all day. it's so much better than the usual social media and should never have gone out of fashion #i only WISH the wn sub were as interesting. sure you can say “but sister why don't you contribute good things there yourself?” #and my answer is that i have been drafting an argumentative text in response to something i've seen there about a month ago #but to post here. because this is my spot. because i can take my time #(or else i suppose my answer would have been a little less civil than it is becoming lol) #anyway. not panicking over tumblr but i also wouldn't be surprised whichever the result #kind of thinking about that dw account though. for backup if nothing else since this blog is the only place all of my analysis is lol #livin la vida loca without backup clearly #silly blabbering

[phantomrose96]

Hey not to go all "tumblr is a professional networking site" on you, but how did you get to work for Microsoft??? I'm a recent grad and I'm being eviscerated out here trying to apply for industry jobs & your liveblogging about your job sounds so much less evil than Data Entry IT Job #43461

This place is basically LinkedIn to me.

I'm gonna start by saying I am so so very sorry you're a recent grad in the year 2024... Tech job market is complete ass right now and it is not just you. I started fulltime in 2018, and for 2018-2022 it was completely normal to see a yearly outflow of people hopping to new jobs and a yearly inflow of new hires. Then sometime around late-spring/early-summer of 2022 Wallstreet sneezed the word "recession" and every tech company simultaneously shit themselves.

Tons of layoffs happened, meaning you're competing not just with new grads but with thousands of experienced workers who got shafted by their company. My org squeaked by with a small amount of layoffs (3 people among ~100), but it also means we have not hired anyone new since mid-2022. And where I used to see maybe 4-8 people yearly leave in order to hop to a new job, I think I've seen 1 person do that in the whole last year and a half.

All this to say it's rough and I can't just say "send applications and believe in yourself :)".

I have done interviews though. (I'm not involved in resume screening though, just the interviews of candidates who made it past the screening phase.) So I have at least some relevant advice, as well as second-hand knowledge from other people I know who've had to hop jobs or get hired recently.

If you have friends already in industry who you feel comfortable asking, reach out to them. Most companies have a recommendation process where a current employee fills out a little form that says "yeah I'd recommend such-and-such for this job." These do seem to carry weight, since it's coming from a trusted internal person and isn't just one of the hundreds of cold-call applications they've received.

A lot of tech companies--whether for truly well-intentioned reasons or to just check a checkbox--are on the lookout for increasing employee diversity. If you happen to have anything like, for example, "member of my college Latino society", it's worth including on your resume among your technical skills and technical projects.

I would add "you're probably gonna have to send a lot of applications" as a bullet point but I'm sure you're already doing that. But here it is as a bullet point anyway.

(This is kind of a guess, since it's part of the resume screening) but if you can dedicate some time to getting at least passingly familiar with popular tech/stacks for the positions you're looking into, try doing that in your free time so you can list it on your resume. Even better if you make a project you can point to. Like if you're aiming for webdev, get familiar with React and probably NodeJS. On top of being comfortable in one of the all-purpose languages like C(++) or Java or Python.

If you get to the interview phase - a company that is good to work for WILL care that you're someone who's good to work with. A tech-genius who's a coworker-hating egotistical snob is a nuisance at best and a liability at worst for companies with even a half-decent culture. When I do interviews, "Is this someone who's a good culture fit?" is as important as the technical skills. You'll want to show you'll be a perfectly pleasant, helpful, collaborative coworker. If the company DOESN'T care about that... bullet dodged.

For the technical questions, I care more about the thought process than I do the right answer, especially for entry-level. If you show a capacity for asking good, insightful clarifying questions, an ability to break down the problem, explain your thought process, and backtrack&alter your approach upon realizing something won't work, that's all more important than just being able to spit out a memorized leetcode answer. (I kinda hate leetcode for this reason, and therefore I only ask homebrewed questions, because I don't want the technical portion to hinge at all on whether someone managed to memorize the first 47 pages of leetcode problems). For a new hire, the most important impression you can give me is that you have a technical grasp and that you're capable of learning. Because a new hire isn't going to be an expert in anything, but they're someone who's capable of learning the ropes.

That's everything I have off the top of my head. Good luck anon. I'm very sorry you were born during a specific range of years that made you a new grad in 2024 and I hope it gets better.

[lackadaisycats]

Sooo. Long-time casual follower of different Lackadaisycats accounts, throughout DA, Tumblr, etc. And, I'd only ever done a spattering of reading in the mid '16s when the comic really caught my attention. I ironically read more of the bonus material than the actual pages. I fell off it while working on my own projects [y'know how it goes], but tonight after watching the pilot a while ago, decided to finally sit and read all of the archive. And. Holy shit. I know 1 ask won't do it justice, but the amount of love and work and time you've put into this is frankly astonishing. The author's notes show but a fettered glimpse into how much time and research has gone into your craft. And as other have noted, the improvement in art quality and skills over time is, without hyperbole, breathtaking. You've not finished the comic, but have already accomplished more in its run than most hope to do. And, frankly, it's inspiring. I know you've heard that dozens of times, but I'm saying it again, because I know the unique, special kind of 'torment' that comes with working on a project like this. Carrying it on your back, putting it out there in hopes that, despite your love for it being all it needs to exist, others will like and enjoy it too. Pushing through those times where you wonder 'is it worth it'. Going so far as to even make a WONDERFUL animated pilot off of it and bring it to life in yet ANOTHER fantastic way. You've created something special, which you show your love for in so many ways, and you've inspired countless people through your craft, your dedication, and just generally being an awesome person to the communities around you. I still reference multiplicities of your drawing tip guides, the Rocky pancakes comic lives in my head rent free along with SO many of your expressions, and your evolution of color and form and lighting in the comic left me with no choice but to download several pages just to gawk at and reference later for studies. Your work has shown me that, so long as I keep at something, it can turn into something beyond what I could have fathomed at the beginning. For everything you've done since the 2000's, and for everything you continue to do in the future, I genuinely wish you the best of luck, health, and that creation always comes as easily to you as it can.

Best regards,

-VT

Thank you so much - both for the kind thoughts and comments, and the wonderful Mordecai artwork here.

It does get very difficult at times to keep moving forward with long term projects, trudging through the self-doubt and trying to navigate life's curveball upheavals. It's been the source of so many good things in my life too, though, and comments like yours really drive home how worthwhile it's been to stick with it. ❤

#lackadaisy #lackadaisycats #lackadaisy film #q&a #comics

[cuties-in-codices]

Where do you find these manuscripts? Is it like a website or do you find it randomly??

hey, thanks for the curiosity! lenghty answer below the cut :)

1)

medieval manuscripts are typically owned by libraries and showcased on the library's websites. so one thing i do is i randomly browse those digitized manuscript collections (like the collections of the bavarian state library or the bodleian libraries, to name just two), which everybody can do for free without any special access. some digital collections provide more useful tools than others (like search functions, filters, annotations on each manuscript). if they don't, the process of wading through numerous non-illustrated manuscripts before i find an illustrated one at all can be quite tedious.

2)

there are databases which help to navigate the vast sea of manuscripts. the one i couldn't live without personally use the most is called KdIH (Katalog der deutschsprachigen illustrierten Handschriften des Mittelalters). it's a project which aims to list all illustrated medieval manuscripts written in german dialects. the KdIH provides descriptions of the contents of each manuscript (with a focus on the illustrations), and if there's a digital reproduction of a manuscript available anywhere, the KdIH usually links to it. the KdIH is an invaluable tool for me because of its focus on illustrated manuscripts, because of the informations it provides for each manuscript, and because of its useful search function (once you've gotten over the initial confusion of how to navigate the website). the downside is that it includes only german manuscripts, which is one of the main reasons for the over-representation of german manuscripts on my blog (sorry about that).

3)

another important database for german manuscripts in general (i.e. not just illustrated ones) is the handschriftencensus, which catalogues information regarding the entirety of german language manuscripts of the middle ages, and also links to the digital reproductions of each manuscript.

4)

then there are simply considerable snowball effects. if you do even just superficial research on any medieval topic at all (say, if you open the wikipedia article on alchemy), you will inevitably stumble upon mentions of specific illustrated manuscripts. the next step is to simply search for a digital copy of the manuscript in question (this part can sometimes be easier said than done, especially when you're coming from wikipedia). one thing to keep in mind is that a manuscript illustration seldom comes alone - so every hint to any illustration at all is a greatly valuable one (if you do what i do lol). there's always gonna be something interesting in any given illustrated manuscript. (sidenote: one very effective 'cheat code' would be to simply go through all manuscripts that other online hobbyist archivers of manuscript illustrations have gone through before - like @discardingimages on tumblr - but some kind of 'professional pride' detains me from doing so. that's just a kind of stubbornness though. like, i want to find my material more or less on my own, not just the images but also the manuscripts, and i apply arbitrary rules to my search as to what exactly that means.)

5)

whatever tool or strategy i use to find specific illustrated manuscripts-- in the end, one unavoidable step is to actually manually skim through the (digitized) manuscript. i usually have at least a quick look at every single illustrated page, and i download or screenshot everything that is interesting to me. this process can take up to an hour per manuscript.

---

in conclusion, i'd say that finding cool illuminated manuscripts is much simpler than i would have thought before i started this blog. there are so many of them out there and they're basically just 'hidden in plain side', it's really astounding. finding the manuscripts doesn't require special skills, just some basic experience with/knowledge of the tools available. the reason i'm able to post interesting images almost daily is just that i spend a lot of time doing all of this, going through manuscripts, curating this blog, etc. i find a lot of comfort in it, i learn a lot along the way, and i immensely enjoy people's engagement with my posts. so that's that :)

#if you ever have any specific questions about any of these tools or my strategies feel free to ask or dm me #i'd also be interested in recommendations of databases that are specific to other languages/regions that are neither german nor english #preferably with a focus on illuminated manuscripts #or useful databases that are just not very well known #ask #medieval art #medieval studies #btw @anon sorry for only getting around to answering your ask now #and re: your following message. first of all never apologize for your english skills. like ever #it's a daily struggle for me as well tbh. i never post anything without german/english dictionary tabs open lol #and i feel like i 'owe' it to the tumblr blogger format to write in smooth english #secondly your question wasn't dumb at all! i'm glad somebody asked :)

[thegreatyin]

Your posts about Fallen London are slowly tempting me into playing it- do you have any tips to start or is it best to play it completely blind?

i have a few tips and tricks! mind you im far from a veteran and i basically got my hand held by tumblr for most of the game so take everything with a grain of salt. you can and should do whatever you want always. i don't personally play it blind, but you may get more enjoyment out of it if you do, and that's awesome and im super happy for you. this is what i can say from experience:

take your time with it. this is like. the numero uno fallen london tip. it's not a game where you rush to the end in a week. it's a game where you do 10-minute-intervals of a marathon to the end in maybe a few months if you know what you're doing. spending money on action refills usually isn't worth it when you can just mosey on through neathly life one storylet at a time. a vast majority of the game's content is completely free to everyone, and while the monthly subscription options are pretty neat and let you play some exclusive story stuff (that can be pretty fire- cricket anyone basically defined the scoundrel's entire character) none of it is required and 99% of the time you aren't missing out on anything by just taking your time and exploring the neath at your own pace.

you need to raise all of your skills eventually! this is, uh. something im horribly guilty of not following myself. you can (and probably should) pick at least two stats to focus on for your character (most of the time these will be your main ambition stats, aka the closest thing FL has to a main story questline) but eventually you Will be expected to have them all at around the 100 range, minimum. for certain Super Late-game Story Content, watchful 200 is mandatory to start it, so if you have trouble choosing i'd recommend leveling that bad boy first. don't neglect your other stats though!!! don't be like me. don't be like my poor poor neglected shadowy and dangerous. it's too late for me. save yourself.

friends are fun and free and you are legally mandated to exploit them for fun and profit. okay you really aren't mandated to exploit your FL friends list but you totally should anyway just for goofy sillies. to be less jokey about it, while fallen london is primarily a single-player gaming experience, the playerbase is super friendly and super open to helping each other out (especially new players!). go on reddit, ask around on tumblr, get yourself a few buddies and use them as resources to gain items and stats and menace reduction i mean. valued companions that im sure you will treasure forever and definitely not backstab to publish that inflammatory newspaper article you've been cooking up.

on a very loosely similar note, the fallen london wiki is your best friend. yes, we're following stardew rules with this one. this is the kind of game best optimally played with a wiki article or three open in the neighboring tabs so you can follow along and know what is what. there's tons of guides on basically every part of FL, and it's no shame at all to reach out to either it or the wider community if you get stuck or feel lost at something.

if an in-game storylet has bold text, it will never lie to you! except for when it does. but that's very very very rare. you can always trust the bold text. it is always your friend. i prommy. which brings us neatly into our next bulletpoint,

seeking the name is ill-advised because it's the only storyline that can permanently brick your account at its conclusion. don't worry, the ease at which you can avoid this is practically comical, and the game will Always give you multiple chances to opt-out if you somehow accidentally start it anyway. most people make a dedicated alt character entirely for the purpose of sacrificing them to the well of doom. unless you're playing with your eyes closed for multiple months straight, you'll never run into SMEN without deliberately chasing it, and if you somehow get to that point honestly man just ignore this entire bulletpoint and see how far the rabbithole goes. go on. it's friendly :)

batfucking is always the right answer to any problem ever

echoes/the game's standard currency should always be thought of as a method of gaining items rather than a strict hoard of video game dollars. money-making can be super difficult in the earlygame, but it gets exponentially easier as you go further on. you shouldn't be afraid to sell anything you don't need, though personally i'd recommend keeping an "insurance stock" of the most basic items just in case. this includes rostygold, moon-pearls, honey droplets, etc. by-and-large, these are the easiest items to get in a pinch, and it usually isn't worth buying them from the bazaar when you can otherwise get them naturally through other methods around london. once you've got a good lodgings setup and feel decently familiar with the earlygame zones and their options, you should aim to have at minimum 1,000 of these bad boys on hand at any given time, then feel free to sell any excess you make for some quick cash in a pinch.

menaces aren't as bad as you may think, but be wary of specifically suspicion! the four main menace qualities you'll encounter in the earlygame are nightmares, wounds, scandal, and suspicion. when one of these menace stacks reach 8, you'll automatically be trapped in a unique location corresponding to whatever menace you raised too high and will have to spend time working your way out. some (nightmares and wounds) tend to fly-by rather quickly, while others (scandal and suspicion) tend to take a bit longer to get out of. none of these mean the end of your playthrough or your character, and some quests even require you to visit certain menace-exclusive locations! there are tons of items and ways to reduce menaces and keep yourself out of Situations such as these, but suspicion in particular is probably the only menace you should avoid maxing At All Costs. when your suspicion gets too high and you get sent to its special menace zone too often, you build up a criminal record that makes it harder to reduce suspicion in the future. fortunately, suspicion is the only menace with this gimmick, and before this record gets too high it's just as easy to keep row as the rest of the lot. TLDR, death from wounds is easy to escape from, but avoiding the strongarm of the law is substantially more annoying and inconvenient.

or you could be like tumblr user @with-bells-upon, who's apparently avoided death at all costs and apparently hasn't died once in the entire several months they've been playing. i don't even know how they've gotten this far without doing that. it's kind of impressive, kind of funny. especially since their ambition is one the few requiring you to die to proceed. this isn't a piece of advice i just wanted to affectionately call them out because what the heck

speaking of ambitions, pick the ambition that's right for you! ambitions are the biggest overarching questline in the game, and their requirements and rewards span the entire neath and occasionally even beyond. all four ambitions are meant to be started early and last well into the mid and late game. outside of a certain special situation regarding the light fingers ambition (the only ambition that explicitly lies to you in-game when describing its premise) you can't change your ambition without spending money, so choose carefully and choose well. they're all (mostly) equally rewarding and equally fulfilling adventures that will define your player character and your journey through the neath. there's tons of advice and spoiler-free summaries of each ambition online, so i won't cover it all here. just do your research (or don't, if you prefer) and follow your heart. maybe playing the world's most high-stake poker game ever speaks to you. maybe you want to commit a murder. maybe you want to commit a murder in the name of justice and/or revenge. maybe you just want a really really big really really shiny rock. all can be found in the neath, and all shall (eventually) be well.

if you buy 400 lucky weasels you get a special achievement. i don't need to say more.

make up a guy. this is another legal mandate if you're a fallen london player. you have to make up your own little sicko victorian london guy and roleplay them while you play. trust me. it's fun. it's free. they're going to haunt you forever. the scoundrel got a nickname like 4 months ago and ever since my mind has never known peace.

and probably most important of all, fallen london might not be the game for you, and that's okay. it includes a lot of reading. and grinding. and i do mean a lot of reading and grinding. particularly the latter, which tends to throw people off the most out of anything. it's a very niche game for a very niche audience and getting into it can be an acquired taste at the best of times. but when you do get into it, it's some Really good writing and Really in-depth worldbuilding and the most fun you'll ever have imagining sicko victorian guys running around building train stations and railway tracks directly to hell. take your time, have fun, and most important of all, always look to love.

anyway yeah that's my fallen london tips and tricks list isn't it really short and comprehendible

#im not really good at writing advice. hope this helps u out regardless #ask #fallen london #long post

[leclerced]

I can see Charles dating someone just for the sake of dating. Like he doesn’t really see a future with this person but he also doesn’t tell that to her. Then there’s a question about their plans from someone and he just shrugs it off with sth about himself but he doesn’t include his girlfriend in his plans. She thinks about it but doesn’t do anything because maybe he misunderstood it besides they’ve been dating only for half a year or sth like that. After another few months he falls for her hard without even realising and then I can see a whole misunderstanding about his intentions because she thinks he’s just playing with her and it hits him he loves her. After that a hell lot of grovelling cause my boy is fighting for his life there

okay i saw this yesterday and started replying and tumblr app crashed. this is too relatable to me but i am charles. picturing like a high maintenance rich girlie who knows what she wants ok. i love this and just brain rotted 1.5k about it so im adding a read more. this is a mess sorryyy

i can see him dating someone for the convenience of it. it started off really casual, hookups every now and again when he was in town. then the question he always hates hearing, the dreaded what are we? comes and he uses the same recycled answer, what do you want us to be? and then runs with whatever they say. he likes her company, he'd consider her a good friend, but he understands why she wants more than just texts when he's in town asking if she's free.

six months after that conversation, near the end of the season, he gets asked about the plans for the upcoming break and the next season. next season is definitely the priority right now. i'd like to be fighting for the championship again next year. they ask about break again and if he has plans with his girlfriend, the one who has been attending every race as of late, and he says yeah i'm sure we'll find something to do... haven't made any plans yet. i know i'll be at the factory a lot, like i said, next season is the priority, so we'll have to work around my schedule. charles doesn't realize how selfish he sounds, next season is the priority, so we'll need to work around my schedule, how disinvested in his relationship he sounds. every other racer with a partner has been talking about romantic getaways to aspen or bali, and charles sounds like he's forgotten he's spending his first christmas with his girlfriend.

she realizes though, she hears the disinterest in his voice when he talks about not working, and the way he gets excited talking about the next season. she had been excited for the break and getting to spend time with him, she wanted to go spend christmas with his family or stay at his place and have their own private celebration. she has tricked herself into thinking they'd be laid up in bed for days on end, not her sitting around while he works. she kind of backs off, she'd planned on staying with him for the last few races but after hearing the way he waves off the idea of spending time with her, she decides she'll give him the space he so clearly desires to work.

when they're in vegas, two races left to go, carlos asks him what he's getting her for christmas, and it dawns on him he hasn't thought about it. he says he's still thinking, doesn't know how much money he can spend on her, he doesn't want to over do it. it sounds like a romantic answer, like he wants to buy her a diamond ring, but he's worried he'll scare her off. the reality is, he's bought presents for everyone else in his life and somehow forgotten her.

the realization that he loves her comes when he's out shopping for her gift and nothing is right. he's thinking he doesn't know what she likes because everything he looks at, he imagines her opening the wrapping paper and being disappointed. the chanel bags he got past girlfriends wouldn't do because she loves exclusivity. she loves going with him all over the world and shopping while he works, going to lavish antique stores and buying vintage clothes and jewelry for exuberant prices. she had contacts all over the world looking for antiques she has her eye on, vintage fashion or rare scandinavian furniture made by someone with a name he can't pronounce or spell. almost everything she owns is one of a kind, or vintage fashion that she paid hundreds or thousands of dollars for. he passively thinks that's why he loves her, then stumbles back over that thought and realizes that he knows her much better than he thought, and that's why none of the gifts were good enough.

he tries buying her clothes from a designer he likes, then remembers she wears archival pieces. he goes for blankets, all women love blankets, and remembers she only likes real wool blankets (she carries one with her when she travels, because hotel blankets will not do) and the store he's shopping at doesn't carry them. she likes a very specific set of body wash, shampoo, conditioner, and lotion that all smell like mint and eucalyptus, and a signature perfume. he doesn't know the name of either. he knows what they smell like, like it's the laundry detergent he grew up with. he could recognize it anywhere, but he doesn't fancy walking up and down aisles opening bottles to smell them when it's probably a hidden luxury brand that is only sold in a single store in a different country, knowing her.

he doesn't remember her favorite song or artist, so he doesn't even think about getting a signed album or anything like he's done for other people. he knows she has an affinity for chopin and loves it when charles plays piano for him, but he doesn't know what he could gift her based on that knowledge. he tries buying her art from a gallery, but none if it seems to suit her. he knows she loves basquiat and has a painting over her bed, professionally mounted so it can't fall off when he rocks the bed into the wall. the art he peruses doesn't compare. he wanders into numerous antique shops, hoping to find some old furniture from one of the designers she admires, but he doesn't know how to spot the rarities like she does. he'd probably buy her an ikea dining table thinking it's hans olsen.

the realization that nothing is good enough for her because he loves her is confusing for him. he realizes he hadn't put enough thought into past gifts. he knows his friends and family well enough that he bought them thoughtful gifts without thinking. he would just see things and know they would love them. but with his new girlfriend, he spent the entire relationship not realizing how much he cared about her. any past girlfriend he just gifted expensive purses, jewelry, shoes. he wants to get her something that shows how much he loves her, in the same way he was looking for his mother's gift all year until he finally something he knows she would cherish for the rest of her life.

he ends up buying a painting he thinks is perfect, until he presents the canvas to her. he wanted to have it hung and surprise her with it, but she'd probably want to pick where it hangs so he hides it in her apartment until christmas day, and kind of pretends not to have gotten her anything. there's a single present under their tree, one from her to him. she tries not to think about it, in the days leading up to christmas, when she sees the blank space under the tree and wonders if she shouldn't have gotten him anything. then christmas morning they're lounging on the couch and she tries to sound casual when she asks if he wants to open his present, and he says he wants to give her hers first. he disappears into one of the spare rooms and returns with a frame facing him. he tells her to close her eyes and then open them a moment later.

he immediately thinks he did something wrong because she cries, and he's oh so carefully setting the artwork down and rushing to her, kneeling in front of her and asking if she's okay as she cries into her hands. she's still thinking about how he brushed off their relationship and said the season was the priority, then he buys her the painting that got her into art? it wasn't anything special he thought, he just reached out to a private art dealer one night and asked if they had anything similar to pieces he knew she owned. it was coincidental that it was a piece she'd been looking for since she started collecting art. he had a name that people knew, and money that people wanted, so when he made an offer, they were happy to make a deal with the ferrari driver.

i don't wanna get angsty but she tells him how she feels, how he's been dismissive, says his words from months ago back to him and says she doesn't get why he would get her a gift like that if she isn't a priority. she tells him the gift is too much if all he wants is something casual, she can't accept it if it doesn't mean anything to him because it means everything to her. and charles is like, kind of relieved, because he thought she hated it and he can totally deal with her loving it too much. he quickly assures her it means as much to him, apologizes for not being enough for her, for not realizing how much he cared about her and for not showing it the way he should have. he was so caught up in winning that he didn't realize that he had someone to come home to that made him feel better than crossing the finish line.

#ask #lifeboredme #cl16

[stedefxckingbonnet]

So this is gonna be entirely too much info but like. I've fallen into reading your reader x Izzy fics and I LOVE them! I've been going through a hard time with it getting to Christmas and having no family, and the Izzy fics just make me feel lighter. So mostly just thank you thank you thank you!

Now the cheeky bit - is there any way we could get a Male reader x Izzy with a pride and prejudice element. My friend said something about Con O'Neil as Mr Darcy and I damn near swooned. Either like a Colin Firth wet white shirt scene or like anything like the Matthew Macfayden Darcy (The hands! The sopping wet pathetic man!)

If not, that's more than okay! I still love your work so much! And again, thank you so much for it!

Hi, anon! First of all, I completely understand how rough the holidays can be, especially without family around. My heart is truly with you during these times and I hope you can still find joy, peace, and love this winter. If you ever need anything, I am always in your corner. I know I'm just a random writer on Tumblr but I truly do care for you, each and every one of you, for that matter! I'm happy I could even bring you a sliver of joy with my work. Thank you endlessly for reading, and I am sending an abundance of my love your way <3 feel free to message me if you'd like, I'd love to be your friend! My messages are always open, everyone! But if not, that's okay too. I'm just happy to share this with you!

Anyhow, I absolutely lit up at this request—I love Pride & Prejudice! OFMD and P&P intertwining is honestly heavenly, I got so excited to write this that I put a pin on another x reader I was writing (never fear! You will all get this one by the end of the week if finals don't absolutely drain me!). This one is reminiscent of Pride & Prejudice and the vibes it emits, but more so, my own spin on it, as well as twists and turns. Like, Izzy honestly exhibits more of a Lizzie in this one but it's also very clear his actions parallel Darcy. I really, truly hope you enjoy this nonetheless!

Lastly, speaking of the holidays, I'm thinking of writing some holiday headcanons for Izzy or a few x readers regarding the holidays with Izzy! So stay tuned for that! Thank you everyone for your everlasting kind words, understanding, patience, and encouragement with my slight delay with writing in the past week.

My Gem | Izzy x Male Reader

Warnings: slight angst, some strong language, slight enemies to lovers, not so in depth research of 1700's aristocracy (even though I'm a damn dramaturg, but we'll look past that for now), made up my first non-canon canon character because just referring to her as "she" felt inhumane, brief mentions of fake suicide note, kissing

Word count: 2324

Thoughts of the first mate of The Revenge were absolutely consuming you. Devouring you alive, plaguing you—you truly couldn't get him out of your head no matter how hard you tried. Oh, yes, you tried. But there was no use. Daydreams would always swirl in your mind and they would only increase tenfold throughout the course of your days.

You were grateful that you at least didn't have to carry the burden of breathing the same air as Israel Hands anymore. You would even collapse being within ten feet of him, let alone seeing him every single day. Your chest ached even at the mere thought of the man.

To say you were confused by his last actions toward you was an understatement. Confused, embarrassed, miserable, even flattered...You couldn't get Izzy Hands out of your head. You couldn't get his hands out of your head...

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

"So you really are doing this, then."

"Yes," you nodded. "I am. I don't belong here—"

"You are a damn great pirate," Izzy almost seethed. "I'll be damned if I believe you really want to go back to that...lavish lifestyle."

You looked slightly frantically behind you in hopes that no one heard Izzy's dig at what was about to be your life again. You hesitantly looked back at Izzy, almost biting your lip in disbelief. "I just need to do this."

"Really? That's all you have to say?"

"What—what else am I supposed to say?"

Silence loomed between the two of you. He nervously fidgeted with the coat that Stede had lent him to disguise himself as an aristocrat. He couldn't wait to toss it back into Bonnet's arms, but he needed this in order to see you off safely, without any suspicions of what you had been up to in your absence from the life you were born into. He knew full well that you were making a mistake, but that you couldn't be convinced of this. His chest ached upon realizing that you wouldn't change your mind, that he wouldn't be able to change your mind.

"Goodbye, Israel."

Instead of responding, Izzy carefully intertwined his fingers with yours as you were about to step up into the carriage. You froze, yet began to melt into his touch, his warmth. You finally met his eyes just as he let go of you, and before you knew it, you were riding off into the distance, Izzy becoming a small speck fading from your sight. Before he began to fade out of view, you caught a glimpse of him flexing his hand by his side as he watched you depart.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

You scoffed as the yellow carnation was pinned to your coat.

"Is something wrong, sir?" one of your dressers inquired, concern washing over his expression.

You almost laughed at such a question, thinking back to all of the late nights you spent studying flowers and their meanings, dying to tell him how this marriage was going to be doomed if you had to wear a yellow carnation. At the last minute, you decided against it, holding your tongue. "Everything is perfect. Thank you."

He nodded, exiting the room as soon as he finished dressing you. You turned toward the mirror, a frown falling onto your lips upon seeing your reflection. You had never dreaded a coming day like you dreaded tomorrow. Before you could internally lament further, a rhythmic knock was heard from your door. Genevieve—future wife. How delightful. It's not like you dreaded it every time she walked into a room, let alone walked over to your side, and it's not like you could tell she dreaded you all the same.

"Yes. Come in," you sighed, plopping down onto your bed. Only, it wouldn't be your bed anymore—you would share it with her, come tomorrow. Your solitude would be interrupted and put on pause forever.

Genevieve quickly rushed in, making sure to shut and lock the door behind her. She fixed her hair a bit as she did so.

"What is it that you want?" you demanded softly, your brows furrowing.

"Hello to you too," she rolled her eyes. "I'm not looking forward to tomorrow—"

"That makes two of us, Genevieve! Finally, something we can agree upon," you laughed, falling backwards onto the bed.

"Will you let me finish?" she crossed her arms without realizing it. Once she had in fact realized, an expression of guilt overcame her as she untwisted herself. A guilt you had never once seen her bear. You sent an apologetic look her way. "I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, nor the rest of our lives together, but I just wanted to say that you are lovely. I don't hate you. I just hate this."

"I don't hate you either," you sat up carefully, your head sort of spinning as you did so. "Far from it. This is just an...unfortunate situation we've found ourselves in."

"Yes," she agreed, carefully placing herself beside you on the edge of the bed. "You know, I would love you, if you were...there's no way to dance around this. I would love you if you were not a man."

"Oh!" you realized, looking over at her, relief crashing over you. "And I would probably love you if you were not a woman, quite honestly."

Genevieve gasped in delight, wrapping her arms around you as she laughed happily. You couldn't help but smile upon her embrace.

"Who is the lucky woman?" you playfully smiled, nudging her shoulder. You watched intently as you watched the pigment of her face turn rosy.

"Well...we've known each other since we were babies," she sighed happily. "But our families have been dear friends since before we were even conceived. It would never work out."

"Take "never" out of your vocabulary this instant!" you exclaimed, shooting up off the bed and onto your two feet.

"What are you planning?" Genevieve tilted her head.

You rushed over to your desk, filing through all that had piled atop it until you found a quill, some ink, and some parchment.

"We can't say you've run away—no, that would give hope that you're still alive and then you would be seeing wanted posters with your face plastered across trees anywhere you go," you sighed. "No. We'll fake your death instead. And you'll run away tonight."

Genevieve bit her lip concernedly. "Are you sure this will work?"

"I'm certain," you assured her. "Are you able to communicate this plan to your love before midnight?"

"Yes, she is coming to the rehearsal dinner tonight and I'm sure we'll sneak off to the gardens," she nodded.

"Wait—is that why you and Alice go there every time—"

Genevieve's hands flew up to her face, covering it as she giggled.

"My goodness!" you couldn't help but share the laughter. "Wow. I am not surprised, honestly."

"What about you?"

"Have I ever snuck off to a garden to—"

"No!" Genevieve rolled her eyes playfully. "Do you love another?"

"I..." you sighed. "Well, it's complicated."

"I've got time."

"I'm kind of upset with him at the moment. And I'm not sure how he feels about me. And I didn't realize I love him until after I left—"

"One thing at a time!" Genevieve tilted her head back to laugh. She place a hand on your shoulder. "Why does he have you upset?

"He held my hand before I left." you admitted, staring out the window as you spoke. Most days, you would have the curtains closed in order to mask the view of the ocean, as it would only bring you feelings of sorrow and regret.

"And you really question how he feels for you?!"

"Well, he's not like us," you frowned. "Believe me, I'm glad he's not. Though I just don't think he understands what a touch of the hand means to someone like me."

"You may come from different worlds with different values and rules, but holding hands is still an expression of affection wherever you come from," Genevieve pointed out.

"He did wear a fancy ensemble just to see me off safely..."

Once again, Genevieve's laughter filled the room. "You are blind!"

"It's just hard to tell with him!" you protested, laughing along with her. "He's hard to read. He's...very easily irritated."

"Is he like that when he's with you?"

"Less so, but yes," you shrugged. "He is a complicated man."

"But his feelings for you are apparent."

"My god, I need to go!"

"Yes, you do!" she encouraged you, patting you on the back.

"I can't right away. I have to get in contact with someone first, and if both you and I are found missing or dead by morning, it's going to be terribly suspicious—"

"You will find a way. I know it," she assured you. "Let's go and oversee the menu for tonight. I'm starved."

You laughed as she jokingly linked arms with you, leading you out into what you were about to leave behind once again.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

All had gone according to plan—you saw Genevieve and Alice off safely, and falsely mourned your fiancée the next day, and for only a few days after before Stede caught wind of your message. As soon as he had, you scurried to the beach, only bothering to bring a few possessions with you. You hadn't even bothered to leave a note—nothing attached you to the aristocratic life anymore. For good this time.

"Captain!" you exclaimed, almost out of breath. "Thank you. I'm so, so sorry."

"No need to apologize to me," Stede assured you warmly. "Believe me, I get it."

"I wish you warned me—"

"Oh, you wouldn't have listened," he teased. "I do regret having done the same thing you had, but if I hadn't, I never would have gotten closure with Mary and bade farewell to that side of me fully. You had to do the same."

"And you and Blackbeard—he forgave you?"

"We're working on it," Stede laughed. "He has, mostly."

"Do you think Izzy will ever forgive me? How is he?"

"Go see for yourself," Stede suggested kindly. "He's on watch tonight. I'll be in my quarters should you need anything at all."

Before you could thank him again, he vanished into the darkness. You smiled, though you could have swore your heart stopped upon the sight of Izzy Hands. You almost choked on the breath you had taken before gaining the courage to waltz over to him. Before you knew it, you were beside him once again. Izzy jumped upon sensing your presence.

"Jesus fuck," Izzy mumbled.

"Hello to you too."

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

"Oh, Izzy, I'm happy to see you too!"

"I'm serious—what the fuck? You just up and leave and then you're back. Is this some sort of pattern? How long will your stay be this time, perhaps only a day, maybe two—"

Without much thought, you found your fingers laced between his once again. Izzy's train of thought stopped in its tracks and all he could focus on now was the feeling of warmth that had been yanked away from him ever since you left, and that now, it had been restored. A warmth he thought he would never get to experience again, nor experience at all. Whenever he spent countless days and hours reminiscing upon it, he scolded himself, convincing himself that he should be grateful he got to feel that at least once in his life. It was one more time than he ever expected he would feel it. It should have been enough, but it wasn't even close. His heart began beating out of his chest—what was this feeling he couldn't quite place? He knew it all too well and he was tired of pushing it down to drown. Eventually, you softly removed your hand, and you noticed Izzy's hand flex by his side once again.

"Did it mean something to you? When you held my hand before I left."

"I was giving you a boost onto your ride," he shrugged it off, turning away in hopes that the darkness would hide his smile.

"Right," you laughed. "Izzy, seriously. I have been going crazy. Every single day, wondering if you ever understood what such a gesture meant to me or if it meant absolutely nothing to you."

"Of course it meant something to me, dammit," Izzy sighed. "You are such a fool if you thought for a second that it didn't."

You laughed breathlessly, relief overcoming you instantly as you pressed your forehead against his. The way the moonlight shone upon his face made him even more breathtaking, even more earth-shatteringly beautiful. You couldn't believe what your eyes were allowing you to see, and you couldn't believe how warm you'd felt. You almost swore you'd never shiver once again. Your lips softly grazed his forehead before you pressed another kiss upon his cheek, before resting your forehead against his once again, your eyes fluttering shut, butterflies flying around in your stomach as you reached for his hands once again.

"Mark my words. I will never, ever leave again—"

"Shh," Izzy gently whispered against your lips. "We can talk about it later."

"Later," you nodded gently as finally, your lips collided. Your heart did pirouettes as your lips danced against one another's. In the darkness of your vision, you caught a glimpse of your future aboard The Revenge, with Izzy. You had never seen so clearly, until now, that you had finally found the place you were meant to be after denying it for so long. You had found your family and your lover, and they were all gathered in the same place. This was a luxury that would always beat the fancy balls you attended, the gold-laced coats you wore upon your back, the gems you were gifted often. Izzy was your gem, and he made your life shine brighter than it ever had.

#ofmd #our flag means death #izzy hands #ofmd season 2 #izzy hands my beloved #ofmd s2 #x reader #izzy hands x reader #fanfic #ofmd izzy hands #pride and prejudice #loosely inspired by pride and prejudice #i'm back bitches #did you miss me i missed you guys #finals are kinda killing me but i'm also getting through it and my winter break is literally in a day #i love you all #i love my mutuals #please request #requests are open #male reader #my first male x reader i hope this was good!

[ungrateful-cyborg]

Social media comparison

Alright. I've tried different new/alternative platforms lately in hope to find something I really liked, and there are very promising ones. I didn't try everything, of course, but this is a kind of overview of my journey so far? Or just my thoughts on the matter.

I've tried Pillowfort, Bluesky, Mastodon (didn't last long enough to have much of an opinion, it simply didn't click), Dreamwidth and Cohost (as of today, can't post there yet).

My comparison under the cut:

► I appreciate that they're algorithm free, whether it's because they truly believe in an Internet rid of the most invasive of them or because it's too expensive to implement on a brand new platform or some other reason. Only the future can tell, but for now it's nice.

► Pillowfort: beside the post formatting that I find extremely comfortable, my favourite thing is probably communities. I feel like this is the strongest "pro" in favor of Pillowfort because this is where they truly distinguish themselves from other social media.

Communities, in a way, remind me of forums. They're however easier to take in hand since you don't have to deal with as many options and choices. In my opinion, communities on Pillowfort are a bit lacking in functionalities though. I think more tools to easily organize them would help, like a widget or something to link stuff so you can create and animate events within said communities.

(I also feel like Pillowfort would gain from not being dark blue. We have more than enough dark blue websites, and it doesn't go well with the warmth invoked by its name in my opinion, but that's a minor detail and just a matter of taste.)

► Bluesky: basically Twitter but better. No algorithm, for a start. The curated feeds are nice. They're a bit like communities on Pillowfort since they can be moderated but from a non-mod user, it's even easier to post in them: you just have to use the right keyword for your post to appear there. Well, if the mod left it open to all rather than chose to vet who can or cannot post in it. Lots of flexibility and control over your timeline overall.

I don't like the 300 characters limit, however. Never liked it with Twitter either. It's not really conductive to conversations, and the general design tends to make the website feel rather impersonal. It's really more like parallel talking than community building.

Overall I think it's a good tool to promote your (visual) art or website, etc. but not great for hosting conversations past commenting briefly what others are doing. I mean, you can make threads but it'll never be as good as Pillowfort or Tumblr for this.

► Dreamwidth: I'll start with saying that Dreamwidth isn't a social media, it's a journaling platform and I haven't used it much yet. Had in plan to post my headcanons about my muses there and stuff like that so I did spend some time trying to figure out how it works.

First, there is a lot of options to let you have complete control over who can see what. Like, a lot.

You can entirely personalize what your journal will look like. It's a bit easier than having your own website—since I reblogged a post about that yesterday—because you don't start from 0, so it might be a good option if you don't feel comfortable jumping into Notepad++ to start coding. You can just change a thing here and there, or nothing at all, or almost everything. It's pretty old school though, so for those completely unfamiliar with early/pre-web 2.0, it might not look very appealing at first. However, I'd say don't let that stop you! If anything, it's a good opportunity to learn a bit of code without pressure.

You can also create communities, which as you might have guessed is very important to me. When creating one, you can set up whether everyone can join, everyone can ask to join but has to be approved by a community admin or to limit the access to those you have personally invited. Like for your own journal, communities are completely customizable, and Dreamwidth allows adult content.

I'm not sure you can top DW communities in terms of functionalities—aside from making a forum—but it's not as intuitive as Pillowfort (though in exchange you get more customization). You're also more limited regarding image hosting (see here). That said, hosting services exist, many are free, and that's without mentioning that you can post on Twitter and the like and use the picture link in your DW posts. I don't think many will only use Dreamwidth anyway.

► Cohost: I was expecting nothing when I registered earlier today, but this is an overall good surprise: it's Tumblr, but better.

More control of what you see. More user-friendly UI. It's not fucking blue. Adult content allowed. You can change your main blog page and make it private.

The only two downsides I'd mention here would be that you can't customize your blog page appearance and you have to wait for one or two days before being able to post. Although if it means less bots, I'd rather wait.

And this ends my rather non-exhaustive tour of the social media/blogging/journaling platforms. If you catch any mistakes let me know. I didn't dive deep, this was just me sharing my thoughts.

(As far as I know, they all allow adult content and give you tools to not see it if you don't want to.)

#OOC #social media #Internet #cohost #dreamwidth #pillowfort #bluesky #long post

[choicesficwriterscreations]

December Creator of the Month: Oh-So-Youre-a-Nerd

Each month, CFWC highlights one of our talented fanfic writers or artists, and this month’s creator of the month is @oh-so-youre-a-nerd . We're very excited because Ascindio is our very first artist to be highlighted! We hope you will enjoy learning more about them and their work below! The writer is selected at random. More info can be found on the navigation page.

Quick Links:

Tumblr Blog Instagram

How do you want to be known on Tumblr? 

Ascindio 

More below...

1- When did you start playing Choices? What was the first book you played? 

I started playing in 2016, I can't remember if I read Endless Summer or Rules of Engagement first, but I ended up deleting the app after like 2 weeks cause I couldn't stop buying diamonds 😅🤦

I re-downloaded it about, ohh idk 2 years ago?

2- When and why did you join Choices fandom?

I joined the Fandom specifically on Tumblr and specifically for It Lives Within, which happened to come out right after I read the first two books 

3- How did you pick your blog name? 

I always try to seem cool and mysterious when I meet people irl, and then as soon as I open my mouth, I ruin it with some niche trivia or something, and they say,  “Oh, so you're a nerd.” 😂 Can't tell you how many times this exact phrase has been uttered to me. 

4- Pull up the first post in your archive, and tell us about it!  

This is the first Choices related post I made 😂 I was just thinking about the concept of what if characters make terrible decisions cause they're controlled by a player who is out of diamonds lol I was going to do a whole series of them (next was going to be lotr “fly on eagles to mordor?” *30 diamonds* or “simply walk”) but got lazy lol

5- Do you write fanfiction, create fan art, or are you one of those really gifted people who do both? 

Only art. God, I  WISH  I wrote too. I've thought about trying cause I have so many ideas floating around in my head, but at the end of the day, I'd rather spend my free time drawing. 

6- How long have you been creating for Choices and for any other fandoms?

For Choices, since early 2022

For other fandoms, since well, forever, but I only started posting around 2017/18

7- What is your favorite Choices book, and what is your favorite Choices book to create for?

Favorite Choices book is probably It Lives in the Woods. All of the characters were so interesting, I never got bored reading it, and it had an incredible twist that made sense but I still didn't see coming. 

Favorite to create for is probably Blades of Light and Shadow though because I am such a sucker for the fantasy aesthetic.

8- Share your first Choices fanfic or fan art that you posted with us. Do you still like it, or would you change it if you were creating it today?.

This isn't the first Choices art I made, but it IS the first I actually shared

And honestly, I DO still like it because I still remember the way I felt absolutely POSSESSED while drawing it (I hadn't drawn anything for *months*). I would definitely change the background, though. Those trees look like shit, and they're not even the correct type for the kind of forest they're in. 

9- What is your favorite piece of fiction or art that you created? 

My favorite Choices art I've done is probably this piece. 

10- Do you have a fic/art that you didn’t expect to be well received, but it was? What about one you expected to do well but found it could use a little more love?

I definitely didn't expect this one to do well at all as it was so hastily drawn

And I was sad this piece didn't get more love, it was such a dope scene and I was so excited about how the sword turned out

11- If you could only draw one style or type of art for the rest of your life, what would it be and why? 

I'm not sure if I'm interpreting the question right, but if I had to pick like a specific type of art, it would be digital, and I would want to do fan art. I have a hard time painting anything that I don't already have a deep connection with (so original art with no story behind it is usually a chore for me), and digital art is just so incredibly convenient and not messy and so so versatile. 

12 - Do you ever recognize yourself in any of your MCs or in your writing?

Because I use fiction as a way to safely process trauma/ grief/ other big emotions, each MC I make has a small part of me, whichever part I feel the need to explore at the time.

There's an amazing quote by Patrick Rothfuss that I feel explains it perfectly. 

It's from Wise Man's Fear

“These folk knew all about death. They killed their own livestock. They died from fevers, falls, or broken bones gone sour. Death was like an unpleasant neighbor. You didn’t talk about him for fear he might hear you and decide to pay a visit.

Except for stories, of course. Tales of poisoned kings and duels and old wars were fine. They dressed death in foreign clothes and sent him far from your door. A chimney fire or the croup cough were terrifying. But Gibea’s trial or the siege of Enfast, those were different. They were like prayers, like charms muttered late at night when you were walking alone in the dark. Stories were like ha’penny amulets you bought from a peddler, just in case.”

13 - What element of writing/art do you struggle with most?

I have a very difficult time making the poses seem natural and flowing. My all time favorite art is Baroque/Renaissance style and how fluid the poses are, how soft the skin looks, how delicately it's all done. Obviously, I will always have my own style, but those are things that I so want to incorporate but never seem to get quite right, and it drives me crazy 😂

14 - Do you have any neglected work you really want to finish?

Not really. I mean, I have a ton of unfinished work, but as soon as the window of inspiration passes, I just can't get myself to care enough about it to finish it (insert Jake the Dog, “now it's gone, and I don't care about it anymore!” )

15 - If someone you know in real life (who isn’t involved in fandoms) asked to see your work, would you let them? If yes, what would you show them first? 

I would, and have.  I typically show them whatever most rendered recent picture from my Instagram because I don't post any nsfw there and usually try to post only my prettier work for this specific reason haha. (As opposed to here, I post everything here, ain't NO ONE from real life invited to see my tumblr 😂)

16 - Are there any writers (published authors and/or fanfic writers) who influenced your writing or art? Are there any artists that influence you?

Writers: Brandon Sanderson, for sure. He's the reason I got back into art back in 2017 ish. His stories are just so emotional they push me to create. Same with @saibug1022, there is always at least one scene from every story he shares that I desperately want to draw to try to capture the emotions. 

Artists: God, sooo many, here are just like my top 3 favorites and their instagrams.

Audra Auclair

Obsessed with her unique style, and specifically the way she draws eyelids and noses

f3lc4t

The way they draw those dripping, glowing wisps. I stare at their pieces for hours (no lie) trying to dissect them stroke by stroke to figure out how they do it.

Miho Hirano

Their art has a delicate whimsy-ness I would SELL MY SOUL to achieve 

17- Which one of your creations would you like to see a fiction written about? 

JC, this is the shit I DREAM of.

Definitely this one. 

So this is love.

This little comic means a lot to me. 

18- Do you write original fiction or create non-fandom art? 

Very rarely, but I do, every so often. This is my favorite original piece.

20-  What other hobbies do you have?

Gaming, singing, walking through the Cemetary with my wee daughter, reading, that's about it 🤷

21 - What’s your favorite emoji? 

🙇

22: BONUS - tell us anything you’d like (if you want to).

I really wanted to say that I don't believe in “good” art and “bad” art (just ethical vs non-ethical). That being said, I know what it's like to hate your art, like soooo intimately. If you ever are feeling shit about your art, you can ABSOLUTELY message me (I don't care if we're mutuals or not, I don't care if we've never interacted before) and just say, “I am feeling shit about my art” and I will go through your art and tell you every specific thing I love about it and why it's wonderful. I am not joking; I am so so serious rn. 💗💗💗💗 

#choices fic writers creations #playchoices #choices stories you play #cfwc creator of the month #oh-so-youre-a-nerd #choices fanart #playchoices fanart #december creator of the month

[ccuniculusmolestus]

Bunny Corcoran ;The Death Of Innocence

(I wouldve added images beside the first one from the book with highlights to provide evidence for a statement but like damn, tumblr wont let me for some reason. i'll try from a different device later)

I think Bunny was also supposed to be the picture of innocence.

I know what you're thinking: how can a loudmouth bigoted ass character 😒 be innocent? I'm with you. Surprisingly, Donna wrote extremely 3 dimensional characters. Sometimes, to really understand a certain character, you have to look at all their aspects, zoom out of the negatives (which Richard would have preferred to remain zoomed in on to justify his compliance in the murder of someone who considered him a friend) and look at them as a WHOLE.

Let's define the word innocence in this context with the help of my sturdy old friend, Google.

1. The obvious, Bunny committed no crime. He was innocent in the legal sense.

2. Without experience

We can say he was less experienced in the basics of life (was 24, didn't have a bank account, couldn't even drive i think? We never see Bunny drive. Didn't even have finances or know how to manage them-clearly. He might not even have understood the gravity of his over-spending nature)

3. Lacking

Clearly, when compared to his peers, he was lacking;

Financial help from his family (except when it came to comparing him to Richard). You could argue the twins were as poor as him- its mentioned in the book. But the case here is different. Bunny's parents were rich, yet he was not. The twins came from a middle class family, and they had their grandmother sending them money. Someone was taking care of them. Bunny had been thrown into boarding schools his whole life and learned to "fend" for himself by becoming a thief and a mooch. Two very different lifestyles.

He could also be considered to lack in academics. He struggled with dyslexia (and I think also ADHD), which is implied to have affected his studies/studious motivation

Bunny was also lacking in pretentiousness; and I'd wager that, though he probably was insecure, he wasn't insecure in a way that made him chase an aesthetic to such a fatal degree. Yes he was a man of illusions, yes he kept these illusions up to maintain a certain image of himself (in that regard, he was very similar to Richard, whose narration of Bunny is usually judgmental). But Bunny was not pretentious like Henry, Julian etc were. He wasn't walling himself in to be an elitist in a scholarly way, I think this fact is reflected in the fact that he had friends and connections outside of the class.

4. Not responsible for a crime but suffering it's consequences

Bunny isn't involved in the bacchanal, yet he suffers its consequence. He finds out about it, has multiple breakdowns to the point of getting drunk and writing an absolutely insane letter to a teacher with his feelings and suspicions bared, and he also opens up to Richard in his drunken carelessness. A mistake which cost him his life. He wasn't just killed because he was annoying, or that he knew too much-- Bunny had to die because he couldn't deal with the weight of knowing what had been done. Or perhaps, he couldn't deal with what the reality of his closest friend was.

5. Not corrupted

Easily, Bunny isn't corrupted with what I call " visions of grandeur" like everyone else in the class is. They all thought they were something. Henry and Julian especially. They were obsessed with ideals that, in a practical sense, ran the risk of polarizing their own selves. We could also speak on the fact he technically wasn't free from moral wrong. He was homophobic, rude, kind of hateful. But in a more fundamental way, he wasn't corrupted in the sense that he did anything that was major AND physically wrong.

I know verbal offences are valid too, and I'm not excusing his hatred/hate speech, I'm just saying.

Even him stealing that goddamn cake from the fridge or something, which Richard tried to conveniently paint as "he doesnt care for people (forget that he can't read)". YES, stealing other people's food is bad, but is it (done for survival?) as bad as:

incest (also pre-unhinged Charles, I dont know if what the twins did was consensual or if Charles used to force himself on Camilla or use an abusive dynamic to make her submit. I think that only came on after Bunny died, but idk)

poisoning someone's dogs

killing a baby chick or whatever weird shit richard did as a kid. and then as an adult the many questionable things he did

francis lowkey seemed like a sexual predator and i understand this might make people upset but i feel like he preyed on Charles' weakened mental / alcoholic state to sleep with him when charles (despite being bi) was not comfortable with the fact that he was attracted to men and wouldnt sleep with francis when he was sober.

Julian is just all wrong

6. Simple ; naive

So, without repeating anything- I genuinely feel like Bunny was so simple sometimes he was genuinely a dumbass. His death itself....how did he see the man he KNEW wanted to kill him (and I know this because in the letter to Julian, Bunny explicitly mentions "He" (Henry, not "THEY" the class) is going to kill him)

He sees them all there and still lets his guard down. He was so naive, that despite his very real paranoia of being stalked/killed, he still engaged with them like they were just a bunch of friends.

Another thing, child-like attributes are often related to naivety. (Him bouncing on everyone's beds that one morning, he was hyper, couldn't regulate his emotions, even his anger and aggression was very childish/immature in nature)

7. Not intended to cause harm

This is the only one I disagree with, because this was the only sense in which Bunny was NOT innocent. He very much had antagonistic qualities and intended to cause emotional harm to those he didn't like.

CONCLUSION

But yeah, overall, he practically fits the innocent role, which is why i think, after his death, things take such dark turns-- the reader loses their innocence too, in a sense, with the things that are revealed about the twins, about Charles, about Francis/Charles, about that one awful moment where Richard thinks the vilest shit about Camilla. The group starts falling apart and becomes disillusioned with each other- Richard starts seeing everyone for who they are, as well. His irritation towards Henry and the rest becomes palpable, and he also realizes his true friends could have been Judy etc (the normal students).

To lose one's innocence, we first have to encounter a scenario or go through something that gives us a greater awareness of the pain or the evil we are surrounded by. Here, losing Bunny was the catalyst in making Richard (and by extension, us) realize the characters and situations for what they really were.

#the secret history #tsh #bunny corcoran #henry winter #francis abernathy #charles macaulay #richard papen #camilla macaulay

[zimsrightantenna]

Invader Zim + ZaDr Fan Merch Review

I bought some zadr and iz directly from @banana-zim and the gist of it is that it was very good 5/5 stars would recommend

But here are the details:

Nana was very very accommodating for my horrible financial situation and was able to indefinitely hold items for me and make arrangements with shipping to make sure I had a stable income while making the purchase, and also was very patient and kind throughout the whole process even when things were not stable on my end. I was able to plan this for months! Very trustworthy I'd say

These are the items I bought

[ID 1: A zim pillow in a plastic wrapper, and a notebook with stickers and stickiness wrapped in bubble wrap. /End ID 1]

The packaging had kept everything clean, dry and undamaged.

There was a Zim on both sides of the pillow, the colours were vibrant (though they look a little more saturated on my phone camera, no idea why) and the fabric was very soft. It has a zipper that is almost not visible, and you can open it. Inside is fluff, which you could theoretically remove to wash the pillow case though it didn't come with wash instructions. I will let Nana comment on that if there are questions!

[ID 2, 3: The zim pillow from other angles showing the backside and zipper, unzipped. /End ID 2, 3]

The post-its are cute and easy to write on, they have enough white space to get a few sentences down depending on how small you write. Here is a little thank you note ♡

[ID 4: The notebook laid out on the bubble wrap with the post-it notes and stickers on top. /End ID 4]

[ID 5: A close-up picture of the post-it notes. On the first page there is a heart drawn with a ballpoint pen and the words "Thank you Bananazim!" /End ID 5]

I got the zadr stickers for free. They have a paper-like texture and the colours seem slightly more muted than the pillow but they still look colourful in real life. I stuck one of them to the inside of my notebook and they seem to stick nicely!

[ID 6: Three stickers. The first is the swollen eyeball symbol on top of the irken symbol. The second is a heart with a space background. Inside of the heart Zim and Dib are kissing. The third is square, with Dib laying on a pillow with a blanket over his waist and an open book under his hand. Zim clings to his back. /End ID 6]

The notebook looks like this! It has saturated colours on the front and back, and a protective plastic page on either side. The front and back pages are shinier than the inside, and all pages on the inside are lined. Size A5.

[ID 7, 8: The front page of the notebook, a drawing of the black silhouettes of Zim and Dib in front of the control brains and swollen eyeball screens. The screens and Dib's eyes are coloured turquoise while Zim's eye and the control brains are coloured pink. Zim appears to sit in Dib's lap, and Dib's fingers have turquoise threads wrapped around them that go into Zim's back where his PAK is supposed to be. There is pink text reading "MY LittLE ALiEN". The lines are white. The pictures as with and without the slightly opaque plastic cover page. /End ID 7, 8]

[ID 9: A page of the notebook. It is lined from top to bottom. /End ID 9]

[ID 10: The backside of the notebook. It's black with the turquoise swollen eyeball symbol over the irken symbol. /End ID 10]

Overall I really enjoyed this, and I've already started using the notebook to keep track of my creative projects and everything I need to mend or fix in my room :)

In the reblogs I will link the Etsy shop and kofi because I don't know if tumblr hides posts with links or if that was an old bug?

☆☆☆☆☆

#zadr #invader zim #invader zim merch #zadr merch #merch review #fan merch #banana zim #bananazim #banana-zim #image described

[kleefkruid]

Hello, I hope this isn't an awkward or rude ask, feel free to ignore tho, but I've been tentatively interested in polyam, but more specifically being in a relationship with two partners I love and cherish. I've seen a lot of posts say that this isnt how polyam stuff works tho and I have no touch stone other than my own lovey dovey fantasies, but I know you're polyam and I figured I'd ask what I should think of and or expect out of a polyam relationship? How does it all work? I hope I explained what I mean well enough. Thank you for your time!

Hi! I'm assuming by the way you worded this you're talking about a triad, a relationship where you are dating two people and they're also dating each other.

I'm gonna go into a few points here 1. triads and their prevalence 2. unicorn hunting, what is it and why is everyone yelling 3. how to 'look for a 3rd' in a not-terrible way 4. a little something else about polyam relationship dynamics

Triads exist! But it's true that outsiders assume it's the standard, as you'll notice in pop culture most poly people are triads, and also here on tumblr as a fanfic trope it's also very prevalent.

But in reality triads are not too common simply for the sheer statistic probability. You have to find someone you like, they have to like you. You also have to find someone else you like who also likes you. Then that first person must also like your second person, and your second person must also like your first person! And then after all this, you have 3 relationships (you+b, you+c, b+c) and you still have to find a way to make the 4th relationship dynamic work (you+b+c). Personally, none of my partners or other people I was connected with, have dated other people I'd wanna date. It's usually people I think are cool, good looking and I want them in my life, but they're not people I wish to date. All triads I have spoken or read their stories have kind off stumbled into it. Usually someone was already dating person b, starts dating person c, and by happenstance person b and c do find this connection. So, it happens, it's great when it happens, but it's just not likely purely bc of chance.

2. When talking about this, I have to quickly get into unicorn hunters, because you will run into this term, and you have some overzealous polyam people who will throw this at any person walking into the scene (looking at you, certain message boards) You might think allright, I'll start with finding my person B, and together we'll look around until we find someone we both like! And this is a fine idea, truly (*I am pushing a yelling crowd away at this point*) but there is a certain type of couple that have made this method veeeeery unpopular (and are responsible for like, 90% of the shit polyam people get online), and you have to make sure you're not those people, and then you'll be fine. This specific kind of couple is what people mean when they use the term unicorn hunters. Scenario: You have a mono couple. Usually a straight man and a bisexual/curious woman. They decide they want to dip their toes into polyamory. No problems at this point, although going from mono to poly is a whole post on it's own. But the man doesn't want another man in the relationship, he like the idea of having two girlfriends though, and his girlfriend is interested in girls anyway, so let's look for a girlfriend for us both! This girl they are looking for is what is jokingly refered to as a unicorn. Because they're looking for a bisexual woman (already a specific subgroup) who is poly (again, upping the rarity) who likes them both, equially, and who likes to be barraged by two complete strangers who are like "hey do you want to date us both or maybe have a threesome and see where is goes" A lot of these couples can be to forward (hence the 'hunting' part), because they don't know the dynamics of the poly scene they walked in, but they're usually also not knowlegable about the basics of the queer scene. They're the couples that message lesbians, not seeing how that's fucked up. Often the girl will match with someone on lesbian tinder, who's often not even poly, mind you, and then go "by the way, this is my boyfriend, wanna have a threesome?" If someone enters a relationship with those two, they're often treated as an assesory, lower on the ladder, and they're not allowed to date other people. It's pretty much universally a bad experience for the so called unicorn. It's a stereotype sure, but it's a really fucking prevalent one and any poly person has run into them, every wlw, whether they're poly or not, will have to slap they away when they enter any online dating or even when just existing. So that's why just being a couple looking for a 3rd, even if you're being perfectly respectful (which again, possible) will get an aggressive response in poly cirlces, because we all get the flak that's meant for those people. Lot's of people, especially again mono lesbians, don't even want to associate with me when they hear I'm poly bc of these people, while we get ecually harassed, but in their eyes, that's what poly people are, even though they're misbehaving tourists at best.

3. Now, I have talked about probability, what you shouldn't do, but this leaves the question, what should you do?

Firstly, take it easy, what needs to happen will happen. If you're interested in being polyam, just start with that. Dip your toes into the water without having a route or destination mapped out. If you get a better feel about how it is to be polyam and what the dynamics are like, it will be easier to figure out if being poly is something you want to really get into, and what you want from it. It's a learning process like anything is. Mono peoples first dating will differ wildly to the long term relationship they're in years later. It's just like that, again.

Practical, finding people. I recommend looking on poly specific dating websites. I met my current partner on feeld. The fun thing about feeld is that you can connect your current partners profile to yours. So you're matching people on your own, but you can be like: this is my other partner btw. Feeld is open for both people looking on their own, or couples. And people communicate in their bio what kind of thing they're after. You can also connect your partner for funsies without looking for a 3rd, the connected profiles I see are about 50/50. There are other poly or poly-friendly apps but I have not tried them so you'll have to ask around about those!

tinder: If you make a profile for yourselves just start with saying you're poly in your bio. If people give you shit after you were clear from the start, that's they're problem and they're just being an ass. If you're dating on your own, I would also mention this so people don't think some 2nd person will jump in after you match. I have succesfully dated on tinder as a poly person. I mentioned that I was poly, that I was dating one other person and that we were not looking for people together. I didn't have any mishaps with that. If you're dating and looking together: making a couple profile on tinder, I don't recommend, because again, people will take you for unicorn hunters even if you are not. If you're different genders you'll also get into the space of people who don't want to see you, like an m/f couple getting into a women only space. If you're a w/w couple or a m/m couple you can get into those spaces genreally, especially the mlm community is pretty open to open relationships (hehe) but be clear about what you're doing (start your bio with this) and leave people alone who aren't looking for poly/threesomes/whatever. People who are open to this will usually communicate this clearly. (I'm just talking about men and women here and not going into any kind of gender fluidity bc let's be real there's no dating website that has an ideal system in place when you're non-binary, so that's a bit of a case by case situation) If you're dating and looking together nr. 2: Don't walk up to strangers in bars. Just don't do it. Plain. Simple. You can meet irl people, but don't do it with this intent.

4. about polyam dynamics.

When you get into poly dating, you'll discover more relation dynamics (I get into solo-poly and relationship anarchy here, look into that). You'll figure out that a hinge relationship, like this:

is also a relationship between 3 people. You're not all romantically involved, but all relationships (family/friends/romance) are equially worthwile, and sometimes the lines will blur. I have friends I love a bit, I have friends I have sex with, I have friends I'll never have sex with. I'll love a metamour (partner of my partner) for the love they give my partner, but I don't want to date them. Maybe someday I'll have a metamour I do want to date. You can also have 3 people who all are dating each other, but do it sperately and don't want to turn it into a relationship between all 3 of them together. You have people who form a family and live together, but not all of them date each other. You have people who'll always live alone regardless of the people they're dating; Everything is possible, if you just communicate clearly and have the maximum respect for everyone involved.

I hope this little 1.0.1 thing was a bit helpful to you, if you have any more questions feel free to ask. It's a wide subject that can (and has) filled entire books but I'll try to give an intro as good as I can

#polyam #polyamory #poly #ask

[blockgamepirate]

Hello, QSMPblr!

I'm doing a bit of a comparative survey on fandom views on main characters in different MCYT SMPs (possibly for some cross-fandom analysis later, we'll see how this goes)

Feel free to elaborate in the tags or the replies or in reblogs or even in my inbox if you want, any of those would be much appreciated!

Also let me know which other MCYT fandoms I should poll. It has to be something that actually has some kind of a storyline though, or at least a fanon storyline, and preferably let me know how to tag it properly if it's a fandom I'm not familiar with

(And if any of you wanna run the same poll on like Twitter or Reddit or YouTube or TikTok or whatever, or even here on Tumblr again, I'd love to hear the results)

#qsmp #qsmp analysis #qsmpblr #polls

[steviewashere]

Steddie Fic Recommendations Part 5!

Previous Recommendations: Part One Part Two Part Three Part Four

It's Tuesday, which means more gay fics being recommended to all of you, lovely people of Tumblr. There's no theme for this week, but I am seeking your recommendations! If you have a fic you want to recommend, I'd love to hear about it and add it to my recommendation lists.

Also, any Tumblr blogs that may be tagged, feel free to reach out for me to remove the tag. I have no qualms doing so!

As always, the tags and themes vary on all of these fics. Heed all tags, ratings, and archive warnings with caution.

I’m Not Going Anywhere, Sunshine. by heyitsme1040

“Five times Eddie rescues Steve from the lingering effects of the Upside Down. One time Steve asks for help from the lingering effects of the Upside Down.

Five times Eddie helps Steve with: Migraines, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Bullshit, and seeing someone Zoned Out. One time Steve asks Eddie to help with a Thunderstorm.

*Rated Teen and Up for language*”

Chapters: 1/1, WC: 3,290, Rating: Teen and Up no Archive Warnings apply 5 + 1 Things

—————

2. happy by Anonymous

“Whenever Steve flirts with Eddie, it always feels like he’s just doing it to check a box, to fit a script or something. His teasing smiles never reach his eyes, his tone is always just a little flat. It’s a stark contrast from the soft and kind Steve that Eddie has gotten used to.

Eddie thinks at first that maybe Steve is just anxious. He’s a really anxious person, Eddie has learned in the past few months. But it’s not anxiety that Eddie sees in Steve when he gives him his King of Hawkins High routine. It’s nothing. It’s like Steve becomes some sort of robot whenever he flirts with him. Like it’s just a part of his program, not something that makes him happy.”

Chapters: 1/1, WC: 1,982, Rating: Not Rated no Archive Warnings apply

—————

3. make me aware of being alive by bloodscout

“‘So, I’ve found God,’ Eddie announced. It was more than a little inaccurate, but he didn’t know how else to bring up the subject.

‘Oh yeah,’ Jonathan prompted. ‘Where?’

Eddie chuckled. ‘Nah, man, I mean. I want to be more, like, observant, maybe,’ he hedged.

Jonathan raised his eyebrows, playful rather than mocking. ‘Look at you, ba’al teshuva.’

Or: After the end of the world, Eddie starts building his Jewish home, and finds the people he wants to build it with.”

Chapters: 1/1, WC: 5,564, Rating: Teen and Up no Archive Warnings apply Canon Divergence AU Jewish Eddie Munson, my beloved Jewish Byers Family

—————

4. even if you don’t feel it by Civil_Hearing @sapphicsteddie

“‘What do you need, Steve?’ Eddie asks again. It’s firm and soft at the same time.

It’s the first time he’s pushed, first time he’s insisted. First time he’s kept pulling when it’s clear Steve doesn’t want to talk.

‘Can’t say,’ Steve replies, too honest even though he hasn’t given anything away. ‘Eddie, seriously. I can’t.’

The rain pours, heavy and unforgiving, as Eddie considers this non-answer.

‘Say it anyway?’ Eddie pleads.

Steve shakes his head.

How can he ask Eddie to love him?

To hold him and tell him that he’s everything he’s ever wanted, even if he doesn’t fucking mean it?

That’s the worst part: Eddie doesn’t even have to mean it, not tonight.

Steve would take a convincing performance—needs one. Thinks that’s all he’s ever experienced anyway.

Steve wonders if he could ask without having to ask.

He takes a step closer, slowly reaches out.

*

(OR some ridiculously intimate/vulnerable smut following a very angsty depiction of loneliness, penned from the depths of the soul of a chronically yearning lesbian.)”

Chapters: 1/1, WC: 18,230, Rating: Explicit no Archive Warnings apply

#stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #fic recs

[cherryberry444]

I Like U

pairing: luke castellan x apollo kid!reader

summary: in which luke is constantly getting hurt on camp, leaving you to help patch him up in the infirmary. but what if luke is getting hurt on purpose as an excuse to see you?

warning: this is my first tumblr one shot so be understanding! i am not a nurse! just making this up lowkey!

contains: inspiration from a cai prompt by @/junifairy. flirting, banter, down bad luke.

word count: 1402

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

It was a typical day in the infirmary for you. You had gotten used to your usual tasks by now. Patch people up, make sure they're good to go, clean up and repeat. It had become pretty mundane at this point but it was what you were good at and plus every now and then something intriguing would happen. There were some pretty cute campers that would come in bruised up and to say you enjoyed taking care of them would be kinda sick but let's just say you didn't mind it.

One of the cutest, though nothing but trouble was Luke Castellan, son of Hermes. He was the strongest and most skilled swordsman on camp so it wasn't shocking he'd need to go to the infirmary ever so often. Although, the frequency of his appearance over minor injuries and the way he'd flirt with you while he was here did leave you suspicious. But, Luke probably flirts with a lot of people so you tried not to think much of it.

"Oh gods what is it today Luke?" You asked as Luke walked in with a few minor cuts on his face and arms.

"Nothing major..just a few sword injuries is all" Luke shrugged, taking a seat on an infirmary bed.

"For the best swordsman in camp you sure get a lot of cuts.." You said, grabbing rubbing alcohol and gauze from the hospital tray by the bed and going to sit next to him.

"Hey..." Luke rolled his eyes.

"Just saying." You said grabbing the gauze to clean the wounds on his arm first. Luke squinted slightly but didn't react much.

"So what have you been doing today, beautiful?"

You scoff. "My job"

"Other than that I mean"

"Why so curious?"

"I just wanna know what someone as beautiful as you does on their free time"

You scoff again. "Stop"

"Stop?"

"Flirting."

"Who said I'm flirting?"

"Oh please you're always flirting" you say, putting bandages on his arm.

Luke gasps lightly. "Do you really think so lowly of me?" He says placing a hand on his chest.

You look up at him with a serious face. Luke laughs. "Can't you just accept that I think you're really pretty?"

"Whatever Luke, anyone can be pretty"

"Well yeah but I think you're especially pretty" Luke smiles softly.

"Did they knock you in the head too?" You ask sarcastically, checking his head for wounds.

"No, my head is perfectly clear"

"And empty"

"Hey!" Luke says defensively.

You laugh. "Someone smart wouldn't get so much wounds"

"I'm extremely smart," Luke defends.

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhm"

"How so?"

"So there's someone I really like.." Your breath hitches at this sentence.

"And they work in the infirmary, so I kind of let my competitor hit me a few times in combat just so I can go see them. Isn't that clever?" Luke asks.

Your eyes widen. "What? No, that's stupid! Who is it?" You ask, genuinely confused after cleaning the wound on his face.

"Oh you're not very bright either.."

"What?..No.."

"It's you"

"Luke you're kidding"

"I'm not"

"You don't like me. You must be experiencing..nightingale effect or whatever but I am simply your nurse. Nothing more" You explain.

"But I'd love it if we were more" Luke says in a low voice, looking into your eyes and softly grabbing the hand that was cleaning his wounds.

"I think you bumped your head.. like actually. This is a little far, even for you." You say moving away from him.

"Not at all. Y/N, can you let me speak freely?"

"My gods"

"Please?"

"Alright go ahead, whatever"

"I've always liked you y/n. I know you think I'm just this big flirt who doesn't mean it or something but it's not like that, at all. I've always thought you were beautiful, even before you started working in the infirmary. You have to believe me." Luke says sincerely.

You stare at him for a second in silence and shock.

"I'm sorry this is too much. Fuck, I don't usually express my feelings to people but I just couldn't hold back any longer. Coming to the infirmary often, I just felt like that was the only way you'd talk to me or even look at me and I know that may be wrong but..I just wanted an excuse to spend time with you and talk to you and I know I could've just said something like a normal person but I was too scared and I-" You cut him off.

"Luke Castellan, scared? Losing in combat to come see me? You're actually so stupid.." You chuckle.

"You're kinda scary, y/n" Luke admits.

"How?"

"You don't take any bullshit and you never flirt back you just do your job and I really regret even bringing this up because you obviously don't see me like that and I just..fuck" Luke curses, looking around nervously.

You take in a breath and giggle a little. "You're cute when you're worried"

Luke's eyes brighten up. "Cute? You take pleasure in my pain?"

"Well, no. You're always cute Luke." You admit.

Luke smiles. "You really think so?"

"Castellan are you blushing?" You tease.

"No it's..it's the bruising!" Luke defends.

"Mhm right.." You sass.

"So you like me too?"

"I didn't say that."

"Oh" Luke tries to hide his frown.

"But"

"But?"

"Well..I think you're cute and strong and funny and..you know, I like talking to you when you come in here. Even if it's just you hitting on me, it's entertaining." You explain, looking into his eyes.

"I think that means you like me y/n"

"You're so full of yourself Castellan" You say, pushing him lightly.

"Hey don't push me, I'm injured!" Luke exclaims.

"Oh please you're fine" You wave off.

"You think I'm fine?"

"Shut the fuck up!" You laugh.

"Hey if you kiss my wounds do you think they'll heal quicker?" Luke asks

"Hm maybe" You say playing along.

"Hm, my lip kinda hurts too. Do you think you could kiss it better by chance?"

"Go back to your cabin Castellan" You roll your eyes, getting up.

"Not without you"

"What?! You're delusional" You try to hide your blush.

"You like me. I see you blushing. You like that idea don't you?"

"What?"

"Hm? Tell me..have you thought about what our first kiss would be like? I have" Luke says, getting up and moving closer to you.

"You're actually too much today" You laugh.

"I asked you something," He said.

"Um" Luke waited for your response.

"Maybe"

"Maybe?"

"Yeah but everyone wants to kiss you Luke so it's nothing major"

"But I only want to kiss you," He says sincerely.

"Hm" you smile softly, looking down.

"Look at me" He says, lifting your chin and softly moving your hair out of your eyes.

You look at him nervously. He laughs lightly. "Don't laugh at me!"

"I'm not..it's just..I've never seen you so nervous. I didn't know you were even capable of being nervous"

"Well I am okay you win"

"Yes I do," he smirks.

You roll your eyes. "Stop"

"Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that. Like you want to kiss me."

"Well, I do"

"Well we can't"

"Why?"

"Because this is a professional setting"

Luke scoffs. "We're gods!" He affirms.

"Demigods" you correct.

"Whatever, I think you're just scared"

"Maybe.."

"Definitely. Look there's nothing to be scared of"

"You sure?" You ask, looking at him with gleaming eyes.

"Positive, you're gonna love it" Luke claims.

"You're so conceited" You scoff.

"Let me show you?" He asks nicely.

"Alright"

Luke takes in a breath, caressing the side of your face softly. He smiles softly before leaning in to plant a soft kiss on your lips, you kiss him back, opening your mouth as he opens his and your mouths slowly move in sync. His tongue moves into your mouth as he places his hand on the back of your neck, kissing you harder. "Mm" you hum in response.

"You like that?" He asks between the kiss, making your breath hitch.

"Mm, mhm" You giggle, kissing him again before the kiss breaks.

"We shouldn't be doing this here" you say.

"So let's do it somewhere else, hm?" He suggests. For some stupid reason you agree and walk out of the infirmary with him to kiss him in a more private setting.

#down bad #flirty #banter #hurt/comfort #quotes #nurse! #luke castellan #pjo series #charlie bushnell #he fell first #gender nonconforming #gender neutral y/n #percy jackson